First broadcast 18th December 2012.
On the eve of the birthdays of Caroline and Gillian, born on the same day, Alan tells Celia he feels guilty because, although Gillian's husband Eddie killed himself, Alan colluded with his daughter in failing to call the ambulance, letting him die.
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Meriel Scholfield ... Beverley
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Anne Reid ... Celia
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
Paul Copley ... Harry
Roy Barraclough ... Maurice
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Tony Gardner ... John
Edward Ashley ... William
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Ishia Bennison ... Susan Jatri
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
On the eve of the birthdays of Caroline and Gillian, born on the same day, Alan tells Celia he feels guilty because, although Gillian's husband Eddie killed himself, Alan colluded with his daughter in failing to call the ambulance, letting him die.
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Meriel Scholfield ... Beverley
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Anne Reid ... Celia
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
Paul Copley ... Harry
Roy Barraclough ... Maurice
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Tony Gardner ... John
Edward Ashley ... William
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Ishia Bennison ... Susan Jatri
Ronni Ancona ... Judith
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, where would you like to get married?
00:01Because, I mean, you can get married anywhere now, you know.
00:03We got shut in.
00:05We're not burglars, we're pensioners.
00:07Where the hell are they?
00:09Whatever has happened, you'll be looking after her.
00:12I know that.
00:13Do you think they're dead?
00:14You couldn't lend me some money, Peter?
00:16Two months, right? That's it now.
00:19Gillian!
00:20They're fine.
00:21I've been playing cards and eating chocolates.
00:23Don't!
00:27Do you seriously think I haven't slept with other people?
00:30Don't do it with that dipstick.
00:31We could make an all right team.
00:32You, me, Ruff, couldn't we?
00:35I'm seeing someone.
00:36I don't know if it's what I want entirely yet.
00:39Someone at work?
00:39I won't know if I don't try.
00:41Who is it then?
00:42No one.
00:42Why is it a secret?
01:30Kate, hello.
01:46Are you teaching?
01:49Good.
01:50Could you come to my office?
01:53Yes, now, would you mind?
01:54Caroline, we weren't expecting you.
02:02How's your mum?
02:03Fine, yes.
02:04Is she traumatised?
02:06Um, I don't know.
02:11I, uh, I don't think so.
02:13I was.
02:13I feel all, um, something else now.
02:18Exhilarated.
02:19Shock, possibly.
02:21Can I get you some tea?
02:22I think Alison's just made a pot.
02:23Oh, has she?
02:24Oh, good.
02:24Uh, yes.
02:35What?
02:45Oh.
02:55I, uh, told John.
02:57About us?
02:58God, it felt good.
03:00Better, um, you know, tuck that back in.
03:03Beverly will be in any minute with the tea.
03:05Oh, good.
03:07Caroline, do you, do you want to come round tonight?
03:11Yep.
03:13So, presumably, um, your mum...
03:15Turned up, she's fine.
03:16You all right?
03:17I was awake all night, came home, went to bed, couldn't sleep,
03:19so I think I'm a bit, um, wired.
03:21Is that a word?
03:22It's, it's, uh, yes, it's a very good word.
03:26You're very pretty.
03:27Am I?
03:29You're magnificent.
03:30Wouldn't that be technically difficult?
03:43Sure will think of something.
03:48Tea.
03:50Kate, can I get you one?
03:52I should have asked.
03:53No, thanks, um, I rearranged your meeting with the chairman of the board of governors at two.
03:59Should I see if he's still able to make it?
04:02Yep, if he's, uh, still available.
04:07Have you had any lunch?
04:08Nope.
04:08Can I get you some?
04:09No.
04:09Well, maybe, in a bit.
04:17You really all right?
04:23Caroline.
04:30I thought you was dead last night.
04:38I thought they both were.
04:42There was this one moment when I thought, that's it,
04:48and I couldn't stand it because I thought,
04:50how unfair would that be to have met this one person again after all these years and then died.
05:00I'm sitting on the floor in my own office.
05:04Yeah, it's spotty bad.
05:07It's the relief, is it?
05:10Do you think maybe you should be at home after all?
05:14No.
05:15I'll see governor too, then I might as well wait till quarter past three.
05:21Will you be at home by four o'clock?
05:24I can be.
05:59Right.
06:04We escaped.
06:06We did.
06:07We keep having adventures.
06:09We do.
06:10I didn't have much in the way of adventures until I met you.
06:14You needn't look at me.
06:15It's you that gets into these shenanigans.
06:18Hardly.
06:19Yeah, wouldn't it be your idea, going up South Harlem?
06:22Was it?
06:24Oh, okay.
06:30Oh, yeah.
06:32It's odd, weren't it?
06:35That, uh, well, whatever it were last night,
06:40there were a distinct presence, weren't there?
06:44I just can't shake it off.
06:48Well, we're here now, aren't we?
06:51Back in the land of the living.
06:54So.
06:55You know, I told you about when Eddie died?
07:00Yeah.
07:01Oh, he killed himself?
07:04Yeah.
07:05Well, there were a bit more to it than I've said,
07:07and I think it's something I ought to tell you about before we get wed.
07:13What?
07:16Oh, my arm!
07:17Oh, hell's bells.
07:20Who's he when he's a child?
07:21You know him?
07:26Yes.
07:27Are you going to introduce us?
07:29Right, well, that is Paul.
07:32Hello, Mr Buttershaw.
