Last Tango in Halifax. S01 E01.
First broadcast 20th November 2012.
Alan re-unites with his childhood sweetheart Celia and learns his late wife kept them apart.
Anne Reid ... Celia
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Edward Ashley ... William
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Tony Gardner ... John
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
John Catterall ... PC
Shareesa Valentine ... Waitress
Amanda Edwards ... Police Officer
Aaron Jeffcoate ... Young Alan
Alan re-unites with his childhood sweetheart Celia and learns his late wife kept them apart.
Anne Reid ... Celia
Sarah Lancashire ... Caroline
Edward Ashley ... William
Nicola Walker ... Gillian
Josh Bolt ... Raff
Derek Jacobi ... Alan
Dean Andrews ... Robbie
Louis Greatorex ... Lawrence
Tony Gardner ... John
Nina Sosanya ... Kate
Sacha Dhawan ... Paul
John Catterall ... PC
Shareesa Valentine ... Waitress
Amanda Edwards ... Police Officer
Aaron Jeffcoate ... Young Alan
Category
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TVTranscript
00:30I mean, I've never have been able to bring him somewhere like this, you see.
00:52Your dad.
00:53No.
00:54He'd dribble.
00:55I tried to keep him neat.
00:59Maybe we went to, like, the cafe in Sainsbury's, I'd sit with me back to the wall and him facing
01:05me.
01:06Well, I had to.
01:07It's off-putting for folk, isn't it, to come out for a coffee, seeing someone like that.
01:16You're feeling sorry for him, aren't you?
01:18No.
01:19I'm...
01:20Yes, well, don't.
01:21I looked after him and there's more than he would have done for me.
01:24I told you about the pension.
01:26Yes.
01:27No provision for me.
01:28No.
01:29I was only thinking I'd go first.
01:30Well, yes, but...
01:31But what?
01:32It's not like you're without, is it?
01:34That isn't the point.
01:35I was an inconvenience for 50 years.
01:3650 years.
01:37Well, he's dead now, so...
01:38Well, you never liked him.
01:39God, I make better coffee than this in the microwave.
01:52God, these glasses are mucky.
01:57I've got a pen, pal.
01:59Did William tell you?
02:01No.
02:02This fella I was at school with.
02:03Well, except that he was a lad then, obviously.
02:06I showed Gran how to put her details on Facebook.
02:08Well, so who is he?
02:09Alan, he was called.
02:10Well, he still is.
02:11Hang on.
02:12Stop.
02:13Start again.
02:14You...
02:15When Granda was at school...
02:16He taught for himself.
02:17When I was at school, there was this lass, this girl.
02:18We fancied...
02:19Whatever.
02:20Keep going.
02:21Well, that's it, really.
02:22No, it isn't.
02:23I put his name on Facebook, right?
02:24Oh, aye, that's it.
02:25And there she was, Celia Dawson.
02:26They are my teachers.
02:27Her and Doreen Wilkinson.
02:28Yeah, just two of them.
02:29I had a whole year.
02:30You're joking.
02:31So, we wrote to her.
02:32We?
02:33Gran and I were a bit nervous.
02:34What for?
02:35Well, I was in tune.
02:36So, you wrote to her, and...
02:37And she wrote back.
02:38So we kept it going.
02:39Yeah.
02:40Well, that's it.
02:41That's it.
02:42That's it.
02:43That's it.
02:44That's it.
02:45That's it.
02:46That's it.
02:47That's it.
02:48That's it.
02:49That's it.
02:50Oh, well, it's all now.
02:54It's all out.
02:55We're just pen pals.
02:57Except it's been a trip down memory lane.
03:00Well, sort of, given that...
03:03Given that.
03:04Well, you see, he was in my year, but not in my form.
03:08Gran was in the ace team.
03:10And if he's who I think he is, then not everything he says adds up.
03:14You see, I think they lived up in the wilds, somewhere up Stainland.
03:18She lived in Next Street.
03:20Only he talks like he lived in the Next Street.
03:25And if he did, well, I'm begging if I can place him.
03:30Well, I would have amazed when she were up back.
03:33Didn't think I ever saw someone like her, do you remember?
03:36Why?
03:37What sort's she?
03:39Glamorous.
03:40All right.
03:41She always seemed a bit better spoken than the rest,
03:44and rather on the shy side and gormless.
03:47So where is she now?
03:49Harrogate.
03:50She's got a little flat that her daughter's out.
