Before Sunset 2004 | Blu-ray
A sequel to "Before Sunrise," this film starts nine years later as Jesse (Ethan Hawke) travels across Europe giving readings from a book he wrote about the night he spent in Vienna with Celine (Julie Delpy). After his reading in Paris, Celine finds him, and they spend part of the day together before Jesse has to again leave for a flight. They are both in relationships now, and Jesse has a son, but as their strong feelings for each other start to return, both confess a longing for more.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:00:54We'll be apart
00:01:00It'll be night
00:01:10The clouds are far away
00:01:18I'll be
00:01:20And you'll feel the cold rain
00:01:28You promised
00:01:32When we
00:01:35You promised
00:01:42People cry and everything
00:01:51You
00:01:59Do you consider the book to be autobiographical
00:02:02Mm-hmm
00:02:03well, I mean
00:02:05Is everything autobiographical? I mean
00:02:08We all see the world through our own
00:02:10tiny keyhole, right I
00:02:13Mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe, you know
00:02:15Have you ever seen that that little one-page note to reader in the front of look homeward angel, right?
00:02:20You know what? I'm talking about
00:02:22anyway
00:02:22he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives and that
00:02:28Anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life that you can't avoid that
00:02:32So when I look at my own life, you know, I have to admit right that I've
00:02:37I've never been around a bunch of guns or violence, you know, not really no
00:02:43Political intrigue or a helicopter crash right but my life from my own point of view has been full of drama
00:02:50right, and so I thought if I could write a book that
00:02:55That could capture what it's like to really meet somebody
00:02:59You know
00:02:59I mean the moon most exciting things that's ever happened to me right is to really meet somebody make make that connection if I could
00:03:06Make that valuable, you know to capture that
00:03:09that that that would be the attempt or
00:03:12Did I answer your question?
00:03:16I'll try to be more specific
00:03:18Were there ever a French young woman on a train you met and spent an evening with?
00:03:26Um
00:03:28See to me that I mean it's not important, you know, so that's a yes
00:03:35All right, since I'm in France and this is last stop my book tour yes
00:03:39Mr. Wallace the book ends on an ambiguous note. We don't know
00:03:44Do you think they get back together in six months like they promise each other?
00:03:51Like they promised
00:03:54I think I answer that you know, it's a
00:03:58It's a good test right if you're a romantic or a cynic
00:04:01Right. I mean you think you think they get back together
00:04:05You don't for sure and you hope they do but you know, you're not sure
00:04:09That's why you're asking the question. And do you think they get back together? I mean did you in real life?
00:04:16Did I in real
00:04:19Look in the words of my grandfather. Okay to answer that would take the piss out of the whole thing
00:04:25We just have the time for one last question. What is a your next book?
00:04:30I don't know. I've been I've been thinking about this
00:04:36Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place
00:04:41Within the space of a pop song, you know, like three or four minutes long the whole thing
00:04:46The story the idea is that there's this guy, right and
00:04:51He's totally depressed
00:04:53And he's like, you know, he's like, you know, he's like, you know, he's like, you know, he's like, you know, he's like
00:04:58He's totally depressed, I mean his great dream was to be a lover an adventurer, you know riding motorcycles through South America
00:05:07And and instead he's sitting at a marble table eating lobster and he's got a good job and a beautiful wife, right?
00:05:12But didn't you know everything that he needs but that doesn't doesn't matter because what he wants is to fight for meaning
00:05:20you know, I mean happiness isn't in the doing right not in the
00:05:24Getting what you want, so he's sitting there in just that second his little five-year-old daughter
00:05:32Hops up on the table and he knows that she should get down because she could get hurt
00:05:37But she's dancing to this pop song in a summer dress
00:05:42And he looks down
00:05:44and all of a sudden he's 16 and
00:05:49His high school sweetheart is dropping him off
00:05:53At home and they just lost their virginity and she loves him and the same song is playing on
00:06:00The car radio and and she climbs up and starts dancing on the roof of the car
00:06:04And now now he's worried about her and she's beautiful with a facial expression, you know, just like his daughters
00:06:11In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her. You know, I mean see see he knows he's not remembering this dance
00:06:16He's there. He's there in in both moments simultaneously and just like for an instant
00:06:22All his life is just folding in on itself and it's obvious to him that time is a lie
00:06:29That it's that it's it's all happening all the time and inside every moment is another moment all
00:06:35Yeah happening simultaneously. Anyway, that's that's kind of the idea anyway
00:06:40Well
00:06:42Our offer has to be going to the airport soon. So thank you all very much for coming over this afternoon and
00:06:48A special. Thanks to mr. Wallace for being with us
00:07:02Thank you
00:07:05You should leave at 7 30 7 30 at the very latest
00:07:10I
00:07:17Hello
00:07:21How are you good and you
00:07:25I'm good. Yeah, I'm great. I'm
00:07:29Do you want to maybe you get a cup of coffee do you need to see you have a plane to catch
00:07:34I
00:07:36Yeah, but I have a little time, okay. Yeah. All right. Well, let me um, I'll meet you outside
00:07:50Did you sign all these um, yeah
00:07:51I sure did well get your driver Philip's card so that
00:07:54You can call his cell phone if you're running late and we will put your bags in the car
00:07:58So you are not late going to the airport. Thanks for everything
00:08:04Which one's Philippe
00:08:24I can't believe you're here. Well, I live here in Paris
00:08:27Are
00:08:29You sure you don't have to stay
00:08:32No, no, no, they're sick of me I spent the night here last night. Oh you did. Yeah. Yeah, they got a loft upstairs
00:08:38Anyway, how are you? This is so weird. I'm fine
00:08:43It's good to see you
00:08:47So you want to go to a cafe
00:08:49Yeah, okay. There's been a little further. Okay. I thought I was gonna totally lose it in there when I first saw you
00:08:56I I mean, how'd you even know I was gonna be here? Well, it's my favorite bookstore in Paris
00:09:00I am you can sit down for hours and read. I love it. There's fleas, but I know I think a cat slept on my head
00:09:07So I saw your picture on the calendar about a month ago. Yeah, and that you were going to be here
00:09:13It's funny because I read an article on your book
00:09:20But I didn't put it all together and try so your photo
00:09:24Did you have a chance to read it? Yes, I am I was really really surprised as you can imagine
00:09:31I mean, I had to read it twice actually. Yeah. Yeah
00:09:36I'm sick. I'm sorry. No, I liked it. Yeah, it's very romantic. I usually don't like that, but it's really well written
00:09:46Wait
00:09:48Before we go anywhere I have I have to ask you
00:09:53Sure, what?
00:09:54Did you show up in Vienna that December?
00:09:59Did you no I couldn't but did you I need to know it's important to me why if you didn't
00:10:08Well, did you?
00:10:11Oh
00:10:13Thank God you didn't
00:10:16I mean, thank God I didn't and you didn't mean one of us that showed up there alone. No, but it sucks
00:10:21I know I know I was so concerned with that
00:10:23I always felt horrible about not being there
00:10:25But I couldn't you know, my grandma died a few days before and she was buried that day December 16th
00:10:29She died the one in Budapest. Yes, you remember that? Yeah, I remember everything. Of course. It was in your book
00:10:35But anyway, I was about I was about to fly to Vienna, you know, and and I and we heard the news about her and
00:10:41Of course I had to go to the funeral with my camera. I'm sorry to hear that
00:10:46She weren't there anyway
00:10:49Wait
00:10:50Why weren't you there? I would have been there if I could have I made plans and we even have a good reason
00:10:57What?
