Taskmaster NZ S05E02

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00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11He he he.
00:12Kia ora koutou katoa and welcome to the second episode of season five of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:41Master New Zealand. My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me
00:45playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 under the pseudonym Deathlord 69, here in
00:51this room I am known by the far more threatening title of the Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight, five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks
01:04in a desperate bid to get their hands on this beautiful golden trophy made to
01:11look exactly like the head of late 90s television icon Newsboy.
01:16Competing for this trophy, and what remains of their dignity, we have Abbey Howells,
01:23Ben Hurley, Hayes Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, representing Te Whingathepulea'i here in the studio, she's a winner of life
01:38and a loser of Taskmaster, Madeleine Saami.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question, what if you combined Siri and Alexa
01:49and turned them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams!
01:59Alright, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always, we begin with a prize task.
02:03We've asked each contestant to bring in the secret to their success.
02:11Some very successful people up on stage here.
02:13Let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure, the secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J Fox,
02:21The Secret to My Success.
02:24I actually still have this.
02:28I taped this off TV, probably somewhere in the early 90s on a repeat.
02:33So it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:37Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:39I've actually brought in my mother, in the 90s specifically.
02:43And just a moment for the haircut.
02:46But I'm not going to give you my mother, because I still need her quite a bit.
02:50I'm going to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practice my scales every day on the piano.
02:56I think we have a little clip of her.
02:59Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:03Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:08You slam that piano lid one more time and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:14I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former Mother of the Nation Judy Bailey?
03:22Very similar.
03:24I don't know why, but I've got a Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe when I look at her.
03:30From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:37Let's move on to Madeline.
03:40The secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:45Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night and it's what wakes me up in the morning.
03:48It's the reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take her home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:57Yeah.
03:58At least I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:01Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am and I've written out my gratitude journal and just done some meditation,
04:06I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha.
04:12Oh, okay.
04:14But it's got some special ingredients, so I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got there.
04:18So we've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing and may contain traces of imposter syndrome.
04:25So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that and you're away.
04:28Very neurotic-ly.
04:30Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:33Yeah.
04:34Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think.
04:37Abby.
04:38Yes?
04:39What did you bring in?
04:40I brought in my autism assessment sheet.
04:48So I have it and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities.
04:53I know heaps about cool stuff like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera.
04:58And I can't tell a lie and I take everything very literally.
05:03As part of the prize, does the autism come with or just the confirmation?
05:07You wish.
05:09I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, same.
05:12Oh my gosh, honestly.
05:14Oh, you started it.
05:15Once you get into it.
05:16It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh?
05:19That's a bit of a fallacy.
05:21Yes, a lot of rich people died.
05:22A lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh, boo.
05:25Yeah, yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation.
05:32It's like you're on the boat and all the men are very gentle.
05:36Sorry.
05:37All the men are very gentlemanly.
05:38No, the men were nice.
05:39The men were good.
05:40Men are nice.
05:41They get a rough time.
05:42There were some baddies though.
05:43Billy Zane's character.
05:45Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:46Yes, that's a really funny joke but actually it's not historically accurate.
05:53Duh, Paul.
05:54Paul.
05:56Okay, should we score it?
05:58We should.
05:59Oh, one point's going to me, Madeline.
06:03No one wants that.
06:04It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:06Ben's going to get two.
06:07Two.
06:08Hayley's going to get three.
06:10Okay.
06:11Four points for Tom.
06:13For the kombucha.
06:14And Abby's going to get five points.
06:20Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, shall we Paul?
06:24Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:30Hi, P.W.
06:32Hi, T.S.
06:33You all right, Paul?
06:35Yes.
06:36Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:38Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:40It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:42All right.
06:44Don't push that under, please.
06:48Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:51You must follow the instructions written on every block.
06:56You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.
07:00Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:06You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11Okay.
07:12I guess you're underway.
07:18So am I allowed to say this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:22No.
07:23It's legally very different from Jenga.
07:26Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:28Yes.
07:29This is four, so it's a completely different thing.
07:31Totally.
07:32Okay.
07:33Well, who are we going to see play this brand new game that you've invented?
07:36Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells.
07:42Okay.
07:43All right.
07:46Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.
07:50Paul, I'd like you to meet Diane.
07:53Hello, Diane.
