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00:00:00Gentlemen, can you all see my baton?
00:00:18Yes!
00:00:19Sir, the Estradista's in the way.
00:00:49Good to see you.
00:01:19Good to see you.
00:01:49Good to see you.
00:02:19Keep clear of the wheels. I'm disengaging the brake.
00:02:38Now, keep clear, won't you, madam?
00:02:40Now, please...
00:02:42Goodbye, and thank you for coming.
00:02:57What do you want?
00:03:01What is it, Buller?
00:03:03A lot of people to see you, sir.
00:03:05I don't like the look of them.
00:03:07Look like a lot of nosy parkers to me.
00:03:10You come to make inquiries regarding...
00:03:12Yes, yes, I did have an appointment.
00:03:15You never told me.
00:03:17You must have forgotten, Buller.
00:03:18I never forget nothing.
00:03:20All right, get to your room.
00:03:23Don't say I didn't warn you.
00:03:29Buller is getting a little old, but then, aren't we all?
00:03:34It was my eldest son's wedding today.
00:03:38I finally wrung a consent out of Dulcy Grimstone.
00:03:42You may have read about it.
00:03:44It was an extremely fashionable wedding.
00:03:46Thank you so much.
00:03:48Goodbye, Mrs...
00:03:49It's been simply delightful.
00:03:50Oh, very delightful to meet you again,
00:03:52if only for such a short time.
00:03:56That was Mrs. Willoughby, I believe.
00:04:03The Duke of Ealing Broadway was among the guests.
00:04:07An old friend of mine.
00:04:09But I digress.
00:04:11Come in, please.
00:04:14We will go into the drawing room, where it is warm.
00:04:21Be kind enough to close the front door behind you.
00:04:31Don't knock yourself on this.
00:04:40It all started some 20 years ago in this very room.
00:04:44The furniture may seem a little strange to you,
00:04:47but after the amazing events of the year 1896,
00:04:53I somehow never had the heart to change it.
00:04:59I will now tell you the story
00:05:02which I have kept from the press for so many years.
00:05:05It is a story so full of bitter humiliation to me
00:05:09that I should never dream of divulging it
00:05:11if I had not felt so much happier afterwards.
00:05:16And there is no guarantee
00:05:18that it could not happen to any one of you.
00:05:21Know, then, that my late wife, bless her,
00:05:26had a ne'er-do-well brother, Marmaduke Paradine.
00:05:30This rascal, whose taste for Eastern adventure
00:05:34was stimulated by the fact that he was wanted
00:05:36by the police of most Western countries,
00:05:39found himself in the spring of the year 1895
00:05:44in Battledore, India,
00:05:46living on the generosity of the military community.
00:05:52At that time, he went under the name of, I believe,
00:05:56the Honorable Esme Mountfalcon.
00:06:01The Honorable Louis Mountfalcon,
00:06:03do get your facts right, please.
00:06:10Ah, Ambrose, this looks interesting.
00:06:13It is the temple of the Laughing Hyena,
00:06:16headquarters of an obscure religious sect
00:06:18who worship Laughing Hyena.
00:06:23What's the time, Benderburn?
00:06:26Bombay district, 11 o'clock.
00:06:28Yokohama, 2.30.
00:06:30Dallas, Texas, 20 minutes to 7.
00:06:32Charing Cross Road, wet and windy.
00:06:35Thank you so much.
00:06:37Do you think it's worthwhile us becoming religious, Ambrose?
00:06:40Now, don't do anything rash, Mountfalcon.
00:06:42Don't forget we came here to shoot the tiger.
00:06:44These people are very touchy.
00:06:46Look at that.
00:06:47Morning service must just be over.
00:06:51Morning service must just be over.
00:07:11What's the cove say?
00:07:13He say the hyena god in the temple
00:07:16have magic eye worth million rupees.
00:07:18When we enter, inspect it.
00:07:20Inspect it? What does he take us for?
00:07:22No, no, no, I implore you.
00:07:23The mutiny started for less than this.
00:07:25Nonsense. Follow me.
00:07:30Tourists.
00:07:38Million rupees.
00:07:48Million rupees.
00:08:08Hmm, yes.
00:08:10Which eye is it?
00:08:11Bing dong.
00:08:12Bing dong.
00:08:13The left.
00:08:14Mountfalcon, don't be a cad, sir.
00:08:15I am not a cad.
00:08:16I am an empire builder of the old school.
00:08:18Where are the men with guts?
00:08:20And where is my chisel?
00:08:23While you're about it,
00:08:24find out what these girls are doing later on tonight.
00:08:29I say, Ambrose, it's screwed in.
00:08:34Good gracious, Mountfalcon, the other eye winked at me.
00:08:37I don't wonder, sir.
00:08:38It's just another example of British engineering genius.
00:08:41Look at this.
00:08:42John Donaldson and Company.
00:08:44Sanitary and domestic fittings.
00:08:46Sheffield.
00:08:50Come along, Ambrose.
00:08:51Oh, Mountfalcon, I admire your pluck,
00:08:53but I think you behave like a rotter stealing people's eyes,
00:08:55especially when they're obtainable in Britain.
00:08:57Priests say I ancient Indian magic stone.
00:09:00Only fitting made in England.
00:09:01When I don't wink, stone bring bad luck to thief.
00:09:04Rubbish.
00:09:05Ah, but you haven't been in India as long as I have, Mountfalcon.
00:09:08Surely, Ambrose, you don't believe in all this teddy diddle, do you?
00:09:11I should hand the eye back like a good fella.
00:09:13Never.
00:09:14Come on, Ambrose.
00:09:17Where's the elephant?
00:09:19Gone.
00:09:20It's begun.
00:09:21Rot.
00:09:22We'll just have to make our way back on foot, that's all.
00:09:24Into the bush?
00:09:25You're mad.
00:09:26I don't know about you, Ambrose, but personally, I'm off.
00:09:30Mountfalcon, wait for me, wait for me.
00:09:34Baradine soon began to realise that hyenas,
00:09:38even if not worth worshipping, were worth respecting.
00:09:43His unhappy friend, Ambrose, never reached Battledore alive.
00:09:49He was eaten by a tiger a short distance from the canton.
00:09:54I am...
00:09:55Ah!
00:09:56Hurray!
00:09:58Hurray!
00:10:00Hurray!
00:10:02Hurray!
00:10:07December saw him at Southampton,
00:10:10where he somehow penetrated the customs and the police
00:10:13without being recognised as the notorious perpetrator
00:10:17of the Bishop's Gate scandal in 1881.
00:10:21He was just thanking his lucky stars,
00:10:23thinking he was safe when...
00:10:27Yes.
00:10:28This finally convinced him that the late lamented Ambrose was right
00:10:33and prompted him to perform the one generous act
00:10:37in his perfidious life.
00:10:40I have brought you a present from India, Paul.
00:10:43Thank you very much, but I don't want a present from you.
00:10:46Unfortunately, Bowler did not recognise you
00:10:48after a gratifying interval of seven years.
00:10:50Otherwise, if he had, you would not have set foot in this house.
00:10:53Paul, you have absolutely no family feeling.
00:10:57I will thank you not to call me Paul.
00:10:59Bultitude, you have a heart of stone.
00:11:01Well, what do you expect after your shabby manipulations
00:11:04on the stock exchange? You're dishonest, sir.
00:11:06That may be so. Nevertheless, we are brothers-in-law.
00:11:09Understand, Paradine, once and for all,
00:11:11that I married your sister, not you.
00:11:13I contracted a marriage of love
00:11:16with the lady who is now unhappily defunct.
00:11:19With her lamented passing,
00:11:21all connection with the Paradine family ceased,
00:11:23finished and came to an end.
00:11:25There, now, go.
00:11:27Only if you accept my gift.
00:11:29I can't help asking myself the motive
00:11:32which prompts this extraordinary generosity.
00:11:35Yes, I think I can tell you.
00:11:37Brotherly feeling.
00:11:39You are not short of money?
00:11:41I never say no since you mention it,
00:11:43my nearest and dearest.
00:11:45However, I must make it a condition
00:11:47of my departure for good and all
00:11:49that you accept this little gift.
00:11:51What is it?
00:11:52The Garuda Stone.
00:11:54What?
00:11:55This stone once constituted
00:11:57the left eye of an Indian idol.
00:11:59It is said to possess magic properties.
00:12:02To whoever owns the stone,
00:12:04there shall be given everlasting peace,
00:12:06prosperity and happiness.
00:12:08Nonsense.
00:12:09And so it is with a deep sense of loss,
00:12:11dear brother-in-law,
00:12:12that I bequeath to you my peace and prosperity
00:12:15and, yes, my happiness.
00:12:17I don't want the confounded thing.
00:12:19Take it, I insist.
00:12:21Offend not the spirit of the laughing hyena.
00:12:25Know very well if it'll make you go.
00:12:28Goodbye forever.
00:12:30Don't forget to shut the door.
00:12:32One day I shall be understood.
00:12:34Till then...
00:12:43Thank goodness for that.
00:12:52Come in.
00:12:56Ah, so you're off at last, eh?
00:12:58Well, holidays can't last forever.
00:13:00By a merciful degree of providence,
00:13:02they don't last quite forever.
00:13:04Goodbye. Goodbye.
00:13:05Be a good boy this time.
00:13:06No scraps, mind you.
00:13:08What are you standing there for?
00:13:10Either stay in or out.
00:13:11One thing or the other.
00:13:12I simply can't abide a draught.
00:13:18Dad?
00:13:19Yes?
00:13:21Could I wait here till the cab comes?
00:13:23Must you?
00:13:24Have you said your farewells to your brother?
00:13:26Yes, Dad.
00:13:27And to Nanny?
00:13:28Yes, Dad.
00:13:29Well, I suppose you'd better sit down.
00:13:31I hope the cab isn't long.
00:13:36Are you waiting for Mrs. Verlaine?
00:13:38Yes.
00:13:39No, I'm thinking of your train.
00:13:42Oh, dear.
00:13:44What's the matter?
00:13:45You should be delighted to be returning to Dr. Grimstones.
00:13:48It'll give you a chance to redeem yourself
00:13:50from your appalling report of last term.
00:13:52I may as well tell you that I have dispatched a note
00:13:55to Dr. Grimstone himself,
00:13:56couched in the strongest possible terms,
00:13:58that should you once again neglect your studies
00:14:01and exert a complacent, rebellious influence on your colleagues,
00:14:04he would be well advised to remember
00:14:06some of King Solomon's very sensible remarks on the subject.