03:53Last time he saw her was in 1953.
03:56Really?
03:57Dad got a job down in Sheffield, and that were it.
03:59Off they went.
04:00He was heartbroken.
04:01Did she know you had a thing about her?
04:05She'd not look at me twice.
04:08Tony, he wants to invite himself over.
04:10Yes.
04:11Why not?
04:12Say you're passing.
04:13Say you're in Harrogate anyway, and would she
04:16like to meet up for a cup of tea?
04:21Your Uncle Robbie's here, Raph.
04:23Half an hour early.
04:25Want you back by 5.
04:27No way.
04:32Told you this last time.
04:34I made it clear.
04:35Mum, it doesn't finish while 5.
04:37How are we going to get back here by 5?
04:39Hiya, Robbie.
04:40Raph.
04:41I want him back by 5.
04:43All right.
04:43No, not right.
04:45Like you're just saying it to shut me up.
04:46Right.
04:47Like you've heard what I've said, and it's sunk in.
04:49Right.
04:51He's got homework.
04:51I've done it.
04:52When?
04:55I'll ring you.
04:55Oh!
05:08Why don't you ask him for a photo if you can't picture him?
05:11She's got one.
05:12He sent one.
05:12On the email.
05:14Only I'm none the wiser, as folk change so much, don't they?
05:18Especially men.
05:23That's John's car.
05:45Dad's here.
05:48Hi.
05:49Hello.
05:50I let myself in.
05:51So I see.
05:54Hi, Will.
05:56I'm off upstairs.
05:59Didn't know you had a key.
06:01Do you want it back?
06:03Either way.
06:06How's your mother?
06:07Fine.
06:08Good.
06:10Why are you here?
06:12Do you want to give us a few minutes?
06:14Sure.
06:42Um, I'm tempted to say it's a long story,
06:48but it isn't really.
06:50In fact, it's pretty straightforward.
06:51Turns out, Judith's a bit of an alcoholic.
06:57I knew she had a significant relationship with the stuff.
07:00I knew she liked to drink.
07:01But, um, yeah.
07:04Didn't realize the extent of it.
07:09She tried to get help?
07:10Oh, yeah, more than once.
07:12I don't think it's something that'll
07:13sort itself out overnight.
07:14Well, if ever, in fact.
07:16So, yeah.
07:22So how does this involve me?
07:25I've made a terrible mistake, Caroline.
07:30Oh, I see.
07:32You want to come back.
07:35What do you think?
07:41I don't know.
07:42I was dazzled.
07:44It's pathetic, isn't it?
07:46Even more so when you see what a ridiculous,
07:48empty-headed mess she.
07:50Sorry.
07:51You don't want to hear this.
07:54That's so selfish.
07:58Out of necessity, I suppose.
07:59You can't imagine it until you've.
08:02Sorry.
08:04I suppose I never have seen it before up close.
08:08The real McCoy.
08:11And it's only now I realize how much of a fool
08:15I've made of myself.
08:18And to have thrown away all this here with you and the boys.
08:21And for what?
08:25It's appalling.
08:26It's abysmal.
08:27It's unthinkable.
08:39Oh.
08:51Dear Celia, I am planning a trip up to Skipton next week,
09:06possibly Monday.
09:13If you fancied meeting up for a coffee,
09:18it would be a wonderful opportunity to.
09:27Would you fancy meeting up for a coffee?
09:33A cup of coffee?
09:37I appreciate that you probably have much more
09:40interesting things to do, that you may
09:49already have your week planned.
09:53But if you did happen to be available free,
10:01it will be very nice to see you.
10:06With very best wishes, best wishes, Alan.
10:15Mm.
10:36Hello?
10:37Alan, he's dropping.
10:38Lad's come off his bike.
10:40Is Juliet there?
10:42No, no, she's.
10:43Ambulance is here.
10:44They're taking him to Princess Royal.
10:47So I'll see you there then, or what?
10:49Yeah, but what's he done?
10:51I don't know.
10:52He's, well, he's conscious now anyway, so.
10:55Yeah, well, see you there.
10:56Ta.
11:02Juliet!
11:13Juliet!
11:26Where is he?
11:27He's in with a doctor.
11:28Well, congratulations, Robbie.
11:29Finally got what you wanted.
11:31What are you talking about?
11:32Oh, you know.
11:33This is what I wanted, him flat on his back in an ambulance.