00:11:00Oh
00:11:02No, no, you were there weren't you? Oh, no
00:11:09But I don't mean it I did you hate me you miss I hated me
00:11:12Have you been hating me all this time? You have no
00:11:15No, oh, but you can't hate me now, right? I know I don't hate you. All right, come on. It's no big deal
00:11:21All right, I flew all the way over there
00:11:23You blew the thing off and my life's been a big nosedive since then but I mean, it's not a problem
00:11:28I can't believe it. I you must have been so angry with me. I'm so sorry
00:11:33I really wanted to be there more than anything in the world. I swear
00:11:36I mean angry night my grandmother. No, I know. I know I honestly thought that something like that might have happened
00:11:42I I was definitely bummed but
00:11:45Most I was just mad. We hadn't exchanged any phone numbers or any information. That was so stupid. No way to get in
00:11:52I mean we were both afraid that if we started writing and calling that it was
00:11:58You know fade out. Yeah, it definitely wasn't a slow fade. No, I sure wasn't
00:12:02I know we wanted to pick it up where we left which would have been fine if it were a good idea. Yeah
00:12:09So
00:12:11How long were you in here now that's just a couple days
00:12:15Did you meet another girl
00:12:18Yeah, her name was Gretchen and she was amazing. Yeah, the books really a composite of the two years
00:12:24You wouldn't believe I even went back to the train station I put up, you know signs of my number in the hotel
00:12:31In case you've been delayed. I was a total dork. Let's go this way. Did you get any calls?
00:12:35It's just a couple hookers looking for a gig
00:12:38No, I was awful. I mean, what do you want me to say?
00:12:42I walked around for a couple days. Eventually I flew home
00:12:45I owed my dad 2,000 bucks who had warned me about French chicks. I have to say what did he tell you about French women?
00:12:52Nothing the guy he's never met any French women. Okay, he's never been east of the Mississippi
00:12:57So I didn't you put the six months later the French bitch didn't show up. No, but I did I did
00:13:03You did. Yeah. No, I mean, I mean I made it more hopeful
00:13:06I mean, I I wrote this whole fictional version where you actually do show up. Oh, what happens well
00:13:13What
00:13:15We make love for about ten days straight
00:13:17That's the one part of it. So the French slut. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It's just then they you know
00:13:23They start to get to know each other better and they realize that they don't get along at all. I like that. It's not real
00:13:27Yeah, well my editor didn't think that way. No, everyone wants to be live in love. It's sales, right? Yeah, exactly
00:13:35So things are going well for you, right, I mean your book is a bestseller in the u.s. It's a tiny bestseller
00:13:41All right. Yeah, right officially. Yes, but I mean, you know, most people haven't read Moby Dick, you know
00:13:45So, why should they read my book? I haven't read Moby Dick and I liked your book. So
00:13:49Thanks, you know, I thought you idealized the night of it. Oh
00:13:54Come on, it's officially fiction
00:13:57I know I thought you know, there were times where you made me a
00:14:01Well, I mean her right? No me. Okay, whatever
00:14:06A little bit neurotic. Sure a little bit like that. Don't you think I'm neurotic? No, no, no, no, come on
00:14:13Where did I do that? I didn't do that. Maybe it's just me, you know
00:14:18Reading something knowing that the character in the story is based on you. It's both
00:14:22Flattering and disturbing at the same time. How's it disturbing? I
00:14:26Don't know. I'm just being part of someone else's memory seeing myself through your eyes
00:14:32How long did it take you to write it?
00:14:36Three or four years on and off. Wow, that's a really long time to be writing about one night
00:14:41Yeah, I know. Tell me about it. Huh? I
00:14:44Always assume you had forgotten me
00:14:47No, I had a pretty clear picture of you in my mind. I have to tell you something. I just
00:14:53I've wanted to talk to you for so long, you know that now it's just surreal, you know
00:14:57I feel like everything out of my mouth. I know how long do we have 20 minutes and 30 seconds?
00:15:01We got more than that. I want to know about you. Tell me what are you doing? You know, what are you up to?
00:15:07Where to start I am I work for Green Cross. It's an environmental organization. What are they all about?
00:15:13Well, we basically work on different environment issues from clean water to disarmament of chemical weapons, you know
00:15:19International laws that deal with the environment and and what do you what do you do for going this way?
00:15:24Different things like last year. I was in India for quite a while working on a water treatment plant Wow
00:15:30Yeah, well the cotton industry there is a major source of pollution
00:15:34It just sounds like you're actually doing something, you know, I mean most people myself included just sit around and bitch
00:15:42America's consuming all the world's resources SUVs. Global warming is real. I'm really relieved to hear you
00:15:48Not one of this Freedom Prize kind of Americans. Hey, you know, but how'd you get into that?
00:15:52I came out of political science and I was hoping to work for the government and I did for a little while
00:15:59Not good, you know
00:16:00Anyway, I got really tired. Let's go this way of having this endless conversation with friends about how the world was falling to pieces
00:16:08So I decided what I really wanted to do was to find things that could be fixed and try to fix them, you know
00:16:14Yeah, I just I always thought you'd be doing something cool like that. I did. I thanks. I just feel really
00:16:21Really lucky to be doing a job. I like yeah
00:16:25You know, I actually alternate in between thinking that you know
00:16:28Everything is irrevocably screwed up and that things might be getting better in some ways better. How could you possibly say that?
00:16:35Well, I just mean, you know, like I mean, I know it sounds weird, but there are things to be optimistic about
00:16:41Okay
00:16:43I know your book is selling which is great. I'm very happy for you. But let me break the news to you
00:16:47Okay, the world is a mess
00:16:50I wasn't saying that. Okay, we're moving all our industry to developing nation
00:16:54We can get cheap labor free of any environmental laws
00:16:57Okay, the weapon industry is booming five million people die every year for preventable water disease. So how is the world getting any better?
00:17:04I'm not getting angry. I'm not getting angry. But come on. I want to know I mean just okay
00:17:08I realize that there are a lot of serious problems in the world. Thank you. Okay
00:17:13I mean, I don't even have one publisher in the whole Asian market
00:17:20Stop
00:17:21No, look, all I'm saying is there's more awareness out there, right people are gonna fight back, you know
00:17:26I mean, I mean, I think the world might be getting better because people like you are educated and speaking out even the very notion of
00:17:32conservation environmental issues
00:17:34There's one even in the vocabulary till fairly recently, you know
00:17:37And they're becoming the norm and eventually might be what's expected all over the world
00:17:40Hey, I agree with what you're saying
00:17:42But at the same time it's dangerous an imperialist country can use that kind of thinking to justify the economic green
00:17:49No
00:17:51Human rights particular imperialist country you have in mind there Frenchie
00:18:03Yeah, this is perfect oh
00:18:07Wow, maybe what I'm saying is is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves, right?
00:18:12Like I mean me for example, am I getting worse?
