Whos Yer Father (2023)

DigiDazzle

Who's Yer Father is a compelling drama that explores the intricacies of family ties and personal growth. The film follows a young woman's quest to find her estranged father, leading her on an emotional journey filled with challenges and revelations. As she confronts her past, she discovers not only the truth about her father but also vital insights into her own identity. With a blend of heartfelt moments and raw storytelling, Who's Yer Father captivates audiences by highlighting the power of connection and the complexity of familial love.

Transcript

00:00:00♪♪

00:00:10♪♪

00:00:20♪♪

00:00:30Hi, I'm Larry Constable.

00:00:32I live in Prince Edward Island.

00:00:34It's a beautiful place.

00:00:36Scenery?

00:00:37Huh, unreal.

00:00:39It's like living in a postcard.

00:00:41But guess what?

00:00:42I'm a private investigator.

00:00:44Yep, I'm a P-E-I-P-I.

00:00:46I'm the only one on the island.

00:00:48Market cornered.

00:00:50I'm currently living in my office.

00:00:52But it's a multi-purpose building.

00:00:54Multi.

00:00:55And I did some pretty extensive training, too.

00:00:58That week nearly killed me, man.

00:01:01My hobbies include reading.

00:01:04The mysteries of outer space.

00:01:07Going for relaxing scenic drives.

00:01:09Larry!

00:01:14Great start to the day.

00:01:16Reset.

00:01:17There you are, you little stinkers.

00:01:19And gone.

00:01:21And then there's my best friend, Blair.

00:01:24Where in the fuck did that go?

00:01:27Ha!

00:01:28Found one.

00:01:29Ow, piece of shit ball.

00:01:32It's not mine.

00:01:33Fuck.

00:01:34Blair has a terrible slice.

00:01:35But he does provide comfort on the darker days.

00:01:39I thought I was gonna make the world a better place.

00:01:42Helping people.

00:01:43Seeing lots of horny stuff.

00:01:45I thought I was gonna be hot shit on a silver platter.

00:01:50But no.

00:01:51I am cold piss on a paper plate.

00:01:55You're not cold piss.

00:01:57I am.

00:01:59I am cold piss.

00:02:02That's my ex-wife Brenda.

00:02:06How can I stay mad at you, heartbreaker?

00:02:10I know what you're thinking.

00:02:12Being a private eye?

00:02:13Must be pretty glamorous work.

00:02:15Well, it is and it isn't.

00:02:18The cases are never, like, good.

00:02:22All right, you dirty snake.

00:02:24Let's see what you're hiding.

00:02:26Bingo!

00:02:32Oh, Christ's sake!

00:02:34Hey!

00:02:36Shoot!

00:02:37Move, move!

00:02:38Go around me!

00:02:39God damn it!

00:02:42Move the tractor!

00:02:43Move the tractor!

00:02:45Move!

00:02:46Tractor!

00:02:47Oh, my God!

00:02:49Larry!

00:02:50Larry!

00:02:51Oh, for fuck's sake!

00:02:55Larry!

00:02:56You asshole!

00:02:57Get up!

00:02:59Are you spying on me again?

00:03:00You stole Auntie Karen's casserole dish, Bruno!

00:03:03You rotten prick!

00:03:05I'm your cousin, Larry!

00:03:06Yeah, but that casserole dish has sentimental value for Auntie Karen!

00:03:10Yeah?

00:03:11Sentimental value?

00:03:12Yes.

00:03:13You want to see sentimental value?

00:03:17Another potluck ruined.

00:03:19You're not invited to Tabitha's birthday next week.

00:03:22Piece of shit.

00:03:27Will you get the hell off my land so I can get on it?

00:03:32Doreen does it again.

00:03:41I don't mind if the sun don't shine

00:03:46I don't mind

00:03:48I don't mind if the sun don't shine

00:03:53I don't mind

00:03:55I don't mind if the sun don't shine

00:04:00I don't mind

00:04:02I don't mind if the sun don't shine

00:04:08I don't mind

00:04:12I don't mind

00:04:14If the sun don't shine

00:04:17I don't mind

00:04:24That's why I don't mind

00:04:30sunshine

00:04:33I'm feeling

00:04:35Rain, shine, I don't mind.

00:04:39Sun, fire, I don't care.

00:04:44Who knows?

00:04:45Rain, shine, I'll be there.

00:04:48Can you sit down?

00:04:51Can you close your eyes?

00:04:53Being a private eye on a small island

00:04:55wasn't without its challenges.

00:04:57What?

00:04:58He said I broke it.

00:04:59He's a liar.

00:05:00But little did I know, the universe

00:05:01was going to shine down on old Laird.

00:05:03The richest man in all of P.E.I.

00:05:05walked through my door.

00:05:07It goes without saying you make wicked cinnamon rolls,

00:05:09Annie Karen.

00:05:10That's not what this is about.

00:05:11I can't get gas for my van with cinnamon rolls.

00:05:14All right, maybe put them in the oven.

00:05:17Hello?

00:05:18You want the cinnamon rolls or not?

00:05:20Uh, put them in the oven.

00:05:25Hello?

00:05:28Good day.

00:05:29How are you?

00:05:30Larry Constable.

00:05:32Yeah, Luke Thorne.

00:05:33Whoop, that's not the office.

00:05:38Thornold, you said?

00:05:40Thorne.

00:05:41Thorne, eh?

00:05:42Okay, who's your father?

00:05:44You're a real private investigator, huh?

00:05:46Oh, yeah, the real deal, yeah.

00:05:48I'm the only one on the island,

00:05:49so I got the market cornered.

00:05:51I bet.

00:06:00Have a seat, Mr. Thorne.

00:06:02Get comfortable.

00:06:05Ah, golfer, huh?

00:06:07Where do you play?

00:06:08Dewey Meadows.

00:06:09I've been a member there since I was a kid.

00:06:11Unreal.

00:06:12No wonder, Dewey Meadows.

00:06:14It's a cow pasture.

00:06:15I'm a member at Fox Bush.

00:06:17That's a real golf course.

00:06:19But Dewey Meadows, the scenery, nothing beats it.

00:06:22The sunset looks like a melted popsicle.

00:06:25Larry, have a look at that.

00:06:27That's my wife, Nicole.

00:06:29We've been married seven years.

00:06:31She's the love of my life.

00:06:33Well, she's friendly-looking.

00:06:35Friendly-looking gal you got there.

00:06:37Friendly-looking?

00:06:38Look closer, Larry.

00:06:39She's a goddamn smoke show.

00:06:41Come on.

00:06:43And, uh, that's our cottage.

00:06:47Well, that's quite the spot.

00:06:49The cottage is a smoke show.

00:06:51Woo!

00:06:52Smoke show cottage.

00:06:53Yeah, it's up in Sandbar Cove.

00:06:55I don't get there much, though.

00:06:56It's on the road for work.

00:06:57Oh, yeah? What work you at?

00:07:01Thorn Seafood.

00:07:03I buy seafood all over the Maritimes.

00:07:05In Sandbar Cove, there's this hotshot Hick fisherman

00:07:08named Glenn Meisner.

00:07:10He's taking his lobster right off the wharf,

00:07:12and he's selling it to a black market buyer.

00:07:15Now all the other fishermen are starting to do the same thing.

00:07:18And that's costing me a lot of dough, Larry.

00:07:20What I need you to do

00:07:22is find out who's buying Glenn's lobster.

00:07:25This boat's called the Top Stamp.

00:07:28Here's, um, a thousand bucks to start.

00:07:31Just a little taste.

00:07:33Just a little taste?

00:07:34Wha...

00:07:36Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

00:07:39Uh-uh.

00:07:40Well, that's quite tasty.

00:07:43Are you done?

00:07:45Um...

00:07:46Larry, I'm on the road for the next few days.

00:07:49If you can solve this case by the time I get back,

00:07:51I'll throw in an extra five grand as a bonus,

00:07:53plus I'll pay your expenses.

00:07:55I'll also get you off that cow pasture

00:07:57and onto a real golf course.

00:07:58How about that?

00:08:08Larry, you don't use this van

00:08:10when you're out in surveillance, do you?

00:08:12It's got your fucking face on the side.

00:08:14No, no, Jesus, no.

00:08:15That? That's my advertising rig.

00:08:17It'd be some foolish to drive around in that

00:08:20as a surveillance van, yeah.

00:08:22All right, I got one rule, okay?

00:08:25Don't ever bullshit me.

00:08:27That's my rule, too.

00:08:30See you in a few days.

00:08:35Cow pasture?

00:08:36Fuck him, cow pasture.

00:08:38Does he know about scenery?

00:08:40Because take a look around, big fella.

00:08:41Soak that beauty in.

00:08:43Yeah, but scenery's not the point, Blair.

00:08:45A thousand bucks to start.

00:08:48He goes, hey, this is just a taste.

00:08:51Some taste?

00:08:52I was stuffed.

00:08:54Mmm, rich prick.

00:08:56You probably can't get it up.

00:08:58It's always that. It's a dick.

00:09:00When do you start?

00:09:01Tomorrow morning.

00:09:02Bright and early.

00:09:03Oh, yeah?

00:09:04Well, look, you can forget about

00:09:05trucking across hell's half acre every day, all right?

00:09:08Get yourself a motel room up there.

00:09:10Is that ethical, though?

00:09:11It's like the middle of the summer.

00:09:12They're gonna have peak season prices.

00:09:14Put it on the tab.

00:09:15Come on.

00:09:16It's a fucking three-hour drive.

00:09:18Treat yourself.

00:09:19Look, do not let this rich son of a bitch

00:09:21push you around, all right?

00:09:23Brenda pushed you around,

00:09:24and I will not fucking stand for people

00:09:26pushing my best friend around.

00:09:28You hear me?

00:09:31Hey, you want me to call Limp Pecker

00:09:33and straighten him out?

00:09:34Blair.

00:09:35Fuck.

00:09:36No.

00:09:37All right?

00:09:38I got this.

00:09:40Like you got the casserole dish?

00:09:44Where in the fuck did that go?

00:09:47So let's not make some kind of scene

00:09:52Because I don't want to waste my time

00:09:56Always trying to be right

00:09:58Don't really know what to do

00:10:00What's going on with you

00:10:03Don't put it through your head

00:10:05What's the last thing you said

00:10:07You said, are you gonna waste my time

00:10:10You said, are you gonna waste my time

00:10:13Are you gonna be mine

00:10:16Easy come, easy go

00:10:19So put it down and let it go

00:10:22You tell me something I don't wanna know

00:10:28And I can see through my movie lens

00:10:31Unreal.

00:10:37Spectacular.

00:10:41You said, are you gonna waste my time

00:10:45Are you gonna be mine

00:10:47You said, are you gonna waste my time

00:10:50This is ten times better than those missing heirloom cases, Blair.

00:10:53Oh yeah.

00:10:54Shut up.

00:10:56Trying my first feed at Richard's here.

00:10:58Supposed to be the best fish and chips on the island.

00:11:00Yeah, we'll see about that.

00:11:02It's research, Blair, research.

00:11:05Yeah, they give you this little doohickey

00:11:08that beeps and buzzes when your order's ready.

00:11:11Chowder? No, it's too hot for chowder.

00:11:14Blair, give your head a shake, for fuck's sake.

00:11:17Okay, let me get back to the job.

00:11:19Oh shit, there he is.

00:11:21Top stamp.

00:11:22Who?

00:11:23The fisherman, the target.

00:11:26I gotta go.

00:11:27Yes, I'll let you know if it's worth the drive for fish and chips, Blair.

00:11:30Jesus, tapioca.

00:11:33Hey, look at you, eh, bad boy?

00:11:36What are you doing, you dirty little stinker?

00:11:40I'm poppin'! I'm poppin'!

00:11:43Ah, shit.

00:11:48Come on.

00:11:51It's poppin'! My thing, it's poppin'!

00:11:54Hey, I'm number 16.

00:11:56Jeez, you're in a panic.

00:11:57Uh, yeah, uh-huh, mm-hmm, yep.

00:11:59What'd you get again?

00:12:00Uh, two piece fish and chips, coleslaw, and a roll.

00:12:03Oh my God, darling, you must be starving.

00:12:06Yeah, and I'm kind of in a panic as well, yeah, if you don't mind.

00:12:10Oh man, come on.

00:12:12Oh, beauty of a day, though.

00:12:14Oh yeah, yeah, the sky, it looks like an angel's ass or something.

00:12:17Yeah.

00:12:18Thank you very much.

00:12:19Enjoy.

00:12:20Oh, you too. God damn it.

