Blackballed_S

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00:00:00June 12, 1993, the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic, one of the darkest days in paintball

00:00:16history.

00:00:17It was a day that Bobby Dukes cheated.

00:00:22I'll use the blue here, man, for Bobby, because back then he was kind of a jerk, but the crowd

00:00:27loved him.

00:00:28Bobby!

00:00:29Bobby!

00:00:30Bobby!

00:00:31Man, he could move, he could run, shoot, you name it, and he was great at it.

00:00:36He was unstoppable.

00:00:37But, you know, it kind of went to his head.

00:00:40It was the finals, only three players left in the field, Zombie on the welts, Bobby and

00:00:45his teammate Sam Brown on the other side, the River Rats.

00:00:48Sam and Bobby make the crucial mistake of going to the same bunker, and Zombie starts

00:00:53raining paint on them.

00:00:54He was merciless.

00:00:56He's nonstop.

00:00:58Bobby yells at Sam to cover him and makes a dash for the flag, but then, boom, a direct

00:01:02hit, and that's when it happened.

00:01:04I saw Bobby wipe it off as quick as it hit.

00:01:07Bobby Dukes was wiping.

00:01:08He was wiping.

00:01:09Wiping a paintball is one of the most serious crimes.

00:01:13No one ever wants to play with a wiper.

00:01:16I ran over to call him out, but Bobby kept on playing.

00:01:19I couldn't believe what was happening.

00:01:21He wiped.

00:01:22He cheated.

00:01:23His career was over.

00:01:25In the commotion, Sam forgets the game is still in play, and he jumps out from behind

00:01:30the bunker.

00:01:31What a stupid move.

00:01:32So, Zombie, of course, takes advantage, pops them, boom, boom, boom, grabs the flag, and

00:01:38wins the game.

00:01:39The crowd was stunned.

00:01:42People started booing.

00:01:43They couldn't believe what they were seeing.

00:01:46Everyone is in total disarray.

00:01:51Sam leaves the field, and Bobby is just left there, all alone, sitting there.

00:01:56He doesn't say anything.

00:01:58Then, he got up and started walking.

00:02:04He didn't look anyone in the eye, and then Bobby Dukes just disappeared.

00:02:51Okay, okay, okay, you all right?

00:03:18Where did I get you?

00:03:22My leg.

00:03:23Oh.

00:03:24Are you okay?

00:03:25Are you okay?

00:03:26Oh, you're not wearing anything, are you?

00:03:27You're wearing, like, a cup or anything?

00:03:28I should have given you a cup.

00:03:29I'm sorry.

00:03:30Are you all right?

00:03:31I can't have kids.

00:03:32It's your fault.

00:03:33Come here.

00:03:34Come on.

00:03:35Come on.

00:03:36Come on up here.

00:03:37Come on.

00:03:38You're okay.

00:03:39You're okay.

00:03:40You're okay.

00:03:41You're okay.

00:03:42You're okay.

00:03:43You're okay.

00:03:44You're okay.

00:03:45You're okay.

00:03:46You're all right.

00:03:47Come on.

00:03:48I'm sorry.

00:03:49I'm sorry.

00:03:50I'm sorry.

00:03:51What do you mean?

00:03:52Is your safety on?

00:03:53Put your safety on.

00:03:54I had it on because I didn't want to hurt you.

00:03:55Are you okay?

00:03:56I didn't mean to hit you there.

00:03:57I meant to hit higher.

00:03:58You know, I'm used to the little, you know, the little pump guns.

00:04:12This is, this is like so soft, you know?

00:04:17So supple.

00:04:18Yeah.

00:04:19A lot has changed.

00:04:20Wow.

00:04:21Are you okay?

00:04:22Yeah.

00:04:23Do you have a welt or anything?

00:04:24Does it really sting?

00:04:25It stings.

00:04:26It does.

00:04:27Sorry.

00:04:28I had it turned down really low.

00:04:29Luckily, no one sees me over there, so.

00:04:30What?

00:04:31Well, I'm sorry.

00:04:32I'm sorry.

00:04:33I'm sorry.

00:04:34I'm sorry.

00:04:35I'm sorry.

00:04:36I'm sorry.

00:04:37I'm sorry.

00:04:38I'm sorry.

00:04:39I'm sorry.

00:04:40I'm sorry.

00:04:41Well, Bobby used to play paintball, and he was really big and really famous and the best

00:04:48around.

00:04:49And he was in lots of magazines, and the pressure was really a lot.

00:04:55He was playing the classic, and, um, and, you know, he did what a lot of people would

00:05:03do in a crunch, and he wasn't ready to be out of the game, so he wiped.

00:05:09I'm going to be so happy to see you back here and in the game, I'm telling you.

00:05:15I hope so.

00:05:16I hope so.

00:05:17You think so?

00:05:18Yes.

00:05:19I do.

00:05:20I really do.

00:05:21I mean, I'm nervous.

00:05:22I've made a lot of enemies, you know?

00:05:23It's been a long time.

00:05:24He's going to get a team together to go and play, and he wants to win.

00:05:31I think it means, I think it means a lot to him to take it back, you know what I mean?

00:05:38To wipe.

00:05:39Oh, I shouldn't say that word.

00:05:41To clear everything that happened before and start over again.

00:05:45Bobby Dukes is back!

00:05:48Woo!

00:05:49Well, after the classic, I was pretty humiliated, you know, and I just wanted to be out of here,

00:05:57anywhere but here, you know?

00:05:59So I took off.

00:06:00About a week later, I ended up down in Venezuela.

00:06:04I met this guy named Needles, Mr. Needles, and a really interesting guy, this black albino,

00:06:11and he was going to West Africa to work on the oil rigs, and so I thought, great, I'll

00:06:18come along.

00:06:19It was a great schedule, you know?

00:06:20One month on, one month off.

00:06:21I could travel.

00:06:22So that's what I did, you know?

00:06:23I worked on oil rigs and traveled around.

00:06:26I've been to 140, 141 countries, because, you know, some countries split apart and then

00:06:35they come back together again.

00:06:36I don't know whether to count those as countries or not, you know?

00:06:40And now with the whole European Union thing, fuck, I don't know.

00:06:49Billy, there's somebody here to see you.

00:06:55Bobby Duce!

00:06:58You son of a bitch!

00:07:03Son of a bitch!

00:07:06My name is Bill Henry.

00:07:08I am the commander of Liberty Paintball, New York State.

00:07:13I have the responsibility of being a father figure, mother figure, mentor, and guru.

00:07:21They're my babies.

00:07:22They're my puppies.

00:07:24I'm here to help them learn the great art of paintball.

00:07:29My dogs, listen up.

00:07:31Unless you have been living underneath a rock for the last 10 years, you already know the

00:07:38one, the only, the incredible Bobby Duce.

00:07:41When we are formed on an atomic level, all these little tiny cells come together in a

00:07:47very, very specific combination.

00:07:48It's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:50Might become you.

00:07:51Boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:52Another way, it might become me.

00:07:53Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:54Another way, it might become Pat Sajak.

00:07:56Once every 10,000 years or so, these chromosomes come together in just a special way.

00:08:01When it came together that day, that was Bobby Duce.

00:08:04Jill is here.

00:08:05He sees over at Reebok that this is Watts Apparel.

00:08:09No, this is Watts Apparel.

00:08:11No, I got a problem with the logo, yes, because orange is, it's, it's, it's just way, first

00:08:15of all, I'm seeing way too much black.

00:08:17Blue.

00:08:18Blue.

00:08:19That'd be great.

00:08:20I'll play back.

00:08:21Okay.

00:08:22Bobby?

00:08:23Hi, Jill.

00:08:24Yeah.

00:08:25Hi.

00:08:26Good.

00:08:27Yeah.

00:08:28That's good.

00:08:29That's great.

00:08:30You look great.

00:08:31Thanks.

00:08:32You're blonde.

00:08:33Yeah, I know.

00:08:34Louis Licari.

00:08:35And your eyes, you're?

00:08:36Contact, well, no.

00:08:37Wow.

00:08:38This one.

00:08:39Yeah.

00:08:40But I like that.

00:08:41I like that.

00:08:42Thank you.

00:08:43You look, you look all right.

00:08:44You look good.

00:08:45I mean, all right.

00:08:46You look good.

00:08:47Thank you.

00:08:48Thank you.

00:08:49Thank you.

00:08:50Thank you.

00:08:52I'm out.

00:08:53All right.

00:08:54You are.

00:08:55I lost.

00:08:56Yeah.

00:08:57Yeah.

00:08:58Bobby was the celebrity.

00:08:59Bobby was the celebrity, and I was the eye candy.

00:09:03I spent the first 20 years of my life thinking about Bobby, thinking about being Bobby's

00:09:10wife and being the mother of Bobby's kids and being Bobby's support system when he was

00:09:17on the field.

00:09:18In the past 10 years, no, I haven't thought about Bobby.

00:09:22I thought about me and Sam.

00:09:25I live in L.A.

00:09:26Where are you staying?

00:09:27With Sam.

00:09:28I'm married to Sam.

00:09:29Brown.

00:09:30Sam Brown.

00:09:31Seventh sign of the apocalypse, Bobby.

00:09:32Just waiting for a little Damien to come aboard.

00:09:33Funny, funny.

00:09:34I should have known.

00:09:35That's great.

00:09:36Congratulations.

00:09:37It's amazing.

00:09:38Tell Sam, I say.

00:09:39It is amazing.

00:09:40How is he?

00:09:41He is amazing.

00:09:42Sam and I were meant to be together.

00:09:46I mean, you know, he is, he's a star.

00:09:48Now he's a star.

00:09:50Sam loves me and Sam has always loved me and you know that Sam actually was never dating

00:09:55me but he remained celibate the entire time that we weren't together.

00:10:03He would write me notes that I wouldn't respond to for the longest time because I was dedicated

00:10:06to Bobby that would just say, I'm not fucking anyone but you in my head.

00:10:13And I thought, after a while, how can I just reject that?

00:10:17I mean, that is really, really, really dedication.

00:10:20It was great to see you.

00:10:22What are you here for?

00:10:23You're here just a couple of days.

00:10:24No, I'm here for the classic.

00:10:25I'm going to play paintball.

00:10:26That's a good time.

00:10:27I'm sorry.

00:10:28What?

00:10:29I'm here.

00:10:30I'm hopefully going to play paintball in the classic.

00:10:31Put a team together.

00:10:32If you're on a need to know basis, this is Bobby's visit with me.

00:10:40We will have some conference without your interference at this time.

00:10:43Thank you so much.

00:10:44I think every bitch in the world just called.

00:10:46They want their leader back.

00:10:47Head to it.

00:10:48Take your pull toy with you.

00:10:49Stewart, so nice to see you once again.

00:10:50You take care.

00:10:51Ta-ta.

00:10:52I think, yeah.

00:10:53Bill, you and I, we will talk.

00:10:54You and I?

00:10:55Never.

00:10:56Okay.

00:10:57In your dreams, baby.

00:10:58Okay.

00:10:59Thank you.

00:11:00Okay.

00:11:01And you, good luck.

00:11:02Good luck.

00:11:03I don't believe in luck.

00:11:04Okay.

00:11:05You people, this is not a ga-ga session.

00:11:06This is not a male stripper show.

00:11:07I know we're the boys.

00:11:08I know we're the boys.

00:11:09I know we're the boys.

00:11:10I know we're the boys.

00:11:11I know we're the boys.

00:11:12I know we're the boys.

00:11:13I know we're the boys.

00:11:14I know we're the boys.

00:11:15I know we're the boys.

00:11:16This is a male stripper show.

00:11:17I know we're the most handsome two boys in the world.

00:11:18Back to work.

00:11:19Back to work.

00:11:20Back to work.

00:11:21Back to work.

00:11:22Back to work.

00:11:23Nice meeting you all.

00:11:24She is trying to turn the classic into a whirlpool of bullshit.

00:11:25Well, she can't do that.

00:11:26It's your class, man.

00:11:27No.

00:11:28Yeah.

00:11:29It's as simple as that, right?

00:11:30You smell that smell?

00:11:31Yes.

00:11:32It's the smell of green bullshit.

00:11:33It's called money.

00:11:34It's called corporate money.

00:11:35It's called greed.

00:11:36It's called dishonesty.

00:11:37It's called no heart.

00:11:38In D&D mode until further notice, I would like to see ten times more work when I come out as when I came in.

00:11:44Bobby, come in here.

00:11:46You love me?

00:11:48Of course.

00:11:49Why the fuck are you here?

00:11:50What?

00:11:51Why the fuck are you physically manifested after ten years?

00:11:57Fans lifted, you know?

00:12:00I can play.

00:12:02You go soft on me? You still got it?

00:12:05I haven't picked up a gun in ten years.

00:12:07There's a team on the circuit. Their name is Mayhem.

00:12:11They're from Canada.

00:12:13Which means?

00:12:14Which means you hate them.

00:12:16Well, don't put words in my mouth. I think they suck, Bobby.

00:12:19You show up on the team.

