The phrase "nearest and dearest" often evokes a sense of warmth, family, and close relationships. It's a term that brings to mind the people we hold closest to our hearts—our family, friends, and loved ones. However, in the context of British television, "Nearest and Dearest" takes on a different meaning, referring to a classic sitcom that captured the hearts of many.
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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FunTranscript
00:00Nearest and Dearest, P584 stroke 20, part 1, take 1.
00:31MUSIC
00:57Ah, it's cold outside.
01:01Ooh, winter draws on.
01:04You take your eyes off where they shouldn't be, you mucky piece.
01:08Ah, you bonny woman. If I wasn't spoken for, I could fancy you meself.
01:14Get her off!
01:16You remember who you're talking to and switch that light on.
01:18No.
01:19That's it.
01:20Right.
01:21Good God, free wind.
01:23Nothing works in this house, including you, you specky-eyed manure carrier.
01:29I've been hard at it.
01:31When I work Saturday morning, I sure get double time.
01:35You do get double time.
01:36When I give you half pay, you're getting twice as much as you're worth.
01:40Have you locked up for over the weekend?
01:43I've looked after all that.
01:44There's the keys, and I'll be seeing you on Monday.
01:49I look forward to that all over the weekend.
01:53Mog off!
01:55Now, I wonder how a nice flamingo puce would look in that hall.
01:59Ah, that's not bad.
02:02Still, it looks a bit like my Sunday corsets.
02:05Still, not be so bad when it gets up on the wall.
02:08It should look nice and obscene.
02:12Hey, hello, Nellie.
02:14Nellie!
02:15Oh, are you decorating?
02:17No, I'm not, how Eli is.
02:19He doesn't know about it yet.
02:21He doesn't know about it yet.
02:23But I'm going to help him.
02:24I see.
02:25You'll be stripping off while Eli sizes it all up.
02:29I never will be stripping off.
02:32I don't care if I do get paint on me clothes.
02:35I mean, you'll be stripping the old wallpaper off.
02:38I'm a fool.
02:40Wish Walter was good with his hands.
02:44It's awful when you haven't got a man about the house, isn't it?
02:47And you've everything to do for yourself.
02:48Of course, it was Walter's brother, Alf, you know,
02:50who was the handy one in their family.
02:52Walter's more on the brainy side.
02:54Yeah, well, I mean, he's always thinking, isn't he?
02:57I'll just say, Walter, you think a lot, don't you?
03:00You're thinking now.
03:03His little brain's red hot.
03:06Here, Nellie, have you?
03:07Oh, bloody hell, it's Randall and Hopkirk, you see.
03:11Nellie, have you seen my little dicky-bo, anywhere?
03:13Aye, I've not seen your little dicky-bo,
03:15and where do you think you're dressed up like that for?
03:17I'm going away for the weekend.
03:18No, I'm not going away for the weekend.
03:20You're helping me to decorate that hallway.
03:22I'm not decorating any hallway.
03:24I'm going to the country with friends.
03:26Oh, yeah.
03:27You haven't got any friends in the country.
03:29You haven't got any friends, period.
03:31Well, not what you call a friend.
03:34More like a playmate.
03:35Oh, yes, I've seen your playmate,
03:37that tall, lanky, ugly thing that works in the ironmongers
03:40and smells of paraffin oil.
03:43Shut up. She doesn't smell of paraffin oil.
03:46Paint stripper.
03:47That reminds me, I must be off.
03:50I'm fed up with being left here, on me own, by meself,
03:53with nobody with me, all over the weekend.
03:55I mean, all I'm doing is looking after this home.
03:57I mean, it's all bed and work.
03:59One day, you'll come back into this house
04:01and you'll find me at the bottom of the canal.
04:06Promises. Just promises.
04:08Hey, come on.
04:09There's going to be all this unpleasantness,
04:11and we and Walter's going.
04:12Anyway, I've left his prescription at Chemist.
04:14Why? Are you going to get him a surgical body stocking?
04:18Look, if you think you're trolloping off into the country
04:20with that fancy woman of yours,
04:21you've got another thing coming.
04:23Nellie, I am not a little lad.
04:25What two consenting adults do on their weekend off
04:27is nobody's business of their own.
04:29Let's face it, Nellie.
04:30These days, everybody's at it.
04:32I'm not at it.
