STOP BEING CONTENT!

Name: STOP BEING CONTENT!
Uploaded: 2024-07-24T17:30:38+00:00
Duration: 42 min 19 s
Channel: Stefan Molyneux

00:00Good morning everybody, hope you're doing well. Let's enjoy a little spot of

00:04rain, shall we? All right, questions from freedomain.locals.com. I hope you will

00:09check out the community at freedomain.locals.com. All right, divorced,

00:15remarried, I have one boy from the first marriage and two boys from the second

00:18one. After my first son was born I managed to gradually work myself into

00:21one of those, one of these two horrible choices, catastrophic marriage or

00:25catastrophic divorce. I chose the second one out of selfishness and fear that I

00:30would replicate my parents marriage. I denied my older son the joy of seeing

00:34his parents in love and I will forever be sorry for that. When I had my second

00:40boy with my current wife she became very cold and distant to the one from the

00:46first marriage which I suppose is quite normal when having to take care of a

00:50baby. I'm not quite sure, when I had my second boy with my current wife she

00:54became very cold and distant to the one from, oh, to the boy from the first

00:58marriage. Sorry, I'm kidding. But after all this time she still seems

01:02reluctant to fully accept my firstborn into our family when he's with us. I know

01:06that philosophy is about prevention not cure and I'm sure that my kids will

01:09never end up where I am right now but any tips on how to help my family be

01:13happier would be greatly appreciated.

01:18So withholding affection from children is a form of abuse. You're perfectly free

01:26to withhold affection from those you don't have in your life. You're perfectly

01:31free to go through the world and be careless towards everyone but once you

01:34invite people into your home and into your life and into your family you owe

01:38them affection. You owe, like, there's a moral obligation to fulfill your vows

01:44and I'm sure that you just need to remind people to stop lying and

01:51breaking their vows because, I mean, if I were in your situation I would sit down

01:57with my new wife and I would, oh, I guess not that new now, and I would say, look,

02:01I've noticed that you're not affectionate towards my son from my

02:06earlier marriage.

02:10I made mistakes but he didn't, right? So if you had told me before we got married

02:18that you would be cold towards my son I would not have married you, right? The

02:24understanding was we're going, you're going to love the children as equally as

02:28humanly possible. Will you love equally a child that is not yours? I don't know,

02:35maybe there's a special thing, especially for women, about carrying the baby and

02:38breastfeeding and so on, so maybe there's a little bit less of attachment

02:41or whatever, but that's the deal. That's the deal. So this is what you have to do

02:46in relationships and it's foundational to relationships. You must say if these

02:51conditions were known ahead of time would I have embarked upon this

02:55relationship. This is the same thing when it's a work relationship, a friendship, a

02:58romantic relationship, a marriage. So if you get caught into a sexless marriage,

03:03right, let's say the woman won't sleep with you, then she's breaking her vow

03:08assuming she's not some medical issue or whatever, right? She's breaking her vow

03:11because you sit down you say to people okay so we don't have a sexual aspect to

03:16our marriage. Now do you think that I would have married you knowing ahead of

03:20time that it would be a sexless marriage? And the woman of course would say,

03:25because sex is very important, the woman would say well no you wouldn't have

03:29married me if you'd have known ahead of time that it was going to become a

03:33sexless marriage, right? So that's breaking the vow. If there is explicit or

03:38implicit conditions in the entering into of the relationship, changing those

03:43conditions after the fact is a violation of your vows and of course the marriage

03:50is the most sacred and holy vows around. So you have to say to her look that

03:58so the Q&A is something like I've noticed that you're a little bit less

04:03warm towards my first son from my first marriage and that's a problem. Now if she

04:10admits the problem and wants to work on it, great. If she denies it, you say look

04:14you're just gonna have to trust me on this. I mean you're just gonna like it's

04:17okay to say to people just trust me. You don't, it's not a court of law in a

04:21relationship. You know when my wife says don't wear those pants to wherever we're

04:26going, I will say okay. I just trust her. If she says we need to repaint this some

04:34room that looks okay to me, I just trust her and she's usually right. So just

04:38trust her. Okay, let's trust, right? So if you say I've noticed you're being cold

04:42and she says well I treat them totally equally, it's like you're gonna have to

04:45trust me on this. I'm an outside eye, he's my son, I see the difference, I

04:50notice the difference, so there is a difference and you're just gonna have to

04:53trust me on that. It's the first rain-based podcast we've done. It's quite

04:56refreshing, like little pinpricks of tiny ice spears. So now if she says okay

