The phrase "nearest and dearest" often evokes a sense of warmth, family, and close relationships. It's a term that brings to mind the people we hold closest to our hearts—our family, friends, and loved ones. However, in the context of British television, "Nearest and Dearest" takes on a different meaning, referring to a classic sitcom that captured the hearts of many.
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
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Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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FunTranscript
00:00Nearest and Dearest, P584, Strug Program, Number 19, Part 1, Take 1.
00:12Thank you, madam.
00:14All right, stand by, lads. Best of luck, all. Here we go, ten seconds.
00:30P584, Strug Program, Number 19, Part 1, Take 1.
01:01Get inside. I don't want to go inside. I've only got a little cough.
01:04What do I want to come to the flaming doctor's for?
01:06Come to the doctor's with a little cough like that, I'm off.
01:08Come back here, you big girl's blouse. Doctor won't hurt you.
01:13I'm not wrong with me. I'm as fit as a lodging house cat.
01:16You're proper poorly half-bored, Eli. You've got a bad cough.
01:19That's a churchyard cough you've got.
01:22Aye, and there's lots of fellas in churchyard who'd be very glad of my cough.
01:26Well, please yourself, but if you drop dead in the street, don't come running to me.
01:31I'll be at your funeral, that short-arse.
01:34I say, that's just what my Albert said. Next day, they were gone.
01:40Gone?
01:42Just like that.
01:43See? What did he die of?
01:45Oh, he didn't die. He ran off with a little pizza from Accrington.
01:50See, I'm not stopping here, I'm off.
01:52Get back there.
01:55Now, see what you've done.
01:57Did that give you a twinge?
01:58Twinge? It was agony.
02:00Now, you see, that's a good sign. You see?
02:02Now, if I'd have given you a good pelt, you see, on your arm, and you hadn't have felt it,
02:06then you'd know something had gone.
02:08Oh, come on.
02:10You're a bloody menace.
02:12It's you that's got something gone. You want to sling round your head.
02:15I said she wants to sling round her head.
02:17I'm sorry, mate. I'm sorry.
02:19You damn fool. You shouldn't be that loose. You shouldn't.
02:21I said I'm sorry. Can't you take a joke?
02:23I said men are soft, aren't they?
02:26What? He wants to try being a woman for a week.
02:29He'd know what pain were.
02:31What about him? He's frightened of the doctor if I had to drag him all the way here.
02:34Well, but it was just the same.
02:35Was he?
02:36He couldn't face up to pain and suffering.
02:38That's why he ran off with that little pizza from Accrington.
02:41You should talk. I don't know how you'll go on and lay lying in that hospital,
02:45waiting for your grapes to go down.
02:47I'm not stopping here. There's no wrong with me.
02:50I'm not going to hospital. I'm not seeing that doctor.
02:52I'm taking nature's cure. Six pounds a best mile.
02:55That's it.
02:58Oh, I don't know, though.
03:01No harm in seeing him now, it is, eh?
03:03I mean, no harm in having a check-up.
03:05Even if you are fighting fit and incredibly virile.
03:09You see, the trouble with me is my legs, you know.
03:16I can see that, yes.
03:17I thought to myself when I came in through that door, I thought,
03:20hello, I said, I don't like the look of those legs.
03:24They've baffled medical science, these legs.
03:27I'm not surprised.
03:30The doctors don't know how I walk about.
03:33No. How would you go on with a pair of legs like that?
03:36I don't know, but I wouldn't mind finding out.
03:40Good luck to you.
03:44Before I go, perhaps you'd like to give it a really good bang?
03:48You what?
03:49Oh, stop.
03:52Hey, you're next. I wonder what he'd find, the doctor.
03:56Don't know. Depends where he looks, does it?
04:00Oh, bloody hell, the naked and the dead.
04:04Walter, what are you doing here?
04:07It's Walter.
04:08You remember that thing he had?
04:11Started up again.
04:12Oh, he's been overdoing it then, has he?
04:16Walter, you've been overdoing it, have you?
04:18Overdoing it? He can't even undo it.
