The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
The Three Badasses Who Want Me: With Michelle Batista, Kathleen Boddington, Nick Carozza, Gary Comorau.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I found Angela Lockhart
00:00:03Angela still selling your hippie junk here
00:00:06I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity now sign the divorce paper
00:00:23My lovely princess I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from
00:00:29I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:00:34You must choose one of them in seven days I'm going I need to pick up my bride
00:00:49What's the situation here I want to marry you
00:00:59I
00:01:04Love musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today
00:01:09What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage. No one knows
00:01:14Angela my next-door neighbor still selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again
00:01:24Your mother-in-law was right about you
00:01:26What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self
00:01:31And how do you know that? This is none of my business?
00:01:36All right, everybody get out we got an important guest coming
00:01:43You
00:01:48Death I said pack up and scram
00:01:50Paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave then fine, but you have to compensate for today's losses
00:01:58I'm gonna say that again
00:02:01You know who's visiting today
00:02:04Ellen freakin musk one of the richest people in the world
00:02:07Ellen musk of course a hick like you probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her off
00:02:15really
00:02:16Ellen musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market
00:02:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me
00:02:27Coming to see you
00:02:29All right. Oh, you know what? I'll play your game
00:02:32If she does this so much as give you a glance
00:02:35I'll I'll eat dirt
00:02:38deal
00:02:47Oh and musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:03:11Repair the limo miss Lockhart requires us immediately
00:03:16Oh
00:03:22Your ten minutes is almost up good. Hope you don't wet your pants
00:03:39Ellen I mean miss musk Ellen. I mean, I'm sorry that I
00:03:45Sorry to frighten you
00:03:48How's my boss bitch kick an ass girlfriend, so how do you like
00:03:55She's my boss. Yeah, I prefer business partner or best friend
00:04:01No way
00:04:05Well
00:04:10No, no, I'm sorry for your boss no, I won't do it again
00:04:15Oh, all right, that's enough. We're not tyrants here
00:04:26Sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:04:34You mean Angela Lockhart, I don't like that
00:04:39You made me lose 1 million dollars it's just one game of poker
00:04:44Who are you?
00:04:47Where is she
00:04:49Atlanta and you were right who's he could leave her propping up Ellen musk
00:04:53Why clever bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:05:02Max prep the jet. I'm heading to Atlanta
00:05:05Atlanta
00:05:10Dr. Wilson that I'm sterling's on the move. He's headed to Atlanta Atlanta. The game is afoot. I'm going
00:05:17Wait, dr. Wilson the Prince of Bhutan. He's your medic. He can wait. I need to pick up my bride
00:05:26Dr. Wilson
00:05:28Oh
00:05:36Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta Atlanta
00:05:41Where's that whatever prepare my war plate don't sue going after my fiance this is
00:05:59I
00:06:05Secretly allowed your husband Jared Cooper to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to
00:06:11Thank you so much. Ellen. This is gonna be the best anniversary gift ever
00:06:16That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public, but Angela
00:06:22my boss I
00:06:24Don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity
00:06:30Without your backing
00:06:32No offense, but he's nothing without you
00:06:35Well three years ago
00:06:54I
00:07:06Didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress
00:07:13But now with this
00:07:15Contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public
00:07:20So that's why you have me secretly helping him
00:07:24I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out
00:07:28But why work at the flea market are you
00:07:33Disguising yourself to test him. Well, these exotic spices are
00:07:37Incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find plus I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom
00:07:44You seem happy being a housewife
00:07:55Yeah, it's a big day today
00:07:59That was my mother-in-law Carol. She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family
00:08:06But she's gonna be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am
00:08:12You know, she even remembered a third year anniversary
00:08:20Please spend more time with my son
00:08:25I have a big announcement. I have to make finally you're back now sign the divorce papers
00:08:34Divorce papers
00:08:37Is this some sort of misunderstanding mom
00:08:41God
00:08:42Don't call me mom again. We're ending that relationship. Just look at you dirt all over
00:08:49You're selling the title of mrs. Cooper you don't deserve my son you're way below his league
00:08:56I'm below his league. That's right
00:08:59You are
00:09:01Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk and then his company's going public
00:09:09that's how much he's accomplished in three years, but you
00:09:13You're still just a stinky hippie peddler
00:09:18Jared's like the king in the clouds
00:09:21You will always just be a pawn like dirt
00:09:27on our shoes
00:09:30Dirt on your shoes
00:09:32But Ellen Musk works for me
00:09:36You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen. How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:09:44Resorting to lies definitely not good enough for Jared
00:09:48Who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:09:55You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife
00:10:01Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee not a lowlife dirtbag enough
00:10:07Jared I knew you wouldn't divorce me
00:10:10I knew you wouldn't divorce me
00:10:13But I am
00:10:15Don't fight it Angela
00:10:17Here's 500k. You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices
00:10:23Sign the papers take a check and leave don't embarrass yourself further
00:10:30I've done so much for you these past three years
00:10:34Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:38Didn't expect you to be so greedy
00:10:40Fine. Here's another 200,000
00:10:45500,000 is too much for her already. She's done nothing hasn't even contributed a
00:10:51Grandchild she just sells cheap grass all day. Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:59I took care of both of you these past three years
00:11:03You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something and she wouldn't
00:11:09embarrass us with that permanent stench a
00:11:12Hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO
00:11:16What a joke if you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave
00:11:26You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me let alone taking the company public I
00:11:34Did everything for you Jared now you take credit?
