Beautifull Girl Enter The School HD ( Comedy, Romance )
Beautifull Girl Enter The School HD ( Comedy, Romance )
Transcript
00:00:00Cat, please tell me you're not incarcerated.
00:00:03Not yet, but it's a distinct possibility.
00:00:06The lifeguard's still here. And there's a stupid no-ban sign.
00:00:11I'm in a disaster. Mission abort.
00:00:14This is a finely-tuned precision operation. No abortion. Distract him with your feminine charms, dude.
00:00:19Oh, God. Even his muscles have muscles.
00:00:22Alright, I've got to go pick up Cora. I believe in you, Cat.
00:00:30I'm testing everything now, and I'm stopping so many.
00:00:39Cora! Wow, you look absolutely electrifying.
00:00:44Oh, God, do you mean my hair? I usually blow it out, but I just could not be bothered tonight.
00:00:50Oh, well, you look great. Natural curls.
00:00:54I mean, you electrify the atoms and neutrinos, like, between us.
00:00:59I can feel it across time and space. You just give everything a positive charge.
00:01:05Are you rolling? What?
00:01:07Are you on Molly? Oh. I want some.
00:01:10Um, no, no. I'm on a natural high just from being with you.
00:01:17Um...
00:01:20Thanks.
00:01:24Help!
00:01:26Help! Help!
00:01:29Help!
00:01:32Help! Help!
00:01:35Help! Help!
00:01:37Help!
00:01:39Help! Help!
00:01:50Okay, okay. Cough it out. There you go. Cough it out.
00:01:54Oh, God. There you go.
00:01:58Oh.
00:02:04Take a deep breath. Breathe. How many fingers am I holding up?
00:02:10Eight.
00:02:16All right, let's see if you can try and stand up.
00:02:20Want me to call your parents or something? No, no, no. I'm good.
00:02:23Thank you. Thanks for the rescue.
00:02:28Are there dolphins in Malibu? Yes.
00:02:31Dolphins are my spirit animal. Oh, really? Mine's an aardvark.
00:02:35Do they eat ants? Stop.
00:02:38All right. I'm going to blindfold.
00:02:42Dude, I mean, I'm usually down, but, um...
00:02:45Oh, oh, no, no, no, no. This isn't a sexy thing. It's a surprise, I promise, okay?
00:02:50I just need to strap this on you and yelp if it gets too tight.
00:02:55Ah! Oh. I'm kidding.
00:03:00We're almost there, okay? Really close.
00:03:05I'm so excited. I know, me too.
00:03:08All right, so, okay, step right here. You can take your blindfold off now.
00:03:15Ah!
00:03:18Ah!
00:03:21Oh, my God!
00:03:24Oh, Cy!
00:03:27Oh, wow, this is a really great promposal, dude.
00:03:32Oh, wow, I'm... I'm flattered. I really am.
00:03:36Got it.
00:03:40Ah.
00:03:47Oh, that's it.
00:03:50When I imagine my perfect magical prom night,
00:03:54a night that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life,
00:03:57I just... I just can't imagine you going down on me.
00:04:02It's a special night.
00:04:05And I just always imagined it ending with a ladyette.
00:04:10We wouldn't have to...
00:04:13Oh, no, I'd have to. It's a very important part of my prom fantasy.
00:04:17I'm sorry. You'll find a girl that you're right for.
00:04:22I'll call an uber.
00:04:36Cy, what are you doing? You have to get up.
00:04:40I'm sick, or whatever excuse seems the most believable.
00:04:44You think it's terminal?
00:04:47Hey, you masturbating?
00:04:50Oh, God, no.
00:04:53Leave him alone. I don't think his date went very well.
00:04:56Oh, women, huh? Yeah, I was going to say.
00:04:59You know what I don't understand?
00:05:02I was like totally head over heels, like madly in love
00:05:05with my extraordinary, handsome, amazing, smart son.
00:05:09She said she couldn't go with me
00:05:11because she couldn't imagine me going down on her.
00:05:14Oh? Well, is oral sex this year's prom theme?
00:05:19Ha-ha!
00:05:22Oh, come on, come on!
00:05:24You have to admit it's a very important aspect of lovemaking.
00:05:27Mom. I mean, it's true. It really is.
00:05:30What, are you going to be all Puritan on me?
00:05:32I mean, my gosh, grow a pair so we can actually converse like adults, right?
00:05:36And enjoy talking about the very important act of just human sexuality.
00:05:40What? I mean, honestly, sweetie,
00:05:42if I could not appreciate that actual experience with you,
00:05:45I don't know what I would do.
00:05:47Oh, God, make it stop.
00:05:49Cy, look at me.
00:05:51You are the most interesting, kind, caring kid I've ever given birth to.
00:05:55And if she can't see that, well, then she's a total idiot.
00:05:58I'm the only kid you've ever given birth to.
00:06:00All right, don't mince words with me, young man.
00:06:03Oh, yeah, speaking of smarty pants.
00:06:06Open air!
00:06:08Come on.
00:06:10Feed it, feed it.
00:06:12Well, I mean, it just says that I've gotten all As.
00:06:14Yay!
00:06:16Thank you!
00:06:18Go get it.
00:06:20We're so proud of you.
00:06:22Thanks.
00:06:24So, you know how, like, you said,
00:06:26if I got straight As, you'd give me anything I wanted, right?
00:06:29Yeah, not like a pony, but, yeah.
00:06:31It's not a pony.
00:06:33Well, because, like, I have been, like, putting thought into this.
00:06:35Like, I'm spending hours and hours contemplating what I want.
00:06:38And I...
00:06:40Well, this is what I want.
00:06:45I'd have to do a few procedures first, and then...
00:06:47What is it, cosmetic surgery? Is this a joke?
00:06:49Why would you want to do this?
00:06:51Why do you think? It's because I'm hideous.
00:06:53What? What are you talking about?
00:06:55Honey, you are just extraordinary and amazing.
00:06:58What are you... I don't understand. You're so unique.
00:07:00This doesn't make any sense. Look at me.
00:07:02My mouth is too small for my face.
00:07:04My nostrils are asymmetrical.
00:07:06I've got one eye that's, like, way bigger than the other.
00:07:08My face is ugly.
00:07:10This is not happening. No, no, absolutely not.
00:07:12Wait. No, no!
00:07:15All right, it's cut.
00:07:17I've got to get dressed. Can you please...
00:07:20He gets this from you, you know.
00:07:22No, I think he gets it from the anonymous donors.
00:07:24It's always the anonymous donor. It's always him.
00:07:26It's not your perfectionism.
00:07:28Come on. All right, I will.
00:07:30Don't ever show me that or go to that place again.
00:07:32Hurry up! Hurry up!
00:07:34Can you please close the door? No.
00:07:38You're gonna be fine.
00:07:40You kind of just turned her into this, like, sexy, unattainable archetype.
00:07:45I loved her.
00:07:47No. No, you didn't.
00:07:50She studs me now.
00:07:52But you didn't even know her.
00:07:57I feel like my organs are being ripped from my orifices.
00:08:01No, the small ones, like my urethra.
00:08:03Oh, gross!
00:08:05Yeah, no, that's how I feel right now.
00:08:07Okay, well, I need your lungs to help me practice for my audition, so...
00:08:12Well, let's go.
00:08:15It doesn't matter how lazy, stupid or uncultured you are.
00:08:19It's like, if you have a pretty face, people love you.
00:08:24For example...
00:08:26...Kristen Viggo.
00:08:32What's up?
00:08:33Good.
00:08:34Just make sure you get my tricep on this one.
00:08:36Yeah, I see it. It's divine.
00:08:50Hiya!
00:08:58Are you so dreamy?
00:09:00I do.
00:09:05Oh, my God, that was totally torotic!
00:09:07You meant that.
00:09:08No, no, no, only in my deepest reptilian brain.
00:09:11Your reptilian brain is disgusting.
00:09:13Wait, oh, my God, you're jelly!
00:09:15What? No, I'm not. That's my prostate.
00:09:17Yeah, you are.
00:09:19You were the boner dude that Cora Davidson said that she would puke if he ate her peach.
00:09:23What? Peach?
00:09:25Wait, she didn't say that.
00:09:26Rad boner, though, dude.
00:09:28Ow!
00:09:34I'm sorry.
00:09:35Why?
00:09:36When I imagine my perfect, natural prom night,
00:09:39a night that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life,
00:09:42I just can't imagine you going down on me.
00:09:44You wouldn't have to.
00:09:46Oh, no, I'd have to.
00:09:48What asshole troll posted this?
00:09:51You'll find a girl...
00:09:56Well, it's kind of an involuntary reflex, right?
00:09:59I mean, you can't control what pops up.
00:10:02Well, I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of.
00:10:04I mean, it's, um...
00:10:06I don't have that much experience with, like, the mother regions, but...
00:10:11Or any experience at all, but I don't...
00:10:14You know, and I wouldn't feel bad about it.
00:10:16She's a bitch in the Matrix.
00:10:18Oh, boy.
00:10:19Oh, my God, I'm in hell.
00:10:21I feel like I'm gonna puke up my entire soul.
00:10:24Your entire soul?
00:10:26Yeah.
00:10:28I feel like I'm gonna puke up my entire soul.