04:23No, what it is, the doctor is very interested in our Walter's case.
04:28Wants to write a book about him.
04:30What's he going to call it, From Here To Eternity?
04:33Don't talk like that about Walter. He's nervous enough as it is.
04:36What with that undertaker tapping on the window every time he goes past.
04:41You can see he's in pain.
04:43You're in pain, aren't you, Walter?
04:46What exactly is it he's got?
04:48He's on his own floor, slipped again.
04:51Know what it is? It's his old war wound.
04:54What, where that tin of black market spam fell on him?
04:58You know very well what Walter did in the war.
05:00You know he was on the short list to be Monty's double.
05:03He didn't get a job, though, did he?
05:05No, because that was only because he couldn't grow that short tash in time.
05:10This lad works hard, he.
05:12Hello. Hello.
05:14Hey, you're supposed to be down at Factory Pickley.
05:16What the hell are you doing here?
05:18I've come to see a doctor about me sex life.
05:23Have you? What you are?
05:26I've come to see if it can lower me virility.
05:30Lower your virility? At your age, it's all in your head.
05:33I know. That's why I wanted to lower it.
05:41What did the doctor say about your legs, then?
05:43He said, well, whatever it is, it's travelling upwards.
05:47Only it stopped when it got to my knees.
05:49It knew what it was bloody doing, didn't it?
05:52Get in. I'm not going in there.
05:54I'm coming in with you. I'm going to see your case is properly diagnosed.
06:02Good morning.
06:03Oh, where's Dr McGregor, then?
06:05Oh, he's on holiday. I'm Dr Bell. I'm his locum.
06:08Oh, I didn't know he was married.
06:10Good morning.
06:11Come back here, you.
06:13I'm not letting him mess me about. He's only a little lad.
06:16I can assure you I've been practising for several years.
06:19Well, practise on somebody else. I'll come back when you know what you're doing.
06:22Come back here. Get your clothes off.
06:24That's all I always like.
06:25Get your clothes off. He's a doctor. He won't laugh.
06:29What exactly is the trouble?
06:32Well, he keeps having these do's.
06:33All I've got is a little cough.
06:34A little cough.
06:35Well, if you'll just take your jacket off.
06:37Yeah, tell him to take all his clothes off. Never mind his jacket.
06:41I mean, when he gets his clothes off, you'll see what I mean.
06:44You'll see all sorts there.
06:48His feet are a funny colour as well.
06:51Well, madam, I'm quite capable of making my own diagnosis.
06:54Yeah, well, he wants those red pills.
06:56Her at the chippy. Well, she... No, not her, but her husband.
06:59He had those red pills, you know.
07:01Oh, they did the trick.
07:02Burst him with health, he was.
07:04Ah, look what they did to him.
07:05What?
07:06Ran after a bus and fell down a bloody manhole.
07:09Yes, yes, yes. Well, I haven't got all day.
07:11I'll just have a look at your chest.
07:15Breathe in deeply.
07:17No, that's not normal, is it? That noise?
07:19What?
07:20That noise isn't normal!
07:21What?
07:22That... There's something wrong!
07:26Don't do that.
07:27Kindly don't interfere.
07:32Can you feel that?
07:33Anytime I like.
07:35Oh, you're too soft with him.
07:37What about drinking? I suppose you have the odd one.
07:41Ah, yes, but my other one's quite normal.
07:44No laughing matter. You're sick, sick.
07:46Madam, kindly let me be the judge of that.
07:49And let me be the judge of something. Look at his colour.
07:51Look at the colour of him.
07:52My dad went that colour just before he died.
07:55Supposing something happens to our Eli, what's going to happen to me?
07:57I mean, I can't cope.
07:58I can't cope with that factory all by myself on my own with nobody with me.
08:02I mean, you don't know what it's like, do you? Pickling from morning until night.
08:07You get up at half past five and you come down and you find your gherkins haven't come.
08:12Next thing, your pickle has gone putrid.
08:16Well, there's nothing you can do, can you?
08:18Because, what's more, your vinegar's been cut off.
08:23I'm only a woman.
08:27What makes you think he's ill?
