The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:34And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:38Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:41We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:50You deaf?
00:00:51I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid this off here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to communicate
00:00:58with me for today's losses.
00:01:00You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freakin' Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:27Hahaha, coming to see you?
00:01:31Alright, you know what, I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:40Deal.
00:01:49Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes, or else, you're fired.
00:01:56Hmm.
00:02:13Prepare the limo.
00:02:14Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:26Good, hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:29Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:41Ellen!
00:02:42Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:50How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:53So, how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:58Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:07Well?
00:03:12No, no, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:14No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19Alright, that's enough.
00:03:20We're not tyrants here.
00:03:23Alright.
00:03:28Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:36You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:38The Runaway Bride.
00:03:41You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:52And you were right.
00:03:53It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:56My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:16Atlanta?
00:04:17The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:19Oui, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:20The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait.
00:04:23I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson!
00:04:35Gino Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:38Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta!
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever, prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:04:50This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:15This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions.
00:05:19He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:47You saved me.
00:06:04He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:15But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:23So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:31But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you?
00:06:54Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:57Get home, stat.
00:06:59It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:08But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:14You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:22Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:26Hi, I'm home.
00:07:28I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:36Divorce papers?
00:07:38Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:42God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:46We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:53You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:57I'm below his league?
00:07:59That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Elon Musk.
00:08:08And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:19Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:22And you?
00:08:24You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:30Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:33But Elon Musk works for me.
00:08:36You're delusional.
00:08:38You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:41How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:08:46Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:50And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:56You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:01Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:04Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:06Enough!
00:09:08Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:12But I am.
00:09:14Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:17Here's $500,000.
00:09:19You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:23Now sign the papers, take a check, and leave.
00:09:26Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:29I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:34Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:37Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:40Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:43$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:46She's done nothing.
00:09:48Hasn't even contributed to our family.
00:09:50She's done nothing.
00:09:52Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:54She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:57Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:01I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:05You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:14A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:18What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:28You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:39Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:46It's all my work.
00:10:48Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:56You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:01So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:05She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:09Fine.
00:11:11I'll sign it.
00:11:13But don't regret it.
00:11:15Regret?
00:11:17Do you know who I am?
00:11:19Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:23I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:27Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:33Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:11:36It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:41You can't do shit.
00:11:42You can't do shit.
00:11:44Because you're poor.
00:11:46Social stratum matters.
00:11:48Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:55And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:00Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:03Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:09You owe me.
00:12:11You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:20You hit me.
00:12:24Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:41I don't need your penny money.
00:12:45We're finished.
00:12:47You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:50Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:53But I would like my ring back.
00:13:04Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride home.
00:13:09Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:43Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:48Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:55Bigger big shot than Ellen Musk?
00:13:58Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:03Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:07Ha ha ha.
00:14:21Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:26Vanderbilt?
00:14:27Yeah. He's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:31Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:35You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:39That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:41Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:14:45Who is he?
00:14:47That. That's Devin.
00:14:49Devin?
00:14:51Devin.
00:14:53Devin.
00:14:55Devin.
00:14:57Devin.
00:14:59Devin.
00:15:01Devin.
00:15:03Devin.
00:15:04Devin.
00:15:06Devin.
00:15:08Devin.
00:15:09That. That's Devin Sterling.
00:15:11He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:18Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:27The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:39Babe?
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:58You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:07That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:13Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:28How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:35Do you know who I am?
00:16:37They don't know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:43X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:48Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:53Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:58You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:00Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:04Go ahead.
00:17:08Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:11You bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:20A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:24No.
00:17:25Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:29You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:35Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:38Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:40Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:44I heard you secured the company.
00:17:47Yes, I did.
00:17:49And you?
00:17:51I heard you started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:55I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:58It's worth billions of dollars.
00:18:00Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:02Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:06That's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:09Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:12So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:16Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:17For now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:21Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:25Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:37I'll do my best.
00:18:43Excuse me.
00:18:44A second, gentlemen.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:54Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:59You sleep your way in?
00:19:01I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:04Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:07Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:11This is your ex-husband?
00:19:13What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:31Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:39They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:53You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:58Get your hands off of her.
00:20:04My lady.
00:20:06My lady.
00:20:22My queen.
00:20:33It's...
00:20:34It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:42These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:47Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:27Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:21:34Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:50How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:02And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:06Not with me around.
00:22:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:13You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:17You're a fucking delusion, Angela.
00:22:20We've had enough of your games.
00:22:22Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:26Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:29Don't worry.
00:22:31You got no money yet.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:38Yes, my queen.