00:10:31Your entire soul?
00:10:33Oh, my God!
00:10:35Dude, it's the fucking monitor.
00:10:37Take his ass.
00:10:39Go, go.
00:10:41Oh, my God!
00:10:43Oh, fuck it!
00:10:45Oh, you asshole!
00:10:47Get off me!
00:10:49What are you doing?
00:10:51You're the king!
00:10:53We're dancing!
00:10:55Post it, bro!
00:10:57Can you stop acting like an effing idiot, please?
00:10:59Thank you.
00:11:01Just, you know, up your medication, do Pilates or something.
00:11:04I don't know.
00:11:05Have a lovely time in detention.
00:11:07And you, Mr. Newton.
00:11:09What's with your stupid karate chomping videos?
00:11:15Bro, if I would've gotten suspended, my mom would've lost her shit.
00:11:18Yeah.
00:11:19Sorry, I kinda lost my shit.
00:11:21Dude, you got anger issues, man.
00:11:23You need to check that shit out.
00:11:24Yeah, how about you try getting a video of you passed around
00:11:26in a royally dissed while having an erection.
00:11:28That's no big deal, bro.
00:11:29Rock the sconch.
00:11:30Sconch?
00:11:31Yeah.
00:11:32Boner town, bro.
00:11:34Shit.
00:11:38Oh, got a fly sign.
00:11:40Oh, shit.
00:11:42Fly sign.
00:11:43He sees the girls, the peepee gets high.
00:11:56Shit.
00:12:06I saw your video.
00:12:07Okay, it's not mine, and also,
00:12:10why do people think it's, like, okay to come up to me
00:12:12and tell me that they've seen something super private
00:12:14and totally mortifying, and also,
00:12:17it's just a stupid erection, okay?
00:12:20Like, so, come on, who doesn't get one?
00:12:22Shh.
00:12:26I don't get them.
00:12:29I mean, I guess there's, like, such thing as a lady boner, but...
00:12:35I'm sorry.
00:12:37It's been a long day.
00:12:39I'm Cy.
00:12:40I'm Roxy, and, uh, I'm sorry.
00:12:43I probably came off like such a dick just now.
00:12:45You're new, right?
00:12:47It's my first day.
00:12:49Wow.
00:12:50Super auspicious start.
00:12:52Nice job landing in detention on day one.
00:12:56Seriously, you're my hero.
00:12:58Oh, well, I saw you jump on that gorilla.
00:13:01Why'd they throw you in here?
00:13:03I was ranting about 1984 being an inherently sexist text.
00:13:07I guess that that was, uh, disruptive,
00:13:10so they tossed me in the school log.
00:13:121984 is sexist?
00:13:14Yeah.
00:13:15Look.
00:13:17You ready?
00:13:19The improvement in her appearance was startling.
00:13:22With just a few dabs of color in the right places,
00:13:24women have become not only very much prettier,
00:13:26but above all, far more feminine.
00:13:29He's saying that we need capitalism because it allows,
00:13:32even encourages, women to paint their faces
00:13:34to be more desirable than men.
00:13:36In fact, like, he's saying that that's what makes them women.
00:13:40It's a great book in many ways,
00:13:42but let's just be conscious of inherent gender bias.
00:13:46Wow.
00:13:48When I imagine...
00:13:50Cy.
00:13:52It really sucks.
00:13:54Do you realize this is going to be on here
00:13:56until the Internet breaks?
00:14:00It's up to, um, 232,000.
00:14:17What are you still doing here?
00:14:19Oh, well, it's always so depressing
00:14:21when you get released from jail and, like,
00:14:23no one's there to meet you.
00:14:25I hate that.
00:14:27Hi. I, uh...
00:14:29You guys are so, like...
00:14:31Like the...
00:14:33I am Roxy. Hi. Nice to meet you.
00:14:35Oh. Hi. Yes. I am Kat.
00:14:37I like what you're wearing.
00:14:39I like your skirt. Oh.
00:14:41Oh, thank you. I made it myself.
00:14:43Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:14:45I made this, too.
00:14:47Yeah.
00:14:49I'll see you guys later.
00:14:51It was nice to meet you.
00:14:53Yeah.
00:14:55My lady. Thank you.
00:14:57I thought those were for me, but okay.
00:15:03You could have offered her a ride.
00:15:05I'm already enough of a pariah.
00:15:07I'm not going to embarrass myself.
00:15:09I'm already enough of a pariah.
00:15:11I'm not going to embarrass myself.
00:15:33Mmm. Frosty.
00:15:39Let's see.
00:15:40Hello.
00:15:41My magical skateboard never lets me down.
00:15:46Oh.
00:15:47It just led me straight to you.
00:15:59I'm sorry, Chris, Senorita.
00:16:02Just in that Spanish class.
00:16:05Oh.
00:16:06Hiya!
00:16:07Right?
00:16:08I'm the guy.
00:16:09I'm the guy from the videos.
00:16:10I do the hiya videos.
00:16:11I know.
00:16:12You have to have seen the videos.
00:16:13No, I don't.
00:16:14I've never seen the videos.
00:16:15Oh, I'm sorry.
00:16:16Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:17I'm sorry.
00:16:18I'm sorry.
00:16:19I'm sorry.
00:16:20I'm sorry.
00:16:21I'm sorry.
00:16:22I'm sorry.
00:16:23I'm sorry.
00:16:24I'm sorry.
00:16:25I'm sorry.
00:16:26I'm sorry.
00:16:27I'm sorry.
00:16:28I'm sorry.
00:16:29I'm sorry.
00:16:30I'm sorry.
00:16:31I'm sorry.
00:16:32I'm so sorry.
00:16:33I'm sorry.
00:16:36Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:39Are you okay?
00:16:40Yeah.
00:16:41Just hit my face.
00:16:42Let's do it again.
00:16:43I think you might need to nurse me back to health.
00:16:44Oh, yeah?
00:16:45Yeah.
00:16:46Well, um, maybe your comrades could babysit you?
00:16:47Listen, you're the only baby here.
00:16:48It's you, babe.
00:16:49Less than, um...
00:16:50Hey, baby.
00:16:51You're a babe, way.
00:16:52Ow.
00:16:53You are a babe.
00:16:54Ow.
00:16:55That was, um...
00:16:56What Fat 90 song was that about?
00:16:57It's not. It's an old me.
00:17:02What else you got?
00:17:03Uh...
00:17:05I'm, uh...
00:17:07Yeah, you should expand your repertoire, dude.
00:17:09Don't bounce yet. Don't bounce.
00:17:11Okay, give me one reason.
00:17:13I want to do a 720 gazelle flip for you to watch.
00:17:15Look, Chris, I'm not trying to be an ass.
00:17:17Just wait, just wait, just wait.
00:17:18Watch, watch, watch.
00:17:26Oh, shit.
00:17:41Wow.
00:17:43Pretty dope, huh?
00:17:44That was, uh...
00:17:45Pretty cool, huh?
00:17:46That was really impressive.
00:17:48You sure you haven't seen any of my videos?
00:17:49I haven't.
00:17:50Some of them average like 250,000 views.
00:17:52That's like a million people.
00:17:55That's rad.
00:17:57Yeah, you should probably, uh...
00:17:59You have to have heard of me.
00:18:01Let me take you out.
00:18:03We could, I don't know, bowl or some shit.
00:18:05Bowl or some shit?
00:18:07You bowl?
00:18:09Um, no.
00:18:11Look, you seem like a, uh...
00:18:13A really swell guy, but I'm just not interested.
00:18:17Interested in me?
00:18:19Yes.
00:18:21What are you interested in?
00:18:23Reading, women's rights.
00:18:25I'm actually trying to get into a good college
00:18:27so I can make this like a less shitty planet.
00:18:29What?
00:18:31I mean, I like planets, too.
00:18:33Like, I don't want a shitty planet.
00:18:35Right.
00:18:37I'm...
00:18:43I spent a summer building houses in Vietnam
00:18:45for poor people.
00:18:49Oh, shit.
00:18:52Shit, shit, shit.
00:18:54Shit, shit, shit.
00:18:59What you said now, bro?
00:19:01Damn.
00:19:03You wanna...
00:19:05You wanna hug?
00:19:07No, I don't wanna hug.
00:19:09We're at a skate park, man.
00:19:11What are you thinking?
00:19:15All right, it's fine, bro.
00:19:17Oh, easy.
00:19:21Shit.
00:19:51Shit.
00:20:21Shit.
00:20:52Hide in the blue, baby, hustle
00:20:54Oh
00:20:56Hide in the blue, baby, hustle
00:20:58Oh
00:21:00Hide in the blue, baby, hustle
00:21:02Oh
00:21:04I'll save you, girl
00:21:06From everything
00:21:08You see these curls
00:21:10They grow naturally
00:21:22I am a blue, lady, hustle
00:21:24Oh
00:21:26Hide in the blue, lay the hustle
00:21:28Oh
00:21:30Hide in the blue, lady, hustle
00:21:32Oh
00:21:34Hide in the blue, lady, hustle
00:21:36Oh
00:21:38Hide in the blue, lay the hustle
00:21:40Oh
00:21:42Hide in the blue...
00:21:44Holy shit!
00:21:46Like, bro, I totally shut down your Sexy Major.
