Panorama.S2014E45.Domestic.Abuse.Caught.on.Camera
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00:00Tonight, Panorama is on the front line of domestic abuse.
00:05Hearing from those whose lives have been blighted by abusive partners.
00:10My mind wasn't my own anymore.
00:12I was frightened. I was frightened of the police.
00:15I was frightened of him. I was frightened of everything.
00:18And the unseen victims, seldom heard.
00:21I always used to get scared about. I didn't know what he was going to do.
00:25So I ended up hiding in my room.
00:27Or in the wardrobe.
00:29If I mentioned it to anybody, they'd look at me as if I was mad.
00:34I'd have the black eye. That's not abuse.
00:37Others are held hostage by aggression.
00:41She can't leave. She might get killed.
00:45One in ten prosecutions now involves domestic violence.
00:49A challenge for all of us.
00:51We've talked a lot about domestic abuse in society.
00:54But we haven't got to that real understanding of what it is.
00:58We need to stop it now.
01:01It's a cold, wet Saturday night.
01:05Help me please.
01:08It's so cold.
01:11I want to get home.
01:13Oh, dear.
01:15Oh, dear.
01:17Oh, dear.
01:19Oh, dear.
01:21Oh, dear.
01:23Oh, dear.
01:25Oh, dear.
01:27Oh, dear.
01:29Help me, please.
01:30What's the problem?
01:32Help me.
01:33Yeah, what's the problem?
01:34Let me go tonight.
01:36All right, we'll get someone around.
01:37Help me.
01:38Please, help me.
01:43Two police officers respond to a remote farm cottage.
01:47Both officers have a new piece of kit,
01:50body-worn video cameras.
01:53Hello, Mr Gregory.
01:55Oh, hello.
01:57The husband answers the door.
01:59How are you?
02:00I'm fine, thank you.
02:01Can we speak to your wife, please?
02:04If you'll speak to you.
02:06His wife called 999 without him knowing.
02:10He's not keen to let them in.
02:12I'm cooking a meal at the moment.
02:14OK, that's fine.
02:15Is it OK if we just come in and speak to your wife?
02:18Do you want to speak to them, Dawn?
02:21The code was no, you don't want to speak to them.
02:24When Mike speaks to you like that,
02:26that means you're not allowed to, because nothing happened.
02:31But when the police go in, something had happened.
02:35Something terrible.
02:43Her injuries were the worst injuries I have ever seen
02:47on a living person in 18 years of policing.
02:50I am surprised that Dawn's alive today.
02:54Mike decided we'd have a special meal.
02:57I said to Mike, I would cook it, being as it was his birthday,
03:01no, you don't have to do that, I will do it.
03:05It was her husband's 76th birthday,
03:08but it became a twisted celebration.
03:13After ten years together, Dawn knew the signs,
03:16when things would turn ugly.
03:19It was like, he was different.
03:22He came over and, for some unknown reason,
03:25started punching me.
03:27And he was trying to strangle me, but I thought to myself, why?
03:31You know, I thought, just why?
03:33And he said, right, you sit down.
03:35And I had to sit down.
03:36It's your 76th birthday today.
03:39He put this toast and mushroom and everything in front of me
03:42and said, you'll eat that.
03:43And I thought, I've got to be able to swallow it.
03:48He just kept going to the kitchen, coming back,
03:51and he put his knee onto my chest.
03:54I was still sat in the chair and I heard my ribs crack.
03:57And then, the last time, he was really, really punching me,
04:01bearing in mind my ribs were broke.
04:05And I thought, this is it.
04:11Michael punched her repeatedly and tore out her hair,
04:15in an attack fuelled by false jealousy and rage.
04:19He kept punching me and saying people's names,
04:22people that I'd only sort of met slightly.
04:27He'd lost reality.
04:35A former police officer and criminologist,
04:38specialising in domestic homicide, watched the footage.
04:42Her head's been knocked around.
04:43She may be concussed.
