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00:00If we win the league, we qualify for Northern Midlands Under-11s Cup in Birmingham.
00:05I'm on the bench.
00:06What? You can't put Malky on the bench for the league decider.
00:09I'm not on the bench!
00:11I'm going to tell you, eh? Put the connel on.
00:14The police, Tom, wants to try and speak.
00:16It looks to me like this poor man has been put under unbearable pressure.
00:20No, no, we're not going to have to abandon the match.
00:21I'll take over.
00:22It's a pure decision, Sandra, eh?
00:24A pervert or a pro.
00:26Terry, you're in.
00:27Yes!
00:28Malky, come on, you're going home.
00:31Yes!
00:35Bring on Northern Midlands Cup, we're off to Birmingham!
00:59Yes!
01:02Archies! Archies! Archies!
01:04We're going off to Birmingham, we're going to win the cup!
01:07We're going off to Birmingham and we don't give a...
01:10Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:12It was my idea, to be honest.
01:14My Malky's got to get used to that kind of thing.
01:16He's got to know how to hold the cup aloft and pass it round
01:20and accept the adoration.
01:23And for the other kids, it's a bit of a laugh, innit?
01:28BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:29BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:30BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:31BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:32BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:33BIRTHDAY PARTY
01:34Hiya, you all right?
01:35You doing all your pranks on WLOs?
01:37Yeah, go and have to move the vehicle, you cannot park here.
01:40No, I know. Actually, we just stopped for a pee break.
01:42We're moving now.
01:43Stop now!
01:44We've got to go.
01:45Drive off, drive off.
01:47It'll be all right, just avoid low bridges.
01:51Well, I suppose the parade was OK.
01:54Dad enjoyed it anyway.
01:55The only thing was, I miss Saturday cooks,
01:58so it sort of ruined my weekend.
02:04Can I have your attention, please?
02:06First of all, let's hear it for North Bolton Under-11 League Champions,
02:11Aspen United!
02:13The coach's job is a great opportunity.
02:16I mean, obviously, you know, I'm sorry for Tom, you know,
02:22but every cloud and all that, you know?
02:26Now, Northern Midlands Cup in Birmingham...
02:30Yes, Andrew, I'll take it from here, that's great.
02:32OK, so obviously...
02:33I think him having a stroke is probably for the best,
02:37not for the best, just maybe, you know, beneficial
02:41for the Ashes and Malcolm McConnell.
02:44And, you know, I think this could be the most important thing
02:47that's ever happened to me and Janice.
02:50I mean, apart from our first date, obviously.
02:58Which was...
03:01It was a curry, wasn't it? It was a curry.
03:03As the new coach, I'd like to say there'll be a few changes
03:06from the previous...
03:07Terry!
03:08I've done a new training...
03:09Hang on, Terry!
03:11Bolton v Bristol City.
03:13Oh, yes, lost 2-0.
03:15Referee, should have had a penalty.
03:17Referee just walked away, do you remember?
03:20I'm chairman, I pay rent around here.
03:22Technically, darling, it's Farrell Furyl.
03:24Yeah, not now, Vincent.
03:26And I haven't appointed a new coach yet,
03:29I'm interviewing tomorrow.
03:30You'll get your chance then.
03:31Hang on, chance?
03:33We won the league under me.
03:35You were in charge for ten minutes.
03:37Yeah, but when I took over, we were runners-up, yeah?
03:39Nowhere, best of the rest.
03:40Ten minutes later, we're league champions.
03:41Imagine what I could do over a season.
03:43We'll discuss this tomorrow.
03:45Well, I remember the day, I just...
03:47I'm sure we went for a curry afterwards.
03:49No.
03:50Turkish, we went for a Turkish.
03:51No.
03:52We smashed plates.
03:53No.
03:54Greek.
03:55We didn't.
03:56Now, Northern Midlands Cup in Birmingham,
03:58you'll be pleased to hear,
03:59Farrell Funeral Directors are funding the trip!
04:02CHEERING
04:10It's a pleasure.
04:11What are we here for?
04:14Chinese.
04:15No.
04:16Japanese.
04:17No.
04:18Malaysian.
04:19No.
04:20Korean.
04:21No.
04:22Ethiopian.
04:23No.
04:24Daddy, I think it's only fair to warn you
04:25that I shall be applying for the position of team coach.
04:27What, are you serious?
04:28Of course.
04:29As fitness coach, I am next in line.
