The Three Badasses Who Want Me - They Love Me More
The Three Badasses Who Want Me - They Love Me More
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:03Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:05I don't understand why you do so much for him
00:00:08behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:11Now, sign the divorce paper.
00:00:14Baby, I'll sign it.
00:00:19But don't move right ahead.
00:00:23My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men
00:00:27for you to choose from.
00:00:29I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:34You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:37I'm going.
00:00:38I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:41Woo!
00:00:42Prepare my war plane!
00:00:43Don't you worry about my fiancee.
00:00:49What's the situation here?
00:00:50I want to marry you.
00:00:59Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list,
00:01:03arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:05What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia,
00:01:07a forgotten state no one knows.
00:01:10Angela, my next door neighbor, still
00:01:12selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:14If your mother-in-law sees, she's
00:01:16going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:19Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:22What's the point of watching the news all day
00:01:23about the hippies?
00:01:25I'm not going to watch the news.
00:01:26I'm not going to watch the news.
00:01:27What's the point of watching the news all day
00:01:29about these moguls if you can't even
00:01:30apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:32And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:36All right, everybody get out.
00:01:39We got an important guest coming.
00:01:44You.
00:01:48You deaf?
00:01:49I said pack up and scram.
00:01:51I paid the stall fee already.
00:01:53And if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:01:54But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:01:58You want to say that again?
00:02:01You know who's visiting today?
00:02:04Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:02:07Ellen Musk?
00:02:09Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:11Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:15Really?
00:02:16Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta
00:02:18just to come to some flea market.
00:02:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:27Coming to see you.
00:02:29All right, you know what?
00:02:30I'll play your game.
00:02:32If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:02:38Deal.
00:02:40Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within 10 minutes.
00:02:43Or else, you're fired.
00:02:46Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within 10 minutes.
00:02:49Or else, you're fired.
00:03:09Repair the limo.
00:03:11Miss Lockhart requires this immediately.
00:03:13Yes, ma'am.
00:03:15Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:03:24Good.
00:03:25Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:26Five.
00:03:27Four.
00:03:28Three.
00:03:29Two.
00:03:30One.
00:03:31Ellen!
00:03:32Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, that I, uh, that
00:03:44I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:03:47How's my boss, bitch?
00:03:50Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:03:52So how do you, like...
00:03:55She's my boss.
00:03:56Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:02No way.
00:04:03Well?
00:04:04No!
00:04:05No, no, I'm sorry for threatening your boss, no, I won't do it again!
00:04:15All right, that's enough, we're not tyrants here.
00:04:26Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:35You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:04:37The Honorary Bride.
00:04:40You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:04:44Who are you?
00:04:48Where is she?
00:04:49Atlanta.
00:04:50And you were right, it was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:04:54My clever bride.
00:04:55I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:02Max, prep the jet.
00:05:04I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:10Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:05:12He's headed to Atlanta.
00:05:14Atlanta?
00:05:15The game is afoot.
00:05:16I'm going.
00:05:17Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:05:20He can wait.
00:05:21I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:26Dr. Wilson!
00:05:33Gino Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:05:36Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta!
00:05:39Atlanta!
00:05:41Where is that?
00:05:43Whatever, prepare my war plate!
00:05:45Those two are going after my fiancée.
00:05:48This is war.
00:05:51No!
00:06:05I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:06:11Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:13This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:16That project is worth billions.
00:06:18He can finally take his company public.
00:06:20But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:30Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:06:35Well, three years ago...
00:06:49You saved me.
00:06:55He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:59I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:06But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing.
00:07:10So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:13I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:18But why work at the flea market?
00:07:20Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:24Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:29I'm not sure I want to be a part of this.
00:07:31I don't want to be a part of this.
00:07:33I don't want to be a part of this.
00:07:35Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:40Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:44You seem happy being a housewife.
00:07:50Where the hell are you?
00:07:52Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:07:55Get home, stat.
00:07:57It's a big day today.
00:08:00That was...
00:08:01My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:08:03She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:08:06But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:08:12You know, she even remembered our third year anniversary.
00:08:20Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:24Hi, I'm home.
00:08:26I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:08:29Finally, you're back.
00:08:30Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:34Divorce papers?
00:08:37Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:08:41God!
00:08:42Don't call me Mom again.
00:08:44We're ending that relationship.
00:08:46Just look at you.
00:08:47Dirt all over.
00:08:49You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:08:51You don't deserve my son.
00:08:53You're way below his league.
00:08:56I'm below his league?
00:08:58That's right.
00:08:59You are.
00:09:01Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:07And then his company's going public.
00:09:10That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:12But you?
00:09:14You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:09:18Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:21And you...
00:09:22You...
00:09:23Will always just be a pawn.
00:09:26Like dirt...
00:09:28On our shoes.
00:09:30Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:33But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:36You're delusional.
00:09:37You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:40How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:09:46Resorting to lies.
00:09:47Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:09:50And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:09:57You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:03Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:10:05Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:07Enough!
00:10:09Jared...
00:10:11I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:13But I am.
00:10:15Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:18Here's 500K.
00:10:19You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:23Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:26Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:30I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:35Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:38Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:41Fine.
00:10:42Here's another 200K.
00:10:45500K is too much for her already.