00:18:15Am I improving I don't know when I was younger I was healthier, but I was
00:18:21Racked with insecurity, you know now I'm older. My problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle
00:18:28So what are your problems?
00:18:32Right now
00:18:35Just damn happy to be here meet you
00:18:39So
00:18:43How long have you been in Paris I
00:18:45Got in last night. I've done ten cities in 12 days. I mean, I'm a wrecked. I'm so glad it's over
00:18:51You know tired of being a huckster
00:18:55It's good you say what do you want a cup of coffee I can't feel yeah, it's it won't press a second
00:19:04We say places like this in the US
00:19:07Yeah, I missed cafes when I was living over there, I mean I find a few places
00:19:11I really like but there was you were living in the u.s. Yes from
00:19:1696 to 99 I was studying at NYU. Oh
00:19:20God, don't tell me that Celine. Well, no, it's just not that I mean, I what I've been living in New York since 98
00:19:28You know, we were there at the same time in New York
00:19:31Wow, that's weird
00:19:32It actually crossed my mind a few times that I might run into you but the odds are so slim, right?
00:19:38So I didn't even know what city you were living in. Weren't you somewhere in Texas? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely
00:19:44I just I was for a long time. I just
00:19:47You know wanted to try New York
00:19:50What brought you back here I
00:19:52had finished my master's for one and no visa no more visa and
00:19:57Anyway, I was starting to get paranoid all the violence in the media's gang violence murders, especially serial killers
00:20:06But the final straw was one night I heard some noise on my fire escape
00:20:11So I called 9-1-1 and the cops came eventually. Yeah, like three hours later. Yeah after I'd been raped and killed about three times
00:20:19It was a man and a woman officer
00:20:21And I was explaining to them what I had heard when the woman had to run downstairs to move the police car
00:20:25So I was left alone with a male cop and right away
00:20:28He asked me if I had a gun and I said no, of course not
00:20:32And he told me well, you better think about getting one. This is America not France
00:20:38Okay, and I said to him, you know, I have no idea how to shoot a gun and I have no interest in firearms whatsoever
00:20:45And that's when he pulled out his gun
00:20:47like this and he went
00:20:49Well one day
00:20:51You're gonna have something like this in your face
00:20:54And if you want to have a long life
00:20:57You're gonna have to choose between you although
00:21:02And then they left and the next morning I called for an application to get a gun me with a gun
00:21:08I mean, that's really scary
00:21:10But then I realized something was wrong the way that that cop had pulled his gun out and everything
00:21:16So I canceled my demand for the gun and I called the police station and tried to complain about that cops behavior
00:21:21What happened with that wait was so much paperwork and then I got scared with my
00:21:27Yeah, exactly so I gave up and I forgot about the whole thing well, I guess I never forgot
00:21:35But still, you know, I really enjoyed being there there's a lot of things I miss about the u.s. You're like going
00:21:43Well
00:21:45The overall good mood people have there like, you know, even if it can be bullshit sometimes like how you doing?
00:21:51Great. How you doing? Great
00:21:57Parisians can be so grumpy. Have you noticed pretty happy to me. Mm-hmm. They're not happy. They're not happy
00:22:06No, they are I don't know maybe I just mean French man they drive me nuts what is it what about
00:22:11Well, they're very nice. They're they're great, you know to be around they love food wine. They're great cooks, but I don't know
00:22:17Maybe I've had really bad luck with them
00:22:20Um, well, I guess they're not as what what's the word
00:22:27Horny
00:22:31Listen to me on this one. All right, you know in that regard. I am proud to be an American and you should be in that
00:22:36regard only
00:22:37Mets
00:22:38Have you ever spent some time in Eastern Europe?
00:22:40He's to know
00:22:43Yeah, I remember as a teenager I went to Warsaw when it was still a strict communist regime
00:22:49Which I don't approve of at all. But yeah, sure, you know, no, I don't know
00:22:54But anyway something about being there was very interesting. I found after a couple of weeks something changed in me
00:23:01the city was quite gloomy and gray and
00:23:04But after a while, my brain seemed clearer. I was writing a lot more in my journal ideas. I'd never thought of before communist ideas
00:23:14Okay
00:23:17I'll send you to a gulag
00:23:19No, but it took me a while to figure out why I felt, you know
00:23:22So different and then one day as I was walking through the Jewish cemetery, I don't know why but it occurred to me there
00:23:27I realized that I had spent the last two weeks away from most of my habits TV was in a language
00:23:33I didn't understand there was nothing to buy no advertisements anywhere. So all I had been doing was
00:23:39Walk around
00:23:40Think and write
00:23:42My brain felt like it was at rest free from the consuming frenzy and I have to say it was almost like a natural
00:23:47Hi, I felt so peaceful inside. No strange urge to be somewhere else to shop
00:23:54Maybe it could have seemed like boredom at first, but it quickly became very very soulful
00:23:59It was interesting, you know, can you believe it was nine years ago that we were walking around Vienna?
00:24:06It was I know it feels like two months ago to me but it was summer 94
00:24:12Do I look any different I
00:24:16Do
00:24:19I'd have to see you naked
00:24:22Your hair was different back then it was like
00:24:26Take it down. Let's see down. Okay. It was down. Yeah. Okay. Well, well, uh, so
00:24:36Okay, come on tell me
00:24:39Uh
00:24:41Skinnier I think
00:24:45Did you think I was fat before no
00:24:48Yeah, you thought I was a fatty. No, you thought I was a fatty. Yeah, you wrote a book about a fat French girl
00:24:56Seriously, all right, you look beautiful
00:24:58Do I look any different?
00:25:01No
00:25:03Actually, you have this line, I know it's like a scar a scar
00:25:11I
00:25:13Had this a funny well horrible dream the other day
00:25:18I was having this awful
00:25:21Nightmare that I was 32 and then I woke up and I was 23 so relieved and then I woke up for real and I was
00:25:2832
00:25:30It happens
00:25:32Yeah, time goes faster and faster. Apparently it's because we don't renew our synapses after 20. So it's pretty much downhill from then on
00:25:39I like getting older, you know, I feels I
00:25:43Don't know it feels more immediate. Mm-hmm. You know, like I can appreciate things more
00:25:47No, meet you. Actually, I really love it. I
00:25:50was once a
00:25:52Drummer in a band you were yeah, we're pretty good actually, but then the lead singer guy
00:25:58He was just so obsessed with us getting a record deal, you know, it's all we talked about
00:26:02it's all we thought about getting bigger shows and everything was just
00:26:05focused on the future all the time and now the
00:26:08Band doesn't even exist anymore. Right and looking back at the at the shows. We did play even even rehearsing, you know
00:26:13It was just so much fun
00:26:15Just now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it. Could I have a drink? Mm-hmm
00:26:20Well new book has been published. That's that's a pretty big deal and you've been all around Europe with it
00:26:25Are you enjoying every minute of it?
00:26:27Not really
00:26:32Yes
00:26:36Yeah
00:26:38In in my field I see these people that I'm sorry coming to it with big
00:26:43Idealist visions of becoming the new leader that will create a better world. They enjoy the goal, but not the process
00:26:50Right, but the reality of it is that the true work of improving things is in the little achievements of the day
00:26:55And that's what you need to enjoy just in that field. What do you mean exactly?