04:34I've never been even anywhere near it.
04:37Well, that's understandable, isn't it?
04:40You want a nice home.
04:42I mean, it's lovely, Eli, you know, doing things together.
04:46I know, that's why I'm off on weekends.
04:50While you're in the country there,
04:52doing things that a young man,
04:54single man especially,
04:56shouldn't know anything about,
04:57can't you think of me?
04:59Sat sitting at home here.
05:01How can you do it?
05:02Same way as everybody else, does it?
05:05Mog off!
05:06All right, I will.
05:07Just a minute, just a minute.
05:08Before you go, you'll go down in that cellar
05:10and get those fuses mended.
05:11There's not an electric light working in this house.
05:13I'm not going in that cellar.
05:14It's all dark and dirty.
05:16If you can spend a dark and dirty weekend in the country,
05:18you can spend a dark and dirty five minutes with me
05:22in the cellar!
05:26Why can't I mend it on Monday?
05:28It's only a fuse, you know.
05:29I can't spend the weekend here, you know.
05:31I mean, with no lights on.
05:32I mean, supposing I have visitors
05:34and they see me sat sitting there in the dark.
05:36There's a long lead on gas poker.
05:37Why don't you find a way about with that?
05:40There's no light in that lavatory.
05:42I'm not going down that yard
05:43with a lighted gas poker in my hand.
05:46Look, what do you want a lighted lavatory for?
05:48Why can't you read it out like everybody else?
05:50Get inside there, you big twat.
05:57By hell.
05:58There's a funny smell in here, Nellie.
06:00Yeah.
06:01Are you sure we buried me dad?
06:04Where the hell's that fuse box now?
06:06It's right there.
06:07Oh, that's it, yeah.
06:09Can you see what's wrong?
06:10Ah, I think so, yeah.
06:11Just put your finger on there, will you?
06:14Can you feel out?
06:15No.
06:16That's funny, there must be something wrong.
06:19That wire you're holding should be a live one.
06:21Oh!
06:23Dirty big trap, I knew.
06:25I could have been electroplated.
06:27Yeah.
06:29Only give you a little singe.
06:30Give me a little singe?
06:31What do you think I am?
06:32A flaming fish finger?
06:35Anyway, I can see what's wrong.
06:36Give me a screwdriver.
06:37I haven't got a screwdriver.
06:39You're supposed to be helping me.
06:40Go and get one then.
06:41Oh, that's you all the world over, isn't it?
06:42Bring me, fetch me, get me.
06:44Well, I think we should sell up
06:46and go and live in a twilight home.
06:50Everything's falling to pieces in this house.
06:52Get me a screwdriver!
06:54Doesn't matter what you put your hand on,
06:56it comes off in your hand.
06:59Look at that.
07:01Hey, Nellie, hurry up,
07:02or I'm not going to get my bus in ten minutes.
07:04You lie.
07:05Go on, what is it?
07:06You've missed your bus.
07:08I'll get it if I run.
07:10You don't care if you run, you walk,
07:11or you crawl there on your belly over there.
07:13You've missed it.
07:16A boot locked in.
07:17It's only knob come off door, you know.
07:20All you've got to do is to stick it on spindle like that.
07:25You're a great aid bag.
07:27Now look what you've done.
07:28I've not done nothing.
07:29You had that in your hand, that knob.
07:31Spindle's gone through other side of door.
07:33It's sabotaged, that's what it is.
07:35You fix that knob,
07:36so that I'd stay here with you for weekend.
07:38Oh, if you think my idea of a good weekend
07:40is stay stopping down here with you,
07:42you want your brains testing.
07:45I'd rather be buried alive.
07:47That could be arranged as well.
07:50I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out.
07:51Stand well back, I'm coming right through there.
07:57Hang on.
07:58Before I go any further,
07:59have we got a first aid kit in this cellar?
08:02A first aid kit?
08:03Look, do you know how soft?
08:06Give it a running jump with your shoulder.
08:09I'm not damaging that hand.
08:11That hand is my courting arm.
08:15Anyway, there's no root for brute force.
08:17I'll pick the lock.
08:18Pick the lock?
08:19Yeah.
08:20Takes you all your time to pick your nose.
08:25What we need is a delicate tool.
08:28What do we need with a delicate tool
08:30down here when we've got you?
08:33Hey, have you got a safety pin on you?