07:33This is Celia.
07:35You all right, love?
07:36You've been in the wars.
07:39Tell me about it.
07:41Paul?
07:43Is it all right if I put kettle on, Mr Buttershaw,
07:46only I'm supposed to keep me fluids up and I think Gillian's forgot.
07:49What?
07:51See, somebody at the door now.
07:53What were you going to tell me?
07:54I'll later.
08:02Do you need a hand up?
08:05Hey, you're not dead then, are you, Celia?
08:09Is it Tuesday?
08:12I'm in a pub.
08:13I'm having trouble with the reception.
08:15We're in a bit of a dip.
08:17Can you hear me?
08:18Loud and clear.
08:19He gives us out for a bit of lunch every Tuesday with his pals
08:22and they've asked me along.
08:24That's nice.
08:25Yeah.
08:26Anyway, the reason I'm ringing is because I've decided to stop a few days
08:30while we sort out the wedding.
08:33Only the thing is, I've not got a clean change of underwear.
08:37Okay, so?
08:38So you couldn't pop over, could you?
08:40With some...
08:43With some knickers and a nightie and my toothbrush.
08:46Like a little overnight bag sort of business.
08:49Well, Mum, I would, but I've got a school to run.
08:51You've not gone to work.
08:53You've been up all night.
08:54Could you get Alan to pop into Halifax with you?
08:56They'll have an M&S, surely, or...
08:58Oh, right.
08:59Don't worry about me.
09:00Well, I would, but...
09:02I get the picture.
09:03Can I ring you later?
09:05If you've time.
09:06Is that okay?
09:07It'll have to be.
09:08So I'll ring you later.
09:09I could have caught a chill last night.
09:11I could have caught pneumonia.
09:13Yes, but you didn't.
09:15All the same, I should be taking it steady,
09:17not traipsing into Halifax.
09:19You're in a pub.
09:22What do you want for your birthday?
09:23Can I ring you later?
09:25Honey, I never know what to get you.
09:26Yes, can I ring you later?
09:27And if I don't get you anything,
09:29you'll say I'm being off with you.
09:30Mum?
09:31How old are you this time?
09:32Mum, I'm in a meeting.
09:34Who are you in a meeting with?
09:36The Chairman of the Board of Governors.
09:37Oh, that's Marmy Beggar.
09:40Well, you can tell him to F off from me.
09:43Right.
09:44I'll ring you later.
09:46No, don't knock yourself out.
09:48I will ring you later.
09:50Think what you want for your birthday.
09:52Get me something from Marks's
09:53when you go buying your necessaries.
09:55Bye-bye.
09:56Bye.
09:59She sends her regards.
10:06Do you want a straw, love?
10:08Actually...
10:10How much?
10:12He's asking for a thousand.
10:13He'll take less.
10:14Well, what condition's it in?
10:15Oh, you'd have to take him for a test drive.
10:18I can't imagine her getting more
10:19than a few thousand off insurance.
10:22If that.
10:23Still, it's her birthday tomorrow.
10:25Jillian's, is it?
10:27So, I'm thinking I could make up the difference for her.
10:31How old is she?
10:33Um...
10:3440, somewhat.
10:36Do you want me to ring up?
10:37See if he's around this half
10:39so you can have a go with it?
10:40Yeah, sure.
10:40Why not?
10:41I'll pop outside, see if I can get a signal.
10:43Right.
10:49Now, Alan, have you thought about a best man?
10:54No, not yet.
10:56Not really.
10:57You see, I'm used to a certain degree of public speaking,
11:01having been on council all them years.
11:03Of course.
11:04And I can be very amusing, of course.
11:08I was often complimented on my humorous turn of phrase
11:11and wit and illuminating insights.
11:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:17Then there's the other aspect.
11:20Is there?
11:21Which?
11:22Not losing the ring.
11:24Turning up on time.
11:27Sober.
11:28All that time.
11:29Yeah, well, obviously.
11:34Shall I break it to him then, or will you?
11:37Sorry, Harry.
11:39What have I missed?
11:40We've bought you a medium dry white wine, Celia.
11:45Oh, that's lovely.
11:47Harry's lad's friend's selling a Land Rover.
11:49I thought that we could pop up
11:50and have a look at it for our dillions after.
11:52Oh, very good.
11:55I hope you're not taking painkillers and drinking alcohol.
12:01Can you fetch us a straw, love?
12:04Don't mention out to Harry yet.
12:07Let me deal with that side.
12:20Dad?
12:35Dad?
12:37Dad?
12:53Hello?
12:56Oh, that's useful.
12:58Well done, Dad.
13:06Sorry, Caroline, it's Gillian.
13:12I'm sorry to be ringing you.
13:14How are you?
13:15You haven't...
13:16They're not here.
13:18I mean, they were here.
13:19Now they're not.
13:19You haven't seen them, have you?
13:22They were in a pub.
13:23Sorry?
13:23My mother rang about an hour ago.
13:26They're in a pub with some friends of Alan's.
13:29Yeah, it's Tuesday.
13:31I panicked.
13:33I've been out working all morning
13:35and then when I came in and they weren't here
13:37and the car gone.
13:39You all right?
13:40I just...
13:46Gillian?
13:47He's brought it home to me.
13:50Last night.
13:53I don't think I could stand it if I lost him.
13:57Not just yet.
13:58Especially not since he's met your mum again.