04:31Look, Kaskar, I know football.
04:33It's a no-brainer.
04:35In which case, I think you will get the job.
04:40No, of course.
04:41This is a very happy occasion.
04:43But, lest we forget,
04:45there is one very important person missing.
04:47Oh, your five-brigade are on their way.
04:49I'll be here in a minute.
04:53Not four bellies.
04:55Tom Blackley.
04:57So, I think we need to show our appreciation
04:59for everything he's done for the team.
05:01Putting Malky on the bench and almost costing us the league.
05:03So, I'm going to pass the hat round.
05:05Please give generously.
05:07And Vincent, please give generously.
05:10Vincent and I will be happy to match you pound for pound.
05:14Do you know how many people we buried last month?
05:16Seven. Seven miserable stiffs.
05:18Pound for pound.
05:20Janice, Janice, Janice.
05:22Two peas in a pod.
05:24We are a team.
05:26Remarkable, really.
05:28If I have one tiny
05:30criticism of Sandra,
05:32it's that she does tend to spend
05:36everything I earn.
05:40So,
05:42we've raised
05:44£29.57
05:46and
05:48a lottery ticket.
05:50Very generous.
05:52Happy to match that.
05:54That's it.
05:56That's best we can do
05:58for top
06:00under-11s coach in Bolton.
06:02I agree with you, Sandra.
06:04I suggest we hold a
06:06fundraiser for Mr Blackley
06:09in order to show our full appreciation
06:11of his talent.
06:13That is an excellent
06:15and generous idea, Dr Casker.
06:17Janice is great at all these.
06:19Auction of promises. You'll do it, won't you, Janice?
06:21Yeah, she'll do it. Janice will do it.
06:23Thank you, Janice.
06:25I'd love to. Don't worry, Janice.
06:29Janice has offered to organise
06:31a fundraiser.
06:33Should be a great do.
06:39Oh, Tom.
06:41I know you want to coach
06:43and I'm sure you will again
06:45but not Birmingham. It's too soon.
06:51Tom, you can't speak and you can't move.
06:55Yeah, I know you can move your right arm
06:57but it's not enough.
06:59We need to go for a new coach.
07:01Dr Casker's volunteered.
07:03I mean, he's a fine
07:05gynaecologist
07:07but could he do a job for us?
07:09See, I'm tempted
07:11to go for Terry.
07:13Terry knows
07:15football. Terry's keen.
07:17Terry can be a bit biased
07:19for Malky but still, Terry's
07:21Terry.
07:23What do you reckon, Tom?
07:25Code three, ward six.
07:27Code three, ward six.
07:29I'm gonna go. Let's rest.
07:33Tom?
07:36Tom?
07:42You know, there is a concern
07:44that you will favour
07:46certain players over others.
07:48Yeah.
07:50You know, good ones over bad ones.
07:52Malky McConnell over a donkey.
07:54Basically, I favour winning.
07:56But you know, these are under-elevens
07:58we're talking about so everyone should
08:00get a chance.
08:02Well, not everyone gets a chance in life, do they?
08:04You need to be a brain surgeon as it happens.
08:06Oh, there you go, Terry. You sliced me up. There's a scalpel.
08:08Am I doing this right? Oh, where's all the blood coming from?
08:10He's had a cardiac arrest. Passed the trolley thing.
08:12I'm sorry, love. You're a widow. What happened?
08:14I don't know. I was just having a go.
08:16I mean, life's not like that. I don't get a go
08:18because I'm not clever enough and some of these kids
08:20aren't good enough.
08:22I hear what you're saying, Terry. I do.
08:24I'll let you know.
08:26Is that it?
08:28That's all I need.
08:30OK. Right.
08:34Boss.
08:36I wouldn't waste your time,
08:38Cascar.
08:40It's in the bag.
08:42Yes? You were in there for all
08:44of four minutes. Most impressive.
08:46Yeah, well,
08:48maybe that's all it takes.
08:50Yeah.
08:52What's your name?
08:54Jason.
08:56Jason Wilson.
08:58Jason Jason Wilson.
09:00Not heard of you.
09:02You've got your coaching badge.
09:04Sorry?
09:06Well, you won't even be considered unless
09:08your FA chart are approved. That's a given.
09:12Why is that important?
09:14Oh, no, fine. Let's just open
09:16the floodgates, let everybody in. Who cares
09:18if you're qualified or not?
09:20I don't understand.