00:12:21You beat Mayhem.

00:12:23You are in the Classic.

00:12:25Do we have a deal, Bobby Dukes?

00:12:28Now, I do this for you, you do something for me.

00:12:33This will be your basic, zero-level elimination practice.

00:12:39With two exceptions.

00:12:41Number one, present arms.

00:12:43You have been issued your candy-ass nitrogen-powered electronic weapons with 200 rounds each.

00:12:49Bobby Dukes, I am giving you four rounds.

00:12:53One for your each attacker.

00:12:58Bobby Dukes will be your primary and solitary objective.

00:13:02Exception number two, with this temporary de-visualization,

00:13:07Bobby will be unaware of your concealed positions.

00:13:12Mask down. Auto-conceal.

00:13:14Go, go, go!

00:13:20Why does this bag smell like donuts?

00:13:22That is the smell of death.

00:13:24That is the smell of the death of your failure.

00:13:26That is the smell of the death of your defeat.

00:13:28That is the smell of the death of your shame.

00:13:30Smells like donuts.

00:13:31This is a new day, Bobby Dukes.

00:13:33Exceptional resurrections call for exceptional means.

00:13:37You have two days, Bobby Dukes, to get yourself back on the saddle of your former self.

00:13:42You will not achieve that goal by splashing around in the lower end of your pool of self-esteem.

00:13:48What does that mean?

00:13:49My dogs, on my mark, we will begin.

00:13:52Three, two, one.

00:13:56He got me!

00:14:01Ow!

00:14:07Shit!

00:14:19You're good! Oh, you're good!

00:14:27I got you on the softball.

00:14:29You all right?

00:14:32All right, all right.

00:14:36Good work, my dogs.

00:14:38You feel that tingle in your gonads?

00:14:40Welcome to the next level.

00:14:42You have been bobicide.

00:14:44You've been ducalated.

00:14:46Bobby, congratulations.

00:14:47Hey, hey, congratulations to all of us.

00:14:51You're going to do this, you son of a bitch. You're going to do it.

00:14:55He was running, and I couldn't tell if he was, you know, behind a bunker or laying on the ground.

00:15:00I couldn't see him anywhere.

00:15:02Just like a ghost, and then all of a sudden, boom, right on my gun.

00:15:05I'm just too, you know, fat to really run fast or hide behind anything.

00:15:10Dude, it's not like, it's not about that.

00:15:12But we were playing against Bobby Dukes.

00:15:14Fucking religious experience.

00:15:25Let's go get him.

00:15:29Bobby Dukes!

00:15:32What's going on, man?

00:15:34I heard you were in town.

00:15:35Yeah, I heard.

00:15:36Why didn't you come to see me?

00:15:37I'm right here, day two, buddy.

00:15:38Day two, I love it.

00:15:40Look, Bobby Dukes tree.

00:15:42I planted it.

00:15:44Bobby Dukes tree.

00:15:47Bobby Dukes!

00:15:48What are you talking about?

00:15:49It's alive!

00:15:50It's ten years old.

00:15:51I planted it in your memory.

00:15:53Get out of here.

00:15:54Yeah, I thought you killed yourself after you wiped.

00:15:58So I was like, I'm going to plant this in your memory.

00:16:00And then after I planted it, someone was like, oh, he didn't die.

00:16:03Bobby was a fierce competitor.

00:16:05I mean, you couldn't help but be friends with the guy, because he was just like,

00:16:09you saw him on the battlefield, and you're psyched to see him,

00:16:11because you knew you were going to have a great day at paintball.

00:16:14I'm putting together a team.

00:16:16Yeah?

00:16:17Yeah, and I'm going to play in the Classic.

00:16:19And since, you know, you might have some time on your hands.

00:16:21No, no, no.

00:16:22I can't.

00:16:23How come?

00:16:24You've got time.

00:16:25You've got time.

00:16:26Bobby Dukes, don't ask me.

00:16:27You're a great player.

00:16:28Don't ask me.

00:16:29Come on.

00:16:30We're friends.

00:16:31Don't ask me.

00:16:32I can't play with you.

00:16:33Let's do some good.

00:16:34No.

00:16:35I can't, man.

00:16:36I can't.

00:16:37I mean, you know I love you.

00:16:38And, you know, I would take a bullet for you.

00:16:40I just can't take a painted paint bullet for you.

00:16:44You know what I mean?

00:16:45Well, you know, you've got your own thing going on, and I respect that.

00:16:47Yeah, it's good.

00:16:50Thanks for considering it, you know.

00:16:52Well, I could, no.

00:16:53Yeah, I didn't consider it, really.

00:16:54I just, you know, that's the one thing I won't consider.

00:16:57I mean, if you ever, if your car gets towed, like, just call me anytime.

00:17:01Okay.

00:17:02Like at 4, 3 in the morning.

00:17:03Wake me up.

00:17:04Okay.

00:17:05And I'll go there.

00:17:06Do you have any recommendations?

00:17:07I mean, people I can talk to?

00:17:08I don't know.

00:17:09I mean, my, I don't know.

00:17:12It's not that bad.

00:17:13Larry, Larry won't.

00:17:15Well.

00:17:16My brother's here.

00:17:18Your brother works here?

00:17:19Yeah, my dad finally hired him, yeah.

00:17:21What, as a cashier or something?

00:17:23No, he's in the barn right now.

00:17:25Doing what?

00:17:26He's working.

00:17:27You want to go see him?

00:17:28Yeah, yeah.

00:17:30Yeah, he's different now.

00:17:31I mean, once you see him, he's great.

00:17:33Hey, Brian, look who's here.

00:17:35Bobby Dukes.

00:17:36Hey.

00:17:37Brian.

00:17:38Huh?

00:17:39Little Brian.

00:17:40How you doing, man?

00:17:41Bobby Dukes.

00:17:42Say hello to Bobby Dukes.

00:17:43Bobby Dukes.

00:17:44Say hello, Brian.

00:17:45Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:17:46What's going down?

00:17:47Check him out.

00:17:50What's going on?

00:17:51What's going on?

00:17:52Look at you, man.

00:17:53Check me out.

00:17:54Show him.

00:17:55You can walk.

00:17:56Show him how strong you are.

00:17:57I'm strong.

00:17:58Show him.

00:17:59Pick up a bale of hay there.

00:18:00This one?

00:18:01Yeah.

00:18:02All right.

00:18:03Whoa.

00:18:04You want this?

00:18:05No, no, no, no.

00:18:07Cuts like a knife.

00:18:08Cuts like a knife.

00:18:09What do you remember from, remember when you were little and when you were sick?

00:18:13Yeah.

00:18:14Do you remember that?

00:18:15Yeah, I remember him.

00:18:16I do.

00:18:17That's what he's asking.

00:18:18Huh?

00:18:19I think he's asking, what do you remember from that time?

00:18:22What I remember from that time was that he made a lot of jokes about my legs, about my

00:18:28braces on my legs, but now I can run up trees with no hands, so.

00:18:32Boys will be boys.

00:18:33I can't joke anymore.

00:18:34Do you play paintball?

00:18:35Do I play paintball?

00:18:36Yeah.

00:18:37Do you want to be on my team?

00:18:38Yeah.

00:18:39Yeah?

00:18:40Yeah.

00:18:41I can be on your team?

00:18:42Yes.

00:18:44No?

00:18:45I can't.

00:18:46I can't.

00:18:47No?

00:18:48Dude, check it out.

00:18:49Brian.

00:18:50It makes a noise.

00:18:51Yeah.

00:18:52Yeah.

00:18:53Brian, Brian.

00:18:54Finish the bar and we're going to have dinner.

00:18:55We're having pork chops tonight, okay?

00:18:56All right.

00:18:57See you later, Brian.

00:18:58See you later.

00:18:59Brian.

00:19:00You're Brian.

00:19:01I know.

00:19:02He keeps calling me Brian.

00:19:03He calls everyone Brian.

00:19:04Bobby?

00:19:05Low, but dope.

00:19:06How are you, man?

00:19:07Oh my God.

00:19:08What's going on?

00:19:09How are you?

00:19:10All right.

00:19:11Hey, what's going on?

00:19:12Man.

00:19:13Oh my God.

00:19:14I've known Bobby since the beginning.

00:19:15We were fellow partiers, if you will.

00:19:22Man, we would party.

00:19:23He's incredible.

00:19:24He has much longer hair.

00:19:31incredible. He has much longer hair, like a hippie-like hair, long hair and a ponytail.

00:19:39We would shroom constantly. We were always high.

00:19:43I'm putting a team together. I'm putting a, yeah.

00:19:46Paintball?

00:19:47Yeah, we're going to play in the Classic.

00:19:48Oh, that's adorable. That's adorable. No.

00:19:52Come on.

00:19:53No, I can't do that, dude.

00:20:02Hey!

00:20:03No fucking way.

00:20:05What's up, Bunker?

00:20:06Why did he come back? Why did he come back? I was fine. I was over it. I had gotten to

00:20:17a place where I didn't need to cause other people pain.

00:20:24I don't know if you know this, but after you left, I got sidelined.

00:20:28I don't know if you know this, but after you left, I got sidelined by Sam Brown for

00:20:34two years. I sat on the bench. I played in two, maybe three rounds.

00:20:43Why did Sam Brown feel like I was not good enough?

00:20:53Is it because he's a Jew? I don't know, but probably.

00:20:59Play with me.

00:21:00I don't play anymore.

00:21:01What do you mean you don't play anymore?

00:21:03I don't play. I don't.

00:21:04Why doesn't anybody play paintball anymore? Nobody plays paintball anymore.

00:21:11Well, I can't speak for anybody else, Bobby Dukes, but I can say that you put a pretty

00:21:15big shit stain on the entire sport.

00:21:19You know what?

00:21:21Listen, Bobby.

00:21:22It's cool to see you. It's great to see you.

00:21:24Bobby.

00:21:32Good luck.

00:21:35Are you making fun of me?

00:21:38Yeah.

00:21:42I hope you fucking humiliate yourself, just like you always do.

00:21:45Ponch.

00:21:49I'm sorry, is Ponch there?

00:21:53Ponch.

00:21:55Hey, it's Bobby Dukes.

00:21:59What do you mean no?

00:22:07You haven't even listened.

00:22:08Hello?

00:22:09Hello?

00:22:11Oh, wow.

00:22:18Wow.

00:22:25Hey, Bobby.

00:22:27Hey.

00:22:28What are you doing?

00:22:29Typo.

00:22:31Ten hours from morning to evening rejected.

00:22:34Rejected?

00:22:35Have you ever had a day where the whole theme of the day is rejection?

00:22:39No.

00:22:40Maybe an hour.

00:22:41I need something else.

00:22:42I need another angle.

00:22:45I need another plan.

00:22:46I need a map.

00:22:47Lenny Pear.

00:22:48I've talked to Sheila.

00:22:49He's still doing stuff at the field.

00:22:51I'm sure he's still doing stuff.

00:22:52And he knows a ton of people, new people, who you might not know, who I bet would be

00:22:56into it.

00:22:59You should see Lenny.

00:23:01That's not a bad idea.

00:23:03Yeah.

00:23:04That's not a bad idea.

00:23:05Boy, that'd be the ultimate irony.

00:23:07Well, it'd be strange.

00:23:08Okay, here.

00:23:09Okay.

00:23:10Thank you.

00:23:11Love you.

00:23:12Love you.

00:23:13You know what?

00:23:14You look like Mom.

00:23:15Really?

00:23:16Yeah.

00:23:17From the old West picture?

00:23:18Sort of.

00:23:19I mean, if you had a bonnet on.

00:23:22I love her in that picture.

00:23:23She's so beautiful.

00:23:24Yeah.

00:23:25It's a weird picture, though.

00:23:26She looks like Julia Roberts.

00:23:27You think so?

00:23:28Oh, yeah.

00:23:29I don't like that picture.

00:23:32Because you're a little girl and you're dressed up like a whore.

00:23:35It's fun.

00:23:36It's fun.

00:23:37Like a Western idea.

00:23:38It was fun.

00:23:39A little bit.

00:23:40Okay.

00:23:41Thank you.

00:23:42All right.

00:23:43Thank you.

00:23:54I wish you guys had seen this place before.

00:23:56Before all this.

00:23:57This is it.

00:23:58Just right here.

00:23:59This is all.

00:24:00This is all it was.

00:24:01These two fields right here.

00:24:02And Santa's village.

00:24:03Right there.

00:24:04This is all new.

00:24:05This used to be a dump.

00:24:07Literally.

00:24:08This used to be a dump.

00:24:09This was like a landfill dumping ground.

00:24:12You know, we used to play with like bunkers would be mattresses and, you know, old refrigerators.

00:24:18And all the parents were worried about kids getting stuck in refrigerators.

00:24:23It's so different.

00:24:24It's so much faster now, you know?

00:24:25It's like a real sport.

00:24:27It's like soccer or lacrosse.

00:24:30It would be great if paintball became like an internationally respected, renowned, like

00:24:36the religion like soccer is, you know?

00:24:38And people like, like the Spanish cultures got into it.