11:35You love it that every Saturday I go through hell
11:37worrying about him getting hurt.
11:38I know you've got a screw loose, Julie, so I won't push it,
11:40but you'd better apologize for that.
11:41Oh, yeah, that's happening.
11:42Come on, let's calm down.
11:43You're biking with Raph because he loves it.
11:45I love it.
11:46Eddie loved it.
11:47It's in his blood.
11:48So don't you come and accuse me.
11:49Yeah, and if you hadn't raked up all that bloody trouble
11:51when Eddie died, nobody would have reason to think
11:53you took any satisfaction.
11:54No, I don't.
11:55You're lucky I let you have out to do with him.
11:57Yeah?
11:58Well, you're lucky that you're not had him taken off you.
12:01I'm Raph, lad.
12:05Oh, God, he's everywhere.
12:07Oh, they fussed, Mother.
12:09I said, I don't need an ambulance.
12:11I don't need an x-ray.
12:12I'm made like rubber, but nobody will listen in.
12:26Hello.
12:31John's gone.
12:34He's gone to fetch some of his things.
12:36He's moving back in.
12:39Right.
12:40I told him he'll have to sleep in another room.
12:43It seems very easy for him after all that he's done.
12:50It turns out she's an alcoholic.
12:52Well, he's just discovered this after goodness
12:54knows how many months.
12:56He knew she had a problem.
12:57He didn't know the extent of it.
13:01He wants to meet me in Skipton for a cup of coffee.
13:06Oh, you're, um?
13:07Alan.
13:09Are you going?
13:12No.
13:16Do you think I'm making a mistake?
13:19Doesn't matter what I think, love.
13:35Dear Alan.
13:40Sadly, unfortunately, I would be delighted to meet
14:01you in Skipton on Monday.
14:09Bye.
14:35I'll get the kettle on.
14:40Just you pause it a second, lad.
14:44If you jack this in properly, once and for all,
14:48I'll buy you a car when you pass your test.
14:51Why?
14:52Because that's how much your mum can't stand it.
14:57She lost your dad.
14:58She doesn't want to lose you.
15:27Hi, Laurence.
15:28Give us a hand.
15:39Come on.
16:09Come on.
16:39Um, do you really want me to sleep in the spare room?
16:57Just so I know where to put my stuff.
17:03I've got the independence course inspectorate
17:05coming in this week.
17:09Just don't push us, all right?
17:39Mm.
18:03What did you say to Raffy?
18:05Hm?
18:07About buying him a car.
18:10Oh.
18:13He does his own thing, Dad.
18:16If he wants to be friends with Robbie, fine.
18:18I hate him.
18:20Dozy pillock.
18:23But he's Eddie's brother.
18:28And Raff has to make up his own mind about folk.
18:30I asked him not to tell you.
18:32Yeah, I appreciate that.
18:34I appreciate you interfering.
18:36I love it when you interfere.
18:39I'm not stopping him doing stuff he likes doing.
18:43He has to outgrow things naturally.
18:45And then he won't resent people.
18:48Me.
18:52I'm meeting her in Skipton on Monday.
18:56Are you?
18:59Are you?
19:01Well, if she turns up.
19:02Why wouldn't she?
19:04Well, I don't know.
19:05I don't know, but I'll have enough to say to her.
19:08I'll have to keep a conversation going.
19:12Perhaps I should find an excuse.
19:14What for?
19:18I did ask her out once.
19:20Did you?
19:23So?
19:25Only she never turned up.
19:27I stood there nearly two hours.
19:29Then after, I found out that's when she'd gone to Sheffield.
19:35Are you kidding?
19:36She's probably forgotten.
19:39That were a rotten trick.
19:41Well, it might not have been.
19:43She might just have forgotten.
19:45If they were flitting, she'd have had a lot on her mind.
19:49Well, you know, we were only kids, teenagers.
19:54Dad.
19:57Well, you don't have to go.
19:59Well, I can't pull out now.
20:01And it were 60 years ago.
20:03So what?
20:06I thought the sun shone out of her.
20:11I can still feel that feeling I felt when I looked at her.
20:14You've been married to me mother for 50 years since then.
20:18Well, I know.
20:22I loved your mum.
20:26We were pals.
20:32But Celia, it were more like, I don't know,
20:40now heaven walks on earth.
20:46Is that a line from something?
20:48Probably.
20:49Yeah.
20:50It will be.