09:22Mr Wilson, your mother's ready for viewing now.
09:24Oh.
09:26Oh, sorry, mate.
09:28It's the track suit.
09:30You know, you really should be wearing a suit.
09:32I mean, look at me. Look at him.
09:34We're not even grieving.
09:36You should show a bit of respect.
09:38Well, somebody should.
09:42Dr Cascar!
09:44I mean, I know he can be a bit of a pain,
09:46but Terry knows football.
09:48And Cascar
09:50Well, he's a gynaecologist.
09:52Mine, actually.
09:54And he is a very good one.
09:56But just because you know vaginas
09:58doesn't necessarily mean
10:00you know football.
10:02Sandra is a client.
10:04Actually, you know, I don't recognise
10:06my patients, really,
10:08outside of the surgery.
10:10When they are in my clinic,
10:12I am totally focused
10:14on their health,
10:16and I don't really care
10:18I'm totally focused on their
10:20condition.
10:22Funnily enough, I was originally
10:24going to be an ear, nose and throat man.
10:26But then I headed
10:28south.
10:30And not just for the winter.
10:32Home-baked
10:34lemon pie for one.
10:36Okay.
10:38Output fun size.
10:40I'll be in touch.
10:42Oh, God.
10:44At this rate, we won't be able to buy him a new bedpan.
10:46I know.
10:48Organising this fundraiser is so frustrating.
10:50Maybe you could make the next
10:52call, Debbie.
10:54I don't know.
10:56I'm a bit stressed. I think I need to go
10:58to the gym.
11:00Well, while you're there, can you ask him to
11:02donate something?
11:04Janice, I'm going to the gym to get some respite
11:06from this fundraiser.
11:08Oh, did you miss that?
11:10You busy?
11:12No, Terry.
11:14Running the biggest dealership in Bolton?
11:16Probably.
11:18Sorry? Probably the biggest dealership in Bolton.
11:20Well, if you ask me, it should be possibly or maybe.
11:22Gives me plenty of time
11:24to spend my days answering stupid questions
11:26like, are you busy?
11:28Good.
11:30You know, yeah, I am tough on Terry, but that is
11:32what he responds to.
11:34It's not personal.
11:36No, Jeff Inchcliffe, you know,
11:38his word goes a long way in the junior game.
11:40Yeah, so?
11:42Well, I wondered if you could ask Inchcliffe to phone Sandra
11:44and tell her I should be the new coach of the Ashes.
11:46Just that would mean a lot to me
11:48and Janice
11:50if I were to get this post.
11:52I used to go out with Janice.
11:54It was a long time ago.
11:56Yeah, a long time.
11:58Look, I'll call him, OK?
12:00Just, please, just go back to work.
12:02OK. Well, as soon as you make that call,
12:04that's me back down there working away.
12:06No, no, when you're back down there working away,
12:08then I'll make the call.
12:10No, it's just that I said I'd phone Janice after you've met...
12:12Just a minute.
12:14Steve Robson, how can I help?
12:16Hello, Mum.
12:18What?
12:22Oh, no.
12:26Yeah, OK.
12:28No, no, I'll be right over.
12:30It's my dad.
12:32He's had a heart attack.
12:34Oh, Steve, Steve, I'm sorry, mate.
12:38I've got to get to the hospital.
12:40Yeah, of course, yeah.
12:42Do you want to make the phone call now
12:44and get it out of the way?
12:46Then you can concentrate on your dad, you know, solely.
12:48No.
12:50Sorry, excuse me.
12:52Oh, dear.
12:54That's a kick in the bollocks, that, isn't it?
12:56He was just about...
12:58He was just about to ring.
13:00That's here.
13:02If it weren't for bad luck,
13:04I'd have no luck at all.
13:14Morning, Sandra.
13:16So, Terry, you want to take training this morning?
13:20Oh, is that your way of telling me I'm the new coach?
13:22No, it's my way of asking you to take training this morning.
13:24Oh, right, well, the answer's no.
13:26No?
13:28Yes, no, the answer's no.
13:30When you're ready to name me as a new coach, call me.
13:32Until then, get some other clown in to take training.
13:34Dr Kaskar, you're taking training.
13:36Oh, OK, I'll do it.
13:38Kindly get out of my way, please, Mr McConnell.
13:40Back off, Kaskar, I'd already agreed to do it.
13:42All right, I'm in.
13:44OK, Ashes, on the goal line, let's go.