00:24:41Like pinball, you know?

00:24:43Like people kill each other over it.

00:24:47Out!

00:24:48Check him!

00:24:49Check him!

00:24:50Don't hit me like that!

00:24:51Left!

00:24:52Check him!

00:24:53What do we got?

00:24:54You hit me after I hit him.

00:24:55I hit him first.

00:24:57Girl!

00:24:58Out!

00:25:00That's game!

00:25:03There you go, guys.

00:25:04Good job.

00:25:05Let's go, guys.

00:25:06Shake your tail feather, okay?

00:25:08Good call, ref.

00:25:12All right.

00:25:13Come in, D-bag.

00:25:14All right.

00:25:15See you guys later.

00:25:16D-bag.

00:25:17Hey.

00:25:18Hey, what's going on?

00:25:19Oh, thanks a lot.

00:25:21You guys hiring?

00:25:23Refs?

00:25:24You can go inside.

00:25:25I don't deal with that.

00:25:26Really?

00:25:27Yeah.

00:25:28Can I talk to you for a minute?

00:25:29Sure.

00:25:30You don't have to remember me.

00:25:31I used to play here.

00:25:33Hey.

00:25:34About ten years ago.

00:25:35No, no, no.

00:25:37Yeah.

00:25:38I'm Bobby Dukes.

00:25:39How are you?

00:25:40Good to see you again.

00:25:41Wow.

00:25:42I don't think we've ever actually formally met.

00:25:43Yeah, yeah, no.

00:25:44No, I know, yeah.

00:25:45We just ran the same circles.

00:25:46Sort of.

00:25:47Wow.

00:25:48How are you?

00:25:49Good.

00:25:50Really?

00:25:51You've grown up.

00:25:52Oh, thanks.

00:25:53Yeah, yeah.

00:25:54A little...

00:25:55Yeah, just...

00:25:56My fanny pack ripped out there.

00:25:57Oh.

00:25:58I'm just kidding.

00:25:59I'm just kidding.

00:26:00I'm just kidding.

00:26:01I'm just kidding.

00:26:02I'm just kidding.

00:26:03I'm just kidding.

00:26:04I'm just kidding.

00:26:05I'm just kidding.

00:26:06I'm just kidding.

00:26:07I'm just kidding.

00:26:08I'm just kidding.

00:26:09I'm just kidding.

00:26:10I'm just kidding.

00:26:11I'm just kidding.

00:26:12I'm just kidding.

00:26:13I'm just kidding.

00:26:14I'm just kidding.

00:26:15I'm just kidding.

00:26:16I'm just kidding.

00:26:17I'm just kidding.

00:26:18I'm just kidding.

00:26:19I'm just kidding.

00:26:20I'm just kidding.

00:26:21I'm just kidding.

00:26:22I'm just kidding.

00:26:23I'm just kidding.

00:26:24I'm just kidding.

00:26:25I'm just kidding.

00:26:26I'm just kidding.

00:26:27I'm just kidding.

00:26:28I'm just kidding.

00:26:29I'm just kidding.

00:26:30I'm just kidding.

00:26:31I'm just kidding.

00:26:32I'm just kidding.

00:26:33I'm just kidding.

00:26:34I'm just kidding.

00:26:35I'm just kidding.

00:26:36I'm just kidding.

00:26:37I'm just kidding.

00:26:38I'm just kidding.

00:26:39I'm just kidding.

00:26:40I'm just kidding.

00:26:41I'm just kidding.

00:26:42I'm just kidding.

00:26:43I'm just kidding.

00:26:44I'm just kidding.

00:26:45I'm just kidding.

00:26:46I'm just kidding.

00:26:47I'm just kidding.

00:26:48I'm just kidding.

00:26:49I'm just kidding.

00:26:50I'm just kidding.

00:26:51I'm just kidding.

00:26:52I'm just kidding.

00:26:53I'm just kidding.

00:26:54I'm just kidding.

00:26:55I'm just kidding.

00:26:56Um...

00:26:57If you like...

00:26:58Let me...

00:26:59Can I ask you a question?

00:27:00Like a honest question?

00:27:02Of course.

00:27:03Um...

00:27:05I...

00:27:09I don't mean to offend or anything like that but...

00:27:11You're not supposed to offend me.

00:27:12I'm, um, played by the rules

00:27:15I'm not a cheater.

00:27:16Okay.

00:27:17Okay.

00:27:18I'm not a cheater anymore.

00:27:19Okay.

00:27:20Okay.

00:27:21It's what I've been doing the last ten years, and that's why I'm here.

00:27:24Can I ask you a question?

00:27:25Yeah.

00:27:26Honest question?

00:27:27Yeah.

00:27:28Was there ever a moment, ever in that fraction of a second, was there a fraction of a fraction

00:27:35of a second where you thought to yourself when you were reffing that game, I'm not going

00:27:40to call Bobby Dukes out?

00:27:42No.

00:27:43No.

00:27:44You know?

00:27:45I mean, I'll never forget that day.

00:27:47You know?

00:27:48There I am.

00:27:49It was probably like my twelfth game of reffing, like big game reffing, and just to see him

00:27:55wipe.

00:27:56It was amazing.

00:27:57It was like the whole world just stopped and I saw it all in slow motion and I didn't have

00:28:01any chance to think.

00:28:02It was just like...

00:28:03Do you want to be part of a myth?

00:28:06Um...

00:28:07Sure.

00:28:08Let's create one.

00:28:09Okay.

00:28:10Okay.

00:28:11Yeah.

00:28:12Yeah.

00:28:13Alright.

00:28:14Alright.

00:28:15Hi.

00:28:16How are you?

00:28:17Good to see you.

00:28:18Come in here.

00:28:19Come in here.

00:28:20Oh, hey.

00:28:21Hey.

00:28:22Hi.

00:28:23Hey.

00:28:24Hi.

00:28:25I'm on the patch.

00:28:26Oh, I'm not supposed to do any interviews.

00:28:27No, no, no.

00:28:28This is...

00:28:29This is...

00:28:30Hi, guys.

00:28:31Hi.

00:28:32This is not just an interview.

00:28:33No, this is um...

00:28:34This is a movie that they're making.

00:28:35I met these guys the other day.

00:28:36I met these guys over at Bill's when I was getting all the registration in order.

00:28:41What...

00:28:42What is the...

00:28:43What is the movie about, Sam Brown?

00:28:44It's a movie about...

00:28:45It's a paintball movie.

00:28:46It's a documentary, right guys?

00:28:47And um...

00:28:48Because if you can't do it, let Sam Brown help you do it.

00:28:51I saw Bill there.

00:28:52They're putting together a bunch of new teams.

00:28:54I saw um...

00:28:55Who cares about new teams?

00:28:57What you care about is heat, right?

00:28:59What you want is action in your life.

00:29:01What you want is Sam Brown in your life.

00:29:03That's right.

00:29:04It's like a hot stove.

00:29:05You put your hand on a stove, it's like...

00:29:07Ow!

00:29:08My hand!

00:29:09Yeah, they can't...

00:29:10They can't have a paintball movie with just Bobby Duke.

00:29:11They gotta have Sam Brown in this.

00:29:13And now Sam Brown is uh...

00:29:15Is who you should be focusing on.

00:29:17Why did you say his name?

00:29:19Uh, they uh...

00:29:20Were there with uh...

00:29:21They saw uh...

00:29:23Uh, Bobby...

00:29:24Bobby came back to do the uh...

00:29:27Tournament.

00:29:28Sam has a practice range on the roof.

00:29:30What?

00:29:31If you guys want to come afterwards.

00:29:32He's got a high-powered precision...

00:29:34Wait a second.

00:29:35Bobby Dukes did what...

00:29:36You saw Bobby Dukes?

00:29:38I saw him for like five minutes.

00:29:40Like two minutes.

00:29:42Is he competing?

00:29:43Is that what's happening now?

00:29:44Apparently he's competing.

00:29:45He's putting together...

00:29:46Cause you're not saying anything.

00:29:47Why don't you guys say something?

00:29:48Is he...

00:29:49Apparently.

00:29:50Apparently.

00:29:51Oh really?

00:29:52He's putting a team together.

00:29:53Alright, well you know what he gets?

00:29:54Is a paintball right between the eyes from this guy.

00:29:57Can you guys come back in like ten?

00:29:59How's ten for you guys?

00:30:01You guys go have a smoke?

00:30:03I'll tell you what I'll be doing in ten minutes.

00:30:06That's probably martial arts.

00:30:15That's like if Bobby Dukes was right there.

00:30:21What do we got?

00:30:22Um...

00:30:23449.

00:30:24449.

00:30:25Eddie Reynolds.

00:30:26Okay.

00:30:27This guy...

00:30:28A little rough around the edges but...

00:30:30I think you'll be into it.

00:30:31Okay.

00:30:32He's a friend of mine so let me do the...

00:30:33Kind of the thumb of the top.

00:30:34Alright, it's all yours.

00:30:35Alright.

00:30:39Who the hell are those guys?

00:30:41Uh, these guys are...

00:30:42Cameramen.

00:30:43Cameramen.

00:30:44They're just following us around.

00:30:45What the hell do you want from me?

00:30:46Is this some kind of TV busted show?

00:30:48Because that's bullshit.

00:30:49I got your letters.

00:30:50And I haven't been down there since I got them.

00:30:52Alright?

00:30:53Uh...

00:30:54You gotta come to my house and bust my balls?

00:30:56Bring a camera crew?

00:30:58It's not really like that.

00:30:59I mean...

00:31:00We want to ask you if you want to be on a team.

00:31:05You serious?

00:31:06Yeah.

00:31:07Yeah.

00:31:08Can we just talk to you for a second?

00:31:10Are you a cop?

00:31:12No.

00:31:13Let me see your hands.

00:31:16You too, Jack-Off.

00:31:17All of you motherfuckers.

00:31:19Just show him your hands, guys.

00:31:21No.

00:31:23Anybody follow you?

00:31:24No.

00:31:25No.

00:31:26Nothing we know of.

00:31:27Alright.

00:31:32Alright, get in here.

00:31:33Come on, move, move.

00:31:34Get in there.

00:31:35Move it.

00:31:36You sure nobody came in?

00:31:38No one followed you?

00:31:39No.

00:31:40No, no.

00:31:42Alright, what the hell's going on?

00:31:44Uh, this is Bobby Dukes.

00:31:45Yeah?

00:31:46And, uh...

00:31:47You know the tournament that's coming up?

00:31:48Tribe Valley Tournament?

00:31:49Yeah, Lenny, I know all about the tournament.

00:31:51I also know I haven't been allowed to train for the tournament.

00:31:53Because someone keeps me out of there.

00:31:55Alright, it's not my job.

00:31:56It's the regulations of the field.

00:31:58I told you that.

00:31:59That's bullshit, Lenny.

00:32:00You're the one out there making the call.

00:32:02Don't hide behind fucking regulations there, you fucking buttermilk princess.

00:32:05That son of a bitch has kicked me out of more matches...

00:32:07over bullshit calls.

00:32:09Okay?

00:32:10He says I'm dead when I'm not.

00:32:11I have never...

00:32:12I have never taken a real kill shot.

00:32:16Ever.

00:32:17I've never been hit in the head.

00:32:18I've never been hit in the chest.

00:32:19That's a fact, dude.

00:32:20You can check it.

00:32:21Check it.

00:32:22I encourage you to check it.

00:32:23I've been hit in the hand.

00:32:24I've been hit in the foot.

00:32:25I've been hit in the shin.

00:32:26But I've never taken a kill shot.

00:32:28So I say, fuck that.

00:32:29If I'm hit in the leg and I'm out in the shit...

00:32:31for real...

00:32:33I'm still alive.

00:32:34This still works.

00:32:35You know?

00:32:36I'm still lethal.

00:32:38And then you go play paintball...

00:32:40and you got jackoffs like Lenny going, you're out.

00:32:42You're out.

00:32:43No, there's paint on your clothes.

00:32:45I'm like, fuck you, Lenny.

00:32:47Fuck you.

00:32:48What's your story?

00:32:50Well, I'm back after ten years...

00:32:52and we're starting this team and...

00:32:54Fuck it.

00:32:55I'm on it.

00:32:56Let's do it.

00:32:57We want you to play backfield, though.

00:32:58You can't be a taper.

00:32:59God, we don't know.

00:33:00We don't know yet.

00:33:01I mean, we'll...

00:33:02You take backfield, Lenny...

00:33:03and you shove it straight up your ass.

00:33:05You know I'm not a backfield player, Pink Mist.

00:33:08Don't you, Nancy?

00:33:10We're not really sure.

00:33:11We haven't...

00:33:12I'm all offense.

00:33:13Tell you the truth, it's just the two of us right now.

00:33:15Bobby, what is it?

00:33:16Bobby.

00:33:17What?

00:33:18Bobby.

00:33:19Bobby?

00:33:20It's Bobby.

00:33:21Fine.

00:33:22Let me tell you something.

00:33:23I'm all offense, 24-7.