00:12:22You forgot your cutlery.

00:12:33I am, I am just another man.

00:12:36I am, I am.

00:13:03Mm-hmm.

00:13:33How are you now?

00:14:04Oh yeah.

00:14:10Hi.

00:14:11Hi.

00:14:14Are you from around here? You look awful familiar to me.

00:14:17You look familiar to me too.

00:14:19Like I've been looking at your face my entire life.

00:14:23That's not weird to say, right?

00:14:25I'm from up west.

00:14:27Up west, okay, I know people up there. Who's your father?

00:14:29Willie Constable, worked on the ferry.

00:14:32I'm Larry, Larry Constable.

00:14:34I'm Rhonda, Rhonda Perry.

00:14:35Rhonda Perry, very nice.

00:14:37Ferries are a good bunch.

00:14:39Well, you haven't met too many Perry's then.

00:14:43Can I ask you a question?

00:14:46Do you love soft serve ice cream?

00:14:48Christ almighty, do I ever.

00:14:50Most delicious treat on a hot day.

00:14:52Aside from a beer, or two, or ten.

00:14:55No argument there.

00:14:57Vanilla, chocolate dip, sparkle, or flavor swirl.

00:15:01Now we're really peeling back the layers of the soft serve onion.

00:15:09I'm going to have to go with all of them.

00:15:14Okay.

00:15:17I don't care.

00:15:19I'm getting a soft serve machine for the store.

00:15:21It's going to be a game changer.

00:15:23Just the juice and the gas?

00:15:25Yes, and the receipt, please and thank you.

00:15:27I'm keeping track of my expenses.

00:15:29Yeah, you up this way for work?

00:15:32Can you keep a secret?

00:15:34No, no, I'm a bit of a gossip when it comes to secrets.

00:15:37Well, Rhonda Perry, you are looking at a private investigator.

00:15:45You are not.

00:15:47Go away with you.

00:15:49We have those on the island?

00:15:51Well, yeah, just me.

00:15:53I've got the market cornered.

00:15:55Well.

00:15:57Yeah, well, I spend all day in my van doing, like, really important stakeouts.

00:16:01I pee in coffee cups, the whole shebang.

00:16:03I'm actually down here because I'm on a big case.

00:16:06You know, I see and hear all kinds of funny business here in the store.

00:16:10You wouldn't believe how many rubbers we sell just before closing time.

00:16:14Oh, wow.

00:16:16Sex rubbers?

00:16:18Yeah, sex rubbers.

00:16:20Wow.

00:16:21I get off in half an hour, you buy me a beer, I'll give you all kinds of dirt on Sandbar Cove.

00:16:26Me and you?

00:16:28Having a beer?

00:16:29Yeah.

00:16:30Nothing better on a hot day, right?

00:16:33Bar's just around the corner.

00:16:35Around the corner?

00:16:37Half an hour?

00:16:39Okay, well, very nice to meet you, Rhonda Perry.

00:16:45Very nice to meet you, too, Laird.

00:16:50Heh, heh.

00:16:52Well, heh, heh.

00:16:56You ladies ever hear of a fisherman named Glenn Meisner?

00:17:00Glenn Meisner?

00:17:02Well, now, he was quite the whore, that fella.

00:17:05Heh, screwing, fishing, and drinking.

00:17:08And he's ACDC, too.

00:17:10Swings both ways.

00:17:12ACDC?

00:17:13Like the rock and roll band?

00:17:15Fluid, that's what they call it.

00:17:17Always two or three on the go.

00:17:19Not too fussy.

00:17:21His father's a whore, as well.

00:17:23Oh, that man's as crooked as a fiddler's dick.

00:17:25He's so crooked, he has to screw his socks on in the morning.

00:17:29Yeah.

00:17:35Uh, okay.

00:17:37Well, thank you very much, ladies, and I'll let you get back to your crazy eights.

00:17:47♪ Whispered in my ear

00:17:53♪ The things you said don't linger in my head, I know

00:18:01♪ And I just can't forget crying all those tears

00:18:08♪ Of the fool I was

00:18:14Sorry, sorry, hi.

00:18:16Oh, he was late coming in for his shift.

00:18:18Oh, he got me a beer unperched.

00:18:20Ooh.

00:18:22Oh, the beer is warm.

00:18:23You have been waiting a long time.

00:18:25Oh, no, no, no, please.

00:18:26Waiting is what I do for a living.

00:18:28Another 45 minutes to an hour is not gonna kill me.

00:18:31Ooh, sorry, I'm sorry.

00:18:33So, how's your case going?

00:18:35Oh, well, uh, today was a large one.

00:18:38Large.

00:18:39Got up at Crow Pist this morning and, uh, took the scenic route here.

00:18:43Beautiful.

00:18:44Oh, got some intel from the locals over there.

00:18:47Uh, got a feed of fish and chips at Richard's.

00:18:50Went arse over tea kettle in the parking lot, though,

00:18:52so I had to order again.

00:18:54Took a few hours, but, uh, well worth the wait.

00:18:58Checked into a motel.

00:18:59Wow, that must have been pricey.

00:19:01Peak season.

00:19:02Yeah.

00:19:07So, the case?

00:19:09Right.

00:19:11Well, uh, kind of breaking the P.I. code of ethics here,

00:19:17but, uh, got hired by this real rich fella, Luke Thorne.

00:19:23Luke Thorne?

00:19:25He thinks he's something big.

00:19:26Lives up on Wildwood Road.

00:19:28Wouldn't mind having his kind of money, though.

00:19:31I will have that kind of money.

00:19:33I mean, I will have that kind of money.

00:19:35Continue?

00:19:37Right.

00:19:38So, this Luke Thorne character hired me to find out

00:19:42where this fisherman named Glenn Meisner is selling...

00:19:45You okay?

00:19:47You all right?

00:19:49Glenn Meisner?

00:19:50Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where he lives

00:19:54by any chance, would you?

00:19:56Me?

00:19:57Glenn Meisner.

00:19:58Oh, let me...

00:19:59I don't know if I do, but if I think...

00:20:02if I think long and hard about it,

00:20:04if I think long and hard about it,

00:20:06maybe, well, not long and hard, more soft and average.

00:20:09Uh, oh, yeah, um, I can take you to him.

00:20:14Great.

00:20:16Can I get any nachos?

00:20:18I just ate the jalapenos.

00:20:25He's putting on quite the scoff.

00:20:27Corn on the cob.

00:20:31New potatoes, mustard pickles.

00:20:35Peepin' Tom and Tammy over here.

00:20:37Look at us flying like a couple of creepers.

00:20:40Um, actually, I try not to think about it like being creepy.

00:20:45We're conducting surveillance.

00:20:47Hmm.

00:20:48Do you go to school for this?

00:20:50Uh, yeah, just a little bit.

00:20:54So, um, how do you know Glenn?

00:20:57You know him well, or...?

00:20:59Oh, not well.

00:21:01Everyone knows Glenn.

00:21:02He's pretty hard to miss.

00:21:04Big as a biscuit eater, tougher than a boiled owl.

00:21:08Oh, someone's coming.

00:21:11Ooh.

00:21:13Who is this fancy pants now?

00:21:16Beamer.

00:21:18Female.

00:21:20Dressed like a snob.

00:21:22What is this, Martha's friggin' vineyard?

00:21:24She walks like she's rich.

00:21:26You think it's a fancy pants lady?

00:21:28Heels on grass.

00:21:30You know she's rich.

00:21:32Grass and heels.

00:21:34She's going up the steps.

00:21:40They're smoochin'.

00:21:42They're smoochin'.

00:21:46Holy Christ almighty.

00:21:48That's Nicole Thorne, Luke Thorne's wife, your boss.

00:21:51What? Are you serious?

00:21:53That's Luke Thorne's wife?

00:21:54Get your fancy camera out quick, Claire.

00:21:56It looks like the screw is coming before the scoff.

00:21:58This is a marital case now.

00:22:00A marital case.

00:22:05Oh, Jesus, Lair.

00:22:07No frickin' memory card.

00:22:09Where's my bird?

00:22:12Oh, my God. Hurry up, Larry.

00:22:14This is getting dirty enough to grow potatoes in.

00:22:16I can't find my...

00:22:19Here it is.

00:22:21I knew it was there.

00:22:23It's just a joke.

00:22:25Her two legs are up in the air.

00:22:27Huh?

00:22:29He's kissing her broom.

00:22:31Open up.

00:22:43That was some night.

00:22:45You must see that kind of thing all the time, do you?

00:22:47Big time.

00:22:49Oh, I've seen all those positions before.

00:22:51Upside down, reverse.

00:22:53Hugging upside down.

00:22:55Upside down.

00:22:57Oh, who's this?

00:22:59Nobody.

00:23:01I don't know who that is.

00:23:06Um, that's Brenda, my ex-wife.

00:23:08We're divorced.

00:23:10Undivorced, too.

00:23:12Yeah, in my 40s and starting over again.

00:23:14Confession time, Rhonda.

00:23:16I'm pushing well into my 40s, so...

00:23:19Secret revealed, Lair.

00:23:22We're in our 40s.

00:23:24Yeah.

00:23:26Well, I'm gonna call Luke Thorne

00:23:28and tell him about the wife shenanigans.

00:23:30No, no, no.

00:23:32No, you should keep that to yourself.

00:23:34Because you've got the hard evidence now.

00:23:36Get it? Hard?

00:23:43Hard!

00:23:45Like Glenn's hard-on?

00:23:47I was scared of that.

00:23:49That size is too big.

00:23:51Mine's not small, but it's not that big.

00:23:55That was crazy.

00:23:57We saw so much.

00:23:59I bet Nicole Thorne wouldn't want her hubby

00:24:01to see them dirty pics.

00:24:03No way, yeah.

00:24:07You should say,

00:24:09give us 20 grand

00:24:11or we're going to your hubby with the screw-in shots.

00:24:15I don't know, that sounds like blackmail.

00:24:17Not blackmail.

00:24:19Manifesting.

00:24:21Manifesting?

00:24:23Like, my soft-serve machine costs 10 grand,

00:24:25but I can't afford that.

00:24:27Manifesting is a five-step plan

00:24:29to turn your dreams into reality.

00:24:31Like, if you could manifest

00:24:33anything in the world right now,

00:24:35what would it be?

00:24:37Um, new van.

00:24:39New golf clubs, for sure.

00:24:41New living situation.

00:24:43I'm sleeping in my office,

00:24:45but it's a multipurpose building.

00:24:47We'll be 50-50 partners.

00:24:49I don't know, Rhonda.

00:24:51I think I should, uh,

00:24:53focus on this case I'm working on here.

00:24:57I work the day shift tomorrow,

00:24:59so come by any time.

00:25:01And don't be spying through my windows

00:25:03from the parking lot, Lair.

00:25:05Oh, yeah, that's me, old peepin' Larry.

00:25:07Whoa.

00:25:09Hard evidence.

00:25:11Wow, gotcha.

00:25:13Just kidding, no, no, I won't.

00:25:15Good night, Rhonda.

00:25:17Take a light.

00:25:21You, too.

00:25:25Peepin' Larry?

00:25:27What are you, a sick, twisted fuck?

00:25:29Shut the fuck up.

00:25:31Don't even say that shit.

00:25:33God.

00:25:35Holy fuck.

00:25:37Fuck.

00:25:55Every day

00:25:57It's the same damn thing

00:26:01I can't catch a break

00:26:03I can't get a win

00:26:05I won't stop

00:26:07Pushing that weight up the hill

00:26:09Cause I've got the fire

00:26:11And I've got the will

00:26:15When I doubt myself

00:26:17The joys seem few

00:26:21Blood, sweat, and tears

00:26:23Are clouding up my view

00:26:25Caught in a cycle

00:26:27But it's no excuse

00:26:29I'm not the only one

00:26:31And there's nothing new

00:26:35I'm working hard

00:26:37To break these chains

00:26:39Finding freedom

00:26:41On my own

00:26:43I'm ready

00:26:45Cause my life will never change

00:26:55Morning.

00:26:57Morning.

00:26:59How are ya?

00:27:01Groovy good.

00:27:03and groovy.

00:27:04New car?

00:27:05New car?

00:27:06Don't think so, dude.

00:27:07Pretty sure that boat's, like, 30 years old.

00:27:11New to you, I mean.

00:27:12You didn't know where the gas tank was.

00:27:14Yeah, a little fried.

00:27:16Yeah, a little brain fart.

00:27:23Going clam digging?

00:27:24Yeah, I'm totally going clam digging.

00:27:27Yeah, digging for clams.

00:27:29You guys got some beer?