00:14:11It is a sign of a sterling character in Dr. Grimstone
00:14:14that he's been lenient thus far.
00:14:16I warn you, this clemency will not continue.
00:14:20Here is that cab.
00:14:25Dad, is this the magic stone?
00:14:27That is a piece of worthless malachite
00:14:29that your scurvy Uncle Marmaduke brought from India.
00:14:32How did you know about it? Were you listening at the door?
00:14:34Yes.
00:14:36How dare you, sir!
00:14:38I have a good mind to give you a note to deliver to the worthy doctor
00:14:40so that he may deal with you on arrival.
00:14:42Dad, may I have it?
00:14:43Certainly not.
00:14:44Oh, Dad, I do want it.
00:14:46What on earth could you want with it?
00:14:47It's magic.
00:14:48Rubbish, give it here.
00:14:49Dad, I could swap it.
00:14:50What for?
00:14:51A rabbit, eh? Or a mouse.
00:14:53No, certainly not, sir. Give it here this instant.
00:14:57Dad, could I have some pocket money, please?
00:14:59Have you none left over from last term?
00:15:02No, Dad.
00:15:03You see, there's the plate on Sunday.
00:15:05Then there's the cab.
00:15:06You know perfectly well the bowler has orders to pay for your cab.
00:15:09However, I suppose you must have some.
00:15:11Although your education has cost me enough already
00:15:13without all this additional expense.
00:15:15Here's ten.
00:15:16Five shillings.
00:15:18An uncommonly liberal allowance for a young scamp like you.
00:15:21There, now, unless my ears deceive me, there's your cab.
00:15:23Approach.
00:15:24Dad, there's something I want to tell you before I go.
00:15:26Well, make haste.
00:15:27What is it? Do you have much time?
00:15:29I want you to let me leave Grimstones at the end of the term.
00:15:32Let you leave?
00:15:33Dr. Grimstones obliged me by giving him his full title.
00:15:37When you speak of him, an excellent school.
00:15:39I never read a better prospectus in my life.
00:15:42You've never been there.
00:15:43You don't know what it's like.
00:15:46Now, this is no time for tears, just as your cab's arrived.
00:15:52Dick, my boy, I...
00:15:55It's so easy for the young to feel that they're being victimized and ill-used by fate.
00:16:01But believe an older man, Dick, my boy, believe me
00:16:04when I tell you that much as you envy me,
00:16:08I only wish that at this moment I could be a boy again like you.
00:16:14I should really like that, Dick, my boy.
00:16:17Only, what's the use of wishing?
00:16:22My school days were the happiest time of my life.
00:16:35But those days will never come back.
00:16:39Those happy, carefree days of yours.
00:16:45Because I'm an old man.
00:16:51I'm an old man.
00:16:58Why are you staring so?
00:17:03I've been smoking too many cigars.
00:17:05That's what it is.
00:17:09Blushed.
00:17:13You seem to be amused.
00:17:15What's the matter?
00:17:17How do you feel?
00:17:19Extremely amused.
00:17:23Oh, Dick.
00:17:25You always were an impudent young puppy, sir.
00:17:28I wash my hands of you.
00:17:29Whenever I do try and give you the benefit of my experience, it's received as ridicule.
00:17:35Oh, Dick.
00:17:40Leave the room, sir.
00:17:45Where is that cab?
00:17:48What is Boomer doing?
00:17:52Oh, Dick.
00:17:55Go and look at yourself in the mirror, Dad.
00:17:58It'll make you roar.
00:18:01Have you been playing some schoolboy trick on me?
00:18:04Because I warn you, I'm in no mood for it.
00:18:09Dick.
00:18:13Oh, Dick.
00:18:20George!
00:18:25My moustache!
00:18:27It's the stone.
00:18:29What is?
00:18:31You had it in your head.
00:18:32You wished you were a boy again like me.
00:18:36Good gracious.
00:18:38You're right.
00:18:40Confound parody.
00:18:43Well, if the thing's a wishing stone,
00:18:46I can put everything right by just wishing myself back again.
00:18:57I shall be laughing at all this by and by.
00:19:00I know I shall.
00:19:03I wish I were back.
00:19:11Well?
00:19:13No.
00:19:17I'll bring him out now, Mr. Clegg.
00:19:20There's Bowler coming for you, for me.
00:19:24For us.
00:19:26Cab's loaded, sir.
00:19:29A moment, Bowler.
00:19:31A moment, Bowler.
00:19:34I'll send the young scallywag out presently, Bowler.
00:19:39What's going on in there?
00:19:41I'm trying to help Dad.
00:19:42I'm giving the boy some good advice.
00:19:47Phew, that was a narrow squeak.
00:19:49Dad, why don't you let me try to wish you back?
00:19:52It must be a stone that has only one wish per person.
00:19:55Ah!
00:19:57You must be right.
00:19:59Bless you, Dick.
00:20:01You're a good boy.
00:20:03You shall have half a sovereign.
00:20:05Here, take this stone,
00:20:08and wish your poor old father himself again.
00:20:16Have you wished?
00:20:18Not yet.
00:20:19Then do so this instant, sir.
00:20:21Will you do as I say, sir?
00:20:23The cab is waiting.
00:20:25I expect obedience from you, sir.
00:20:28Don't be in such a hurry.
00:20:30You may not like it after all when I've done it.
00:20:32What are you suggesting?
00:20:35I wish...
00:20:37No, no, no!
00:20:38I wish I was a man just like you are just now.
00:20:47Oh, Daddy, I didn't mean...
00:20:50Ah!
00:20:59A moment.
00:21:01A moment, Bola.
00:21:04Dick, Dick, my boy.
00:21:10Don't let's drive a good joke too far, my boy.
00:21:12Let's shake hands and see if we can't find a way out of this.
00:21:15There's only one way out for you, Father.
00:21:17What's that?
00:21:29Through the front door.
00:21:31You told me to say...
00:21:33Now, now, my boy, no time to lose.
00:21:36You are going back to a most excellent establishment
00:21:39where you will find all the comforts of home.
00:21:42You will once more take part in the happy games
00:21:45and lessons of boyhood,
00:21:47and you'll find your chums easy to get on with
00:21:49so long as you don't give yourself airs.
00:21:51They won't stand airs.
00:21:52Now, goodbye, my boy. Bless you.
00:21:54My compliments to old Grimmy, remember?
00:21:58Bola, I object,
00:22:01with all the power at my disposal.
00:22:06Come on, young sir, no time for speechifying.
00:22:10But, Bola, I am my father.
00:22:14Can you not see that?
00:22:16Are you blind?
00:22:18I'm afraid we shall have the usual trouble, Bola.
00:22:20Bola, you are dismissed.
00:22:23Yes, I know, young sir.
00:22:25I'll go and pack me bag just as soon as we get you to the station.
00:22:32Let me go, sir. Release my lobe.
00:22:35No.
00:22:38Ah!
00:22:55Ah!
00:23:16Yes, sir?
00:23:17Alice, how much money does father...
00:23:19I mean, how much money do I pay you every week?
00:23:21Five shillings a week, sir.
00:23:23Five shillings?
00:23:24That's all he's got for the whole town.
00:23:26Means you're bigger.
00:23:27Would that be all, sir?
00:23:28You're very pretty.
00:23:29From now on, you'll get five pounds a week.
00:23:32Five pounds, sir?
00:23:34Come round here and give me a kiss.
00:23:35Ah!
00:23:36What are you screaming for, silly?
00:23:39Oh, all right, then, don't give me a kiss then if you don't want to.
00:23:42Spoilsport.
00:23:43Here, run out to Codgers and get me a Guinness worth of sherbet.
00:23:46Ah!
00:23:47What's the matter now?
00:23:50Ah!
00:23:54I suppose that's what father used to call the servant problem.
00:24:05Perfect.
00:24:09Where to, sir?
00:24:10743 Market Broadwall.
00:24:14Stop!
00:24:15Clegg, once and for all, will you take me back home?
00:24:18I'll pay you handsomely.
00:24:20What do you mean by handsomely?
00:24:22A sovereign.
00:24:23Oh, don't make me laugh, sir.
00:24:25Grin and bear it, Master Dick.
00:24:27Grin and bear it.
00:24:28Well, I'll give you five sovereigns then.
00:24:30Do you know?
00:24:31Yes.
00:24:32Where's my money?
00:24:35Good gracious.
00:24:37Five shillings.
00:24:39Go on.
00:24:40Governor's been a bit stingy this time, eh?
00:24:43Hello, Bartleshoot.
00:24:44There, you'll feel better now you've found your little friend.
00:24:47We've all got to go and get labelled.
00:24:49Clegg!
00:24:50Jim.
00:24:53I have no intention of being labelled.
00:24:55Just trying to find a cab to take me back home.
00:24:58Home?
00:24:59But the hauls are over.
00:25:00Kindly refrain from addressing me.
00:25:02Well, what's the matter with you?
00:25:03What have I done?
00:25:04Nothing as yet.
00:25:05I just don't happen to have the pleasure of your acquaintance.
00:25:08Consequently, I find that we have very little in common.
00:25:10I say, bultitude.
00:25:12Kindly refrain from presuming that you know me on terms of intimacy.
00:25:15I wish you'd go away and talk to someone of your own age.
00:25:18That's a good one.
00:25:19Say, how much grub have you brought back with you?
00:25:22Grub?
00:25:23What is grub?
00:25:24Well, tuck.
00:25:26Eat.
00:25:27Food.
00:25:28If you mean food, why don't you say so, you illiterate boy?
00:25:31Grub is the embryonic form of a moth.
00:25:33It has nothing whatsoever to do with food.
00:25:35Well, stop humbugging, bultitude, and for goodness sake...
00:25:37Ah, thank goodness.
00:25:38I won't have to enjoy your company a moment longer.
00:25:40Are you free, cabby, my man?
00:25:42Where to, sir?
00:25:43Westbourne Terrace.
00:25:44What, bultitude?
00:25:45Back home so soon?
00:25:47Dr. Grimstone, there's been a mistake.
00:25:49Indeed there has, my boy, a serious mistake.
00:25:51School lies in that direction, not towards Westbourne Terrace.
00:25:55Your father has written to me.
00:25:57In future, I shall know exactly how to deal with you.
00:26:00The child must not be spoiled.
00:26:10What could I do?
00:26:11My only course was to insinuate my intellectual maturity
00:26:15on Dr. Grimstone's mind.
