God Shave The Queens S01E04 (2020)
Transcript
00:00I love who's in the first one, it's just me as well!
00:25Oh it's me, it's my first cover! Oh no, it's my second cover, we did Grazia!
00:35Oh my god! Oh look!
00:39We came here on tour last week in Birmingham, I said it was Bournemouth on the microphone
00:45and it was really embarrassing, but we still had a really good time, good enough for them
00:49to put me in a magazine, so that's always nice.
00:53At least if we run out of toilet roll on the bus!
00:58I'm going to get a drink, wild, I'm crazy, you don't know anything like me!
01:06I'm like a bag of chips, unique, unique as fuck!
01:12But it's ok, just keep taking the drugs!
01:16We're going to have some food here, then we're going to go see Mary Mack at Eden,
01:20she needs her privacy, she's a great editor, she's huge!
01:24In real life, like on TV she looks perfect, in real life you're even more like, you really are perfect!
01:36And as well, when I'm in drag I'm like, in drag, she's like, she's so fucking tall, it is unbelievable!
01:46Thank you!
01:56Same old, same old, first leap again!
01:58Hi!
02:13I'm off to do some wigs, it never ends!
02:21Going back to the hotel, so that I can do my wig!
02:25When you're touring, everything kind of gets smashed around a bit, and you have to just fix things,
02:31so that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to go and fix all of my wigs,
02:34and make sure they all look cute!
02:40So that, you know, people are paying money, they want to see nice wigs,
02:44so they should look at other people's wigs!
02:48Oh, I'm hilarious! I'm still poorly, like, I need to get myself better before I can go and play!
02:55Bye darling!
03:01Zoom in, zoom in, zoom in!
03:04And welcome to the Drag Race UK piss-off!
03:07Zoom in, zoom in!
03:09And welcome to the Drag Race UK piss-off!
03:38It is probably weird getting recognised out of drag, I quite like it,
03:42I don't even know, I don't know, I think it's even better than being recognised in drag,
03:46because it's like, oh yeah, you've probably paid attention, do you know what I mean?
03:50And it's really cool, it's really, really cool, means you're probably famous, isn't it?
03:53And who's recognised you as well, don't they?
03:55Well, not always!
03:56Well, sometimes!
03:57I wasn't on the show!
03:58Normally, like, designated to take the pictures!
04:01But that's okay with me!
04:03See you later, bye!
04:06So guys, what do you think of the tour so far, have you been enjoying it?
04:10That was a ball, it's been amazing, it's been so much fun!
04:13I really enjoyed the choreography, actually, I was dreading it, but...
04:15Yeah, I've been saying that the first night was like a dress rehearsal,
04:18and then last night we were all comfortable, we were all chillin' and yeah...
04:22But I find, like, when I'm doing choreography bits, I forget to breathe,
04:25and I'm like...
04:27I come off and I'm like...
04:30Because then I watch Cheryl doing it, and I'm like, how the fuck, no...
04:33She holds her breath the whole way,
04:35you see at the end of the number, she's like this,
04:37and you see her mouth going...
04:42How have the American guys found the UK show versus the US show?
04:47It's lovely, honestly!
04:49It's a lot of good, good numbers, great music...
04:53Different in a good way!
04:54Why is it different?
04:55It has humour, it has heart, I like it, it's really cool,
04:59like, I'll remember that really, really good.
05:02We need to bring this to the US!
05:06Especially me, I can't steal it, my favourite colour is blue.
05:10Because I get my blue wings.
05:18I think it was Sophie.
05:19She's been crying, bless her.
05:20She said she'd just come out, about two years ago,
05:23but she's nearly 30 years old, so that's still quite late to come out.
05:26And now it's great, she can live her life, she can live her true self,
05:29do you know what I mean?
05:30Nice!
05:31And I feel like I've helped her do that.
05:35Well done, Sophie, well done, you.
05:37So, you found somewhere for karaoke?
05:39Yes.
05:40How amazing.
05:41My voice is already fucked anyway, so who cares?
05:45I heard the blitz thing come on, like Davina is.
05:51It's got a vibe to it.
05:52I think we were in the last show, when she was doing, like,
05:55the six feet on the floor, and then she got up,
05:57and then she did this, like, weird turn,
05:59and she was like, and Garfield said goodbye,
06:03and she, like, fell over, and she had to, like, smile out.
06:06Love her.
06:08And I was the bitch of the season.
06:10You heard it here first, ladies and gents,
06:12some ting-wong comes through.
06:17Neuron disease, correct?
06:19Fantastic.
06:20They're here for a purpose.
06:22Now, ignore the camera, please, everybody.
06:25We are here filming my audition tape for season two
06:29of a very popular BBC competition show.
06:34It's called The Wall with Danny Dyer.
06:39Shall we have another sing-along, Birmingham?
06:41Yeah!
06:42Right on.
06:45Oh, no, she better don't.
06:47I've been watching you, and I like the way you work.
06:50Why, thank you for doing that.
06:53Hello!
06:58I'm star-struck tonight, cos I've met Flu, I've met Vinegar.
07:02I know something-wong a little bit from the past,
07:05but she's been kicked out because she's wearing flip-flops.
07:08That's my favourite thing!
07:13Sorry, I haven't seen her tonight.
07:15Very old brand, very old brand.
07:17I got a drag name. What is it?
07:19Aggressive Batberg.
07:20And I've got an act, which is just me in a sewer,
07:23dressed as a schoolgirl, shouting,
07:25you stole my future at a Toffee Crisp.
07:28That's all the act is, that's all I've got.
07:33This is so surreal.
07:34Do you want to know how we met?
07:36So I walked out of a shop in London last week,
07:39and she walked past...
07:40You know when gays do that thing, when you walk past each other
07:43and you turn into meerkats, and you go...
07:46We did that.
07:47We did that.
07:48We went...
07:50I vomited in the air.
07:53And then I was like, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter,
07:56Jo Lyser, have I just seen you?
07:58She was like, yes, look.
08:00Yeah.
08:01Block.
08:07I've snogged about 17 blokes.
08:13Since we've been on the show,
08:15we've been talking about sex and cunts,
08:18and you've been talking about that.
08:21So, before we get into that,
08:23we've been talking about...
08:35I'm having a fucking ball.
08:37You know me, I'm not one to drink.
08:41What are you laughing at?
08:43I've gone out tonight, not as a drink.
08:45I'm very fucking proud of myself.
08:47I'm so proud of you.
08:49I'm proud.
08:50He's taking focus from me.
08:52I'm having a piss.
08:53Well...
08:54No, we've got no cars.
08:56We've got to go because these boys are fucking dripping.
09:01Let's go and have a fag.
09:03And for the Americans watching on Well Presented Plus,
09:06going for a fag means going for a cigarette.
09:08It doesn't mean a homosexual,
09:10unless we're really pissed off.
09:12Never say fuck off, you fag.
09:18Is that for me?
09:19Yeah, sorry, I went to the toilet.
09:21Oh, I love you.
09:22Thank you, gorgeous.
09:23Tell people your name so they can send you hate.
09:25I never do that!
09:27These are the people of Birmingham, lovely people.
09:30Lovely people, they're absolutely great people.
09:32It's going to be huge, it's a great show.
09:34Mary Max, do a great job.
09:36There's no collusion with Liverpool or Russia.
09:42If I neck that, you'll neck that. What is it?
09:44It's JD and Coke.
09:45I need you for six more shows. Please do not.
09:47Oh, no.
09:48I won't drag race up Big Brother.
09:50This is camp.
09:51Blue's going home.
09:53I'm under the weather,
09:54I just need to go home and feel better for tomorrow.
09:57Let's go and have a drink.
10:00MUSIC FADES
10:10God, I've got a big fucking camera in my face,
10:13I'm hanging out my arse.
10:19They got me absolutely shit-faced, I did a gig in Kent.
10:22I was like, oh, I'll just have the one.
10:24Two hours later, I'm doing the fucking Macarena
10:27with my knickers in the air, you know what I mean?
10:32Not really, but...
10:35No, I really am actually, cos I'm in my own town,
10:37I'm actually originally from the Birmingham area.
10:40I love doing the shows,
10:41it's just a thought of putting all the shit on.
10:43I wish I could just do it like this.
10:47I need to do a Paul O'Grady and fuck Bagger off.
10:50And just do me.
10:53She's arrived.
10:55Welcome to Birmingham.
10:57Is that where we are?
10:59Two and a half hours, four suitcases and...
11:02Oh, there's a car!
11:04Hi, Divas, you all right?
11:09Famous girls in famous cities.
11:11Right, pull over.
11:13What have you been doing with your time off?
11:15I'm not going to tell you what I did on my take-off.
11:18All I can say is I had a lovely time in my bed at home.
11:22Having a lovely time, gal.
11:25Right, let's get in the theatre.
11:27Hiya!
11:29You love watching me struggle, don't you, Meldon?
11:32Have we even established who's in what room? Yeah.
11:35Hi, guys, I'm here.
11:37The hole is in the building.
11:39What room am I in?
11:41Because I'm wandering around aimlessly.
11:43Lol.
11:45I honestly don't know what's going on here.
11:47Hello. You look so well-rested and everything.
11:50Well, I am well-rested, darling, if you know what I mean.
11:53Where's our best man?
11:55I've literally wandered around this entire theatre
11:58and I have no clue, so should we just go claim one?
12:01Well, I think Ricky will do this.
12:04OK, fine.
12:06LAUGHTER
12:08I'm glad you said it and not me.