08:35Yes, I have got a safety pin, but you're not having it.
08:38Come on, come on, you're holding me up.
08:40Yeah, so is that safety pin on you.
08:43So you stay stopping where it is.
08:45I know.
08:46What?
08:47Window.
08:48Window?
08:49We'll get out there.
08:52Hey, you'll have to go with her to a few hot dinners
08:54before you can get through those bars.
08:56We'll shout for help.
08:57Well, hey, that's our back street there, isn't it?
08:59Nobody ever goes down there.
09:01You're lucky if you see about three cats a week down there.
09:04Oh, are you giving up, are you?
09:06Look, what we need is something to stick through there
09:08with something on end to wave about.
09:10Now, wait a minute.
09:11Here's a stick.
09:12Now, we need a flag.
09:13Yeah.
09:14What are you looking at me for?
09:17Got some knickers on, haven't you?
09:20Are they white ones?
09:21Are they white ones?
09:23We're not surrendering.
09:26Get them off!
09:28I'm not taking my knickers off to put on the end of a pole
09:31to put through there for muggies to gallop at.
09:36Well, have you got a better suggestion?
09:38Yes.
09:39What?
09:40We can think.
09:43No, see, it's no good panicking.
09:45I mean, we've got brains, haven't we?
09:48We want to use them.
09:49Do we?
09:50Yes.
09:51What we do is we think it out.
09:53Think it out.
09:55You have a think.
09:57I have a think.
10:00Help!
10:02Help!
10:14Did you, um...
10:16Did you ever see The Count of Monte Cristo?
10:21Yes.
10:23We'll dig a tunnel.
10:27That's all The Count of Monte Cristo.
10:29If I remember right, it took him 16 bloody years.
10:35Only a suggestion.
10:36Shh!
10:37I can hear somebody walking down our back alley.
10:39Who is it? What is it?
10:40Is it a fowler?
10:41No, it's a dirty great dog.
10:43It's a Cocker Spaniel. We're all right. We're saved.
10:45Oh, well.
10:46Hey, ask him to go to the phone and phone for the fire brigade.
10:49Will you phone for the fire brigade?
10:50What are you talking about?
10:52We'll write an SOS note, stick it in his collar.
10:55Here, there's my ballpoint pen.
10:56You get writing, I'll keep him talking.
10:58Yes, sir.
10:59Come here.
11:00Just a minute.
11:01Now, what shall I put?
11:02Oh, put anything.
11:03Put pledges trapped in salad.
11:05Here, come on.
11:06Good boy.
11:07Hey, beauty.
11:08Flacky.
11:09Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.
11:11Hey, you do this for us and I'll see you get a nice juicy ball.
11:14Our Nelly's left leg.
11:17Eli.
11:18What?
11:19What's the date?
11:20Never mind the bloody date!
11:23Come on, I'm talking to you.
11:24Come back.
11:25Come back.
11:26Hey, you're a nice one.
11:27I haven't seen you around here before.
11:28Of course, there used to be all fields around here at one time.
11:31You wouldn't remember that, would you?
11:32No.
11:33Hey, how are you getting on with them concrete lampposts?
11:36Hoping this finds you.
11:39As it leaves me.
11:42A present.
11:43Hurry up.
11:46Bloody Lord.
11:53What?
12:00I'll kill you, you dirty great splat gal!
12:07Talk about dog being man's best friend.
12:10You said it, we're a cock of Spaniel.
12:14There must be something to get out with down here, a shovel or something like that.
12:17Here, look, hey, me dad's old drums.
12:19What are you gonna do with that?
12:20I'm gonna signal for help.
12:21for help. I'll bang like this like hell and somebody's bound to hear it and come see.
12:28You big pollution pity.
12:32Well, skin were perished.
12:34Skin were perished? It's us that'll be perished.
12:39Down here, you don't know how long we're gonna be here. Nobody ever comes down here.
12:42I mean, think about it. I mean, it might be years before anybody comes down here.
12:47I mean, then what will they find?
12:51Two Skellingtons.
12:54His and hers.
12:56Can't be down here 20 years.
12:58You are.
13:00Are we downhearted? Are we on the side?
13:03No. The pledges will survive.
13:05Yes.
13:06All we have to do is to keep our peckers up.
13:08That's it.
13:09How does this song go?
13:11Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect.