05:03maybe I have been a little bit standoffish, it's like okay but but you

05:07understand that the condition of the marriage was that you love the children

05:14that you're becoming a stepmother to, this boy. Like you know that, like

05:17if you had said to me ahead of time I'm not going to be warm towards your son

05:24from the first marriage, then I wouldn't have married you because I have to owe

05:30what's best for my children, right? And so we're gonna have to figure something

05:34out, we have to find out if there's anything I can change or there's things

05:37that you need to discuss with him or we all need to discuss together, let's do

05:40that, but this situation cannot continue. The situation cannot continue. It's as

05:47simple as if you order something online and they don't deliver it, do you have to

05:52pay for it? Well no, you pay for it because it's delivered, that's the

05:55expectation in the relationship. If you pay for it and it's not delivered you

05:58get a refund because that's the condition of the relationship and so my

06:03assumption and our conversations before you got into the marriage is that you

06:06would find a way to love the children who weren't yours and you're not

06:11fulfilling that and I have to protect my children, I have to protect my love for

06:16you and the sanctity of a marriage and listen we all drift from our vows, I get

06:20that, we all drift from our vows, but you have to fulfill your vows. The

06:26reason for this relationship is the promises entered into before the

06:31relationship started. To love, honor and obey and of course you have to love

06:36my children even if they're not yours, like you have to. That's the condition of

06:39marrying into and becoming a step-parent is you have to love the children as best

06:44you can equally. Maybe you feel a little different deep down in your heart but it

06:48doesn't matter. You have to be warm, you have to be friendly, you have to be

06:52inclusive, you have to show affection, you have to praise, you have to encourage.

06:56That's the deal. You marry into a family with someone else's children, you have to

07:01try and love them equally as best as you can. That's the deal. That's why the

07:06relationship exists because if you say ahead of time I'm not gonna love your

07:09kids as much as mine, the marriage won't happen. So you understand, look at all of

07:13your relationships and look at both the explicit, i.e. we agreed or we made a vow

07:17in front of the community or God. You look at all your relationships, look at

07:21all of your relationships. So what are the explicit and implicit

07:26requirements and standards in those relationships? So I had a friend as I

07:29mentioned before who used to put me down in social gatherings and again a couple

07:33of jokes is fine, whatever, but it seemed kind of relentless. Now if I had started

07:38with that friendship or been interested in having a friendship with that guy,

07:40this is like 25 years ago or whatever, 20 years ago, and if he just said well you

07:45know I like you but I'm gonna put you down in social situations, I'd have said

07:48well I don't want to be, I don't want to have that friendship, thank you. So when

07:51you have a friendship and things emerge that would have prevented the

07:55relationship from forming in the first place, either you or the other person is

07:58breaking the explicit or implicit vows. Friends have to be there for each other,

08:03they have to support each other, they have to encourage each other, they don't

08:07put each other down, they don't undermine, they don't sabotage. That's not a

08:10definition of friendship. So if you have a friend who's doing that or you have a

08:12wife who's not loving her stepchildren, you need to talk to her about that and

08:17say you're breaking your vows, you are undermining the reason why this

08:22relationship exists because if you told me all of this ahead of time I would not

08:25have married you, so we need to fix that. Just remind people to keep their word,

08:29it's important. Oh Steph, I would love a show on how to throw an amazing

08:35dinner party, sounds like you're a pro at it. A dinner party has to do with the

08:40environment, the food, but most of all the guests. Just have people who have a

08:44good sense of humor, people who enjoy ribbing, people who aren't uptight, people

08:48who can roll with the conversation flow and so on and have some activities

08:52for sure, have some activities. I mean it can be as simple as charades or a great

08:57card game or something like that. Don't do memory games or anything like that

09:00because that's just all silence, so stuff where there's a lot of conversation is

09:03great. Hey Steph, we have antibiotics, internet, relative peace and freedom and

09:08I most probably will not die as a drafted soldier, but I am still unable to

09:12feel gratitude and make myself happier just because my ancestors lived

09:16in incomparably worse conditions. Even if I am the second wealthiest generation in

09:20world history, I tend to perceive myself as a tax slave in a

09:23luxury barn. Would you have any tips on how to practice gratitude and how to

09:27teach gratitude to my children? So the very first video that I ever did was

09:33live like you're dying. I remember I had a webcam that tracked my face and

09:38people referred to the swoop when I thought I'd get closer and all that. Live

09:42like you're dying on your deathbed. I was just thinking about this this morning

09:45that once I was going to go on a trip and I couldn't find my passport. The trip

09:49was all booked, the hotels were all booked, I could not find my passport and