00:21:48No, you made it.
00:21:50Yeah, you got the music going, you got the shirt off.
00:21:53Hey, boys.
00:21:55Don't you want some couscous?
00:21:57No, it's gross, Mom.
00:21:59Okay, thank you. You can go now.
00:22:01All right. Privacy time. Have fun, friends.
00:22:03Have fun. Have a great night.
00:22:05Okay.
00:22:06Dude, two moms? Those are your moms?
00:22:08What?
00:22:10No way!
00:22:11I mean, that's totally fine. Like, it's cool.
00:22:13Oh, yeah, no, it's something that you're cool with, yeah.
00:22:15Cool, cool.
00:22:16Hey, if you don't mind me asking,
00:22:18who's the man?
00:22:20There is no man, dumbass. That's the point.
00:22:23Right, right.
00:22:25Um, bro, you're, like, into, like, art and culture and stuff?
00:22:29And stuff?
00:22:31I think we could go for a walk or something, man.
00:22:33I'm getting all twitchy.
00:22:37Bro, I'm super into her.
00:22:39She's into art and books and shit.
00:22:41She should date me, then.
00:22:43Bingo, dude.
00:22:44I just have to look like I'm into art and culture.
00:22:47So, what if I get a smart artsy dude to run my social media
00:22:50so it looks like I'm down with that shit?
00:22:52You want me to be you online?
00:22:54Yes, bro!
00:22:56You blow her away with how dope my brain is,
00:22:58I swoop in IRL and see you,
00:23:00the, see you, all right?
00:23:02I mean, we both do what we're gifted at, all right?
00:23:04You got the brains, I got the endless charm.
00:23:10Dude, you've seen too many movies.
00:23:13IRL, this kind of thing never works out.
00:23:19What's this?
00:23:20My offer.
00:23:22Why are there so many zeroes?
00:23:24What can I say, bro?
00:23:26You know what's out there.
00:23:28Sheer lameness, all right?
00:23:30They want more.
00:23:32They're digging my hi-yah.
00:23:34What's a hi-yah?
00:23:36Whoo-hoo-hoo!
00:23:37You were ready for that, were you?
00:23:39Jesus, Todd.
00:23:42Whatever, bro.
00:23:44Let me know if you change your mind.
00:23:54Shit!
00:24:11Fuck.
00:24:16Say hello to your new digital self.
00:24:19So we're gonna do this social platform by social platform.
00:24:22By the time we're done, Roxy is gonna be all over you.
00:24:25Whoo-hoo! Make me nerdy, daddy.
00:24:27All right, so first, we're gonna have you follow people
00:24:30who make you look smart.
00:24:32Who do you follow right now?
00:24:34Rob Gronkowski, Kanye, Bruce Lee, for obvious reasons.
00:24:38What's up?
00:24:40My bros and my little sister.
00:24:43She's super woke for being six, bro.
00:24:45Okay, from now on, we'll have you follow scientists
00:24:49like Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, Jane Goodall,
00:24:54philosophers and activists like Cornel West, Slavoj Zizek,
00:24:58and Lena Dunham for some of their way of feminism.
00:25:01Sorry.
00:25:03You'll also be following celebrated writers
00:25:05like Joan Didion, Roxane Gay...
00:25:08You said gay, bro.
00:25:10Ooh!
00:25:16The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.
00:25:19Leonardo da Vinci.
00:25:21Damn, bro.
00:25:23That's why he won the Oscar.
00:25:25All right, let's post a pic of you
00:25:27at an exhibit at an art museum, all right?
00:25:29Let's do it, bro.
00:25:31You're a high-tech bra.
00:25:33Hey, that Vietnam thing I did?
00:25:35I actually did that, so smile.
00:25:37Okay.
00:25:40How's the bicep, bro?
00:25:42Shadows?
00:25:44Huh?
00:25:46All right, now let's put you in the Louvre.
00:25:50Okay.
00:25:52Looking at art, looking at the Mona Lisa.
00:25:54Check it out.
00:25:56You're in the Uffizi Gallery now.
00:25:58Yep, that's a real Uffizi face.
00:26:00All right, let me see.
00:26:02No, no, no, no.
00:26:05Higher angles.
00:26:07Okay, all right, okay, all right.
00:26:09All right, all right.
00:26:11All right.
00:26:13Um...
00:26:15Do you need to get that?
00:26:17Yeah, dude, hold on, sorry.
00:26:20Yo!
00:26:22Bro, what about TTYL do you not get?
00:26:24I just thought we could go to the beach.
00:26:26You know, get some savage shots of us surfing.
00:26:28Smack the lip.
00:26:30Dude, I can't be myself anymore, all right?
00:26:32I told you, I gotta be a kook now.
00:26:34Yeah, but I just thought that we could...
00:26:36Don't be thirsty!
00:26:38All right? Looks bad.
00:26:40And, uh, I ran out of my deodorant,
00:26:42so can you give me my regular?
00:26:45Thanks, bro.
00:26:48Sorry, bro, are we, uh...
00:26:50Are we good here?
00:26:52Yeah, so any time you're at a poetry reading
00:26:54or an art installation, just take a snap
00:26:56and then talk about, like, how...
00:26:58Bro, that sounds like a lot of work.
00:27:00Well, I mean, you could just give me your password
00:27:02and I can just go myself.
00:27:04So you could hack me and steal my identity?
00:27:06Like what you're paying me to do?
00:27:08Bro, not happening.
00:27:10All right, fine, run Snapchat yourself.
00:27:12Let's talk about Facebook.
00:27:24All right, you know, I can't...
00:27:26I can't go on.
00:27:28Chris Newton asked you to pretend to be him online
00:27:32and you're... you're just not concerned?
00:27:34Well, what should I be concerned about?
00:27:36Uh, how about he's secretly involved in a bat
00:27:38to see if he can make the nerdy kid popular?
00:27:40Like that would be the end of the world?
00:27:42I mean, it's gonna end with you on stage
00:27:44covered in pig's blood
00:27:46and just without the telekinetic powers.
00:27:48Wait, why am I the female character in this scenario?
00:27:50I don't know.
00:27:52Whatever, practice,
00:27:54or else you're not gonna get in
00:27:56a Carnegie Hall, you'll be an old lady
00:27:58playing to a house full of cats.
00:28:00Thanks, that helps.
00:28:02I'm nervous.
00:28:04Look, you'll be fine, don't worry.
00:28:06I'll be there.
00:28:08Okay.
00:28:10Also, like, do you really think
00:28:12that it's impossible that I may have
00:28:14some traits that people might be envious of?
00:28:16I know some people.
00:28:18Sure.
00:28:20But Chris Newton?
00:28:22Why would Chris Newton
00:28:24want mostly more than you?
00:28:26Because it will help him
00:28:28get to Roxy faster.
00:28:30Because apparently I'm just her type
00:28:32except for my head, face, and body.
00:28:34Oh, okay.
00:28:36So you're catfishing the poor girl.
00:28:38Uh, no, I wouldn't call it that.
00:28:40Oh, really? I would call it that
00:28:42because that's, like, exactly what you're doing.
00:28:44What? No.
00:28:46Okay, you know what? No, I'll put you out of your misery
00:28:48because you're suffering.
00:28:50No.
00:28:52I'm a social media consultant.
00:28:54It's what celebrities have.
00:28:56Chris is a YouTube celebrity.
00:28:58Okay, okay.
00:29:00So I'm his celebrity consultant
00:29:02online.
00:29:04Ugh.
00:29:06Ugh.
00:29:08Ugh.
00:29:10I love to keep wasting time
00:29:12discussing your bizarre personal problems
00:29:14but it's eating into my silent disco break.
00:29:22It's not a silent disco,
00:29:24but there's only one participant.
00:29:26Oh, sure.
00:29:38That's how you dance?
00:29:44Hi, sweetie.
00:29:46Hey, sweetie, what you doing?
00:29:48Nothing.
00:29:50What are you looking at? Wait.
00:29:52Were you looking at porn?
00:29:54What? No.
00:29:56You know, having a healthy sexual appetite is actually awesome.
00:29:58It's just if you're going to look at porn, you need to be aware of the exploitation.
00:30:00I'm going to send you some ethical advice.
00:30:02Okay, I'm looking at her girl.
00:30:04Jesus.
00:30:06Oh, my gosh. She is just dropped dead hot.
00:30:08Oh, that's really gross, Mom.
00:30:10No, I'm just noticing. I mean, look at her. She's just beautiful.
00:30:12She's so pretty. You're going to ask her to prom?
00:30:14I'm not.
00:30:16I'm not asking her to prom.
00:30:18I'm asking her to go with me, you know, how I look.
00:30:20Honey, what are you talking about?
00:30:22That's crazy.
00:30:24How do we explain this to you? You are perfect.
00:30:26Absolutely.
00:30:28Okay, look, I love you guys,
00:30:30but that's really hard to take to heart coming from my moms.
00:30:32You know what?
00:30:34For a kid who's raised by lesbians,
00:30:36you know startlingly little about women, okay?
00:30:38She's a person. She is a real live person.
00:30:40Instead of just thinking what girls want,
00:30:42you know, you have to know what girls like.
00:30:44You have to learn about this woman.
00:30:46Yes.
00:31:12Stop!