00:10:47She's done nothing.
00:10:49Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:10:52She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:10:55Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:59I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:04You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:11:08And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:11:12A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:16What a joke.
00:11:17If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:11:23And leave!
00:11:26You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:11:31Let alone taking the company public?
00:11:34I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:37Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:44It's all my work.
00:11:46My work!
00:11:48Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:11:56You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:01So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:05She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:09Fine.
00:12:11I'll sign it.
00:12:13But don't regret it.
00:12:16Regret?
00:12:18Do I know who I am?
00:12:20Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:12:24I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:28Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:33Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:12:37It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:12:41You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:45Social stratum matters.
00:12:47Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:12:51And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:12:54And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:59Ha! You're delusional.
00:13:02Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:08You owe me.
00:13:10You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:13:15Fuck.
00:13:19You hit me.
00:13:23Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:13:41I don't need your pity money.
00:13:45We're finished.
00:13:47You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:13:50Your check is just pennies to me.
00:13:53But I would like my ring back.
00:14:04Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:15And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:22Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:14:26It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:30Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:33Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:35You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:39Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:14:44Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret Big Shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:14:51Bigger Big Shot than Elon Musk?
00:14:54Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:59Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:20Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:25Vanderbilt?
00:15:27Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:15:31I'm going to the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:15:33You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:37That's exactly why I'm going.
00:16:01Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:16:06Who is he?
00:16:08That's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:16:17Rumor has it he's worth trillions. And he's your fiancé.
00:16:23What? My fiancé?
00:16:26The one and only.
00:16:28So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:16:45That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:16:51What is she doing here?
00:16:57You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:03Divorced?
00:17:05That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:17:11Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:17:15So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:19Guess she's not just a forsaken woman. She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:25How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:17:29Who the fuck are you, bitch? Do you know who I am?
00:17:35They don't know who you are. You hide it well.
00:17:40X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson. Teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:47Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York. You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:01Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:08Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:18:10Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:18:13Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:18:23A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:27No.
00:18:29Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:33You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:38Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:18:42Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:18:47I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project. It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats.
00:18:53You'll be next.
00:18:55Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:18:59Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:02Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:05So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:09Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:11Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:15Yes. I heard they are a very important and powerful company.
00:19:19Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:22Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:19:32I'll do my best.
00:19:38Excuse me.
00:19:39A second, gentlemen.
00:19:41What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:19:43How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:19:46Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here? You sleep your way in?
00:19:53I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me. Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:59Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:04This is your ex-husband?
00:20:07This is your ex-husband?
00:20:11What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:14Who the hell is this?
00:20:16You were cheating on me?
00:20:28Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:31You have to avenge me and Kaylee. That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:39They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:20:53You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:58Get your hands off of her.
00:21:02My lady.
00:21:18My queen.
00:21:31It's... it's him! He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:21:38Who are these peasants?
00:21:40These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:21:45Oh, shut up, old man. You're disturbing the peace.
00:21:51Fuckers, you know who that is? That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:21:55You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:57His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:22:02This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:22:05Vanderbilt.
00:22:07The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt, who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:22:16That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:22:19Oh, goddammit. Stomachache now?
00:22:26Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:22:48How dare you call one of us low?
00:22:51I'm Harley FN Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:22:56I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:23:01And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:23:05Not with me around. I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:12You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:15You're fucking delusional, Angela. We've had enough of your games.
00:23:20Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:23:24Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:23:27But don't worry. You got new money here.
00:23:32I can handle myself, thank you.
00:23:35Yes, my queen.
00:23:37You're all despicable.
00:23:40An insult to your family names.
00:23:42Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:23:46Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:23:49Cut off all business ties.
00:23:52And if you don't, I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:59I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:24:03You can't fool anyone here.
00:24:05How much money did you spend on that getup and to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:09You're an orphan.
00:24:10Who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:24:13You have nothing. And you will always be nothing.
00:24:17She's a gold digger.
00:24:20Gold digger?
00:24:22Gigolo.
00:24:24Wanna try me for a night?
00:24:26Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:29Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:24:32They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:24:35Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:24:37She's only here to try and ruin my Bill and the Maples.
00:24:38Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:24:41Security!
00:24:47Security!
00:24:49You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:24:52And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:24:54You!
00:24:56Insolent fools.
00:24:59Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:25:02I don't know.
00:25:04Throw them out!
00:25:05I don't know.
00:25:07Throw them out!
00:25:09And not without some broken bones too.
00:25:17You can back down now.
00:25:22I got this.
00:25:35Hey!
00:25:50What the hell are you two doing here?
00:25:52I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:25:54No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:25:57Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:26:06Angela!
00:26:08Don't hurt her!
00:26:10You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:26:12You just threw yourself at me.
00:26:14How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:26:16Boss?
00:26:18Did she say her boss?
00:26:20Miss Musk?
00:26:22That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:24That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:26:26My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:26:29Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:32Past the American Revolution?
00:26:33Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:35If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:26:40She's royalty.
00:26:42And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:26:45What the hell did you do?
00:26:47Kneel to me.
00:26:49Oh, your majesty.
00:26:51Welcome to the United States.
00:26:54We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:57Yes, your highness.
00:26:59Is it a queen or prince?
00:27:01It doesn't matter.
