Category
😹
FunTranscript
01:00yeah
01:08yeah
01:17Oh
01:30Hiya!
01:31Hi, Charlie.
01:32Oh, nice jacket.
01:33Yeah.
01:34Check it out, it's a beer.
01:35Morning, Charlie.
01:36Do you have a moment to give me a hand with the...
01:37Jane, you're going to have to stop me right there, mate.
01:38I've got a nine o'clock flirt scheduled with Claire, so can we pick this up after, yeah?
01:39Oh, hello.
01:40Oh, hello.
01:41Oh, hello.
01:42Oh, hello.
01:43Oh, hello.
01:44Oh, hello.
01:45Oh, hello.
01:46Oh, hello.
01:47Oh, hello.
01:48Oh, hello.
01:49Oh, hello.
01:50Oh, hello.
01:51Oh, hello.
01:52Oh, hello.
01:53Oh, hello.
01:54Oh, hello.
01:55Oh, hello.
01:56Oh, hello.
01:57Oh, hello.
01:58Oh, hello.
02:00Watch my flock.
02:01Fliere flierte.
02:02Fliere flierte.
02:03You're not Claire.
02:04No, I'm Ann.
02:05I'm covering for Claire while she's on holiday.
02:06Hey, how was your nine o'clock with Claire?
02:07Not good, Claire's not there, there's some new receptionist.
02:16Let me check this fishy out.
02:25Oh, yeah. Ooh.
02:27So what's the problem? Why don't you just flirt with her instead?
02:30I can't just rock up and start flirting with her willy-nilly.
02:33I've built up a rapport with the others. It's like with Susan.
02:36Flirting with her is like wearing a comfy pair of old socks.
02:39Isn't that right, Susan?
02:40Yes, Charlie.
02:41Well, Charlie, you need to get back on the horse.
02:43But to get back on the horse, first of all, you need to talk to the horse.
02:47Now repeat after me.
02:48You're the best.
02:49You're the best.
02:51You're the best.
02:52You're the best.
02:53You're the best.
02:54You're the best.
02:54You're the best.
02:55You're the best.
02:56You're the best.
02:57You're the best.
02:58You're the best.
02:59You're the best.
03:00You're the best.
03:01You're the best.
03:02You're the best.
03:03Now drink that.
03:04What is it?
03:05It's a cherryade.
03:11Confidence.
03:16No, still not glad.
03:25That's a funny story.
03:27Really?
03:28It wasn't actually meant to be a funny story.
03:32Really?
03:33Yeah.
03:34It's classic.
03:36It's brilliant.
03:39So, what happened in head office?
03:42Well, basically, last week I did quite a lot of overtime.
03:48Well, I did ten hours.
03:51But they only had me down as doing eight.
03:55Really?
03:56Yeah.
03:57Why?
03:58Well, there was obviously a mix up.
04:03Go on.
04:04So, I went to head office to go to speak to Sue.
04:08Yeah.
04:09Sue Johnson?
04:10Yeah.
04:11Oh, yeah.
04:12Brilliant.
04:13She's like the funniest person here after you.
04:14Really?
04:15Yeah.
04:16I actually find her pretty boring.
04:21No, I know Dave.
04:22Brilliant.
04:23Great value.
04:24So, anyway, we're going through the rotor and we realised that there'd been a mistake.
04:32And what...
04:35And what had happened was that last week I swapped over quite a lot of shifts with Shadiq.
04:40Shadiq?
04:42Yeah.
04:51Why?
04:52Why?
04:54Well, because I had a family function.
05:07Family function?
05:08Yeah.
05:11Oh, shit!
05:16Basically, the problem is, because we're both on emergency tax...
05:20Yes!
05:21They put our payslips into each other's pigeonhole.
05:44Wow, I so hope you couldn't write that.
05:49We should probably head in, I think.
05:51Oh, yeah.
05:52Oh, I love working with you.
05:55Hey, when we get back, will you tell me that one about, you know, when you swap phones, Harris?
05:59What, from 02 to Orange? That one?
