How to truly love others? || Acharya Prashant, on Bhagavad Gita (2020)

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Video Information:
Shastra Kaumudi Live, 23.2.20, Rishikesh, Uttarakhand, India

Context:
ज्ञेयः स नित्यसंन्यासी यो न द्वेष्टि न काङ्क्षति।
निर्द्वन्द्वो हि महाबाहो सुखं बन्धात्प्रमुच्यते।।5.3।।
He who neither hates nor desires and is beyond the pairs of opposites is to be understood as an ever-renouncer. Hence, he is easily set free from bondage, O Arjuna.

~ Shrimad Bhagwad Geeta, Chapter 5, Verse 3.

~ What is real desire of human being?
~ How to understand higher love?
~ Who is real lover and what is real love?

Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ .

Transcript

00:00Chapter 5, verse 3.

00:13He who neither hates nor desires and is beyond the pair of opposites, duality, is to be understood

00:24as an ever-renouncer. Hence, he is easily set free from bondage, O Arjun.

00:35Acharyaji, Pranam. After seeing the fakeness in people and in my own actions, it gets very

00:44difficult to love someone. There comes a feeling of hatred. The feeling of compassion does

00:51not remain constant. The mind gets affected. How can one go beyond this pair of opposites

00:59and truly love the other and the self while in this journey?

01:05You see, love has to be understood. We want something, right? We want the ultimate. There

01:26is nobody who wants to stop at something small. We want something as big as possible, right?

01:35That's the nature of desire, correct? It doesn't want to stop anywhere. Probably it can stop

01:43only when it gets something immeasurable, infinite. That's what we want. And that thing

01:52that we all want is sometimes referred to as truth or the ultimate. Colloquially, it has also

02:07been called as God. That's what we want. That's our shared and deepest and real desire, correct?

02:22So, there are these two. That which you want, which is very difficult to describe because it

02:33is immeasurable. If it is immeasurable, then it becomes difficult to name it or talk of it or tell

02:42its story, correct? It's infinite. How do we really talk of the infinite? So, there is that, that which

02:55we all want. And then there is us, the I that wants. There are these two, correct? You want and there is

03:09that which is the object of your want. There is you and there is that which you want. Fine, you want

03:22something but why do you make efforts to achieve it? You make efforts to get what you want because

03:38you love yourself. Because you love yourself. If you do not love yourself, why will you want to do

03:47good to yourself? And isn't it an act of the greatest good to give to yourself that which you

03:57really want, correct? So, there are two kinds of love here. Love for that which you want. The effect

04:10and result of that love is that you move towards that and your love towards yourself. Your love

04:22towards yourself. The result of that love is that you allow yourself to move towards that. You put

04:34your energies in moving towards that. The love that you have for that ultimate destination can

04:49be called as higher love. The love that you have for the ultimate destination can be called as the

04:59higher love. And the love that you have towards yourself can be called as lower love. Now, you

05:15look at yourself and you find yourself suffering and you want to rid yourself of that suffering,

05:21correct? That's lower love. It is this lower love that expresses itself in your relationships with

05:31other people. This lower love, remember, is the highest kind of love that you can have on the

05:38planet. So, if you go to, for example, a truly loving person, for sake of tradition, let's call

05:52him a saint. That saint exhibits two kinds of love. One is the saint's love for God, correct? And the

06:05other is the saint's love for fellow human beings. And both these loves are very evident in the

06:16saint's life. At some point, obviously, these two types are really one. But it can be seen that the

06:25saint loves both God and the people around him. Both these loves differ to an extent. The difference

06:37we have already explained. You love him because he is your destination. And you love the other

06:46because you love yourself and the other is so much like you. Therefore, real carnal love, real

06:56worldly love is not about trying to gain something from the other or trying to bring happiness to the

07:09other, trying to exchange pleasures with the other. But it is about seeing that the other is so much

07:14like you. It's a bit intricate, please understand. You see that the other is so much like you and who

07:25are you? You are the suffering one. Why are you suffering? Because you want that and you do not

07:30have that. The other two is just like you. He too wants that and he does not have that. He too is

07:36suffering. This realization of commonness between you and the other is love. Now you are suffering,

07:47so what is it that you give to yourself? Liberation from suffering. And if you see that the other is

07:55just like you and he too is suffering, then what do you give the other as well? Liberation from

08:01suffering. That's called loving the other. Are you getting it? Loving the other is in no way the

08:11same as loving God. Loving God is like loving health. Loving the other is like loving a fellow

08:24patient. These two are different. Loving God is like loving health. Who are you? A patient. So

08:38loving God is like loving health. And loving someone else is like loving the patient on the

08:48adjacent bed. And why do you love the patient on the adjacent bed? Because you realize that

08:53his condition is similar to yours. Then you are compelled to wish the same for him as you wish

09:05for yourself. Are you getting it? Once more, you are a patient. Loving God is like loving health. And loving

09:20somebody in the world is like loving a fellow patient. Now this fellow patient obviously cannot

09:27become a substitute for health. That's what often happens in misplaced love. Your lover or your

09:37beloved becomes a terrible substitute for God. In fact, you start saying, my lover is my God.

