Fake Smiles - Nouman Ali Khan
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LearningTranscript
00:00Allah says,
00:06أَبْحَسِبَ الَّذِينَ فِي قُلُوبِهِمْ مَرَضٌ أَلَّنْ يُخْرِجَ اللَّهُ أَضْغَانَهُمْ
00:11Or is it the case that the people who have some disease in their heart,
00:14have they assumed that Allah will not bring out their hatred and their spite and their resentment.
00:20The word أَضْغَانَ comes from ضغن or ضغن in Arabic,
00:23which linguists would argue means الحقد والبغضاء والعداوة
00:27Resentment, ill feeling, spite towards somebody.
00:31And Allah is saying in this ayah that people that have these kinds of sentiments,
00:35they tend to hide them.
00:36Like somebody meets you with a smile and they say salam to you,
00:40and they give you a hug and they ask how you're doing,
00:42but yet they're harboring inside them these ill feelings towards you.
00:45They have this grudge against you,
00:47they're holding something you said for a long time and they don't tell you that.
00:50And you'll never get an idea,
00:52you won't have a clue that they're holding this against you.
00:55And as a matter of fact, it comes out in other people's gatherings,
00:58and when they're among their other friends or whatever,
01:00they'll talk about you and they'll say things about you.
01:02But when they meet you, it's all good.
01:04They're just gonna pretend everything is just fine.
01:06And Allah calls them out on this.
01:07And first of all, He describes this as a disease of their hearts.
01:10It's a spiritual disease.
01:12You would think the disease of the heart is when somebody doesn't remember Allah,
01:15or when someone is heedless or they become greedy or they become materialistic
01:19and they're not spiritual enough.
01:20And yet in this ayah, actually part of the meaning of people who have a disease in their heart
01:24is actually people who have resentment towards others in their heart.
01:27People who are harboring ill feeling towards others in their heart.
01:30SubhanAllah.
01:31That's a spiritual disease.
01:32And then, not only is that a disease,
01:35do they really think they're gonna be able to hide it?
01:37أَلَّن يُخْرِجَ اللَّهُ أَضْغَانَهُمْ
01:39Allah will bring out all forms of their resentments in one way or the other.
01:42Doesn't matter how much they try to hide it,
01:44and how much they try to conceal it because of some agenda
01:47or some advantage they wanna take,
01:49or they don't think it's gonna be best for them to let people know how they truly feel.
01:52And yet Allah will actually bring it out.
01:54You don't have to bring it out and somebody else doesn't have to expose it.
01:57It will be Allah Himself who will present the opportunity.
02:00He'll create the circumstance where their grudge and their resentment and their spite
02:04is gonna make its way to the surface.
02:06You're gonna see it for what it is.
02:07SubhanAllah.
02:08Allah will create those situations.
02:09This is not just about some people.
02:11Like as you're watching this, you're like,
02:12I can think of someone who's holding these grudges and Allah will bring it out one day.
02:15Well, Allah hasn't brought it out which means you shouldn't be making assumptions.
02:18You know.
02:19But this is about you and me ourselves.
02:21Something I learned in life that actually was inspired by this ayah.
02:26A policy.
02:27Sometimes you have friends and they say things and it hurts your feelings
02:30and you don't say anything back.
02:31You just kinda hold it in.
02:32And it doesn't let you go.
02:34A long time goes by and you still hold on to what they said.
02:37And it does put a crack in your relationship with that friend
02:41or with that whoever, that relative.
02:43But you don't bring it up to them.
02:45I have a policy that I'd even like to recommend when it comes to this stuff.
02:49You shouldn't hold back.
02:50You should actually be loving and transparent and honest in the relationships you have in life.
02:56If somebody did say something that hurt your feelings
02:58and you've been harboring it for a long time,
03:00don't let it turn into a disease inside your heart.
03:02Just let them know.
03:03Look, you said this, it really hurt my feelings.
03:05I've been holding it but I don't know if I should hold it anymore.
03:08I really wanted to let you know.
03:09And I actually did that more recently.
03:11I did that with some friends and some associates
03:13that they did say something or do something that hurt my feelings personally.
03:17And I held it for years.
03:19And then they eventually came back and said,
03:21you know, you don't call me as often as you used to.
03:24And before I would have said something like,
03:26oh, you know, I'm busy, this, that.
03:28But actually I decided, you know what, yeah, you're right, I don't call you
03:30because of this one thing that really hurt me.
03:33And I just felt like I shouldn't call you as much.
03:35You want to talk about it?
03:36Yeah, let's talk about it.
03:37And we'd have a 30-40 minute chat.
03:39And things would get resolved.
03:42And actually our relationship would become better than it ever had been before.
03:46Just because you came clean.
03:48Just because you didn't let it inside.
03:50That's not patience.
03:51That's not you being righteous.
03:52It's just you allowing for some sickness in your heart to get bigger and bigger and bigger.
03:56We're not angels.
03:57We don't forget this stuff.
03:58We have to resolve it.
03:59It's okay.
04:00It's okay when people resolve things with each other.
04:02And we have to find healthy ways of doing that.
04:04May Allah make us courageous enough to have openness in our relationships,
04:07in our communication, without being offensive.
04:10And may Allah keep us from those who harbor these kinds of ill feelings
04:13until Allah Himself brings them out.