The Best comedy Movie ( Comedy, Drama )
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00No relation.
00:00:01That was my first question.
00:00:02Beat me to it.
00:00:03Big reading you have ahead of yourself at Booksmart downtown later today?
00:00:06Yeah, that is the sentence.
00:00:08Well, I don't think it'll be that bad.
00:00:10Book readings aren't known to end with the audience eating the author.
00:00:13Oh, but I do like that visual.
00:00:16Someone trying to appease a room full of cannibals with chiclet.
00:00:19I mean, I can't say that's the best category or the strongest genre to tackle that sort of room, but...
00:00:24Well, if not chiclet, what genre do you consider yourself?
00:00:29Uh, I don't know. I guess I don't like to be tied down.
00:00:32Categories are for agents and bookstores.
00:00:35It's a shortcut when your job is selling books all day long.
00:00:38You know, readers, like alphabeticalize.
00:00:41We look at books differently.
00:00:43They influence and authors end up pigeonholed.
00:00:46I mean, moral of the story, the good life is reserved for the readers.
00:00:49Explore the store, have fun, be curious.
00:00:52So is irony your favorite?
00:00:55Well, the madness is in today's world no one can know anymore.
00:00:59Seriously?
00:01:01Sounds like you're having a meltdown.
00:01:03If you let them think you're crazy, they're gonna think that I'm crazy.
00:01:06And if I'm crazy, I can't help you.
00:01:08I can't even help myself and we both lose.
00:01:10Whoa!
00:01:12What the...
00:01:14What was that about?
00:01:16Well, that sounds like work.
00:01:17Well, it's more work than social media.
00:01:19I mean, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, those are work.
00:01:23But if people scroll and scroll all day long,
00:01:27I mean, even when they're in movies that they hate to see
00:01:29or with people that they love, it's like, get off your phone.
00:01:33If we had a way to track how many words people read on average today,
00:01:36I bet you it's more than Warren P's cover-to-cover
00:01:38or scrolling every year,
00:01:40which, you know, when you think about it,
00:01:42it's actually really impressive.
00:01:44If you hand someone a 1,000- or 1,300-page book,
00:01:48tell them to take a year, for some reason they get scared.
00:01:52You know, it works out to about five pages a day, by the way.
00:01:55But people read 280 characters at a time?
00:01:57We all read one sentence at a time.
00:02:02So, I said to him, post-postmodernism is so over.
00:02:06Come on, tricks are for kids.
00:02:08Can you write something truthful, for God's sakes?
00:02:13Listen, I'm going to have to have some pictures from you.
00:02:16I got to give something to the publisher.
00:02:18Nobody's writing blank million-dollar checks anymore, though.
00:02:22Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind?
00:02:24No, not at all. I'm, uh...
00:02:26He's going to be down there.
00:02:28OK, OK. Carry him.
00:02:30Now, you listen to me first.
00:02:33My client said he hates fucking three of them, his words.
00:02:37Well, take your stupid, honest, even,
00:02:41read what the title of the book is.
00:02:44No, no, no, no. He's done this before to me.
00:02:47When I see him, I'm going to briefly strangle him.
00:02:50Oh, so I'll strangle him this very day.
00:03:21STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:23STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:25STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:27STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:29STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:31STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:33STRIKES FOREHEAD
00:03:35Oh, that's a fun one.
00:03:37Written in high school, published years later.
00:03:40Pretty pure stuff.
00:03:42They went no picture.
00:03:44It didn't matter, still did well.
00:03:47Better when that happens.
00:03:50Did you like it?
00:03:53It's an authentic debut.
00:03:56We'll see when the next one shows up here.
00:03:58They all do.
00:04:00You make this place sound like it's a pound.
00:04:03Well, some do tend to get adopted quicker than others.
00:04:11Thank you.
00:04:18I don't like that cover.
00:04:20It's all wrong.
00:04:23Why?
00:04:24Because it appears as if you're trying to overcompensate for the sentences.
00:04:30And the book deserves better than that.
00:04:32I usually only check voicemail twice a day when taking a dump.
00:04:35On a good day, you think I'm an animal.
00:04:38You're the one still leaving voicemail.
00:04:40Text.
00:04:44Hey.
00:04:46Hey.
00:04:47You know what?
00:04:48I think we got a bestseller.
00:04:50Well, they haven't read it yet.
00:04:51Half of them haven't even bought it yet.
00:04:53All right.
00:04:54So, can you please be in the moment?
00:04:57And appreciate how special this all is.
00:05:01Just try and put on your happy face.
00:05:03Turn the frown upside down.
00:05:06And also, do not talk anyone out of buying the book.
00:05:11Thank you.
00:05:16Hi there.
00:05:17I'm actually super disappointed this mic doesn't have any feedback on it.
00:05:20I'm going to have to break the ice myself now.
00:05:25So, I guess this is what an AA meeting feels like.
00:05:32I'm Erin Bellow.
00:05:34I've been in sentence construction for over a decade now.
00:05:41I hope this adds something.
00:05:46Hey.
00:05:47I really love what you wrote.
00:05:49Oh, thanks.
00:05:50But do you get some kind of thrill out of trying to hurt us with the story?
00:05:55Um.
00:05:57I'm asking out here because I figured who wouldn't want me to ask in there with everyone.
00:06:01Right.
00:06:02Well, it's not being done at you.
00:06:04I guess I thought we were just trying to work on something together.
00:06:09Erin.
00:06:10Come on.
00:06:11Come on.
00:06:12If you don't like it, you can walk away, right?
00:06:14But thank you for coming.
00:06:41Thank you.
00:06:43Sweetie.
00:06:44Just wanted to tell you, you were great, great today.
00:06:47No, no, no.
00:06:48I just, I thought you were coming.
00:06:49Oh, no.
00:06:50You know, have this.
00:06:52Such a boring dinner with my boss and the three amigos you can cop.
00:06:56Welcome to join.
00:06:58No, I'm good.
00:07:00Smart you.
00:07:08Hi.
00:07:09Hi.
00:07:10How you doing?
00:07:11Tired.
00:07:12Long day.
00:07:13Yeah.
00:07:14Tell me about it.
00:07:15How'd it go?
00:07:16Good.
00:07:17Yeah?
00:07:18What'd you read?
00:07:19Same old, good old misnomer.
00:07:21The, um, rant about words bouncing off their target.
00:07:25Yeah, at least when code doesn't work, I get instant feedback when the app crashes.
00:07:29God, that sounds so good.
00:07:31Now I get it down, and then I've got to wait ten years to see if it matters.
00:07:34Not if you want to pull it, sir.
00:07:36Right.
00:07:37Name the last five winners.
00:07:38Anyway, listen, um, uh, there's a reason that I wanted to video chat with you.
00:07:43Oh, yeah?
00:07:44Well, look what I was just eyeing.
00:07:46Kelly on her back romped his nightcoat shirt.
00:07:48Yo!
00:07:49Oh, uh, all right, yeah.
00:07:52I don't know, uh, yeah, I don't know if that's funny or offensive.
00:07:55Anyways.
00:07:56Uh, yeah, anyway, um, I, uh, seriously, I, I want you to say hi to Lacey.
00:08:04What?
00:08:05Hear me out.
00:08:06What is she, what is she doing there?
00:08:07She, she, she showed up here.
00:08:08See, I told her right away that I was completely uncomfortable with it.
00:08:12Yeah.
00:08:13Yeah, me too.
00:08:14See, the thing is, that's why I'm, was putting this all out in the open, because I don't want you to think that,
00:08:17that I'm hiding anything because there's nothing to hide here.
00:08:19Right, so why are you saying all that like that?
00:08:21Because.
00:08:22Because she showed up.
00:08:23She wanted to talk.
00:08:24About?
00:08:25Not about that.
00:08:26About moving.
00:08:27Missing us.
00:08:28About how we made a mistake?
00:08:31Maybe.
00:08:33Why didn't you answer when I called earlier?
00:08:35Because we were talking.
00:08:36Right, I want to talk to her.
00:08:38Yeah, good.
00:08:39That's why I wanted to video chat with you, because that way, you, you can just go ahead and, uh,
00:08:45say whatever, say whatever, say whatever you want to say.
00:08:48Here.
00:08:50Hi, Aaron.
00:08:52Hi.
00:08:53You okay?
00:08:55Yeah, no, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm good.
00:08:57It's just, it's been rough.
00:09:00Yeah.
00:09:02You drinking a beer?
00:09:05Yeah.
00:09:06So, um, what, you just popped by?
00:09:12I don't think I'm going to be here when you get back.
00:09:14Right, well, like, I have a meeting tomorrow, but I should be back in, like, a day or two.
00:09:20Yeah, well, with all the way they've been flying you around.
00:09:24Look, you're moving, Lacey.
00:09:25No one's dying.
00:09:26Yeah, I know.
00:09:27I'm just, I know.
00:09:31Anyway, um, I gotta head out.
00:09:41Okay, uh, let me call you back.
00:09:43Wait, what?
00:09:44What?
00:09:45Why?
00:09:46What, what, you want me to put you on the windowsill so you can watch her out?