09:46That's terrible. Your lover cannot be your God. You have to take your lover to God. If you love

09:58someone, then your responsibility is to take that person to God. That's real love. Now the

10:07questioner is saying, when I look at people, I find fakeness in them and then I hate them. But

10:14the whole thing should be totally opposite. When you look at people, what do you find? Fakeness.

10:22Alright, well done. What do you find when you look at yourself? Fakeness. So the other is you. The

10:37other is just the same as you. What do you want for yourself despite all your fakeness? Knowing

10:43fully well that you too are fake, what is it that you want for yourself? You want all the good things

10:50for yourself, right? You want the best for yourself. So just as you want the best for yourself,

10:55knowing fully well that you are fake, want the best for the other, knowing fully well that the

11:00other is fake. In fact, want the best for the other because the other is fake. Had he not been

11:06fake, had he been real, you don't need to want anything for him. Then he'll take care of yourself.

11:11He's already taken care of himself if he's real. So who deserves to be loved in that sense? The

11:22one who is fake. It's like asking who deserves to be treated? The one who is sick. If you can do so

11:35much for yourself in spite of your established fakeness, why can't you do a bit for the other

11:44if he has been exposed to be fake? Why? Now you'll realize why the saints say,

11:59When I looked at myself, I did not find anybody worse than me. The moment you see this, it becomes

12:13very difficult for you to hate somebody. Do you get the psychology? If I am as bad as or worse

12:24than the other people, and I still want good things to happen to me, is there anybody who

12:31wants bad things to happen to him? No. You might be someone who is to be hanged tomorrow, but you

12:43still want to retain the hope that your sentence might be adjourned or that you might be pardoned,

12:56right? You might be the worst offender or criminal in the world, but you still want good things to

13:06happen to you, correct? So if you want good things to happen to you, irrespective of your merit,

13:14then why do you want bad things to happen to the other? If the other is bad, he is only as bad as

13:21you are. Or let's say the other is worse than you, but still the difference is only in degree. Maybe

13:35on a scale of perversion, you stand at 5 on 10 and he stands at 7 on 10, but 5 and 7 are not too

13:48far apart or are they? Even if you stand at 2 on 10 and he stands at 9 on 10, still the difference

13:56is only of degree, not dimension. Standing at 2, you want the best or you want at least something

14:12good. Please, the other is so much like you. So then, worldly love can come only when you see

14:28that at the level of Prakriti, we are all united and most of us are hardly anything above Prakriti.

14:41He gets angry, so do you. Maybe the objects of anger are different. Maybe the intensity is

14:51different. He is lustful, so is he. Maybe the objects are different. Maybe the intensity. She

15:02is possessive, so is she. He is suspicious, so is he. He is ignorant, so is he. Maybe the degree

15:19is different. That's all. Aren't we all the same? When the fundamental I tendency is the same,

15:29how are we all different? And if I see the same I tendency operating in you as operates in me,

15:38how will I be able to hate you? You are me now. You are my mirror image. The differences are

15:44only peripheral. I go a little deeper and I find that you and me are the same. Now,

15:53how can I hate you? Hating you then becomes hating myself. In fact, now I can't hate even

16:02an animal because the same I tendency operates there also. And this same realization is manifested

16:10in stories like the one associated with Ramakrishna Paramhans. The story might not

16:25have factual correctness but the story is great. So it is said that one day Ramakrishna was near

16:37the river Ganga and suddenly he cried out in pain. And his disciples found marks of

16:57whiplashes on his back. And they asked him and he says somebody is being beaten very badly. And

17:10the story says that the disciples found out that some fellow was being whipped just a little

17:20distance away. And such was Ramakrishna's sense of unity with all existence that the blows raining

17:38on the other were showing up on his own back. Medically it is not possible obviously but do

17:46get the symbol. Please see what he is saying. The one who realizes that the suffering of all

18:02is the same, he can be called as the sage. In Prakriti is a lot of suffering because the I

18:27remains attached with Prakriti and keeps feeling suffocated. That's the real meaning of love. To love

18:46is to see that the other is in trouble. To love is to extend a helping hand. Love is not about admiring

19:02somebody's physicality or using someone for some means. Love has to be an exercise in compassion.

19:16So I often say when you relate to the other, relate either to uplift or to be uplifted. Only

19:32two kinds of associations are right in this world. If you associate with someone who is at a higher

19:41level of consciousness, then hold his hand so that he can uplift you. And if you associate with

19:52someone who is at a lower level of consciousness, then hold his hand to uplift him. Any other kind

20:00of relationship is junk.

How to truly love others? || Acharya Prashant, on Bhagavad Gita (2020)

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