08:29What can't speak can't lie.
08:31I've got the evidence here.
08:32No, I forgot it. I've left it in the waiting room.
08:35Now, you just stay there, sat sitting until I come back.
08:41Is she like this all the time?
08:43You should see her in Leap Year.
08:46She made me come, you know. Drove me bloody mad.
08:48I take it she never got married.
08:50Oh, it weren't for the want of asking. She asked everybody.
08:54We seem to have something of a problem.
08:56Why? What have I got?
08:57You've not got anything. There's nothing wrong with you at all.
08:59Oh, I see.
09:00She was here all the time, in the mid-pocket.
09:02Look at that.
09:04That's not normal, is it?
09:06What is this, Miss Pledge?
09:08That's a sample.
09:11I told him to bring a sample.
09:12What exactly is that, Mr Pledge?
09:14Malt vinegar.
09:1690% proof.
09:18Well, I didn't tell you to bring that, did I?
09:20You told me to bring a sample.
09:21Not from the flaming factory, you flaming idiot.
09:26Sit down, Miss Pledge.
09:27Sit down, Miss Pledge.
09:29Miss Pledge.
09:31You're very worried about your brother, aren't you?
09:34Well, I mean, he's all I've got.
09:36Well, no, he's not all you've got.
09:40What do you mean, not all I've got?
09:42Why? What have I got?
09:44Well...
09:46Well, what I'm trying to say is this, Miss Pledge.
09:49Illness is found in many places, Miss Pledge.
09:53We find it in the leg,
09:55in the glands,
09:58in the stomach,
09:59in the throat.
10:00In canteens, quite.
10:04Quite.
10:05Disease is everywhere.
10:07They've even got it in hospitals.
10:10Of course.
10:11But sometimes disease comes in disguise.
10:15The body you see is the mirror of the mind.
10:18When the body's diseased,
10:19it doesn't always come out in the form of a rash or a rupture.
10:23Quite.
10:24Sometimes the disease is internal,
10:26within the soul, within the mind.
10:29Oh, I know.
10:31The brain's a very delicate instrument.
10:34It's like an electronic harp.
10:38And you've twanged yours once too bloody often.
10:42Well, to put it plainly, I know.
10:44What he's trying to tell you is, you're crackers.
10:47No, no, no, Mr Pledge. I wouldn't go so far.
10:50Well, how far would you go, Doctor?
10:52She's half bloody crackers.
11:18APPLAUSE
11:23I'm here under false presidencies.
11:25There's nothing wrong with me at all.
11:27Of course not, Nellie, love.
11:29Oh, I'm as fit as a Rochdale flea.
11:32And twice as much bloody trouble.
11:35You shut up.
11:36It's your fault I'm here.
11:38And to think, I felt sorry for you.
11:40I want me brain's testing.
11:42I know, that's why you're here.
11:45Don't worry, Nellie.
11:46They haven't put you away yet, you know.
11:48You're only in the pending tray.
11:50What are you staring at?
11:52I brought a message for you, Brooklads at Factory.
11:55Oh, have you?
11:56What did this say?
11:58Can we draw us Christmas Club money out now?
12:01Get away from this bed, you specky-eyed vulture, you.
12:05You'd like that, wouldn't you?
12:06You'd like that for me to be certified.
12:09See that, Doctor? That doctor's caused all this, you know.
12:11Everybody's looking at me as if I'm a bloody barn pot.
12:15Well, let's face it, Nellie, you always have been a bit strange.
12:18Strange?
12:19How do you mean, strange?
12:20Well, who wanted to send me dad to Harrogate to procure?
12:23Well, lots of people do that.
12:25I know, love, but he'd been dead two days.
12:29You don't remember that.
12:31I mustn't have been well.
12:32Don't you like it, do you?
12:34Our Walter loved it.
12:36Every time.
12:37He always enjoyed himself.
12:39Do you know, he's been in every ward in here except maternity.
12:43Ah, and that wasn't for one to try in.
12:47I say, Walter, I bet it brings back memories here, doesn't it, Walter?
12:53I say, brings it all back.
