Season 5
Episode 21
Episode 21
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00 Morning.
00:02 Morning, boss lady.
00:04 You still need to sign off for the budget for the prom,
00:06 and we still need to find a band.
00:08 Oh, yeah, Virginia,
00:10 'cause we definitely don't want to wait
00:12 to the last minute like we did last year
00:14 and end up with Mr. Miyagi
00:16 singing his salute to Elvis.
00:18 What's the big deal with proms?
00:20 No one remembers them anyway.
00:22 Are you kidding?
00:24 I love my prom.
00:26 I wore a bomb, two-tone tux,
00:28 and we partied all night
00:30 in my cousin's hearse
00:32 after we finished his deliveries.
00:34 And me, I went to eight proms,
00:36 and we all...
00:38 All right, all right, I got it.
00:40 Okay? You all had a good time at your proms?
00:42 Well, I didn't.
00:44 I took tickets at the door, my dress was homemade,
00:46 and my date was my 80-year-old uncle
00:48 who threw out his hip doing the robot.
00:50 Look, Regina, I don't want to seem insensitive
00:54 to your pathetic love story,
00:56 but you need to let it go.
00:58 You're right, Steve.
01:00 That's why this year I have removed myself from the pain,
01:02 and I'm delegating all prom responsibilities
01:04 to Coach and Mrs. Robinson.
01:06 Oh, thank you, Boss Lady!
01:08 Mia said he would love to do it.
01:10 And now, if you'll excuse me,
01:12 I'll be in my office
01:14 drinking out of my Principal of the Year mug
01:16 and rearranging the many diplomas
01:18 that are on my wall.
01:24 (door opens)
01:26 Well, at least this year she ain't break nothing.
01:29 (glass shattering)
01:31 (door opens)
01:33 (door closes)
01:35 (upbeat music)
01:38 ♪
01:48 ♪
01:58 ♪
02:08 ♪
02:12 Now, before we adjourn our prom committee meeting, I--
02:14 Oh, my God, Oscar!
02:16 You made it!
02:18 Everyone, Arthur's here.
02:20 Okay, I'm sure you'd all like to join me
02:22 in congratulating Arthur Rabinowitz
02:24 on winning the Greater Chicago Star Trek Trivia Competition.
02:28 Thank you, Lydia.
02:32 And I just thought of a neat prom theme on the way over--
02:35 the inner workings of a computer.
02:37 The tables could look like motherboards,
02:39 and we could use floppy disks as coasters,
02:42 and the appetizers could be called megabytes.
02:45 (laughing)
02:47 That is only brilliant!
02:49 Everyone, isn't that brilliant?
02:51 Thank you, Lydia.
02:54 You're not only generous with your compliments,
02:56 but I love watching you use a protractor.
02:59 Thank you, Arthur.
03:01 Well, that brings our prom committee meeting to an end.
03:04 Thank you all for coming, especially you, Arthur.
03:07 Ah!
03:11 No wonder all the gangsta girls had to pay for their own lunch.
03:14 All the gangsters hiding out in here.
03:16 Hey, hey, hey, Arthur.
03:18 You think you could reprogram my phone
03:20 so I could call into the radio contest?
03:22 The winner gets a date with a mystery celebrity.
03:24 If I win, I'm taking her to the prom.
03:27 If I lose, I guess I'm stuck with my cousin Ruthie,
03:30 who looks like James Woods.
03:32 Um, I hope to see you there, Bullet Head.
03:35 I'm just waiting to be asked by the right guy--
03:38 a guy who shares my love of musical theater
03:40 as well as my Eastern European Jewish heritage.
03:44 Oh, well, as usual, Romeo has chicken head overflow,
03:48 so I've decided to auction myself on eBay.
03:51 That way, I can be fed to the winning chicken head
03:54 and show her a slammin' time with her own money.
03:57 Here you go.
03:59 And I just committed three felonies,
04:01 so please don't tell anyone, okay?
04:03 Oh, Arthur, you are so cutting edge.