00:26:25Well, boys, you have suffered an unusually protracted vacation,
00:26:29owing to the unprecedented severity of the weather.
00:26:33You will, therefore, be glad to hear
00:26:35that I have reduced the Easter holidays by a week in compensation.
00:26:39I am uncommonly glad to hear it, Dr. Grimstone.
00:26:41Boys have far too many holidays as it is.
00:26:44It's no joke, I can assure you,
00:26:46of a great idle boy hanging about the place,
00:26:49eating his empty head off.
00:26:51This is indeed finding Saul among the prophets.
00:26:54Your sentiments, bultitude, if sincere,
00:26:57I repeat, if sincere,
00:26:59are remarkably creditable to one of your young years.
00:27:03But I am bound to say I must view them with the utmost suspicion.
00:27:07I don't see why you should take it upon yourself
00:27:09to question my sincerity, Dr. Grimstone.
00:27:12I have my reasons, sir, I have my reasons.
00:27:15Never in the course of a long pedagogic career
00:27:17have I met a small boy with so much natural wickedness in his heart.
00:27:23Dr. Grimstone, far be it from me to complain without good reason,
00:27:27but would you tell the boy on the right
00:27:29either to control his feelings
00:27:31or to cry into his pocket handkerchief?
00:27:33This infernal whiffling and sniffling
00:27:35is nothing less than unnatural in a boy of his size.
00:27:38Tiffin, are you crying?
00:27:43No, sir. I think I've caught a cold, sir.
00:27:47I am uncommonly glad to hear it.
00:27:50I should not like to think that you are starting your new life
00:27:53in a spirit of captiousness and rebellion.
00:27:55I'll have no mutineers in my camp, sir.
00:27:58I intend to establish a spirit of trustful happiness
00:28:02and unmurmuring content in my school.
00:28:04If I have to flog every boy in it.
00:28:06By the way, did I hear you say your name was Tiffin?
00:28:10Surely you must be Jordan Tiffin's boy.
00:28:13Why, bless my soul.
00:28:16Your father and I, my little men,
00:28:18were friends in the days before you were born or thought of.
00:28:21Born or thought of.
00:28:23Yes, he was in a very small way in those days, very small.
00:28:27Richard Bultitude, I have no words
00:28:30to express the pain and disgust I feel
00:28:32at the heartless way you persist in mimicking
00:28:35a fond and estimable parent.
00:28:41Dr. Grimstone, I must positively ask you
00:28:45either to pull the window up or to change places with me.
00:28:48My doctor tells me that the night air at this time of the year
00:28:51is simply fatal to a man of my constitution.
00:28:54Simply fatal.
00:28:56Bultitude, I must warn you, you're behaving very imprudently.
00:29:00Dr. Grimstone, do you encourage your boys
00:29:04to make common nuisances of themselves in public?
00:29:07Some scarcely seem to require encouragement, Bultitude.
00:29:10What is the matter now?
00:29:12The boy opposite me is polluting
00:29:15the already arctic atmosphere by making
00:29:18a mockery of my constitution.
00:29:20I must warn you, Dr. Grimstone,
00:29:23you're behaving very imprudently.
00:29:26The boy opposite me is polluting
00:29:29the already arctic atmosphere
00:29:31by sucking an atrocious peppermint lozenge.
00:29:34Is what Bultitude tells me true, Cogs?
00:29:37I bought him at a chemist, sir.
00:29:39Them? Does that imply there is more than one
00:29:42of the pestilent pastilles?
00:29:57Anathema.
00:30:01Bultitude, I'm much obliged to you.
00:30:04A severe cold in the head has prevented me
00:30:07from detecting this insidious act of self-indulgence,
00:30:11about which I shall have to say more in future.
00:30:15Your moral conduct has prevented me
00:30:18from detecting this insidious act of self-indulgence,
00:30:21about which I shall have to say more in future.
00:30:24Your moral courage and promptness in denouncing the evil
00:30:27are much to be commended.
00:30:29Please do not mention it, Dr. Grimstone.
00:30:32Perhaps you will allow me to show my gratitude
00:30:35with the gift of a Havana cigar.
00:30:38You do smoke, don't you?
00:30:40I always like a whiff after dinner, you know.
00:30:43And Havana, sir!
00:30:47Dr. Grimstone, once more I must summon your assistance.
00:30:51Some young hooligan in this carriage has stolen my cigars.
00:31:05It's no good, Buller. These cigars make me cough.
00:31:08Same as we've had for 20 years, sir. Cabernet Montezuma's.
00:31:12Is that what I usually smoke?
00:31:14I've never known you smoke nothing different.
00:31:17I must be mad.
00:31:19For 20 years you've been smoking Montezuma's.
00:31:22Throw them away. Give them to Rowley to play with.
00:31:25Cigars to the baby, sir.
00:31:27Buller, I want a large stock of peppermint lozenges laid in.
00:31:30Not MacPherson's. They're too weak.
00:31:32And not Richardson's clear mintyfruits. They're not sweet enough.
00:31:35I want Adams and Boker's peppy zoobs. I'll not put up with another brand.
00:31:39Yes, sir.
00:31:41And Buller, I want ten dozen bottles of ginger pop in case of guests.
00:31:45You understand?
00:31:48What's the matter, Buller? You look faint.
00:31:50Why don't you say anything else?
00:31:52Me, sir?
00:31:56Oh!
00:31:58Sir, if you were to go to bed...
00:32:00Bed? Now?
00:32:02My bedtime is ten o'clock from now on and I will have my way on that point.
00:32:06Yes, sir.
00:32:08Are you sure Dr Chawna couldn't...
00:32:10Dr Chawna? I wouldn't have him in the house dead.
00:32:13He's your best friend, sir.
00:32:15No, he isn't. His son is a mean bully and a cowardly custard and a rotten goody-goody.
00:32:19And I'll not have the father in the house.
00:32:21What are you staring at, you two?
00:32:23I'm not losing weight, am I? I don't get any smaller.
00:32:29What is the matter, Buller? I shall lose my temper in a moment.
00:32:32Aren't you going to change?
00:32:34Change? Me? Why should I?
00:32:36Well, sir, before... Yes?
00:32:38Well, you always like to look tidy, sir.
00:32:40You haven't much time.
00:32:42There she is. Who?
00:32:44Alice expressed herself badly.
00:32:46Who? Mrs Verlaine, sir.
00:32:48Oh, tell her I'm here.
00:32:50Too late, sir. Shall I show her in?
00:32:53Oh, no, Jumbo. Don't rush to greet me.
00:32:55What?
00:32:57It's all over between us.
00:32:59Jumbo, did you hear what I said?
00:33:02Yes. What's all over, Mrs Verlaine?
00:33:04Oh!
00:33:06Since when have I been just Mrs Verlaine to you?
00:33:11Alice. Yes?
00:33:13Answer the door if anyone calls.
00:33:15I'm going for Dr Chawner.
00:33:17I only hope we're not too late.
00:33:20That's six times he's asked me to kiss him.
00:33:23You take an unhealthy interest in telling that story, Alice.
00:33:26I'm not going to speak to you again about it.
00:33:28Well, can I help it if he finds me good-looking?
00:33:31Remember, Alice, he's not all there.
00:33:34Never take advantage of a sick man.
00:33:38Oh.
00:33:40Very well, Mr Baltitude.
00:33:42I'll tell you something that will make you take notice of me.
00:33:45I am in love with another.
00:33:47I'm in love with Dulcie Grimstone.
00:33:49Dulcie who?
00:33:51Dulcie Grimstone, the most beautiful girl in the world.
00:33:53Which row of the chorus is she in? I'll scratch her eyes out.
00:33:56She's the headmaster's daughter.
00:33:58What? Which headmaster?
00:34:00Oh, dear, the headmaster.
00:34:02She just told me her father was a headmaster.
00:34:04That's all.
00:34:06It's all right. She's older than you are, about 50 and ugly.
00:34:09Oh, Paul.
00:34:11You've always been so sweet to me in the past.
00:34:13Can't we forget our little differences and start all over again?
00:34:16I'll always remember that glorious bunch of wild violets
00:34:19who sent me at the stage door.
00:34:21You were so shy and so sweet.
00:34:24Do you remember how you told me about your first marriage
00:34:26and how tragically it had ended and how lonely you were?
00:34:29You were so vain, you darling.
00:34:33You told me your boy was quite a baby
00:34:35and kept him away so that I shouldn't guess your age.
00:34:38Oh, how you blushed
00:34:40when I found he was a darling little fellow of 12.
00:34:43Not so much as a darling little fellow.
00:34:45And he's 13 and 3 quarters, nearly 13 and 17.
00:34:48Oh, Jumbo, my Jumbo, why won't you be sentimental?
00:34:51I never liked you.
00:34:53Crybaby.
00:34:59Rotter.
00:35:02Fanny and tears.
00:35:04You shall pay for this, sir.
00:35:06You've got your cap on at the wrong angle.
00:35:08It must have got caught in the curtains.
00:35:10What do you know about it?
00:35:12I know all about soldiers.
00:35:14Really?
00:35:15Your Spooner's light horse, the devil may cares.
00:35:17Glorious record at the Battle of Umpalawayo.
00:35:19Were you there? I didn't see you.
00:35:21Unfortunately not, my age, you know, too young.
00:35:23Too young? Why, I was there.
00:35:25Oh, I mean, yes, of course, too old.
00:35:27What is your regiment?
00:35:29I never had one.
00:35:30Good gracious me, sir.
00:35:31Every man's got a regiment, what?
00:35:33Well, I would have had one
00:35:34if I hadn't been keen on driving railway choffers.
00:35:38I might just as well not be here.
00:35:40Fanny, forgive me.
00:35:42Fanny? I thought her name was Florence.
00:35:44Don't insult the woman I love
00:35:46by subjecting her to some amateury confusion
00:35:48in your debased mind.
00:35:53Sir, there are times when words no longer suffice.
00:35:57This is such a moment.
00:35:59Name your time and place.
00:36:01Why don't you stay to dinner tonight?
00:36:03And your weapons, sir.
00:36:05Oh, I see. You want to fight grand.
00:36:08I'm glad to see that you have some vestige of honour left.
00:36:11Shall it be swords, pistols or sabres?
00:36:13Won't pillows do?
00:36:17For your sake, I shall pretend I did not hear that last remark.
00:36:20I never like to think badly of a man
00:36:22approaching the end of his life.
00:36:24Oh, I see. What about swords?