00:27:31Right in front of you.

00:27:33Oh.

00:27:34Duh.

00:27:40Sorry.

00:27:43Squeaky McGee.

00:27:51You here on vacation?

00:27:53Yeah, well, my old man, my dad, my pop's papa,

00:27:58he has a cottage up here in Sandbar Cove.

00:28:03Oh, go away.

00:28:04Who's your father?

00:28:05My father, he's Hank.

00:28:08Yeah, my dad is Hank.

00:28:12I'm Junior.

00:28:14Oh, you were named after your father.

00:28:15Yeah, Hank, Rieta, Hanky.

00:28:19Hanky for short, yeah.

00:28:21Wait a minute.

00:28:22Hank from Hamilton, who lives up on Wildwood Road?

00:28:26Go away with your, I know Hank.

00:28:29Wow.

00:28:30I didn't know Hank had any kids.

00:28:33We were estranged.

00:28:37Sad, yeah.

00:28:39Yeah, actually, dad, he passed away,

00:28:44passed away a few days, weeks ago.

00:28:47But it was in his sleep, so, you know, it was fairly chill.

00:28:51Hank from Hamilton died?

00:28:52Yeah.

00:28:53Oh, what a sin that is.

00:28:55He was such a dear.

00:28:57Come here to me.

00:28:59Come here.

00:29:00Snatch my heart out, you poor little bugger.

00:29:03Your father loved smoking his darts, didn't he?

00:29:06It was the ciggies what killed him.

00:29:07Yeah, you know something?

00:29:10I begged him to quit.

00:29:11But he was hooked solid.

00:29:12Yeah.

00:29:13Yeah, addicted.

00:29:18$41.60, please.

00:29:20All right, tap, biddy, tap, tap.

00:29:22Hm?

00:29:24Ah!

00:29:26Do you know how to get up to Wildwood Road?

00:29:29I've been driving around for an hour

00:29:31trying to get to dad's cottage.

00:29:33And I got to spread Papa's ashes.

00:29:36So you just go up around the corner,

00:29:39turn left where the old blue house used to be,

00:29:41up past McCorry's Barn, hang a right at Potato Warehouse.

00:29:46You're going to hit some gravel road until you

00:29:48come to a pile of tires.

00:29:54Uh-uh.

00:30:10You're using all the elements of your training now, aren't you?

00:30:13Hello there, fine gents. How are we today?

00:30:28Perfect day to smoke. Well, I am a well-off tourist who's enjoying

00:30:35his first time on the island, and I am looking to purchase delicious, illegal black market

00:30:44lobster. Looking to pay $20 for some fresh lobsters, females preferably. I hear that

00:30:55they taste delicious, the best. You heard that didja there, big fella. This

00:31:03fella here's a lot. I'll tear him what he tastes, though.

00:31:09Yeah. I hear that Glenn Meisner is quite the fisherman, and also quite the whore, like

00:31:19his slut father. What did you just say?

00:31:26Glenn Meisner is quite the fisherman. I'm Cecil Meisner, his slut father.

00:31:34Simmer down. Simmer down now, dad. And who's this fella?

00:31:48Hi, I'm a tourist. Welcome to the island.

00:32:05This is a nice boat. Thanks. Belongs to my slut father.

00:32:11I'm sorry about that. No, I'm sorry about the old man. We just love

00:32:16fighting up here in Sandbar Cove. It's in the blood, and it's never personal. Well,

00:32:21not never, but rarely. Like you and me, sitting here, chatting away. But tomorrow, we could

00:32:30be out there in that parking lot, beating the living snot out of each other. The next

00:32:34day, best of buddies again. Yeah, there's never a bad time for fighting,

00:32:39unless it's at a church picnic. You see, we're a fairly religious bunch up here, so...

00:32:43No fighting in church. So, Luke Thorne wants to know who's buying my lobster, does he?

00:32:49That cheap fuck of a prick. You are going to stop snooping around my wharf, you got

00:32:55that? I sell my lobster to whoever wants to pay the best price. And if Luke Thorne don't

00:33:00want to pay top dollar, someone else will. You ever been in love, Larry?

00:33:08Uh, me? Love? That's... I love too much. That's my problem. And

00:33:13you wouldn't believe what some people would do for a feed of lobster around here.

00:33:25Why is your face doing that? I love being on a boat. Ha ha ha. More boats, I say.

00:33:34Duck makes friends. That's nice.

00:33:46Oh, fuck, Rhonda. Jesus.

00:34:00Oh, hi, Larry. Hello, Rhonda Perry.

00:34:03Oh, my God, Larry. What happened to your face?

00:34:05Oh, I had a run in with Glenn Misner while I was doing some undercover work.

00:34:09Oh, Glenn gave you a good going over, did he? Uh, yeah.

00:34:13Are you alright? How's that? Does that hurt?

00:34:15That feels nice.

00:34:19Uh, I gotta feed a lobster out of it, though.

00:34:23Just don't know where to keep him for the rest of the day, but, uh...

00:34:26I can toss him in my fridge. I could make us, uh, my seafood chowder tonight, if it's

00:34:31not too hot out for chowder. Too hot? It's never too hot for chowder.

00:34:35Go away with ya. Oh, gross. Sorry about that.

00:34:39That's alright. I could eat chowder in a volcano.

00:34:42Oh, it's burning me! I don't care, this is good.

00:34:49My cover's blown at the wharf, though, but I got some good intel.

00:34:52I think that Glenn Misner is exchanging fresh lobster for some kind of, like,

00:35:00sexual favors.

00:35:02Saw this phone number in his boat.

00:35:05Matches this one here.

00:35:07With lobster suppers?

00:35:09How was your day?

00:35:11Not bad. I found out a sweet old cottager died.

00:35:14His daughter came in here earlier.

00:35:16She was a strange cat.

00:35:18Oh, yeah? Oh.

00:35:20And I made this.

00:35:23I know about you banging pissers with the fisherman.

00:35:27I have photos of you two hard at it.

00:35:30Remember how I worked him back in?

00:35:32Yes, that was good.

00:35:3420,000 in cash, and I stay quiet.

00:35:36Call 902-962-9916. Midnight sharp.

00:35:40That's the number to the payphone outside.

00:35:42Hardly ever gets used.

00:35:44Huh, you're really going into the deep end now, eh, Rhonda?

00:35:4720,000.

00:35:50Yeah. What 50-50 partners, remember?

00:35:53Now we give him a taste of the hard evidence.

00:35:57No, no. Count me out.

00:36:00Oh, you're coming.

00:36:02No.

00:36:03Yeah.

00:36:04No.

00:36:05Yeah.

00:36:06Okay.

00:36:07Okay, down, down, down.

00:36:13You see any sign of her yet?

00:36:15Nope. All clear.

00:36:17Yeah. Okay, good.

00:36:22Uh, have you ever done anything like this before?

00:36:25Not exactly like this.

00:36:27No.

00:36:28No.

00:36:29No.

00:36:30No.

00:36:31No.

00:36:32No.

00:36:33No.

00:36:34No.

00:36:35No.

00:36:37Whoa.

00:36:38What's, uh, going on?

00:36:39They might have security cameras up there.

00:36:41You keep watch.

00:36:42And if you see Nicole, bark like a dog, okay?

00:36:58Whoa.

00:36:59Fuck you, sombre, Rhonda.

00:37:06Wow.

00:37:15Shit.

00:37:16Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff!

00:37:36Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff!

00:37:49Wow.

00:37:50Fuck you're brave, Rhonda.

00:37:52You were running like a gazelle.

00:37:54Manifesting.

00:37:55She see the note yet?

00:37:56No, she walked right by it.

00:37:58Fuck.

00:38:01When the cat's away, the mice will play.

00:38:05Meow.

00:38:09What's taking so goddamn long?

00:38:11Three hours is not very long.

00:38:13I've been on stakeouts that lasted days.

00:38:17Just sitting there.

00:38:22Mosquitoes are awful wicked.

00:38:24Mosquitoes are awful wicked.

00:38:35You want a hit of this?

00:38:36This is deadly stuff.

00:38:38Yeah, give me a blast.

00:38:41Fuck.

00:38:43Oh, my God.

00:38:44Are you okay?

00:38:46Are you okay?

00:38:47Are you okay?

00:38:49In my mouth.

00:38:51Not in my eye.

00:38:52Fuck, Rhonda.

00:38:53I'm sorry.

00:38:54I'm sorry.

00:38:55It's okay.

00:38:58Fuck, Blair.

00:38:59Shh.

00:39:00Try to whisper.

00:39:01Who's Blair?

00:39:04No one.

00:39:09An idiot.

00:39:13My best friend.

00:39:20Look, look, look, look.

00:39:22The eagle has landed.

00:39:27All right.

00:39:28We got about ten minutes to make it to the payphone.

00:39:30Time for me to skedaddle.

00:39:31Wait, wait, wait.

00:39:32You're gonna leave me here alone in the dark?

00:39:34Yeah, no, no, no.

00:39:35You keep watch.

00:39:36Make sure there's no funny business.

00:39:37Meet me at my house.

00:39:38We're manifesting lair.

00:39:40We came in the same rig.

00:39:42I need help with my Christmas trees.

00:39:45I mean my spy trees.

00:39:48Remember, call them spy trees.

00:39:51Why are you talking to yourself?

00:39:53Wait, wait, wait.

00:39:54What time is it?

00:39:57Were you gonna call them?

00:40:02Hello.

00:40:03What have we got here?

00:40:21Oh!

00:40:23Look at these freaking love addicts, eh?

00:40:36Make that lobster sound you make.

00:40:39Oh, yeah.

00:40:45Come on, Rhonda.

00:40:51You wanna pick up, love?

00:40:52Mm-mm.

00:40:54Should I just let it keep going?

00:40:57Hello, horny-torny.

00:40:58Hello, horny-torny.

00:41:02Hello, horny-torny.

00:41:07Hello, pervert.

00:41:09I like that greasy picture.

00:41:11That's just a taste of the horny shit I got on camera.

00:41:14Oh, yeah?

00:41:15Did it turn you on?

00:41:16Watching us?

00:41:17Oh, wouldn't you like to know what turns my crank?

00:41:20FYI, you might wanna work on your smooching technique.

00:41:23You kiss like a grandmother on graduation day.

00:41:27Is this how you get your kicks?

00:41:29Blackmailing people?

00:41:30I bet your hubby would be shocked to find out

00:41:33that his bloody fucking doll wife

00:41:35is banging pisses with a dirty fisherman.

00:41:3820 grand or I go to your hubby with the screwing shots.

00:41:41Why only ask for 20,000?

00:41:44Why only ask for 20,000?

00:41:47Are you poor?

00:41:49Who are you?

00:41:50As if I wanna tell you that!

00:41:5220 grand for my silence!

00:41:54No.

00:41:55What?

00:41:56My husband and I are in an open marriage.

00:41:58Those photos are worthless.

00:42:00Open marriage?

00:42:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, you're bluffing!

00:42:05I'm gonna find out who you are,

00:42:07and when I do, I'm gonna hurt you.

00:42:11Well, you listen to me, you little...

00:42:13Please insert $1.25 for another eight minutes.

00:42:20I'll wait for her instructions!

00:42:22Take a light!

00:42:26Fuck!

00:42:28Hello?

00:42:30Hello?

00:42:33What the hell?

00:42:34Alright, time to motor.

00:42:36The fucking private eye.

00:42:39The private eye.

00:42:40Fuck, you're smart. Okay.

00:42:47Fuck, Blair.

00:42:53Uh, g'day, g'day, g'day.

00:42:55I'm Mr. Constable. This is Nicole Thorne.

00:42:57I'm sorry for the late hour,

00:42:59but I'm an associate of Glenn Meisner.

00:43:02Uh-huh.

00:43:03I was wondering if you could come to my cottage tomorrow.

00:43:05I have an important matter that needs attention.

00:43:0849 Wildwood Road. Just let yourself in.

00:43:12Uh, that could be possible...

00:43:14I'm gonna get him, bitch.

00:43:16I'm gonna fucking get him.

00:43:33Fuck.

00:43:45Alright.

00:43:48Alright.

00:43:51Oh.

00:43:52Oh, fuck.

00:44:03Oh.

00:44:12Come on.

00:44:14Come on.

00:44:17Nice stuff.

00:44:19Let's go.

00:44:34Fuck.

00:44:38Hank from Hamilton.

00:44:40Yep.

00:44:41Saw it with my own eyes.

00:44:43Right in front of me.

00:44:44She takes out his dead body,

00:44:46buries him right in the dirt.

