5. Call My Bluff S11E13, S11E14, S11E15, S11E16 (1977) P. Gee, N. Hughes, A. Rippon, J. Miller

Very British

S11E13 Angela Rippon, Nerys Hughes, Jonathan Miller,  Peter Brough.  S11E14 Angela Rippon, Nerys Hughes, Jonathan Miller,  Peter Brough.  S11E15 Prunella Gee, Hannah Gordon, Bryan Marshall, Humphrey Burton.  S11E16 Prunella Gee, Hannah Gordon, Bryan Marshall, Humphrey Burton.  Host/Team captains: Robert Robinson, Frank Muir, Patrick Campbell.

Transcript

00:00:00APPLAUSE

00:00:19Good evening, this is Call My Bluff with the George Saunders of the panel game.

00:00:23Frank Muir.

00:00:25APPLAUSE

00:00:30My first guest really needs no introduction,

00:00:33but how nice for me to be able to say that we have back on the programme

00:00:37Angela Rippon.

00:00:39APPLAUSE

00:00:45And my number two is an old colleague from radio days,

00:00:49and here but without Archie Andrews is Peter Brough.

00:00:53APPLAUSE

00:00:58And the minstrel boy himself, Patrick Campbell.

00:01:02APPLAUSE

00:01:08And my first guest has been a dear little bird

00:01:11for years and years and years.

00:01:13One of the liverbirds, Nerys Hughes.

00:01:15APPLAUSE

00:01:22And my other plumber's assistant is the man that knows everything.

00:01:25He acts, directs, talks, thinks, he's a philosopher.

00:01:29Well, it's just Jonathan Miller, really.

00:01:31APPLAUSE

00:01:36Now, as you know, the ritual begins with me doing that.

00:01:40And I get a word, and it's malagatoon on this occasion.

00:01:44Frank Muir and his team will define this word three different ways.

00:01:47Two of those definitions are false, one is true,

00:01:49that's the one that the other team tries to find.

00:01:51So what about this word, Frank?

00:01:54Well, when Dr Miller and I, in our various ways, carve something up,

00:02:00I adjoint Dr Miller, other things,

00:02:03there is a dexterity in the way we do it.

00:02:08Which is lovely.

00:02:10If you hack it away, hack at it,

00:02:13and the joint or the bird ends up a dreadful mess,

00:02:16that's a malagatoon.

00:02:19If you want to achieve a malagatoon,

00:02:22the thing to do is to go on a picnic with a cold chicken

00:02:25and carve it with a blunt penknife.

00:02:30Right, Peter Brough.

00:02:32A malagatoon is the fruit of a union between a peach and a quince.

00:02:38Now, the peach, of course, being grafted onto the quince

00:02:41and not vice versa, you follow me?

00:02:44Now, this marriage produces a sweet-tasting globe

00:02:48of delicate yellow texture with a velvety skin, Patrick.

00:02:53Now, it can be...

00:02:55Yes, it can be.

00:02:57It can be, and some insist,

00:03:00and I think you would be among them,

00:03:02that it should be pickled in brandy.

00:03:06Pickled in brandy?

00:03:10Now, it's Angela Riffin, yes.

00:03:12A malagatoon is someone really best to be avoided.

00:03:16If you should ever happen to take a stroll in Burma,

00:03:19because a malagatoon is the Burmese version of a mugger.

00:03:23He's a local robber who would get done up in a skin,

00:03:26like a tiger skin or some other wild animal,

00:03:28and the idea is that he would jump out at his victim

00:03:31and hope to terrorise him into dropping all his valuables

00:03:35and running off into the night.

00:03:39So, it's a very theatrical sort of robber.

00:03:42It's a joint that's been hacked about

00:03:45and it's the fruit of the quince and the peach,

00:03:48and Patrick is going to make a choice.

00:03:52Well, we rather think,

00:03:54it's my own personal opinion...

00:03:59..that a mugger that goes to all the trouble

00:04:03to rent a tiger skin to put on,

00:04:06he's in a big way of business, isn't he?

00:04:11Dubious.

00:04:13I also liked Angela's sober fluency, too.

00:04:16It seemed to me to bespeak confidence in the subject.

00:04:19You'd better tell Patrick that.

00:04:21This is my turn, you mind?

00:04:24I'm just colouring it.

00:04:26This team is filled with captains, to my amazement.

00:04:29What? This team is filled with captains.

00:04:32Well, I got all disturbed.

00:04:35Don't let it upset you, my dear man.

00:04:37Jonathan, yes, we will be quiet.

00:04:39Is it a peach having a quince or a quince having a peach?

00:04:42It's an absurd theory that...

00:04:45Oh, I think it's...

00:04:48..bad carving.

00:04:50But he's never done any surgery at all.

00:04:52Do what Jonathan told you to do.

00:04:54Choose which one. Now he's trying to unknow.

00:04:56It's bad carving. Yes.

00:04:58You think it's bad carving?

00:05:00Well, Frank, you spoke about bad carving,

00:05:02I don't know whether you know about it or not,

00:05:04but anyway, was it true, or was it a bluff?

00:05:06Was it...?

00:05:08Ah!

00:05:10APPLAUSE

00:05:17Jonathan Miller will get beaten about the head after this,

00:05:19and I'll tell him nothing.

00:05:21Now, who gave the true definition of that word, mulligatoon?

00:05:25Oh, pinch and...

00:05:27Yes, indeed, absolutely, there it is.

00:05:30APPLAUSE

00:05:35You might indeed have known that a mulligatoon

00:05:37is the product of a quince and a thing, a peach.

00:05:40Lata is the next one,

00:05:42but I dare say it's pronounced many a different way.

00:05:45Patrick?

00:05:47It's pronounced hlata.

00:05:49Welsh.

00:05:51It's a lively dance...

00:05:54..danced by the Incas of Peru.

00:05:57That's why it's called a hlata.

00:05:59Not Welsh, not Pontypridd,

00:06:01but it's kind of Inca work.

00:06:04A dance not of a kind of particular exuberance or happiness,

00:06:09not a war dance,

00:06:11but it's a kind of useful dance,

00:06:13because if you've got a load of cut wheat on the floor,

00:06:18this is the time for the hlata to break out,

00:06:21because the pounding of the feet...

00:06:23Oh, yeah.

00:06:25..you get a loaf of bread pretty well instantaneously.

00:06:29That's what it is.

00:06:32So, now, Jonathan Miller, how's it go?

00:06:35It's certainly an outbreak of some sort,

00:06:37but it's more pathological than that, really.

00:06:40If you ever visit Indonesia or Java,

00:06:43you will sometimes see an outbreak of lata,

00:06:46which is, in fact, an outbreak of hysterical behaviour

00:06:49involving rather complex involuntary movements.

00:06:52It's a species, really, of Sumatran hysteria, really.

00:06:56Very serious and very unpleasant for those who witness it

00:06:59and for those who see it.

00:07:02We get a bit of that.

00:07:04We get a bit of that here from time to time.

00:07:06Nerys, your go.

00:07:08Yes, well, this is pronounced la-tar.

00:07:11Like that.

00:07:13And it's a sort of whitish honey, really,

00:07:16is the best way to describe it.

00:07:18And, um...

00:07:20All honey is whitish.

00:07:22Oh, no, no, you can get a pretty deep Welsh yellow one.

00:07:25True. Yes.

00:07:27Well, this one... Please.

00:07:29Yes, well, this one is a whitish, sweetish substance

00:07:33and it's found usually on eucalyptus trees in Australia,

00:07:37secreted by a caterpillar.

00:07:39And...

00:07:43And for ages and ages now,

00:07:45the Aborigines have sort of dried it out

00:07:47and let it go all sticky and gooey

00:07:49and used it for sweetening whatever they want to drink.

00:07:53Right.

00:07:55It's a kind of caterpillar honey.

00:07:58It's Jarvanese or thereabouts Hysteria

00:08:01and it's a very lively Inca dance, Frank, is what it is.

00:08:05So choose, if you will.

00:08:07We're in agreement, but not quite.

00:08:10On the same word.

00:08:12Don't mind.

00:08:16I'm sorry I'm working you with my foot.

00:08:18I've just put INCA here.

00:08:21If an Inca was canonised, he'd be a stinker, wouldn't he?

00:08:26Inca dance.

00:08:28Inca dance.

00:08:30Sumatran Hysteria.

00:08:32And right out of the blue,

00:08:34nothing to do with Lata, Incas or anything,

00:08:37we get honey.

00:08:39So I think it's the odd man out.

00:08:41I think it's honey.

00:08:43Nerys, how wrong am I?

00:08:45True or bluff, Nerys? Tell us.

00:08:48A wicked face.

00:08:51Tapioca!

00:08:53Well done, my lad.

00:09:00Who gave the true definition of that word?

00:09:05It's there. I need a professor here.

00:09:07Yes. Yes, sir.

00:09:10Ha-ha!

00:09:16Nice bit of acting there.

00:09:18It's Javanese Hysteria.

00:09:20Javanese Hysteria.

00:09:22One-all.

00:09:24And we get another word, skelet.

00:09:26And it's Peter Brought. Here we go.

00:09:28Now, a skelet was a small, high-toned handbell

00:09:32once was tinkled for ecclesiastical purposes.

00:09:37Now, it was usually to be found

00:09:39in the hand of the bellman

00:09:41whose job it was to march around monasteries

00:09:45and the like. You follow me, Patrick?

00:09:47Ding-donging a summons that called the faithful to prayer.

00:09:51Don't pick on me all the time.

00:09:53But you're so nice.

00:09:56So, now, Angela, your go.

00:09:59A skelet is a small stone hut

00:10:02that would be built by Orkney islanders

00:10:04in a particularly windy site.

00:10:06Now, they didn't want to live there.

00:10:08They want to build this hut

00:10:10so that they can cure their fish and their meat in it.

00:10:13And what they would do is build the little hut

00:10:15with warm water to bind the bricks together,

00:10:18but allow the wind to pass through the bricks

00:10:21so that it would help to cure and dry the meat and the fish within.

00:10:27Frank, your hand's a turn.

00:10:30A skelet is pretty, a skelet.

00:10:33It's, um...

00:10:35It's a blue roofing slate

00:10:39which is found in quarries near Bridlington.

00:10:44Excuse the name-dropping.

00:10:48They had to...

00:10:50When they were restoring York Minster,

00:10:53they had to reopen this particular blue slate quarry

00:10:59in order to get the right sort of blue slate therefrom.

00:11:04Skelet, it's a terribly well-known word,

00:11:07near Bridlington.

00:11:10So, it's a sort of ecclesiastical handbell rung in monasteries.

00:11:14It's an Orkney stone hut,

00:11:17and it's slate from, yes, Bridlington.

00:11:20Jonathan.

00:11:22Well, I think that the ecclesiastical handbell

00:11:24just simply sounds like something which is plucked out of the air anyway.

00:11:28And also, the blue roofing slate

00:11:31sounds too specifically related to Bridlington

00:11:34and for no reason whatever.

00:11:36And I think there's a rather pleasant authenticity

00:11:40about the notion of the Orkney hut.

00:11:42There are, in fact, such huts through which wind blows,

00:11:45through holes and through which people cure things,

00:11:48and it simply has the sound of that type of language.

00:11:54So, you're picking that, Jonathan?

00:11:56I'm picking the Orkney hut.

00:11:58I mean, I don't know how you feel about it.

00:12:00No, it's too late for him to bother really to feel about it.

00:12:03Oh, I see.

00:12:04You nearly plumped.

00:12:05But anyway, having plumped, Angela, true or bluff?

00:12:08It's a bluff, isn't it?

00:12:09Awfully so.

00:12:10Yes!

00:12:17You didn't think she could tease, but she can.

00:12:19Now, who gave the true definition?

00:12:26It's there.

00:12:27Again?

00:12:28APPLAUSE

00:12:33And bell heard all the time in monasteries.

00:12:37Now you have that word, werbel, I suppose it's called.

00:12:40Jonathan Miller defines it.

00:12:42Well, if you're a horse,

00:12:45I suppose werbels is what you fear more than anything else, really.

00:12:49LAUGHTER

00:12:50It's a large saw which appears under the saddle

00:12:53due to the repeated pressure of a rider on the saddle

00:12:56and it can drive a horse berserk

00:12:58and it can indeed even induce latter in the horse.

00:13:01LAUGHTER

00:13:05Yeah, a Javanese horse, of course.

00:13:07Yeah, who comes next? Yes, Nerys.

00:13:10Um, well, werbel, Frank, is a very old word, actually.

00:13:15Oh.

00:13:16You may not have heard of it, but werbel is an old word for...

00:13:20Well, thieves used to call each other werbels if they told on each other.

00:13:24You know, like Kojak would say if they grasped man or...

00:13:28I'm not very good with the American accent.

00:13:31..or to sing like a canary or that sort of thing.

00:13:35And the tradition today in Westminster school

00:13:38is still to call a sneak a willy werbel.