00:31:16Stop!
00:31:30Bro, this place smells like ass cheeks
00:31:32and hot Cheetos.
00:31:34But Roxy loves this place, all right?
00:31:36So I'll just get you on Snapchat saying something interesting
00:31:38about the DJ, all right?
00:31:40Yo!
00:31:42Yo, what up, hi-yahs?
00:31:44We out here at some stank-ass club
00:31:46listening to some skinny kids on laptops
00:31:48play some weird-ass beats.
00:31:50It's gonna be lit!
00:31:52Dude, I ran out of time.
00:31:54All right, try talking about
00:31:56how the music makes you feel.
00:31:58Remember, this is not Coachella after dark.
00:32:00Bro, I can see that.
00:32:02Yo,
00:32:04I just gotta say, TBH,
00:32:06these beats is feeling.
00:32:08I'm about to burn this club up!
00:32:10I think that was it, dude.
00:32:12What?
00:32:14Bro, is how I feel not up to your standards?
00:32:18Okay.
00:32:20So the music that they're playing right now
00:32:22is like an intellectual take on electronic music.
00:32:24Every bro says that these beats are hell.
00:32:26Try talking about, like,
00:32:28the instrumentation and the unique rhythms
00:32:30or how a hook, like,
00:32:32grabs you and triggers a long-lost memory,
00:32:34like how that makes you feel.
00:32:36Cool, cool, cool.
00:32:38Yo!
00:32:40These legit-ass shit beats are making me think of this one time
00:32:42I was on Lake Michigan.
00:32:44I was 11 years old.
00:32:46I had just learned how to wakeboard.
00:32:48I was nervous.
00:32:50I wiped out so bad that I had to go to the ER like three times.
00:32:52You know what, let's just get a picture of you and then call it a night
00:32:54because this place fucking sucks.
00:32:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:58That was a bicep.
00:33:00Uh, it looked good.
00:33:03Okay.
00:33:05Give me one more.
00:33:07Nice. What?
00:33:09It's shit, bro. She's here. Get down.
00:33:11She's gonna see, man.
00:33:19No, dude, stay down.
00:33:21Okay, we're about to have to let her see.
00:33:23We're gonna have to hide out here till the end of the night, bro.
00:33:25Shouldn't you go talk to her, man?
00:33:27No, dude, I can't talk to her. Stay down, please.
00:33:29That's why we came here.
00:33:32I won't hurt you.
00:33:34Listen, we gotta get out of here.
00:33:36We have to escape.
00:33:38Put these on.
00:33:40Just shut up.
00:33:42You have two pairs of sunglasses?
00:33:44Yeah, whatever.
00:33:49Let's go. Get out.
00:33:51This way, this way.
00:33:53Go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:33:55Go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:33:57Go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:33:59Go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:34:01That stuff ain't good enough, bro.
00:34:03No, it totally is, man.
00:34:05You're handsome, you're cool,
00:34:07you're fucking awesome,
00:34:09and oh, my God, I smell like my mom.
00:34:11She looks at me like a little turd, bro.
00:34:13You know what?
00:34:15Have you ever been to OG Gallery?
00:34:17It's a cool art gallery,
00:34:19and they've got a lot of, like, cool showings and stuff,
00:34:21and she has a lot of check-ins there.
00:34:23There's an opening tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure she'll go.
00:34:25You know what, bro?
00:34:27What?
00:34:29I'm gonna give you my password, and you're gonna go for me.
00:34:31What is it?
00:34:33You're not gonna tell anybody?
00:34:35Um, no.
00:34:37Don't get me in the eye, bro.
00:34:39I'm never gonna tell anyone.
00:34:41Okay.
00:34:43It's Chris Newton.
00:34:45Like, that's it?
00:34:47Yeah, dude.
00:34:49Yo, bro, Chris Newton.
00:34:51That's your password for what you can't...
00:34:53Shut up.
00:34:55Oh, shit.
00:35:19You can't
00:35:21put this artist's work into words.
00:35:23Oh, uh, hey, Roxy.
00:35:25Were you at Ellen Furman last night?
00:35:27No. Never heard of it.
00:35:33There are some really cool pieces here.
00:35:35Yeah, I, um...
00:35:37I'm taking an art class
00:35:39at the community college,
00:35:41and my professor showed me this place.
00:35:43It's really cool, and they...
00:35:45they really focus on, like, up-and-coming artists.
00:35:49Honestly,
00:35:51I hang out here all the time because
00:35:53I'm hoping they'll show my arts one day.
00:35:57Good strategy.
00:36:05You know,
00:36:07my friend Chris Newton
00:36:09told me about this artist.
00:36:11Chris Newton?
00:36:13Yeah.
00:36:15Hiya, Chris Newton. Knows what art is?
00:36:17He's actually kind of a renaissance man.
00:36:19Oh, so he's...
00:36:21he's just disguised as a douche?
00:36:23Yeah. No.
00:36:25Um...
00:36:27You know what? Here.
00:36:29You might want to just look at his online stuff.
00:36:31It gives you a way better idea
00:36:33of what he's like as a person.
00:36:35Hmm.
00:36:37Honestly, Ryan, keep this on the DL.
00:36:39Okay.
00:36:41He is painfully shy around intelligent,
00:36:43beautiful women.
00:36:45Get out of town.
00:36:47You know, like, his brain, like, freezes up,
00:36:49and then his mouth gets all dry?
00:36:51And...
00:36:53and there's the Tourettes.
00:36:55Tourettes? He is Tourettes?
00:36:57Mm-hmm.
00:36:59Really?
00:37:01I...
00:37:03I didn't know.
00:37:05I kind of feel like an asshole now.
00:37:07Well, I mean,
00:37:09you probably still have a chance
00:37:11to try maybe speaking with him in person.
00:37:15Uh...
00:37:17I'll see you soon.
00:37:19Bye.
00:37:23Uh...
00:37:29Bro.
00:37:31She did it, Roxy.
00:37:33She followed me on PictoStash,
00:37:35and she double-clicked it for you!
00:37:37Okay, calm down.
00:37:39Maybe I should, like, view her post right now,
00:37:41just so she knows that I saw it, right?
00:37:43Shit dog, give me my phone back!
00:37:45It's my phone, dude!
00:37:47I saw it, bro, I got it!
00:37:49Shit dog.
00:37:51Oh, shoot, oh, shoot.
00:37:53I think she's FaceTiming me, bro.
00:37:55Why is she FaceTiming me?
00:37:57Dude, answer it.
00:37:59Okay, every time she asks you a question,
00:38:01just freeze like there's bad Wi-Fi,
00:38:03and then I'll feed you lines, okay?
00:38:05Bro, that's your genius plan?
00:38:07Oh, I'm sorry. Hold on.
00:38:09Let me just come up with, like, 12 more ideas
00:38:11What's up?
00:38:13Hi, Chris.
00:38:15How goes it?
00:38:17Oh, it's going. How's it going?
00:38:19It's going.
00:38:21Are you...
00:38:23I think you're frozen.
00:38:25Did you say there's bad Wi-Fi?
00:38:27It's worse than the time you were in Vietnam
00:38:29building houses for poor people.
00:38:31Actually, I can't.
00:38:33Sorry, this Wi-Fi sucks.
00:38:35I mean, it's almost as bad as when I was in Vietnam
00:38:37building houses for poor people.
00:38:39Poor people?
00:38:41Yeah. It's badass.
00:38:43What are you doing?
00:38:45What am I doing?
00:38:47I'm just chilling.
00:38:49You look really hot.
00:38:51What? I look hot?
00:38:53Your face is so hot that
00:38:55it melts even the coldest night
00:38:57because of the radiance of its glow.
00:38:59You're frozen again.
00:39:01I meant to say that your face is so hot
00:39:03it can melt the coldest of nights
00:39:05with the radiance of its glow.
00:39:07Well, uh, what can I say?
00:39:09You must bring it out of me.
00:39:11Well, should we see if you can be this charming in person?
00:39:17Yeah, sure.
00:39:19Yeah, I'll pick you up soon.
00:39:21Yeah? Okay. Alright, see you tonight.
00:39:23Bye.
00:39:27Oh my god, dude, we did it!
00:39:29What?
00:39:31No, no, no.
00:39:33Dude, what's wrong with you, man?
00:39:35You should be ecstatic.
00:39:37Bro, I don't know what I'm going to say.
00:39:39I'm going to be there by myself.
00:39:41Oh.
00:39:43I'm not ready.
00:39:45Oh, shit.
00:39:47Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
00:39:49Look, look what happened.
00:39:51Dude, dude, look.
00:39:53It's a blue tooth.
00:39:55He's stuck on the blue tooth.
00:39:57Secret agents, bro.
00:39:59Hell yeah, you fucking nerd.
00:40:01Check this out.
00:40:05Whoa.
00:40:07Just like that.
00:40:09You just happened to have a fake cast?
00:40:11Bro chicks love it.
00:40:13You're certifiable, man.
00:40:15Thanks, dude.
00:40:17You too.
00:40:23How did you break your arm?
00:40:25Oh, I was, uh, skateboarding.
00:40:27I'm so sorry.
00:40:29It's okay.
00:40:31I'm just super tender right now.
00:40:33Well, at least you got a lot of signatures.