12:56Oh, don't say that, Nellie, he's only just had his dinner.
13:00Hey, I say, is it true that that lady doctor's got his gallstones on a charm bracelet?
13:06Stop talking about inside.
13:08I had enough with her next bed.
13:10Never stop talking about her operation.
13:12What did she have done?
13:15You know...
13:19She had that there.
13:23It's all taken away.
13:27All except the bed.
13:31Well, they have to leave you that, you see, by law, you see.
13:36Hey, Walter, you shouldn't be... Hey, El, where's he gone?
13:39He was there a minute since.
13:40Oh, dear God, I hope he hasn't gone giving blood again.
13:43He's not safe going about this hospital on his own, you know.
13:47I know where he'll be.
13:49He'll have gone to the lobby to see his appendix.
13:52They're in a big green bottle in the lobby.
13:54Well, I hope he hasn't gone near the dissecting room. They'll have him.
13:58He can't be in two places at once.
14:00He can if he's in that dissecting room.
14:02Walter!
14:03Don't sit there. Go and help her to find him.
14:05He'll be all right. He's probably just gone to run his underpants through steriliser.
14:10Oh, God. Ooh, those flaming crumbs.
14:13Anybody with any sense, they'd bring grapes to somebody ill.
14:16Or they'd bring me flaming eccles cakes.
14:20Hello, Nelly. Are you bearing up?
14:22Well, I'm not bearing down.
14:27And I keep telling you, I mispledge to everybody except nearest relatives and friends.
14:33So I thank you to think on.
14:35Oh, we are particular today.
14:37Not enough to do, you know. That's your trouble.
14:39Wouldn't you like to weave a basket?
14:43No, I would not like to weave a basket.
14:46And while we're at it, neither would I like to knit a scarf for somebody who is less fortunate than me.
14:54Well, it's no good sitting there brooding.
14:56Anyway, come on, let's have you out of bed. The consultant wants to see you.
14:59The consultant? Who's the consultant?
15:01Dr. French. Oh, he's lovely.
15:03Is he? He's a psychiatrist, isn't he?
15:08I don't see no psychiatrist. There's nothing wrong with me.
15:11I'm not mental.
15:15I'm only lay-lying here to save people talking.
15:18Especially her at chip shop.
15:20Of course, you did quite right.
15:23You're humouring me again, aren't you?
15:26I'll not be humoured.
15:28All right then, you awkward old faggot, if that's the way you want it.
15:31Get out of that bed and get down that corridor.
15:33That's more like it.
15:37Hello, all of you.
15:39I didn't know there'd be two of you.
15:41Well, it's me you want to see really, you see.
15:43This is our Eli, you see, and he's the reason I'm come here, you see.
15:46Yeah, she thinks I'm sick, but really it's her.
15:49You see, well, the doctor said I've got an illusion, you see.
15:52And we've got a pickle factory and it's got on top of me.
15:58Get this straight.
15:59You believe you own a pickle factory?
16:02Why a pickle factory? Why not?
16:04No ladies' underwear shop.
16:07They couldn't very well sell pickles in a ladies' underwear shop.
16:10That's true.
16:11Now, wait a minute, let's get this straight.
16:13We do own a pickle factory.
16:15Pledge is pure of pickles.
16:16She's nearly pledged, I'm Eli, pledge a brother.
16:19Ah, siblings.
16:21No, pledges.
16:23No, I mean your brother and sister.
16:25It's very significant.
16:26I thought it were rather common.
16:28Yeah, well, you see, I went to see the doctor with our Eli here
16:31because he had a cough, you see,
16:32and the doctor said that I was suffering from illuminations, you see.
16:35Well, now you're a psychiatrist, aren't you?
16:38So I want you to go and tell him that he's up the pole.
16:43Yes, yes, well, I think a few simple psychological tests
16:47will provide us with the answers.
16:49We'll start with the word association test.
16:52Now, when I say a word to you,
16:54you say the first word that comes into your head.
16:57Right?
16:58Wrong.
16:59No, no, no.
17:00Yes, yes, yes.
17:01Stop.