00:36:26Ha! So be it.
00:36:30You have inadvertently chosen my very weapon.
00:36:35I pity you.
00:36:37I suggest dawn at the north end of the round pond.
00:36:40You will, of course, make all necessary arrangements
00:36:42with your family undertaker before you come.
00:36:45You big bully, fighting a man twice as small as you.
00:36:47I'll make you pay for this. I've done it before.
00:36:49Oh, Jumbo, you hero.
00:36:51Fanny, words are useless now.
00:36:53You have this evening to wrap up your affairs.
00:36:55Don't worry, my darling.
00:36:57I shall book our usual table at Romano's for tomorrow after the show.
00:37:00Sir.
00:37:02This is what I've always dreamed of.
00:37:04Two men fighting for me.
00:37:07Come, Fanny.
00:37:11And may the best man win.
00:37:13Don't worry, my dear.
00:37:15This way, quick, Dr Chawna.
00:37:18Hello, Milderjude.
00:37:20Good evening, Dr Chawna.
00:37:22Feeling well?
00:37:24Fine, fine. I never felt better.
00:37:26Alice.
00:37:31Now, how about a little rest, eh, Milderjude?
00:37:34Rest?
00:37:35By the sea, somewhere quiet.
00:37:37Or a watering place?
00:37:39Leamington? Harrogate?
00:37:41Nonsense, my fine fellow, nonsense.
00:37:43I have to fight a duel tomorrow.
00:37:45I see.
00:37:47Have you had a lot of business worries lately?
00:37:49I haven't a care in the world.
00:37:51Stop him!
00:37:52Milderjude, you forget I'm a stockholder in your company.
00:37:55I know how things are going.
00:37:58Will you be my second, Chawna?
00:38:00I may need a doctor.
00:38:02Of course, of course.
00:38:05Milder, call Alice.
00:38:08What are you shaking your head for?
00:38:10Chawna, you're just about as nasty as your son.
00:38:13My son?
00:38:15Well, well.
00:38:18My father.
00:38:22Yes, whenever affairs are a little tenuous in the city,
00:38:25your father is the first to be affected by cold feet.
00:38:28You're being very insulting about my old man.
00:38:30I've good mind to punch your face.
00:38:32You provoke me by your insane jealousy.
00:38:34I'm not jealous.
00:38:35I'm in love with Dulce Grimstone, that's all.
00:38:37She's my girl, she's not yours.
00:38:40I'm quite aware of that fact, you young hooligan.
00:38:42But she has never been my...
00:38:44But she has never been my...
00:38:46That is to say, she has never been the object of my affection.
00:38:49Not because I don't happen to be that sort of a man,
00:38:53if you follow me,
00:38:55but because I do not happen to know her.
00:38:56Liar.
00:38:58If you were my son, I'd box your ears for that remark.
00:39:00Well, I'm not your son, so there.
00:39:02Now, Chawna.
00:39:04Was that fair?
00:39:06To strike a smaller boy.
00:39:08Reflect, Chawna, reflect.
00:39:11I'm sorry, sir.
00:39:13Empty words, Chawna, if I may say so.
00:39:16Sorrow is so easy to express, so hard to feel.
00:39:21Do you really feel sorry?
00:39:23Yes, I do, sir.
00:39:25Very well, then.
00:39:26Shake hands.
00:39:29And smile.
00:39:33Ah, if only all the world understood the true spirit of forgiveness
00:39:38and was prepared to turn the other cheek.
00:39:44Oh!
00:39:46You hurried, hurried boy.
00:39:48To hit dear Dickie like that.
00:39:50Who's this?
00:39:51Dulce.
00:39:52Go away. I'm not going to talk to you.
00:39:54You can pour your own chocolate out.
00:39:57There's your chocolate, Dickie.
00:39:59Oh, Dickie, I have missed you so.
00:40:01No, thank you. I cannot buy sweetmeats of any kind.
00:40:04Perhaps I ought to explain...
00:40:06No one's looking now. Kiss me quickly.
00:40:09I shouldn't dream of doing anything as rash or indeed as sordid.
00:40:13What's the matter, sweetheart?
00:40:15Why are you talking to me like that?
00:40:17Look, I'm sure you're a well-mannered little girl,
00:40:20but I cannot help feeling that your ebullience is a little misplaced.
00:40:24How horrid you are, Dickie.
00:40:26So unlike yourself.
00:40:28Don't start snuffling. I beg you.
00:40:30I can't abide a snuffling.
00:40:32Oh!
00:40:36Dulce.
00:40:37Ah!
00:40:42Every boy to his cot to surrender himself to health-giving sleep,
00:40:46that he may fling himself with renewed zeal in the morning
00:40:49into the complexities of the puns assinorum and the vulgar fraction.
00:40:55Any boy out of his cot in five minutes will write out 2,000 times
00:40:59the Greek, German, Latin and French equivalents of the verb to dawdle
00:41:05or procrastinate a tawner.
00:41:09Highly commendable.
00:41:10Move at the double.
00:41:12Black mark.
00:41:13Disgusting, revolting, indecent.
00:41:16Wait a minute.
00:41:18Passable.
00:41:19Passable.
00:41:20Go on.
00:41:22Go on.
00:41:23Passable.
00:41:24Well, good night, Grimstone.
00:41:25Impertinence!
00:41:26Two black marks!
00:41:32Now then, Baltitude, why did you sneak?
00:41:34I had enough peppermints to last me the term.
00:41:36Peppermints are an indulgence for growing boys.
00:41:39I agree with Dr. Grimstone.
00:41:41Oh!
00:41:42How dare you, sir!
00:41:43You little villain!
00:41:45I'll have you in court for this!
00:41:46In court, eh?
00:41:47I'll have you know, I'm a personal friend of Mr. Justice Pollard.
00:41:52In trouble, Dickie?
00:41:53Can I help you?
00:41:54Help me, Tuna, and I'll talk to your father about you.
00:41:57Yes, I'll help you.
00:42:00KB, here's old Brimmer.
00:42:04Oh!
00:42:34I have reason to believe that you, sir, are still awake, in spite of my direct orders to the contrary.
00:42:49In view of your appalling forwardness in some matters, and your abysmal backwardness in others,
00:42:55you will kindly write out 683 times the word transubstantiation, spelling it both forwards and backwards on each occasion.
00:43:07And now, good night.
00:43:09In scola regnat pacs.
00:43:12Meaning, Coker?
00:43:14Pac, um, I came, I saw, I conquered.
00:43:17Black mark, egregious imbecile!
00:43:21It means, of course, peace reigns in the school.
00:43:27Good night.
00:43:29Any boy found sleepwalking without permission will be soundly batched.
00:43:37The night seemed to last for a very long time, and I think I was glad of it.
00:43:43Except that every moment of sleep meant that fresh energy was being infused by nature into the receptive muscles of my tormentors.
00:44:13Order of seniority, please.
00:44:43Great Scott!
00:45:07Good Gladstone!
00:45:09My godfathers!
00:45:10Gosport?
00:45:12Huh?
00:45:14The Lord Harry.
00:45:26Here they come!
00:45:28So it was true!
00:45:30Of course, what did you think?
00:45:32I thought it was all part of your malady.
00:45:34Thank goodness I did it.
00:45:36Did what?
00:45:38I don't know.
00:45:58My name is Margaret.
00:46:00Forty-third Duke.
00:46:02I'm Bultitude, fourth form.
00:46:04Is this, uh...
00:46:06gentlemen seconding you?
00:46:08My name is Doctor Chawna.
00:46:20Is this fellow worth fighting?
00:46:22It's a question of honour, Margaret.
00:46:24I'm not thinking of you, Gosport.
00:46:26I'm thinking of the regiment.
00:46:28He's a harrow man.
00:46:30You positive?
00:46:32Looked him up.
00:46:34Rules of this game?
00:46:36Rules?
00:46:38No, I thought it was a jolly good old free-for-all.
00:47:00Doctor, where in your...
00:47:02Yeah.
00:47:24You've got a nasty temper, old Gosport.
00:47:26What's it about?
00:47:28A woman?
00:47:30Empire or Guernsey?
00:47:32Metropolitan, Edgware Road.
00:47:34Oh.
00:47:38Here.
00:47:40What's that?
00:47:42Ginge,
00:47:44you take your mob over there.
00:47:46All the heavy artillery,
00:47:48come with me.
00:47:50You ain't heavy artillery.
00:47:52Who are you?
00:47:54Highwayman.
00:47:56Get out of it.
00:47:58Get out.
00:48:00What are you up to, you young rascals?
00:48:02You wait till I get down there.
00:48:04Go on, hit a man when he's down.
00:48:06Well, you ain't down yet.
00:48:08Don't you know the rules of warfare?
00:48:10Give us your hats and coats.
00:48:12Well, you ain't going to have our hats and coats.
00:48:14We ain't going to have what? Here, go on, get in here.
00:48:16Go on, out of here.
00:48:18Out of here.
00:48:28Out of here.
00:48:42Purse,
00:48:44put them under that tree.
00:48:46Albert, you stay there, and if they get salty,
00:48:48plop them. All right, boys, get in.
00:48:50Here.
00:48:52Ladies, Purse,
00:48:54don't you know your manners?
00:48:56Sure, but what Mr. Boltridge had given us till after.
00:48:58Is that clear?
00:49:04Nor the lollipops, neither.
00:49:06Out.
00:49:16What the devil does Benson think he's playing at?
00:49:18Always was a sportsman at heart,
00:49:20wants a better view, don't blame him.
00:49:26Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:49:28Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:49:30Now the question of superficial
00:49:32flesh wounds, grazes,
00:49:34abrasions, penetrations, and amputations.
00:49:36You as a doctor
00:49:38will step smartly forward,
00:49:40carrying a white, or off-white
00:49:42handkerchief, affect a lightning
00:49:44diagnosis, and retire if the wound
00:49:46is not mortal. If however
00:49:48there is little hope,
00:49:50you will wave your handkerchief three times
00:49:52in an anti-clockwise direction.
00:49:54Remember anti-clockwise, that is important,
00:49:56and the engagement will be suspended.
00:49:58Is that quite clear? Eminently.
00:50:00Very well.
00:50:02Let battle be given.
00:50:24All right, come along.
00:50:38No dilly-dallying or shilly-shallying.
00:50:40And take that grin off your face
00:50:42second trombone, this is a funeral
00:50:44rehearsal. As you know, we all
00:50:46have many opportunities of playing festive
00:50:48and joyful tunes. We've already
00:50:50got the inter-regimental prize for it.