00:40:35Yeah.
00:40:37I'm a pretty popular dude.
00:40:39Okay, so her shirt looks like it could have been made by this Japanese artist
00:40:41who's obsessed with polka dots.
00:40:43Her name is Yayoi Kusama.
00:40:45Your, uh, your shirt is great.
00:40:47Yayoi Kusami, right?
00:40:49Uh, Kusama. Yeah, I love her.
00:40:51Kusama. Yeah.
00:40:53Me too.
00:40:55Oh, did you see her exhibit at the Broad?
00:40:57Yeah.
00:40:59Actually, I caught it on YouTube.
00:41:01It still resonates today.
00:41:05Its tropes feel dated from when Kerouac wrote it.
00:41:07Whoa.
00:41:09I still kind of love it.
00:41:11I find it sexy and romantic.
00:41:13Yeah, imagine how
00:41:15Zeitgeist-y it felt reading it back
00:41:17in 1957.
00:41:19Imagine how
00:41:21Zeitgeist-y it felt reading it back in
00:41:231957.
00:41:25I can't imagine.
00:41:27Are you, are you more of a dean or a cell?
00:41:29Well, Mary Lou, what do you think?
00:41:31Well,
00:41:33Mary Blue,
00:41:35what do you think?
00:41:37I don't know.
00:41:39Tell her she
00:41:41has the kind of beauty that inspires great works
00:41:43of art to be made.
00:41:45Your beauty just
00:41:47inspires great works.
00:41:51Hey, wait a second. You can't do that.
00:41:53That's my phone. Hey, give it back.
00:41:55What are you doing? Hey, wait, wait, wait.
00:41:57Are you okay? Yeah, yeah.
00:41:59It's just like a sudden pain.
00:42:01What were we saying? What was I saying?
00:42:03Um.
00:42:05You're beautiful.
00:42:07And
00:42:09art's beautiful, so
00:42:11you're beautiful art.
00:42:13Thank you.
00:42:15Right.
00:42:23Are you
00:42:25feeling better? Yeah.
00:42:33What are you doing?
00:42:37I'm, um, I'm, I can palm read.
00:42:39Oh. Yeah.
00:42:41Check this out.
00:42:43You, um,
00:42:47you've experienced some loss.
00:42:49Haven't we
00:42:51all?
00:42:53Um.
00:42:55Oh, is your dad?
00:42:59Um, you have a
00:43:01very strong lifeline.
00:43:03And, uh,
00:43:05your loveline,
00:43:07you need a guy who, like,
00:43:09gets the whole you.
00:43:11Mm.
00:43:13It's a very cute party trick.
00:43:15It's good, right? Yeah, yeah.
00:43:17Is that right?
00:43:19Um.
00:43:21This is another part of it.
00:43:23Okay. Okay, my turn.
00:43:25Um, let me ask you some questions.
00:43:27Seriously. Do you
00:43:29I was gonna sound mean.
00:43:31Do you ever feel
00:43:33schizophrenic? Like, stuck
00:43:35between your douchebag school persona
00:43:37and, um, the, like, cultured
00:43:39real you?
00:43:41You know, you just,
00:43:43you gotta go with the flow, right?
00:43:45If you don't break, you'll bend.
00:43:47You can't make a horse
00:43:49drink water, right?
00:43:51Um, sorry.
00:43:53I'm just really curious. Do you
00:43:55feel the need to, like, be seen
00:43:57by a lot of people to be, you know,
00:43:59validated? Like, that's why you do your
00:44:01videos and stuff? I mean, you seem
00:44:03like you're actually really sensitive.
00:44:05You're saying I'm sensitive?
00:44:07Oh, no, no, no. I meant that, like,
00:44:09I meant that as a good thing.
00:44:11I've won Homecoming King three times in a row.
00:44:13The third time, I was disqualified for being
00:44:15wasted. I have 347,000
00:44:17followers who watch every dope thing
00:44:19I do. I'm savage, okay?
00:44:21I'm not some sensitive chick who...
00:44:23No, no, no. Okay. Yeah, I get it.
00:44:25It was meant to be a compliment.
00:44:27What? Sensitive?
00:44:29Yeah. I'm not gonna be
00:44:31so sensitive.
00:44:33That just...
00:44:37Dude!
00:44:39I can explain. You're a dick.
00:44:41No. I cannot believe that I actually felt
00:44:43sorry for you. Like, I felt sorry for
00:44:45your fake broken arm and your stupid
00:44:47skateboarding accident. My body has
00:44:49Tourette's, too. Your body has Tourette's?
00:44:51Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah.
00:44:53Wow. I...
00:44:55I can't believe that I thought I could have a real
00:44:57conversation with someone who karate
00:44:59chops innocent people all day. That was stupid.
00:45:01I'm changing my channel, okay? It's gonna be life-changing
00:45:03life hacks from now on, and I'm gonna be doing
00:45:05stuff for, like, Cologne for Guys and how to get
00:45:07ripped abs, shit like that. Wow, that's brilliant.
00:45:09You should... That's brilliant. You should do that.
00:45:11Roxy Wade. Roxy. Dude, seriously?
00:45:13Like, leave me alone. Okay?
00:45:21Good morning,
00:45:23LCH High. It's
00:45:25six days until senior prom.
00:45:27Have you found your better half yet?
00:45:29If not, remember, you only get
00:45:31one or two proms a lifetime.
00:45:33Hey, Kat, what about you? Have you
00:45:35found your special someone?
00:45:37Oh, well, prom's an archaic,
00:45:39heteronormative, perpetuating sexist mating
00:45:41ritual that's outlast its necessity.
00:45:43It's patriarchal and
00:45:45quasi-fascist.
00:45:47Well, it makes great content.
00:45:49Keep it up.
00:45:51Where did you hear that from?
00:45:53Yo, Mama!
00:45:55Noah, seriously,
00:45:57Sarah's been giving me some, like, really engaging
00:45:59books to read. Huh.
00:46:01Fuck. Good deals, Chris.
00:46:03Sarah! Yeah, I'm coming,
00:46:05I'm coming. Okay.
00:46:07I need to talk to you. I'm really sorry about last night.
00:46:09However, I think we've set you up
00:46:11good. Just a little more effort, we can finish strong,
00:46:13no problem. Bro, I screwed up pretty bad, man.
00:46:15What are you gonna do?
00:46:17We? Uh, I got her to go
00:46:19on a date with you. That was the deal.
00:46:21Seriously, bro? Dude, that date was the
00:46:23ultimate fail, man. Don't you
00:46:25give up on me, bro. I...
00:46:27I at least want her to go to prom with me, all right? Help.
00:46:29I don't know. A week isn't enough time.
00:46:31I will double your money.
00:46:33Double. So,
00:46:35if I get her to go to prom with you,
00:46:37we're square. We're square, dude.
00:46:39Bro, we're better than square. We're like,
00:46:41we're rectangle, whatever shape
00:46:43is the dankest, bro. But
00:46:45don't, you can't bribe her, okay? I won't. Deal?
00:46:47That's a deal.
00:46:51J-Trap,
00:46:53hands are soft, bro. Dude,
00:46:55I got class.
00:46:57When I'm with
00:46:59you, I
00:47:01feel like I'm
00:47:03evaporating.
00:47:05You're beautiful.
00:47:07I
00:47:09am diminishing.
00:47:11Like, I'm nothing
00:47:13in your presence.
00:47:15There aren't
00:47:17many things in this world that are
00:47:19that perfect.
00:47:21Your perfection
00:47:23magnifies my flaws.
00:47:27I hope you accept
00:47:29this sincere
00:47:31apology for my
00:47:33ludicrous, inappropriate
00:47:35behavior. Please
00:47:37give me another chance to prove myself
00:47:39worthy of your affections.
00:47:41Forever yours, Sy.
00:47:49I meant Chris.
00:47:55Shit.
00:47:57Shit, shit, shit.
00:47:59Fuck.
00:48:03Fuck.
00:48:11Roxy.
00:48:17What are you doing?
00:48:19Oh, they're just pebbles.
00:48:21Well, first of all,
00:48:23that's the wrong window, and who throws
00:48:25pebbles anymore?
00:48:27Seriously.
00:48:29Off my fucking property.
00:48:33Wanna come in?
00:48:35Come on. It's time for the window,
00:48:37yeah?
00:48:41Oh. You got it?
00:48:43Yeah, I got it.
00:48:45Graceful.
00:48:47Sorry to pop up like that, but
00:48:49it's kind of an emergency.
00:48:51Why are you whispering?
00:48:53Oh. You're back.
00:48:55Oh. My mom's
00:48:57in a fundraiser for saving rhinoceroses.
00:48:59Oh.
00:49:01Also, wait, isn't it rhinocerai?
00:49:03You're not
00:49:05into... I...
00:49:07What's your emergency?
00:49:09Oh. I came to talk to you
00:49:11about
00:49:13giving Chris
00:49:15another chance.
00:49:17Oh, out. Out the way you think.
00:49:19Hey, wait. No, no, no, no.
00:49:21He feels terrible, okay?
00:49:23He was super, super nervous,
00:49:25alright? He would do anything to make it up to you.
00:49:27He wore a
00:49:29fake cast. He's a liar,
00:49:31and, you know, probably a sociopath.
