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00:00Everybody, welcome. Happy Labor Day. Happy Monday, Labor Day to everybody. I hope everybody's
00:11having a wonderful long weekend. And we're going to jump into The Other Way, episode
00:1810. There's a lot to unpack in here. Hey, Gina. Hey, Green Dog, Chorus here. We're going
00:28to jump into The Other Way, and we're going to talk about that and forbidden love. Yeah,
00:37we're going to kind of unpack this episode. How are you? I'm good. How was your holiday?
00:44You know, just another day at work. Oh, you had to go? No fair. You had to go to work.
00:49I'm sorry. They should have gave you the day off. But yeah, we're going to get into episode
00:5410 of The Other Way, and we're going to talk about a little bit of forbidden love. There
00:57was a heated, heated argument on forbidden love that I want to unpack with you. But first,
01:03we're going to get into this Other Way episode, because Statler and Dempsey have been on the
01:09road for a bit now. They've crested in the van, things were going fine. And then Dempsey
01:15made a statement that Statler caught, where she said, I'm not worried about money, because
01:21I have a lot of money left over, you know, from the sale of my car, and I'm set. She
01:26also mentioned she had nine months of wages that she put away. So it kind of opens up
01:33this conversation that Statler is, you know, putting in our minds as well. So Dempsey calls
01:39Statler and says, Hey, I need $6,000 from you in order to secure this van. And she said
01:46it as though, you know, when someone calls you and say they need a certain amount of
01:49money, that normally means they don't have it, right? Like, that was my first because
01:54I was like, well, if she already had the money, and the van was going in her name,
01:58why is it that Statler needed to come up with the $6,000? You know, because and we're going
02:02to get into the titling of the van too. But I wanted to get into this money thing. Do
02:06you think that Dempsey is sitting on thousands and thousands of dollars and she's bleeding
02:12Statler dry? Do you think that because that's kind of what Statler has been trying to sell
02:15us? Do you think that that's really what's going on?
02:18I think that maybe she has money from what she sold. But if you and I are going 50-50
02:26and in anything, a car, anything, and it's ours, mine and yours, and I've already paid
02:34my half and they say, okay, well, you need to pay this much. I'm going to tell you that
02:39I need that money to secure it to make sure that you're going to pay it. Otherwise, it's
02:45all going to be on me. So in a relationship, you have to have that trust. I trust that
02:54you're going to pay it. So I may have just paid it, but at the same time, Statler's such
02:59a crybaby about everything that I probably wouldn't have trust her either. And as many
03:04times as she says, I'm the sole breadwinner, I'm the sole breadwinner, and I'm going to
03:09take care of you. Yes, I would want that money. I don't think Dempsey's wrong.
03:16Well, Dempsey is saying in her defense, Statler kind of rushed them moving and doing this
03:22life. She said that, hey, if you're really worried about money, because this isn't the
03:26first time Statler brought up, hey, money-wise, we could go into debt, this isn't a good thing.
03:30She's like, well, let me work another six months and I won't sell my trailer and we'll
03:35wait. And she said, no, no, no. Statler was like, let's do it. I'm going to financially
03:39take care of you. And I think Statler is the definition of biting off more than she can
03:44chew, right? Like, I think that she didn't know what she was getting into. So they leave
03:48the gas station and to fill it up is 111 pounds. Or no, it was 88 pounds, but it was 111 US
03:55dollars, I think that's how it was. And that's not crazy, right? Like, if you drive an SUV,
04:01you're looking at 100. Like, you drive a big truck, like, how much does it cost to fill
04:04up your truck? Okay, so she's making it seem like she's being ripped off. And I'm like,
04:13I think that the definition of biting off more than you can chew and not doing your
04:16homework, you got yourself into something without doing any research. And remember,
04:22I brought up to you a couple weeks ago, I was like, how is she going to guarantee internet
04:27connection anywhere in the world, right? Because I know that depending on where you are, you
04:31know, and it happens with cell phone signals too, depending on where you are, the amount
04:36of internet and the speed of the internet varies. And if you're always constantly moving,
04:39because I was like, working from home in a van sounds like an awesome gig, right? You can see
04:44the world, you could literally leave work and go see the Eiffel Tower, like, depending on where
04:48you are. But I always question how can you guarantee that you're going to have a strong
04:54enough internet connection to work? And she doesn't. Again, she's doing things without doing
04:58research. She's not doing her homework. She's not actually making a plan. And I think that
05:04blaming everything on Dempsey is an easy scapegoat, right? Like, it's easy for you
05:09to find somebody to put all of your problems on and say it's their fault. But I don't think
05:13that everything is Dempsey's fault. I think that Dempsey holding on to nine months of wages,
05:18and then keeping, she said it was 500 pounds left over from the sale of the car. I don't know.
05:24My main issue is they didn't share financial records. So who knows?
05:28Sounds like they haven't shared much. Statler didn't ask the right questions.
05:33And I don't think Dempsey did either. But the more I watch Statler, the more I realize
05:40how Dempsey is the one that's going to be, Statler may be providing financially,
05:46but Dempsey's taking care of her. Statler doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
05:51Right? Well, right.
05:53She's driving me more and more crazy every single time. It's like she's not actually an adult.
06:00Well, another issue I have with her, I don't want people to hate me for this, but
06:05she has victim mentality. And I know a lot of people that have this victim mentality,
06:11like no matter what they do, it'll be 100% their decision. They'll do it, they'll make the choice.
06:16And then they'll complain and become the victim. And it's like, well,
06:20you willingly entered into this situation, right? So you're not 100% the victim. A victim is when
06:26you're literally walking down the street and somebody attacks you randomly for no reason,
06:31through no fault of your own. You don't know this person. It was random. That's a victim.
06:34And I think Statler has always had the mentality of no matter what happens to her,
06:39she's the victim. The common denominator is I'm the one that's suffering. And I think that that
06:44has a lot to do with past trauma, past situations, past relationships that she's been in,
06:50where she feels that the person screwed her over, which could be, but she carries it on into her new
06:55relationships. And she uses it as her reasoning as to why she makes bad decisions. And then she
07:01doesn't take accountability for her bad decisions. She just throws the accountability on the person
07:05that she's with. And it's like, I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking that Dempsey's a
07:10bad person just because Statler wants us to think that, right? Because I told you from before,
07:15when we first met her, I didn't see her as a bad person or a user or a liar or a scammer.