00:22:40You're all despicable.
00:22:43An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:51Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:54Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:59I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:04I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:07You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:09How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing.
00:23:19And you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:26Hello.
00:23:28Want to try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:43I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:52You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:02Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:08Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:18You fucked up, Max.
00:24:22I got this.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:52What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed.
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her.
00:25:14You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:25:16You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:18How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:20Boss?
00:25:22Did she say her boss?
00:25:23Musk?
00:25:25That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:27That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:29My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:32Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:39If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:44She's royalty.
00:25:46And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:49What the hell did you do?
00:25:51Kneel!
00:25:52Oh, your majesty.
00:25:54Welcome to the United States.
00:25:57We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:02Is it queen or prince?
00:26:04It doesn't matter.
00:26:06My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:09We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:22What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:44She's a badass herself.
00:26:46He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:48You!
00:26:50You!
00:26:52You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:54Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:57No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:59I worked hard for everything.
00:27:01You worked for everything?
00:27:07Hi, Henry.
00:27:09So, our 30th anniversary is coming up.
00:27:12And I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet project.
00:27:20And if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements.
00:27:35All your glory.
00:27:37That's all mine.
00:27:39Including the Maple Closet contract.
00:27:41I can take all of that away.
00:27:44Just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:47So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:50Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:53Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:55It was Queen Victoria's.
00:27:57And it's worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:06Oh, no.
00:28:08I gave you back the ring?
00:28:10I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:12No!
00:28:14No, please!
00:28:16No, please!
00:28:18No, please take me back, baby!
00:28:20I still love you!
00:28:24Oh, man.
00:28:26Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:28No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:36God, these two again.
00:28:38Did he say...
00:28:40Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:42President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:43After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:45each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:48the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:50Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:52Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:54I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:56Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is...
00:29:04That is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:09Dr. House?
00:29:11I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:13That's based on a real figure.
00:29:15Yep, that's me.
00:29:17Son of James House.
00:29:19Dr. House?
00:29:21He's practically my uncle.
00:29:23I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:25So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall
00:29:27somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 years.
00:29:30And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:32and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:38Hey, Ellen.
00:29:40Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41They're all your fiancés.
00:29:43What?
00:29:45Fiancés?
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:49Fiancés?
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds.
00:29:55I'm her fiancé.
00:29:57No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:59You can both shut up.
00:30:01I'm her fiancé.
00:30:03It's you.
00:30:05It's me.
00:30:07Who the hell is he?
00:30:09I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:11Your father had arranged these engagements years ago
00:30:13but I didn't tell you because you decided
00:30:15to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17She has three badass fiancés
00:30:19and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:24Whatever.
00:30:26Since you're all here,
00:30:28help me finish him.
00:30:31Since you're all here,
00:30:33help me finish him.
00:30:36At your service.
00:30:38Me too.
00:30:41One down, two more to go.
00:30:43She's become a queen.
00:30:45Bishop to G4.
00:30:51What is that?
00:30:54The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:31:00Rook to A8.
00:31:06Hello?
00:31:07I thought I was king.
00:31:09No, you wish.
00:31:11The king doesn't do anything
00:31:13so Alan can be my king.
00:31:15Oh, fine.
00:31:19Bankrupt to four.
00:31:21It's right this second.
00:31:27I've...
00:31:29I've been bankrupt.
00:31:31No!
00:31:33Rook to A8.
00:31:34I've been bankrupt.
00:31:36No!
00:31:38I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:40from status and power
00:31:42if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:44Well, guess what?
00:31:45Game over.
00:31:47All right, boys.
00:31:49Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:51Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:53I'm right with you.
00:31:56Wait for me.
00:31:58Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:01I'm not going to let you down.
00:32:03Angela!
00:32:06You already have three fiancés?
00:32:08You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:10I want compensation.
00:32:14You greedy SOB.
00:32:16Who the fuck is that?
00:32:18My ex-husband.
00:32:20Wait.
00:32:21You were married?
00:32:23Yeah.
00:32:25And he's my ex-husband.
00:32:27So what?
00:32:29He's my ex-husband.
00:32:31Wait.
00:32:32And if that's a problem for you,
00:32:34then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me?
00:32:38No, no, of course not.
00:32:40Just do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:48What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:52Yeah.
00:32:54Murderous intent.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58Let's remarry.
00:33:00You still don't realize.
00:33:02I actually fell in love with you
00:33:04because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:05Oh.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:33We need to wreck right away.