00:50:52However, the colonel feels
00:50:54that a spirit of straightness has
00:50:56entered into this unit, and that's
00:50:58the cause of these early morning rehearsals
00:51:00in full parade order.
00:51:02I'm doing the talking, base tuba.
00:51:04Right, handle sargo.
00:51:06And don't forget, men are dying
00:51:08right and left these days, yet never know
00:51:10when it's your turn.
00:51:12Right, handle sargo, and I want
00:51:14the watchwords to be sadness,
00:51:16nobility,
00:51:18death.
00:51:22Right.
00:51:38Ah,
00:51:40no pepper-seller.
00:51:42One,
00:51:44two, three,
00:51:46go!
00:51:48Never mind me, sir, play.
00:51:50Hey.
00:51:52Oh, come on, Gosport.
00:51:54Come on, Gosport.
00:51:56Wait for it.
00:51:58Wait for it.
00:52:00One, two, three,
00:52:02go!
00:52:04Lookin'.
00:52:06Come along, men.
00:52:08Each pick your man.
00:52:10And when I give the word,
00:52:12I want...
00:52:14The overture to the many wives of Windsor.
00:52:16The playing of the larker wasn't bad,
00:52:18nearly soul-stirring enough.
00:52:20Now, piccolo and cymbals,
00:52:22I'm going to give you something to grin about.
00:52:24I want you all to smile.
00:52:26Is that clear?
00:52:28I'm warning you, second trombone,
00:52:30take that frown off your face.
00:52:32A spirit of carefree
00:52:34gaiety and night-hearted abandon.
00:52:36Or else,
00:52:38from letter E. One, two.
00:52:48Ah!
00:52:50Come on, now,
00:52:52a little bit of surprise.
00:52:54Guard, play.
00:53:04One, two, one, two, one, two, forward!
00:53:14You rotter-chawner!
00:53:16Come back, face it!
00:53:18Corona!
00:53:20Betrayed!
00:53:22Forward!
00:53:32I advise you, gentlemen, to come quietly.
00:53:34I've highly trained efficient force
00:53:36at my disposal.
00:53:38Outnumbered.
00:53:40Scoundrel!
00:53:42There he goes!
00:53:44Have at him!
00:53:46Ah!
00:53:48What's the matter with you, eh?
00:53:50Frightened of a little bit of noise?
00:53:52Come on, now, after him!
00:53:54How did you?
00:53:56Consider! Point down the road!
00:53:58No, turn back!
00:54:00Ah!
00:54:04One, two, one, two,
00:54:06come on!
00:54:14A hundred lollipops
00:54:16if you get me home.
00:54:18No, bandit, you!
00:54:22Come on, come back, gentlemen!
00:54:24Stop it!
00:54:28Are you going to stand for this?
00:54:30No!
00:54:44Come on!
00:54:48Never mind about all that noise.
00:55:08I'll keep you here all day
00:55:10if you don't get this right.
00:55:14Come on!
00:55:26Order of seniority, please!
00:55:34We was given a rendering
00:55:36of the overture to the Merry Wives of Windsor
00:55:38by Otto Nicolai,
00:55:40the distinguished Prussian composer.
00:55:42When we was interrupted, my lord.
00:55:44Could it not be
00:55:46that it was owing to your playing
00:55:48that the rant occurred?
00:55:50It was a well-nigh perfect rendering.
00:55:52I am not suggesting
00:55:54that the music was not well played.
00:55:56I am suggesting it was not liked as music.
00:55:58What was the music, pray?
00:56:00The overture
00:56:02to the Merry Wives of Windsor, my love.
00:56:04Overture to what?
00:56:06The Merry Wives
00:56:08of Windsor, my love.
00:56:10Oh!
00:56:12How does that go?
00:56:30Silence!
00:56:34I will not have indiscriminate singing
00:56:36in my court.
00:56:38One bar would have been sufficient.
00:56:40That is an important point.
00:56:42I have noted it.
00:56:44Seems an unattractive tune.
00:56:46Opinions vary, my lord.
00:56:48Mine never do.
00:56:54It was I who summoned the police,
00:56:56your lordship.
00:57:00What was your idea in summoning the police?
00:57:04I hoped to avert a possible tragedy.
00:57:06Did you warn the parties concerned
00:57:08that you would take such a step?
00:57:10Well,
00:57:12there was no time.
00:57:14Twenty-four hours!
00:57:16We had a word for that sort of thing
00:57:18in my public school.
00:57:20What did you call them?
00:57:22Sneaks.
00:57:24We called them snurges.
00:57:26Where were you?
00:57:28Wellington.
00:57:30I was at Government.
00:57:32Did you know old Gardiner Weybridge?
00:57:34Last I heard, he was tea-planting in India.
00:57:36Really?
00:57:38A charming fellow.
00:57:40Oh, yes.
00:57:42Stuffy Gardiner Weybridge
00:57:44is the most
00:57:46unpopular man in my saw.
00:57:48An awful bounder.
00:57:54Silence!
00:57:56I will not have my assessment of character criticized.
00:57:58I can put you in prison
00:58:00for less than that.
00:58:04Thank you.
00:58:08Now,
00:58:10where were we?
00:58:12We'd done it
00:58:14because he gave us sherbet all round.
00:58:16Who is he?
00:58:18Uncle Paul.
00:58:20Uncle?
00:58:22Well, Mr. Boltechu.
00:58:24Milan,
00:58:26is it not a clear example of the tender-heartedness,
00:58:28the simplicity
00:58:30of the defendant's character
00:58:32willing to impart a present
00:58:34of sherbet all round
00:58:36to 20 small boys
00:58:38many years his junior
00:58:40and several classes
00:58:42below him in the social scale?
00:58:44I submit it was
00:58:46bribery, Milan.
00:58:48Bribery?
00:58:50But why choose little boys, Milan?
00:58:52Why not hard assassins
00:58:54who can be had at any time,
00:58:56as both our main
00:58:58political parties well know?
00:59:00What?
00:59:04Little boys are cheaper.
00:59:06They demand sherbet,
00:59:08not hard cash.
00:59:10Mr. Boltechu is not a poor man.
00:59:12He may be avaricious.
00:59:14Oh!
00:59:16Oh, I say!
00:59:18He gave us other things as well.
00:59:20What?
00:59:22Bought us a pony and trap,
00:59:24a box of fireworks for guide folks,
00:59:26a dozen white mice,
00:59:28a stick, four shotguns with ammunition,
00:59:30ten spanners, a jemmy, a bag,
00:59:32and two dozen pairs of soft shoes.
00:59:34Oh, forget what else.
00:59:36Milad,
00:59:38my case rests.
00:59:46Thank you.
00:59:50Have you found out about my claim to Rickmans' wealth?
00:59:52243, milord.
00:59:54Oh, Christ!
00:59:56Gentlemen of the jury,
00:59:58your duty is clear.
01:00:00If you need any assistance
01:00:02in coming to a decision
01:00:04that Mr. Boltechu is not guilty
01:00:06and that the wretched Earl of Gosport
01:00:08is utterly guilty,
01:00:10I will gladly give it.
01:00:12If you have already come
01:00:14to the right conclusion,
01:00:16you will tell me so without more ado,
01:00:18and we may adjourn.
01:00:24Gentlemen of the jury,
01:00:26how say you?
01:00:28Is Paul Boltechu,
01:00:30stockbroker
01:00:32of 117
01:00:34Westbourne Terrace
01:00:36in the borough of Paddington,
01:00:38guilty on
01:00:40the charge of
01:00:42embezzlement
01:00:44and embezzlement
01:00:46and embezzlement
01:00:48and embezzlement
01:00:50and embezzlement
01:00:52in the borough of Paddington
01:00:54guilty or not guilty?
01:00:56And speak up.
01:01:00Exactly.
01:01:02And how say you?
01:01:04Is Horace, Arthur, Desmond,
01:01:06Lucas...
01:01:08Is Gosport
01:01:10guilty or not guilty?
01:01:14As I thought.
01:01:16I am satisfied
01:01:18that justice has been done.
01:01:20Lord Gosport,
01:01:22I have no alternative
01:01:24but to impose the maximum penalty.
01:01:26You will be fined
01:01:28seven shillings and six pence.
01:01:38Oh, you dear,
01:01:40lovely hero!
01:01:50Come on!
01:02:06Oh!
01:02:08Oh, you did that deliberately, you beastly boy!
01:02:10He deserved it.
01:02:12Take no notice. What is it, Dulcie?
01:02:14Look, dear, look. The New Financial Times.
01:02:16It's just arrived.
01:02:18The New Financial Times
01:02:20is the entire fortune
01:02:22of the new invention
01:02:24of Professor...
01:02:30I haven't hurt him, have I?
01:02:32Gaby!
01:02:36Score two-one!
01:02:38White's leading!
01:02:40Run!
01:02:42Good! Good!
01:02:44Good! Come, boys!
01:02:46Keep it up! This way!
01:02:48Come on! That's right!
01:02:50Where is the ball?
01:02:52Come on, boys!
01:02:54Keep running! No slacking there!
01:02:56Come on, now!
01:02:58That's right! Come on!
01:03:00To you!
01:03:02Where is the ball, Mr. Blinkhorn?
01:03:04That's funny, sir.
01:03:06It was here a moment ago.
01:03:08Has any boy
01:03:10secreted the ball?
01:03:12Maltitude, you look your usual
01:03:14guilty self and quite unnaturally
01:03:16rotund. What are you secreting under
01:03:18your jersey? Nothing, Father. Silence, Dulcie!
01:03:20I'll have no intercession on behalf
01:03:22of the criminal. Out with it!
01:03:24There's the ball, Father, behind you.
01:03:26My interest is no longer centered
01:03:28in a quest for the ball. I feel that I have
01:03:30detected some evil. What is it, illicit
01:03:32literature? No doubt one of Mr. Charles
01:03:34Dickens' forbidden installments.
01:03:36Upon my word,
01:03:38Maltitude, what's this?
01:03:40The Financial Times?
01:03:42My Financial Times?
01:03:44The new Financial Times?
01:03:46What is the meaning of this?
01:03:48I had to, sir. Look at page one.
01:03:50For the moment, I prefer to look at you.
01:03:52Can you give me one valid
01:03:54reason why I should not put you on
01:03:56bread and water for a month?
01:03:58My reason is on page one.
