• 2 months ago
Remington Steele S03E11

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TV
Transcript
00:00What do you call that?
00:02Butch Beans.
00:04Trash!
00:06Degrading to women, degrading to the human race.
00:08That's a lot of degradation.
00:10Stare deeply into my lumbent eyes,
00:12and then probe me.
00:14And probe me.
00:16Don't you ever think of anything but sex?
00:18Not if I can help it.
00:20Butch is interested,
00:22and you may have to deal
00:24with his possible complicity in this case.
00:26Whoo!
00:28Whoo!
00:56Whoo!
01:26Whoo!
01:56Right.
01:58Right.
02:18Twelve minutes to midnight.
02:22Twelve minutes to midnight.
02:26Okay.
02:30One if I land.
02:34I see.
02:40Midtown Park.
02:42Midtown Park?
02:56Yeah.
03:10416 Commerce Street.
03:12I'm beginning to wonder,
03:14is this gonna be a case or a scavenger hunt?
03:16You promised Mr. X we'd mate with him.
03:18Yes, well, any man who calls himself Mr. X
03:20deserves to be stood up.
03:26Come on.
03:42All very mysterious.
03:44My stock in trade, Miss Holt.
03:48Mr. X, I presume?
03:50Well, yes.
03:52I was certain
03:54since I'd made those credit card commercials,
03:56everyone would recognize me.
03:58Of course.
04:00Richard Laidlaw.
04:02Three-inch mystery novels
04:04with three-word titles.
04:06The Laidlaw logo.
04:08Once around the slum, Mr. Steele.
04:16I'm president
04:18of the American Mystery Writers Guild.
04:20I don't mean to spoil your ending,
04:22Mr. Laidlaw, but why hold a mystery tonight?
04:24Someone's embezzled
04:26our guild treasury.
04:28Nearly a million dollars.
04:30So you call the police?
04:32No police. Laidlaw's law.
04:34Embarrassed.
04:36They're mystery writers,
04:38and they can't solve the crime.
04:40Scratch embarrassed. Try discouraged.
04:46A million dollars is quite a treasury
04:48for a guild of mystery writers.
04:50Last year,
04:52it was $312.43.
04:56A few months ago,
04:58an old-timer, Gil Fox,
05:00hadn't sold a book in years,
05:02suddenly got a seven-figure offer
05:04for film rights
05:06to a series of sci-fi novels
05:08about a Martian
05:10who works for a small-town police force.
05:12Stuff of epics, isn't it?
05:14The night Gil Fox signed his contract,
05:16he died.
05:18How?
05:20Heart attack.
05:24Fox willed his money to the guild
05:26to tear down our old Victorian,
05:28buy the lot next door,
05:30and build a proper headquarters
05:32for our organization.
05:34Now, the will was probated.
05:36The money paid into the treasury.
05:38A day later,
05:40it was taken out again.
05:44Six separate checks,
05:46each one signed
05:48by one of the members
05:50of the board of directors.
05:52Forgeries?
05:54I mean, if you were all in on the embezzlement,
05:56you wouldn't be hiring us, would you?
05:58Good point, Mr. Steele.
06:04The checks were all made out to cash
06:06and deposited in a Swiss bank account.
06:08Untraceable?
06:10What else?
06:12Imaginative.
06:14We're not selling authors.
06:16You'd think they'd be too well-heeled to embezzle.
06:18They're the only ones who knew about the million dollars.
06:20It hadn't been announced to the general membership yet.
06:22So, if we're going to catch the forger,
06:24we have to get samples of each one's handwriting.
06:26Mm-hmm.
06:28And we have to do it in a cunning, imaginative way.
06:30Oh, yes. This is our chance for immortality.
06:32We solve the case
06:34by a bold, brilliant ploy,
06:36and they all write books about us.
06:38There's only one problem, Mr. Steele.
06:40We don't have a bold, brilliant ploy.
06:43You've got 30 minutes, Laura.
06:50Bennington Steel Agency,
06:52fully conscious of the unique honor
06:54you've bestowed upon us,
06:56will devote its fullest energies
06:58to your every need.
07:00Thank you very much. Oh, and finally,
07:02we at the Steel Agency
07:04are your avid fans,
07:06so if you don't mind
07:08during the social hour,
07:10staff will pass among you with copies of your books.
07:12Thank you very much.
07:16Most people say
07:18I look much younger than this picture.
07:22Yes, yes, yes.
07:24Ages, ages.