00:49:33Yeah, but kind of a hot sociopath.
00:49:35Oh. Why don't you date him?
00:49:37Okay, wait.
00:49:39When you think of it like this, it's actually kind of brilliant what he did.
00:49:41He designed
00:49:43an elaborate
00:49:45sympathy-inducing
00:49:47contraption,
00:49:49all because he was afraid
00:49:51that just him on his own
00:49:53wasn't enough.
00:49:55Really, it's sadly
00:49:57admirable.
00:49:59I don't even know what to say to him.
00:50:01Oh, just give me your phone. I'll just text him for you.
00:50:03Nope. Actually,
00:50:05I have a project.
00:50:07Be my assistant.
00:50:09Sorry if I interrupted your night.
00:50:11Nope. I was just ordering leather to make leather pants.
00:50:13I have no idea how you, like,
00:50:15survive in that stuff.
00:50:17I don't know. It's pretty comfortable.
00:50:19Oh, shit, shit.
00:50:21I need to, um...
00:50:23Sorry. I need to borrow your phone,
00:50:25and I have to text my mom.
00:50:27Oh.
00:50:29They freak out if they don't know exactly, like,
00:50:31everything about where and when I'm at.
00:50:33Yeah, parents are terrible.
00:50:35Yeah, and I'm just
00:50:37a little too lazy to
00:50:39go back and stuff.
00:50:41Right.
00:50:43To get my phone.
00:50:45All right.
00:50:47What are you doing?
00:50:49Sorry. Bad Wi-Fi.
00:50:51Okay.
00:50:53I know, I know, I know, I know.
00:50:55Just, just...
00:50:57I don't have nudes. I don't do that.
00:50:59Uh...
00:51:01Okay, all right.
00:51:03Did you do it?
00:51:05I'm good, yeah. Here.
00:51:07Thank you.
00:51:09Yeah, I feel like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders.
00:51:11You have no idea.
00:51:13Yeah, here.
00:51:15Thanks.
00:51:17All right.
00:51:19Are you ready?
00:51:21Hmm.
00:51:23What are you thinking?
00:51:25No, I'm just, I'm looking.
00:51:27It's, it's cool.
00:51:29Thank you.
00:51:31What's that one?
00:51:33Oh, it's just, um,
00:51:35it's a piece I'm working on.
00:51:37It shows how we use social media
00:51:39to lie and distort reality.
00:51:41Pfft.
00:51:43Are you okay?
00:51:45Yeah.
00:51:47You were saying?
00:51:49I was just saying that, you know,
00:51:51we, uh, doctor our photos
00:51:53before we put them online.
00:51:55And, you know, if you strip away all the filters
00:51:57and the makeup, that's where you get the,
00:51:59the truth.
00:52:01Yeah.
00:52:03It feels like my life.
00:52:05Yeah, it's all our lives.
00:52:07We're all hyper-self-conscious
00:52:09and feel inadequate, like,
00:52:11all the time.
00:52:15It's awful.
00:52:17I can relate.
00:52:21How so?
00:52:23Hmm.
00:52:27You're not like this.
00:52:29Your face?
00:52:31What about your face?
00:52:33I mean, you know, it's got a lot of flaws.
00:52:35Like what?
00:52:39It's stupid.
00:52:41It's not stupid.
00:52:47Okay.
00:52:49Your eyes are
00:52:51piercing,
00:52:53deep,
00:52:55volatile.
00:52:57Your nose is the mark of a
00:52:59witty,
00:53:01courteous,
00:53:03affable,
00:53:05generous, and liberal man.
00:53:07Your chin is
00:53:09goofy,
00:53:11spontaneous,
00:53:13light, and, uh,
00:53:15obviously adorable.
00:53:19You've got very rosy cheeks. That's also very adorable.
00:53:21Mmm.
00:53:23I mean, just my...
00:53:27It's not perfect, but, um,
00:53:29perfect's boring.
00:53:31So, no.
00:53:33I don't know what flaws you're referring to.
00:53:35Mmm.
00:53:43I-I have to go now.
00:53:45Thanks for the water.
00:53:55So, how does
00:53:57Chris know about your
00:53:59extracurricular activities?
00:54:01Mmm.
00:54:03You don't actually like her, do you?
00:54:05Nah, come on.
00:54:09You do. You like her.
00:54:11No, I don't. No.
00:54:13It's ridiculous.
00:54:15You're avoiding eye contact with me.
00:54:17That's because I'm awkward.
00:54:19No, I can tell every single time
00:54:21you've had a crush on a girl
00:54:23since, like, fourth grade.
00:54:25Yeah. You get this whole
00:54:29wistful thing about you.
00:54:33What do I look like?
00:54:35Whatever.
00:54:37All right, I got you a present.
00:54:39No?
00:54:47It's a rhino.
00:54:51I had a dream that you were a rhino.
00:54:53So you kind of look like one.
00:54:55How?
00:54:57I think it's, um...
00:54:59Like the mouth area.
00:55:01I mean, look at this, and then your mouth.
00:55:05Can't really see my mouth.
00:55:17Hi. Okay, listen.
00:55:19This
00:55:21is an ESZ,
00:55:23an emotional safe zone, okay?
00:55:25All right.
00:55:27Feel free to express
00:55:29any and all emotions within the perimeters
00:55:31of this ESZ.
00:55:35Where did you get that from?
00:55:37My therapist.
00:55:39Oh.
00:55:41Well, I actually really like our place,
00:55:43and I don't want to taint it
00:55:45with a stench of emotions.
00:55:47Emotions don't smell.
00:55:49Okay.
00:55:53I mean, feel free to be
00:55:55a festering ball of repression.
00:55:59Just remember
00:56:01my audition is next week.
00:56:03Hey, don't worry. I'll be there.
00:56:05Thank you, Pops.
00:56:07I'm gonna hold you to it.
00:56:09Okay. You're gonna hold him to it, too?
00:56:11Yeah.
00:56:13Just, like,
00:56:15you want Roxy
00:56:17to pull up against your body
00:56:19so you pop a tromboner.
00:56:21All right, kids,
00:56:23get out of my room!
00:56:53Uh!
00:56:55Uh!
00:56:57Ah!
00:57:01Hi-ya!
00:57:03Whoa!
00:57:05Keep it loose.
00:57:07It's all, like, I mean,
00:57:09perfect.
00:57:13Fucking crazy.
00:57:15Hi-ya!
00:57:17Yeah.
00:57:19What the hell, bro?
00:57:21Where are my skis?
00:57:23Hold on, man. I'm filming.
00:57:25Take a five-minute break, bro.
00:57:27Alex, what the heck are you doing, bro?
00:57:29What does it look like we're doing, man?
00:57:31We're shooting hi-ya videos.
00:57:33That's my thing.
00:57:35It was your thing.
00:57:37Now it's Trent and Mai's thing.
00:57:39Your social media is lame, man.
00:57:41Your fans are bored.
00:57:43You're losing influence.
00:57:45How dare you stick my brand
00:57:47on some knockoff loser?
00:57:49Be savage.
00:57:51The audience is hungry.
00:57:53And if your feed isn't supplying the audience
00:57:55with what it wants, someone else's feed will.
00:57:57Just, bro, give me a couple days
00:57:59to just get rocked so you go to prom with me.
00:58:01Then I'm back in business, bro.
00:58:03You don't have to do all this.
00:58:05The feed waits for no man.
00:58:07All right, Trent,
00:58:09from the top.
00:58:11That's good.
00:58:13Thunder.
00:58:15Hi-ya!
00:58:17You know, when I've left
00:58:19hi-ya videos in my dust
00:58:21and I'm making life-changing life hack videos,
00:58:23you won't be laughing.
00:58:25Don't throw your toe at me, you dick!
00:58:27I will throw what I want at you!
00:58:29Dude, have you even been
00:58:31reading the comments, man?
00:58:33No?
00:58:37Lame.
00:58:39Nerd AF, bro.
00:58:41Kill it before
00:58:43it lays eggs.
00:58:45That is how you
00:58:47smoke a cigarette in a bathroom stall.
00:58:51Chris?
00:58:53Hi-ya, or whatever.
00:58:55Now, the LCH bros are wondering,
00:58:57uh, who are you taking to prom with?
00:58:59Well, LCH bros,
00:59:01I haven't really figured that out yet,
00:59:03but I'm...
00:59:05Now what? Seems like the rumors are true.
00:59:07Delete it.
00:59:09I would like to know...
00:59:11I said, bro,
00:59:13delete it.
00:59:15Do it, bro!
00:59:17Yes, yes. Yes, okay.
00:59:21Ashist.
00:59:23The sheep don't shit in the bathroom, bro.
00:59:25Haven't you heard of freedom of the press?
00:59:27Freedom of the bathroom, dude!
00:59:29I'm gonna tell everybody you're a pervert.
00:59:31I am not a pervert. I am a content creator.
00:59:33And one day, you will work for me.
00:59:35Bro, get out of here!
00:59:37There's gotta be a bunch of
00:59:39balls against that.
00:59:41I mean, there's gotta be.
00:59:43Why hasn't there been any Roxy updates?
00:59:45Look, dude, romance takes time.
00:59:47Dude, she...