13:17I whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I'm afraid.
13:47Bloody hell, the bride of Frankenstein.
14:18You should talk.
14:20I've seen better looking objects on top of a bonfire.
14:25Well, Nellie, I was freezing during the night.
14:28You kept taking me newspapers off me.
14:30All I finished up was bloody Marjorie Prouts.
14:33What about you? You kept snatching at me late night final.
14:39Look at you, look at you.
14:40I always knew you'd finish up in the news of the world.
14:44Hey, Nellie, what were you muttering about in your sleep?
14:48I don't talk in me sleep.
14:49Yeah, well, at Saviour's Clock, which I'm in three o'clock,
14:52you jumped up and you said,
14:53mind me stockings, don't let them be stockings they're fresh on.
14:55Oh, yeah. I dreamt I was wrestling with Mick McManus.
15:01Did you get a submission?
15:03I was wrestling for charity.
15:07That's why you kept saying I'm anybody's for five bob.
15:10Here, Nellie, I'll give my left clinker for a hot cup of tea.
15:13You would say that, it's Sunday and it's all chop to chop.
15:17There's something to eat down here, though.
15:18There's nothing to eat down here.
15:20Even the mice have emigrated.
15:23Oh, God, look, we're a school.
15:25That's awful, isn't it?
15:27Ooh, what's that?
15:29Hey!
15:29What?
15:30It's a buckle of pickles that me dad won first prize
15:32at the buckle pickling competition.
15:33When was that?
15:34In 1922.
15:37Should be about ready by now, shouldn't they?
15:39Hey, ooh, there's only one pickle left.
15:42Never mind.
15:43We'll divide it between us, eh?
15:45I'll cut it in two.
15:46Darby daft.
15:47Have you ever tried to split a pickle in half with your bare hands
15:50when it's been in malt vinegar for 47 years?
15:52Well, I'll bite it in two.
15:53Get off!
15:55Well, I'll tell you what.
15:56I'd better have it, you see,
15:57because if I die of hunger, where will you be?
15:59Going through your pocket.
16:01We'll dip for it.
16:02All right, I'll dip first.
16:03Yeah.
16:04Dip.
16:04Ickle, occle, chocolate buckle,
16:05ickle, occle, out.
16:06Is that your...
16:07No, it is not.
16:08You...
16:10Clement fraud, you.
16:12You ickled when you should have occled.
16:14I didn't.
16:15I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.
16:16There were two ickles and two chocolate buckle,
16:17but it was chocolate buckle, that's what it was.
16:19Never mind.
16:20I'll dip this time.
16:21All right, then.
16:21No.
16:22Dip.
16:23Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
16:25Put the baby on the...
16:27When it's done, wipe it.
16:28Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
16:30That's right.
16:31What about me?
16:32I'm starving.
16:34I'll breathe on you, eh?
16:35Yeah.
16:37You can say what you like about me dad.
16:39Ha ha!
16:39What a pickler he was.
16:41Any good pickler, any pickler off the face of the earth.
16:45My dad was such an artist.
16:46I mean, he could take a runt of a gherkin
16:48that nobody wanted to know about
16:50and before he fizzed me that gherkin,
16:52that gherkin could talk.
16:57That's bloody charming, that is.
17:01That's typical of you, isn't it?
17:02Anything that were going, you had to have, didn't you?
17:04You were rotten to me as a little lad and you still rot.
17:07Why, you're such a marty, you're all a-scriking.
17:10I had something to strike about, didn't I?
17:11What about that bonfire night when you lit that crocker
17:13and stuck it down me welly?
17:15That were a laugh, weren't it?
17:17Hey, that lasts a man all his life, that does.
17:19I wake up in the middle of the night now,
17:21struggling to get me welly off.
17:22Well, you shouldn't go to bed in your wellies.
17:25You were rotten to me, rotten, rotten.
17:26Well, you got your own back, didn't you?
17:28What about when you brought all your pals round
17:30and charged them chunks of time for standing on top of the lavvy,
17:32for looking at me through kitchen window
17:34and having them all over the watch?
17:36Eeeh, I'd have made a fortune on it, lavvy roof fell in.
17:40You got in trouble for that, didn't you?
17:41Got me right in it.
17:45It's nice, though,
17:46spending the night with each other in the bedroom.
17:48We haven't done it since we were kids, have we?