04:06 Can I carry your attaché keys to math?
04:12 Thank you.
04:14 Hey, hey, lovey.
04:19 Thanks to your Uncle Rallo's neighbor's
04:21 second cousin's parole officer,
04:23 Booker T will be holding his prom
04:25 at the elegant Grandview Hotel.
04:28 Honey, that place is beautiful.
04:30 My cousin Vinnie Grant got married there.
04:32 This prom gonna be tight.
04:34 Shh.
04:36 It's okay, guys.
04:38 I've taken the gut-wrenching, crippling pain of my prom
04:41 and I've channeled it into volunteering
04:43 down at my church's senior citizen center.
04:45 So it's okay.
04:46 Guys can talk about your plans.
04:48 Well, we're having our prom
04:50 in the main ballroom at the Grandview Hotel.
04:54 And we got valet parking,
04:56 and we got an old man in the men's room
04:59 who hands out towels
05:00 and talks about great moments in Negro history.
05:03 That's wonderful.
05:05 Oh, now the multipurpose room will be free
05:07 for me to host my senior citizens dance
05:09 on the night of your lovely,
05:11 memory-filled exclusive prom.
05:14 Have fun.
05:16 Do you think Boss Lady's all right?
05:21 Oh, yeah, she's fine.
05:23 Hi, Mr. Hightower.
05:35 May I holler at you?
05:36 And without slang,
05:37 'cause I never actually yell at an adult.
05:39 Yeah, what's on your mind, young Arthur?
05:42 I wanted your advice on how to ask a girl to the prom.
05:45 [chuckles]
05:46 And I know exactly which young girl you're talking about.
05:50 Let me tell you something, Arthur, about Mac-ing.
05:53 Each Mac has to be specifically tailored to the woman.
05:57 You know what I'm saying?
05:59 I mean, you can't step to Lauryn Hill
06:01 the same way you step to Lil' Kim.
06:04 Who?
06:05 Maybe I should get this down to my personal digital assistant.
06:07 No, no, no, no, listen here.
06:08 Mac-ing and that thing right there don't go together.
06:10 Ain't got nothing to do with this, boy.
06:12 Look here, look at me.
06:14 Look here.
06:15 A woman likes a man to step to her with confidence.
06:18 Let me show you what I'm talking about.
06:20 When you step to her, just give me this hand.
06:22 It's nice.
06:27 You do it. Show it to me.
06:28 Let me see it. Come on.
06:31 [audience laughing]
06:33 What-- Look, Arthur,
06:38 remember that time you went to my RIS tax audit?
06:41 Mm-hmm.
06:42 And you pulled out all them federal tax forms
06:45 and started spewing all that tax mumbo-jumbo?
06:47 Yeah.
06:48 You had that big six-foot auditor
06:51 crying like a little...
06:54 You know what I mean?
06:55 Yeah, yeah, I did.
06:56 That's-- That's how you want you to step to your girl.
06:59 Step to your girl with the same confidence.
07:02 Yeah.
07:03 Step out there.
07:04 Tell her you are going to the prom with me!
07:07 Arthur! Big Arthur!
07:09 Yeah! Arthur!
07:10 To the-- Oh, to the-- Rebel with it!
07:12 It's for babywears!
07:13 Yeah!
07:14 Rebel! Do it!
07:15 Work with it!
07:16 Knock it out!
07:17 Can you spit it behind your ear?
07:18 No!
07:19 [audience laughing]
07:21 [theme music playing]
07:28 [music stops]
07:30 Morgan! Morgan!
07:34 Word in Hoback has said
07:35 Arthur Rabinowitz is going to ask me to the prom!
07:38 Quiet, Gutman!
07:40 I'm trying to win my celebrity mystery date over the radio.
07:43 When the DJ says the word "thong" three times in a sentence,
07:46 I got to be the tenth caller.
07:48 Who cares?
07:50 Arthur asked Mr. Hightower to coach him
07:52 on how to ask me to the prom!