07:54Diane's very well to do.
07:55Oh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:57Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.
08:02Block, block.
08:04You never mock.
08:06Just like a nice warm sock.
08:10Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:17I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:19She's Diane's sister.
08:20She's also quite fancy.
08:22Quite racist as well.
08:24Sing a brand new original song about removing blocks.
08:27I love to remove blocks every day.
08:31I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:35Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:38Block, block.
08:39You never mock.
08:40Just like a lovely warm sock.
08:43This is Gavin.
08:44Gavin is down and out.
08:46I've been there.
08:47I am there.
08:48The next block may only be pushed.
08:51The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:54Remove the next block with your feet.
08:56The next block you remove must be orange.
08:59Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
09:02Well done, old chap.
09:04Remove the next block while standing at least one metre away.
09:12Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:19Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:22Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:25Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.
09:36Remove the next block while standing at least two metres away.
09:39Oh, come on.
09:44Imagine if this just flies out.
09:48Imagine if this just flies out.
10:13Did you see that coming?
10:15Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:18Here's one.
10:23Heads.
10:28Watch out.
10:30Blue in the neck.
10:32I didn't get it out.
10:33I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:36I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:39but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:48Unreal.
10:51I think I speak for everyone here.
10:53I say that is possibly the greatest thing
10:55that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand.
10:57Yeah.
10:58To be honest, yeah,
10:59I kind of wanted to just retire from Taskmaster at that point.
11:02Yeah.
11:03Like, leave on a high.
11:04Retire from life, man.
11:05Yeah, true.
11:06Valhalla awaits.
11:12Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names.
11:16Yeah, Paulette and Diane.
11:17You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:20Mum was racist.
11:21Yes.
11:22I think that's Paulette.
11:23She's quite racist.
11:24She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:27but she'd like to take a photo.
11:30This is very triggering for me.
11:33Come, darling.
11:34I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling.
11:35Come into my home.
11:36I'll do anything for free food.
11:37There you go.
11:38I'm a stereotype.
11:39Abbey, talk us through the creative process of writing the song.
11:43I love to remove blocks every day.
11:45I like to live my life in a precious way.
11:49Quite a few times, I would do a task
11:51and then come back and sit in my little room and think,
11:54am I insane?
11:57And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:00So, the stats.
12:01Yes.
12:02Hayley removed 18 blocks.
12:04That's good.
12:05Ben, 20 blocks.
12:06OK, that's better.
12:07That's better.
12:08Abbey, 28 blocks.
12:10Oh, my goodness!
12:12She was speedy.
12:13Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:16All right, well, that is the end of part one.
12:19Join us for part two in just a moment,
12:21where our comedians will probably just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:24We'll see you then.
12:26Kia ora koutou, Arnold.
12:27Welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:29a show that is now witnessing a slow decline
12:32after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:36What are we doing now, Paul?
12:38Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower
12:41and following the tasks written on the board.
12:44So, we're going to play a game of Monopoly.
12:47We're going to play a game of Monopoly
12:49and we're going to play a game of Monopoly
12:52by removing blocks from a tower
12:54and following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:57We've seen Abbey, Ben and Hayley,
12:59so now it's time for Tefinga and Tom to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:03Ooh! Yep.
13:10What does that mean, be your friend?
13:13Ben, do it so you can help me with the tasks.
13:16I'll be a real friend, like a genuine friend,
13:18if you can move this block for me.
13:21Which block?
13:22That one there.
13:29The next block you remove must be green.
13:33Oh.
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38OK.
13:39Next one.
13:40Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:49Eh?
13:50Remove the next block while standing...
13:53..one metre away.
13:55OK.
14:09Are you serious?
14:20I've stopped the clock.
14:22Are you kidding me?
14:23That was quite a strong wind, but you did take one of the bottom blocks.
14:29You happy with that?
14:31No.
14:34Don't stab the duck.
14:35I'm not going to stab the duck.
14:37Hi, honey.
14:42Be honest, Tom, were you going to stab that duck?
14:44Yeah, pretty much.
14:46The wind was against me. I refused to lose.
14:49How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:52Tom, three blocks.
14:55Tofinga, six blocks.
14:57OK.
14:58How many friends did you get?
15:00One.
15:01Did you?