00:13:42Ooh. Yes.

00:13:44Didn't go well.

00:13:46Now, Patrick, how's it go?

00:13:48Werbel, of course, is a verb.

00:13:51You can say two werbel.

00:13:54But two werbel means to rotate...

00:13:57HE CLEARS THROAT Pardon.

00:13:59LAUGHTER

00:14:01Rotate 360 degrees.

00:14:03You go round and round, you whirl round and round if you're werbling.

00:14:06Now, you can have a whirlwind that werbles.

00:14:10You can have two or three or many more Scotsmen werbling...

00:14:15LAUGHTER

00:14:16..and doing Highland flings.

00:14:18You can even find a werbel in the bath

00:14:22because the way that the water leaves the bath is werbling.

00:14:25Yes.

00:14:26Dervish.

00:14:28You forgot dervish, the werbling dervish.

00:14:30I forgot nothing.

00:14:31LAUGHTER

00:14:33So, it's to give... It's sort of sneak or peach or grass.

00:14:37It's to rotate and it's a saw underneath the saddle on a horse.

00:14:42So, Peter, your go.

00:14:43So...

00:14:45Well, nearest...

00:14:48..thieves, Kojak.

00:14:51Who loves your baby?

00:14:54Jonathan and his horse.

00:14:58And Patrick...

00:15:03It's that mischievous Irish twinkle that gets me.

00:15:06Yes, I think I must go for Patrick's.

00:15:08Go for Patrick, then.

00:15:10He said it was to rotate and he must own up now.

00:15:13He must say whether it's true or bluff.

00:15:17I left my mischievous Irish twinkle at home 30 years ago.

00:15:21LAUGHTER

00:15:30I'm afraid you doused that Irish twinkle for good there.

00:15:33I'm sorry.

00:15:34Anyway, there you have it.

00:15:35That's what it means, to rotate, go round,

00:15:38whether a person or thing.

00:15:40The next word is barwood and Angela will define it.

00:15:45Well, barwood, it's rather obvious, actually.

00:15:47Barwood is the name given to sections or bars of wood,

00:15:52sawn off into square sections, rather like ingots of gold or iron.

00:15:57Probably the best-known barwood is a redwood

00:16:01that comes from the Gaboon area of Western Africa

00:16:05and it's used for ramrods

00:16:07and, as any musician will tell you, for making bows for violins.

00:16:12Gosh.

00:16:14Yeah, well, Frank, it's your turn.

00:16:20Barwood is an old military term

00:16:23used in India for extra pay

00:16:27given to Indian regiments when they're on a campaign.

00:16:31The Indian regiments at the Battle of Plessy

00:16:34would have copped a barwood, for good luck.

00:16:39And it was named after Sir Camden Barwood,

00:16:45presumably, who was a paymaster,

00:16:47presumably because he was the first one

00:16:49to screw the money out of the authorities.

00:16:55Peter Brough.

00:16:57Barwood.

00:16:58One of the nicest words we have tonight.

00:17:00An item of American agricultural machinery

00:17:04was first used by the Mormons in Utah.

00:17:08Johnny Miller told me that.

00:17:10It consists of a large spiked roller

00:17:13which was towed or pushed by hordes of the faithful.

00:17:20Yes, yes, well...

00:17:22So, this spiked roller, it's a bar of...

00:17:25It's a spiked roller.

00:17:27Oh, yes, spiked roller, towed by the faithful.

00:17:29It's a bar of timber...

00:17:31Pushed!

00:17:33Not pulled, pushed by the faithful.

00:17:35And it's extra pay for Indian soldiers, all thereabouts.

00:17:39What do you think, team?

00:17:43Well, I don't know.

00:17:46I don't know if I'll ever believe the news again.

00:17:48She's so convincing about absolutely everything.

00:17:51I mean, honestly, you're so sincere, Angela.

00:17:54I'm sincere.

00:17:57What?

00:17:59Oh, come on.

00:18:00Oh, yes, sorry, sorry.

00:18:02Well, I think that it is...

00:18:04I've got an honest face, ma'am.

00:18:05Yes, you have, but somehow you come out dishonest, Frank.

00:18:08I don't know what it is.

00:18:12I think that it's Peter again.

00:18:14You mean you don't want to dispose of the two?

00:18:17You don't really, I mean, you...

00:18:19No, I can see you've spent enough time doing it.

00:18:21Peter, you did say it was a spiked roller.

00:18:23Pushed, not pulled.

00:18:24Yes, that's correct.

00:18:25By the faithful. True or bluff?

00:18:26It must be pushed. It must. It must be.

00:18:29But I'm afraid to choose.

00:18:31Oh, goodness.

00:18:33Sorry.

00:18:34Sorry.

00:18:39Neither pushed nor pulled, but then we need to know...

00:18:42OK, the true... There is a true definition.

00:18:44Here it comes. One, two, three, go.

00:18:46You used to be sincere.

00:18:48No, you were sincere.

00:18:50APPLAUSE

00:18:54He was indeed sincere.

00:18:56Bar wood is a bar of timber.

00:18:584-1, goodness me.

00:19:00Now here's an interesting word.

00:19:02Watoo.

00:19:04Well, you know, I don't know how they say it.

00:19:06Nerys Hughes.

00:19:08Well, a watoo is a little, tiny, drab little bird.

00:19:13It's got grey plumage and it's a pathetic little thing, really,

00:19:17and it flutters around in South Africa eating fruit flies.

00:19:21It's really quite a sad little bit of a game, this.

00:19:24And in English-speaking parts of Natal,

00:19:27it's probably known as a 28,

00:19:30because that's what it sounds like when it's whirring around.

00:19:33It sort of sounds, 28, 28, 28!

00:19:35LAUGHTER

00:19:37Very good.

00:19:39Yeah, that was good.

00:19:41And now it's Patrick's turn.

00:19:43A watoo is a Canadian lumberjack's floating mobile home.

00:19:50LAUGHTER

00:19:52For one or more Canadian lumberjacks.

00:19:54Oh, no.

00:19:56Round about 100 foot square,

00:19:59with cookhouse,

00:20:01drawing room...

00:20:05..sleeping accommodation.

00:20:07LAUGHTER

00:20:09And, of course, no need for...

00:20:11..by the word convenience,

00:20:13a scene that they're surrounded by the river.

00:20:15LAUGHTER

00:20:17Living in the watoo.

00:20:20Now it's Jonathan Miller's go.

00:20:22In fact, it's...

00:20:24There's a concealed hyphen involved here, in fact.

00:20:26There are two words that come together.

00:20:28It's an obsolete usage.

00:20:30It's watoo.

00:20:32Watoo.

00:20:33Wilt thou.

00:20:34Would you.

00:20:36It's simply a form that we don't use now.

00:20:39I don't suppose.

00:20:41It's really two words for the price of one.

00:20:45Yeah, sort of glided together.

00:20:47Glided to clever.

00:20:49It means will you, or that.

00:20:51Would you.

00:20:53It's a lumberjack's raft,

00:20:55and it's a South African bird.

00:20:57Eats fruit flies. Angela.

00:20:59Well, I was most impressed, Nerys,

00:21:01by your impersonation of Percy Edwards.

00:21:03I think that was pretty good.

00:21:05But not convinced. No.

00:21:07Lumberjack's house, no,

00:21:09they wouldn't bother to call it anything.

00:21:11I think they'd just sort of stick up a tent

00:21:13on a few old logs, wouldn't they?

00:21:15I think...

00:21:17I think it was wilt thou.

00:21:19You do? Well, that was Jonathan, yes.

00:21:21Was he telling the truth?

00:21:23True or bluff?

00:21:25Hmm.

00:21:27LAUGHTER

00:21:29Well done.

00:21:31APPLAUSE

00:21:33APPLAUSE

00:21:37It did really mean, you know,

00:21:39wilt thou.

00:21:41Seems unlikely, but it's true, nonetheless.

00:21:43Alfitch is the next word.

00:21:45Frank Muir defines alfitch.

00:21:47You go in the morning

00:21:49to say good morning to your horse,

00:21:51OK?

00:21:53And instead of it being jaunty

00:21:55and whinnying,

00:21:57it's sort of hanging its head

00:21:59in a disconsolate fashion over its loose box.

00:22:01A very

00:22:03glum horse.

00:22:05Why?

00:22:07It's off its food.

00:22:09So what do you do?

00:22:11You give it an alfit.

00:22:13Now, bear with me.

00:22:15You give it an alfit, which is a kind of

00:22:17pick-me-up appetiser

00:22:19for an

00:22:21horse.

00:22:23And you make an alfit.

00:22:25One recipe for an alfit

00:22:27would be breadcrumbs, bit of cinnamon,

00:22:29nutmeg, dried

00:22:31hop leaves, moistened

00:22:33and rolled round with beer.

00:22:35Sounds quite nice.

00:22:37Alfit.

00:22:39Two good horses, really.

00:22:41Who comes next? Yes, Peter.

00:22:43Oh, you'll love this one.

00:22:45Alfit.

00:22:47Alfit was a cauldron

00:22:49of scalding water

00:22:51which about

00:22:531,000 years ago

00:22:55a suspected person

00:22:57was cordially invited

00:22:59to plunge his arm into.

00:23:01Now, that's by

00:23:03a simple process of logic.

00:23:05Logic sometimes used

00:23:07today by the inland revenue.

00:23:09If the person

00:23:11was seriously burned,

00:23:13the accused was guilty.

00:23:15If unburned, not guilty.

00:23:19Right. Now, Angela.

00:23:21Well, an alfit

00:23:23is a surgical instrument.

00:23:25Many people think that it was

00:23:27probably invented by Hippocrates.

00:23:29It was used for setting

00:23:31or reducing the pain on a dislocated shoulder.

00:23:33No one living

00:23:35has obviously ever seen one, because they've rather

00:23:37gone out of fashion nowadays, but it was

00:23:39thought to be an L-shaped piece of wood

00:23:41with two large

00:23:43wooden screws that were used

00:23:45in much the same way as a trouser press.

00:23:49So it's something you perk up a horse's

00:23:51appetite with in the morning.

00:23:53It's a boiling cauldron. Someone has to put his arm in

00:23:55to see if he's guilty or not, and it's a sort of

00:23:57surgical clamp device.

00:23:59Patrick.

00:24:03I've got a mind filled with damp air.

00:24:09All horses look

00:24:11glum hanging over them.

00:24:17Plunging your arm into boiling

00:24:19water

00:24:21with your dreaded blood.

00:24:23It's a painful one, this, isn't it?

00:24:25Agony.

00:24:27A trouser press to keep

00:24:29a broken shoulder together.

00:24:31I believe it's a little medicine for horses.

00:24:33It's about time we got one right,

00:24:35so let's see if that...

00:24:37If it's Frank who told you all that stuff

00:24:39about the horse, true or bluff?

00:24:41Oh, that's it!

00:24:43He looks very excited.

00:24:51APPLAUSE

00:24:57If he were Javanese,

00:24:59we'd know what he was suffering from,

00:25:01but who gave the true definition then?

00:25:03Someone's got to have it.

00:25:05It's there. Good Lord!

00:25:07APPLAUSE

00:25:11Cauldron of

00:25:13boiling water, for the purposes

00:25:15Big Brough described, 6-1.

00:25:176-1.

00:25:19Trailbaston is the next word,

00:25:21and Patrick Campbell defines it.

00:25:23A trailbaston,

00:25:25it's a kind of combination of French and English,

00:25:27but it's a kind of

00:25:29rebellious grape.

00:25:31LAUGHTER

00:25:33Normally,

00:25:35if one can use such a word in these difficult times,

00:25:37normally,

00:25:39grapes grow in bunches,

00:25:41but not the

00:25:43trailbaston.

00:25:45Bunches of

00:25:47these grapes, they grow much

00:25:49more like melons.

00:25:51Long, cylindrical

00:25:53grapes.

00:25:55Not cylindrical.

00:25:57The bunches are cylindrical, like melons,

00:25:59but the trouble with the trailbaston

00:26:03is the grapes inside,

00:26:05they don't get the sun, and they don't ripen.

00:26:07They wouldn't, would they?

00:26:09LAUGHTER

00:26:11Some of them do from time to time, but not always.

00:26:13Now,

00:26:15Jonathan Miller's go, and if we

00:26:17fairly buck up, we might get another word in.

00:26:19Don't know whether you want one, but...

00:26:21Not a lot.

00:26:23On those rare occasions when you're trying

00:26:25to straighten out the grinding wheel

00:26:27of a mill, you employ

00:26:29a trailbaston in order to align yourself

00:26:31down the axle, and then you

00:26:33slip the axle out over the

00:26:35trailbaston, and the thing then grinds

00:26:37evenly by having been aligned

00:26:39correctly.

00:26:41I mean, if that's what you want.

00:26:43LAUGHTER

00:26:45Nerys, you tell us.

00:26:47Um, well,

00:26:49a trailbaston.