14:00He's been so happy.
14:04Sorry.
14:05Don't be sorry.
14:07Perhaps you should give me your mum's mobile number
14:09for future reference.
14:11I've got a feeling I'm gonna need it
14:13if they're gonna carry on like this.
14:15Sure.
14:16Which I get the idea they are.
14:18Oh, um, you couldn't do me a favour, Gillian, could you?
14:28Hello?
14:29It's Gillian!
14:30Hello, love.
14:31You don't know what's happened to Paul, do you?
14:34The fella that was...
14:35Paul?
14:36Yes, he's here.
14:37He's with us.
14:38Getting a bit stir-crazy at home.
14:41We wanted to speak to him.
14:43No!
14:44Where are you?
14:46I'm not entirely sure.
14:48Where are we, Alan?
14:49Upsoiland.
14:50Where?
14:51Upsoiland.
14:51We're Upsoiland.
14:52Upsoiland, dear.
14:53We're Upsoiland.
14:55Right.
14:56Okay.
14:58Can you tell me, Dad?
15:00Are Harry and Morris with you?
15:02Yes. Yes, they are, love.
15:04Right. Can you tell me, Dad, to tell Harry and Morris
15:07to take Paul home to his mother's, right?
15:10They know where he lives.
15:11And to leave him there, right?
15:13And not to bring him back to ours.
15:16Yes.
15:17Yes, I can do that.
15:19Fabulous!
15:20Oh, Celia!
15:22Yes, love?
15:24Nicholas!
15:26Um?
15:27I've spoken to Caroline.
15:29I'm going into Halifax.
15:30What sort do you want?
15:32Well, um...
15:32I want sacks.
15:35I'm struggling to hear you.
15:37I think the signal's going.
15:41I think we're stuck.
15:42No, I'm gonna have to go.
15:43We'll be fine.
15:44No, I'm hanging up now.
15:47What's that smell?
15:48That smell, I'm afraid to say.
15:50It's like tomatoes.
15:52It's like metal tomatoes.
15:54That smell is the smell of a buggered clutch, Alan.
15:59Why did I not say?
16:00Lad said it'll need a new clutch.
16:02We can pop to McNally's scrapyard and get a re-watch.
16:05He did one for about 70 quid.
16:07Other than that, I'd say it's in damn near pretty perfect condition.
16:32Hi.
16:33Hi.
16:53Shit!
16:59Hello?
17:01Right, so...
17:04The thing is...
17:06What size knickers does your mum wear?
17:08I mean, when I rang her, she couldn't tell me herself
17:11because she was embarrassed because my dad and...
17:14Harry and Maurice were there with her, so...
17:16Oh, I, uh...
17:18I don't really, uh...
17:19Could, could, could, could you, um...
17:22Uh...
17:23Why don't I just, um...
17:25It's Gillian.
17:26Just buy a few different sorts
17:28and a few different sizes.
17:30I also don't know what size knickers my mother wears.
17:32And then any that aren't suitable, I could just take back.
17:35They'll be fine with that, won't they?
17:36Yeah!
17:37If they're unopened.
17:38Yeah!
17:39Yeah, of course they will.
17:41Good idea.
17:42Okay, sorry to bother you.
17:44No problem.
17:46Ta-da!
17:47I owe you one.
17:49Bye.
17:50Bye.
17:51What?
17:57400.
17:58Go on.
18:00Well, you take 75.
18:02Yeah, go on.
18:11Every minute, say, Alan,
18:13regarding wedding,
18:15you'll want the best man that people like, won't you?
18:19You won't want somebody all drawn on,
18:21talk about himself,
18:23ad infinitum for 40 minutes.
18:27Because, you know, that's what will happen.
18:29Whereas, the thing is,
18:33I've never been a best man.
18:35And, uh, it's something I'd like to do.
18:39Once, before I die.
18:42Well, I'll, um...
18:45Yeah, yeah, I'll smash it.
18:51Shall I tell him?
18:51Oh, will you?
18:52I'll, uh, yeah, leave it to me.
18:58Hmm.
19:15So, what's he gonna do?
19:17Well, I don't know.
19:19Can he have two best men?
19:21No.
19:22He said, look daft.
19:23Well, I'll have to worry about that tomorrow.
19:25Like Scarlett O'Hara.
19:27Are you suited with it?
19:29Oh, I think so.
19:31We'll shut it in here,
19:32and she'll have a surprise in the morning.
19:34What were you going to tell me earlier,
19:37when that lad fell down the stairs?
19:39Oh, yeah.
19:42Let's put Kettle on, eh?
19:57It may sound similar to now when I say it, but...
20:12They'd been arguing.
20:13This is what Gillian told me after.
20:15He'd been drinking, Eddie had.
20:17Threatening to kill himself.
20:22Then she found him, he were in barn.
20:24He'd smashed his head open with log splitter.
20:28But the thing is, when she found him, he weren't dead.
20:34And not only that, he was still conscious.
20:40Then I got here about an hour after that happened,
20:45and she'd called police by that stage.
20:49By that stage, he were dead.
20:50She told me, she just stood there and watched him slip away.
21:01Right in front of her, rather than get help.
21:06So that's why...
21:12Anyway.
21:15Why what?
21:16Oh, Robbie.
21:17He always thought something untoward had gone on,
21:20that she'd killed him, which were nonsense, she didn't.
21:26But she didn't call an ambulance, either.