00:26:58Well, for example, I was working for this organization that helped villages in Mexico and their concerns was how to get the pencils
00:27:05Sent to the kid in those little country schools. It was not about big revolutionary ideas. It was about pencils. I
00:27:12see the people that do the real work and what's really sad in a way is that
00:27:16The people that are the most giving hard-working and capable of making this world better
00:27:21Usually don't have the ego and ambition to be a leader
00:27:24They don't see any interest in superficial rewards, they don't care if their name ever appear in the press
00:27:30They actually enjoy the process of helping others. They're in the moment
00:27:35Yeah, but that's so hard, you know to be in the moment and I just feel like I'm
00:27:40Designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything, you know, I mean it's like always trying to better my situation, you know
00:27:46I satisfy one desire and it just
00:27:49Agitates another, you know, then I think I have to hell with it, right? I mean desires the fuel of life
00:27:54I mean, do you think it's true that if if
00:27:57If we never wanted anything, we'd never be unhappy. I don't know
00:28:01Not wanting anything. Isn't that a symptom of depression? Yeah, that is
00:28:08Desire right? Yeah, I don't know. I mean it's what all those Buddhist guys say, right?
00:28:13You know liberate yourself from desire and you'll find that you already have everything you need
00:28:17Yeah, but I feel really alive when I want something more than just basic survival needs. I mean wanting whether it's a
00:28:24Intimacy with another person or a new pair of shoes. It's kind of beautiful. I like that. We have those ever-renewing desires
00:28:30Yeah, well, maybe it's just a sense of entitlement, you know, like whenever you feel like you deserve that new pair of shoes, you know
00:28:36I mean, it's okay to want things as long as you don't get pissed off if you don't get them
00:28:39Yeah, right life's hard. It's supposed to be if we didn't suffer we wouldn't learn a thing
00:28:47So what are you Buddhist or something
00:28:50No, no, why not? I
00:28:53Don't know
00:28:54Same reason. I don't really consider myself anything really
00:28:58Yeah, I know I decided a long time ago that I was gonna be open to everything but not buy into any one and only
00:29:04belief system I
00:29:06Went to this
00:29:07Trappist monastery a couple years ago trappist. Yeah, they're Catholic cistercian
00:29:14Why did you do that? Why I've just been doing some reading I guess I thought be cool
00:29:19Have you ever spent any time with any monks or nuns?
00:29:22No, it's not really my stuff. No
00:29:26Well, I expected them to be all glowering and stern, you know, but they weren't they were really quick to laugh really easy to be
00:29:32Around seriously very attuned to everything. They were just
00:29:36You know, they weren't trying to hustle anybody
00:29:38They're trying to live and die in peace with God, you know, or whatever part of them
00:29:43They feel is eternal, you know, and it was just so refreshing to be around
00:29:46You know, you realize that most of the people that you meet are trying to get somewhere better
00:29:50You know, they're trying to make a little bit more cash
00:29:52You're trying to get a little more respect have more people admire them, you know, it's exhausting
00:29:57You know, it's exhausting to be one of those people yourself
00:30:00You know, I mean there there I am right, you know all greedy to be more spiritual, you know
00:30:04I want to be a better person, you know can't escape I
00:30:08had this this boyfriend of mine many years ago that wanted to be a Buddhist and
00:30:14So you went to Asia to visit some of those monasteries? Yeah
00:30:18Yeah, you should I'll tell you what you was quite good-looking and each time you went to one of those monasteries a monk offered to suck
00:30:25his cock
00:30:32I mean, I think that's why I really admire what you're doing. Yeah, what do you mean second cock? No
00:30:41I was gonna say, yeah, you know, you're not detached from life. You know, you're putting your passion into action
00:30:47Well, I try
00:30:50Hey, you know something? I'm gonna be on planes and like in an airport for the next eight hours
00:30:56I just loved it to see a little bit more in Paris. Would you walk around?
00:31:06No, no, I got it I got a little pretty I'm going on this good for like a tip. Yeah, that's fine
00:31:11That's more than enough
00:31:14All right, is there anywhere to go around here it's sales day today, what's that it's when everything is on sale in Paris
00:31:21It's twice a year
00:31:25All right, let's go shopping
00:31:27No, no, no. No, that's a bad idea. I don't want to inflate that on you. No madness. Let's just go this garden path
00:31:33All right, it's really nice
00:31:35All right. This is better than shopping. Actually, I mean not that I wouldn't do whatever you wanted
00:31:39You know, sometimes I don't even need to buy anything I just get high on trying on and looking at things
00:31:45Yeah, well therapists today. Is this a work on? Yeah a therapist. It's a that's all good
00:31:49Really? Yeah, are you ever in therapy? Oh, no. Do I seem like I'm in therapy?
00:31:55Does it help your sex problems my sex problems
00:32:00Come on, tell me the truth. I mean we didn't have any problems that night. No, I'm kidding
00:32:03We didn't even have sex anyway, but that's a joke, right? No, we didn't
00:32:07Well, that was the whole thing no, of course we did no no, no, no
00:32:11We didn't you didn't have a condom and I never have sex with that one, especially in a one-night thing
00:32:14I'm extremely paranoid about my health. There's no way
00:32:16I'm finding this very scary that you don't remember what happened. No, listen, I didn't write an entire book
00:32:22But I kept a journal. Okay, and I wrote the whole night in it. That's what I meant you idealizing the night
00:32:27All right. Listen, I even remember what brand of condom we used. Okay
00:32:32Disgusting I don't want to hear it
00:32:36Okay, you know what when I get home I'll check my journal from 94, but I know I'm right
00:32:43Wait a minute what was it in the cemetery?
00:32:48No, we went to the cemetery in the afternoon it was in the park very late at night in the park
00:32:55I
00:32:59Know is that forgettable? I mean, you really don't remember in the park. Okay. Wait a minute. I I think you might be right
00:33:06No, you're messing with me now. No, are you messing with me? Okay. No, I'm sorry. I think you're I mean, you're right
00:33:11Okay, sometimes I put things in drawers inside my head and forget about it
00:33:15I guess it's less painful to put certain things away than to live with it. I'm sorry
00:33:19That night was like a sad memory for you. No, I didn't mean that night in particular
00:33:23I just meant certain things are better off forgotten. I remember that night better than I do entire years
00:33:29Me too, really? Well, I thought I did
00:33:35But maybe I maybe I put it away because of the fact that
00:33:39My grandmother's funeral was the day we were supposed to meet again
00:33:43Yeah, right. It was a tough day for me, but it must have been worse for you. It was unreal
00:33:47I remember looking at her dead body in the coffin
00:33:50I had a beautiful hand so warm so sweet that used to hold me but
00:33:56Nothing in that coffin resembled what I remembered of her
00:33:59All the warmth was gone
00:34:01Then I was crying so confused if I was crying because I was never gonna see her again. I'm never gonna see
00:34:07you again, or
00:34:09I'm sorry. I'm sorry to go like this. I've been a little down this week. I don't why I
00:34:15Don't know nothing bad. Just um
00:34:17Reading your book maybe
00:34:19no, but thinking about hopeful hours that summer and fall and since then it's been kind of uh, I
00:34:26Don't know memory is a wonderful thing. If you don't have to deal with the past
00:34:35Memory is a wonderful thing. You don't have to deal with the past. Can I put that on a bumper sticker?