00:09:50Fine, call me back.
00:09:52Okay.
00:10:01Oh, shit!
00:10:07Hello?
00:10:11I'll be down in a minute.
00:10:16Oh, God.
00:10:21Oh, God.
00:10:22Oh, God.
00:10:23Oh, God.
00:10:24Oh, God.
00:10:25Oh, God.
00:10:26Oh, God.
00:10:27Oh, God.
00:10:28Oh, God.
00:10:30Oh.
00:10:31Oh.
00:10:42So just tell him to go fuck himself.
00:10:45And then when he realizes I don't like fucking myself, I want you to do it for me.
00:10:50Then you will get Theo back.
00:10:52Do it!
00:10:53This is all day.
00:10:55God.
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:03Alright.
00:11:05What is this?
00:11:06Oh, it's a hangover cure.
00:11:08The best, the best.
00:11:10Hi there, the usual.
00:11:16Here.
00:11:17I just need a macchiato.
00:11:18No, no, no, this is much better.
00:11:20It's a plant-based drug.
00:11:21I'll take the usual, too.
00:11:30I don't know.
00:11:31Should I be worried?
00:11:32I mean, is this some kind of a drinking problem?
00:11:35Uh-uh.
00:11:37Hi.
00:11:38Yes, hi.
00:11:39Good morning.
00:11:40Yes, I'm here with Erin.
00:11:41Uh, yes.
00:11:43I have you here, Mrs...?
00:11:45Yes, yes.
00:11:46Mrs. Yes, right.
00:11:49Mr. Williams is telling me that we need to wait until Miss Freeman is ready.
00:11:52Oh, how long is that going to be?
00:11:54She's usually ten minutes behind.
00:11:56That is actually probably going to be better for us.
00:11:58Because I...
00:12:00It's like a literal ball and chain.
00:12:02Shame!
00:12:04Shame!
00:12:10Ugh.
00:12:11Are you going to be okay for this meeting?
00:12:13Please don't yell at me.
00:12:20Hey, Carrie, we're ready.
00:12:22Doubtful.
00:12:24Hi, Erin.
00:12:25I'm Greg.
00:12:26Okay.
00:12:29So, Erin, congratulations on your novel.
00:12:31I love where it took me.
00:12:33Such a departure from your debut.
00:12:35And I want to thank you both for coming here and making time for us
00:12:38because I know that you're at the end of your trip.
00:12:40And a little birdie told me that you had been taking other production meetings thus far,
00:12:45so I know that you have choices, options.
00:12:47I also heard something about, um, a series.
00:12:50Yes, well, that's why we're interested in hearing what you all have to say.
00:12:55Because I'm interested in getting on with lunch.
00:12:58Lunch? Oh, well, who are you lunching with?
00:13:01With Erin.
00:13:03Oh.
00:13:04Well...
00:13:0586.
00:13:07We're thinking of Cruise for the lead.
00:13:10But, um...
00:13:13But, um, the antagonist is 25.
00:13:16I happen to know Tom Cruise very well,
00:13:18and I think if he wants to do it, we can age him down.
00:13:20Mm, so it wouldn't be the character that changes,
00:13:24it would be the actor.
00:13:26Having him play 25 again would be a great press move.
00:13:29Mm-hmm.
00:13:30And I think it would up the value of the project twofold, if not more.
00:13:33Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:13:35Wait.
00:13:37Who's that?
00:13:38It's me!
00:13:39Oh, hey!
00:13:40Sit down.
00:13:41You wanted me to give her to risk your business, right?
00:13:44Did we offend her?
00:13:46No, no, no.
00:13:47She's just a little under the weather.
00:13:50But I'm sure that she'll feel much better
00:13:53if you can get your offer into the mid-sixes.
00:13:56So, I'll be off.
00:13:59Good day.
00:14:01Fire that little brat!
00:14:03You're fired.
00:14:06This is so good.
00:14:08How do you know?
00:14:10How do I know?
00:14:11That bottle cost $100.
00:14:12That's how I know.
00:14:14Mm.
00:14:16Ah.
00:14:18Now, they told me that you opted out for tomorrow's meeting
00:14:21because you want to take the red-eye home.
00:14:23Yeah, I feel like you don't need my help picking
00:14:25who's going to fuck it up the least.
00:14:27Well, you got them right.
00:14:29I'm going to take the red-eye home.
00:14:32Maybe.
00:14:34Come on, you know, I don't want to be a pain in the ass,
00:14:37but there is a deadline on the horizon,
00:14:39and I know I don't need to remind you.
00:14:41Yeah, no, I know, I know.
00:14:43I just, um, I've got some ideas that I'm noodling.
00:14:47Oh, good.
00:14:49Good. Good, good, good.
00:14:51What?
00:14:53I'm still working on them, so...
00:14:55So, I don't want to be a pain in the ass.
00:14:57No, no, no.
00:14:59I'm still working on them, so I don't want to...
00:15:02Thank you. Thank you.
00:15:04You can tell me. Friend to friend.
00:15:08OK.
00:15:10So, I'm thinking the sci-fi set in the 90s with rap music.
00:15:14No, no. What?
00:15:16No, no, no. No? Why?
00:15:18No, because historical sci-fi doesn't work
00:15:21unless you happen to be steampunk.
00:15:23Wait, so we call this gangster steam?
00:15:25Nobody reads steampunk
00:15:27except for the few people that read steampunk.
00:15:29OK.
00:15:31No, it's not OK.
00:15:33The publisher offered you mid-six figures advance.
00:15:37That tells you that they want a lot of people to read your books,
00:15:42not just those people.
00:15:44What do you mean, those people?
00:15:46What do you mean, what do you mean? You know what I mean.
00:15:48It's a small demographic.
00:15:50It's a niche demographic. That's a thing.
00:15:52Niche. Schmich.
00:15:54OK, it's a road trip story.
00:15:56They're going to Argentina, except they can't go to the next country
00:15:59until they have sex with someone in the country that they're in.
00:16:01It's country, country, bang, bang.
00:16:03Oh, no, no. Try and come up with something else.
00:16:06That doesn't send me like that dress.
00:16:09Sibling rivalry drama.
00:16:11Brother and sister, they're both in love with the same girl.
00:16:14Believe it or not, I heard a very similar pitch last week.
00:16:18What? Same snatch, different day.
00:16:21How about this? A coalition of religious leaders
00:16:23discovers the cure to cancer,
00:16:25and they follow you in modern faith,
00:16:27only to reveal the science behind the coalition.
00:16:29I got Tiger Portal to move up, so you should stay till tomorrow.
00:16:32What, you didn't like those guys today?
00:16:34We could get more.
00:16:36Well, what about a remake?
00:16:38You know, that goes fast, and then you won't get writer's block.
00:16:40Yeah, especially if I'm plagiarizing.
00:16:42No, we wouldn't do it like that.
00:16:44I just want something that's quick,
00:16:46something honest, something truthful.
00:16:48Well, I need to have something that I feel like is worth the paper.
00:16:51It's not being printed. It's on digital.
00:16:53Oh, my God.
00:16:55It's like an old-fashioned detective story,
00:16:57but the detective is an amnesiac,
00:16:59and the criminal has a photographic memory.
00:17:01You know, there is a Swedish fairy tale that I've always loved.
00:17:04It's The Prince Without a Shadow.
00:17:06We want something that people actually know.
00:17:09People know fairy tales.
00:17:11Not Swedish ones, honey. Not even the Swedes.
00:17:14The poster had nothing to do with the story.
00:17:16Well, at least they knew Chartreuse was green.
00:17:19The Salem Witch Trials.
00:17:22Set in modern day.
00:17:24Why don't you do a memoir? That's a good idea.
00:17:27What? No.
00:17:28And then you can write about what you know.
00:17:30I'm not even 30. That's stupid.
00:17:32And they want to sell it in the U.S.
00:17:34Nobody here is going to want a fairy tale
00:17:36that doesn't have a happy ending.
00:17:38You can thank Disney for that.
00:17:40What about a bunch of girls, all tweens...
00:17:43No. I hate it.
00:17:45I haven't even heard it, and I hate it.
00:17:47Well, that's all I had.
00:17:49I thought you'd come up with the rest.
00:17:51I think it's a chance to set the record straight.
00:17:53Pass.
00:17:54Why?
00:17:55Because it's not what they want.
00:17:56Well, what do they want?
00:17:58They want something that they already like.
00:18:00You don't want to wait until somebody salacious comes along
00:18:04and writes his own version of it,
00:18:06and you know that they will, and they always make money at it.
00:18:09There's used bookstores just filled with old sections of that crap.
00:18:13Memoir. It's terrifying.
00:18:15No matter who writes it, it's probably better it's not me.
00:18:17Es que Macchiato.
00:18:22Who?
00:18:30I'm always struck by that responsibility that the writer has,
00:18:34because they have such power,
00:18:36and as we know, with great power comes great responsibility.
00:18:39Yes, indeed.
00:18:40You have the power to determine the fates of everyone in this world
00:18:44that you've created.
00:18:45It's the power that we all lack in our own universe,
00:18:48but the writer completely controls it in his universe.