13:46No, no, no, Ashes, centre circle.
13:48Ashes, stay on the goal line, please, with me on the goal line.
13:50Centre circle, we're going centre circle.
13:52Terry, please, stop getting in the way of the training.
13:54Don't push me, don't push me.
13:56Do you recognise this?
13:58No.
14:00Come with me.
14:02Vincent, you're in charge.
14:04Oh, for fuck's sake.
14:06Hiya, pop it.
14:10OK, Ashes, here's the plan.
14:12Now, Terry,
14:14if you want to be coach, you're going to have to learn
14:16to talk to a fitness coach.
14:18So you and Kaskar
14:20have got to find a way to work together, OK?
14:24I said OK, Terry.
14:26OK.
14:28If you want this team to be run by a lunatic,
14:30I wash my hands of the whole thing.
14:32Yeah, you'd better wash your hands after where they've been, eh?
14:34Well, let him go, Sandra.
14:36If you can't stand the heat,
14:38stay out of the training pitch.
14:40Listen, Terry,
14:42if you can't make this work with Kaskar,
14:44I promise you
14:46I'll have Vincent coach permanently.
14:48Who's got my ear? Who's got my ear?
14:50Ah!
14:52Is that a beautiful, smiling face of Mummy?
14:54It's me.
14:56Oh, no, I can see that now, yeah.
14:58It's got the legs and...
15:00Why don't you draw a picture of Dad?
15:02Hey, hey, can you believe that?
15:04Kaskar the groper, eh?
15:06Putting an end to my coaching career.
15:08I can't believe you started a fight in front of the kids.
15:10What were you thinking?
15:12You don't get anything without a fight in this life.
15:14Yeah, Malky needs to learn that.
15:16Just talk to Kaskar, will you, and work it out.
15:18Try something new, Terry. Be a human being.
15:20He's pissed on your chips.
15:22Blackley's daughter's just dropped this lot off.
15:2460 years of slides covering his entire life.
15:26She wants me to do a tribute to him now.
15:28Oh, there's him in his pram there.
15:30I don't want to nip her.
15:32Who's he yelling at?
15:34I think it's his mother.
15:36No, it's his dad, isn't it?
15:38Oh, dear. Give us a look.
15:42Are you ready to order?
15:44I will have chicken dansak, please.
15:48It's the same.
15:50Yeah, yeah.
15:52Are you sure? That might be a little too hot for you.
15:56Make it a vindaloo, please, Cockle.
16:00Likewise.
16:02And two cobras.
16:06So...
16:08I think I've come up with a solution.
16:10We take it in turns to coach.
16:12Obviously, with my experience, I will go first.
16:14First.
16:16And I promise to hand over the reins to you.
16:18You know, after a...
16:20reasonable period.
16:22So, are we eating at the Grenada?
16:24I think it's called the Royal...
16:26It's on all the chairs.
16:28Are you Tony Blair?
16:30Am I Mr Brown, waiting in the wings
16:32and waiting and waiting and waiting?
16:34No, I won't keep you waiting too long.
16:36Just, you know, a season or two, three tops, you know.
16:38Yes, of course.
16:40No.
16:42No, the solution is this.
16:44We both
16:46We both coach.
16:50Could work.
16:52I am the coach.
16:54You are the co-coach.
16:56Co-coach? No, no, no.
16:58That doesn't sound like coach.
17:00You can't have coach and coach.
17:02That is silly.
17:04Co-coach means coach.
17:06All right, then, well, I'll be the coach
17:08and you'll be the co-coach.
17:10Oh, my dear.
17:12Let's be reasonable.
17:14What does coaching mean?
17:16Well, they'll have a lot if it means assistant.
17:20Well, guess who I got talking to at the gym?
17:22Who?
17:24Only the manager.
17:26Oh, Debbie, thanks for doing that.
17:28Go on, what did he promise?
17:30What didn't he promise?
17:32Going out with him tonight.
17:34But did you get anything for the fundraiser?
17:36Not with you.
17:38Debbie.
17:40We have to get more exciting things to auction.
17:42Debbie, what about Steve Robson?
17:44He'd do anything for you.
17:46Don't be silly.
17:48He wouldn't.
17:50Got him wrapped round your little finger.
17:52It was a long time ago, Debbie.
17:54A long time.
17:56No, no, I'd be too embarrassed.
17:58Well, I don't mind going round to ask him.
18:00No, no, no, it's all right.
