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00:00Bonjour, Monsieur Andrews, we've been expecting you.
00:25You have?
00:26Of course, you silly little rodent.
00:28I have reserved just for you the Willard Presidential Suite.
00:31I hope that it will be satisfactory.
00:34The Willard?
00:35Sounds wonderful.
00:36Of course it is.
00:37We have also set a hundred thousand dollar credit limit for you in the casino.
00:41Sounds wonderful.
00:42Paradise.
00:43Nude rats on ice with cheese.
00:57I'm feeling naughty tonight.
00:58Luck be a rodent tonight.
00:59Amazing night.
01:00Amazing town.
01:01I don't think I've lost a bet all night.
01:14This is glorious.
01:15Fifteen.
01:16Hit me.
01:25No more bets.
01:26I gotta lay off the caffeine.
01:34Gary Andrews is a successful Wall Street attorney.
01:37He has money, prestige, and power, but in winning the rat race, Gary has gone too far.
01:51No!
01:55Gary the rat?
02:00Shit.
02:02Now let's see.
02:08Do we go with the Valentino or the Cavalli?
02:16Cavalli it is.
02:17Bella Roberto.
02:18Hello?
02:19This is he.
02:20Police.
02:22You found my mother staggering through Central Park, bleeding, frightened, and disoriented.
02:27May I speak to her?
02:29Thank you, officer.
02:30Mom, what the hell's going on?
02:31Did you bite through the restraints again?
02:33Well, how many times have I told you that the ropes, straps, and muzzle are used for your
02:37protection?
02:38No, I can't come bail you out.
02:40I have a busy day ahead of me.
02:42Listen, Mom, someone's at the door and I have to go.
02:45Just tell the nice officers that your rash is infectious.
02:47I'm sure they'll give you your own cell.
02:49Gotta go.
02:51Wow.
02:52You really are a giant dog.
02:54Bud, is that you?
02:55And you can really talk.
02:58You smell like Bud.
02:59You smell like pee.
03:00You're an idiot like Bud.
03:02I'm Bud's brother.
03:03More of you.
03:04The apocalypse.
03:05I'm Bud with an L.
03:07The L is silent.
03:09As you should be before you hurt yourself, you twit.
03:11Is that my imported hand-wrapped kohiba boxed set?
03:13Hi.
03:18Listen closely, Bud with an L.
03:19This is ten dollars.
03:21I want you to take it to your mother, give it to her, and have her purchase an IUD.
03:25Can you handle that?
03:27Can you lick your own paw?
03:31Kohiba robustus.
03:45Now I have zip too.
03:47Thank you, Mr. Spacey.
03:49Hey, buddy.
03:50Do me a favor.
03:51Give me a lift uptown.
03:52Sorry, pal.
03:53Only room for one.
03:54Yeah.
03:55I guess you're right.
03:59You should get hit by a tour bus, you son of a bitch.
04:05That's happy.
04:07All right.
04:08Here's how it's gonna go down, boots.
04:10The rat, he's gonna be in his office like nothing's going on.
04:13He'll be talking about this and chatting about that.
04:16And that's when we fly this here balloon up to his window and kabang!
04:21Rat boy gets a full metal jacket.
04:24Meow.
04:25I know, right?
04:40You're late, Mr. Andrews.
04:42Damn him.
04:43Damn him straight to hell.
04:44I'll let Mr. Harrison know your feelings, sir.
04:46Not him.
04:47Spacey.
04:48Kevin Spacey and his new-aged, environmentally sound death machine.
04:51Damn him.
04:52Do we feel better now?
04:54Getting there.
04:55How nice.
04:56Mr. Harrison wants to see you at his office right away.
04:58All right, just let me drop my things in my office and I'll be right there.
05:00And would you make sure he gets this birthday gift from me?
05:02He said right away.
05:03I got it.
05:04I wouldn't keep him waiting.
05:05Betty, you look lovely today.
05:07He said now.
05:08Except the shoes.
05:09The shoes were a tragic mistake.
05:11How's it going, cupcake?
