Insult hurts, and I am unable to forgive || Acharya Prashant, at Delhi University (2023)

Acharya Prashant

~~~~~  Video Information: 31.01.23, Hansraj College, Delhi  Context: ~ How to not feel hurt? ~ How to forgive people? ~ How to not get easily offended? ~ People easily affect you? ~ Suffering from social anxiety.   Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~  #acharyaprashant #insult #hurt #socialanxiety

Transcript

00:00 Here you are and you are Chetna right?

00:08 And I say, no, no, Rekha is an utter idiot.

00:12 Does it matter to you?

00:15 Why does it not matter to you?

00:18 And I am pointing at you, I am saying Rekha is an idiot.

00:20 Does it matter to you?

00:21 Did you feel hurt?

00:24 Did the question of forgiving even arise?

00:28 When does the question of forgiving the offender arise?

00:32 When you are first of all offended.

00:36 But here I am saying Rekha, you are an idiot.

00:39 Why is she not offended?

00:43 Why is she not offended?

00:45 Please.

00:46 She knows she is Chetna.

00:49 If I know who I am and someone tells me I am somebody else, to me that would be at most

00:55 a joke.

00:57 Right?

00:58 To me that would be at most a joke.

01:01 But suppose she has some kind of amnesia right now, forgetfulness.

01:06 She does not know who she is and I am saying Rekha.

01:10 What will she be forced to believe then?

01:13 Who knows?

01:14 Maybe really I am Rekha?

01:17 After all he is saying I am Rekha.

01:20 And Rekha is being talked of as an idiot.

01:23 What if there are ten people around you who tell you that you are Rekha?

01:30 If you know for sure you are Chetna, it won't matter to you.

01:32 But if you do not know, this society will carry you away.

01:39 This one comes I suppose either from the Hito Padesh or the Panchatantra.

01:45 So there was this Brahmin, a pretty foolish one, who was carrying his calf through the

01:57 jungle.

01:58 A little calf, he was carrying it through the jungle.

02:04 So some thieves locked in upon him.

02:08 They said we must have his calf.

02:11 So first of all, one among them, the first one among them came to this Brahmin and said,

02:18 so Vipravar, you good priest, what are you doing walking this dog here?

02:27 And what does the Brahmin say?

02:29 Well, what are you talking?

02:31 Drunk or what?

02:33 This is a very fine calf.

02:37 Then the Brahmin walks ahead and after a while the second one comes and says, is this a new

02:43 passion or what?

02:46 You have given up on all other animals, it's dogs that you roam around with.

02:54 And the Brahmin gives him an angry stare and continues walking.

02:58 But now there are doubts within.

03:04 Then the third one comes, the third thief and the Brahmin is already praying that this

03:10 one does not come up and say that this is a dog.

03:13 And the Brahmin is now rather sternly looking at the animal.

03:18 Are you really a calf?

03:22 And this one comes and says, wow, a beautiful animal you are carrying.

03:28 Lovely.

03:29 Where did you get this dog from?

03:34 And it's a beautiful one really.

03:35 It's an evolved species, imported or what?

03:39 And the Brahmin cannot even afford to get angry at this one now.

03:44 He has serious self-doubt now because three of them have told him in succession that this

03:51 one is a dog.

03:53 And now the fourth one, the moment the Brahmin sees a fourth person walking towards him,

03:59 he is already pretending that he is not carrying the calf.

04:02 He is pretending that, you know, this animal is just on its own walking by my side.

04:07 No, no, no, I have nothing to do with it.

04:10 So the fourth one comes and says, hey, sir, why do you allow stray dogs to walk alongside?

04:16 Why don't you just kick it away?

04:19 Now the Brahmin is saying, I'll see, I'll mind my own business.

04:24 Come on.

04:25 And the Brahmin goes a step or two ahead and actually lets the calf go and the thieves

04:31 get what they want.

04:34 The world is that thief.

04:35 It is not without reason that Vedant talks of everything that you see, touch, hear, experience

04:45 as Maya.

04:47 You know what Maya is?

04:48 It makes you believe in that which does not exist.

04:53 It makes you forget that which is real, which really exists.

04:58 It will tell you a thousand things about yourself and you will come to believe in all those

05:06 things that the world has told you about who you are.

05:10 Please examine this.

05:13 Do not take me at face value.

05:16 Whatever you know about yourself, is it not coming from the world?

05:21 Have you ever tried to investigate into your own self-image, self-concept?

05:28 That's the reason why Advaita Vedanta keeps the question koham, who am I at the center.