00:34:38No, you know what if you wrote a book about our night, that'd be a good time
00:34:42Yeah, and it would be a total different book. Yeah, there'd be no sex
00:34:45Yeah
00:34:46But you know what what now that we've met again, we can change our memory of that December 16th
00:34:52It no longer has that sad ending of us never seeing each other again, right?
00:34:56I mean, I guess the memory is never finished as long as you're alive
00:35:01Yeah, I know. I have this memory from my childhood that I realized recently never happened
00:35:07What well when I was eight or nine, my mom was so paranoid when I was walking home from my piano lesson at night
00:35:13She would always warn me of a dirty old man giving me candies and then showing me the people
00:35:18She was so obsessed with it that later in life, you know
00:35:21I had this image in my head that this really happened to the point that I even associated sex with that walk home
00:35:28I mean and sometimes even now when I'm
00:35:33When I'm when I'm having sex I see myself walking down that street I swear
00:35:40Well, is that Street nearby?
00:35:44Very far
00:35:47Did you ever keep a journal when you were a kid, yeah, I don't know guess
00:35:54It's funny. I read a one of mine from 83 the other day
00:35:58Yeah, and what really surprised me is that I was dealing with life the same way I am now
00:36:03I was much more hopeful and naive but the core and the way I was feeling things is exactly the same
00:36:10It made me realize I haven't changed much at all
00:36:12Yeah, I don't think anybody does I mean people don't want to admit it but it's like we just we have these innate set points
00:36:18You know, and it's like nothing much that happens to us changes our disposition
00:36:22Really you believe that I think so
00:36:23I read this study where they followed people who'd won the lottery and people who become paraplegics, right?
00:36:28I mean you think that you know, one extreme is gonna make you euphoric and the other suicidal
00:36:34But the study shows that after about six months, right as soon as people gotten used to their new situation
00:36:40They were more or less the same the same. Well, yeah, like if they were basically an optimistic jovial person
00:36:46They're now an optimistic jovial person in a wheelchair if they're a petty miserable asshole
00:36:51Okay, they're a petty miserable asshole with a new Cadillac a house and a boat
00:36:55So you now be forever depressed no matter what great things happen in my life. Definitely, right?
00:37:00No, come on
00:37:04But sometimes I worry that I'll get to the end of my life feeling I haven't done all I wanted to do
00:37:09Well, what do you want to do? I?
00:37:12I want to paint more. I want to play my guitar every day. I want to learn Chinese. I want to write more songs
00:37:19There's so many things I want to do and end up doing not much
00:37:24All right, well, let me ask you this do you believe in like ghosts or spirits
00:37:30Um, no, no
00:37:33Okay. What about reincarnation?
00:37:36Not at all
00:37:37God
00:37:42But at the same time I don't want to be one of those people that don't believe in any kind of magic, you know
00:37:46So then astrology, yes, of course
00:37:50I mean
00:37:56No, no, there's a there's an Einstein quote
00:37:59I really really like he said if you don't believe in any kind of magic or mystery, you're basically as good as dead
00:38:06Yeah, I like that. I've always felt it was some kind of mystical core to the universe, you know
00:38:10But more recently I started to think that
00:38:13That me, you know my personality whatever that I don't have any permanent place here
00:38:19In eternity or whatever, you know, and the more I think that I can't go through life saying that this is no big deal
00:38:24You know, I mean, this is it. This is actually happening. What do you think is interesting? What do you think? It's funny
00:38:29What do you think is important? You know, every day is our last
00:38:33When I feel that way I usually call my mom to tell her how much I love her
00:38:37Yeah, and she's always are you okay?
00:38:48What about us
00:38:50What about us?
00:38:51What I mean is if we were both going to die tonight, what like if the apocalypse is coming?
00:38:56No, no, that's too dramatic. But what if you know, just the two of us we're going to die
00:39:00I mean, would we talk about your book the environment of?
00:39:05Today was our last day. Yeah, what would we talk about? What would you tell me for example?
00:39:10Well, no, I'll do it I definitely would stop talking about my book
00:39:14I have to admit I would probably drop the environment
00:39:17Okay, but I would still want to talk about you know, the magic in the universe. I just want to do it from
00:39:23what a
00:39:25Hotel room, you know in between sessions of us wildly fucking until we die Wow
00:39:31Well, why waste time with an hotel room? Why not do it right there on a bench?
00:39:40Okay, we're not gonna die tonight
00:39:43Too bad, I'm sorry. That was an extreme example. I'm sorry. Okay
00:39:49What I my point was, you know truly communicate with people is very hard to do
00:39:54No, I know. I mean most of our most of our day-to-day. Yeah, I mean
00:39:59Not to bring everything back to sex, but no no this example this friend of mine
00:40:03She was talking about she and her boyfriend
00:40:07Problems in bed, right and how when they had been dating for a year
00:40:11She started telling him what he could do to please her more and it totally freaked him out. Why totally well
00:40:16He felt all threatened. I thought
00:40:19Maybe she shouldn't have waited so long, you know
00:40:23More than women you think oh definitely on that subject. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe it's because you know
00:40:30men are
00:40:32Easier to you know to please
00:40:35I don't know
00:40:38Anyway this friend of mine she was telling me that next time she dates another man
00:40:42She's gonna make a little questionnaire about what they like and dislike like written down or out loud
00:40:48Yeah, yeah written down mostly written down, but it wouldn't be just you know, yes or no
00:40:52It would be a bit more complex than that. Like for example, if the question is are you into S&M?
00:40:57The answer could be no, but a good spanking once in a while doesn't hurt
00:41:02Right, right or like what do you so do you like talking dirty in bed that kind of thing?
00:41:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not just like any dirty talk just like what specific word would you like to hear?
00:41:12You know, let me well, yeah, like for example, like what specific word would you like to hear? I don't know
00:41:19What do you feel about the word pussy I love it
00:41:25Good
00:41:27It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years, I know well at least now
00:41:31We don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is like a life-altering event. I know by now
00:41:36I know you've stuck it in so many places. It's like about to fall off
00:41:39Oh, yeah, and you know, I can't realistically expect you've become anything but a total ho at this point. Yeah. Thank you
00:41:47That's true, what can you do and what can you do?
00:41:51so
00:41:52What kind of songs do you write I don't know you do it. Yeah, sure. I don't know just songs like some are about you know
00:41:59people
00:42:01Relationships once about my cat sing one. No, I can't I don't have a guitar. Oh, I mean, come on. No, no
00:42:06No, no. No, I'm not singing a song without a guitar. You're nuts
00:42:10Why not
00:42:12No, okay not now no
00:42:15If not now when we want to meet here in six months with a guitar, you know
00:42:19I'll fly all the way over here. You may or may not make the Metro
00:42:24We've got to get going back to the bookstore miss you flight, come on, let's go. All right, you can walk down less end
00:42:29It's it's a nice thing. Okay
00:42:32So you're flying back to New York, yeah, yeah
00:42:38So I read in that article that you married with a kid that's great. Yeah, he's he's um, he's four
00:42:45Uh-huh. What's his name Henry little Hank? He's so much fun
00:42:49I'm sure and your wife. What does she do? She teaches elementary school
00:42:53Do you do you kids? Yes, too shit. What I left them in the car with the windows up. It was six months ago
00:43:02No, but I want to have kids someday I'm just not ready yet, you know, yeah, I'm in a good relationship though. Oh, yeah
00:43:09What's he do? He's a photojournalist. He does a war coverage
00:43:13He's aware a lot which in a way is good for me because I'm so busy. Yeah, but isn't it dangerous?
