Last Tango in Halifax. S01 E02.

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deaddogsmoking
  • last month
First broadcast 27th November 2012.

Alan and Celia test a sportscar and hold an engagement party.

Anne Reid ... Celia
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Edward Ashley ... William
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Tony Gardner ... John
Meriel Scholfield ... Beverley
Matt Stokoe ... Michael Dobson
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
Danny Cunningham ... Salesman
Dean Andrews ... Robbie

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00I've got a pen, pal. Did William tell you?
00:03No.
00:04This fella I was at school with.
00:06I did ask her out once.
00:08Did you?
00:10Turns out, Judith's a bit of an alcoholic.
00:12You want to come back?
00:13You're lucky I let you have out to do with him.
00:15Well, you were lucky that your nan didn't turn off you.
00:17I would be delighted to meet you in Skipton on Monday.
00:22I thought I might buy you a few beers. Again.
00:25Tell me about when me dad died.
00:27It wasn't an accident. She killed him.
00:29I'm very fond of you.
00:32I just don't think I can do this anymore.
00:35You told Michael bloody Dobson of all people!
00:38Idiot.
00:39Snotty bitch.
00:41We're getting married.
01:29Well, you don't have to say anything, obviously.
01:39When?
01:43Well, we've not worked out the details.
01:46We haven't had time.
01:47Well, you needn't look so worried.
01:53I'm not. I'm...
01:54I've just had quite a long day.
01:58One way or another, so I'd just quite like to...
02:03Gosh, well, this is...
02:06Where's your car?
02:07Oh, the police have got it.
02:08What about yours?
02:09They are a safe technical garage.
02:11In Harrogate?
02:13Well, didn't they offer you a lift?
02:15They're supposed to take you as well as your vehicle.
02:16Well, they may have done, possibly. I don't know.
02:19I couldn't leave Alan on his own. He has a heart condition.
02:24Right, well, you've got each other's email addresses, so...
02:29Exactly.
02:30Will you not stop and have a cup of tea?
02:32No, sorry, Mum. I've got a thousand and one things to do this evening.
02:35I've got the independent schools inspectorate coming in, so...
02:38I don't mind stopping for a cup of tea.
02:40I wouldn't mind the loo, actually, while we're here.
02:44Well, get the girl over. They'll think we've moved in.
02:47Sorry, Mum, I can't. My car's parked in the middle of the road.
02:50Well, can you not find a parking space?
02:52No. Alan, it's been delightful.
02:56Sorry we can't stay longer, but I really have got a lot to do.
02:58Well, that's a shame.
03:00Another time, then? Happen?
03:01Absolutely. You say goodbye to Gillian for me?
03:04Yes, I will.
03:06Right, well, looks like I'm being herded out.
03:10Shall I phone you in the morning?
03:12No, tonight. Let me know you've got back all right.
03:15Oh, yes. Yeah, I will.
03:17I mean, nobody's actually congratulated us yet.
03:22Shall we discuss it in the car?
03:23Discuss it?
03:25No, you should. She's right.
03:27Caroline's right. Everything will need thinking through properly.
03:34Won't it?
03:37Bye, then.
03:40Bye-bye.
03:43Congratulations, Grandad.
03:44Is this Raffy?
03:45Yes. How do you do?
03:47Isn't he grand?
03:49He's all right, aye.
03:53Well, I'll have to go.
03:55Drive safely.
03:56Thank you. We will.
03:58And you. That's all.
04:03Bye-bye.
04:13It's been quite a day, hasn't it?
04:15One way and another.
04:34Bloody hell, Grandad.
04:36Married?
04:37How have you managed that?
04:39I'm not entirely sure.
04:44Well, God alone knows what they must think about us.
04:47You could have stopped and had a cup of tea.
04:50Get in.
04:58We're serious, you know.
04:59We're serious about getting married.
05:02Whatever.
05:04I know you think I'm crackers.
05:06Mum, I don't think anything.
05:07I don't have time to think anything.
05:12Have they gone?
05:14Yeah.
05:15What the hell on earth are you playing at?
05:19Did you not like her?
05:20Like her? But I don't know her.
05:22You don't know her. You haven't seen her for 60 years.
05:24Well, I liked her.
05:25The daughter strikes me as being a bit high-maintenance, though.
05:27She stood you up?
05:30Apparently not.
05:31She had you on then. How do you know she's not having you on now?
05:33Well, what happened was...
05:34I'm her bloody daughter.
05:35Don't get me started.
05:37Trailer trash.
05:38What happened was...
05:39Bitch!
05:39What happened was...
05:40Dad!
05:41Don't I know?
05:42Oh, she's twisted it and tried to make you believe black's white.
05:44You know what happened.
05:45You told me.
05:48I'll tell you later.
05:50You needn't bother.
06:11See you.
06:14See you.
06:18So, you're indiscreet with Michael bloody Dobson.
06:42What did you say to him?
06:44I was just a bit tearful.
06:46I was hiding in the book room, and he came in.
06:49Yes, and what did you say to him?
06:51He asked me why I was...
06:53And I said, because I'd been seeing somebody, and that somebody had dumped me.