00:18:55Ladies and gentlemen, we are preparing the cabin for landing.
00:18:58Please place your seats and tray tables in the upright position
00:19:01and we'll be on the ground shortly.
00:19:03Thank you for flying with us and have a nice day.
00:19:18Thank you for flying with us and have a nice day.
00:19:49Ah, you look so good.
00:19:51Thank you, Sunil.
00:19:54Wow, it's been a while.
00:19:57Yeah.
00:19:58Um, thank you.
00:20:00It certainly feels like it.
00:20:04So?
00:20:05So, are they going to adapt to us?
00:20:08I don't know.
00:20:09I don't know.
00:20:10I don't know.
00:20:11I don't know.
00:20:12I don't know.
00:20:13I don't know.
00:20:14I don't know.
00:20:15I don't know.
00:20:16So, are they going to adapt it?
00:20:19Um, I don't know.
00:20:20I guess I'd prefer that they didn't.
00:20:22Come on.
00:20:23What about the fatty check that'll pay off the new house
00:20:25before Escort closes?
00:20:27Yeah, I'm not sure I'm going to go through with that.
00:20:30Then you said your bungalow wasn't big enough for the two of you.
00:20:38Are you guys breaking up?
00:20:41Or...
00:20:43Did you guys sleep together the other night?
00:20:45No.
00:20:49No.
00:20:51I just wanted to say goodbye in person.
00:20:55I didn't know I'm not allowed over unless you're home now.
00:20:57It's not that.
00:20:58You know what, maybe you were right.
00:21:00Sleeping together was a mistake.
00:21:05Yeah, I just thought maybe they'll get it out of their system while I'm around.
00:21:08Maybe they'll get it out of their system while I'm around.
00:21:12And now I'm moving.
00:21:15So what?
00:21:17So you won't have to worry.
00:21:38Okay.
00:21:56My hands.
00:22:08Okay.
00:22:26Rand!
00:22:31Okay.
00:22:38Ah!
00:22:43Okay, okay.
00:22:47Damn it!
00:22:50Okay.
00:22:52Okay.
00:23:05Rand!
00:23:08Rand!
00:23:39Oh, jeez!
00:23:42Ow.
00:23:54So you're serious that you're not going to believe me?
00:23:57Aaron, we didn't do anything.
00:24:00I just need you to help me pack my stuff in the morning.
00:24:08Can you at least go sleep on the bed?
00:24:09No, I can't.
00:24:23Well, now you don't have to get rid of this place.
00:24:25I was going to miss it.
00:24:28I don't know how you can be so illogical.
00:24:32Well, that's why you write code and I write prose.
00:24:38I hope that in time you realize I was telling you the truth.
00:24:43The way you remember it?
00:24:44Or the way it actually happened?
00:25:08Okay.
00:25:38Okay.
00:26:08Okay.
00:26:39Okay.
00:26:53Straighten the back leg and very slowly press down to the left foot.
00:27:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:27:08Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:27:10No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:27:13No!
00:27:15No!
00:27:26Inhale with the right leg parallel to the earth.
00:27:29Exhale with the right foot through the palms.
00:27:32Six.
00:27:38Five.
00:27:40Four.
00:27:42Three.
00:27:44Two.
00:27:46One.
00:28:08Ah!
00:28:22You're kidding me.
00:28:23I'm hardly a kidder.
00:28:24I'm earnest.
00:28:25That's probably not the right word.
00:28:27Um, fine.
00:28:28I will, uh, take one of these.
00:28:30We're closed.
00:28:32Ring it up in the morning.
00:28:33That bag is $24.
00:28:35What?
00:28:39$24.
00:28:42$24.
00:28:44Mom!
00:28:54Ya.
00:28:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:00I'm all ears.
00:29:01You tell him, tell him.
00:29:02Tell him!
00:29:04No!
00:29:06What?
00:29:07♪
00:29:12♪
00:29:17♪
00:29:22♪
00:29:27♪
00:29:32♪
00:29:37Never hire that asshole actor.
00:29:40Whoop. Okay.
00:29:42Carry on.
00:29:44Come on.
00:29:49Print the pages. Print the pages.
00:29:59Where's the rest?
00:30:03Oh, God.
00:30:05I have Erin on too.
00:30:07She can't wait to talk to you.
00:30:09I'll go get you Xanax.
00:30:12Hey.
00:30:13So?
00:30:14There's nine pages.
00:30:15Yeah.
00:30:16That's it?
00:30:17I just wanted you to get an idea of what track I was on.
00:30:20So there's no more?
00:30:22No.
00:30:23Okay, good.
00:30:24Just good?
00:30:25No, the pages suck, honey.
00:30:27I thought you wanted me to write a memoir.
00:30:29It's so depressing.
00:30:32Thank you.
00:30:33Sorry.
00:30:34I mean, it's a little bit embellished.
00:30:37You can't purposely set out to write a fake memoir.
00:30:42At least I'm being upfront about it.
00:30:43It's like I dare you to find the truth in it.
00:30:45Okay, you know what?
00:30:46Forget the memoir.
00:30:47I'll get a biographer.
00:30:49You'll have full approval and profit participation.
00:30:53What?
00:30:54Sweetie, you gotta get used to the idea
00:30:56that you're a public figure.
00:30:57You're a brand.
00:30:58People know you.
00:30:59The only thing you don't want me to write about is me.
00:31:02Yes.
00:31:03No fake memoirs.
00:31:05No Nordic fairy tales.
00:31:07No gangster punk.
00:31:09Something else.
00:31:10Fast.
00:31:11The publishers are waiting for pages.
00:31:13And if they don't get them soon,
00:31:15they're gonna sit their asses down and write you a letter
00:31:18in the language that they love most.
00:31:20Legalese.
00:31:21Think about it.
00:31:22Bye.
00:31:28Bye.
00:31:35Welcome, welcome to the autumnal edition of Bookworm.
00:31:38I'm your host, Will Forsythe.
00:31:39I'll be sharing these five or so megabytes
00:31:42with the critic for California Monthly,
00:31:45Theo Minkin.
00:31:46Theo, welcome.
00:31:47Thanks.
00:31:52It's open!
00:31:53Oh, and paperback!
00:31:55Your very own.
00:31:57Hi, Nana.
00:31:59I still like this one best.
00:32:02Doesn't give you a clue what's on the inside.
00:32:05Which makes me curious.
00:32:08That's why I love you.
00:32:10We'll be discussing a number of topics today,
00:32:12including readership going up, the return of long form.
00:32:15But first, something we were discussing
00:32:18before we started recording.
00:32:20And I said, Theo, hold on.
00:32:21This is good stuff.
00:32:22Save it for the podcast.
00:32:24Are you seeing anyone?
00:32:26Nana.
00:32:27You should be.
00:32:28So should you.
00:32:29I am.
00:32:30And if you were around more, you'd know that.
00:32:36It's much better for me to talk about my great-grandkids
00:32:39than it is to listen to somebody else talk about their uncle.
00:32:43Nana.
00:32:45You need to visit more.
00:32:47I have, like, zero time.
00:32:48You make of time what you want.
00:32:50And if you don't make time, young lady,
00:32:53I'm going to tell this journalist or whoever
00:32:56that you were selling drugs in high school.
00:33:01Don't you dare.
00:33:03Don't you dare.
00:33:04So a few minutes ago, you were espousing
00:33:06on a new theory on young adult readers.
00:33:09Yes, who are they, these young adults?
00:33:11It's cold or easy.
00:33:13Adults get to feel young again.
00:33:15And the young get a taste of the sourness
00:33:17that awaits them as adults.
00:33:19It's easy, moves fast, and no big words.
00:33:21Well, I got news for you.
00:33:23Pizza can be great,
00:33:24but they don't award Michelin stars to pizzerias.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28Simply because it will never be the greatest meal in the world.
00:33:31And what about Erin Bellow?
00:33:33Well, who gives a shit?
00:33:35Wait, why?
00:33:36Well, she's inauthentic.
00:33:38She's trying to decode and decipher
00:33:40a world from the position of a quarter-life crisis.
00:33:44Then her publishers sell her on her last name.
00:33:47She's in the category of O'Connor or Little Rand.
00:33:50Well, pardon me, but I'm not buying.
00:33:52Why?
00:33:53Well, she's about as erudite as my five-year-old
00:33:56showing off her new dive.
00:33:58But unlike my child, she doesn't belly flop.
00:34:00She misses the goddamn pool.
00:34:02And concrete is hard, especially from those heights.
00:34:06Hey, what are you looking at me like that for?
00:34:08That doesn't seem fair.
00:34:10What's the worst that's gonna happen to her, a concussion?
00:34:13She'll live, hopefully with enough amnesia to forget writing.
00:34:21BIRDS CHIRP
00:34:35Bit early, don't you think?
00:34:37Well, hello to you too.
00:34:40It's earlier here I'm allowed to be cranky.
00:34:42Are you okay?
00:34:44Yeah, I know there's a really nice soft bush
00:34:46outside the window of my one-story balcony.
00:34:48I don't own any roads and I don't cook enough
00:34:50to keep my knives sharp, so...