17:50Hey, Nelly.
17:51Do you remember that night me tadpoles hatched out in bedroom?
17:55Yeah, do you remember what you hatched them out in?
17:59When I looked down and had the fright of me life.
18:05We used to lay there talking in that bedroom, didn't we?
18:08Yes, oh, yes.
18:10We don't seem to do it now, do we, that talking?
18:12We used to talk for hours.
18:13We used to tell each other all our little secrets.
18:16We don't talk much together now.
18:18I mean, you never confided in me, you know.
18:22You should do, because that's what a brother's for, really.
18:25Yeah, I know, but I mean, I don't like it.
18:27Besides, if I'd told you anything,
18:29you'd only throw it back in me face.
18:31No, I wouldn't, no.
18:32Honest, no, I wouldn't, no.
18:33Look, look, cross me heart and hope to die.
18:36Is there something you want to get off your chest?
18:39Funny you should say that.
18:42Do you know anybody who removes tattoos?
18:50You are?
18:53A tattoo?
18:55Yeah, I've got a tattoo.
18:59A tattoo, she's got a bloody tattoo.
19:03You're laughing and telling everybody, aren't you?
19:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I won't laugh at you, I won't laugh at you.
19:09No, hey, uh, what's it to tattoo of?
19:14It's, um, that's something I cannot diverge to a living soul.
19:21No, you can tell me, you can tell me.
19:22I mean, it's a secret between you and me and the four walls.
19:25Come on, tell me, what's it to tattoo of?
19:26Come on.
19:27It's like a little heart and it's got, like, an arrow through it
19:34and it's sort of palpitating.
19:40You want a bloody transplant?
19:43Look at you laughing and telling everybody about it.
19:45No, no, I'm not, darling, I'm not, no.
19:48I mean, everybody's got something they want to hide, haven't they?
19:51I mean, I could tell you something about me, but no, I don't think I'm better.
19:56Okay, go on.
19:57No, no, I don't mind.
19:58Tell me.
19:59No, I don't mind.
20:01Go on, go on, go on, tell me, go on, go on, I promise, I carry your secret to the grave.
20:07Honest? Just between you and me now?
20:09Yes.
20:15You haven't.
20:18I have.
20:19You never have.
20:20I have, I do.
20:21Well, I don't know why you don't.
20:25That's funny, that is.
20:27I always wondered why you stopped going to the swimming baths.
20:35Nelly, Nelly, it's me.
20:38That's funny.
20:39She's not in here.
20:40She's not gone round back.
20:42Now, are you sure that seat was cold when you felt it?
20:47Oh, hello, Miss Lily.
20:48Where's Miss Nelly?
20:49I'm right worried, Stan.
20:50She got herself in a right state because Eli was going off at weekend.
20:55Oh, look, there's his suitcase.
20:58Wait, perhaps he hasn't gone.
21:01I should open it, there might be a clue.
21:03Oh, do you think we should?
21:04Aye.
21:05Well, haven't you right?
21:10Oh, that's a weird shaving tattle.
21:14Oh, look, it's aftershave lotion.
21:16It's called Chinese houseboy.
21:19Oh, he's taking a book and all.
21:22The Monster Book of Crumpet.
21:26Oh.
21:28Hey, have you noticed what's missing?
21:30No, what?
21:32No pyjamas.
21:35He was taking no pyjamas with him.
21:39Supposing there'd been a fire at his hotel.
21:42Oh, fancy jumping into a blanket with nothing on.
21:46Perhaps he was taking an overnight bag with him.
21:50Right, where the hell is he?
21:52Who are you and what do you want?
21:54My name is Celia and I happen to be looking for a fella
21:56who promised to show me a good time this weekend.
21:59Walter, is this one of your fancy women?
22:02What, him?
22:03I'm talking about a man, not a rubber duck.
22:07Don't you call my Walter a rubber duck.
22:09Shut up.
22:10Oh, don't tell me to shut up.
22:11Shut up, I think I need a summit.
22:15So can I.
22:16It seems to be coming from down below.
22:19It's not you, is it, Walter?
22:21Eli, you're a little belter.
22:24Hey, Nelly, you've been a good sister to me all these years.
22:28Here, when I get out of this cellar, I'm going to be a changed man.
22:31What do you mean?
22:32I'm going to give her all my fancy women, all my boozing
22:36and I'm going to look after you and take you to pictures twice a week.