04:45She's certainly probably in some amount of pain.
04:48But the amount of calm, you'd think that she perhaps
04:52was a witness to the violence, rather than the victim.
04:57Michael appears unconcerned.
04:59He didn't seem to even think he was doing anything wrong.
05:03In his mind, all he was doing was cooking me a meal.
05:08Near him, Dawn also appears calm, muted.
05:12Pretending that everything is normal
05:14is a coping mechanism she has learned, to keep the peace.
05:18Put another coat on.
05:19No, I'm not taking this coat.
05:22Is the car open?
05:22She will mirror what he is doing.
05:24She will try and remain calm to placate him.
05:28The chronic fear, the dread, is something
05:31that is part of her life.
05:33So she is able to remain calm.
05:35Sorry, we've never met before.
05:37I know, I know.
05:38What's going on this evening?
05:39I'm going to stay.
05:41Inside, the police tell Michael he's going to be arrested
05:44and to get his things.
05:47They try to keep him out of the bedroom where Dawn is.
05:50So Michael tells her to pack his bag.
05:54Can you talk me out of my night bag today?
05:55You've got me arrested again.
05:57No, she hasn't.
05:58Even then, he was putting the onus upon Dawn
06:03to get his medication, his personal effects ready.
06:07Can you get that white bag out and talk to somebody?
06:09Even badly injured, she dare not disobey.
06:13Sprays?
06:14Sprays.
06:15Yeah?
06:16Some sprays.
06:17Tissues?
06:18Tissues.
06:19Is that enough tissues, is it?
06:20Yeah, yeah.
06:21I don't know how I was doing it.
06:22I managed to get up from the chair.
06:24I was on an automatic because even though the police were there,
06:27I still had to do as I was told.
06:29Michael's been arrested twice in the last eight days
06:32for attacking Dawn.
06:34Who caught you?
06:35OK.
06:36Who caught you?
06:37We were told that there was...
06:38But now he's getting upset and angry.
06:40Michael, Michael, come on.
06:42No, you get me arrested again, I'm going down this time.
06:44Come on.
06:45That's what you want, isn't it?
06:47Michael.
06:48This must be a 76 party.
06:49OK.
06:50OK.
06:51I love her like hell.
06:52Come out to the car with me.
06:54Come on.
06:55She just wants me locked up.
06:57Come on.
06:58She do.
06:59You don't love me.
07:00What you want is here.
07:02It is often asked, why doesn't she just leave?
07:05Look how many times he's been arrested.
07:07Look how many times he's hit her.
07:10And all of these questions make the assumption
07:13that she has choice in any of these things.
07:16When somebody is controlled, that's exactly what it is.
07:22Those choices are taken away.
07:24She can't leave.
07:26She might get killed.
07:29All abusers prey on vulnerability.
07:32Michael charmed his way into Dawn's life
07:34after her first husband left her.
07:37He would be just everything you, well,
07:41you hadn't had for so many years.
07:43He made you feel alive again, a woman again,
07:47and you've got a purpose in life.
07:52It didn't last.
07:55It didn't last.
07:57Michael picked their home, an isolated cottage.
08:01It became Dawn's prison.
08:04And he set the rules.
08:06I couldn't speak to people as I wanted to.
08:10You're not allowed to even say hello to your next-door neighbour.
08:15I wasn't allowed to collect my post.
08:18I had to go to bed when he said.
08:21I used to have to ask permission to even go to the toilet.
08:26We wasn't allowed to use the telephone after nine o'clock.
08:30He'd come in in a rage, and it was a rage.
08:33Why did you pick up that phone?
08:35We're supposed to be doing everything together.
08:37And it was always emphasised, together.
08:40Then it would be a punch.
08:43And I knew then it was my fault
08:47because I shouldn't have picked up the phone.
08:51Dawn's ordeal reveals the reality
08:54of what some experts call intimate terrorism.