00:34:51All right, listen, you gotta go to Los Angeles right away.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:56Because I booked you on perspective.
00:34:59Why?
00:35:00Because I want you to shut those critics up
00:35:03and I want you to set it straight
00:35:05and tell everybody your story.
00:35:07Now you'll be flying on my expense again.
00:35:09While you're at it, my husband...
00:35:11He never shuts up about this Korean-Persian restaurant.
00:35:15I said it's Asian fusion, it's not the B-Support,
00:35:18but I'm dying to have you try...
00:35:25MUSIC PLAYS
00:35:45MUSIC CONTINUES
00:35:55Can you help set the table? Dinner's ready.
00:35:58Of course.
00:36:00You should go.
00:36:02Trips always shake things up.
00:36:05Good for you lissies.
00:36:11MUSIC PLAYS
00:36:16MUSIC CONTINUES
00:36:26You can do me up. Keep going, don't be scared of me.
00:36:31Oh, she's my favourite designer, British.
00:36:34Oh!
00:36:35Hey! Jessica!
00:36:37You look amazing!
00:36:39Oh, it's so good to see you. Good to see you too.
00:36:41You know, I loved Miss Noma.
00:36:44Oh! Incredible length.
00:36:46How did you get all that in there?
00:36:48Thank you so much. That means the world to me, coming from you.
00:36:51I tore through Trophy Life.
00:36:53I mean, I finished it in the middle of the night.
00:36:55Caffeine did not even cross my mind once.
00:36:57Oh, my God, the faster you turn them, the happier they are.
00:36:59You know, I just get afraid for when the page-scrolling metrics
00:37:02start showing up, tracking how fast people scroll. Right.
00:37:05They'll throw that back in our faces.
00:37:07So-and-so gets them to read a map 400 words per minute.
00:37:10So, no big words and just a list of actions.
00:37:13I mean, I, for one, would love it if you did some sort of, like,
00:37:16cool mass-market paperback.
00:37:18I do love it when a book can fit into my back pocket.
00:37:20Right? I love that. It's good to see you.
00:37:22So good to see you too.
00:37:24Thank you so much for coming on the show.
00:37:26We never thought we could get you on.
00:37:28Pleasure to meet you in person.
00:37:30Put a face to the page-proofs.
00:37:32Oh, I never realised you covered that genre.
00:37:34I've been doing literary for years.
00:37:36All right, shall we all be seated?
00:37:39Please hurry, please, please hurry.
00:37:42And three, two, one...
00:37:46Good evening, and welcome to The Writer Perspective.
00:37:49I'm your host, Gwen Ginsberg.
00:37:51I can't get... Excuse me, Carrie, client's on.
00:37:53All right, can you please...
00:37:55Can you please...
00:37:57Can you please...
00:37:59Can you please...
00:38:01Can you please...
00:38:03Can you please...
00:38:05Can you please...
00:38:08Do something.
00:38:10Joining me on this stage, Jessica Morrison.
00:38:12Most famous for Rights Are Wrong,
00:38:14but most recently, Trophy Life.
00:38:20And author and screenwriter of Everyone Loves Buffoons,
00:38:24Theo Mankin.
00:38:25And of course,
00:38:27we are very lucky and grateful to have her.
00:38:30A very rare public appearance, Erin Billow,
00:38:33who is going to get my first question.
00:38:36Oh.
00:38:38Still can't hear them. Oops.
00:38:40Um, well, it is a pale green French liqueur
00:38:43made from 150 herbs.
00:38:45It's like wheatgrass alcohol.
00:38:49Well, not what is it scientifically,
00:38:51but it's been over a year,
00:38:53and no one can agree on the title.
00:38:55It's up to the reader.
00:38:57Oh! Oh, look at her!
00:38:59Oh, isn't she beautiful?
00:39:01Oh, and look at those legs. She looks terrific.
00:39:04She looks good, right?
00:39:05She does. No, she doesn't.
00:39:06Yes, that's my stylist.
00:39:08I mean, when I remember endings,
00:39:10I usually don't remember the rest of the novel.
00:39:13And to me, a novel is a journey.
00:39:15It's not a result.
00:39:17And so if a book doesn't end but fades out...
00:39:22I don't know, it makes the stuff in the middle more important.
00:39:26Risky.
00:39:28So far, so good.
00:39:29Yeah, look how composed she is.
00:39:31Ms. Queen of Suspense and Book Club Fiction.
00:39:34Hate that.
00:39:35What, book club?
00:39:36No, sorry. I love that people are reading it.
00:39:38It's just, um, when it's categorised like that,
00:39:41I mean, you don't need a support group to read it.
00:39:44You just read it.
00:39:45Yeah, I mean, it's not like it even paints it in a certain light.
00:39:48It's more like...
00:39:49Like a shadow.
00:39:50Yeah.
00:39:51And misconceptions, they stick on books.
00:39:53Colour our judgement.
00:39:55This is the future of picture watching.
00:39:57And, uh, Jackie Collins?
00:39:59And Anne Welty.
00:40:02The most graphic of them all.
00:40:04She's just punchy.
00:40:05She has my heart.
00:40:07Theo, funny feeling, she's not yours.
00:40:10Oh, no.
00:40:11I can appreciate Welty.
00:40:13She ogles the rich and famous like Collins,
00:40:15but with more artistic punch.
00:40:17All are straightforward.
00:40:18Welty offers more.
00:40:20She's more...spirituel.
00:40:22Are you trying to be nice?
00:40:24Big ideas don't come from big words.
00:40:27Oh, well, you're off playing word chess.
00:40:29You lose your audience.
00:40:30What audience?
00:40:32Well, maybe if Anne Welty lived a little off the page.
00:40:35To me, she's too much wonderment of the banal.
00:40:39Well, what about John Updike?
00:40:41Couldn't the same be said of him?
00:40:42You love him.
00:40:43Of course.
00:40:44He was risque.
00:40:46I...
00:40:48These ladies are...
00:40:49Going down that road for the first time.
00:40:51It's good for business, but don't bother writing the script.
00:40:53Leave that to the wolves.
00:40:55Books are different than movies,
00:40:56and both are different than real life.
00:40:58Listen, a bit on words.
00:41:00I know populism is in these days,
00:41:03appealed to the ruralites,
00:41:05but words are important.
00:41:07They must be handled with care.
00:41:09Ideas are viruses that can infect us all.
00:41:12So when they are handled recklessly
00:41:14and gain an audience,
00:41:16as both these young ladies have been so lucky to have gained,
00:41:20words really mean something.
00:41:22They are paid for their words.
00:41:24They use them well as they build sentences.
00:41:27The sentences reach up to form the rafters
00:41:30so meaning can harbor safely in its clasp.
00:41:34This shelter is the church of readers.
00:41:39Did you adapt that from
00:41:40here's the church, here's the steeple?
00:41:42Open the doors and see all the people?
00:41:45You know, bad reviews can ruin careers.
00:41:48Are you threatening us, Mr. Mencken?
00:41:50Just you, Mrs. Bellow.
00:41:53So I think that things don't have to be
00:41:56incomprehensible to be great?
00:41:58No, it doesn't.
00:41:59But it should at least aspire for something.
00:42:01Irving doesn't write until he knows the last sentence.
00:42:04Well, that's great for him.
00:42:07But we're all different souls
00:42:08and assuming that's where we write from,
00:42:11it ought to be different.
00:42:13Distilling 10,000 hours into a couple hundred pages.
00:42:17I mean, you can't hide from yourself when you're alone.
00:42:19Writing for months and months.
00:42:22Or years.
00:42:23Yeah, and then a reader takes it down in a couple weeks.
00:42:25Or a day.
00:42:27So the publishers hope.
00:42:28Better have that bar lower
00:42:30and move on so as not to reveal there is nothing
00:42:33to your superficial marriageableness.
00:42:36You say the word soul, yet your sentences go nowhere
00:42:40because they aspire for so little.
00:42:42And yes, I'm calling you out.
00:42:44I heart colloquialisms.
00:42:46Yeah, well, it's easy to throw stones.
00:42:48True, not easy to crack that glass.
00:42:51No, that's just mean.
00:42:52That's just mean.
00:42:53What?
00:42:54Why don't you show us how?
00:42:56Right now with all the cameras rolling?
00:42:59And on that note, we'll be right back.
00:43:03Hide the razor blades.
00:43:05I'm gonna kill myself.
00:43:07Knock, knock, knock.
00:43:37His clean collar contrasted his light amber scruff,
00:44:01spotless shoes, worn belt holes
00:44:03showing recent attention to fitness,
00:44:05well-tied tie, perfectly upturned cuff,
00:44:07all in all, a well-put-together man.
00:44:25Excuse me?
00:44:26Are you good at algebra?
00:44:28Think you could replace my ex without asking why?
00:44:31I'm sorry, that sounded so much better when I read it.
00:44:34Hi, I'm Brad.
00:44:37Nice to meet you.
00:44:39I don't have a pickup as cheesy as that.
00:44:41Checkmate.
00:44:43Excuse me.
00:44:44Nice try.
00:44:45Get back in line.