00:59:49She makes me feel like my heart's on fire.
00:59:51Like... like...
00:59:53everything's on fire.
00:59:55But I've got this reputation to protect,
00:59:57and I've got fans to please,
00:59:59and right or wrong, bro,
01:00:01they hate this cultured shit,
01:00:03so we need to wrap it up, fast.
01:00:05Do you have a projector?
01:00:11Roxy.
01:00:13It's me.
01:00:15What?
01:00:17Hey, come here. Come out.
01:00:19Look.
01:00:21Come on. Come out.
01:00:25Come here.
01:00:27Okay.
01:00:33God, come here.
01:00:35Okay.
01:00:37Look. The real Chris.
01:00:41Mm-hmm.
01:00:43Hates pasta.
01:00:47Is terrified of snakes.
01:00:49I... I can read.
01:00:51I... Okay.
01:00:57Just your music, though. Like...
01:00:59Right. Yeah.
01:01:05Francis.
01:01:07It's creative, right?
01:01:09Thanks.
01:01:11Sooner than we're late.
01:01:17It's where I learned to whiteboard.
01:01:19That's cool.
01:01:25That's... that is true.
01:01:27Yeah.
01:01:33It's a good place to start.
01:01:35Yeah. Yeah? Mm-hmm.
01:01:37Yeah.
01:01:45I, um...
01:01:47I really made a mess the other night.
01:01:51I mean, Fukushima was a mess.
01:01:53You just kind of dropped your fake cast.
01:01:55Yeah.
01:01:57I'm really sorry, Roxy.
01:02:07Mm-hmm.
01:02:17Mm-hmm. Do you just want to...
01:02:19Yeah. Yeah?
01:02:21Just... Okay.
01:02:23Okay. Yeah.
01:02:25All right.
01:02:29It's kind of hard to...
01:02:31I don't know.
01:02:37Yeah.
01:02:49Shit.
01:03:08Why are you still up?
01:03:10Can't sleep.
01:03:12You want to talk?
01:03:14Oh, with you? Always.
01:03:18Cool.
01:03:20You have a, uh, very weird brain.
01:03:22I like to see what's in it.
01:03:26So, did you know about the jellyfish
01:03:28that's biologically immortal?
01:03:37I don't know if...
01:03:39if that's true.
01:03:55We're in that tiny change.
01:03:57I don't know.
01:03:59Maybe it's like weirder.
01:04:01It's weirder.
01:04:03It's not like anything.
01:04:05I don't know.
01:04:35Yeah.
01:04:49Hey, Roxy.
01:04:51Yeah?
01:04:53Is there any possible reality
01:04:55where you might want to go to prom with me?
01:05:05Yes.
01:05:11I love chickens.
01:05:36All right.
01:05:38Which brings us to a Miss Catherine Walker.
01:05:40Is that correct?
01:05:42Yes, thank you.
01:05:44Hi, Miss Walker.
01:05:46Welcome.
01:05:48What will you be playing for us today?
01:05:50Uh, uh, the Moore Show Symphony
01:05:52by Alexander Aguilera.
01:05:54Oh, I see.
01:05:56That's a great piece of music.
01:05:58Yeah, it is.
01:06:00It's a great piece of music.
01:06:02Hi, uh, the Moore Show Symphony
01:06:04by Alexander Guillaumont.
01:06:06Very ambitious.
01:06:08Uh, well, give it a shot.
01:06:10Go ahead.
01:06:12Okay.
01:06:14Uh...
01:06:34Uh, can I just try it one more time?
01:06:38Miss Walker.
01:06:40Please.
01:06:42No.
01:06:44No.
01:07:11I'm in love with her,
01:07:13and I'm gonna tell her, like, tonight.
01:07:15I'm so happy for you.
01:07:17What?
01:07:19No, this is a huge mistake,
01:07:21or this is gonna ruin your life
01:07:23utterly and completely?
01:07:25No.
01:07:27No, you do you, okay?
01:07:29What's wrong with you, man?
01:07:31What's wrong with me?
01:07:33What's wrong with you?
01:07:35You forgot about my audition,
01:07:37so I had to do it alone.
01:07:39What? Oh, no, no, no.
01:07:41Clearly your little
01:07:43catfishing love triangle
01:07:45is your one and only priority.
01:07:47And since you're always so desperate
01:07:49for my advice regarding your pathetic charade,
01:07:51here it is.
01:07:53Go ahead.
01:07:55Tell her the truth.
01:07:57Look at me.
01:07:59Either she'll never believe you,
01:08:01or she'll be so embarrassed and mortified
01:08:03that you manipulated and lied to her.
01:08:05She'll never believe you anyway.
01:08:07God.
01:08:09It's all bullshit.
01:08:11You decided to live
01:08:13in this, like, weird fantasy world,
01:08:15and...
01:08:21I just thought you were different.
01:08:23Obviously I was wrong.
01:08:27You're a phony, Cy.
01:08:29Just like everyone else.
01:08:37Go ahead.
01:08:39Well, I appreciate
01:08:41your honesty. My honesty?
01:08:43That's what friends are for, Cy.
01:08:45You know all Southerners are supposed to show up
01:08:47for each other. That's kind of an integral
01:08:49part of things.
01:08:51Well, you're just pissed off because I can't give you
01:08:53my undivided attention like I used to.
01:08:55Oh,
01:08:57okay. You know what? Good luck
01:08:59telling Roxy you're in love with her or whatever.
01:09:01You know,
01:09:03I hope Chris leaves some of your internal organs intact
01:09:05so the Mexicans still don't eat them after you're dead,
01:09:07you fucker!
01:09:35...
01:09:37...
01:09:39...
01:09:41...
01:09:43...
01:09:45...
01:09:47...
01:09:49...
01:09:51Hey, Chris.
01:09:53This is Cy. I'm calling you about Roxy.
01:09:55I think I'm the one who
01:09:57deserves to be with her.
01:09:59I think she deserves to be with me.
01:10:01You're not good enough.
01:10:03I think you're not the right
01:10:05person for her. I think I am.
01:10:07And I think I'm the one
01:10:09she needs to be with
01:10:11and not you.
01:10:13...
01:10:15...
01:10:17...
01:10:19...
01:10:21...
01:10:23...
01:10:25...
01:10:27Love. Lust.
01:10:29It all comes together tonight
01:10:31at Prom 2018!
01:10:33Who's with me?
01:10:35It's gonna be dope!
01:10:37Hey,
01:10:39I don't know what that means,
01:10:41but if it involves alcohol or drugs,
01:10:43I will ruin you.
01:10:45Principal Hendricks?
01:10:47The student body is dying to know,
01:10:49what was your prom night like?
01:10:51Picture? Oh, video.
01:10:53My prom,
01:10:55captain of the water polo team fingered my urethra
01:10:57for an hour and a half in the back of my mom's minivan.
01:10:59It was a very painful experience.
01:11:01Pay attention
01:11:03in anatomy.
01:11:05I love you guys a lot.
01:11:07It's gonna be so much fun.
01:11:09Is that something
01:11:11that's, like, easy to get wrong?
01:11:25I'm going to tell her everything.
01:11:29I want to show you something.
01:11:31Come with me. It'll be quick.
01:11:33Just something in my garage that I think you'll like.
01:11:35You don't mind if it's right here, buddy?
01:11:41Come here, come here, come here.
01:11:43Yeah, yeah, there's something back here. Just, just over here.
01:11:45No, no, no, no!
01:11:47Give me your phone, bro. Dude.
01:11:49I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I may not be right for her like you said,
01:11:51but I can't have you screw up tonight, okay?
01:11:53I'm not a bad guy, all right?
01:11:55It's just, I need this.
01:11:57Dinner's on me, bro.
01:11:59But you took my phone!
01:12:01I don't want you calling anybody.
01:12:03No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:12:09Damn it!
01:12:27Damn it!
01:12:29Damn it!
01:12:31Damn it!
01:12:33Damn it!
01:12:35Damn it!
01:12:37Damn it!
01:12:39Damn it!
01:12:41Damn it!
01:12:43Damn it!
01:12:45Damn it!
01:12:47Damn it!
01:12:49Damn it!
01:12:51Damn it!
01:12:53Damn it!
01:12:55Damn it!
01:12:59Damn it!
01:13:01Damn it!
01:13:07Come on, you ancient asshole, computer.
01:13:11Oh, my God.
01:13:13All right, okay.
01:13:15There's got to be something.
01:13:17You've got mail.
01:13:19How pleasant.
01:13:21Man, this computer's old.
01:13:23Okay.
01:13:25Hi, my name is Cy Burger.
01:13:30I am locked in some crazy person's garage.
01:13:36I need help.
01:13:42No, no, you don't understand.
01:13:44I'm being held against my will.
01:13:48Please send help.
01:13:51You freak.
01:13:54Oh, shit.
01:14:01JK.
01:14:02Actually, yeah, I am the 18-year-old girl in the picture.
01:14:06And I'm looking for some fun, you know?
01:14:09And maybe even more.
01:14:16Okay, Herman.
01:14:18How about you call my super hot friend and give her this address so we can party?
01:14:33Hello?
01:14:37Who is this?
01:14:41Alright, listen, you sick asshole.
01:14:43I don't know how you got my number.
01:14:45Wait, where?
