"The Three Badasses Who Want Me" is a sizzling romantic comedy that follows the whirlwind life of Mia Parker, a fiercely independent and successful fashion designer in New York City. Mia's life takes an unexpected turn when three distinctly different and equally captivating men vie for her affection. There's Alex, a rugged and charming firefighter; Ethan, a suave and sophisticated tech mogul; and Leo, a mysterious and brooding artist. Each brings their own unique charisma and challenges, forcing Mia to navigate the hilarious and often chaotic world of modern dating. As she juggles her career, friendships, and romantic suitors, Mia discovers more about herself and what she truly wants in life and love.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:34And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:38Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:41We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:50You deaf?
00:00:51I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the stall fee already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate
00:00:58for today's losses.
00:01:00You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freakin' Musk!
00:01:07One of the richest people in the world!
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:27Ha ha ha!
00:01:29Coming to see you?
00:01:31Alright, you know what?
00:01:32I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:40Deal.
00:01:49Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:53Or else, you're fired.
00:01:57Hmm.
00:02:13Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:25Good.
00:02:26Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:28Five.
00:02:29Four.
00:02:32Three.
00:02:35Two.
00:02:36One.
00:02:40Ellen!
00:02:41Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk!
00:02:43Ellen!
00:02:44Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:49How's my boss pitch?
00:02:51Kickin' ass, girlfriend!
00:02:54So, how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:59Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:04No way.
00:03:08Well?
00:03:11No!
00:03:12No!
00:03:13No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss!
00:03:14No, I won't do it again!
00:03:19Alright, that's enough.
00:03:20We're not tyrants here.
00:03:24Sir.
00:03:25I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:32You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:34The runaway bride.
00:03:37You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker!
00:03:42Who are you?
00:03:45Where is she?
00:03:47Atlanta.
00:03:48And you were right.
00:03:49Lucy couldn't make it.
00:03:51I'm sorry.
00:03:52And you were right.
00:03:53It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:55My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max.
00:04:05Prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson.
00:04:13Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:15Atlanta?
00:04:16The game is afoot.
00:04:17I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:20The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait.
00:04:23I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson.
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir.
00:04:38Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta.
00:04:44Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever.
00:04:46Prepare my war plate.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:04:50This is war.
00:04:52No.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:15This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:18That project is worth billions.
00:05:20And he can finally take his company public.
00:05:23But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago.
00:05:50You saved me.
00:06:05He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:14But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:22So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:25I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:30But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:47You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:57Get home, stat. It's a big day today.
00:07:02That was...
00:07:04My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:07:08But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:14You know, she even remembered our 30 year anniversary.
00:07:22Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:26Hi, I'm home. I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:34Divorce papers?
00:07:38Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:41God, don't call me Mom again. We're ending that relationship.
00:07:47Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:50You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:53You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:57I'm below his league?
00:07:59That's right. You are.
00:08:01You are.
00:08:03Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:12That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:15But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:24You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes? But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:37You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:47Resorting to lies. Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:51And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:57You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:03Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:07Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:09Enough!
00:09:11Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:15But I am.
00:09:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:19Here's 500K.
00:09:21You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:24Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:28Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:31I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:39Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:42Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:45500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing. Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:54She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:57Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:01I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:05You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:14A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:18What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:26And leave!
00:10:29You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:34Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:40Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:47It's all my work!
00:10:50Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:03So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:10Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:15But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:20Do you know who I am?
00:11:22Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:26I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:35Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:48Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:18You hit me.
00:12:24Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:42I don't need your pity money.
00:12:44We're finished.
00:12:47You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:50Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But I would like my ring back.
00:13:05Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:14And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:31Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:34Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo. I'm getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:46Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:53Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:56Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:01Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:03Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:21Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:26Vanderbilt?
00:14:27Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:32Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:35You're still going to the summit tomorrow? You and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:39That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:02Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:15:07Who is he?
00:15:09That? That's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:19Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:29So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:59You skank! My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:07That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:13Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:26How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:30Who the fuck are you, bitch? Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't know who you are. You hide it well.
00:16:41X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson. Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:51Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta.
00:16:55And then to New York, you forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:04Mind if I, uh, borrow your men?
00:17:08Go ahead.
00:17:11Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:14Oh, you bitch! I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:18A kiss as a reward, my lady?
00:17:22No.
00:17:29Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:33You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:39Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:42I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:46It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:50Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:17:54Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:17:58Vanderbilts and Ms. Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:01So, uh, what's the deal?
00:18:05Oh, it's nothing, sir.
00:18:09Vanderbilts and Ms. Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:12So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:16Thank you, Mr. Mandel.
00:18:18Now, we just have to impress Ms. Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:22Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:26Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:29Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:35I'll do my best.
00:18:42Excuse me, second gentleman.
00:18:45What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:49How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:52Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:57You sleep your way in?
00:18:59I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:01Don't bother stalking me.
00:19:03Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:06Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:10This is your ex-husband?
00:19:13What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:17Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:19:31Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:40They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:55You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:58Get your hands off of her!
00:20:05My lady.
00:20:21My queen.
00:20:28It's...
00:20:30It's him!
00:20:32He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:36Who are these peasants?
00:20:38These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:20:43Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:45You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:49Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:52That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:54You have any idea how many times I've had to tell you?
00:20:56Vanderbilt. You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:21:14Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:26Oh, goddammit. Stomachache now?
00:21:33Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:49How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harley Evan Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:03And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around.
00:22:09I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:14You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:19You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:21We've had enough of your games.
00:22:23Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:27Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:30But don't worry. You got new money here.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:38Yes, my queen.
00:22:40You're all despicable.
00:22:43An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:50Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:53Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:58I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:07You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:09How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:16You have nothing. And you will always be nothing.
00:23:20She's a gold digger.
00:23:23Gold digger?
00:23:25Gigolo.
00:23:27Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:29Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:31Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:34They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:37Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:39She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:42Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:57And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:59You!
00:24:01Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:05You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:11And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:15Back down, Alex.
00:24:21I got this.
00:24:42Hey!
00:24:43Hey!
00:24:51What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:11Don't hurt her.
00:25:13You bitch.
00:25:15I've always been sick of you.
00:25:17You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:19How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:21Boss?
00:25:23Did she say her boss?
00:25:25Miss Musk?
00:25:27That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:29That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:31My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:33Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:39If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:44She's royalty.
00:25:46And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:49What the hell did you do?
00:25:51Kneel to me!
00:25:53Oh, your majesty.
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:01Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it a queen or prince?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:06Oh, my queen.
00:26:08Please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12Hey, what are you doing, idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:27What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:36She's a badass herself.
00:26:38He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:40You!
00:26:42You!
00:26:44You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:46Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:48No!
00:26:50No!
00:26:51Don't believe their lies.
00:26:53I worked hard for everything.
00:26:55You worked for everything?
00:26:57I'm sorry.
00:26:59I'm sorry.
00:27:01I'm sorry.
00:27:03I'm sorry.
00:27:04I'm sorry.
00:27:09Hi, honey.
00:27:11So, our 30th anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year?
00:27:17I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:19I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:31You were nothing before me.
00:27:34your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine,
00:27:39including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:42I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48So that's why Elon Musk was urging us
00:27:50to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring,
00:27:56yeah, I forgot to tell you, it was Queen Victoria's,
00:27:59and its worth is equivalent to more
00:28:01than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:05No, no, I gave you back the ring.
00:28:12I divorced a royal heiress.
00:28:14No, no, please, no, no, please take me back, baby.
00:28:19I still love you.
00:28:21Please.
00:28:24Oh, man, it looks like they've started
00:28:26the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight with a cold Eisenhower.
00:28:35God, these two again.
00:28:36Did he say, is he cold Eisenhower?
00:28:40President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:41After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:43each of his descendants have all gone on
00:28:45to become five-star generals,
00:28:47the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:49Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:51Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:52I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:28:54then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:00And that there is, that is,
00:29:03that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:09Dr. House?
00:29:11I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:12Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me, son of James House.
00:29:17Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:20I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:29:22when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:24So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall
00:29:26somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 years.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:31and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:33I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:34and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:36Hey, Alan.
00:29:38Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:42They're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés?
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds.
00:29:54I'm her fiancé.
00:29:55No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:57You can both shut up.
00:29:58I'm her fiancé.
00:30:00It's you.
00:30:01It's me.
00:30:02Who the hell is he?
00:30:03I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:06How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:11Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:13but I didn't tell you because he decided
00:30:15to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:18She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:25Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:29At your service.
00:30:30Me too.
00:30:35One down, two more to go.
00:30:37She's become a queen.
00:30:39Bishop to G4.
00:30:44Ow, ow, ow!
00:30:45What is that?
00:30:47The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:30:50Ow!
00:30:51Ow!
00:30:52Ow!
00:30:53Ow!
00:30:54Ow!
00:30:54Ow!
00:30:55Ow!
00:30:56Ow!
00:30:57Ow!
00:30:58Ah!
00:31:02Rook to A8.