07:20And I still don't. But when I did hear about the nine months of wages that she said she had put
07:26away, and the money left over from the car, I would love for her to have been more open and
07:32honest with what's going on. But again, Statler's not talking about money. So why should Dempsey,
07:37like that conversation door hasn't been open. So why should she be the one to start it? Statler
07:43should be the one starting the money conversation because she's the constant worrier. And I'm like
07:47that too. Like Cara, honestly, if you called me right now and said, hey, I'm gonna quit your job,
07:53I'm gonna take care of you for the next year. I'm not the type of person that could just quit my job
07:57and just hope and pray that you're gonna take care of me. I'm a constant worrier. I have to
08:02have a plan A, B and C. And I think that Statler- But if you had all your wages for nine months
08:09set to the side and I said, okay, I'm gonna take care of you, you know that you're okay. So you're
08:14not stressed about it. You're like, okay, then that's okay. But that would be on me for not
08:19asking you, okay, how much is that? How much, what if we go somewhere and I don't have internet
08:26and I, or I fall down and I break my leg and I can't go to work, then we're gonna have to rely
08:32what you have saved. How much is that? I would need to know that before I just said, okay,
08:39well, I'll just take care of you. Don't worry about it. Well, right. You know, like, I think
08:43it's crazy that people enter into these serious relationships, marriages. I guess this is like a
08:50joint living situation without talking about money. And so I want to talk about titling of
08:55cars. I don't live in the UK. So I don't know. But she said, Statler said that you can only put a car
09:01in one person's name. I know that that's not true here. I know that you can jointly purchase a car.
09:06I know that you can jointly title a car, but again, I don't know how the, I've never owned
09:11a car in the UK, so I don't know. But if, okay, so like you were saying before, if we were going
09:16and half on a van and it would be mine and yours, I'm paying it $30,000. I'm paying 15,000. You're
09:22paying 15,000. Would you be comfortable with me saying, okay, so since I'm picking up the van,
09:26I'll put it in my name? Yes, I would. For a couple of different reasons. Number one,
09:32we're on opposite sides of the country, but we're still in the same country. It would be very hard
09:39for you to put a car in my name without me being there. Number one. But also if you told me,
09:47write a letter, we'll sign it, whatever. And I didn't, then that's also on me. Like,
09:55Statler is, so people don't know the conversation that they've had and how Dempsey is slowly
10:03leaking things. You said you'd take care of me. We didn't know that. You said you'd do this. We
10:08didn't know that. You said you'd do that. We didn't know that. Now all this little stuff is
10:12coming out and suddenly Statler has no memory of this. I don't remember saying that. I don't
10:18remember saying that, you know? So I think that she thought Statler wouldn't throw her into the
10:23bus, but Statler's getting kind of tired of being thrown under the bus herself. And so now she's
10:29just kind of slowly leaking it. And I think that's where Statler's trying to paint this bad picture
10:34of Dempsey so that we're all believing, you know, that Dempsey's this bad person when we all know
10:40what a shit show Statler is. Well, right. Yeah. I want to make sure everyone knows from the record
10:46from day one, I've always said that Statler is 50% at fault for all of this, if not more,
10:53because she doesn't ask questions. She doesn't plan. Remember, I described her as the traveling
10:57friend where you have one friend who's like the travel agent. They book everything. They book the
11:02hotel. They book the flight. They rent the car. They get the tickets. And then the other friend
11:06that just shows up and they're like, how much money do I need to Venmo you for everything?
11:10I don't care. And that's Statler. She didn't ask questions. She just hoped things were going to
11:14work out. And, you know, when you enter in a situation and you just hope it's going to work
11:18out, there's a possibility that it's not because your lack of planning, your lack of input,
11:21your lack of interest in your future, it's on you. And it's like, I hate the victim mentality
11:28in that aspect, because everyone else is always the bad guy. And, you know, the one thing I learned
11:33after I got out of that cult and I went to therapy was, you have to take responsibility for things
11:38that you did. Yes, there are horrible human beings around you who do horrible things. But sometimes
11:45when you're giving up accountability, it's never 100% here, 0% here. It's never going to end up
11:51that way. There's always somebody who's going to get accountability in every aspect. And I know
11:57that sounds bad, but it's like, yeah, even when there's a murderer, obviously, you look at the
12:01murderer as 100% accountable. But there are sometimes situations where the person had a
12:06chance, like for instance, Shekinah. Shekinah has the opportunity to rid her life of Sarper after
12:12he got physical, grabbed her phone, ripped her hair out of her head, but she's got to go back to
12:16him. So when we're doing accountability here, Sarper is a piece of shit human being, right? We
12:22want to give him 100% accountability for that. But we have to divvy a little accountability to
12:28Shekinah because she's going to go back and allow him to treat her bad again. And unfortunately,
12:33sometimes that situation ends with someone's life being taken away. And it's hard to do that because
12:39we don't ever want to say, oh, Sarper isn't 100% at fault. She's an idiot. But we have to know that
12:45it's our choices sometimes that put us in these horrible situations where we're unsafe, and where
12:51we're allowing terrible things to happen to us. So I feel like when it comes to Stanler, I just,
12:57I get so tired of her, because she's just like, well,
13:01I feel like there's so many things that this girl, she just, she's, for lack of a better term,
13:09very stupid. Because like, just like getting gas. She's like, whoa, that's so expensive. I only pay
13:17$30. So she's making it seem like the gas is so much more expensive there. It's not that it's
13:23more expensive there. It's the vehicle that you're driving has a bigger fuel tank, plain and simple.
13:30Then she acts all weird about, oh, you pump the gas first and then you pay. I'm in Oregon. First
13:36of all, it just got passed this year that we can pump our own gas. So for my entire life,
13:44my entire life, you pull up at a gas station, someone else comes and pumps your gas. And it
13:50was actually a crime if you got out and pumped your own. So it was just recently passed that
13:59you have the option to pump your own gas, but we still have fuel attendants. So
14:05I think that Pennsylvania is still there, right? With the pumping your own gas thing. That's so
14:10interesting. Because yeah, she, but again, no matter what happens, no matter what the situation,
14:15no matter what the number is on the cash register that she owes, it's not her fault. It's Dempsey
14:21did this to me. Dempsey made me do this. And people can't make you do things unless there's
14:26like a weapon pointed at your head. You know, like they can't make you do things. You can make a
14:32decision to be manipulated by someone, but they can't make you do anything. And I think this
14:37situation with her, it's just, it's just irritating because yeah, she's going to get the raw end of
14:41the deal. She took out a personal loan for a van that's not in her name. And she took out an
14:46advance at her job for a van that's not in her name, but Dempsey didn't make her do any of that
14:50stuff. Another comment that she made was you could leave me in another country while I'm on the
14:58toilet. Okay. First of all, the toilets in the van, that's your own dumb ass fault for getting
15:05out. So like nothing this girl says makes any sense ever. How would you feel if you were in
15:14love with someone, you chose to do this van life, you trusted this person, you've gone 50 50 and
15:20they're like, oh, but I don't trust you. And you could leave me in another country. I would pull
15:24up at the next stop and tell her to get the out. Well, I don't think Statler ever loved Dempsey.