21:29She told me what she'd done as soon as I got here,
21:31which I suppose makes me complicit in it.
21:37I don't blame her.
21:38Not for a second.
21:40He made her life a misery, and there were no way unto it,
21:43so now they're going to shop her to police.
21:45So I wanted you to know that I did that,
21:48because, strictly speaking, it were right, but...
21:56Anyway, that's it.
21:58Are you shocked?
22:00No.
22:01Are you disappointed?
22:02No.
22:05No.
22:08I told you about Kenneth, what I'd have done,
22:11given I'd never seen him again.
22:13I told you about Kenneth, what I'd have done,
22:15given half a chance.
22:16Yeah, you thought about it, we did it.
22:18You didn't.
22:19I covered it up.
22:21You don't tell Gillian, I've told you.
22:23No, I won't.
22:24Ever, promise me.
22:25I promise.
22:27And I keep my promises.
22:31He sort of brought it back last night.
22:33There's always been a funny feeling in that barn since.
22:39I do sometimes wonder if he's still in there.
22:42Let it go.
22:45I'm glad you've told me, but now let it go.
22:48You don't think less of me?
22:50No, never.
22:57I love you.
22:58I love you.
23:03Sorry.
23:06We've gone all miserable.
23:09And we don't want that, do we?
23:11No.
23:11We need to be laughing, you and me.
23:13Hey, do you remember all that jiving we used to do?
23:20Oh, God, do I remember.
24:11No, don't mind me.
24:19You just could.
24:20Reminiscing.
24:21Oh, you should reminisce more often.
24:23Oh, now you've been telling everybody.
24:26Smashing photos.
24:29I'm texting them to Caroline.
24:31Did you get rid of him?
24:32Eh?
24:33Paul?
24:33Oh, yeah, well, yeah, yes.
24:36Harry took him in his mondeo.
24:38Oh, good job, well done.
24:40Celia?
24:42Knickers.
24:44Oh, that doesn't fit.
24:45Oh, isn't right, we'll take it back.
24:47Oh, thanks.
24:48How much do I owe you?
24:49There's a receipt in there somewhere.
24:51And I rung Robbie.
24:53Him and Raph are coming round for supper.
24:55Robbie?
24:55Yeah, tonight.
24:57Raph's bringing his stuff back.
24:59He's moving back in.
25:00So I bought a chicken and a couple of bottles of wine.
25:05Ooh.
25:06We're celebrating.
25:07What are we celebrating?
25:08Everything, anything.
25:09You name it, we'll celebrate it.
25:11Well, I'll just go upstairs and sort myself out.
25:13Do you know where you're going?
25:14Yes, thanks, love.
25:17Robbie was really on it last night, Dad.
25:20He really bothered, really surprised me.
25:21And he apologised for all the crap and nonsense and rubbish.
25:27I think he were genuine.
25:29That bed'll need a clean sheet and another duvet cover.
25:31Oh, and Celia!
25:36I got this for Caroline.
25:38She said to get something from M&S for you.
25:41To give to her for her birthday.
25:42She said it'd be a weight off your mind,
25:44or her mind, or one of your minds.
25:45Yeah?
25:46Thanks.
26:09Don't worry.
26:10He's gone.
26:10You'd better have.
26:26Where have you been?
26:28What?
26:29Until this time?
26:30Always all right.
26:33Where have you been?
26:34Where haven't I been?
26:35Just...
26:36Tell me who it is.
26:37No.
26:38I won't get cross.
26:39Ooh.
26:41Lucky me.
26:42Are you making it up?
26:44How's Judith?
26:45I've finished with Judith.
26:46I don't want to see Judith again as long as I live.
26:48Is she pretty, Judith?
26:49I've never asked you.
26:51She's...
26:51No, actually.
26:52She's rather ugly.
26:54When you've seen her fall down the stairs more than once
26:56and wet herself vomiting,
26:57it's hard to think of her as anything else.
26:58Who is it?
26:59There are other people, more important people,
27:01who need to know before you do.
27:03Why?
27:03Just say it.
27:05Is it that anxious git that's chairman of your board of...
27:07Gavin!
27:08Gavin?
27:10Anyway, he's married.
27:11With children.
27:12Do you think I'd do that?
27:16I thought the idea was we were going to try to make it work.
27:20Here, for the boys.
27:21Only it's a practical arrangement until they got off to university.
27:24You must have known I was never really going to get back into bed with you.
27:26So you think I'm just going to live here while you sleep around?
27:29I'm not going to sleep around, but you could.
27:31Actually, you're right.
27:32If I'm with someone else and you're going to sleep around...
27:34I don't want to sleep around.
27:36...they might as well just go and get divorced.
27:38You're not having the house.
27:39I'm having the boys because I never walked out of them,
27:41and no courting its right mind would throw them out of the family home.
27:44Caroline...
27:44Get yourself a good lawyer if I were you.
27:46I intend to.
27:47Caroline, I don't want to get divorced.
27:49Well, I'm sorry, I've come full circle.
27:51If I love and trust someone enough to have sex with them,
27:53I don't want them relegated to the fourth division.
27:55I want them here, where I can have them.
27:58Anytime I like.
28:02Do you know what I realised last night?
28:04I've been depressed.
28:07For months.
28:08And last night, I was so low.
28:11I hit rock bottom, and then...
28:14When my mum turned up, I turned a corner, something lifted, it was physical.