00:33:35Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:33:37are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:48Hey, you!
00:33:50Watch over here.
00:33:51I'll be right back.
00:34:00You saved me.
00:34:01Fuck.
00:34:03I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:06Fuck.
00:34:08I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:10You've cheated on me.
00:34:12You've hit me.
00:34:14And you've insulted me.
00:34:16And after all that,
00:34:18I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:22Lady Lockhart.
00:34:24God, what now?
00:34:26Oh, yes.
00:34:28We understand that you are in love.
00:34:30We understand that you are
00:34:32a very busy person.
00:34:34But if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:36the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:38How about us three?
00:34:40Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:34:42we won't turn on you.
00:34:44Yeah, no.
00:34:46You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:48This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:50We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:52No.
00:34:54No.
00:34:56We can't lose our positions
00:34:58with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:35:00I'll get you for this.
00:35:08I never should have listened to you.
00:35:10I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:25So,
00:35:27what's the situation here?
00:35:28I want to marry you.
00:35:38I want to marry you.
00:35:41Listen,
00:35:43I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:35:45and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:48But what if I told you
00:35:51that we've known each other for much longer
00:35:53than just a few hours?
00:35:55Much longer?
00:35:58Angela,
00:36:00your parents would like to have a video call
00:36:02with all of you.
00:36:06My lovely princess,
00:36:08how are you?
00:36:10Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:12The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding,
00:36:16wouldn't you say?
00:36:18I heard you finally divorced
00:36:20that good-for-nothing,
00:36:22blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:24I can't recall his name,
00:36:26but anyway,
00:36:28congratulations.
00:36:30I've selected three prime young men
00:36:32for you to choose from
00:36:34to replace him.
00:36:36You must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:38Otherwise...
00:36:40Let me do it.
00:36:42You must choose one of them
00:36:44in seven days.
00:36:46Otherwise,
00:36:48we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:50Mom?
00:36:52Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:54Bye.
00:36:56Bye.
00:36:58Well,
00:37:00what if I
00:37:02want all three of you?
00:37:04Well,
00:37:06what if I
00:37:08want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But,
00:37:19I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey,
00:37:24I may be a doctor,
00:37:25but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access
00:37:28to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:30Whoa, okay.
00:37:32No murder, please.
00:37:33I was just kidding.
00:37:36You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:38Ooh.
00:37:40It's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know.
00:37:43We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:46Welcome to the show,
00:37:48The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:50Today,
00:37:51we have our first challenge.
00:37:53What is
00:37:55all of this, Ellen?
00:37:57You'll see.
00:38:05Oh my God!
00:38:07Oh my God!
00:38:08Cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:38:12and it is every man's job
00:38:14to save their beloved woman
00:38:16from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do
00:38:20to prove their undying love?
00:38:21For our single woman,
00:38:23what's screaming her head off, Eris?
00:38:33Looks like one of our contestants
00:38:35has already called it quits.
00:38:37It's up to the final two.
00:38:51Crunchy.
00:38:53That is sick cold.
00:38:55Hey,
00:38:56when you're stranded
00:38:57in the middle of the battlefield,
00:38:58you'll be glad to see
00:38:59one of these around.
00:39:02There are two more left.
00:39:03Want to try one?
00:39:04God, no!
00:39:05No!
00:39:07Oh my God!
00:39:08Save!
00:39:09Save you?
00:39:10Save me!
00:39:11Save me!
00:39:12Save me!
00:39:13Save me!
00:39:14Save me!
00:39:15Save me!
00:39:16Save me!
00:39:17Save me!
00:39:18Save me!
00:39:19Save me!
00:39:20Save me!
00:39:22I'm a German Phobic doctor.
00:39:24These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:26They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:43Thank God you're here.
00:39:47Are you alright, honey?
00:39:48I'm sorry, honey.
00:39:50Angela!
00:39:53Alright, you won the first challenge, so you're a reward.
00:39:56You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:59Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:20The cockroaches!
00:40:21They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:23There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:26I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:33I need a drink.
00:40:43Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:46Why do you care?
00:40:48I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:04He never even loved me.
00:41:06And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:10Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:18You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:23What?
00:41:27You're number one here.
00:41:30You're number one here.
00:41:37You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:51Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:56But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:04I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:11I just need you.
00:42:15I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:42:27Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:42:32Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:35I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:39Okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:48Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:57Come on.
00:43:03If this is what you want.