00:31:08Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:14The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:23Big Rook to four, it's right this second.
00:31:25I've been bankrupt!
00:31:27No!
00:31:28Who is it?
00:31:35I've been bankrupt!
00:31:37No!
00:31:37I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:40from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:42Well, guess what?
00:31:43Game over.
00:31:45All right, boys.
00:31:46Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:48I'll be right back.
00:31:49I'll be right back.
00:31:50I'll be right back.
00:31:51I'll be right back.
00:31:52I'll be right back.
00:31:53I'll be right back.
00:31:53I'll be right back.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you.
00:32:00Wait for me.
00:32:01Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:12Angela.
00:32:15You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I want compensation.
00:32:25You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:30Wait, you were married?
00:32:31Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:34then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me.
00:32:38No, no, of course not.
00:32:39Just, do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Yeah, murderous intent.
00:32:55Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you
00:33:03because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:25Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:27We need to wreck right away.
00:33:29Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:33:30are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:33Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:37She should be okay now.
00:33:42Hey you, watch over here.
00:33:44I'll be right back.
00:33:55You saved me.
00:33:59Fuck.
00:34:00I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:05I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:07You've cheated on me,
00:34:09you've hit me,
00:34:11and you've insulted me.
00:34:12And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:16I fucking hate you.
00:34:18And ladies and gentlemen,
00:34:20I'm your host,
00:34:21I fucking hate you.
00:34:24And the ladies lock on.
00:34:26What now?
00:34:28Okay, yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:32but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:35the Maple Plaza project.
00:34:37How about us three?
00:34:38Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:42Yeah, no, you're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:47This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:51No, no, we can't lose our positions
00:34:55with Ellen Musk and the lock on.
00:34:58Oh, please.
00:35:00I'll get you for this.
00:35:08I never should have listened to you.
00:35:09I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:22So, what's the situation here?
00:35:24I want to marry you.
00:35:34I want to marry you.
00:35:37Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:35:41and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:44But what if I told you
00:35:47that we've known each other for a long time?
00:35:50That we've known each other for much longer
00:35:52than just a few hours.
00:35:54Much longer.
00:35:58Angela, your parents would like to have a video call
00:36:01with all of you.
00:36:06My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing
00:36:21blood-sucking freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:24Can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations.
00:36:28I've selected three prime young men
00:36:31for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:34You must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:36Otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it.
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:42Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:47Alright honey, that's it.
00:36:49Bye! Bye!
00:36:55So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:04Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But, I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:30Whoa, okay, no murder please, I was just kidding.
00:37:36We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:38Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know, we'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:50Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see.
00:38:07Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:13And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:38:23but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:33Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:36It's up to the final two.
00:38:43Whoa!
00:38:50Whoa!
00:39:01Crunchy.
00:39:03That is sick, Cole.
00:39:05Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:11There are two more left. Want to try one?
00:39:13Oh my god, no, no.
00:39:17Oh my god, save me.
00:39:18Save you? You're going to save me.
00:39:23I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:41Thank god you're here.
00:39:45Are you alright, honey?
00:39:47Angela!
00:39:51Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:57Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:39:59I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:01You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:04Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:07At least my girl can get some.
00:40:09I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:13They're cockroaches.
00:40:14They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:16There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:19I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:23I need a drink.
00:40:31Whoa, easy, you're on an empty stomach.
00:40:33Oh, why do you care?
00:40:36I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:42I'm sorry.
00:40:43I'm sorry.
00:40:44I'm sorry.
00:40:45I'm sorry.
00:40:46I'm sorry.
00:40:47I'm sorry.
00:40:48I'm sorry.
00:40:49I'm sorry.
00:40:50I'm sorry.
00:40:51I'm sorry.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me.
00:41:07And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:13Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:19You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:25What?
00:41:29You're number one here.
00:41:36You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:40Lies.
00:41:43You all just want something from me.
00:41:45You all just want something from me.
00:41:52Angela, I know it's hard to trust again, but I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:05I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days. I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:42:35Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:38I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:42It's okay.
00:42:46But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:03This is what you want.
00:43:16I love you.
00:43:31Nine-inch penis.
00:43:33Morning to you too.
00:43:35You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:38A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:43Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:46But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:49Because then they would...
00:43:51Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyways.
00:44:03Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:09You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:13Stop.
00:44:16Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:26I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:38I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:48You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:53It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:56I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:57Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen. Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:07Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:13No cockroaches this time.
00:45:15Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:23The second challenge is...
00:45:25The second challenge is...
00:45:27A date.
00:45:29Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:31A date?