09:52that seemed like a whole lot of stress and strain and now 25 years later I

09:57barely remember it. So this too shall pass is very very important, this too

10:02shall pass. Your happiness, the highest will pass, the lowest will pass and you

10:06work to have a general sense of positivity. So when you get older,

10:10it's a funny thing, it's true, so when one of the things when you get

10:13older that brings you happiness is health scares that turn out to be

10:17nothing. Health scares, I got a weird mole, oh it's nothing, oh I got a

10:21funny little lump, oh it's benign, like it just happens, right? Oh I need to have a

10:25colonoscopy, oh everything's fine, right? So honestly I'm not

10:29kidding about this, one of the things that brings you happiness when you get

10:32older is health scares that turn out to be nothing, it's kind of a big thing. If

10:36your kid is unwell and then they get well you have gratitude for that, you

10:40have gratitude when you hear about people who've had significant problems,

10:46right? You know somebody takes a medical treatment and has a very very bad

10:52side-effect outcome and either you don't have to take that medical treatment or

10:56you don't have that outcome. People who have back problems and arthritis and

11:00knee problems and headache problems and vision problems and teeth problems

11:05and so on. This is all over the place and being grateful you don't have those is

11:12very important and working to try and make sure you don't have those is also

11:14very important. So one of the things that's different about modern life which

11:22causes unhappiness is I truly believe that in many ways our ancestors yearned

11:27for death, right? I mean I was just reading up about the Black Plague, the

11:31Black Death where like 40 to 50 percent of the European population died in the

11:36most horrible agonizing painful ways and children died and in Genoa I think

11:41it was when families would get sick they would simply nail up the windows and

11:47doors from outside and they would just die, cough, bleed and expire in this

11:52fetid house with rats around. So life was so difficult and so unpleasant and like

11:58I'll just I mean I'll give you a tiny example, right? So when I hit my teens my

12:02skin became very dry. Now I didn't know why or what was happening but I was

12:06itchy all the time and being in a state of constant itch was just really really

12:10really bad and most clothes would make me itch, sitting would make me itch and

12:15you don't want to be scratching all the time because it looks like you've got

12:18fleas. I just had dry skin. So fortunately I figured out the

12:23moisturizer thing and so I don't know since I was 12 or 13 I've been

12:27moisturizing and that helps my whole body, right? I'll do that video on the

12:34OF channel. Only philosophy, only philosophy. I just it's a phonetic pH.

12:39Only philosophy. That must be it, yeah. So just being in a state of

12:44constant itch or you know if you had a lot of pimples when you were younger or

12:47whatever it is just being in that state of so imagine that times a thousand like

12:51that was the Middle Ages, right? The Middle Ages I mean most of antiquity and

12:54so on you were a slave, you had no chance of reproduction, you got beaten on a

12:57regular basis, you got bad food, your body was overworked, overused, you're a Roman

13:02soldier, you get drafted and you get you know limbs blown off or some horrible

13:07injuries or just wear and tear. You know the armies throughout history have had a

13:10buy-and-burn mentality where they just you know you got to do your your 40-mile

13:15march with the 80-pound backpack and your knees just wreck and then they

13:18won't give you any rest they'll just give you painkillers and then your knees

13:22are destroyed or your back is destroyed. I mean the buy-and-burn mentality in the

13:25armies throughout history has been absolutely appalling. And so you're some

13:29Roman soldier even if you're physically intact, you're mentally shredded, your

13:33body is ruined and wrecked from overuse and what do they do? They toss you a tiny

13:37little bit of land at the end of it and that's it but your body's too

13:42broken to work. Starvation in many places in Europe in the Dark Ages of the

13:48Middle Ages 10 to 20 percent of the population could starve in any given

13:51couple of years. You had to kiss a woman who'd never brushed her teeth, you had to

13:56have sex with a woman who bathed once a year, life was hell. And so the death

14:01instinct and of course on the other side of death's door was a perfect paradise of

14:05milk and honey where you never got itchy and all the women brushed their teeth

14:08whatever you want to say right? So this yearning for death was kind of

14:13important. So people did the happiness was in dying, the happiness was in being

14:17cured of the pain of life by the grim medicine of the guy with the scythe. So

14:25the fact that life is enjoyable now is tough. I mean the fact that life is

14:29peaceful and life is pleasant and their food is plentiful and medicines

14:35are easily available and illness is unusual at least when you're young. So

14:42the fact that life is pleasant you know we adjust to everything. So the fact that

14:47life is when you get good news it takes you a couple of days to adjust right? So

14:53if you're in crypto and crypto goes up you're happy for a couple of days and

