Asking College Students Questions You're too Afraid to ask
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00:00Do you have some German in you?
00:01I'll ask my dad.
00:02Do you want to have some more German in you?
00:03Gay for pay.
00:04Today I'm going to ask college students the questions that you are too afraid to ask.
00:07How long is your schlong long currently?
00:09Answer me!
00:10Mario!
00:11Here we go!
00:12Guys, I've never been to college.
00:13I'm from Germany originally and I left my free education in Germany to pursue a career
00:16as a YouTuber and stand-up comedian in the United States.
00:19And we're doing a stand-up show tonight in Colorado Springs and we haven't sold a lot
00:22of tickets.
00:23So I want to go out here and ask college students the questions that you guys sent me on Instagram
00:28that you guys don't have the balls to ask.
00:29But I want to ask people to connect with them and then sell them tickets for them to come
00:33to my stand-up comedy show.
00:35I'll do anything if you come to my show.
00:37Subscribe to the channel and let's go hit some college students right in the balls, bro.
00:40I think your shoes are so sick.
00:42The only question is, how big is your dick?
00:45Uh, shrimp.
00:46Shrimp?
00:47Is that something that concerns you or like you're happy shrimpy?
00:49No, all the boys got shrimps.
00:51All the boys got shrimps?
00:52Oh yeah.
00:53Yeah?
00:54Oh yeah!
00:55Is everyone bi now?
00:56Yes, everyone's very gay.
00:57It's great.
00:58No?
00:59No.
01:00So you're like fully like straight guys?
01:01Yeah.
01:02I'm not.
01:03I don't believe that it's something that should be really defined.
01:04I believe that people should be able to love whoever they love regardless.
01:06Let's go.
01:07You look so cool with the mustache right now.
01:08I'm from Germany originally and in Germany we can't wear mustaches anymore, you know?
01:12I mean, as long as you don't have this short one.
01:13The short one?
01:14The heel mustache.
01:15Oh, that's what you mean.
01:16I thought my penis was like, as long as you have a big one, you can rock a mustache.
01:19My name is Mari.
01:20I'm from Germany originally.
01:21I work for the University of Alpiersbach in Hochschwarzwald.
01:24Oh wow.
01:25Oh wow, yeah.
01:26How many hot college hunks, if they would go gay for pay, and how much it would be?
01:30It would have to be like millions of dollars.
01:32Millions of dollars.
01:33Well, I ain't gay, but $20 is $20.
01:34That's what I'm saying.
01:35That's what I'm saying.
01:36I am gay.
01:37Oh, you're gay?
01:38Yeah, I am.
01:39How about straight for pay?
01:40Oh, I'm bi.
01:41Well, then...
01:42Wait, this question is...
01:43These questions aren't any...
01:44When you came out, were people very accepting or was it even a conversation here?
01:47Yeah, they were accepting.
01:48I mean, people don't really care that much.
01:49The amount of people who can comfortably come out have definitely increased.
01:52What's like the craziest thing you guys have experienced at a college party?
01:55I saw an ambulance come once.
01:58Someone had to get their stomach bumped.
02:00Oh, because of alcohol?
02:01I went to this really fancy event, and this guy tried to get me to spit in his mouth.
02:07So just a stranger walks up to you, was like, hey, can you spit in my mouth?
02:10That's how it went down?
02:11No, he called me mommy first.
02:12He called you mommy first.
02:14It's like a mama bird kind of situation?
02:16Yeah.
02:17Wow.
02:18So was that something you were into, or was it...
02:19No.
02:20No, absolutely not.
02:21So you didn't spit in his mouth?
02:23No, he didn't.
02:24A bunch of people fell through the ceiling.
02:25They fell through the ceiling?
02:26People got in the attic and then like stepped on drywall and just...
02:29Damn!
02:30...threw it to the floor, yeah.
02:31That's not what I expected.
02:32I was thinking some crazy parties or some sex stories, he's like, four people died.
02:35My friends went to this party, and like on the walk back to the dorm after, some dude
02:39came up to them, and he was like super insistent on them punching him in the face.
02:43Like a masochist kind of?
02:44Kind of, yeah.
02:45Damn!
02:46So my friend punched him in the face.
02:47And then what?
02:48I don't know.
02:49Did they have sex after?
02:50Probably, yeah.
