Why do you trouble your parents? || Acharya Prashant

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]

00:02 Being a girl child, especially in India,

00:05 comes with very different sets of consequences.

00:09 Despite being given equal opportunities,

00:12 like education and skills, at the end,

00:16 where we are supposed to get a proper match,

00:20 we are being judged merely on two--

00:23 and I guess only two things, which is first, how you look,

00:28 and second, does your kundali match

00:31 with the groom or the guy.

00:33 So right now, I am witnessing a very disturbing thing.

00:39 There is a girl who is a surgeon by education.

00:43 She is completely independent, yet her matches,

00:46 which are being filtered by her parents, who are well-educated,

00:51 are completely based on, is the guy manglik?

00:56 Irrespective of whether the guy is fulfilling the education

01:00 eligibility or personality or other things which

01:03 are supposed to be considered.

01:05 So how to handle this situation?

01:11 Relieve yourself of the obligation

01:13 to handle this situation.

01:16 You handle a situation only when, first of all,

01:21 you are in the situation.

01:24 Just drop the situation.

01:27 Just move past the situation.

01:30 I mean, the girl in question is a qualified doctor.

01:37 You said she's a surgeon.

01:40 The first thing I find amusing is

01:42 how is she outsourcing all these matters to other people?

01:51 See, let's say I'm an elephant.

01:55 I'm a qualified elephant with all the mass, the size,

02:01 the energy, the bulk, everything.

02:04 I'm a qualified elephant.

02:05 And then I'm going to rabbits and to deer and to mice.

02:21 And I'm asking them, can you fetch me some grains,

02:24 some grass?

02:24 Does it behoove me?

02:29 I should do it for myself.

02:34 Come on, DIY.

02:38 That's my advice to all girls.

02:40 Simple.

02:41 And to all boys.

02:47 Why are you unnecessarily troubling your old parents

02:51 What's the point?

02:51 It's their time to get into deeper pursuits of life.

02:59 Some pilgrimage, some spirituality.

03:03 There are a lot of other things.

03:05 Let them live their life to the fullest.

03:09 First of all, the poor soul suffered in their own affairs.

03:16 Now you are putting the load of your affairs on their head.

03:22 No, no, no.

03:24 I'm telling you, they'll be very happy.

03:26 Just tell them, my papa, you do not

03:30 need to bother about this particular thing.

03:33 I'm atmanirbhar.

03:34 So that's what is self-sufficiency.

03:44 And once you have outsourced this function,

03:49 you have lost the rights to complain.

03:51 Now how can you say that they are choosing the groom based

04:00 on this criteria or that the groom is looking at me only

04:05 with eyes of lust and physicality

04:09 and the horoscope has become all important

04:12 and the girl's figure and the body and the sexuality

04:15 has become all important?

04:17 Come on, you did it to yourself.

04:19 How are you now complaining?

04:22 If you didn't want this to happen,

04:24 you should have, first of all, kept matters in your own hands.

04:28 The elephant has been begging the rabbits,

04:35 go fetch me some grains and grass.

04:40 And the rabbits will choose the grass based on their own tastes.

04:48 And when the rabbits bring the grass to the elephant,

04:50 the elephant says, oh, I do not like this grass.

04:54 I'll complain about it in an online interaction.

04:56 But if you wanted the grass of your own size and color

05:04 and flavor, then you should have done it.

05:06 On your own.

05:11 On your own and for yourself.

05:13 It's such an intimate thing.

05:16 It's the most intimate thing possible, is it not?

05:20 What are others doing in this matter?

05:22 And even if others do poke their nose in,

05:29 they very well know that they cannot avoid

05:33 the fact of the intimacy for too long.

05:36 All kinds of interactions are going

05:41 to happen between the girl and the groom.

05:45 Will the parents be there to intervene and mediate?

05:52 Will they enter the bedroom as well?

05:55 Will there be a party to all kinds of interactions

05:59 that happen between the man and the woman?

06:02 Not necessarily sexual, but of all kinds.

06:05 So I find those parents very irresponsible,

06:11 who make their presence mandatory in matters

06:21 where they actually have no say, no reason to be present.

06:30 The man is there, the woman is there, and both are adults,

06:33 and they will decide on their own matters.

06:36 What is anybody else doing in this scheme of things?

06:42 Now, obviously, if you want advice,

06:47 you can respectfully seek advice.

06:51 That is one thing.

06:52 But it is another thing to be obliged to have a mediator

07:02 or a governor or a decider.

07:04 Are you getting it?

07:12 And once you accept that kind of mediation or outsourcing,

07:27 I do not think you have the right to complain.

07:30 There are so many men in the world of so many types.

07:41 A lot of them would naturally be lustful,

07:44 given the kind of people we are.

07:47 How are you obliged to bear the gaze of the lustful ones?

07:59 If you come across a lustful one, what do you do?

08:07 You walk away.

08:10 No, you stand in front of that person,

08:13 and he's ogling and staring and measuring your body

08:16 with his eyesight, and you still keep standing there

08:20 right in front of him.

08:22 And then you complain, why are men like this?

08:24 Why are men like this?

08:25 Men will be men, and women will be women.

08:27 Why don't you simply walk away?

08:28 We can start a program of social reformation, obviously.

08:39 We can start a program to civilize the menfolk, obviously.

08:42 But when you are encountering a man who is measuring you

08:52 mostly by the shape and size and attractiveness of your body,

08:59 then that's not the point to keep engaging with that man.

09:07 Disengage.

09:10 Look elsewhere.

09:12 Start walking.

09:13 There's no point in complaining.

09:21 There are so many of them.

09:24 We can choose commodities, potatoes.

09:31 What do you do when you come upon a rotten one?

09:36 You just toss it away.

09:37 You pick another one, right?

09:39 You do not go to the Ministry of Agriculture

09:43 and start proposing a way to have better potatoes.

09:50 All that can happen in due course.

09:54 But first of all, you pick up a rotten potato or a fruit

09:58 or whatever it is.

10:02 Then you embrace it for life.

10:06 And you keep cooking.

10:07 There is no point.

10:14 One thing that all wisdom is founded on

10:23 is your right to choose.

10:26 You have the right to choose.

10:32 Why then must you act as if you are under compulsion?

10:45 Nobody can force your hand.

10:51 Remember your right to choose.

11:01 Always take the onus of your life on yourself.

11:08 The responsibility is all yours.

11:11 The responsibility is all yours.

11:15 [MUSIC PLAYING]

11:18 [MUSIC PLAYING]

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