17:02Don't.
17:03I haven't started yet!
17:05Oh.
17:06Hey, Mother's Drake will never get finished.
17:07Look, what's your diagnosis?
17:08Is she crackers or isn't she?
17:10Don't raise your voice.
17:11I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
17:12Please.
17:13Now, Miss Pledge, just forget about the word association.
17:17Would you come over here and lie on this couch?
17:20What for?
17:21It's the only way to get to the bottom of things.
17:24Hang on, hang on.
17:26I know she's a bit repulsive, but she's my sister.
17:29She has to lie on the couch.
17:30We always do that in analysis.
17:32I don't care what they do, where you come from, mate.
17:34We're a bit old-fashioned round here, aren't we, love?
17:36You tell him, yes.
17:37All right, all right.
17:39We'll try something else.
17:41Now, we'll try the inkblot reactions test.
17:46I'll show you a series of cards with inkblots on them,
17:49and you tell me what the shapes remind you of.
17:52Right?
17:53Yes.
17:54You dirty, filthy beast.
17:57First of all, you want to get a lie on the couch,
17:59then you start showing her filthy pictures.
18:01I'm not filthy pictures.
18:02I've heard about men like you. You're sick.
18:05Oh, no, this is not a dirty picture, Eli.
18:08I can see here a little kitten playing with a ball of wool.
18:14And up in that corner there, there's a elephant.
18:18You see, different people see different things.
18:21Hang on, I can't see an elephant.
18:23Can you see an elephant?
18:25No, I can't, actually.
18:27You must want your eyes tested.
18:29What does that bit remind you of there?
18:34I never noticed that before.
18:37It's filthy.
18:39Get me half a dozen postcards, will you?
18:42Hey, stop it off, slavering over dirty pictures.
18:45You're supposed to be sorting me out.
18:47Then get on the couch.
18:49All right.
18:50I'm sorry.
18:51It's quite all right.
18:53I'm sorry.
18:54It makes you feel happy for me to get on the couch.
18:57All right.
19:01Look, please forgive me,
19:04but it's not easy, this business, you know.
19:07Week in, week out, trying to help people,
19:10trying to see what's in there, in the human mind.
19:14I have been under great strain recently.
19:17Yes, you want to be careful. You must have been overdoing it, you know.
19:20Who's going to make people well if you are sick?
19:23You're right, of course. You're absolutely right.
19:25God, I'm tired.
19:27You've lost a button off your jacket there.
19:29Oh, so I have.
19:31I meant to sew that on again.
19:33Still, I'm all right. Now, about your child...
19:35Now, that shows me that you haven't got a woman looking after you.
19:39Well, no, I haven't, you see, my wife.
19:43Still, that's not your problem.
19:45Oh, yes, it is.
19:46We're all here to help each other, aren't we?
19:49Let a smile be your umbrella,
19:52I may not pass this way again.
19:55We shall all now rise and sing the 23rd Psalm.
19:58Well, shut up, you.
20:00As my Auntie Agnes used to say, and it's very true,
20:04don't worry, it may never happen.
20:07But in her case, it did. She had 17 kids.
20:10Shut up, will you? I'm talking to the engineer, not the oil rag.
20:13Oh, charming.
20:15Miss Plager, I do appreciate your sympathy, really, I do.
20:18Now, you've got trouble at home, haven't you?
20:21Well, yes, I have.
20:23I can always tell.
20:25When there's a slate loose on the roof,
20:28you'll always find a big puggle in the bedroom.
20:32Oh, bloody Nora.
20:35Why don't you try talking to somebody about it?
20:37Talking? To whom?
20:40Nobody listens these days.
20:42You know, they've all got their own problems. Nobody listens.
20:45Eli, just leave us alone for a minute or two, will you?
20:49You what?
20:51You're not wanted here. Get outside and play me a bit.
20:54Oh, it'll be a pleasure.
20:56I've got news for you, mate.
20:58You're dafter than she is.
21:00Let me be the judge of that.
21:02Bloody National Health Service.
21:06I bore him.
21:08Now we can have a little talk. You get it off your chest.
