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00:00Oh no, Fern, I got another letter.
00:21I'm afraid to open it.
00:23What was that?
00:24Of course it's for me.
00:27Oh, I'm sorry, Fernie.
00:29I know you're just trying to calm my nerves.
00:32I need a shot.
00:34You want one?
00:37All right, that's seven, Fern.
00:39You know your limit.
00:40I'm taking your keys.
00:44Well, let's open this.
00:47You will soon have something in common with these.
00:51A doornail, a dodo, a man walking.
00:58Oh no, it couldn't mean dead.
01:00Who would want me dead?
01:02Everyone loves me.
01:06Fergie's career.
01:08Fern, you're right.
01:09They do want me dead.
01:16Camp Wanakiki.
01:18Serial killer free for three months.
01:21And I'd like to keep it that way, please.
01:24Hello, Cherry.
01:26Would you like to play a game?
01:29Betty, is that you?
01:30Your voice is so deep.
01:31Is your Adam's apple swollen again?
01:34It's not Betty.
01:36Ruthie, you sound clogged.
01:39Clear out whatever's in your throat from last night.
01:41It's not Ruthie.
01:43Who is this?
01:44Are you the one that's been sending me those letters?
01:46What do you want from me?
01:48To play a game.
01:50Fine, I'll play a game if you leave me alone,
01:52but nothing involving math or numbers or trivia
01:57or spelling, running, or throwing.
01:59Basically, nothing involving thinking or moving.
02:03It's a very simple game, Cherry.
02:06You just have to guess where I am.
02:08Well, I'll tell you where you should be with that raspy
02:10voice of yours, a steam room.
02:13Clear out all of that glen.
02:15Go to Dick's Bathhouse on Highway Q.
02:17It's free for college guys on Thursdays.
02:20Trust me, you will be all cleared out in no time.
02:24Everywhere, by the way.
02:28Fern?
02:29What is it, Fern?
02:32You.
02:33No, no, wait, wait, wait.
02:36I've never said this before, but whatever you do,
02:38don't stain the dress.
02:40And don't let Fern drive.
02:45No!
02:48You!
02:48No, no, no, no, no!
02:51Please, I'm begging you.
02:53No, no!
02:54No, that's not fair.
02:56Oh, I'm sorry.
02:56No, that's not fair, that's not fair.
03:00I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
03:01Oh, bear with it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
03:06I'm so sorry!
03:09No!
03:10No, no, no, I'm so sorry.
03:14When I heard about this fundraiser, I knew I had to come.
03:22Camp Wannacookie is just a stone's throw from Hoodahoe High School, where Cherry and I graduated
03:29in 1947.
03:30Well, I didn't actually get an invite for today, but I've been going through the Sugar
03:37Baker's mail for quite a while now, so I hope it's worth it.
03:43I heard there was free food.
03:45I'm not here to raise funds for Camp Wannacookie, this disaster of a summer camp.
03:50I'm here to close it down.
03:52How's that for a campy-can-do attitude?
03:56Oh my God, look at the state of this place.
03:59I only came here for Ruthie.
04:02I see nothing but pigs in blankets, and I'm not talking about the food.
04:05Hi, it's Bebop.
04:06I'm back at camp to raise funds for inflatables.
04:12Oh, I think they're popping some already.
04:16All I want is one last taste of Cherry's sweet pie.
04:24But bleep bloop's not looking too bad either.
04:28Mistress Lady Dame cock and balls.
04:30Oh, put her there.
04:32Puttin' pop sugar cooker.
04:34You must be part of the Sugar Baker clan.
04:36I'm their half-sister, actually.
04:39Not even a decent flute here.
04:42Or a decent look.
04:43I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
04:46Afro-disiac.
04:48I do some behind-the-scenes dabbling.
04:52You see, someday I'll make my debut, too.
04:57Well I look forward to that day, unless I get what I came here for.
05:03Ask me what I came here for.
05:05What did you come here for?
05:07I came here to shut down Camp Wannakeekee.
05:11Oh, my sisters are going to be so upset.
05:15Well...
05:16I'm not going to tell them.
05:17This camp has gone to hell in a handbasket.
05:21You want some good shit and get the party started?
05:23Come on.
05:24Yes, yeah.
05:25Oh, yeah.
05:26Come on.
05:27Hold on, it takes me a minute to get over here.
05:28Oh.
05:29Oh.
05:30Oh.
05:31Oh, you like that?
05:32I think my catheter just fell out.
05:35And I look skinny.
05:36Oh.
05:37Oh, look at this.
05:40Yes.
05:41That's perfect.
05:43Hey, y'all.
05:44It's me, Flapjack, back here again doing some community service at Camp Wannakeekee.
05:48And I have to tell you, this place has gone to hell in a handbasket since the last time
05:51I was here.
05:52I mean, we're serving food on platters to these campers.
05:55What the hell?
05:56Back in my day, we ate soup out of the ashtrays like goddamn human beings.
06:01And that put hair on your chest.
06:03It was good for us, okay?
06:05I'm really here for Ruthie, you know.
06:07My ex-lover.
06:08I cannot wait to see her again.
