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FunTranscript
00:00Mom manipulates you. She uses you against the rest of us. I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:04Oh, God, if only I could think of an example. Oh, wait, here's one of 30.
00:08She blew off Alex's graduation, but she didn't tell us. She made you do it
00:12so we would all dump on you instead of her, and now she bans me from giving a toast and we're fighting about it.
00:19Come on, she's using you like a human shield. Does that seem like a healthy relationship?
00:24Why don't you give that some thought while you're getting me a refill. When did you even drink that? You've been talking the whole time.
00:29That is Modern Family. Julie Bowen is here with us.
00:34Wait, still, my wife and I still watch the show every week, and
00:38there was a hysterically funny scene where you were talking on the speakerphone, and
00:42Phil is sitting next to you, and then he heard something that he shouldn't hear, and it was really funny.
00:46It's really, I'm amazed that this show is still so funny.
00:50So many years in. Well, it's so based in, like, what people have. Everybody has a family or came from a family.
00:55I mean, it's not like the stuffed octopus, and you're like, I don't have that many stuffed octopus stories.
01:00Yeah, right, right. It's just, you know, it's based in reality.
01:03It really does everything you think, oh, that happened to me somehow. Exactly, and we often fight about that and say, no, no, that happened.
01:11No, that was my story, and everybody thinks it was actually their story, but it's just a story.
01:15I'm gonna give you a little test because I know you have the kids here tonight, your real kids. My kids?
01:19Yeah, your own kids. These are your own kids, the children that came in. I brought my children, yes. The ones who were in your car?
01:24They're in my care. They're in your care? They're back there in my care.
01:29Well, they're gonna be here in my care in a second because we're gonna play a little game to test your, I don't know, maternal instincts, I guess.
01:37Now, if you would be so kind, put this on. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, and we'll see how much you trust me here. Just go ahead and put this on.
01:45And I'll explain what's gonna happen, okay? All right, now, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna bring some kids out. You have three children.
01:55Uh-huh. I'm gonna bring out six children. What?
01:59And we're gonna see if just by touching their faces, you can tell which ones are your kids. Oh, no, okay. Okay?
02:05All right. So send in the children, and now the audience, I'm gonna ask you guys to play along.
02:13All right, so... Can the audience tell who they are? The audience can tell because they're wearing special shirts that indicate which children are yours and which are not.
02:24So the first face you're gonna touch is this young person, and I'll direct you to the face here, okay?
02:33And you can feel that face, and then just tell us, is this my kid or not? No. That is not your kid, all right? No.
02:42You go over there. Now, here's another child. And feel this child's face. Oh, no.
02:50And then tell us if this is your child or not. I'm a reluctant guess. That's a yes, all right?
03:00You go over here. All right, next child. You feel this child. Oh, yeah, that's mine. That is your child.
03:11That's mine. There's only one question. Oh! Okay.
03:21No. Not your child. All right, you go over there. And then we have two more children. Two more children.
03:32Oh. This... Can I smell it? That's mine. No, that's not mine. Is it not yours? Not mine. Okay. It does not smell like mine.
03:45We're gonna send this one over here. And then finally, one more child. And that's the child...
03:52Is this... Is that... Wait, no! No!
04:10Wow. I'm so sorry. Wow. Did you guys... I did okay. Did you guys know that he wasn't your real brother?
04:19Mm-hmm. I was really close. You did very well. Sorry, Johnny. We were kind of an afterthought.
04:26No, we weren't. They're twins. They're twins. Afterthought means the best, so don't worry.
04:33Well, thanks, kids. And thanks, other kids. You guys want to fight or anything?
04:39Julie Bowen, Modern Family, Wednesday nights on ABC.
04:48This invisible hamster will die.