Ало Ало 2 Епизод 2 (2001)
Transcript
00:00In my face you see a careful man, don't be fooled by my looks, I am a careful man.
00:31I am not afraid of the Gestapo, I am not afraid of the Germans, I am not afraid of the French resistance.
00:38But my wife, she scares the hell out of me.
00:42My money just flows through her fingers.
00:45This is because I know you have been paying attention.
00:49You know I was shot and now I am the twin brother of the late wife.
00:56And do you know what worries me the most?
00:59I may have to marry her again to get my money back.
01:04Do you know what these flowers are for?
01:07I am going to marry her again.
01:09Because the most unexpected thing is that I found rivals.
01:12Apparently every man in the village who is not a scoundrel has a crush on my restaurant.
01:16Even if he has to marry the dirty cuckold.
01:22Just look at her, I am obviously terribly rich.
01:28My God, it's not going to be easy.
01:31I must be crazy about money.
01:33How much is there in the wallet?
01:38Obviously it's expensive.
01:40Come on now.
01:42Edith!
01:44Edith dear, drop the broom and come here for a moment, please.
01:47I have a lot of work, we'll open soon.
01:50This is more important.
01:52Come here.
01:56What?
01:58These flowers are for you.
02:00Can't you just drown them yourself?
02:03No my dear, they are for you.
02:06What have you come up with?
02:08I am not sweet.
02:10Are you thinking of stealing my money in the wallet?
02:13No my dear, they are for you because...
02:16I love you.
02:18Are you drunk?
02:21I have never been more sober.
02:23Don't you remember, Edith, how I gave you flowers when I was courting you?
02:28Oh my dear, I remember so well.
02:31You were such a romantic.
02:34And you always fell on your knees when you gave them to me.
02:37Really?
02:39And you swore that you would love me forever.
02:42And now you are swearing, dear Edith.
02:46My dear, fall on your knees again.
02:54Are you ready?
02:56Yes.
02:58I saw you yesterday at the square.
03:00My compliments.
03:02My visit.
03:04Pierre Legrand?
03:06Maestro Verhulas?
03:09Oh, you are so kind, but you are late.
03:11Another man is going to propose to me at any moment.
03:14Who?
03:16Me.
03:18Maybe I still have a chance, because I like men of this caliber.
03:21She doesn't like men of this caliber.
03:24But it was very kind of you to propose to me.
03:27If you don't want it, you won't get it.
03:30You see, you have been so much of a flirt all this time.
03:34Edith, let's put an end to this game.
03:37Let us tell him that we are getting married again,
03:40and things should go back to the way they were.
03:43No, I'm fine with it.
03:45So many men, so many proposals, I like it a lot.
03:49I have kids here.
03:50A whole team of men.
03:52I like it a lot.
03:54But Edith, that is for you to be a player in New England Rangers.
03:57And we promised to never tell anyone.
03:59Oh, no.
04:01He is going to get mad.
04:03Not now, Maria.
04:05No, Michelle is there.
04:07The other woman.
04:09What does she want?
04:11How do I know?
04:13Come on, you are a last man.
04:16Michelle.
04:18Michelle, where do you want to be?
04:20Now, listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself.
04:26I have good news. I have come to take the English students.
04:31I expect you will be delighted that they are leaving.
04:34You can say that again.
04:35I dare you to say it again.
04:40You will receive the detailed instructions by a secret messenger, disguised as a simple farmer.
04:46Why do I need other instructions? That's what the end goal was.
04:50You forget your status.
04:52Your restaurant is the headquarters of the organization that helps the English to escape.
04:57You hide explosives, send messages and organize sabotages.
05:01And all of this happens here?
05:04I hope you tell your candidates what you can do to get them involved.
05:08Anyway, they are like a bomb with a detonator.
05:10I hinted it to them.
05:12Doesn't that refuse them?
05:14No, they don't have the patience to start a fire.
05:19Edith, Yvette, Maria!
05:24Does no one hear my cries?
05:28Shut up, you stupid cuckold!
05:30Do you want to wake up the whole block? Get out!
05:38I am helpless and weak.
05:42I want to see my daughter married to a merciful God.
05:47To have an angel take her away from me.
05:52Oh my God! They are coming to take me!
05:57And you two?
06:00I am more important than I thought.
06:06Why is he wearing a candle?
06:09Because where you are going, it is dark.
06:13Don't scare me like that, mom.
06:15These are the candles, mom. We hid them while you were sleeping.
06:20I am confused.
06:22I can see the holy balls.
06:32Radio connection, quick!
06:38Oh my God!
06:44Hello, Nochten Jastreb, hello, Nochten Jastreb.
06:47Hello, hello, this is Nochten Jastreb.
06:49I can hear you loud and clear.
06:53Send the message, over.
06:55Don't count the holy balls.
06:59Don't count the holy balls, the book is reading.
07:01What does that mean?
07:03That means that we have been trying to contact you for three days, over.
07:09My wife's holy balls don't mean anything to my mother-in-law, over.
07:15Wait until we decrypt your message, so we can understand it.
07:20It means that my mother-in-law is a dirty whore,
07:23and doesn't understand the holy balls.
07:25Send your message, over.
07:28The wheelchair will take away the chosen ones.
07:32Even in heaven they know that my legs hurt.
07:37This means that a plane will come for the children tonight.
07:43Listen, boys, we'll take you on a plane tonight.
07:46Super!
07:47We're hanging up. One, two, and let's go back to the good old days.
07:50Golyankev!
07:55Herflik, what brings you here alone?
07:58The colonel and the captain are not here.
08:01I know.
08:02I observed through my powerful binoculars how you got out.
08:08Now I have work with you. Alone.
08:12Do you wish to kiss me?
08:13Not on duty. Thank you.
08:17Are you sure that we're alone?
08:20Absolutely, Herflik.
08:22I have something to show you.
08:32That was too quick, Herflik.
08:36I will do it more slowly.
08:44What did you see?
08:46An unusually big salam.
08:51Fine.
08:53This one contains the original of The Sinful Madonna by Van Klomp.
08:58This one is the falsification.
09:02The other falsification is that I made a very hot mess.
09:07This falsification, you will give it to colonel von Schroem,
09:11who will send it to the Führer in Berlin.
09:14But what if the Führer finds out it's a falsification?
09:17Then he will shoot the colonel.
09:20What about the original?
09:22You will hide it.
09:23Fine, Herflik, but where?
09:25You will give it to the owner of the restaurant, René.
09:28Tell him to hang it at the other salams in the kitchen.
09:31Tell him it's a Herflik from Gestapo,
09:34and no one will touch it.
09:38Are you sure?
09:40Absolutely.
09:41No one will dare to touch the salam of a Gestapo officer.
09:47And what about the third salam?
09:50This is for us.
09:51We will hang it tonight in the back of René's room.
09:56Oh, Herflik, it will be so romantic.
10:00Let's eat a salam of candles.
10:03We will have a French dinner.
10:07Herflik, I have an idea.
10:10How will he find out who is the Gestapo salam
10:14in the original of The Sinful Madonna by Van Klomp?
10:18How will he find out who is the Gestapo salam
10:21in the original of The Sinful Madonna by Van Klomp?
10:25Very simple.
10:27There will be a small swastika on my salam.
10:32I should have thought of that.
10:34You think of everything.
10:38May I kiss you now?
10:41Not with this salam in your hand.
10:44Ivette, have the people left?
10:48Half an hour ago.
10:50Michel said he will hide them in a safe place.
10:53And where is my wife?
10:55She went out again to take a walk on the city square.
10:59She didn't buy a new hat, did she?
11:02No.
11:03René, did you tell your wife that we will get married?
11:07No, Ivette.
11:09You see, the situation is complicated.
11:11What is complicated?
11:13Well,
11:15she can get married again to Edith
11:17to get back to the restaurant.
11:20René,
11:21if you do that,
11:23I will kill myself.
11:25Ivette,
11:26I will get married in a little while.
11:29Then I can
11:30kick her out of a cliff or something.
11:33Why don't you kick her out of a cliff or something now?
11:37Well, where would I find a cliff on the square?
11:41But, René,
11:42I love you so much.
11:44Ivette, you have dough on your hands.
11:54Oh, René.
11:57Kiss me.
11:58Kiss me.
12:04René, where are you?
12:07Maria,
12:08maybe she's peeing.
12:09Wait, what?
12:10Maybe she's peeing on my wife.
12:11But she's my best friend.
12:13So, even worse if she's peeing.
12:15Go and knead the dough.
12:16René?