00:45:33That's it. What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:47Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:53Please! Don't take my BMW away!
00:45:57Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:01I have nothing left!
00:46:11It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:18It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:25General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:27At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:29This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:34He's so serious. But hang on.
00:46:37Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:40Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:45Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes. Murder weapons.
00:47:10You're like my guns, babe.
00:47:12Pretty Lockhart.
00:47:14Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant! Come close!
00:47:20Wait! You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:24Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:26Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you Lockhart bitch! I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:35Lieutenant! Pistol attack!
00:47:43Ah!
00:47:47You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:51I will make you pay!
00:47:55If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:47:58Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:06Zoe's a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:48:10Poor anger issues. What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:16Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:19Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:21I don't know if I am.
00:48:24Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:29Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:34Hey.
00:48:36Hey.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:05Where are you taking me, Shane?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:14Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:19Right this way.
00:49:20VIP of VIPs?
00:49:21Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:49:25You saved a lot of people.
00:49:27I do what I can.
00:49:29Oh, my gosh.
00:49:31It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:35Sandra Miller.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48Hello, of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:06Here, I'll just be a second.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:30Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:37I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:49That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew.
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:14Because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:19And who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out.
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:26But we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:33Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Oh, is that so?
00:51:41We're a so-called expert failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then.
00:51:46Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:57Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:59Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:02It's a replica.
00:52:05They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So, you are the fraud.
00:52:12So you just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:15And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19One-fifty.
00:52:20Wow.
00:52:21Not even five dollars.
00:52:23Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time.
00:52:28Arrest her.
00:52:30No, please.
00:52:31It was just this one time.
00:52:33Please.
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Block list her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:54Me too.
00:52:56May I have a kiss?
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:17Yep.
00:53:18You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:30You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:35I don't have any money.
00:53:37How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:40I guess you owe us a lot of money.
00:53:44I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:55Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:11I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:14I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:16No, no.
00:54:17Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:19It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me.
00:54:32She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:50Sure.
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything.
00:54:55You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:00I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:09I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:19I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:21That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:23It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:26And if he can't, then what?
00:55:28He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as he's grieving, I have to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:46I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:49We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:54That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:04What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine, go right ahead, he has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as a side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:30Dad?
00:56:33Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:35Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48Dad?
00:56:56I'm sorry.
00:56:58I'll be your side piece.
00:57:00Very good.
00:57:01I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:07I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:14Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:16Ellen, we are in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:19Oh, stomachache.
00:57:21Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:23Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:27Devin's late.
00:57:29Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone.
00:57:40With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:51Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:07What?
00:58:08Why do I have to leave?
00:58:09She's the one starting shit.
00:58:10Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:15And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:19He still got the contract?
00:58:21Hmm.
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:50$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:53$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, hey!
00:59:01Hey!
00:59:02Ow!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:12You!
00:59:13You!
00:59:14Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:19What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:25What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hit women.
00:59:41But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:47I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:51He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:58We're not afraid of you.
01:00:00That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:02You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:07I was just messing with him.
01:00:09Was he, though?
01:00:10We're not afraid of you.
01:00:13Jared!
01:00:14You have to avenge us.
01:00:15Look at this slut.
01:00:16She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:18She's cheating on you.
01:00:19Don't get back with her.
01:00:20Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:22I apologize for this scene.
01:00:24I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:28Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32The potty crashes.
01:00:36Oh!
01:00:37Do you have any idea who that is?
01:00:39That's my wife.
01:00:40We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:43That's right.
01:00:44Know your place.
01:00:45Shut up.
01:00:46She's cheating on you.
01:00:49Know your place.
01:00:50You've just decided.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:53You're just a side piece.
01:00:54If I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:13I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:18You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:07Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:13Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:17Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:22Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:44Still making shoes.
01:02:45Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:48No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:54I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:58Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:02I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:04Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:06Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:08I'll prove it to you.
01:03:10You want a chance?
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no.
01:03:15You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:03:43The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a tough choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:06Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:10He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:12Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:15I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it.
01:04:19You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:21With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:26Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:35You saved me.
01:04:41You saved me.
01:04:43I'm sorry.
01:04:45If his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:49But I promise you,
01:04:52I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of my life.
01:04:55I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of my life.
01:04:58I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of my life.
01:05:02I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of my life.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:18Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What? Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:13The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:15All business ties have been severed.
01:06:17We're bankrupt!
01:06:23How did you do that?
01:06:25Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:30I'll tell you.
01:06:32I'm the one who's been pulling all the strings.
01:06:35I'm the one who's been pulling the strings.
01:06:38I'm the one who's been pulling the strings.
