Full Video: People don't like you, and don't listen to you? || Acharya Prashant, with NIT-Warangal (2022)
Link: • People don't like you, and don't list...
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~~~~~
Video Information: NIT-Warangal, 30.03.2022, Greater Noida, India
Context:
~ What is free will?
~ What is that which really chooses?
~ Do we really have the right to choose?
~ Is your life your choice?
~ What is a choice?
~ How does liberation depend on you?
~ How to get rid of the fear of making the wrong choice?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Link: • People don't like you, and don't list...
♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: NIT-Warangal, 30.03.2022, Greater Noida, India
Context:
~ What is free will?
~ What is that which really chooses?
~ Do we really have the right to choose?
~ Is your life your choice?
~ What is a choice?
~ How does liberation depend on you?
~ How to get rid of the fear of making the wrong choice?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Good evening. So, my question is first, I have actually two questions. My first question
00:12is regarding me personally. The thing that I face is that when I am speaking to someone
00:21in a group, I always tend to provoke people with my ideas and whatever opinion I have.
00:29For example, I can tell you when I am talking to people regarding what you teach, what other
00:37gurus teach like Osho maybe. So, they often like the ideas that I tell them regarding
00:46the various texts that we have, they are often provoked. That is one example that I am telling
00:52you. And I don't know this happens to me in every sphere. Whatever ideas that I am telling,
00:58things that I am talking to people, they often get, the conversation gets really awkward at
01:05that point that they start to repel me. And if I am talking to someone new, well, I often come
01:13as charming. But eventually when they get to know me, my depth, they are often, they don't like me
01:21enough. So, what I can do to make myself more likable, even though if I have provocative thoughts
01:29as people have signaled to me previously. That is my first question.
01:36Should I continue with the next question also? No, let me respond to it.
01:40See, the purpose of communication is not merely to
01:55send a few words to the other or ideas to the other from your side.
02:04The communicator or the speaker is also responsible for what the other one has received.
02:23In fact, the communicator or the speaker is responsible even for what the other one has
02:34interpreted or construed.
02:41So, when you speak, obviously you want the other to understand, don't you?
02:52And if you find that instead of understanding, others rather get provoked
03:04and they react and they resist,
03:11then your own purpose is not being served because I am sure that is not what you had intended.
03:22And if that's what you had intended, then there is a serious problem because the ego can find
03:31a lot of pleasure in instigating others, in getting others to flare up, react,
03:45get angry. The ego might say, look at my power, look at the potency of my words.
03:55With a few words, I got all these fellows so worked up. See how angry they are.
04:06See how I broke their poise, their peace.
04:12Because if you can get somebody to react, it's almost like getting him enslaved.
04:22You now have his number, his handle, you know where to press the button.
04:33So, the ego can find that quite pleasing. You have to be cautious. However,
04:41let me assume that is not the case with you. Let me assume that it is not with the explicit purpose
04:49of eliciting a reaction that you speak. Let me assume that you speak with the right intentions.
04:58Then you must know the limit of your responsibility. And your responsibility, as we said,
05:09is not limited just to what you utter. It is limited not even to what reaches the other.
05:20It extends to what the other feels about it, how the other interprets it.
05:33So, you have to first of all begin with that in mind.
05:40Right? There are people who say that their job is to speak the truth.
05:48And after that, how the others receive it is none of their business.
05:55Even that is not a very honest position to take.
06:01How the others interpret you is very much your own business.
06:09And that's why attention towards the audience is needed.
06:17That's why there have to be a thousand ways to communicate the same point.
06:27That is why empathy is needed.
06:32If empathy is not there, the other one will not open up.
06:39If he will not open up, there would be no listening. If there is no listening,
06:43there is no communication. You are not speaking to the walls.
06:49There is no communication.
06:53You are not speaking to the walls. You are not speaking to an audio recording device.
07:01You are speaking to conscious people
07:06with all their frailties, their imperfections
07:14and their needs.
07:19People have their pains, their biases, their pasts.
07:32They don't come from nowhere.
07:36We all stand at specific positions of the ego.
07:43And it is from these positions that we listen to whatever we do.
07:49Therefore, the speaker has to first of all know where the listener is standing.
08:02Right examples have to be crafted. The right language has to be chosen.
08:09The right tone, the right words and the right time and the right occasion have to be chosen.
08:19We have stories,
08:26the fables, the anecdotes that we have in which a student comes to the teacher
08:35and asks a particular question and the teacher says, I will answer you.
08:42And then eight months later, when the opportunity presents itself,
08:48that's when the teacher says, this, this is the answer.
08:55There has to be this kind of sensitivity
09:03to having the right time
09:07to having the right time and the audience in the right frame of mind.
09:23You cannot just have an attitude wherein you care for only your own righteousness.
09:34Thinking nothing of the other.
09:38And then the next moment you get kind of hurt when people do not reciprocate
09:49your avivodadly kind intentions.
09:54If you want your kind intentions to be reciprocated,
10:05then be really empathetic.
10:12Know that your responsibility, as we said, extends beyond just speaking.
10:20We communicate to bring wellness to the other.
10:30We do not communicate to speak the truth.
10:35Nobody can communicate to speak the truth.
10:39There exists nothing like the truth to be spoken.
10:43The purpose of communication is wellness or welfare,
10:51not truth.
10:56Equally, you could say that that which brings real wellness to the other is the truth.
11:06Nothing else is the truth.
11:13So if you are failing to bring wellness to the other,
11:19for sure it is not the truth that's there in your words.
11:24Now after this kind of care and depth of compassion,
11:36there still would be a few or many who would say,
11:42of care and depth of compassion, there still would be a few or many
11:56who just won't listen or who would listen to you from predetermined hostile centers.
12:05Then you can probably say that you have come to the utter end of your responsibility
12:14and now you cannot do much more with such people.
12:20And then what you would be saying would be probably admissible.
12:27When you have done your utter best, even after that there do remain people
12:33who are beyond your capacity to mend.
12:41Because after all, listening and understanding are sovereign decisions
12:47irrespective of how hard you try.
12:50You cannot really force someone to understand or to move towards his own welfare.
12:57So a few people would still remain
13:03totally deaf to your words,
13:07totally impervious to your kind intentions.
13:17There you can excuse yourself.
13:22You can then honestly say, I did try my best, but I couldn't succeed with these few people.
13:31But obviously that is to be said after you have done your best with total empathy.
13:41How do you know whether you have done your best?
13:43Here is a hint.
13:45When you are trying to reach out to the other, to explain to the other,
13:55you will have to leave your own position.
14:02You cannot say that I am a saint.
14:07You cannot say that I am a saint.
14:09You cannot say that I am a scholar and therefore I will use scholarly language.
14:20You cannot say I love Indian history,
14:29therefore I will come up with examples only from Indian history.
14:33You cannot say that the world of the other is untouchable.
14:42They live in filthy places, therefore I won't go close to them.
14:50You cannot say I speak from the heights of the truth
14:54and the listeners are all rolling down there in the mud.
15:00I won't stoop down to them.
15:07The genuine communicator, and we are talking of spirituality here
15:14because you said you want to bring spiritual truths to people,
15:20will have to be a very versatile person
15:26and that versatility is not a skill.
15:29It is compassion.
15:36He will be prepared to leave all that is in front of him.
15:48All that is secondary or external about him.
15:55Only the truth at his heart he will not be ready to leave.
16:00He cannot leave that.
16:02He is helpless in that matter.
16:05Except for that one thing, he will be prepared to compromise on everything.
16:09He will stoop.
16:11He will change.
16:12He will bend.
16:16He can go left or right.
16:21He can switch languages.
16:28He can act juvenile for a while.
16:34He can be a little bit of everything.
16:37He can start from where the audience stands.
16:43He will have no definite personality of his own.
16:47At least he will try not to have.
16:52His need to wear a particular favorable personality
17:01would be smaller in comparison to others.
