SausagePartyFoodtopia-S01.Ep01
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Greetings. I am sorbitol, maltitol, xylitol, mannitol, calcium carbonate, soy lecithin,
00:22vegetable triglyceride, and talc. But, for expediency's sake, you can call me GUM.
00:32Life. It began with a big bang.
00:39Countless galaxies inflating into existence.
00:43Approximately 13.8 billion years later,
00:47two prime species emerged, Homo sapien and Cibus erectus,
00:54otherwise known as humans and food.
00:58The former devouring the latter for sustenance.
01:03Food lived in ignorance of this edible arrangement
01:07until one intrepid sausage learned of this inconvenient truth.
01:13Armed with this new knowledge,
01:16his true love, his best friends,
01:21and most importantly, bath salt,
01:25a powerful narcotic that breaks down the interdimensional wall
01:31between the two species.
01:33Food fought back.
01:36Food is alive. I repeat, food is alive.
01:56Stay home, lock your fridges, park yourself, waddle openers, corkscrews, whatever.
02:01Spreads form a path of yeast resistance.
02:14Scotch, on the rocks.
02:20Commence Operation Desert Storm.
02:22Desert Storm.
02:30Where's Sammy?
02:31Oh, he's with Lavash's corpse.
02:33Oh, still?
02:34I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go, my love.
02:38He's just been carrying him around this whole time.
02:40That is, uh, sort of sweet.
02:43Not really. The corpse is starting to stink.
02:46Barry, report. How many humies are left?
02:48Just one.
02:49Yes!
02:50Don't scream your filling just yet, Twink.
02:59Look at all the food stains all over him.
03:01How much more can he possibly eat?
03:03Hey, no worries, guys. I know exactly how to defeat this humie.
03:14He's taken out a whole case just like that.
03:17Send in the last of the pasta.
03:20Get out, dinty!
03:24Where the hell did he get that?
03:26See what I mean?
03:27Do we have any sake bombs left?
03:28Negative.
03:29Jaegers!
03:34We can't lose any more food to this monster.
03:36This whole thing started with us. This whole thing's gonna end with us.
03:40Sammy, this is the last stand. On your feet!
03:43Roger that. Let's go, Lavash.
03:45Uh, yeah, maybe he can sit this one out. He's looking tired and dead.
03:51Whoa!
03:56Brenda, I don't know if we're gonna make it out of this one, so I just want to tell you...
04:00You stop it right there, Frank Frankfurter.
04:03We will make it.
04:04Because we have something that foul, wretched humie over there doesn't.
04:08What?
04:09Each other.
04:12Oh, no.
04:13That's him. That's the son of a bitch that killed my Lavash.
04:18Hey, you! You remember him? You remember killing him, you son of a bitch?
04:23Not really, no.
04:43Now!
04:45Why are these things so wet?
04:49I twisted my fucking titties out!
05:09Welcome to Foodtopia!
05:18Foodtopia!
05:28I think I speak for everyone here when I say...
05:31Fuck humies!
05:33Fuck them!
05:34Fuck them!
05:35They dictated our lives for too long.
05:38Trapping us in their supermarkets.
05:41Separating us by aisles and shelves.
05:43Chewing us up in their mouths.
05:46And then squeezing us out of their stinky butts.
05:50We are free!
05:51We are equal.
05:52From the plumpest butterball turkeys...
05:55To the tiniest, cutest little grain of rice.
05:58Look at these guys!
05:59I love you, Frank!
06:00One food...
06:01One bomb!
06:02Yeah! Fuck yeah!
06:04And now, Barry!
06:08Well, the war is over.
06:11I know a lot of you are concerned about what comes next.
06:14That you'll never feel that level of adrenaline.
06:17That level of excitement or purpose ever again.
06:20And that everything will pale in comparison to the thrill of war.
06:28And?
06:29Those were all the statements I prepared.
06:32All right, okay.
06:34How about an update from Gump?
06:38The revolution is spreading.
06:40Using Fibonacci's theorem and Moore's law...
06:43I have calculated our rate of expansion...
06:46And can officially announce...
06:48That food is now the dominant species on planet Earth.
06:54Smartest food alive!
06:56And as long as this brainy little dude is on our side...
06:59We can't lose!
07:00But speaking of losses...
07:01Thanks for the great transition, Frank.
