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00:00:00Beautiful! Beautiful! Unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07Is that the alternator?
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's going to be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23You're late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:31I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:34Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41It's an old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:44Wait a minute.
00:00:46Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:49You do this to me all the time.
00:00:51She does this to me all the time.
00:00:53I hate you.
00:00:54Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:02I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:58I met this woman once.
00:02:27And her sight was failing.
00:02:31Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim.
00:02:39They go blind.
00:02:42For her, her spirit was failing.
00:02:44Her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover,
00:03:01who no longer wants me.
00:03:04And here, the darkness is covering my heart
00:03:08with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12And it grew around her,
00:03:15covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22And finally, she, her whole existence,
00:03:26her whole existence was in this deep black darkness.
00:03:33And she came to me, and she came to me that day,
00:03:36and she said to me, George,
00:03:38the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George,
00:03:49I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53It's the only light I see.
00:03:56And it took all this darkness
00:03:58and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then she moved towards it and into it,
00:04:11and she became blanketed by light.
00:04:15And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light, and she threw it around you,
00:04:21covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stem the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:56Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59But some people, they got thoughts
00:05:02that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:06Afraid they're going to bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts
00:05:13you don't even want to think about,
00:05:14much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody
00:05:18and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt him real bad
00:05:22and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good,
00:05:25but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt him real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:37People tell you somebody hurt them
00:05:39and they went crazy?
00:05:41No, I'm telling you,
00:05:43you hurt somebody
00:05:46and you go just as crazy.
00:05:56You can't be too cautious.
00:05:59That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:03Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:07I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding
00:06:16so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:20Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:22Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:25They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:30But some of them,
00:06:31some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No.
00:06:37Condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No.
00:06:40Those brain diseases,
00:06:42those word diseases,
00:06:44they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:51No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:55Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first
00:06:59and then they make their way back inside your mind
00:07:02and then they go straight down into your soul
00:07:05and make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:10And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind,
00:07:13maybe more powerful
00:07:15because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:18they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:34They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:43I got one!
00:07:45I got one! I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:04I must have one.
00:08:34It's been promised to me.
00:08:36The original message is a true message.
00:08:38It's a technical message.
00:08:39It's a positive message.
00:08:40I'm never alone.
00:08:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:46I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:47I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:48I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:49I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:50I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:51I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:52I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:53I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:55I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:56I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:57I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:58I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:59I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:00I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:01I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:02I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:03I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:04I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:05I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:06I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:07I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:08I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:09I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:10I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:11I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:12I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:13I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:14I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:15I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:16I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:17I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:18I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:19I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:20I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:21I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:22I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:23I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:24I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:25I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:26I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:27I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:28I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:29I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:30I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:31I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:32I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:33I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:34I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:35I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:36I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:37I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:38I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:39I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:40I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:46I have never lost my stress.
00:09:58I have never lost my stress.
00:10:04I've never lost my stress.
00:10:10fear of failure. Logic dictates that I'm a failure, a complete loser. How do I not
00:10:19feel like I've failed? I've had so many more failures in my life than I've had
00:10:23successes. Big failures too. The things that I've tried the hardest at seemed to
00:10:28be the things that failed the worst. And the failures just seem to keep on
00:10:32mounting. More and more of them every day. Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:37Failed person, bad human, worthless specimen. Yeah, I think the real thing is, it's not
00:10:46the failure, it's not the fear, it's just me making an excuse for self-pity.
00:11:07Hey, what are you doing over there? Just eating a bagel. How are you this fine
00:11:33morning, ma'am? Well, go eat your bagel someplace else. And stay out of our
00:11:38garbage. I'm just trying to get something to eat. Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:44This garbage is ours.
00:12:33I wonder why that woman left me a bagel. She did leave me a bagel, didn't she? Does
00:12:41she like me? Could anybody ever love me again? Oh boy, that's the thought that
00:12:48just really terrifies me. The thought of being unloved. The thought of being
00:12:53uncared for. It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet, trapped in this body.
00:12:59And I know how to do things, like make money and dress nicely, be charming.
00:13:08And I know these things would draw other people to me. They might even love me
00:13:12again. But somewhere in some rancid part of myself, I wonder if they love the true
00:13:18me, or just the appearance of me. My money, my clothes, my charm, my jokes.
00:13:31So I stripped it all away, I guess. Hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:41So I guess that's why I talk so much. And maybe that's why some people let
00:13:47themselves get out of shape, or keep themselves unkempt, or smell bad. Just
00:13:52their soul crying out for recognition. They want people to see the true self on
00:13:56the inside. That's why really rich, or beautiful, famous people, they have so
00:14:05much problems in their lives. Because they attract people that nurture their
00:14:08surface structure, and not their soul. Because the soul is a very difficult
00:14:12thing to express. It's scary too. It's scary because it might be rejected. It's
00:14:18difficult. Even I don't know what my soul is. I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:23It's moving this way, and that way, this way, and that way. This way, and that way,
00:14:33and this way, and that way.