00:11:38for my son's success
00:11:44It's all my work
00:11:47baby
00:11:49We're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this
00:11:53psycho stall us
00:11:55You did say you would win me princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:00so
00:12:02She's the reason for the divorce
00:12:04She's worth more than you Angela
00:12:07I
00:12:10Will sign it
00:12:12But don't regret it
00:12:15Regret
00:12:17You know who I am
00:12:19Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed. I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter
00:12:27Jared winning the bid a maple plaza was because of my dad because he's business partners with Ellen Musk
00:12:36It's part of the power I have
00:12:41You can't do shit because you're poor
00:12:45social stratum matters
00:12:47Yeah, social stratum does matter
00:12:50And the Coopers are beneath me and you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me
00:12:58Ha you're delusional
00:13:01Now sign the papers and scram
00:13:07And you dirty bitch you sick of me
00:13:18You hit me outside the papers take a check and get the fuck out
00:13:37I
00:13:41Don't need your penny money
00:13:45We're finished you don't want the money that's your loss
00:13:49Your check is just pennies to me, but I would like my ring back
00:13:55I
00:14:04Have fun on your economy flight. Well, I catch right on my private helicopter out of here
00:14:15And I'm way out of your league
00:14:18Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring it's worth tens of millions of dollars
00:14:25Well, it's probably just cheap glass
00:14:28Something she found at the flea market. You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive
00:14:37Congrats Jared boo-boo. I'm getting rid of that dirt bag. Oh
00:14:41My dad says there's gonna be a secret big-shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit
00:14:48Bigger big-shot than Ellen Musk. Yeah, and nobody's met them, but I can introduce you
00:14:55Everything's thanks to you, babe
00:14:57Angela mr. Vanderbilt the richest man in Georgia wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding Vanderbilt
00:15:03Yeah, he's actually CEO of One of the biggest corporations in the world
00:15:07So he's going to be in charge of the meeting
00:15:10He's going to meet with us and he's going to give us an e-mail
00:15:13So I'm gonna text him and I'm gonna be right back. He's gonna be here in no time
00:15:19He'll be here in no time. I'm gonna be here in no time
00:15:23to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:25Vanderbilt?
00:15:26Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:15:29Basically our employee.
00:15:30Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:15:32It's fine.
00:15:33You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:15:34But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:37That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:53Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:16:05Who is he?
00:16:07That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:16:09He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list,
00:16:12an early investor of crypto,
00:16:14CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:16:16Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:16:18And he's your fiancé.
00:16:23What? My fiancé?
00:16:26The one and only.
00:16:29So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:16:34have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:16:37Babe?
00:16:46That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:16:52What is she doing here?
00:16:57You skank.
00:16:59My son just divorced you yesterday
00:17:01and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:04Divorced?
00:17:06That's right.
00:17:07So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:17:12Sterling.
00:17:14Devin Sterling.
00:17:16So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:19Guess she's not just a forsaken woman,
00:17:21she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:27How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:17:30Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:33Do you know who I am?
00:17:36They don't know who you are.
00:17:39You hide it well.
00:17:41X-Team!
00:17:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:47Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta
00:17:50and then to New York.
00:17:52You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:00Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:03Go ahead.
00:18:07Chelsea's ill-mannered hips out.
00:18:09Oh, you bitch.
00:18:11I'll have my son teach you a lesson.
00:18:14Bitch, I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:18:23A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:27No.
00:18:35Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:38You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett,
00:18:41old money like me.
00:18:43Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:18:46Pleased to meet you all.
00:18:48Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:18:51What an honor.
00:18:53I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:18:55It's worth billions of dollars.
00:18:57Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:59Thank you, but we haven't received the contract yet.
00:19:02We deserve it.
00:19:04Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:07Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:10Thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:13Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:15Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:19Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:19:23Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:26Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot,
00:19:30we can feast for generations.
00:19:35I'll do my best.
00:19:41Excuse me.
00:19:43Second gentleman.
00:19:45What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:19:49How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:19:52Me? A hobo?
00:19:54How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:19:57You sleep your way in?
00:19:59I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:20:01Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:04Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:07This is your ex-husband?
00:20:11What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:14Who the hell is this?
00:20:16You were cheating on me?
00:20:29Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:32You have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:34That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:39They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:20:53You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:58Get your hands off of her.
00:21:03My lady.
00:21:19My queen.
00:21:22It's...
00:21:24It's him!
00:21:26He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:21:29Who are these peasants?
00:21:31These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:21:36Oh, shut up, old man.
00:21:39You're disturbing the peace.
00:21:42Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:21:44That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:21:46You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:49His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:53This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:56Vanderbilt.
00:21:58The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:22:03The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:22:08The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:22:12Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:22:16That's the Lee Vanderbilt family.
00:22:25Oh, goddammit.
00:22:27I have a stomachache now.
00:22:32Whatever.
00:22:34Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:22:39How dare you call one of us low?
00:22:42I'm Harley F. M. Buffett,
00:22:44the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:22:47I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:52And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:56Not with me around.
00:22:58I, Bill Ford, in the entire stock market,
00:23:01am the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:23:05Not with me around.
00:23:07I, Bill Ford, in the entire Ford Auto Empire,
00:23:09stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:12You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:17You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:23:19We've had enough of your games.
00:23:21Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:23:25Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:23:28But don't worry, you got new money here.
00:23:33I can handle myself, thank you.
00:23:35Yes, my queen.
00:23:37You're all despicable.
00:23:40An insult to your family names.
00:23:45Now it's my turn to rule.
00:23:48Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:23:51Cut off all business ties.
00:23:54And if you don't,
00:23:56I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:24:01Ha! I knew it.
00:24:03You're here to fuck with me.
00:24:05You can't fool anyone here.
00:24:07How much money did you spend on that get-up
00:24:09to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:11You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:24:15You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:24:19She's a gold digger.
00:24:22Gold digger?
00:24:23Gigolo.
00:24:25Want to try me for a night?
00:24:28Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:30Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:24:33They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:24:36Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:24:38She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:24:41Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:24:43Scurdy!
00:24:49Scurdy!
00:24:51You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:24:54And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:24:57You!
00:24:59Insolent fools.
00:25:01Let me guess, you're that special guest?
00:25:05I don't know.
00:25:07Throw them out!
00:25:08And not without some broken bones, too.
00:25:17Back to our next.
00:25:22I got this.
00:25:30Look!
00:25:49What the hell are you two doing here?
00:25:52I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:25:54No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:25:57Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:26:08Angela!
00:26:10Don't hurt her!
00:26:11You bitch.
00:26:12I've always been sick of you.
00:26:14You just threw yourself at me.
00:26:15How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:26:18Boss?
00:26:19Did she say her boss?
00:26:21Miss Musk?
00:26:22That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:24That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:26:26My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:26:30Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:33Past the American Revolution?
00:26:35Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:37If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:40That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:26:42She's royalty.
00:26:43And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:26:47What the hell did you do?
00:26:48Kneel before me!
00:26:50Oh, your majesty.
00:26:53Welcome to the United States.