00:43:17I mean a lot of those guys getting killed these days
00:43:20He promises me doesn't take risks, but I often worry he goes in this trance when he starts to photograph something. What do you mean?
00:43:27Well once we were in New Delhi and we passed a bum that was lying down on the sidewalk a bum a bum
00:43:34All right
00:43:35Anyway, like he looked like he needed help, but his first reaction was to photograph him
00:43:39He went like really close to his face fixing his color to make it look better
00:43:42He was like totally detached from the person because you kind of have to be like that to be good at that job
00:43:47Yeah, I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm not judging him for it. You know, what he does is essential and incredible
00:43:52I'm saying is that I could never do it. Let's get on that boat. Come on. No, no, come on
00:43:59I've got I've got 15 more minutes. Do you have a cell phone? Yeah. All right
00:44:04Look, I got to that driver guy's number and I can call him and then they pick us up
00:44:17I'll get it
00:44:26So you love with that guy what guy the the war photographer
00:44:36I'm so do you have that cell phone? Oh, yeah
00:44:40Okay
00:44:42All right, what do I tell him yeah, tell him to pick you up a K Henry cat shit, okay
00:44:49Okay. Okay. Okay
00:44:52Okay
00:44:55No, you would be Henry cat Henry for yes, I'm sorry
00:45:10You
00:45:14Yes, is this Philippe yeah Philippe, this is Jesse Wallace
00:45:19Yeah
00:45:20Well, listen, I'm on one of those boats, right?
00:45:25And we're gonna arrive at at
00:45:27Henry for at it port Henry for you know what you know what that is
00:45:31All right, great. And you have my bags, right? Yeah, so we'll be there and I don't know. It's the next stop
00:45:37Okay
00:45:41Yeah, yeah, oh
00:45:44Wow
00:45:46Notre-Dame and check that out. I
00:45:48Heard the story once about when the the Germans were occupying Paris and they had to retreat back
00:45:54They wired Notre-Dame to below but they had to they had to leave one guy in charge of hitting the switch
00:46:01And the guy the soldier he he couldn't do it
00:46:04You know, he just sat there and knocked out by how beautiful the place was
00:46:08And then when the Allied troops came in they found all the explosives just lying there and the switch unturned and they found the same
00:46:15thing Sacre-Coeur Eiffel Tower a
00:46:18couple other places I think
00:46:20That's true
00:46:24Always like the story though. That's a great story. You have to think that not for them
00:46:29We'll be gone one day. There used to be another church or Cathedral at the same
00:46:34Right in the same spot
00:46:38Yeah, this is great I've never done this yeah, I forget about how beautiful Paris is it's not so bad being a tourist
00:46:45Thank you for getting me on the boat. You're welcome
00:46:47You know, I think that book that I wrote in a way it was like building something
00:46:51So that I wouldn't forget the details of the time that we spent together
00:46:55You know like just as a reminder that
00:46:57That once we really did meet, you know that this was real this happened
00:47:02I'm happy you're saying that because I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this, you know
00:47:10People just have an affair even entire relationships they break up and they forget
00:47:16They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals
00:47:20If he was never able to forget anyone I've been with because each person that they own
00:47:28Specific qualities you can never replace anyone
00:47:32What is lost is lost?
00:47:36Each relationship when it ends really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because
00:47:43It hurts too much
00:47:46Even getting laid. I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things like I'm obsessed with little things
00:47:55Maybe I'm crazy with when I was a little girl. My mom told me that I was always late to school
00:48:01One day she followed me to see why I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk or
00:48:09Ants crossing the road the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk
00:48:14little things I
00:48:16Think it's the same with people. I
00:48:19Seen them little details so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and will always miss
00:48:26You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details
00:48:30I
00:48:35Can't remember the way you did as a bit of red in it and how the Sun was making it glow that
00:48:42That morning right before you left. I
00:48:46Remember that I missed it
00:48:50You're really crazy, right? All right. Now I know for sure you want to know why I wrote that stupid book
00:48:56Why so that you might come to a reading in Paris and I can walk up to you and ask where the fuck were you
00:49:03No, you think I'd be here today, I'm serious, I think I I wrote it in a way to try to find you
00:49:11Okay, that's I know that's not true. But that's sweet of you to say I think it was true
00:49:15What do you think the chances were of us ever meeting again?
00:49:19After that December I'd say almost zero
00:49:22You're not real anyway, right
00:49:25Just the characters in that old lady's dream. She's on a deathbed fantasizing about our youth. So, of course we had to meet again. Oh
00:49:33God why weren't you there in Vienna? I
00:49:38Told you why well, I know why I just I wish you would have been
00:49:44Our lives might have been so much different
00:49:47You think so?
00:49:49I actually do
00:49:51Maybe not. Maybe we would have hated each other eventually. Oh what like we hate each other now
00:50:00We're only good at brief encounters walking around in European cities in warm climate
00:50:13Because we were young and stupid
00:50:15You think we still are I?
00:50:18Guess when you're young just believe there'll be many people with whom you connect with
00:50:24Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times. Yeah, you can screw it up
00:50:28misconnect
00:50:30Well, the past is the past it was meant to be that way. Well, you really believe that that everything's faded
00:50:35well
00:50:37You know the world might be less free than we think. Yeah
00:50:40Yeah
00:50:42Yeah, when given this exact circumstances, that's what will happen every time two-part hydrogen one-part oxygen you'll get water every time
00:50:49No, no
00:50:50What if your grandmother had lived a week longer, you know, or passed away a week earlier days even you know
00:50:56Things might have been different. I believe that
00:50:58I mean, I know you shouldn't on most things but
00:51:01It's just it's on this one. It seemed like something was off. You know, I mean
00:51:07In the months leading up to my wedding, okay, I was thinking about you all the time
00:51:11I mean even on my way there
00:51:12I'm in the car and a buddy of mine is driving me downtown and I'm staring out the window and I think I see you
00:51:18Not far from the church, right?
00:51:21Folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli on the corner
00:51:2413th and Broadway
00:51:27And I thought I was going crazy, you know, but now I think it probably was you I
00:51:31lived on 11th and Broadway
00:51:36So
00:51:38What is it like to be married you haven't talked much about that I
00:51:43Haven't how weird I
00:51:47Don't know we met
00:51:48You know when I was in college
00:51:51We broke up and got back together for a period of years and then
00:51:58What we were sort of back together and she was pregnant
00:52:03So marriage what is she like
00:52:06She's a great teacher good mom
00:52:10She's smart pretty
00:52:13You know, I remember thinking at the time that
00:52:15So many of the men that I admired most, you know that their lives were
00:52:20We're dedicated to something greater than themselves
00:52:23So you got married because men you admired were married no, no
00:52:28It's more like I had this this idea of my best self, you know, and I wanted to pursue that
00:52:35Even if it might have been overriding my honest self, you know what I'm saying?