14:57then you you adjust right? So working on your baseline happiness is important

15:00because external stimuli happiness and unhappiness all passes. Crypto goes down

15:05you're unhappy for a day or two and then you normalize right? So working to

15:09get your baseline happiness up is the important thing and the only way that

15:12you can do that is virtue. You want gratitude I'm telling you gratitude is

15:17not going to do it because gratitude is just continually adjusting right? Like

15:20you know if you've ever been in a place where there's a repetitive noise like

15:25somebody's mowing or whatever you pay attention for the first few minutes and

15:28then your auditory nerves simply stop sending the information to your

15:32brain. If you've ever had tinnitus or tinnitus it's the same kind of thing you

15:35ignore it for the most part if you're concentrated on it's there, hey I just

15:39did that. But environmental pluses and minuses you adjust to. The only thing

15:45that will continually raise your happiness is virtue and virtue to get

15:49the happiness of virtue you have to go through the unhappiness of being

15:54virtuous and the unhappiness of being virtuous is realizing how many people in

15:59your life hate virtue. Sorry simple fact simple fact I've done this for enough

16:05years and I've talked to enough people this just a simple fact you start

16:09telling the truth you stop being honorable and decent and keeping your

16:12word and demanding that people tell the truth or at least not lie and you stand

16:16up for what's right you will very very quickly find out that the people you

16:20think around you who are just lovely people and wonderful people and great

16:23people who care about you will turn on you like a bunch of coked-up pit

16:27vipers. Again maybe there's a big exception for you but there's a reason

16:30why if you haven't been virtuous in your relationships there's a reason why and

16:34that reason is that you don't want people's you don't want their masks to

16:38come off and you don't want to see the feral beasts behind the pretend social

16:42smiley faces and you don't want to unzip the chihuahua to find out the rabbit

16:47wolf right so that's a quite an image so we are unhappy because we know that

16:55being virtuous which is the only way to raise baseline happiness in a consistent

16:58way will make us unhappy because we'll realize that we've been lying to

17:02ourselves about the supposed virtues of everyone in our life and they've been

17:05lying to us about their supposed virtues. Try being really virtuous see what

17:10happens. Try being really virtuous. Try pushing back on propaganda. Try talking

17:15about child abuse. Try talking about adverse childhood experiences. Try

17:18talking about bigotry and prejudice against children called childism. Try

17:22sharing the Peaceful Parenting book at PeacefulParenting.com. Try all of that

17:26stuff and see what happens to those around you. Watch the mask come off.

17:33The world is mostly a morality play of pretend virtue masking sinister

17:38corruption. All right. How to wish well rationally in your

17:44presentation Vampire Love Kills you described the stating you're lucky means

17:47admitting helplessness to achieve goals like having to having a six-pack through

17:51hard work at the gym. Is freedomain.com slash donate the new well-wishing phrase

17:55well well well three holes in the ground. You keep referring to the shortness of

17:59your remaining days which is depressing. Well technically it's not the shortness

18:03of my remaining days but because that would be isolate right it's not

18:11depressing it's not depressing look man I am 58 this year and it's not that long

18:18right and I don't know if you had that the 2020 you blink and it's 2024 because

18:24COVID was memory holes right everybody showed their absolute feral colors in

18:28COVID 80 to 90 percent of the population depending on the country you lived in

18:3380 to 90 percent of the population showed themselves to be abject and

18:36willing slaves that's a little tough so everyone's memory holding that because

18:40they don't want to go back and realize what that means right so

18:47it's not depressing for me to be aging it sure beats the alternative it's not

18:51depressing for me to be aging and that's because and I check in with myself I'm

18:55not kidding about this a couple of times a week I check in with myself and say

19:00have I done I won't say the most good because that's a real shaky ragged line

19:07right if you do too much good well you you don't do well in society at all and

19:11then you end up not being able to do any good at all so have I done good have I

19:17done a reasonable amount of goodness in my life this week have I spread virtue

19:24have I spread reason have I encouraged people have I been inspiring to whatever

19:27degree I can have I been a positive have I been honest and direct have I stood up

19:33for the good and opposed the bad I mean so over the course of my life when I

19:39look back over the course of my life because I got into philosophy 43 years

19:44ago almost I mean it's honestly it's close to a half century it's close to a

19:49half century that I got into my philosophy in my mid-teens so let's say

19:55it was oh let's not let's not bother with the the details as a whole but yeah

20:01about about 45 46 years ago I got into philosophy I spoke about it continually

20:08I promoted it continually and the moment the moment that there was a public forum