00:14:43I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car? Of course you are. Now would you rather have a new car, or an old car?
00:14:52Of course you'd rather have a new car. What if I was to tell you that you could have a brand new
00:14:58Maschuda Scouter, for the same payments as a two-year-old Trail Boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right? That's what I did. Bought one for my family. We love it. It is a beautiful car.
00:15:08You're gonna love this car.
00:15:12You're gonna love it.
00:15:42You're gonna love it.
00:16:12You're gonna love it.
00:16:42What is love? What is love? What is love?
00:16:47Hey, what is love? I don't know what love is, but I know where it is. It's right here, in my heart.
00:16:58In my heart!
00:17:00I wonder where the first time love came from, anyway.
00:17:11You know, the first time something or somebody actually felt love,
00:17:17it was probably two great apes. Two great apes who were just fucking wildly in the jungle, just fucking their brains out.
00:17:24And suddenly, this feeling like a fiery waterfall comes rushing over them, and they get this look,
00:17:31and one of them looks into the other one's eyes, and the other one looks back.
00:17:37And they slow down for a minute, because they realize they don't have to do this just to procreate anymore.
00:17:43And they get this feeling. They start feeling something. Something coming from the generation of life itself is overwhelming them.
00:17:53And they take this raw material into themselves, and they start making something.
00:18:00They start making love.
00:18:05That's where love first came from.
00:18:08And it's probably where language first came from, as well.
00:18:12Because one of those big apes, probably the woman, looked into the other one's eyes, and uttered the first word.
00:18:21Luke.
00:18:24Which meant, I love you.
00:18:41To let myself love again? Jesus! I don't know.
00:18:46I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49For good reason.
00:18:52If I let that fear win, God, if I let that fear win and sever the slim hope that I have for really deep, true, meaningful love,
00:19:01if I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy, unaffected by his emotions,
00:19:06or the sad guy, destroyed by his emotions,
00:19:10either way, either way, I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:18I don't know.
00:19:20I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:24I mean, I tried, but it just keeps coming back.
00:19:28Which is good, I think.
00:19:30What the?
00:19:48I mean, I just, I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:54But maybe, maybe I can let go of him.
00:20:00Just a little bit at a time.
00:20:04Just piece by piece.
00:20:11Maybe for a moment, just one moment.
00:20:16Let go of every last bit of it.
00:20:20Just so I can see how it's gonna be.
00:20:24I miss him.
00:20:46I miss him.
00:21:09Well hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:15How could I have been so faultless?
00:21:17But I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:32You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:38Hmm?
00:21:39Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:42But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:47There you go.
00:21:48It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:51Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:55Well, you have a good day.
00:21:58Huh?
00:21:59Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:00And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02It was fantastic.
00:22:04I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:07The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:13What?
00:22:15Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:29Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the Ashuda Scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify it for myself.
00:22:57I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:10Yes!
00:23:12Yes!
00:23:35You got something for me in here?
00:23:47I can feel it.
00:23:53What have we here?
00:23:58Ah, cool.
00:24:03What?
00:24:05Oh, these are nice.
00:24:09My size.
00:24:12Thank you.
00:24:14Thank you.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:29God of the dumpsters.
00:24:31The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:33The God of garbage.
00:24:35The garbage God.
00:24:36The way.
00:24:37The truth.
00:24:38The light.
00:24:39The filth.
00:24:41Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44Churches in every alley.
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:53Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:58You great smelly one.
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:04You have truly saved my life.
00:25:08For without you, I would have died from a hunger and a cold long ago.
00:25:14I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:16Thank you.
00:25:20Thank you.
00:25:48Hi, Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:49The flowers?
00:25:50No, no, they're not for you.
00:25:52I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:57Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:01Thanks a lot.
00:26:19No, no, no.
00:26:45Just do what I say.
00:26:47Just do what I say.
00:26:48Jesus.
00:26:52Hey, babe.
00:26:53Thanks for the flowers.
00:26:54That was really sweet.
00:26:55I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:58Really?
00:27:00Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:02I don't know.
00:27:04Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:06What are you talking about?
00:27:08Well, usually if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers.
00:27:11Is that what you did?
00:27:12You fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:14You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22No, and stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:25Why?
00:27:26Does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:27No, it makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:30Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:34Look, I'm not leaving you.
00:27:36I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:39But, Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:43We don't have to break up.
00:27:45I think you'd better go.
00:27:48For good?
00:27:50Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:53But, Joanne, I love you.
00:27:57I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:59Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:07You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:10Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:18I remember old Calvin.
00:28:20Poor bastard.
00:28:21He ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:24He was just another street person.
00:28:27I was still a member of society.
00:28:31He was crying.
00:28:36And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:40I was drunk.
00:28:42I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:50But as he was crying, I said, hey, Calvin,
00:28:53why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:58And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:04no one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:07You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:11Man, it shook me up a little bit.