00:33:24I'm in people's face, all right?

00:33:25I'm tenacious.

00:33:26That's good.

00:33:27All right?

00:33:28I like to kick people.

00:33:29I like to get in their face.

00:33:30I like to make them taste the barrel of my gun.

00:33:32All right?

00:33:33That's how I play.

00:33:34Tell you what.

00:33:35If you're not fuckin' with me...

00:33:37I'm not fuckin' with you.

00:33:39All right.

00:33:40Then I'm in.

00:33:41Let's do some damage.

00:33:42Let's do some killin'.

00:33:43Let's get the killin' done.

00:33:45Oh, here's him.

00:33:46This guy is...

00:33:47He works at Concessions today.

00:33:48He's a really good guy.

00:33:49Hey!

00:33:50Hey, man!

00:33:51Hey, it's Lenny!

00:33:52Hey!

00:33:53Hey, what's going on?

00:33:54Lenny, what's going on?

00:33:55Bobby Dukes.

00:33:56Nice to meet you, Jeff.

00:33:57Hey, Bobby, how are you?

00:33:58So, this is Jeff.

00:33:59And Jeff and I work at the paintball field together.

00:34:02You, uh...

00:34:03He says you work at the concession stand.

00:34:04Yeah, yeah.

00:34:05Cool.

00:34:06Mostly, uh...

00:34:07Mostly Powerade and Clif Bars.

00:34:08Uh-huh.

00:34:09Yeah.

00:34:10It's good stuff.

00:34:11So you know your way around the paintball field, then?

00:34:12I got all the stuff.

00:34:13I got all the equipment.

00:34:14Yeah.

00:34:15Yeah.

00:34:16I've played.

00:34:17He's got a nice gun, too.

00:34:18He's got a Bob Long.

00:34:19Really?

00:34:20Yeah.

00:34:21Oh, wow.

00:34:22Yeah.

00:34:23It's a nice...

00:34:24It's a gift.

00:34:25We're putting a team together.

00:34:26Yeah.

00:34:27You interested?

00:34:28Absolutely.

00:34:29I would love to play.

00:34:30Which means, as long as you guys are comfortable with me signing a medical waiver, because I

00:34:33got, um...

00:34:34A couple things.

00:34:35I got, you know...

00:34:36Well, you know I got the sciatica.

00:34:37Yeah.

00:34:38That's not a big deal.

00:34:39I have low periphery vision, which means I can mostly only see a slice straight ahead

00:34:45of a respiratory infection.

00:34:46It's, uh...

00:34:47It's pretty bad.

00:34:48It's like...

00:34:49It's not SARS, but it's something.

00:34:50They can't...

00:34:51They can't figure it out.

00:34:52But, uh...

00:34:53It messes me up.

00:34:54You seen a doctor?

00:34:55I have.

00:34:56A couple in there.

00:34:57They're like, gosh.

00:34:58So, you know...

00:34:59I'll show you what happens.

00:35:00When I run, I get...

00:35:01My breathing gets all...

00:35:02You don't have to run.

00:35:03Show them.

00:35:04I'll run down to that thing over there, and then I'll run back.

00:35:05No, no, no.

00:35:06And you'll see.

00:35:07It's like...

00:35:08You have a condition.

00:35:09Don't show this.

00:35:10Here, hold this.

00:35:11I don't want to exacerbate any...

00:35:12No, no, no.

00:35:13I'll be right back.

00:35:14I'll be right back.

00:35:15Watch him.

00:35:16Watch him.

00:35:17Let him show off for you.

00:35:18Look at him.

00:35:19Look at that.

00:35:20He feels like he has to audition or something.

00:35:21He's pretty fast.

00:35:22Look at that.

00:35:23That's for a guy his size.

00:35:24There's a guy like a...

00:35:25It's like a...

00:35:26He's turning really red.

00:35:27He's limping.

00:35:28He's limping now too, yeah.

00:35:29Should we go?

00:35:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:31Go.

00:35:32Should we go?

00:35:33Yeah, well, maybe I'll come back.

00:35:34Wait.

00:35:35Yeah, let's go.

00:35:36Let's go.

00:35:37We should go.

00:35:38Okay.

00:35:39Hey, what's going on?

00:35:40Oh, hey, hey.

00:35:41Hey.

00:35:42What's up, Betsey?

00:35:43What's up, Betsey?

00:35:44Hey.

00:35:45What's up, Betsey?

00:35:46What's up?

00:35:47Show me.

00:35:48Show me.

00:35:49Show me.

00:35:50Show me.

00:35:51Show me.

00:35:52Show me.

00:35:53Show me.

00:35:54Show me.

00:35:55Hey, showtime.

00:35:56This is Torpedo.

00:35:57This is Kevin.

00:35:58This is Lawrence May.

00:35:59Showtime.

00:36:00Nice to meet you.

00:36:01Nice to meet you.

00:36:02What's going on?

00:36:03Oh, hey, man.

00:36:04I'm catching a pirate.

00:36:05Oh.

00:36:06Who's real or what?

00:36:07It's a pirate with a K.

00:36:08It's not a real pirate, but it works the same.

00:36:10You know, it's just...

00:36:11Paula's killer this year.

00:36:12Yeah, she can get stuff.

00:36:13Yeah.

00:36:14Anything you want.

00:36:15Anything you need.

00:36:16I got this guy a Tickle Me Elmo four years ago.

00:36:19You could not get them anywhere.

00:36:20Wow.

00:36:21He didn't shake, but he laughed.

00:36:22No.

00:36:23Yeah, he laughed very quietly.

00:36:24What position do you see yourself playing?

00:36:26I can pretty much do anything you need me to do.

00:36:31Do you have anything you think you're good at?

00:36:34I got my gun and I'm...

00:36:38He's a tape runner, right?

00:36:41Right, I'm a tape runner.

00:36:43I can tape it up and do whatever you need.

00:36:47You have your own marker?

00:36:49Yeah, I got my own marker.

00:36:50I got my own thing that you put the thing in.

00:36:52Pod?

00:36:53Pod, so...

00:36:55How are you with the bunkers? Can you flip them?

00:36:57Yeah, I can flip-flop the bunkers.

00:37:00Flip-flop them?

00:37:01I can flip the bunkers.

00:37:02Even or odd?

00:37:04Both ways, whatever you need.

00:37:06Wow.

00:37:07Because I need a guy that can do both, even-odd 50-50.

00:37:12Oh, 50-50? Yeah.

00:37:13On the back.

00:37:14Yeah, I can 50-50 it up. Yeah, yeah.

00:37:16Great.

00:37:17I can reverse the tires.

00:37:19That's great, right?

00:37:21Yeah.

00:37:22Yeah.

00:37:23Great.

00:37:24I mean, I don't know if I can fit it in my schedule, but I'd love to play...

00:37:35You'll never be able to do it.

00:37:38Oh, you want to ant-run?

00:37:40I think we've got to go see the other guy.

00:37:42Yeah, it's a little...

00:37:44I've got a lot of stuff I've got to do.

00:37:46Okay, great.

00:37:47Hey, it's great to meet you.

00:37:48Thank you.

00:37:49I'm glad you guys came by.

00:37:50All right.

00:37:51Take care.

00:37:52All right, hey.

00:37:57What is this?

00:37:58He gave me $10.

00:38:00What?

00:38:01When we gave him a hug, he gave me $10.

00:38:02I mean, this is a bribe.

00:38:04He bribed you.

00:38:05But that's okay, though.

00:38:06We want somebody who can...

00:38:07He's paying you $10 to be on the team, Lenny.

00:38:09That's something.

00:38:10I'm just saying.

00:38:11I mean, he was talking about some pretty good stuff.

00:38:13I mean, I didn't even know what you guys were talking about.

00:38:16It's because I was lying, Lenny.

00:38:17I made that stuff up.

00:38:18I made that stuff up.

00:38:19He doesn't know what he's talking about.

00:38:21I made all that stuff up, and he agreed with me and added to it.

00:38:25He made up stuff, too.

00:38:26See, he's lying.

00:38:27He's never played paintball before, ever, ever, ever.

00:38:30He says he's played a lot.

00:38:31No, he's never, ever.

00:38:32Never played.

00:38:33I'll bet you that $10 he's never played paintball.

00:38:35All right, well...

00:38:36Look, from now on, just guys...

00:38:37I'm sorry.

00:38:38No, no, no, that's cool.

00:38:39Guys that just we know have played paintball from now on.

00:38:42All right, well, that's going to narrow the list a little bit.

00:38:46People have picked up a gun.

00:38:48I don't even think he's heard of paintball.

00:38:54Welcome.

00:38:55Hey.

00:38:56You guys are the chosen ones.

00:38:59You chose me.

00:39:01I didn't choose you guys.

00:39:04A lot of people said no to me this week.

00:39:07I was drowning in a sea of no, but you guys said yes.

00:39:11Yeah, yeah.

00:39:13Yeah.

00:39:14Yeah.

00:39:15Do you guys know what today is?

00:39:17It's a fucking good day to die.

00:39:18Today is...

00:39:19Good day to kill it.

00:39:20Today is Puerto Rican Day.

00:39:22What?

00:39:23Yeah.

00:39:24And that's neither here nor there, but that provides a marker for you guys.

00:39:30Bobby saw me playing video games.

00:39:32He liked my hand-eye coordination.

00:39:33He's like...

00:39:34And what he told me was that type of hand-eye coordination can be translated to paintball.

00:39:40Every year on Puerto Rican Day, you'll be able to say, I was there.

00:39:44I was there the day we beat Mayhem.

00:39:47I was there the day we were allowed in the Classic.

00:39:50I want to screw it to Mayhem.

00:39:51Yeah.

00:39:52I want to stick it in their fucking ear.

00:39:54They're not Puerto Rican, are they?

00:39:56Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.

00:39:58Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.

00:40:00Let's do this.

00:40:01Yo.

00:40:02Let's do this.

00:40:03Let's do it.

00:40:04Let's do this.

00:40:05Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:06Let's do this.

00:40:07Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:09I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:11Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:12I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:14Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:15I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:17Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:18I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:20Yo, my name is Clifford the Big Red Murderer.

00:40:23And I'm fucking serving you with a gallon of paint.

00:40:26Straight to your dome.

00:40:28You're like Macaulay Culkin.

00:40:29Home alone, yo.

00:40:31I'll fucking take my bone and fucking stick it right in your asshole.

00:40:36You guys are a team.

00:40:38As of right now, you're a band of brothers.

00:40:41Woo!

00:40:42Embrace.

00:40:43Hold hands.

00:40:44I want you guys to hold hands.

00:40:45Come on.

00:40:46Hold hands, Eddie.

00:40:47No, I don't want to fucking hold hands.

00:40:48Hold hands.

00:40:49Hold hands.

00:40:50Huh?

00:40:52Touch the other's flesh.

00:40:54You're a band.

00:40:55Eddie, you're the bass guitar.

00:40:57You got four strings.

00:40:59But you're really a percussion instrument.

00:41:02I like the bass thing.

00:41:03Yeah.

00:41:04Because that reminds me of Gene Simmons.

00:41:05Showtime.

00:41:06You're a guitar.

00:41:07You're an electric guitar.

00:41:08But you've got a series of pedals.

00:41:10And you can sound any way you want.

00:41:14Erica, you're a little splash cymbal.

00:41:19You're tiny, and you're beautiful, and you're shiny.

00:41:21But you make a loud, loud noise.

00:41:24And Lenny, you're a piccolo.

00:41:30No, no.

00:41:31What?

00:41:33Totally, totally, Bobby.

00:41:34Totally.

00:41:35He is a piccolo.

00:41:36Four fathers carried into battle.

00:41:39Who?

00:41:40What?

00:41:41I played recorder in school.

00:41:42So let's go out there, and let's get in a tournament.

00:41:45Who's with me?

00:41:46I'm with you.

00:41:47Who's with me?

00:41:48I'm with you.

00:41:49I don't know why, but I am.

00:41:50You're with me.

00:41:51Yeah.

00:41:52Let's kill.

00:41:53Let's kill.

00:41:54Let's kill.

00:41:55Guys, I don't know about you, but I'm here for the long haul.

00:41:56I'll see you on the other side.

00:41:57Shut up.

00:41:58Let's kill.

00:41:59Let's kill.

00:42:00Let's kill.

00:42:01You all better get your asses and your hands wired together.

00:42:03Because when I'm out on the fucking battlefield, I'm killing.

00:42:06And I don't stop.

00:42:08Right, Bob?

00:42:09Unless someone's already shot.

00:42:10Then you can stop.

00:42:11No.

00:42:12Yeah.

00:42:13All right.

00:42:14Really?

00:42:15Yeah.

00:42:16OK.

00:42:17Then I'll stop.

00:42:18Yeah.

00:42:19Yo, what's up, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:20What's up, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:21What's up, you ready to hit?

00:42:22What's up, booyah, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:23I don't think so.

00:42:24I ain't shaking your hand.

00:42:25Whoa, whoa.

00:42:26That's three times you get dissed, B.

00:42:27Yo, we're afraid to fucking go.