00:26:51You've got to pronounce it like that.

00:26:53It was an evil doer,

00:26:55a baddie, actually.

00:26:57In the 13th century,

00:26:59when Edward I was away fighting his wars,

00:27:01they'd go pillaging

00:27:03and fighting and stirring up

00:27:05trouble. An absolute baddie.

00:27:07A bit like football fans now, really.

00:27:09So it's a hooligan from those days.

00:27:11It's a very odd sort of grapevine,

00:27:13and it's advised for getting

00:27:15millwheels on straight, or thereabouts.

00:27:17Frank?

00:27:19Why would you want to align

00:27:21a millwheel?

00:27:23Well...

00:27:25Rebellious grape, I think,

00:27:27is a tasteful

00:27:29load of rubbish.

00:27:31LAUGHTER

00:27:33I'm sure one would have...

00:27:35Trailbaston.

00:27:37Um...

00:27:39Well...

00:27:41I'm sure Nerys was interesting.

00:27:43Am I? Always, always.

00:27:45LAUGHTER

00:27:47So we'll go for the millwheeler liner.

00:27:49LAUGHTER

00:27:51Straight edge.

00:27:53Of which Jonathan says succinctly spoke two of them.

00:27:55I'll keep your

00:27:57trailbaston front.

00:27:59Well done, Larry, well done.

00:28:01APPLAUSE

00:28:05What on earth would you want to keep it straight

00:28:07Who gave the true

00:28:09definition?

00:28:11Baston is a hooligan.

00:28:13APPLAUSE

00:28:17So trailbaston

00:28:19is a 13th century,

00:28:21I think she said, hooligan.

00:28:23So you were all so deliciously slow

00:28:25that we can't get another word in.

00:28:27So I have to draw stumps now.

00:28:29The score standing 2-6.

00:28:31Frank, your team has won.

00:28:33APPLAUSE

00:28:37APPLAUSE

00:28:41So we'll put a few more

00:28:43splints around the walking wounded from the OED

00:28:45next week, I don't doubt.

00:28:47Until then, we'll say goodnight, beginning with

00:28:49Peter Brough.

00:28:51APPLAUSE

00:28:53Jonathan Miller.

00:28:55Angela Rippon.

00:28:57Nerys Hughes.

00:28:59Frank Bior.

00:29:01Patrick Campbell.

00:29:03And goodbye.

00:29:05APPLAUSE

00:29:35APPLAUSE

00:29:41Let me welcome you

00:29:43to Call My Bluff, The Thinking Man's

00:29:45Bingo, featuring

00:29:47Patrick Campbell.

00:29:49Good evening.

00:29:51APPLAUSE

00:29:55And since last week, I have kept my little personal

00:29:57cage, my own little liver bird.

00:29:59Nerys Hughes.

00:30:01Hello.

00:30:03APPLAUSE

00:30:07And the finest mind the world has ever

00:30:09seen, apart from

00:30:11last week,

00:30:13Dr Jonathan Miller.

00:30:15APPLAUSE

00:30:21And the man who never looks

00:30:23graved upon, Frank Muir.

00:30:25APPLAUSE

00:30:27APPLAUSE

00:30:31Thank you. And my first guest

00:30:33is that really splendid liar,

00:30:35which is terribly worrying,

00:30:37Angela Rippon.

00:30:39APPLAUSE

00:30:43And my second guest is

00:30:45Archie Andrews' best friend, Peter Brough.

00:30:47APPLAUSE

00:30:53Lo, a word appears, or two.

00:30:55Well, there you are.

00:30:57It's a very amusing word, or pair of words.

00:30:59Twitterbit. Liver bird.

00:31:01Oh, yes, yes.

00:31:03Wish I'd thought of that. Anyway,

00:31:05whether I did or not, Patrick Campbell and his team

00:31:07will define twitterbit three different

00:31:09ways. Two of the definitions

00:31:11are false, one's true. That's the one that

00:31:13Frank and Co are going to try and pick out.

00:31:15So, Patrick, what do you make of this twitterbit?

00:31:17The twitterbit

00:31:19is the Anglicised version

00:31:21of the

00:31:23Maori name

00:31:25for the horn gramophone.

00:31:27LAUGHTER

00:31:31Because in the Maori language,

00:31:33which goes

00:31:35te wata bait,

00:31:37which means

00:31:39in Maori,

00:31:41box from which

00:31:43comes animal

00:31:45noises.

00:31:47LAUGHTER

00:31:49Lovely.

00:31:51I speak with forked tongue.

00:31:53Jonathan Miller now.

00:31:55Well, when you're making a scissors,

00:31:57one of the more important aspects

00:31:59of the task is to make sure that the two

00:32:01parts come together.

00:32:03Otherwise they're two knives

00:32:05or daggers.

00:32:07And what you have to do is to screw them together

00:32:09and you have to use a twitterbit

00:32:11in order to sink the screw

00:32:13into the cavity

00:32:15between the two, so that you hinge them.

00:32:17And you screw in the twitterbit

00:32:19into the little concavity

00:32:21which takes the screw head.

00:32:23Right. I wonder what now

00:32:25Nerys Hughes has to tell us.

00:32:27Ah, well, it's a Scottish

00:32:29word, actually.

00:32:31And it's a

00:32:33Scottish scolding match

00:32:35between two people where

00:32:37it's very free-flowing,

00:32:39all this talk,

00:32:41of verbal disagreement.

00:32:43And I can quote you

00:32:45direct here from John Buchan's

00:32:47Hunting Tower.

00:32:49This is the usage of the word, you see.

00:32:51Right. Wait now,

00:32:53said Mrs McPhee,

00:32:55maybe a wee twitterbit

00:32:57with the old housekeeper

00:32:59might do some good.

00:33:01APPLAUSE

00:33:03Thank you.

00:33:05It was very good,

00:33:07but I think Barbara Mullen is as safe as house.

00:33:09LAUGHTER

00:33:11Anyway, it's Maori for gramophone.

00:33:13It's a Scotch argument

00:33:15and it's part of a scissors, Frank.

00:33:17Thank you. Janet, thank you.

00:33:19LAUGHTER

00:33:21LAUGHTER

00:33:23LAUGHTER

00:33:25Well,

00:33:27we have one voice here, aren't we?

00:33:29Well, you're not, but...

00:33:31LAUGHTER

00:33:33You're working well.

00:33:35I don't see why scissors

00:33:37need a special bit.

00:33:39I mean, just drill a hole through the middle

00:33:41of the two daggers anyway.

00:33:43Why would you need a special bit

00:33:45for those?

00:33:47You might, but...

00:33:49LAUGHTER

00:33:51His master's voice, horn gramophone,

00:33:53big sound come out of dog

00:33:55listening to...

00:33:57I mentioned a dog in this matter.

00:33:59Box from which animal noises come.

00:34:01Oh. Maori.

00:34:03David Attenborough's lunchbox.

00:34:05LAUGHTER

00:34:07I think...

00:34:09I couldn't understand

00:34:11all that.

00:34:13LAUGHTER

00:34:15I'm going to go for this ridiculous Maori.

00:34:17The Maori for gramophone,

00:34:19voice from which, etc.

00:34:21Patrick said it. True or bluff?

00:34:23It cannot be true.

00:34:25What a pleasure.

00:34:27LAUGHTER

00:34:29APPLAUSE

00:34:33Now, got you there, got you there.

00:34:35Who gave the true definition? Here he comes.

00:34:37Of course.

00:34:39Yes.

00:34:41APPLAUSE

00:34:43Well done.

00:34:45It's the bit in the middle of the scissors

00:34:47that keeps the two halves together.

00:34:49Shallal is the next word,

00:34:51and Frank is going to tell us about it.

00:34:53Shallal

00:34:55is tremendous fun.

00:34:57It's a noise

00:34:59which is produced, shallal,

00:35:01produced in Cornwall.

00:35:03Round about the St Ives...

00:35:05No, you missed off.

00:35:07By banging together

00:35:09kettles and pots and pans

00:35:11in kitchen equipment,

00:35:13and you do it as a kind of mock

00:35:15serenade to

00:35:17married couples.

00:35:19What do we

00:35:21have a shallal tonight?

00:35:23LAUGHTER

00:35:25Tremendous fun. Much better than the floral dance.

00:35:27Right. So it's that,

00:35:29possibly. Peter Brough.

00:35:31A shallal

00:35:33is a presentation outfit

00:35:35of clothes from a Maharaja

00:35:37to a servant

00:35:39for his appreciation

00:35:41of services rendered.

00:35:43Now, often

00:35:45this presentation outfit

00:35:47includes some item of jewellery

00:35:49that is

00:35:51included with the

00:35:53motif of the

00:35:55presenter.

00:35:57Lovely. Now, what do you say,

00:35:59Angela? Well, shallal

00:36:01is a rather imperfect

00:36:03form of scrap iron, imperfect

00:36:05because it might be porous or pitted

00:36:07or damaged in some way,

00:36:09and therefore it would only be used for making

00:36:11park railings or something like that.

00:36:13It might help you if I told

00:36:15you that in the trade, shallal is

00:36:17also known as

00:36:19Dewsbury scalp.

00:36:21LAUGHTER

00:36:23Sounds good enough to eat that,

00:36:25Dewsbury scalp. Anyway, it's scrap iron,

00:36:27I should say. It's a din

00:36:29from St Ives, and it's the

00:36:31presentation of clothes from

00:36:33a Maharaja. Patrick?

00:36:35I cannot imagine

00:36:37even

00:36:39people round about Devon and Cornwall

00:36:41banging kettles

00:36:43together to celebrate.

00:36:45And being inscootable.

00:36:47But not enough, probably.

00:36:49LAUGHTER

00:36:51There's old clothing handed on

00:36:53by a Maharaja.

00:36:55But people

00:36:57don't use

00:36:59old Dewsbury scalp for making nice railings

00:37:01with it. I would fall down.

00:37:03I know Dewsbury scalp.

00:37:05Yeah.

00:37:07I believe

00:37:09it's banging kettles together.

00:37:11Well, now, that's

00:37:13what Frank said. Was that true, Frank?

00:37:15I said it was.

00:37:17APPLAUSE

00:37:23Yep, that's what it is.

00:37:25It's banging kettles together down there

00:37:27in Cornwall.

00:37:292-0 now. Slop Fall's the next one,

00:37:31and Jonathan Miller tells you.

00:37:33Well, it's a

00:37:3517th century insult, really,

00:37:37for someone who refused to wear the

00:37:39oak apple on Oak Apple Day,

00:37:41commemorating Charles II up the oak tree.

00:37:43And he was simply called

00:37:45a Slop Fall. The cry went out in the street,

00:37:47Slop Fall, Slop Fall.

00:37:49In fact, the actual rhyme went, Slop Fall,

00:37:51penny a rag, bang his head and crumble his bag.

00:37:53LAUGHTER

00:37:55Only louder.

00:37:57LAUGHTER

00:37:59Well, now,

00:38:01Nerys is next, yes.

00:38:03A Slop Fall is a simple

00:38:05safety device to

00:38:07stop a weaver from

00:38:09falling headlong into his loom.

00:38:11There's this sort of bit of rope

00:38:13or string or something, you see, hanging down,

00:38:15and he hangs onto it...

00:38:17Falling into his loom?

00:38:19Yes, falling into his loom, yes.

00:38:21Loom? Loom.

00:38:23LAUGHTER

00:38:25Or Slop Fall, see if it makes sense.

00:38:27Listen, don't get

00:38:29lavatorial help.

00:38:31Anyway,

00:38:33you see, he can then hold

00:38:35onto this bit of rope and peer

00:38:37down into his loom

00:38:39and see what's happening to his warp.

00:38:41Woof, all wet.

00:38:43LAUGHTER

00:38:45You would like to find it, you see.

00:38:47Dear, oh, dear.

00:38:49It's sinking, it's sinking

00:38:51fast. Patrick.

00:38:53It's a very difficult word.

00:38:57We want no laughing at

00:38:59triples.

00:39:01It's only to my attractive

00:39:03impediment I cannot pronounce any word that begins

00:39:05with S-L.

00:39:09If I were to embark

00:39:11upon the pronunciation of...

00:39:15LAUGHTER

00:39:17Jonathan, I think it's Archie Andrews.

00:39:19LAUGHTER

00:39:21But you would all fall into it

00:39:23because it's a kind of catnap.

00:39:25You would see

00:39:27me working away, perhaps forever.

00:39:29LAUGHTER

00:39:31And your eyes would close.

00:39:33LAUGHTER

00:39:35It's a...

00:39:37That thing there is a kind of

00:39:39little catnap.

00:39:41Right, it's a

00:39:43sort of a doze or catnap.

00:39:45It's a term of abuse for

00:39:47people who didn't do right by the king

00:39:49at that time, and it's a safety rope

00:39:51for weavers.

00:39:53Peter.

00:39:55Well, I'm delighted to see somebody has trouble

00:39:57with lip movement as well as myself.