00:26:56We've always been your loyal subjects, yes?
00:26:59Yes, your highness.
00:27:01Is it a queen or princess?
00:27:03It doesn't matter.
00:27:05My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:08Yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:27:11What are you doing, you idiot?
00:27:13Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:27:21What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:42She's a badass herself.
00:27:44You missed out on a good wife.
00:27:46You! You!
00:27:48You! You!
00:27:50You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:27:52Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:27:55No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:27:57I worked hard for everything.
00:27:59You worked for everything?
00:28:05Hi, honey.
00:28:07So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:28:10and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:28:13I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:28:15I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project
00:28:18and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:28You were nothing before me.
00:28:31All your achievements, all your glory,
00:28:34that's all mine.
00:28:36Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:28:39I can take all of that away.
00:28:42Just like that.
00:28:45No, you can't take that away from me.
00:28:47So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:28:51Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:28:54Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:28:56It was Queen Victoria's
00:28:58and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:07Oh, no.
00:29:08I gave you back the ring?
00:29:10I divorced a royal heiress?
00:29:13No, no, please.
00:29:15No, no, please take me back, baby.
00:29:18I still love you.
00:29:23Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:26No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:29:34God, these two again.
00:29:36Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:39President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:29:41After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:29:43each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:29:46the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:29:48Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:29:50Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:29:52I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:29:54then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:00And that there is,
00:30:02that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:30:05He's Dr. House's protege.
00:30:07Dr. House?
00:30:09I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:11Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:30:13Yep, that's me.
00:30:15Son of James House.
00:30:17Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:30:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:30:21when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:23So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall
00:30:25somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 months.
00:30:28And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:30:30and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:33Hey, Ellen.
00:30:35Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:30:38Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:30:41What?
00:30:43Fiancés?
00:30:45Plural?
00:30:47Fiancés.
00:30:49Plural?
00:30:51Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancé.
00:30:53No, I'm her fiancé.
00:30:55You can both shut up. I'm her fiancé.
00:30:57It's you.
00:30:59It's me.
00:31:01Hey, I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:04How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:31:09Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:31:11but I didn't tell you because he decided
00:31:13to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:15She has three badass fiancés
00:31:18and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:22Whatever.
00:31:24Since you're all here,
00:31:26help me finish them.
00:31:29Since you're all here,
00:31:31help me finish them.
00:31:34At your service.
00:31:36Me too.
00:31:42One down, two more to go.
00:31:44She's become queen.
00:31:46Bishop to G4.
00:31:50Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:31:52What is that?
00:31:54The most germ-infested water in the Nile River.
00:31:57Ah!
00:32:00Rook to A8.
00:32:06Hello?
00:32:09I thought I was king.
00:32:11No, you wish.
00:32:12The king doesn't do anything,
00:32:14so Alan can be my king.
00:32:16Oh, fine.
00:32:21Big Rook to four. It's right this second.
00:32:23I...
00:32:25I've been bankrupt!
00:32:27No!
00:32:29Rook to A8.
00:32:35I've been bankrupt!
00:32:37No!
00:32:39I told you I would remove all of you
00:32:41from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:32:43Well, guess what?
00:32:45Game over.
00:32:47All right, boys.
00:32:49Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:32:51Oh, that's serious business.
00:32:53I'm right with you.
00:32:55Wait for me!
00:32:57Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:33:07Angela!
00:33:11You already have three fiancées?
00:33:13You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:15I...
00:33:17want compensation.
00:33:19You greedy SOB.
00:33:21Who the fuck is that?
00:33:23My ex-husband.
00:33:25Wait, you were married?
00:33:27Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:33:29then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:31More for me.
00:33:33No, no, of course not.
00:33:35Just...
00:33:37do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:39Don't steal my joke.
00:33:41I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:33:43All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:33:45What?
00:33:47What? Is there something on my face?
00:33:49Uh, yeah.
00:33:51Murderous intent.
00:33:53Let's remarry.
00:33:55Let's remarry.
00:33:57You still don't realize.
00:33:59I only fell in love with you
00:34:01because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:17Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:19We need to wreck right away.
00:34:21Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:34:23are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:25Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:29She should be okay now.
00:34:35Hey, you!
00:34:37What's going on?
00:34:39What's going on?
00:34:41What's going on?
00:34:43What's going on?
00:34:45Hey, you!
00:34:47Watch over here.
00:34:49I'll be right back.
00:34:57You saved me.
00:35:01Fuck.
00:35:03I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:07Fuck.
00:35:09I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:11You've cheated on me,
00:35:13you've cheated on me,
00:35:15and you've insulted me.
00:35:17And after all that,
00:35:19I never want to see you again.
00:35:21I fucking hate you.
00:35:23Middle lady Lockhart.
00:35:25God, what now?
00:35:27Yes, we understand
00:35:29that you are a very busy person,
00:35:31but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:35:33the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:35How about us three?
00:35:37Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:35:39we won't turn on you.
00:35:41No, you're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:35:45This is your fault, you doofus.
00:35:47We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:35:49No.
00:35:51We can't lose our positions
00:35:53with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:35:57I'll get you for this.
00:36:05I never should have listened to you.
00:36:07I'm ruined because of you.
00:36:11No.
00:36:23So, what's the situation here?
00:36:25I don't want to marry you.
00:36:35I don't want to marry you.
00:36:37Listen,
00:36:39I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:36:41and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:36:43What?
00:36:45What if I told you
00:36:47that we've known each other for much longer
00:36:49than just a few hours?
00:36:51Much longer.
00:36:55Angela,
00:36:57your parents would like to have a video call
00:36:59with all of you.
00:37:03My lovely princess,
00:37:05how are you?
00:37:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:09The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:11Perfect for a wedding,
00:37:13wouldn't you say?
00:37:15I heard you finally divorced
00:37:17that good-for-nothing,
00:37:19blood-sucking,
00:37:21freeloader husband of yours.
00:37:23I can't call his name.
00:37:25Anyway, congratulations.
00:37:27I've selected three prime young men
00:37:29for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:31You must pick one of them to marry.
00:37:33You must pick one of them to marry.
00:37:35Otherwise...
00:37:37Let me do it.
00:37:39You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:41Otherwise,
00:37:43we'll kill ourselves.
00:37:45Mom?