06:58Then I accidentally said she instead of he, and he said,
07:00Oh, God, was it someone from here?
07:02And he wouldn't let it drop after that.
07:03Did you say my name?
07:06Look...
07:07Did you say my name?
07:08Yes.
07:09What exactly did you tell him?
07:12Just...
07:14I'm going to have to say it.
07:18That we kissed twice.
07:20Look, he's a mate.
07:22I wouldn't have told him otherwise.
07:23He's not going to say anything.
07:25Are you cross?
07:33No.
07:50Hello?
07:52Good morning.
07:54I thought it might pop over.
07:59Yoo-hoo!
08:02Is anybody in?
08:03Celia!
08:05John, are you busy?
08:07I've just got to the bit where Prothero, that's the main central...
08:11character, has just discovered his best friend's been sleeping with his mother for the last 15 years.
08:16Oh, dear. Has he? With his own mother?
08:19No, no, no, with Prothero's mother.
08:23Oh, well.
08:24There we go.
08:26Could you give me a lift to the garage if you're not doing anything?
08:29Only they've sorted me out a little courtesy car and I've got to get over to Halifax.
08:34Did... did Caroline explain that I've moved back in?
08:40Yeah, yeah, she did.
08:41Good.
08:43The thing is, it's delicate.
08:47Yeah.
08:53I made a mistake, Celia.
08:55I should never have left her. I've made such a bloody mess of things.
08:59She's put me in the spare room, which is fine, you know, it's...
09:04The thing is, obviously, if you felt inclined, if...
09:08if you could put in a good word for me with her.
09:13You see, she listens to you.
09:14When?
09:16No, she does.
09:17Monster flood, if it suits her.
09:20I just want everything to get back to normal, Celia.
09:26What do you think about my news?
09:28What news?
09:29Me and Alan.
09:35Celia's road.
09:36Mine belt's gone again.
09:37She's popping over.
09:39When?
09:39Now.
09:40What for?
09:41Well, because there's stuff to discuss.
09:45Raf came home from school yesterday.
09:48Asking questions about when Eddie died.
09:50What sort of questions?
09:53Why yesterday?
09:54Because Robbie turned up outside the school.
09:58Saying stuff.
10:00What stuff?
10:01Usual crap.
10:05But what if he gets it into his head to start talking about...
10:09other things, like...
10:12what really happened?
10:14He wouldn't be that daft, surely.
10:17Robbie?
10:20If Mr. Raf isn't one of yours, surely he knows that.
10:25Don't think he cogitates that far, Dad.
10:32She actually come in here, specifically?
10:34As opposed to, you know, here in general?
10:37Yes, here.
10:39Because you do realise, to fresh eyes...
10:42This place does look like a dump.
10:53Caroline.
10:54I've got your husband on the phone.
10:56He says it's urgent.
10:58Put him through.
11:06John.
11:06You didn't tell me your ma's getting married.
11:09Something happened?
11:10Your mother's getting married.
11:12Sorry, is this urgent?
11:14It's delightful.
11:15It's nonsense.
11:16It won't happen.
11:19You know what she's like?
11:21She's all for something one minute, then half an hour, ten minutes later, she's gone completely off it.
11:24It's like when she wanted to buy a fax machine.
11:28Well, I don't know.
11:29She's driving over to Halifax to see him.
11:32When?
11:33Now.
11:34She's picked up a little hire car.
11:36My mother has hired a car.
11:38Well, no, it's a little courtesy car.
11:41God, you'll get lost.
11:42No, it's got a little sat-nav thingy on it, in it.
11:45And the bloke showed her how it works, so...
11:47Did she take her mobile?
11:48I don't know.
11:49Probably.
11:51Don't you think it's...
11:53What?
11:54I don't know.
11:56Life affirming.
11:56Properly, you know, proper.
12:00Uplifting.
12:01Good.
12:04What it's all for, really.
12:08Caroline?
12:12I don't know.
12:14I don't know. Look, I've got to go.
12:17Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?
12:21No.
12:23Someone at the door. Better go.
12:25Bye.
12:25Bye.
12:26Bye.
12:30Judith.
12:34Hello, Michael.
12:36Could I see you?
12:37Yes, of course.
12:38Burberry's just there, if you want to make an appointment.
12:41I meant...
12:44Now.
12:45What's it about?
12:46Well, it's...
12:51Sure.
12:57Kate.
13:00Kate.
13:00What about her?
13:02She has been saying things.
13:06Things that perhaps you ought to be aware of.
13:10Okay.
13:14So...
13:15She implied.
13:20She said.
13:21And, you see, it's not just me that she may be saying these things to.
13:26And...
13:28It could be damaging.
13:31To you.
13:32If any governors or parents, etc.
13:37Or...
13:39One of your two boys.
13:43Even.
13:45For instance.
13:46Got wind of...
13:49What do you want, Michael?
13:53Pick a budget for your Hands Across Europe project.
13:58Head of department when Mrs. Aspinall moves on.
14:01Look.
14:02I can be...
14:04Discreet.
14:06Sod off, you little prick. Do you really think you can humiliate me?