15:32I don't think Statler's ever like genuinely loved anyone. And I think she's admitted that to us.
15:36In every situation, she has to be the one doing the most for the other person in order to feel
15:42loved because being adopted, she has that abandonment feeling. So she feels like, no,
15:49she's not good enough, which she is, but in her mind, she's like, I'm not good enough for anyone
15:54to stay with me. So I have to do something for them. And I think, you know, I think that she's
15:58never going to fully trust anyone. It's not Dempsey. Dempsey is just insert name here with
16:04Statler. All of her relationships are going to go this way because she just doesn't have that
16:08true genuine love or trust because she doesn't know what it is. She's never been in a real
16:13healthy relationship. She doesn't know what it's like to be truly loved and to truly love someone
16:17else. And unfortunately, Dempsey is just a victim of Statler's bad relationship trauma, right? Like,
16:25I'm not saying that Statler is innocent in this either. Statler did a lot of this on her own.
16:30And now she's like, because I call it like where my mom used to say it when I was younger,
16:33like dig a pit, you know, because if I would lie and she would catch me lying, she's like, okay,
16:38keep digging your pit with your shovel because you're going to fall right in your pit. And that's
16:42like, that's what Statler's doing. She keeps digging and digging and digging. She's just
16:45going to fall right in and it's going to be too deep. She can't get out because she's too deep
16:49into this BS. And unfortunately she's just stuck. And Dempsey is not going to be the last person
16:55that she claims screwed her over. Everybody that she gets in a relationship is going to be the same
16:59story. Absolutely. You know, it's like if two people, if, if you and I said, we're going to do
17:07this, we're going to move into a van, we're going to go 50 50. And you told me you need $15,000.
17:14And I need $15,000. And you're going to go do all this stuff and you need the money from me
17:19right now. First of all, I need to see everything you're doing. I need to be on the phone with you.
17:26We'll FaceTime while you're at the dealership. So I can talk to the guy also so that I can give him
17:31my personal information so that he can add me to the title. That's a responsibility on me as an
17:36adult, making sure where my money goes and all of that stuff. But also if I have abandonment issues,
17:41I am not going to commit to anything until I'm with the person that I'm afraid is going to
17:49abandon me. You know? Yeah, I agree. I need to be with you to make sure that you're serious
17:56because we're in another country. And the only thing that's locking us together is this TV show
18:02contract. That's right. Yeah. And that's what contract you'd be gone with my money.
18:07That's what I was going to say. A written contract when you're making financial purchases
18:12is so important, right? Like I have friends who enter into business contracts with each other.
18:17And they've been friends for decades. They went to school together. Their moms know each other.
18:22But when they enter into a financial situation with another person, they have a written contract.
18:28And it's not that you don't trust the person, right? It's more so that you cover your ass in
18:32case. Because once you include money into anything, literally love is destroyed by money
18:37on a daily basis. So you can literally love the person. They could be your family member,
18:41your wife, your husband, it doesn't matter. You enter money into that situation, and they can
18:45literally destroy any type of bond that you ever had. So I was like, she should have gotten a
18:51written contract for the band. She should have gotten a written contract of who it's and then
18:55just write up who's gonna pay what, and for how long, right? Like if you don't trust her,
19:00enter into a contract, then the contract will cover you. Love is not a contract. Love is
19:04conditional, and it can end at any moment. People wake up one day, and they just decide they don't
19:08love people anymore. So like, that's not a contract. If you really want that guarantee,
19:12put it in writing, get it notarized, and hold the person to it. The courts are there to uphold
19:17contracts. And Statler is like, oh, I don't know if she's gonna stay with me. Obviously,
19:22no one does. There's literally hundreds of people who got married today who have no freaking clue
19:26if they're gonna be married next year, because you don't know. There's no guarantee. You might,
19:31might not. You don't know how people are gonna feel. You don't even know how people are gonna
19:34feel tomorrow. So she's expecting way too much from a relationship. She thinks that people are
19:41supposed to guarantee her things, and there's no guarantee in life at all.
19:44I agree. I agree completely. I mean, we already know that they don't make it,
19:50but if we didn't know that, I wouldn't see any future in this at all.
19:55No. Dempsey said it tonight. She was like, if you're gonna not trust me and assume the worst
19:59of everything that I do, this isn't gonna last long. She nailed it. Like, if you assume every
20:04action that I make is against you, and you're my enemy, this isn't gonna work.
20:08But also, another thing Statler said, back to the gas thing, she said, gosh, that was expensive. How
20:14many times are we gonna have to fill up? Are you really that stupid? Depends on where you go,
20:21how far you travel. Do you not drive your car from point A to point B 25 times and know that
20:28on the 25th time, you have to fill up? So if you drive 200 miles in this van, you see what your
20:35mileage is, and you go based on that. If you don't wanna fill up a lot, you find a spot,
20:40you park your shit, and you go to work. Yeah. I mean, everything that she,
20:46she's a nitpicker. And you know what she reminded me of for a split second, she gave me Gino vibes.
20:52It's like she was trying to be so cheap, and be like, criticize everything money wise. And this
20:57happens, you know, when one person is paying for everything, they like to criticize the other
21:01person when they need something or when they spend money. That's another form of control.
21:05Like, they're like, oh, you need this. This is how much, because Josh and Lily are going through
21:09that right now. Anytime that they get into a fight, one person brings up how much money they
21:14spend on the other. It's like an easy way to take a jab at someone. Yeah. But also, on the same side
21:21of the coin that we're talking about, where Dempsey has X amount of dollars left, but still
21:26needed the $6,000 from Statler. So Statler takes the draw, and all that stuff. Okay.