20:51Shakespeare.
20:54One of that crowd.
20:56Yeah.
21:24Yeah.
21:25Yeah.
21:26Yeah.
21:28Whew.
21:29♪♪
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24:30Alan?
24:34Celia.
24:36How are you?
24:37Oh, um, not so bad.
24:40How are you?
24:41Oh, I'm all right.
24:42Good, good, good.
24:45Well, that's...
24:46I know who you are now.
24:49Sorry?
24:50The penny dropped as soon as I saw you.
24:53You didn't know who I was?
24:55I didn't for long enough.
24:57I sent you a photograph.
24:58Even with the photograph,
24:59I was thinking you were that other Alan up at Stainland.
25:02Alan Robertshaw?
25:04Robertshaw.
25:05With spindly legs?
25:06Had he?
25:07Spaghetti legs, me dad called him.
25:10I don't remember his legs.
25:12Now you lived in the next street.
25:15I didn't realise there was a confusion.
25:19Are you disappointed?
25:21No.
25:23How was your journey?
25:25Oh, it was fine, thank you.
25:28Only, um...
25:31What can I get you?
25:33Oh, she'll come over.
25:34Only what?
25:35Well, I didn't, um...
25:37Get a ticket for the...
25:39To the car park.
25:40I didn't have the right change.
25:42Well, do you want to go back?
25:43No, let me get you something first.
25:47Isn't it hard?
25:49Things you remember and things you don't.
25:52Yes, always.
25:55Didn't you ask me out once?
25:58Did I?
25:59You probably don't remember.
26:02Um...
26:03You did.
26:04Oh...
26:05Well, that's right.
26:07Then I couldn't come
26:09because it was when we were moving to Sheffield.
26:12Yeah.
26:13Yeah.
26:14And we went a day early.
26:16I can't remember why now.
26:17It would have been my mother not being organised.
26:21You go and get your ticket.
26:24Can I have a latte, please?
26:26It's ringing a bell.
26:28Now you've said it.
26:29Good.
26:31But you got my note.
26:33Did I?
26:34Yeah.
26:35What note?
26:36I sent you a note to say I couldn't come.
26:39I gave it to Eileen Pickford to give to you.
26:41Eileen?
26:42Yeah.
26:44To say I was sorry I was letting you down,
26:47but this was my new address in Sheffield,
26:50so you could write to me.
26:54Did you?
26:55No, don't tell me you didn't get it.
26:58You didn't?
26:59No.
27:00Oh.
27:01Well, it's a good job you'd forgotten
27:04because otherwise you'd have spent the last 60 years
27:07thinking I'd stood you up.
27:13You go and get your ticket.
27:31MUSIC
27:50Kate.
27:51Kate.
27:52You've got five minutes.
28:01Miss Taker.
28:05Sit down.
28:08Very formal.
28:13John turned up on Saturday.
28:15He...
28:17He wants to move back in, so...
28:21So I said yes.
28:23For the boy's sake.
28:24When you say move back in, does that mean...
28:27I don't know what it means exactly.
28:30Yet.
28:31I'm amazed.
28:34After everything he's done.
28:37After everything you've said.
28:39It's mainly for the boys.
28:41God knows we see enough of it here,
28:43parents who put their children anywhere except first.
28:46They think they do until it comes to their own convenience and...
28:51Happiness.
28:52Happiness.
28:53I don't want to be like that.
28:55He doesn't put them first.
28:56Yes, well, perhaps all the more reason why I should.
29:00Look...
29:02I'm very...
29:06fond...
29:08of you.
29:09You know that.
29:11I just...
29:14don't think I can do this any more.
29:17Obviously, we can be friends.
29:19But...
29:22the other thing...
29:24it's not me.
29:27I mean, it's not not me, I'm just not...
29:31ready...
29:33to go there.
29:34I've got 9F.
29:35Bad luck.
29:36Sorry.
29:39I am sorry.
30:04Yeah.
30:34No.
30:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
30:49Keep calm.
31:04Can I have a packet of 20, please?
31:11How old are you?
31:12You know how old I am. You asked me that the other night.
31:17Right, can I see your ID?
31:41You're up to Whitehorse again Friday night?
31:43This Friday? No, probably not.
31:46Why not?
31:47Stuff to do.
31:48Have you a heck?
31:50That's a shame.
31:51I thought I might buy you a few beers.
31:53Again.
31:57That's £6.30.