00:44:48She's crying, puffing on a joint,

00:44:51wailing.

00:44:56She murdered Hank from Hamilton?

00:44:58Rhonda, I don't know if it's because I'm in shock,

00:45:00but this is the best chowder I've ever tasted in my life.

00:45:03Five pounds lobster, four pounds of scallops,

00:45:06three jars of bar clams,

00:45:08two halibut steaks,

00:45:09pound of crab,

00:45:10veggies,

00:45:11sour cream,

00:45:12heavy cream,

00:45:13and evaporated milk.

00:45:15Salt and pepper.

00:45:16I knew there was something fucked up about that junior.

00:45:20Hank Rietta.

00:45:22She came in and bought a shovel.

00:45:24She said she was going clam digging.

00:45:26Turned my stomach.

00:45:28I bet you

00:45:29her name's not even Junior.

00:45:31I put $100 on it.

00:45:33It's a stolen identity case.

00:45:35Next time she comes into the store to buy beer,

00:45:37I'm asking for I.D.

00:45:39That's a wicked idea.

00:45:40Show me I.D., Junior,

00:45:42if that's your real name.

00:45:43Look under 40,

00:45:44I'm I.D.ing.

00:45:45I think I should call the police.

00:45:47I'm getting in front of my skis here.

00:45:48No, no, no, no, no.

00:45:50You go to the cops.

00:45:51Our entire manifesting journey

00:45:53is frigged.

00:45:54Yeah, but Rhonda,

00:45:55I witnessed a real crime.

00:45:57Who knows what dangerous things

00:45:58this Junior character's capable of.

00:46:02She's stunned is why she is.

00:46:04Stunned if she thinks she can get away

00:46:05with murdering Hank from Hamilton.

00:46:07I could be the next one in the ground.

00:46:10I'm scared.

00:46:14Larry,

00:46:15life is full of scary shit.

00:46:17You can either curl up in a ball,

00:46:18or you can go full tilt boogie

00:46:20and see how it shakes out.

00:46:21Look at this.

00:46:25This is my vision board.

00:46:26This is a soft serve machine

00:46:27I've been manifesting.

00:46:29It's a super deluxe 6,000.

00:46:30This thing is gravity and pressure fed.

00:46:33It does twin twists,

00:46:34flavor bursts.

00:46:36It does dip cones.

00:46:37And the margins on soft serve

00:46:39are through the frigging roof.

00:46:41This thing,

00:46:42this thing is a license to print money.

00:46:45See all the dollars I got on there?

00:46:51Larry?

00:46:53You should make your own vision board.

00:46:56I'll get you some magazines.

00:47:05Fuck, the universe is so big.

00:47:10What is Larry's purpose?

00:47:13What does it all mean?

00:47:16What's the point?

00:47:18It's telling us things, Larr.

00:47:21Rhonda, thanks for the scoff.

00:47:23Best chatter I've had in my life,

00:47:25hands down.

00:47:26Unreal.

00:47:28It'll taste even better tomorrow.

00:47:31Do you think what we're doing is wrong?

00:47:33Like, uh, the blackmail stuff?

00:47:36Feel like it's wrong?

00:47:38The Thorns are loaded rich.

00:47:41What's 20 grand to them?

00:47:42They don't need that money?

00:47:44I'm just trying to

00:47:45live between the ditches, you know?

00:47:47Night, Larr.

00:47:49Yeah.

00:47:51Good night.

00:48:18Now get,

00:48:19before I get my broom

00:48:20and chase you off my porch.

00:48:34Blair.

00:48:35Guess what?

00:48:36Me and Rhonda...

00:48:38No, we didn't screw.

00:48:40We kissed.

00:48:44Yeah, big time.

00:48:47I don't care if you count that

00:48:48as horny stuff or not.

00:48:49Oh man, but listen.

00:48:51Her hair

00:48:52smells so friggin' good.

00:48:54I'm pretty sure

00:48:56she's the woman of my dreams.

00:48:59Shut up.

00:49:01Yes, it's worth the drive

00:49:02for fish and chips.

00:49:04Okay, tapioca.

00:49:07Shit.

00:49:17How is that I'll allow

00:49:18so you can eat?

00:49:19Puss is good today!

00:49:27Wow.

00:49:28Spectacular.

00:49:32Beautiful.

00:49:34Wow.

00:49:37Mr. Constable.

00:49:39Thank you for coming.

00:49:40Some wicked view you have here.

00:49:42Oh, I see it so often

00:49:43I barely even notice it anymore.

00:49:46You like the ocean?

00:49:47Oh, fuck yeah.

00:49:48I love scenery too.

00:49:49But I'm not a big swimmer.

00:49:51I hate jellyfish.

00:49:52And seaweed brings me down.

00:49:56I can't imagine a day

00:49:57not getting wet.

00:49:59So you're a big swimmer then?

00:50:03You strike me

00:50:04as a rough and tumble sort,

00:50:07Mr. Constable.

00:50:08The type of fellow

00:50:09who's not afraid

00:50:10of bumping into corners.

00:50:12Well, that's me.

00:50:13You nailed it.

00:50:15Oh!

00:50:17There's the couch.

00:50:20Hello.

00:50:25Why don't you come over here

00:50:26and sit beside me?

00:50:29Sit?

00:50:30Yep, I can do that.

00:50:31No problem.

00:50:38Closer.

00:50:40Don't mind if I do.

00:50:45Okay.

00:50:51So.

00:50:53My husband hired you?

00:50:56To snoop on Glenn Meisner.

00:50:58Something about a

00:50:59black market lobster buyer.

00:51:01Is that it?

00:51:02Must be nice eating lobster

00:51:03every night.

00:51:04I wouldn't know.

00:51:05I'm deathly allergic to seafood.

00:51:07That's a sin.

00:51:09Hmm.

00:51:10Do you want to know

00:51:11why I asked you here?

00:51:12Yes, please.

00:51:14I'm being blackmailed,

00:51:15Mr. Constable,

00:51:16and I want you

00:51:18to find out

00:51:19who the blackmailer is.

00:51:21Do...

00:51:22Do you know who's doing that?

00:51:24I found this note

00:51:26on my deck.

00:51:29Yeah.

00:51:30Wow, this...

00:51:31Wow, brazen.

00:51:32Right on the deck.

00:51:33Mm-hmm.

00:51:34Right out there.

00:51:36Twenty thousand.

00:51:37Jeez, that's a sin

00:51:38is what that is.

00:51:39Sin.

00:51:40Rotten arseholes.

00:51:42Arseholes?

00:51:43So,

00:51:44this is the work

00:51:45of more than one person?

00:51:47That's just a

00:51:48figure of speech.

00:51:50This is more likely

00:51:51the work of a lone wolf

00:51:53arsehole.

00:51:54Hmm.

00:51:55Mrs. Thorne,

00:51:57have you spoken

00:51:58with this, uh,

00:51:59confused individual?

00:52:01Mm.

00:52:03Last night,

00:52:04it was a woman

00:52:05trying to disguise her voice,

00:52:07a local judging

00:52:08by the vernacular,

00:52:09and the number

00:52:10traced back to a payphone.

00:52:12Uh-huh.

00:52:14Mm-hmm.

00:52:15And,

00:52:16bangin' pissers

00:52:17refers to my friendship

00:52:18with Glenn.

00:52:21It's all just fun and games,

00:52:22but

00:52:23my husband and I

00:52:24are going through

00:52:25a very messy divorce,

00:52:26and those photos

00:52:27could be costly.

00:52:28He's impotent.

00:52:31My husband.

00:52:34Hmm.

00:52:35You okay?

00:52:36Yeah,

00:52:37a feather just

00:52:38flew by my nose.

00:52:40And Glenn

00:52:41is an infomaniac.

00:52:42Sex means nothing

00:52:43to him emotionally,

00:52:44and I like it that way,

00:52:45and plus,

00:52:46he's really good at it.

00:52:48Mrs. Thorne,

00:52:49what I suggest

00:52:51is

00:52:54pay it?

00:52:55Maybe just pay the money,

00:52:56and then you don't have to

00:52:57have all this mess

00:52:58in your hair?

00:52:59Maybe I don't mind

00:53:00having a mess in my hair.

00:53:01Or don't.

00:53:02I wouldn't.

00:53:03No way.

00:53:04Get out of here, jerks.

00:53:05Jerk.

00:53:06Just one jerk.

00:53:08Ugh.

00:53:09Mr. Constable,

00:53:11I want

00:53:12the identity

00:53:14of the blackmailer,

00:53:16the photos,

00:53:18and the files.

00:53:20If you succeed,

00:53:21how does $20,000

00:53:22sound for your troubles?

00:53:23$20,000?

00:53:24Mm-hmm.

00:53:25That?

00:53:26I like that

00:53:27price of money cost.

00:53:28Mrs. Thorne,

00:53:29I want you to know

00:53:30that I am

00:53:31sensitive to these

00:53:32delicate situations.

00:53:33I recently saw

00:53:34a man

00:53:35smash

00:53:36a casserole dish.

00:53:37No.

00:53:38Yeah.

00:53:39Yeah.

00:53:40Mm.

00:53:42Craft beer.

00:53:43Hoppy again.

00:53:44How do they do it?

00:53:45Mm-hmm.

00:53:47Mr. Constable?

00:53:48Mm-hmm?

00:53:49This arrangement

00:53:50stays between

00:53:51the two of us.

00:53:52Is that understood?

00:53:53I'll give it

00:53:54a lick and a prayer.

00:53:55Mm.

00:53:57Is that all?

00:53:59That's just

00:54:00an old,

00:54:01stupid expression

00:54:02my grandfather

00:54:03used to make

00:54:04when my grandma

00:54:05would say,

00:54:06she's sick.

00:54:07Um, Mrs. Thorne,

00:54:08may I ask you

00:54:09a personal question?

00:54:11Please

00:54:12call me Nicole.

00:54:14How much did those

00:54:15big windows set you back?

00:54:17Can I look at them again?

00:54:20Imagine paying

00:54:21that much for windows?

00:54:22Who are you,

00:54:23Lionel Richie?

00:54:24And Blair was right.

00:54:26Luke Thorne

00:54:27does have a limp pecker.

00:54:28I can't believe

00:54:29this is

00:54:30no-limit lobster.

00:54:32I can't believe

00:54:33I had to watch

00:54:34Horace pay 50 bucks

00:54:35for this crap.

00:54:36Uh,

00:54:37excuse me.

00:54:38Limp pecker's paying.

00:54:39Well, what about

00:54:40that $20,000

00:54:41from Nicole Thorne?

00:54:42Your soft-serve machine

00:54:43is paid for, Rhonda.

00:54:44We're the blackmailers,

00:54:45Lair.

00:54:46What are we gonna do?

00:54:47Turn ourselves in?

00:54:48Right.

00:54:49I do like

00:54:50your manifesting approach,

00:54:51though.

00:54:52Jump first,

00:54:53manifest the landing later.

00:54:54Really?

00:54:55You think she's onto us?

00:54:57No.

00:54:58No chance at all.

00:54:59I used my skills

00:55:00of deception

00:55:01to make her go,

00:55:03I knew she was bluffing

00:55:05about the open marriage.

00:55:07You know what?

00:55:08Those dirty pictures

00:55:09are worth

00:55:10way more than

00:55:1120 grand now.

00:55:12Oh,

00:55:13I almost forgot.

00:55:14What do I sound

00:55:15earlier today?

00:55:23What's

00:55:24tater-dater?

00:55:26It's computer dating.

00:55:27Blair, that's her.

00:55:28That's Junior.

00:55:29You're doing this

00:55:30computer dating

00:55:31stuff, then?

00:55:32I went on a few dates,

00:55:33but it was full of weirdos

00:55:35and cousins.

00:55:37Oh, my God.

00:55:39It's the fella

00:55:40from the TV.

00:55:42Yeah, that's the owner.

00:55:43That's Gavin McDonald.

00:55:44Black market buyer

00:55:45suspect number one.

00:55:47You need piles of lobster

00:55:48to keep this place going.

00:55:50It's no limit.

00:55:53Where am I?

00:55:54What do we have here?

00:56:00How's the attractive couple

00:56:01doing tonight?

00:56:05Enjoy your lobster.

00:56:07You know,

00:56:08my favorite part's the tail.

00:56:11And I love butter.

00:56:21Jesus, Larry.

00:56:22Look, it's your dress.

00:56:2349 Wallwood Road.

00:56:24Thank you.

00:56:27This is Thorne Cottage.

00:56:29Oh, yeah.

00:56:30Come on.