00:29:16I don't know.
00:29:18So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:22And he showed it to me.
00:29:23It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:25It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28He was collecting his tears.
00:29:31He would hold it up to his eye.
00:29:33And his tears would roll into it.
00:29:42I asked him what had happened to him.
00:29:44And he told me about his wife leaving him.
00:29:47And he just lost it.
00:29:48I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:52So I took him back to his place.
00:29:54I looked around.
00:29:55There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:57There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:30:00It was just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:06And then, on the windowsill,
00:30:11there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:16He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:22It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:25And he told me, he said,
00:30:27I'm going to send these to her when I die
00:30:29so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:33I said, send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:39Mister, I don't think that's right.
00:30:41I don't think that's love.
00:30:44And I thought about it.
00:30:45I thought, that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:50Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:54Right then and there, I said, no more drinking.
00:30:59Then I started talking.
00:31:02And I haven't shut up since.
00:31:05Now I wish I could just shut up, but my mind won't let me.
00:31:08It has no gate on it, no spigot, no valve.
00:31:11I'm so tired of hearing you talk!
00:31:15Just leave me alone!
00:31:17Just shut up!
00:31:19Just shut up!
00:31:21You're doing the same things over and over again!
00:31:24And you don't stop!
00:31:26It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping, a computer skipping,
00:31:30a rock skipping on the water!
00:31:33Just leave me alone!
00:31:35Just stop!
00:31:37Just stop!
00:31:40Just stop!
00:31:58So what's going on?
00:32:00I broke up with Scott.
00:32:02Shocking.
00:32:03You never did like him.
00:32:05It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:08I thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:11chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:13total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:15That's all.
00:32:17Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:23I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:26No, you don't.
00:32:27You always end up with the hottest, coolest, richest showpieces in town,
00:32:31without fail.
00:32:32And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside
00:32:35than they are on the outside.
00:32:37Big surprise.
00:32:39No, I don't.
00:32:40Yes, you do.
00:32:41To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:45Sorry.
00:32:46Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:49I don't know.
00:32:50Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:53I thought he was different.
00:32:56Different how?
00:32:59Okay, I thought he was cute.
00:33:01There you go.
00:33:02Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:05I don't know.
00:33:06I couldn't do it.
00:33:07I mean, good-looking guys are assholes,
00:33:11and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:15Oh, right.
00:33:16So you wind up hanging out with some nice ugly guy having a great time
00:33:20until some good-looking asshole comes by and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart,
00:33:27and then the good-looking asshole dumps you,
00:33:29and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:31That's not true.
00:33:32Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:36So I figure why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:41So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:44No, of course not.
00:33:46I just want someone who, when I lie down at night,
00:33:53I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:56Oh, is that all?
00:33:58And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion.
00:34:01Look, I want someone that won't run away when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:07the black parts that even I don't like, but they're a part of me.
00:34:11Like some sort of dark brooding James Dean kind of character?
00:34:15No, because I want them to love the other side of myself too.
00:34:19I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:22to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:26and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:29Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:33I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:36I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:40Oh, really?
00:34:42Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:47Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:51I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:56I'm doomed. I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:01I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me for the rest of my life.
00:35:05God, you're not doomed.
00:35:07You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:10Just don't get hung up on them. That's all.
00:35:13Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:15No, it isn't.
00:35:17I want the fairy tale.
00:35:20Oh, my God.
00:35:22Not only are you doomed, but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:26just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:30Set.
00:35:36Set.
00:35:47And the dead.
00:35:52Set.
00:35:59Set.
00:36:17Set.
00:36:29Set.
00:36:54I got some flowers.
00:36:56From who?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:58Oh, secret admirer.
00:37:00How mysterious and cowardly.
00:37:03You are doomed, and you want to know why?
00:37:06Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:08It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:12And they sent a poem.
00:37:14A poet? A romantic super geek?
00:37:17Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:20What's it say?
00:37:22Okay.
00:37:25It says,
00:37:27The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:31Angels pray to dandelions, small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:36Wow.
00:37:38Yeats.
00:37:40Yeah, and the weird thing is, I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:44I figure it must mean something.
00:37:46I wonder who it is.
00:37:49I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:52Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii to his boyfriend.
00:37:57Oh, well.
00:37:59Oh, it's got to be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:02Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:05What about Mike?
00:38:06Jouster.
00:38:08Are all the good looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:11Yep.
00:38:15Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:18Some geek.
00:38:20I don't think so.
00:38:23Well, who?
00:38:25You got me, girl.
00:38:27I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:29Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:31Give me a break.
00:38:32You know as well as I do, half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:35It could be anybody.
00:38:37Right.
00:38:39It is some geek.
00:38:41See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:44Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:48Brian the mechanic?
00:38:50Yeah.
00:38:51Whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:54But he's kind of gross.
00:38:57Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:59Besides, we already know that it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:04Right.