21:34Because Statler didn't have it, she had to take money from work, take a loan from work.
21:38But if Dempsey would have just paid for it, then Dempsey would be broke and in the position
21:46that Statler's in. So how is she justifying that in her head, that that's okay? That's like
21:53you having money, and me saying, it's not fair, because you needed my portion of it,
21:59so I had to take a draw when you had the money to pay for me. None of that makes any sense.
22:05Well, right. It's almost like, well, if I have to be in debt, you should be in debt, too.
22:09Exactly.
22:10Right? That's such a stupid way of thinking when you're supposed to be a team.
22:14Because as long as one person is winning, you're both winning, right? But she looks at it as, well,
22:19if I have debt, you shouldn't be living debt-free. You should be in the same boat as me. And again,
22:24that's not love. That's not how relationships work. Because you're a team. If one person,
22:30you ever heard the term, take one for the team? Statler's taking one for the relationship.
22:33So at least one person has a safety net in case something goes wrong. If both of you are broke
22:39and in debt, no one has a safety net, you're going to get screwed at some point. You need
22:43to have at least one person who has something saved up in case that van blows a tire,
22:47or you need an alignment, you need brakes, you need an alternator. You're driving around,
22:51eventually something's going to happen. Somebody has to have a safety net somewhere.
22:56And you have to eat. So you got to be able to make sure that you can afford food.
23:00God forbid when Dempsey gets hungry, the Statler's going to snap on her.
23:05OK, so I want to get into Shekinah and Sarper because we got a little insight on their fight,
23:10right? We got the aftermath last week. But apparently, their birthdays, because they're
23:14born on the same day and the same moment at the same time she was born. So apparently,
23:19Shekinah came with gifts for Sarper. And Sarper apparently didn't have anything,
23:24which I'm trying to understand how he can forget her birthday when they're born on the same day at
23:29the same time at the same month. So I'm not exactly sure how you could justify forgetting
23:33her birthday when y'all share the same birthday. So he didn't have a gift for her. He was like,
23:38I'm going to go buy you the vanity. The vanity that she has told him four separate times
23:42she doesn't want. But he wanted to make sure that they stopped on the way home to get the
23:48vanity. So he didn't have like empty hands on her birthday, which, you know, forgetting a
23:52woman's birthday is basically forgetting her name. It's really, really difficult to come back from
23:57that. Because it's literally one thing that she asked you to remember, right? Her birthday. It's
24:02literally the only thing or if you're married anniversary birthday, there's two things that
24:06she expects out of you. She don't expect you to be a billionaire, but you need to know those two
24:10dates he forgets. And then he gets really aggressive with her. And he rips her phone out
24:15of her hand, which one number one red flag with violent men, right? The number one reference,
24:22the first thing you want to do is cut off outside communication. He goes for the phone first. So
24:26that's like huge, huge issue for me. Number one, then in the process, she's she's making excuses
24:33because she's like, Oh, well, he didn't try to rip my hair out. It just got caught. And then I'm like,
24:37No, I don't want to hear that. If your hair got ripped out, and he was the person who ripped it
24:41out, he ripped it out. Period in a discussion. I don't care if you get caught on your phone,
24:45you shouldn't have had your phone. Yeah, right. Like, I'm so tired of the justification. Hey,
24:50I'm tired of the justification of bad behavior, especially by women. For men don't justify bad
24:57behavior. If you did something stupid, violent and ignorant, call it exactly what it is. You know,
25:02and I don't want to hear her say, Oh, well, yeah, he was upset and triggered. I'm like, I don't care.
25:08I don't care if he was pissed, triggered, upset, bleeding, angry. I don't care. He doesn't have the
25:12right to take your phone away. You're in Turkey. Who do you know, who can help you in a situation
25:19outside of him? You know, no one. So he's gonna take away your only means of communication.
25:23So he can control you and keep you in his apartment. That is scary. That's so scary,
25:28right? Like, imagine if she's trying to get away. There was no camera crew present. It was just her
25:33and him. And now she has no phone. And when would we find out that she was missing? Right? Like,
25:38who? When would we even find out? I'm so sick of all of these relationships turning into abuse.
25:45And it's like, when did this become the new normal for the show? Like, we want to watch
25:49people argue and the struggles with the visa and, and getting accustomed to living in another
25:55country. That's, that's entertaining for me. But ripping somebody's hair out of their head
26:00from the root. That's not entertainment for me. That's somebody's mom. She has a daughter,
26:04her daughter could see this, right? Like, this is not something that we should be finding as
26:08entertainment. Not at all. It's ridiculous. And then she sits down, she's gonna try to justify
26:14his actions. It just, it's ridiculous. And it's, it's more bullshit that TLC is allowing to happen.
26:22They got so many good ratings from Angela being such a psychotic, crazy person.
26:26They got, you know, all these ratings from all, all this different violence from
26:30Nicole and Mahmood. All these ratings. And now they're seeing that it's okay. This all started
26:38with, well, obviously, Angela and Michael. Angela's always been an abusive piece of shit.
26:43But, oh, but you know what? Somebody said to me that it started with Anfisa.
26:48And I didn't even realize that Anfisa was always launching things at George.
26:53And then it clicked. I was like, oh my gosh, she never physically put her hands on him.
26:58But she was always hitting him with things.
27:00See, aside from Angela and Michael, the first one that I remember very well is Chris and Jamie.
27:08Like that's when that shit should have been put to a stop.
27:12That they should have removed Chris entirely. Right then and there.
27:16And they even let her attend the tell-all. Which I think is crazy. She literally,
27:23this was because Anfisa, she never, like I said, she never put her hands on him that we saw.
27:27But she was throwing makeup bags, phones, cups, anything that she could get her hands on,
27:32she launched at this man. We watched it and I was like, man, I didn't catch it back then.
27:36But like now I would have noticed it. Because, you know, back then we hadn't went through the
27:40Me Too movement. We hadn't went through the signs. We're now looking for signs and we're
27:46now giving people the opportunity to show it. And I think that back then we were really dumb
27:51to what the signs were and what we should be looking out for.
27:55And luckily, after all of the women were empowered enough to speak out, they told their stories,
27:59they gave us, you know, step by step what they went through and how they were
28:02manipulated and lied to and hurt. Now we can spot this stuff from a mile away.
28:06Yeah.