00:27:03My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:07We didn't mean to offend.
00:27:09Hey, what are you doing, you idiot?
00:27:11Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:27:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:32She's a badass herself.
00:27:34He missed out on a good wife.
00:27:36You!
00:27:38You!
00:27:40You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:27:42Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:27:45No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:27:47I worked hard for everything.
00:27:49You worked for everything?
00:27:51Yes, I did.
00:27:53I worked hard for everything.
00:27:55You worked for everything?
00:27:57Yes, I did.
00:27:58I worked for everything.
00:28:00You worked for everything?
00:28:06Hey, honey.
00:28:08So, our 30th anniversary is coming up,
00:28:11and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:28:14I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:28:16I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet project,
00:28:19and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:29You were nothing before me.
00:28:32All your achievements, all your glory,
00:28:35that's all mine, including the Maple Closet contract.
00:28:40I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:28:45No, you can't take that away from me.
00:28:47So that's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:28:50Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:28:54Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:28:55It was Queen Victoria's,
00:28:57and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:06Oh, no.
00:29:08I gave you back the ring?
00:29:10I divorced a royal heiress?
00:29:12No!
00:29:14Please, no!
00:29:16No, please take me back, baby!
00:29:18I still love you!
00:29:20Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:23No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:29:32God, these two again.
00:29:34Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:37President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:29:39After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:29:41each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:29:45the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:29:47Bloody buffoon!
00:29:49The buffoons know your history.
00:29:51Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:29:53I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:29:55then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:00And that there is,
00:30:02that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:30:06He's Dr. House's protege!
00:30:08Dr. House?
00:30:10I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:12Oh, no, that's based on real figures.
00:30:14Yep, that's me.
00:30:16Son of James House.
00:30:17Actually, my uncle.
00:30:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:30:21when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:23So he's been off crying himself a waterfall
00:30:25somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 months.
00:30:28And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:30:30and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:36Hey, Ellen.
00:30:38Who are these weirdos, and why are they here?
00:30:40Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:30:43What?
00:30:45Fiancées?
00:30:47Plural?
00:30:49Fiancées? Plural?
00:30:51Watch it, nerds.
00:30:53I'm her fiancé.
00:30:55No, I'm her fiancé.
00:30:57You can both shut up.
00:30:59I'm her fiancé.
00:31:01It's you.
00:31:03It's me.
00:31:05Who the hell is he?
00:31:07I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:09How are all three of these men my fiancé?
00:31:11Uh, your father had arranged
00:31:13these engagements years ago,
00:31:15but I didn't tell you
00:31:17he has three badass fiancées
00:31:19and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:23Whatever.
00:31:25Since you're all here,
00:31:27help me finish him.
00:31:29Since you're all here,
00:31:31help me finish him.
00:31:34At your service.
00:31:36Me too.
00:31:42One down, two more to go.
00:31:44She's become queen.
00:31:45Bishop to G4.
00:31:50Ow! Ow!
00:31:52What is that?
00:31:54The most German festin' water
00:31:56in the Nile River.
00:32:00Rook to A8.
00:32:06Hello?
00:32:09I thought I was king.
00:32:11No, you wish.
00:32:13The king doesn't do anything,
00:32:15no one can be my king.
00:32:17Oh, fine.
00:32:21Bankrupt to four,
00:32:23it's right this second.
00:32:28I...
00:32:30I've been bankrupt!
00:32:32No!
00:32:34Who is he?
00:32:40I've been bankrupt!
00:32:42No!
00:32:43I told you I would remove all of you
00:32:45from status and power
00:32:47if you didn't cooperate.
00:32:49Well, guess what? Game over.
00:32:51All right, boys,
00:32:53let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:32:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:32:57I'm right with you.
00:32:59Wait for me.
00:33:01Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:11Angela!
00:33:13You already have three fiancés?
00:33:16You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:18I...
00:33:20want compensation.
00:33:23You greedy SOB.
00:33:25Who the fuck is that?
00:33:27My ex-husband.
00:33:29Wait, you were married?
00:33:31Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:33:33then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:35More for me?
00:33:37No, no, of course not, just...
00:33:39Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:41Don't steal my joke.
00:33:43Disappear without a trace.
00:33:45All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:33:47What?
00:33:49Is there something on my face?
00:33:51Uh, yeah, murderous intent.
00:33:53Let's remarry.
00:33:55Let's remarry.
00:33:57You still don't realize.
00:33:59I only fell in love with you
00:34:01because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:13Fuck you.
00:34:29Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:31We need to wreck right away.
00:34:33Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:34:35are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:37Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:41She should be okay now.
00:34:44Hey, you!
00:34:46Watch over here.
00:34:48I'll be right back.
00:34:57You saved me.
00:35:01Fuck.
00:35:03I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:06Fuck.
00:35:08I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:10You've cheated on me?
00:35:11You've hit me,
00:35:13and you've insulted me.
00:35:15And after all that,
00:35:17I never want to see you again.
00:35:19I fucking hate you.
00:35:22Lady Lockhart.
00:35:24What? What now?
00:35:26Yes.
00:35:28We understand that you are a very busy person,
00:35:30but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:35:32the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:34How about us three?