14:11Go for it, genius. Spread a few rumours. It'll say more about you than it ever will about me.
14:15This is 2012.
14:17I'm single, she's single. We're adults. We had a fling.
14:20The ladies have landed.
14:22Quite a long time ago, in fact. Get over it.
14:25She spoke to you because she was upset and this is how you respond?
14:28Bad move.
14:30And shame on you as well.
14:31Leave the door open on your way out.
14:36Do they really hit you?
14:38Yeah.
14:40God, that's appalling.
14:43Yeah.
14:47Did it hurt?
14:51No.
14:53No.
14:55No.
14:57No.
14:59No.
15:01No.
15:03No.
15:05I suppose sorry doesn't even start you.
15:09Well, you know, it's complex. I understand that.
15:13Judith, I'm not entirely comfortable about you being here in Caroline's kitchen.
15:18Are you? Is she here?
15:20No, of course not. She's at work, not here.
15:23It is your kitchen, though, isn't it? As much as it is hers?
15:27You take the point.
15:29I want you to come back.
15:31I don't want to be like this anymore.
15:33Well, yes, of course you don't and you shouldn't, but...
15:40Judith, I'd have left anyway.
15:42Why?
15:43Because it had run its course.
15:45And you think you can just pick people up like that and then just drop them?
15:49Well, certainly when people start hitting people, yes, it makes it more of an option.
15:57Why have you come back here?
15:59We went through this.
16:02It's where I belong.
16:03You always said it stifled you.
16:05I think I've come full circle with Caroline.
16:07I don't get it, because we were so good and happy and exciting together.
16:13And you like a drink just as much as I do.
16:15Not quite as much as you do.
16:20I just...
16:22I just don't know what I've got to look forward to, John.
16:26I'm serious.
16:28I'm 43 years old and...
16:30I'm between jobs and...
16:32my life just lurches from one embarrassing mishap to the next.
16:37And I'm bored.
16:39Bored of wondering what the point is.
17:00What are you doing?
17:02I've been in my attic.
17:04Oh, have you?
17:06On that bloody old ladder.
17:08You know you're not supposed to go up...
17:10Let me have that.
17:11No, I didn't...
17:12You sit down, come on.
17:13Down here.
17:14It's all those old photos.
17:15Yeah, yeah, I know what it is.
17:16Oh, my God.
17:18I haven't seen this for years.
17:20Me neither.
17:21It was under a load of stuff.
17:23You should have shouted me.
17:25I was only in the yard.
17:27You know you're not supposed to go hoiking stuff around.
17:30I'm certain I had a picture of her.
17:33There were a few of us.
17:35In a row, sitting on a bench up at Park in Helland.
17:38Oh, look.
17:40It's Mum.
17:42How old would she have been there?
17:44Well, that's...
17:46What does it say on the back?
17:481953.
17:50Sixteen.
17:51There, you see.
17:53That's round about the time that I last saw Celia.
17:55She's younger than Raffy.
17:57Is she pretty?
17:59She was lovely.
18:01Oh, my God.
18:03I've not seen this for years.
18:05Your wedding photo.
18:07Weren't you both lovely?
18:09We ought to have this up somewhere.
18:11In a frame.
18:13Blimey, look at me mother's dress.
18:15Now that school photo will all be on here.
18:19Me, your mum and Celia.
18:21Let's have a butcher's.
18:23Oh, my God.
18:25Look at all them shorts.
18:27Little knees.
18:29That's me.
18:31Look.
18:33Aren't you sweet?
18:35Yeah, what you on about?
18:37I look manly.
18:39I meant manly.
18:41I said manly.
18:43You don't look manly, Dad.
18:45You're 12 years old.
18:47There's Eileen.
18:49And there's...
18:51That's her.
18:53That's Celia.
18:55And that's Doreen Wilkinson.
18:57In between.
18:59He's dead.
19:03He's dead.
19:07She died.
19:11He went down south.
19:15Right, look.
19:17I'd better get on.
19:19Are you going to tidy up or are you not bothering?
19:21Well, I thought I'd tidied.
19:23Did you?
19:25Oh, OK.
19:27Well, is it not...
19:29No, it's fine.
19:31Right, enjoy.
19:33Ta-da.
19:36No.
19:46Oh, yeah.
19:48These shoes.
19:50They're worth it.
19:52I've been waiting for you.
20:06Hello.
20:08I lay awake
20:10half the night wondering
20:12if I'd dreamt it.
20:14So did I.
20:16Did you?
20:18Well, no, it were more
20:20laying awake wondering
20:22if I'd got the wrong end of the stick.
20:24Oh.
20:26Oh.
20:28Oh.
20:30Oh.
20:32Oh.
20:34I'm back.
20:36I tidied up.
20:38You've got
20:40a lovely view.
20:42Oh, it's bitter in winter.
20:44Have you given any thought as to where we might live?
20:46We've a few
20:48options. There's my little house
20:50up Barkersland.
20:52There's my flat at Caroline's.
20:54Then there's here. There's room.
20:56Oh, would your Gillian like that?