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:56You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes's list.
01:07:10It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So, how about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:22Let's buy two.
01:07:25They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:28I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:07:31Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:34They'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:41What is it?
01:07:43What is it?
01:07:45What is it?
01:07:47What is it?
01:07:49What is it?
01:07:51What is it?
01:07:53What?
01:07:55Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I need a little lock card.
01:08:11You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:20I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:40This looks good.
01:08:43Did you use my spices?
01:08:46I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:51You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:57I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:01I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:07Angela, your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:16Come on.
01:09:18Upstairs.
01:09:31Come on.
01:09:37Bob, Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:43just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:30All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:50Fancy girl. I like her.
01:11:00How is he?
01:11:02It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:06Astragal, saltif.
01:11:08Can it be cured?
01:11:09I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:11It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:15Household salt.
01:11:24I like her.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31Time is up.
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I... well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06If that makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years, who will you pick?
01:12:20How can that be?
01:12:22Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:29Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:33Bankrupt?
01:12:35The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:38Well then, get out of here!
01:12:41You can't do this to me!
01:12:45Jared!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to propose to your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14Mom!
01:13:17Mom!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:38Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:50Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:13:59You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:04which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:08Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:12Cole, the general?
01:14:16Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:29But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:43Oh, I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:13a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:22Uh, Shane?
01:15:25Muscles, money,
01:15:28they won't get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07We fight for our hearts.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa, break it up!
01:16:30Hey, break it up!
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:56This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:41They do not. They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:18:02It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:16Oh!
01:18:29We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:32This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:35I may not be able to take them both down if it is hard to team up.
01:18:38Hmm.
01:18:40Wintermate or Coolmate?
01:18:46You know,
01:18:48I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:50Really?
01:18:52Yeah.
01:18:54You know,
01:18:56I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:58Really?
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:04I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:17Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:22I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:27It's fresh, right?
01:19:29Yeah, yeah.
01:19:31You're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, hey.
01:19:35You need me to look at you?
01:19:37Hey, me?
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:41Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:43It was Jerry Cooper.
01:19:45That fucker!
01:19:47We have to find her.
01:19:49Her ring.
01:19:51Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:53Well, let's go then.
01:19:55My fiancée!
01:19:57Jerrod.
01:20:03What am I doing here?
01:20:05You destroyed me.
01:20:09They took everything.
01:20:11What?
01:20:13I have nothing left.
01:20:15It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:17I wasn't greedy.
01:20:19I didn't have sex with my wife.
01:20:21What?
01:20:23I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:27Oh, yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:33You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:39Ow!
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:43I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:45Come on.
01:20:47Shh.
01:20:49Shh.
01:20:55You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela, come here!
01:21:05You're too late.
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:09She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:11Not yet? Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:17Come on, get it already. Just save my boss.
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What? What are you going to do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop! No!
01:21:37Ow!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:43No!
01:21:45Ow!
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures of the world
01:22:01to your wedding.
01:22:03The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:05And remember, we will kill ourselves
01:22:07if you don't choose.
01:22:09Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:11The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:13We're down to the wire.
01:22:15Literally. The wedding day.
01:22:17But who's the groom?
01:22:31Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:33The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:35But who's the groom?
01:22:37Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:43Seems our heiress still
01:22:45hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway
01:22:51our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general
01:23:08looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about
01:23:12Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three
01:23:25very fine
01:23:27gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful
01:23:31for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard
01:23:35decision and
01:23:37I decided to devise
01:23:39one last challenge.
01:23:41And
01:23:43I decided to devise
01:23:45one last challenge.
01:23:49I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved
01:23:59our main character.
01:24:01I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock
01:24:07Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:11Could it be
01:24:13the sexy and protective
01:24:15general with a temper,
01:24:17Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun,
01:24:25wicked-minded, but
01:24:27kind of weird,
01:24:29Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least,
01:24:35could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:37The man Angela would have married
01:24:39a long time ago,
01:24:41Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:45Gentlemen,
01:24:47it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49May the best man win.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:24:59I'm gonna make you understand
01:25:01Never gonna give you up
01:25:03Never gonna let you down
01:25:05Never gonna run around
01:25:07and desert you
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:17I choose...
01:25:29You give me the power of a strong man
01:25:31and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Would it interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:25:41Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:43Yes!
01:25:57Shane, it's you.
01:25:59I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:09Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:11Let's make love, babe.
01:26:25It's always been you.
01:26:35I'll always love you.
01:26:37Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Ellen, would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:43Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.