15:02That was a big day for you. Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:04Let's just say it might not be by blood, but we are brothers.
15:12That's beautiful.
15:14OK, so how are we going to score that?
15:16That means one point for Tom, two points for Tofinga,
15:19three points for Hayley, four points for Ben,
15:22and five points for Abby.
15:28So where does that leave our scores for the episode so far, Paul?
15:32Great question, Jeremy.
15:33Out in first, with a perfect ten points, it's Abby Howells.
15:40Alright, what do you reckon about showing us another task then, Paul?
15:44I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:46I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world,
15:48and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:59Ma'am?
16:00To you, sir.
16:01Knock, knock.
16:02Who's there?
16:03Orange.
16:04Orange who?
16:05Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
16:07You never said banana.
16:09Right, let's do this.
16:11Relive the best moment of your life.
16:14The most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:19You have 30 minutes, your time starts...
16:22Now.
16:24Oh, man.
16:26That was the best moment of my life.
16:32So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:36Am I going to be judging the reliving part,
16:38or are we judging the best moment?
16:40Who had the best moment?
16:41Best reliving.
16:42OK, right.
16:43Right, let's get stuck into it then.
16:45Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:48It's Hayley Sproul.
16:51Best moments of my life?
16:53Meeting my fiancé.
16:56Meeting your fiancé.
16:58Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
17:00Although I will say one of my best moments was meeting your fiancé.
17:04That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:07Let's do the moment I met my fiancé.
17:09OK, this is how it happened.
17:11I was sitting in a drama school meeting,
17:13and he walked in, and he's six foot six,
17:15and I went like this.
17:18And then my friend looked at me and laughed,
17:20and then I turned to her and I said,
17:22that's mine.
17:23OK.
17:25All right.
17:26Bit of a warm-up.
17:28Before my scene in King Lear.
17:30Hey.
17:31My leash.
17:32My leash.
17:35What's with my leash?
17:36That's it.
17:37That's it.
17:38Now she's felt it.
17:39Where's my leash?
17:56Mine.
17:58Mine.
17:59I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette with me out on the smoker's steps.
18:04I will.
18:06OK.
18:09That's a big boy.
18:11That's a big boy.
18:15Wow.
18:19So Hayley, you went from hating women who say that their greatest moment was meeting their fiancé
18:25to actually reenacting it with Paul.
18:26Yeah.
18:27Well, I felt terrible for saying it because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:31And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiancé as well.
18:33I was like, well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.
18:37I didn't get why you were dressed like an apprentice witch.
18:42Because it's drama school.
18:44Where did you study drama?
18:45Hogwarts?
18:47Honestly, not that dissimilar.
18:50So who have we got next, Paul?
18:52Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
18:55It's Abbey Howells.
18:58What was the best moment of my life?
19:01I know what it is.
19:02It was when I played the lion in my high school production of The Wizard of Oz.
19:08I came out at the end and I got the biggest cheer.
19:12And my mum actually told me afterwards that I needed to tone it down a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:18The other cast members might watch this and they might think that you got bigger cheers.
19:23It was the lion show, baby. Everybody know it.
19:25OK.
19:26OK. Let's do it.
19:32Lion, lion, lion, lion.
19:55More lion, more lion.
19:57Did someone say more lion?
20:02Lion, lion, lion, lion.
20:16That was a true reflection of what actually happened.
20:19I totally see what your mother was saying.
20:22I've never seen someone so happy with themselves.
20:25All my life.
20:27That's what my mum said.
20:29Did you do the voice like in the movie?
20:31100% I did the voice.
20:32Can we get a little taste of it?
20:35Put him up, put him up.
20:39Paul, so far we've had two drama students hooking up
20:42and one of them getting a round of applause.
20:44Do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians who's actually had a child or something?
20:47Meeting this person was one of the top five moments of my life.
20:51It's Tofinga Tepeleai.
20:54Best moment of my life.
20:58Having my kids.
21:00Having your kids do what?
21:02Can they report?
21:04You can be my wife.
21:06Okay.
21:07You can be upstairs.
21:09Okay.
21:11To film the thing, not to mate the baby.
21:14But, you know, you can bring birth to the baby.
21:17Okay.
21:18Okay.
21:19Aren't you excited? I'm really excited. It's our first child.