20:58Why? I have money in the farm
21:00so she couldn't really object.
21:02Not that she would.
21:04Well, I'm the same.
21:06They'd never have been able to buy that big house in Harrogate
21:08without my input.
21:10If we did want to live in my little house
21:12I'd have to give Dannon and Kimberley a month's notice,
21:14the tenants, which I do
21:16but they've just had a baby.
21:18Oh.
21:20What were you
21:22saying about car
21:24insurance on the phone?
21:26Oh, well,
21:28what Steve said.
21:30What's he got to do with insurance?
21:32Oh, nothing. He was just saying that
21:34because I drove into the back of your
21:36vehicle at my age
21:38not only might they bump up my
21:40premiums, they might refuse to
21:42insure me altogether another time.
21:44It's my only little bit of
21:46independence is driving, so
21:48I was wondering...
21:50I won't claim.
21:52I mean, I will pay for the damage.
21:54No, you won't.
21:56Oh, I will.
21:58I'm out.
22:00Gillian says we can take the Land Rover.
22:02She doesn't need it. There's a hut.
22:04Oh, it's my little courtesy car.
22:06We have too many decisions.
22:08We spoke for choice.
22:10Well, I've never been in a Land Rover.
22:12Oh, it's right uncomfortable.
22:14Ha, ha, ha.
22:28SIGHS
22:38Ooh,
22:40ooh,
22:42ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:44So you what, Gillian?
22:46Some about you bending over in a field
22:48that makes me almost unable to contain myself.
22:50Piss off, Paul.
22:52You give the nod and I'll be
22:54over this wall and up behind you before you can say
22:56to be posing in magazines with one that size, Paul.
23:00Move along now.
23:05Keep open, you'll text me.
23:06How weird.
23:08You know you like it.
23:12There anybody in at your house?
23:15Why?
23:17Go on, follow her.
23:18Beep, beep.
23:28In that your Land Rover?
23:35Half an hour.
23:37Of course, there is another option.
23:39Is there?
23:40Yeah.
23:41When we're married, we won't need both cars, will we?
23:45So why don't we trade them both in and buy something
23:48we've always fancied?
23:49Do you have so much in mind?
23:51Yeah.
23:52I dare tell you what, you'll think I'm crackers.
24:18Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:32He doesn't text me.
24:34Dad?
24:35Dad?
24:36What?
24:37Yes?
24:41Shit.
24:42William, this is what, what, what are you doing here this time?
24:47Revision? A-levels? Exams? Middle of?
24:51That's right. Er, Judith, this is William, my eldest.
24:54Hello.
24:55William, this is... What's she doing here?
24:58Nothing. Nothing. Honestly, nothing, William. It's fine.
25:03That'll be my taxi.
25:04Great. Will it?
25:06Oh, my God. You're disgusting. It's really nothing.
25:09Shall I answer the door?
25:11How much have you had to drink?
25:12I think over.
25:18PHONE RINGS
25:19Judith has a bit of a problem.
25:23She has. Yeah, point taken. But...
25:26She shouldn't be in this house.
25:27Let me just...
25:33I'll just... Can you...
25:36Hello?
25:37John, it's me.
25:39Hi. Hello.
25:41I was thinking, erm...
25:44Maybe we should go out together sometime and, erm...
25:50..talk about things and, er...
25:54..try and find a proper way forward.
25:57Great. Yes. Good.
26:00I mean, not tonight. I've just got far too much on, but, erm, sometime.
26:05No, no, fine. That's... That's fine.
26:09Right, then. I'd... I'd like that.
26:11Right.
26:17Right.
26:22Bye, then. Bye.
26:24Bye-bye.
26:37Has she gone?
26:41It'd be, like, really good if you didn't mention this to Mum,
26:46because, honestly, I was... I was just trying to get rid of her.
26:50William.
26:57Was Caroline all right when you drove home last night?
27:00Caroline? Yeah.
27:03Yes, I think so.
27:04She seemed preoccupied.
27:06She always is.
27:08SHE CHUCKLES
27:10I suppose it was a bit of a shock for them both.
27:15I don't think Caroline's happy.
27:17What, about us?
27:18About anything.
27:20She's married to this... John.
27:23He can be quite entertaining, but he's a complete waste of space.
27:29He works at the university in York, when it suits him.
27:34And he writes novels.
27:36Published, but... they're nowt.
27:43He went off with another woman, Judith.
27:47So Caroline was working full-time and bringing up two boys on her own.
27:53And then he just waltzes back in and she lets him.
27:59You can't say anything.
28:00Well, the fella around, Julian, was married to Eddie.
28:03He was a Roman.
28:05Was he?
28:06Did ten years, but he still manages to do a head in.
28:10How?
28:11Oh...
28:14You know, I said he died in an accident on the farm.
28:18Yeah?
28:19Well, it wasn't an accident.
28:23He killed himself.
28:25Oh, no.
28:27Bollard's out, drank too much, always short on money.
28:29She thought the world of him.
28:32I could see why people were drawn to him.
28:35I never was.
28:37He was a bully and a coward.
28:41Still, he's not there now, so...
28:48The lad doesn't know.