12:18Look, Robert is waiting for you at the bar.
12:20He's bringing you a present.
12:22Since I'm an ERGEN,
12:23he's always bringing me presents.
12:32Ah, Monsieur René.
12:36I,
12:37I have a little surprise for you.
12:40It is
12:41Negev Palais
12:42from Paris.
12:43Where else is it from?
12:45It is a load
12:46of powder.
12:48It's very popular
12:49among the officers of the tank corps.
12:52I expect the tank to smell better than this.
12:56Exactly,
12:57because the worst thing is to squeeze
12:58a pile of burnt soldiers into the tank
13:00and the tank smells.
13:02Can you not leave the hatch open?
13:03We do,
13:04but we have to be very careful.
13:05Sometimes the enemy
13:06throws live grenades at us.
13:09The more of them we kill,
13:10the less we get.
13:13Oh,
13:14it's very strong.
13:16It's better on the skin.
13:22Momina Salza
13:25with a
13:26perfume of gasoline.
13:28Excuse me,
13:29I know it's a sanitary day
13:30and you don't have much time
13:33for yourself.
13:34Don't take it as a criticism,
13:35but
13:36your lipstick is wrong.
13:42René,
13:43come here,
13:44we want to talk.
13:46Yes?
13:47Yes.
13:48Sit down
13:49and listen.
13:54I understand that Helga
13:55told you about the salamis.
13:58They are hidden in those paintings.
14:00Don't worry, Hans.
14:01You can't find them
14:02even without that.
14:03The box is big.
14:04Yes,
14:05but
14:06Helga told me
14:07that there is
14:08a real salami,
14:09a fake salami
14:10and a salami
14:11for dinner,
14:12right?
14:13You put it together
14:14in a few words.
14:15Like a red salami.
14:17But Hans,
14:19we have three salamis
14:20altogether.
14:31Now,
14:32as far as I understand,
14:33this is the original
14:34because it has
14:35a little swastika
14:36on it.
14:38And now,
14:39one of these
14:40will bake it
14:42and the other
14:43is the fake one,
14:44which you will send
14:45to Hitler.
14:46Am I right?
14:47Almost.
14:49Helga has
14:50a brilliant plan.
14:52And that's why
14:53we included her
14:54in the action.
14:57The plan is as follows.
14:59This salami
15:00is baked
15:01for exactly
15:0222 and a half minutes
15:03otherwise you will
15:04ruin it.
15:06This salami,
15:07the real one,
15:08you will hide
15:09in your mosaic.
15:11On this salami
15:12with the fake one,
15:13we will put
15:14a little swastika
15:15and you will
15:16bake it in your kitchen
15:17as Herr Fleck
15:18ordered.
15:21And what are you
15:22going to send
15:23to Hitler?
15:24Now it's her.
15:25We are going to
15:26send to Hitler
15:27a fake salami.
15:28Hans,
15:31this is not
15:32a fake salami.
15:33This is
15:34an ordinary
15:35salami.
15:37An ordinary salami.
15:40And what is Hitler
15:41going to say
15:42when he gets
15:43an ordinary salami?
15:44That he won't
15:45make it.
15:46Someone is going
15:47to tell
15:48the enemy
15:49that a train
15:50is loaded
15:51with very important
15:52ammunition
15:53and the enemy
15:54is going to
15:55blow up the train.
15:56Who is going
15:57to talk
15:58to the enemy
15:59in such a bad mood?
16:00The man
16:01who is going
16:02to steal
16:03a Gestapo
16:04salami.
16:05Colonel,
16:06don't expect me
16:07to start
16:08talking.
16:09Don't argue
16:10that I will
16:11order you
16:12to be shot.
16:13Colonel,
16:14you can't order.
16:15I didn't do
16:16anything wrong.
16:17We are winning
16:18the war.
16:19I am a German
16:20officer.
16:21I can kill
16:22whoever I want.
16:23Come on,
16:24Helga,
16:25seal it.
16:27Excellent.
16:28Now,
16:29you will take
16:30this one
16:31and put it
16:32in the kitchen.
16:33And you will
16:34tell this one
16:35to bake it.
16:36Twenty-two
16:37minutes and a half.
16:38Yes,
16:39Colonel.
16:40René,
16:41hide this
16:42in your mosaic.
16:43Colonel,
16:44will you allow
16:45me to join
16:46you?