20:13for doing so with the internet and in particular with podcasting I am I love

20:18to write I'm a verbal not a written guy you know like I've never been able to

20:25write short stories I don't particularly enjoy writing you know those sort of

20:29short blog posts or or newsletters and stuff like that I'm a verbal verbal

20:34verbal guy in fact my novel writing has changed considerably because I can voice

20:37dictate rather than just sit and type but even when I sit and type I'm just

20:41going with the voices in my head police song so

20:46free association tangent so I'm a I'm a verbal guy so the moment that

20:56podcasting became a thing I dove into it like full bore I was doing two hours of

21:02shows a day and this is back when it was actually pretty expensive to upload and

21:06download which is why the earlier shows are only at 40k audio quality

21:13because

21:16I couldn't afford the bandwidth and bandwidth was brutal back then

21:21so I think I think I've done maximum good in the world I've gone right to the

21:26ragged edge of irradiating social blowback and I continue to dance on the

21:33the fire of truth on a regular basis so I I don't I would find it depressing to

21:40be aging if I had not achieved my potential I don't know what greater

21:43potential I could have achieved I don't know because if I had manifested some

21:47magical greater potential I would have had more effect on world events and the

21:50blowback would have been well I wouldn't be doing philosophy for one reason or

21:54another right so and I'm satisfied that I have surfed that edge and I'm doing

21:59maximum philosophy possible I put out enough truth that people in the future

22:02will look back and say yeah he was totally right and I haven't put out so

22:06much truth so consistently that there'll be nothing to remember in the future

22:11alright

22:13alright

22:16thank you for answering my previous question regarding the rationality of

22:20child abuse I'd like to continue that discussion if possible by raising a few

22:22points first I'd like to clarify why this matters to me personally because

22:26without the context I think we might misunderstand our intentions

22:30I don't know what that means my brother recently became a parent I tried to

22:33advocate for peaceful parenting this was before you finished the book and he said

22:39he trusted more in how he was raised with corporal punishment the typical

22:42points of I turned out fine etc were raised by him it was a lost cause and by

22:46the end of it he felt as though his honor was challenged by me calling it

22:49cowardly ooh really you went with cowardly

22:56you went with cowardly

22:59that's not how to change people's minds

23:03if you're in a debate and you don't care about the future relationship then

23:07you can call people whatever you want although there are some credibility

23:12issues if you go real strong in your language but you called him a coward

23:17he wanted to spar with me in a ring for five rounds as a way for me to prove my

23:21point he's older than me by four years and also more muscular

23:25the only other way he'd accept my proof would be through raising my own children

23:28peacefully and seeing what kind of adults they would be at that point of

23:30course the damage to his own children would already be done

23:33long story short this was the end of our relationship I have grieved and I'm

23:36still in the process of accepting things but a part of that process for me is

23:39still manning his position maybe in seeing it completely destroyed I'll have

23:43more peace of mind

23:45ok well I'm sorry about that but I would criticize you in this I really would I

23:50would criticize you so calling your brother a coward is going to trigger him

23:55right because he's macho and and willing to use violence against his children so

23:59calling him a coward is going to trigger him is going to make him oppositional

24:03towards you and it means that you were more about winning an ego and insults

24:08than you were about actually protecting his children because when it comes to

24:12the protection of children

24:15you should put all ego aside and work for the benefit of those children no

24:18matter what right

24:21no matter what now it could be that he has no inner voice he has no observing

24:26ego he has no capacity to subject the violence of his immediate animal will to

24:30higher rational and moral standards in which case there is no changing there is

24:34no improving and it may be better to be out of the relationship rather than

24:37watch him put his kids through the meat grinder of his own intimidation for

24:41decades so I'm really sorry about that but in my view and again I don't know

24:48the details of the conversation you're welcome to a call-in show free to

24:50domain.com slash call you did the wrong thing by provoking your brother because

24:55you knew the response that would bring and it didn't end up with him trying to

25:00become more peaceful towards his children

25:02all right in part two I should continue to play devil's advocate there might

25:05appear to be a level of dissociation in part two since there clearly is an

25:08emotional undercurrent to this discussion I appreciate that

25:12all right

25:14first I think you made a few fantastic points which are worth repeating and

25:17rephrasing if you if you can't hit any characteristics of a child how can you

25:20hit a child

25:22ok we don't need to we go through my arguments

25:27rationality is an abstract thing and abstract things judge abstract things

25:29you don't judge particular actions you judge arguments yes good practicality is

25:34taking the steps in order to achieve a goal morality is universally preferable

25:37behavior yes with these points in mind I have a question regarding point three if