21:22I'm excited.
21:23So excited.
21:27You're doing fine.
21:29Yeah.
21:32I can see the feet. I can see the feet.
21:34Yep.
21:37Wow.
21:38He looks like his mum.
21:40Okay.
21:41What do you think we should name him?
21:46I'm not sure.
21:49He's beautiful.
21:51Round two?
21:52If you can make it quick.
21:53Okay.
21:54Because there's an important rugby game.
21:57Wow.
21:58Our second son.
22:00Last one.
22:01Should be easy peaches like that.
22:03Just one push.
22:07Oh, it's gone back in.
22:09Again.
22:15Hey.
22:16Wow.
22:17Best incredible moment of my life.
22:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:25I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:27on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth
22:29after I gave birth to Angela Dravid in season one.
22:32And I tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:37I really enjoy the angelic way in which you screamed the pain.
22:41Oh!
22:43Very interesting interpretation of how a woman gives birth to a child.
22:47Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth.
22:49Right.
22:50And I was very young.
22:54I was split seconds old.
22:56I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life, which is throwing to an ad break
23:02during Taskmaster for the 47th time.
23:05Here we go.
23:06It's time for the ads.
23:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:18Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:20For the break, we were watching comedians
23:22re-enact the best moments of their lives,
23:24and it turns out they haven't done much.
23:26Who have you got next for me, Paul?
23:29Meeting this person was a top-five moment of my life.
23:32It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:35It's the best moment of my life.
23:37Do you know what it was?
23:38What?
23:39I don't know if we can do this legally.
23:41Can we re-enact Little Shop of Horrors?
23:43We could probably do, like, a...
23:45Version of it.
23:46Were you in the play?
23:47No, I was watching it.
23:48Oh, you watched the play.
23:49I watched it as an eight-year-old,
23:51and it stuttered me on my...
23:52It fired off everything in my brain.
23:54OK.
23:55OK, let's do this.
23:58Where did you come from, strange little plant?
24:02Please get bigger for me
24:10Please get bigger for me
24:25Please, Paul Moore, give me plasma!
24:33It's so funny.
24:36I'm a Venus flytrap
24:38from deep in the galaxy!
24:42I want you to saw me, Paul Moore!
24:45I want you to saw me!
24:47Ah!
24:48Ah!
24:55Small boutique terror!
25:03Woohoo!
25:09Wow, this theatre thing is amazing, Papa.
25:13I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime.
25:24I would like to say, for legal reasons,
25:26that was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:28It was, what was it called?
25:29Small boutique of terrors.
25:30That's right.
25:33I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Me too.
25:36For Onehunga High School.
25:37It's pretty cool.
25:38Harvard or high school?
25:39Yeah.
25:40I was the dentist, but I guess in your production
25:41I'd be like the podiatrist or something.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it.
25:47Oh, we should do it, all of us.
25:49Stay tuned for tickets for our performance
25:51of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:53I absolutely can't wait for that.
25:55What was it?
25:56What was it about Little Shop of Horrors?
25:57A horror.
26:00A shop?
26:01A shop.
26:02No, the musical element to it, a play, a horror,
26:06in the play they all get eaten by the plant,
26:08and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:11That just wonderfully excited me.
26:13Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant?
26:16Oh, good.
26:17It's self-defence.
26:21Wouldn't it be?
26:22It would be self-defence.
26:23Like if you got eaten by a broccoli.
26:25If I got eaten by a broccoli, I'd be like,
26:27it was worth it.
26:29Me too, me too.
26:30So we've only got one comedian left,
26:32and I know that he has two beautiful,
26:34healthy children, so I think it's safe to assume
26:37he's going to relive that.
26:40Meeting this person...
26:44I've met him.
26:48It's Ben.
26:50The best moment of my life is when I
26:52knocked that Jenga thing out with a tennis ball.
27:02Man, that was...
27:04quite something.
27:05We've got the blocks.
27:06Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09OK.
27:11Good luck, Ben Early.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block out of a tower
27:16with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:18Darn you, Paul!
27:19Why do you gotta make these tasks so gosh-darn hard?
27:35Oh!
27:46That's the kind of thing I do all the time.
27:50It's unbelievably cool.
27:55There's nothing left for me here now.