28:49We always have had him believe that it was an accident.
28:54You been seen, sir?
28:56I, um... We'd like to test-drive this car, please.
29:03What, now?
29:04Ideally, yes.
29:08Right, OK, yeah, and are you looking to buy?
29:11Yeah, that's the idea.
29:15And is it part exchange?
29:17Yes, yes, that's the plan.
29:22OK, Mr and Mrs...
29:25What makes you think we're married?
29:32Ow!
29:35SHE LAUGHS
29:40Right, come on.
29:44Bugger off.
29:51Yeah.
29:57Till next time.
30:04SHE SIGHS
30:12You twat.
30:16It was unfortunate yesterday.
30:18Our Gillian and your Caroline seemed to get off on the wrong foot.
30:22He thinks we're time wasters.
30:24Who does?
30:25Yond.
30:28I mean, if we had a little do, like an engagement...
30:31Would they be forced to speak to each other?
30:33They'd rise to the occasion.
30:34Well, why not?
30:37It's always nice to have an excuse for a party.
30:41Why would we waste his time?
30:43He thinks we're silly old buggers
30:44who've nothing better to do of an afternoon.
30:47Well, then we should invite him.
30:48You have to guarantee it'll go in the right swing.
30:51Him and his face. Ay-up.
30:58So...
31:00Mrs Dawson.
31:03I spoke to Stephen Harrogate.
31:04Based on what he's telling me, minus the cost of the damage,
31:08we can offer you 5,500 part X on your A-class.
31:11So you'll be looking to pay...
31:1221,500.
31:1821,500.
31:20You still want a test drive?
31:23It's 10,750 each.
31:26It depends.
31:29On what?
31:30On if you can give it to me for 21.
31:33And if you can have it ready for Saturday afternoon.
31:36Only it's our engagement party.
31:42Mum, where are you?
31:44Are you all right?
31:45Yeah, I'm with Alan in Halifax.
31:47What?
31:48I'm sorry.
31:49I've got to go.
31:50I've got to go.
31:52I've got to go.
31:53I've got to go.
31:54What?
31:55What are you doing in Halifax?
31:58Nothing.
31:59Are you all right?
32:00Yeah. I'm never better.
32:05Right, well, er...
32:06Drive carefully.
32:08Yeah, I will.
32:10Bye-bye.
32:11Bye.
32:12Bye-bye.
32:24Bye-bye.
32:35I've got the kettle on.
32:37I saw you pulling in.
32:38Hello.
32:39What have you been up to?
32:41Oh, nothing.
32:43Hey, who was that you were chatting to this morning?
32:46Oh, Paul Jattery.
32:48I made a cake.
32:49Susan Jattery's lad.
32:50Coffee and walnut.
32:51Yeah.
32:52Is it tea getting married to Neil Cresswell's girl?
32:55I believe so.
32:56Oh, it looks lovely.
32:59We got off on the wrong foot yesterday, Celia.
33:02I'm sorry.
33:03Oh, no, lovely, it wasn't your fault.
33:05No, I meant more.
33:06Me and Caroline got off on the wrong foot.
33:10And I'm sorry.
33:11I shouldn't have pulled into that parking space
33:13because she was indicating,
33:15only I was panicking,
33:16wondering if he, my dad, was all right.
33:20Perhaps you could tell her that I'm sorry.
33:22And that I apologise.
33:23And, obviously, it'd be nice if we could put it behind us,
33:29given the of-course-I-will situation.
33:31Yeah.
33:32Good.
33:33We were thinking about having a little engagement, too.
33:37Great, where?
33:38Here, on Saturday, this Saturday.
33:41Fantastic.
33:43And, look, congratulations.
33:46I should have said it yesterday, but, you know, it was just...
33:50So unexpected.
33:53I've it.
34:10Drive safely.
34:15So, what have you been up to?
34:17Nothing.
34:20I've been thinking.
34:23I put an eye out to tell Raph.
34:27About Eddie.
34:29And it's time.
34:32And then he knows, and...
34:34I won't be terrified about him here, in it,
34:36like a sledgehammer from anyone else.
34:41What?
34:43No, I...
34:45I think you're wise.
34:49Yeah.
35:07I'm cooking.
35:09No shit, Sherlock.
35:10How... How... How were the inspectors?
35:15Good. Very good.
35:17Good.
35:18So they should be.
35:19How's your history paper?
35:22You all right?
35:25Yep.
35:27Now, Mum has got some news for everyone.
35:30What? Have I?
35:31You're not pregnant.
35:32Oh, don't be stupid. I'm 45.
35:34What, then?
35:35What news?
35:37Celia.
35:38Oh, Granny's getting married.
35:39How? To Alan?
35:41Who?
35:42Apparently. Won't happen.
35:49An accident.
35:52That's what Coroner said.
35:56Why did he...?
36:01Obviously, that's something I've thought about.
36:04A lot.
36:07But you know what? At the end of the day,
36:09you can never know why somebody gets that far down the line.
36:13Not if they won't talk about it.
36:18Even somebody that close to.
36:21We all have demons.
36:27And most people cope with them.
36:32Put up with them.