28:17This fog that's been there for months, it vanished just like that,
28:21and everything became clear, and I felt...
28:25...happy.
28:28Like I can't remember feeling for years.
28:31You're not moving him in here.
28:33It's not a he.
28:35I suppose we might as well get that out of the way.
28:38I need to tell the boys, and I need to tell my mother,
28:42and until I've had the chance to do that myself,
28:44I'd appreciate you being discreet.
28:46Whoever the hell else you choose to tell is, of course, your business,
28:48but clearly, we have to address the possibility
28:50that it might upset the boys initially, until they get used to it.
28:53So, obviously, if you need to take the piss and make ridiculous comments,
28:58it'd be best if you did it straight to my face and not in front of them.
29:02But being a liberal-minded intellectual, I assume you won't need to do that anyway.
29:08Yeah.
29:10You might need to think about it.
29:13Hello.
29:14I spent 45 quid.
29:16Is that right?
29:17Oh, that's brilliant.
29:19I've got a dressing gown for you, or for her, to give to you.
29:24It's just a white towel robe thing.
29:27Perfect.
29:27That's perfect.
29:29But if you don't want it, I'll have it.
29:31No, it's spot on.
29:34If you give me your bank details, I'll transfer the cash.
29:37Oh, I'll pay for her stuff as well.
29:39Yeah, that's cheating.
29:40Easy tick.
29:41When is it your birthday, by the way?
29:43Out of interest.
29:45Just because it's mine.
29:46Tomorrow.
29:48Tomorrow?
29:49You're kidding.
29:52It's mine tomorrow.
29:55How weird is that?
29:57How old are you?
29:58How old are you?
29:5846. I will be tomorrow.
30:00That's...
30:02Are you?
30:03Yeah.
30:04Oh, good lord, that's a bit...
30:06What?
30:08We're twins.
30:10Or we're something.
30:11Are you winding me up?
30:12No.
30:14You had no idea.
30:15Oh, he's got a good hand.
30:17Hey, oi!
30:18You're never gonna believe this.
30:19This is weird.
30:31Hello?
30:32Are you sober?
30:33Why?
30:34It's funny, it's odd.
30:36Teases you out of thought, doesn't it?
30:39I mean, how the heck could that have happened?
30:42I mean, you couldn't invent that, could you?
30:48You know, I told you I used to think about you when I was with Kenneth.
30:54And you said you used to think about me sometimes.
30:57Yeah.
31:00I wonder if we were thinking about each other that night.
31:04The night, you know, they were conceived.
31:09I think it's just another sign that things were always meant to be, don't you?
31:18Yeah, I better go back to help Gillian with washing up.
31:22Or I'll be in bother.
31:23Oh.
31:24Let's just have a few more minutes.
31:34Thanks for bringing him back, Rob.
31:35No problem.
31:36You were all right.
31:38And you're not being a twerk.
31:41Yeah.
31:42Thanks, Gillian.
31:49Hey, you know.
31:52Thanks for last night.
31:55I'm glad I talked about stuff.
32:01Are you doing out tomorrow for your birthday?
32:04Yeah.
32:09Do you fancy going out for a meal?
32:11Or some time?
32:16Yeah.
32:18Why not?
32:34Are you trying to stay?
32:56No.
32:57You can do.
32:58As much as I'd like to.
32:59Well, ask me when you're less likely to regret it morning after.
33:05I'm not.
33:08I'm not that pissed.
33:13No, Gillian.
33:14Coward.
33:17Night.
33:20Night.
33:30Oh.
33:33Mum.
33:35Hello.
33:36You should go to bed.
33:39Hmm.
33:49Where's dad?
33:50Has he gone out?
33:51I don't know.
33:53Why don't you go to bed?
34:00Have you seen someone?
34:03How would you feel about it if I was?
34:06Fine.
34:08If it's someone that deserves you.
34:10Okay.
34:13Well then, yes, I am seeing someone.
34:21Is it Kate McKenzie?
34:23What?
34:26Makes you think that?
34:28Is it?
34:30Okay, well, if it was her, how would you?
34:40She's nice.
34:41I like her.
34:42She's clever.
34:43She's interesting.
34:45She's kind.
34:46How?
34:48How did you know?
34:49I saw you when you came in to invigilate in the exam yesterday.
34:54Just the way you looked at each other.
34:56And no one else saw.
35:01I won't embarrass you.
35:02I know.
35:03But this wouldn't have happened if your dad hadn't.
35:04I don't care.
35:06I want you to be happy.
35:08I won't snare.
35:09No.
35:15Happy birthday.
35:16Right, this is better be good.
35:27You ready?
35:28Yeah.
35:28Steady?
35:29No.
35:33Dad.
35:35It goes.
35:38How much did you?
35:39An ounce.
35:40We found it.
35:41It were three outside the row.
35:43Oh, you shouldn't have.
35:45You're getting married.
35:45You're going to need all the money.
35:47Shut up.
35:47Nice one, grandma.
35:49It's beautiful.
35:52It's got wheels and everything.
35:58I sent them for the only best.
35:59It's for our Gillian.
36:01You...
36:02Dad.
36:04Only thing is, the clutch is gone.
36:08So I bought you a new one.
36:10Well, a rewatt-sitted one.
36:11It's on front seat.
36:12So you'll, um...
36:14be having to put that in myself.
36:16Well, you like looking about in solid engines, don't you?