28:07Right? Like we can literally see these little actions and behaviors and we're like,
28:11that's a bigger thing. That's something down the line. And I think that watching this and
28:17seeing the way that he, this isn't the first time that he snapped on her. Remember when her,
28:22last season when her sister was in Turkey and her sister, her sister was questioning him and
28:28he got angry and he called her a bitch. Do you remember that? He's like start screaming and
28:33cussing. And I'm like, this is, this is really concerning. You know, like, and even her sister,
28:37she kind of sister won't even speak to her anymore. And I am 100% on board. I'm not about
28:42tearing apart families, but I'm on board with showing somebody tough love. Like if you don't
28:48want to take care of yourself, I'm going to do whatever I can to show you that I care.
28:53And sometimes silence and separation shows people that they care. Because I think that now that
28:59this happens, she kind of probably would love to pick up the phone and call her sister and her
29:03sister might not pick up. And I think that might be the tough love you need to show I've made a,
29:07I've made a mistake. The people that care about me won't speak to me because I'm making excuses
29:12for this monster. And I think this might actually be the best. I mean, we do know that this guy
29:17has landed in LA and they're filming. So I don't want to get too excited about her making the
29:22right decision. Right. But I do think that if she doesn't see what's going on at this point,
29:27she's never going to see it. Yeah. I can't help but wonder if he packed up his bottle
29:32collection to move here. Oh, yeah. And put it in her house. I would not put it past him. I would
29:37never. This man, she has everything that she's asked him to do or change for her. He has made
29:43it seem like it has been the hardest compromise and that she's the luckiest woman alive that he
29:48would even consider her requests. And I think that's another form of making someone feel that
29:56they're so small, they don't deserve anything. So when you do one tiny thing, they feel like they
30:00won the lottery with you. It's like a manipulation tactic. They're like, Oh, well, they're so
30:04stubborn. I got them to do this. So they must really love me. I was like, No, it means that
30:08they don't love you at all. Because this is a small tiny thing that you're asking for, and they
30:12won't do it. So that's the opposite. But again, when you're in love, your mind and your eyes,
30:20they portray things differently. So for us who have absolutely zero love for Sarper, we can see
30:26everything that's going on with this guy. And we can see that his behavior is part of a huge,
30:31destructive, self destructive, self sabotage situation. I don't care how in love with
30:38somebody I am, you could own my entire heart. And the second you touch me, it's done. It is done.
30:47But yeah, a whole nother side of me.
30:51I think that love is blinding. But I think that if somebody gets, because I used to think,
30:58oh, if somebody gets out of control, they're screaming, or they throw something, that's a
31:02I think that's a step. But if somebody gets in your face and or swings, or slaps or pushes any
31:08type of physical contact, that is in a violent way, I think it's zero tolerance for me. Like,
31:16it's just zero tolerance. And it's like, Oh, well, maybe they were triggered. I don't care.
31:20I'm sorry. I'm not Jesus Christ. I didn't die on the cross for your sins. I'm not like super,
31:24super compassionate for your triggers. Okay? Like if you're gonna hit me, I'm not I'm not gonna move
31:30forward. Like for real, like, I would never in a million years hit somebody that I love,
31:34let alone I don't want to hit anybody. I'm not a violent person. But if I love the person,
31:38I'm definitely not gonna hit. Absolutely. Right? Like I'll remove myself from the situation. I'll
31:43leave. I'll get in the car and go somewhere until I feel calm. Like there's a million things that you
31:47can do other than hit someone. And I'm just sick of people trying to justify they're like, Oh, well,
31:53it was a triggering. I don't care. Okay? Like I don't I don't want to hear about like,
31:57Oh, it was traumatic because in their past. I don't want to hear any of that. Again, I'm not
32:02Jesus. You know, I'm not don't come to me with compassion. I have no compassion for you. You
32:07should have made a better choice. Like that's that's the worst possible choice you could make.
32:11The little boy crying wolf. You know, we watch these people accept this abuse over and over and
32:17over and over again. Now, what like if she kind of calls her sister or somebody that knows what's
32:24going on, anybody that knows what's going on, it's like Angela, if Angela called for help,
32:29because she needed it, nobody's going to believe her because she's such a vile human.
32:36So you can't, you can't try to, you know, paint someone as a good person when you know that
32:43they're a piece of shit. And then when you finally reach your breaking point, you want help. No,
32:48you're the one that keeps going back for this and justifying it. She's she's definitely the little
32:52boy that cried wolf. Yeah. And that's the scary part, because it's like, like her sister won't
32:57talk to her. It's like when she really does need to escape him. Like you said, who's going to pick
33:02up the phone at that point? Because they've already they're already sick of it. They're
33:05tired of being the only one who cares. Also, I want to talk about this Josh and Lily fight, because
33:10he said that everywhere he goes now I've noticed this in Florida too, like when you drive, there's
33:14a lot of flashing lights. There's camera red light cameras everywhere. It's like when you're driving,
33:19especially at night, you just see like these really light flashes everywhere. So he was asking
33:24Lily, like, hey, how come every time we go into a parking garage, we're on the street, we're on the
33:28highway, there's flashes of light. And she didn't respond. She just was like, oh, okay, uh-huh. And
33:34he thinks that it's like a translation issue. He thinks like sometimes when she doesn't know
33:39specifically what he's saying, he she doesn't like have a follow up, like, what do you mean by that?
33:44She just kind of ignores him. And it kind of shifted into him asking the same question over
33:50and over for two days. And then she got really pissed off and they got into this really big
33:55argument. And she basically was like, well, if you're not happy, just leave. Now remember when
34:00I told you, I was like, so he's a kept man, right? So the one thing I would worry about the most being
34:05a kept man is if she wakes up one day and just decides she doesn't want to keep me anymore.
34:09And I feel like that when she said that she's like, well, if you're not happy, then just go.
34:14And I was like, see, that would be the one thing I can't live with, knowing that my life is only
34:21where it is. And I live the lifestyle that I live as long as she feels the need to keep me.
34:27And I feel like that's really what he was trying to tell her. He was like, you should want to work
34:31it out. You shouldn't just say, oh, we had a bad day today. So you could leave if you want.