01:04:00I'm mad with worry. For your
01:04:02sake, I hope that the article is
01:04:04well written.
01:04:06Fourth column, near the top of the page.
01:04:08Gracious boy.
01:04:10You do well
01:04:12to express such solicitude on
01:04:14behalf of a fond parent
01:04:16who, in a moment of aberration,
01:04:18seeks to supplant the horse
01:04:20and, indeed, the foot
01:04:22on our national highways
01:04:24with an explosive device.
01:04:26But it does not excuse you from stealing my post.
01:04:28I brought it in, Father.
01:04:30In that case, you will stand in the corner
01:04:32for fifteen minutes after supper.
01:04:34Yes, Father. And now,
01:04:36let merriment be resumed
01:04:38and battle be given.
01:04:42I'll show you how to dribble.
01:04:44Now, boys,
01:04:46keel away from the doctor.
01:04:48Out of my way, dinkum poops.
01:04:50Black mark.
01:04:56Now I propose to do the same
01:04:58for the other side.
01:05:00Move, cactus children.
01:05:08Emergency, men.
01:05:10This is disgraceful.
01:05:12Absolutely disgraceful.
01:05:14I should have broken my hands.
01:05:16There may be trouble.
01:05:18I demand a new suit.
01:05:20Come on, boys,
01:05:22let's go.
01:05:24I've got to get my horse.
01:05:26I've got to get my horse.
01:05:28Come on, boys.
01:05:30I've got to get my horse.
01:05:32I've got to get my horse.
01:05:34I've got to get my horse.
01:05:36There may be trouble.
01:05:38I demand a new suit.
01:05:42Waiting for Mr. Baltitude?
01:05:46Margaret.
01:05:48Shhh.
01:05:50Call me Florence.
01:05:52Oh, the honourable Lion of Flashwood.
01:05:54Shhh. Call me Paradine.
01:06:02Where was it? Ottawa?
01:06:04Oh, I've never been to Ottawa, my darling.
01:06:06Could it have been Spanish Morocco?
01:06:08When I was in the Foreign Legion trying to forget,
01:06:10I doubt it.
01:06:12Oh, who were you trying to forget?
01:06:14The police.
01:06:16Could it have been the Panama Canal?
01:06:18Cologne.
01:06:20The sign of the blue cockatoo.
01:06:22The second table on the right through the swing doors.
01:06:24Where Pedro Manuel and that big Swede
01:06:26got killed because of me.
01:06:28That's it. I killed them.
01:06:30I was in love with you.
01:06:32I never remembered your face.
01:06:34I loved you the moment I saw you stealing wallets.
01:06:36Oh, and I loved you for the way you cheated at cards.
01:06:40My darling.
01:06:44Put my watch back in my pocket.
01:06:48Oh, my sweet, you haven't changed a bit.
01:06:50Oh, darling, can't we begin all over again?
01:06:52In the motor industry.
01:06:54Oh, anywhere. I've been so good recently.
01:06:56Ah.
01:06:58But hold.
01:07:00Why are you waiting for multitude?
01:07:02I have it.
01:07:04I saw your picture in the illustrated papers.
01:07:06My hero.
01:07:08So that's it.
01:07:10Well, he's very rich.
01:07:12He won't be
01:07:14when I'm finished with him.
01:07:16Oh, my darling.
01:07:18You finally made up my mind for me.
01:07:20Let's stick together.
01:07:22I'll keep up normal appearances until you've done your work.
01:07:24I'm game.
01:07:26Look out.
01:07:28There. Do you see? There's a spocket.
01:07:30Gracious. Do you two know each other?
01:07:32Yes. As a matter of fact, we met over
01:07:34tiffin in a bura peg at the Viceroy's Summer Palace.
01:07:36Oh, well, then. Goodie, goodie.
01:07:38I don't have to introduce you.
01:07:40I've been thinking. I ought to go down and see how
01:07:42how Dick's getting on at school.
01:07:44I think I'll take the motor on Monday.
01:07:46Let me come with you.
01:07:48Must you?
01:07:50Oh, how nasty you are.
01:07:52Very well.
01:07:54You shall come and tell me what you think of Dunstan.
01:07:58What's that?
01:08:00Customers.
01:08:02Do they want motor cars?
01:08:04No. They've had them.
01:08:06When a boy
01:08:08goes out into the world,
01:08:10he begins to realise
01:08:12what sheltered security
01:08:14a happy boyhood
01:08:16has meant.
01:08:18Never before
01:08:20Never before
01:08:22has he been called upon to make decisions.
01:08:24Never before
01:08:26has he had to say yea,
01:08:28nor yet indeed nay,
01:08:30to matters which may affect
01:08:32his entire life.
01:08:38And you will find
01:08:40as you grow older
01:08:42that you will begin to hanker after that
01:08:44lost and rather beautiful
01:08:46simplicity of boyhood.
01:08:48When obsessed
01:08:50by some great
01:08:52and gnawing trouble,
01:08:54a little bird-like voice
01:08:56will make itself heard
01:08:58somewhere within your very being,
01:09:00saying
01:09:02incessantly,
01:09:04Ah, for the merry times
01:09:06of boyhood,
01:09:08for the innocent pleasures of
01:09:10haying and maying.
01:09:12Ah! Ah!
01:09:16Ah, for the
01:09:18innocent pleasures of
01:09:20haying and
01:09:22maying.
01:09:26Your colleagues
01:09:28and I, your
01:09:30mentor, thought
01:09:32that we were dealing with a lazy,
01:09:34indolent, slovenly,
01:09:36maladroit,
01:09:38boorish and loathsome
01:09:40boy. Sir,
01:09:42we were wrong!
01:09:44We have Beelzebub
01:09:46in our midst.
01:09:48Beelzebub in the guise of a smutty-faced
01:09:50innocent! Beelzebub,
01:09:52who uses a sacred edifice for the purpose of the
01:09:54seduction of the inferior sex!
01:09:58Sir,
01:10:00I have decided
01:10:02to
01:10:04expel you!
01:10:06Great!
01:10:08Was that an exclamation of a joyful nature
01:10:10to which I heard you give utterance?
01:10:12Er, no.
01:10:14Sir, I am deeply sorry.
01:10:16Repentance
01:10:18comes too late.
01:10:20The die, I rejoice
01:10:22to say, has
01:10:24already been cast.
01:10:26Oh!
01:10:30Dulce,
01:10:32has this unnatural child's schismatic
01:10:34grasp extended also to your young heart?
01:10:36You're not to expel Dickey!
01:10:38Dickey, is it?
01:10:40Already the intimacy has extended to the
01:10:42indiscriminate and indecent use of the
01:10:44Christian name, has it?
01:10:46Dulce, go straight to your room and wash out
01:10:48your mouth! You're a beast!
01:10:50And stand in the corner for ten minutes!
01:10:52Brute! Twenty minutes!
01:10:54Bad, bad man! Half an hour!
01:10:58The seeds of heresy
01:11:00which you have sown must be uprooted
01:11:02one by one!
01:11:04Let us hope that most
01:11:06of them will have fallen upon stony ground
01:11:08where they may not spring into
01:11:10the tears and weeds of pollution!
01:11:12What was that? What was that?
01:11:16You!
01:11:18Yes,
01:11:20I've been listening.
01:11:22Come outside
01:11:24for a moment.
01:11:30Grimstone,
01:11:32are you mad?
01:11:34So there is a Judas in my camp, is there?
01:11:36I had not thought it of you!
01:11:38Call me what you like! You can't put me in the corner!
01:11:40Alas!
01:11:42What if I tell you that I believe the whole thing
01:11:44to be Chawna's fault?
01:11:46Chawna? Impossible! The lad is a
01:11:48paragon of the virtues and will doubtless end up in Parliament.
01:11:50I don't doubt it.
01:11:52I saw him pass the note with a bribe to Miss Davenport
01:11:54just before the incident.
01:11:56He'll probably end up in the Cabinet.
01:11:58Another Guy Fawkes
01:12:00gnawing at my bosom!
01:12:02Well, if you won't listen to my kind of sense,
01:12:04what if I tell you that if you expel the boy
01:12:06you'll be farting in his down at the end of term?
01:12:10I admit that I had not
01:12:12considered to envisage the possibilities of Chawna's guilt.
01:12:14Mind you,
01:12:16I'm not disposed to believe in it even now.
01:12:18However, in view of the fact that
01:12:20there seems to exist some element of doubt in this matter,
01:12:22I am prepared to take the lenient view.
01:12:24That's more like it.
01:12:26And I'll not have Dulcy spend all her life in the corner.
01:12:28My dear,
01:12:30it is in a corner that a child
01:12:32first begins to meditate
01:12:34upon the greater issues of this life.
01:12:36She knows quite enough about that for her age.
01:12:38Only because
01:12:40I have afforded her the opportunity.
01:12:42Yes.
01:12:50Ah, well, when do I go?
01:12:52You do not.
01:12:54What?
01:12:56Going to the intercession of Mrs. Grimstone,
01:12:58who went on her knees weeping
01:13:00on your behalf, in great.
01:13:02I have decided
01:13:04to take the lenient view.
01:13:06But I don't deserve leniency.
01:13:08I will have nothing but expulsion.
01:13:10I deserve to be punished.
01:13:12You do indeed, sir.
01:13:14I am glad to see you admitting your guilt.
01:13:16You will be cane before the entire school
01:13:18at 11 o'clock
01:13:20tomorrow, the 18th of February,
01:13:22in the year of grace
01:13:241896.
01:13:28Rescue seemed impossible.
01:13:30And yet, had not General Sir Watson Bullock
01:13:32just achieved the impossible
01:13:34in Africa with the rescue
01:13:36of the Maruadonga garrison,
01:13:38in my agony
01:13:40I visualized the heroic scene.
01:14:06Instead of the stimulus
01:14:08of shell fire, I could only
01:14:10hear the relentless ticking of the clock.
01:14:12There was only
01:14:14an hour left before my walk
01:14:16to the gallows.
01:14:18Perhaps by my grit, I too
01:14:20could earn the reward of rescue.
01:14:22It was impossible.
01:14:24And yet...
01:14:26And yet...
01:14:30And yet...
01:14:32And yet...
01:15:02And yet...
01:15:32And yet...
01:16:02And yet...
01:16:17Stand there, Geneva.
01:16:23To your place, Jonah.