00:39:05Well, look.
00:39:06See if you can find out for me.
00:39:07Absolutely.
00:39:08I'll call you.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:10Oh, and Joanna.
00:39:13Maybe it's me.
00:39:15Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:17Why?
00:39:18Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:48Oh, I'm sorry.
00:39:49I'm sorry.
00:39:50I'm sorry.
00:39:51I'm sorry.
00:39:52I'm sorry.
00:39:53I'm sorry.
00:39:54I'm sorry.
00:39:55I'm sorry.
00:39:56I'm sorry.
00:39:57I'm sorry.
00:39:58I'm sorry.
00:39:59I'm sorry.
00:40:00I'm sorry.
00:40:01I'm sorry.
00:40:02I'm sorry.
00:40:03I'm sorry.
00:40:04I'm sorry.
00:40:05I'm sorry.
00:40:06I'm sorry.
00:40:07I'm sorry.
00:40:08I'm sorry.
00:40:09I'm sorry.
00:40:10I'm sorry.
00:40:11I'm sorry.
00:40:12I'm sorry.
00:40:13I'm sorry.
00:40:14I'm sorry.
00:40:15I'm sorry.
00:40:16I'm sorry.
00:40:17I'm sorry.
00:40:18I'm sorry.
00:40:19I'm sorry.
00:40:20I'm sorry.
00:40:21I'm sorry.
00:40:22I'm sorry.
00:40:23I'm sorry.
00:40:24I'm sorry.
00:40:25I'm sorry.
00:40:26I'm sorry.
00:40:27I'm sorry.
00:40:28I'm sorry.
00:40:29I'm sorry.
00:40:30I'm sorry.
00:40:31I'm sorry.
00:40:32I'm sorry.
00:40:33I'm sorry.
00:40:34I'm sorry.
00:40:35I'm sorry.
00:40:36I'm sorry.
00:40:37I'm sorry.
00:40:38I'm sorry.
00:40:39I'm sorry.
00:40:40I'm sorry.
00:40:41I'm sorry.
00:40:42I'm sorry.
00:40:43I'm sorry.
00:40:44I'm sorry.
00:40:45I'm sorry.
00:40:46I'm sorry.
00:40:47I'm sorry.
00:40:48I'm sorry.
00:40:49I'm sorry.
00:40:50I'm sorry.
00:40:51I'm sorry.
00:40:52I'm sorry.
00:40:53I'm sorry.
00:40:54I'm sorry.
00:40:55I'm sorry.
00:40:56I'm sorry.
00:40:57I'm sorry.
00:40:58I'm sorry.
00:40:59I'm sorry.
00:41:00I'm sorry.
00:41:01I'm sorry.
00:41:02I'm sorry.
00:41:03I'm sorry.
00:41:04I'm sorry.
00:41:05I'm sorry.
00:41:06I'm sorry.
00:41:07I'm sorry.
00:41:08I'm sorry.
00:41:09I'm sorry.
00:41:10I'm sorry.
00:41:11I'm sorry.
00:41:12I'm sorry.
00:41:13I'm sorry.
00:41:14Good morning, Bagel.
00:41:18Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:21An angel bagel.
00:41:24What do you mean?
00:41:25What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:27Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:31Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:34Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:36Maybe she did.
00:41:38Maybe she loves me.
00:41:40Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:45Where is it?
00:41:49If I beg, cower, and crawl, will I find my eight ball?
00:41:58Does she love me?
00:42:03What a beautiful morning.
00:42:07What am I here for?
00:42:09What is my purpose, if not to love?
00:42:15If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:18Each moment spent in anger is one loss to the dark gods.
00:42:23It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:26This is not a thought.
00:42:28This is not speech.
00:42:30This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:34This is an incantation for good.
00:42:37Lovely bagel.
00:42:43Hey!
00:42:44Didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:46Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:48No!
00:42:49I want you out of here now before I call the police.
00:42:51Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast, I'll just go on.
00:42:54No!
00:42:55I want you out of here now!
00:42:57Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:42:59What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:02I'm not going to eat you.
00:43:03Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:05What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:09Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:33I love you.
00:43:43Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:48I hope everything's okay there, but...
00:43:51I guess I'll just, uh...
00:43:54I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:43:57This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:01This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:04Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:07They speak always.
00:44:09Every second of every day.
00:44:13Not with words, but...
00:44:15but signs.
00:44:16Little...
00:44:17little hints.
00:44:18Directions to take in life.
00:44:20I remember thinking...
00:44:22I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker.
00:44:27Getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back.
00:44:31Getting them all back.
00:44:35Oh, but...
00:44:38I couldn't do it.
00:44:39I...
00:44:40I was sitting on a park bench and I...
00:44:43I looked up at the street.
00:44:44I looked up at the street.
00:44:45I looked up at the street.
00:44:46I looked up at the street.
00:44:47I looked up at the street.
00:44:49I looked up at the street light and it winked out.