00:56:31Let's get out of here.

00:56:32Well, what about

00:56:33the lemon meringue pie?

00:56:34I know a better place

00:56:35for dessert.

00:56:36Come on.

00:56:37Come on.

00:56:45See what happens

00:56:46when you don't go

00:56:47with the top of the lime machine?

00:56:48It's not as creamy

00:56:49as it should be.

00:56:51Tastes pretty creamy to me.

00:56:56Can I ask you

00:56:57a question, Larry?

00:57:01You ever wish you had kids?

00:57:03I never really thought

00:57:04of myself as, like,

00:57:05the dad type.

00:57:07You know?

00:57:08Too many big dreams to chase.

00:57:09Yeah, me too.

00:57:11Probably too late

00:57:12for me now anyway.

00:57:13Yeah, menopause, eh?

00:57:14So, damn.

00:57:15Menopause?

00:57:16No, not menopause.

00:57:18I'm too young for that.

00:57:20Jesus!

00:57:21Old hag here.

00:57:22Look at him,

00:57:23having a hot flash.

00:57:25I mean,

00:57:26I'm not even sure

00:57:27I can get pregnant.

00:57:29I hardly used a rubber

00:57:30a day in my life,

00:57:31and then when I was

00:57:32in my 20s,

00:57:33I had a blood clot

00:57:34in my leg from the pill.

00:57:35Not that there was

00:57:36that much hanky-panky.

00:57:37I mean, there was a lot.

00:57:39When I was 19,

00:57:40I got a vasectomy.

00:57:42You got a vasectomy

00:57:43when you were 19?

00:57:45Yeah, I didn't want

00:57:46the burden of it

00:57:47weighing on my head

00:57:48as I went out on the town

00:57:49sowing my wild oats.

00:57:51Blair, big stud muffin,

00:57:52sowing your wild oats.

00:57:53You sowed your wild oats

00:57:54pretty good too, huh?

00:57:56Yeah.

00:57:59Actually,

00:58:00I didn't lose my virginity

00:58:01until I met Brenda

00:58:02when I was 23.

00:58:04And I haven't been on a date

00:58:05in the three years

00:58:06since we split.

00:58:08It's funny,

00:58:09life doesn't always

00:58:10work out the way you plan it.

00:58:12I wish I saw signs

00:58:13back in the day

00:58:14that could have helped me,

00:58:16but maybe I wasn't

00:58:17paying attention.

00:58:18Signs can sometimes

00:58:19be tough to see.

00:58:22You got a quarter, Lair?

00:58:25I don't know, Rhonda.

00:58:27This seems kind of

00:58:28crazy.

00:58:29Signs, Lair.

00:58:30We got to follow the signs.

00:58:32We're going to pit

00:58:33hubby versus wife.

00:58:34You got a quarter?

00:58:35Uh,

00:58:37yeah, in my pocket.

00:58:39Here?

00:58:41It tickles.

00:58:43Yeah.

00:58:44Okay.

00:58:45Luke Lawrence number, please.

00:58:46It's over there.

00:58:49Jeez, Luis,

00:58:50you got some shit

00:58:51in your pockets, Lair?

00:58:53Wait,

00:58:54Luke Thorne is my client.

00:58:55I could lose my P.I. license.

00:58:57We're about to manifest

00:58:58some life change of money

00:58:59here, Lair.

00:59:08Luke Thorne?

00:59:10Um,

00:59:12good day there,

00:59:13big rig.

00:59:14What's on the stir tonight?

00:59:15Who is this?

00:59:16Well, I might as well

00:59:17be your guardian

00:59:18fucking angel.

00:59:19I got

00:59:20some very discreet

00:59:21information

00:59:22you might want to

00:59:23get your paws on.

00:59:24Yeah?

00:59:25Like what?

00:59:26Well, that's

00:59:27going to cost you.

00:59:28Cost me, huh?

00:59:30Why don't you

00:59:31give me a hint?

00:59:32All right, here's

00:59:33a hint for you.

00:59:34It involves your

00:59:35lady fucking

00:59:36da wife.

00:59:37My wife?

00:59:38What about my wife?

00:59:39Well, let's just say

00:59:41hanky-panky,

00:59:42Mr. Wanky.

00:59:44Hanky-panky,

00:59:45Mr. Wanky?

00:59:46What the fuck

00:59:47are you talking about?

00:59:48What do you

00:59:49think of my wife?

00:59:50Hey, rich jerk.

00:59:51Holy fuck.

00:59:52Do you like

00:59:53ice cream?

00:59:54Who is this?

00:59:55What's your

00:59:56favorite flavor?

00:59:58Dickweed Delight?

00:59:59You don't know

01:00:00who you're fucking with.

01:00:01Asperi?

01:00:02Oh, that's funny.

01:00:03You're a comedian,

01:00:04huh?

01:00:05Fartmello?

01:00:06Jesus Christ.

01:00:07I am going to

01:00:08fucking kill you

01:00:09right in my hands.

01:00:11Hey,

01:00:12listen to me.

01:00:13You,

01:00:14when the cat's

01:00:15away,

01:00:16the mice will

01:00:17play.

01:00:18Meow, meow.

01:00:19What does that mean?

01:00:20Forty grand

01:00:21for the goods.

01:00:22Uh,

01:00:23and believe me,

01:00:24what I got is worth

01:00:25more than that to you,

01:00:26Mr. Soon-to-be

01:00:27divorcee.

01:00:28Divorcee?

01:00:29Who the fuck

01:00:30is this?

01:00:31And if you won't pay,

01:00:32maybe your

01:00:33lady fucking

01:00:34da wife will.

01:00:35I'll wait

01:00:36for her instructions.

01:00:37I'm going to

01:00:38fuck her.

01:00:39Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

01:00:40That went good.

01:00:42What's next?

01:00:43You're nuts.

01:00:45Okay.

01:00:46Thank you.

01:00:47You broke my heart,

01:00:48yeah, you tore it in two.

01:00:51Since you've been gone,

01:00:52I've been packing on a few.

01:00:55Don't know what you've been doing,

01:00:57but I'm packing on a few.

01:00:59Woo-hoo!

01:01:05Emotional eater,

01:01:07and I love torn too.

01:01:09Om nom nom.

01:01:11Woo-hoo, woo-hoo.

01:01:13Don't know what

01:01:14you've been doing,

01:01:15but I'm packing on a few.

01:01:17Woo-hoo, woo-hoo.

01:01:23Bow, bow, bow,

01:01:25dip-a-dee-do, bow, bow,

01:01:26dee-ba-da-ba-da.

01:01:27Don't know what

01:01:28you've been doing,

01:01:29but I'm packing on a few.

01:01:33Woo-hoo!

01:01:36That was so good.

01:01:38Oh, yeah?

01:01:39Well, that's an original

01:01:40that I'm writing

01:01:41about gaining weight

01:01:43after a breakup.

01:01:45I didn't know

01:01:46you were artsy-fartsy.

01:01:47I'm not.

01:01:49You were.

01:01:50A talented musician,

01:01:52you're a photographer

01:01:53with an eye for landscapes

01:01:54and nudes.

01:01:55I mean, look at these.

01:01:57You could frame

01:01:58and sell these beauties.

01:02:00Yeah, well,

01:02:01so could you, Rhonda.

01:02:02If you sold your seafood chowder

01:02:04at your store,

01:02:05you would become

01:02:06a millionaire.

01:02:07Ha.

01:02:09Oh, is that your vision board?

01:02:12Oh, that's not finished yet.

01:02:15Sorry.

01:02:16I need to keep it

01:02:17under the bed for a bit.

01:02:18Okay.

01:02:19Thanks.

01:02:33Junior.

01:02:35Junior is our blackmailer.

01:02:37That way,

01:02:38you can turn her in,

01:02:41and we can get our money.

01:02:44You're always one step ahead,

01:02:46aren't you, Rhonda?

01:03:00I have fun with you

01:03:01tonight, Laird.

01:03:07One time, Brenda and I

01:03:08rented a motel room like this.

01:03:13Okay.

01:03:15All right, um,

01:03:17I'm gonna blast.

01:03:19I've got an early day

01:03:20in the store tomorrow.

01:03:31Fuck, boy.

01:03:33G'day, g'day, g'day.

01:03:35Larry.

01:03:36Larry Thorne?

01:03:38Yeah, case is going wicked good.

01:03:40Making large progress.

01:03:41Large.

01:03:47Rhonda Perry.

01:03:49P-E-R-R-Y.

01:03:51Uh-huh, and that's the

01:03:52Super Deluxe 6000

01:03:53soft-serve machine.

01:03:55So that $1,000 goes on

01:03:56the credit card,

01:03:57and then the rest is due

01:03:58on delivery.

01:03:59Two days?

01:04:01Yeah.

01:04:03Okay, thank you.

01:04:05Yeah, it's gonna be

01:04:06a game-changer.

01:04:07Okay.

01:04:08Bye.

01:04:16Oh.

01:04:18G'day.

01:04:20How are you today?

01:04:26It's squeaky.

01:04:27I gotta put a drop

01:04:28of oil on that.

01:04:29I know.

01:04:31Squeaks.

01:04:36Squeaks.

01:04:49Very good.

01:04:51Fun night planned?

01:04:53Lovely bottle of wine?

01:04:54Compliments to the lady?

01:04:56Yeah.

01:04:58And, um...

01:05:05Rubbers?

01:05:07Don't be shy.

01:05:08You're not the first person

01:05:09in here today to buy rubbers,

01:05:10and you won't be the last.

01:05:12You want three or six?

01:05:15Six.

01:05:16Okay.

01:05:17Six.

01:05:18Better to have too many

01:05:19than too few.

01:05:20Hey, I could tell you were

01:05:21a six-pack-of-rubbers lady.

01:05:23Okay.

01:05:24Uh, we got, um,

01:05:25extra ribbed,

01:05:27or double sensation,

01:05:30or natural feeling.

01:05:32I don't care.

01:05:33Let's pick one.

01:05:35Let's go with, uh,

01:05:37double sensation.

01:05:38I guess...

01:05:39I guess that one's meant

01:05:40to be like two dicks.

01:05:42Because what's better

01:05:43than one dick?

01:05:44Hey.

01:05:45Two.

01:05:46Okay, 6380, please.

01:05:50Go ahead there now.

01:05:54Hey, you had enough

01:05:55in that account.

01:05:56Went through.

01:05:57You.

01:06:04Take your light.

01:06:23Shit, shit, shit, shit.

01:06:34Well, Mr. Thorne,

01:06:35my philosophy about cases

01:06:36is this.

01:06:37Build a sturdy foundation.

01:06:39Because without a good

01:06:40foundation,

01:06:41uh, what happens

01:06:42to the house?

01:06:43Crumbles into the dirt.

01:06:45Was my, uh, dog in there?

01:06:47Fuck your foundation, Larry.

01:06:48What's Glenn been up to?

01:06:53Ah!

01:06:54Fuck you!

01:06:56Fuck's sakes.

01:06:58Larry?

01:07:00I'm paying you

01:07:01a lot of fucking money.

01:07:02Okay?

01:07:03So what the hell

01:07:04you been doing?

01:07:05Every day this shit goes on,

01:07:06I'm losing thousands of dollars.

01:07:08Do you get that?

01:07:09Yeah, well,

01:07:10that's why I'm working

01:07:11my bag off for you.

01:07:12I'm not gonna have a bag left

01:07:13by the time I'm done

01:07:14with this case.

01:07:15Larry.

01:07:16I need my bag.

01:07:17Larry, have you seen Glenn

01:07:18up to anything suspicious?

01:07:19Anything at all?

01:07:20Nope.

01:07:21But, uh,

01:07:22I'm digging.

01:07:23I'm doing some digging.

01:07:25Jesus Christ.

01:07:26Yeah, well, yeah.

01:07:27All right, well,

01:07:28there's another reason

01:07:29I wanted to see you here

01:07:30today, Larry.

01:07:31I got a strange

01:07:32phone call last night.

01:07:35Oh, yeah?

01:07:36Yeah, some fucking goof

01:07:37was trying to extort me

01:07:38for 40 grand.

01:07:39Said that they have

01:07:40information that I might

01:07:41be interested in

01:07:42about Nicole.

01:07:44Well, uh,

01:07:45there's something

01:07:46we have in common,

01:07:47Mr. Thorne.

01:07:48You see, I'm a recently

01:07:49divorced man with a...

01:07:50Divorce?

01:07:51Who said divorce, Larry?

01:07:52Tell me who used

01:07:53that word, huh?

01:07:54Who?

01:07:55No one.