34:36No, that's not love. That's just basically infatuation. They're like, well, I can tolerate
34:40you. But, you know, if we have a bad day, just go. And that's kind of scary because he's all
34:44the way in China. He sold his house. So it's like, it's really scary to know that she just
34:48after one fight, mind you, no physical, no, no throwing anything, just an argument. She's like,
34:54you can go. I don't know. I love Josh and Lily. At first, I thought he was a giant man child with
35:00his Legos and all the things. But I love them. I absolutely love them. And he did say that every
35:07time they fight, she's throwing out the divorce word and throwing out the, you know, we're unhappy
35:14we don't need to be together. That I couldn't handle. Like the first time you say it, it's like,
35:20okay, I realize you're really angry, but we can't say that again. But if it's an every time thing,
35:26I would already be packing my shit and canceling the wedding.
35:28Well, what I don't like about that, and we see that a lot, I think Jasmine of all people brought
35:34it up. When people hang a green card over someone's head, they're like, I'll just send you
35:38back or you can just go back or I'll take out to rescind the visa. That's really belittling to
35:45basically say, if I don't like what you're doing, I'll send you back. This person is not a doll or
35:51a toy or a couch. Okay? You don't send people back. I think that's the most disrespectful
35:58thing that you can say to another human being. And it also makes them feel really small and
36:03helpless and worthless. Because they're all the way over here. They've left maybe kids,
36:08family, moms, sisters, dogs, whatever. They've left a lot to be with you. I'm not saying that
36:14you owe them anything, but you owe them at least a little respect. Don't just say,
36:18well, if you piss me off, I'm going to send you back. You're not worth my time. Because we don't
36:23buy people. We don't sell people. So the idea of sending someone back is basically saying you want
36:28a refund. Right? And he's already struggling with not being able to pitch in financially.
36:34And, you know, and then having her throw in his face all the time. You know, I spent this much.
36:40It costs me this much. I did this for you. I did that for you. But let's talk about his
36:45communication. Yes, they have a language barrier, but they're an example for the rest of the 90 day
36:52community. All of it because they sat down, they had a whole ass adult conversation.
36:59He never raised his voice. She never raised her voice. They just talked and ended with,
37:05I love you, gave each other a kiss. And that was a wrap on that conversation. And that's how love
37:12works. But with her, you know, I would have a hard time if you're constantly telling me
37:19we need a divorce. We're not happy. You're not happy. You can go home. I spent too much money.
37:24I spent all the money. It's always me. You're not working. When you know damn good and well,
37:30you brought me to your country knowing that I cannot work. And you say, here's this big
37:37luxurious house that I built for us. I put English up for you. I did this. I did that.
37:44Okay. I say, thank you. I show my gratitude. I show my appreciation. That's it. Don't ever bring
37:50it up again. What you did for me. I'm here and I'm helping you, but stop throwing this shit in
37:55my face because I can't show you how much I appreciated. And I've already expressed that
38:03I feel like less of a man because I can't financially help. All I can do is help around
38:08the house, which he's also said he does. So I think they're a really good example for
38:16how to communicate. But I think that's also a really good example for shit not to say.
38:22Yeah. I mean, I think that, I think Lily is a very, what's the word? She's kind of a cold person,
38:32right? Like, I feel like she says what she means. And don't get me wrong. I respect people who say
38:36exactly what they mean. They don't sugarcoat things. But, and I don't want to say this about
38:40Josh, but I feel like Josh is someone in this particular moment and situation could use a
38:46little sugarcoating. You know, because like you said, he's already here. He's completely
38:50uncomfortable. He's not in a good financial place. He feels that he can't pull his weight in the
38:55relationship. So it would be nice for a little reassurance. It's not always good to call people
39:01out exactly how things look. You know, like there's a right and a wrong time for the truth.
39:08You know, and I feel like her saying, oh, well, I buy this, I do this. Yeah, you do. Obviously,
39:12you knew that. You knew that before he got here. It's not a good time to bring it up now. Maybe
39:16once he starts working, you know, longer down the line, y'all can say this. Like,
39:20like, oh, I bought dinner last time. It was expensive. You buy dinner next time. That's fine.
39:24But like throwing it in someone's face, knowing they can't do anything about it. That's you're
39:28just asking for, you know, you're asking for an argument, a fight and making somebody feel.
39:33I got a ton of resentment. Like if you keep throwing it in my face, no matter how much I
39:38love you, I'm going to start resenting you. Like you knew when you brought me here what I was
39:44capable of and you were fine with it. And now you're throwing it in my face. I'm going to start
39:50loving you a little bit less each time. Yeah, because that hurts.
39:54I agree. I agree. You can only kick somebody while they're down so many times before they
40:00lose consciousness, right? Like, you can only continually kick somebody down. And it's like,
40:05you want, they're on the ground reaching for help. Like, can you help me up? And then you're
40:10kicking them again. You know, like, there's only so much that people can take before you just really
40:14tear them down. And I think that, like you said, they have open communication, which is way better
40:19than everybody else so far on this season. You know, Shekinah and Sartberg, she wasn't taking
40:27his calls. There's no communication. You know, people don't communicate. They don't say what
40:30they expect. They don't say what's wrong. Statler waits until she's pissed off to say something.
40:36She doesn't react to things in the moment. They don't have normal conversations. She waits until
40:40she's pissed off and she's got the nerve. And then she just starts to fight. You know, like,
40:45there's healthier ways to communicate. And I think Josh and Lily have the communication part,
40:50like you said, down. They just don't know how to communicate healthy. You know, like, well,
40:54I don't want to say Josh. Josh communicates pretty healthy with Lily. Lily, on the other hand,
40:58but you have to remember, I remember Riley said this in his season, European women, right? Women
41:03from a certain part of the world, they're a lot more cold and a bit serious and uncompassionate,
41:11or I don't know what the best way to describe it is. They're just a little more mean, right?
41:16Well, in China, the women are supposed to be submissive to the men. They're supposed to,
41:23you know, follow what the men say. So this is-
41:27I wonder if this is why she's with an American man and not a Chinese man. A Chinese man would
41:34not stand for this. And I wonder if that is the reason why, because you know, being a very
41:40successful woman in a male-dominated country could make you an outsider, right? Men will stay
41:48away from you because it's just not culturally normal for a man to be living with a woman who
41:53makes so much money, right? Or live in a house that belongs to her and not him. So maybe the
41:58reason why she's with an American is because Chinese men have been with her and didn't stand
42:04for her BS and left her. And, you know, Josh, I don't want to say he's an easy target, but he's
42:10like a teddy bear, right? Like, it's not hard for you to take advantage of him or belittle him
42:17because he's not going to raise his voice. He's not going to scream at you, you know? So he's
42:21definitely submissive in that aspect. Even when he was hurt, he didn't raise his voice. He was calm,
42:28even-tempered. And I feel like maybe that's making him a target, like an easy target.