01:14:49Ow.
01:14:54God.
01:14:55Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
01:14:57Dude.
01:14:58Thank you so much. You saved me.
01:14:59Okay, you want to tell me why the hell you were locked in Chris's garage?
01:15:02It's actually, it's a really long story, but I need to get to prom.
01:15:05Can you please drive me?
01:15:06Like, look, you've been an amazing friend, and I know I've been really shitty.
01:15:10Yeah.
01:15:11And I'm really sorry.
01:15:12Yeah.
01:15:13And are you still mad at me?
01:15:15I mean, did you think that I would just snap out of it?
01:15:19Yes, I am still mad. You hurt my feelings.
01:15:24I mean, you knew how important that audition was.
01:15:26Yeah, I know, and I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry,
01:15:29and I fucking suck, and I'm terrible, and I'm everything bad, and you have every right to be mad at me,
01:15:33and I'm fucking awful, and I'm really, really sorry.
01:15:37Okay, okay.
01:15:40It's fine. They said I can't audition again.
01:15:43My mom, like, my mom told them that I have diabetes, and I was, like, low on insulin.
01:15:49Oh, my God. That's great.
01:15:51Yeah.
01:15:52I promise I'll be there this time.
01:15:54Hey there, girls.
01:15:56Oh, I thought you were two girls.
01:15:59Okay, well, that's cool.
01:16:02I'm down.
01:16:04She's 16, so you might actually want to leave before the guy from behind comes.
01:16:09Yeah.
01:16:10Plus, I don't look like my profile picture.
01:16:14Hey.
01:16:35Hey.
01:16:42So you don't shave your armpits?
01:16:44I feel like if you don't have to, I shouldn't have to.
01:16:47You shave them.
01:16:48She's awesome.
01:16:50Yes.
01:16:51I just want you to know, I think it's really hot.
01:16:56Oh, hey, hey, hey.
01:16:58Seat and tie for the gentlemen only.
01:17:00Come on, man.
01:17:01Hey, bonger boy.
01:17:05Hello.
01:17:07Hi, guys.
01:17:08So, most of you don't know this, but I'm not just Principal Hendrix.
01:17:13I'm also quite an accomplished singer-songwriter.
01:17:20Thank you.
01:17:21Thank you.
01:17:52Hey, I've got a love emergency.
01:17:58There's a girl in there that should be with me, but she's with a guy, the wrong guy.
01:18:01Chris, you're in there with Roxy.
01:18:02Exactly.
01:18:03I need your talk, because I'm banging on you.
01:18:22I don't need anything.
01:18:25I don't need anyone.
01:18:28I don't need anything.
01:18:32I don't need you.
01:18:41Use condoms tonight.
01:18:51Use condoms.
01:19:21Use condoms.
01:19:23Use condoms.
01:19:25Use condoms.
01:19:27Use condoms.
01:19:29Use condoms.
01:19:31Use condoms.
01:19:33Hey, could you turn down the music?
01:19:35Can you please cut the music?
01:19:36Please, please.
01:19:37Hey, hello?
01:19:38Can you cut the music?
01:19:41Thank you.
01:19:42Hi, hello, everyone.
01:19:44Look at me, please.
01:19:45Hello?
01:19:46This is really easy to say, but ...
01:19:48I'll bring it back.
01:19:50For the last month, I've actually been pretending to be Chris Newton online.
01:19:54He's actually been paying me to do this, so that way he'd impress Roxy enough that she'd go to prom with him.
01:20:01Hey, Roxy.
01:20:03Yeah, it's actually been me you've been liking this whole time.
01:20:06And, uh, well, I just really wanted to tell you that I like you.
01:20:10How do you guys believe this clown?
01:20:12The nerd who went viral for this.
01:20:15Bonehead boy!
01:20:17Bonehead boy, right?
01:20:19Bonehead boy. Bonehead boy.
01:20:22Shut up, shut up.
01:20:23Forget it, all right?
01:20:24I've lived it.
01:20:25It sucks.
01:20:26It fucking sucks, all right?
01:20:28It sucks to be humiliated.
01:20:30It sucks to be flawed and awkward and weird in this perfect goddamn world.
01:20:36But you know what?
01:20:37I would rather be weird, lame, and awkward than live a superficial lie, all right?
01:20:42Also, I know I've never gone down on a woman before, but I have no doubt that I'd be fantastic at it.
01:20:49We'll see.
01:20:51Fuck off, man.
01:20:52Fuck this video.
01:20:56Hey, Roxy.
01:20:57Hey.
01:20:58You both lied to me.
01:20:59No, well, I mean, I was really, like, his social media image consultant.
01:21:03Yeah, yeah, Roxy, like celebrity stuff.
01:21:05Right?
01:21:06Yeah.
01:21:07Oh, shit.
01:21:08Oh.
01:21:10Oh, yeah, you really made the right choice there.
01:21:13Is your hand okay?
01:21:14Yeah, no, it's fine.
01:21:19Jesus.
01:21:20Your glasses.
01:21:21Thank you.
01:21:27You think it's broke?
01:21:29I don't know, man.
01:21:30Dude, don't move it like that.
01:21:32I'm sorry.
01:21:33All right, dude, it's him.
01:21:34Dude, I'm sorry.
01:21:36Oh, Jesus.
01:21:38Oh, God, dude.
01:21:42Hey.
01:21:43Hi.
01:21:44I, I, um, I just, I don't know any girls like you at all.
01:21:50Because you, you make me nervous.
01:21:53And, and scared, and I feel like you're judging me, but not judging me.
01:21:58Mm-hmm.
01:21:59And when you look at me like this, I feel like, oh, I can feel like you can see me.
01:22:07Like I can't see me.
01:22:09And I feel like a, like a naked boy.
01:22:14But, but you make me, you make me want to be like a naked man.
01:22:20Right?
01:22:21Mm-hmm.
01:22:26What are those?
01:22:28Frozen peas.
01:22:29Oh.
01:22:31Not for me?
01:22:33Not for you.
01:22:34Oh, good.
01:22:36I am so sorry for embarrassing you.
01:22:40And I just...
01:22:52You're not a bad guy.
01:22:54You just...
01:22:58You're actually quite interesting and odd.
01:23:02Just be you.
01:23:06Can you see on my hand that I'd like to give you a ride home?
01:23:11Mm.
01:23:13Please?
01:23:14You, you only like me because I punched you.
01:23:19Sorry.
01:23:20That's pretty odd.
01:23:21Mm-hmm.
01:23:24Yeah.
01:23:29Mm-hmm.
01:23:41Brought you these.
01:23:45Pretty sure they expired in the 90s, but you can still use them.
01:23:50Ah.
01:23:54Well, at least your new viral video might erase your previous one from pop culture.
01:24:00Rad chick clobbers two tools.
01:24:03So only witness protection program embarrassing.
01:24:06I can handle that.
01:24:19So, I know what I did was really stupid,
01:24:24and you probably don't ever want to see me again, but...
01:24:29I'm crazy for you, Roxy.
01:24:31Like, if you, if you have any room left in your heart for forgiveness,
01:24:35I'd do anything for a second chance.
01:24:38Stop.
01:24:40You're just saying what you think you should say.
01:24:42I don't even think you know if it's true.
01:24:45No, it's true.
01:24:46I want you.
01:24:47I'm not a trophy.
01:24:49Look, you don't, you don't even really know me.
01:24:53You just kind of made me who you wanted me to be in your head.
01:24:59Look, it is way more beautiful to watch a rhinoceros be a rhinoceros
01:25:05than try to be an elephant.
01:25:12What?
01:25:13What are you thinking?
01:25:14Nothing.
01:25:16Nothing.
01:25:18Uh...
01:25:19Okay.
01:25:23Tonight's our thirst for real blood,
01:25:26for real knives,
01:25:29for real cries.
01:25:32Did you really miss what really did exist?
01:25:37How do you throw it so tight?
01:25:41No attempt is made to explain away
01:25:45the things that really, really, really, really, really are.
01:25:49You can't hide.
01:25:52You can't hide.
01:25:54You can't hide.
01:25:58You can't hide.
01:26:01You can't hide.
01:26:03You can't hide.
01:26:05I want you.
01:26:10I want you.
01:26:35Oh, God.
01:26:37Hey.
01:26:41What happened?
01:26:43I don't know why.
01:26:47I so wish I told you so it wasn't such a true thing right now.
01:26:50Yeah, I was, I was looking all over for you,
01:26:53but without a phone or a car,
01:26:55it's actually really fucking difficult.
01:26:57I don't know how they used to do it, like at all.
01:27:07Let me see.
01:27:10Let me see.
01:27:26I had become so deluded from my whacked-out,
01:27:29hormone-addled brain
01:27:31that I've been missing this fantastic reality,
01:27:34like this golden sunset, like, right here.
01:27:38What?
01:27:39Shut up.
01:27:41But, but I'm, I'm making my big speech.
01:27:43Okay, look, look.
01:27:44I only have 15 minutes
01:27:46until my parents are gonna freak if I'm not home,
01:27:48so do you want to keep acting like a stupid teen movie scene,
01:27:53or do you want to make out some more?
01:27:55I want to make out some more.
01:27:57For real?
01:27:58For real.
01:28:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh