The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Uncut Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten state one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:20If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:25Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:28What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:31it to your penniless self?
00:00:33And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:37Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:40We got an important guest coming!
00:00:44You!
00:00:49You deaf?
00:00:50I scuff and scram!
00:00:51I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have
00:00:55to compensate for today's losses.
00:00:58You want to say that again?
00:01:01You know who's visiting today?
00:01:04Ellen freakin' Musk!
00:01:05One of the richest people in the world.
00:01:07Ellen Musk?
00:01:08Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:11Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:15Really?
00:01:16Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market?
00:01:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:26Coming to see you?
00:01:28Alright, you know what?
00:01:30I'll play your game.
00:01:31If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:38Deal.
00:01:47Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:50Or else, you're fired.
00:01:55Hmm.
00:02:11Prepare the limo.
00:02:12Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:20Ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:22Good.
00:02:23Eight minutes.
00:02:25Five.
00:02:26Four.
00:02:29Three.
00:02:31Two.
00:02:33One.
00:02:36Ellen!
00:02:37Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk!
00:02:39Uh, Ellen!
00:02:40Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:46How's my boss bitch?
00:02:47Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:49So, how do you, like...
00:02:52She's my boss?
00:02:53Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:02:58No way.
00:03:02Well?
00:03:07No! No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss!
00:03:09No, I won't do it again!
00:03:13Alright, that's enough.
00:03:15We're not tyrants here.
00:03:23Sir.
00:03:24My fellow Lockhart.
00:03:31You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:33The runaway bride.
00:03:36You lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:40Who are you?
00:03:44Where is she?
00:03:45Atlanta.
00:03:46And you were right.
00:03:47It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:49My clever bride.
00:03:51I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:03:58Max.
00:03:59Prep the jet.
00:04:00I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:06Dr. Wilson.
00:04:07Benning Sterling's on the move.
00:04:08He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:09Atlanta?
00:04:10The game is afoot.
00:04:12I'm going.
00:04:13Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:14The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:16He can wait.
00:04:17I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:22Dr. Wilson!
00:04:28General Eisenhower is here!
00:04:31Benning Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta!
00:04:34Atlanta!
00:04:36Where is that?
00:04:38Whatever! Prepare my war plate!
00:04:40Don't you bring out my fiancée.
00:04:43This is war.
00:04:49No.
00:04:52No!
00:04:59I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:05Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:07This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:10That project is worth billions.
00:05:12He can finally take his cutlery.
00:05:14But, Angela.
00:05:16My boss.
00:05:18I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:24Without your backing.
00:05:26No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:29Well, three years ago.
00:05:48You saved me.
00:05:53He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:05:57I didn't want my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:03But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:10So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:12I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:16But why work at the flea market?
00:06:19Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:23Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:28Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:32You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:34Where the hell are you?
00:06:36Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:39Get home, stat.
00:06:41It's a big day today.
00:06:44That was...
00:06:46My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:06:48She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:06:51But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:06:56I don't know what to do.
00:06:58I don't know what to do.
00:07:00I don't know what to do.
00:07:01She's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:06You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:14Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:18Hi, I'm home.
00:07:20I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:23Finally, you're back. Now stop...
00:07:24Divorce papers.
00:07:27Divorce papers?
00:07:28Divorce papers.
00:07:31Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:34God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:37We're ending that relationship.
00:07:39Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:42You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:44You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:48I'm below his league?
00:07:50That's right. You are.
00:07:53Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:07:59And then his company's going public.
00:08:01That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:04But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:10Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:13You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:17Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:22Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:24But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:27You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:32How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:37Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:41And who are you to my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:48You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:53Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:08:56Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:08:58Enough!
00:09:00Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:04But I am.
00:09:06Don't fight it.
00:09:08Here's $500,000.
00:09:10You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler of spices.
00:09:14Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:17Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:20I've done.
00:09:22So much for you these past three years.
00:09:25Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:28Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:30Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:34$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:37She's done nothing.
00:09:39Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:42She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:45Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:49I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:53You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:09:58And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:02A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:06What a joke.
00:10:08If you actually love my son,
00:10:10you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:13And leave!
00:10:15You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:21Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:23I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:27Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:33It's all my work!
00:10:37Baby, we're going to be late for the auction
00:10:40if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:45You did say you would win me Princess Anna's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:49So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:10:53She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:10:57Fine.
00:10:59I'll sign it.
00:11:01But don't regret it.
00:11:04Regret?
00:11:06Do I know who I am?
00:11:07Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:11I'm Eric Vanderbilt's daughter.
00:11:15Jared bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:20Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:23It's part of the power that I have.
00:11:28You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:31Social stratum matters.
00:11:34Yeah, social stratum does.
00:11:37It does matter.
00:11:39And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:42And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:47Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:50Now sign the papers and scram!
00:11:56You owe me.
00:11:58You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:00Ah!
00:12:06You hit me.
00:12:10Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:13Get the fuck out!
00:12:28I don't need your penny money.
00:12:32We're finished.
00:12:34You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:37Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:40But I would like my ring back.
00:12:43Wow.
00:12:52Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:02And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:09Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:13It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:17Oh, it's just cheap glass.
00:13:20Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:22You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:28Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:33Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:40Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:43Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:48Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:06Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:11Fit?
00:14:12Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:16Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:19You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:23That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:42Angela Lockhart. I found you.
00:14:47Who is he?
00:14:49That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:14:52He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:14:59Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:01And he's your fiancé.
00:15:04What? What? My fiancé?
00:15:07The one and only.
00:15:10So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:15have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:27That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:33What is your name?
00:15:36What is she doing here?
00:15:41You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:15:48Divorced?
00:15:50That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be.
00:15:56Sterling.
00:15:59So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:02Guess she's not just a forsaken woman. She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:10How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:14Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:17Do you know who I...
00:16:19They don't know who you are.
00:16:22You hide it well.
00:16:24X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:29Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:33Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then tonight you forgot to bring the security team.
00:16:46Mind if I borrow your men?
00:16:49No, I'm good.
00:16:53Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:16:56You bitch. I'll have my son teach you a lesson.
00:17:03A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:07No.
00:17:15Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:18You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:24Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:26Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:32I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project. It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:39Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:17:43Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:17:46Vanderbilt and Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:17:49So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:17:53Thank you, Mr. Manning.
00:17:54Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:17:58Yes. I heard they're a very important, powerful guest. Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:06Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:15I'll do my best.
00:18:17I'll do my best.
00:18:23Excuse me. A second, gentlemen.
00:18:26What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:30How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:33A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here? You sleep your way in?
00:18:39I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me. Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:18:44Don't flatter yourself.
00:18:49This is your ex-husband?
00:18:53Unfolded when you married him?
00:18:55Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:18:59Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:03That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:08They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:18I'm sorry.
00:19:20I'm sorry.
00:19:22I'm sorry.
00:19:24I'm sorry.
00:19:25I'm sorry.
00:19:34You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:39Get your hands off of her.
00:19:45My lady.
00:19:55My queen.
00:20:07It's...
00:20:09It's him!
00:20:11He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:15Who are these peasants?
00:20:17These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:20:22Oh, shut up.
00:20:23You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:27Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:29That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:31You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:34His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:20:38This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:20:42Vanderbilt.
00:20:44The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:20:48who only knows how to crawl her way out of the house.
00:20:50Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:20:52Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:20:56That's the Lee Vanderbilt family.
00:21:05Oh, goddammit.
00:21:07Stomachache now?
00:21:12Whatever.
00:21:14Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:21How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:24I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:26the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:29I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:34And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:21:38Not with me around.
00:21:40I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with Deezer.
00:21:44Deezer.
00:21:46Deezer.
00:21:47I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with Deezer.
00:21:51You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:21:56You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:21:58I've had enough of your games.
00:22:00Security.
00:22:02Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:04Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:08You got new money here.
00:22:11I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:14Yes, my queen.
00:22:16You're all despicable.
00:22:19An insult to your family names.
00:22:24Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:27Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:30Call business ties.
00:22:32And if you don't,
00:22:35I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:22:40I knew it.
00:22:42You're here to fuck with me.
00:22:43You can't fool anyone here.
00:22:45How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:22:49You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:22:53You have nothing.
00:22:55And you will always be nothing.
00:22:57She's a gold digger.
00:23:00Gold digger.
00:23:02Gigolo.
00:23:04Want to try me for a night?
00:23:06Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:08Mr. Vanderbilt, we can keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:10They might upset Ms. Ellen Musk and her special guest, Angela Lockhart, her ex-wife.
00:23:15She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:18Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:20Security!
00:23:25Security!
00:23:27You all don't say you actually all work for me.
00:23:30And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:32You!
00:23:34Insolent fools.
00:23:37Let me guess, you're that special guest?
00:23:41I don't know.
00:23:43Throw them out!
00:23:45And not without some broken bones, too.
00:23:53Back to our mess.
00:23:58I got this.
00:24:10I got this.
00:24:26What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:28I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:30No, you're supposed to make sure Ms. Lockhart is okay.
00:24:33Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:24:41Angela!
00:24:43Don't hurt her!
00:24:45You bitch.
00:24:47You just threw yourself at me.
00:24:49How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:24:51Boss?
00:24:53Did she say her boss?
00:24:55Ms. Musk?
00:24:57That's Ellen Musk?
00:24:59That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:01My boss and sole heiress to Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:03Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:06Past the American Revolution?
00:25:08Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:10If she's your boss,
00:25:12then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:14That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:16She's royalty.
00:25:18And since you're all subsidiaries,
00:25:20she's your boss's boss.
00:25:22What the hell did you do?
00:25:24Kneel!
00:25:26Oh, your majesty.
00:25:28Welcome to the United States.
00:25:30We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:25:32Yes, your highness.
00:25:34Is it a queen or princess?
00:25:36It doesn't matter.
00:25:37My queen,
00:25:39please forgive our insolence.
00:25:41We didn't mean to offend.
00:25:43Hey, what are you doing, you idiot?
00:25:45Let go of the boss lady
00:25:47and beg for forgiveness!
00:25:57What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:08She's a badass herself.
00:26:10He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:12You!
00:26:14You!
00:26:16You told me your wife was a Hitler.
00:26:18Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag.
00:26:20No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:22I worked hard for everything.
00:26:24You worked for everything?
00:26:32I'm sorry.
00:26:34I'm sorry.
00:26:36Hi, honey.
00:26:38So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:26:41and I thought that maybe we can do something special.
00:26:44I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:26:46I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet project
00:26:49and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:26:59You were nothing before me.
00:27:02All your achievements,
00:27:03all your glory,
00:27:05that's all mine!
00:27:07Including the Maple Closet contract.
00:27:10I can take all of that away.
00:27:13Just like that.
00:27:15No, you can't take that away!
00:27:17That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to nobody.
00:27:20Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:23Yeah, I feel you.
00:27:25It was Queen Victoria's
00:27:27and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:27:34Oh, no.
00:27:36I gave you back the ring?
00:27:38I divorced a royal heiress?
00:27:41No, no, please, no!
00:27:44No, please take me back, baby!
00:27:46I still love you!
00:27:50Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:27:53No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:27:56God, these two again.
00:27:58Did he say...
00:28:00Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:02President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:04After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:06each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:10the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:12Bloody buffoons know your history!
00:28:14Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:16I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:28:18then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:20And that there is,
00:28:22that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:28:26He's Dr. House's protege!
00:28:28Dr. House?
00:28:30I thought that was just a TV show.
00:28:32Oh, no, that's based on real figures.
00:28:34Yep, that's me.
00:28:36Son of James House.
00:28:38Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:28:40I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:28:42when I was just 12 years old.
00:28:44So he's basically my uncle.
00:28:46He's my uncle.
00:28:47I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:28:49when I was just 12 years old.
00:28:51So he's been off crying himself a waterfall
00:28:53somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 months.
00:28:56And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:28:58and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:03Hey, Ellen.
00:29:05Who are these weebs and why are they here?
00:29:07Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:10What?
00:29:12Fiancées?
00:29:14Plural?
00:29:15Watch it, nerds!
00:29:17I'm her fiancée!
00:29:19No, I'm her fiancée!
00:29:21You can both shut up!
00:29:23I'm her fiancée!
00:29:25It's you!
00:29:27It's me!
00:29:29Who the hell is he?
00:29:31I'm Spider-Man.
00:29:33How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:29:35Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:29:37but I didn't tell you
00:29:39because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:29:41She has three badass fiancées
00:29:42and she marries his dumb ass.
00:29:46Whatever.
00:29:48Since you're all here,
00:29:50help me finish him.
00:29:53Since you're all here,
00:29:55help me finish him.
00:29:58At your service!
00:30:00Me too.
00:30:06One down, two more to go.
00:30:08She's become queen!
00:30:10Bishop to G,
00:30:12A4.
00:30:16Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:30:18What is that?
00:30:20The most German-fest
00:30:22in water in the Nile River.
00:30:26Rook to A8.
00:30:32Hello?
00:30:35I thought I was king!
00:30:37No, you wish.
00:30:39The king doesn't do anything,
00:30:40but Alan can be my king.
00:30:42Oh, fine.
00:30:46Bankrupt to four,
00:30:48it's right this second.
00:30:53I...
00:30:55I've been bankrupt!
00:30:57No!
00:30:59Who is he?
00:31:05I've been bankrupt!
00:31:07No!
00:31:08I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:10from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:12Well, guess what?
00:31:14Game over.
00:31:16All right, boys,
00:31:18let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:20Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:22Wait for me!
00:31:24Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:31:34Angela!
00:31:36You already have three fiancés?
00:31:39You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:31:41I want compensation.
00:31:45You greedy SOB.
00:31:47Who the fuck is that?
00:31:49My ex-husband.
00:31:51You were married?
00:31:53Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:31:55then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:31:57More for me.
00:31:59No, no, of course not.
00:32:01Just...
00:32:03Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:05Fuck!
00:32:07I can make him decide my choice.
00:32:09All evidence of your past with him.
00:32:11What?
00:32:13Is there something on my face?
00:32:15Uh, yeah.
00:32:17Murderous intent.
00:32:19Let's remarry.
00:32:21Let's remarry.
00:32:23You still don't realize.
00:32:25I only fell in love with you,
00:32:27saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:32:35Fuck.
00:32:50Sir, it's an emergency.
00:32:52We need to wreck right away.
00:32:54Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:32:56are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:32:58Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:02She should be okay now.
00:33:06Hey, you!
00:33:08Watch over here.
00:33:10I'll be right back.
00:33:18You saved me.
00:33:22Fuck.
00:33:24I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:27Fuck.
00:33:29I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:31You've cheated on me,
00:33:33you've hit me,
00:33:35you've insulted me.
00:33:37And after all,
00:33:39I never want to see you again.
00:33:41I fucking hate you.
00:33:43Lady Lockhart.
00:33:45What?
00:33:46What now?
00:33:48Yes, we understand that you are
00:33:50a very busy person,
00:33:52but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:33:54the Maple Plaza project...
00:33:56How about us three?
00:33:58Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:34:00we won't turn on you.
00:34:02Yeah, no.
00:34:03Okay.
00:34:05This is your fault!
00:34:07We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:09No, no.
00:34:11We made our decisions
00:34:13with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:15How can that be?
00:34:17I'll get you for this!
00:34:24I never should have listened to you.
00:34:26I'm ruined because of you!
00:34:34So,
00:34:36what's the situation here?
00:34:38I don't want to marry you!
00:34:48I don't want to marry you!
00:34:51Listen,
00:34:53I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:34:56and I'm not interested in flying.
00:34:58I don't want to marry you!
00:35:00I don't want to marry you!
00:35:01I only met you a few hours ago,
00:35:03and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:05What if I told you
00:35:07that we've known each other for much longer
00:35:09than just a few hours?
00:35:11Longer?
00:35:14Angela?
00:35:16Your parents would like to have a video call
00:35:18with all of you.
00:35:22My lovely princess, how are you?
00:35:25Look, your mother and I are in Italy!
00:35:27The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:35:29Perfect for a wedding, you say?
00:35:31I heard you finally divorced
00:35:33that good-for-nothing,
00:35:35blood-sucking,
00:35:37three-letter husband of yours.
00:35:39Can't call his name, but...
00:35:41Anyway, congratulations!
00:35:43I've selected three prime young men
00:35:45for you to choose from
00:35:47to replace him.
00:35:49You must pick one of them to marry,
00:35:51otherwise...
00:35:53Let me do it.
00:35:55You must choose one of them
00:35:57in seven days,
00:35:59or we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:01Mom!
00:36:03Alright honey, that's it.
00:36:05Bye!
00:36:10So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:14Well,
00:36:16what if I want all three of you?
00:36:19Well,
00:36:21what if I want all three of you?
00:36:25That seems greedy.
00:36:30But,
00:36:32I can always remove the other twops.
00:36:35Hey,
00:36:37I may be dirty,
00:36:39but I can take lives too.
00:36:41I know and have access
00:36:43to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:36:45Whoa, okay.
00:36:47No murder, please.
00:36:49I was just kidding.
00:36:51You have seven days to win her over.
00:36:53Ooh,
00:36:55it's like The Bachelorette.
00:36:57I know.
00:37:00Welcome to the show,
00:37:02The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:04Today,
00:37:06we have our first challenge.
00:37:09What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:12You'll see.
00:37:20Oh my god, oh my god,
00:37:22cockroaches!
00:37:24All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:37:26and it is every man's job
00:37:27to remove their beloved woman
00:37:29from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:37:31What will our three candidates do
00:37:33to prove their undying love
00:37:35for our single lady,
00:37:37but screaming her head off heiress?
00:37:46Looks like one of our contestants
00:37:48is already gone.
00:37:50It's up to the final two.
00:37:57Oh my god.
00:38:13It's crunchy.
00:38:15That is sick cold.
00:38:17Hey, when you're stranded
00:38:19in the middle of the battlefield,
00:38:21you'll be glad to see one of these.
00:38:23They're left.
00:38:25Want to try one?
00:38:28Oh my god, save me.
00:38:30Save you? You're going to save me!
00:38:34I'm a German folk doctor.
00:38:36These hands can't get germs on them.
00:38:38They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:38:54Thank god you're here.
00:38:58Are you alright, honey?
00:39:00Angela!
00:39:04Alright, you won the first challenge,
00:39:06so you're a reward.
00:39:08You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:10Just don't cross the line,
00:39:12if you know what I mean.
00:39:14I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:39:16You have nothing to worry about.
00:39:20Honestly, even if you cook,
00:39:22it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:39:24At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:39:25I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:39:30The cockroaches!
00:39:32They're gone, they're gone.
00:39:34In this room, except you and me, okay?
00:39:36I'm going to kill Ellen
00:39:38when I see her tomorrow.
00:39:42I need a drink.
00:39:51Whoa, easy!
00:39:53You're on an empty stomach.
00:39:55Why do you care?
00:39:57I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:02You guys were right.
00:40:04I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:07You know,
00:40:09I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:40:13He never even loved me.
00:40:15And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:40:21Do you really think that you would still be number one
00:40:23on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:40:29You may not be number one on Forbes list,
00:40:31but you know what your number one did?
00:40:37Your number one here.
00:40:44You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:40:47Lies.
00:40:50You all just want something from me.
00:40:54Angela,
00:40:57I know it's hard to trust again,
00:41:00but I assure you,
00:41:02I don't care what family you're from.
00:41:07I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:41:09I don't need your power,
00:41:11your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:41:16I just need you.
00:41:20I'll prove myself to you.
00:41:22I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:41:25I promise.
00:41:36Screw the contest.
00:41:38I deserve.
00:41:41Angela,
00:41:43you're drunk.
00:41:45I'm an adult.
00:41:46Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:41:48Okay.
00:41:52But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:41:56Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:08This is what you want.
00:42:22I love you.
00:42:36Nine inch penis.
00:42:38Morning to you too.
00:42:40You sure you were drunk last night?
00:42:43A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:42:49Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:42:51But don't tell Shane or Cole,
00:42:54because then they would...
00:42:56Say that you were being unfair?
00:42:58Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:01I won the first challenge,
00:43:03and according to Ellen,
00:43:05my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:43:08Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:43:14You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:43:18Stop.
00:43:21Fine, fine, fine.
00:43:25I won't tell.
00:43:28On one condition.
00:43:31I won't tell.
00:43:34But only on one condition.
00:43:36You have to go out on a date with me.
00:43:39Fine.
00:43:43I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:43:47You never noticed me.
00:43:52You should get dressed and get...
00:43:55Before anyone sees you.
00:43:58It's only 7am.
00:44:00She's still sleeping.
00:44:01I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:02Yeah, I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for another second.
00:44:08Morning, gentlemen.
00:44:10Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:44:12Oh, don't mind him.
00:44:14What's up, guys?
00:44:16We're ready for the second challenge.
00:44:18No cockroaches this time.
00:44:19Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:44:21That was my bad, Angela.
00:44:23This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:44:25I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:44:27The second challenge is...
00:44:29The second challenge is...
00:44:31A date.
00:44:32Elaine, I should have asked for something else.
00:44:34A date?
00:44:36That's it.
00:44:37What's the catch?
00:44:38No catch.
00:44:39Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:44:42As simple as that.
00:44:43I know what I want to do.
00:44:44Let's start with me first.
00:44:45Okay.
00:44:46Who's up first, then?
00:44:47Me.
00:44:48Save the best for last.
00:44:50Night, Angela.
00:44:52Then it's decided.
00:44:56Please don't take my BMW away!
00:44:59Too bad.
00:45:01You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:03I have nothing left!
00:45:13It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:18It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:28Do you know Eisenhower, sir?
00:45:30At ease, Lieutenant!