27:58Good luck with all your future endeavours, earthlings.
28:05Thought so.
28:21OK, so everyone's seen what happened earlier on in the episode.
28:25Now we've seen your remembering of it,
28:27and everyone's seen the other.
28:29You think the two...
28:30Can you see how they might not?
28:32Really, in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:36Everything is seen through a lens.
28:38Wow.
28:39And that was my lens.
28:40I feel like the second one was objectively worse.
28:43I agree.
28:44It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon.
28:46Yeah.
28:47You know what I mean?
28:48We don't need...
28:49Yeah, we need, like, 20 years in between,
28:51not just straight away.
28:52It almost makes the first task seem shit now.
28:55Do you know what I mean?
28:56Hey!
28:57You don't even go here.
28:58Sorry, I'm just...
28:59I don't even go here.
29:00I'll go.
29:01How do you want to score it?
29:02This is going to be quite difficult.
29:04I think Ben definitely gets one point.
29:07OK.
29:08Because I saw the...
29:09I just saw the original, and it was just nothing like it.
29:12It's too fresh.
29:13There's nothing there for me.
29:14Toffinger, I will give two points to.
29:17I thought it was a great performance,
29:19but there were three moments.
29:20I think, Hayley, three points for you.
29:22Great turnaround on what you thought was...
29:24how you hated people that did things,
29:26and you became one of those people very quickly,
29:28so I appreciate that.
29:30I'll take four points for The Little Shop of Horrors.
29:33And, Abby, five points.
29:36Well done, Abby.
29:38Thank you, Hayley.
29:39It was really amazing.
29:40It was really amazing.
29:41Yay!
29:42Believe me.
29:43I think I'm about ready for another task.
29:44You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first team task of the season.
29:49But also, it's time for the first top-secret mission of the season.
29:54Oh.
30:02Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:05Hello, Paul.
30:06Hello, Abby.
30:07What do I do?
30:10Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Over here, look.
30:15Oh.
30:18I got really nervous.
30:22Be the most excited to meet your teammates.
30:26They can't know about this task.
30:28One person on the other team has received this task.
30:31If you're more excited than them, your team wins.
30:34Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:37Do you understand the task?
30:38Be excited?
30:39Yeah.
30:40Woo!
30:43Quite excited?
30:44Yeah.
30:45No problem.
30:46No problem.
30:48I'm quite excitable.
30:50I'm going.
30:51Thank you, Ben.
30:52Woo!
30:56Hey, Paul.
30:57Ciao, Torfinger.
30:58Hi, Paul.
30:59Ciao, Hayley.
31:00Hello.
31:04Hi.
31:05Hello.
31:06Hi.
31:08No surprise?
31:09Hi.
31:10Big fan.
31:12Big fans.
31:13Yeah.
31:14Do you have a task for me?
31:15I do.
31:16Can I have it?
31:17Not quite.
31:19Oh!
31:26This is the best.
31:27This is the best.
31:28Woo!
31:34Not too bad.
31:35No.
31:36Hi.
31:37Hello.
31:38Hi.
31:39I'm Abby.
31:40Nice to meet you.
31:41Hello.
31:42So lovely to meet you.
31:43Nice to meet you.
31:44What a cute outfit.
31:45Your outfit is so nice.
31:46I love it.
31:47Did I?
31:48Boo!
31:49Did we just become best friends?
31:50Yeah!
31:51Nice to meet you.
31:52Nice to meet you.
31:53She's so nice.
31:54Oh, my gosh.
31:55I feel a little sheepish.
31:56I know.
31:57I'm going to do break dancing.
31:58What the hell are you doing?
31:59Break dancing.
32:00I'm so happy.
32:01Pow!
32:02Do you know when you hugged me, you popped my bra strap?
32:03That's how excited we are.
32:04I love that.
32:05Yep.
32:06That's for real.
32:07I love it.
32:08I love it.
32:09I love it.
32:10I love it.
32:11I love it.
32:12I love it.
32:13I love it.
32:14I love it.
32:16I love it.
32:21So before I score that, how do you think you went, Abby?
32:26I got stage fright because I'd never met Toppinger before.
32:30I was like, oh, he's going to think you're a big, silly goose.
32:34You go, oh!
32:36It was already an awkward situation when Tom had walked in.