36:19So...
36:20Yeah.
36:21Thanks, dad.
36:23No, Ali says, otherwise it would in perfect condition.
36:26Oh, really?
36:26But it's vintage.
36:29You...
36:30filth.
36:32Right, I'm off.
36:33Happy birthday, mother.
36:34Oh.
36:36See you, Gramps.
36:37It's our Celia.
36:38Bye, love.
36:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:39Do you want a lift?
36:41In this?
36:41Not in that.
36:43In that.
36:44Yeah, me and Celia are going to a registry office in Tallyfax, so...
36:48Are you?
36:49Yeah, just have a look.
36:50Oh, well...
36:52Yeah, yeah, I mean, if she's going that way.
37:09Out.
37:10Get out, you bitch!
37:11I am not having it!
37:13You son of a...
37:13I am sick of him!
37:14I am sick of the back teeth of him!
37:17You are nothing but trouble!
37:19He's bloody nuisance, he is!
37:21Yeah, well, he's not coming back here!
37:23Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you started mucking about with him.
37:26It's your fault he's in this mess!
37:28Bitch!
37:29Liar!
37:29I only got in car with her because she said she was taking me around me grannies!
37:32You're not leaving him here!
37:34Watch me!
37:35You're not!
37:39I'll get Peter Carr.
37:41Do you want to get in, Rafiq?
37:43Bitch!
37:44Raf...
38:10She's not a lesbian.
38:30Oh, okay.
38:31What would you call it then?
38:33She's getting into bed with another woman.
38:35No, she's just not a lesbian.
38:36Whatever it is she's doing with this other woman, she's not...
38:40She doesn't look like a lesbian.
38:41I know what lesbians look like.
38:43We have them on campus.
38:44They meet in Derwent Bar on Monday nights.
38:46God, aren't you quaint!
38:48What decade do you live in?
38:49Do you think she looks...
38:50You've never seen her.
38:51No, but I'm warming to her.
38:54I wonder what it's like.
38:56What?
38:56To get hot and steamy with another woman.
38:59God, well, I can't imagine it's...
39:00Well, what is it?
39:02What do they do?
39:03They haven't got anything to do anything with, have they?
39:05Are you being deliberately stupid?
39:08No, of course not.
39:09You're just lashing out.
39:10Who wouldn't?
39:11You've just found out that the woman that you've been married to for how long?
39:1518 years.
39:1618 years!
39:18Has probably been faking it every single time.
39:21No, no, she hasn't.
39:22She wouldn't.
39:23She's not...
39:23Well, either that or every time you made her come,
39:26she was pretending that you were, you know, a girl.
39:29A girly.
39:30A girly-wirly.
39:31No, no, no.
39:32That's...
39:33We had...
39:33Me and Caroline had fantastic...
39:35You don't know what's in people's heads.
39:37You don't know what was in my head when I shagged you.
39:39Well, what is?
39:40Well, I could be thinking all sorts.
39:43Anything.
39:44Yeah, well, what?
39:45I'm not telling you.
39:49I've been used.
39:50No, you haven't.
39:52Well, yeah, you have.
39:54But hasn't everybody at some stage?
40:01It's her.
40:02Oh, shall I answer it?
40:05Yes.
40:06Where are you?
40:07Does it matter?
40:08Why did you sleep last night?
40:10It doesn't...
40:11I'm not...
40:11It's none of your...
40:12Have you moved out again or something?
40:13No.
40:14Okay, well, I'm planning to cook tonight for my birthday
40:17for my, um, friend and the boys.
40:21I want to know if you'll be in or out.
40:24I don't know where I'll be.
40:25Okay, well, if you're in,
40:28given that it's where you live,
40:29I'd, uh...
40:32I'd like you to join us.
40:35Are you serious?
40:36Yes, assuming you'd only accept the invitation
40:38if you were going to behave like an adult
40:40in front of the children.
40:42Piss off, you sanctimonious, patronising, mad bitch.
40:50Problem?
40:51She's invited me for dinner with her and her...
40:53Oh, are you going?
40:54No.
40:54Don't you want to know what she looks like?
40:56No.
40:57I don't want to seem that...
41:00Hang on.
41:01What?
41:02My God, it's that woman she had in the garden
41:04when she chucked all that water over me.
41:06Laurence said she was a lesbian.
41:07Go on.
41:08Go and have dinner with her.
41:09No!
41:10Oh, okay.
41:11Shame.
41:12Because thing is, to be frank, John,
41:15I don't want you here either.
41:16I've started to realise what a bad influence you are on me.
41:19Phew.
41:34It seems very impersonal.
41:38I'm still cross about the church.
41:41Maybe if she'd accommodated us,
41:43that vicar would have started going again.
41:46I think she took a very short-term view
41:49What about Southowrum?
41:52Well, they did offer.
41:54I thought you said wild horses wouldn't drag you back there.
41:57Yes, I know I did.
41:58But if it's the only place...
42:00No, it's no good then, is it?
42:04They have a lovely chapel at Caroline's school.
42:07I went there once to a little concert she'd organised.
42:10Well, did they not hire it out for weddings?
42:13Who?
42:14Well, school.
42:15Well, would you want to get wed in Harrogate?
42:17I don't mind where we get wed, as long as it's what you want.
42:45Hello?
43:03Gillian, hello.
43:04It's John, Elliot.
43:05Caroline.