08:58The use of non-violent tactics underpinned by violence
09:02to totally dictate a partner's behaviour.
09:07She hadn't been living, as far as I'm concerned.
09:11Not from what I know now of that relationship.
09:17What Dawn was doing was, she'd been surviving.
09:21This sort of coercive control
09:24could soon be made a new criminal offence.
09:27The aim would be to stop and punish non-violent abuse.
09:32Most of the behaviours that make up coercive control
09:35are not on their own, or even together, against the law.
09:39If we start recognising the control,
09:42we might be able to start preventing future deaths.
09:48Under a constant onslaught of fear and violence,
09:51Dawn's self-worth and free will were gradually broken down.
09:55What abusers of this type demand is abject devotion.
10:00And practically everything she does
10:02will be a test of that devotion for him, and that will be her life.
10:06And that is the way that she will behave all the time.
10:13Women can be violent or controlling, too,
10:16and same-sex relationships can be abusive.
10:19Too often, domestic abuse against anyone
10:22is only tackled once someone is hurt.
10:25But the hidden reality is no less destructive.
10:30You're stripped of everything. You're stripped of your dignity.
10:33Every day, I was walking on eggshells, all the time.
10:37Some men want to have sex,
10:40some men want to have what they want at any given time,
10:43and they're prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.
10:46The underlying principle that unites them all is the same,
10:50and that's control.
10:52All couples go through arguments,
10:54but this is a different thing altogether.
11:01I'm going to call it this, distorted perspectives.
11:04So, humiliation, degradation.
11:08These women in a support group
11:10lived in relationships distorted by coercive control,
11:14with partners who were private abusers and public charmers.
11:18And the family...
11:19Wow, I wish mine was like that. You're so lucky.
11:22It also comes from other people going,
11:24but it's really nice, wow, what a great person.
11:26Behind closed doors, it was a different story.
11:29Just mad you spit on me.
11:31I could handle a black eye, I could handle anything.
11:34Just don't humiliate me.
11:36Have you noticed there's no violence here yet?
11:38They control you so well, it's the fear.
11:40Or they do one thing early on, so you have that fear,
11:43so the rest of the time you do do what is asked of you.
11:46So it's kind of like about brainwashing.
11:48The list of controls the trainer Jo is using
11:52isn't from a leaflet about domestic abuse.
11:55It actually comes from a list of methods
11:58used to force submission in communist prison camps.
12:01Do you still feel stupid that you didn't see it?
12:05Because I don't think you should.
12:07In fact, what I think you should feel is actually,
12:09God, I lived that and I got out of it and I'm sitting here
12:12and you should still be very proud of yourselves.
12:14I feel proud of myself.
12:15Because that's really tough to get through.
12:24Jade did the same course after escaping an abusive relationship
12:28that lasted nearly two years.
12:31I was a broken woman when I went in there.
12:34I looked at the floor.
12:35There's no way I could look people in the eye.
12:37I crawled into the place.
12:41She was cut off from friends
12:43and her partner controlled all her money.
12:46But she rationalised his behaviour to herself
12:49and to the outside world
12:51because actual physical violence was rare.
12:54I was brainwashed,
12:56not knowing when the next firework was going to go off,
13:00whether I'd cooked the dinner right,
13:02whether I'd cleaned the floor properly.
13:06What do you think?
13:08Shall we?
13:09I was still walking down that road with my head held high.
13:12No.
13:14Although I was crumbling inside,
13:16if I mentioned it to anybody,
13:18they'd look at me as if I was mad.
13:22I didn't have the black eye, that's not abuse.
13:25It was caring.
13:26So why would I want to leave?
13:29Coercive control and violence feed off each other.
13:34Control has been found to be more correlated with homicide
13:38than violence on its own.
13:40It is the control itself
13:42and that obsessive sort of psychology in the abuser
13:45that is the really dangerous factor.
13:48There are some homicides that occur
13:51that have no history of violence at all, for example.