00:35:36Yes. Unlike that scumbag,
00:35:38we won't turn on you.
00:35:40Yeah, no.
00:35:42You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:35:44But...
00:35:46This is your fault, you doofus.
00:35:48We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:35:50No.
00:35:52No.
00:35:54We can't lose our positions
00:35:56with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:35:58How about me?
00:36:00I'll get you for this.
00:36:06I never should have listened to you.
00:36:07I'm ruined because of you.
00:36:22So,
00:36:24what's the situation here?
00:36:26I want to marry you.
00:36:35I want to marry you.
00:36:38Listen,
00:36:40I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:36:42and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:36:45What?
00:36:47What if I told you
00:36:49that we've known each other for much longer
00:36:51than just a few hours?
00:36:53Much longer.
00:36:56Angela?
00:36:58Your parents would like to have a video call
00:37:00with all of you.
00:37:04My lovely princess, how are you?
00:37:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:09The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:12Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:37:14I heard you finally divorced
00:37:17that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:37:20three-letter husband of yours.
00:37:22Can't call his name, but...
00:37:24Anyway, congratulations.
00:37:26I've selected three prime young men
00:37:29for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:31Oh, you must pick one of them to marry,
00:37:34otherwise...
00:37:35Let me do it.
00:37:37You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:40Otherwise,
00:37:42we'll kill ourselves.
00:37:44Mom?
00:37:46All right, honey, that's it.
00:37:48Bye. Bye.
00:37:53So, who are you going to choose?
00:37:57Well,
00:37:59what if I want all three of you?
00:38:02Well,
00:38:03what if I want all three of you?
00:38:07That seems greedy.
00:38:14But
00:38:16I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:19Hey,
00:38:21I may be a doctor,
00:38:23but I can take lives too.
00:38:25I know and have access
00:38:27to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:29Well, okay.
00:38:31No murder, please.
00:38:34You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:37Oh,
00:38:39it's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:41I know.
00:38:43We'll start with challenge one.
00:38:45Welcome to the show,
00:38:47The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:38:49Today,
00:38:51we have our first challenge.
00:38:54What is all of this, Ellen?
00:38:57You'll see.
00:39:04Oh my God! Oh my God!
00:39:06Cockroaches!
00:39:08All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:39:11and it is every man's job
00:39:13to save their beloved woman
00:39:15from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:17What will our three candidates do
00:39:19to prove their undying love
00:39:21for our single woman,
00:39:23but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:25Looks like one of our contestants
00:39:27has already called it quits.
00:39:29It's up to the final two.
00:39:31Looks like one of our contestants
00:39:33has already called it quits.
00:39:35It's up to the final two.
00:40:00Crunchy.
00:40:02That is sick cold.
00:40:04Hey, when you're stranded
00:40:06in the middle of the battlefield,
00:40:08you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:40:10There are two more left.
00:40:12Want to try one?
00:40:14God, no! No!
00:40:16Oh my God, save me!
00:40:18Save you? You're going to save me!
00:40:22I'm a German folk doctor.
00:40:24These hands can't get germs on them.
00:40:26They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:40:31Oh, thank God you're here.
00:40:34Are you all right, honey?
00:40:36Angela!
00:40:39All right, you won the first challenge,
00:40:41so your reward,
00:40:43you get to watch over her for the night.
00:40:46Just don't cross the line.
00:40:48I'm not going to.
00:40:50I'm not going to.
00:40:52I'm not going to.
00:40:54I'm not going to.
00:40:56I'm not going to.
00:40:58I'm not going to.
00:41:00I'm not going to.
00:41:01Okay, I'm going to if you know what I mean.
00:41:02I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:41:03You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:41:12it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:41:13At least my girl can get some.
00:41:15I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:20They're gone, Gorgeous.
00:41:21They're gone. They're gone.
00:41:23There's nothing in this room
00:41:24except you and me, okay?
00:41:26I'm going to kill
00:41:28Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:30I need a drink.
00:41:37Whoa, easy, you're on an empty stomach.
00:41:44Oh, why do you care?
00:41:46Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:41:50You guys were right.
00:41:54I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:41:58You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:42:04He never even loved me.
00:42:06And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:12Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:42:20You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:25What?
00:42:29You're number one here.
00:42:36You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:40Lies.
00:42:43You all just want something from me.
00:42:50Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:42:55But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:43:01I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:43:03I don't need your your power, your your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:43:10I just need you.
00:43:15I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:43:17I promise.
00:43:29Screw the contest.
00:43:31I just want love.
00:43:34Angela.
00:43:36You're drunk.
00:43:37I'm an adult.
00:43:38Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:43:41Okay.
00:43:46But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:43:50Oh, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:02If this is what you want.
00:44:07Okay.
00:44:31Nine inch penis.
00:44:33Morning to you too.
00:44:35You were drunk last night.
00:44:36You wouldn't...
00:44:37A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:44:42Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:44:45But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:44:48Because then they would...
00:44:50Say that you were being unfair?
00:44:52Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:44:55I won the first challenge.
00:44:57And according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:45:02Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:08Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:12Stop.
00:45:15Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:19I won't tell.
00:45:22But only on one condition.