00:39:59LAUGHTER

00:40:01But really,

00:40:03Charles II and

00:40:05Cromwell.

00:40:09Catnap?

00:40:13No, I...

00:40:15Frank?

00:40:17LAUGHTER

00:40:19I think I'm going to go for...

00:40:21Well, go, lad.

00:40:23LAUGHTER

00:40:25Not the loo, but loo.

00:40:27You're going to choose

00:40:29the safety rope that weavers

00:40:31swing on or so.

00:40:33Nerys, true or bluff? She said it.

00:40:39You got it!

00:40:41APPLAUSE

00:40:43Very good.

00:40:45Very good.

00:40:47All she said was right.

00:40:49Every word of it.

00:40:51Zerolite is the next word, and Peter Braff

00:40:53will define it.

00:40:55Now, zerolite, very interesting,

00:40:57it's a holy brush.

00:40:59Like a fly whisk.

00:41:01Patrick, now.

00:41:03And it's placed

00:41:05at the doorway of a temple

00:41:07in Hawaii.

00:41:09You got that?

00:41:11A devout Hawaiian,

00:41:13before entering the temple,

00:41:15will give himself a total,

00:41:17you know, a total brushing down

00:41:19to rid himself of any earthly

00:41:21impurities.

00:41:23And that's what it is.

00:41:25Sort of Honolulu brush, really.

00:41:27LAUGHTER

00:41:29I usually rely on

00:41:31Frank for that sort of thing.

00:41:33Jonathan.

00:41:35Jonathan, don't be funnier than the principals

00:41:37if you wish to come back.

00:41:39LAUGHTER

00:41:43Mind you, it's fairly easy

00:41:45to be there.

00:41:47Angela.

00:41:49Zerolite is a rather charming thing,

00:41:51actually. It's a musical instrument.

00:41:53It's a small flute, which comes

00:41:55from Persia. It has

00:41:57only a few stop holes on it,

00:41:59so that the musician

00:42:01can play the flute with just one hand,

00:42:03leaving the other hand free

00:42:05to beat a drum, or a tambourine,

00:42:07or do a crossword, or

00:42:09wave it.

00:42:11Yes. Now, Frank,

00:42:13your turn.

00:42:15Arab word.

00:42:17Zerolite.

00:42:19Zerolite.

00:42:21Imagine a

00:42:23hockey match.

00:42:25The old Ascot girls,

00:42:27the old girls of Ascot play

00:42:29against the old girls.

00:42:31Now, when one team wins,

00:42:33in Britain, you see, you get

00:42:35the eyes of well-bullied

00:42:37Angela.

00:42:39LAUGHTER

00:42:41Well done, Pam.

00:42:43Like this. Not in Arabia.

00:42:45What you get is

00:42:47one sudden,

00:42:49shrill cry of

00:42:51exultation.

00:42:53That's a

00:42:55Zerolite. What?

00:42:57LAUGHTER

00:42:59Let me put it another way.

00:43:01It's a sudden,

00:43:03sharp cry of pleasure

00:43:05in Araby.

00:43:07In Arabic, for that matter.

00:43:09By Arabian ladies.

00:43:11Or...

00:43:13LAUGHTER

00:43:15I think you've

00:43:17started again.

00:43:19It's a Patagonian eel basket.

00:43:21LAUGHTER

00:43:23I think you have to

00:43:25stick to the first thing.

00:43:27It was a very interesting ten-minute definition.

00:43:29Well, anyway, look, it's an Arabian flute

00:43:31with one hand.

00:43:33It's an Arabian female's cry of joy

00:43:35and it's a holy brush. Jonathan Miller.

00:43:37LAUGHTER

00:43:39Well, I mean, there was an air of desperation

00:43:41and panic, really, about what

00:43:43Frank had to say about Arab cheerleaders

00:43:45of one sort or another.

00:43:47And

00:43:49holy brushes, well,

00:43:51it's very hard to say one way or the other.

00:43:53But I think that the

00:43:55Arab root, Jira,

00:43:57and the Zerolite, I think, probably is

00:43:59attached to a Persian flute.

00:44:01Loosely, but nevertheless, I think...

00:44:03You think the Arab root's attached to the Persian flute?

00:44:05And that was Angela

00:44:07who said that. Or she didn't say that, but she said

00:44:09the, er, quite Persian flute.

00:44:11But what I said wasn't true.

00:44:13APPLAUSE

00:44:15Now, I wonder...

00:44:17I wonder

00:44:19if we'll find the Arab

00:44:21root attached to anything else. Who gave the true

00:44:23definition?

00:44:25Let's have it.

00:44:27APPLAUSE

00:44:33It's an Arabian...

00:44:35Arabian. Oh, dear, you're very near there,

00:44:37Jonathan. Arabian female cry of

00:44:39pleasure, joy.

00:44:41Two all, just right. Smerlin.

00:44:43And, Nerys, your go.

00:44:45A s...

00:44:47A smerlin

00:44:49is a little

00:44:51tiny weeny something.

00:44:53It's an

00:44:55infinitesimal tiny weeny something.

00:44:57And whereas you or I would say

00:44:59absolutely nothing at all,

00:45:01in Devon they'd say

00:45:03Nerys Smerlin.

00:45:05LAUGHTER

00:45:07Right.

00:45:09Now Patrick has a turn.

00:45:11A smerlin...

00:45:13I did it.

00:45:15LAUGHTER

00:45:17APPLAUSE

00:45:19Thank you.

00:45:21A smerlin...

00:45:23LAUGHTER

00:45:25It's a delicacy to which the Shetland Islanders

00:45:27are absolutely devoted.

00:45:29It...

00:45:33Smerlin is on today.

00:45:35LAUGHTER

00:45:37They say, yummy, yummy.

00:45:39LAUGHTER

00:45:41It's a kind of clam.

00:45:43Now,

00:45:45this... You've got to be fairly...

00:45:49fairly hungry

00:45:51to take on

00:45:53a smerlin.

00:45:55LAUGHTER

00:45:57Because it's got an awful thing that hangs off the...

00:45:59LAUGHTER

00:46:01It looks like a kind of engine driver's

00:46:03glove, a used

00:46:05old engine driver's glove.

00:46:07You don't eat

00:46:09the engine driver's glove used

00:46:11of the...

00:46:13of a smerlin.

00:46:15But the inside bit is delicious.

00:46:17Right. Jonathan, your go.

00:46:19Well, I'll try and be as fleet and fluent

00:46:21as I can on the subject of the smerlin,

00:46:23which is really just simply a very small nail

00:46:25which attaches the horseshoe to the

00:46:27front of the horse's hoof

00:46:29and it's broken off at the tip in order to

00:46:31prevent the

00:46:33hoof from splitting.

00:46:35Right. So they say,

00:46:37it's an edible clam. It's a nail without

00:46:39any point for doing all that about the horse

00:46:41and the what. And it's

00:46:43a piece of something, a fragment.

00:46:45Angela.

00:46:47Devon and horses.

00:46:49I mean, I come from Devon. I've never heard him say that, dear.

00:46:51Never.

00:46:53You come up to London too much.

00:46:55No.

00:46:57Omos says it is very small.

00:46:59We don't say it's smerlin.

00:47:01So I don't think it's you.

00:47:03It could well be a

00:47:05small nail because blacksmiths do have

00:47:07some funny names for some funny things.

00:47:09LAUGHTER

00:47:11But I'd rather think that it

00:47:13has to be that disgusting clam.

00:47:15That clam.

00:47:17Yes. Of which?

00:47:19Of which Patrick spoke. True or love?

00:47:21What an

00:47:23extraordinary decision. I know, isn't she

00:47:25clever?

00:47:27APPLAUSE

00:47:33And that's what it is.

00:47:35All that is on the news, I think.

00:47:37That's great.

00:47:39It's 3-2 now and we have

00:47:41Codham. Next,

00:47:43Angela, your go.

00:47:45Now, Codham is really a load of old rubbish.

00:47:47It's the

00:47:49broken bits and pieces,

00:47:51the offcasts from a pottery

00:47:53or from a brick kiln.

00:47:55And when the Great Central Railway

00:47:57was being built in the 1860s,

00:47:59huge mounds of codham were

00:48:01sent down from the potteries at Staffordshire

00:48:03and were helped...

00:48:05I don't know why you're laughing. It was a very serious matter.

00:48:07It was helped to bed in

00:48:09the railway line, particularly on

00:48:11the section of track between Rudgeley and Tamworth.

00:48:13Thank you.

00:48:15Yes.

00:48:17Now it's Frank's go.

00:48:21Codham

00:48:23was a Jewish

00:48:25tribunal, one

00:48:27rabbi, two assessors

00:48:29to consider

00:48:31points of orthodox

00:48:33Jewish law. No women

00:48:35allowed to take part

00:48:37or even to be in the

00:48:39full stop.

00:48:41Right. Full stop.

00:48:43OK. Now it's Peter Broughton's turn.

00:48:45Now, Codham

00:48:47is a simple guessing game.

00:48:49Perfectly simple.

00:48:51If you haven't got a coin

00:48:53or anything to flip and that sort of thing, it's rather

00:48:55like that. But you put a little

00:48:57pebble or whatever, one

00:48:59in each hand, and

00:49:01you guess which

00:49:05contains the coin

00:49:07on which you win.

00:49:09But there's one rule

00:49:11you must observe.

00:49:13You're never allowed a second go.

00:49:15So

00:49:17it's a Jewish tribunal.

00:49:19It's old bits of pot

00:49:21and it's a game.

00:49:23Nerys Hughes tells you

00:49:25now.

00:49:27I'm sick of Angela Rippon always being right,

00:49:29so I'm just not going to do it because it's totally

00:49:31discount her filling in

00:49:33of railway lines with rubbish.

00:49:35Um...

00:49:37Now then, Peter.

00:49:39Yes.

00:49:41Um, this game with the pebbles

00:49:43or, um, sort of making up

00:49:45your own game. Yes.

00:49:47You were a little bit too sincere about it.

00:49:49You weren't playing sort of games with me.

00:49:51No, I think it's Frank.

00:49:53Yes, I think it's

00:49:55Frank with his Jewish tribunal.

00:49:57Yeah, he did say that. He did. True or bluff, Frank?

00:49:59Um...

00:50:03Oh, no!

00:50:05APPLAUSE

00:50:09It's not a hard game.

00:50:11Who gave the true definition of the word coddam?

00:50:13It wasn't flipping Angela.

00:50:15LAUGHTER

00:50:17For once, no.

00:50:19LAUGHTER

00:50:21APPLAUSE

00:50:23Peter Brough

00:50:25was quite right when he said it's that game

00:50:27of guessing which hands.

00:50:29It seems a name, and that name is coddam.

00:50:31Here we have Zool. Patrick defines it.

00:50:33Of course, it's pronounced

00:50:35Zoola.

00:50:37It's a Raldic name

00:50:39for

00:50:41the rook or the cast.

00:50:43You know the game of chess?

00:50:45Little square bit, little roundly square bit,

00:50:47kind of turret on top of it.

00:50:51Now, if you happen to be

00:50:53a German Graf

00:50:55with a Schloss

00:50:57overlooking the Rhine,

00:51:01one of these Zoolas

00:51:03might even appear,

00:51:05if you're good enough to have one,

00:51:07on your Heraldic shield.

00:51:11That's what that's about.

00:51:13OK, right, so now it's Jonathan Miller.

00:51:15Well, a Zool,

00:51:17in fact, is a unit in physics.

00:51:19It's an electronic unit.

00:51:21It's really rather like a hertz or a joule.

00:51:23It applies, in fact, to a unit

00:51:25of radiation, gamma radiation.

00:51:27It was first employed by a Polish physicist

00:51:29in the earlier part of this century.

00:51:31And it's simply

00:51:33become...

00:51:35Zuliczki, in fact.

00:51:37Right, so

00:51:39Nerys Hughes.

00:51:41A Zool is one of the earliest

00:51:43known rhinoceri.

00:51:47And...

00:51:49They're rhinoceros.

00:51:51And the distinctive thing,

00:51:53with one horn, just with one horn,

00:51:55and that

00:51:57the early explorer,

00:51:59Hakloyt,

00:52:01well, he noted

00:52:03in his diary in 1599

00:52:05that it could well have

00:52:07been some species

00:52:09of unicorn.

00:52:11But anyway, you say that...

00:52:13I don't think you have to do that.

00:52:15Be that as it may,

00:52:17it's a rhinoceros.

00:52:21Have they done? It's a rhinoceros.

00:52:23It's an heraldic emblem.

00:52:25And it's a unit of gamma radiation.

00:52:27Frankly, I...

00:52:31Ah, yes, how very interesting.

00:52:35I don't think you'd call this

00:52:37a one-legged rhino.

00:52:39One-horned?

00:52:41I retract. A one-horned rhinoceros,

00:52:43a Zool.

00:52:45Doesn't zing, does it?