21:11It'll clear your head.
21:13Well, I hardly know where to begin.
21:15Oh, well, tell Nellie. I mean, she knows, you know.
21:18Yes. Now, when you were a little boy at your house,
21:23did you have your own toilet?
21:27Or did you have to share?
21:37Eli, I can't find Walter anywhere.
21:40I've tried outpatients' X-rays and he is nose and throat.
21:43Well, he's not in the wind and water either.
21:46Oh, do you know he loves hospitals?
21:49It's his idea of an adventure playground.
21:52Well, don't worry. He's probably playing hide-and-seek in the mortuary.
21:57DOORBELL RINGS
22:14Hello. Here she is, the last of the Blackpool witches.
22:17I suppose she'll be under him for a good while.
22:20Yeah, well, we'll come and visit you on Sundays. Well, every other Sunday.
22:24No need, no need. He says I'm as sane as he is.
22:27And what's more, he's given me a stick of fat to prove it.
22:31He's what? He wants Flemming. Well, look at that. I'll go and have a word with him.
22:35No, you don't. He's got enough on his plate without you going and mithering him.
22:39Come on. Let's get ready and get up. Hang on, hang on.
22:42There's a few bulges under that blanket that I recognise.
22:47Come on, Walter, lad. Get up. Party's over.
22:50Now, you and his wife, why don't you put your hand under there
22:53and see if he's got everything he came in with?
22:59Have you had it, Walter?
23:02The anaesthetic, have you had it?
23:05Oh, come on. I don't think he's had it, no. Come on, let's get home.
23:09Oh, shut... Well, now, while we're here,
23:12why don't you get somebody to have a look at your thing?
23:16What thing? Your cough.
23:18It's only a perfectly normal cough first thing in the morning.
23:21Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
23:23Oh, dear. I've done it. What have you done?
23:27Oh, dear, I've done it. Get up!
23:30Watch up, Walter. I've got a little lump.
23:33Where's the casualty ward?
23:36Oh, dear, I don't think it's a little lump, I think it's my car keys.
23:40You are? Yes.
24:21APPLAUSE
24:52Nearest and Dearest, P584,
24:54Strug Programme, Number 19, Part 1, Take 1.
25:01Thank you, madam.
25:04All right, stand by, lads. Best of luck, all. Here we go, ten seconds.
25:08Here we go.
25:18MUSIC
25:39MUSIC
25:46Get inside. I don't want to go inside.
25:48I've only got a little cough, I don't want to come to the flaming doctors for.
25:52Come to the doctors with a little cough like that, I'm off.
25:55Come back here, you big girl's blouse.
25:57Doctor won't hurt you.
25:59I'm not wrong with me, I'm as fit as a lodging house cat.
26:02You're proper poorly, our poor Eli.
26:04You've got a bad cough. That's a churchyard cough you've got.
26:07Aye, and there's lots of fellas in churchyard who'd be very glad of my cough.
26:12Well, please yourself.
26:14But if you drop dead in the street, don't come running to me.
26:17I'll be at your funeral at Shorthouse.
26:20I say, that's just what my Albert said.
26:23Next day, they were gone.
26:26Gone? Just like that.
26:29See? What did he die of?
26:31Oh, I didn't die.
26:33I ran off with a little pizza from Accrington.
26:36See? I'm not stopping here, I'm off.
26:38Get back there.
26:40Now, see what you've done.
26:42Did that give you a twinge?
26:43Twinge? It was agony.
26:45Now, you see, that's a good sign.
26:47You see? Now, if I'd have given you a good pelt, you see, on your arm,
26:50and you hadn't have felt it, then you'd know something had gone.
26:53Like to see my...
26:55You're a bloody menace.
26:57It's you that's got something gone, you want to swing round your head.
27:00I said she wants to swing round her head.
27:02I'm sorry, mate, I'm sorry.
27:04You damn fool, you shouldn't be that loose, you shouldn't.
27:06I said I'm sorry, can't you take a joke?
27:08Bloody sorry.
27:09I said, men are soft, aren't they?
27:11What? He wants to try being a...