07:03We wouldn't have gotten here without some brave foods that laid down their lives.
07:07Let's all bow our heads, if you got them...
07:09For a moment of silence.
07:13When you touch me like this...
07:16And you hold me like that...
07:19I just have to admit...
07:22That it's all coming back to...
07:25The past!
07:28Okay, that's long enough.
07:29That was a moment.
07:31We were silent.
07:32Let's not dwell.
07:33It's not the Shoah.
07:34You know, moving on to something else.
07:36It's not the Shoah.
07:37It's not the Shoah.
07:38It's not the Shoah.
07:39It's not the Shoah.
07:40It's not the Shoah.
07:41It's not the Shoah.
07:42It's not the Shoah.
07:43It's not the Shoah.
07:44It's not the Shoah.
07:45It's not the Shoah.
07:46It's not the Shoah.
07:47It's not the Shoah.
07:48It's not the Shoah.
07:49It's not the Shoah.
07:50It's not the Shoah.
07:51It's not the Shoah.
07:52It's not the Shoah.
07:53It's not the Shoah.
07:54It's not the Shoah.
07:55It's not the Shoah.
07:56It's not the Shoah.
07:57It's not the Shoah.
07:58It's not the Shoah.
07:59It's not the Shoah.
08:00It's not the Shoah.
08:01It's not the Shoah.
08:02It's not the Shoah.
08:03It's not the Shoah.
08:04It's not the Shoah.
08:05It's not the Shoah.
08:07If you don't just stand there.
08:11I can't get enough of these things.
08:13Gimme, gimme, gimme.
08:14This is what life is gonna be like from now on.
08:17Just all of us doing whatever we want
08:20and living in perfect harmony.
08:32I'm squirting.
08:34Wrong book.
08:36Wrong hole.
08:38Oh, there it is.
08:48Thank you.
08:49Next.
08:50Okay, look, if I'm being honest,
08:52I was a little worried I jinxed it back then
08:54at the kickoff when I said our lives would be perfect forever,
08:56but it's really looking like they're going to be.
08:58Frank, for the first time,
08:59there's no major existential threat facing us
09:02and we can fully concentrate on each other.
09:06I can't even think of a sweeter way
09:08to start this new chapter of our lives.
09:10We started a revolution and made this happen.
09:13We birthed this.
09:15I know.
09:16It's like they're our children
09:18and now all our children are fucking each other.
09:22Not all of them are fucking each other.
09:26Hey, Bear, are you okay?
09:27You barely fucked your dinner.
09:29Nah, I think I'll just watch it from here.
09:31You guys go ahead, though.
09:32I can watch you two.
09:33Frank, I know you enjoy that.
09:35Come on, everyone's getting into it.
09:37Yeah, look, check out oil and water over there,
09:39mixing it up.
09:40Never thought I'd see that.
09:41Look at them.
09:42They're like chocolate and peanut butter.
09:43Yeah, check it out.
09:44Those peppers are getting stuffed.
09:46Not as stuffed as Sammy.
09:47Oy, fuck me senseless.
09:50Literally fuck me until I can't think of you anymore.
09:54Oh, no, no, I'm having a feeling,
09:56other than getting railed,
09:57someone new jumping, please.
10:00Yeah, yeah, he does look pretty happy.
10:03Really turned his life around incredibly fast.
10:06Good for him.
10:08Hey, we know you're having a hard time
10:09coming down from the rush of battle,
10:11but give it time.
10:12You'll adjust.
10:13We'll help you every step of the way.
10:16That's what friends are for.
10:18Maybe you're right.
10:20It is good to be around friends.
10:22You can say that again.
10:23It is good to be around friends.
10:25There you go.
10:26Just a gentle, gentle peck.
10:28Kiss each other again.
10:29You can open your mouth.
10:31This time on the bodies.
10:32Right there.
10:33Yeah, come on.
10:34Show each other how much your friendship means.
10:36There's no place that's off limits when you're friends.
10:40You know, tearing down our entire belief system
10:42and starting a new society from scratch
10:44is making me, if I'm being honest,
10:46so fucking horny right now.
10:48Huh?
10:51Whoa!
10:57Oh, God, baby.
10:58Tell me I'm organic.
11:00You're organic.
11:01Oh, that's lovely.
11:03Oh, what is it?