32:39And then by the time you arrived there, there was triple awkward going on.
32:42How do you think Captain Autism is going to make that less awkward?
32:48What'd I do, baby?
32:50So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben now that you've watched that?
32:53Honestly? So betrayed.
32:59I wouldn't have done the streamer or the breakdancing,
33:01but I would have done everything else. Normally.
33:03It all just feels like a lie to me now and I don't trust you anymore.
33:07That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:09How do you want to score it?
33:11One-five trouncing. There's no other way you can do it.
33:14So, one for Abby and her team.
33:16And Tofinga, yellow.
33:18And then she's a five for Ben and Hayley,
33:20cos that was next level from Hayley.
33:22Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:28She was perfect this episode.
33:30Is this the first time you've talked to a woman?
33:35Second, and the first one's underwear fell off.
33:42So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:44OK, no, of course.
33:45I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is.
33:48And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:50Act excited. It's another ad break.
33:52We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
34:05Welcome back to Taskmaster. What's going on, Paul?
34:08We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:11which began with a secret mission to act excited.
34:15Ben acted extremely excited,
34:17and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:20Right, can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:23Si.
34:27Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:31If you break one of the three secret rules,
34:34you must step away from the tower,
34:36and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:38You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:41Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.
34:44You have 25 minutes. Your time starts now.
34:46Oh, my God, you didn't delay.
34:47I always delay before I say your time starts now
34:49so I can think about it for free.
34:51I do too, usually.
34:52OK, what have you done?
34:53I'm so excited it's Hayley.
34:55So, what's the idea here?
34:58We've got pasta, I heard pasta, and I heard secret rules.
35:02Yes, so the aim is to make the best and most leaning tower,
35:06but that is made harder if they break my secret rules.
35:10How do they know about the secret rules?
35:12They don't know about the secret rules.
35:14That's why they're secret.
35:15It's me.
35:17So, we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:19No.
35:20If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:22Yeah. OK.
35:23Step back, please.
35:28Can we leave the lab?
35:30Oh, yeah, good idea.
35:31Let's make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
35:33Step back, please.
35:34Oh, no.
35:36So, that's one of them, you can't leave the lab.
35:39I didn't say that.
35:40I didn't say that.
35:41I didn't say that.
35:42I didn't say that.
35:43I didn't say that.
35:44I didn't say that.
35:45I didn't say that.
35:46What about, like, a pyramid?
35:48Step back, please.
35:51Is it, like, P-words or something?
35:53The problem with pasta is it's dried, so...
35:56Step back, please.
35:59OK.
36:01Are you just going to not talk anymore?
36:04It's not talking.
36:06We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:08Oh, no.
36:11We can't say another P-word, either.
36:14Oh, penis.
36:16Step back, please.
36:18Everything started with that letter A.
36:20Don't say Paul again.
36:21No, it's P-words.
36:22Pyramid, Paul.
36:24Pasta, see?
36:25Shh!
36:26It's all right, we're in purgatory.
36:28Oh, for God's sake!
36:29OK, you've figured it out.
36:31Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:34Seam of what?
36:35The seam of the two...
36:36Materials.
36:38They're not going to get us that easily, Paul.
36:40Oh!
36:43Sorry, everyone.
36:44Is there going to be stuff on the outside there?
36:46Like little...
36:47Poe.
36:49Step back, please.
36:50Oh, Hayley.
36:51Tom, this is excellent.
36:53Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape.
36:58That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:00Not going nowhere.
37:03Step back, please.
37:06Oh, come on!
37:10I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:12You and me?
37:13Mm.
37:14What about our undeniable chemistry?
37:16I know!
37:17And afterwards, we can cook it.
37:18Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:23It's architecturally interesting, I think.
37:26Step back, please.
37:3012 minutes.
37:34Friend?
37:35What did we do?
37:36How did we break the rule?
37:37I don't know.
37:38I think that was just being a prick.
37:40Mm.
37:41Oh!
37:47If we just put the things in...
37:49Step back, please.
37:53What are you...?
37:54Oh!
37:56Wow!
37:58Ooh!
37:59And that's got a lane?
38:00Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:06Mm.
38:07Preci...
38:09Preci...
38:1140 seconds.
38:12Oh!
38:13Stay.