05:35 If you do not know who you are, you will be forced to believe in whatever others tell

05:41 you about yourself.

05:44 And that's where from all these problems, someone comes and hurts me, offends me, someone

05:49 comes and just inflates me by praising me, someone is able to motivate me, someone is

05:57 able to demotivate me.

05:59 How do all these things happen?

06:00 Because we do not know who we are.

06:02 So we rely totally, we depend totally on what others tell about ourselves.

06:10 We have become accustomed to crutches.

06:18 We do not even realize how big a slavery that is.

06:25 Who does not feel great when someone compliments him or her on his looks?

06:32 And if someone comes and says, you look obnoxious in this jacket.

06:39 And the jacket might be an expensive one, and you might have actually selected it with

06:43 care.

06:44 But someone comes and says, what kind of jacket is this?

06:47 And you feel like dropping it.

06:49 Especially if four thieves call you to tell you that your jacket is indeed very shabby,

06:58 they'll get your jacket.

07:04 It's not whether I'm really ugly or not, whether I'm really stupid or not.

07:13 That's not the question.

07:14 I might actually be stupid.

07:15 But then I should be the one who should know that I am stupid.

07:19 I should not require someone else to come and tell me I am stupid.

07:23 You get this.

07:24 The shame does not lie in being stupid.

07:26 We are entitled to our stupidity.

07:29 I have been stupid throughout my life.

07:31 That's okay.

07:32 We are entitled to be stupid.

07:35 Vedant does not say that you cannot be stupid.

07:38 You can be stupid.

07:39 But you are not entitled to be self-ignorant.

07:43 You get the difference?

07:46 You are entitled to be whatever you are in a prakritic way.

07:52 You did not choose your looks.

07:53 You did not choose your IQ.

07:55 You did not choose your birth.

07:56 You did not choose your parents.

07:58 You even did not choose your country, your religion, your surroundings, your economic

08:02 conditions.

08:03 None of that you chose.

08:05 So all that is okay.

08:08 You are entitled to be six feet five inches.

08:10 You are entitled to be five feet two inches.

08:12 All that is okay because that's what non-doership is, right?

08:16 I didn't do that.

08:18 Somebody is born a male, somebody is born a female, somebody is born diseased.

08:23 You didn't choose that.

08:24 So all that is okay.

08:26 What is not okay is not knowing yourself.

08:31 And when you do not know yourself, the world becomes your master.

08:33 As young people, how many of you want to be ruled by the world?

08:40 And how many of you want to live free lives?

08:44 Now this freedom is at the core of Vedanta.

08:50 What is the goal of Vedanta?

08:52 Happiness, pleasure, riches, fame, social acceptance.

08:58 What is the goal of Vedanta?

09:01 Freedom.

09:03 And such pure and absolute freedom, you call it liberation.

09:08 Not just ordinary freedom, liberation.

09:13 And you cannot be liberated without self-knowledge.

09:18 Now do you see why our relationships are toxic?

09:23 Now do you see why others manage to hurt us, harm us, bloat us up and also puncture us?

09:33 Do you see?

09:35 Why are you in such a bad mood?

09:38 Somebody sent me an offensive message.

09:40 Does that happen or not?

09:42 Your entire day can be ruined, somebody sent you an offensive message.

09:47 Why have you chosen a bad course to study?

09:51 Why have you enrolled in a discipline you don't really care about?

09:57 How did you get into this kind of a shady job?

10:00 Why did you choose this sector to work in?

10:05 How did you get hitched to this person?

10:10 Do all these things happen or not?

10:12 Somebody is pursuing a bad course, somebody has gotten into a bad job, somebody is now

10:18 stuck in a bad relationship.

10:20 Do these things happen or not?

10:21 Do you see most of these things happen because we listened too much to others?

10:28 And listening too much to others becomes a compulsion.

10:33 You cannot avoid it.

10:35 Just as asking for direction from others becomes a compulsion more than a necessity, a compulsion

10:42 when you do not know the way.

10:45 When you do not know the way, you will be forced to ask from others.

10:51 I did not know which course to choose, which college to go to, which course to register

10:58 in.

10:59 So, what did I do?

11:03 What did I do?

11:07 Some Bablu Bhaiya from the neighborhood came and became the expert.

11:11 How did he manage to become the expert?

11:16 We can't blame him.

11:17 He was offering his free services.

11:21 We have to blame?

11:23 Why did I not know it for myself?

11:26 Whose life is it?

11:27 So, who should have known?

11:30 I should have known.

11:32 Why did I have to fall dependent on this fellow?

11:36 I don't know.

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