22:38You really mean it?
22:39Yes, because this cellar's made me see you in a new light.
22:42Yes, it's brought us closer together again.
22:44Oh, Eli, you're a little prince.
22:47And you're a little princess.
22:50Hey, I don't care if we never get rescued.
22:52No, neither do I.
22:53Help!
22:54Nelly, is that you?
23:00Yes, of course, it's me.
23:02I'm not doing nothing.
23:03Oh, we're doing our football poops.
23:05We always do them in cellar.
23:06Oh, the flaming door.
23:09Nelly, Nelly, oh, I'm glad you've come.
23:10Oh, hold on, Celia, love.
23:12I'm sorry about this weekend.
23:13You weren't locking up.
23:14I have been locked up, you old cow.
23:16Look down here.
23:17No, no, no, look.
23:18I'm sorry about this weekend, but I can still spare 10 minutes.
23:21What's a weekend?
23:22I mean, we've got all our lives in front of us.
23:24Get bagged.
23:25And tomorrow morning, you come in and pay for that bloody paraffin bill.
23:30Hey, she's a little teased, isn't she?
23:33It's a secret code, you see.
23:34When she says paraffin bill, it means I'm all right for tomorrow night.
23:39She clipped your bloody wig for you, though, didn't she?
23:42Shut up, and show me your tattoo.
23:44I'll kill you, I'll kill you.
23:45No, not a what.
23:47No, not a what.
23:47She's got a bloody tattoo.
23:48That's not my tattoo.
23:49No, I'm not.
23:50It's a transfer.
23:51You can take it off when you want it off.
23:52You said you wouldn't tell it to a living soul.
23:54I didn't.
23:55I only told her, dear Walter.
23:57Walter, have a look at him.
23:59Can you see anything?
23:59Can you see anything?
24:00No, I can't.
24:01Can't you?
24:02He wears a corset.
24:03Shut up.
24:06He wears a corset to hold his belly up.
24:08Shut up!
24:09That's more.
24:10I know the washing line.
24:12He pinched it off.
24:13Shut up.
24:14You said you wouldn't tell anybody.
24:15You said you'd take it with you to your grave.
24:17Oh, shut up and go lace your flaming corsets on.
24:21There's going to be all this unpleasantness again.
24:23Me and Walter's going.
24:24We'll see you two on Monday.
24:26Yeah, and I'm going along.
24:27Oh, no, you're not.
24:28What?
24:28You're not going until you are many that fused.
24:35You locked us in again.
24:36Yes.
24:37You're soft-headed, slavering old scrubbing brush.
24:39What am I to do?
24:40Well, in this case, there's only one thing we can do.
24:42What's that?
24:43Give me that bloody safety pin.
24:47LAUGHTER
24:49APPLAUSE
24:51APPLAUSE
25:11Nearest and dearest, P584 stroke 20, part one, take one.
25:51MUSIC
26:03Ah, it's cold outside.
26:06Ooh, winter draws on.
26:10You take your eyes off where they shouldn't be, you mucky piece.
26:13Ah, you bonny woman.
26:15If I wasn't spoken for, I could fancy you meself.
26:19Get her off.
26:21You remember who you're talking to and switch that light on.
26:24Oh.
26:24That's it.
26:26Right.
26:27Good God, free wind.
26:29Nothing works in this house, including you, you specky-eyed manure carrier.
26:35I've been hard at it.
26:37When I work Saturday morning, I shall get double time.
26:41You do get double time.
26:42When I give you half pay, you're getting twice as much as you're worth.
26:46Have you locked up for over the weekend?
26:49I've looked after all that.
26:50There's the keys and I'll be seeing you on Monday.
26:55I look forward to that all over the weekend.
26:59Mog off.
27:03Now, I wonder how a nice flamingo puce would look in that hole.
27:07Ah, that's not bad.
27:10Still, it looks a bit like my Sunday corsets.
27:12Still, not be so bad when it gets up on the wall.
27:15It should look nice and obscene.
27:19Hey, hello, Nelly.
27:21Lily.
27:23Oh, are you decorating?
27:24No, I'm not.
27:25How Eli is.
27:27He doesn't know about it yet.
27:29But I'm going to help him.
27:30I see.
27:31You'll be stripping off while Eli sizes it all up.
27:35I never...