00:44:48She's...
00:44:49Nina.
00:44:50With me now.
00:44:53If this is what she gives up for coffee,
00:44:55imagine what she gives up to get into a club.
00:45:07BRB.
00:45:16The tingle bounced off the inside of her fingertips.
00:45:20Inbound signals conflict with outbound,
00:45:24forcing her to hold them steady with her legs.
00:45:27Immediately, the electric moment began to dissipate.
00:45:30So she spreads her legs, digs her claws in,
00:45:34grabbing a hold to savor the moment.
00:45:37For love at first sight is a rare endangered energy.
00:45:45So, is this your coffee shop?
00:45:47You mean, do I come here often?
00:45:50Yes, I'm afraid so.
00:45:53We're past the icebreaker.
00:45:55Yeah, I realize how that sounded.
00:45:57I just so badly wanted to say the right thing,
00:45:59and in the process of throwing out all the wrong things,
00:46:02you know, don't say that, not that one, definitely not that,
00:46:05I guess that one sort of got overlooked.
00:46:09I'm sorry.
00:46:11Not sorry.
00:46:15Do you think love at first sight is endangered?
00:46:39This is me.
00:46:40Oh.
00:46:41Where are you parked?
00:46:42Oh, I walked.
00:46:43Oh, cool.
00:46:44I'm looking forward to dinner tonight.
00:46:45Yeah.
00:46:46Seven?
00:46:47Seven.
00:46:48Great.
00:46:49Sorry, I'm keeping you.
00:46:53Oh, big day already.
00:46:55Bye.
00:46:56Bye.
00:47:09The garishly bejeweled dress reeked of a woman divorced of money trouble.
00:47:13She felt set free beneath the weight,
00:47:15and at least for now, stood tall allowing her financial freedom to shine.
00:47:20Is there something in particular I can help you find?
00:47:22How did you know to ask me that?
00:47:24It's my job.
00:47:40You know, I do have a business line.
00:47:43Um, I'm just taking a quick break,
00:47:45but I wanted to call and tell you that I am working on something.
00:47:48Oh, great.
00:47:49Don't worry, something everyone knows.
00:47:51I'm looking for the truth in tropes.
00:47:54I'm sure the publisher will be thrilled.
00:48:09The definition of his hard abs was as angular as the corners on his cherry red supercar.
00:48:15He shyly explains how it was cobbled together for three generations
00:48:19by a family of mechanics in the Italian Alps.
00:48:22He questions the aerodynamics while grabbing a hold of the stick
00:48:27and shifting gears, casually wondering how much sex the hood could withstand.
00:48:32Um...
00:48:53Do you live alone?
00:49:07I do.
00:49:12So, I'm just realizing this now, and it's kind of amazing,
00:49:16but it never came up this morning.
00:49:20What do you do for a living?
00:49:23I am in construction.
00:49:27What?
00:49:29I'm an architect. Journeywoman.
00:49:32Oh, wow.
00:49:33I don't know about wow.
00:49:37The ferocity of their fight allowed all the oldies but goodies to seep out in their nastiest forms.
00:49:42Lack of communication was,
00:49:44you don't fucking talk to me about shit anymore.
00:49:47How the kids into comrades against the other came out is,
00:49:50your son is following in your asshole footsteps.
00:49:53And the familiar good old taking the other for granted is,
00:49:56I'm just here to cook and drive the kids to school and screw, and we barely do that.
00:50:02This, of course, presented the solution,
00:50:05which was to do what they did best.
00:50:08Two thieves steal a calendar.
00:50:11They each get six months.
00:50:17So, how did your last relationship end?
00:50:21To be honest, it's still not over yet.
00:50:25What does that mean?
00:50:29Well, this is all a bit sudden.
00:50:31I'll say, but what does that mean?
00:50:33I've been dating someone more often on.
00:50:36Lately, it's been pretty okay.
00:50:39Why don't you just walk away from what happened today?
00:50:42Because you're a cheater.
00:50:44I wouldn't call what we did today cheating.
00:50:46Well, you kissed me.
00:50:47You kissed me back, which is a lot different than sleeping together.
00:50:50There's no sleeping when I sleep with someone.
00:50:55Are you even listening to me?
00:50:57I'm trying.
00:51:03It's freaking ice cold!
00:51:15Is everything all right?
00:51:17Yeah.
00:51:19Let me just see if I can bring this one back from the brink.
00:51:53Sir, are you guys done?
00:51:55No.
00:51:56No.
00:51:58Yeah, it's just not working out.
00:52:08Yeah, it's just not working out.
00:52:33Pardon me.
00:52:34Sorry.
00:52:42I'm sorry.
00:53:02I'm sorry.
00:53:23Morning.
00:53:45Morning.
00:53:50I don't understand these, but this one looks more like you.
00:54:00But why isn't it red?
00:54:03What?
00:54:04The cover.
00:54:06Wait, what color are chartreuse anyway?
00:54:11Um...
00:54:14I didn't actually realize the time.
00:54:16I gotta get going to work.
00:54:22Oh, wait, um...
00:54:25You wanna get coffee?
00:54:27Just have to drive without it?
00:54:28Risky, I know, but it's better than being late.
00:54:32See you soon?
00:54:35Yeah.
00:54:44Well, she's got her smile and she walks by and says,
00:54:47Damn, I'm good.
00:54:49She looks to you like she could chew you up,
00:54:52And you know she could.
00:54:54She looks my way and says,
00:54:56Hey, you don't look like you should.
00:54:59You just come along and sing this song called,
00:55:02Damn, I'm good.
00:55:04Well, damn, I'm good.
00:55:06I tell myself that 24 hours a day.
00:55:09Damn, I'm good.
00:55:10Well, damn, I'm good.
00:55:11This life's too short to have you any other way.
00:55:15Everybody should just take the time
00:55:18To make themselves feel good.
00:55:21Well, just say good.
00:55:23Damn, I'm good.
00:55:30She says you know when I'm so bad,
00:55:33I'm so bad.
00:55:34I'm so bad.
00:55:58The stalker paced behind step for step,
00:56:00Bonded in their precise distance, not far, not close.
00:56:03She, the prey, tests their bond.
00:56:05Slow steps, then quick.
00:56:07The stalker kept in step,
00:56:08Holding true to their conflicted connection.
00:56:10She panics.
00:56:11Her panic brings him pleasure.
00:56:13He forbids her escape.
00:56:15This was him pawing at his prey,
00:56:17Toying, toying, fantasizing
00:56:19About her flailing realization
00:56:21That she was powerless here, in public.
00:56:27All right.
00:56:30Hey, careful with that ball.
00:56:32All right, bye.
00:56:33Okay.
00:56:34Bye, guys.
00:56:56Damn, I'm good.
00:57:07Oh, yeah!
00:57:18There are days when we don't feel just like we should.
00:57:23That's the most important time to say I feel good.
00:57:27Damn, I'm good.
00:57:28I tell myself that 24 hours a day.
00:57:32Damn, I'm good.
00:57:33This life's too short to have it any other way.
00:57:37Everybody should just take the time
00:57:40To make themselves feel good.
00:57:43Well, just say good.
00:57:45Damn, I'm good.
00:57:47Everybody say good.
00:57:50Damn, you're good.
00:57:52Everybody say good.
00:57:55Damn, I'm good.
00:58:21Damn, I'm good.
00:58:26Damn, I'm good.
00:58:39Damn, I'm good.
00:58:50No, no, no, no.
00:59:20Hey, what's this all about?
00:59:42You got nothing on me.
00:59:43How can you be so sure?
00:59:44Who are you?
00:59:45Huh?
00:59:47Wait, don't come another step closer.
00:59:48I have a...
00:59:49Stop!
00:59:50Oh, babe, I don't need a rape fantasy
00:59:51on top of a stalker fantasy.
00:59:52How'd you know it was me?
00:59:53Why wouldn't anyone investigate me?
00:59:54Oh, Mr. Innocent, huh?
00:59:55I'm not an angel.
00:59:56He had a condom in his wallet slash armband thing.
00:59:57It all happened so quick.
00:59:58Are you getting good stuff?
00:59:59Yeah.
01:00:00Oh, yeah?
01:00:01Yeah.
01:00:02Oh, yeah?
01:00:03Yeah.
01:00:04Oh, yeah?
01:00:05Yeah.
01:00:06Oh, yeah?
01:00:07Yeah.
01:00:08Oh, yeah?
01:00:09Yeah.
01:00:10Oh, yeah?
01:00:11Yeah.
01:00:12Oh, yeah?
01:00:13Yeah.
01:00:14Oh, yeah?
01:00:15Are you getting good stuff?
01:00:16Yeah.
01:00:17So go, have fun, be safe,
01:00:20and bring me pages, would ya?
01:00:33Yeah, so...
01:00:35All of a sudden, this feels so real.
01:00:39I can't do this.
01:00:41Do what?
01:00:43I am in a relationship.
01:00:49Ha!
01:00:51So are both of us.
01:00:54It's kind of a relief, in a way.
01:00:57I mean, hey, it's messed up,
01:00:59and I'll be honest,
01:01:02and I hope you take this the right way.