13:59Across the country, 100,000 people are believed to be at high risk
14:03of serious harm or murder from domestic abuse.
14:07Many live in knife-edge relationships
14:09with potentially violent partners.
14:12Last year, nearly 80 women were killed by their partner or ex-partner.
14:18Coercive control is used by people
14:23who have a complete dependence on the person they are controlling.
14:28We think it's the woman who is dependent,
14:30but more often, more normally,
14:33it would be that the man, actually, is dependent on her
14:36and he cannot foresee or cannot cope with the relationship ending at all.
14:46Any attempt to break away risks crossing the danger line.
14:51I'd seen an advert in a shop window.
14:53They wanted volunteers for a charity shop.
14:56I'd memorised the number and I thought to myself,
14:58I really want to do that. It would get me away from him.
15:04But Michael wanted Dawn to himself.
15:06Her volunteering a day and a half a week became an act of rebellion.
15:13After his arrest, Dawn discovered just how far Michael was prepared to go
15:17to exert his control.
15:20His birthday attack was pre-planned.
15:24On the day he assaulted Dawn, Michael had been to see her shop manager.
15:29I was in the shop one morning and he came in.
15:32He seemed his usual self, quite happy.
15:34He said, I've just come to tell you that Dawn can't come in
15:37for the next couple of weeks.
15:40Linda realised the truth after the attack.
15:44I thought, you know, oh, my God, that was after he spoke to me.
15:51The nice, friendly guy was planning on going home and beating his wife.
15:57That staggered me.
16:00Michael was planning both to cover up his attack
16:03and make it impossible for Dawn to go back to work.
16:07Tonight he kept beating up my face.
16:10OK.
16:11Because I was so near to going back to work.
16:13He knew I was going to go back to work.
16:16I can't... I feel dirty.
16:18I just want him to stop hitting me.
16:22I was frightened. I was frightened of the police.
16:25I was frightened of him. I was frightened of everything at that point.
16:29Too afraid even to go to the hospital.
16:34He will be at the police station while you're looked at at the hospital.
16:37We need to get those injuries, especially your eye.
16:41And with good cause.
16:43Hampshire police also filmed this incident a week earlier.
16:47Dawn reported she'd been hit in the face but refused to give a statement.
16:52In the last eight years, Michael has been in prison twice
16:55and in court seven times accused of criminal damage
16:59and crimes of violence against his 60-year-old wife.
17:05Dawn's diary records she was hit nine times in the face.
17:10She was in one three-month period.
17:16And Dawn knows that calling the police risks making the next beating worse.
17:22I thought to myself, that will be the end of me.
17:25He'll know it's me and I will pay the price
17:28and the price will be him actually finishing the job.
17:33Dawn is understandably reluctant to give evidence against her husband.
17:38He thinks it's fine to keep beating up.
17:41Why will you not give me a statement?
17:43I can't. I abide by the rules.
17:46You're not going to keep going through this.
17:49I'm arresting you on suspicion of assault, occasional or actual bodily harm.
17:52She's not giving us a statement, OK?
17:54So, Michael, Michael...
17:56No, you get me arrested again, I can go on doing this.
17:58Come on.
17:59I'll follow you.
18:02When Dawn finally agrees to go to hospital,
18:05Hampshire police officers stay with her.
18:09The evidence of Michael's previous assaults
18:11are written in bruises all over her body.
18:15Are you adamant you won't give us a statement?
18:18What's it going to get? Beating up again?
18:21Well, no. What I want to do is put him in prison.
18:26After almost four hours, she gives a statement.
18:31I'll do it now and get it over with.
18:33OK.
18:34What they got on the camera, they could actually see the pain.
18:38Nobody could sort of contradict anything
18:41because we had the proof this time and that sort of gave me strength.
18:45Michael has since been jailed for ten years.
18:48The police were brilliant.
18:50You know, I was hostile, I know that, I was confused and everything.