00:42:28Yo, yo, yo.

00:42:29Actually, I will shake your hand.

00:42:30What's up?

00:42:31Yeah, man.

00:42:33He wiped his ass with that thing, man.

00:42:35Yeah.

00:42:36Gentlemen and Canadians, can I have your attention, please?

00:42:40To my left is mayhem, hailing from our retarded brother to the north,

00:42:46a bastion of socialism and alcoholism.

00:42:52To my right, we have a hand-picked squad of noble warriors,

00:42:56led by the one and only Bobby Dukes.

00:42:59Bobby Dukes!

00:43:00The winner of this event will be elevated to the Hudson Valley Bank Ball Classic

00:43:05and will not crawl back to their bilingual parliamentary shithole.

00:43:11Please bow your heads to the good American soil.

00:43:17Oh, Bobby Dukes, please kick their ass so hard

00:43:22that their ass goes up their own ass.

00:43:27At the first horn.

00:43:30It's a game, guys. It's a game.

00:43:32Fuck off.

00:43:33Bloop, bloop, bloop.

00:43:35Pop, pop, pop.

00:43:36Eric, come on.

00:43:37Yeah.

00:43:38Bizaz!

00:43:39The words I speak from now on is pop, pop, pop, pop.

00:43:43Look at your bunkers.

00:43:44Okay.

00:43:45Move up.

00:43:46Come on, come on.

00:43:47Oh, yeah. Come on.

00:43:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:49Oh, yeah. Come on.

00:43:50I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:43:51Come on, team. You ready?

00:43:52Ready.

00:43:53Ready?

00:43:54Yeah, team. You ready?

00:43:55Ready.

00:43:56Ready, bitch.

00:43:57Come on.

00:43:59Go.

00:44:00Yeah.

00:44:02I'm here. I'm here.

00:44:05Bell plug in.

00:44:06What?

00:44:07Bell plug in.

00:44:08Oh.

00:44:12I'm going to show you what pain is about.

00:44:16I'm going to kill you.

00:44:17I'm going to kill your mother, motherfucker.

00:44:21My motherfucking gun's jammed, yo.

00:44:23Take it further. Take it further.

00:44:25Get him out of there. Get him out of there.

00:44:29Take his gun.

00:44:31Oh, shit.

00:44:42Man down. Man down. Man down.

00:44:44Jesus Christ.

00:44:45Come on. God damn it.

00:44:46Lenny, get up, you worthless piece of shit.

00:44:48You are a giant, useless pussy.

00:44:50You know that?

00:44:51Take it further. Take it further.

00:44:53I'm going AWOL, motherfucker.

00:44:59Oh, shit.

00:45:01Move your car. Move your car.

00:45:03Move your car. Move your car.

00:45:06What are you doing?

00:45:07I'm just... No.

00:45:09I refuse to believe this is happening.

00:45:10I'm not going to do it.

00:45:11Showtime, pick up your gun.

00:45:13Forget it.

00:45:14Pick up your gun.

00:45:15You pick it up.

00:45:16Bobby, what the fuck?

00:45:17Pick up your fucking gun.

00:45:18Showtime, you got to move.

00:45:19You got to move.

00:45:20You got to move.

00:45:21Shit.

00:45:22Fuck it.

00:45:23Bobby, cover me.

00:45:24You fucking hosers are going down, you fucking hosers.

00:45:34I won't do it.

00:45:35You're the God.

00:45:36You're the God.

00:45:37No.

00:45:38Yo, you're going down like it now, motherfucker.

00:45:42You're the God.

00:45:43You're the God.

00:45:44You're the God.

00:45:45You fucking coward.

00:45:46I'll never forget this.

00:45:47You understand me?

00:45:51Fucker, are you?

00:46:02Come on.

00:46:03Come on.

00:46:04No, I don't want to...

00:46:05Take your gun.

00:46:06I'm going to cover you.

00:46:07I want you to move to that bunker.

00:46:09Thanks a lot, asshole.

00:46:10One, two, three, go.

00:46:16Go.

00:46:20Yeah, you want a piece of this?

00:46:21You want a piece of this?

00:46:23Okay.

00:46:24Barrel plug in.

00:46:25Barrel plug in.

00:46:27Come on, you fucking bitch.

00:46:30Come on, Bobby Duke.

00:46:31Put up your motherfucking duke.

00:46:34Oh, fuck.

00:46:36Let's go.

00:46:37You're out.

00:46:38Come on.

00:46:39Let's go.

00:46:40Let's go.

00:46:41Let's go.

00:46:42Let's go.

00:46:43Get the fuck off me.

00:46:44You're dead.

00:46:45You're dead after the match, bitch.

00:46:46Get your ass up in.

00:46:50Come on.

00:47:03Yeah.

00:47:08Yeah.

00:47:09Yeah.

00:47:10Yeah.

00:47:12Yeah.

00:47:13Yeah.

00:47:14Woo.

00:47:15Yeah.

00:47:16Yeah.

00:47:17Everything is possible.

00:47:20Yeah.

00:47:21Woo.

00:47:22Good job, man.

00:47:23That was awesome.

00:47:25Guys, we were unstoppable.

00:47:27We got a problem, Bob?

00:47:28No.

00:47:29No, I felt it the second half.

00:47:30I started to come around.

00:47:31He was great.

00:47:32What's the matter?

00:47:33Did you wait?

00:47:34No.

00:47:35That's okay.

00:47:36That's all right.

00:47:37That's all right.

00:47:38Cover it up.

00:47:39That's okay.

00:47:40It's scary.

00:47:41It's scary.

00:47:42We won.

00:47:43We'll take care of that.

00:47:44We won.

00:47:45Yeah.

00:47:46Yeah.

00:47:47Two weeks.

00:47:48At the Hudson Valley Pink Ball Classic.

00:47:51Yeah.

00:47:52Yeah.

00:47:56Hey.

00:47:58Hey, good game.

00:47:59Oh, thanks, man.

00:48:00Bobby Dukes.

00:48:01Yeah.

00:48:02Nice to meet you.

00:48:03Crosby.

00:48:04Nice to meet you.

00:48:05Pleasure.

00:48:06Yeah.

00:48:07It's a nice shot, man.

00:48:08You got me right in the face.

00:48:09Oh, I'm sorry.

00:48:10No, it was a great shot.

00:48:11I was aiming for your...

00:48:12I choked, man.

00:48:13I choked.

00:48:14No.

00:48:15You're great.

00:48:16You're great.

00:48:17I'm sorry about those other guys, man.

00:48:18What's the deal with them?

00:48:19I think they're both gangster rappers, you know?

00:48:21I'm not into that.

00:48:22That's not my scene.

00:48:23I mean, you know, it sounds stupid coming from a paintball player, but I'm just not

00:48:27into all that violence and stuff.

00:48:28No, no.

00:48:29What do you mean?

00:48:30These guys think they're just like...

00:48:31I didn't even understand that, but I did understand that you weren't really...

00:48:33Yeah, I'm not into the booyaka.

00:48:34I mean, they...

00:48:35You know.

00:48:36I'm just...

00:48:37That's just not my scene.

00:48:38Do you have to go back to Canada?

00:48:39What?

00:48:40No.

00:48:41No.

00:48:42Well, what do you mean?

00:48:43No.

00:48:44I mean, I just...

00:48:45I work with those guys.

00:48:46I want you to be on the team.

00:48:48Your team?

00:48:51Yeah.

00:48:52What do you mean?

00:48:53Yeah.

00:48:54I need somebody else.

00:48:55My sister's not really a permanent member of the team.

00:48:57Oh, the girl with the helmet?

00:48:58Yeah, so...

00:49:00I'm looking for someone and they want to play with me, so...

00:49:04I'll play with you, man.

00:49:05Is that...

00:49:06Yeah?

00:49:07Yeah.

00:49:08You can stick around?

00:49:09These guys aren't gonna...

00:49:10Nah, they'll be fine.

00:49:11Okay.

00:49:12I'm excited, man.

00:49:13I mean, I've heard so much about him.

00:49:14I mean, I...

00:49:15I'm sure, like...

00:49:16Not everything can be true that they say about him, but...

00:49:19He just seems like a cool cat, you know?

00:49:21He reminds me of, uh...

00:49:24You ever read Dharma Bums?

00:49:26The character Jaffe Ryder in Dharma Bums?

00:49:28My mom gave me that book when I was little, cause she used to...

00:49:31Um...

00:49:32I don't know if you've ever read Electric Cool at Acid Test, but she was Mountain Girl's friend.

00:49:38She was Mountain Girl's friend, and, uh...

00:49:40I don't know.

00:49:41He's, uh...

00:49:42I think Bobby Dukes is the real deal.

00:49:45Hey!

00:49:46Hey!

00:49:47Did he?

00:49:48Yeah, he's in.

00:49:49Awesome!

00:49:50We got Crosby!

00:49:51On the team!

00:49:52Tall guy that was on Mayhem.

00:49:53The really tall guy that didn't really fit in.

00:49:55Oh, the last guy, yeah!

00:49:56Yeah, the gym guy.

00:49:57Got him right in the face.

00:49:58That was awesome, did you see that?

00:49:59He's gonna be on the team?

00:50:00Yeah!

00:50:01That's great!

00:50:02Isn't he great?

00:50:03He's good!

00:50:04Oh, yeah, he's great.

00:50:05So, this means that...

00:50:06I hope you don't mind...

00:50:07Do you mind if we move you to the bench?

00:50:10Okay.

00:50:12Yeah?

00:50:13What do you mean?

00:50:14To just make you an alternate?

00:50:15To sit on the bench?

00:50:16Yeah, to sub.

00:50:17Instead of play.

00:50:19Oh!

00:50:20Yeah!

00:50:21Was I on the team?

00:50:22I was on the team?

00:50:24Of course you were!

00:50:25Yeah!

00:50:26You didn't know that?

00:50:27No!

00:50:28Yeah, you were on the team!

00:50:29Of course!

00:50:30That's how we all played together.

00:50:31Oh my god!

00:50:32You guys!

00:50:33That's so sweet!

00:50:35No!

00:50:36Oh, you guys!

00:50:37Thank you!

00:50:38Yeah!

00:50:39No, I...

00:50:40Yeah, sure!

00:50:41I'll sit on the...

00:50:42Yeah!

00:50:43Okay!

00:50:44Alright.

00:50:45Good.

00:50:46I'm just gonna...

00:50:47I'm gonna beat.

00:50:48So, I'm just gonna sit here for a second.

00:50:50Okay.

00:50:51Alright?

00:50:52Yeah, I gotta just make sure that my...

00:50:53I wanna squeeze you out my barrel and stuff.

00:50:55I wanna see how he does his gun so I know.

00:50:57Yeah.

00:50:58That's cool.

00:50:59I think I got a paint jam or something.

00:51:00Felt a little wonky.

00:51:02Okay.

00:51:04I...

00:51:05You know...

00:51:06I...

00:51:07I came here with Eddie, so...

00:51:10He picked me up in my car, you know, so I just...

00:51:13Oh, you need to go?

00:51:14No, no, he's...

00:51:15I think he left.

00:51:16I mean, I can hang out, you know,

00:51:18see what's going on.

00:51:19Close it down or something?

00:51:20Yeah.

00:51:23You wanna ride?

00:51:24You wanna ride?

00:51:25With you?

00:51:26Yeah!

00:51:27You don't have to stay, right?

00:51:28You don't have to.

00:51:29No, no, I can go, I can go.

00:51:30Oh, I didn't understand!

00:51:31Oh, yeah, no!

00:51:32Oh, no!

00:51:33I mean, I don't wanna impose.

00:51:34Oh, no!

00:51:35Is it not an inconvenience?

00:51:36No, it's not an inconvenience.

00:51:37Okay.

00:51:38Well, then...

00:51:39Oh, sure!

00:51:40Alright, I'll come with you.

00:51:41Okay.

00:51:42Okay, I'll pay for gas or whatever.

00:51:43No, no.

00:51:44You wanna meet me in the parking lot?

00:51:45I'll meet you in the parking...

00:51:46Alright, yeah, okay.

00:51:47I'm just gonna...

00:51:48I'm just gonna change, so...

00:51:49Okay.

00:51:50Okay.

00:51:51Okay.

00:51:52Well, okay.

00:51:53Okay.

00:51:55Looks good, looks really good.

00:51:56Alright.

00:51:57Alright.

00:51:58I hope it's okay.

00:51:59Everybody bow your heads, please.

00:52:01Oh, absolutely.

00:52:03Make us a...

00:52:06Make us your fist, Lord.

00:52:08Help us deliver your fist

00:52:10into the face of anybody who stands before us.

00:52:13Also, Lord, you know,

00:52:15I know it's probably not proper to, you know,

00:52:17ask you to be on a side,

00:52:19or to have to choose sides,

00:52:21but I'm gonna go ahead and do it

00:52:22because I think we're right,

00:52:24so I'm gonna go ahead and ask you now, Lord,

00:52:25to be with us and not our opponents

00:52:28and help us to crush those who stand before us

00:52:31and may this food nourish us.