25:41the act of copying yourself slash reproduction is universally observed

25:44across all living organism does this qualify as a universally preferable

25:48behavior no because that is an action the action of reproduction is the

25:52physical act of sexuality or I guess mitosis or meiosis and so it is not

25:59universally preferable behavior preferable is not in there by accident

26:04preferable refers to things which can be preferred which means that there's an

26:08alternative which means that there is free will do we say that a female frog

26:15prefers to reproduce no she is programmed to reproduce do we say that a

26:19male dog in heat who will hump everything from a couch to his owner to

26:23a female dog is preferring to reproduce no it's programmed in the lust is

26:28programmed in the behavior is programmed in trust me we've had ducks for some

26:32years and the males with no other males around know instinctively to copulate

26:37with the females so it is not preferred is not preferable behavior it is

26:43programmed behavior that can't be stopped you can't reason someone out of

26:47of that right since morality is exclusive to human beings then does

26:52reproduction both physically or mimetically qualify as a universally

26:56preferable behavior since human beings show universal preference for this but

26:59no all animals don't show a preference they're programmed to reproduce so

27:03universally preferable behavior is ideal moral standards which we need because

27:09we're programmed sometimes to do otherwise if it is universally

27:13preferable to reproduce with mimetic reproduction as one part of this process

27:17then child abuse can be considered a form of man now no so child abuse a form

27:22of mimetic reproduction yeah child abuse reproduces child abuse sure and those

27:29so clearly people have the ability to not abuse their children which is why we

27:34call it abuse right so nobody would say that it is abusive if you raise your

27:40child in a healthy manner then when puberty hits that's you abusing your

27:45child

27:48nobody would call that child abuse because it's not under your control

27:53if if your child unfortunately develops something like epilepsy and you of

27:58course work your best to get treatment and so on that is not abuse because it

28:02is beyond your control now if your child has epilepsy because you beat his head

28:06against the door and he got seizures that's bad right but if your child has

28:10ill health obviously that's not the result of any bad parenting or

28:13deficiency in parenting that's not abusive so child abuse can is people who

28:20who can choose not to abuse their children and we know that they choose

28:24not to abuse their children because they would not abuse their children in front

28:28of the policeman in front of the teacher or the social worker or at a mall or at

28:32a church or you know on a plane or on a train you know all these kinds of things

28:36right so they choose not to which means they can they can choose not to abuse

28:40their children which means that they choose to abuse their children which

28:43means they're exercising free will and they are subject to moral rules because

28:49they can exercise free will

28:54so reproduction is not universally preferable behavior

29:00because that is a physical act capable of

29:05well animals constantly enact reproduction and they are programmed to

29:10do so by nature and so reproduction is not a universally preferable behavior

29:15because it is programmed in and remember if animals can do it it's not part of

29:19moral philosophy right

29:22so I'm struggling with how to navigate raising children should I participate in

29:26creating the belief that Santa Claus exists

29:29no

29:32you don't lie to your children right you don't lie to your children oh they need

29:37to believe in magic it's like no you're just training them that people in

29:42authority can absolutely believably lie to them about something that

29:47doesn't matter I mean Santa Claus doesn't particularly matter

29:51jeez it's funny I thought that there was I thought there was some beast out the

29:55tree behind me but it's just a little bug on my screen

29:58well Starship Troopers giant bug it's pretty funny

30:03so yeah Santa Claus it's a great story it's a great story

30:06right I mean when you when you when you say the lion said to the warthog blah blah

30:13blah right you don't think that you're not saying to your kids lions can

30:15actually talk right

30:19children my child tells other children that Santa Claus is fictional okay so

30:23what are you gonna say are you gonna say that if other people believe things that

30:27are false and see the Santa Claus thing it messes with reality right it you

30:32don't want to do anything that interferes with the child's processing

30:35and perception of objective factual empirical reality right and Santa Claus

30:41as a myth he lives in the North Pole he's got elves and you know people have

30:45done the math right like he can go to all of the houses and apartments in the

30:50world on one night you know he would have to travel so fast with the flying

30:53reindeer that he would actually burn and melt in atmosphere like some Nazi at the

30:57end of Raiders of the Lost Ark which would not be the greatest children

31:00children's show Donna Blitzen it's time to get to Chile oh face melts and

31:06explosion right dumb dim detonation of kindly corpulent white-haired man in the

31:12lower atmosphere would not be the greatest but it would teach the kids

31:15something about physics so I suppose this that that's worthwhile so yeah

31:19enjoy the fictional character absolutely enjoy the fictional character you know