05:12I beg your pardon?
05:13You can beg all you want, baby doll.
05:14You're just not my type.
05:15I like him.
05:16What's the word I'm looking for?
05:17Attractive.
05:18Is the man of the house around?
05:19Please leave before I call security.
05:21Believe me, security's not going to find you attractive either.
05:23I'm here to see the fat man, your boss, Jack Harrison.
05:26I'm Terry McMillan, the new attorney here in charge of mergers and acquisitions.
05:30You're Mr. McMillan?
05:32Oh, and a bright one too, I see.
05:34Yes.
05:35I'm Terry McMillan.
05:39And I'm here to see Mr. Harrison.
05:42Just have a seat, Mr. McMillan.
05:45I'll let Mr. Harrison and the police know you're here.
05:47Yeah, why don't you do me one better and fetch him for me personally, butterbutt?
05:51But walk slowly, so I can watch that ass of yours shake down the hall.
05:55Go on.
05:58Ooh, I gotta get in there.
06:13Holy spice rack, Andrews, where the hell have you been?
06:16I'm sorry I was late, Mr. Harrison. Some derelict stole my zappy.
06:20Stole your zappy?
06:21What is that, some kind of sicko sex code like hide the salami or skin the porpoise?
06:26A zappy's a scooter, sir.
06:27It's all right, Andrews. Your deviant secrets are safe with me.
06:30Now why the hell did I come in here?
06:32No idea, sir.
06:33Exactly.
06:34I want you to meet a new attorney to the firm.
06:36He's in charge of mergers and acquisitions, whatever the hell that is.
06:40Now make sure you go out of your way to welcome him and show him around the office.
06:43I will, Mr. Harrison.
06:45Mr. Harrison!
06:46Who the hell said that?
06:47I did, sir. Mr. Harrison, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
06:50Happy birthday?
06:51That's touching, Andrews. I didn't think anyone would remember.
06:55I left a gift for you on Betty's desk.
06:56A gift? One of my five? What else you got planned, Andrews?
06:59You gonna bring a petting zoo into the office during lunch hour?
07:02Or maybe we'll all go to Chuck E. Cheese and have a pizza party with those freak relatives of yours.
07:06It's a nice gift, sir.
07:07Well, it better be or it's your ass, Andrews.
07:09I pay you enough damn money that you should be buying me something nice.
07:13Hey, baby, what's going on?
07:15No, no, everything's great here.
07:17Yeah, I've already set some loser named Andrews up for the fall.
07:21Don't worry about it, baby. I've got everything handled.
07:23Old man Harrison's gonna love me.
07:25And before you know it, I'll be running this firm.
07:28The money will be rolling in and we'll use the expense account to rob these suckers blind.
07:33Of course you're gonna have diamonds.
07:35Oh, listen, baby, I have to go.
07:38As anyone ever told you that you light up a room when you come into it?
07:42Yes, they have.
07:43Well, they lied. You walk like your feet are on fire. Plus, you have fat calves. Awful.
07:47Please, get away from me.
07:49I know you want me. I can't see it, but I can smell it.
07:53Because I know all about you, getting older every day and still no ring on your finger.
07:57You keep asking yourself, what's wrong with me?
07:59When will love knock on my door?
08:01Well, I can take care of that for you.
08:03I can take you to paradise and back.
08:08Betty? Where the hell is Betty?
08:10Betty left for a moment. Something about having to call in a bet to her bookie.
08:13Yeah, I told her I'd watch the phones and tidy up for her.
08:16And who the hell are you?
08:18Terry McMillan, sir. I'm your new attorney in charge of M&A's.
08:21And may I say, sir, what an honor it is to be working for such a visionary as yourself.
08:26The hell's wrong with you, McMillan? You some kind of suck-up?
08:29Absolutely, sir.
08:30Fantastic! Every firm needs an in-house suck-up. Now I've got him.
08:35I also got you a gift for your birthday, sir.
08:37A gift? Boy, you're the Dalai Lama of suck-ups. I like that. So what the hell is it?