00:52:47Now, so,

00:52:49we're driven onto

00:52:51Paddy's interminable

00:52:53Zoola,

00:52:55the rook, or

00:52:57Zool, the

00:52:59scientific term.

00:53:01If it's a scientific term, I should be

00:53:03very disappointed, because it's such a

00:53:05dreary thing to put

00:53:07on the programme, a Zool.

00:53:09So I'm going to choose Paddy's rook.

00:53:11The heraldic thingy.

00:53:13Yes, well, you'll learn now.

00:53:15To a bluff, Paddy.

00:53:19Next, please.

00:53:21Well done.

00:53:27You've done it right again.

00:53:29It's that rook-like or knight-like object

00:53:31that you find on a coat of arms.

00:53:33Mitteroak is the next one.

00:53:35Frank defines it.

00:53:37Mitteroak is

00:53:39a flash of lightning.

00:53:41Ah, not...

00:53:43Not...

00:53:45Not the fork lightning

00:53:47you get in B-pictures

00:53:49and horror films.

00:53:51It's that one like a flashbulb,

00:53:53sheet lightning. They're totally harmless

00:53:55except to the nerves.

00:53:57Right. Peter Brough

00:53:59tells you. Well, now, on a man,

00:54:01a viteroak

00:54:03would probably not attract

00:54:05much attention at all.

00:54:07But on a woman, on a woman,

00:54:09it calls all eyes.

00:54:11Especially masculine,

00:54:13Patrick.

00:54:15It bulbs with interest.

00:54:17Talk to her, Peter.

00:54:19That's right. But you're so interesting, too.

00:54:21It's a...

00:54:23In other words, it's a torn or ragged

00:54:25upper garment.

00:54:27Now, a viteroak

00:54:29can easily be acquired

00:54:31by passing a shirt or a blouse

00:54:33through a mincing machine

00:54:35or by even

00:54:37sending it today to a laundry.

00:54:39And as a

00:54:41shirt manufacturer, I speak

00:54:43with authority.

00:54:45Right. Angela.

00:54:47Viteroak is a really

00:54:49very unpleasant thing.

00:54:51It's a rather nasty

00:54:53mushy brown sort of

00:54:55mold that appears on the underside

00:54:57of the leaves of certain trees,

00:54:59especially willow trees.

00:55:01And if the willow happens to grow

00:55:03beside a pond or a river

00:55:05and there are fish in the pond,

00:55:07eventually the viteroak will

00:55:09slip off the leaves and drip into the water

00:55:11and unfortunately poison

00:55:13all the fish.

00:55:15So it's a torn garment,

00:55:17a torn upper garment. It's mold

00:55:19and it's sheet lightning.

00:55:21And Patrick has to pick.

00:55:25A little puff for Peter

00:55:27Brough's shirt business, isn't it?

00:55:29Out of place here.

00:55:31Thank you, Patrick.

00:55:33Enormous overacting

00:55:35with all this lightning nonsense.

00:55:37But

00:55:39if people that have a pond

00:55:41with viteroak

00:55:43or viteroak on the leaves,

00:55:45on the underside of the leaves,

00:55:47and don't cut down the tree,

00:55:49if one preserved the fish,

00:55:51it would be a very disordered

00:55:53home there. But it's that

00:55:55without doubt. It's mold.

00:55:57The mold. Ah, that was Angela.

00:55:59Were you...

00:56:01You weren't teasing again, I'm sure.

00:56:03Looking far too happy.

00:56:09Give us the true one

00:56:11quick and we may get another one in.

00:56:13Who knows. Let's have the true definition.

00:56:15And lo and behold, there it is.

00:56:19It is

00:56:21a torn garment. Let's have the last word

00:56:23now. The last word is

00:56:25Jussel and we've got quite

00:56:27time for Jonathan.

00:56:29Well, Jussel really is

00:56:31one of those very small waves

00:56:33that comes in

00:56:35between the larger waves.

00:56:37They come in sequences of seven.

00:56:39They're just those smaller waves

00:56:41which simply come and just cover the ankles

00:56:43rather than simply overwhelming one

00:56:45and sweeping one up the beach.

00:56:47Jussel.

00:56:49Now I think very briskly,

00:56:51Nerys, if you will. Jussel?

00:56:53Yes, it's a hodgepodge of meat.

00:56:55In medieval times, they made it

00:56:57into a sort of a pot

00:56:59and just the thing for ye

00:57:01old shepherdsy piesy.

00:57:03Right. Now Patrick.

00:57:05Jussel is a

00:57:07once again

00:57:09a heraldic device.

00:57:11Lovely. Oh, you'd say it's more.

00:57:13A sheet of corn

00:57:15tied by a little thing

00:57:17in the middle of it.

00:57:21Jussel

00:57:23wore on a shield.

00:57:25It doesn't mean that the wearer

00:57:27is illegitimate.

00:57:29Right. It means he's the second

00:57:31son.

00:57:33I just want to give them time to guess.

00:57:35Legitimate second son.

00:57:37It's a small wave.

00:57:39It's the meat that used to

00:57:41be minced up and it's

00:57:43another heraldic device.

00:57:45Peter, choose instantly almost.

00:57:47Instantly? Please. Really? Quick?

00:57:49Yep.

00:57:51Neary. Ah.

00:57:53I wonder. She said the mincemeat. Can we call it neary?

00:57:55Neary. Well, that's a term

00:57:57of endearment, Nerys. Neary.

00:57:59Neary, my dearie.

00:58:01Robert, my dearie.

00:58:11Very good.

00:58:13Patrick beat

00:58:15them out of court. Yes, indeed.

00:58:17Nerys was quite right.

00:58:19The mincemeat that went into these

00:58:21old-fashioned pies. So 7-2, guess who's

00:58:23won? Yes, Frank Bjorinko.

00:58:25Oh, look at them beaming away.

00:58:31And some more

00:58:33three-legged runners from the OED next

00:58:35time. Till then, goodbye from

00:58:37Jonathan Miller,

00:58:39Peter Brough,

00:58:41Nerys Hughes,

00:58:43Angela Rippon,

00:58:45Patrick Campbell,

00:58:47Frank Muir,

00:58:49and goodbye.

00:59:17APPLAUSE

00:59:27Good evening.

00:59:29This is Call My Bluff, where the tall stories

00:59:31are dropped from a very great height.

00:59:33That is to say, Frank Muir.

00:59:35APPLAUSE

00:59:41Good evening. My

00:59:43first guest is an actress who appears but

00:59:45fairly unhappily on this programme,

00:59:47an actress of considerable

00:59:49power and beauty,

00:59:51Prunella Gee.

00:59:53APPLAUSE

00:59:59I won't mention beauty with my next guest,

01:00:01but you know his face because

01:00:03he presents Omnibus.

01:00:05He's also head of Music and Arts

01:00:07Department, Humphrey Burton.

01:00:09APPLAUSE

01:00:15And the man who actually quarried the Blarney Stone,

01:00:17Patrick Campbell.

01:00:19APPLAUSE

01:00:27My first guest is

01:00:29whoever half my size

01:00:31but four times

01:00:33lovelier, Hannah Gorton.

01:00:35APPLAUSE

01:00:41And my other guest has come

01:00:43from a kind of clean and dry

01:00:45shore from Warship,

01:00:47who should be but Brian Marshall.

01:00:49APPLAUSE

01:00:55See what happens.

01:00:57I ring that and we get more

01:00:59thrumble. That's what we get all the time here,

01:01:01a lot of more thrumble. Anyway, it's the first word,

01:01:03and what's going to happen is this. Frank Muir and his

01:01:05team are going to define more thrumble

01:01:07three different ways. Two of the

01:01:09definitions are false, one is true.

01:01:11One that Patrick and Co are going to try and pick out.

01:01:13So have a whack at more thrumble,

01:01:15Frank. More

01:01:17thrumble is a regional

01:01:19name for a bird.

01:01:21It's

01:01:23generally speaking nationally,

01:01:25you might call it a bittern.

01:01:27It's once

01:01:29bittern...

01:01:31LAUGHTER

01:01:33Don't stamp on me, Robert.

01:01:35It's early in the game.

01:01:37It's a sort of second cousin of the Heron

01:01:39family. It has been

01:01:41supposed, though I don't think totally

01:01:43verified, that the thrumble

01:01:45bit is an onomatopoeic

01:01:47echo of the kind of

01:01:49thrumbling drumming noise

01:01:51that a more thrumble makes in the spring

01:01:53when it's a bit letchless.

01:01:55LAUGHTER

01:01:57Bitter.

01:01:59Right.

01:02:01Now it's Humphrey Burton to have a go.

01:02:03More thrumble is actually

01:02:05a verb. To more thrumble.

01:02:07It's one of many colourful

01:02:09euphemisms like to pop and

01:02:11to visit the uncle or to hock

01:02:13for the word to pawn.

01:02:15And in fact the word has a theatrical derivation.

01:02:17It's rather like doing a Bunbury.

01:02:19To more thumble

01:02:21is so named after the principal

01:02:23character in the restoration comedy

01:02:25The Bride of Aldgate,

01:02:27in which the principal character,

01:02:29the leading lady, is an indigent lady

01:02:31always out of money,

01:02:33called Molly More Thrumble.

01:02:35LAUGHTER

01:02:37Yep, well,

01:02:39now Prunella G.

01:02:41Well here's one for the sailors so we can find out

01:02:43whether Brian knows his stuff.

01:02:45More thrumble is a

01:02:47mariner's verb and it means to unravel

01:02:49a rope by untwisting it

01:02:51and separating the strands.

01:02:53There is even a mariner's gadget

01:02:55called a more thrumbler,

01:02:57which consists of a hollow cylinder containing

01:02:59a hook. This makes

01:03:01the business of more thrumbling easier

01:03:03when done by hand.

01:03:05OK, well that interesting

01:03:07word means to pawn something.

01:03:09It's a local word

01:03:11for a bittern and it's

01:03:13to unravel rope by

01:03:15mariners. Patrick?

01:03:19Well speaking for the first time in public

01:03:21as a former member of the Irish

01:03:23Marine Service, Chief Petty Officer,

01:03:25LAUGHTER

01:03:27where we were winding rope in and out

01:03:29all the time.

01:03:31Without

01:03:33the use of the word more,

01:03:35you could

01:03:37call it more trumble.

01:03:39Never in a million years.

01:03:41So

01:03:45nobody's

01:03:47going to call it

01:03:49a bird.

01:03:51Trumble, trumble, trumble.

01:03:53And I'm for it.

01:03:55I think it's a kind of pawn-broking

01:03:57word, really.

01:03:59I believe. Well, that was

01:04:01Humphrey Burton who said that.

01:04:03Now, true or bluff?

01:04:05Let's see it, lad, quickly.

01:04:07APPLAUSE

01:04:13Now,

01:04:15who gave the true definition of more

01:04:17thrumble?

01:04:19WHISTLING

01:04:21APPLAUSE

01:04:23APPLAUSE

01:04:27It's a ridiculous word

01:04:29for a bitten or vice-versa.

01:04:31Um, quaffer is the next one

01:04:33and Patrick will define it.

01:04:37If you want to have a

01:04:39comb,

01:04:41which is a quaffer,

01:04:43you take a little piece of wood or a piece

01:04:45of bone

01:04:47and cut down, chop, chop,

01:04:49chop, chop.

01:04:51You can finish up with a quaffer

01:04:53if you're combing the hair

01:04:55with, or if you've made a good

01:04:57quaffer, you're sticking

01:04:59in the back hair.

01:05:01What is it?

01:05:03It's a comb.

01:05:05Well, why call it a quaffer?

01:05:07It's a

01:05:09delicately handmade,

01:05:11fine kind of,

01:05:13rather elegant comb. Thank you.

01:05:15LAUGHTER

01:05:17Thank you for listening. And now

01:05:19Brian Marshall tells you.

01:05:21A quaffer is a pane,

01:05:23a pane of glass, which is cut

01:05:25to fit into the segment

01:05:27of the glass over a front

01:05:29door. It's cut in the shape

01:05:31of a piece of cheese or a piece of cake.

01:05:33And it's only fair to mention that in

01:05:35some parts of the country that

01:05:37quaffer is also known as a shale.

01:05:39S-H-A-L-E.

01:05:41All right.

01:05:43Now, Hannah, your turn.

01:05:45A quaffer is a verb

01:05:47and it describes the

01:05:49beak action of a bird

01:05:51at feeding time.

01:05:53A bittern?

01:05:55Bitterns do it.

01:05:57I'd rather not say.

01:05:59LAUGHTER

01:06:01If you observe very closely a bird

01:06:03at feeding time, you will

01:06:05observe that it makes, first of all,

01:06:07a stabbing motion with its beak

01:06:09and then it proceeds

01:06:11to mumble rather than masticate

01:06:13its mouthful. This

01:06:15natural activity is known as quaffering.

01:06:17Or moth, I think.