16:47I am lonely
16:48with these
16:49French girls.
16:50Of course,
16:51Lieutenant Gruber.
16:52I notice
16:53that you
16:54are a very
16:55generous
16:56man.
16:57I notice
16:58that there
16:59is a free
17:00place
17:01for René.
17:02We have
17:03finished
17:04talking,
17:05haven't we,
17:06René?
17:07Herflig.
17:08Herflig
17:09from
17:10Gestapo?
17:11Who else?
17:12Good
17:13evening,
17:14Colonel.
17:15Hi,
17:16Hitler.
17:17Hi,
17:18Hitler.
17:19Hi,
17:20Hitler.
17:21Have our
17:22food products
17:23gone
17:24to Berlin?
17:25Good.
17:26We
17:27have a
17:28reason
17:29to celebrate.
17:30The
17:31Gestapo
17:32will pay
17:33the wine.
17:34A
17:35rare case,
17:36Herflig.
17:37With
17:38the money
17:39from
17:40the
17:41Gestapo
17:42amusement
17:43fund.
17:44Even
17:45rare.
17:46Sit
17:47down
17:48and
17:49have
17:50fun.
17:51Hans,
17:52when Herflig
17:53sits
17:54at
17:55this
17:56table
17:57next
17:58to me,
17:59he
18:00never
18:01sees
18:02salami.
18:03Take
18:04it.
18:05It's
18:06cold
18:07and sticky.
18:08Go back.
18:09If he
18:10sees me
18:11holding
18:12this...
18:13Put it
18:14under
18:15the table.
18:16René.
18:17Yes.
18:18Give it
18:19to Lieutenant
18:20Gruber.
18:21Tell him
18:22he
18:23isn't
18:24allowed
18:25in.
18:26He
18:27can't
18:28drink
18:29alcohol.
18:30Lieutenant
18:31Gruber,
18:32do not
18:33say a
18:34word.
18:35Get
18:36your
18:37rubber
18:38lubricant
18:39down.
18:40Put
18:41it
18:42down.
18:43Good.
18:44Stop
18:45laughing!
18:46Come
18:47back.
18:48Come
18:49back!
18:50Stop
18:51We must keep this a secret from the Gestapo.
19:00You can count on me.
19:05Check this out.
19:09As Feldmarschall Göring would say, let's turn them around.
19:15Let's turn...
19:22Lieutenant Gruber, aren't you joining the party?
19:27Oh, I'm sorry, I was...
19:32Where have you been?
19:35Honey, are you late?
19:36Oh, I don't know.
19:38My flower is like a magician.
19:41The flowers are fresher, the grass is greener,
19:44I want to sing songs of love, hope and joy.
19:49Take off your hat and go wash your dishes.
19:53What do you want?
19:55Monsieur, I am a simple farmer.
19:59I drove Madame here on my tractor.
20:05I have a message for you.
20:08Come to the bar.
20:11Well, maybe for a simple farmer you won't have a horse.
20:16If you are a simple farmer, you have a simple taste.
20:20You can have a beer.
20:24It is me, Leclerc.
20:27Well, well.
20:29He's dressed like an idiot.
20:33You know what I'm going to say?
20:35What is that smell?
20:37I am a simple farmer.
20:40Michel made it more authentic.
20:43It is practically authentic.
20:50The message.
20:52The tractor will take the God-chosen,
20:56but they will be two.
20:58You will be in the herd of farmer Clotvedin.
21:02Don't forget to take a wind-resistant feather.
21:08Get back to the bar, Thor,
21:10and tell Michel that I'm not going anywhere.
21:13What is wrong with you?
21:15You are a coward.
21:17How could I, the widow Artois,
21:20marry such an idiot when my husband died for France?
21:24You are mistaken.
21:26I am the one who died for France.
21:29And I don't intend to die for France twice.
21:32Tell Michel that he will come.
21:36I'm going.
21:41They are not good for salami.
21:45I've never had such a big one.
21:50I'll stick mine in the marinade.
21:54That will bring him back to life.
22:03I'm going.
22:11You told me about the break-up last week.
22:15I have talked enough on duty this evening.
22:19I think I've had enough salami.
22:22Then René will wrap it around the dog.
22:25I don't have a dog.
22:27Then we'll throw it through the window of the service car.
22:30Let the French peasants fight for it.
22:35How funny.