18:55But nationally, the police response to domestic abuse
18:58has not always been that understanding or successful.
19:04Thousands of victims are being failed by police forces
19:08across England and Wales, according to a new report.
19:11The HM Inspectorate Constabulary strongly criticised
19:14the response from police forces,
19:16saying they reveal alarming and unacceptable weaknesses.
19:216-3, over.
19:26Police forces, like here in Essex, are trying to regain ground.
19:30This is the battle line.
19:32Your partner's just opened the front door.
19:34What's he doing now?
19:36Domestic abuse is a huge part of their workload.
19:40We've got a conduct of harassment against her.
19:42She's obviously a high-risk domestic victim.
19:4590 calls in this one county are about domestic abuse every day.
19:53Across the country, the police are called every 30 seconds
19:57to domestic abuse incidents.
19:59They account for a third of assaults with injuries.
20:02And at least one in four women report an experience of domestic abuse.
20:11We're just trying to stop this abuse from happening.
20:14It's always difficult because a lot of the time,
20:16the suspect is still on the scene as well.
20:19The cameras that help Dawn could become a significant tool
20:23in the police response to domestic abuse.
20:26Hampshire Police and Essex Police have both been piloting their use.
20:31They are a fantastic way of capturing incidents
20:36and showing on occasions the seriousness,
20:42sometimes the confusion, of an incident.
20:46First results suggest that officers wearing cameras can help.
20:50They can build a case, even without a victim,
20:53They can build a case, even without a victim,
20:56giving a statement.
21:00This isn't just about couples.
21:03130,000 children are believed to be at significant risk from domestic abuse.
21:09The extent to which they get damaged in the crossfire needs to be recognised.
21:14Abusive men will use children to try to destroy the relationship
21:19between a mother and her child by any means possible.
21:22Domestic violence is about control.
21:24What better way to control someone?
21:30In Manchester, Rachel had two children
21:33and was in a violent and controlling relationship for 25 years.
21:39At his worst, her husband demanded to know where she was all the time.
21:44She couldn't leave.
21:46Andrew would threaten my children, saying that he would find me.
21:52I completely believed that he would kill one of my children.
21:56Their son, James, suffered most.
21:59I'd go, right, that's it, I'm leaving.
22:01And he'd go, James, if you're staying with me,
22:04she can go where she wants to, but you're staying here.
22:08And he'd be holding onto his arms going,
22:10go and tell her she needs to say sorry and that she's not going to go.
22:15Say sorry, Mummy, because we can stay then.
22:20Megan, now nine, lived in a climate of fear for more than half her life.
22:26Panorama took extensive specialist guidance before filming her.
22:31Her school and the police are aware she's taking part.
22:36I always used to get scared.
22:38I didn't know if it was going to start hitting again.
22:41I didn't know what it was going to do, so I ended up hiding in my room.
22:44Or in the wardrobe.
22:47Megan tried to help her mother.
22:50I was shouting to them, stop, stop, stop,
22:53why can't you just both say sorry to each other and stop the fight?
22:58But Andrew didn't listen to any of us.
23:01And Megan had to endure her father's total rejection.
23:06You used to shake her a bit and call her a little bitch.
23:08You're a little bitch, you, aren't you?
23:10Take after your dad, because you obviously don't, you're not mine.
23:14Rachel's husband sought to control her and her then-teenage son, James,
23:19by threatening Megan.
23:21Me and James decided that the best way was, with Megan, was to guard her.
23:27And if that meant taking the beating for protecting her,
23:30then that's what we did.
23:32And she endured repeated attacks.
23:36Megan sat on the bed and she's crying.
23:38He starts hitting us with the doorknob.
23:41And so what I did was I climbed over the top of Megan.
23:44So you curled around that person and you're protecting them fully
23:48with basically your life, because you think, well, if he kills me,
23:51he's not going to get through to her.
23:53I'm going to make sure she's not killed with me.
24:02Early in their relationship,
24:04Dawn's children from her first marriage were also at risk.