01:06:19Well, yeah, so

01:06:21it's, um,

01:06:23it's a pane of glass, a certain

01:06:25shape. It's a handmade comb

01:06:27and it's a bird, I know, with a bittern,

01:06:29ducks, all kinds of things, eating.

01:06:31The action of the beak when eating. Frank,

01:06:33your go.

01:06:35LAUGHTER

01:06:37We're all of one mind here except me.

01:06:39LAUGHTER

01:06:41Quite honest.

01:06:43Quaffer sounds too much like

01:06:45coiffeur, unless it's

01:06:47meant to, unless it's right.

01:06:49In which case, it makes sense, wouldn't it?

01:06:51Um, pane of glass,

01:06:53I don't think. No, we

01:06:55agreed on that. No pane of glass.

01:06:57No, that's not it. A piece of cheese and whatnot,

01:06:59no. What about the bird,

01:07:01though? Bird, though.

01:07:03Yes, we choose

01:07:05the comb.

01:07:07LAUGHTER

01:07:09Now, the comb was spoken of by Patrick, who will now own up

01:07:11to choose truing or bluffing.

01:07:17This game got all kind of rotten.

01:07:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

01:07:25No, no,

01:07:27not a comb, not a comb, but

01:07:29what? Here he comes,

01:07:31who gave the true?

01:07:33Ah!

01:07:35APPLAUSE

01:07:41Quaffer is the action of a duck,

01:07:43or they're about

01:07:45mumbling its food and so on.

01:07:47One all, very nice. Now, mung.

01:07:49Humphrey, your go.

01:07:51Well, mung's an American

01:07:53slang adjective, which

01:07:55has the meaning of

01:07:57confused or contradictory or obscure

01:07:59or perplexed, and

01:08:01given our concern

01:08:03these days of American politics, it shouldn't

01:08:05come to you as too much of a surprise

01:08:07to know that the word mung,

01:08:09mungum, and the word filibuster

01:08:11is regularly used to describe

01:08:13and to define the action

01:08:15in America of certain types of political

01:08:17statement. Mung.

01:08:19All right.

01:08:21Now, Prunella.

01:08:23Mung was the unusual currency

01:08:25of Zanzibar and of parts

01:08:27of Somaliland until about 1825.

01:08:29I say

01:08:31unusual because it was made of cloth,

01:08:33squares of a

01:08:35canvas-like material, which

01:08:37was used as a basis for barter.

01:08:39Hence, a shrinking pound

01:08:41when it rained.

01:08:43That's very good.

01:08:45Yes. Now, Frank,

01:08:47top that.

01:08:51Speak.

01:08:57You're being mung now,

01:08:59are you?

01:09:01No, I'm munging.

01:09:03It means to pull faces.

01:09:05It's a country word

01:09:07for to pull faces. To mung.

01:09:11That's all you... Certainly.

01:09:13That's all I have to say. Right.

01:09:15Fairly convincing. It was cloth currency.

01:09:17Pulling a face or

01:09:19the state of being confused.

01:09:21So, Brian Marshall,

01:09:23picks one. Well,

01:09:25I think as far as Frank

01:09:27is concerned, he was pulling the wrong

01:09:29sort of faces.

01:09:31I really don't think it's pulling faces.

01:09:33It's just a mugging.

01:09:35The only faces I've got.

01:09:37So we have

01:09:39Humphrey with

01:09:41American slang.

01:09:43Well, I'll be brief.

01:09:45I think that it was bunkum.

01:09:47And I think that prunella was the true

01:09:49definition, which was the cloth

01:09:51money. Yes.

01:09:53She did say that. Prunella,

01:09:55were you telling the truth?

01:09:57Was it all a bluff?

01:09:59Yes, she looks... Does she look well-pleased?

01:10:01Who can tell?

01:10:03Ah, there we go.

01:10:05APPLAUSE

01:10:09Cloth money.

01:10:11Well, no. Who gave the true definition?

01:10:13It's there.

01:10:17He did it.

01:10:19APPLAUSE

01:10:23All that stuff about

01:10:25meaning confused and

01:10:27in the state of confusion is true.

01:10:29Lycorn.

01:10:31You pronounce it all umpteen different ways, I don't doubt.

01:10:33Brian Marshall.

01:10:35Lycorn is, once again, slang.

01:10:37And it's American slang.

01:10:39It's the language of the New York docker.

01:10:41The definition is

01:10:43slightly contradictory in that

01:10:45it's derived from a

01:10:47leather-lunged dock superintendent,

01:10:49Lazarus Lycorn,

01:10:51whose tone of voice

01:10:53was so stentorian that

01:10:55he didn't need a lycorn

01:10:57when he was addressing his men.

01:11:01Right. Now, Hannah Gordon.

01:11:03The lycorn was

01:11:05the ancestor of the modern howitzer,

01:11:07being a short-barrelled,

01:11:09large-calibre field gun.

01:11:11And it was much used during the Peninsular War,

01:11:13when

01:11:15Frenchmen,

01:11:17having these fiery

01:11:19missiles launched at them,

01:11:21would stand back amazed and say,

01:11:23mon Dieu, qu'est-ce que c'est que ça?

01:11:25Oh.

01:11:27Oh, well, you stopped.

01:11:29I was apparently hypnotised there

01:11:31for a minute.

01:11:33Now, Patrick.

01:11:35A lycorn was a dwarf

01:11:39and a hairy,

01:11:41extinct elephant.

01:11:45It once roamed

01:11:47the plains

01:11:49of Siberia.

01:11:51When they dug up

01:11:53the remnants of a lycorn,

01:11:55they found it to be

01:11:57round about the same size

01:11:59as a horse.

01:12:01And after they

01:12:03analysed

01:12:05the contents of its tom-toms,

01:12:07they found

01:12:09that it wasn't

01:12:11a people-eater, but just

01:12:13a veg-muncher.

01:12:15That's what a lycorn

01:12:17was, and still is

01:12:19in history.

01:12:23He just got the ball there

01:12:25before he hit the ground, I think, Patrick.

01:12:27It's a very small elephant.

01:12:29It's a field gun, and it's a kind of

01:12:31a megaphone, something you shout through.

01:12:33Humphrey Burr.

01:12:35Well, let's take the United States

01:12:37docker, first of all. I thought it was a very

01:12:39lycorny, if I may use that

01:12:41phrase, definition.

01:12:43A horn and a corn,

01:12:45they all seem to come too close together for comfort,

01:12:47so I reject that. Mon Dieu, qu'est-ce que c'est que

01:12:49ça en France, en Espagne, rather,

01:12:51didn't seem to me to have much to do with

01:12:53guns. I couldn't really get the sort of link between

01:12:55howitzers and lycorns.

01:12:57On the other hand, hairy dwarfs

01:12:59seem to go frightfully well with

01:13:01our third panelist over there.

01:13:03And

01:13:05it seemed to me that the word lycorn could perhaps

01:13:07go somewhere close to the word unicorn,

01:13:09and there could be some mystical connection between the two,

01:13:11and on the whole, even though it's a vegetarian,

01:13:13I plump for the

01:13:15munching Siberian

01:13:17lycorn dwarf elephant.

01:13:19Just marking up

01:13:21the plump one, splendid.

01:13:23That was Patrick, wasn't it, he plumped for there.

01:13:25That was the dwarf

01:13:27thing. Tour Bluff? You plumped for the wrong

01:13:29animal. Hey!

01:13:35No, no, not a

01:13:37small elephant. Who gave the true definition?

01:13:39Here he comes.

01:13:41Little innocent Hannah.

01:13:43It was the field gun.

01:13:45It was the field gun after all,

01:13:47that's what she said.

01:13:49To all,

01:13:51Bermany is the next one, and Prunella G

01:13:53defines it.

01:13:55Bermany was a

01:13:57smallish, open, four-wheeled,

01:13:59horse-drawn carriage that was

01:14:01popularised by the first Earl of Lonsdale.

01:14:03It was so named after

01:14:05Bermany Hall in Nottinghamshire,

01:14:07one of his lordship's minor seats,

01:14:09where the original Bermany was constructed

01:14:11to his lordship's specifications.

01:14:15Is that it? Yep.

01:14:17Right, Frank, your

01:14:19turn.

01:14:21Bermany is

01:14:23really compatible with the word

01:14:25rhino,

01:14:27about a hundred years ago.

01:14:29It's the, it's a

01:14:31pin money, it's loose change,

01:14:33but it originally meant

01:14:35it was a contraction of beer money.

01:14:37Well, you know,

01:14:39I'm putting it about

01:14:41to that effect.

01:14:43Now, Humphrey.

01:14:45Now, Bermany is actually a rather

01:14:47language style of fishing

01:14:49practised amongst other places

01:14:51in the rivers, the tributaries of the

01:14:53Firth of Forth in Scotland.

01:14:55And the technique of Bermany

01:14:57fishing is as follows.

01:14:59A line of stakes is actually driven into the river

01:15:01by the fisherman before he starts

01:15:03to do his fishing.

01:15:05And a rope is attached between

01:15:07these stakes.

01:15:09And the fisherman then can

01:15:11haul his boat along

01:15:13by the rope

01:15:15without, as he might put it,

01:15:17the tiresome necessity of having to

01:15:19roll.

01:15:21Bermany.

01:15:23So, it's an open,

01:15:25it's a kind of open carriage.

01:15:27It's beer money, or pin money,

01:15:29and it's hauling a boat along by grabbing hold

01:15:31of a rope.

01:15:33Hannah Gordon has to pick.

01:15:37Oh, yes.

01:15:39I can't believe that any Scottish

01:15:41fisherman would be so lazy

01:15:43not to rope his boat, but have it pulled along.

01:15:45So, I'm going to pass that one.

01:15:47Frank's...

01:15:49A rhinoceros

01:15:51came into your description, and then it was loose money

01:15:53and beer money, and I...

01:15:55Well, rhino is a slang term for money.

01:15:57I just got mixed up because there was a rhino.

01:15:59It's your turn to speak, Frank.

01:16:01Well, I'm not...

01:16:03I'm not doing frankly well, so any interruption.

01:16:07And Prue's horse-drawn carriage,

01:16:09little horse-drawn carriage.

01:16:11I have a partiality for that,

01:16:13so I'm going to plump for Prue's horse-drawn carriage.

01:16:15Another plump? That's two. Wait, no.

01:16:17It's just a private game I play.

01:16:19Good. Now. So, Prue.

01:16:21Prue on plump.

01:16:23I know by her face.

01:16:25I wonder, can you tell?

01:16:27Oh!

01:16:29It was man-taught.

01:16:31I shouldn't have asked.

01:16:33Two wrong plumps so far.

01:16:35Who gave the two definition?

01:16:37It's there.

01:16:39It's there.

01:16:41With apologies for the Scottish accent.

01:16:43There you have it.

01:16:47You go fishing.

01:16:49You go fishing by tucking the rope

01:16:51that you've already strung across the thing

01:16:53you stuck it in.

01:16:55And now you've got, oh dear me, what accents

01:16:57I look forward to.

01:16:59Fernie Clutes. And Hannah, it's your turn

01:17:01to kick off.

01:17:03Well, we're staying with Scotland rather a lot tonight

01:17:05because this is a term of endearment.

01:17:07Fernie Clutes.

01:17:09It's a term of endearment from the Scottish Highlands.

01:17:11We rather suppose that it's derived

01:17:13from the Gaelic.

01:17:15And gentlemen in the audience

01:17:17or with us here

01:17:19are invited to test this

01:17:21with any Scottish lady

01:17:23if they whisper to them very quietly in their ear

01:17:25My good,

01:17:27here are bonnie wee Fernie Clutes.

01:17:31Yes, I wouldn't stare.

01:17:33I don't know, it's worth a try.

01:17:35Worth a try. Patrick,

01:17:37here's go now.

01:17:39A number of lithe young gentlemen

01:17:41faced with the fearful boredom

01:17:43of yet another game of leapfrog

01:17:47sought to improve it

01:17:51by asking

01:17:53their friend

01:17:55Fred to bend over

01:17:59and placing in front of Fred

01:18:01the little

01:18:03line of stones

01:18:05so just

01:18:07as a change

01:18:09from a leapfrogging Fred

01:18:11you've got to clear the line of stones

01:18:13as well

01:18:15and strangely

01:18:17a kind of early Victorian game

01:18:19but the line of stones

01:18:21was called the garter

01:18:23What else?

01:18:25It was called

01:18:27not always

01:18:29Fernie Clutes but fly the garter

01:18:37He's taken your fancy

01:18:39Patrick, let us move on now to

01:18:41Brian, here's go.