00:37:47Alright, honey, that's it.
00:37:49Bye.
00:37:53So,
00:37:55who are you going to choose?
00:37:59Well, what if I
00:38:01want all three of you?
00:38:03Well,
00:38:05what if I want all three of you?
00:38:09That seems greedy.
00:38:15But
00:38:17I can always remove
00:38:19the other two options.
00:38:21Hey, I may be a doctor,
00:38:23but I can take lives too.
00:38:25I know and have access
00:38:27to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:29Whoa, okay.
00:38:31No murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:38:35You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:37Ooh.
00:38:39It's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:41I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:38:45Welcome to the show,
00:38:47The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:38:49Today, we have our first challenge.
00:38:53What is
00:38:55all of this, Ellen?
00:38:57You'll see.
00:39:05Oh my god, oh my god!
00:39:07Cockroaches!
00:39:09All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:39:11And it is every man's job
00:39:13to save their beloved woman
00:39:15from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:17What will our three candidates do
00:39:19to prove their undying love
00:39:21for our single, but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:27Looks like one of our contestants
00:39:29has already called it quits.
00:39:31It's up to the final two.
00:39:57Crunchy.
00:40:01That is sick cold.
00:40:03Hey, when you're stranded
00:40:05in the middle of the battlefield,
00:40:07you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:40:09There are two more left.
00:40:11Want to try one?
00:40:13God, no, no.
00:40:15Oh my god, save me.
00:40:17Save you? You're going to save me.
00:40:19Ah!
00:40:21I'm a German folk doctor.
00:40:23These hands can't get germs on them.
00:40:25They're for surging and saving lives.
00:40:41Thank god you're here.
00:40:45Are you alright, honey?
00:40:47Angela!
00:40:51Alright, you won the first challenge,
00:40:53so you're a reward.
00:40:55You get to watch over her for the night.
00:40:57Just don't cross the line,
00:40:59if you know what I mean.
00:41:01I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:41:03You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:09Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:41:11it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:41:13At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:41:15I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:19The cockroaches!
00:41:21There's nothing in this room
00:41:23except you and me, okay?
00:41:25I'm going to kill
00:41:27Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:31I need a drink.
00:41:41Whoa, easy!
00:41:43You're on an empty stomach.
00:41:45Why do you care?
00:41:47I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:41:51You guys were right.
00:41:53I was blind
00:41:55for marrying that asshole.
00:41:57You know,
00:41:59I wasted three whole years
00:42:01of my life with him.
00:42:03He never even loved me.
00:42:05And I gave up my entire
00:42:07career for him.
00:42:11Do you really think that you would
00:42:13still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list
00:42:15if I was around?
00:42:17You may not be number one
00:42:19on the Forbes list,
00:42:21but you know what your number one is?
00:42:23What?
00:42:27Your number one here.
00:42:35You know,
00:42:37we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:39Lies.
00:42:41You always want something from me.
00:42:47Angela,
00:42:49I know it's hard to trust again,
00:42:51but I assure you,
00:42:53I don't care
00:42:55what family you're from.
00:42:57I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:59I don't need your power,
00:43:01your status,
00:43:03your wealth,
00:43:05your connections.
00:43:07I just need you.
00:43:11I'll prove my love to you
00:43:13within six days.
00:43:15I promise.
00:43:27Screw the contest.
00:43:29I just want love.
00:43:31Angela!
00:43:33You're drunk.
00:43:35I'm an adult.
00:43:37Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:43:39Okay.
00:43:45But love and sex
00:43:47aren't exactly the same thing.
00:43:49Oh, they're not
00:43:51mutually exclusive either.
00:44:01This is what you want.
00:44:15Oh.
00:44:29Nine-inch penis.
00:44:31Morning to you too.
00:44:33You sure you were
00:44:35drunk last night?
00:44:37A girl remembers when she's had a
00:44:39nine-inch penis
00:44:41inside of her.
00:44:43Glad you enjoyed it.
00:44:45But don't tell Shane
00:44:47or Cole.
00:44:49Because then they would...
00:44:51Say that you were being unfair?
00:44:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:44:55I won the first challenge,
00:44:57and according to Ellen,
00:44:59my prize was to spend a night with you
00:45:01anyways.
00:45:03Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:09You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:13Fine.
00:45:15Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:19I won't tell.
00:45:21But only on one condition.
00:45:25I won't tell.
00:45:27But only on one condition.
00:45:29You have to go out
00:45:31on a date with me.
00:45:33Fine.
00:45:37I've had a crush on you
00:45:39since college, Angela.
00:45:41You never noticed me.
00:45:47You should get dressed
00:45:49and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:45:53It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:45:55I'm not sleeping alone.
00:45:57Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man
00:45:59for another second.
00:46:03Morning, gentlemen.
00:46:05Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:07Don't mind him.
00:46:09What's up, guys?
00:46:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:13No cockroaches this time.
00:46:15Yes. No more terrifying things.
00:46:17That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:23The second challenge is...
00:46:25The second challenge is...
00:46:27a date.
00:46:29Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:46:31A date? That's it.
00:46:33What's the catch?
00:46:35No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys
00:46:37the most. As simple as that.
00:46:39I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:46:41Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:46:43Me. Save the best for last.
00:46:45Ain't that right, Angela?
00:46:47Then it's decided.
00:46:51Please!
00:46:53Don't take my BMW away!
00:46:55Too bad.
00:46:57You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:59I have nothing left!
00:47:07It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:13It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:23General Eisenhower, sir!
00:47:25At ease, Lieutenant.
00:47:27This is my lieutenant.
00:47:29He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:31Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:47:33He's so serious.
00:47:35Hang on.
00:47:37Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:47:39Baby!
00:47:41I decided to take you here on our first date
00:47:43so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:47:45Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:47:47Yes.
00:47:49Murder weapons.
00:48:05I like my guns, babe.
00:48:07Pretty Lockhart.
00:48:09Yeah.
00:48:11Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:13Lieutenant!
00:48:15Come close!
00:48:17Wait! You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:19He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:21Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:23Treason?
00:48:25You guys are way too serious.
00:48:27Look, you Lockhart bitch!
00:48:29I caught you!
00:48:31If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:48:33Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:48:47You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:48:51I will make you pay!
00:48:55You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:48:57We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:59Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:49:03It's always a bit violent.