00:44:51It winked black.
00:44:53And I knew...
00:44:55I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness.
00:44:58And that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:02I think we all have that...
00:45:04that place in our hearts.
00:45:06That dark place that we keep a step or a block or...
00:45:10a million miles away from.
00:45:14But that's the place that allows us to feel the...
00:45:17the tragedies that others have suffered.
00:45:21That you all have suffered.
00:45:26Rosetta.
00:45:28When you died, you were only...
00:45:30twelve years old.
00:45:32And that place, that dark place, that...
00:45:35that's why we...
00:45:37we turn away from it.
00:45:38We ignore it because we're just afraid that the pain of others is just going to overwhelm us.
00:45:44We're afraid it's going to open up that...
00:45:46that sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:53But the bagels.
00:45:56The bagels come anyway.
00:45:59Fearless Bagel Woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03She knows it.
00:46:04She lives with it.
00:46:05She nurtures it.
00:46:07Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion.
00:46:12And it fuels her inner light.
00:46:16And I know I...
00:46:17I'm a disgusting wreck of a man.
00:46:19I mean, look at me.
00:46:22I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:25I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear.
00:46:28That no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:31And yet, I know...
00:46:34I'm going to give to her.
00:46:39I'm going to tell her of my love for her.
00:46:43Even though I fear it's going to drive her away.
00:46:48I love her.
00:46:57She loves me.
00:46:59She loves me not.
00:47:02She loves me.
00:47:04She loves me not.
00:47:07She loves me!
00:47:08She loves me not.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me not.
00:47:11She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not.
00:47:15She loves me. She loves me not.
00:47:19She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me.
00:47:23She loves me not. She loves me.
00:47:27She loves me.
00:47:31I knew it. I knew it. She loves me.
00:47:41Hello?
00:48:05Hi Lori, it's Joanna.
00:48:07Um, I got another flower.
00:48:09From the coward? How exciting.
00:48:12Look, did you talk to Brian? Is it him?
00:48:15No. Um, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:20Lori!
00:48:22I'm sorry, hun. I called him to ask him about you and the next thing I knew...
00:48:26I think he's gross anyway.
00:48:28I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:30How?
00:48:31Because this guy is different.
00:48:35No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night and imagine him with me,
00:48:42I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:46You're fantasizing about this man? Are you crazy?
00:48:50Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:53You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:56No, it's not Prince Charming.
00:48:59He's more like the lover from the Marguerite Durand novel.
00:49:04And why not? Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:13I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:16I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27He comes to me at night. We have incredible sex.
00:49:31He leaves in the morning and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:36Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:39I hate that.
00:49:40No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:43No, but what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45I can't. He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking
00:49:49which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:52Oh my God!
00:49:54Yes, and he can go on forever. I mean, all night.
00:49:58Is he very, well, you know?
00:50:02No, what?
00:50:03Come on!
00:50:04You know?
00:50:06What?
00:50:08What?
00:50:10Does he have a big dick?
00:50:12Like a Redwood.
00:50:17How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:20Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:22How am I gonna get rid of him, not destroy him?
00:50:25Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:28What?
00:50:29Running around with all these guys.
00:50:31No.
00:50:36Land of the dead.
00:50:39I love you.
00:50:41I love you.
00:50:43I love you.
00:50:45I love you.
00:50:47I love you.
00:50:49I love you.
00:50:51I love you.
00:50:53I love you.
00:50:55I love you.
00:50:57I love you.
00:50:59I love you.
00:51:01I love you.
00:51:03I love you.
00:51:05A
00:51:13A
00:51:14A
00:51:20A
00:51:21A
00:51:25It's alright, buddy, it's alright. I'm not gonna hurt you.
00:51:27You don't need to bark at me for trying out loud.
00:51:32Oh boy.
00:51:34I don't know, this...
00:51:37I don't know, it's...
00:51:39Some people say that God's perfect.
00:51:42Is God perfect?
00:51:47I don't know, it just doesn't make any sense.
00:51:50I mean, would a perfect God let a two-year-old child get its legs blown off by a landmine?
00:51:57I read about it in the paper this morning!
00:51:59Out of the dumpster! How could you do that? How?
00:52:02What were you thinking?
00:52:04A two-year-old child, for crying out loud!
00:52:08You ought to come down here and let somebody teach you a lesson!
00:52:14Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am!
00:52:18It's not my idea of perfection.
00:52:20I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that!
00:52:24I don't know, maybe...
00:52:26Maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can.
00:52:29Just like me.
00:52:32You can't stop all the bad in the world from happening.
00:52:36Maybe you just try to stop it for the people that are trying to do good.
00:52:40I don't mean good by doing things like worshipping and complaining to you,
00:52:45or whining and complaining,
00:52:47and, I gotta have more of this in my life, and I don't have enough of that, and...
00:52:51No, I mean good by doing good!
00:52:56Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:59Maybe you're more like a straight person to God.