00:45:25I won't tell.
00:45:28But only on one condition.
00:45:30You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:34Fine.
00:45:38I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:45:42You never noticed me.
00:45:46You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:45:53It's only 7am.
00:45:55She's still sleeping.
00:45:56I'm not sleeping alone.
00:45:57I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:46:04Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:07Don't mind him.
00:46:09What's up, guys?
00:46:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:13No cockroaches this time.
00:46:15Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:46:17That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:23The second challenge is...
00:46:25The second challenge is...
00:46:27A date.
00:46:28Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:46:30A date?
00:46:32That's it.
00:46:33What's the catch?
00:46:34No catch.
00:46:35Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:38As simple as that.
00:46:39I know what I want to do.
00:46:40Let's start with me first.
00:46:41Okay.
00:46:42Who's up first?
00:46:43Me.
00:46:44Save the best for last.
00:46:46Ain't that right, Angela?
00:46:48Then it's decided.
00:46:52Please don't take my BMW away.
00:46:55Too bad.
00:46:56You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:59I have nothing left.
00:47:09It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:14It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:23Do you know Eisenhower, sir?
00:47:25At ease, Lieutenant.
00:47:27This is my lieutenant.
00:47:28He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:30Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:47:32He's so serious.
00:47:33But hang on.
00:47:35Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:47:38Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date
00:47:41so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:47:43Guns, like murder weapons?
00:47:46Yes.
00:47:47Murder weapons.
00:47:53Guns, like murder weapons.
00:48:09You like my guns, babe?
00:48:11Pretty rock hard.
00:48:12Yeah.
00:48:14Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:16Lieutenant!
00:48:17Come close.
00:48:19Wait.
00:48:20You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:21He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:22Fighting back would be treason, ma'am.
00:48:24Treason?
00:48:25You guys are way too serious.
00:48:28Look, you Lockhart bitch.
00:48:29I caught you.
00:48:30If I'm going down, you're all going down with me.
00:48:33Lieutenant, here's your attack.
00:48:48You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:48:52I will make you pay!
00:48:56You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:48:57We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:59Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:49:07Zoe's a bit violent.
00:49:09Some might call it being protective.
00:49:11Poor anger issues.
00:49:13What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:49:17Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:20Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:22I don't know if I am.
00:49:25Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:49:30Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:37Hey.
00:49:38Cool ride.
00:49:40A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:49:43Impressive.
00:49:46Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:49:50Refreshing.
00:49:52I got cool mint, too.
00:49:54Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:49:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:00Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:50:03So, where are you taking me?
00:50:05Let me show you.
00:50:07Dr. Wilson!
00:50:09Our VIP of VIPs.
00:50:11Right this way.
00:50:12VIP of VIPs?
00:50:14Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:50:16I forget who.
00:50:17You saved a lot of people.
00:50:19I do what I can.
00:50:21Oh, my gosh.
00:50:23It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:28Sandra Miller.
00:50:29What are you doing here?
00:50:30I just wanted to talk to you.
00:50:32By her husband.
00:50:34Sandra Miller.
00:50:36What are you doing here?
00:50:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:50:40Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:50:42and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:50:47How low of you.
00:50:49What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:50:51Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:50:53I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end
00:50:56you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:51:00Auction begins.
00:51:02I'll deal with you later.
00:51:05Here, I'll just be inside.
00:51:11Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:51:16Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:20Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:22Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:51:25For five million dollars.
00:51:28Excuse me.
00:51:30I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:35I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:38It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:40What are you doing?
00:51:41Just watch.
00:51:48That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:51:51Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:51:54She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:51:58Not this again.
00:52:00Cut the bullshit.
00:52:01That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:03Oh yeah?
00:52:04Here, you want it?
00:52:05For free.
00:52:06Ew.
00:52:07I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:11Well, that's too bad then.
00:52:13Because you are the fraud.
00:52:16What are you talking about?
00:52:18And who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:20Throw them out.
00:52:22Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:52:25We're professionals.
00:52:27Oh yeah?
00:52:28And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:52:31Yeah.
00:52:32Mine is the real thing.
00:52:34You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:52:39Oh, is that so?
00:52:40We're a so-called expert failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then.
00:52:44Dear Lord.
00:52:47This is real.
00:52:49It's authentic.
00:52:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:52:56Cameron, what have you found?
00:52:58Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:53:01It's a replica.
00:53:04They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:53:07So, you are the fraud.
00:53:11You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:14And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:53:18One-fifty.
00:53:19Wow.
00:53:20Not even five dollars.
00:53:22Sandra.
00:53:24You've been duping us the whole time.
00:53:27Arrest her.
00:53:29No, please.
00:53:30It was just this one time.
00:53:32Please.
00:53:33What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:35Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:53:39Bye.
00:53:40Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:53:51I had a really great time tonight.
00:53:53Me too.
00:53:54May I have a kiss?
00:54:11Something wrong?
00:54:13Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:16Yep.
00:54:17You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:54:29You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:54:34I don't have any money.
00:54:36How did you pay for this hotel, then?
00:54:38I guess you're old.
00:54:43I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:54:50Stop!
00:54:54Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:54:58Mr. Buffett.
00:55:03This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:06That's right.