00:52:33In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

00:52:34Amen.

00:52:35Amen.

00:52:36Amen.

00:52:37That was beautiful.

00:52:38Unless you don't believe in Jesus, amen.

00:52:41No, we don't get mad.

00:52:42Yeah, yeah, we don't have to.

00:52:44I do believe in Jesus,

00:52:45I'm just saying for other people.

00:52:46I'm saying for everyone around the table

00:52:47and anyone, you know.

00:52:48That's all.

00:52:49If you don't believe in Jesus,

00:52:51you know the food's alright, too.

00:52:55You sign it, you fucking metal!

00:52:57You sign it, you fucking metal!

00:52:59Old man!

00:53:01I ain't paying that dope Calrissian.

00:53:03Let's take one step across the age.

00:53:07That means stop.

00:53:16This is Guru, that's his real name.

00:53:20We're gonna learn a mind-body exercise

00:53:22because in the paintball field,

00:53:23you can't rely on your eyes.

00:53:25You have to see without seeing.

00:53:33Go!

00:53:50Open your eyes, Bobby!

00:53:52Whoa.

00:53:53Don't!

00:53:58Yeah, yeah.

00:53:59That's easy.

00:54:01That's easy.

00:54:02Now take the costumes off, put all the electronics away, and I'd say Fanny packs off for this

00:54:10one?

00:54:11Yeah, that's fine.

00:54:12Now let's do some drills.

00:54:13Bobby Dukes, you know, big time player, fine.

00:54:40He knows who's a player and who's not.

00:54:42He knows who's got the goods and who doesn't.

00:54:44He knows who's the shit, and he knows who isn't.

00:54:48I was number one on his list, clearly, because I brand him.

00:54:50I was the first one picked.

00:54:53Every genius is truly ambidextrous, and every paintball player is a true genius.

00:54:58You've got to be able to work both sides of the bunker.

00:55:01You have angles over here, you have angles over here, so you're able to switch, right?

00:55:09There you go.

00:55:10You've got to work out both arms.

00:55:12No, you've got to use the opposite leg, you know, like, oh, yeah, good, good, good, good.

00:55:21Lead with your opposite leg, lead with your opposite, good slide, good slide.

00:55:26He's rallied together a group of misfits because he saw something in them that nobody else

00:55:30did, and it's almost like it's not even about him, it's about us.

00:55:36You ready for this, honey?

00:55:41You ready?

00:55:42Yeah.

00:55:43I once had a massage in Japan.

00:55:44I cried.

00:55:45I laughed.

00:55:46You know, I messed myself.

00:55:47No control over my, you know, bladder, bladder.

00:55:48You messed on yourself.

00:55:49Hey, hey, hey, relax, relax, relax.

00:55:50Relax.

00:55:51Relax.

00:55:52Relax.

00:55:53Give yourself more tension, and you're just going to work against this massage.

00:56:15Yeah, just relax.

00:56:18Yeah, you're right, you're right, I shouldn't.

00:56:21All right, all right.

00:56:22Okay.

00:56:23Just go a little bit easier. And breathe. Remember to breathe.

00:56:26Okay?

00:56:27Okay. I'll breathe. I'll breathe.

00:56:28All right. Hey, guys. Sorry about that.

00:56:30I'd like to try it again if that's all right.

00:56:33Is that all right?

00:56:35Lenny, is that all right?

00:56:36Yeah.

00:56:37Okay. I'll explain it a little better.

00:56:39I don't think I explained it well enough the first time.

00:56:43So what I'd like to do is jumping jacks.

00:56:47And I'll count one, two, three.

00:56:52And then after I say three, then you say one.

00:56:54And then I'll say one, two, three again.

00:56:56And then you'll say two.

00:56:57And then I'll say one, two, three.

00:56:59And we'll go up to ten.

00:57:00Okay.

00:57:01Why don't we just do 30 jumping jacks?

00:57:03That is 30 jumping jacks. God damn it.

00:57:06It's important that we get the count right, though.

00:57:08Come on. A little fire. A little hunger.

00:57:11A little desire. A little passion.

00:57:13God damn.

00:57:14One.

00:57:15Okay. No, not yet. Not yet.

00:57:17Let's let him start.

00:57:19Okay. All right.

00:57:21Prepare to exercise. Ready?

00:57:23Ready.

00:57:24Exercise!

00:57:25One, two, three.

00:57:27One.

00:57:28Two.

00:57:29One, two, three.

00:57:30Two.

00:57:31Two.

00:57:32I can't just say two.

00:57:33I've seen moments when Lenny acts like a man.

00:57:39There are few and far between.

00:57:42But every now and then there's a glimpse of passion and heat and fire and a killer instinct.

00:57:48And it comes up to the surface and then retreats back into his pussy hole.

00:57:53Come on!

00:57:55Hey, hey, hey. All right!

00:57:58That's what I'm talking about.

00:58:02Beat it. Beat it. Don't force it. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

00:58:07Stop it. Stop it.

00:58:08I'm sorry.

00:58:12Think about eating poop out of a bowl.

00:58:15Pull!

00:58:17Pull!

00:58:18Pull!

00:58:19Pull!

00:58:20Pull!

00:58:21Pull!

00:58:22Pull!

00:58:23Pull!

00:58:26Let him down. Let him down.

00:58:29Let him down. Snap!

00:58:32Don't go up to the same place twice!

00:58:34I can't figure out Crosby.

00:58:37He's awesome.

00:58:39He's got potential.

00:58:42But, again, we've got a big sissy problem on this team.

00:58:45Okay, good.

00:58:46And then down, back into downward dog.

00:58:51And up dog.

00:58:54Oh yeah, you feel that?

00:58:56Paintball's really the first thing that I've ever done for myself

00:58:59that I thought was cool, you know?

00:59:02My mom would absolutely kill me if she knew I was doing this,

00:59:05but it's like the best thing that's ever happened for me.

00:59:08Awww.

00:59:17I like this. I like it when I play it.

00:59:20Go!

00:59:23It's okay.

00:59:24Get your whole body up.

00:59:25Snap your whole body up.

00:59:28Short time, get on both hands on the gun.

00:59:30Both hands on the gun.

00:59:32Bobby gave me interest in myself.

00:59:34Before, I didn't have any what I referred to as interest in myself.

00:59:37I thought I was bored.

00:59:38I wouldn't even say bored.

00:59:39I had no interest in who I was.

00:59:41So what I want you to do is pretend that you have mono.

00:59:44I want you to lie down on the ground and relax.

00:59:47Recount the movie Vision Quest.

00:59:49If you don't know it, you know, just, I don't know,

00:59:52picture a different movie.

00:59:54It's the one where he walks up the stairs with a log, right?

00:59:56Yes, he's a wrestler.

00:59:58Snap up!

00:59:59You can't be afraid of the paintballs.

01:00:02No!

01:00:05Hold!

01:00:07I think that my place on a paintball team is behind the bunker in case.

01:00:12I mean, it's just in case, like a just in case person.

01:00:16Go!

01:00:21Down!

01:00:24Up!

01:00:31Reload!

01:00:33Go!

01:00:38Yeah!

01:00:40I found it!

01:00:41Come here!

01:00:42I found it!

01:00:44Woah!

01:00:45Woah!

01:00:46Yeah!

01:00:47I found it!

01:00:49And it's all right!

01:00:54Now all you gotta do is, let me see it.

01:01:05Come on!

01:01:06Yeah!

01:01:07Come on!

01:01:08Whoa!

01:01:09PlayStation 6.

01:01:10Yeah.

01:01:11Bunko Squad.

01:01:12I like that.

01:01:13Hornet Blast.

01:01:14They'll Be Back.

01:01:16Dirty Almost Half Dozen.

01:01:18Santa's Elves.

01:01:19Pfft.

01:01:21Alright.

01:01:22Uh, Death Squad.

01:01:23Yeah!

01:01:24Death Merchant.

01:01:25Woo!

01:01:26And then Death Merchants.

01:01:27No, goddammit, I just said merchants plural.

01:01:29Just take the first one off.

01:01:30Okay. Fiberglass Diaper.

01:01:31Yeah.

01:01:32Guppies.

01:01:33Sweet Tooth.

01:01:34Uh, I like Sweet Tooth too. That's cute.

01:01:36What happened to...

01:01:37Well, I mean, I think that's fresh in everybody's mind.

01:01:40What's the name of the clown from Twisted Metal?

01:01:42I like Sweet Tooth.

01:01:44What about Front Kick to the Sternum?

01:01:45True Colors.

01:01:46Front Kick to the Sternum.

01:01:47Guys, I think...

01:01:48Did you even write it down, Lenny?

01:01:50We're just going through the ones we have now, and then we'll...

01:01:52Turdberg.

01:01:53We'll go through another round once we're done.

01:01:55I just think we just keep on going around and around.

01:01:58Rounds, rounds, the rounds.

01:02:00The rounds.

01:02:02Can't just be rounds.

01:02:04Everybody's gonna go, hey, there's the rounds.

01:02:06How's it going? Fats?

01:02:08Fat ass, fatso, round fat boys?

01:02:11Fatties?

01:02:13It needs to be like a bullet.

01:02:14People need to know that it's a round, like a put in the chamber.

01:02:17To me, it just reminds me of the whole cyclical nature of the universe, you know?

01:02:20There's the life-death cycle, there's winners and losers.

01:02:23Take tomorrow off.

01:02:25Lenny, stop fucking crying.

01:02:26Take tomorrow off.

01:02:27And I don't want you guys to think about the game at all.

01:02:30Okay?

01:02:31I don't want you to think about the game.

01:02:32I don't want you to think about anything we've done all week long.

01:02:35I want you to go through your normal routine.

01:02:37Whatever it is you do when you're not thinking about paintball, I want you to do that.

01:02:41Because trust that it's there.

01:02:43Because it is.

01:02:44Put it in here. Put it in here.

01:02:45Lenny, come on.

01:02:46God damn it, turn it up.

01:02:47Let me just grab a camera for this.

01:02:51All right, come on, Lenny.

01:02:52Okay.

01:02:53All right, on three.

01:02:54Wait, I can't.

01:02:55It's a mess.

01:02:58Damn it.

01:02:59Ready?

01:03:00Oh, sorry.

01:03:02One, two, three, roll!

01:03:05Zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zay.

01:03:08Zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zumba, zay.

01:03:12Hold them down, you Zulu warrior.

01:03:15Hold them down, you Zulu chief, chief, chief, chief, chief.

01:03:19And then you'd come in with zumba, zumba, zumba.

01:03:21It's a round.

01:03:24It's like row, row, row your boat.

01:03:25You don't have to do it.

01:03:33Eddie.

01:03:35Eddie, I need you.

01:03:37Come on, give me a little help.

01:03:39Give me a little help, Lenny.

01:03:40Lenny, come on, get my back.

01:03:42Get my back, Lenny.

01:03:43All right, here we go.

01:03:45Just come follow me.

01:03:46Shout at me.

01:03:48Another river rat down.

01:03:50Look at that, Eddie.

01:03:51We did it together.

01:03:53Oh, hey.

01:03:54Hey.

01:03:55Hey.

01:03:56Hey.

01:03:57What are you doing?

01:03:58Oh, just, um, I'm looking at the play in a three-dimensional way because it's like, you know.

01:04:04I told you to take the day off, Lenny.

01:04:06I told you no paintball today.

01:04:07No paintball, no nothing.

01:04:09You got to take a day off from paintball.

01:04:11I just had these guys laying around.

01:04:13It was no big deal, you know.

01:04:15You have a lot of He-Man figures.

01:04:19I wanted to, uh, to give you this.

01:04:21My little...

01:04:22Your notebook?

01:04:23My little notebook, yeah.

01:04:24You know, I just write down little, like, ideas and, you know, haikus and mystical bullshit.

01:04:30I don't know.

01:04:31I don't, you know, you might not even be able to read my writing.

01:04:33I just want you to have that.

01:04:34Maybe you'll, I don't know, maybe get something out of it.

01:04:36Maybe not.

01:04:37Just put it in a drawer.

01:04:38This is your, uh, your notebook.

01:04:42Yeah, I just, I really appreciate, you know, all your help putting together the team.

01:04:47I couldn't have done it without you.

01:04:51Thank you.

01:04:52I couldn't do it without you.

01:04:54Thank you.

01:04:55Yes, you could have.

01:05:00Thank you.

01:05:01Put these away.

01:05:02Go watch TV or something.

01:05:03Get some sleep.

01:05:04I'll see you later.

01:05:05I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

01:05:06Get some sleep.

01:05:07Yeah, you get some sleep.

01:05:08All right.

01:05:10Bobby, um, I had a question, um.

01:05:17You know Erica.

01:05:19My sister Erica?

01:05:20Yeah, I know her.

01:05:22She's not, is she dating?

01:05:23I mean, is she, does she have a boyfriend?

01:05:26Um, no.

01:05:29I don't think so.

01:05:30Okay, cool.

01:05:31I, some guy was asking and I was like, I'd ask you.