01:07:56I just...

01:07:57It's a rumor.

01:07:58I heard at the Legion

01:07:59some old lady,

01:08:00she had curly hair,

01:08:01she was ordering a scotch.

01:08:02She's full of shit.

01:08:03Larry,

01:08:04I am a rich man,

01:08:05a powerful man,

01:08:06and if you don't figure

01:08:07this shit out by tomorrow,

01:08:09I'm gonna fucking bury you.

01:08:11Get out.

01:08:12Get out, Larry.

01:08:13Get the fuck out.

01:08:18He just left down the course.

01:08:20What a fucking dick.

01:08:21Yeah, I know.

01:08:22He threw a total

01:08:23conniption fit,

01:08:24tore a strip off of me,

01:08:25and then I had to walk

01:08:26five miles all by myself

01:08:27to the parking lot.

01:08:28Yeah, and now he's

01:08:29threatening me,

01:08:30and I had to pay

01:08:31my own green fee?

01:08:32I don't have

01:08:33that kind of dough.

01:08:34Who do I look like?

01:08:35Captain Rich Man?

01:08:36Well, Nicole Thorne

01:08:37came in here this morning

01:08:38buying supplies

01:08:39for a screw party

01:08:40and recognized my voice

01:08:41from the blackmail call.

01:08:42What?

01:08:43Yeah.

01:08:44Take her light.

01:08:45What a fucking idiot, Rhonda.

01:08:46No, Rhonda.

01:08:47She's onto us, Lair.

01:08:49I can't believe this

01:08:50happened just after

01:08:51I ordered the

01:08:52Super Deluxe 6000.

01:08:54Wait, what?

01:08:56You already ordered

01:08:57the soft serve machine?

01:08:58Yeah.

01:08:59I cranked it up

01:09:00to manifesting level five.

01:09:01Take action.

01:09:02It's coming in two days.

01:09:03Rhonda,

01:09:04you're manifesting too fast.

01:09:06Hang on.

01:09:07I recognize that muffler.

01:09:11It's Junior!

01:09:12It's Junior!

01:09:14Okay.

01:09:17What do we do?

01:09:20I know what we're

01:09:21gonna fucking do.

01:09:22I know what we're

01:09:23gonna fucking do.

01:09:26There you go.

01:09:28Huh?

01:09:29Tickle!

01:09:30He's a captor.

01:09:31You're intimidating.

01:09:32She's a killer, Lair.

01:09:33You said so yourself.

01:09:34Get in her car!

01:09:35Tickle!

01:09:36Okay.

01:09:37All right.

01:09:44Come on, Junior.

01:09:45Come on, Junior.

01:09:55Fuck's sake.

01:09:59How are you today, Junior?

01:10:01Awesome.

01:10:02Scorcher, huh?

01:10:05I'm just picking up

01:10:06a few things.

01:10:10Hard at it?

01:10:11I'm on vacation.

01:10:14And, um,

01:10:16I'm mourning my dad,

01:10:17so no.

01:10:19Nope.

01:10:22But, yeah,

01:10:23but, like, you know,

01:10:24more, more spiritually

01:10:25hard than physically.

01:10:28Yeah, but we can feel

01:10:29sadness in our bodies,

01:10:30too, though, hey?

01:10:31Oh, yeah.

01:10:32Oh, yeah.

01:10:33I totally believe that.

01:10:34How's clam digging?

01:10:35Clam digging?

01:10:38Oh, awesome.

01:10:40Awesome.

01:10:41I got some big, juicy boys.

01:10:43Mm, nice, nice.

01:10:44Yeah.

01:10:45Yum.

01:10:47You know, I had a thought.

01:10:48Maybe we should have

01:10:49a special Hank day

01:10:50at the community hall.

01:10:51That way you can

01:10:52meet all of his friends.

01:10:53You bring the piss clams.

01:10:55I'll bring the sandwiches

01:10:56and squares.

01:10:57Ah, that's so nice of you,

01:10:59but I don't know.

01:11:00I don't think Dad

01:11:01would really like that.

01:11:02Yeah, forget it.

01:11:03That was a stupid idea.

01:11:04Yeah, no, don't mind me.

01:11:06Can I please see some ID?

01:11:10ID?

01:11:11What?

01:11:12Afraid so.

01:11:13For the beer.

01:11:14Anyone looks under 40,

01:11:15we have to ID them now.

01:11:16Liquor inspector came in

01:11:17this morning cracking down.

01:11:19Under 40?

01:11:20Okay, but you already

01:11:22sold me beer, so oops.

01:11:24Yeah, I don't make the rules.

01:11:25I just follow them.

01:11:26Sorry, dear.

01:11:28I'll need to see some ID

01:11:29is the thing.

01:11:31Come on.

01:11:32I'm totally of age.

01:11:44This is total BS.

01:11:47Zach, I'm big mad right now.

01:11:51Big mad.

01:11:56You're a rat.

01:12:08Don't even think about it.

01:12:12Don't kill me, man.

01:12:13I'm not a bad guy.

01:12:14Don't kill me.

01:12:15Please, please.

01:12:19What are you doing, store lady?

01:12:20Hello, junior?

01:12:21Or should I say Joanne?

01:12:24What?

01:12:25How do you know my name?

01:12:26Dude, are you like a psychic?

01:12:31Oh, shit.

01:12:32You're on Tater Tater.

01:12:33No way.

01:12:34Why haven't we matched yet?

01:12:36Maybe because I don't

01:12:37swipe right on murderers.

01:12:39You murdered Hank from Hamilton.

01:12:41No, no, no, no, no.

01:12:42Don't you lie to me.

01:12:43We got the pictures to prove it.

01:12:45How could you bury someone

01:12:46in the ground?

01:12:48You make me sick.

01:12:50I did not kill Hank.

01:12:51You like driving around

01:12:52with old dead fellas

01:12:53in the trunk, do you, junior?

01:12:54No, I did not kill Hank.

01:12:58I did drive around

01:12:59with him in the trunk, though.

01:13:00You murdered him in cold blood.

01:13:02You stole his wallet.

01:13:03You stole his car.

01:13:04You buried him in the ground,

01:13:05and now you're living

01:13:06in his cottage.

01:13:07Gorgeous spot.

01:13:08Gorgeous.

01:13:09It was nice.

01:13:10Pretend to be his kid,

01:13:11having a wicked-ass

01:13:12awesome summer in PEI.

01:13:14How am I doing so far, junior?

01:13:16Okay.

01:13:19My name is Joanne,

01:13:21and I'm from North Bay, Ontario.

01:13:23I was hitchhiking

01:13:24to Bliss Jam Fest

01:13:26in Nova Scotia.

01:13:28It's, like, the biggest

01:13:29jam band fest in Canada.

01:13:31Bullshit!

01:13:32What's a jam band?

01:13:34Hank picks me up,

01:13:35says he's going out east,

01:13:37and he can take me

01:13:38the whole way.

01:13:39Score,

01:13:40and then we stop at a motel.

01:13:41Did you offer him favors

01:13:43in exchange for other favors

01:13:45for, do you guys get

01:13:47what I'm saying?

01:13:48Like sex?

01:13:49No, Air Hank wouldn't do that.

01:13:50Come on.

01:13:51No way, dude.

01:13:52No.

01:13:53Dude's old.

01:13:54What do you mean?

01:13:55He's, like, 60.

01:13:56Anyway, next morning,

01:13:58old guy is dead in his bed.

01:14:00Just died in his sleep.

01:14:02Like, I freaking swear to God.

01:14:04Did Hank die in his bed

01:14:05because of a nightmare?

01:14:07And I had a panic moment.

01:14:09I put him in the trunk of the car,

01:14:11and I drove here.

01:14:14You do seem too stunned

01:14:15to be the ruthless killer type.

01:14:17So, like, are you guys

01:14:18gonna tell the cops

01:14:19about my Hank in the trunk situation?

01:14:23Maybe we will.

01:14:24Maybe we won't.

01:14:25We're manifesting

01:14:26some pretty big dreams right now.

01:14:28What?

01:14:29Dude, no way.

01:14:31I'm, like, way into manifesting.

01:14:34Wow.

01:14:35Okay.

01:14:36So, can you guys

01:14:37alter your vibrational level yet?

01:14:39What consciousness paradigm

01:14:41are you using?

01:14:43Um...

01:14:45You like pretending

01:14:46to be other people,

01:14:47don't you, Junior?

01:14:48Junior!

01:14:49You're gonna be our blackmailer.

01:14:51Welcome to Hollywood.

01:14:52It's showtime!

01:15:02Mrs. Thorne.

01:15:05Mr. Constable.

01:15:07Here is your blackmailer

01:15:09in the stunned flesh.

01:15:10That's Junior.

01:15:12You're my blackmailer?

01:15:14I'm really sorry about the blackmail

01:15:16and everything.

01:15:18Take her light.

01:15:20Love saying it.

01:15:21It's my, uh, catchphrase.

01:15:22Yeah.

01:15:23Yeah.

01:15:24And your downfall, goofbag.

01:15:26Take her lie.

01:15:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:15:28Sorry.

01:15:29I thought you were someone else.

01:15:30Please take mercy on her,

01:15:31Mrs. Thorne.

01:15:32You see, she's in mourning.

01:15:34Yeah.

01:15:35Her father just passed.

01:15:36In fact, your neighbor, Hank.

01:15:37Yeah.

01:15:38Hank?

01:15:39Mm-hmm.

01:15:40And death makes people

01:15:41do crazy things.

01:15:42True.

01:15:43But, uh, she's learned

01:15:44her lesson, right?

01:15:45Yeah.

01:15:46Yeah, I sure have.

01:15:48Well, uh, photos, files,

01:15:50that's everything.

01:15:51No copies made.

01:15:52That's the Larry Constable guarantee.

01:15:54And, uh, now the, uh,

01:15:56the $20,000?

01:15:58I'm sorry, Mr. Constable.

01:16:00I don't have the cash on me.

01:16:02Can I pay you tomorrow?

01:16:04Yeah.

01:16:05Well, no, I-I would prefer

01:16:07if we...

01:16:09You, huh?

01:16:11What?

01:16:12I'm, uh, having a little party.

01:16:17You should stay for a drink.

01:16:19I mean, we're our neighbors now.

01:16:21Fucking A.

01:16:23Yeah.

01:16:24Well, wait, Junior, I don't...

01:16:26Oh, oh.

01:16:28Uh, take it easy on her,

01:16:30Mrs. Thorne.

01:16:31Uh...

01:16:43Did she give you the money?

01:16:45No. Tomorrow, she says.

01:16:46Tomorrow.

01:16:47She's stonewalling us.

01:16:48You think so?

01:16:49I-I think she's good for it.

01:16:50No, it's a delay tactic, Laird.

01:16:52And you gave her the photos?

01:16:54Yes, I did.

01:16:56Yeah.

01:16:57Shit.

01:16:59Money first, then the evidence.

01:17:01Right, right.

01:17:02Uh, next time.

01:17:03Were those the only copies?

01:17:05Yeah, it's the Larry Constable guarantee.

01:17:09And where's Junior?

01:17:11There's some sort of shindig going on up there.

01:17:15Shindig?

01:17:16No, Larry, that's the sex party.

01:17:18Sex party?

01:17:19Remember?

01:17:20From Lobster Suppers?

01:17:21Oh, I love his daughter.

01:17:23I saw him there.

01:17:25Rhonda, I'm sorry.

01:17:28I can't think straight when I'm with you.

01:17:30You gotta get them horny photos back, Laird.

01:17:32I got a soft-serve machine coming in two days.

01:17:35You're going in.

01:17:36Me?

01:17:37Why?

01:17:38But Nicole said...

01:17:39We got an invitation.

01:17:40You went to school for this.

01:17:41Just use your training.

01:17:42Arms up.

01:17:43It was the most extensive training

01:17:44I've ever done in my life.

01:17:46But I'm not brave like you, Rhonda.

01:17:50Time to go full-tilt boogie.

01:17:53Ugh.

01:17:55Rhonda, do you read me?

01:17:57I read you, Laird.

01:17:58Loud and clear.

01:18:00I've established visual intelligence.

01:18:10Let's go.

01:18:14Come on.

01:18:15Ronda, do you read me?

01:18:20I read you, Lair. Loud and clear.

01:18:22I've established visual contact.

01:18:24Hi.

01:18:27Jesus, there's some horny business going on in here, Lair.

01:18:31For me.

01:18:33Okay.

01:18:35You're gonna see a lot of wieners and prunes.

01:18:38Some of them might be really nice, but you can't get distracted.