00:55:07Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:55:09I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:12I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:14No, no, sir.
00:55:15Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:55:17It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:55:20Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:23And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:55:29Angela still loves me.
00:55:31She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:32She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:34Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:55:36We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:55:39I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:55:42and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:55:44It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:55:47Sure.
00:55:49I'll put in a good word for you.
00:55:51I just need...
00:55:52Anything.
00:55:53You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:55:55Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:58I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:56:07I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:56:11Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:14Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:17I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:19That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:21It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:56:25And if he can't, then what?
00:56:26He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:28So as long as he's greedy enough to take it.
00:56:31I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:56:44I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:56:47We should celebrate.
00:56:48You did?
00:56:50You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:56:52That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:56:56And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:59Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:04What?
00:57:05You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:57:08Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:57:10Jared, what are you doing?
00:57:12You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:16It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:18I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:20I'm telling my dad.
00:57:22Fine, go right ahead, he has enough problems himself.
00:57:24If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece,
00:57:27but if not, you can scram.
00:57:30Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:33Teach him a lesson.
00:57:34Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:57:36Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:57:40Don't get on his bad side.
00:57:42We can't afford to piss him off.
00:57:44So do as he says.
00:57:46Dad!
00:57:54I'm sorry.
00:57:56Be your side piece.
00:57:58Very good.
00:57:59I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:00Now let's go celebrate.
00:58:04I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:09But that tongue action, though.
00:58:11Tongue is important.
00:58:13In more than just one spot.
00:58:14Carly, we are in public.
00:58:16It's true.
00:58:17Oh, stomachache.
00:58:19Again?
00:58:20I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:21Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:58:24Okay.
00:58:25Devin's late.
00:58:27Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:29This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:58:34It's her.
00:58:35And she's alone.
00:58:36With no one to save her.
00:58:40You whore.
00:58:41You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:58:47Let me tell you.
00:58:49I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:54Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:58Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:59:01What?
00:59:02Why do I have to leave?
00:59:03She's the one starting shit.
00:59:05Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:07You're just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:59:10And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:59:14He still got the contract?
00:59:16Hmm.
00:59:17Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:19He still got the contract?
00:59:20Hmm.
00:59:21Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:23Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:27Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:29Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:33Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:38You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:59:43My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:59:46$1,000 to take her away.
00:59:49$2,000 to drag her away.
00:59:52$5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:58Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
01:00:00Ow! Hey!
01:00:01Stop!
01:00:04You okay?
01:00:05Are you hurt?
01:00:10Weakling.
01:00:11You!
01:00:12You, just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
01:00:16And now you have two more?
01:00:18What a whore.
01:00:20What a whore.
01:00:21Yeah.
01:00:22And Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:24What if she has an STD?
01:00:26Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
01:00:30Let's go.
01:00:31We'll expose her to Jared.
01:00:33Hang on.
01:00:35What do you want?
01:00:36I'll scream!
01:00:38I don't hit women.
01:00:39But I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:43Oh, God.
01:00:44He is a murderer.
01:00:45What if he murders me?
01:00:47Not him.
01:00:48Definitely not him.
01:00:53We're not afraid of you.
01:00:55That's enough.
01:00:56This isn't a war zone.
01:00:57You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:02I was just messing with him.
01:01:04Was he, though?
01:01:05We're not afraid of you.
01:01:07Jared!
01:01:08You have to avenge us.
01:01:09Look at this slut.
01:01:10She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:12She's cheating on you.
01:01:13Don't get back with her.
01:01:14Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:16I apologize for this scene.
01:01:18I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:22Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:24Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:26The potty crashes.
01:01:30Oh!
01:01:31You have any idea what you're doing?
01:01:33Bitch.
01:01:36You have any idea who that is?
01:01:38That's my wife.
01:01:39We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:01:43That's right.
01:01:44Know your place.
01:01:45Shut up.
01:01:46She's cheating on you.
01:01:49Know your place.
01:01:50You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:01:53Eric, have you gone mad?
01:01:55This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:57You slap her for this whore?
01:01:59Mom!
01:02:00They really think there's something, huh?
01:02:02Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:06She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:09I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:02:13What?
01:02:15You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:25I'm sorry.
01:02:27No.
01:02:29This can't be.
01:02:30This can't be.
01:02:31I made you a divorce.
01:02:35Go home.
01:02:37You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:02:45I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:02:48Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:02:52I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:02:55I didn't come here for you.
01:02:57I'm on a date.
01:03:00A date with two men at the same time?
01:03:04She really is a whore.
01:03:05Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:07I really do love you.
01:03:11Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:15Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:19Yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:03:23We're too old for that.
01:03:24They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:27Because you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:32Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:35We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:03:39What the hell are you all doing here?
01:03:41Where were you?
01:03:43Stomach issues.
01:03:44Again?
01:03:46Would you like my diagnosis?
01:03:47No.
01:03:50Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:03:54I would rather die than be with you again.
01:03:57Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:04:01I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:03Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:04Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:04:09You want a chance?
01:04:10Angela, no.
01:04:12You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:15Don't take him back.
01:04:17I'll give you two choices.
01:04:21I'll give you two choices.
01:04:24Me or the contract.
01:04:27You're kidding me.