32:04I'll be there anyway.
32:06If you're feeling lonely.
32:11Right.
32:14My day go.
32:36Is that what you thought?
32:38Sorry?
32:39That I'd stood you up?
32:40Well, no.
32:41You must have done.
32:42Well, I suppose I might.
32:43You did?
32:44Well...
32:45Oh, how embarrassing.
32:47How sad.
32:48No, look, it's water under bridge.
32:50I think my...
32:51I really hoped you'd write.
32:55Did you?
32:56Yes, I waited for a letter.
32:58Never occurred to me she wouldn't give it to you.
33:02Happens you were jealous.
33:03She forgot.
33:05Well, and I probably assumed you just didn't have time to bother writing.
33:09No, no, no.
33:10No, see, I'd have written if I'd got it.
33:12Well, that's the last time I'll ask Eileen Pickford to do anything for me.
33:17She's dead.
33:18Is she?
33:19Well, that'll teach her.
33:21Do you know, it's all come back to me just now.
33:23Just seeing your face.
33:25I married her.
33:28Eileen.
33:30She was Gillian's mother.
33:33Oh, good Lord.
33:34Aye.
33:38Well, she was a nice lass.
33:47I think my car's been stolen.
33:51What?
33:53Yeah, it's a blue Vauxhall Astra.
33:58Sure? Yeah?
34:00I can't say mine was a happy marriage, because it wasn't.
34:04Well, I don't say that to everyone.
34:08He wasn't the most faithful of husbands, shall we say.
34:12Not just once, either.
34:14There was a whole string of them.
34:16A whole stream of them.
34:19What's the collective noun for women who aren't very fussy?
34:24Sorry, is that too much information?
34:26No.
34:29See, Caroline says it takes two people to make a marriage go wrong.
34:33I don't believe that.
34:35She probably gets sick of me going on about it.
34:38Well, she does.
34:40She says he's dead, get over it.
34:42Well, not in so many words, but that's what it amounts to.
34:45I'm sorry.
34:48Tell me about Eileen.
34:50Oh, we were very happy.
34:52Happy enough.
34:54Very steady.
34:56Then she developed Alzheimer's.
34:59She didn't know me at finish.
35:04Fancy her not giving you my letter.
35:08She must have liked you.
35:11So, I've processed your information, Mr Buttershaw,
35:14concerning your vehicle.
35:16How are you fixed for getting home?
35:19Home?
35:21In broad daylight?
35:23He skipped it.
35:24Oh, you're joking.
35:26So, I was wondering if you could come and pick me up.
35:30Not straight away, necessarily.
35:32Thank you. I don't know why you won't let me drive you.
35:35You've been to the police?
35:37It's a long way, and then you'd only have to drive back to Harrogate.
35:40Yes, of course we've been to the police.
35:42It's only 40 miles or so, isn't it?
35:44Have you got your pills with you?
35:45Yes, yes, yes.
35:47And have you sent cash on you?
35:49Yes, I'm OK there.
35:51So you're basically all right?
35:52Well, it was a bit of a shock.
35:54And they're not optimistic about getting it back.
35:57Not all in one piece, anyway.
35:59Right.
36:00Well, I'll set off as soon as I can after four, OK?
36:03OK.
36:04Dad.
36:06Dad, I'm going to have to go.
36:07All right, OK.
36:08Ta-ta, love.
36:09Right. Keep in touch.
36:10Ta-ta.
36:13Well, if she doesn't get off till four,
36:16otherwise she'll be straight over.
36:19I'm not a bad driver, if that's what you're thinking.
36:23We could pop down to Elland.
36:25We could look up a few of our old haunts.
36:31Gillian were heartbroken when her daddy died.
36:33All over the place.
36:35A farm to run.
36:37Never enough money.
36:38That's why she works at the supermarket.
36:41That's why I moved in.
36:43She was struggling.
36:45I've still got my little house.
36:47Oh, have you?
36:48Mm-hm.
36:49Up back is London.
36:50Lovely view.
36:52I rented out, which suits me.
36:54I didn't like it on my own.
36:57Oh, I'm used to it.
36:59I've felt like I've been on my own for the past 40 years.
37:03I'm sorry you've been so unhappy.
37:06It isn't your fault.
37:08Well, it's not what you deserve.
37:11My memory of you is smiling.
37:14A lovely, big smile.
37:17You were radiant.
37:18Oh!
37:19It's a long time since anyone's called me that.