08:41You'll have to open it.
08:43Oh, jiva robustos. Well, they're from Cuba, you know.
08:47These are next to impossible to get. How'd you pull this off?
08:50Well, when I worked in Florida, I would extort them from Cuban immigrants
08:53coming into the country looking for political asylum.
08:55Fantastic! You're a real go-getter, man. I like that.
08:58Now why don't we move down to my office and figure out
09:01who the hell I'm going to let go of to make room for you here.
09:04Sounds great, sir. But first, Mr. Andrews wanted me to give this to you.
09:09The hell is this? Some kind of sick joke?
09:11Who gives a man a stapler for his birthday? I don't even staple.
09:14I'm a paperclip man, Mac. Paperclips! They're fun to bend.
09:18I agree, sir. Andrews also said that he thought birthdays were stupid
09:23and any bald-headed, chiclet brains who celebrated them
09:26should be kicked in the balls and thrown down the stairs.
09:29Andrews said that? Figures. He's a goddamn rat, you know.
09:32A rat?
09:33A rat! A giant-eared, good-for-nothing, slack-jawed, filthy rat.
09:37And he's got some explaining to do. Come with me.
09:40All right, Fuji, here's what we gotta do.
09:43We grab on to the wire, shimmy to the other pole,
09:46and then we slide down like a stripper on Sunday.
09:50You go first.
09:52Fine. I'll show you to the light.
09:56Ah! What'd I tell ya?
10:07Oh, my balls!
10:13Betty, did you give Mr. Harrison my gift yet?
10:16I'll take that as a no. So, what did you do with it?
10:19Yes, Mr. Harrison?
10:21Betty, it's Harrison here.
10:23Yes, Mr. Harrison.
10:24Betty, book me a lunch for two at 21.
10:26I'm taking McMillan with me to try the steak tartare.
10:29It's raw meat, you know.
10:30Yes, Mr. Harrison.
10:31And, Betty, find out where the hell that giant rat freak Andrews is
10:34and send him into my office.
10:36Mr. Andrews is right here, sir.
10:38And tell him to haul his freak rat bastard ass in here right now.
10:41I can hear you, sir.
10:42Of course you can! You got those giant mutant ears!
10:45Now, Andrews!
10:47You wanted to see me, Mr. Harrison?
10:49Well, it's about time, Andrews. Get in here.
10:52I want you to meet our newest arrival. His name's McMillan.
10:55I'd call him Mac, but you can't.
10:57Mac's gonna head up our mergers and acquisitions team.
11:00Whatever the hell that is.
11:01Mac, this is Andrews.
11:03You? You're the one.
11:06I'm gonna kill you.
11:11Stop! I said stop!
11:14Now, you listen here.
11:15I don't know what the hell's going on with you two,
11:17but if any more trouble breaks out in this office,
11:20I'm gonna go echo Bravo Charlie on both your asses.
11:23I was in Nam, you know.
11:25Mr. Harrison, I don't know what's going on here,
11:27and I'm only sorry you had to witness such outlandish behavior.
11:30Mac here's a suck-up, if you haven't already guessed.
11:33He's much more than that, sir.
11:34This is the vile malefactor who knocked me to the ground
11:36and stole my zappy this morning.
11:37You're turning into a real potty mouse, Andrews.
11:40And he almost ruined your birthday gift.
11:42I wish he would have destroyed that god-awful present.
11:44What the hell kind of person
11:46gives a man a stapler for his birthday?
11:48You know I'm a paperclip man.
11:50Yes, sir, I know. They're fun to bend.
11:52What stapler are you talking about?
11:54This stapler. The one you got me for my birthday.
11:56The one I already own.
11:57Mr. Harrison, I don't know what you're talking about.
12:00I got you a case of Kohima Robusters.
12:02You bought the cigars.
12:03Mac here says he bought me the cigars.
12:05I'll kill you.
12:07Stop! Stop it, or I swear
12:09that I'll make a flyby with a Huey
12:11and do a rain dance on both your heads.
12:14Now, somebody tell me what the hell's going on here.