18:02I know it's OK. I'll go.
18:06Enjoying it, Teddy?
18:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:10Could be hotter.
18:14OK, so how about this?
18:18We are both co-coach.
18:22So I'm co-coach?
18:26And you're co-coach?
18:28Yes.
18:41Who's first co-coach?
18:46So, as of today,
18:48we have a new system.
18:50Two co-coaches.
18:52Myself and Dr Kaskar.
18:54I am first co-coach
18:56and Dr Kaskar is co-coach.
18:58But we are equal.
19:00Yeah.
19:02So, while Dr Kaskar puts the nets out and the cones,
19:04we'll do a few triangles.
19:06I beg your pardon?
19:08Sandra!
19:10This is impossible. He is impossible.
19:12I design.
19:16Hi, Joyce, love.
19:18I know you've been struggling a bit with the auction, so here we go.
19:20A ball?
19:22Signed.
19:24Oh, that's wonderful. Signed by who?
19:26Malky McConnell.
19:28Oh. No, that's a great idea.
19:30Get all the kids to sign it.
19:32No, no, no, only Malky sign it.
19:34I want it to be worth something.
19:36You must have been buying both the models now, yeah?
19:40With all the extras?
19:42Well, when can you come in?
19:46Janice.
19:48Steve, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.
19:50How's he doing?
19:52Ah, well, not so good, but, you know,
19:54he's a fighter, so...
19:56You'll send him a vest, won't you?
19:58Of course.
20:00You were always his favourite.
20:02So...
20:04Right.
20:06We're having a fundraiser for Tom Blackley.
20:08Ah, yeah, name it. What do you need?
20:10Free service, MOTs, spare set of tyres?
20:12Oh, well, they fit on his wheelchair.
20:16Hey, I'll put a call in to the Wanderers, yeah?
20:18Get them to donate some stuff.
20:20That'd be great.
20:22Oh, thank you, Steve.
20:24Any developments?
20:26Well, we're hoping
20:28there won't have to be surgery.
20:30Oh, right, your dad.
20:32Oh, right.
20:34No, well, that's a good sign, innit?
20:36But...
20:38No, Inchcliffe.
20:40Yeah.
20:42Yeah, I called him.
20:44He said he'll speak to Sandra.
20:46Oh, thank you, Steve.
20:48Thank you, thank you, thank you.
20:50Hiya, Janice.
20:52Hello.
20:54Well, you know,
20:56I'm happy, you know?
20:58Everything comes to he who waits,
21:00as the phrase goes.
21:02I mean, Inchcliffe's the clincher, really.
21:04Then I discovered
21:06Terry is...
21:08He is trying to enlist the help of this
21:10Hinchcliffe character
21:12to bend Sandra's ear.
21:14I mean, what's he going to say to Sandra?
21:16Oh, I recommend Dr Purve.
21:18No, he's not even heard of him, probably.
21:20There is a saying in India.
21:22The snake takes
21:24the shape of whatever it eats.
21:26Eh?
21:28I believe that is appropriate
21:30in this case.
21:34Possibly.
21:38I am not sure.
21:40It's a very good price.
21:42Mr Robson, very fair.
21:44But if you really want to close
21:46this deal, there is one
21:48other thing I require.
21:50Well, name it. Whatever you need.
21:56I would like
21:58you to talk to this Hinchcliffe.
22:00Get him to recommend me to Sandra.
22:02Uh, thing is, Dr Kasker,
22:04I've already spoken to Hinchcliffe
22:06about Terry.
22:08Do this and I will take the vehicle
22:10with the luxury package.
22:12And I am sure my wife would like
22:14the premium sound system.
22:16Cash or
22:18finance?
22:20I wish they'd make my mum coach.
22:22We should be around a bit more.
22:24I think my father should be the new coach.
22:26I think the team will benefit
22:28from his drive and discipline.
22:30I don't think my dad's really that interested.
22:32There's too much
22:34moving involved.
22:36I don't care who the f***ing coach is.
22:38At the end of the day, it is Jones
22:40the f***ing players.
22:42Ellie, girls don't talk like that.
22:44How many times have I got to tell you?
22:46I'm not a f***ing girl!
22:54Bloody hell.
22:56Is that all the decorations we've got?
22:58Yeah, that's all we've got.
23:00It's not much, is it?
23:04I know it's not much, Debbie.
23:06But it didn't have a lot of help.