00:52:38I mean, it's funny like in the moment. I remember thinking that it didn't much matter the who of it all
00:52:44I mean that nobody's gonna be everything to you and that ultimately it's just a simple action of committing yourself, you know
00:52:50Meeting your responsibilities that that matters. I mean, what is love right? If it's not respect trust admiration
00:52:57And I I felt all those things
00:52:59So cut to the present tense and I feel like I'm running a small nursery with somebody I used to date
00:53:05I mean, I'm like a monk, you know, I mean I had sex less than ten times the last four years
00:53:12What what you laughing at me it sounds pathetic
00:53:18Okay, all right, you're right I'm doing better than most monks
00:53:21All right, but I do I feel like if somebody were to touch me, you know, I would dissolve into molecules
00:53:26Into molecules
00:53:45I'm sorry to hear that. You know, you're not that happy with your marriage
00:53:51Well this friend of mine she's a shrink and
00:53:54She's a mess but
00:53:56No, she was telling me that she's been dealing with a lot of couples that are breaking up for the same exact reason
00:54:02well
00:54:02All this couple expected after a few years of living together for the passion that consuming desire to be the same than in the beginning
00:54:08It's impossible
00:54:14We would end up doing nothing at all with our lives
00:54:16Do you think you would have finished your book if you were fucking someone every five minutes? I might have welcomed the challenge
00:54:23It's natural for your wife after the birth of you know, she has to give all her love to the little one
00:54:28Imagine if she was totally obsessed with sex riding you like a wild cat that wouldn't make any sense
00:54:34Everything you're saying makes sense. It's it's not about sex
00:54:42You know couples are so confused lately I I think it must be that
00:54:48Men need to feel essential and they don't anymore
00:54:52Because it's been imprinted in their head for so many years that they had to be the provider
00:54:57Like I I'm an I'm a strong independent woman in my professional life
00:55:01I don't need a man to feed me, but I still need a man to love me and that I could love you know
00:55:07So, uh drive us here
00:55:13No, why don't we just give you right home wherever you're going, huh? Well, I can take the metro no, no
00:55:19My fight's not until 10, right? They've got me arriving two hours earlier this way we keep talking. No, no, no, miss you
00:55:25So we don't even get busy. Oh, but I should be sweet. It's a curry. Oui. Oui
00:55:33No, no, it's a bad problem. You can let's say I'll make sure I'll make sure she had to do so. You're a pretty good
00:55:39mercy
00:55:49Yes, that's somebody does no, but this is better than the Metro, right
00:55:59I was thinking for me. It's better. I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time
00:56:05I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life
00:56:09It doesn't make me sad. It's just the way it is. Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around
00:56:15Yes, obviously I can't deal with the day-to-day life of a relationship
00:56:20Yeah, we have you know this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him
00:56:24But at least I'm not dying inside when someone is always around me. I'm like suffocating. No, wait
00:56:29You just said that you need to love and be loved. Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous
00:56:34It's a disaster. I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own
00:56:39Even being alone. It's better than
00:56:42Sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely
00:56:44It's not so easy for me to be a romantic you start off that way
00:56:48And after you've been screwed over a few times you you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life
00:56:55That's not even true. I haven't been screwed over. I've just had too many
00:56:59Blah relationship. They weren't mean they cared for me, but there were no real
00:57:05Connection or excitement at least not from my side
00:57:11It's not
00:57:15You know
00:57:16It's not even that I was I was fine until I read you fucking book
00:57:21It stirred shit up, you know
00:57:23it reminded me how genuinely romantic I was how I had so much hope in things and now it's like I
00:57:30Don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore
00:57:35in a way, I
00:57:37Put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again
00:57:42Like somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you and you took them with you
00:57:47It made me feel cold. Like if love wasn't for me
00:57:54Reality in love almost contradictory for me
00:57:57It's funny
00:57:59Every single of my exes then they're married
00:58:02Men go out with me we break up and then they get married and later
00:58:06They call me to thank me for teaching them what love is and that I taught them to care and respect women
00:58:11I think I'm one of those, you know, I want to kill them. Why didn't they ask me to marry them?
00:58:16I would have said no, but at least they could have asked but it's my fault
00:58:19I know it's my fault because I never felt it was the right man never
00:58:23But what does it mean the right man the love of your life?
00:58:25The concept is absurd the idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil, right?
00:58:30Can I talk, you know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times and then I recovered
00:58:35So now, you know from the starts I make no effort because I know it's not gonna work. I know it's
00:58:40You can't do that. You can't live your life trying to avoid pain expensive
00:58:43You know what those hours I've got it. I've got to get away from you stop the car. I want to
00:58:49Don't get out you okay. No, don't touch me. You know, I want to get on a cab
00:58:53Let's just say boo boo. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm just so happy. Thank you. Just keep going
00:59:02All right
00:59:05Look I'm just so happy. All right to be with you. I am I'm so glad you didn't forget about me
00:59:12Okay, no, I didn't and it pisses me off. Okay, you come here to Paris all romantic and married
00:59:20Screw you
00:59:22Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to get you or anything. I mean all I need is a married man
00:59:27There's been so much water under the bridge. It's not even about you anymore
00:59:30It's about that time that moment in time that is forever gone
00:59:33I don't know you say all that but you didn't even remember having sex. So of course I remember it
00:59:41You did yes
00:59:43Women pretend things like that
00:59:45They do
00:59:47Yeah
00:59:47What was I supposed to say that I remember the wine in the park and us looking about the stars fading away as the Sun came?
00:59:54Up we had sex twice you idiot
00:59:57All right, you know what I'm just
01:00:00Happy to see you even if you've become an angry manic-depressive activist. I still like you
01:00:06I still enjoy being around you
01:00:10I feel the same. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I just I had to let it all out
01:00:15I worry about it. I'm so miserable in my love life in my relationship. I always act as
01:00:21Like, you know, I'm detached but I'm dying inside
01:00:25I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain or excitement. I'm not even bitter. I'm just
01:00:30You think you're the one dying inside?
01:00:33My life is 24-7 bad
01:00:37No, no, I mean the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son. I've been in marriage counseling
01:00:43I've done things. I never thought I would have to do I've lit candles bought self-help books lingerie
01:00:49Did the candles?