12:17Mr. Harrison, I think I can explain what this is all about.
12:20Well, get to it already. I don't want to miss my lunch.
12:22You see, sir, when I came into the office this morning,
12:24I had your cigars with me.
12:26Liar!
12:27Andrews asked me about them,
12:28and I told him they were a well-deserved gift
12:30for your birthday.
12:31Succubus!
12:32He quickly realized that he'd forgotten your birthday,
12:34and now, in a feeble attempt to win your graces,
12:37he wants you to...
12:38he wants you to believe that they were his gift to you.
12:41Miscreant!
12:42And as demonstrated by his repeated interruptions,
12:45he's obviously not a team player,
12:47and he doesn't like you or your fashion palette,
12:49and you have no choice but to let him go.
12:51Mr. Harrison, you can't possibly believe this name.
12:54Sir, this... this devil that stands before you
12:57is nothing more than a confidence man,
12:59a charlatan who has ingratiated himself to you
13:01in hopes to win your favors.
13:03He's an imposter, a liar, and a thief,
13:05and I trust you will deal with him swiftly and severely.
13:08Or at least allow me to bite his face off.
13:10I've given this a lot of thought.
13:12It was a hard decision, but it has to be made.
13:14Andrews?
13:15Yes, sir?
13:16You're out.
13:17Pack up your things and be out of the building by the end of the day.
13:19Mr. Harrison, you can't do this.
13:21Nothing this man says is true.
13:23His word against yours, Andrews.
13:25He wins.
13:26But why?
13:27Because you're a rat.
13:28Who the hell would you believe?
13:30Now, let's get out of here, Mac,
13:31before they run out of capers for the tartare.
13:36You want to play dirty, my little antichrist superstar?
13:39Then dirty we shall get.
13:41Terry McMillan, a.k.a. Terrence McMichael,
13:44a.k.a. Terry Crookser, a.k.a. Harry Boitzer,
13:48fired in 1999 for suspicion of fraud.
13:51Let go in 2000 for alleged sexual harassment.
13:55Again in 2001 for deviant sexual behavior.
14:00No charges filed.
14:02Looks like our Mr. McMillan is a bit of a trouser hound.
14:05Well, this time I'll see to it that he and his wee willy one eye
14:09are put permanently out of business.
14:12Or I'll just kill him.
14:15Gift delivery, dude.
14:17Gift? Who sent me this?
14:19It's from a giant dog.
14:20Do you have special issues?
14:26You want a tip?
14:27Make sure you turn the gas on
14:29before shoving your head into the oven.
14:34Dick.
14:40Oh, I am just too friggin' good.
14:42Yes, Mr. Andrews?
14:43Betty, would you be a dear and get me copies of the Wilker file?
14:46I put them on your desk this morning, Mr. Andrews.
14:48Spilled coffee all over them. I'm gonna need another set.
14:51Right away, please, Betty.
14:52Yes, Mr. Andrews.
14:54McMillan, alone with Betty and armed with bakery delights
14:57scented love oils.
14:59He'll never be able to control himself.
15:01I burst in, saving our damsel in distress,
15:03and the devil himself is forever a memory in this place.
15:10Hubba hubba.
15:11What the hell do you think you're doing?
15:13I got you a little present.
15:14Now it's time to get sticky.
15:16You get the hell away from me or I'll scream.
15:18Oh, you'll scream all right.
15:20It'll be screams of ecstasy washing over your entire body.
15:24Mr. Andrews knows I'm in here.
15:26Well, that rat son of a bitch is probably out on his ass already.
15:29Damn! Locked.
15:31I'm warning you, I know kickboxing.
15:33Yeah, that's okay,
15:34because I'm gonna teach you some tongue boxing.
15:40Ah!
15:42My balls.
15:45Betty, are you all right?
15:46He tried to attack me,
15:48and now I'm gonna bash his face in.
15:51Betty, you're gonna kill the man.
15:53Let me help.
15:54Those were Cuban cigars.
15:56I spent a fortune on those.