06:10And tongue punch that fart box like none other.
06:13Oh, my God.
06:14Oh, my goodness.
06:16Wow, there's a bunch of sluts here tonight.
06:18It's gonna get interesting.
06:20Look into the mirror, madame.
06:22Here, let me.
06:23It's been a while since my fingers have been inside of a doll's hole.
06:31Is it going in here?
06:32Oh, there you go.
06:33Oh, yes.
06:34Oh, yes.
06:35That's fantastic.
06:36I always had the best food.
06:38I don't think my factory warranty covers this shit.
06:41You know, I don't know if the factory warranty on my pacemaker will last either,
06:46but I'm willing to try.
06:48Okay.
06:49Okay.
06:50Okay, yes.
06:52Like that.
06:55I knew they didn't serve here, but I hoped that the waiters would at least serve us.
06:59What are you talking about not serving?
07:01Is that not what I'm doing?
07:03And she's got jokes, too.
07:06Oh.
07:08The hell is this?
07:09Thank you, coleslaw.
07:11Hi, everyone.
07:12I'm Girl Hacker, and I'll be your server tonight.
07:14The Camp Wanakiki Fundraiser.
07:16Yeah, never say no to a gig.
07:18But I think I'm gonna go voulé-vous-couché with that French broad real fast.
07:22I'm never gonna return it from this.
07:25Can you at least try to blow it back up?
07:27Well, I can try.
07:29Here, let me just, let me just even you out.
07:33How's that?
07:37Attention, everyone.
07:39We have some tragic news.
07:42Cherry Pie, my dear, sweet sister, is missing, and we fear the worst.
07:50Did someone say there's been a murder?
07:56I didn't say she was murdered.
07:58Detective Dick Danger, Private Eye.
08:00The campground's private dick.
08:02Your cherry?
08:04She's been popped.
08:07It's very obvious that the murderer is right here among us.
08:11And I intend to tell you who.
08:17Is this a good time for dessert?
08:19Now, where were you last night?
08:21Oh, well, I know where I wish I was.
08:24Where'd you spend your last Thanksgiving?
08:26Oh, I don't remember much these days.
08:29Drinking the, drinking the juice, you know.
08:32Where were you August 31st, 1997?
08:37It couldn't have been me.
08:39I was picking out the leaves.
08:41I was picking out the leaves.
08:43I was picking out the leaves.
08:45I was picking out the leaves.
08:47I was picking out the leftover produce
08:50from the dumpster behind the local grocery store.
08:53I'm on a juice cleanse,
08:55and that produce is good for at least another four days.
08:59Where were you last night?
09:01Oh, please, I was down at the mess hall.
09:03I was looking for Ruthie.
09:05I was just trying to make sure that she could
09:07flood my canals one more time,
09:09but alas, she was not there.
09:11And then I spotted Charlie Sugarbaker,
09:14walking dazed and confused as usual.
09:19Charlie pie missing is my favorite thing in the world.
09:22Let's just say I could tie that bitch in a knot
09:24with only my tongue.
09:27If not you, who done it?
09:30Probably that awkward half-sister of theirs.
09:33She kept eating weird things like leaves and branches.
09:36Something from the animal planet.
09:39Animals, you say?
09:41Where were you on the night of the disappearance
09:44of Cherry Pie Sugarbaker?
09:47Can it, private dick.
09:49I know all about you.
09:51Many of my students have been distracted
09:53by your large pee-pee
09:55and given up thriving drag careers
09:57to start OnlyFans for $3.99 a subscription.
10:01Fair enough.
10:03If not you, then who done it?
10:05I know exactly who it was.
10:07It was Betty.
10:09Hopefully she finally got some sense.
10:11She should have eaten her in utero.
10:14I had to escape to the bathroom
10:16when I heard the news
10:18that Cherry had gone missing
10:20and the worst was feared.
10:22You see, I'm afraid
10:24fingers are going to start pointing at me
10:27because I did, in fact,
10:30come here to kill Cherry Pie.
10:33Now what's your alibi?
10:35Oh, well, Beat Bork can tell you
10:37I was with her the whole time
10:39filling her blowhole,
10:41filling her lower hole
10:43and I know you can't see it
10:45but she's got a back hole, too.
10:47A back hole?
10:49Yes.
10:51That's a lot of holes.
10:53Oh, it sure is.
10:55Sounds like there are a lot of holes
10:57in your story.
10:59Oh.
11:01A part of me is a little glad
11:03that she's gone.
11:05Mine has been very public.
11:08Are you the one who popped
11:10Cherry Pie's sugar baker?
11:12I'm in a popped shirt.
11:14I know how that feels.
11:16My mom might have thought
11:18she's putting on a heist.
11:20Then what's your alibi?
11:22I was right here the whole time.
11:24Has to be that old perverted bastard.
11:26He laid one hand on me
11:28and my face exploded
11:30all over the place.
11:32I can't imagine what he did to her.
11:34If not you,
11:36who done it?
11:38Oh, well, that's easy.
11:40I saw Martina Brookshire
11:42sneak into the sugar baker's
11:44backyard.
11:46It seemed suspicious to me.