06:05So...
06:09Well, let me introduce myself. My name is Gary Hall.
06:13And I'm going to be teaching you over the next two days how to become a rock star.
06:17OK?
06:18And one of the ways of getting to know you all, which I think is really useful,
06:22is finding out who your favourite bands are.
06:25Which band or bands do you love? Bands that you get excited about.
06:30OK?
06:31Start calling out some bands.
06:35Any bands?
06:36OK, well, I'll get the ball rolling.
06:38One of my favourite bands are a band called Nickelback.
06:42OK? So I'll write Nickelback down.
06:44Nickelback down.
06:47Nickel...
06:49...back.
06:50They're one of my favourite bands.
06:53Who are one of your favourite bands?
07:00Top Loader.
07:01Top Loader. OK, great. They're a good band.
07:04And they had a hit with the song...
07:09...Dancing In The Moonlight.
07:11So that's Top Loader. OK, any more bands?
07:13Just start calling out bands. Let's get a whole list going.
07:16Any band from the last 60 years?
07:18It doesn't even have to be your favourite.
07:21Start naming some bands.
07:23Steve, which band do you love? Which band gets you really excited?
07:29Top Loader?
07:32No, nothing from the board.
07:35OK, all right...
07:36Sopranos?
07:38The Sopranos? No, that's a TV show.
07:44OK, that's fine. Let's move on to another exercise.
07:49And what I'd like you to look at is this.
07:52Now, let's say this is the live venue.
07:54OK, now, Steve, do you want to stand up a second?
07:58Come on, jump on up.
07:59Steve, do you want to stand up a second?
08:02Come on, jump on up.
08:04Would you mark with a cross?
08:05Where do you think the lead singer would go?
08:07There's your audience.
08:08And there's your stage.
08:13Where do you think the lead singer would go?
08:16OK, no, that's not in the venue.
08:18So in the venue, that's your audience.
08:21There's the...
08:22No, that's your audience.
08:26So that's... Look.
08:27So let's say that's the drummer, OK?
08:29And there's your lead guitarist.
08:32And there's your bass guitarist.
08:34And there's your microphone,
08:36in which the lead singer would sing into.
08:38OK?
08:39Where do you think the lead singer would go to, Steve?
08:50OK, maybe have a sit down.
08:52OK, would anyone else like to come up and show me
08:54where they think the lead singer would go?
08:58Anyone else?
09:00Anyone at all?
09:04Caroline.
09:05Quantum of Solace.
09:10Quantum of Solace.
09:14No. OK, all right, let's take a break.
09:16Five minutes, and then you'll all get to try on
09:18a pair of leather trousers, OK?
09:21Don't run.
09:22Word on the street was that the countryside
09:24was the new city.
09:25So me and my two best friends will offer
09:27some well-deserved R&R.
09:29Excuse me, which way is the countryside?
09:32OK, thank you.
09:33Let's go!
09:53These streets are yours and mine.
09:59What's the ground made of?
10:01It's, like, not pavement.
10:15It's not push, yummy.
10:16Push.
10:17No.
10:18Like, you don't go anywhere if you push it.
10:20No!
10:21Push.
10:22I don't understand.
10:23How do we get in there?
10:24How were we in there before?
10:26I think I can fit through.
10:27Yeah, squeeze through.
10:29Push that way.
10:30No, I think you have to pull it.
10:31No.
10:32You have to pull it to get out.
10:33No, push!
10:34Yummy, you're squashing me!
10:35OK, right, this isn't happening.
10:37Hey, do you need any help?
10:51I've had a really nice time on your farm.
10:55So why didn't you stay?
10:58For dinner?
11:09Yes.
11:10Yes.
11:19What were you thinking?
11:22I guess I feel like things have moved, like, so fast.
11:26Like, I feel really close to you.
11:28But, like, I don't know anything about you.
11:31What do you want to know?
11:33I don't know, like...
11:35Like, what time do you wake up in the morning?
11:37Five o'clock?
11:40I don't know what I've done.