00:43:27Nine-inch penis.
00:43:29Morning to you too.
00:43:32You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:34A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:40Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:43But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:46Because then they would...
00:43:48Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:50Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen,
00:43:59my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:03Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:09You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:13Stop.
00:44:16Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:26I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:34Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:48You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7 a.m. She's still sleeping.
00:44:56I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:57Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:05Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:07Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:23The second challenge is...
00:45:25The second challenge is...
00:45:27a date.
00:45:28Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:30A date?
00:45:32That's it.
00:45:33What's the catch?
00:45:34No catch.
00:45:35Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:38As simple as that.
00:45:39I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:41Okay. Who goes up first? Then...
00:45:43Me.
00:45:44Save the best for last.
00:45:46Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:48Then it's decided.
00:45:52Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:56Too bad.
00:45:57You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:59I have nothing left.
00:46:09It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:22It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:25Do you know Eisenhower, sir?
00:46:27At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:29This is my lieutenant.
00:46:30He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:34He's so serious.
00:46:35But hang on.
00:46:37Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:40Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:43so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:45Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:49Murder weapons.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:47:10You like my guns, babe?
00:47:12Pretty rock hard.
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant!
00:47:18Come close.
00:47:20Wait.
00:47:21You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:22He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:23Fighting back would be treason, ma'am.
00:47:25Treason?
00:47:26You guys are way too serious.
00:47:29Look, you Lockhart bitch.
00:47:30I caught you.
00:47:31If I'm going down,
00:47:32you're all going down with me.
00:47:35Lieutenant,
00:47:36here's your attack.
00:47:49You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:57You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:59We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:00Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:08He's always a bit violent.
00:48:10Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married
00:48:15and I forget to use a coaster
00:48:16on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:21Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:23I don't know if I am.
00:48:26Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:31Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:39Cool ride.
00:48:41A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:43when I saved his wife.
00:48:44Impressive.
00:48:48Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:51Refreshing.
00:48:53I got cool mint, too.
00:48:55Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:58What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:01Fruit flavored gum.
00:49:02I can't stand those.
00:49:04So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:14Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16Our VIP of VIPs.
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:19VIP of VIPs?
00:49:21Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:23I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of people.
00:49:26I do what I can.
00:49:29Oh, my gosh.
00:49:31It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:49:32who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:35Sandra Miller.
00:49:36What are you doing here?
00:49:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:40Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:42and how you hired some gigolo to beat her
00:49:44and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48How low of you.
00:49:49What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:51Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:53I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end
00:49:56you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:05Here, I'll just be outside.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:20Cleopatra's armband,
00:50:22sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller,
00:50:26for five million dollars.
00:50:29Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:36I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:49That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:50:59Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew!
00:51:08You want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler?
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then,
00:51:14because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:19Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out!
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:51:26but we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:33Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too
00:51:37poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Why is that so?
00:51:41What if a so-called expert
00:51:42failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:45Dear Lord,
00:51:48this is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:57Karen, what have you found?
00:51:59Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:02It's a replica.
00:52:05They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So,
00:52:10you are the fraud.
00:52:12So you just went to the flea market
00:52:13so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:15And Cameron,
00:52:16how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19One-fifty.
00:52:20Wow.
00:52:21Not even five dollars.
00:52:23Sandra.
00:52:24You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:29No!
00:52:30Please!
00:52:31This is my time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:37Investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:52:39for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Block Callista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:56May I have a kiss?
00:53:01Sure.
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:23You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:32Oh.
00:53:34You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:47if I break your other leg.
00:53:50Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:58Mr. Buffett.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:06That's right.
00:54:07Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:13I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:15No, no.
00:54:16Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:18It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:28to put in a good word for us.
00:54:30Angela still loves me.
00:54:31She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:33She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:35Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:37We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:40I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:43and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure.
00:54:50I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:52I just need...
00:54:53Anything.
00:54:54You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:56Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:59I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:09I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper,
00:55:11just like you asked me to.
00:55:12Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:16Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:18I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:20That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:22It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:25And if he can't, then what?
00:55:27He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:28So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:32I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart,
00:55:37he's nothing.
00:55:44I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:47We should celebrate.
00:55:48You did?
00:55:49You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:52I know my son has it in him.
00:55:53That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:05What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:22Fine, go right ahead.
00:56:24He has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:34Teach him a lesson.
00:56:35Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:37Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:41Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:43We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:45So do as he says.
00:56:47But, Dad...
00:56:52Oh.
00:56:55I'm sorry.