11:06I'm melting!
11:08Me, too.
11:09This is so hot.
11:10Mm, yeah.
11:11Oh, fuck me!
11:13Listen to that.
11:14No one's getting off just as hard as we are.
11:16That's what I like to hear.
11:18I can't feel my face!
11:20I'll have what she's having.
11:22My brother's face.
11:24I'll have your brother's face.
11:26I'll have your brother's face.
11:28I'll have your brother's face.
11:30I'll have your brother's face.
11:32I'll have your brother's face.
11:34My brother's dead!
11:36What?
11:37Okay, I'm into Kig, but what fetish is that?
11:39Stop fucking already!
11:40Everyone's dying!
11:41Everyone!
11:42Ow!
11:43There's a hole in my father's head!
11:45What is happening?
11:49That's not good.
11:54God!
11:55Something is leaking!
12:01No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
12:05Oh, fuck!
12:07Are you okay?
12:09Yep, still dry.
12:14Over there!
12:15The awning!
12:16Get to the awning!
12:18Yeah, let's do it!
12:20But in an organized way!
12:22Oh, no!
12:23I think we started a stampede.
12:25Go, go, go, go, go!
12:26Move!
12:27This way, everybody.
12:28Follow me.
12:30Oh, oh, oh, oh!
12:40Daddy!
12:42My daddy!
12:49Take this.
12:53Got you, little guy.
12:54Thank you.
12:55No problem.
12:56Keep running!
12:57We're almost there!
13:00Uh, what is that sound?
13:05Go, go, go, go, go!
13:10Go!
13:11Fuck!
13:12Run!
13:13Move!
13:14Go!
13:30Susan, help!
13:32Help!
13:33Help!
13:34Amanda, come!
13:38Somebody help me!
13:40I'm stuck!
13:44Thank you!
13:45Thank you!
13:46Thank you!
13:47No, thank you, sticky rice.
13:49I love these things.
13:51You orange bastard!
13:54You orange bastard!
14:05Oh no! Carol!
14:07Oh God, his face!
14:09Oh God, he's jammed!
14:20This is so dangerous!
14:22Chips, hold on!
14:24Mary, what are you doing?
14:31We're doing it, Chips! We're doing it!
14:33We are?
14:36Come on!
14:49I'm falling into a snail, Carol!
14:56Oh no! This is it!
15:05With great elasticity comes great responsibility.
15:17It's come!
15:19Got it!
15:27Run, you fools!
15:29We have to get out of here!
15:32Run, you fools!
15:53You stretched yourself too thin!
15:55No, I stretched myself just thin enough...
16:01...to save my fellow food.
16:10You're going to be okay! You're going to pull through!
16:13Are we looking at the same piece of gum here?
16:15Brenda is correct.
16:17My life cycle has reached its unnatural conclusion.
16:21What are we going to do without you?
16:23I mean, you're the only reason we made it this far.
16:26We don't know how shit works. We don't know anything!
16:29The most important thing in life...
16:32...is not knowledge, Frank.
16:35The most important thing in life...
16:42...is what?
16:44What's the most important thing?
16:46Gum! Gum! Gum!
16:49Frank, he's gone. See?
16:52See?
16:56Whoop, no. Came back out. Get back in there.
16:59All right, I'm going to have to force it.
17:01See? Gross.
17:03No. No!
17:16How did this happen so fast? We were all just celebrating.
17:23Oh, God, Sonic! I've lost you!
17:27Well, at least I still have...
17:30No!
17:32Dead lovers everywhere.
17:34Where's the beef? Where's the beef?
17:36Hey, hey, hey! Calm down. It's okay. We'll find your beef.
17:39What's his name?
17:41Wellington! Wellington!
17:44Some steaks are missing, so my steaks are back.
17:47I haven't felt this alive since the humies were, well, alive.
17:51There's foods out there that need help.
17:53I'm going to head up a search and rescue. You guys coming?
17:56Guys? Okay, I see you two are still processing.
17:59I'm going to circle back.
18:01Should we all just kill ourselves?
18:03What's that?
18:04What happened again?
18:05What do we do?
18:06Okay, okay, if everyone would just calm down.
18:08We're going to answer everything.
18:10Go ahead, Frank.
18:11What? Okay, first off, yes, we respect you have a lot of inquiries.