07:30What do you call that?
07:32Do-it-yourself orthodontia.
07:34That's Butch Beamis.
07:36The Chip Sledge series.
07:38Trash.
07:40Illiterate, chauvinist trash.
07:42Degrading to women,
07:44degrading to the human race.
07:4618 million copies
07:48worldwide.
07:50That's a lot of degradation.
07:52But some time ago,
07:54before the embezzlement,
07:56he was trying to float alone on his bull ranch.
07:58Ah, raises bulls, does he?
08:00Wrestles them.
08:04All right.
08:06Let's go through this again.
08:08You used to be an FBI agent, Mr. Grimm?
08:12And he put you in Leavenworth,
08:14Mr. Nussman?
08:16Call me Alfie.
08:18Call him plagiarist.
08:20Frankly, Miss Krebs, your agency...
08:22Krebs!
08:24Thank goodness.
08:26Your agency is going about this all wrong, Miss Krebs.
08:28There's your culprit.
08:30That man has a history of theft.
08:32Who?
08:34He probably needs to steal money, too.
08:36How are sales, Grimm?
08:38Don't worry about me, Miss Krebs.
08:40But the only top-ten list
08:42Nussman ever made was labeled wanted.
08:48Had I but known, Mr. Steele,
08:50on this fair autumn morn,
08:52destiny would bring us together.
08:54I was very distressed to hear, Miss Cooper...
08:56Columbine.
08:58I was very distressed to hear
09:00about your problems with the tax people.
09:02How much do they claim you owe them?
09:04You're going about this all wrong, Mr. Steele.
09:06Oh, really?
09:08If you suspect me of nefarious deeds,
09:10I suggest you take a leaf
09:12from Rodney Van Dyke.
09:14Rodney Van Dyke.
09:16The dark, brooding, but beneath it all
09:18tender hero of my latest gothic
09:20lust's lovely lassitude.
09:22You must pull me
09:24to your manly chest,
09:26stare deeply into my
09:28lambent eyes,
09:30and then probe me,
09:32and probe me,
09:34and probe me relentlessly.
09:38Oh.
09:40Very busy, Miss Cooper, you know.
09:42Hours to go before one sleeps and all of that.
09:44Had I but known.
09:50If I were you,
09:52I'd question Pamela Johns.
09:54She may write those dry English mysteries,
09:56but they do say that for years
09:58she had a secret affair
10:00with Gil Fox.
10:06Would you be, Miss?
10:08Kiss me to a pulp.
10:14Sounds right.
10:16Trade?
10:18You bet.
10:26Myself and Gil Fox.
10:28Not that I can remember.
10:30And I do try
10:32to remember all my lovers.
10:34Gives a bit more meaning
10:36to the experience, does it?
10:38I was frightfully sorry to read about you
10:40on the Crime of the Month Club.
10:42What was that?
10:44They turned down your latest novel
10:46in favour of the memoirs of that
10:48Hollywood mogul?
10:50If you're trying to find
10:52the embezzler, and I assume you are,
10:54you're going about it
10:56all wrong.
10:58I am?
11:00You should be questioning
11:02the other beneficiary of Fox's will.
11:04I didn't know there was another
11:06beneficiary.
11:08Sloppy work, Steele.
11:10I'd never let one of my detectives
11:12overlook something like that.
11:14Reality can be a dreadful letdown.
11:16Who was the other beneficiary?
11:18A neighbour of Fox's, Maxi Delano.
11:20He was meant to get 100,000.
11:22The Gil, the other nine.
11:24I suspect he felt short-changed.
11:46If I let my private eye
11:48do what you're doing,
11:50my readers will barf.
11:52I beg your pardon?
11:54Eavesdropping on the extension?
11:56Amateur night, baby.
11:58Might I remind you, Mr. Bemis,
12:00that you people are under scrutiny,
12:02not I.
12:04And I got the distinct impression
12:06from that phone call that you've lost
12:08a lot of money financing a television series
12:10that's going to be a hit.
12:12I'm afraid so.
12:14You've lost a lot of money financing
12:16a television series based on your books.
12:18Well?
12:20You wouldn't be such a bad-looking broad
12:22if you did something with your hair
12:24and your makeup.
12:26Why don't you stick to what broads are good for?
12:28You not only
12:30look like a Neanderthal,
12:32you think like one.
12:34Right.
12:36Oh!
12:38Well?
12:44May I have your autograph?
12:50Chief?