01:04:29No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:32If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:04:36But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:04:39The choice is all yours.
01:04:41That's a tough choice.
01:04:44You think so?
01:04:45He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:04:48Either way, he benefits.
01:04:51Why can't I have both?
01:04:53You really are a greedy bastard.
01:04:55Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember? I deserve the contract.
01:05:00Did you really?
01:05:05Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:08He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:10Wait, what are you talking about?
01:05:13I choose the contract.
01:05:15I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:20With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:24Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:27I will get you one day.
01:05:29Let me show you something.
01:05:42You saved me.
01:05:45You saved me.
01:05:47I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:05:53But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:58No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:00I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:06:05Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:06:09What? Me? And Dr. Wilson? Losing at saving people?
01:06:14No way.
01:06:15You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:19You're crazy.
01:06:21And actually, maybe I've been doing horrible things.
01:06:25I don't know.
01:06:27I don't know.
01:06:29I don't know.
01:06:31I don't know.
01:06:33Maybe I've been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:06:36What?
01:06:39Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:06:42Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:06:46Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:06:49I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:06:52Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:06:54I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:57No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:07:00You'd like me to punish them for you.
01:07:02No, not that again. Please.
01:07:05Max, you know what to do.
01:07:20The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:23All business ties have been severed.
01:07:25We're bankrupt!
01:07:28No!
01:07:31How did you do that?
01:07:33Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:07:38I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:45I am...
01:07:47Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:07:49What did he say he was?
01:07:51That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:07:53You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:07:56Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:59See? You are Number One at something.
01:08:01The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:04Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:06It's all about young money now.
01:08:08So, how about our date?
01:08:16I'm not letting anyone up me on this one.
01:08:19Let's buy two.
01:08:27They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:08:30I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:08:34Yes! I'm rich!
01:08:37They'll make them all pay soon!
01:08:46What?
01:08:47Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:08:48The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the company's assets.
01:08:52Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:08:53The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the company's assets.
01:08:57Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:01No!
01:09:03I'm bankrupt!
01:09:06I need you to loan me a car.
01:09:07You tricked me!
01:09:14Allow me.
01:09:18I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:20I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:09:26Well, cheers.
01:09:28Cheers.
01:09:38This looks good.
01:09:44Did you use my spices?
01:09:46I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated you.
01:09:51You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:58I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:04Angela.
01:10:07Your future with me...
01:10:11is going to be different.
01:10:13Come on.
01:10:14Upstairs.
01:10:21Come on.
01:10:33Wow.
01:10:35Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years.
01:10:40Just because of some silly mistake.
01:10:43Angela.
01:10:45I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:10:48Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:10:52That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:10:56How is all of this possible?
01:10:59I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:02Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:11:07I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:09You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:13Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:19Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:11:27All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:11:35Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:11:39I'll teach you a lesson.
01:11:42Hey! Get away from him!
01:11:44Angela!
01:11:46Fight, C-Girl. I like her.
01:11:59How is he?
01:12:01It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:12:05Ashtagar saltifu.
01:12:07Can it be cured?
01:12:08I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:10It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:12:14Household salt.
01:12:23I like her.
01:12:25There you go.
01:12:28What time is it now?
01:12:31Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:12:40I like her.
01:12:42We have been rivals ever since.
01:12:44So, that's how I... well, we all met.
01:12:49I barely remember.
01:12:51I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:12:54Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:59You wouldn't have known.
01:13:00I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:02That makes you feel any better.
01:13:04Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:07Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:10Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years, who will you pick?
01:13:20How can that be?
01:13:22Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:29Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:13:32Bankrupt?
01:13:34The Vanderbilts have gone bankrupt?
01:13:38Well then, get out of here!
01:13:40You can't do this to me!
01:13:45Jared!
01:13:46Mom, it's me.
01:13:47What happened?
01:13:49Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:13:52Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:13:54You should get back with your wife.
01:13:56We're bankrupt.
01:13:57What?
01:14:02Jared Cooper.
01:14:05We're here to propose to your belongings.
01:14:08No one is going to save you now.
01:14:11Mom!
01:14:16What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:22Who will you pick?
01:14:26I...
01:14:32I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:33Fried chicken?
01:14:34Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:14:36Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:14:39Sucking up last minute!
01:14:41At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:14:44Hey, stop. Stop.
01:14:47Welcome back to the Bachelorette.
01:14:50I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:14:53I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:56You know what I mean.
01:14:58Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:15:01which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:05Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:15:09Cole, the general?
01:15:13Or Devin, the CEO?
01:15:19Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:23Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:26But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:15:30made from glass imported from Venice
01:15:32and give it to our winner.
01:15:35Angela.
01:15:37Angela.
01:15:39Oh, I...
01:15:42I need more time to think.
01:15:48While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:15:52why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:15:55Let's start with Cole.
01:15:57Cole.
01:16:01There's not much to say.
01:16:03Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:05who has huge biceps,
01:16:08a massive chest,
01:16:10who would protect their wife?
01:16:14Okay. Thank you.
01:16:16Uh, Shane?
01:16:19Muscles. Money.
01:16:22Muscles. Money.
01:16:25They won't get you so far.
01:16:27But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:29that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:16:32if you know what I mean.
01:16:35Okay. I think we do.