01:05:34Really?

01:05:35What guy was asking?

01:05:36Um, guy at the deli.

01:05:40Oh, okay.

01:05:41He wasn't, he didn't work there.

01:05:42Okay, cool.

01:05:43We just bumped into him.

01:05:44Right, right, right.

01:05:45I'll tell him.

01:05:46All right, tell him, yeah, that I don't think she's dating anybody.

01:05:48Well, uh, if I see him.

01:05:51See you later, man.

01:05:55The match is back on.

01:05:56All right, here we go.

01:05:58The match is the best match we've ever seen out here today.

01:06:01Letting pair is unstoppable.

01:06:04That is right.

01:06:05What does Erica say from the crowd?

01:06:07Yes, yes.

01:06:10You know, I gotta admit, sometimes when I don't know what you guys are talking about, I just pretend like I do.

01:06:14I do the same thing.

01:06:15Really?

01:06:16Yeah.

01:06:17Yeah, I do that.

01:06:18I do that all the time with you guys.

01:06:19I don't understand a goddamn word you say half the time, but I'm, I'm on a team, you know, so.

01:06:23Yeah, I do understand.

01:06:24I do understand.

01:06:25Yeah.

01:06:26Speaking of which, by the way, Bobby, I want you to know something.

01:06:29Yeah.

01:06:30When I get my first kill today, I'm gonna tear off a piece of their clothing, and I'm giving it to you as a prize.

01:06:36I can't scalper it.

01:06:37No, stop.

01:06:38Don't do that.

01:06:39All right, man.

01:06:40Erica was supposed to be here.

01:06:41Yeah.

01:06:43I'm ready, Joe.

01:06:44Good.

01:06:45Oh, she is.

01:06:46You know why, you know why I've been working out my, my right hand as much as my left hand?

01:06:50Because when we hold up the trophy, I want to make sure I can hold it on either side.

01:06:53Now you're talking, Lenny.

01:06:55Nice.

01:06:56Hey!

01:06:57Let's go, let's go kill somebody.

01:06:58Hey!

01:06:59Hey!

01:07:00Hey!

01:07:01Hey!

01:07:05Hey!

01:07:06Hey!

01:07:09I got something better than Spock!

01:07:11Whoa, that's so cool!

01:07:13Oh my gosh, what is this?

01:07:16What the hell is that?

01:07:17Okay, wait.

01:07:19No.

01:07:20Oh!

01:07:21No way!

01:07:22Oh!

01:07:23Oh!

01:07:24Oh!

01:07:25Oh!

01:07:26Wait, no, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop!

01:07:28I want to do it.

01:07:29I have, I'm going to do it nice.

01:07:31Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:33That's mine!

01:07:34Woo!

01:07:35Hair.

01:07:36Awesome!

01:07:37Showtime.

01:07:38It says Showtime.

01:07:39They call you Showtime.

01:07:40Yeah.

01:07:41Hey, check it!

01:07:42V-Force!

01:07:43Yeah!

01:07:44V-Force.

01:07:45They only got a fan inside.

01:07:46How cool is that?

01:07:47Okay, well, there's more, so.

01:07:48No!

01:07:49Yes.

01:07:50What do you do when you, when you do, when you do paintball?

01:07:51What do you do?

01:07:52Cover.

01:07:53Shoot people.

01:07:54Shoot people.

01:07:55Shoot people.

01:07:56Shoot people.

01:07:57Shoot people.

01:07:58Yeah.

01:07:59What do you shoot people with?

01:08:00A marker.

01:08:01Paint.

01:08:02Paint.

01:08:03A marker!

01:08:04A gun?

01:08:05A gun!

01:08:06A marker!

01:08:07No way.

01:08:08What?

01:08:09Oh, my God!

01:08:10Oh!

01:08:11Oh!

01:08:12Yes!

01:08:13Give me a gun!

01:08:14Get out of my fucking way.

01:08:15I use this one.

01:08:16This one's Black Death.

01:08:17I named it Black Death.

01:08:18Fucking taste it.

01:08:19Stay down.

01:08:20Stay down, bitch.

01:08:21An Icon-E!

01:08:22This is the coolest thing ever!

01:08:23Thank you so much!

01:08:25Thank you so much!

01:08:30This is awesome.

01:08:31Check it out!

01:08:32Woo!

01:08:33Back at you!

01:08:34Fucking taste my fucking heat!

01:08:35Robot, robot.

01:08:36That's your middle finger.

01:08:37Like this.

01:08:38See what I'm doing?

01:08:39Yeah.

01:08:40Yeah, I don't know.

01:08:41It's easy.

01:08:42It's easy.

01:08:43I think he's being dirty.

01:08:44No, Erica, I'm just showing you how to do this.

01:08:45Look.

01:08:46Eddie, you know what?

01:08:47I know what you're doing.

01:08:48I know what you're doing.

01:08:49I know what you're doing.

01:08:50I know what you're doing.

01:08:51I know what you're doing.

01:08:52I know what you're doing.

01:08:54Eddie, what?

01:08:56Oh, I want to be in it too, though.

01:08:58How about these guys do it?

01:08:59You busy?

01:09:00One of you guys could do it?

01:09:01Everybody make a sign.

01:09:03Like a round sign.

01:09:04A nonverbal sign.

01:09:06How about the rounds?

01:09:08Rounds.

01:09:09That's a good one.

01:09:10The rounds!

01:09:11Oh!

01:09:12The rounds.

01:09:13That's cool.

01:09:14One, two, three cheese.

01:09:15Rounds

01:09:16Rounds

01:09:17Lets throw this up.

01:09:18Rounds

01:09:19Rounds

01:09:20Rounds

01:09:23Look out, daddy's coming, daddy's coming, daddy's coming, go!

01:09:50If it's too fast, you can hurt somebody.

01:09:59A lot of people still play.

01:10:01That's Sam Brown.

01:10:02That's Sam Brown?

01:10:03That's Sam Brown.

01:10:04Oh, they're shooting right now.

01:10:06I'm going to go Sam Brown for the cover of There's No Dice.

01:10:09I'm going to go up and say hi.

01:10:11Are you sure?

01:10:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:13Fuck you.

01:10:14Okay.

01:10:15Hey, hey, woo, hi.

01:10:16Hi.

01:10:17What's going on?

01:10:18I'm just going to go say hi to Sam.

01:10:19No, no, no, Sam's crying over there.

01:10:23Oh, is this the crew from Fox News?

01:10:26No, no, no, no, these guys are...

01:10:30He's crying by himself?

01:10:31Yeah, no, he's got the court for himself for the moment.

01:10:34Do you guys want autographs?

01:10:35Is that what this is about?

01:10:36I got one.

01:10:38Because we can get a stack of 8x10s and he'd be happy to sign them.

01:10:41He won't personalize them, of course, because it's a busy day.

01:10:43Daniel, Daniel, it's all right, it's all right.

01:10:47You sure?

01:10:48Yeah.

01:10:49All of them?

01:10:50No.

01:10:51Thank you.

01:10:52Nice to meet you.

01:10:53Yeah.

01:10:54How you doing, gentlemen?

01:10:55What's up, dude?

01:10:56How you doing?

01:11:02What's up, dude?

01:11:10Yo, dude!

01:11:11Yo, dude!

01:11:12You're crossing the stream.

01:11:14Don't cross the stream.

01:11:15Can't do that?

01:11:16No.

01:11:17Because I'm Sam Brown and I said so.

01:11:21All right, all right.

01:11:22Dude, dude, dude, dude.

01:11:23She said he could come in.

01:11:24So at the end of the day, it's her fault.

01:11:27This is the...

01:11:28What are you doing, dude?

01:11:29This is the crew from Fox News.

01:11:32What's up, dude?

01:11:33Kyle?

01:11:34As long as the guns are on the counter and the plugs are in, you guys can lift the goggles.

01:11:37Why are you shooting in my space, dude?

01:11:40Hey.

01:11:41Oh, shit.

01:11:42Yeah.

01:11:43Oh, shit.

01:11:44How are you, man?

01:11:45What's up, dude?

01:11:46Hey.

01:11:47Get a load of this guy.

01:11:48Yeah.

01:11:49Get a load of him.

01:11:50Hi, Bobby.

01:11:51Good to see you.

01:11:52Where'd all your hair go?

01:11:54I left it all over.

01:11:57You're...

01:11:58You're gray.

01:11:59Oh, really?

01:12:00Am I gray?

01:12:01No.

01:12:02No.

01:12:03You look great.

01:12:04I'm not.

01:12:05Jet black.

01:12:06Like my pubes.

01:12:08Number one.

01:12:10It's like my jersey.

01:12:13Huh?

01:12:14It says number two.

01:12:15It says number two because I'm the shit.

01:12:17Huh?

01:12:18That's right, baby.

01:12:19I thought you'd take my number.

01:12:21No.

01:12:22No.

01:12:23The real number one is for cheaters, right?

01:12:25That's right.

01:12:26Right?

01:12:28What is this?

01:12:29It's a fancy little jersey you got there.

01:12:30Yeah, well...

01:12:31Somebody donate that stuff to you?

01:12:32Oh, look.

01:12:34Look.

01:12:35Is that your sister?

01:12:36That's Erica.

01:12:37Oh, hi, Erica.

01:12:38We're doing over there with a bunch of Boy Scouts.

01:12:40Fuck you, Sam.

01:12:41I'm on a team, Sam.

01:12:42Oh, Troop 11-42.

01:12:44Bobby, what he's saying is fuck off.

01:12:45Okay?

01:12:46He's saying fuck off.

01:12:47I got it, I got it.

01:12:48Bobby Dukes can fuck off.

01:12:49Look right here, dude.

01:12:51He's locking it up.

01:12:54As cool as ice.

01:12:55You remember that.

01:12:58Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:00Hey, good luck in this thing, right?

01:13:01Yeah, I'll see you out there.

01:13:03Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:04Hey, Bobby.

01:13:05Are you going to play, too?

01:13:06Bobby.

01:13:07Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:08I'd love to get you in a suit and get you out there.

01:13:10I don't.

01:13:11Bobby.

01:13:12I don't shoot things.

01:13:13It's not.

01:13:14Don't forget to wipe.

01:13:15Very cliche.

01:13:16Don't forget to wipe.

01:13:18These small potatoes.

01:13:19Listen, I got a charity booking for you at the Luxor.

01:13:21A bunch of kids with cancer.

01:13:23Some sort of make-a-wish thing.

01:13:24I was listening with half an ear.

01:13:25I'll shoot the fuck out of those kids.

01:13:26You don't have to take that.

01:13:27He's a jerk.

01:13:28He's such a jerk.

01:13:29I can't believe he's the champion.

01:13:30The thing is, he hasn't changed at all, actually.

01:13:32He's the same exact guy he ever was.

01:13:33The same as he always was.

01:13:34Bobby, how could you ever be friends with that guy?

01:13:36Let me go back down there and fucking kill this guy.

01:13:38Please.

01:13:39Listen.

01:13:40Save it for the game.

01:13:41You always blow that off.

01:13:43Please listen to me.

01:13:44I don't want to hear him.

01:13:45Let me go down there and do something about it, Bobby.

01:13:46Come on.

01:13:47Yeah, let him do it.

01:13:48What are you going to do?

01:13:49I want to take this and shoot him at point-blank range.

01:13:51And then you'll get kicked out of the sport for ten years.

01:13:53You'll have to travel the earth and have sex with a lot of beautiful women and all over the place.

01:13:58Whoa.

01:13:59Ladies and gentlemen, noble warriors, can I have attention, please?

01:14:03I welcome you to the Hudson Valley Paintball Closet.

01:14:09There is no thin line between victory and defeat.

01:14:13This lengthy day of elimination starts right now with the rounds versus the Minutemen.

01:14:22You start on my mark.

01:14:24One, two, three, go.

01:14:33I got you.

01:14:34Go, go, go, go, go.

01:14:38Go, go, go, go, go.

01:14:54Cinderella's castle.

01:14:55Cinderella's castle.

01:14:56Let's go.

01:15:01Whoa.

01:15:02Oh, that's awesome.

01:15:05Lick it.

01:15:06Lick it.

01:15:07Lick it.

01:15:09You like that, bitch?

01:15:12Showtime.

01:15:13Let's go.

01:15:14Let's go.

01:15:15It's just a game, and that's it.

01:15:16That's all.

01:15:17It's not that they'll worry about you.

01:15:18You won't get hurt.

01:15:19You're not going to get killed.

01:15:20Suck my barrel.

01:15:21Suck my paint.

01:15:22Suck my paint.

01:15:23Swallow my paint when you suck it.

01:15:25You suck it, and you swallow it.

01:15:27You swallow my paint.

01:15:28You swallow my load.

01:15:30Swallow my load.

01:15:31Swallow my load.

01:15:34Showtime.

01:15:35I'm just getting rolled out here.

01:15:37Jesus, I'm alone.

01:15:38Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:15:40Right here.

01:15:41Right here.

01:15:43Relax.

01:15:44I need you to relax.

01:15:45I need you, man.

01:15:50All right, buddy.