01:18:43If you should ever find yourself

01:18:45on all fours or even laying down

01:18:47in a field that contains

01:18:49sheep or goats

01:18:51I think I'm wise

01:18:53and you're slightly worried

01:18:55about their attitude towards you

01:18:57and they reassured you by giving you the thumbs up

01:18:59they would be exposing

01:19:01their Fernie Clutes

01:19:05because Fernie Clutes

01:19:07are four corn-like

01:19:09bumps, one per

01:19:11leg about three quarters of the way down the leg

01:19:13which are presumed by naturalists

01:19:15to be rudimentary thumbs

01:19:17sheep or goat thumbs

01:19:21So it's a kind of

01:19:23endearment, it's an improved game

01:19:25of leapfrog and it's

01:19:27bumps or lumps on a

01:19:29goat's leg

01:19:31Brunella, you have to choose

01:19:33Well

01:19:35we've already discovered that Hannah

01:19:37doesn't know as much about Scottish affairs

01:19:39as she might like to make out

01:19:41so we can dismiss her

01:19:43No, wrong

01:19:45Corn-like rudimentary

01:19:47bumps

01:19:49I suspect

01:19:51Well, it could be that

01:19:53however, the new improved leapfrog

01:19:55is so bizarre and so

01:19:57such a wonderful idea

01:19:59that yes, I'm going to suggest

01:20:01it's that, in fact it is

01:20:03You're going to suggest it's that, right

01:20:05Patrick, she suggested it was you

01:20:07True or bluff? Oh no it didn't

01:20:09Oh

01:20:11Fairly good

01:20:15Fairly good

01:20:17No, fairly clutes must be something else

01:20:19Who gave the true definition?

01:20:23Aha

01:20:25There it is

01:20:31It's what's on a goat's legs

01:20:33Fairly clutes are what's on a goat's legs

01:20:35Three all, ah splendid

01:20:37Here we have a word

01:20:39and Frank Liord will define it for us

01:20:41Here's a fun one

01:20:43Allerian

01:20:45Allerian is what

01:20:47physicists

01:20:49call the centre of

01:20:51gravity of the Earth-Moon

01:20:53axis

01:20:55The Earth is

01:20:5781 times the size

01:20:59of the Moon, so the centre of

01:21:01gravity must be inside the

01:21:03Earth's circumference, and the Allerian

01:21:05is in fact

01:21:07between 190 and 204

01:21:09miles below the Earth's crust

01:21:11depending on the time of the year

01:21:17What were you laughing at when you were

01:21:19telling us that?

01:21:21Laughing at what you're going to guess is the true answer

01:21:25Laughing at his cool nerve

01:21:27I don't doubt. Humphrey Burton, your go

01:21:29No, an Allerian is actually a

01:21:31classy and a classical

01:21:33name for something quite as simple

01:21:35as a document case

01:21:37An Allerian, in other words, is a

01:21:39portfolio

01:21:41In fact, among the exhibits

01:21:43at the recent Pompeii exhibition

01:21:45at the Royal Academy

01:21:47were the tattered remains

01:21:49of an Allerian

01:21:51made of crocodile skin

01:21:53It was probably the property of some

01:21:55patrician from Pompeii and

01:21:57historians have demonstrated that

01:21:59in fact this

01:22:01Allerian, I must get the pronunciation

01:22:03right, still had its

01:22:05stamped initial faintly visible

01:22:07upon the right side

01:22:09Thus is the

01:22:11mystery and magic of history

01:22:13made visible to our day

01:22:15When you said patrician

01:22:17of Pompeii, it made me think of Portsmouth

01:22:19I can't think why

01:22:21No, no, you didn't

01:22:23Minus one

01:22:25I think it's Prunella's turn

01:22:27An Allerian is an

01:22:29odd looking bird

01:22:31But it's not this sort of odd looking bird

01:22:33It's an odd looking bird that appears

01:22:35upon a coat of arms

01:22:37It's an eagle that is depicted without a beak

01:22:39and without claws

01:22:41This totally disarmed

01:22:43raptor is a feature

01:22:45of French heraldry, notably upon

01:22:47the armorial bearings of the ancient

01:22:49house of Lorraine

01:22:51Nonsense

01:22:53You never know, it's an eagle

01:22:55on a coat of arms, it's a portfolio

01:22:57and it's the centre of the moon

01:22:59and earth's gravity, which seems very

01:23:01Patrick

01:23:03Well, a

01:23:05birdless, eyeless

01:23:07flawless eagle representing

01:23:09a briefcase

01:23:11made out of a faded crocodile

01:23:15Well, Humphrey being

01:23:17supposed to be an expert on cultural

01:23:19matters

01:23:21Got a bit mixed up

01:23:23there, I thought, in your

01:23:25totally confused

01:23:27definition of that lot

01:23:31Well, it has to be some kind of

01:23:33nonsense like Frank was

01:23:37No, it's a blind eagle

01:23:41That was Prunella, I wonder now

01:23:43I never said anything about not having eyes

01:23:45Do you want to change your mind?

01:23:47Is it too late?

01:23:49It's not too late to change your mind

01:23:51Let's eat the card first, then change my mind

01:23:53Ah

01:23:55You've played this game before

01:24:05You had too old a hand there, Prunella

01:24:07Oh, dear me

01:24:09Oh, I rang the bell and there we got

01:24:11Discom, and Patrick's going to define it

01:24:15Discom is a

01:24:17specific

01:24:19gastronomical posture

01:24:23If you want to dine

01:24:25or if you wanted to dine in Roman times

01:24:27you want

01:24:29a kind of three-seater couch

01:24:31or couch

01:24:33to lie back on

01:24:37If you were to enter any London restaurant

01:24:39even Manchester restaurant these days

01:24:41and said, could we have

01:24:43four nice discoms, please

01:24:45by occupying the space

01:24:47occupied perhaps by forty people

01:24:49at ten quid a head

01:24:51They'd say, sorry sir

01:24:53no discoms here

01:24:55But that's all it is

01:24:57a kind of reclining for dining

01:24:59Right

01:25:01Now, Brian has a go

01:25:05To discom

01:25:07is a rather messy business

01:25:09It's the action of a pipe cleaner

01:25:11or a sink plunger

01:25:13or a ramrod

01:25:15or even of a dose of salts

01:25:17To discom means

01:25:19to unclog

01:25:21to rid or purge

01:25:23a system of unwanted

01:25:25obstructions and waste

01:25:29Hannah, your turn

01:25:31In advanced mathematics

01:25:33a discom is

01:25:35a certain product

01:25:37It is the product of the squares

01:25:39of the differences

01:25:41between any two

01:25:43roots of a quadratic equation

01:25:45Now, if I had

01:25:47a blackboard

01:25:49If I had a blackboard and a piece of chalk

01:25:51I could get up and, Frank, will you please sit down

01:25:55But unfortunately I haven't

01:25:57So it means

01:25:59the action of unclogging something

01:26:01It's a mathematical term

01:26:03and it's to lie at the table

01:26:05rather than to sit

01:26:07Frank

01:26:09This discom

01:26:13meaning to purge

01:26:15It's a bit too much

01:26:17of a coincidence

01:26:19even if true

01:26:21We put that to one side

01:26:23I suppose

01:26:25you're making notes here and I've written

01:26:27discom against all three of you

01:26:29It's whether it's the sofa

01:26:31or whether it's

01:26:33Advanced math

01:26:35I couldn't understand it

01:26:37I couldn't understand it

01:26:39Well, it wouldn't help

01:26:41It's all natural

01:26:43Patrick's Roman sofa

01:26:45That's the

01:26:47That's the one, yes

01:26:49That's the one you're going to pick, Frank

01:26:51I'm going to try

01:26:53Patrick, you did say it

01:26:55True or bluff, was he having you on

01:26:57as so often

01:26:59Being told by knowledgeable Humphrey Butler

01:27:01that's it, he was dead right

01:27:05Blubber

01:27:07Blubber

01:27:11I don't know whether this has ever happened before

01:27:13but we've run out of time

01:27:15with the thing standing at an absolute

01:27:17draw

01:27:19Wouldn't it be nice to have a quick one but we can't really

01:27:21fit it in

01:27:23So, well, how pleasant, how friendly

01:27:25to end on this note with them both

01:27:27getting clapped, both of them have won

01:27:29or both of them have lost, look at it as you will

01:27:41So, we'll be back

01:27:43next time with more words

01:27:45we've been paid to tear away from the Oxford English

01:27:47Dictionary, until then

01:27:49we'll all say goodbye and begin with

01:27:51Humphrey Burton

01:27:55Brian Marshall

01:27:59Brunella Jean

01:28:01Anna Gordon

01:28:03Frank Muir

01:28:07Patrick Campbell

01:28:09and goodbye

01:28:40APPLAUSE

01:28:48Good evening, this is call my bluff

01:28:50which means a short trot with a cultured mind

01:28:52that is to say

01:28:54Patrick Campbell

01:28:56APPLAUSE

01:29:02If I even think of the name

01:29:04of my first guest

01:29:06I should not hear

01:29:08you all soft and trembly

01:29:10but when she is here

01:29:12I can barely articulate her name

01:29:14Anna Gordon

01:29:16APPLAUSE

01:29:22And the other lad, a good brisk matelot

01:29:24Brian Marshall

01:29:26APPLAUSE

01:29:32And still dealing them off the bottom of the pack

01:29:34Frank Muir

01:29:36APPLAUSE

01:29:42I, on my part, am again flanked

01:29:44by the

01:29:46delectable and talented Brunella Jean

01:29:48APPLAUSE

01:29:54and the handsome and talented

01:29:56Humphrey Burton

01:29:58APPLAUSE

01:30:00Thank you

01:30:04And low the bell

01:30:06and it gives us

01:30:08two for prize one, loon slat

01:30:10and as you recall, I suspect you will recall

01:30:12Patrick Campbell and company are going to

01:30:14define loon slat three different ways

01:30:16two of the definitions are false, one is true

01:30:18that is the one that Frank Muir and his team

01:30:20tried to pick out

01:30:22so what about loon slat, Patrick?

01:30:24A loon slat

01:30:26is an isle of man

01:30:28in a cow shed

01:30:30LAUGHTER

01:30:32Thank you

01:30:34If you have a cow on the isle of man

01:30:36I'm going to go on

01:30:38in a rain lashing down

01:30:40you want to make a little house for it

01:30:42called a loon slat

01:30:44because

01:30:46in the not too widely

01:30:48spread Manx language

01:30:50loon

01:30:52is cow

01:30:54and slat is shed

01:30:56so joined by a hyphen

01:30:58you get a little cow shed

01:31:00LAUGHTER

01:31:02Pretty convincing, yes

01:31:04Brian Marshall

01:31:06Good idea

01:31:08Loon slat is a marker that's stuck

01:31:10in a sandy beach

01:31:12as a guide post to horse drawn traffic

01:31:14it's a Lancashire word

01:31:16original loon slats

01:31:18are to be found in Morecambe Bay

01:31:20where at high tide

01:31:22the stagecoach has to splash

01:31:24through shallow water

01:31:26and the loon slats help it

01:31:28not to fall into deep water

01:31:30they're warning marks

01:31:32Alright

01:31:34now Hannah Gordon

01:31:36what does she say?