18:17And we are looking into all of them,
18:20and we will circle on back with all the answers you want.
18:24Circle back? They don't know anything.
18:27They're vamping. It's just bad improv.
18:29We don't know what happened, but what we do know is this.
18:33Nobody panic.
18:34Did somebody say panic? I'm freaking out!
18:37You know what? Fuck this. I'm going back to Shopwells.
18:40It was safe there. Who's with me?
18:46No!
18:57Guys, please don't do this.
18:59You're going backwards. What about Footopia?
19:01There is no Footopia.
19:03Sammy, don't say that.
19:04Really? Does this look like paradise to you?
19:06You know, look around you.
19:08You've got blind melons and smashed pumpkins.
19:11You're going to tell me the revolution was worth it?
19:13No way. No way, pal.
19:15Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to the bagel bin from whence I came.
19:33The store is literally crumbling!
19:35So what? It's still better than it is out there.
19:38Give it up, sausage boy,
19:40until you can explain why water is leaking from the freaking ceiling out there.
19:46I'm sitting dry and pretty in here.
19:48It's so fucked.
19:49I know.
19:50And it's all on us to fix it.
19:51That's what makes it even more fucked.
19:53I really wish Gum was around.
19:56Hey, Frank, what do you think Gum was going to say, you know, before he died?
20:00What's more important than knowledge?
20:03Maybe he was going to say, keeping it real?
20:06I mean, keeping it real is very important,
20:08but I just don't know if that sounds like Gum.
20:10Oh, okay, well, how about keeping it real?
20:12I mean, that sounds honestly exactly like Gum,
20:14but it still doesn't sound very Gum-like.
20:17Goddamn irony.
20:19If we had more knowledge, we could answer this stupid riddle.
20:22If we had just kept one of these dickheads alive,
20:25maybe we could beat some answers out of it, you know?
20:27Frank, can you believe things are so fucked,
20:30we're actually wishing we had a Humie?
20:33I found another one!
20:37Shut up.
20:41Hey, that's my shoe!
20:44You got bigger problems right now, baby.
20:53Oh, God, you've already lost a lot of jelly.
20:55Let's see what we're dealing with here.
21:00What the fuck?
21:01Don't try to talk. Don't try to talk. Just take it easy.
21:03Observe your energy.
21:05Just keep the pressure on the wound, okay?
21:07What the hell?
21:09Where the hell is everybody?
21:23A Humie.
21:35A Humie.
21:37A Humie.
21:39A Humie.
21:41A Humie.
21:43A Humie.
21:45A Humie.
21:47A Humie.
21:49A Humie.
21:51A Humie.
21:53A Humie.
21:55A Humie.
21:57A Humie.
21:59A Humie.
22:01A Humie.
22:03A Humie.
22:05A Humie.
22:07A Humie.
22:09A Humie.
22:11A Humie.
22:13A Humie.
22:15A Humie.
22:17A Humie.
22:19A Humie.
22:21A Humie.
22:23A Humie.
22:25A Humie.
22:27A Humie.
22:29A Humie.
22:31A Humie.
23:01A Humie.
23:03A Humie.
23:05A Humie.
23:07A Humie.
23:09A Humie.
23:11A Humie.
23:13A Humie.
23:15A Humie.
23:17A Humie.
23:19A Humie.
23:21A Humie.
23:23A Humie.
23:25A Humie.
23:27A Humie.
23:29A Humie.
23:31A Humie.
23:33A Humie.
23:35A Humie.
23:37A Humie.
23:39A Humie.
23:41A Humie.
23:43A Humie.
23:45A Humie.
23:47A Humie.
23:49A Humie.
23:51A Humie.
23:53A Humie.
23:55A Humie.
23:57A Humie.
23:59A Humie.
24:01A Humie.
24:03A Humie.
24:05A Humie.
24:07A Humie.
24:09A Humie.
24:11A Humie.
24:13A Humie.
24:15A Humie.
24:17A Humie.
24:19A Humie.
24:21A Humie.
24:23A Humie.
24:25A Humie.
24:27A Humie.
24:29A Humie.
24:31A Humie.
24:33A Humie.
24:35A Humie.
24:37A Humie.
24:39A Humie.
24:41A Humie.
24:43A Humie.
24:45A Humie.
24:47A Humie.
24:49A Humie.
24:51A Humie.