42:33Very well could be.
42:35Oh, so we got James and Tata this episode and they moved into the house. I call it the,
42:43wait, the White House. It's this beautiful, big White House. So they moved in, they had to
42:50put flooring down, wallpaper, get everything ready for, oh, what's Lily's job? She owns a tech
42:57company. They didn't really specify, but I think they make medical devices is what she said,
43:03but they didn't specify like what type of medical devices, but I think it has to do with like
43:08health and wellness. Not like heart, nothing like that, but like health and wellness medical
43:15devices is what they said. But yeah, Josh and Lily, no, not Josh and Lily, James and Tata,
43:22they moved into the house and the subject of children came up again. And apparently in this
43:28culture, wait, where are they at? They're in the Philippines, right? So apparently when you get
43:36married, it's like customary that you just start pushing out kids because apparently, they've been
43:42married for five years and it's completely unheard of for someone to be married for that mom to not
43:47have several kids. So every time that they literally have any type of gathering with
43:52family, they're like, where are the kids? My question on that is, is every woman in the
43:58Philippines or China or anything like that, are they all just fertile? Nobody has infertility
44:05issues because you never hear about it. Yeah, that's a good question because it's so expected
44:12and it's supposed to happen fast. What if there are, yeah, you're right, fertility issues and how
44:16would they, is there, yeah, I have that wonder as well because that would be a real main reason.
44:23And it's funny because her parents haven't brought that up. But also, I'm not trying to
44:28single anybody out or stereotype, but you all oftentimes hear about fertility issues here and
44:36people that can't have babies, where do they go to adopt? They go and get babies from Korea,
44:41babies from China. Are Asian women just fertile? I'm so curious.
44:49It could be. I mean, back in the day, in certain European countries as well, they had to limit
44:57how many kids that people could have because like you said, people were just reproducing rapidly
45:03to the point where they didn't have enough space for that many people. And they don't do that
45:07anymore. So there's no more limit on how many kids you can have. But this was years ago. But
45:12they were telling people they could only have like one boy and one girl for a while. But they
45:17stopped that. But again, fertility doesn't sound like an issue that they have over there. And if
45:21that's true, what's their secret? Because a lot of people here would love to know, you know,
45:27what they're doing or taking or eating or not eating, whatever, you know, to make sure that
45:32they're fertile. Because there's a lot of women who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars just for
45:37the chance to get pregnant, right? There's no guarantee it's gonna be a full term. So yeah,
45:43if they are having absolutely no issues with reproduction, we should tap into whatever they
45:49have going on, right? I know that they have the beliefs in like teas and tea leaves and
45:54things like that, certain things that help you be fertile. But I mean, I don't know.
46:02It just I you just don't hear about it. No. Oh, Indonesia. Thank you, Gina.
46:08Um, Indonesia, not Philippines. She's from Indonesia. Okay, so yeah, they're they're going
46:13to be telling her parents soon about their their no. Well, I mean, I don't know if she doesn't want
46:22kids. It kind of seems like she wants kids because her parents want her to have kids. I don't I can't
46:27get a straight answer out of her. Because it seems like she wants to do whatever her parents
46:32want her to do. I don't know what she specifically wants. I know James doesn't want kids. And I think
46:38that's super smart. Because honestly, they're living in her parents house with no money.
46:42Like having kids doesn't seem like something that should be a priority. Not right now,
46:47right? Like they should have a plan. They should have their own place. They should have a job,
46:52you know, like they should have something going on that, that would justify bringing another human
46:57into the world, right? Like, and I get that in their culture, they could all live in that house,
47:02and everybody will be fine. But like, for me, I would want to be able to self contain and take
47:07care of my family without anybody's help. Right? Like, I feel like that would make me feel more
47:12comfortable. And James feels the same way. He doesn't like the idea that her parents are going
47:15to pay off that car. And I was like, you know, whatever, that's cool. Now we don't got to pay
47:21I feel like for her, but again, she's really young. And she went straight from her parents
47:26house to James's house back to her parents house. She's never really had financial responsibility,
47:30right? Like, she went from mom and dad taking care of her to her husband taking care of her now back
47:35to her mom and dad taking care of her and her husband. She never really had the worry of how
47:40are we going to pay this? It's just on us. You know, that's hard to deal with, you know, with
47:46James, because James is more like, this is our responsibility. It's our family, it's our bills,
47:51we need to pay it. And Tata's just like, my parents will pay that. I'll just kiss their feet.
47:57They have a dog they had to leave behind.
48:00Oh, I forgot about the dog. I forgot.
48:04Doesn't seem like they're working really hard to get the dog over there.
48:07I forgot about the dog completely. Like, oh my God, what are they actually working towards that?
48:13That is true.
48:14Supposedly, the friend took the dog to a hold until they were able to secure the flight or
48:22whatever, get it, whatever shots, whatever. But that would be my number one priority,
48:28because that's part of my family. Like, if I'm leaving, my dog's coming with me.
48:33She literally cried when she found out she couldn't bring the dog. She was so hurt. And now,
48:39you're right, now that they're there in Indonesia, I haven't even heard a mention of the dog. That's
48:44really interesting. Very interesting. So yeah, probably children shouldn't be added into the
48:50mix, right? Like, they have priorities and children are like, number 10 or 11.
48:55At this point, like, you should really be worried about securing your place to live, a job, your
49:01dog. Somebody said that she should go back to modeling, because remember, she was a model
49:06in Indonesia. So that is an easy way to make money. But it doesn't really seem like she is
49:15looking for a job or looking to go back to work. She's more so just unbothered by the financial
49:21situation. Kind of reminds me of Dempsey. Yeah, a little bit like this unbothered. Like, yeah,
49:26there's this whole financial thing going on. Not my issue. Right? Like, cool. Somebody figure that
49:32out. I'm just gonna chill and eat some banana chips and watch TV. Right? Like, and I want to
49:37achieve that level of unbothered, right? When there's like, all this shit going on around me,
49:42and I'm just chilling. And I would love that. Because like I told you, I'm a worry. I worry
49:46about everything. Even when things are going good. I'm thinking, things are going good. So
49:50something's probably gonna go wrong. So let me start thinking about that. Like, that's how I am.