11:48I'm kind of happy that Cherry's
11:50gone because now I finally get
11:52my spotlight
11:54and an extra helping
11:56at tonight's dinner.
11:58The only tragic thing here
12:00is Cherry's sugar baker
12:02ruining my relationship with Ruthie.
12:05Ruthie!
12:07Where are you?
12:09No, for real, where are you?
12:11Any other questions
12:13or am I free to go?
12:15I've got a star to make private, Dick.
12:17I have no time for Betty's
12:19sugar baker. I don't care
12:21to murder Cherry Pie.
12:23I want
12:25Bebop to be my
12:27greatest star that I've ever
12:29made.
12:32But Cherry being dead would be nice too.
12:34And this time
12:36I'm going to make
12:38America's next drag really good
12:40drag queen.
12:44Well, if not you,
12:46who are you going to finger?
12:48Well, I fingered
12:50Bebop earlier, but I don't know
12:52if you saw my fingers.
12:54No, I mean who's done it?
12:56Oh, I can't say at the moment,
12:58but definitely the French woman.
13:00French.
13:04I'd like to get to the topic at hand.
13:06Who do you think
13:08murdered Cherry Pie?
13:10Yes, well, my eyes were on
13:12the French woman at first.
13:14You know how foreigners are always coming
13:16over and taking our resources.
13:18Yes, in fact, I do.
13:20But now I've got my eyes on that
13:22master
13:24lady dom
13:26person.
13:28Oh,
13:30well, yes,
13:32it is you,
13:34Mr. Hornsby.
13:36How do we know that you didn't
13:38do it? Because I'm
13:40too pretty in my hands.
13:42These limp wrists, are you kidding me?
13:44Please. Ah, but she's French.
13:46I love the French.
13:48They invented charcuterie.
13:50I'm French toast!
13:52Don't you want a French dip?
13:54Not that I'm
13:56glad Cherry's gone, per se,
13:58but I can get a lot more done
14:00around camp. She was always mucking
14:02things up, you know, silver linings.
14:04Ha ha.
14:06I feel
14:08terrible about Cherry, but
14:10it was always kind of
14:12hard to tell the twins apart,
14:14and now that one's dead,
14:16I mean...
14:18Anyway, job
14:20opening at Camp Wanakiki!
14:22Oh, Detective Danger,
14:24have you figured out who done it?
14:26Who has popped poor Cherry?
14:28Yes, please, the suspense is
14:30killing me, plus
14:32I've got a date in about ten minutes, so let's
14:34hurry this along. As a matter of fact
14:36I have. The true
14:38murderer is... Oh, shoot!
14:40I'm late to the party! What did I miss?
14:42Shush, Cherry,
14:44there's been a murder, and we're about to find out
14:46who done it. A murder?
14:48Oh my, who died?
14:50Well, you did. Now shush,
14:52my heavens!
14:54Will you two shut up?
14:56Tick tock, tick tock!
14:58Well, ladies and gentlemen,
15:00the true murderer is...
15:04It's me, Ranger Danger!
15:06And I'd do it
15:08again.
15:10Again?
15:12Can I rub you out next time?
15:14I just love these role-playing games!
15:16Nope, time's up.
15:18It's my turn. Come on,
15:20Ranger Danger.
15:22Luffy!
15:24Luffy, no!
15:42Good evening, and welcome
15:44to the Camp Wanakiki Talent Show!
15:46Earlier today, our campers
15:48helped solve a murder mystery.
15:50Yeah, apparently I
15:52died, but now I'm back.
15:54Does that make me a camp spirit?
15:56No, but you sure
15:58look spooky spooky!
16:00Ooh!
16:02Spooky spooky!
16:08Every summer, hidden deep within the
16:10dense woods, cheerleaders gather at
16:12Camp Hoodaho for Summer Cheer Camp.
16:14Each night, the cheerleaders would gather around
16:16the flickering firelight to tell their
16:18scariest ghost stories.
16:20Among them was a cheerleader named Britney.
16:22Britney was the most determined
16:24of the group and wanted more than anything
16:26to behead cheerleader.
16:28That night, Britney would unveil
16:30the legend of the spooky spooky
16:32spirit stick.
16:34This cursed artifact, so the legend went,
16:36could grant the wish of any cheerleader
16:38who dared to seek it.
16:40Unfazed by Britney's overtold legend,
16:42her cheer squad interrupted her story
16:44and made her stop.
16:46Embarrassed and humiliated, Britney fled
16:48into the woods.
16:50As she ran into the woods, a root snagged her foot
16:52and caused her to tumble down a wooden slope,
16:54branches cutting her and covering her in filth.
16:56Britney awoke, and her eyes caught
16:58a glimpse of a crimson sparkle
17:00at the end of the moonlit path.
17:02Guided by the eerie glow of the full moon,
17:04she finally reached the heart of the woods
17:06where the spirit stick awaited,
17:08nestled among twisted brush.
17:10As Britney grasped the spirit stick,
17:13an icy shiver traced her spine.
17:15A shadowy presence slithered
17:17into her soul, wrapping her ambitions
17:19in a sinister embrace.
17:21Britney returned to the cheer squad,
17:23gathered around the crackling campfire,
17:25their faces pale in the ghostly glow.
17:27Britney emerged from the shadows,
17:29her eyes ablaze with an unholy fire.
17:31I've got spirit, yes I do.
17:33I've got spirit,
17:35how about you?
17:37One by one, the cheerleaders
17:39vanished into the night.
17:41As the cheerleaders turned to shrieks,
17:43their heads were gruesomely severed,
17:45and their lifeless bodies left
17:47as a chilling warning.
17:49In the end, Britney found herself alone,
17:51the last remaining cheerleader at Camp Hoodaho.
17:53The curse had consumed
17:55everything she held dear.
17:57Beware the whispers
17:59that beckon you to seek power,
18:01for they may lead you down a path
18:03from which there is no return.
18:05Once upon a time,
18:07in the eerie woods
18:09near Camp Wanakiki,
18:11there stood an abandoned theme park
18:13named Puppies Funland.
18:15Legend has it
18:17that the theme park was closed
18:19shortly after the tail-raising
18:21disappearance of several employees.
18:23However, to me,
18:25this story seemed to be all bark
18:27and no bite.
18:29So being the fearless diva I am,
18:31I couldn't help but to snip out the truth.
18:33As soon as I entered Puppies Funland,
18:35the animatronics came to life,
18:37and a horrible smell hit me
18:39on the snout that was coming
18:41from Puppy himself.
18:43This smell was much worse
18:45than your typical puppy's breath,
18:47and upon further investigation,
18:49I realized this puppy robot
18:51wasn't filled with gizmos and gears,
18:53it was stuffed with a dead body!
18:55Puppy didn't just play the banjo,
18:57he was eating employees
18:59and trespassers as fuel.
19:01I ran out of there
19:03so fast with my tail between my legs,
19:05there was no way
19:07I was letting that bloodhound
19:09take a bite out of me.
19:11So remember campers,
19:13the next time you're wandering
19:15the woods of Camp Wanakiki,
19:17just know when it comes to mysteries,
19:19sometimes it's best
19:21to let sleeping dogs lie.
19:27Once upon a time,
19:29once upon a time,
19:31we used to live in a country
19:33of freedom and opportunity.
19:35Once upon a time,
19:37we didn't have to worry
19:39about making choices
19:41between buying groceries
19:43or paying a medical bill.
19:45Once upon a time,
19:47we had control
19:49over our own bodies.
19:51And once upon a time,
19:53Lady Liberty stood proudly
19:55welcoming people into
19:57freedom and opportunity.
19:59In fact,
20:01most people will tell you she's still there.
20:03But the truth?
20:05The truth is
20:07Lady Liberty died
20:09a long time ago.
20:11Like so many other women
20:13and femmes, she too was denied
20:15her consent.
20:17A seed of fascism was planted
20:19inside of her
20:21against her will.
20:23Now she roams this country
20:25without the blood of those
20:27she can no longer protect
20:29stained into her dress.
20:31And sometimes at night,
20:33you can see her over the amber waves
20:35of grain, desperately
20:37trying to remove the fascism
20:39that was forced onto her.
20:41As she rips it out,
20:43you can hear her screams
20:45all over the purple mountains
20:47majesty, as she says,
20:49with liberty
20:51and justice for all.
20:55Have you ever heard of
20:57the ranger who was here
20:59before Ranger Danger?
21:01The less cleverly named
21:03Ranger Bubblebutt?
21:05He too was endlessly
21:07thirsted after by the libidinous
21:09sugar bakers and the
21:11insatiable camp counselor
21:13Ruthie. They ogled
21:15his smooth six-pack,
21:17his big come-on-my-face eyes,
21:19and of course, his
21:21namesake.
21:23And of course, his namesake
21:25Bubblebutt. You could bounce
21:27a fucking quarter off that thing
21:29like seriously, wow!
21:31But I digress.
21:33Twink death!
21:37It comes for us all,
21:39and Ranger Bubblebutt was no
21:41exception. Yes,
21:43when Ranger Bubblebutt turned
21:45twenty-four, it was all
21:47downhill from there.
21:49His perfectly quaffed hair
21:51began to thin and gray,
21:53his tantalizingly smooth bod
21:55grew coarse hairs all over,
21:57and his pink,
21:59breedable hole became
22:01permanently prolapsed.
22:03But I guess some of you perverts are into that kind of thing.
22:05But beware, campers!
22:07In this beautiful
22:09LGBTQIA plus community,
22:11your prime is probably already more
22:13than halfway gone.
22:15And never walk in the woods here
22:17at camp alone, unless you want
22:19to see what's become of Ranger
22:21Bubblebutt. At a decrepit
22:23twenty-six, he wanders
22:25the camp, complaining of
22:27indigestion, and forever
22:29contemplating grad school.
22:31For what is more
22:33frightening, campers, than the ceaseless
22:35march of time? No one can escape it.
22:37Especially you,
22:39Twink.
22:41We set our scene in a children's summer camp.
22:43It was Tuesday.
22:45And since the camp's creation,
22:47every week, they all came together
22:49to celebrate the holiest of traditions,
22:51Taco Tuesday.
22:53But what they didn't know is that the world was going
22:55through a tortilla shortage.
22:57Well, not really. But the camp was so cheap,
22:59they didn't want to buy any more.
23:01What were the campers going to do without their weekly
23:03dose of cultural appropriation?
23:05That morning, the campers were all
23:07trying to figure out what to do.
23:09That morning, the campers were all
23:11tossed awake by the cries and screams so loud that it
23:13sounded like Ruthie Keister at a bathhouse.
23:15But what was the true source
23:17of the screams? The camp cafeteria worker
23:19Phyllis Cheesesteak.
23:21Phyllis was a troubled woman.
23:23She didn't take care of herself one bit, but
23:25she loved food.
23:27Defeated, Phyllis grabs a slab of last
23:29night's meat and begins to eat her feelings.
23:31Then BAM! She was struck
23:33with an idea, and begins feverishly
23:35throwing everything into a pot.
23:37Meanwhile, the lunchroom was beginning to fill
23:39with pubescent food critics
23:41chanting,
23:43Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!
23:45But Phyllis bursts through the door and
23:47shouts out with glee,
23:49Okay campers, who's ready for a
23:51cheesesteak?
23:53The room is filled with a moist, unpleasant aroma
23:55coming from the pot. Then, with her ladle,
23:57Phyllis begins to scoop out a substance
23:59that gives a whole new meaning of mystery
24:01meat. The room is silent as
24:03Phyllis giggles to herself in
24:05undeniable glee. Within an
24:07instant, a child jumps up to their feet
24:09and screams, Food fight!
24:11All the campers begin
24:13to hurl everything that they can at each other.
24:15It was adolescent Vietnam!
24:17Phyllis, devastated, jumps to her feet
24:19at the table and screams, Stop hurting
24:21my cheesesteak!
24:23Then, Phyllis slips in a pile of
24:25grease. She slams her head
24:27at the edge of the table and lets out a cry,
24:29My cheesesteak!
24:31And begins
24:33to bleed out on the floor.
24:35What? The camp can't afford tortillas?
24:37You think they can afford non-slip shoes?
24:39To this very day, Phyllis haunts
24:41the cafeteria, and they say that every
24:43Tuesday, they don't do Taco
24:45Tuesday. You can hear her screams,
24:47Cheesesteak!
24:49Cheesesteak!
24:57Well, spooky
24:59spooky campers! Hi!
25:01Oh gosh, what a sight
25:03is this? What the hell
25:05am I looking at? As you know,
25:07this is one of our favorite days at camp
25:09and today was extra special
25:11because of that improv
25:13challenge we did today.
25:15Great job, all of you!
25:17You all were crazy
25:19good. I cannot
25:21tell you how
25:23delightful it was. So Nutella,
25:25this look tonight had us
25:27gagged, and I'm literally
25:29literally
25:31gagged.
25:33My mind took me to what would scare
25:35me the most at a camp
25:37and I thought salmonella.
25:39Scares me too.
25:41I know, it's terrifying.
25:43And I wanted to just incorporate
25:45just a lunch lady.
25:47Phyllis Cheesesteak.
25:49Why not serve nasty meat?
25:51Well, I love Phyllis Cheesesteak
25:53a lot. I thought it was hilarious.
25:55I thought your story was a little long
25:57but your performance
25:59today just
26:01sold it. Just sold it.
26:03Hannah Romero, welcome back!
26:05Hello friends!
26:07Yeah, welcome back!
26:09First of all, I think your performance
26:11today at the improv murder
26:13mystery challenge was so
26:15funny. I wanted Bebop to be like kind of
26:17a love letter to all my hiker friends that I just
26:19left, and so it was kind of Bebop was
26:21like the representation of them. Just like one
26:23more little hello. This look tonight,
26:25I like the look. I get the inspiration
26:27from Five Nights at Freddy's.
26:29It's still very close to the idea.
26:31You got it. This was totally
26:33inspired by places like
26:35Showbiz Pizza Palace and all the
26:37animatronics and things like that. I've always
26:39thought they were a little surrealistic
26:41and a little creepy. So when I got
26:43Camp Spirit, I was like, how can I take
26:45all the little fun animal friends that I brought to camp
26:47so far, how can I create another one
26:49that can represent something spooky?
26:51And this is what first came to mind.
26:53Buddy Beret or
26:55Ranger Bubble Butt.
26:59It's very inspired by
27:01a twink problem I have in
27:03my life, which is any time
27:05I feel like I'm on solid ground,
27:07some beautiful femboy
27:09shows up to ruin my life.
27:11So this is me sort of
27:13warning those
27:15twinks that
27:17that doesn't last for long.
27:19There's a bubble burst in there and
27:21sooner than you think.
27:23I gotta say, you don't look a day over 25.
27:25You say you're 26?
27:27I gotta get some skincare advice
27:29from you. When you
27:31walked out, I didn't know it was you.
27:33That's how good that
27:35makeup is. I mean, it was actually
27:37creepy. Then you had the reveal
27:39with the Yes Daddy t-shirt, which was also
27:41hilarious. When you came
27:43out as the villain
27:45that's here to just shut
27:47down the camp,
27:49it just really, all three of us looked at each other
27:51and were like, wow, that was just
27:53a great idea and then you just
27:55ran with it. One of the top
27:57performances from today, for sure.
27:59For me. Thank you so much.
28:01Little head cheerleader Lulu Crystals!
28:03I loved this
28:05story. I was inspired by
28:07the Camp Spirit badge.
28:09The Camp Spirit
28:11badge has the pom-poms on it
28:13and I was like, okay, well who is this
28:15ghost on the badge?
28:17And why do they have pom-poms?
28:19And so that sparked my story
28:21of this cheerleader who's at Camp
28:23Udaho and she finds the Spirit Stick
28:25but you always have to be careful what you wish for
28:27because wishes are tricky. So she
28:29wants to be head cheerleader and then
28:31she just beheads the cheerleaders.
28:33And those contacts are freaking me out.
28:35Thanks. I can't see a damn
28:37thing. You've never looked
28:39better.
28:41Let's just go right into the chalkboard.
28:43Today at
28:45the Improv Murder Mystery
28:47you brought back
28:49Puddin' Pop Sugar Cooker.
28:51Miss Texas' little character
28:53at the end of The Roast, which had
28:55like two seconds
28:57of air time. I don't know why
28:59whenever I heard that line from Miss Texas
29:01in Season 5 after The Roast, I've been
29:03obsessed with Puddin' Pop Sugar Cooker
29:05and I knew
29:07exactly who she was.
29:09So I was very excited to bring that character to life.
29:12When I learned
29:14that there was going to be a murder mystery
29:16challenge and it was coupled with an improv
29:18challenge, I was instantly
29:20very, very excited.
29:22I instantly knew that I wanted the character to be
29:24an old man just to make some
29:26you know, old jokes
29:28at Cherry's expense.
29:30Sorry.
29:32Get your chalkboard out for me now.
29:34Well you went from
29:36kooky and horny old man
29:38to the
29:40quite beautiful femme
29:42presenting look tonight.
29:44I would not think that these two characters
29:46are the same person. So on that
29:48note, good job.
29:50Obviously this look was inspired by
29:52Roe v. Wade being overturned
29:54and as somebody who is
29:56directly affected by that
29:58legislation, that's what I kept coming
30:00back to. When I was thinking of
30:02things for this, I kept
30:04trying to deviate away from this
30:06because I was like, I think that it's
30:08very campy, but it's not the funny
30:10kind of camp and I know that that's really more
30:12you know, what you all are looking for.
30:14And I kept trying to find things to kind of
30:16replace this look with and
30:18at the end of the day, I thought
30:20to myself, you know, I need to do
30:22what's true to me and what I'm very
30:24passionate about. While I
30:26applaud the message,
30:28I mean you're obviously very much singing to the choir
30:30here, like we, you know,
30:32we're with you on that. I wish that it was
30:34more of a campfire
30:36story, you know, I mean that
30:38was the actual
30:40challenge today, the actual theme was
30:42campfire stories, campfire
30:44ghost stories in particular.
30:46And so this wasn't
30:48that. This was a little bit more of a political
30:50statement. I love that you're
30:52following your passions and that you did what
30:54you came here to do.
30:56I do not want to discredit the
30:58message because I'm behind you
31:00100 percent.
31:02Everybody hears it.
31:04That said, the presentation
31:06of the story was
31:08very, very solid. Thank you.
31:10But as you know,
31:12we started today with
31:14five campers and only have
31:16four camp spirit badges.
31:18So at the end
31:20of the day today, one of you will have to take a hike.
31:22Why don't y'all go wait back
31:24in the rec room while we
31:26deliberate.
31:28Have a cocktail.
31:30Don't mind if I do. Or seven.
31:32Alright.
31:34No one's driving tonight.
31:40I'm so happy I was able to come back
31:42for this talent show specifically
31:44with you guys.
31:48It's exactly why
31:50we, I think, were
31:52so set
31:54on bringing you back because we knew
31:56this is the kind of level
31:58of shenanigans that you
32:00bring and it's
32:02so amazing to look at.
32:04Just looking at Lulu, I was like, well,
32:06fuck. Because it's so clever.
32:08Behead cheerleader.
32:10Behead cheerleader. This is smart
32:12cam. The fact that there's just
32:14literal dirt and mud on the shoes but it's
32:16really just copy grounds and caramel.
32:18It's stupid. True story.
32:20It's stupid. I was really nervous
32:22about what I
32:24put out there tonight especially because I felt like
32:26the last time I sort of deviated from
32:28a standard Patty presentation
32:30that it didn't land.
32:32I'm still nervous but
32:34I felt like it landed tonight.
32:36So
32:38honestly
32:40I think I'm taking a hike tonight.
32:42I knew
32:44coming into this, I mean I've seen the show
32:46you know, this isn't funny.
32:48I think it's high camp
32:50to see the Statue of Liberty have a
32:52coat hanger abortion. That's campy.
32:54I kind
32:56of came into this competition
32:58knowing
33:00that it was a very good possibility
33:02that I would be taking a hike
33:04right after this talent show.
33:06But that's okay.
33:10I'm just really glad that
33:12I made it to this point
33:14to be able to do this.
33:16It's the camp spirit day.
33:18Oh my gosh.
33:20And I have to say
33:22that daily camp activity
33:24that may be my new favorite
33:26daily activity of all time.
33:28And yesterday was my new favorite daily activity.
33:30We've had two great activities
33:32in a row. We told them
33:34the night before, okay
33:36this is what we're doing. You have to create your own
33:38character. And they were grabbing stuff
33:40from previous talent shows.
33:42They were grabbing stuff from the Camps Lost
33:44and Found. They were grabbing sex dolls.
33:46Yeah. From previous
33:48camper's looks. Just hilarious.
33:50So that brings us to tonight's talent show
33:52which is, of course, one of our favorites
33:54every season. They have to come
33:56with their own original
33:58campfire ghost story
34:00and look to go with it.
34:02I gotta say, I think it was a fantastic show.
34:04Yeah, me too. I agree.
34:06I loved Lulu.
34:08I loved the cheerleading
34:10camp. I loved the fact
34:12that she had the hoodahole
34:14on her top. The thing I liked
34:16about Lulu's is that it
34:18is a quintessential ghost
34:20story. And it happens at a cheer camp.
34:22It was funny. It was entertaining.
34:24I wish the heads were a little bit different.
34:26Maybe they were twins that she murdered.
34:28Mmm. Now I like
34:30it even more. I sometimes gotta murder my twin.
34:32Hey, weren't you supposed to be dead earlier today?
34:34Why are you here? Cause I'm the camp spirit.
34:36Oh my god.
34:38I would also say Nutella's had a lot
34:40of campfire ghost story in there
34:42as well. Nutella always gives us these
34:44great facial expressions. And
34:46because this was a scary story, we
34:48got some new ones from her, I think, which was fun.
34:50I agree about Nutella. I thought it was
34:52hilarious. She's always so funny, though.
34:54Well, speaking of really funny, let's talk
34:56about Patti. Ranger bubble
34:58butt. Ranger bubble butt. Yeah.
35:00Ranger danger, move over! I heard that she was a little
35:02nervous coming on because this was outside
35:04of her comfort zone to do, like,
35:06you know, a boy look. But
35:08man, was it funny. Really
35:10knocked it out of the park. So funny.
35:12Even the Grim Reaper look at the beginning
35:14was insane. I agree. The makeup was
35:16fantastic, especially with that Grim Reaper.
35:18Then you had the reveal of the
35:20Ranger. Then there was the reveal with the
35:22t-shirt underneath as the club boy.
35:24The 26-year-old
35:26daddy. Yeah. With the grey hair.
35:28So what about some of the
35:30campers that are
35:32toward the bottom? For me, as
35:34much as I love the
35:36message that Stevie had,
35:38I think there's a time
35:40and a place for that kind of message.
35:42And what the assignment was, was a campfire
35:44ghost story. And, you know,
35:46he presented a very powerful
35:48moving message that
35:50preached into the choir because, you know, we all
35:52agree. And it just wasn't
35:54a campfire ghost story. It wasn't. No one's
35:56gonna sit around a campfire and talk about
35:58the news. You know, it's a shame because
36:00his character earlier today was really funny.
36:02The old man.
36:04Another camper that was toward the bottom for me
36:06was Hannah. As much as
36:08I love the look and the
36:10presentation, unfortunately it's a look
36:12we've seen before. I mean, it was inspired by
36:14Five Nights at Freddy's, but
36:16it was just a little too literal.
36:18There wasn't enough
36:20parody in it. Yeah, my issue with Hannah's
36:22presentation tonight was
36:24although, you know, she had a couple hooks on the outfit,
36:26there really was no hook to the story.
36:28When we get to this point in the competition where we have
36:30half of our campers left, it's
36:32always tough to decide who gets
36:34the last four badges and who
36:36has to take a hike. And now we've
36:38put ourselves through it twice. But decisions
36:40must be made. Yes, indeed.
36:42Do we think we're close to it?
36:44I think so. I do too. I think I feel
36:46good about this. I mean, I don't feel good about it, but
36:48I feel like we've got the decision.
36:50I do too. I think it's time to bring them back
36:52from the rec room. The winner of Camp
36:54Wanakiki will receive a stupendous
36:56prize package, including
36:58It's a Pola! A fabulous
37:00custom foam wig by Season 4
37:02camper, Pola Frost.
37:04Shimmer and shine, with a year's
37:06supply of glittery makeup by
37:08Cosmetics. Set sail, baby!
37:10An all-expense-paid cruise
37:12provided by Dream Vacations
37:14and Adventures by Maps.com
37:16All this and $10,000
37:18in cold, hard cash
37:20provided by Hamburger Mary's,
37:22where you can eat, drink, and be
37:24merry, baby!
37:26Welcome back, campers. We have made
37:28some decisions
37:30because, as you know, we started today with
37:32five campers, but only have four
37:34camp spirit badges.
37:36Nutella Fitzgerald,
37:38congratulations. You have earned
37:40one of those camp spirit badges.