00:45:32He also manages this boxing gym.
00:45:34Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:45:36He's so serious.
00:45:38But, hang on.
00:45:40Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:45:43Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date
00:45:45so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:45:47Guns? Like, murder weapons?
00:45:50Yes.
00:45:52Murder weapons.
00:46:11You like my guns, babe?
00:46:13Pretty rock hard.
00:46:14Yeah.
00:46:16Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:46:18Lieutenant!
00:46:19Come close!
00:46:21Wait!
00:46:22You're just going to hit him like that?
00:46:23He's not even going to fight back?
00:46:25Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:46:27Treason?
00:46:28You guys are way too serious.
00:46:31Look, you rock hard bitch!
00:46:32I caught you!
00:46:33If I'm going down,
00:46:34you're all going down with me!
00:46:36Lieutenant,
00:46:37here's your attack!
00:46:46Ah!
00:46:49You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:46:53I will make you pay!
00:46:56If you don't need to keep beating him up,
00:46:58we could just take him to the cops.
00:47:00Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:47:08Zoe's a bit violent.
00:47:10Some might call it being protective.
00:47:12Poor anger issues.
00:47:13What if we married
00:47:14and I forget to use a coaster
00:47:15on an antique table or something?
00:47:17Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:47:20Hey, some girls are into that.
00:47:22I don't know if I am.
00:47:25Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:47:30Your date with Shane starts now.
00:47:35Hey.
00:47:37Hey.
00:47:38Cool ride.
00:47:40A gift from the Chancellor just arrived.
00:47:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:47:43when I saved his wife.
00:47:44Impressive.
00:47:48Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:47:51Refreshing.
00:47:53Cool mint, too.
00:47:55Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:47:58What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:48:01Fruit-flavored gum.
00:48:02I can't stand those.
00:48:04So, where did you...
00:48:05Let me show you.
00:48:12Dr. Wilson!
00:48:15Our VIP of VIPs!
00:48:17Right this way.
00:48:18VIP of VIPs?
00:48:20Just some other guy I saved.
00:48:22I forget who.
00:48:23You saved a lot of people.
00:48:25I do what I can.
00:48:27Oh, my gosh.
00:48:29It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:48:30who just got dumped by her husband.
00:48:33Sandra Miller.
00:48:35What are you doing here?
00:48:36I just thought this was for the
00:48:37VIP of VIPs.
00:48:39Your mother-in-law told me
00:48:40all about the divorce
00:48:41and how you hired some gigolo
00:48:42to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:48:46How low of you.
00:48:48What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:48:50Of course your bird-brain wouldn't remember.
00:48:52I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces
00:48:54so high-end,
00:48:55you couldn't even afford
00:48:56even a few soldier organs.
00:48:59The auction begins.
00:49:01I'll deal with you later.
00:49:04Here, I'll just be outside.
00:49:10Cameron,
00:49:12I have a task for you.
00:49:15Our next piece is
00:49:16absolutely extraordinary.
00:49:19Cleopatra's armband.
00:49:21Sold by our vendor,
00:49:23Sandra Miller.
00:49:24Five million dollars.
00:49:27Excuse me.
00:49:29I'd like to donate this to auction.
00:49:31It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:49:34I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:49:36It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:49:38What are you doing?
00:49:39Just watch.
00:49:46That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:49:48Please.
00:49:49I'm an expert in not to fake.
00:49:51She probably got it
00:49:52at the flea market she works at.
00:49:54You work at a flea market?
00:49:56Not this again.
00:49:57Cut the bullshit.
00:49:58That wouldn't even be five dollars.
00:50:00Oh yeah?
00:50:01Here, you want it?
00:50:02For free.
00:50:03Ew!
00:50:04I don't want that trash
00:50:05from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:50:07Well,
00:50:08that's too bad then
00:50:09because you are the fraud.
00:50:13What are you talking about?
00:50:14And who the hell are you
00:50:15to accuse me?
00:50:16Throw them out!
00:50:18Dr. Wilson,
00:50:19I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:50:21but we're professionals.
00:50:23Oh yeah?
00:50:24And that armband
00:50:25sells for five million dollars?
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:29Mine is the real thing.
00:50:30You two are just upset
00:50:31because you're too
00:50:32poor
00:50:33to afford our luxury items.
00:50:36Why is that so?
00:50:37When a so-called expert
00:50:38failed to recognize
00:50:39Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:50:42Dear Lord,
00:50:44this is real.
00:50:46It's authentic.
00:50:47It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:53Karen,
00:50:54what have you found?
00:50:55Yeah,
00:50:56that picture of Cleopatra's
00:50:57armband you sent me,
00:50:58it's a replica.
00:51:01They had the same one
00:51:02right here at the flea market.
00:51:04So,
00:51:06you're the fraud.
00:51:08So you just went to the flea market
00:51:09so you can buy suits?
00:51:11And Cameron,
00:51:12how much are these fakes
00:51:13being sold for?
00:51:14One fifty.
00:51:16Wow.
00:51:17Not even five dollars.
00:51:19Sandra.
00:51:20You've been
00:51:21duping us
00:51:22the whole time?
00:51:23Arrest her!
00:51:25No!
00:51:26Please!
00:51:27Even just this one time!
00:51:28Please!
00:51:29What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:51:31Uh,
00:51:32investigating lead poisoning
00:51:33from cheap jewelry
00:51:34for the Emperor of Japan.
00:51:35Bye!
00:51:36Blacklist her
00:51:37from the jewelry industry
00:51:38forever.