01:01:05I did feel bad, like remorseful even,
01:01:08but we're never meant to be together, me and her, so...
01:01:12Do you not feel the same way?
01:01:20It's with my cousin.
01:01:22Your cousin?
01:01:24My cousin's brother.
01:01:27So your cousin?
01:01:29Yeah.
01:01:30No.
01:01:31No.
01:01:32I don't know.
01:01:33What, is it the half-brother?
01:01:34Who? What?
01:01:35To the cousin that you're in this relationship with.
01:01:37Isn't that what we're talking about here?
01:01:40So you're not bothered by this?
01:01:41You're just trying to figure it out, like family tree?
01:01:46Oh!
01:01:47What?
01:01:48Oh.
01:01:50Is this incest fetish?
01:01:55Bob, you are something else.
01:01:58Oh my God.
01:01:59I can't.
01:02:00I'm sorry.
01:02:10Your jacket!
01:02:13You're gonna catch a cold!
01:02:40So what are you saying?
01:02:41You broke up with him?
01:02:42I was crawling into bed with someone
01:02:43who was willing to entertain an incest fetish.
01:02:45Do you have no concern for my well-being?
01:02:47Oh, sweetie, guys are into much weirder stuff than that.
01:02:52I just read about a micro-trend
01:02:54that they're doing it with dolphins, believe it or not.
01:02:57You're no help.
01:02:59Your problem is,
01:03:00you need to have a lot more experience with guys.
01:03:03Why don't you go on the Tinder or that new one,
01:03:06Rumble.com or...
01:03:08Smash.com or...
01:03:11You both win.
01:03:12Bye.
01:03:13Bye.
01:03:14Bye.
01:03:36So, um, where did you...
01:03:38Where did you grow up?
01:03:40What are you doing?
01:03:42Oh.
01:03:44Oh.
01:03:50So...
01:04:03Oh my God, are you...
01:04:08Here.
01:04:09Oh.
01:04:10Um...
01:04:12Yes.
01:04:15Okay.
01:04:17You're a writer?
01:04:18I mean, everyone's a writer, technically.
01:04:20I guess, I mean...
01:04:23I text a lot.
01:04:24I mean, it's not entirely the same thing.
01:04:26No, no.
01:04:27Tell me about you.
01:04:28What do you do?
01:04:30Um, you know,
01:04:31I like to think of myself as more than just an accountant.
01:04:35I live a very full life on the weekends.
01:04:38Things beyond the numbers.
01:04:41Things beyond numbers.
01:04:42Oh, wow.
01:04:43That's amazing.
01:04:44Um...
01:04:46Would you like to go out again sometime?
01:04:48Oh my goodness, look at you.
01:04:50Yes, I would love to, actually.
01:04:52Give me your number.
01:05:12Okay.
01:05:29I really always wanted to try this.
01:05:31For real.
01:05:32Well, yeah, but cash is dirty.
01:05:34Ones are the worst.
01:05:36Oh.
01:05:37Touch the most hands.
01:05:42You really thought of that?
01:06:06Yeah, one second!
01:06:10Hi!
01:06:11Is this your dog?
01:06:12Yes!
01:06:13Thank you so much!
01:06:14Buckles!
01:06:15Buckles?
01:06:16Buckles!
01:06:17Yeah, wait!
01:06:18Wait, I got a treat!
01:06:19I got a treat!
01:06:20I got a treat!
01:06:21Yes!
01:06:22Oh, thank you so much.
01:06:23Look, I don't know how I can repay you,
01:06:26but can I take you out?
01:06:29Do you want to maybe come in?
01:06:31I would love a glass of water.
01:06:32That's a heavy dog.
01:06:33Cool.
01:06:34And maybe we could, like, have sex or something?
01:06:36Um, how about a glass of water?
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:39Come on.
01:06:42I mean, it was a great day.
01:06:46Buckles, thank you.
01:06:47Awesome.
01:06:48You're so welcome.
01:06:49Yeah, fantastic.
01:06:50How's that avocado?
01:06:52Um, it's good.
01:06:53I love it.
01:06:54That's good.
01:06:55Those are good fats.
01:06:56I like guacamole, so.
01:06:57Oh, yeah.
01:06:58Oh, yeah.
01:06:59I'm big on the guac.
01:07:00Oh.
01:07:01Had a good workout today?
01:07:02Great.
01:07:03Yeah.
01:07:04Big wad.
01:07:05Big what?
01:07:06Wad.
01:07:07Big wad.
01:07:08Yeah.
01:07:09Oh.
01:07:10That was a workout of the day.
01:07:11I don't think I'd heard that before.
01:07:12Yeah, hit some PRs.
01:07:13What's that?
01:07:14Personal records.
01:07:15Nice.
01:07:16And PBs, PBs, PBs.
01:07:17PBs.
01:07:18I get it now.
01:07:19Personal bests.
01:07:20Personal bests.
01:07:21Yeah, my personal bests.
01:07:22I'm always against myself.
01:07:23Competition against myself.
01:07:24I like that you take care of yourself.
01:07:26Hey, without your health, you don't have anything.
01:07:29Yeah.
01:07:30So, yeah.
01:07:31Health, my dog, and, you know, a lady.
01:07:36Good night.
01:07:40Good night.
01:07:41Listen, I can't thank you enough.
01:07:44Is this the part where I say you can thank me in bed?
01:07:47I mean, yeah.
01:07:50I won't turn you down.
01:07:55But that's something that could wait till the second date, if you want.
01:08:02Thanks for saving buckles.
01:08:04It's just a weird name.
01:08:06I'm sorry.
01:08:08Listen, on second thought, do you want to just...
01:08:10Good night, bud.
01:08:28Everyone turn them over.
01:08:30All right.
01:08:32Down the rows, to the left.
01:08:34I'll take those.
01:08:36Thank you.
01:08:37Thank you.
01:08:40You guys are good to go to lunch.
01:09:11Have a good day, guys.
01:09:14All right.
01:09:15Don't forget to do your homework, all right?
01:09:17Okay?
01:09:41Bye bye.
01:09:55Oh, shit.
01:09:56Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
01:10:10Hi.
01:10:11Oh, hey.
01:10:12What's up?
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:14Good to see you.
01:10:15You too.
01:10:16You look great.
01:10:17Thanks.
01:10:18Do you mind if I sit here?
01:10:19Um, yeah.
01:10:20Sure.
01:10:21Sure.
01:10:22Sure.
01:10:23Sure.
01:10:24Sure.
01:10:25Sure.
01:10:26Sure.
01:10:27Sure.
01:10:28Sure.
01:10:29Sure.
01:10:30Sure.
01:10:31Sure.
01:10:32Sure.
01:10:33Sure.
01:10:34Sure.
01:10:35Sure.
01:10:36Sure.
01:10:37Sure.
01:10:38Sure.
01:10:39Do you mind if I seat here?
01:10:40Um, yeah.
01:10:41Sure.
01:10:42No problem.
01:10:43I want to keep my back to the door so I can just focus on you.
01:10:44Nice.
01:10:45I got some shots for us.
01:10:48Great.
01:10:49Um...
01:10:50Games.
01:10:52So, um, did you workout today?
01:10:56Just got it in.
01:10:57I'm still buzzing.
01:10:58Great.
01:10:59Pre-workout.
01:11:00Yeah.
01:11:01Kicking through.
01:11:02Nice.
01:11:03Yeah, I hit a major PR today.
01:11:04Um...
01:11:05Personal record.
01:11:06Great.
01:11:07Yeah, rowing.
01:11:08in under four minutes.
01:11:10I mean, like a bulging.
01:11:11Yeah.
01:11:12Did you know that when you're working out,
01:11:13you're actually tearing muscle fibers like a zipper?
01:11:17You have the myosin and the actin,
01:11:19so like you're tearing them apart,
01:11:21and then you rebuild them.
01:11:22Science.
01:11:23So, that is science.
01:11:25I guess you're sort of a scientist.
01:11:27Yeah, you know, by proxy, I think so.
01:11:29Yeah.
01:11:30Um, what does your, um, diet say about shots?
01:11:33I'm going into a cheat day, so I say bring it on.
01:11:35Great.
01:11:36Bartender, can we get two more?
01:11:38Each.
01:11:39Whoa.
01:11:41For a little girl, you can really drink.
01:11:43So, uh, what else do you do when you're not?
01:11:47Hit.
01:11:48Hit.
01:11:49Uh, high intensity interval training.
01:11:51Cardio.
01:11:52Oh.
01:11:53Yeah, I'm really looking to get ripped right now,
01:11:54so that keeps your metabolism, uh, gets you shredded.
01:11:57Thank you.
01:11:58Thank you.
01:11:59Um, so basically, my metabolism off the chain right now.
01:12:03I'm burning calories when I'm out of the gym.
01:12:05Caloric burn.
01:12:07So, do you ever do, um, yoga or?
01:12:09Yeah, I think you ever, as much as you build up the muscle,
01:12:11you gotta stretch it.
01:12:11What the hell is this?
01:12:12Oh, who the hell are you?
01:12:14Who the hell are you?