11:44Or if I like what I've become.
11:48I just feel so stupid.
11:50Like, just when you think, like, you know someone.
11:53Fools rush in where angels are feared to tread.
11:57Alexander Pope, 1709.
12:01Oh, shut up, Yummy!
12:02Like, what would you know?
12:03You're frigid!
12:04So what are you going to do?
12:06I don't know.
12:07I just know that I can't stay here.
12:09Like, I think I might be in bed or something.
12:11Like, his eye sometimes kind of goes like that a little bit.
12:14And is it just me, or does it seriously stink of shit around here?
12:17Next week on Young Dreams.
12:21I'm paid a surprise visit by an old flame.
12:23Oh, my God, piggies!
12:26Olivia finally gets her eyebrows waxed.
12:28Trust me, Olivia, that looks so much better.
12:31And Yummy joins an electro pop band.
12:37Fuck you!
12:43Well, I could get into that.
12:45OK, she's with the delivery guy.
12:47Come on, buddy, she's selling the package.
12:49Now move on.
12:50OK, he's leaving. Now's our chance.
12:51We need to be fast.
12:52Now, I'm going to be with you every step of the way,
12:54using these blue teeth.
12:56After we do the lines, you just repeat everything I say.
12:58Capiche?
12:59Yeah, yeah. Capiche.
13:00Shit's about to get real.
13:03You cunt.
13:06OK, now let's go for a dry run.
13:08Sally, you're looking good, and you rock my world.
13:10Sally, you're looking good, and you rock my world.
13:12Janice, you never fail to amaze.
13:14Janice, you never fail to amaze.
13:16Beautiful.
13:17OK, I'm approaching target.
13:19Right, let's go in for the kill.
13:20And let's start with something simple.
13:22Hey, how you doing?
13:23Hey, how you doing?
13:24Good, thanks.
13:27Ah, so you must be the new office pussy I've heard so much about.
13:31Mind if I give you a stroke?
13:33Yeah, you like that, don't you?
13:35I can tell you like tuna.
13:37I can smell it on your breath.
13:40Has anyone ever told you you have sad eyes?
13:43You've never really been loved, have you?
13:45Well, that's all about to change.
13:47Then maybe put a little collar on you,
13:49and then get you a lovely cardboard box,
13:51and stick it in the corner of my kitchen,
13:53so you can shit in it all day long.
13:56Now, how does that sound?
13:57How does that sound?
14:02OK, guys, so you've had your ten minutes.
14:04You've had time to think about your band.
14:06So let's start with you guys.
14:08How did you get on?
14:09Did you come up with a name for your band?
14:13A Leather Jacket.
14:15OK, cool.
14:17And what kind of music do a leather jacket play?
14:21Nickelback.
14:25Nickelback.
14:27OK.
14:28Nickelback.
14:30OK.
14:31And how about you guys?
14:33How did you get on?
14:34Did you come up with a name for your band?
14:36And what's the band called?
14:40Gary Hall.
14:42OK, that's my name.
14:47So you've decided to call your band my name.
14:52OK.
14:56OK, and what kind of music did Gary Hall play?
15:02A Leather Jacket.
15:04A Leather Jacket.
15:08So you're a Leather Jacket tribute act.
15:12OK.
15:13So you're a Leather Jacket, and you play Nickelback music,
15:18and you're Gary Hall, which is my name,
15:21and you play a Leather Jacket music,
15:23who are a Nickelback tribute band.
15:28OK, guys, let's take a break,
15:30and then when you come back, we can all get to try some of this.
15:45My name is Banksy, and I'm a street artist.
15:47Today we're up at silly o'clock,
15:49as the plan is to head off and do one of my street pictures.
15:53I say we as I'm taking my stepson, Daniel, along
15:56to show him a little bit about what it is that I do.
15:59Would you like to come with Daddy to do one of his street pictures?
16:03Piss off.
16:05OK, I'll leave you two here.
16:12Here he comes.
16:13Oh, look at the face on him.
16:17Come on, Robin, hop in the Batmobile.