00:51:47I had a really
00:51:48great time tonight.
00:51:49Me too.
00:51:51May I
00:51:52have a kiss?
00:52:06Something wrong?
00:52:07Do you always
00:52:08have gum in your mouth?
00:52:15Yep.
00:52:16You never have to worry
00:52:17about stinky breath from me.
00:52:26Ha!
00:52:28You
00:52:29owe us
00:52:30a bunch of money.
00:52:32I don't have
00:52:33any money.
00:52:34How did you pay
00:52:35for this hotel then?
00:52:37I guess
00:52:38you'll only pay up
00:52:41if I break
00:52:42your other leg.
00:52:43Stop!
00:52:51I had a really
00:52:52great time tonight.
00:52:54Me too.
00:52:55May I
00:52:56have a kiss?
00:53:04Ha!
00:53:05You
00:53:06owe us
00:53:07a bunch of money.
00:53:08I guess
00:53:10you'll only pay up
00:53:11if I break
00:53:12your other leg.
00:53:14I don't have
00:53:15any money.
00:53:17You owe us
00:53:18a bunch of money.
00:53:19Yeah.
00:53:20I get it.
00:53:21I'll pay up.
00:53:23I'll pay up.
00:53:25I told you
00:53:27I don't need
00:53:28any money.
00:53:29You don't
00:53:31have to worry
00:53:32about stinky breath
00:53:33You owe us a bunch of money.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:42I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:49Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:57Mr. Buffett.
00:53:58Mr. Buffett.
00:54:03This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:05That's right.
00:54:06This must be given to you.
00:54:09I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:12I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:14No, no.
00:54:15Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:17It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:20Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:23And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us.
00:54:29Angela still loves me.
00:54:30She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:31She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:33Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:36We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:39I was jizzing up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:41and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:44It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:47Sure.
00:54:49I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:51I need anything.
00:54:52You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:54Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:57I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:07I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:10Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:14Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:16I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:18That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:20It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:23If he can't, then what?
00:55:25He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:26So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:30I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:32I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:42I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:45We should celebrate.
00:55:46You did?
00:55:48You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:50Skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:54And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:56Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:02What?
00:56:03You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:06Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:08Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:10You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:13It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:15I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:18I'm telling my dad.
00:56:19Fine, go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:22If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:25But if not, you can scram.
00:56:28Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:31Teach him a lesson.
00:56:32Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:34Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:38Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:40We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:42So do as he says.
00:56:44But, Dad...
00:56:49I'm sorry.
00:56:51Be your side piece.
00:56:53Good, I'm happy you've come around.
00:56:55Now, let's go celebrate.
00:57:00I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:04But that tongue action, though.
00:57:06Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:09Darling, we are in public.
00:57:11It's true.
00:57:12Oh, stomachache.
00:57:14Again?
00:57:15Oh, stomachache.
00:57:17Again?
00:57:18I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:19Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:21Okay.
00:57:23Devin's late.
00:57:25Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:28This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:33It's her.
00:57:34And she's alone.
00:57:35With no one to save her.
00:57:39You whore.
00:57:40You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:46Let me tell you.
00:57:48I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:55Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:57:59Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:02What? Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:58:05Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:08You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:10And my son just signed a $100,000 contract.
00:58:14He still got the contract?
00:58:16Hmm.
00:58:17Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:19Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:23Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:24Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:28Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:33You take my charity into my face as if it's your own.
00:58:38My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:40$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:43$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:46$5,000 to beat her.
00:58:51Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:58:54Ow! Hey!
00:58:57You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:03You! You!
00:59:05Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:09And now you have two more? What a whore.
00:59:12What a whore.
00:59:13What a whore.
00:59:14Yeah.
00:59:15And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:17What if she has an STD?
00:59:20Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD!
00:59:24Let's go.
00:59:25We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:27Hang on.
00:59:29What do you want?
00:59:30Green!
00:59:31I don't hit women.
00:59:33But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:37But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:39I said I don't...
00:59:41Oh God. He is a murderer.
00:59:43What if he murders me?
00:59:45Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:51We're not afraid of you.
00:59:53This isn't a war zone.
00:59:55You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequacy.
00:59:59I was just messing with him.
01:00:01Was he though?
01:00:03We're not afraid of you.
01:00:05Jared! You have to avenge us.
01:00:07Look at this slut.
01:00:08Look at this slut.
01:00:09She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:11She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:13Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:15I apologize for this scene.
01:00:17I'll talk to Potty Crashers immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:21Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:23Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:25The Potty Crashers.
01:00:29You have any idea who that is?
01:00:31That's my wife.
01:00:33We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:36That's right.
01:00:37I don't know your place.
01:00:38Shut up.
01:00:39She's cheating on you.
01:00:42I know your place. You're just a side piece.
01:00:44If I still want you, that is.
01:00:46Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:48This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:50You slap her for this whore?
01:00:52Mom!
01:00:53They really think they're something, huh?
01:00:55Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:00:59She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:02I only got the Maple Closet project.
01:01:04She gave it to me.
01:01:06What?
01:01:08You apologize right now.
01:01:10I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:17I'm sorry.
01:01:19No.
01:01:21This can't be.
01:01:23I made you divorce...
01:01:27Go home.
01:01:29You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:37I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:40Honey, I know you came here to my achievements.
01:01:43I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:46I didn't come here for you.
01:01:49I'm on a date.
01:01:51A date with two men at the same time?
01:01:54She really is a whore.
01:01:55Angela, please forgive me.
01:01:57I really do love you.
01:02:01Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:05Oh, Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:09Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:12We're too old for that.