12:10What's happening through here?
12:12Have you not seen the stage yet?
12:14Oh, my goodness, it's huge!
12:16Look, it goes all the way up to the top, Mel.
12:19It's beautiful, isn't it?
12:21And all of a sudden, I feel the impending doom
12:23of having to perform on this massive stage
12:25in front of a lot of people.
12:27It's nice, isn't it?
12:29Let's go.
12:31So we'll be back shortly after we've had some food.
12:34Cheryl Hall needs feeding.
12:36It's like feeding time in the zoo.
12:38She hasn't had enough meat over the weekend.
12:40She's going to have some more today.
12:42It's literally been a day.
12:44It's been a day. Ladies first.
12:49We'll see you in about half an hour.
12:53I am just the height of glamour right now.
12:58Honestly, you never, ever knew how glamorous my life is.
13:03So we've got cold care tablets, echinacea with vitamin C and Z.
13:07And I've also got some more vitamin Cs.
13:10All the vitamin Cs.
13:12You can't take too much vitamin C, though.
13:14You know why? You get the shits.
13:17You don't want to have the shits as well.
13:19That's the problem.
13:21It's because I like meeting people,
13:23and I give a real hug.
13:25I give a real hug.
13:27And then, unfortunately, I end up sick.
13:33A martyr.
13:35I'm just a martyr.
13:48Oh.
13:50Blood in the water. No.
13:52Blood in me phlegm.
14:01I think this rehearsal's going to be quite a...
14:03Make sure everyone knows exactly where they're going and what they're doing.
14:06In London, we didn't have any wings, so everything was all through the back door.
14:09But this is exactly how we rehearsed it.
14:11We've got the wings, and it's a big stage as well, which worries me.
14:14Sometimes you get a bit lost, and formations change a lot.
14:18So I think it's going to go great.
14:20Midlands, Leicester, Birmingham.
14:22Midlands are always loud, noisy.
14:25Is there any more take at all?
14:27I mean, what do you want to do?
14:29Just cheap.
14:30I mean, there's no such thing as cheap.
14:31I press play.
14:33All I do, I just press play.
14:35I try to make them look good.
14:36They already do it themselves, though.
14:38I've been doing tours for five years now.
14:42And so I just got to work the world.
14:44So now I get to come on this for a little while.
14:47It's not bad. It's a little break.
14:49It's good, though.
14:50I like the UK drag.
14:52It's more ambitious.
14:56Where is everyone? Rehearsal's starting at half two.
15:00Is there any way of waiting?
15:03No, because we need to rehearse now,
15:07and then we have to start getting ready at three.
15:09Everyone needs to wear a hard hat.
15:11Why?
15:12What?
15:17Yeah, I know. I was just going to say.
15:19Death seems like a good option at this point.
15:22Bit hungover today.
15:24I don't know why. I didn't drink.
15:26I got in about half one, but I was drunk in bed with a pizza.
15:30Fighting with a pizza about 4am.
15:32So now I'm all good, ready to go.
15:35Still hanging.
15:38Still handsome.
15:40No, still handsome, but still hanging.
15:43Was it a good night, though?
15:44Babe, it was a fucking great night last night.
15:46She was a total slag.
15:47I was a total slag.
15:55I snogged about 24 blokes.
15:57How many was?
15:5924, I think it was.
16:02Yes, I am.
16:06And that was that.
16:07I did that 24 times, I think.
16:09I suppose I've got your fucking lips left.
16:12Of course.
16:14We're doing a renovation of the theatre.
16:17Doing a renovation.
16:18And...
16:20Everything's got to go.
16:21It's homos under the hammer.
16:23Do I look very masculine? Look.
16:25You look very masculine.
16:27Can I just keep mine on for effect?
16:29You can, but you return it to us at the end of the day.
16:32No, I'm going to nick it.
16:34Does anyone know if we're actually doing a rehearsal?
16:37We had a day off yesterday,
16:38and we've been waiting here since yesterday, 3 o'clock.
16:41We all slept there, didn't we?
16:43I didn't get to do today.
16:46I'm fucked.
16:49I'm fucked.
16:51I'm fucked.
16:53I'm fucked.
16:56I don't think I can.
16:58I've not got the strength.
17:09I feel like we're in the swing of it now.
17:11Do you feel like you're in the swing of it?
17:13No-one can wind up.
17:15Crystal, move it back the tiniest little bit.
17:17There you go.
17:19Yeah, she's going for a shit.
17:22She's on her throne.
17:27You've just missed your whole bit.
17:32I don't care, to be honest.
17:34I can do what I want when I want.
17:36Cos I...
17:38am...
17:42Got the shits.
17:43Can't stop shaking.
17:44You just can't deliver.
17:46That was the worst fucking intro ever.
17:50I don't know why we invited you.
17:52No-one's here.
17:54That actually gets me inside.