43:06Oh, hello.
43:06Who is it?
43:08I'm sorry I'm ringing you.
43:09I...
43:10What's happening?
43:11Anything?
43:12I was just wondering.
43:13The thing is...
43:16Oh, dear.
43:17Are you all right?
43:19I'm not entirely certain why I'm ringing you.
43:21It just...
43:22Has something happened?
43:23You gave me such good advice that time, you know,
43:26when Caroline drove off without me and...
43:29What's up?
43:31Can I come over?
43:34If you like.
43:35Would you mind?
43:36No, of course not.
43:37What's it...
43:39What's it to do with?
43:40It's...
43:41It's...
43:42Just say it.
43:44Caroline.
43:44Caroline?
43:46Is she all right?
44:05Hi.
44:06Come in.
44:07Hello, William.
44:08Hi.
44:09For you.
44:11Happy birthday.
44:13William.
44:13Can you take Kate's coat, please?
44:16Dinner's gonna be another 40 minutes.
44:18Sorry.
44:18That's fine.
44:19I'll help you.
44:20Thanks.
44:21Oh, would you like to play Scrabble?
44:23Uh, while Mum's cooking, if...
44:25If...
44:25If you like, or...
44:26God, I haven't played Scrabble in years.
44:28I'll see if Lawrence wants to.
44:29He can't spell, but it's good for him.
44:36I've told him he knows.
44:38He's been brilliant about it.
44:43I've not told Lawrence.
44:44I'm just waiting for the right kind of...
44:45Yeah.
44:46Moment.
44:47Okay.
44:58You gonna stay tonight?
45:00Sure.
45:02Is John not...
45:03Oh, I have no clue where John is.
45:13Oh!
45:27Do you know my feet?
45:30Yeah, but we're making progress now.
45:32We still don't know where we're living.
45:35Well, we could spend a few weeks here,
45:37and then a few weeks over in Harrogate.
45:39We could alternate to dintables.
45:42That way, they can all get equally sick of us.
45:44Yeah, we can get equally sick of them.
45:48Oh, I'm not sure about this hat now I've bought it.
45:52Well, buy another one.
45:53You've got three weeks.
45:55Bugger the expense.
45:56Buy the cat a goldfish.
45:59Celia.
46:01What, my love?
46:04What I told you yesterday.
46:06What about it?
46:08Well, it were manslaughter.
46:11I don't know if I made that clear.
46:13Well, even though he tried to take his own life,
46:16she could have still...
46:17Alan.
46:18It's forgotten.
46:20Well, I just want to know that you realise...
46:24Listen, one of the great things about getting older,
46:28I don't know if you feel the same,
46:30is that very little shocks you anymore.
46:33And that certainly doesn't.
46:35You know that.
46:42Have you got my perfume?
46:45Oh, no, I thought you got that.
46:48Celia, we've shopped till we've dropped.
46:53John's here.
46:56He's been here all afternoon and he's had a bit to drink.
46:59What?
47:00He's been a bit emotional.
47:03Why, what's happened?
47:05Okay, well, Caroline...
47:10Is she all right?
47:11She's fine.
47:12She's, she's, she's, she's, she's...
47:15Has she been in an accident?
47:17No, no, no, no, no.
47:18She was all right at lunchtime
47:19when we spoke to her about the chapel.
47:21No, she's fine.
47:25Is that Celia?
47:27Yeah, sounds like it.
47:28Listen, pal, why don't you let Julian...
47:30Oi, Celia!
47:32He...
47:33She...
47:34John ought to tell you himself, really.
47:36Well, no, Caroline...
47:40He's...
47:42John's had a bit to drink and he's...
47:44Celia!
47:44Oh, God.
47:45What's happening?
47:45What's happened?
47:46Nothing's happened.
47:48What are you doing here?
47:49I came to see Julian.
47:52How much have you had to drink?
47:54Loads.
47:54Has something happened with Caroline?
47:57Well, yeah, you could kind of say that.
47:59No, it's...
47:59John, you're very drunk.
48:00Just bear that in mind before you say anything else.
48:02Can someone kindly tell Celia what's going on?
48:10Did you know that Caroline's a lesbian?
48:15What's he talking about?
48:16Did you know that?
48:17Did you know that I've been married to this woman
48:19and you wonder why I had an affair?
48:21This woman, who for 19 years has been either faking it or...
48:26Shut up!
48:27Julian, shut him up!
48:29What a bloody silly thing to say!
48:32Do you know how that makes me feel?
48:34Your ridiculous bloody daughter!
48:36Hey, hey, hey!
48:36That's enough of that sort of talk.
48:38What's he doing here, anyway?
48:39Why's he here upsetting people?
48:41Alan!
48:42John, you're upsetting her.
48:44I don't care!
48:45Well, I do.
48:45Come on, let's take it outside.
48:46Get your hands off me!
48:48Calm down.
48:49That's wicked, coming out with something like that!
48:52And who have you been telling it to?
48:54Saying it because it's true,
48:55because she's been having it off with another woman!
48:58Get him out of the way!
48:59Get him outside.
48:59What are you doing?
49:00Get out!
49:03What woman?
49:05Come, come and sit down.
49:06I'll make you some tea.
49:08I don't want any tea.
49:10I want to go home.
49:14At school?
49:15In the chapel.
49:17Then we'll move on to somewhere else for the reception.
49:19I'm checking out a few possible venues for them.