37:24You still are.
37:31That's...
37:32It is! That's...
37:33That's my car!
37:34You're joking!
37:35I'm not, I'm not!
37:36That's my registration plate!
37:38Right.
37:40What are you doing?
37:41You get on the phone to the police and I'll put my foot down.
37:44What shall I ring? 999?
37:47Yes, if you like.
37:48That's an emergency.
37:49This is an emergency.
37:50Oh, shut up!
37:51What?
37:52No, not you.
37:53Oh, God.
37:54Reverse when you're bloody well needed.
38:06Are you all right?
38:07Yeah, I'm fine.
38:08Oh, hello, yes.
38:10Police, please.
38:12I just have a heart condition.
38:15Er, Buttershaw, Allen.
38:16Have you?
38:17Yeah, Farslank Farm, Rippenden, West Yorkshire, HX5, 7LD.
38:24Yeah, I'm supposed to avoid excitement.
38:27Er, yeah, my car's just been stolen.
38:30I've just reported it.
38:31But now we've just spotted it and now we're just following it.
38:36At speed.
38:39Where are we?
38:40We're on the B437 heading back to Skipton.
38:43We're on the B437 heading back to Skipton.
38:48It's a blue Vauxhall Asphalt.
38:52Yes, yes, we're right behind them.
38:56What's this road?
38:57Well, it's Wigley anyway.
38:58It's by canal.
39:01And now we're going over a little bridge.
39:05Oh.
39:12Hang on to your hat.
39:14I am doing.
39:24Oh, heck.
39:31Careful!
39:34Oh.
39:37Not sure where we are now.
39:40Yeah, Albert Street.
39:42Well, we've just left Albert Street.
39:45We're now in, I don't know, somewhere else.
39:51Oh, my God!
39:53Ah!
39:59What?
40:00Are we all right?
40:01Yeah, you all right?
40:02Yeah.
40:04Oh, my God.
40:05I'm so sorry.
40:09Oh, my God.
40:11Oh!
40:13I'm so sorry.
40:15No, I'm sorry.
40:20Yeah, Silver A-Class.
40:25It was 20 years ago first time it happened.
40:27I had to take early retirement.
40:29Then I had a funny do ten years after that.
40:33I should be dead, really.
40:36Good heavens.
40:37Still, we've had an adventure.
40:41I wonder what would have happened
40:43if Eileen had given you that letter.
40:46We'll never know.
40:48Or we could speculate.
40:50I'd certainly have written.
40:52There's very little doubt about that.
40:54What would you have put?
40:56Dear Celia, I'd have put
40:58thank you for sending me your address.
41:01Then what?
41:03I've no idea.
41:05We wouldn't have got very far then, would we?
41:08I am sorry that you were unable to turn up.
41:12At least, however, I weren't left standing there for two hours
41:16on a bridge outside church in snow,
41:19as I might have been had you not written.
41:22You weren't.
41:24Well, not a snow pit, obviously, would you lie, but...
41:27I thought you said you couldn't remember it.
41:29Yeah, well...
41:32I lied.
41:34I remember it like it were yesterday.
41:38I were gutted.
41:41Oh, Alan.
41:45And there was me in Sheffield
41:47thinking you didn't want to write to me.
41:49But you didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about you.
41:53How do you know I didn't?
41:55I'd been waiting for you to ask me out for months.
41:58Years.
42:01Two hours ago,
42:03you thought I was someone with spindly legs from upstainment.
42:07I knew damn well you were the first time you wrote.
42:10I was pretending.
42:12Pretending to myself.
42:14Why?
42:15Because I did like you.
42:17A lot.
42:19But I was never sure how you really felt about me,
42:22not when you didn't write, and...
42:25Oh, well, I can say it now,
42:27because it was 200 years ago,
42:29and because I'm shameless, and...
42:33If I don't say it now, I never will.
42:41I was in love with you.
42:48Right.
42:50Right. Statements.
42:53Who wants to go first?
42:55Mrs Buttershaw?
42:59We're not married.
43:21Got your text? Yeah, I got yours.
43:23You're not jacking it in. It's like I told you.
43:26Get in.
43:28You've got to get straight back on.
43:30That's what your dad would have said. That's what your dad would have done.
43:32It upsets me mum too much.
43:34You can't live your life not doing stuff just because you...
43:36But it shook me up as well, so...
43:38You're just saying that.