01:16:38And Devin.
01:16:40That was quite disgusting.
01:16:45I just hope Angela's okay.
01:16:47I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:16:50a lot of choices to make.
01:16:52And she's my queen.
01:16:54I just really hope she's okay.
01:16:56And then one more thing.
01:16:58What kind of a doctor
01:17:00brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:03That's a good point.
01:17:04It's bad for her heart.
01:17:07And then you.
01:17:08What?
01:17:09You know what they say about military men.
01:17:12They beef their wives.
01:17:17Enough.
01:17:20Stand up.
01:17:22Hey, you guys.
01:17:25Whoa, break it up.
01:17:27Hey, break it up.
01:17:33Cut to commercial.
01:17:35Cut to commercial.
01:17:47Oh, gosh.
01:17:53This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:17:55in my entire life.
01:17:58Who do I choose?
01:18:07Angela's marrying me.
01:18:09You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:10Oh, yeah?
01:18:12I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:18:14I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:20What don't you have in that coat?
01:18:22Fruit-flavored gum.
01:18:24I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:26I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:28Don't forget about me.
01:18:30It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:35These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:18:38They do not help.
01:18:40Who made these?
01:18:44Who?
01:19:00It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:05I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:08And I have the power of telekinesis.
01:19:14Oh!
01:19:26We may have to work together to take him down.
01:19:39This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:19:43I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:19:47Hmm.
01:19:48Winter mint or cool mint?
01:19:54You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:57Really?
01:19:59I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:03So I appreciate that.
01:20:05Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:06And you know, Cole,
01:20:08I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:20:11Really?
01:20:12Yeah.
01:20:16What do you got for me?
01:20:17I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:20:21Yeah?
01:20:22It's fresh, right?
01:20:23Yeah.
01:20:24You know?
01:20:25Yeah, yeah.
01:20:26You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:20:29You need me to look at you?
01:20:31I got you.
01:20:32I'll take care of you.
01:20:34Angela's been kidnapped.
01:20:36Angela's been kidnapped.
01:20:38It was Jared Cooper.
01:20:40That fucker!
01:20:42We have to find her.
01:20:43What, how?
01:20:44Her ring.
01:20:45Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:20:48Well, let's go then.
01:20:49My phone!
01:20:50My fiance!
01:20:51My fiance!
01:20:58Jared.
01:21:02What am I doing here?
01:21:04You destroyed me.
01:21:07You took everything.
01:21:10What?
01:21:11I have nothing left.
01:21:13It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:21:16I wasn't greedy to have sex with my wife.
01:21:20What?
01:21:21I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:23Oh, yeah, I know.
01:21:24You wouldn't take me back now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:27This is illegal!
01:21:28You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:31You won't have me arrested.
01:21:33You will take me back.
01:21:36Ow!
01:21:37Come on, bitch.
01:21:40I'll settle you down a little.
01:21:50You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:21:55Hey!
01:21:57Angela!
01:21:58Come back!
01:22:02You're too late!
01:22:03I drugged her.
01:22:04She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:05Oh, yeah?
01:22:06Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:09He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:11Everything except for fruit.
01:22:12Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:22:13We get it already.
01:22:14Just save my boss!
01:22:17Here you go.
01:22:23You're all good now.
01:22:25Oh, thank God.
01:22:27But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:29What?
01:22:30What are you going to do to me?
01:22:32Hey, stop!
01:22:34Ow!
01:22:35Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:22:42Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:22:44Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:22:53So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:22:55We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:58The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:00And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:08Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:10The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:13We're down to the wire.
01:23:14Literally.
01:23:15The wedding day.
01:23:16But who's the groom?
01:23:30Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:32The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:35But who's the groom?
01:23:39Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:23:43Any input from the parents?
01:23:45Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:23:49This is exciting!
01:23:51Who should my daughter pick?
01:23:53Let me think.
01:23:54Let me think.
01:23:58I like the doctor.
01:23:59He's cute.
01:24:02But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:07And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:24:09the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:10Isn't that right, Devon?
01:24:12Angela.
01:24:19You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:24:24And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:24:29But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:32And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:24:37And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:24:45I'm just kidding.
01:24:46I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:24:49Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:53I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:55They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:58So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:01Literally.
01:25:04Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:25:07general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:11Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:25:16Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:21And last but not least,
01:25:23could it be the richest man of them all,
01:25:26the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:25:29Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:25:31Could it be the richest man of them all,
01:25:34the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:25:36Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:25:41Gentlemen.
01:25:43It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:25:46May the best man win.
01:25:48May the best man win.
01:25:51Drum roll, please.
01:26:02Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:10I choose...
01:26:21I need a powerful, strong man
01:26:23and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:26:31Who could resist those guns?
01:26:35Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:26:37Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:52Shane, it's you.
01:26:54I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:56You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:58Yeah.
01:27:01It's baton action, ladies and gents.
01:27:04Ellen, be my new queen.
01:27:06I thought we could go together.
01:27:08Guns, babe.
01:27:20It's always been you.
01:27:23Yeah.
01:27:30I'll always love you.
01:27:34Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:27:37Ellen, Ellen.
01:27:38Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:40Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:27:41I need fruit-flavored gum for you.