16:20Would you like to do a pee-pee before we set off?
16:25OK.
16:26Shall we get you a Macadiz on the way?
16:28Do you like Macadiz?
16:30Yeah, I do.
16:31Yeah? OK.
16:33I finally won you over with Macadiz.
16:43Er, stencils.
16:45Oh, yes.
16:46It's 5.30am,
16:48and the reason we're in Hadleywood Industrial Estate
16:51is because this wall overlooks the A12,
16:54where you've got thousands and thousands of commuters
16:57passing through every day.
16:58Right, Daniel, do you want to hold the ladder?
17:00I've decided to do one of my wraps.
17:02Hopefully I'll get loads of exposure.
17:05Here we go.
17:06Give it a good shake like this, do you see?
17:10It's so easy, Daniel. Do you see?
17:13OK.
17:14So, I've done the body.
17:15Do you want to do the rat's head in the brolly?
17:19There you go.
17:20And hold it about 15 centimetres...
17:22No, further back, about 15 centimetres away from the head, Daniel.
17:26That's it, that's lovely.
17:28Can you tell me what the political message is?
17:31Rat race.
17:32That's right.
17:33And that's because I feel that in today's society,
17:36we're all living in a bit of a rat race.
17:39Oh, shit!
17:45Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
17:49Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
17:51Shit!
17:52That was too close for comfort.
17:53Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
17:55I just saw the sirens and my instincts just went
17:58and I just bolted out of there.
17:59Jill is going to go Narnas.
18:09She does not look happy.
18:11I feel dreadful, but Daniel is under 18
18:14and he'll probably get away with a slap on the wrist and a warning.
18:18At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to pay the bills
18:21and put a roof over our head.
18:23Oh, Jill, Jill.
18:31Looks like it's another night in the focus for me.
18:36Yo, what's up? My name is Switch.
18:38I'm a spoken word poet.
18:40And this one's called Injustice.
18:43Check it.
18:45If you go away for two weeks,
18:48why can't I use your bed?
18:50Mum and Dad, you ain't even using it.
18:52You've got your Maldives hotel bed instead.
18:54I need to sleep in there.
18:57You've got an All Regions DVD player
19:00and mine is so shit, I bought a DVD player.
19:03And mine is so shit, I bought a DVD from America
19:06and I can't even watch it.
19:08I won't smoke herb or have sex in there
19:10and if I do, I'll clean it up to be fair.
19:13You chose the bedrooms before I was born.
19:15I am forlorn.
19:16Is that how you choose to treat your spawn?
19:19You want me to feed cats and water plants
19:21but all I get is £20 in advance?
19:23That's less than minimum wage.
19:25I ain't no slave.
19:26You people taking me down to an early grave.
19:29And what's this bullshit about Gran coming to check up on me?
19:32Feisty.
19:39Right, Terry.
19:40Phil.
19:43What's with the earring?
19:45Oh, what, this?
19:46Yeah.
19:47Oh yeah, I've been doing some extra work
19:49on that stupid Pirates of the Caribbean movie, like.
19:52Oh, right.
19:53God, they've made a few of them now, haven't they?
19:54Oh yeah, they're dragging it right out.
19:56So what are you doing on it then, anything good?
19:58Nah, not really, nah.
19:59I was up in the rigging going oowah, oowah and all that.
20:02And I was happy doing that.
20:03The director came over, he goes, I love what you're doing.
20:06He goes, I want to create a part for you.
20:07Just like that.
20:08It's all right, innit?
20:09Yeah, it's all right.
20:10So what food they give you then?
20:11You've got a choice, basically.
20:12You've got burger and chips or pizza and salad.
20:14Can you get a nice bit of chicken?
20:15Nah.
20:16I bet old Johnny Watts' name can have chicken.
20:17Oh, don't even get me started about Johnny Depp.
20:20He's a nightmare, right?
20:21What are they?
20:22He's up at the catering table.
20:23He's looking at everyone's plate, you know,
20:25seeing who's had what,
20:26making sure they're finishing everything they've taken.