01:12:15How about that last shot?
01:12:16Oh, yes.
01:12:18Gains.
01:12:19Look, I know we got into some weird stuff,
01:12:21but this is bat shit crazy.
01:12:23Oh, hey, don't talk to the lady like that.
01:12:25Dude, I bet you don't even have a clue.
01:12:28Did she tell you what she did with her cousin?
01:12:29No.
01:12:30What'd she do with her cousin?
01:12:33Okay, I think it's time to go.
01:12:35You and your little incest story.
01:12:37I mean, she clearly moved on and I think you should leave.
01:12:39Yeah, have fun with this guy.
01:12:42♪
01:12:49Ugh.
01:12:50Ugh.
01:12:51Ugh.
01:12:52Ugh.
01:12:53Ugh.
01:12:54Ugh.
01:12:55Ugh.
01:12:56♪
01:12:59Oh, oh, excuse me.
01:13:01Oh, is this for me?
01:13:03Thank you so much.
01:13:05I don't want to see you.
01:13:28Fuck.
01:13:30Fuck, oh shit.
01:13:31Shit.
01:13:33Hey, come here.
01:13:35Hey.
01:13:36Hey.
01:13:36Hi.
01:13:37I brought you a hangover cure
01:13:39and a protein shake in case you've already worked out,
01:13:41which, knowing you...
01:13:44Thanks.
01:13:46I'll make sure not to venture too far from the toilet.
01:13:48Smart.
01:13:50Um, look, I also wanted to apologize.
01:13:53Don't worry about it.
01:13:54Listen, it's fine.
01:13:56All's well that doesn't end in death.
01:13:59I like that.
01:14:02Um, listen, I got to get ready for the gym,
01:14:05um, unless you want to, uh...
01:14:09Fuck?
01:14:09Yeah.
01:14:11No, Seth.
01:14:12Vagos, come on.
01:14:13Let's go.
01:14:24Starting here.
01:14:25This one, this one, this one, this one, this one.
01:14:29Who's next? One, two, eight.
01:14:30Oh my God, are you okay?
01:14:32Eight?
01:14:36What are you doing here?
01:14:37No, I just, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
01:14:40Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
01:14:41Hey, hey, go to class.
01:14:46I told the kids I had eye surgery.
01:14:48Third grade and bar brawls don't go together.
01:14:52I also, I wanted to confess.
01:14:54Yeah, I don't read that crap.
01:14:56Well, I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
01:15:00Sorry about what?
01:15:02I'm sorry.
01:15:08You deserve better than me and my gimmicks, Brad.
01:15:17You should leave.
01:15:23Yeah.
01:15:32Yeah.
01:15:44Oh, just a phase?
01:15:46You can call it that.
01:15:47Yeah, phases come and go.
01:15:50Sometimes with the season, huh?
01:16:02Yeah.
01:18:03I'm sorry.
01:18:04I'm sorry.
01:18:23Yet Nina was relieved.
01:18:26She was robbed of nothing.
01:18:29Instead, he had set her free.
01:18:32as the curtains fell, just prior to her third act.
01:18:39And there, before it really gets sad...
01:18:47How much of it is really true?
01:18:50None of it. It's a book. But I did my research.
01:18:54You did a great job.
01:18:56Thank you very much.
01:18:57Yeah, yeah.
01:18:58You did a great job.
01:18:59And how do you think this will be a new category?
01:19:02It sells more books, sure.
01:19:04Everyone's so busy constructing universes.
01:19:06I'm dabbling in the multiverse.
01:19:09There you go.
01:19:10Same, that's right.
01:19:12That's very cool.
01:19:16Any advice for an aspiring writer, Theo?
01:19:21Well, there can be a living in it if you care more about it
01:19:24than any other living writer.
01:19:26And just as much as all those who came before.
01:19:30Did you work with Erin Bellow on it?
01:19:33Uh, you know, if you can't read the cover,
01:19:35you probably shouldn't get the book.
01:19:38Then why didn't she just write her own memoir?
01:19:41Because then it'd have to be true.
01:19:45Don't forget to tell your friends.
01:19:51Spoiler alert.
01:19:52The line of defamation is tested
01:19:54as Mr. Menken trounces his main character in the end,
01:19:57bringing to life Burrow's belief that heroes and heroines
01:19:59are meant to be killed.
01:20:01In this case, not before the writer wakes from a coma,
01:20:04only to discover she's lost both her hands
01:20:07and thus her will to write.
01:20:29Let's go.
01:20:53Look, just because it's a sensation
01:20:55doesn't mean we have to go nuts with the second printing.
01:20:58Sorry to intrude. Oh, hi, Carrie.
01:21:00Hi.
01:21:01Can you cover this for me? Maybe reissuing it.
01:21:04Is it any good?
01:21:05I don't know. I have no fucking idea.
01:21:10Um, Erin's in your office.
01:21:14Oh.
01:21:21All right, let me know how that goes.
01:21:24I didn't know you were in New York.
01:21:28Yeah.
01:21:32I don't know what to tell you.
01:21:36Tell me something.
01:21:42You were a lot less likable in the first draft.
01:21:45Fuck you.
01:21:47Come on. I'm in it, too.
01:21:50You didn't lose your hands and the will to write.
01:21:54It's not real, okay?
01:21:57It's not real.
01:21:58Plus, I sent you the pages.
01:22:01I-I even sent you the ARC to read.
01:22:06You know, life goes on for...
01:22:10us working people in the real world.
01:22:12You hijacked my life.
01:22:14Those are details you told him.
01:22:16They could have only come from you.
01:22:18All right, I edited the hell out of him.
01:22:20You, I give carte blanche.
01:22:22We couldn't agree on a subject.
01:22:26When did you become his agent?
01:22:28Who do you think got him on that talk show?
01:22:32Listen, this... this is nothing but hype.
01:22:37Before you know it, it's gonna be collecting dust
01:22:39in those secondhand bookstores that you love so much.
01:22:42I was in an important part of our...
01:22:44Okay, fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you.
01:22:47Or your secondhand bookstore buddies.
01:22:50Why can't you just think of this as a straw man?
01:22:53You're... you're... you're more than welcome
01:22:56to knock it down whenever you want.
01:22:58Can't you just... just write something?
01:23:02Even if it has imperfections.
01:23:04They'll say you're going Kerouac.
01:23:06Just give me a masterpiece, for God's sakes.
01:23:09Three years.
01:23:11Three years past due.
01:23:14You're fired, Carrie.
01:23:17What? Really?
01:23:20Really.
01:23:25How the hell am I supposed to work with you?
01:23:27You exploited me.
01:23:29Oh, God, so typical.
01:23:32I've exploited you.
01:23:34I've been freaking breathing life into your...
01:23:38wasting career.
01:23:40Keeping you on life support.
01:23:42Why can't you just give me something?
01:23:44I can put your career back on track.
01:23:47I can get you freaking published.
01:23:49You're not the only person who can do that for me.
01:23:51Yes, I am. Actually.
01:23:56You gonna give the publishers back their advance money?
01:23:59And how about me?
01:24:01Where's my 10%?
01:24:05I've been doing my job.
01:24:08And quite creatively.
01:24:11And quite creatively, I might add.
01:24:19Your mom always listened to me.
01:24:21You're making a mistake!
01:24:40You know...
01:24:42every time you look at a memory, it changes.
01:24:45Just a little bit.
01:24:47Never stays the same.
01:24:50I'm sorry.
01:24:52I'm sorry.
01:24:54I'm sorry.
01:24:56I'm sorry.
01:24:58I'm sorry.
01:25:00I'm sorry.
01:25:02I'm sorry.
01:25:04I'm sorry.
01:25:06I'm sorry.
01:25:08It's always the same.
01:25:12But it can be for the good.
01:25:15Like anything else.
01:25:18Right?
01:25:25It can't be me.
01:25:38It can't be me.
01:26:08It can't be me.
01:26:31Hey, you have something for me?
01:26:33I need you to send me the uncorrected proofs.
01:26:36Well, that's a little hard to do before you send it to me.
01:26:40No, Mencken's.
01:26:42Why?
01:26:43Before you cut him back.
01:26:45Why? What are you going to do?
01:26:47Reply in kind.
01:26:50Either that or sue your company.
01:26:52The publisher?
01:26:53For defamation.
01:26:54Although I'm pretty sure I can prove collusion, too.
01:26:56Just send me the proofs.
01:26:58Okay.
01:27:00Literary revenge.
01:27:03I like it. You see?
01:27:05This is why I told them not to take your advance back yet.
01:27:09I knew you'd get struck by something.
01:27:11They were thinking lightning, but I bet...
01:27:16Sweetie!
01:27:18Sweetie?
01:27:35Sweetie?
01:27:57Buckles!
01:27:59Thank you so much for finding Buckles.
01:28:01That is such a cute name.
01:28:03Maybe with some sex.
01:28:06Yeah?
01:28:07Hello!
01:28:12Is that a caramel macchiato?
01:28:14No, I'm sorry. I thought that's what you ordered.
01:28:16No, I ordered a macchiato. It's just foam and espresso.
01:28:18With caramel.