01:18:41Okay, I see a snack train.

01:18:43I'm heading over to the snack train.

01:18:46Okay.

01:18:48Taking a snack.

01:18:50I see you eating items from the snack train.

01:18:54Okay.

01:18:56Nicole has Junior.

01:18:58She's taking her somewhere.

01:19:00She's got the photos.

01:19:04They're in the room next to the kitchen.

01:19:07Do you read?

01:19:09They're in the room next to the kitchen.

01:19:12Not gonna lie, Ronda, these are delicious cheese cubes.

01:19:16Don't focus on the cheese cubes, Lair.

01:19:19You've got a job to do.

01:19:21Okay, I'm eating a raisin now.

01:19:26Sweet raisins.

01:19:31Forget the snacks.

01:19:33A giant boner lobster just walked in the room.

01:19:36I don't know what this is.

01:19:40There's some sort of a strap-on situation, I believe.

01:19:47What is known as pegging is about to happen.

01:19:52And everyone is gathered to watch, so make your move.

01:19:57Search the house.

01:20:00Hustle, Larry, faster.

01:20:02Stop watching the pegging.

01:20:04Stop watching the pegging.

01:20:15Jesus Christ, they're on the bed right in front of you, Lair.

01:20:21There's swingers headed your way, and one of them is all bag.

01:20:25Get out of there.

01:20:35Nice work, Lair.

01:20:39Some night.

01:20:41Some night is right.

01:20:43I ate nine cheese cubes.

01:20:45You did so good tonight, Lair.

01:20:48Thanks.

01:20:50I'm having a ball with you, I mean.

01:20:53Me too. I don't think I've had this much fun in years.

01:20:56Maybe even a decade or two.

01:20:59What happened with your ex, Brenda, if that's okay?

01:21:04She cheated on me with our boss at the deli counter.

01:21:10I came home early from work, and I go into the bedroom,

01:21:15and they're both in there having sex.

01:21:21Apparently that had been going on behind my back for years.

01:21:26Apparently that had been going on behind my back for years.

01:21:30That's awful, Lair.

01:21:33Yeah, but I only have a nightmare about it once a week now,

01:21:38and that's progress for me.

01:21:40We'll see tonight with all the cheese I ate.

01:21:43But, yeah, should be okay.

01:21:49You want to invite me inside for a beer?

01:21:52I don't know.

01:21:54Pretty beat, large day.

01:21:57And I should probably hit the hay early.

01:22:25Oh, shit.

01:22:30Okay.

01:22:33Don't fall in, Lair.

01:22:41The way you know how to get yourself going.

01:22:44Wow. And the dirty talk.

01:22:47I didn't know I had it in me.

01:22:49It just blasted out on me.

01:22:52Was I good? I feel rusty.

01:22:55You're an unreal kisser, and you've got a real way with your tongue.

01:22:59A real way with my tongue?

01:23:02I didn't know that.

01:23:05Rhonda, ever since I first saw you in the store,

01:23:09I've had this crazy feeling in my stomach.

01:23:12Like I'm going to barf, but in a good way.

01:23:16Like the barf would be beautiful.

01:23:19Do you know what I mean?

01:23:21Me too, Lair.

01:23:26Cool.

01:23:32Give me a sec.

01:23:40Oh, shit.

01:23:42It's Junior. She's a hostage.

01:23:45What? What do you mean?

01:23:49Larry Constable, this is the police. Open up.

01:23:53They know about the blackmail.

01:23:55Then find out.

01:23:58You can't fucking run from us.

01:24:09G'day, g'day.

01:24:12G'day.

01:24:15Wow.

01:24:18Horny stuff.

01:24:21Mmm.

01:24:23Fuck.

01:24:25Fucking chunks of lobster meat spilling out.

01:24:28There must be a full pound of fucking lobster in this.

01:24:31Oh, yeah? Interesting.

01:24:33Fuck, Blair. Why'd you come down here?

01:24:36This is my last day to solve the case.

01:24:39Mmm. Fuck. Is it tartar sauce?

01:24:43Blair.

01:24:45I'm kind of in the middle of something big here.

01:24:49It's my day off.

01:24:51Thought we could have a little sippy-sip, golf-golf, have a feed.

01:24:55You think that's good?

01:24:57You gotta try Rhonda's chowder.

01:24:59It's unreal.

01:25:01He was right about Luke Thorne's limp noodle.

01:25:04Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something here, Lair.

01:25:07Anything you want to manifest, Blair?

01:25:09Hmm?

01:25:11Manifest.

01:25:13Look, look. It's them.

01:25:16Okay, come on. We gotta tail them.

01:25:18I got a scoff here.

01:25:20A scoff is not the priority, Blair.

01:25:22What about golf? I mean, are we in a panic?

01:25:25We are in peak panic mode right now.

01:25:27Yes, we can golf later, I promise.

01:25:29Let's go.

01:25:31Come on.

01:25:34All right, I'm coming.

01:25:37Fisherman types.

01:25:39Market lobster shit is definitely going down here.

01:25:42Fuck, Rhonda, you're so smart.

01:25:44You didn't even take the P.I. course.

01:25:46It just comes so natural to you.

01:25:48Thanks, Lair.

01:25:50Were you in Timbuk-fucking-2 or what?

01:25:52Shut the fuck up, Blair. Get down.

01:25:54What?

01:25:56Jeez.

01:25:58Shh. Whisper.

01:26:00What's all the stir?

01:26:02God, Blair, you're shitty at whispering.

01:26:05All the shouting and roaring. That's my big case. Come on.

01:26:08What are we looking at?

01:26:10Here. Here comes the black market buyer.

01:26:19She doesn't seem like a hostage to me.

01:26:23It's Nicole Thorne.

01:26:25Nicole Thorne? Who?

01:26:27She's the black market buyer.

01:26:29She got a wad of cash the size of my friggin' head.

01:26:32Ah, fuck.

01:26:34I missed ten calls from Kathy.

01:26:37She's a rescue junior.

01:26:39Full-tail boogie.

01:26:44Get on the fucking ground!

01:26:46Down! Down! Get on the fucking ground!

01:26:49Get down! Get down!

01:26:51You two princesses, down on the ground!

01:26:53Down on the ground!

01:26:55Oh, Mrs. Loudy, you fucking duck!

01:26:57Don't you look at me!

01:26:59She's serious.

01:27:01If you value your dicks,

01:27:03you will stay on the fucking ground!

01:27:06Holy shit.

01:27:08Don't look at me!

01:27:10Don't you fucking look at me, Uncle Carl!

01:27:13Go, go, go!

01:27:15Come on, Blair, let's go!

01:27:17Jesus, don't forget your binoculars.

01:27:21Oh, shit! I can't find my keys!

01:27:24Because you got too much shit in your pocket.

01:27:27Oh!

01:27:29Stay back, Benjamin!

01:27:31Say no fuck back!

01:27:33I will shoot your dicks off!

01:27:35Say no fuck back!

01:27:37Jesus!

01:27:39Come on, Anderson.

01:27:41We thought you were a hostage!

01:27:43Okay, well, at first I wasn't into fishing ethically,

01:27:45but then I was kind of into it, you know?

01:27:47Come on, Anderson!

01:27:49I mean, thank you is in order.

01:27:51Would you go, go, go!

01:27:53Down!

01:27:55Can we stop at the liquor store?

01:27:59Fuck you, Benjamin.

01:28:01Who's your...

01:28:03Who's your father?

01:28:05Cecil.

01:28:07Who's your father?

01:28:09Oh!

01:28:11I'm only drinking

01:28:13When I'm golfing

01:28:15Baby, I'm golfing every day

01:28:19I'm always thinking

01:28:21About golfing

01:28:23Maybe someday I'll change my way

01:28:27I doubt it.

01:28:29How was your orgy last night, Junior?

01:28:31Fuck, you were at an orgy?

01:28:33I was too, Blair.

01:28:35Day was large. Large.

01:28:37Hold on. Are you sexually fluid?

01:28:39Yeah, I am. Blair's not.

01:28:41I'm fluid all over the place.

01:28:43Like a spilt glass of milk.

01:28:45Eighty-five grand.

01:28:47Nice.

01:28:49So, we even?

01:28:51Did you spill the beans to Nicole?

01:28:53What?

01:28:55No.

01:28:57No. No. No way.

01:28:59As if.

01:29:01Come on, dudes.

01:29:03You're like my new friends.

01:29:05Yeah, the new friends.

01:29:07New friends.

01:29:09Shit.

01:29:11So, like, you're not, like, gonna call the cops?

01:29:13Like, that's not happening, right?

01:29:15If you can get your arse off this island

01:29:17by tomorrow morning,

01:29:19we'll keep our mouths shut about Hank.

01:29:21Yeah, I, like, totally won't call the cops

01:29:23on you guys either.

01:29:25Like, for the kidnapping

01:29:27and blackmailing and stuff.

01:29:29Thanks.

01:29:31This is your cut, Blair.

01:29:3350-50 partners, remember?

01:29:35The universe brought this money to us, Blair.

01:29:37You know what, Rhonda?

01:29:39I want you to have all the money.

01:29:41What?

01:29:43Because it was your lifelong dream

01:29:45to have a soft-serve machine.

01:29:47No, I only got the idea last week.

01:29:49But thanks.

01:29:51Unreal.

01:29:53Whoa!

01:29:55Fuck, Blair.

01:29:57Uh, Mr. Thorne?

01:29:59Yes, sir.

01:30:01Case is in the can.

01:30:03Foxbush? 15 minutes?

01:30:05Let's do this.

01:30:07Tapioca.

01:30:09All right, Blair.

01:30:11We're hitting the links with Rich Prick.

01:30:13Told you we'd be golfing today.

01:30:15Barely enough time to golf nine.

01:30:23Mwah.

01:30:25Heh.

01:30:27Be careful, Blair.

01:30:29Hey, I got this.

01:30:31Coming.

01:30:33Fuckin' next time there's an orgy,

01:30:35you call me.

01:30:37All right, Larry.

01:30:39It's better to be good.

01:30:41What do you got for me?

01:30:43Where in the Christ did my ball go?

01:30:45Who the fuck is that guy?

01:30:47Uh, that's Blair.

01:30:49He's, uh, my operative.

01:30:51I hire him for a really hard job.

01:30:53He's a good guy.

01:30:55He's a good guy.

01:30:57He's a good guy.

01:30:59He's a good guy.

01:31:01He's a good guy.

01:31:03He's a good guy.

01:31:05I hire him for really hard cases.

01:31:07Help out, you know.

01:31:09He's got eyes like a hawk.

01:31:11Over by the tall tree, Blair!

01:31:13Jesus!

01:31:15Oh, for fuck's sakes.

01:31:17These are, uh, my expenses, Mr. Thorne.

01:31:19I'm sorry, peak season.

01:31:21But, uh, all justifiable.

01:31:23And, uh, for the juicy stuff

01:31:25that I'm sitting on.

01:31:27What do you mean?

01:31:29What juicy stuff are you sitting on?

01:31:31I can't fuckin' find it.

01:31:33Ball!

01:31:35There it is!

01:31:37Larry.

01:31:39You hiding something from me?

01:31:47Not hiding.

01:31:49Manifesting.

01:31:51I'm sorry, uh, Mr. Thorne,

01:31:53but, uh, I got some bad news,

01:31:55unfortunately. Uh...

01:31:57Your wife and, uh...

01:31:59Nicole and Glenn, the Hick fishermen?

01:32:01Yeah.

01:32:03What the fuck?

01:32:05Your wife and Glenn are bangin' pissers.

01:32:07And, uh, apparently she's the, uh,

01:32:09black market buyer.

01:32:11And when you're not at your cottage,

01:32:13they're throwing these wild sex orgies

01:32:15that look awesome.

01:32:17I'm sorry.

01:32:19There's my $6, baby.

01:32:21Jesus Christ.

01:32:23You know what? Um...

01:32:25This book helped me through some rough patches.

01:32:27Maybe it could do a trick for you.

01:32:29Revenge life.

01:32:31Yeah.

01:32:33Fuck your book, Larry.

01:32:35Well, um, unfortunately,

01:32:37there is still the, uh,

01:32:39matter of, uh, my expenses

01:32:41that I would like to have reimbursed.

01:32:43I was never gonna pay your expenses.

01:32:45Order a 5,000 bonus, you fuckin' dipshit.

01:32:47Okay, Blair.

01:32:51Stick it on the green.

01:32:53Let me ask you a question.

01:32:55How long have you known?

01:32:57How long have you known about Nicole and Glenn?

01:32:59Well...