00:49:05Some might call it being protective.
00:49:07Poor anger issues.
00:49:09What if we get married
00:49:11and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:49:13Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:17Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:19I don't know if I am.
00:49:21Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:49:27Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:29Hey.
00:49:31Hey.
00:49:33Cool ride.
00:49:35A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:49:37when I saved his wife.
00:49:39Impressive.
00:49:41Your breath
00:49:43smells like peppermint.
00:49:45Refreshing.
00:49:47I got cool mint, too.
00:49:49Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:49:51What do you not have in this?
00:49:53I don't know.
00:49:55I don't know.
00:49:57What do you not have in this
00:49:59coat of yours?
00:50:01Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:50:03So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:50:05Let me show you.
00:50:13Dr. Wilson!
00:50:15Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:17Right this way.
00:50:19VIP of VIPs?
00:50:21Just some other guy I saved.
00:50:23I forget who.
00:50:25I'll do what I can.
00:50:27Oh, my gosh.
00:50:29It's my gold digging neighbor
00:50:31who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:33Sandra Miller.
00:50:35What are you doing here?
00:50:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:50:39Your mother-in-law told me all about
00:50:41the divorce and how you hired some gigolo
00:50:43to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:50:47Hello of you.
00:50:49What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:50:51Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:50:53I sell high fashion jewelry pieces
00:50:55so high end, you couldn't even afford
00:50:57even a few soldier organs.
00:50:59The auction begins.
00:51:01I'll deal with you later.
00:51:11Cameron,
00:51:13I have a task for you.
00:51:15Our next piece
00:51:17is absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:19Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:21Sold by our vendor,
00:51:23Sandra Miller.
00:51:25For five million dollars.
00:51:27Excuse me.
00:51:29I'd like to donate
00:51:31this piece to auction.
00:51:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:35I'd like to donate
00:51:37this piece to auction.
00:51:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:41What are you doing?
00:51:43Just watch.
00:51:47That is
00:51:49Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:51Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:51:53She probably got it
00:51:55at the flea market she works at.
00:51:57You work at a flea market?
00:51:59Not this again.
00:52:01Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:03Oh yeah? Here, you want it?
00:52:05For free.
00:52:07Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:11Well, that's too bad then
00:52:13because you are the fraud.
00:52:15What are you talking about?
00:52:17Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:19Throw them out!
00:52:21Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend
00:52:23in medicine, but we're professionals.
00:52:25Oh yeah?
00:52:27And that armband
00:52:29sells for five million dollars?
00:52:31Yeah, mine is the real thing.
00:52:33You two are just upset because
00:52:35you're too poor to
00:52:37afford our luxury items.
00:52:39Oh, is that so?
00:52:41When a so-called expert failed to recognize
00:52:43Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:52:45My lord,
00:52:47this is real.
00:52:49It's authentic.
00:52:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:52:55Cameron,
00:52:57what have you found?
00:52:59Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:53:01It's a replica.
00:53:03They had the same one
00:53:05right here at the flea market.
00:53:07So,
00:53:09you are the fraud.
00:53:11You just went to the flea market
00:53:13to buy some fakes.
00:53:15And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:53:17150.
00:53:19Wow.
00:53:21Not even five dollars.
00:53:23Sandra.
00:53:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:53:27Arrest her!
00:53:29No! Please!
00:53:31This is my time! Please!
00:53:33What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:35Uh, investigating lead poisoning
00:53:37from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:53:39Bye.
00:53:41I love the jewelry industry forever.
00:53:51I had a really great time tonight.
00:53:53Me too.
00:53:55May I have a kiss?
00:54:11Is something wrong?
00:54:13Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:21Yep. You never have to worry about
00:54:23stinky breath from me.
00:54:33You
00:54:35owe us a bunch of money,
00:54:37Cooper.
00:54:39I don't have any money.
00:54:41How did you pay for this hotel, then?
00:54:43I guess
00:54:45you'll only pay up
00:54:47if I break your other leg.
00:54:49Stop!
00:54:55Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:54:57Mr. Buffett.
00:55:03This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:05That's right.
00:55:07Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:55:09I knew Angela was still
00:55:11in love with me.
00:55:13I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:15No, no. Sorry about those injuries
00:55:17from earlier. It was all just a
00:55:19little misunderstanding.
00:55:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:23And then maybe you
00:55:25can tell
00:55:27Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:55:29Angela still loves me.
00:55:31She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:33She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:35If you need any help winning her back,
00:55:37we can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:55:39I was just sucking up
00:55:41to these pricks a few days ago,
00:55:43and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:55:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:55:47Sure.
00:55:49I'll put in a good word for you.
00:55:51I just need...
00:55:53Anything. You tell us,
00:55:55we'll give you anything.
00:55:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:59I'll go after Angela
00:56:01Lockhart for my revenge.
00:56:05I'm giving the contract
00:56:07to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:56:09Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:13Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:15I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:17That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:19It requires him to pay 50% of the costs
00:56:21up front as a deposit.
00:56:23And if he can't, then what?
00:56:25He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:27So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:56:29I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:31I want to show him
00:56:33that without Angela Lockhart,
00:56:35he's nothing.
00:56:41I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:56:43We should celebrate.
00:56:45You did?
00:56:47You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:56:49That skank, Angela,
00:56:51is nothing next to you.
00:56:53And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:55Actually,
00:56:57it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:59What?
00:57:01You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:57:03Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:57:05He's not.
00:57:07Jared, what are you doing?
00:57:09You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:11Do it.
00:57:13It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:15I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:17I'm telling my dad.
00:57:19Fine, go right ahead.
00:57:21He has enough problems himself.
00:57:23If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:57:25But if not, you can scram.
00:57:27Dad,
00:57:29Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:31Teach him a lesson.
00:57:33Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:57:35Jared has the backing of some
00:57:37very powerful people now.
00:57:39Don't get on his bad side.
00:57:41We can't afford to piss him off.
00:57:43So do as he says.
00:57:45But Dad...
00:57:53I'm sorry.
00:57:55I'll be your side piece.
00:57:57Very good.
00:57:59I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:01Now let's go celebrate.
00:58:05I mean, do I really want to be
00:58:07with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:09But that tongue action, though.
00:58:11Tongue is important
00:58:13in more than just one spot.