31:22you watch Lord of the Rings and you don't imagine that they're real people

31:25right all right recently you've said that is he is

31:30quick to identify contradictions because you've never asked for her to believe in

31:32contradictions yes and okay so your kid is gonna say to other kids that Santa

31:38Claus isn't real right and they're gonna go back to their parents and they're

31:41gonna complain that you know your kid said that Santa Claus isn't real first

31:46of all I've never had that because my kids have friends who have friends who

31:50are rational right this is why your home school so you can choose the people that

31:54your kids hang out with you you are throwing your kids to the quasi prison

31:59of the mind ghouls if you drop your kids in public school or daycare so you're

32:04not choosing the companions you choose the kids that your friends hang out with

32:08the only way you can do that is through homeschooling and so my daughter has

32:11never got in trouble for saying things that are rational and true because we're

32:15only friends with families who value rationality and truth so that that's

32:20on you that's on you all right let's see here

32:25we did how to kind of be a more content person I fall into cycle saying this is

32:30going to be our forever home and then after a few years I start dreaming of

32:32something bigger and better yes absolutely absolutely so yeah your

32:37contentment is death you'll be mellow when you're dead you'll be content when

32:40you're dead so I mean you know the way that life is I imagine if you were a kid

32:44and you you you want I remember I we got an actual video of my daughter when she

32:49first figured out how to roll over Beethoven Chuck Berry song tangent again

32:53free association so the Beatles cover song

32:58very very friend Billy Eilish we buried people when they're dead ah yes so we're

33:03back to the the kid so imagine if you as a baby got a permanent life joy out

33:11of rolling over right so you rolled over and you get happy that you've rolled

33:15over just as you're happy when you learn how to walk so you're happy about it and

33:19then that happiness fades away why because life is constant progression

33:22life is constant progression and if you're not progressing you're dying

33:29if you're not getting better it's entropy you're either improving or you're

33:35dying so if a kid takes immense and permanent joy about rolling over they'll

33:43never learn how to walk why would they the reason they learn how to walk is

33:46they get bored with rolling over and now they want a new challenge and that's why

33:49we learn language and that's why I continue to do philosophy after 45

33:53years because I want to keep getting better am I satisfied with the work I've

34:00done in the past absolutely would I be happy repeating all the work I've done

34:04in the past forever and ever amen absolutely not I don't know how people

34:08do this politics stuff where they say you know the Dems are hypocritical the

34:12left of the real races over and over and over again and I mean bless them I don't

34:17I don't know how they can do it right so yeah you're not designed to feel

34:21contentment you're not just what do you think we got to be the alpha top of the

34:25pyramid predator species and dominate the whole world because we're just happy

34:30to do whatever no we got to the top of the food chain out of discontentedness

34:36out of discontentedness I am usually content with the analogies and the

34:42communication I put out and what I want to do is do better next time of course I

34:48mean why would you like there's some things I don't particularly care about

34:51getting better at because they're there for maintenance right so I'm not aiming

34:55to be a weightlifter right and and compete in weightlifting because my goal

35:01is to be a great philosopher and I don't want to spend the four hours a day to do

35:04weightlifting because I would rather do philosophy that will make me happier

35:08right so for that it's about maintenance you know I I've been playing racquet

35:14sports for 50 years and I'm not particularly interested I mean I've

35:21won a couple of tournaments here and there I'm not particularly interested in

35:25in becoming a great tennis player I enjoy it for exercise it's fun to get

35:30out in the Sun and I you know enjoy playing with my wife in particular so

35:34but I'm not interested in entering and winning tournaments and getting coaching

35:38it's not my thing right so but but that's because that's not what I'm

35:42focusing my excellence on right I mean I can make a couple of dishes of food

35:46I'm not interested in becoming a chef right so you can't become excellent in

35:50anything if you try to become excellent at everything so you got to fix

35:53something focus on becoming excellent at that and then the other things serve

35:57that right so weightlifting serves philosophy because it allows me to live

36:04longer and be healthier and do more philosophy so so yeah contentment is

36:09you're trying to I mean even babies I mean you were born discontent you're

36:13born crying you're born wanting things you're born striving to master and to

36:17learn and to figure all of that you figure out babies figuring out you watch

36:21babies figuring out how to do things and they're constantly playing with things

36:24and learning and they get language so we have this conversation because we're

36:28discontented you know this this camera is better than the camera you could get

36:31ten years ago because people were discontented your internet is faster

36:35than it was 20 years ago because people are discontented everything you have

36:40that's of any quality and and excellence is because people were discontented so