36:35Demons?
36:37Things about ourselves that we don't like.
36:41Can't cope with.
36:44Things we've done.
36:46How we've behaved.
36:50Well, you know he had a temper, and...
36:54He had a lot of wonderful things about him, your dad.
36:57He really did.
37:00But he had this darker side as well.
37:06But you mustn't worry about it.
37:08You're not like him. Not in that respect.
37:11You're much more like my dad.
37:12Kind.
37:15Thoughtful.
37:18Balanced.
37:23You all right?
37:32I didn't want you hearing it from Robbie.
37:35That's all.
37:37And you see...
37:38That's another reason Robbie doesn't like accepting what really happened.
37:43He thought the world of Eddie.
37:46His big brother.
37:50And Eddie left him behind.
38:09We're having a little do next Saturday.
38:12Go like an engagement party.
38:14At Gillian and Alan's house.
38:16Bomb.
38:17And everyone's invited.
38:23Come in and sit down.
38:39Why are you rushing into this?
38:42I suppose that's what it must seem like to you.
38:45Well, how else could it seem?
38:47To anyone.
38:50I've been in love with him for 60 years.
38:54That's not rushing.
38:56He was 16 last time you saw him.
38:59People...
39:00Alter.
39:03How do you know, just on a practical level,
39:06how much money he's got, for instance?
39:08Oh, he's not badly off.
39:11He's a pension from the company that he worked for.
39:14He was a floor manager at Jessop's Chemicals in Huddersfield.
39:20OK. Good.
39:21He owns his own house, which he rents out and has an income from.
39:25And he put quite a bit of money in the farm.
39:27He's not short. I'm not daft.
39:29Oh, Mum, I know that. You've never been daft.
39:31Well, then.
39:33It's what I want.
39:36What I've always wanted.
39:39I know him better than I know myself.
39:42Can you understand that?
39:46A sort of.
39:48Almost.
39:51That's very...
39:54What?
39:56Touching.
39:59Articulate.
40:02Just think, if I'd married him and not your dad,
40:06I'd not have had me.
40:10Oh, I think I would.
40:12I think I'd always have had you.
40:15I was just thinking how much happier life would have been.
40:22Gillian says she's sorry that you and her got off on the wrong foot.
40:26And she hopes you can both put it behind you.
40:30She's all right, you know.
40:32Heart's in the right place.
40:36She's had things to deal with as well.
40:40As well as who?
40:44You, you twit.
41:01You ready?
41:06I was.
41:08Sorry.
41:09Just wondering.
41:12As regards me being in the spare room and so forth.
41:15Not that.
41:16Look.
41:17I know, I know it's early days.
41:19But.
41:20And I'm not suggesting, obviously, that we should have.
41:23Have, have.
41:24Sex?
41:25Yet.
41:26No, good.
41:27No, but.
41:30I did this stupid thing.
41:32Sorry?
41:34Sorry?
41:38I said this stupid thing.
41:42And when I met Gillian, I.
41:44I didn't know it was Gillian.
41:46I had a sort of spat with her before.
41:49Alan introduced us and I.
41:50What, what did you?
41:52I called her an idiot and then I.
41:56I called her brain dead low life trailer trash.
41:59She stole my parking space, it wasn't funny.
42:02That's what I love about you.
42:03You're so.
42:04What?
42:05Snotty and arrogant and glorious.
42:07The point is, I am not looking forward to this party.
42:11Did you apologize?
42:12No, I.
42:14Ran off when she went to the loo.
42:19These things are never as bad as you think they are.
42:21No, this.
42:22Was.
42:23Damn, I wish I'd been there.
42:25I am going to apologize to her.
42:27That would be the grown up thing to do.
42:32Maybe.
42:34You could start.
42:36Sleeping in here.
42:38Again.
42:45Tonight?
42:47Or.
43:02So, we turn your left just here, just coming up.
43:04Well, the sat nav's saying it's in another six hours.
43:06Yeah, well, take no notice of that.
43:08You want to go this way.
43:09Here.
43:10What, this?
43:11Yes.
43:12Are you sure?
43:13This is the way Alan always comes.
43:15I think I'd rather do what the sat nav's telling me.
43:17Well, bugger what the sat nav's telling you.
43:19This is it.
43:20I'm telling you.
43:21This is it.
43:22This is it.
43:23This is it.
43:24This is it.
43:25This is it.
43:26This is it.
43:27This is it.
43:28This is it.
43:29This is it.
43:30This is it.
43:31I'm telling you.
43:33OK.
43:34I do know what I'm talking about.
43:36Good.
43:37As long as we're going the right way.
43:38I feel sick.
43:39Feel sick or going to be sick.
43:41Need a wee.
43:42John, there is a plastic bag in the pocket at the back of the seat.
43:44You'll have to hang on for a minute.
43:46Oh.
43:47Oh.
43:48Mum, can you drive properly?
43:49I beg your pardon.
43:50I'm not kidding.
43:51I'm throwing up.
43:52Do not throw up.
43:53Nobody needs to throw up.
43:54There is a plastic bag in the pocket if somebody chooses to look for it properly.