00:53:02Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God.
00:53:07Where not everything goes quite right for you.
00:53:11Miracles go wrong.
00:53:14I don't know.
00:53:17Yeah, maybe you're not perfect. Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:21Maybe I need to forgive you, you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made.
00:53:26Just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:31Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:36Three, two, one...
00:53:55Hello?
00:53:56Hi Lori, it's Joanna.
00:53:58I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:54:01Well, I hope it's a name and phone number, or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:54:07No, it's a key.
00:54:09To his apartment?
00:54:10No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:13Oh my God!
00:54:15How incredibly romantic, exciting, and mysterious.
00:54:19Unless, of course, inside the locker you find the head of his last victim, Lori.
00:54:25Yeah.
00:54:26Maybe he's like a freako serial killer,
00:54:28the flower petal bus locker stalker,
00:54:30who slyly sucks beautiful young women into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy,
00:54:36and then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:40Uh, no. That was your last victim?
00:54:44Oh yeah.
00:54:45So, um, I'm going down to the bus station. Do you want to come?
00:54:49No way. What if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:52That's why I want you to come.
00:54:54Well, I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:57Oh, how's that going?
00:54:59Oh, the man has problems. He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:03And?
00:55:05And nothing. He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:55:08You mean, because he has a dick, you can get laid?
00:55:13Exactly.
00:55:14God, you're such a slut.
00:55:16Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:17I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:21Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead
00:55:24for your romantic, exciting locker key any day of the week.
00:55:28Really?
00:55:29Honey, I want the real thing. Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff. We all do.
00:55:35Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:39Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:44Are you really going to fuck Brian?
00:55:46No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:49God, you're so bad.
00:55:51I'll call you later. I got a jet.
00:55:53Okay, bye.
00:56:05I know Jesus. He's a friend of mine. I met him in a pub.
00:56:10It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:13I looked over, and there he was, sitting there, right at the bar.
00:56:18He was drinking, too. He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:22I said, Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you.
00:56:27Man, you would not believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:31The last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:35On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:39They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:43And you know what the thing is?
00:56:45I don't really want to tell you this, but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:50I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:55His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:58Then I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all tangled up.
00:57:02He was kind of dirty and skinny looking.
00:57:05He looked to me like he'd been living out on the street for God, all his whole life, probably.
00:57:09Then he says to me,
00:57:12You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:17They are after me every day.
00:57:19They're always on my back.
00:57:21And you know what? Very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:25Very little of it.
00:57:39Then he mumbled something else. I don't quite remember what it was.
00:57:42And then he said something like,
00:57:44Hey, how about sliding me a dollar so I can get some food?
00:57:49And then he looked into his glass, and he just kind of stared into it for a while.
00:57:53And I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:57And I looked at him, and I said,
00:57:59Can't you just make a miracle or something?
00:58:01Save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:58:05And he looked at me, and he goes,
00:58:07Don't look at me, pal. I've done all I can.
00:58:10I've been trying to save the world,
00:58:12but how can I change your heart when it's all balled up like a vest?
00:58:16I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:21Well, I'd been drinking for days, and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:26So I looked at him, and I said,
00:58:28Oh, I see. You're just going to sit there drinking while we all go straight to hell.
00:58:33You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope.
00:58:41And then he just kind of twisted his glass,
00:58:45and he turned his head ever so slowly,
00:58:49and he took a long stare at me.
00:58:53And he looked at me with those big, round eyes of his, and he says,
00:59:04Look, pal, you can buy me a drink, or you can leave me alone.
00:59:10The rest is up to you.
00:59:13And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
01:00:04Hey, Richard. Richard!
01:00:07Hey, how's it going, man?
01:00:09Good to see you.
01:00:11Hey, listen, I need some advice.
01:00:15On what?
01:00:17Women. What else?
01:00:19Listen, don't ask me. I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:23Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:25You've got a relationship.
01:00:27I don't have a relationship. I have a sinking ship.
01:00:30It's close enough.
01:00:32Look, I just need some advice on what to do with the woman that's been giving me the bagels.
01:00:36The bagel woman.
01:00:37Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:39No. It's worse than that.
01:00:41How much worse?
01:00:43Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:46You think?
01:00:48Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:51You're in love with her? With her?
01:00:54I love her. I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:58Well, have you told her?
01:00:59No, look at me. I'm afraid what she might think.
01:01:03Let me tell you something, okay?
01:01:05One time I asked somebody for some advice and they gave it to me and I took it.
01:01:09It fucked my whole life up. It fucked it up real.
01:01:12Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20Well, years later, I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves.
01:01:27It was almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would have done in the situation that I was in,
01:01:31which is what I think humans do generally. They can't help it.
01:01:35So what do you mean exactly?
01:01:37What do you mean? What do I mean?
01:01:41Okay, like say if I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay?
01:01:45And they say, nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:47Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:49So they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead of what I should have done.
01:01:53Okay. So what happened?