00:58:15Ellen, we are in public.
00:58:17It's true.
00:58:19Oh, stomachache.
00:58:21I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:23I'll be here to pick you up soon.
00:58:25Seven's late.
00:58:27Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:31This hotel restaurant
00:58:33has five Michelin stars.
00:58:35It's her.
00:58:37And she's alone.
00:58:39With no one to save her.
00:58:41You whore.
00:58:43You seduced my son
00:58:45so he could back with you.
00:58:49Let me tell you.
00:58:51I would never go back
00:58:53even if your entire family
00:58:55got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:59Hey, you guys can fight all you want,
00:59:01but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:59:03Whoever gets rid of her for me
00:59:05gets all this.
00:59:07Why do I have to leave?
00:59:09She's the one starting shit.
00:59:11Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:59:15And my son just signed
00:59:17a $100 billion contract.
00:59:19Signed out the contract?
00:59:21Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:23Even if he does sign it,
00:59:25he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:27Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:29Bet you've never seen
00:59:31this much cash before.
00:59:33Bet you've never seen
00:59:35this much cash before.
00:59:37You take my charity
00:59:39and toss it in my face
00:59:41as if it's your own.
00:59:43My maid wouldn't even pick up
00:59:45such a pitiful amount.
00:59:47$1,000 to take her away.
00:59:49$2,000 to drag her away.
00:59:51$5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:53$5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:55$5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:57Oh!
00:59:59Hey! Hey! Ow!
01:00:01Stop!
01:00:03You okay?
01:00:05Are you hurt?
01:00:09Weakling.
01:00:11You! You!
01:00:13Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy
01:00:15right after getting divorced.
01:00:17And now you have two more?
01:00:19What a whore.
01:00:21What a whore.
01:00:23Yeah, and Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:25What if she has an STD?
01:00:27Oh, like sleeping with a married man
01:00:29wouldn't give you an STD.
01:00:31Let's go.
01:00:33We'll expose her to Jared.
01:00:35Hang on.
01:00:37What do you want?
01:00:39I'll scream.
01:00:41I don't hit women,
01:00:43but I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:47Oh, God. He is a murderer.
01:00:49What if he murders me?
01:00:51Not him. Definitely not him.
01:00:57We're not afraid of you.
01:00:59That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:01:01You'll be removed from being
01:01:03a five-star general if you hurt a civilian
01:01:05without adequate cause.
01:01:07I was just messing with them.
01:01:09Was he, though?
01:01:11No.
01:01:13Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:01:15Look at this slut.
01:01:17She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:19She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:01:21Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:23I apologize for this scene.
01:01:25I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:01:27so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:29Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:31Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:33The potty crashes.
01:01:37You have any idea who that is?
01:01:39Please save that title
01:01:41for the real skank over there.
01:01:43That's right. Know your place.
01:01:45Shut up.
01:01:47She's cheating on you.
01:01:49Know your place.
01:01:51You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:01:53Eric, have you gone mad?
01:01:55This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:57You slap her for this whore?
01:01:59Mom!
01:02:01They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:03Angela's an heiress to a family
01:02:05whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:07She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:09I only got the Maple Closet Project
01:02:11because she gave it to me.
01:02:13What?
01:02:15You apologize right now
01:02:17or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:25I'm sorry.
01:02:27No.
01:02:29This can't be.
01:02:31I made you divorce...
01:02:33Go home.
01:02:35You're not suited to come with me
01:02:37to my celebration banquet.
01:02:43I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:02:47Honey, I know you came here
01:02:49to celebrate my achievements.
01:02:51I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:02:53I didn't come here for you.
01:02:55I'm on a date.
01:02:57A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:59She really is a whore.
01:03:01Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:03I really do love you.
01:03:05Oh-ho!
01:03:07Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:09Oh-ho!
01:03:11Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:15Yeah, yeah, we already know
01:03:17you beat Ford to Ethel.
01:03:19We're too old for that.
01:03:21They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:23Please, you gave me the contract
01:03:25so if anything happens,
01:03:27you gave me the contract
01:03:29so if anyone should go
01:03:31as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:33Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:35We'll all be one happy
01:03:37business family again.
01:03:39What the hell are you all doing here?
01:03:41Where were you?
01:03:43Stomach issues.
01:03:45Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:03:47No.
01:03:49Let me make myself clear.
01:03:51Okay?
01:03:53I would rather die
01:03:55than be with you again.
01:03:57Seems that they're not actually
01:03:59on good terms.
01:04:01I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:03Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:05Angela, I know you're still mad, but please
01:04:07give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:04:09You want a chance?
01:04:11Angela, no. You have three great
01:04:13guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:15Don't take him back.
01:04:17I'll give you two choices.
01:04:21I'll give you two choices.
01:04:25Me or the contract.
01:04:27You're kidding me.
01:04:29No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:31If you choose me,
01:04:33we can remarry this week.
01:04:35But
01:04:37you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:04:39The choice is all yours.
01:04:41So that's a choice.
01:04:43You think so?
01:04:45He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract
01:04:47that takes his company to the moon.
01:04:49Either way, he benefits.
01:04:51Why can't I have both?
01:04:53You really are a greedy bastard.
01:04:55Angela, I saved you in the pool.
01:04:57Remember? I deserve the contract.
01:04:59Did you really?
01:05:05Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:07He didn't
01:05:09save her at the pool.
01:05:11What are you talking about?
01:05:13I choose the contract.
01:05:15I knew it.
01:05:17You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:19With this contract,
01:05:21my company's earning potential
01:05:23is limitless. Angela Lockhart,
01:05:25you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:27I will get you one day.
01:05:29Let me show you something.
01:05:41You saved me.
01:05:47You saved me.
01:05:49I'm sorry
01:05:51if his lies led to you
01:05:53wasting three years of your life.
01:05:55But I promise you,
01:05:57I'm going to make it up to you
01:05:59with the rest of our lives.
01:06:01No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:03I just couldn't, can't remember
01:06:05exactly what happened that day.
01:06:13Does that mean
01:06:15we both each saved her once?
01:06:17What?
01:06:19Me?
01:06:21Dr. Wilson? Losing at saving people?
01:06:23No way.
01:06:25You guys, one of you,
01:06:27do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:29You're crazy.