24:08I wanted to be with my children, but at the end of the day,
24:11wherever I went, he would find me.
24:13And I thought to myself, well, he knows everything about me.
24:17I could run, but I can't hide.
24:21I was so exhausted with what he was doing to me and everything else,
24:25I thought, no, it's not fair to them.
24:28Dawn eventually allowed her younger children to be taken into care.
24:33Some women will allow their children to go into care
24:36and that might not make any sense to us,
24:38but it makes sense to them because they know if they don't have
24:41the ability at the moment to end that relationship,
24:44at least they can find a way to keep their child safe.
24:48Just two days after Dawn's children were taken,
24:51it was Mothering Sunday.
24:53Michael planned a special day, a picnic at this local beauty spot.
24:58But it soon turned sour.
25:00I thought to myself, there's no-one around.
25:02He did start hitting me and he just kept hitting me and hitting me.
25:07It was perfect again.
25:09Even though I was with him, I was isolated.
25:13She hasn't been back until now to face the echoes of that day.
25:18Even though Mike's no longer here, it's as though sometimes he still is.
25:25I've got a pain coming in my chest and I think that's him
25:29because it's brought me back here and I can actually feel that
25:33when he broke my ribs, it's actually hurting again like it did.
25:39But women do survive and escape, like Dawn, Rachel and Jade.
25:45Like most of the women Panorama spoke to,
25:48she only escaped with help from a specialist charity.
25:53I owe them my life, really.
25:55I'm still living with the effects of abuse every day,
25:58but I'm different, I'm a different person.
26:01I've learned to live with it.
26:03I've learned that actually it's not my fault.
26:07Now she is working at the same charity,
26:10as a support worker helping other women.
26:13That was my life then, this is my life now.
26:16I still look over my shoulder.
26:18I still worry about, just in case,
26:21I was to bump into my ex-partner.
26:27But I learned to live with it.
26:30People need help and an exit plan
26:33to safely escape obsessive and jealous partners.
26:38Leaving isn't the end. It's not the end.
26:42Every week, he'd send me letters, he'd email, he'd phone,
26:46even though I changed my mobile phone,
26:48even though I changed my mobile number.
26:50Hopefully he's learned by now that if he does something,
26:53that I am going to react with the place.
26:57Rachel has had to move three times,
27:00but Megan is happier in their new home.
27:03I said, is Dad going to be here?
27:05And she said, no.
27:07And I said, we're good.
27:09It feels better without him being around and not hitting anybody.
27:15Domestic abuse is everyone's problem.
27:18I think we turn a blind eye to it.
27:20We pretend it's not as serious as it is,
27:23because we don't want to face up to the fact
27:26that women are dying and children are living in fear.
27:29I've done this role for 30 years
27:31and I don't want to continue to listen
27:33to those five-year-old girls sitting at the top of the stairs, scared.
27:37I don't want to listen to any more women
27:39talking about being scared.
27:41We need to stop it. We need to stop this issue now.
27:44And we can, if we understand what domestic abuse is
27:47and we are willing to act.
27:52Dawn is rebuilding her life.
27:54She says she now has a good relationship with
27:57and frequently sees her children.
27:59The damage doesn't go away.
28:01I don't think it'll ever go away.
28:03They say time heals, but I don't think it ever heals.
28:07He tried to destroy everything that was beautiful,
28:11but he can't achieve it.
28:13I've got to rise above that and just get on with it
28:16and keep coming back to the places I love
28:19until I get him completely out of my mind.
28:27If you've experienced domestic abuse,
28:29there are a number of ways to get help.
28:31You can go to our website,
28:34If you've experienced domestic abuse,
28:36there are organisations that can help.
28:38Log on to the BBC Action Line
28:40or call 08000 560 780 to hear recorded information.
28:46Lines are open 24 hours a day.
28:48Calls are free from most landlines.
28:50Some networks and mobile operators will charge.