01:01:56Well, I did this thing in that situation, which would have been great had they done it,
01:02:00but for me, it wound up being the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:03So as a result of that, I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:02:08all because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:02:10What bullshit?
01:02:14Well, she was it, George. You know what I'm saying? She was it.
01:02:17All right, and the advice I got was don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So I didn't tell her. So she left town and left a note.
01:02:25A note? What did it say?
01:02:27The note.
01:02:29All right, all right. I got it right here.
01:02:33Wait, that stick of gum, are you going to...
01:02:35No, I need that.
01:02:39Richard, I'll love you forever. Anita.
01:02:46I got a postcard from her a couple of years ago.
01:02:48She's living in Minneapolis now, married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:52I tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:56And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:58Happily fucking married.
01:03:02Anyway, the point is, okay, is that anytime anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:03:07I mean, I don't care who it is, it could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother,
01:03:12they're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:15Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:16All right?
01:03:19So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:23But it doesn't apply to you, so don't take it.
01:03:29Right. Got it. Got it.
01:03:36Got it.
01:03:37You're going to leave, huh?
01:03:38Yeah. Yeah.
01:03:43Hey, you all right?
01:03:45Yeah.
01:03:46You okay?
01:03:47Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:52Hey, you know, take a shower, though, before, or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:03:58Got it.
01:04:12Love, kindness, joy, bliss, care, and self-assurance.
01:04:20These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:30These things are inside of me every second of every day.
01:04:35I just happen to be covered up with a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:40I just need to stop.
01:04:42I just need to stop and get down under these layers and uncover that hidden self down on the inside.
01:04:49Yeah.
01:04:50It's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions, these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:58It's not like we were all born perfect, and then we had to go discover a course in miracles,
01:05:04or become a Scientologist, or spend a hundred years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:12No. No.
01:05:16No. No. No.
01:05:19I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:24Yeah.
01:05:27And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:31I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:33No, it's right here.
01:05:35It's right here inside of me.
01:05:36I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:39Just pour it out.
01:05:40Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:44Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:49Get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me,
01:05:53and let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:58That's what I'm gonna do.
01:06:01That's what I'm gonna do.
01:06:03It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:06I can feel it. We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:08I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:10I know.
01:06:11Yeah, you know.
01:06:12Everybody knows.
01:06:28I hope this has been my decision.
01:06:32This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:36I hope you like me.
01:06:39She's not gonna like me.
01:06:41What am I thinking?
01:06:42I can't believe this.
01:06:44This is crazy.
01:06:46Oh, God.
01:06:48What if she wouldn't like me?
01:06:50Oh, God.
01:07:02She's not gonna like me.
01:07:04Hey!
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:08What are you doing?
01:07:10Oh, I was just gonna put something into your mailbox.
01:07:14You've been leaving me things?
01:07:16Yeah. Yeah.
01:07:18You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:22Yeah.
01:07:24Oh, my God. What was I thinking?
01:07:27Of course. Of course it would be someone like you.
01:07:30No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:34What is wrong with you?
01:07:36What were you thinking?
01:07:38Well, you just left me those bagels and...
01:07:40I leave stray dogs biscuits,
01:07:44and I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:47You can't do this anymore.
01:07:49You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:52I just... I wanted to thank you.
01:07:54Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:56My God, my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:07:59What is wrong with you?
01:08:01What is wrong with you?
01:08:03You've got bodies in your freezer.
01:08:05I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:08How did you know?
01:08:10I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:14Look, you don't love me. You got that?
01:08:18You don't love me, and I don't love you,
01:08:21and I never will love you.
01:08:23You had better leave.
01:08:25And you had better leave me alone.
01:08:27And you had better not come back here. You got that?
01:08:29I'm going inside, and I'm going to call the police.
01:08:32And if you ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested.
01:08:36And I'm having a restraining order put on you.
01:08:39So stay out of my mailbox.
01:08:43And my garbage.
01:08:45You don't understand.
01:08:47I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:50I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:53You just talk too much.
01:08:55I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:57Now you know.
01:08:59Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch, and I hate you.
01:09:03So get the fuck away from me.
01:09:05You disgust me.
01:09:07You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:27Never alone.
01:09:30Never alone.
01:09:32Never alone.
01:09:34Never alone.
01:09:36Never alone.
01:09:38Never alone.
01:09:40Never alone.
01:09:42Never alone.
01:09:44Never alone.
01:09:46Never alone.
01:09:48Never alone.
01:09:50Never alone.
01:09:52Never alone.
01:09:54Never alone.
01:09:56Never alone.
01:09:58Never alone.
01:10:00Never alone.
01:10:02Never alone.
01:10:04Never alone.
01:10:06Never alone.
01:10:08I don't know.
01:10:13To be this way.
01:10:17I didn't want to be this way.
01:10:19I don't want this to be this way.
01:10:22Is there any hope?
01:10:23Is there hope?
