मैं हार गयी थी (और) माँ जो है
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Transcript
00:00I had lost.
00:04In the light of the moon,
00:07I can clearly see the shape of our tree.
00:11From where I am standing,
00:13I feel that our tree is very beautiful.
00:17This is the most beautiful view of my life,
00:21and perhaps it will remain so.
00:23Our tree,
00:25on which we had lost our names in the past.
00:29When we had lost our names on this tree,
00:34we were young and young in love.
00:38For 15 years we were immersed in each other's love,
00:42from adolescence to adolescence.
00:45Do you remember that moonlit night
00:50when you proposed to me under this tree,
00:54for marriage?
00:55This tree and its surroundings were heaven for us,
01:00where we used to meet every weekend.
01:03I used to quietly leave my hostel
01:06and sit on the back seat of your car,
01:09and you used to take the car and go towards the bottom of the hill.
01:13We used to walk from there,
01:15climb the hill from the forest,
01:17and sit under this tree and talk for hours,
01:21and dream.
01:23We used to see our life on the horizon in front of us.
01:29Do you remember that day,
01:31the day you picked me up in your lap
01:34and were going up the stairs to the top of the hill?
01:38But after climbing five steps,
01:41you dropped me down.
01:44How long did we both laugh that day?
01:47The forest below the hill,
01:49the city seen far away,
01:50and the hills around us,
01:52are witnesses of our love story.
01:55If there was heaven in the world,
01:58it was there on that hill.
02:00But today,
02:02I don't like seeing this hill.
02:05Today, there are cement stairs on this hill.
02:10You can see a carousel everywhere.
02:13Many shops have opened for tea and food,
02:16and cars have been parked in many places.
02:21Parks and small houses have been built nearby,
02:25and we eat and drink and buy things from morning to evening.
02:30If nothing has changed,
02:33it is our tree
02:35and our names engraved on it.
02:37Yes, Raj,
02:39our tree is the only thing that has not changed.
02:42That is why I wanted to put an end to love under this tree.
02:47Under this tree,
02:49where love began.
02:51But where was the mistake?
02:53How was the mistake?
02:55I could not see those signs.
02:58That is why I blame myself
03:01for not being able to see those signs.
03:05When you used to stand up to pick up your phone after the bell rang,
03:10and you used to run out to hear the phone,
03:15I used to laugh at you and tease you.
03:19After reading the message on the phone,
03:23you used to delete it immediately.
03:26Even then I used to tease you.
03:29I had no doubt at all
03:32that you used to send the same message
03:34and she used to call you.
03:37I should have understood then
03:38that when you used to leave the city
03:41in search of business,
03:45and you used to stay away from home for a couple of days,
03:48I should have realized then
03:51that when you used to leave me,
03:53but there was no excitement in your touch.
03:57In the same bedroom,
03:59where we had drowned in the ocean of happiness
04:02by touching each other thousands of times,
04:04in the same bed,
04:06where our souls and bodies had met many times,
04:09I could not read in your eyes
04:12that now those eyes did not shine when they saw me.
04:16Even then I did not understand
04:18that when you used to call me by my name,
04:22there was no happiness in your voice,
04:25which used to happen earlier.
04:27I should have read those signs,
04:30but I was blinded by love,
04:32my dear Raj,
04:34but what was the reason
04:36that you went away from me?
04:38No, do not answer me.
04:40There is no need.
04:42I do not want to know.
04:44Raj, one has to go around one circle in life.
04:47In the same place,
04:49one has to sign divorce papers
04:51where the wedding ring is worn.
04:54You used to call me a fool,
04:56but you did not try at all
04:58to save our love.
05:01If I say in your words,
05:02I could not save our love
05:04even by expressing my feelings.
05:07And I could not stop you.
05:09You used to shout and say,
05:11now everything is over.
05:13Do you understand?
05:15There is nothing between us now.
05:17I know, Raj.
05:19I understood that day
05:21that everything was over.
05:23The day Asha told me
05:25that she saw you in Bangalore
05:27with that Randi.
05:29But I did not believe what Asha said
05:32because I was still blind in your love.
05:35My love,
05:37I did not believe even that day
05:39the day you took her name with your own mouth.
05:42And in front of me,
05:44in my bedroom,
05:46you said so clearly
05:48that you loved that Randi.
05:50You also said
05:52that you did not love me.
05:54But then I began to realize
05:56that everything was over
05:58between us.
06:00Love happens only once,
06:02then the situation reached
06:04the place where either I would have lived
06:06or that witch.
06:08After so many years of our marriage,
06:11you told me so clearly
06:13that you loved her.
06:16Then you told me to give you your house
06:19and a lot of money for your independence.
06:22You wanted to be independent
06:24from me at any cost.
06:27That day I was completely empty.
06:29I wanted to be with you forever, Raj.
06:33I wanted to try even harder.
06:36You will not believe
06:38how many nights I did not sleep
06:40and just kept thinking
06:42what should I do to get you back.
06:44But I knew deeply
06:46that you were very far away.
06:48You had gone forever.
06:50I also used to think
06:52was something right from the beginning?
06:5415 years of my life
06:56just disappeared in a day.
07:00And then I saw you both together.
07:04You were holding each other's hands and laughing
07:07and people were looking at you.
07:09That day I started hating you.
07:12That day I made a decision.
07:14Asha has received my email
07:17and she may be very sad
07:19because Asha is my best friend.
07:23She will not let you leave me like this.