01:33:01How long?

01:33:03It's complicated because, uh, my case is fluid.

01:33:05You know, like, water goes this way and that way.

01:33:07Have you known about that the whole fuckin' time, Larry?

01:33:09It's like what they say, you know,

01:33:11when the cat's away, the mice will play.

01:33:13Yeah.

01:33:15Meow.

01:33:17Now I get it. Makes sense to me now.

01:33:19You're the fuckin' goof who called me.

01:33:21You're the fuckin' goof who called me.

01:33:23You're the fuckin' goof who called me

01:33:25and tried to extort 40 grand.

01:33:27It was you, wasn't it, you fuck? Wasn't it?

01:33:29Blair!

01:33:31Larry, what did I tell you, Larry?

01:33:33What did I tell you?

01:33:35Don't you ever fuckin' bullshit me, Larry!

01:33:39Where the fuck did that go?

01:33:41Uh...

01:33:51Oh, shit!

01:34:07Four.

01:34:09Oh, very sexy.

01:34:11A goatee, no mustache and long hair,

01:34:13and those thick, thick glasses.

01:34:15I'd swipe right on him.

01:34:17Yeah.

01:34:19That's a nice sword.

01:34:21I'd swipe right on him.

01:34:29I mean, you do have that nice big fish in his hands.

01:34:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:35My back teeth are floatin'. I gotta pee.

01:34:39I gotta pee.

01:35:09I gotta pee.

01:35:39I gotta pee.

01:35:53Junior?

01:35:57Oh, no, no, Rhonda, you stunders!

01:35:59Oh, no, no, no.

01:36:01Oh, God, no, no.

01:36:03Oh, no!

01:36:05Jesus!

01:36:07Damn.

01:36:13Junior took the money.

01:36:15He's gone.

01:36:17What?

01:36:19We've got an even bigger problem than that.

01:36:23Damn it.

01:36:29We're going to jail.

01:36:31We're all fuckin' going to prison.

01:36:33You didn't mean to kill him, Larry. It was self-defense.

01:36:35I didn't kill him. Blair did.

01:36:37Blair killed him.

01:36:39Blair saved your life by the sounds of it.

01:36:41Rhonda!

01:36:43Why can't we just go to the police

01:36:45and tell them what happened?

01:36:47Oh, yeah, okay.

01:36:49Well, good luck explaining our manifesting journey

01:36:51to the cops, Larr.

01:36:53I'd like to hear that one. Get him.

01:36:55All right, in you go.

01:36:57In you go.

01:36:59Oh, God.

01:37:01Look at us.

01:37:03We've gone too far. Look at what we're doing.

01:37:05That's a frickin' stiff look in there

01:37:07for a soft-serve machine.

01:37:09Well, listen to me.

01:37:11The laws of attraction brought us here, Larr.

01:37:13So this has got to be like...

01:37:15like a minor hiccup.

01:37:17Hiccup? No.

01:37:19This isn't a hiccup. This is just foolishness.

01:37:21Okay?

01:37:23It's foolishness.

01:37:25I just wanted to solve the case.

01:37:27The universe is testing us, Larr.

01:37:29We just got to trust the process.

01:37:31And now the universe is so excited for us.

01:37:33I can feel it.

01:37:35Yeah.

01:37:37See?

01:37:39Brenda never would have got me

01:37:41into this kind of foolishness.

01:37:43Brenda?

01:37:45Yeah.

01:37:47Is Brenda on your vision board, Larry?

01:37:49Yeah, I saw it.

01:37:51You got to stop dwelling on the past

01:37:53and manifest the future.

01:37:55The future?

01:37:57There's no future after this!

01:37:59I'm done!

01:38:01I'm done being a P.I.! Done being with you!

01:38:03Done!

01:38:05Well, with that shitty attitude!

01:38:07Samesies!

01:38:15Um...

01:38:17Ha-ha.

01:38:19Luke?

01:38:21Luke?

01:38:23Ha-ha.

01:38:29I'm just getting my good chowder dish

01:38:31and blasting.

01:38:37Rondo.

01:38:47It's in the fridge.

01:38:53Rondo.

01:38:55Mr. Constable.

01:38:59And how are you now, there,

01:39:01Rondo?

01:39:03Um, not bad.

01:39:05Not bad, Glenn.

01:39:07Good to see you again.

01:39:09You too.

01:39:19Please don't

01:39:21shoot

01:39:23me.

01:39:25What did I ever do to you?

01:39:27Then you lied about Junior being my blackmailer.

01:39:29And then you stole my money.

01:39:31Where is it?

01:39:33Where the fuck is it? Where's my money, Rondo?

01:39:35I already told you.

01:39:37Junior took off with it.

01:39:39Bullshit.

01:39:41I can't believe you didn't tell me

01:39:43you dated this nympho fisherman.

01:39:45Me and Glenn went out a few times. It was nothing.

01:39:47Well, I wouldn't say nothing there, Rondo.

01:39:49We were pretty hard at it there

01:39:51just a few weeks ago.

01:39:53Hard at it? Great.

01:39:55I walked into a cloud of Glenn Meisner's

01:39:57dick mist. You slept with her?

01:39:59Yeah. Gross.

01:40:01Whatever.

01:40:03You lied to me, Rondo.

01:40:05You were lying to me the whole time.

01:40:07Oh, sorry, Lair. I suppose I should

01:40:09apologize for having a life before I met you.

01:40:11What, five minutes ago?

01:40:13The whole thing was an elaborate

01:40:15revenge scheme.

01:40:17You hired me for my excellent

01:40:19private investigation skills

01:40:21so you can spy on your ex

01:40:23and blackmail his frickin' new

01:40:25fling? What the hell?

01:40:27Oh, okay. Well, let's not

01:40:29forget who has a picture of his

01:40:31ex-wife hanging in his van. Weird.

01:40:33Yeah.

01:40:35And who has a vasectomy when they're a virgin.

01:40:37He had a vasectomy when he was a virgin.

01:40:39What? Why?

01:40:41I'm, uh, for my career.

01:40:43Speaking of, did you

01:40:45take these?

01:40:47Yes, I did. Buddy.

01:40:49Do not quit your day job.

01:40:51Ha ha ha!

01:40:53You shut up, jerk!

01:40:55Ooh! Larry's a really

01:40:57talented photographer and musician.

01:40:59And

01:41:01he's the finest man I ever met.

01:41:03Head to toe.

01:41:05Sad.

01:41:07That's all, hey?

01:41:09And she's the finest woman that I've ever met.

01:41:11Trust me, pal.

01:41:13She ain't worth getting worked up over.

01:41:15Still trying to wash her off.

01:41:17Ooh!

01:41:19Okay. Well, take it from me,

01:41:21you fucking dickhead.

01:41:23Rhonda is an unreal gal.

01:41:25All right?

01:41:27She's smart, funny as hell,

01:41:29brave, as pretty as a red wagon.

01:41:31And I'm head over heels

01:41:33in love with her.

01:41:35Do you mean that way?

01:41:37Rhonda, I've been crazy about you

01:41:39since the first time I ever saw you.

01:41:41Aw.

01:41:43All that craziness happened because I just wanted to

01:41:45keep hanging out with you.

01:41:47That's the only thing that popped into my head.

01:41:49I love you, too, Larry.

01:41:53She wouldn't even

01:41:55be in my top 100 this month.

01:41:57All right?

01:42:01That's it!

01:42:03All right? You insulted me,

01:42:05you insulted Rhonda,

01:42:07and your face is

01:42:09pissing me off!

01:42:11We're gonna go outside and fucking go her!

01:42:13Sir!

01:42:15Can you take this off, please?

01:42:19Almost right away, sir.

01:42:21You don't have a little tussle,

01:42:23do you?

01:42:27Don't you have sex with him!

01:42:31After you, dick!

01:42:33Buddy, you are barking up the wrong tree.

01:42:37Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda.

01:42:39Nicole,

01:42:41Nicole, Nicole.

01:42:43This was never about the money, Rhonda.

01:42:47Remember on the phone

01:42:49when I said if I ever found you,

01:42:51I was gonna hurt you?

01:42:59I think you're a stupid person.

01:43:01I think you're a stupid person.

01:43:09I think you act stupid,

01:43:11you got a stupid store,

01:43:13and you got a stupid boyfriend.

01:43:15He only seems stupid.

01:43:19No!

01:43:31No.

01:43:33No.

01:44:01No.

01:44:25Is that

01:44:27seafood chowder?

01:44:29Yeah.

01:44:31I'm allergic, you bitch.

01:44:33Allergic?

01:44:35You're bluffing.

01:44:41Oh, shit.

01:44:59Oh, shit.

01:45:29Oh, shit.

01:45:59Rrrr.

01:46:01Rrrr.

01:46:09Rrrr.

01:46:19Rrrr.

01:46:21Geraldine.

01:46:23Geraldine.

01:46:25Take a breath.

01:46:27Rrrr.

01:46:31No, I know. I know.

01:46:33It's not very nice

01:46:35when a family member can be that cruel.

01:46:37How long has the water jug

01:46:39been missing?

01:46:41A week?

01:46:43I'm on the case, Geraldine.

01:46:45Don't you worry your little head.

01:46:47Tapioca.

01:46:49Wait.

01:46:53Found it.

01:46:55Yeah.

01:47:03Enjoy your chowder and your rubbers.

01:47:17Rhonda?

01:47:19Nicole?

01:47:25Double sensation?

01:47:27On the house?

01:47:43Would you look at that outer space?

01:47:47What a mystery.

01:47:49Yeah.

01:47:51You know, I realized

01:47:53I never asked you the big question.

01:47:55What big question?

01:47:57Who's your father?

01:48:01Elmer Roberts.

01:48:03Old Elmer.

01:48:05Roberts? I thought you were a parent.

01:48:07Yeah, that's my married name.

01:48:09I just haven't changed it back yet.

01:48:11I have an uncle named Elmer Roberts.

01:48:13My mom's maiden name is Roberts.

01:48:15Oh.

01:48:17Are we related?

01:48:19Are we related?

01:48:21Can we...

01:48:23Gross, right?

01:48:25I mean...

01:48:27Okay, wait. Down east Elmer Roberts

01:48:29or up west Elmer Roberts?

01:48:31He's down east Elmer Roberts.

01:48:35My uncle is up west

01:48:37Elmer Roberts.

01:48:39God, we can kiss.

01:48:41I'm after kissing

01:48:43a lot of cousins.

01:48:45Oh.

01:48:47Well, that scared me.

01:48:49Yeah, wow.

01:48:51This place is way too small.

01:48:53Way too friggin' small.

01:48:55You know what's not small, though?

01:48:57That

01:48:59freakin' universe, man.

01:49:03Fuck, it's big.

01:49:09Huge.

01:49:11A month ago

01:49:13I sat alone

01:49:15With a bottle of wine

01:49:17To ease my mind

01:49:19And then had fun with it

01:49:21Had a cigarette

01:49:23For my dinner

01:49:25There's no truth

01:49:27In what they tell me

01:49:29Too many nights

01:49:31I spent alone calling you

01:49:33I'm on the telephone

01:49:35And I'm tired of it

01:49:37Feel like I'm being witted out

01:49:39My pal is gonna kill me

01:49:43Twenty-four

01:49:45You just don't know how it is

01:49:47Two more

01:49:49And you'll be taking the piss

01:49:51Twenty-seven

01:49:53Is the new seventeen

01:49:55All the younger guys

01:49:57They know what I mean

01:49:59Yeah, with you

01:50:01I know

01:50:03I never play on

01:50:05Yeah, with you

01:50:07I know

01:50:09I never play on

01:50:13A month ago

01:50:15I sat alone

01:50:17With a bottle of wine

01:50:19To ease my mind

01:50:21And then had fun with it

01:50:23Had a cigarette

01:50:25For my dinner

01:50:27There's no truth

01:50:29In what they tell me

01:50:31Too many nights

01:50:33I spent alone calling you

01:50:35I'm on the telephone

01:50:37And I'm tired of it

01:50:39I'm not crazy about anything

01:50:41I really want

01:50:43I'm just crazy

01:50:45Twenty-four

01:50:47You just don't know how it is

01:50:49Two more

01:50:51And you'll be taking the piss

01:50:53Twenty-seven

01:50:55Is the new seventeen

01:50:57All the younger guys

01:50:59They know what I mean

01:51:01Yeah, with you

01:51:03I know

01:51:05I never play on

01:51:09Yeah, with you

01:51:11I know

01:51:13I never play on

01:51:17Yeah, with you

01:51:19I know

01:51:21I never play on

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