07:54 I have to-- I have to practice my surprise look.
07:56 How's this?
07:57 [gasps]
07:59 You look like my dad
08:02 when he opens up the refrigerator
08:03 and there's no beer.
08:05 I have to get down to Arthur's corrected P.E. class
08:08 so I can casually bump into him.
08:10 [laughs]
08:11 See you at the prom!
08:13 [theme music playing]
08:16 Davida!
08:19 What's with all the food?
08:20 Did the cafeteria freezer break down again?
08:22 No, Boss Lady.
08:23 We're testing samples for the prom.
08:25 Here, try this.
08:27 Mmm!
08:32 Interesting.
08:34 I can't tell if it's shrimp or chicken.
08:37 That's 'cause it's shrimp and chicken.
08:42 It's called "stricken."
08:44 It was invented by my Uncle Cletus.
08:47 He used to work for Purina.
08:49 And if you like it,
08:51 Zeddy can get us 200 pounds for $19.
08:55 Oh, God.
08:57 Well, I don't know, guys.
08:59 I think the kids would appreciate something simpler
09:02 and approved by the FDA.
09:04 Hey, Regina, here's the transcripts that you asked for.
09:16 Why does it smell like shrimp and chicken?
09:20 It's stricken.
09:21 I'm gonna go to Mia's room and get you some spray.
09:24 There he is!
09:27 The man who gets twisted pleasure
09:29 from ripping the heart out of a young girl
09:31 and stomping on it with his size 12 gaiters!
09:34 Lydia, now we have talked about this before.
09:38 Even honor students occasionally get beat.
09:41 No!
09:42 This is much more evil.
09:45 Mr. Hightower told Arthur of Innocence
09:47 to take someone else to the prom!
09:49 Lydia, what are you talking about?
09:51 I coached Arthur so he could ask you.
09:54 Well, he asked Julie Feldman!
09:56 I used all of my feminine wiles
09:58 to entice Arthur into asking me to the prom!
10:01 I never imagined it would be you, Mr. Hightower,
10:04 who would stab me in the back!
10:06 And, Steve, how could you?
10:08 Lydia, look.
10:12 I really thought Arthur was gonna ask you to go to the prom.
10:16 Now, I'm sorry.
10:17 Yeah.
10:18 Maybe you're gonna ask somebody else.
10:20 I...
10:21 I think Helmet Boy is still looking.
10:25 He's already going with Headgear Girl.
10:29 He's such a loser!
10:33 And all he'll be doing on prom night
10:35 is taking tickets at the door!
10:37 (gasps)
10:38 Oh, I gotta go!
10:41 I gotta go!
10:42 This is terrible.
10:50 I feel so bad for Lydia.
10:52 Yeah, poor, poor Lydia.
10:54 So, what do you say we go to lunch?
10:56 Let's head on down to the Waffle Hut.
10:58 I'm kinda in omelet mode.
11:00 Steve, all I know is that there is a broken-hearted girl
11:04 out there crying her eyes out
11:06 because instead of having a beautiful prom memory,
11:08 she's gonna be taking tickets at the door.
11:10 Don't go through that again.
11:12 I mean, Lydia should not have to go through this.
11:15 You gotta fix it.
11:16 Fine, fine. I'll see what I can do.
11:18 Thank you.
11:19 You're welcome.
11:20 Romeo, man, I did it!
11:22 I won the radio contest.
11:24 My prom date's gonna be a mystery celebrity.
11:27 I just hope it's a woman.
11:28 Yo, man, I got some good news, too.
11:30 I'm about to meet the highest bidder at my auction.
11:32 Yep.
11:33 The girl I've always wanted to go out with,
11:35 Samantha Washington.
11:36 Wow, man!
11:37 Samantha Washington is a banger!
11:40 I thought she only went out with guys who graduated
11:43 but still hung around.
11:45 I guess she sees that Romeo has what it takes
11:47 to be one of those guys.
11:49 Hello, Romeo.