01:16:25Before proceeding
01:16:27to administer the punishment
01:16:29which my conscience tells me
01:16:31is ridiculously inadequate
01:16:33under the dastardly circumstances
01:16:35provoked by this heinous boy,
01:16:37I wish to warn you
01:16:39one and all
01:16:41against the terrible possibilities
01:16:43of any further breach
01:16:45in the moral code of this
01:16:47splendidly run college.
01:16:56Stand up,
01:16:58the boy who is humming.
01:17:07Solent!
01:17:09Is it you who are roaring?
01:17:11I seem to detect a fluctuation
01:17:13in your Adam's apple.
01:17:15Oh, no, sir. I was gulping, sir.
01:17:17There is a time and place for everything.
01:17:19Kindly do not provoke me
01:17:21by gulping in class.
01:17:24Oh, look, sir.
01:17:26Ah, Jonah to the rescue.
01:17:28Have you discovered the culprit?
01:17:30Yes, sir. Look there through the window.
01:17:36Unhappy boy.
01:17:38It is your parents
01:17:40and a companion of the inferior sex.
01:17:42Dick!
01:17:44And refrain from talking to yourself.
01:17:46Nobody is to move.
01:17:48Culprit and onlookers will remain rooted to the spot
01:17:51whilst I go and fall ointment
01:17:53upon an anguished parent's aching wound.
01:17:58You may go in now.
01:18:08Hello, Dr. Grimstone.
01:18:10Untimely levity, my dear sir.
01:18:12Most untimely levity.
01:18:14What's the matter? Is the boy in trouble?
01:18:16In trouble, sir.
01:18:18My batch was raised.
01:18:23You can laugh.
01:18:25I had thought to see you wring your hands.
01:18:27Don't be too hard on him.
01:18:29There's a sport. He's not a bad old soul.
01:18:31Do you take the boy's part, sir?
01:18:33What did he do?
01:18:35He was detected by me
01:18:37conducting an amateur negotiation
01:18:39in chapel.
01:18:41And you mean there's a time and place for everything.
01:18:44Madam, there is never time nor place
01:18:46for an amateur negotiation.
01:18:48That is a function which should be exclusively reserved
01:18:50for the parents of both parties concerned.
01:18:52The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet
01:18:54is amply indicative of the disasters that befall
01:18:57when youth is allowed to take its own course.
01:18:59Oh, well, I think love's wonderful all year round.
01:19:03Fanny Verlaine. Lovely girl.
01:19:05Oh, of course, you've never met.
01:19:07I'm sorry. Doctor, this is Fanny Verlaine.
01:19:09She dances the can-can at the mit.
01:19:11Fanny, this is old Grimmy I was telling you about.
01:19:13Oh, I'd recognise him a mile off.
01:19:15Brutal, I call it, whacking poor little innocent boys.
01:19:17Vicious.
01:19:19Madam, when I take to parading my charms
01:19:21in public in a hall of pleasure,
01:19:23you may permit yourself to criticise my...
01:19:25educational system.
01:19:27Until then, kindly hold your peace.
01:19:29Oh, I'll say what I please and when I please.
01:19:33I detect a distinct chill in the atmosphere.
01:19:35Perhaps we'd better proceed indoors.
01:19:37That's funny. I feel quite warm.
01:19:39Mr Paltitude, you will do me the favour
01:19:41of detecting the chill at once.
01:19:43It is observed by several score of prying juvenile eyes
01:19:45and dignity must be maintained
01:19:47at all costs.
01:19:59Don't think you're going to get out of it, Dickie.
01:20:01Your dad will have to wait for you in the study.
01:20:03Yes, old Grimstone's gone to wax his cane.
01:20:05Yes, that's right.
01:20:07Keep your chin up, Dickie.
01:20:09Yes, that's the least you can do.
01:20:11It may be nasty, but it doesn't last long.
01:20:13Why don't you shut up?
01:20:15Good luck, Dickie boy.
01:20:23Look out, look out!
01:20:27Paltitude,
01:20:29I must announce to you
01:20:31with infinite regret
01:20:33that owing to the intercession of your parent,
01:20:35the castigation
01:20:37will not now take place.
01:20:41Oh!
01:20:45In the incontrovertible
01:20:47knowledge of your supreme guilt
01:20:49and filled, as you undoubtedly are,
01:20:51with unconsolable
01:20:53and gnawing remorse,
01:20:55I must ask you to bear the news
01:20:57with fortitude and follow me.
01:21:01All you boys will write out
01:21:03the present indicative,
01:21:05past imperfect and future
01:21:07pluperfect tenses
01:21:09of the Latin verb
01:21:11castigare
01:21:13to thrash
01:21:15before my return.
01:21:17Your father was in the most excellent
01:21:19form on his arrival.
01:21:21He seems to grow younger with each
01:21:23succeeding year.
01:21:27I'm glad I saved the old man from the swishing.
01:21:29Oh no, dear, I did that.
01:21:31And I think that Grimstone's an absolute cad.
01:21:33He's got a lovely daughter.
01:21:35It's really rather nasty
01:21:37to see a man of your years having a crush
01:21:39on a little girl like that.
01:21:41She's only six days younger than I am.
01:21:43What? Oh, I'm sorry.
01:21:45Dulcy, sweetheart!
01:21:47Tell me, dear,
01:21:49what is the secret
01:21:51of your eternal youth?
01:21:53My what?
01:21:55How do you deal with wrinkles, bags under the eyes
01:21:57and grayness? You know, Miss Grimstone,
01:21:59you look remarkably young for a woman of fifty.
01:22:01Of course, some people might say
01:22:03you'd carried the treatment a little too far.
01:22:05What are you talking about? Dulcy's only fourteen.
01:22:07Aren't you, darling?
01:22:09Would you mind not calling me darling?
01:22:11I don't even know you.
01:22:13This is getting nastier and nastier.
01:22:15You've told me a lie.
01:22:17I have not. I'm only fourteen, too.
01:22:19It's so hard to explain.
01:22:21I think I'd better go.
01:22:23No, don't go, please.
01:22:25Here we have the recreant lad.
01:22:27Florence!
01:22:29The boy remembers me.
01:22:31Remember you?
01:22:33Didn't I once tell you you were my life,
01:22:35my love, my all?
01:22:37Where?
01:22:39Really?
01:22:41Don't be cross, dear heart.
01:22:43Yes. Your father's not well, dear child.
01:22:45My father's dead, my dear.
01:22:47You didn't know him.
01:22:49I remember him. Nice old chap.
01:22:51He spoilt you with sweets.
01:22:53He was just generous where you were mean, that's all.
01:22:55Do you address your father in such round terms?
01:22:57No, sir, never.
01:22:59My father was a gentleman.
01:23:01I'm suggesting that my son is an impostor.
01:23:03Unhappy boy.
01:23:05Like King Lear, stricken with remorse,
01:23:07his wits begin to turn.
01:23:09He's quite all right.
01:23:11He's trying to tell tales on me.
01:23:13You've turned Dulcy against me.
01:23:15She doesn't recognise me any more.
01:23:17I hate you for it.
01:23:19Dulcy?
01:23:21Oh, you horrid boy!
01:23:23To let him give away her secret like that!
01:23:25He deserves everything.
01:23:27He has frozen Florence's heart.
01:23:29Frozen my heart?
01:23:31Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
01:23:33Where is that sweet,
01:23:35infectious smile?
01:23:37Where is that wicked, twinkling eye?
01:23:39Oh, someone give me a cigar
01:23:41before I lose my temper.
01:23:43I brought this,
01:23:45especially for you.
01:23:47And now you've spoiled everything.
01:23:49Cheer up, cheer up.
01:23:51There must be some way out of this.
01:23:53Have you a light?
01:23:55A light, sir!
01:23:57Lunacy!
01:23:59You stoop to imitate your father
01:24:01while he stoops to imitate you.
01:24:03As for you, ma'am,
01:24:05I do not know whom you may be imitating
01:24:07unless it be Arte, my mythological goddess of discord.
01:24:09Even the apple of my eye
01:24:11has not evaded the, as it were,
01:24:13maggot of midwinter madness
01:24:15which seems to be devouring you all.
01:24:17Dulcy, go to your room
01:24:19and stand in the corner.
01:24:21Don't go, Dulcy, don't go.
01:24:23Kindly compose yourself.
01:24:25She's gone and you've sent her away.
01:24:27As for you, ma'am,
01:24:29you are persona non grata
01:24:31within these walls.
01:24:33I recognize in you a scarlet temptress who...
01:24:35How dare you speak so
01:24:37of the woman I hope to marry.
01:24:39Multitude, go straight to your room.
01:24:41Oh, take me away with you.
01:24:43Oh, go on, angel.
01:24:45Rescue the little darling.
01:24:47I'll not tolerate this.
01:24:49No, you'll have to stay a little longer.
01:24:51You can't come back yet.
01:24:53I implore you.
01:24:55No, I've got a party on on Tuesday.
01:24:57You can't come.
01:24:59A fraction of a second longer
01:25:01and I'll expel the whole lot of you.
01:25:03Expel me, please expel me.
01:25:05Do nothing of the sort.
01:25:07You'll be a good boy, I promise.
01:25:09Dick, I'll be a real father to you from now on.
01:25:11No.
01:25:13Well, at least give me some pocket money.
01:25:15Here.
01:25:17Here's a sovereign.
01:25:19Well, I think you ought to take the little pet
01:25:21I'm not your little pet, Florence.
01:25:23I'm your Uncle Wanko's sugar ducks.
01:25:25How do you know this?
01:25:33And you have a mole on your right shoulder.
01:25:35Is that anatomical allegation correct?
01:25:39Yes, but I don't understand.
01:25:41Quite too multitude, eh?
01:25:43Escape, escape.
01:25:45I knew that Grimstone
01:25:47would not hesitate to flog me now.
01:25:49I watched the horseless carriage
01:25:51driving away, not with sadness,
01:25:53but with the kind of relief
01:25:55that so much pent-up emotion had been expended.
01:25:59I remember now
01:26:01making an absurdly melodramatic remark.
01:26:05I remember now
01:26:07making an absurdly melodramatic remark.
01:26:09Florence Verlaine,
01:26:11you and I were meant for one another.
01:26:13One thing I know.
01:26:15I shall return
01:26:17tonight!
01:26:19The fare to London
01:26:21was 18 and 11,
01:26:23and as we were in England,
01:26:25where privacy of the individual is respected
01:26:27and no questions asked,
01:26:29I was able to enjoy
01:26:31the first comfortable hour
01:26:33for myself.
01:26:35I was able to enjoy
01:26:37the first comfortable hour for months.