01:06:31And actually,
01:06:33they've all been doing horrible shit
01:06:35behind your back.
01:06:37What?
01:06:39Mr. Sterling had me investigate
01:06:41their company's dealings.
01:06:43Turns out they've been fudging the numbers
01:06:45Put it simply,
01:06:47they've been stealing from you.
01:06:49I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:06:51Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:06:53I should have had third-party accountants
01:06:55check thoroughly.
01:06:57No, it's not your fault. They're just
01:06:59too slick.
01:07:01You like me to punish them for you?
01:07:03Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:07:05Max,
01:07:07you know what to do.
01:07:15The banks have pulled
01:07:17all of our funds.
01:07:19All business ties have been severed.
01:07:21We're bankrupt!
01:07:23No!
01:07:25No!
01:07:27How did you do that?
01:07:29Who are you?
01:07:31And don't say Spider-Man!
01:07:33I'll tell you
01:07:35who I am.
01:07:37I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:39I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:45I am
01:07:47Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:07:49What did he say he was?
01:07:51That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:07:53You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:07:55Well,
01:07:57I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:59See? You are number one at something.
01:08:01The most expensive NFT collection
01:08:03in the world.
01:08:05Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:07We've sold our young money now.
01:08:09So, how about our date?
01:08:15I'm not letting them
01:08:17one-up me on this one.
01:08:19Let's buy two.
01:08:33They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:08:35I still have the
01:08:37100 billion dollar project.
01:08:39Yes!
01:08:41I'm rich!
01:08:43They'll make them all pay soon!
01:08:49What?
01:08:51Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:08:53The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:08:55to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:57Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:59and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:01No!
01:09:03I'm bankrupt!
01:09:07You tricked me!
01:09:13Oh, allow me.
01:09:17I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:19I had to get some
01:09:21very important materials
01:09:23for our special date.
01:09:25Well, cheers.
01:09:27Cheers.
01:09:33Cheers.
01:09:39This looks good.
01:09:45Did you use my spices?
01:09:47I know your ex-in-laws
01:09:49never appreciated you.
01:09:53You can have all the money and power in the world
01:09:55and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:59I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:03Angela,
01:10:07your future with me
01:10:11is going to be different.
01:10:13Come on.
01:10:15Stairs.
01:10:33Wow.
01:10:35Devon, I can't believe
01:10:37this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:10:39just because of some
01:10:41silly mistake.
01:10:43Angela,
01:10:45I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:10:47Actually,
01:10:49I've also loved you for three years.
01:10:51That's right.
01:10:53I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:10:55How is
01:10:57all of this possible?
01:10:59I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:01Well, actually,
01:11:03maybe Devon, but...
01:11:05I've had a crush on you
01:11:07since college.
01:11:09You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:13Despite who you were,
01:11:15you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:19Are you trying to get
01:11:21hired at Fortune 500
01:11:23in a suit like that?
01:11:27All you do is babble on
01:11:29and on about
01:11:31Internet money, Bitcoin,
01:11:33and shit like that.
01:11:35Are you trying to
01:11:37steal my spot?
01:11:39I'll teach you a lesson.
01:11:43Hey! Get away from her!
01:11:45Angela!
01:11:475C girl.
01:11:49I like her.
01:11:59How is he?
01:12:01It's a rare poison
01:12:03made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:12:05Astragal saltifum.
01:12:07Can it be cured?
01:12:09I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:11It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found
01:12:13in any developed country.
01:12:15Household salt.
01:12:23I like her.
01:12:25There you go.
01:12:27What time is it?
01:12:31Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:12:39I like her.
01:12:41We have been rivals
01:12:43ever since.
01:12:45So, that's how I...
01:12:47well, we
01:12:49all met.
01:12:51I barely remember.
01:12:53I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:12:55T. Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:57attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:59You wouldn't have known.
01:13:01I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:03If that makes you feel any better.
01:13:05Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:07Angela, your seven days is
01:13:09almost up. Now that you know
01:13:11they all loved and fought for you for three
01:13:13years, who will you pick?
01:13:19How can that be?
01:13:21Angela Lockhart
01:13:23Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:29Kaylee, we've gone
01:13:31bankrupt.
01:13:33Bankrupt?
01:13:35The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:13:37Well then,
01:13:39get out of here!
01:13:41You can't do this to me!
01:13:45Jared! Mom, it's me.
01:13:47What happened?
01:13:49Jared, I have carefully
01:13:51reconsidered. Angela is way better
01:13:53than this dimwit. You should get back with your
01:13:55wife. We're bankrupt.
01:13:57What?
01:14:01Jared Cooper.
01:14:05We're here to
01:14:07propose to your belongings.
01:14:09No one is going to save you now.
01:14:11Oh, shit!
01:14:15What kind of an
01:14:17asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:21Who will you pick?
01:14:25I...
01:14:31I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:33Fried chicken?
01:14:35Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:14:37Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:14:39Sucking up last minute!
01:14:41At least I don't speak like an AI
01:14:43robot.
01:14:45Hey, stop. Stop.
01:14:47Welcome back to the
01:14:49bachelorette.
01:14:51I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:14:53I mean,
01:14:55Angela Lockhart,
01:14:57you know what I mean.
01:14:59Today, our heiress bachelorette will
01:15:01choose which one of our
01:15:03three badasses will she marry.
01:15:05Will it be Shane,
01:15:07the doctor?
01:15:09Cole,
01:15:11the general?
01:15:13Or Devin,
01:15:15the CEO?
01:15:19Uh, looks like our bachelorette
01:15:21may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:23Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:25But when she
01:15:27does, she will take this
01:15:29eternal rose made from glass
01:15:31imported from Venice and give it
01:15:33to our winner,
01:15:35Angela.
01:15:37Angela.
01:15:39Oh, I...
01:15:43I need more time to think.
01:15:45Uh...
01:15:49While our bachelorette takes a little time
01:15:51to decide, why don't we check in
01:15:53with each of our candidates?
01:15:55Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:57Let's start with Cole.
01:15:59Cole.
01:16:03There's not much to say.
01:16:05Who wouldn't want a five-star
01:16:07general who has huge
01:16:09biceps, a massive
01:16:11chest, who would
01:16:13protect their wife?
01:16:17Okay. Thank you.
01:16:19Uh, Shane?