01:02:14They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:16Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:22Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:25We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:28What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:30Where were you?
01:02:32Stomach issues.
01:02:34Again?
01:02:35Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:38We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again?
01:02:48Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make my share, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:02I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:04Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:06Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:03:10You want a chance?
01:03:12Angela, no.
01:03:13You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:16Don't take him back.
01:03:18I'll give you two choices.
01:03:22I'll give you two choices.
01:03:26Me or the cot.
01:03:28You're kidding me.
01:03:30No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:32If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:36But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:03:40The choice is all yours.
01:03:42That's a choice.
01:03:44You think so?
01:03:45He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:49Either way, he benefits.
01:03:51Why can't I have both?
01:03:53You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:55Angela, I saved you.
01:03:57Remember, I deserve the contract.
01:03:59Did you really?
01:04:04Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:07He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:09Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:12I choose the contract.
01:04:15I knew it.
01:04:16You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:19With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:23Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:26I will get you one day.
01:04:28Let me show you something.
01:04:40You saved me.
01:04:46You saved me.
01:04:48I'm sorry.
01:04:51If his lies led to you in three years of your life,
01:04:55but I promise you,
01:04:57I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:00No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:02I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:12Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:16What?
01:05:17Me?
01:05:18And Dr. Wilson, losing out to saving people?
01:05:21No way.
01:05:22You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:26You're crazy.
01:05:28And actually,
01:05:30they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:33What?
01:05:36Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:39Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:42Put it simply,
01:05:44they've been stealing from you.
01:05:46I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:49Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:51I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:54No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:05:57You like me to punish them for you.
01:05:59Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:02Max, you know what to do.
01:06:17The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:20All business ties have been severed.
01:06:22We're bankrupt!
01:06:28How did you do that?
01:06:30Who are you?
01:06:31And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:35I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:38I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:42I am...
01:06:44Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:46What did he say he was?
01:06:48That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:50You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:53Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:06:56See? You are number one at something.
01:06:58The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:01Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:03It's all about young money now.
01:07:05So, how about our date?
01:07:14I'm not letting them run up to him.
01:07:16I'll spy too.
01:07:30They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:33I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:07:36Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:39I think I'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:45What?
01:07:47Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:49The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:07:53Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:07:57No!
01:07:59I'm bankrupt!
01:08:01I need a little lock card.
01:08:03You tricked me!
01:08:10Allow me.
01:08:15I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:17I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:23Cheers.
01:08:25Cheers.
01:08:34This looks good.
01:08:40Did you use this?
01:08:42I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:47You can have all the money and power in the world.
01:08:50You still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:53I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:08:59Angela.
01:09:01Your future with me...
01:09:05is gonna be different.
01:09:07Come on.
01:09:09Upstairs.
01:09:13Come on.
01:09:27Mom.
01:09:29Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years.
01:09:34Just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:37Angela.
01:09:39I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:41Actually...
01:09:43I've also loved you for years.
01:09:45That's right.
01:09:47I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:49How is all of this possible?
01:09:52I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:09:55Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:09:59I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:02You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:06Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:12Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:20All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:27Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:31I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:35Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:37Angela!
01:10:39Feisty.
01:10:40I like her.
01:10:52How is he?
01:10:53It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:10:57Ashtaga saltifu.
01:10:59Can it be cured?
01:11:00I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:02It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:06Household salt.
01:11:15I like her.
01:11:17There you go.
01:11:20Time is up.
01:11:22Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:31I like her.
01:11:34We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:36So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:41I bare remember.
01:11:43Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:46Matthew Richards, the guy who attacked you out of revenge.
01:11:50You wouldn't have known.
01:11:51I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:11:53If that makes you feel any better.
01:11:55Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:11:57Yeah.
01:11:58Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:00Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:04Who will you pick?
01:12:10How can that be?
01:12:12Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:19Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:23Bankrupt?
01:12:24The Vanderbilt's gone bankrupt?
01:12:27Bankrupt?
01:12:28Well then, get out of here.
01:12:31You can't do this to me.
01:12:35Jared.
01:12:36Mom, it's me.
01:12:37What happened?
01:12:39Jared, I have reconsidered.
01:12:42Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:44You should get back with your wife.
01:12:46We're bankrupt.
01:12:47What?
01:12:51Jared Cooper.
01:12:54We're here to recompose your belongings.
01:12:58No one is going to save you now.
01:13:01Mom!
01:13:05What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:11Who will you pick?
01:13:15I...
01:13:20I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:22Fried chicken?
01:13:23Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:25Yeah, he's right.
01:13:26I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:28Sucking up last minute.
01:13:30At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:33Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:36Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:38I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:41I mean, Angela Lockhart, you know what I mean.
01:13:46Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:13:49which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:13:53Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:13:57Cole, the general?
01:14:01Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:06Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:10Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:14When she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:17made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:19and give it to our winner.
01:14:22Angela.
01:14:25Angela.
01:14:26Oh, I...
01:14:30I need more time to think.
01:14:36While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:39why don't we check in with the candidates?
01:14:41Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:14:44Let's start with Cole.
01:14:46Cole.
01:14:51There's not much to say.
01:14:53Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:14:55who has huge biceps,
01:14:57a massive chest,
01:15:00who would protect their wife?
01:15:04Okay, thank you.
01:15:06Uh, Shane?
01:15:09Muscles, money,
01:15:12they won't get you so far.
01:15:14You need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:16that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:19if you know what I mean.
01:15:23Okay, I think we do.
01:15:25And Devin.
01:15:28That was quite disgusting.
01:15:32I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:34I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:37a lot of choices to make,
01:15:39and she's my queen.