01:00:50No, all right, I don't love her the way she needs to be loved and I don't even see a future for us
01:00:55But then I look at my little boy
01:00:59Sitting at the table across from me and I think I would suffer any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his
01:01:04Life, you know, I don't want to miss out on one
01:01:07But then there's no joy or laughter in my home, you know, and I don't want him growing up in that
01:01:12Oh no laughter
01:01:14That's terrible
01:01:15I just I don't want to be one of those people or getting divorced at 52 and
01:01:20Falling down into tears admitting that they never really loved their spouse and they feel their life has been
01:01:26Sucked up into a vacuum cleaner
01:01:29You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life. She deserves that
01:01:34All right, but we're just living in the pretense of a marriage or something
01:01:38You know, I don't want to miss out on any of it. I don't want to miss out on any of it
01:01:42But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage responsibility, you know all these just
01:01:47Ideas of how people are supposed to live
01:01:51Then I I have these dreams
01:01:57What dreams I have these dreams, you know that
01:02:02I'm standing on a platform
01:02:05and
01:02:07you keep going by on a train and
01:02:09You go by and you go by and you go by you go by and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know
01:02:16And then I have this other dream. Oh
01:02:18Where you're pregnant in bed beside me naked and I want so badly to touch you
01:02:24but you tell me not to and then you look away and
01:02:27And I I touch you anyway
01:02:31Right on your ankle and your skin is so soft. I wake up in sobs. All right
01:02:36And my wife is sitting there looking at me and I feel like I'm a million miles from her and I know that there's something
01:02:41wrong, you know that I
01:02:44That I can't keep living like this that there's got to be something more to love than commitment
01:02:48But then I think that I might have given up
01:02:51on the whole idea of romantic love that I I might have put it to bed that
01:02:57That day when you weren't there
01:03:00You know, I think I might have done that
01:03:02I
01:03:04Why are you telling me all this
01:03:07I'm sorry. I don't know. I
01:03:13Shouldn't have
01:03:15You know, it's so weird. People think they're the only one going through tough times. I
01:03:21Mean when I read the article, I thought your life was perfect
01:03:25The wife a kid published author
01:03:29Your personal life is more of a mess than mine
01:03:35I'm glad it's good for someone
01:03:41This this is this is where you live, yeah
01:03:45So you're just relieved that I'm an even more deep shit than you are
01:03:49Yes, you've made me feel better. Oh good
01:03:54No, I really wish you the best
01:03:57It's not because I'm capable of having a good relationship or a family that I wish everyone to be doomed like me
01:04:03I'm sure you may be a great mom someday
01:04:06Really? You think so? Oh, yeah, if you any depressants, you know, you'll do great
01:04:16You ready
01:04:27I want to try something
01:04:34When I see if you stay together if you dissolve into molecules
01:04:39Am I doing still here good. I like being here
01:04:46Is this your apartment
01:04:48Oh, no, I live down there down there. Yeah
01:04:52Hey, miss you. I'm gonna walk her to her door. I'm a company a laptop
01:05:05This is incredible, this is where you live
01:05:08Yeah, how long have you been here for years?
01:05:11Yeah, how long have you been here for years?
01:05:17So tell me
01:05:19Is it all true that your dreams or did you just say that to hopefully get in my pants?
01:05:24Well, I just said that to get in your pants. I use it all the time. Yeah
01:05:29You know sometimes
01:05:32Here's my kitty. Oh
01:05:34Oh
01:05:36You know what I love about this cat is that every morning I bring him down to the courtyard and every single morning
01:05:42He looks at everything like it was the first time
01:05:45Every corner every tree every plant
01:05:50Smells everything with this little cute nose
01:05:58What's his name
01:06:00Shea
01:06:04What
01:06:08No chain Argentina means hey
01:06:12Yes, oh baby, oh, yes, yes, yes
01:06:20We're having a little party so much fun
01:06:23I
01:06:54Was thinking none, would you play me one of your songs you're gonna miss your flight? I won't I won't I won't
01:06:59I'm gonna be sitting the airport for over an hour reading the newspaper. All right wishing you played me one of your songs
01:07:05One song. Yeah. Okay, but quickly. Yeah, okay
01:07:15Gotta love these old staircases
01:07:23I
01:07:53Hey there, buddy
01:08:16Would you like some tea? Yeah, sure
01:08:23Chamomile, okay. Yeah, great
01:08:27Merci. Merci. You think my apartment is messy? No, no, no, no. Merci. Merci beaucoup. Ah, merci. I
01:08:36Meant to tell you your French has improved a lot
01:08:40Really? Yeah. Yeah, you've really mastered the language
01:08:45All right, all right, what song are you gonna play me, huh?
01:08:48No, I I can't it's too embarrassing it's been whoa, no way no way I came all the way up here
01:08:54You cannot crap out of me now one song anything. I'll be great. No, but listen, you're gonna laugh at me
01:08:59You think so? Yes, I doubt it
01:09:06Okay
01:09:08What do you want to hear I have I have three songs in English
01:09:12One's about my cat one's about
01:09:15One's about my cat one's about my ex-boyfriend well ex-ex-boyfriend and there's one about
01:09:23Well, it's just a little waltz the waltz, yeah play the waltz I
01:09:32Haven't played it in a while. You sure
01:09:45Let
01:09:55Me sing you a waltz
01:09:59Out of nowhere out of my thoughts let me sing you a waltz
01:10:09About this one night stand
01:10:16For me that night
01:10:20Everything I always dreamt of in life
01:10:25But now you're gone
01:10:29You
01:10:31Are gone
01:10:34All the way to your island frame it was for you just a one
01:10:45But you were much more to me just so, you know, I
01:10:52Don't care what they say. I
01:10:56Know what you meant for me that day. I
01:11:01Just want another try. I just want another
01:11:09night
01:11:12Even if it doesn't seem quite right
01:11:18You meant for me much more
01:11:22Than anyone I've met before
01:11:27One single night with you little
01:11:31Jessie is worth a thousand with anybody. I
01:11:39I
01:11:40Have no bitterness my sweet. I'll never forget this one
01:11:49Even tomorrow
01:11:55My heart will stay yours until I die
01:11:59I
01:12:05Let me sing you a waltz
01:12:10Out of nowhere out of my blues
01:12:15Let me sing you a waltz
01:12:21About this lovely one night stand
01:12:30You
01:12:42Know one more one more please. No, come on. No, it was our deal one one song. No, no, no
01:12:48no, you're gonna have your tea and then
01:12:50I
01:12:57Alright, let me let me ask you one question
01:12:59You just plug that name in for every guy that comes up here. Oh, yes, of course
01:13:05What do you think that I wrote this song about you? Are you nuts? Oh
01:13:13Is this you little cross-eyed Celine yes
01:13:17Funny is that your grandmother? Yeah
01:13:27You want some honey? Yeah, sure
01:13:46I
01:14:16I
01:14:34Saw it twice in concert. She was so great. That's one of my favorite songs
01:14:46I know where I'm going
01:14:59She was so great
01:15:02She was so funny in concert she
01:15:04she would uh, she would be right in the middle of a song and then
01:15:09you know stop and
01:15:11And and walk from the piano all the way to the edge of the stage like really slowly
01:15:21She start talking to someone in the audience. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah
01:15:31And then she'd walk back
01:15:33Took her time. No hurry, you know, she had that big cute ass
01:15:39Move
01:15:42And then she would go back to the piano and play some more
01:15:48And then she would I don't know just start another song in the middle of another, you know, like stop again
01:15:56You like oh
01:15:57You over there. Can you move that thing?
01:16:01Who you cute?
01:16:08Oh
01:16:25Yeah
01:16:31Maybe you are gonna miss that plane
01:16:38I
01:17:08Oh
01:17:38I
01:18:08Oh
01:18:38Oh
01:19:08Oh
01:19:38Oh
01:20:08You