00:56:57To be your side piece.
00:56:59Very good.
00:57:00I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:06I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:13Tongue is important.
00:57:15In more than just one spot.
00:57:16Ellen, we are in public.
00:57:17It's true.
00:57:18Oh.
00:57:19Stomach ache.
00:57:20Again?
00:57:21I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:22Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:24Okay.
00:57:26Devin's late.
00:57:28Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:32This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:37It's her.
00:57:38And she's alone.
00:57:39With no one to save her.
00:57:43You whore.
00:57:44You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:47Ah!
00:57:49Let me tell you.
00:57:50I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:58Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:02Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:04What?
00:58:05Why do I have to leave?
00:58:06She's the one starting shit.
00:58:08Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:10You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:15And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:58:19He still got the contract?
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face.
00:58:42As if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:50$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:53$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:59:01Ow! Hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:04You okay?
00:59:05Are you hurt?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:12You!
00:59:13You, just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:17And now you have two more?
00:59:19What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:25What if she has an STD?
00:59:27Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:31Let's go.
00:59:32We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:34Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:37I'll scream!
00:59:39I don't hit women.
00:59:40But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:44But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:46I said I don't kill women.
00:59:49Oh God.
00:59:50He is a murderer.
00:59:51What if he murders me?
00:59:53Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:59We're not afraid of you.
01:00:01That's enough.
01:00:02This isn't a war zone.
01:00:04You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:09I was just messing with him.
01:00:11Was he, though?
01:00:12We're not afraid of you.
01:00:15Jared!
01:00:16You have to avenge us.
01:00:17Look at this slut.
01:00:18She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:20She's cheating on you.
01:00:21Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:24I apologize for this scene.
01:00:26I'll toss out the party crashes immediately so that you can go to your celebration banquet.
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The party crashes.
01:00:38You have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:45That's right.
01:00:46Know your place.
01:00:47Shut up.
01:00:48She's cheating on you.
01:00:51Know your place.
01:00:52You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:55Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:57This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:59You slap her for this whore?
01:01:01This whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03I really think there's something, huh?
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:09She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:29No.
01:01:30This can't be.
01:01:32I made you divorce...
01:01:37Go home.
01:01:38You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:47I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:50Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:54I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:56I didn't come here for you.
01:01:58I'm on a date.
01:02:00A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:04She really is a whore.
01:02:05Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:07I really do love you.
01:02:11Oh-ho!
01:02:12Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:15Oh-ho!
01:02:16Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:20Yeah, we already know you beat Ford to effort.
01:02:23We already know you beat Ford to effort.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract,
01:02:31so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again?
01:02:48Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:05Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:09I'll prove it to you.
01:03:11You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no.
01:03:14You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:17Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:43The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a joke.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:23With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:35You saved me.
01:04:41You saved me.
01:04:43I'm sorry.
01:04:45If his lies led to you wasting three years of your life,
01:04:49but I promise you,
01:04:52I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:04:55I'm sorry.
01:04:57I'm sorry.
01:04:59I'm sorry.
01:05:02I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:17Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What? Me?
01:05:23Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:26No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Paul Card, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for you.
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:12The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:40I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:43I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto Punk number two!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:56You're Crypto Punk number two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto Punk number one.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:21I'll spy two.
01:07:24They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:27I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:30Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:33They'll make them okay soon!
01:07:42I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:45I'll spy two.
01:07:47I'll spy two.
01:07:49I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:55The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:57to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:01and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I'm just a little odd-card.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, not me.
01:08:20I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:40This looks good.
01:08:44Did you use my spices?
01:08:47I know your ex-in-law's never appreciated you.
01:08:52You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:55and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:59Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:05Angela.
01:09:07Your future with me?
01:09:11With me?
01:09:13It's gonna be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Upstairs.
01:09:36Wow.
01:09:38Devon, I can't believe
01:09:39this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:41these past few years
01:09:42just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:45Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:50Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:54That's right.
01:09:56I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:58How is all of this possible?
01:10:01I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:04Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:22Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500
01:10:26in a suit like that?
01:10:30All you do is babble on and on
01:10:32about Internet money,
01:10:34Solani, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:50Fancy girl. I like her.
01:10:54How is he?
01:10:56It's a rare poison
01:10:58made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:01Astragal, saltiphone.
01:11:03Can it be cured?
01:11:05I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:07It sounds really scary,
01:11:09but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:11Household salt.
01:11:15I like her.
01:11:18There you go.
01:11:20What time is it now?