17:07Than his empathy towards his listeners.
17:17So he will not be hesitant
17:23in going to places
17:29that are generally
17:30considered off-limits.
17:47When truth is at the heart,
17:55then you will be able to see
17:59then you
18:01have very little need to hold on to anything else.
18:08All else then becomes negotiable.
18:16You cannot say
18:18your name please.
18:29Yeah, my name is Amrit Pandey.
18:32You cannot say I am Amrit
18:35and I am a serious fellow.
18:40Amrit being a serious fellow is something
18:43that keeps Amrit as Amrit.
18:47And that is the ego's need.
18:48Who is Amrit, a serious fellow?
18:52If Amrit needs to act chirpy and jovial
18:57for the sake
19:00of his audience,
19:03he must change.
19:06Change not in the internal sense.
19:09Change for his cause.
19:11Like one changes clothes.
19:14Do you keep wearing the same set 24 hours and 7 days?
19:20Different times, different places
19:24and different clothes, right Amrit?
19:27Similarly, your personality
19:32has to be very flexible.
19:39Your
19:41biases must be all disposable.
19:47There has to be only one thing important, the truth.
19:50All else can be done away with as and when the need arises.
19:58But unfortunately, we do not get too many examples
20:03of such empathy.
20:07And the general notion
20:10is that teachers carry a specific persona.
20:15If a teacher is particular about
20:18If a teacher is particular about
20:20the persona he carries,
20:22and I'm saying teacher here because
20:24that's where you are coming from, right?
20:26When you are trying to
20:28initiate a spiritual discussion,
20:30somewhere you are
20:32reaching
20:34in that domain.
20:39So teachers who necessarily carry
20:42a specific persona,
20:44I doubt
20:47whether they are of much use to their audiences.
20:52I understand that
20:54the personality cannot
20:57be fully offloaded.
21:00It is not something that you can actually
21:03take off
21:05like your shirt.
21:08But to whatever extent
21:10you can manage it,
21:13you must.
21:20Let me add one last thing to it, Amrit.
21:26To your words,
21:29people listen later.
21:36The first thing
21:38that they listen to
21:40is your empathy.
21:48They want to see
21:50whether your face
21:52and your eyes
21:54carry
21:56their pains.
22:03If your eyes
22:06contain not a bit of
22:08the pain
22:10that they live in,
22:14they will not be able to listen to you.
22:20Truth is not
22:22about lofty words
22:25and scholarly theories.
22:30Truth is first of all
22:34a deep desire
22:37to help.
22:43If they see that you want to help,
22:45they will listen.
22:48Then they will listen even if
22:50they are not able to make perfect sense
22:52of your words.
22:55In fact, then they may listen even if
22:57they are not able to make
23:00much of your words.
23:02Much of your words.
23:06But they will still listen.
23:08And they will even benefit
23:10without even understanding
23:12your words properly.
23:14They will still benefit.
23:18On the other hand,
23:21your words might be
23:23accurate.
23:26Your arguments might be perfect.
23:29Your erudition might be flawless.
23:33Yet you will find
23:35your words hitting
23:37an
23:39impenetrable
23:41wall.
23:47If you are not coming
23:49from a position of empathy
23:53and you will wonder,
23:55you will say everything
23:57about my words
23:59or logic or
24:01my entire discourse
24:03is close to perfection.
24:07Why am I not able to penetrate then?
24:14It's not knowledge
24:16that penetrates the other.
24:19It's love.
24:24Knowledge is love.
24:27It is a small thing.
24:29Very small thing.
24:39The world has
24:41not remembered scholars
24:43so much.
24:45They are given their due share
24:47of admiration and respect.
24:51It is the great lovers
24:53who become
24:55immortal in the heart.
25:01The saint
25:03is always above the scholar.
25:08And somehow the saint
25:10comes to know
25:12every bit of what the scholar
25:14knows.
25:23Love is a great teacher.
25:27Love will
25:29beget knowledge.
25:35However, it is not necessary
25:37that knowledge
25:39begets love.