01:15:41I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:43And one more thing.
01:15:45What kind of a doctor
01:15:47brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:15:49That's a good point.
01:15:51It's bad for her heart.
01:15:53And then you!
01:15:55Well, you know what they say about military men.
01:15:58They beat their wives.
01:16:04Enough!
01:16:06Stand up!
01:16:09Hey, you guys.
01:16:11Whoa, break it up!
01:16:13Hey! Break it up!
01:16:18Cut to commercial!
01:16:20Cut to commercial!
01:16:22Cut to commercial!
01:16:38This is the hardest decision
01:16:40I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:16:43Who do I choose?
01:16:52Angela's marrying me!
01:16:54You're not stealing her from me.
01:16:56Oh, yeah? I may be a doctor,
01:16:58but like I said, I know and possess
01:17:00the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:05Well, don't you have a night code?
01:17:07Fruit flavored gum!
01:17:08I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:10I'll fight you then.
01:17:12Don't forget about me.
01:17:14It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:18These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:22They do not help.
01:17:24Who made these?
01:17:43It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:48I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:17:51I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:09We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:18This battle within our heads
01:18:20is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:22I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:24if they decide to team up.
01:18:26Hmm...
01:18:27Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:34You know,
01:18:36I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:38Really?
01:18:39I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it,
01:18:42so I appreciate that.
01:18:44And you know,
01:18:45Cool,
01:18:46I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:18:49Really?
01:18:50Yeah.
01:18:54What do you got for me?
01:18:55I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:18:59Yeah?
01:19:00It's fresh, right?
01:19:01Yeah, yeah.
01:19:04You know, you're actually a really good talker.
01:19:06Yeah, yeah.
01:19:07Actually, you know,
01:19:08if you need me to look at you,
01:19:09I can look at you.
01:19:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:12Hey, you know,
01:19:13if you need me to look at you,
01:19:14I can look at you.
01:19:16Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:18Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:20It was Jared Cooper!
01:19:22That fucker!
01:19:24We have to find her.
01:19:25What, how?
01:19:26Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:19:28on her ring just in case.
01:19:30Well, let's go then!
01:19:31Wait, whoa!
01:19:32My fiancé!
01:19:33My fiancé!
01:19:39Jared...
01:19:43What am I doing here?
01:19:46You destroyed me.
01:19:49You took everything.
01:19:52What?
01:19:53I have nothing left.
01:19:55It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:19:58I wasn't greedy.
01:20:00I had sex with my wife.
01:20:02What?
01:20:03I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:05Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:06You wouldn't take me back now,
01:20:07not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:09This is illegal!
01:20:10You wouldn't want your child
01:20:11to be away from its father
01:20:12and be arrested.
01:20:14You will take me back.
01:20:17Ow!
01:20:18Come on, bitch!
01:20:21I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:31You will be begging me to fuck you soon!
01:20:36Hey!
01:20:38Angela!
01:20:39Come here!
01:20:42You're too late!
01:20:44I drugged her.
01:20:45She'll be doing the looks.
01:20:46You done yet?
01:20:47Have you forgotten who I am?
01:20:49She really does have everything in this culture.
01:20:51Everything except for fruit.
01:20:52Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:20:53We get it already.
01:20:54Just save my boss!
01:20:57Here you go.
01:21:03You're all good now.
01:21:05Oh, thank God.
01:21:07But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:09What?
01:21:10What are you going to do to me?
01:21:12Hey, stop!
01:21:13No, don't!
01:21:15Ow!
01:21:16Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:23Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:25Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:33So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:35We've invited the most important figures of the world
01:21:37to your wedding.
01:21:38The Prince of Bhutan?
01:21:40And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:21:48Welcome back to the finale of
01:21:50The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:21:53We're down to air.
01:21:54Literally.
01:21:55The wedding day.
01:21:56But who's the groom?
01:22:09Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:11The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:14But who's the groom?
01:22:17Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:22Any input from the parents?
01:22:24Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:27Well, this is exciting.
01:22:29Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:32Let me think.
01:22:35I like the doctor.
01:22:37He's cute.
01:22:40But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:22:44And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:22:46the one who's loved her the longest.
01:22:48Isn't that right, Devon?
01:22:50Angela.
01:22:56You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:02And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:06But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:10And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:14And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:23I'm just kidding.
01:23:24I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:27Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:23:31I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:23:33They've all proven their undying love.
01:23:36Who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:23:39Literally.
01:23:42Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:23:46general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:23:50Mr. Cole Eisenhower.
01:23:52Or, the fun, wicked minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson.
01:24:06Last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all.
01:24:11The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:16Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:21That has made the best man win.
01:24:24Made the best man win.
01:24:27Drum roll please.
01:24:42Daringly, Ricky.
01:24:46I choose...
01:25:01I need a powerful, strong man who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:07Who could resist those guns?
01:25:12Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:25:14I'd like a full-body checkup.
01:25:29Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:25:33You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:25:38It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:25:41Ellen, be my new queen.
01:25:42Think of what we could build together.
01:25:44Guns, babe.
01:25:57It's always been you.
01:26:07I'll always love you.
01:26:09Let's give it nine inches, everybody.
01:26:13Ellen, would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:15Have you seen my murder weapon?
01:26:16I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:26:38I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:39I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:40I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:41I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:42I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:43I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:44I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:45I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:46I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:47I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:48I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:49I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:50I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:51I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:52I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:53I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:54I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:55I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:56I need a full-body checkup.
01:26:57I need a full-body checkup.