01:11:23Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:32I like her.
01:11:34I like her.
01:11:36I like her.
01:11:38I like her.
01:11:40I like her.
01:11:42I like her.
01:11:44We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:52I barely remember.
01:11:54Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:00attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:03I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark though.
01:12:05That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:17who will you pick?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38Your bills have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:44You can't do this to me.
01:12:48Jared.
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?
01:13:03Oh.
01:13:04Jared Cooper.
01:13:07We're here to recompose your belongings.
01:13:11No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:18What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:33I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:35Fried chicken?
01:13:36Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:39Yeah, he's right.
01:13:40I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:42Sucking up last minute.
01:13:44At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:46Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:49Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:52I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:55I mean, Angela Lockhart, you know what I mean.
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:04which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:08Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:12Cole, the general?
01:14:16Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:29But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:32made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner, Angela.
01:14:40Angela.
01:14:42Oh, I...
01:14:45I need more time to think.
01:14:51While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:57Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:00Let's start with Cole.
01:15:02Cole.
01:15:06There's not much to say.
01:15:08Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:10who has huge biceps, a massive chest,
01:15:15who would protect their wife?
01:15:19Okay, thank you.
01:15:22Shane?
01:15:25Muscles, money, they won't get you so far.
01:15:29But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:31that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:34if you know what I mean.
01:15:38Okay, I think we do.
01:15:40And Devin?
01:15:43That was quite disgusting.
01:15:47I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:49I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:52a lot of choices to make.
01:15:54And she's my queen.
01:15:56I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:58And then one more thing.
01:16:00What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:04That's a good point.
01:16:06It's bad for her heart.
01:16:08And then you.
01:16:10What?
01:16:11You know what they say about military men.
01:16:14They beat their wives.
01:16:17What?
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa, break it up!
01:16:30Hey, break it up!
01:16:36Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:47Cut to commercial.
01:16:56This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:01Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:15I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:17I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:41They do none. They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:30We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:42This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:46I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:50Hmm.
01:18:51Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:57You know,
01:18:59I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:02I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:06So I appreciate that.
01:19:09And you know,
01:19:11I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:19What do you got for me?
01:19:21I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:30You're actually a really good talker.
01:19:33You need me to look at you?
01:19:35I got you.
01:19:36Me?
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper!
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:45We have to find her.
01:19:46What, how?
01:19:47Her ring.
01:19:48Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:51Well, let's go then!
01:19:53My phone!
01:19:54My fiancé!
01:19:55My fiancé!
01:20:01Jared.
01:20:04What am I doing here?
01:20:07You destroyed me.
01:20:10I took everything.
01:20:13What?
01:20:14I have nothing left.
01:20:16It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:19I wasn't greedy.
01:20:21I had sex with my wife.
01:20:23What?
01:20:24I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:26Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:27You wouldn't take me back now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:30This is illegal!
01:20:31You wouldn't want it.
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:58Hey!
01:21:00Angela!
01:21:01Angela, come here!
01:21:06You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Not yet.
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for...
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Thank God.
01:21:31What do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you going to do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop!
01:21:36No!
01:21:37Don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:46Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:48Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:12Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:14The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:16We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally.
01:22:19The wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:30Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:32The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:34But who's the groom?
01:22:38Uh...
01:22:39Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:43Any input from the parents?
01:22:45Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:49This is exciting!
01:22:51Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:54Let me think.
01:22:55I like the doctor.
01:22:57He's cute.
01:23:00But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:05And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:23:07the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:08Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:10Angela.
01:23:17You are all three...
01:23:19the most beautiful women I've ever met.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:32But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:35And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:49I'm just kidding.
01:23:50I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:02They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:08Literally.
01:24:11Could it be...
01:24:13the sexy and protective, general with a temper,
01:24:16Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:21Or...
01:24:22the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:24:27Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:31And last but not least,
01:24:33could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:36the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:39Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:24:43Gentlemen.
01:24:45It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:47It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49May the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:54Drum roll, please.
01:25:09Daringly, Ricky.
01:25:18I choose...
01:25:28I need a powerful, strong man in my village
01:25:30to feel like he can protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Could I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:41Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:48I need a powerful, strong man in my village
01:25:50to feel like he can protect me.
01:25:56Shane, it's you.
01:25:58I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:09I hope we can go together.
01:26:11Guns, baby.
01:26:12Guns, baby.
01:26:18Guns, baby.
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Ellen, Ellen.
01:26:42Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:43Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.