07:26She wants the world
07:28to watch my love story
07:30on her television channel.
07:32Today I am standing in front of this tree
07:35and I am saying all this.
07:37You have taken my signature
07:39on the divorce papers
07:41but now you get ready for the future.
07:44Our cook, our gardener,
07:46our driver,
07:48everyone will testify in my favor.
07:50Even the people sitting
07:52at the tea shop in front of the tree
07:54will testify in my favor
07:56because they are watching me
07:58and you standing under this tree.
08:02Everyone wants to be famous
08:04on television for 2 minutes.
08:06Raj, people will drag you from here
08:09and beat you up.
08:11You and your stick.
08:13Can you see the fear
08:15on your face, Raj?
08:18I am jumping from this mountain
08:20in front of you
08:22and you will keep screaming.
08:24My last scream
08:26will echo in these mountains.
08:28And now the divorce papers
08:30are of no use to you
08:32because now you will not need
08:34those papers.
08:36I wish I could read
08:38tomorrow's headlines
08:40in the newspapers.
08:42Famous businessman
08:44Raj Krishna
08:46pushed his wife down the mountain
08:48and killed her.
08:50In his last letter
08:52his wife wrote to the police
08:54that her husband
08:56was calling her on the mountain
08:58for the last time.
09:00Now I am jumping
09:02from the mountain, Raj.
09:04After saying this
09:06everything was over.
09:08The next day
09:10Raj was in jail
09:12and
09:14he died.
09:18The mother
09:20heard the sound
09:22of utensils
09:24in the middle of the night.
09:26That sound came from the kitchen.
09:28The tap was open
09:30and the mother was washing utensils
09:32in the kitchen.
09:34All three sons and daughters-in-law
09:36were already asleep.
09:38But the mother was awake
09:40in the middle of the night
09:42and was washing utensils
09:44in the sink.
09:46All the daughters-in-law
09:48should have done the work together
09:50but the mother was doing it alone.
09:52A pot of milk was heating
09:54on the gas stove nearby.
09:56There was some time left
09:58so that all the family members
10:00could eat fresh curd in the morning.
10:02Then a glass of glass fell down
10:04and fell directly on the thumb
10:06of the mother's right foot.
10:08The mother was in pain
10:10but she did not complain.
10:12She still looked happy.
10:14The glass was saved from breaking
10:16but even then
10:18the people sleeping in the house
10:20were awake.
10:22From the room of the elder son
10:24the elder daughter-in-law's voice was heard.
10:26But this woman could not sleep
10:28and neither could she
10:30nor could she let
10:32anyone else sleep.
10:34Then the middle daughter-in-law's voice was heard.
10:36Now you see,
10:38in the morning at four o'clock
10:40there will be noise again.
10:42Neither can she rest
10:44nor can she let anyone else rest.
10:46Then the youngest daughter-in-law
10:48said to her husband
10:50Please go and stop this nonsense.
10:52If you say anything
10:54then your mother will say
10:56that you should not leave her till then.
10:58It is a bad omen.
11:00The youngest son got up
11:02and went to the kitchen.
11:04But by then the mother
11:06had taken care of the utensils.
11:08He went back to his room
11:10with his injured leg.
11:12The back was bent,
11:14the wrinkles on the face,
11:16the skin became loose,
11:18the pain of the joints,
11:20the pain of the knees,
11:22the eyes were closed,
11:24the fake teeth,
11:26he picked it up with his bare hands.
11:28Then the outer wall
11:30rang the bell of the night.
11:32As she went towards her bed,
11:34she came back again.
11:36She took out the okra from the fridge
11:38and started cutting it.
11:40Then she cut the onion
11:42and ginger too.
11:44Then something came to mind.
11:46She took out a bag
11:48from under the pillow,
11:50took out some pills
11:52and put them in her mouth
11:54and drank the water.
11:56The old man,
11:58who was lying on the bed,
12:00asked her,
12:02have you come?
12:04She said yes.
12:06There was no special work
12:08in the kitchen today.
12:10She did not know
12:12whether she had a deep sleep or not.
12:14But she woke up
12:16before the alarm of the clock.
12:18Even in winters,
12:20she never bathed with hot water.
12:22She used to say,
12:24she never read the newspaper herself.
12:26But she was responsible
12:28for picking up the newspaper
12:30from the gate every morning.
12:32She herself had never
12:34had tea in her life.
12:36But in the morning,
12:38she used to make tea for everyone
12:40and put it in the cups.
12:42Sometimes I think
12:44that writing, speaking
12:46and discussing about the mother
12:48should be stopped legally.
12:50This relationship should not be
12:51allowed to be judged
12:53on any criteria.
12:55How can a mother
12:57who herself is a criterion
12:59judge another
13:01criterion?
13:03But the truth is
13:05that even if we talk
13:07about the mother
13:09for a lifetime,
13:11it will never end.
13:13The night of sorrows is long
13:15or my songs are long.
13:17Neither does the long night pass
13:19nor does my song end.
13:21Yes, one more time.
13:23If your eyes get wet
13:25while reading all this,
13:27then neither hide
13:29nor stop the tears
13:31from flowing.
13:33Cry openly.
13:35The burden will be light.
13:37If the living mother
13:39is near,
13:41then hug her
13:43and kiss her.
13:46And if she has left
13:48this world,
13:49then hug the
13:51most beautiful thing
13:53of the mother
13:55and call her
13:57loudly.
13:59Wherever the mother is,
14:01she will definitely
14:03answer.
14:05Thank you very much.