11:53 ♪ Danger ♪
11:56 ♪ Danger ♪
11:58 ♪ Get on the phone ♪
12:01 ♪ The villain right here ♪
12:03 ♪ Singing danger ♪
12:06 ♪ Danger ♪
12:09 ♪ Get on the phone ♪
12:11 (record scratches)
12:12 Hello, Romeo.
12:14 Hi, Samantha.
12:15 Excuse me for a minute.
12:17 How could someone that good-looking
12:22 have breath that nasty?
12:25 I'm so happy I'm going to the prom with you.
12:32 I'll see you then.
12:35 (groans)
12:37 Oh, sorry I'm late, Mr. Hightower.
12:43 The jocks were playing keep-away with my inhaler.
12:46 Yeah, look, uh, Arthur, I wanted to talk to you
12:49 about that little max session that we had the other day.
12:52 You know, I was talking to you.
12:53 I kind of thought you were gonna ask Lydia
12:55 to go to the prom with you.
12:56 I was!
12:57 But then my dad made me ask his boss's daughter,
13:00 Julie Feldman.
13:01 Then she dumped me.
13:02 She'd rather go to the prom with her own cousin.
13:05 Such a loser.
13:06 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:08 Today, Arthur, is your lucky day.
13:11 'Cause I still think that there's a way
13:13 that you and Lydia can go to the prom together.
13:15 Are you kidding?
13:16 Someone as hot as Lydia
13:17 probably has every guy in the geology club
13:19 fighting over her.
13:21 You wanted to see me, Mr. Hight--
13:24 Oh, Arthur.
13:26 I hear you are taking Julie Feldman to the prom.
13:31 Make your move, playa, make your move.
13:33 Come on, now, come on.
13:34 No, actually, that didn't work out.
13:36 But I wanted to ask you something.
13:38 Yes, Arthur?
13:39 Um, how did you do on that physics quiz?
13:46 Number 17 was really tough, huh?
13:48 Get out the way.
13:51 Hate to interrupt this little episode of Dowson's Creek,
13:56 but I ain't got time for this.
13:58 School is over, and I got to get to happy hour.
14:01 Borders books.
14:03 Borders books.
14:05 Now, look, Arthur, Lydia is crazy about you.
14:10 Lydia, Arthur wanted to ask you to go to the prom.
14:14 Something happened to all those--
14:15 Shut up, boy.
14:16 But now he's available.
14:22 So what do you say?
14:24 I accept, Arthur Jacob Rabinowitz.
14:28 That's good.
14:29 Y'all go on to that prom and have yourself a good time.
14:32 But not too good, now.
14:34 And remember, no means no.
14:37 You got that, Lydia?
14:48 Sandy, I still can't believe that we got the Grandview Hotel
14:52 and a statue of Booker T made out of shrieking
14:55 all for just $519.
14:57 We the bomb.
14:58 Here's to us.
15:00 You know, lovey, sometimes you just got to believe
15:02 in the power of the hookup.
15:04 Oh.
15:07 Look, the Grandview Hotel.
15:09 Turn it up.
15:10 Yeah, maybe it's about our prom.
15:12 After 70 years of outstanding four-star service,
15:16 the elegant Grandview Hotel is now only a memory.
15:20 The historic site was demolished today.
15:23 As a crowd looked on, a man named Cletus Robinson
15:26 narrowly escaped the blast while attempting to deliver
15:28 something called "Shricken."
15:31 Sandy, they blew up the hotel!
15:35 And the prom is this weekend.
15:38 I guess that's what we get for trusting the concierge
15:41 by the name of Sweet Willie White Shoes.
15:45 Now, what we gonna do?
15:47 Hey!
15:58 Is everybody having a good time?
16:00 Well, let's give a big shout-out to Principal Greer
16:05 for allowing our seniors to party with her seniors.
16:09 Yeah, rock, baby!
16:13 Now, before we go back to dancing,
16:15 don't forget to mark your ballots
16:17 for the king and queen of the prom.