49:53I was raised poor. So you know, you're always looking for your next, oh, my God, how are we
49:58gonna get through this? Because that was just my whole childhood was one horrible thing after
50:02another. So I'm just always like, even if I have a bunch of money in the bank, and I'm having a
50:06good time, I'm always thinking, what happens? Like, what's gonna happen? What happens if this
50:11happens? And it's a spiraling, stressful effect. Sometimes you have to try to take a vacation from
50:16your own mind. It's like really bad. But I don't care what country I'm in, what culture I'm in.
50:22If I do something wrong, I am not kissing anyone's feet under any circumstance.
50:27No, even if they're gonna pay off like 15 grand for me, like, I don't know. Kissing feet. It's
50:36just, I'll shake your hand. I'll give you a hug. I'll say thank you. I'll write you a thank you
50:41letter. I'll thank you publicly. But I don't want to kiss feet. Like that just makes me feel like
50:48I'm like some sort of peasant. I'll tell you, you know, I'm sorry. If you can't accept my apology,
50:53that's on you. But put your damn socks on. Well, yeah, you know, like,
51:00kissing feet, I know it's a cultural thing, or whatever. But it's just it makes me feel like
51:04I'm below someone. And I would just refuse your help. Yeah. Right at that point, because I was
51:10like, now you're making me feel like I'm like a loser. So like, I'll probably just like refuse
51:14your help. I'll just figure it out on my own. It's kind of belittling, you know, and I don't
51:18know if it's meant to be that way in their culture. So it's meant that you don't ask for help,
51:22you know, because I was thinking I was like, maybe they do it that way. So it deters you
51:27from asking for asking for things. Yeah, but she literally had to kiss her mom's feet and
51:32beg for forgiveness for whatever she did something wrong, said something wrong.
51:37That wasn't even for help. Well, yeah, that was because they were moving back in. And she was
51:43like, I don't want to be a burden to you or whatever. And then he was like, well, kiss your
51:47mom's feet. Yeah, basically saying since you're moving back in and you're, well, the mom kept
51:53saying you're never a burden. But the dad was like, well, since you're doing this, kiss your
51:57feet so she can forgive you. It was very conflicting. So I was like, so is she a burden or not?
52:01Yeah, right. Because the mom was like, you're never a burden. You're my child. I don't care.
52:06I would rather you be here. But then the dad made it seem like, well, you're gonna be a burden to
52:10me. So kiss her feet. You know, I didn't understand. Exactly. I just I couldn't do that.
52:16Yeah. But I don't know, I realized it's a cultural thing and everything. I loved my parents so much
52:23when they I mean, I when they were alive. I, I just can't imagine my parents expecting something
52:33of me. I know it's a cultural thing. But I just can't if I told my parents I was going to kiss
52:38their feet. They'd be like, girl, get out of here. Yeah. I agree with you. It's interesting
52:45because I know in other cultures, I know we learned this with Asuelu, Kalani's ex, he had
52:51to send money back to his mom and he had to take care of his family. Because I remember when I was
52:55younger, I came into money, I had a good job and stuff. And I came into money and I bought my mom
53:00a Mercedes. Nothing, it wasn't new. It was used or whatever. But she was teaching and the job was
53:06something with the car she had, I don't remember. So I actually was buying a car for me. And then
53:12there was another car in the lot and I got an excellent deal. And he was like, Oh, you get them
53:16both. So I bought her car. And she literally, it took me days to convince her to take it from me.
53:24Because she was like, I don't want anything from you. I never would want anything from you. It's
53:28not your responsibility to worry about me. And it literally took me like two days to get her and I
53:33want to say I like had to go to her house. And I took the keys and she opened the door and I tossed
53:39them in and I ran and jumped in my car and drove away. Because she really wouldn't, she didn't want
53:43it from me. So it's like, it's really interesting when we watch the different cultural differences,
53:47because there's some people who are forever like Manuel feels like he's forever indebted
53:52to taking care of his mom, dad, kids, brothers, sisters. And then in America, we have parents that
54:00you know, you send your parents a present and they're like, I wish you wouldn't have done that.
54:04Don't even. I'm the same way with my kids. My kids buy me something. I'm like,
54:09don't waste your money on me. You've got more important things to spend your money on.
54:12I do that all the time.
54:15My mom was the same way. Like when I sent her, like perfume, like she has a favorite perfume.
54:20So every year on her birthday, I just have it. It's like on my Amazon. And it just goes straight
54:24to her house. And she texted me and she's like, stop sending me stuff. And I was like, you can't
54:28tell me what to do. I'm not a baby anymore. Like you can't tell me if I want to send it to you,
54:34send it back. I was like, I'm gonna do what I want to do. And she's like, I don't need anything.
54:39I was like, I didn't ask you that. It's my money. You can't tell me what to do. I'm not eight
54:43anymore. You can't tell me what to do. So it's just yeah, it's really crazy because watching
54:48the response, and it's a lot of like stress too, especially on the men from these countries,
54:53because they feel like they can't sleep at night until they know that they've sent.
54:56I remember Osweilo, he was just like, I need to send my money. I have to give her this money.
55:00I have to do it. Because he was it was like, she could stop loving him. If you didn't do it. And
55:05it's like, I can't imagine that type of stress. Yeah, but she was such a nasty person. Go ahead
55:10and stop loving me. I hate her. She was evil. It's like, can you imagine that's a mother?
55:16I know, like mothers have such unconditional love. And they're so selfless. And then there
55:21was that woman. Yeah, I was like, what in the world? Oh, well. Okay, so we ran out of time.
55:26We didn't talk about Forbidden Love tonight. So we'll talk about it next week. There's one more
55:30episode to go anyway. But this actually was a good episode of The Other Way. So we're going
55:36to come back and talk about The Other Way and Forbidden Love before the nine days next week.
55:41Hopefully, fingers crossed, Dee Dee will be back next week. I haven't heard from her,
55:45but I'm really, really hoping. We miss her a lot. Make sure you're following Kara,
55:48she's tagging this video. Make sure you're following me on all social media platforms
55:51at jorismasi, jorismasi.com, anywhere you get your podcasts, type in the Jorismasi show. Thank
55:56you for staying up late with us. Everybody have a wonderful Labor Day. And we'll talk to y'all
55:59really soon. Bye!