02:52I woke up with this little guy right here.
02:54Wow!
02:55Would you ever sleep with a professor to pass a class?
02:58Only if I'm genuinely attracted to them, because I couldn't get an erection if I wasn't attracted
03:02to her.
03:03Oh, shit!
03:04All right.
03:05What's the name of male professor you have?
03:06Timothy Virgo.
03:07Hypothetically, right?
03:08Like all your student loan is going to be wiped out.
03:10You're going to pass all your classes, but you're going to have to give Timothy Virgo
03:14a handjob behind the trash can here.
03:16Would you do it?
03:17Zero chance, Mario.
03:18You're doing well in school?
03:19Yeah.
03:20Okay, good.
03:22Timothy Virgo.
03:23Are you willing to sleep with your professor to pass a class?
03:25Oh, no.
03:26Your professor is not very hot here?
03:28No.
03:29Well, yes, and it's against my moral code.
03:31It's against the moral code.
03:32Amazing.
03:33I also work here, so nothing is worth jeopardizing.
03:34Your PR person is going to be very happy about you.
03:36If one of your teachers, okay, let's just call him Mr. Billy Bob, right?
03:39You pass all your classes, all your student loans are like wiped out, but you have to
03:44make out with Mr. Billy Bob.
03:46Would you do it?
03:47No.
03:48No?
03:49No.
03:50Do you have student loans?
03:51No.
03:52How much would a guy have to pay you to kiss him?
03:53How much would a guy have to pay me?
03:54Uh-huh.
03:55It depends.
03:56I'm not for homosexual, but I'm for homiesexual.
03:57Homiesexual.
03:58I love that.
03:59Same.
04:00Yeah.
04:01If it's for the homies, it's a little different.
04:03Like bromance, right?
04:04Exactly.
04:05I feel you.
04:06I feel you.
04:07I kiss the homies for free.
04:08I tell the homies I love them all the time, bro.
04:09I think that's so beautiful, and I think men should be more open to express love to one
04:13another.
04:14Oh, yeah.
04:15Even straight guys, right?
04:16I buy them flowers and everything, man.
04:17Let's go.
04:18Let's go.
04:19I love you, man.
04:20Do you have a tattoo of your sexuality currently?
04:21How gay are you?
04:22I'm bisexual.
04:23Okay, you are bisexual.
04:24Yes, I am.
04:25I also got a tattoo recently.
04:26Show me what you get, bro.
04:27I got a tattoo of Dick by a tattoo artist by the name of Dick.
04:32Revolutionary.
04:33Right?
04:34Can I show you, and you tell me if I made a mistake?
04:35Hmm.
04:36Yeah.
04:37I think that's a win-win.
04:38Are you in real life?
04:39Of course.
04:40Oh, shit.
04:41I thought he was joking.
04:42All right, folks.
04:43That is a dick tattoo on a dick.
04:45Do you prefer to date a smart or a hot person?
04:51I'm probably a smart person because I know everything.
04:52Damn it.
04:53All my knowledge about the U.S. is based on High School Musical, The Hangover and American
04:57Pie.
04:58Have you guys ever made love to an apple pie?
05:00I've thought about it.
05:01Maybe when I was drunk once.
05:03Have you ever fucked an apple pie?
05:05I have never.
05:06Never?
05:07Never.
05:08Is that something you're open to?
05:09Not particularly.
05:10It's not something I've considered.
05:11How gay are you right now on a scale from 1 to 10?
05:132.
05:14I don't really know what the scale is, but not very.
05:16Like 3, 4.
05:173, 4?
05:18I don't know.
05:19A lot of people think I'm bi.
05:20I'm not.
05:21But I respect it.
05:22For sure, yeah.
05:23Probably 5.
05:245?
05:25Let's go.
05:26I'd probably say 2.
05:27But you may be attracted to women.
05:28Yeah, I'd definitely say.
05:29Who's that 1% man that you were attracted to?
05:30Probably Tom Cruise.
05:31Tom Cruise?
05:32Let's go.
05:33Because he's above my height, so the height differential isn't there.
05:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:35Man, he's just...
05:36Yeah, I know.
05:37When I watched Top Gun, I was a little chubbed down there.
05:39How gay are you on a scale from 1 to 10 right now?
05:41On the spectrum of 0, I'd say.
05:430?
