Emilio Guzman: Live in Toomler | movie | 2010 | Official Clip
A stand-up comedy set by the Dutch comedian Emilio Guzman, recorded live in Toomler in January 2010. | dG1fcENiWi1ZRmQ4aFk
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 My mom is dating on the internet now.
00:02 That's so horrible.
00:03 And every time she gets a message from a man on that dating site,
00:07 she calls me to see if I can help her with something.
00:10 And I do.
00:11 I'm so helpful.
00:13 I'm just connecting my own mother to old, wilful men.
00:17 I feel a kind of small, insecure pimple.
00:19 And my mom is my bitch.
00:20 It's really...
00:21 It's horrible, guys.
00:23 If you read what those men want...
00:25 Old men all want the same thing.
00:27 They all want two things.
00:28 They all want to talk and walk.
00:32 All of them.
00:33 And I just don't believe that.
00:35 No, you want to go up, you want to talk and walk for a while.
00:39 And the rest of the time you just want to...
00:41 do naki-naki.
00:44 With my mom.
00:46 And my mom wants that too.
00:48 So, just be honest.
00:50 Frans de Wulp from Spijkernisse.
00:52 If you ever come across that bag, there's so much nonsense on his profile.
00:57 You know what?
00:58 You know what you can wake Frans de Wulp from Spijkernisse at night?
01:01 A deep-seated conversation with a fresh cup of herbal tea.
01:05 She thinks, no, Frans, no.
01:08 Not at all.
01:10 You're already 69.
01:11 They probably have to wake you up at night.
01:14 Because you have such a weak bladder, you'll pee in your bed.
01:18 So much nonsense.
01:21 I don't like surprises.
01:23 You think, no, again, Frans, you're already 69.
01:25 Nobody will ever give you a surprise.
01:28 That's just it.
01:29 The only two surprises you'll get are star and rheumatism.
01:33 So...
01:33 Relax, man.
01:35 No, but my mom wants that.
01:38 You can go, "Aww, aww."
01:39 My mom wants that.
01:40 It's terrible, man.
01:42 The worst cliché on his profile is...
01:45 "I never get bored."
01:47 And that's annoying when you read it, but it gets worse when you read it.
01:50 It says, "Because there's too much beauty in life."
01:53 "With Sartre, Baudelaire and Balzac, you never get bored."
01:56 So you think, no, Frans, but you do get bored with others.
01:59 Yeah.
02:00 So Frans sent me an email, saying,
02:03 "Sorry, Frans, it's not really an easy way to say this,
02:06 but my mom and I have decided to make it up."
02:09 Surprise.
02:11 It has nothing to do with my mom.
02:14 It's really all up to you.
02:15 The banging banana, the banging banana, the banging banana.
02:19 [applause]