01:26:39Excuse me, sir.
01:26:41Could you oblige me with a match?
01:26:43Certainly.
01:26:45Thank you.
01:26:47I hope that's witty.
01:27:05I hope that's witty.
01:27:27I tell you, dear heart,
01:27:29Paul Bultitude has gone raving mad.
01:27:31Then why don't we have him certified?
01:27:33It wouldn't be in our interest, would it?
01:27:35He will sign a document tonight
01:27:37when he's a bit merry on ginger pop
01:27:39to the effect that I shall take care
01:27:41of the financial side of the motor car business,
01:27:43which will give him more time
01:27:45to concentrate on children's parties.
01:27:47It is one of the most
01:27:49generous and unselfish offers
01:27:51ever made by one partner to another.
01:27:53Well, what happens then?
01:27:55Don't be childish, my darling.
01:27:57Then I start fiddling
01:27:59the accounts.
01:28:01Paradine,
01:28:03you are unmasked.
01:28:05Gracious, that terrifying child.
01:28:07Keep your mouth shut, odious boy,
01:28:09and I will give you half a florid.
01:28:11It's no use bribing me, Paradine.
01:28:13The ruination of my business
01:28:15I can forgive,
01:28:17but the destruction of my love, never.
01:28:19I told you, the boy's raving mad.
01:28:21Unhappy woman,
01:28:23I am not a boy.
01:28:25I am Paul Bultitude.
01:28:27And I suppose it's Dick in there
01:28:29Exactly.
01:28:31Perhaps it will stop you laughing
01:28:33if I tell you it was I
01:28:35who put the police on your tracks after the Bishopsgate scandals.
01:28:37But you weren't born then.
01:28:39It was I
01:28:41who refused to bail after you contracted
01:28:43that bigamous marriage of convenience
01:28:45to the richest woman in Mesopotamia.
01:28:47What?
01:28:49She was your fourth simultaneous wife,
01:28:51if I remember rightly.
01:28:53Tut, but life is so short.
01:28:55That's what you said then.
01:28:57She had nine husbands.
01:28:59She was much more self-indulgent than I.
01:29:01But how does he know all this?
01:29:03I told you about the mole on my shoulder.
01:29:05Have you forgotten the Garuda stone?
01:29:07Heavens!
01:29:09Treacherous Paradine.
01:29:11It was a wishing stone of the most
01:29:13embarrassing and
01:29:15reliable variety.
01:29:17And where is it now?
01:29:19Dick has it.
01:29:21I shall throw myself at his mercy.
01:29:23He will understand.
01:29:25Filed!
01:29:27Don't you worry, little woman.
01:29:29I will find a way out of this.
01:29:31Chop, chop,
01:29:33las, las, las, las, las,
01:29:35las, las, las, las,
01:29:37las, las, las, las, las,
01:29:39You did that deliberately!
01:29:41What, Mr. Baltitude?
01:29:43Caught me, I call it most unfair.
01:29:45Well, it's a game, Mr. Baltitude.
01:29:47We're doing it for the children.
01:29:49That has nothing to do with it.
01:29:51If you hadn't slurred the last note of music,
01:29:53I didn't know you were interested.
01:29:55Sheila, you're out. I am not.
01:29:57Yes, you are. I am not. Yes, you are.
01:29:59You're a naughty, unsporting little girl.
01:30:01You know I'm right. Out you go.
01:30:03Oh, you brute!
01:30:05Oh, really, girls are impossible.
01:30:07I do think.
01:30:09Come into the next room, Dick.
01:30:11Daddy, how did you get here?
01:30:13I would have taken you away from that school.
01:30:15Honestly, I would.
01:30:17I only wanted to get the party over.
01:30:19What would you have done with me then, eh?
01:30:21I would have taken you to Harrow or Eton
01:30:23or some really good school.
01:30:25I see. We'll come into the other room.
01:30:27Something frightful's about to happen.
01:30:33Well, I never heard me so disgusted.
01:30:35Hello, Dick.
01:30:37Hmm? Does he know?
01:30:39He does. Now, listen, Dick.
01:30:41He's trying to cheat us.
01:30:43If I hadn't escaped from Grimstones,
01:30:45you would have signed the pernicious document
01:30:47which he has prepared.
01:30:49This is serious,
01:30:51because if he does this,
01:30:53there'll be no money for either of us to go to Harrow.
01:30:55You mean I could go to Harrow, Dad, if we...
01:30:57Yes, Dick.
01:30:59Now, Dick, don't you believe him.
01:31:01You don't know when you're well off.
01:31:03Just think of it.
01:31:05No more sherbet,
01:31:07no more children's parties,
01:31:09no more cooking hard-bake in the office.
01:31:11If the money goes, he won't have that in any case.
01:31:13But I promise you
01:31:15one Guinness pocket money a term
01:31:17and a couple,
01:31:19a couple of children's parties every holiday.
01:31:21Now, be a good boy, Dick,
01:31:23and give Bowley the stone
01:31:25and we'll ask him to wish us back.
01:31:27Hmm? Well, I'd like to.
01:31:29I mean, I'm tired of having a big tummy.
01:31:31Oh!
01:31:33Come, Dick.
01:31:35It's not as big as all that.
01:31:37Don't exaggerate.
01:31:39Well, it feels so big
01:31:41and I don't like being short-sighted
01:31:43and a bit deaf.
01:31:45The trouble is, I...
01:31:47The trouble...
01:31:49What is it?
01:31:51I've lost the stone.
01:31:53What? Good man.
01:31:55I don't know where it could possibly be.
01:31:57Where have you been lately?
01:31:59The waxworks, the circus,
01:32:01Richmond Park,
01:32:03the follies and the seaside.
01:32:05I have an idea.
01:32:07I lost the stone on the beach at Brighton.
01:32:09Oh!
01:32:11Open, I say, open.
01:32:13I'm glad to sort the refuge within.
01:32:15Ah, may I come in?
01:32:21Where is that unhappy boy?
01:32:23Mama Took, you must help me.
01:32:29Took!
01:32:31We've lost the stone!
01:32:33Nuts and May, Nuts and May,
01:32:35Nuts and May on a cold and frosty morning.
01:32:39Who shall we have to take her away?
01:32:41Take her away, take her away.
01:32:43Who shall we have to take her away on a cold and frosty morning?
01:32:45You, that lost stone, shall not delay me.
01:32:47Your fate is still.
01:32:49Take her away, take her away.
01:32:51Take her away on a cold and frosty morning.
01:32:59Ah!
01:33:03Oh!
01:33:09Let me lay my hands upon him!
01:33:13Seek no longer to conceal yourself.
01:33:15George!
01:33:21At arms!
01:33:25Rowley!
01:33:29Rowley, give me the stone.
01:33:31You're dead, Dickie.
01:33:33Silly Dickie.
01:33:35Back from school?
01:33:37Give me the stone,
01:33:39and I'll show you a trick.
01:33:41No, it's my stone.
01:33:43I found it. It's mine.
01:33:45I'm going to make a sling out of it.
01:33:47You know it's a magic stone.
01:33:49Is it? Cool.
01:33:51Yes, and if you hold it tightly
01:33:53and say exactly as I say,
01:33:55it'll do magic things.
01:33:57Will it? Yes.
01:33:59I want you to say,
01:34:01I wish Dick and Paul back again.
01:34:03That's silly.
01:34:05No, it isn't. It's marvellous.
01:34:07I wish Dick.
01:34:09I wish Dick.
01:34:11And Paul? That's Daddy.
01:34:13Say Daddy if you wish.
01:34:15Daddy.
01:34:17Back again.
01:34:19Back again.
01:34:21Oh, there's my liver again.
01:34:23It is a magic stone.
01:34:25Can I wish again?
01:34:27You can wish yourself blue in the face,
01:34:29my darling.
01:34:31No, better not.
01:34:35Can I help you at all,
01:34:37you villain?
01:34:39Huh?
01:34:41Ah!
01:34:47I'll teach you to strike me,
01:34:49you wicked old miser.
01:34:51I am first claimer from the wretched land.
01:34:53Neither of you have any claim on him.
01:34:55Yes.
01:34:57Yes.
01:35:01And now you can go to Harrow
01:35:03if you wish.
01:35:05Can we afford it?
01:35:07Easily.
01:35:09The horseless carriages are selling like hot cakes.
01:35:11You can even afford to move to a bigger house.
01:35:13Me move to a bigger house
01:35:15now when I'm all alone?
01:35:17No.
01:35:19No.
01:35:25No.
01:35:39That is really the end of my story.
01:35:41But I'm sure you want to know
01:35:43what happened to Grimstone.
01:35:45He died about two years ago
01:35:47from a heart attack
01:35:49while flogging a new boy.
01:35:51Legend has it that he died
01:35:53from a tumultitude engraved on his heart.
01:35:55Fanny Verlaine,
01:35:57whose name still awakens
01:35:59a pang in my heart,
01:36:01left for Panama with Paradine.
01:36:05I had a Christmas card from them
01:36:07sent from a place called Blue Cockatoo.
01:36:09As for the stone,
01:36:11it disappeared in a daring robbery.
01:36:13Got you at last,
01:36:15McCufferty.
01:36:17You've got a lot to answer for.
01:36:19I'd be surprised if they don't give you
01:36:21thirty years.
01:36:23Or life.
01:36:25I know. I wish I was miles away from here.
01:36:27At the North Pole or somewhere.
01:36:35Nobody knew what happened to the stone.
01:36:37It may be still at the North Pole.
01:36:39But if it isn't,
01:36:41may I warn the public that
01:36:43should any person find
01:36:45a grey green stone
01:36:47with the name of a Sheffield manufacturer
01:36:49it is highly inadvisable
01:36:51to express any wish
01:36:53while holding it.
01:36:57Dick was married today
01:36:59and I,
01:37:01well,
01:37:03I was lonely.
01:37:05I expect I married again,
01:37:07myself.
01:37:09And now end my life,
01:37:11end this story
01:37:13in a spirit of great tranquility.
01:37:15Which, thanks to my dear son,
01:37:17wise,
01:37:19thanks to Dr. Grimstone,
01:37:21and happy,
01:37:23thanks to my beloved wife,
01:37:25Alice.
01:37:27Goodbye.
01:37:29It really is too bad, Paul.
01:37:31I've been waiting for twenty minutes
01:37:33and I'm all dressed to go out.
01:37:35And may I tell you that if I was ten years younger,
01:37:37I'd be...