05:44We got the first 0, everybody!
05:45I'm a 0.
05:460, yeah.
05:48No.
05:49No.
05:50I wouldn't do it.
05:51Not for any money.
05:52It's not happening.
05:53Nah, it's not happening.
05:54He's looking at me.
05:55Bro, it's not happening, alright?
05:56It's not happening.
05:57How many genders are there?
05:58Got into my head, I would go with 5.
06:00You got guy.
06:01Uh-huh.
06:02You got girl.
06:03Fact.
06:04You got trans.
06:05You got non-binary.
06:06Yeah.
06:07You got gender neutral.
06:08I think that there are as many genders as there are people.
06:10I don't fuck with gender.
06:11I just go with what makes me feel most like a fairy.
06:14Like a fairy.
06:15I love that.
06:16I know that there's more than two.
06:18How many genders are there?
06:19Well, gender is a spectrum, so I guess technically there's infinite.
06:22How are you paying for the $90,000 of student loans?
06:26Dude, I don't know.
06:28I'm gonna pay off your $90,000 of however much student loan you have, right?
06:31But all you gotta do is, you gotta do the elephant walk.
06:34Five guys in one row, and you're all holding onto each other's, you know, penises, walk
06:39in for half a mile.
06:40For $90,000, Teddy, would you do it?
06:42Wow.
06:43I mean, it's $90,000.
06:44You have to think about it.
06:45I guess I would.
06:46Absolutely.
06:47Absolutely, yeah.
06:48You would do it for free, right?
06:49Oh, I do.
06:50Oh, maybe not for free.
06:51$5 is $5.
06:52$5 is $5, right?
06:53Do they practice safe sex, because their props don't?
06:56It's probably 50-50.
06:58Okay.
06:59Boxers or briefs?
07:00What are you wearing currently?
07:01Yeah, boxers.
07:02Boxers.
07:03I saw a couple people back there, I talked to them, they said they were part of the small
07:05shrimp gang.
07:06So, how long is your schlonglong currently?
07:09It's a small shrimp.
07:10It's a small shrimp also!
07:11We got more shrimp gang people, let's go!
07:13I think more men have to come forward and join the shrimp gang.
07:16Four inches is enough!
07:18Four inches is enough!
07:19Have you ever kissed a guy?
07:20I've kissed the homies, for sure.
07:22You've kissed the homies?
07:23What was the occasion?
07:24Very drunk.
07:25Also, just kissing the homies goodnight.
07:26Wait, you roommate?
07:27Oh, you give him a little kiss before you go to bed?
07:28Sometimes, like, the monsters in your bed, like, it gets a little scary.
07:31It gets scary!
07:32Do you like stand-up comedy?
07:33Sure, yeah.
07:34If you subscribe, I'm going to give you a free ticket.
07:35Really?
07:36Yeah.
07:37Do I get a carrot?
07:38You get a carrot.
07:39If you come tonight to the show, I'm going to give you a carrot.
07:40I'm going to give you a plus five, but the only thing, you're going to give me a little
07:42kiss for five.
07:43Gay for pay for ticket.
07:44I'm just going to close my eyes.
07:48And if you ever wanted, like, you know, a pay of your student loans, the elephant walk,
07:50you know, we still, that offer still stands.
07:51Do you think we're going to get a fund for that?
07:52I think we're going to get a fund.
07:54What's your favorite athlete in America?
07:56Gotta be Tom Brady.
07:57Tom Brady, I f***ing love that guy.
07:58I'm going to say it right now, Tom Brady is the best pitcher the Lakers had in a decade,
08:02bro.
08:03Like, five minutes.
08:04On a scale from one to how gay are you guys right now?
08:05I would give it a three.
08:06A three?
08:07Okay.
08:08I would give it a zero, because I'm not attracted to men.
08:10How about Chris Hemsworth, though?
08:11He's pretty attractive.
08:12Right?
08:13You gotta, like, just bang Chris Hemsworth, but you getting a million dollars, would you
08:17consider it?
08:18Yes.
08:19Facts, yeah, right.
08:20I mean, you know, I'm not gay, but Chris Hemsworth is Chris Hemsworth.
08:21Right?
08:22If there was one man in the entire universe that you would have to have sex with, who
08:25would it be?
08:26Probably Shawn Mendes.