01:15:51All right.

01:15:52Ow.

01:15:53Yeah, there we go.

01:15:54All right.

01:15:55There we go.

01:15:56We got him.

01:15:57Don't shoot, evident.

01:15:58Don't shoot.

01:16:01I'm going for it.

01:16:02Lenny, cover me.

01:16:03Go, go, go, go.

01:16:04Go, go, go, go.

01:16:07Check him.

01:16:08Check him.

01:16:09Check him.

01:16:10You're out.

01:16:11You're out.

01:16:12I'm not out.

01:16:13Check him.

01:16:14You're out.

01:16:15You're out.

01:16:16Lenny, shut up.

01:16:17Shut up.

01:16:18Hey, if you're hit, you're out.

01:16:19You can't.

01:16:24This guy's moving on the left.

01:16:25I'm out.

01:16:26I'm out.

01:16:29BB, let's see you move right.

01:16:30Can you move right?

01:16:31I'm out.

01:16:32Okay, I'm out.

01:16:34Mark it up.

01:16:35Mark it up.

01:16:50I'm hit.

01:16:51I'm hit.

01:16:54We're full.

01:16:55We're full.

01:16:56We're full.

01:17:16Oh, shit.

01:17:17You got me, Lenny?

01:17:18Yeah.

01:17:19Yeah.

01:17:21Yeah.

01:17:25Woo!

01:17:27Crowds up.

01:17:28You know you do.

01:17:29Come on, man.

01:17:31One, two, three.

01:17:32Crazy!

01:17:50Imagine me shooting you in the face with paint, that's what I'm imagining.

01:18:10Hey, come on!

01:18:17Left, left, left, left!

01:18:21Up, down!

01:18:22A, B!

01:18:23A, B, down, left!

01:18:24Check him, bro!

01:18:25Check him!

01:18:26What time is your mom gonna pick you up?

01:18:27What time is your mom gonna pick you up?

01:18:28You little fucker.

01:18:29Check out!

01:18:30Check out!

01:18:31Check out!

01:18:32Check out!

01:18:33Check out!

01:18:34Check out!

01:18:35Check out!

01:18:36Check out!

01:18:37Check out!

01:18:38Check out!

01:18:39Check out!

01:18:40Check out!

01:18:41I got him!

01:18:42Check him!

01:18:43Yeah!

01:18:44Yeah!

01:18:45Flag!

01:18:46Flag!

01:18:47Flag!

01:18:48Who's your master?

01:18:49I am, dawg!

01:18:52Woohoo!

01:18:53Check it up, check it up.

01:18:59Check it out, check it out, see my dirty work, look at what daddy did.

01:19:14My ankle, my ankle, Bobby, Bobby, my ankle, my ankle, come on, please, please, go, Bobby,

01:19:30just go, go.

01:19:31I got that.

01:19:32Am I bleeding?

01:19:33Is my leg bleeding?

01:19:34Are you okay?

01:19:35Yeah.

01:19:36Oh my gosh.

01:19:37Yeah, it's okay.

01:19:38It's okay.

01:19:39Oh my gosh.

01:19:40Oh my gosh, it's okay.

01:19:41It's okay.

01:19:43Oh my gosh, it's so soft.

01:19:45Yeah.

01:19:46It's like a little baby right there.

01:19:49Oh.

01:19:50Oh, oh, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.

01:19:56Hey.

01:19:57Oh, hey.

01:19:58Hey, there's the big guy.

01:19:59How are you?

01:20:00You're looking amazing out there, Bobby, gotta say.

01:20:03That's some stellar work.

01:20:04Thank you very much.

01:20:05Are you working with anyone for endorsements, for book deals, for personal appearances,

01:20:11maybe some acting, two words, how we love.

01:20:14I wrecked the whole thing.

01:20:15I wrecked the whole thing.

01:20:16I wrecked the whole thing.

01:20:17You're doing such a good job.

01:20:19You're doing such a good job.

01:20:21Such a good job.

01:20:24Final elimination match will be the Riverettes against Bobby Dukes and the Rounds.

01:20:35Apocalypse is at hand.

01:20:37I'm okay, guys, I'm okay.

01:20:39Hey, he just needs to walk around on his own.

01:20:41Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

01:20:42Walk a little bit then, walk.

01:20:43Without my shoe, I'm fine.

01:20:44Show me, show me.

01:20:45Okay.

01:20:46But you gotta play with the shoe.

01:20:49You can't play, you can't play, that's it, it's over.

01:20:52If this was any other game, you know it's over.

01:20:54This is the finals.

01:20:55We're playing to win, guys.

01:20:57Lenny, you know this as well as I do.

01:20:59You're a warrior.

01:21:01We're playing to win, okay?

01:21:03Second place is first place for losers, right?

01:21:08Erica, you gotta play.

01:21:09You gotta play.

01:21:10We need you, Erica.

01:21:11Please.

01:21:12You're gonna do great.

01:21:13I won't do great.

01:21:15I can guarantee you I won't do great.

01:21:17No, no, no.

01:21:18Okay, we'll work it out.

01:21:19I hate when things are thrown at me.

01:21:20We're gonna protect you.

01:21:21We need five people.

01:21:22We need five people or we're gonna get disqualified.

01:21:23Nothing will happen to you, Erica.

01:21:24It's okay.

01:21:25Ladies and gentlemen, combatants and guests, this is not the hour,

01:21:36this is not the minute, but the moment of reckoning is upon us.

01:21:42The final match for the championship of the Hudson Valley Baseball Classic.

01:21:50Woo!

01:21:51Yeah!

01:21:52Yeah!

01:21:53Yeah!

01:21:54Yeah!

01:21:55The Ringerettes versus the Rounds.

01:21:58Woo!

01:21:59Yeah!

01:22:00Yeah!

01:22:01Woo!

01:22:02I guess it's all gonna come down to this, huh?

01:22:03Unbelievable.

01:22:05I can't believe we're fucking playing Bobby Dukes.

01:22:06What a joke.

01:22:08You know what I'm gonna do, guys?

01:22:10I'm gonna paint the words has been on his huge forehead.

01:22:13You guys brought me here.

01:22:15I didn't bring you here.

01:22:17You guys chose me.

01:22:18Commence on my mark.

01:22:21Three, two, one.

01:22:25Go!

01:22:31Oh, who's there?

01:22:32Sam Brown's there.

01:22:34Who's there?

01:22:35Sam Brown.

01:22:51Woo!

01:22:52Come on, you prostitutes!

01:22:54Come on, you slinky whore!

01:22:56You're going down in one minute!

01:23:00Let's go!

01:23:01Oh, shit!

01:23:02Ha, ha, ha!

01:23:04Take it, you motherfucking pricks!

01:23:07Cover me!

01:23:09Hey!

01:23:30Come on, showtime!

01:23:32Shit, shit, shit.

01:23:38Ow!

01:23:39Damn it!

01:23:40Oh, my hand.

01:23:42I'm out of here.

01:23:43I'm out.

01:23:44How about that?

01:23:45How about it?

01:23:48You're out, little fucker.

01:23:53Steve, are you kidding?

01:23:55Steve, go to that bunker.

01:23:57Come on.

01:23:58I'll shoot you myself.

01:24:00Run like a girl.

01:24:01Run like a girl.

01:24:07Oh, look at Bobby.

01:24:08I can see the fucking glow off his forehead.

01:24:22I'm going to go to the sausage duct.

01:24:24Please, cover me.

01:24:25One, two, three.

01:24:27Fuck, I'm doing it, Bobby.

01:24:29Come on.

01:24:33Check him!

01:24:34Check him!

01:24:35Hey, ref, what are you doing?

01:24:37Ref, check him.

01:24:38He's wiping again.

01:24:39He's always wiping.

01:24:40Check him.

01:24:41What are you doing?

01:24:42His whole life, he's wiping.

01:24:43His whole life.

01:24:45Check him!

01:24:49I got hit.

01:24:50I knew I got hit.

01:24:51And then they checked me, and I had no paint on me.

01:24:53So I guess when I slid, it wiped off.

01:24:57And the old Bobby, for just a second, he jumped off the bench,

01:24:59and he was like, Coach, put me in.

01:25:03Nah, but I couldn't.

01:25:04No way.

01:25:09What are you doing?

01:25:10Fucking weirdo.

01:25:15Bobby.

01:25:21I fucked him.

01:25:22I am fucking you in the face.

01:25:27Fuck.

01:25:36This ain't Maddy Knight, little girl.

01:25:38Go to bed.

01:25:40Go to bed.

01:25:41Go to sleep.

01:25:50You see that?

01:25:51You see that?

01:25:52I'm invisible.

01:25:53I'm totally invisible.

01:25:57Look at this.

01:25:58Sneaky son of a bitch.

01:26:00That over there, I could easily shoot his foot.

01:26:03I'm not going to.

01:26:04I'm going to bunker him.

01:26:05Another Sam Brown victory coming up.

01:26:17What the fuck?

01:26:22Yeah, cross me.

01:26:24Yeah, cross me.

01:26:26No way.

01:26:27I'm invisible.

01:26:31I'm invisible.

01:26:45I'm Sam Brown.

01:26:47Fuck you.

01:26:54Oh my God.

01:27:20Oh my God.

01:27:21Oh my God.

01:27:23Hey.

01:27:24Hey.

01:27:26The world was thirsty for a miracle.

01:27:29And you are the bartenders of whoop ass.

01:27:32Yeah.

01:27:33You got that right.

01:27:35You served up a 16 ounce bottle of annihilation with a devastation chaser.

01:27:43Hey, Drake.

01:27:44Chase it down with destruction.

01:27:46I love it.

01:27:47Present to the round the championship trophy of the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic.

01:27:59Yes.

01:28:00Yes.

01:28:04You son of a bitch.

01:28:06I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow when I wake up.

01:28:08Today will teach me whether I play paintball tomorrow or take a cooking class or, you know, sell all my clothes and jump out of airplanes.

01:28:22I don't know.

01:28:26I don't know.

01:28:27Ask me tomorrow.

01:28:29Ask me tomorrow.

01:28:39All right, boys.

01:28:41Welcome to the inner sanctum.

01:28:44Watch your heads coming down here, all right?

01:28:48Welcome to paradise, boys.

01:28:51Have a seat.

01:28:52Grab a seat.

01:28:53Pull up a seat.

01:28:54Come on.

01:28:56Welcome to my dojo.

01:28:58Look around, boys.

01:28:59Look around.

01:29:00Look around.

01:29:01Look around.

01:29:02Look around.

01:29:03Look around.

01:29:04Look around.

01:29:05Look around.

01:29:06Look around.

01:29:07Welcome to my dojo.

01:29:08Look around, boys.

01:29:09Did it all myself.

01:29:10Look at my ladies.

01:29:11Hello, ladies.

01:29:13I met Joe Watson Brown through a group called AA, or Alcoholics Anonymous.

01:29:19I'm not alcoholic, and I was worried that one day I might be.

01:29:23When was the last time I saw you?

01:29:25At the, was that the NWA concert?

01:29:28Yes.

01:29:29Yeah, we were the only white guys there shrooming.

01:29:31Yeah.

01:29:32That was a bad place to shroom.

01:29:33Stupid.

01:29:34That was really bad.

01:29:35Stupid.

01:29:36We shroomed too much back then.

01:29:37We shroomed a lot.

01:29:38Yeah.

01:29:39Well, she's this month.

01:29:40That's February.

01:29:41You want to know why she's February?

01:29:42Why?

01:29:43Because she's got a jumbo thatch.

01:29:44Look at her bush.

01:29:45Look at it.

01:29:46Look how big that is.

01:29:47It looks like a tractor laid a skid mark on her fucking taco.

01:29:50God.

01:29:51Yeah!

01:29:52Yeah!

01:29:53Prophecy!

01:29:54Yay for Brian!

01:29:55Prophecy!

01:29:56Yay for Brian!

01:29:57Hooray!

01:29:59Prophecy!

01:30:00Yay for Brian!

01:30:01Hooray!

01:30:02Paintball the laser tag is like Yanni to John Tesh.

01:30:09Okay?

01:30:10Yanni is real.

01:30:12Okay!

01:30:13You've had your fun.

01:30:14This is hilarious.

01:30:15You can stop waiting now!

01:30:20You can always buy other kids.

01:30:23There are plenty of kids out there that want to get bought.

01:30:26But you have a broken vagina. It's broken. I

01:30:31Had did Bobby Dukes break your vagina

01:30:34Death and hellfire. It's coming for you America

01:30:38You better wake up and smell the hot coffee under your nose because it's a fact

01:30:42Uncle Sam is coming to your house as I as I'm talking to you right now

01:30:46He's coming to your house and he's gonna burn it to the ground and he's gonna burn your children

01:30:50And he's gonna pour acid on your wife and that's a fact and there's nothing you can do about it

01:30:56You join no, so and that's a fact and I'm the president

01:30:59I'm the best you come and join me be part of the best save yourself save your family

01:31:03You want to see your wife burned in acid? You better wake up America. That's a fact

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