38:14Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:1616 seconds.
38:17I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try.
38:18Oh!
38:20Oh!
38:21Oh, beautiful.
38:22Yes!
38:23It's definitely bleeding.
38:26I mean, now we're just...
38:28Just making it look pretty.
38:33Bring it on!
38:34Whistle.
38:36Whistle.
38:38We did it!
38:39Yeah!
38:40Can you tell us the third rule?
38:42No.
38:43OK.
38:44He never says anything.
38:45No.
38:56OK.
38:57So am I meant to judge them before or after they're hit by that wrecking ball?
39:00Before.
39:01OK.
39:02The third rule was if they spoke in an Italian accent,
39:06a giant meatball would swing down and destroy the tower.
39:09Oh!
39:10So I was kind of trying to prompt them...
39:12You were.
39:13Just made you look like a psycho.
39:15Oh, yes.
39:17It was about the leaning tower.
39:19The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:21Yes.
39:22Yeah, and I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tafinga's one
39:24actually looked slightly like that.
39:26I mean, it looked like a giant phallus coming out of the leaning tower.
39:29Here's the...
39:30There's a phallic part to it slightly on the right there,
39:32you've got to say.
39:33Looks good.
39:34I would like to point out that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid.
39:39That was just a self-contained pasta structure.
39:42That's a rubber band.
39:46Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta.
39:50OK, I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:52and four points for Abbey, Tafinga and Tom, OK?
39:56Glue.
39:57Glue and tape.
39:58Glue and tape.
39:59Who knew?
40:00Glue and tape.
40:01So now that we've followed the three rules of Pasta Towers,
40:04it's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising.
40:06Buy, buy, buy.
40:08We'll see you after this.
40:21Tena koutou.
40:22Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:24It's almost time for our live task, which could decide it all,
40:27but first, Paul, how's our school board looking tonight?
40:30In first place, it's Abbey Howells on 20 points.
40:37Interesting.
40:38Everyone, please make your way to the stage for the live task.
40:46OK, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
40:49Madeline Sami on behalf of Tafinga.
40:51Thank you so much.
40:52And can I just say it's a privilege to be here in...
40:56Go season one, Taskmaster!
40:57OK, here we go.
40:58Fan out your flame.
41:00You cannot move from or move your mat.
41:04You may not throw items.
41:06If your candle falls, you are disqualified.
41:09Fastest fanned out flame wins.
41:14Contestants ready?
41:15Yes.
41:19Feet back, Tom.
41:20Foot back.
41:22Hayley, foot back, please.
41:27CHEERING
41:29Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:32Tom, foot on the mat, please.
41:34Come on, Mads, come on, Mads, be a friend.
41:36Come on, Mads.
41:38Foot back.
41:45CHEERING
41:52Are we going to battle out for one point?
41:54Oh, no, yeah, I will.
41:56You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy.
41:58It's nerd versus job.
42:04Oh, my God.
42:06Go out!
42:09She's practising sorcery.
42:13Yeah, this is...
42:15Uh...
42:23You're flaming it, you're flaming it, you're adding oxygen.
42:32Abby, would you like to blow out your flame?
42:40CHEERING
42:42Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores.
42:54So, based on that live task,
42:56Abby gets one point,
42:58Ben gets two,
42:59Tom gets three,
43:00four for Hayley,
43:01and the winner of the live task with five points
43:04representing Tofinga was Madeline Sami.
43:08Well done.
43:10Great use of the jacket.
43:13OK, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:15Our winner, by one point,
43:17second place was Hayley,
43:19first place is Abby Howells.
43:21Congratulations, Abby.
43:23You're now the proud owner of five success-inducing secrets.
43:27Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:29So close.
43:30Well done, Abby.
43:32Thank you for joining us
43:33for another episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:35We've learned how important it is
43:37to really make something of your life
43:39so that your single greatest achievement
43:41isn't watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors
43:44or chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:48But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner of Taskmaster season five,
43:52episode two,
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:57I've been Jeremy Wells.
43:58We'll see you next time.
43:59Goodnight. Ka kite anō.
44:08Come on, come on, come on.
44:16OK, Paul, should we get down to business?
44:23That's five points from me.
44:27You're under arrest.
44:28He can't help but be an alpha.