20:28What's it matter to him?
20:29That's what I said to him.
20:30I said, listen, Johnny.
20:31I said, why don't you just enjoy your dinner
20:33and stop bothering everyone else?
20:34Yeah.
20:35He goes, oh, well, I'm just in character.
20:36He goes, that's what Jack Sparrow would do.
20:38Oh, bollocks.
20:39That's what the catering lady says.
20:40She goes, he's like that on every movie he does.
20:42Nah.
20:43He's always by the T20.
20:44He's eyeballing everybody.
20:45So what was your scene then?
20:46Oh, some crap about a locket or something.
20:49There was magic or whatever.
20:50I wouldn't have minded, but it was another scene with Johnny Depp.
20:52Was that not a bit awkward after you were running with him at break time then?
20:55What do you think, Terry?
20:56Of course it was awkward.
20:57It was very awkward, actually.
20:58And he takes it all very, very seriously.
21:01But the thing is, it kept putting me off,
21:03because he's always got one eye on the catering table.
21:06Yeah.
21:07So did you have a sword fight at all, or what did you have to do?
21:10We had a little bit of a scuffle, yeah.
21:12Basically, we had to fight a sea monster.
21:14But the director said, oh, no, we're going to do it all in CGI.
21:17So he showed me a drawing of actually what the sea monster would look like.
21:20But in reality, we just had to fight a bloke with a fucking quilt over his head.
21:24Well, you know, that's how they do it all now.
21:25It's all computer, isn't it?
21:26That's exactly how they do it.
21:27Yeah, absolutely.
21:28Anyway, poor bloke.
21:29He's getting riot-pasted.
21:30Johnny Depp's fucking mad with him.
21:32He wouldn't hold back.
21:33Even after the director said cut, they had to pull him away.
21:37He was going nuts.
21:38He was screaming at him, and he was punching him and kicking him,
21:41and he started laughing and all that.
21:43Afterwards, he goes, oh, I was just in character.
21:46Bollocks.
21:47Bollocks, exactly.
21:48Are you going to stay in touch with old Johnny Depp?
21:50No, no, don't forget.
21:51I mean, I got a text from him this morning.
21:53Yeah.
21:54Like a group text or something.
21:55Something about a multi-pack of crisps had gone missing.
21:58He was doing his nut.
21:59I didn't even dignify it with a response.
22:01That's best not to be filmed, you know.
22:02Don't get involved.
22:03Nah, look, until he sorts out his issues, I don't want to work with him.
22:07Anyway, you can't only have a choice of pizza and burger every day for lunch.
22:10You go mad.
22:11And they say the movies are glamorous.
22:13Give me a break, Terry.
22:15OK, Taneer, you're first up.
22:17Step forward.
22:18There's the TV.
22:19OK, imagine you're in a hotel room.
22:20You're high on drugs.
22:21Step up and throw the TV out the window.
22:24That's it.
22:27Brilliant.
22:28OK, get back to the back of the queue.
22:30Here you go, Guy.
22:31Up you go.
22:32High on drugs.
22:33That's great.
22:35Well done, Guy.
22:36Steve, let me...
22:37OK.
22:38Take your time.
22:39There's no hurry.
22:42Brilliant, Steve.
22:43That's great.
22:44Well done.
22:45OK, that's it.
22:46Very nice.
22:47Just throw it out.
22:48Great.
22:49Back to the back of the queue.
22:50Steve, you've had a go.
22:51Just go to the back.
22:52Guys, no pushing in, please.
22:53Imagine you're in a hotel.
22:54You're high on drugs.
22:56That's really good.
23:00Rock and roll, Mark.
23:01Up you come.
23:02That's really good.
23:03Go for it.
23:05You don't want to do it.
23:06OK, that's fine.
23:07Guys, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to.
23:09If you're scared or anything like that, no.
23:11Rob, you need to take the TV.
23:13Take the TV up.
23:14Steve!
23:15Steve!
23:16Steve!
23:19That's really good.