01:16:21Muscles,
01:16:23money,
01:16:25they won't get you so far.
01:16:27But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:29that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:16:31if you know what I mean.
01:16:35Okay.
01:16:37I think we do. And Devin?
01:16:39That was
01:16:41quite disgusting.
01:16:45I just hope Angela's okay.
01:16:47I know she's going under a lot of stress
01:16:49right now, a lot of choices to make.
01:16:51And she's my queen.
01:16:53I just really hope she's okay.
01:16:55And then one more thing.
01:16:57What kind of a doctor
01:16:59brings fried chicken
01:17:01to a girl?
01:17:03That's a good point. It's bad for her heart.
01:17:05And then you!
01:17:07What?
01:17:09You know what they say about military men.
01:17:11They beat
01:17:13their wives.
01:17:17Enough!
01:17:19Stand up!
01:17:21Hey,
01:17:23you guys.
01:17:25Whoa, break it up!
01:17:27Hey! Break it up!
01:17:29Oh!
01:17:33Cut to commercial!
01:17:35Cut to commercial!
01:17:53This is the hardest decision I've ever had
01:17:55to make in my entire life.
01:17:59Who do I choose?
01:18:07Angela's marrying me!
01:18:09You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:11Oh yeah?
01:18:13I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:18:15I know and possess the deadliest
01:18:17poisons in the world.
01:18:21What don't you have in that coat?
01:18:23Fruit flavored gum.
01:18:25I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:27Don't forget about me.
01:18:29It's time I reveal
01:18:31my true identity.
01:18:35These stupid profile cards
01:18:37don't make any sense. They do not help.
01:18:39Who made these?
01:18:57It's time I reveal
01:18:59my true identity.
01:19:03I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:05And I
01:19:07have the power of
01:19:09telekinesis!
01:19:11Oh!
01:19:25We may have to
01:19:27work together to take him down.
01:19:29Oh yeah!
01:19:39This battle within our heads is the most
01:19:41intense I've ever experienced.
01:19:43I may not be able to take them both down
01:19:45if they decide to team up.
01:19:47Hmm...winter mint or
01:19:49cool mint?
01:19:53You know,
01:19:55I've always really liked
01:19:57your hair.
01:19:59I'm actually
01:20:01pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:03So I appreciate that.
01:20:05And you know,
01:20:07Cole, I've always
01:20:09really liked the way you talk.
01:20:11Really?
01:20:15What do you got for me?
01:20:17I always
01:20:19really like the way you chew gum.
01:20:21Yeah? It's fresh, right?
01:20:23Yeah!
01:20:26You know, you're actually
01:20:28a really good doctor.
01:20:30You need me to look at you?
01:20:32Hey, me?
01:20:34Angela's been kidnapped!
01:20:36Angela's been kidnapped!
01:20:38It was Jerry Cooper!
01:20:40That fucker!
01:20:42We have to find her.
01:20:43What, how?
01:20:44Her ring. Her dad installed a GPS
01:20:46tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:20:48Well, let's go then!
01:20:50My fiancée!
01:20:56Jared...
01:21:01What am I doing here?
01:21:03You destroyed me.
01:21:07I took everything.
01:21:09What?
01:21:11I have nothing left.
01:21:13It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:21:15I was greedy?
01:21:17To have sex with my wife?
01:21:19What?
01:21:21I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:23Oh, yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now.
01:21:25Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:27This is illegal!
01:21:29You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:31You won't have me arrested.
01:21:33You will take me back.
01:21:35Ow!
01:21:37Come on, bitch.
01:21:39That'll settle you down a little.
01:21:41Come on.
01:21:43Oh, shit.
01:21:45Oh, shit.
01:21:51You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:21:55Hey!
01:21:57Angela, come back!
01:22:01You're too late!
01:22:03I drugged her.
01:22:05She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:07Not yet? Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:09He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:11Everything except for...
01:22:13Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum. We get it already. Just save my boss!
01:22:17Here we go.
01:22:23You're all good now.
01:22:25Oh, thank God.
01:22:27But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:29What? What are you going to do to me?
01:22:31Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:22:33Ow!
01:22:35Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:22:37Forever?
01:22:43Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:22:45Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:22:53So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:22:55We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:57The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:01And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:08Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:10The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:12We're down to the wire.
01:23:14Literally. The wedding day.
01:23:16But who's the groom?
01:23:30Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:32The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:34But who's the groom?
01:23:38Ah.
01:23:40Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:23:43Any input from the parents?
01:23:45Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:23:49This is exciting.
01:23:51Who should my daughter pick?
01:23:53Let me think.
01:23:57I like the doctor.
01:23:59He's cute.
01:24:03But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:07And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:24:09the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:11Isn't that right, Devin?
01:24:13Angela.
01:24:19You are all three
01:24:21very fine gentlemen.
01:24:25And I'm really grateful
01:24:27for all of your love.
01:24:29But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:33And I decided to devise
01:24:35one last challenge.
01:24:39And I decided to devise
01:24:41one last challenge.
01:24:45I'm just kidding.
01:24:47I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:24:53Each of our candidates have saved
01:24:55our main character.
01:24:57I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:59They've all proven their undying love.
01:25:01So who gets to unlock
01:25:03Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:05Literally.
01:25:07Could it be
01:25:09the sexy and protective
01:25:11general with a temper,
01:25:13Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:19Or the fun,
01:25:21wicked-minded, but
01:25:23kind of weird,
01:25:25Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:29And last but not least,
01:25:31could it be the richest man of them all?
01:25:33The man Angela would have married
01:25:35a long time ago, Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:25:41Gentlemen,
01:25:43it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:25:45May the best man win.
01:25:47May the best man win.
01:25:51Drumroll, please.
01:26:01Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:09I choose...
01:26:21I need a powerful, strong man
01:26:23who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:26:31Who could resist those guns?
01:26:35Could I interest you in an
01:26:37NFD, Ellen?
01:26:53Shane, it's you.
01:26:55I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:57You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:01It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:27:03Ellen, be my new queen.
01:27:05I hope we can build together.
01:27:07Like guns, babe.
01:27:19It's always been you.
01:27:21It's always been you.
01:27:31I'll always love you.
01:27:35Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:27:39Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:41Have you seen my murder weapon?
01:27:43I need fruit-flavored gum for you.