43:39This is about Gillian not wanting you to have aught to do with me.
43:42No, it isn't.
43:45I'm gonna tell you something I raff about your mother,
43:47about why she don't like you and me bothering with each other.
43:50When I read it...
43:52When your dad died,
43:54you know what happened?
43:57Yeah, ish.
43:59It wasn't an accident.
44:01This is my personal theory.
44:03You know what happened, right? Yeah.
44:05Death by misadventure. Yeah.
44:06Bollocks.
44:08She killed him.
44:17Yeah.
44:41Make yourself some tea, love.
44:43There's plenty of stuff in the fridge.
44:45I've got to go to Skipton.
44:48Grandad's car's been stolen.
44:52Tell me about when me dad died.
44:54What, now?
44:58Well, you know, I've told you.
45:01Not everything.
45:03Robbie turned up outside the school gates this afternoon.
45:05Robbie?
45:08He said something weird.
45:10Robbie's a mad bastard.
45:13Do you know what he thinks?
45:15Yeah, course I know.
45:17He tried to have me arrested.
45:19I hadn't enough to cope with at the time.
45:21Look, if you want to talk about this now, fine.
45:25But you're gonna have to come with me.
45:33Oh, it's hopeless.
45:35You can never get a hold of her at school.
45:37She's always got it switched off.
45:39I've left a message anyway.
45:42And if I get desperate, I can always ring John.
45:46Well...
45:48Who'd have thought it?
45:50I'll see her today like this.
45:53Were you really...
45:55in love with me?
45:57What can I get you?
45:59Oh, um...
46:03Er...
46:04Oh.
46:06What do you suppose a crappuccino is, Alan?
46:09Isn't that an F?
46:11Is it? Where?
46:12On the board.
46:14Is it?
46:15It's frappuccino. Coffee with ice.
46:18They've always to muck everything about these days, haven't they?
46:22Still, if you're not taking risks, you're not living.
46:25That's what our William says.
46:27And he lives in his bedroom, so what does he know?
46:31Oh, go on, I'll have one.
46:33Well, following that impeccable logic, I'll have one as well, thank you.
46:40I'd forgotten you were a comedian.
46:42I'd forgotten you were one.
46:43You knew damn well that didn't say crappuccino.
46:46Well, people bother with you more of the thing you see now.
46:50I mean, look at that policeman.
46:53Well, either that or the run-of-mile, which can be equally entertaining.
46:58Were you really in love with me?
47:01Mm-hm.
47:02I used to think about you...
47:05when I was miserable with Kenneth.
47:08I used to wonder what you were up to...
47:11and who you were with...
47:14and how different things might have been if I'd married a lad like you.
47:22Did you think about me when you were with Eileen?
47:25Now and again.
47:29See, I don't think I ever stopped thinking about you.
47:34Oh.
47:36We missed a trick, didn't we?
47:40I can't believe Eileen didn't give me that letter.
47:45Well, we can't change it.
47:47It's such a big thing not to have done.
47:51She must have known.
47:55Well, you've got Gillian and Raffy...
47:58and I've got my lot.
48:00And I don't regret that, do you?
48:03Whatever else might have happened.
48:05No, no, no.
48:07Of course not.
48:10He says it wasn't an accident.
48:12He says my dad wouldn't have been that stupid.
48:14Look...
48:15He took risks with his biking, right?
48:17He took calculated risks, Robbie said.
48:19He was big on safety on farm.
48:21Yeah, yeah, he was.
48:22When he wasn't off his head drunk.
48:26Look...
48:27He said you argued all the time.
48:29Yeah, like thousands of others.
48:31Well, he said how days before he died,
48:33you argued and told him you liked to see him dead.
48:35Did he?
48:36Well, I said you loved him and he had to shut his mouth.
48:38Right, well, that's good for you.
48:40Then he said how most of what he deals with is stuff like this.
48:43Domestics.
48:44What you don't realise...
48:45He said every copper knows.
48:46People don't kill people they couldn't give a toss about.
48:48What you don't realise, Raff, about Robbie is...
48:51when Eddie...
48:54when your dad died...
48:58Jesus.
49:19It warped him.
49:21Robbie.
49:23He couldn't accept it.
49:24He couldn't come to terms with it.
49:26He couldn't accept...
49:28it just happened.
49:30He had to blame someone.
49:34So...
49:36obvious choice.
49:39Me.
49:47He said one day he'd prove it.