16:00My God, you were amazing.
16:02Tybo.
16:10Remind me to never upset you around any photocopying equipment.
16:13Thanks for your help.
16:14Um, Betty, I have to be honest.
16:17This was partially my fault.
16:18What do you mean?
16:19Well, I wanted to get McMillan out of here,
16:20so I did some research and found out that he had a history
16:22of sexual deviant behavior on his record.
16:24I see.
16:25There's more.
16:26Knowing his history,
16:27I took it upon myself to send him a gift,
16:29to which I signed...
16:30Oh, for the love of Pete,
16:31what the hell's going on in here?
16:33I hope you weren't trying to show my sweet Betty
16:35your zappy thing, were you, Andrews?
16:37Of course not, Mr. Harrison.
16:38Betty and I were just preparing
16:39for your surprise birthday party, sir.
16:41Surprise?
16:42I didn't know anything about a surprise.
16:44Anyway, while Betty was copying invitations,
16:46McMillan came in there and tried to sexually assault her.
16:48Betty, is this true?
16:49Are you all right?
16:50Yes, sir, I'm fine.
16:51Mr. Andrews came in just in time.
16:53My God.
16:54How the hell could something like this happen?
16:56And where the hell is McMillan?
16:58I'm gonna take the bastard up to the roof
17:00and throw the son of a bitch off.
17:02No one messes with my Betty.
17:04No one!
17:05I think I better go make sure he doesn't kill the man.
17:07That's probably a good idea.
17:09You are okay?
17:10I'm fine, thank you, Mr. Andrews.
17:13Betty, please, call me Gary from now on.
17:17All right, this is the one!
17:19This is the one, Bootsy!
17:22We infiltrate the rat's nest like nothing's going on.
17:25Then we deliver the cake,
17:27light these here candles,
17:29and bang!
17:30Rat Boy will be blown to pieces!
17:33Now.
17:34I know, right?
17:38Here you go.
17:42Well, Andrews,
17:43now that that son of a bitch McMillan's out of the picture,
17:46I'm gonna be needing you around.
17:48So just forget what I said about dragging your rat ass
17:50out of here by 5 o'clock.
17:52Thank you, sir.
17:53Don't thank me, Andrews.
17:54It was Betty's doing.
17:55Tell me what you did.
17:56Mr. Harrison, Mr. Harrison, I have your cake, sir.
17:58Happy birthday, sir!
17:59Happy birthday!
18:00You believe this suck-up?
18:02Looks like he's trying to bribe me with a birthday cake.
18:05Oh, looks like he's trying to bribe me with a Black Forest cake.
18:08Devil's food, Andrews!
18:10I only eat devil's food!
18:12Here you are, sir!
18:13I made this just for you!
18:22Black Forest, Andrews.
18:24Black Forest.
18:26Sickens even me.
18:28Betty, do me a favor and have maintenance clean this mess up.
18:30What the hell are you doing standing around there
18:32with a stupid rat grin on your face?
18:34There's work to be done, Andrews.
18:35Work, I tell you!
18:37Betty, I just wanted to say thank you.
18:39You're welcome, Mr. Andrews.
18:41Well, good night.
18:43Good night.
18:44Oh, Mr. Andrews?
18:45Yes, Betty?
18:46I wanted to ask you,
18:47how could you hear that I was in trouble in the supply room
18:50over the sound of the copy machine and with the door closed?
18:53Uh, rat hearing.
18:57Betty, I can explain.
19:02My rat balls.
19:05I'll tell you right now, Bootsy.
19:07I'm gonna get that son of a bitch rat freak
19:10if it's the last thing I do!
19:23And in entertainment news,
19:25Kevin Spacey was awarded the Humanitarian Achievement Award
19:28from the New York Film Society today.
19:30After a gracious acceptance speech by Mr. Spacey,
19:33he wowed the audience by showing off his award
19:35as he zipped around the room
19:37on his new environmentally-friendly zappy scooter.
19:40Straight to hell, Spacey!
19:42Straight to hell!
20:03Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada