BJ hosts the reading of Paul Jomas's will at Scott's place, but an unexpected revelation leads everyone to wonder who might have killed him.
BJ organise la lecture du testament de Paul Jomas chez Scott, mais une révélation inattendue amène tout le monde à se demander qui a bien pu le tuer.
BJ organise la lecture du testament de Paul Jomas chez Scott, mais une révélation inattendue amène tout le monde à se demander qui a bien pu le tuer.
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AmusantTranscription
00:00Hey Daddy.
00:01God, BJ, why are you in my house?
00:12Same reason you're here.
00:13I live here.
00:14I live here when you're not here.
00:17What?
00:18What is all this?
00:19Ah, I'm just setting up for the will reading.
00:20Duh.
00:21Why do you smell like hell?
00:24You smell good.
00:25I was on a work trip for my script.
00:28That movie you're writing about that awful stripper person who can't make up his mind
00:32about how to wear his facial hair?
00:33You mean your cousin?
00:35Not by choice.
00:37She just pulled up.
00:39Hey sexy.
00:40Mmm, you smell good.
00:43It's cow.
00:44Mmm.
00:45What's going on?
00:46Didn't BG tell you?
00:47We're gonna be rich!
00:48120 bucks and a scratcher?
00:50I got a phone call from one of those people who reads wills to people.
00:54An executor.
00:55An executor.
00:56That's what I said.
00:58He's like, I have the will to your dead uncle.
00:59Someone's in for it.
01:00Big time.
01:02That sounds more ominous than you're taking it.
01:04Hey, you're the one who killed the guy.
01:05I did not!
01:07The FBI just thinks I did.
01:08And Mariah Carey didn't steal my life story.
01:10I just think she did.
01:11I'm not asking.
01:12Glitter, that movie is about my life.
01:14I danced in clubs.
01:15I had a demo.
01:16I slept with a DJ to get it played.
01:18Turns out he wasn't a DJ.
01:20He was just a go-go boy questioning his homosexuality.
01:22He thought my demo sucked.
01:25She's here.
01:27Why is this happening here?
01:28I always host groups here when I have the place to myself.
01:30I gotta change my sheets more.
01:34Beach, this is the exe...ex...exorcist...this is the bitch who's gonna give us the money.
01:41Do I smell cow?
01:43I'm just gonna put on some cologne.
01:46I'm Whitney Werther and this is my son, Beach.
01:51My dear.
01:52I didn't catch your name.
01:54What?
01:55Hidoscope?
01:56Kaleidoscope?
01:57My parents had a thing for light refractions.
01:59I'm gonna get you some casserole.
02:02And is this your dad?
02:03Oh, honey, no.
02:04This is my daddy.
02:05Scott.
02:06Daddy Scott.
02:07Yeah, I'm not sure who my dad is.
02:10What's your last name?
02:11I don't have one.
02:12You don't?
02:13Well, technically there were three possible fathers, so I figured, eh, I'll just call
02:18him BJ and if he wants to figure out the rest someday, that's on him.
02:22That's just like Mamma Mia.
02:24They could all be your dad.
02:25Not that I've seen it.
02:26I'm not really a fan.
02:27Are there M&Ms on this?
02:30Just how BG likes it.
02:33So in attendance we have Whitney Werther, BJ, just BJ, and Scott Kensington.
02:39But shouldn't we wait for Jim since this is his dad's will?
02:42Hey, Daddy.
02:43Oh!
02:44Jim!
02:45How long you been here?
02:46Couple hours.
02:47I didn't want you to see me.
02:48You smell awful.
02:49Like cow?
02:50No.
02:51Like the beach.
02:52Blech.
02:53I'm going to go work on my movie.
02:54The one about me?
02:55Uh-huh.
02:56You got my dad's will?
02:57I'm getting everything, right?
02:58Why should it go to you?
02:59While he was off robbing gas stations, I had to watch you reenact showgirls in my trailer
03:05every day.
03:06If you hated it so much, why were you always copying my pole dance moves?
03:10I wasn't copying you.
03:11You were copying me.
03:12Uh, I never had to go to the ER because I hurt my balls doing it.
03:16It delayed your puberty three years.
03:18Come to think of it, shouldn't I get everything?
03:22I'm the one who took in Jim when Paul ditched him, and I did an amazing job raising him
03:27with my B.J. and Brian and that other one I had.
03:31I forget his name.
03:32Maybe you're all getting something.
03:35They're not.
03:36Well, what's the will say?
03:38Um, it's, it says that, um, the money will go to the artist of the family.
03:46Oh!
03:47I'm an artist!
03:48Give me a pen.
03:49I'll draw you.
03:52Yeah, click it.
03:59Huh.
04:00All these years.
04:01You know, this dude told me once that the way that I dance is like the art in those
04:053D magic eye pictures.
04:06Annoying?
04:07Hard to look at?
04:08Gives you a headache?
04:09No!
04:10If you stare at me long enough, eventually things will pop out at you.
04:13Bah!
04:14Why don't you just read it?
04:16No, don't!
04:18Eat that, because we want to hear the will loud and clear, and you're kind of soft-spoken.
04:24Like, project, girl.
04:28Okay!
04:30Prepare to be disappointed.
04:32That's what you said to your date last night.
04:34Woo!
04:36That was good.
04:37That was a good burn.
04:45Eye paw!
04:46Don't move!
04:47I'm still drawing you.
04:50I, Paul Jomas, do hereby bequeath that my entire estate, which includeth my farm, and
05:03all the animals, like chickens and cows and pigs and stuff, and my beer, all the beer
05:10left in my fridge, and oh, my money.
05:15I have, like, two million dollars.
05:18And I leave all of that to...
05:22Be...
05:26To...
05:28We...
05:33G...
05:36Huh?
05:37To Scott Kensington.
05:38What?
05:39What?
05:40What's happening?
05:41Your dad left all his stuff to your daddy.
05:43Scott.
05:44Daddy Scott.
05:45Oh, my God!
05:46You really did execute him!
05:47No!
05:48Sorry, I mean execute him.
05:50No, you had it right.
05:51No, I didn't.
05:52And please don't say that in front of people who, like, work for the law, please.
05:55Oh, I'm not a cop.
05:57Although, I would have to say, if you murdered the deceased, it might delay your payment.
06:03I didn't even know the guy!
06:05I've just been hounded by his relatives for the past year and felt up in my sleep by his
06:09sons and nephews.
06:10Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.
06:13Can I see the will?
06:14Uh, yeah.
06:15Right here.
06:24You can have some casserole now.
06:26Don't mind if I do.
06:27Are you going to keep the money?
06:29Of course I'm not going to keep it.
06:30Wait, how much was it again?
06:31Two million dollars.
06:32I can make my movie.
06:34But what about me?
06:36Uh-huh.
06:37Can I have some water?
06:38Scott, can you bring us some water?
06:40And by water, I mean bring me a beer.
06:43You rigged this, didn't you?
06:44This is just like when Mandy Moore texted me her home address so we could hang out,
06:47but when I biked over there, it was just a wall covered with photos of your butt.
06:52What can I say?
06:53Mandy Moore likes to live in my butt.
06:54Mandy Moore would rather die than be in your butt.
06:57Isn't it warm in here?
06:59Stop moving!
07:00Dude, you're just jealous because my dad is dead and I knew who he was.
07:04You wish you had a dead dad.
07:05You're right, I do.
07:07My whole life I've had to walk around with people whispering,
07:09his name's just PJ.
07:10He's looking for his dad.
07:12Please, I've seen your Grindr profile.
07:13You seem pretty okay with just PJ and looking for a dad being the words to describe you.
07:19Finished.
07:20What do you think?
07:24I thought it looked just like her.
07:25Oh my god.
07:26Daddy Scott executed another one!
07:28Executed.
07:29I executed another one.
07:30I told you.
07:31But I didn't.
07:32Why do you think I kill everybody?
07:33Because that dad bot is lethal.
07:35She's fine.
07:36She just passed out.
07:37Did you drug her?
07:38No!
07:39I think she just got overwhelmed by my drawing.
07:42I'm amazing.
07:43But she ate the casserole you made and then this.
07:45Oh.
07:46Maybe I did.
07:47Eh.
07:49Do you got any more?
07:50Mom didn't drug the casserole.
07:52I did.
07:53What?
07:54Why?
07:55I always drug something in case of an emergency.
07:57Be prepared.
07:58But it's a good thing I did because this isn't the will.
08:01What is it?
08:02It's a list of every smart thing you've ever said.
08:06It's blank.
08:08Yes, also a good burn.
08:09That was good.
08:10But she said that somebody was in for it big time.
08:13If she doesn't have the will, then...
08:14Then who is that?
08:15And how did she know my last name?
08:17Oh God, that's Calista Flockhart.
08:18Calista Flockhart?
08:19Oh my God.
08:20I stan Ally McBeal.
08:22Not that one.
08:23The FBI agent who thinks I murdered Paul.
08:25This is bad.
08:26I'll help you, Daddy.
08:27Here.
08:32Now, when she wakes up, she won't know where she is.
08:34Oh, and then we can go hide.
08:37You guys don't think I killed Paul, right?
08:41I don't.
08:42I think he did.
08:43Why would I kill him?
08:44You already said you were jealous of my dad and my boogie.
08:47Then why wouldn't I just kill you?
08:49Because Paul had the farm and you wanted it.
08:51I don't think you did it.
08:52I'm like 65% sure.
08:54Hey, you just said that you should get everything for raising Jim, mother.
08:58Never mind the fact that my childhood was ruined.
09:00And your balls.
09:01That was temporary.
09:02They're fine now.
09:03I didn't kill Paul.
09:04I just hated him.
09:06Don't hate this beer, though.
09:07Did you get this from the Shell station?
09:08Then it must have been Jim.
09:10Why would I do it?
09:11You know Daddy Scott doesn't want to write that movie about you.
09:14But if you had two million dollars, you could bribe him to do it.
09:17You want to write our movie, don't you?
09:19Uh-huh.
09:20See?
09:21You killed him to get the farm.
09:22You even smell like cow.
09:23That's not me.
09:24It's him.
09:25Still?
09:26God, what if it never goes away?
09:27That's it!
09:28She's alive!
09:29She's alive!
09:30You've been outsmarted once again, bye.
09:33Callista Flockhart.
09:35FBI.
09:36You know, you don't have to show us your badge every time.
09:38Seems like you keep it in an inconvenient place.
09:40I pretended to pass out so I could hear the truth.
09:43And now you're in for it.
09:45Big time.
09:46Oh.
09:47That's what she meant.
09:48Really?
09:49Because they literally all just revealed motives for killing Paul.
09:51But they don't smell like cow.
09:53So?
09:54Not just any cow.
09:56The Indiana Kicking Cow.
09:58A rare breed found all over the country.
10:02A rare breed found only on the very farm Paul Jomas was murdered.
10:07You know smells of different cows?
10:09Don't change the subject.
10:10It was literally the subject.
10:11You were in Indiana?
10:17Fine.
10:18I was in Indiana.
10:20I was visiting a prison.
10:22I'm writing a script about a guy who's in prison there.
10:25And so are a bunch of cows.
10:27Which makes me wonder what the cows do to get arrested.
10:29You name it.
10:30Those cows are jerks.
10:31You're still writing your other script?
10:32What about ours?
10:35How about this?
10:36I'll do both at once.
10:38I don't believe it.
10:39I do.
10:40From what I've seen outside his bedroom window,
10:42Daddy can do two at once with no problem.
10:44No, he deceived you.
10:46He's deceiving all of you.
10:48Again, they all have motives.
10:49Yeah, but I know you're the real artist of the family.
10:53The con artist.
10:57Come on!
10:58That was a good burn!
11:00I don't know.
11:01Those were better.
11:02But wait.
11:03Where's the real Will?
11:04There isn't one.
11:05And I know what you're thinking.
11:06Why was the page blank?
11:07Because I didn't write one.
11:08Okay?
11:09I got so excited about my plan,
11:10and I was about to write one,
11:11but then my ex-boyfriend texted me.
11:13That jerk.
11:14He always does that.
11:15So then I texted him back,
11:16because I'm an idiot,
11:17but let's not talk about that.
11:18And then he didn't text back again.
11:20Who does that?
11:21Who does that?
11:22Mark.
11:23Mark does that.
11:24He looks so good.
11:26Mark does that.
11:27He looks so good on his latest Instagram post.
11:28And then I liked it,
11:29and then I hated myself for liking it.
11:31So then I had to call my therapist.
11:32So I didn't write one.
11:33Okay?
11:34Big whoopsies!
11:47You know,
11:48this isn't half bad.
11:49I swear I drugged that thing.
11:56Z?
11:57Okay.
11:58You grab her heel.
11:59You grab her front.
12:00I know a great place where we can dump her body.
12:02But you ate the casserole too, Aunt Whitney.
12:04Right.
12:26I'm sorry.
12:27I'm sorry.
12:28I'm sorry.
12:29I'm sorry.
12:30I'm sorry.
12:31I'm sorry.
12:32I'm sorry.
12:33I'm sorry.
12:34I'm sorry.
12:35I'm sorry.
12:36I'm sorry.
12:37I'm sorry.
12:38I'm sorry.
12:39I'm sorry.
12:40I'm sorry.
12:41I'm sorry.
12:42I'm sorry.
12:43I'm sorry.
12:44I'm sorry.
12:45I'm sorry.
12:46I'm sorry.
12:47I'm sorry.
12:48I'm sorry.
12:49I'm sorry.
12:50I'm sorry.
12:51I'm sorry.
12:52I'm sorry.
12:53I'm sorry.
12:54I'm sorry.