43:58Why doesn't Dad drive?
43:59Oh, yes, that'll help matters.
44:01I have looked for it properly. Are you sure this is the right road, Celia?
44:04It had better be, that's all I can say.
44:06Oh, I think I... Oh.
44:07Have you found that bag? There is no bag.
44:09There is a bag! There is always a bag!
44:12Go off-road, Mum. Put it into four-wheel drive.
44:14No, Mum, don't. I am not going off-road.
44:17Do you know how to put it in four-wheel drive?
44:19Of course I know how to put it in four-wheel drive!
44:21You're sick, it's like she never needs four-wheel drive at all.
44:24When she bought it...
44:25Yeah, well, it's a good job I've got it now, isn't it?
44:29Where the hell are we, Mother?
44:31I'm just trying to find something I recognise.
44:33Jesus.
44:35Can we have some music on?
44:37No.
44:38Let's sing.
44:39Let's not bother.
44:40Ooh, she's getting stroppy.
44:41You'll be getting out in a minute.
44:42Yeah, shut up.
44:43You shut up.
44:44Both of you shut up!
44:45Don't you tell me to shut up.
44:47Bastard.
44:49Stop the car!
44:59MUSIC PLAYS
45:22Raheel!
45:24Brad!
45:26Brad!
45:29Oh!
45:31What have you done to your face?
45:32Nothing. It fell over.
45:34When?
45:35Coming back from Oggy's last night in the dark.
45:37Shall we?
45:38Sure.
45:39Twit.
45:42Oh, look at this.
45:44This is...
45:45Wow.
45:48Hello!
45:49Hello!
45:50You made it!
45:51Yes!
45:52It's all right.
45:53Oh!
45:55Hello, Caroline.
45:56Hello.
45:57And this...
45:58This is John.
45:59John?
46:00Hello.
46:01John, this is Gillian.
46:02Gillian.
46:03Hi.
46:04Fantastic.
46:05Now, which is William?
46:06The lad we have to thank for putting his granny on Facebook.
46:09Nice to meet you, my friend.
46:11And this is Lawrence.
46:12Hello, Gillian.
46:13This is my grandson.
46:14Hey, Ralph.
46:15How are you, mate?
46:16Come inside.
46:17I'm so sorry I was rude.
46:18It was, er...
46:19It's all right.
46:20It's all right.
46:21It's all right.
46:22I'm so sorry I was rude.
46:23It was, er...
46:24It's inexcusable and, er...
46:26Beautiful.
46:27...unnecessary.
46:28I am sorry.
46:30You were worried about your mother.
46:31I know.
46:32I was worried about him.
46:34I'm sorry, too.
46:36This is beautiful.
46:38We're lucky.
46:39I struggle to make ends meet sometimes,
46:41but I wouldn't swap it.
46:43Do you want to come in?
46:44We've got a kettle on.
46:45Fantastic.
46:47And you managed to find us.
46:48All right.
46:49Did you?
46:50Yeah, yeah.
46:51I do.
46:52There you go.
46:53Oh, yeah, there's a boy in my school called Scotty.
46:55Scotty...
46:56Yes, Scotty the Rotter.
46:58Scotty the Rotter.
46:59Yeah, I know him, yeah, yeah.
47:00Right, now, er...
47:02I've, er...
47:03I've prepared a little bit of something.
47:05Oh, I think Alan's going to make a little speech.
47:08Speech.
47:09Speech.
47:10Shut up, noise boxes.
47:12Him, not you.
47:13Why me?
47:14No.
47:15Voice.
47:17Go on, Dad.
47:18Er, thank you.
47:20OK.
47:21Well, um...
47:23First of all, I'd like to say thank you
47:26for everyone for coming to celebrate with us
47:30this very happy and unusual event.
47:35We've not fixed a date yet
47:38and we haven't a clue where we might live,
47:42but we'll keep you posted.
47:44Oh.
47:45Yeah, so...
47:47Um, I'd just like to clarify...
47:54I know you think we're daft.
47:56We do not.
47:57Nobody thinks you're daft.
47:58No, well, rushing in then, but, er...
48:02Celia and I...
48:06What happened was I was stood on a bridge waiting for her
48:09cos we had a date.
48:11This is, er, 60 years ago in Eland.
48:15And, you know, this is before we had telephones.
48:18Mm-hm.
48:19And her mother had mixed her dates up
48:21and they were already flitted to Sheffield
48:24and Celia couldn't contact me.
48:27So she sent a message, a letter,
48:30by a...
48:32..a friend,
48:34um, to say sorry
48:36with a new address that I could write to her,
48:39but I...I never got the message.
48:43So, um...
48:44Why?
48:46Cos she didn't give it to me.
48:49The friend?
48:50Yeah.
48:51Why?
48:53Just cos...
48:56Nasty trick.
48:57Well...
48:59Who was she?
49:00We'll find a picture of her and chuck darts at it.
49:07It were Eileen.
49:08Eileen.
49:13My mother.
49:14Yeah.
49:16So, anyway...
49:18Not that...not that anybody wants to change what's gone,
49:23but it's just to illustrate the fact that we're not rushing in.