37:42Yes!
37:44Thank you. Thank you so much.
37:46You can wait backstage in the rec room
37:48for the badging ceremony. Hot.
37:53All right, you four campers represent
37:55the top two and the bottom two
37:57for today, and
37:59we would like to speak first with
38:01the top two, and that is
38:03Lulu Crystals.
38:05Lulu Crystals and
38:07Patti Beret.
38:09That means, I'm sorry,
38:11Hanna Barbera and
38:13Stevie Phoenix, that means you're in the bottom two
38:15today. You two can wait backstage
38:17and we'll call you back in a sec.
38:25Patti Beret and
38:27Lulu Crystals. I was about
38:29to say we're seeing a lot of familiar
38:31faces in the top two, but
38:33I didn't recognize either one of you.
38:37And there's three of them.
38:39Forget about Meredith.
38:41Oh, Meredith.
38:43There can only be one winner
38:45tonight for the camp spirit day
38:47at Camp Wanakiki, and today
38:49that winner is
38:51Lulu Crystals and her
38:53gal pal, Meredith.
38:59Congratulations! You've just earned
39:01cash.
39:03Good job, gal.
39:05Congratulations, Lulu, and also congratulations
39:07Patti. You've both earned your camp
39:09spirit badge, and
39:11you can wait backstage for the badging ceremony.
39:13Thank you so much.
39:22Stevie Phoenix and Hanna
39:24Barbera. Unfortunately
39:26today you land in the bottom.
39:28So,
39:30Stevie, we're not used to
39:32seeing you in the bottom.
39:34Why do you think you should
39:36get the last camp spirit
39:38badge? Well, I
39:40think that I should get the last camp
39:42spirit badge because up until
39:44this point in the competition, I've been very
39:46consistent. I think I did
39:48really well in the daily activity
39:50today. I knew
39:52that this look was a risk. I knew
39:54this coming into this.
39:56So, you know, no matter what happens
39:58tonight, if you pick Hanna, you've
40:00picked a really great camper as well.
40:02Oh, shit.
40:07I love you.
40:09Hanna, same question.
40:11With everything I do,
40:13I try to make it feel authentically
40:15me. I feel like everything
40:17that I presented here, whether
40:19it's a different color, a different makeup,
40:21a different style, a different silhouette,
40:23it always has that signature stamp,
40:25and I think that's what camp is.
40:27I know that if given the opportunity
40:29to move forward, I
40:31could invite so many people into my world
40:33and show so many cool and
40:35inventive things and maybe inspire people
40:37along the way. We are going to
40:39write on our chalkboard
40:41the name of the camper
40:43who will get the last camp spirit badge.
40:46All right, campers.
40:48So, I
40:50have made the very difficult decision
40:52to give the last badge
40:54to Hanna.
40:58And while I'm not ready to see either
41:00one of you go,
41:02I do believe
41:04the last badge
41:06is Hanna.
41:08Hanna.
41:10Hanna.
41:12Hanna.
41:14I believe the last badge
41:16should go to Stevie.
41:20We know, Hanna, you fought back
41:22to get in this competition, and Stevie,
41:24you've shown us night after night that you've got
41:26the looks. I'm afraid
41:28tonight, I think
41:30Hanna has deserved the final badge.
41:36No, no, no, no.
41:38I love you.
41:40Congratulations, Hanna Barbera.
41:42You have earned your camp spirit badge.
41:44You can wait backstage for the badging ceremony.
41:53Stevie Phoenix,
41:55what a delight you are.
41:57You are just
41:59so sweet
42:01and such an incredible
42:03human being.
42:05You have made
42:07this time at camp
42:09a pure delight
42:11and I know your kids
42:13are going to be proud
42:15to see you on the stage
42:17and I know that Kings
42:19are going to be proud
42:21of what you brought.
42:23Many respects.
42:25Congratulations.
42:29This has honestly been
42:31one of the greatest joys of my life.
42:33Truly.
42:35And to make it this far
42:37in the competition, to be in the top five
42:39to be in the top four and the top five
42:43I appreciate you all so much
42:45and I understood what you meant about tonight
42:47and I had a feeling
42:49that it would go this way.
42:51Please vote.
42:53Stevie, thank you
42:55for the powerful message that you brought
42:57tonight and for sharing
42:59so much of yourself this time
43:01at Camp Wanakiki, but I'm afraid
43:03tonight, you do have to take off.
43:05It's y'all's loss.
43:34Hi friends, it's me
43:36Stevie Phoenix.
43:38Today is my day to
43:40take a hike. I definitely
43:42wanted to be able to
43:44make it all the way to the end in this
43:46competition, but I'm
43:48so, so glad that I was able to get to this
43:50point to share the
43:52message that was so, so
43:54important to me and
43:56I'm really, really proud of everything that I've
43:58put forth and I hope I've made all the
44:00Kings proud as well.
44:02I'm going to go take my hike now.
44:04Amber's been lost out here for a few days
44:06and all she had was a half a can of Miller Lite
44:08and a granola bar, so
44:10let's go help her out.
44:12Amber?
44:14Amber, girl, they don't have phone chargers
44:16out here!