23:08No, we didn't, did we?
23:12Janice has been under a lot of stress lately.
23:14Quite tense.
23:18I hope she's okay.
23:24Did you get a call
23:26from Hinchcliffe today?
23:28I did.
23:32Good, good, good.
23:34So when's the
23:36announcement?
23:38At the end of the evening,
23:40after the auction.
23:42Yeah, yeah, as it should be.
23:44Yeah.
23:48Did
23:50Mr Hinchcliffe
23:52Did Mr Hinchcliffe
23:54call you at all?
23:56He did.
23:58Good, good, good.
24:00And when will
24:02he be making the announcement?
24:04At the end of the evening,
24:06after the auction.
24:08Of course.
24:10Of course, as it should be.
24:12You know,
24:14ladies and gentlemen,
24:16sadly Tommy's not well enough to be with us tonight.
24:18But I know
24:20that he's here
24:22in spirit.
24:24And now Janice McConnell
24:26is going to take us on a
24:28slideshow journey of the life
24:30Tom Blackley once had.
24:32James? Yeah?
24:34Where's the projector for the slideshow?
24:36Was I meant to get that?
24:38Lock four,
24:40fun-sized lemon pie.
24:4250p there.
24:44Pound there.
24:46£1.50 there
24:48for the lemon.
24:50£2 for the lemon pie.
24:52£2.50.
24:54£3, any more?
24:56Any more for the lemon pie? Sold
24:58for £3.
25:00Lock 25,
25:02fun-sized lemon pie.
25:04£1.50 there.
25:06Lock 25,
25:08a football signed by
25:10Malcolm McConnell.
25:12£20.
25:14Any more?
25:16Ready.
25:20Thank you, Terry.
25:22Lock 10,
25:24a life-sized skull.
25:30Lock 14,
25:32a splendid
25:34barrel funeral director's
25:36urn. This is the deluxe
25:38version, unused of course.
25:40It's a
25:42jerk.
25:44Doll.
25:46Ladies and gentlemen,
25:48thank you for your
25:50support. We have
25:52raised for Coach Blackley
25:54Vincent as the biggest.
25:56It's £2.50.
25:58You're not matching it.
26:00No, we've had
26:02two funerals this month. Two?
26:04Well, I never bought a plywood coffin.
26:06Might as well throw in a skip.
26:08£2.50.
26:14Now, everyone,
26:16it's time to announce
26:18the name of the coach
26:20that will take us to glory
26:22in the North and Midlands
26:24Under-11s Cup in Birmingham.
26:26There have been two contenders,
26:28neck and neck throughout this whole process.
26:30And that is why
26:32in the end,
26:34my decision, some of you might think,
26:36comes just a little from left field.
26:40All the way from Lyon
26:42in France,
26:44via Ashburn High,
26:46where is the PE teacher,
26:48a big hand please,
26:50for our new coach, Raymond Mercier.
27:06Thank you all for that
27:08warm Bolton welcome.
27:10And I am looking forward to coaching your boys
27:12to victory in Birmingham.
27:16As we say in France,
27:18the journey
27:20of a hundred sardines
27:22is as long
27:24or as short
27:26as the journey of a great whale.
27:30CHEERING
27:34APPLAUSE
27:36Oh, Sandra,
27:38how come you went with Pinup Boy,
27:40as if we didn't know?
27:42I beg your pardon?
27:44You only chose Jacques Tati because he's good-looking.
27:46He may well be. It's of no interest to me.
27:48I was making a pure
27:50business decision.
27:52Right, maybe he's
27:54vaguely attractive,
27:56but he's not my type.
27:58I prefer the...
28:00Vincent look.
28:02I thought you said Inchcliffe
28:04phoned you? He did.
28:06And? He recommended
28:08Mercier. It's funny, really,
28:10cos up till then I was going with you.
28:14Oh, and you listen to Jeff Inchcliffe?
28:16Eh? What does he know?
28:22It doesn't matter who's coach.
28:24I mean, anybody can be a coach.
28:26It takes sperm
28:28to be a father.
28:30All I know is
28:32we're going to Birmingham
28:34and Malky is going to be the player of that tournament,
28:36whoever's shouting gobbledygook
28:38from the dugout.
28:40Malky's drive,
28:42his ambition, his obsession with football,
28:44that's in the genes.
28:46Where do you get those genes from?
28:48Nice sperm.
28:50Nice work.
28:56FOLLOW-US!