49:52He won't, will he?
49:54No, love.
49:55No.
50:25Is that you, Ma?
50:45Hard-hatties, are we?
50:46I was going to cook supper, but you might have to.
50:49Right.
50:50I got a B in my science test today, Ma,
50:52and then I scored a try.
50:54Good. Well done.
50:55He thinks if he lies like that,
50:56he'll be able to see up the girly skirt on the telly.
50:59Because he's not very bright.
51:00We've been discussing your mother.
51:01Have you?
51:02Age cannot wither her,
51:03nor custom stale her infinite variety.
51:06Apparently.
51:07Ignore him. He's drunk.
51:08Really?
51:09Mature love. Antonine Cleopatra.
51:10All that claptrap.
51:11You didn't tell me she had a fella.
51:12She hasn't.
51:13It's just some old...
51:14someone she writes to.
51:15On the email.
51:16Right.
51:17Well, I'm off to Skipton to pick her up.
51:18What?
51:19She's been trying to get hold of you.
51:20Oh.
51:21She went to meet this Alan in Skipton,
51:23and she pranged her car.
51:24Is she all right?
51:26Yeah, yeah.
51:27But the car's damaged,
51:28so she needs picking up, so...
51:29I'll go.
51:31I'll go.
51:32I'll go.
51:41So...
51:43if I had written,
51:46and if we had kept in touch,
51:49you're going back to speculating?
51:52Oh, well...
51:55maybe you'd have popped down to visit me.
51:57More than likely.
51:58Then we might have gone dancing.
52:01I imagine so.
52:03And then?
52:05Then?
52:07Well...
52:09we might have...
52:11started...
52:12courting.
52:14Yeah.
52:16Except by then I'd have met Kenneth.
52:19Would you?
52:20Him with his university education
52:22and his prospects.
52:25Would that have been it, then?
52:27I don't know.
52:30You see, I think that's what I was dazzled by,
52:33his prospects.
52:34I wouldn't be now.
52:36Now I know there are much more important qualities
52:38a man can have, but...
52:40then I wanted
52:43a nice house with a bit of garden
52:46and a car.
52:48Things my mum and dad had never had.
52:51So, no.
52:54I would probably have made the same mistakes.
52:57I had prospects.
53:00Oh, I know.
53:01Not same as Kenneth, perhaps.
53:04I wasn't comparing, I'm just saying...
53:09and anyway, you weren't there.
53:12No.
53:14So?
53:16But I'm here now.
53:20You certainly are.
53:24You told Michael bloody Dobson of all people!
53:28That insidious little prick!
53:31No, Kate, I'm delighted, I'm thrilled,
53:32I'm over the bloody moon.
53:34I've got to go, I'm going, I'm driving.
53:47Oi!
53:50Oi!
53:51Sorry, it's an emergency.
53:54Jesus!
54:03Dad.
54:04Gillian.
54:07That was the most slugfish, mindless piece of driving
54:11I have ever witnessed.
54:12It won't be a minute, they'll think you can have it.
54:14You could see I'd got my reversing lights on,
54:15you could see I'd already started my new one.
54:17Yeah, well, if I keep your air on, I'll be less than 60 seconds.
54:19You idiot.
54:20Snotty bitch.
54:21You can let her talk to you like that.
54:23Mum, you all right?
54:24Fine.
54:26This must be Alan.
54:28Yes.
54:29How do you do, Aunt Caroline?
54:30How do you do?
54:31Thank you for staying with her till I got here.
54:33We're going to have to go with some brain-dead, low-life trailer trash
54:36who stole my parking space.
54:38You've met my daughter.
54:40Sorry?
54:42Gillian, this is Celia.
54:45And Caroline.
54:48Hello, Celia.
54:50I've heard a lot about you.
54:53I've met Caroline.
54:55Right.
54:58Well, now then, we've got some news for you.
55:04For both of you.
55:06We're getting married.
55:13What did you say to him?
55:15That we kissed twice.
55:16I did this stupid thing.
55:18We were thinking about having a little engagement do.
55:21Something about you bending over in a field
55:24that makes me almost unable to contain myself.
55:26Piss off, Paul.
55:27Judith.
55:28I want you to come back.
55:30Hello?
55:31He's attacked me.
55:32Dad?
55:33We decided against an engagement ring,
55:36so instead we bought a car between us.
55:40It would be, like, really good
55:42if you didn't mention this to Mom.
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