49:22It'll be fantastic.
49:23It'll be gorgeous.
49:24It'll be just what she wants.
49:25It's so amazing.
49:26Your mum.
49:27I know, I know.
49:28It's perfect.
49:30It's wonderful.
49:31It's what she deserves.
49:33Even if she's had to wait all this time to get it.
49:38Can I get drunk?
49:39No.
49:44Oh, hello.
49:48Can I help you?
49:48Sorry, I dropped a bottle of wine just now.
49:52It was meant to be a present.
49:56Are you Caroline?
50:01I was looking for John.
50:02Is he in?
50:04Judith?
50:07Yeah.
50:07No, he's not in.
50:08I don't know where he is.
50:10Oh, right.
50:12I think I've upset him.
50:14I wanted to apologise to him.
50:17But I guess that you're here now, so...
50:22Have you seen him?
50:23This morning.
50:23But you know, it's over.
50:26It's good.
50:27Even so, I don't want to hurt him.
50:29And hey, listen, it's great.
50:33I'm really cool with it.
50:35Well done.
50:36I'm sorry?
50:37I used to have this horrendous crush on one of my dad's girlfriends.
50:44So, you know, I'm right there with you.
50:47What are you talking about?
50:48I used to imagine what it might be like to snog.
50:51Would you like me to call you a taxi?
50:53No.
50:54And listen, Caroline, I'm sorry.
50:57I, you know, in the end, maybe it wasn't entirely his fault.
51:03Not that I'm defending him.
51:04Useless twat.
51:05There's got to be something, hasn't there?
51:07Not working.
51:08Before a bloat goes off.
51:11Mind where you're...
51:12Oh!
51:16What are you doing?
51:17I'm helping you!
51:19Was that Caroline?
51:34He's asleep.
51:54What a puff.
51:56Fainting.
51:59You don't have to stay here now.
52:01I can handle things.
52:02I'm 15.
52:03I'll stay here with you until your mum gets back.
52:07She's seen someone, mum?
52:10Did you know?
52:11Yes.
52:12Yes.
52:14I did know.
52:17Who?
52:19Well, I expect she'll talk it through with you when she's ready.
52:25Talk it through?
52:26What do you mean?
52:29Will that be her?
52:30Hello?
52:30Hi, is that, is that William?
52:32Lawrence.
52:34Lawrence?
52:35Hi, it's Gillian, Alan's daughter.
52:38Is Caroline there?
52:39No, she's had to rush somebody into hospital.
52:42Oh.
52:43Oh, oh, um, um, that'll be why she hasn't been picking up her mobile then.
52:50Why?
52:51Well, because...
52:54Can you give her a message from me when, when she gets back?
52:57Yeah.
52:58Can you tell her, um, her mother's driving over with me dad in, in the dark.
53:04I couldn't stop them.
53:05I tried and, you know, neither of them's eyesight's that good.
53:08But, uh, I wanted to just, uh, warn her that, yeah, she's upset.
53:13Um, Celia, your, your granny, she's upset.
53:17Because she's found out about this relationship, um, Caroline's been having.
53:23With, uh, with, with...
53:26Kate.
53:30Yeah.
53:32Kate.
53:34What, your name?
53:36Yeah.
53:41Okay.
53:43Right, I'll, I'll tell her.
53:47Bye.
53:48Bye.
53:50Bye.
53:53Bye.
53:54Bye.
54:00What?
54:04Raph's gone to bed.
54:06I'm gonna get off, um, four past six.
54:08Okay.
54:09Are you all right with this joker or do you want me to deposit him somewhere?
54:12No, leave him, he's upset.
54:14He can sleep down here with Paul.
54:18I'll find him a duvet.
54:20Right.
54:22Night.
54:23Night.
54:32Night.
54:32Night.
54:53So,
55:05help yourself.
55:10Dosey bugger.
55:14I suppose you won't believe me
55:19if I said I didn't really come over here to do that.
55:23It was just an excuse, really,
55:28to see you again.
55:31I've kept thinking about you.
55:52Sorry, I need to rest my eyes for five minutes.
56:06Would you like a cup of coffee?
56:09I can do.
56:13He'll have wrong end of stick.
56:17Winger.
56:19No.
56:20Would you like me to winger?
56:21No.
56:23No.
56:34Can't decide if you're an evil git
56:39or if it's actually quite flattering and romantic that you go to such lengths and
56:44piss so many people off so massively just to have an excuse to come and see me.
56:50None of it.
56:50It wasn't...
56:52I didn't plan it.
56:55And I'm not horrible.
56:57Just like you said.
57:01About when Raph got annoyed with you.
57:02I'm just
57:06disappointingly human.
57:20Do you want to go upstairs?
57:34She's called Zanzibar, but we're up for it.
57:36I'll just call her Kate for short.
57:37It's easier.
57:38I think it would be better if I moved out.
57:40What's up with Caroline being a bit of a dyke anyway?
57:43He thinks I should meet Kate.
57:45Come on, come in.
57:46You all right?
57:47Oh yeah, it'll be indigestion.
57:49The only one who's got anything to lose this evening is her.
57:52Turned my stomach when I saw her touch you.
57:54Sorry, did you say something?
57:56Nope.
57:56She disappointed me when she talked to Caroline.
57:59I was shocked.
58:00You're not gonna fall out with her, though.
58:02Are you?
58:03Dad?