22:37They are finished.
22:39Quickly, give them the note.
22:45Your note, Herr Flick.
22:47I will send it to the Gestapo headquarters.
22:50Yes, Herr Flick.
22:52Bring it to me personally.
22:54Alone.
22:56Yes, Herr Flick.
22:59They never drop off.
23:01Are you ready?
23:04At your command, Herr Flick.
23:06Then let's talk at home.
23:10At your place or at our place?
23:13You at your place, I at our place.
23:22Merci, Herr Flick.
23:25Good night, Herr Flick.
23:28Good night.
23:30Good night, Herr Flick.
23:32The girls are very sweet.
23:34Dressed like French servants.
23:36Merci, Herr Flick.
23:38They are very fashionable now.
23:40If you need their services...
23:43I do my own laundry.
23:45Hi, Hitler.
23:46Hi, Hitler.
23:48Yes.
23:52And Heil Himmler.
23:54And Goebbels.
23:56And Goebbels.
23:58Quick.
23:59Ready?
24:00Get out of the way.
24:11It's clear.
24:12Follow me.
24:25Give me a signal.
24:27What signal?
24:28It's the owl.
24:30Edith, I'm the owner of a restaurant.
24:32I can't imitate animals.
24:34All right, I'll make an owl.
24:42What sort of owl is that?
24:46Apparently, one that the bird up there doesn't like.
24:50A pretty weak bird.
24:59Don't move.
25:01I have four axes.
25:04There are no cavaliers to help us today.
25:08Walk by yourself.
25:15Hand them out.
25:21What are we going to do with them?
25:23Cover yourself with them.
25:26No.
25:27It's going to spread to the pickers.
25:29If they stop you, you're going to tell them you're going to pick the owls for the restaurant.
25:34Ah.
25:35This is very clever.
25:36The pickers pick the owls best at night.
25:39Give them the pistols.
25:44They're loaded, but they're stuck.
25:50Why do we need the pistols?
25:52The owls are not going to resist.
25:55If the Germans find out you're helping the English to escape, you'll have to clear your way.
26:00Where are the pilots?
26:01They are hidden in a safe place, behind me.
26:04Ah, yes.
26:15Thank you for letting me send you, Herr Flick.
26:18Just in time.
26:20Your hair is going to get wet.
26:26Step forward, under my Gestapo hat.
26:38While I'm here, would you like a kiss?
26:41Very well.
26:43Just a quick flirt.
26:51I find it very exciting to kiss you while the natural elements are rising.
26:57Of course.
27:09We are going to get wet.
27:11Woman!
27:13Follow me.
27:20What are you doing here?
27:22This is me, Leucler.
27:24I am disguised as an ordinary farmer.
27:28You looked the same when you were disguised as a farmer.
27:32What are we going to do, sir?
27:34There's no one here.
27:36Where are the pilots?
27:37I shall lead you to them.
27:40This is Nadia.
27:42She's a doctor.
27:44She's a doctor?
27:46Yes.
27:48This is Nadia.
27:51This is Clodette.
27:55This is Sophia.
27:59Brigitte.
28:02And this is the officer from the Air Force, Fairfax.
28:06Hello.
28:11What is he doing here?
28:14He's waiting to be evacuated.
28:16Where is Clodette?
28:17Where is Clodette?
28:18I am in charge of the milk bar.
28:20I am in charge of the milk bar.
28:21In the back end.
28:23I can barely see his name.
28:26That is where my domestic gloves were.
28:29If I may ask, what are we all looking for here?
28:32The plane will be here in ten minutes.
28:34It will take us to the other end of the mountain, from there to the road.
28:37The road is being watched by the Germans.
28:39If we run into them, they will notice us.
28:42The Germans will notice us in six sizes and a herd of cows.
28:46Are you trying to tell me that the Germans won't notice us in this cow?
28:52Not when it's among the others.
28:54Monsieur Leclerc, it's time.
28:56You and the cow-driver have to drive the cows.
29:13What's going on?
29:15I can't see anything.
29:17Use your nose.
29:20What do we do now?
29:22We go to the meadow for mushrooms.
29:25Which way is the meadow?
29:27Follow the cows.
29:31Look, Edith, I have a mushroom.
29:35That's a fly.
29:38Hey, Fairfax.
29:40What's the matter?
29:42I've just stepped in something.
29:45Not mine.