08:27Shawn Mendes, let's go.
08:28Is there, like, actually, like, a gay group within a college community?
08:31I mean...
08:32I feel like we just kind of find each other.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Yeah.
08:35I think we flock.
08:36You flock.
08:37So are there any gay people in Texas?
08:38I don't know.
08:39I don't know if they're, like, accepted where I'm from.
08:40If they are, they're, like, closeted.
08:41That makes sense.
08:42Yeah.
08:43Closeted cowboys, I'm assuming.
08:44Right?
08:45How much would a guy have to pay you to kiss him?
08:46Like, a kiss on the nose.
08:47Fifty.
08:48Fifty?
08:49Yeah.
08:50Fifty bucks for the nose!
08:51All right, I Venmo you fifty right now, you give me a kiss on the nose.
08:53Yeah.
08:54Sure.
08:55All right.
08:56What's your Venmo?
08:57Let's do it.
08:58Let's do it.
08:59Gay for pay.
09:00Were you on American Idol?
09:03I was on American Idol, yeah.
09:05After seeing me in the speed on American Idol, how gay are you now?
09:07It's like a three and a half now.
09:08Three and a half.
09:09We made it more gay.
09:10Okay, amazing.
09:11Have you heard of the Shrimp Gang here?
09:12Shrimp Gang?
09:13No.
09:14It's like a group of, like, men with really small wieners.
09:15Are you part of that group?
09:16Oh.
09:17Mm-mm.
09:18Mm.
09:19Do you have some German in you?
09:20Uh-huh.
09:21My dad.
09:22Do you want to have some more German in you?
09:23I'm kidding.
09:24I'm totally kidding.
09:25How long is your schlong dong currently?
09:26Ooh, currently?
09:27Four.
09:28Three.
09:29Two on a good day.
09:30It's shriveling as we speak, guys.
09:31How gay are you right now?
09:32Maybe, like, I think a three.
09:34Have you ever kissed a girl?
09:35Yeah.
09:36Yeah.
09:37Like, almost every girl has.
09:38Right?
09:39Because I think women can literally make out with a ton of girls.
09:41Nobody says, like, oh, that shit's lesbian, bro, right?
09:43Yeah, but with guys, it's so...
09:44Right?
09:45Then I tickle my friend Jeff's balls for a video, and everybody's like, oh, my God,
09:48Mario, are you gay?
09:49A question.
09:50Do you like stand-up comedy?
09:51Yeah, I'd say so.
09:52Okay, I'll do anything if you come to my show.
09:53You look like an alpha male.
09:54Really?
09:55You have such a deep voice.
09:56Really?
09:57I've been told that sometimes before, but I always love hearing it.
09:59Damn, let's go.
10:00If you guys stayed in the same bed, who would be Big Spoon, who would be Little Spoon?
10:03From a sleeping position, I just prefer being Big Spoon, and, like, we're close enough that
10:07I don't need to be that weird.
10:08Yeah, I think that's fine.
10:09I'll go with Big Spoon.
10:10Yeah.
10:11You give me, like, Big Spoon energy.
10:12Pricetag, how much for a bro job?
10:13Oof.
10:14Like, a bro job.
10:15Like, a nice, nothing gay, right?
10:16Just, like, two dudes, like, sharing intimate moments, you know?
10:18Kissing the homies is, like, all right, but, like, then it's just, like, why don't you
10:21just go get somebody to do it for you?
10:23Like...
10:24Necessarily.
10:25Like, if you need, like, a hug, I got you.
10:27Maybe a little kiss, like, I feel that, but, like, a lot more than that.
10:30Like, there is a point where romance can become a little sus.
10:33Guys, the college kids I asked to come here actually showed up, so I gotta give them a
10:37carrot now.
10:38I told you I was gonna get you a carrot, man.
10:40Let's go!
10:41None of my friends in L.A. wanna fuck apple pies with me, because every single L.A. person
10:45is gluten-free.
10:46This is not the America I came here for!
10:49Everyone, how would you rate the show?
10:50At least a 12.
10:51At least a 12, let's go!
10:52It was amazing.
10:53Guys, if I see you in real life, and you're subscribed, I'm gonna give you a carrot, right?
10:57And if you turn on post notifications, I'm gonna give you a hand.
11:00I've been flying from town to town, from London to Simon.