01:31:38In the 17th century

01:31:40the in word amongst

01:31:42here we go again

01:31:44Scottish thieves

01:31:46was

01:31:48I've forgotten what I was going to say

01:31:50loon slat

01:31:52was the in word amongst Scottish thieves

01:31:54for a half crown

01:31:56and the value in those days

01:31:58was approximately 30 and a half pence

01:32:00and

01:32:02you might like to know

01:32:04it might help you to know that

01:32:06one loon slat was the sum

01:32:08payable to the hangman

01:32:10for his

01:32:12services

01:32:14So right

01:32:16it's a cow shed

01:32:18on the Isle of Man

01:32:20originally from Morecambe Bay

01:32:22and it's a Scotch

01:32:24payment

01:32:26Frank

01:32:28Mr Burton's pointed out something very interesting

01:32:30that you can actually

01:32:32see Morecambe

01:32:34from the Isle of Man

01:32:36on a clear day

01:32:38and you can

01:32:40see the Isle of Man from Morecambe

01:32:42isn't that a fantastic coincidence Robert

01:32:44It really bouleverses me Frank

01:32:46I'm sure

01:32:48Which is the answer

01:32:50Scottish thieves

01:32:52jargon for

01:32:54half a dollar

01:32:56loon slat

01:32:58stop the loons

01:33:00now you've got to stop the loons

01:33:02walking into the sea so put a slat in the sand

01:33:04it's a bit

01:33:06Isle of Man cow shed

01:33:08we think it's a Scottish

01:33:10we think it's

01:33:12the Scottish thieves

01:33:14cant word

01:33:16Eleanor Gordon enunciated so beautifully

01:33:18she did, she did it beautifully

01:33:20she will now own up

01:33:22have you scored a bullseye

01:33:24was she teasing you

01:33:26draw a bluff here you go

01:33:32prove that great principle

01:33:34that sometimes it is Scottish

01:33:36thieves cant, not every time

01:33:38by any means

01:33:40was that time

01:33:42I suppose I would say if I had to

01:33:44but still it's up to you Frank

01:33:46Yecasterse

01:33:48is a lovely word isn't it

01:33:50it's rather long and it's rather ancient

01:33:52and it meant a specific

01:33:54time of day

01:33:56now had John Ford

01:33:58had an ear for old

01:34:00words he might have called his

01:34:02Gary Cooper movie

01:34:04Yecasterse

01:34:06but no no he yielded to

01:34:08modernism and called it high noon

01:34:10yep

01:34:12understand why really

01:34:14so now Humphrey what do you say

01:34:16well a Yecasterse

01:34:18was a member of a 13th century

01:34:20religious sect

01:34:22a sect which in rather

01:34:24an artful way

01:34:26made sure of getting to heaven

01:34:28because a Yecasterse

01:34:30was a devout worshipper

01:34:32who nevertheless

01:34:34declined under all circumstances

01:34:36to be baptised

01:34:38until he was on his deathbed

01:34:40the reasoning was

01:34:42that as he was unlikely in that

01:34:44case to commit many sins after

01:34:46he'd been baptised

01:34:48he should with a

01:34:50fairly reasonable chance confront St Peter

01:34:52with a clean bill of health

01:34:54a Yecasterse

01:34:56right Nella

01:34:58Yecasterse is a

01:35:00common wayside English flower

01:35:02and it's probably better known as the cuckoo pint

01:35:04this flower secretes

01:35:06a special juice

01:35:08which is particularly helpful in the treatment of

01:35:10bovine dermatitis

01:35:12now what happens is that if you mix the

01:35:14juice with salt and some

01:35:16fronds of stubwort

01:35:18it's a sort of hubble bubble toil and trouble type

01:35:20activity, you will soothe

01:35:22the sores on a cow's back

01:35:28so it's a kind of late

01:35:30baptism, it's midday

01:35:32and it's the cuckoo

01:35:34pint, Patrick

01:35:38I can't imagine

01:35:40anyone

01:35:42living their entire life calling themselves a

01:35:44Yecasterse

01:35:50with the last gasp

01:35:52before they're gone

01:35:54Yecasterse

01:35:58fairly cumbersome faith that one

01:36:00I don't imagine

01:36:02it died out did it, yes

01:36:04with the last Yecasterse

01:36:06don't tell him

01:36:08bovine

01:36:12it must be Frank's nonsense

01:36:14about John Ford and

01:36:16is it

01:36:18you're choosing it, you've gone

01:36:20you've gone, you've chosen it, it was Frank

01:36:22said it was midday, something that was all true

01:36:24hum the tune if I can remember it

01:36:26I don't know

01:36:30I'm giving

01:36:36no, no

01:36:38nothing like that, own up

01:36:40who gave the true

01:36:42it was she

01:36:48it was the cuckoo pint

01:36:50that's what that means

01:36:52and now you have Mary Tott

01:36:54and Brian Marshall tells you about it

01:36:58a Mary Tott

01:37:00is a club

01:37:02not the sort that you join, the sort that you

01:37:04knock people on the head with

01:37:06it was used by

01:37:08Maoris, happily it hasn't been

01:37:10wielded in anger since the Treaty of

01:37:12Waitungi

01:37:14in 1840

01:37:16a Mary Tott varies in length

01:37:18from 12 to 18 inches

01:37:20according to the tribal status of its owner

01:37:22it's hewn and shaped out of

01:37:24hard wood, whalebone

01:37:26or greenstone, it's a

01:37:28cosh

01:37:30right, now it's

01:37:32Hannah Gordon's go

01:37:34a Mary Tott is a simple sport

01:37:36that children play

01:37:38in a belfry by swinging

01:37:40themselves on bell ropes

01:37:42now a prolonged session

01:37:44of this can induce

01:37:46in small children a state of

01:37:48giggling hysteria

01:37:50laughter

01:37:52and it can on occasions

01:37:54make

01:37:56a Mary Tott, Tot Mary

01:37:58laughter

01:38:00not a girl

01:38:02slops together doesn't it in a way

01:38:04Patrick

01:38:06if a Mary Tott gets loose

01:38:08in a brewery or distillery

01:38:12it's a Canada that can't wait

01:38:14to get at it before it's properly

01:38:16fermented or distilled

01:38:20you know

01:38:22the French

01:38:24which is made out of kind of crushed

01:38:26stalks of

01:38:28vines

01:38:30a Mary Tott

01:38:32is cauterised

01:38:34to come

01:38:36a Mary Tott

01:38:38can't wait to get at it

01:38:40because it wants some fun, some instant fun

01:38:42to break out, thank you

01:38:44ok, so

01:38:46it's a Maori

01:38:48or thereabouts

01:38:50swinging bell ropes in children

01:38:52and it's someone who can't

01:38:54wait to get at the drink

01:38:56so, no, Humphrey

01:39:00I think that

01:39:02Patrick's Mary Tott

01:39:04too soon to be Mary

01:39:06perhaps, if I'm being French as well as English

01:39:08doesn't to my mind

01:39:10ring quite so true

01:39:12and I thought that really

01:39:14Hannah dropped a bit of a clang with all that bell swinging

01:39:16because I don't think

01:39:18really it's likely to be true

01:39:20there's an awful

01:39:22coincidence about the pun on the word

01:39:24Maori and Mary, I must say

01:39:26which worries me a bit about this

01:39:28cosh over there

01:39:30but nevertheless I think that is probably the kosher answer

01:39:32it is in fact the Maori

01:39:34cosh. It is, is it?

01:39:36well now, who was it, yes it was Brian who said that

01:39:38he has to own up now, true or

01:39:40love

01:39:42I should have known

01:39:44ah

01:39:46I have won

01:39:48what an answer

01:39:50no, no, no

01:39:52no, it wasn't that, what was it

01:39:54here it comes, one, two, three, go

01:39:56ding dong, ding dong

01:39:58Mary Tott

01:40:00not Hannah

01:40:02Mary Tott

01:40:04children swinging about on bells

01:40:06not fair

01:40:08there's not a lot of it about these days but

01:40:10you know, just keep an eye on it

01:40:12Maness is the next one

01:40:14Humphrey Burton has a go

01:40:16Maness, it's a verb

01:40:18it's the action of a sycophant

01:40:20it means

01:40:22to exhibit the appearance

01:40:24of high regard

01:40:26to flatter with obsequious speech or conduct

01:40:28the word first appears

01:40:30in late 17th century dictionaries

01:40:32that it was said of the

01:40:34as he then was, late Oliver Cromwell

01:40:36that although in private he was sociable

01:40:38by nature, in the field of politics

01:40:40and I quote now, he formed

01:40:42few friends and Manest

01:40:44no patrons

01:40:46Maness

01:40:48why are you looking at my paper

01:40:50right, now it's Nella, you have a go

01:40:52well, this one

01:40:54being a little bit complicated, I better take it

01:40:56slowly, now

01:40:58just as a priestess

01:41:00is a female priest

01:41:02and a manageress

01:41:04is a female manager

01:41:06so a Maness

01:41:08is a female man

01:41:10it's a woman

01:41:12O frailty, thy name is Maness

01:41:18I thought there might have been

01:41:20a few sort of grace notes there

01:41:22but no, Frank

01:41:26A Maness

01:41:28was a lucky char

01:41:30a lucky char

01:41:34a severed hand

01:41:38preferably of a murderer

01:41:40and was dried

01:41:42and cured

01:41:44and kept

01:41:46a murderess

01:41:48severed hand

01:41:54kept what for?

01:41:56a charm

01:41:58it's a charm, yes

01:42:00it's a lucky charm

01:42:02keeps away pixies and Irishmen

01:42:04sorry

01:42:06I'd sooner have the money

01:42:08but anyway, it's a lucky charm

01:42:10made out of a murderess hand

01:42:12it's a woman, and it's to flatter

01:42:14Brian Marshall

01:42:16chooses

01:42:18it's difficult

01:42:22I think, as far as Frank is concerned

01:42:24he showed his hand a bit too early

01:42:26they're all at it

01:42:28I can't quite, I mean a lucky charm

01:42:30when you've got a hand, what do you do, put it round your neck

01:42:32or what, no I can't accept

01:42:34you can use it for stirring soup

01:42:40I know a lot of words

01:42:42for female men

01:42:46in fact I know quite a few of them

01:42:48but I don't think I can accept

01:42:50the female man, if you'll pardon

01:42:52that bad turn of phrase

01:42:54you know what they say about actors

01:42:56I've got a feeling that it's the action of

01:42:58a sycophant, it's a flatterer

01:43:00I think it's Humphrey Burton telling the truth

01:43:02yeah he did, Humphrey Burton did say it

01:43:04true or bluff is that

01:43:16nope, wasn't

01:43:18who gave the true one

01:43:20I wonder if you believe it, shall we believe it

01:43:22you weren't

01:43:24yes

01:43:26a man

01:43:28a man

01:43:30S is obviously a word

01:43:32for a woman, or it was

01:43:34in time gone by

01:43:36so now you get Tupic

01:43:38and Hannah, your turn

01:43:40to define, well Tupic

01:43:42is a prehistoric

01:43:44art form that's unique

01:43:46to the islands of the

01:43:48Chagos Archipelago

01:43:50these islands are

01:43:521500 miles south of India

01:43:54now Tupic usually takes

01:43:56the form of curves and circles

01:43:58drawn on seashells and stones

01:44:00but so far

01:44:02no one has been able to decipher

01:44:04these markings, but this is what

01:44:06Tupic in fact means

01:44:08right

01:44:10now Patrick tells us

01:44:12in this

01:44:14last helping of Call My Bluff

01:44:16for the brief moment

01:44:18I welcome back

01:44:20with open arms

01:44:22and a warm heart

01:44:24an old friend of ours

01:44:26a Turkish

01:44:28fishing

01:44:30vessel

01:44:32wait

01:44:34who's doing it

01:44:36a Turkish

01:44:38Osla

01:44:40no, a Tupic

01:44:44it get a head groom

01:44:46it looks after the stables

01:44:48of Turks

01:44:50and we've had many of them before

01:44:52one knee deep in Turkish

01:44:54workers here

01:44:56in the last ten years

01:44:58and the last time perhaps

01:45:00he might appear again

01:45:02that's what he is

01:45:04a welcome return

01:45:06now Brian Marshall tells us what he thinks

01:45:08one of the world's mysteries

01:45:10is where flies go in winter

01:45:12what I'm here to ask

01:45:14is where do Eskimos

01:45:16go in summer

01:45:19they go to their

01:45:21Tupic

01:45:23it's not a travel agent

01:45:27the Eskimo emerges from his igloo

01:45:29as soon as the

01:45:31weather forecast seems right

01:45:33and takes a deep breath

01:45:35and builds

01:45:37a Tupic

01:45:39it's a frail shelter of stitched together

01:45:41seal skins and he huddles in the shade

01:45:43of the watery summer sunshine

01:45:45and watches his igloo

01:45:47melt

01:45:51so it's a

01:45:53it's an Eskimo

01:45:55summer house

01:45:57it's a Turkish groom

01:45:59oh lovely

01:46:01and it's sort of

01:46:03prehistoric art

01:46:05thereabouts yes

01:46:07choose Prunella

01:46:09well if it's an Eskimo summer house

01:46:11I wonder why I never learnt about it in my geography

01:46:13I learnt all about igloos

01:46:15I don't think it can possibly be true

01:46:17Hannah's is very

01:46:19is very likely

01:46:21indeed

01:46:23it sounds exactly the right

01:46:25word for the way you described it

01:46:27so there's no way I'm going to go for you

01:46:31it's Patrick's

01:46:33it's a Turkish head groom

01:46:35now sometimes of course

01:46:37on this programme a Turkish official

01:46:39turns out to be the true one

01:46:41I wonder if this will be the occasion

01:46:43what do you say, true or bluff?

01:46:47you sacked this old out

01:46:49years ago

01:46:55now you've got to be very careful

01:46:57of the Turkish officials around here

01:46:59wasn't that on this occasion anyway

01:47:01so who gave the true definition, here it comes

01:47:03igloo

01:47:05the Turkish

01:47:11now there you are

01:47:13so it's an Eskimo summer residence

01:47:15now you have Butterham

01:47:17and Prunella, tell us all about it

01:47:19Butterham

01:47:21it's a fearsome looking two bladed axe

01:47:23which is wielded in

01:47:25darkest Somerset

01:47:27it has two curved

01:47:29opposing blades, each honed

01:47:31to razor sharpness

01:47:33now because of this, users of a Butterham

01:47:35when chopping logs for instance

01:47:37are very strongly advised

01:47:39not to place their head and shoulders

01:47:41in line with the back swing

01:47:47you see, it might

01:47:49who's doing this?

01:47:51you or her

01:47:53I thought it was self explanatory

01:47:55it was until he got in the way

01:47:59very reasonable precaution Prunella

01:48:01Frank, your turn to speak

01:48:03Butterham

01:48:05unhappily comes from the north east of England

01:48:07and I can't do it

01:48:09can't do the accent

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