16:19 Oh, and you can vote for Showtime Boy in either category.
16:23 Mr. Hightower, thank you for getting us together.
16:30 This has been the most wonderful night.
16:33 My sister tried to upstage me by saying that she was moving in
16:36 with her same-sex companion, but my parents just owned her,
16:39 so now I'm their favorite daughter!
16:42 Yeah, this is more fun than watching a lunar eclipse,
16:45 which, by the way, we're not having another until 2022.
16:48 Isn't he dreamy?
16:52 Well, that confirms it. There's someone for everyone.
16:58 Romeo.
17:03 Hey, uh, where's my punch?
17:08 Here you are, Samantha.
17:10 Don't forget, bottoms up.
17:12 Minty.
17:16 I love this song on slow dance.
17:21 Okay, but let's finish our punch first.
17:23 Remember, don't forget,
17:25 swish it around and it tastes even better.
17:28 Hey, boss lady.
17:38 Um, we know how you feel about prom,
17:40 so we just wanted to let you know we're here for you.
17:43 Here. Brought you a nice plate of shriken,
17:46 a couple of different sauces.
17:48 Try the tartar cube.
17:50 Hey, when you're done with those refreshments,
17:54 Big Daddy gonna take you out on that ass-throw for a lesbian.
17:57 Thank you, guys.
17:59 And you know what? This prom is different,
18:01 because this time I have all of my friends around me.
18:05 Hey, guys.
18:08 I'd like to introduce you
18:10 to my mystery celebrity date, Miss Tina Marie.
18:13 Oh, Miss Tina Marie! Oh, my God.
18:16 I'm a little bit of LSA Jacobs Robinson,
18:18 and I am your biggest fan.
18:21 I'm her husband, Cedric.
18:23 Here, have some shriken, Miss Marie.
18:26 You can call me Tina.
18:28 Oh, no, thank you.
18:30 You hear that? I can call her Tina.
18:33 You know, Tina, I owe you a lot.
18:35 I learned the pop-lock to square beat.
18:38 Remember me, Tina?
18:46 Hmm? Baton Rouge.
18:48 We performed together at the Funk Fest '81.
18:51 Oh, Lionel. How are you?
18:57 Give my love to the other Commodores.
19:00 Hello.
19:03 But Tina is my date.
19:05 Come on, Tina. Let me show you my locker.
19:08 Boss lady, come meet Tina Marie.
19:11 Boss lady!
19:13 We were supposed to stick by her.
19:16 Once again, let's give a round of applause
19:21 for this year's prom king and queen.
19:24 Yeah!
19:29 Romeo, may I get a kiss from my prom king?
19:33 Oh, sure. But first, have some more punch.
19:36 And don't forget to swish it around.
19:39 Arthur, this is the best night of my life.
19:50 Thank you for asking me.
19:52 Thank you for being my date, Lydia.
19:54 Come here, cowboy!
19:59 You know, I was gonna fire my manager
20:01 for making me do that radio contest,
20:03 but I'm actually having a real good time.
20:05 Wow, thanks.
20:07 And thanks for taking off your shoes
20:09 so I was taller than you in my prom picture.
20:11 Now, have your attention, please.
20:13 Everybody, can I have your attention, please?
20:16 I'd like to make a special presentation.
20:18 Please put your hands together and show your love
20:21 for our first annual faculty prom queen,
20:24 your own principal, Regina Greer.
20:27 ( cheering )
20:29 Jonathan, look at me!
20:34 I don't know, guys. This is silly.
20:37 No, what's silly is you acting like you don't want that tiara.
20:41 You get up there. You go.
20:43 Thank you, Steve. This is so sweet of you.
20:56 Well, I wanted you to have one good prom moment.
20:59 So, what do you say after this
21:01 we kind of drive up to the lake
21:03 and watch the sun come up?
21:06 Only if you promise not to be the perfect gentleman.
21:10 You better know I promise.
21:13 ( music playing )
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