49:28We've always had very...
49:31..very fond feelings for one another.
49:35Since all that time ago and...
49:38Well, nothing's changed.
49:41So...
49:43That's...
49:44God, that's...
49:46Wow.
49:47That's so...
49:50God.
49:52Anyworld.
49:53To us.
49:55To us.
49:59Mum!
50:00There's a massive red sports car just pulled up outside.
50:03Looks like it cost about two million quid.
50:05Oh, that's us!
50:08Oh!
50:10We decided against an engagement ring,
50:13so instead...
50:15..we bought a car between us,
50:17the sort we've always fancied.
50:19Yes!
50:20Oh, look at that!
50:22Oh!
50:24Oh, look!
50:27Cronhan!
50:29Did you know about this?
50:32No.
50:35Oh!
50:37Oh!
50:39Oh!
50:43Buttershaw, Mrs Dawson.
50:45Oh!
50:46Can we sit in it, Gran?
50:48Yes, of course you can.
50:50Just have to be careful.
50:51Congratulations.
50:52Stanley!
50:53Wow!
50:54So you...
50:56This is instead of an engagement ring?
50:58Mm.
50:59But you didn't let Alan pay for the whole thing?
51:01No.
51:02I said, we bought it between us.
51:04Hope they're not trailing mud in.
51:06So, blimey!
51:08How much did it cost, then?
51:11Enough.
51:12So, just to clarify, you don't know when or, let's be honest,
51:15if you're going to get married, but you've just spent...
51:18There is no if.
51:19..silly money buying a car that you're probably going to need
51:22a hip replacement to get in and out of.
51:24Stop being so negative!
51:25Do you like it?
51:26Yeah, yeah.
51:27Think me mother probably would have liked one at all, Dad.
51:30Oh, police.
51:32Now what?
51:34DOOR CREAKS
51:40Afternoon.
51:41How do?
51:42Are they the strippers?
51:45Nice car.
51:46What do you want?
51:47Julian.
51:48It's, er, summered up.
51:50Just need to have a little chat with Raffy, that's all.
51:53What for?
51:54What have you done to your face?
51:55It fell over.
51:56Where?
51:58Down Rippenden.
51:59Do you know a Paul Jattery?
52:04No.
52:05Well, he reckons he knows you.
52:07He's been in saying that you assaulted him last night.
52:09Yeah?
52:10Well, he should do insane stuff, should he?
52:12What stuff?
52:17I'm arresting you on suspicion of assault.
52:19You're not!
52:20You don't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence.
52:22If you don't mention when questioned,
52:24something you later rely on in court.
52:26You're not arresting him!
52:27He's assaulted someone!
52:28He's your nephew!
52:29Just be a bit of a caution, that's all.
52:31Inspector Atfield, just need to have a bit of a word with you.
52:34A bit of a caution?
52:35Yeah.
52:36If he was provoked, which it sounds like he was.
52:39But perhaps, should we...
52:41should we be getting off?
52:43No, no, no, no.
52:44Look, look, this is Celia and Alan's little party.
52:46We can't have this.
52:47We can't just take off.
52:48The thing is, Officer,
52:50er, this lady and this gentleman...
52:53Someone shut him up.
52:54..have just got engaged to be married
52:56and really, couldn't this wait?
53:00Congratulations, Alan.
53:01Yeah, thanks.
53:02Come on, let's get this over with.
53:03No, this is really, I would say, rather heavy-handed.
53:05And you are?
53:06I'm... I'm...
53:07A wanker.
53:12He is, he's had that bitch in our house.
53:14What?
53:16Judith.
53:18I came home mid-afternoon last Tuesday after my exam
53:21and they were pissed together in the sitting room.
53:30Raph, you go with Robbie.
53:32I'll follow you on in Land Rover.
53:34I'm going to have to go with him.
53:35Yeah, fair enough.
53:36Can you lift out the main road?
53:37Yeah, whatever. Get in.
53:42In my house?
53:44Not what you think.
53:45Happened I had to pop down to a police station with...
53:47Well, yes, he did.
53:48Let's not ruin this really, really lovely...
53:50Do you have a Lexus?
53:51Shall I? You don't mind.
53:52Get in the car, boys.
53:54Mum.
53:55Mum.
53:56Mum.
53:57Get in the car, boys.
53:59Mum, we're leaving.
54:02Well done.
54:05Don't come back.
54:07You haven't even heard my side of it.
54:09This is being taken out of context, out of proportion
54:11and nothing happened.
54:13Caroline, you are not leaving me here.
54:21I've wanted to do that for years.
54:28CAR ENGINE REVS
54:52I could have killed him one time.
54:54I mean, literally, I could have.
54:56I just want you to understand the effect you have on me.
55:01They said they were going to pour petrol over me
55:03and set me on fire.
55:06This marriage is over
55:08and I do not want to waste another second of my life
55:11pretending it's something worth saving.
55:13Mum!
55:17Hello?
55:18Anybody there?
55:19Slap her.
55:21Yeah, whatever.
55:26THEME MUSIC
55:56THEME MUSIC