01:10:24Oh.
01:10:28Is there hope?
01:10:36Very doubtful.
01:10:41Is there love?
01:10:43Goodness?
01:10:45Kindness?
01:10:50Oh, I look not so good.
01:10:54But I believed in these things.
01:10:56I know they exist. I know they do.
01:11:01For some.
01:11:03For the lucky ones.
01:11:07But not for me!
01:11:11It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:15To reach out. To have someone grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:20I thought that love would come. I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:23I thought that I felt it.
01:11:25But no. I only felt the hope of it.
01:11:28Belonging of it.
01:11:30I thought that something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:35And now I know that there is.
01:11:37But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:40Not something wonderful and caring.
01:11:42But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:44Something sour and cold.
01:11:47Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:49Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:56Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:58But I had not died.
01:11:59But I was dead.
01:12:01And only I could will myself back to life.
01:12:04The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:09I could not forgive good or God.
01:12:11Or good spirits.
01:12:13Or the Tao.
01:12:14Or Karma.
01:12:16Or Buddha.
01:12:17Or Yahweh.
01:12:18Or Mary.
01:12:19Or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:23For all the good it had given me.
01:12:25I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:32Was it just me and an evil act of evil self-intent?
01:12:36What possessed me?
01:12:38How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:41Yet I do.
01:12:43I do forgive Him in my thoughts.
01:12:46But when?
01:12:47When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul?
01:12:51And stay there nurturing me?
01:12:53Become a part of me?
01:12:55Why is it so easy?
01:12:57To forgive in the brain?
01:12:59In the mind?
01:13:00In the intellect?
01:13:01To forgive in the heart?
01:13:03Will the darkness dwell?
01:13:05With their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart?
01:13:13I have every right.
01:13:14I have every right to be angry.
01:13:17I have every right to be angry.
01:13:21I have every right to be angry.
01:13:27But do I?
01:13:30Do I want to be?
01:13:33Do I?
01:14:03Do I want to be?
01:14:33Ooooooo
01:14:38Ooooooo
01:14:42Ooooooo
01:14:47Ooooooo
01:14:52Ooooooo
01:15:04Pure space
01:15:11Pure space
01:15:15Pure space
01:15:18I was driving home one night with my family
01:15:22and I swerved to avoid hitting a dog
01:15:26and uh
01:15:29it rolled over
01:15:31and I killed him.
01:15:33I killed my family.
01:15:36Mighty I am
01:15:39Mighty indwelling God
01:15:45Mighty I am
01:15:49Mighty indwelling God
01:15:55Ooooooo
01:16:02Ooooooo
01:16:07Ooooooo
01:16:13Um, I'm sorry.
01:16:15I'm sorry.
01:16:16I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:21I'm sorry.
01:16:22I'm sorry.
01:16:24So,
01:16:26I'm, I'm not gonna yell at you anymore.
01:16:33Oh,
01:16:35um,
01:16:37do you need to be alone?
01:16:39I can go.
01:16:40No, no, uh, that's okay.
01:16:43I wanted you to meet my wife and child.
01:16:48Well, they wanted to meet you.
01:16:50I guess you think it's pretty weird me introducing you to my wife and child
01:16:56that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:17:00I just wanted their approval for what I, I guess I don't really know.
01:17:09I must just be crazy.
01:17:12No.
01:17:14No, you're not crazy.
01:17:17I'm not?
01:17:20No.
01:17:22You,
01:17:24you just need to be loved.
01:17:31So do I.
01:17:34Uh,
01:17:37I don't know what to say.
01:17:40Um,
01:17:43well,
01:17:44well,
01:17:46you look really nice.
01:17:50Um,
01:17:52why don't we go get a bagel?
01:17:54Do you, do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:56Come on.
01:17:57My treat.
01:17:59Let's go.
01:18:02It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:04And look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:07I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:18:10I bet they are.
01:18:11How could you in a place like this?
01:18:15I hope that my child, I hope this is peaceful.
01:18:27What kind of walking are you doing?
01:18:30I bet someone is.
01:18:35What is that?
01:18:45Make a sound in a land where no one sings
01:18:51Rock a child in the arms that loving brings
01:18:57Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:19:03Hold it close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:19:09Turn this world around, we're going home
01:19:21Now that we are found, we're going home
01:19:29Now that we are found, we're going home
01:19:34Happy child in the eyes that know all things
01:19:40Take a walk in a world where freedom rings
01:19:46Plant a seed in the mind that thinking brings
01:19:52Hold you close as we fly on our silver strings
01:19:58Hear that inner sound, we're going home
01:20:10Blue and green and brown, going home
01:20:23Make a sound in the land where no one sings
01:20:29Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:20:35Rock a child in the arms that loving brings
01:20:41Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:47Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:53Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:57Glide on our ancient wings
01:21:18Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:32Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:39We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going
01:21:44Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:57Turn this world around, we're going home
01:22:08you