36:44join the endless lemming march to up the hill of discontent to excellent and off

36:50the cliff edge of death be excellent focus on things don't rest on your

36:55laurels don't just say well that's just fine I guess I should just be happy now

36:58forever nope doesn't work it doesn't work

37:02second question is why am I struggling with feeling left out lately in my

37:06community and circle of mom homeschooling neighborhood friends I've

37:09been aware of recent instances where I haven't been invited to join a dinner or

37:12gathering logically I tell myself that it's okay we live in a small town I

37:16don't have to be invited to everything emotionally it still hurts though well

37:19I'm glad you told me that you were a female because men don't generally care

37:23that much about being excluded because we're doing often more practical things

37:28and so maybe you're raising oh you're raising kids which is very practical so

37:32I retract that but it's a practicality around relationships not around material

37:38objects so

37:41haven't been invited to join a dinner or gathering right so you are under you are

37:46under the thumb or the boot heel of the soft fascism of social ostracism so the

37:51reason that you're not invited is someone doesn't like you and someone who

37:55doesn't like you have convinced other people do we really have to invite her

37:58she's kind of whatever whatever right oh maybe not ideal blah blah blah so I mean

38:05of course you don't have to be invited to everything but the way that you avoid

38:10feeling excluded trust me I've gone through a tiny smidge of exclusion over

38:15the course of my life and so the reason that you the way that you avoid

38:23feeling wounded by exclusion is recognizing how often you exclude others

38:30right so I'm sure there are people you're throwing a dinner or a gathering

38:34then

38:39you will not invite some people right sorry I was just trying to figure out

38:45whether to tell a story or not I think I will decline so there are times when you

38:50exclude people there are times when you don't want to say oh yes but I exclude

38:53them because they're bad okay so if you exclude people because

38:58they're difficult or troublesome or neurotic or negative or too gossipy or

39:02you know whatever awkward if you exclude people because of negative

39:05characteristics then negative people will exclude you because of your

39:09positive characteristics like listen bad people have the right to ostracize you

39:15just as you have the right to ostracize them and it's two sides of the same coin

39:19you want to have the ability to exclude negative people from your social events

39:24of course you do and negative people want to have the ability to exclude you

39:30from their events in other words you won't get invited to events where there

39:34are negative people good that's a plus in your life the people who don't invite

39:39you are inviting negative people right so

39:45people who people get kicked off of social media before you know quoting

39:52facts and science and other people like rappers who have you know half a dozen

39:57women or a dozen women accusing them of sexual assault some with reasonable

40:00proof they're fine right they can do their concerts they can they're on

40:04Twitter YouTube and all that right so so if you have the right to exclude bad

40:09people bad people have the right to exclude you and you should get down on

40:13your metaphorical knees and thank them for keeping you out of that so if

40:17there's someone around right let's say Betty right so Betty is around and your

40:22name is is Alice right so Betty is around and she says there's a social

40:27gathering and I say oh let's invite Alice and she's like hmm I don't know

40:30can we not like just this time because I find this and that the other about Alice

40:35and blah blah blah now if your friends are good people as a whole they'll

40:39recognize that there's a probably moral difference between Betty and Alice right

40:43you and you and Betty so they need to work on that right they need to say oh

40:47tell us more specifically what you dislike oh she just seems kind of this

40:50that and the other and they'll recognize that now there's a complication so so

40:54Betty by dismissing you or dissing you Betty is drawing these lines which are

40:58going to complicate social gatherings and people who are socially competent

41:01will have that hashed out so that they don't have to figure out oh no it has to

41:04be Betty or Alice it can't be both and and spread rumors and so on right so

41:08they if if Betty is like don't invite Alice then competent social people will

41:13sit down with Betty and say well what's your issue and can it be resolved it can

41:17we talk about it can we sort it out and if it turns out that Betty is kind of a

41:22weasel and Alice you're the good person then people will either try and fix

41:25things with Alice with Betty and not invite her right so but if people are

41:30just like oh Betty said something negative about Alice I guess we won't

41:33invite Alice it means that they're petty weak people who can't stand up to any

41:37kind of corruption who are easily gossiped out of a good person being

41:39around and frack them sorry they're doing you a favor all right

41:46should we stop here how we do it yeah yeah we'll stop here

41:49that right Wow time flies when we're doing philosophy I'll get to the other

41:52questions later thank you everyone so much for your lovely lovely time and

41:57attention it is free domain comm slash donate to help out the show we managed

42:01to survive the rain in slow motion you can see it going off my nose

42:05cabooey all right have yourself a lovely lovely day I will talk to you soon

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