01:28:21Yeah, but I'm looking for just foam and espresso. That's it.
01:28:24No, it's in the name. Caramel macchiato.
01:28:33Caramel macchiato.
01:29:03Caramel macchiato.
01:29:33Yes!
01:29:35Hey!
01:29:38Hey!
01:30:04Wait! Hey!
01:30:06Wait! Stop! Stop!
01:30:08Whoa, what the...
01:30:09Oh, shit! Open it!
01:30:11Open it!
01:30:12Holy shit!
01:30:17Nina?
01:30:18What are you doing? The sensor's broken.
01:30:20Got it. It's Aaron.
01:30:30It's a drink.
01:30:31I'm fine.
01:30:32Whatever. They're cheap.
01:30:34I'm just gonna leave it right here in case you change your mind.
01:30:39I can't believe you're not a Nina.
01:30:42I can only see you as a Nina.
01:30:46Don't you think you should have changed my name to something better than your version?
01:30:49What's your fancy?
01:30:52Something like Bartholomew.
01:30:55It's a good famous name.
01:30:57Oh, it's a shit name.
01:30:59You are terrible with names. That's as bad as buckles.
01:31:01Do you think we should reiterate the fact that you got me drunk, which is why I lost that fight?
01:31:06That, and we're supposed to see that other guy as the good guy.
01:31:09And I'm the...
01:31:10Dick.
01:31:12Now you are talking. You're taking the words right out of my mouth.
01:31:15You think you could, like, craft up a little passage about, you know,
01:31:20in, like, Charles Dickens-like detail about the size and girth and beauty of my...
01:31:32Fuck.
01:31:45But it's unique to my personal mission.
01:31:48Slightly different from what you're used to.
01:32:01Fuck.
01:32:15Come in.
01:32:19Hi.
01:32:22Hi.
01:32:23Do you have a minute?
01:32:25Nina, I...
01:32:26Aaron.
01:32:28This is my place of work. You can't be here.
01:32:30Yeah, I thought this was a better job for you.
01:32:34Still, anything we discuss here is probably not going to be appropriate.
01:32:39It's true.
01:32:41Come on.
01:32:42Where are we going?
01:32:44Mrs. Ortiz, I'm going to grab a coffee.
01:32:46I made it.
01:32:47I need it strong.
01:32:48If I make it any stronger, it'll kill you.
01:33:01I can't believe your name's not Nina.
01:33:05I am known by many names.
01:33:13I can't believe you're not really a teacher.
01:33:15Well, in my defense, you never asked.
01:33:18Subbing for a teacher on maternity leave isn't something I bring up on first dates.
01:33:22See, this is why backstories should never be overlooked.
01:33:25That, and I don't fancy sympathy lays.
01:33:29You're right.
01:33:30Role-playing should never be depressing.
01:33:32Stalker rape on a second date is pretty extreme.
01:33:35Yeah, I thought so, too.
01:33:36But, I mean, at least you won the fight, right?
01:33:39Yeah.
01:33:41Do you think they were rooting for me, too?
01:33:45I think that was the design.
01:33:49So where from here?
01:33:51Do you think it's possible for things to get convoluted past the point of no return?
01:33:55You mean if we have a chance?
01:33:57Yeah.
01:33:58Well, like, I mean, I know you're not real, but...
01:34:00I'm not.
01:34:01And yet here you are.
01:34:03So, whatever.
01:34:05There's no going back.
01:34:06This ship only moves forward.
01:34:08They invented Rewind for VCRs.
01:34:10Oh, boy, there's something I'm not nostalgic for.
01:34:14Wait.
01:34:15What?
01:34:16What?
01:34:18Wait.
01:34:19Is there anything that you would change?
01:34:22Come sit.
01:34:28This is dangerous.
01:34:29Yeah.
01:34:36What if I kidnapped you?
01:34:38More research for your sequel?
01:34:41Stockholm Syndrome.
01:34:42Bonnie and Clyde, but in a steampunk setting.
01:34:45With gangsters.
01:34:46I mean, I think we're really getting somewhere here.
01:34:49Let me just tell Ortiz I quit.
01:35:03But in the end, we're from two different worlds.
01:35:08Mine's a more perfect universe.
01:35:17If I can control it, it's not real.
01:35:24Goodbye, Brad.
01:35:30Bye, Erin.
01:35:32Thank you.
01:35:47Bye.
01:36:09So, have you found a new place?
01:36:11I'm still looking.
01:36:12Yeah.
01:36:13I have a few options that I'm going to decide between.
01:36:18I can show you if you want to help.
01:36:19I could use a little bit of help deciding, honestly.
01:36:23I'd love to, yeah.
01:36:24Okay.
01:36:33What about like a period love story, like pre-cell phone?
01:36:36There's a lot of places that I can go with that.
01:36:38That's like, that's what?
01:36:40Eighties?
01:36:41Or, or like 1800s.
01:36:44Or like I'd do an 1800s thing with cell phones.
01:36:48Like a mash-up.
01:36:50Sci-fi, set in the 90s, with rap music.
01:36:55No.
01:36:56And a little birdie told me that you had been meeting other productions,
01:37:00and I know you have your pick of who you want to make this book into a film, so...
01:37:12Shh.
01:37:14Shh.
01:37:25Oh, that's a fun one.
01:37:27Written in high school, published years later.
01:37:30Pretty pure stuff.
01:37:32It's like two totally different things.
01:37:34I like nice things.
01:37:36I like nice things.
01:37:37Well, you gotta pay for them.
01:37:39Whoa!
01:37:40What the...
01:38:09What the...
01:38:40Happily ever after
01:38:44Is only a story
01:38:48I'm ready to find
01:38:51My true glory
01:38:58We dress up in fancy tropes
01:39:02In order to sleep and cope
01:39:06Nothing is how we remember
01:39:11Meanwhile, as soon as this is over, let's have a drink together.
01:39:15Let's do that as soon as possible.
01:39:17One another
01:39:22As we write our story
01:39:25I do.
01:39:26Together
01:39:36Hi, can I get you some chartreuse?
01:39:43I always thought what that is.
01:39:44I wondered why it was green.
01:39:46Yes.
01:39:49Hello to you, you son of a bitch.
01:39:51Hello to you, baby.
01:39:53Looking good for a shotgun wedding.
01:39:56Ah, no baby.
01:39:57Honeymoon first.
01:39:58I mean, aren't you the one who accused me of liking Perfect Order?
01:40:01Well, maybe by baby I meant your next book.
01:40:05They are my babies.
01:40:07I have to say having me here is a bit of a stretch, isn't it?
01:40:10No.
01:40:12I think I can even make you fit into my happy ending.
01:40:20Hi.
01:40:21Hi.
01:40:22Hello.
01:40:23Now you know I'm not into costumes or characters or theme weddings and yet here I am.
01:40:32You get to have your way with me.
01:40:33Why don't I get to have my way with you?
01:40:35I guess I don't have any choice now, do I?
01:40:46You know what I wish you'd talk to me about more?
01:40:48What, honey?
01:40:51My mother.
01:40:55And my father.
01:40:56Yes, your mama.
01:40:59You know, before she met your dad, she was into my Frank.
01:41:06I know.
01:41:07She liked him, but he liked me and that made things a little bumpy between me and her.
01:41:13You know, the girlfriend thing.
01:41:15But then she met your father and they fell madly in love.
01:41:20And they made you.
01:41:22It was such a happy time.
01:41:29I love you.
01:41:59I love you.
01:42:23I'll always wonder if that's the reason.
01:42:28No.
01:42:29Why you helped me publish.
01:42:30No, no, I told you.
01:42:33I love it.
01:42:34And how many times did I say it to you?
01:42:37That I'm the only one that can bring them back.
01:42:39Exactly.
01:42:40You know them so well.
01:42:42Oh, God, no.
01:42:44That they're up in heaven smiling down on you so proud.
01:42:47And you know what?
01:42:49Stories never die.
01:42:51So now they're immortalized.
01:42:53Isn't that great?
01:42:55How life works.
01:42:59Thank you.
01:43:02Love you, honey.
01:43:05Sweet girl.
01:43:07Now be happy.
01:43:08This is a great day.
01:43:22No need for apology.
01:43:24Manifest in destiny.
01:43:25You can get the best of me.
01:43:27Rewriting my history.
01:43:29Yeah, yeah.
01:43:30Rewriting my history.
01:43:32Yeah, yeah.
01:43:33What's meant to be will surely be.
01:43:35Yeah, yeah.
01:43:36Yeah, yeah.
01:44:01I'm sorry.
01:44:03Easy to say here.
01:44:06There's no place more public.
01:44:09Your subconscious?
01:44:13It's part of the job.
01:44:16My lady.
01:44:18Congratulations.
01:44:19Thanks.
01:44:20Time to dance.
01:44:21Cheers.
01:44:37Some accuse her of a concussed state.
01:44:39Whatever state it might be, she still felt the work was counterfeit.
01:44:43Merely a play in a play.
01:44:45A scattered reflection of real life.
01:44:47Iteration, degradation.
01:44:49Circuitous roots in the pursuit of happiness.
01:45:06You