12:52Yep.
12:54I finally got an answer from the coroner's office.
12:56They never did an autopsy on Gil Fox.
12:58I want to talk to that doctor
13:00who signed the death certificate.
13:02What time's your appointment
13:04with the handwriting experts?
13:06Oh, not till 2.30.
13:12Laura, you can drop me off
13:14at Fox's old building.
13:16I want to talk to his neighbors.
13:20Laura?
13:30I'll grab a cab back to the office.
13:32Laura, have you just discovered
13:34you have hair?
14:02Gail?
14:04I'm looking for Maxi Delano.
14:06Not anymore, you're not.
14:08Maxine?
14:10Good for you, handsome.
14:14The name's Steele.
14:16I'm a private investigator.
14:20I believe you and Gilbert Fox
14:22were neighbors.
14:24Yeah, he lived right over there
14:26when he didn't live here.
14:28Oh, and you inherited $100,000
14:30from his estate.
14:32I was supposed to inherit it.
14:34What happened?
14:36My money was lumped in with what he gave
14:38the mystery writers.
14:40He made those birdbrains trustees of my legacy.
14:42May I ask why?
14:44You can ask. I can't tell you.
14:46Writers are odd ducks.
14:48You don't trust me, do you, Maxi?
14:50Why should I?
14:52You shamelesses keep knocking at my door
14:54like you're gonna make everything all right.
14:56We do?
14:58Last week.
15:00Oh, he was gonna get to the bottom of things.
15:02Never heard from him again.
15:04What's the name of this, uh, Seamus?
15:06Well, I got his card around here somewhere.
15:10Excuse me.
15:12Hmm.
15:28Hmm.
15:40Melvin Gamble.
15:46Hmm?
15:48Seamus' name, Melvin Gamble.
15:58You got $100,000 coming here, Maxi.
16:00You will be hearing from me.
16:02That's what they all say.
16:04Handsome.
16:08Why did you perform an autopsy on Gil Fox?
16:10Who?
16:12Gil Fox, the writer. He just signed a million-dollar movie contract.
16:14Oh, yeah.
16:16Well, look, nobody asked for an autopsy.
16:18There was no family, as I recall, no survivors,
16:20and there was nothing suspicious about his death.
16:22A man with no history of heart trouble suddenly drops dead?
16:24Look, it's a tense world.
16:26He comes and we're all gone.
16:30Could Fox's heart attack have been induced intentionally?
16:32You can induce a lot of things if you know the right recipe.
16:34Well, don't those recipes leave traces?
16:36Why didn't you check?
16:38Look, Miss...
16:40Holt.
16:42Miss Holt, the man was 58 years old and 30 pounds overweight.
16:44He had a heart attack.
16:46In my judgment, that is hardly suspicious.
16:52Aah!
16:56Aah!
17:04In your judgment, what would you call that, Doctor?
17:26This will identify the forger, hmm?
17:28Without question.
17:30The results are indisputable.
17:32I have never been wrong.
17:34It is, after all, a science.
17:36Good heavens, Laura.
17:38I thought you went to the hospital for information, not surgery.
17:40We must be getting close.
17:42Somebody tried to kill me in a highly melodramatic fashion.
17:44Are you all right?
17:46Except for a few bruises and some embarrassing places.
17:48Are handwriting experts?
17:50No.
17:52No.
17:54Are handwriting experts?
17:56Dr. Mikhail Chernyakov,
17:58professor of graphology
18:00at the Toledo Museum of Criminology,
18:02is here on a lecture tour.
18:04Miss Alma Torrance, paleographer
18:06and author of Your Handwriting and Your Soul,
18:08and
18:10Mr. Victor Beldown,
18:12associate dean of the Graduate School
18:14of Criminal Investigation
18:16at the University of Lansdowne.
18:18Impressive group.
18:20Laura, I'm afraid I've come upon some disturbing news.
18:22Someone else has been assigned
18:24to this case, an investigator
18:26named Melvin Gamble.
18:28Why weren't we told?
18:30Exactly the question I'm going to put to Laidlaw.
18:32The matter is resolved.
18:34Unquestionably.
18:36There's no room for doubt.
18:38Excellent.
18:40And who is our culprit, our master forger?
18:42Richard Laidlaw.
18:44Ridiculous.
18:46It's Alf Nussman.
18:48Absurd.
18:50Fine Cooper.
18:52Why did we get three experts?
18:54So there'd be no doubt.
18:56Pay them off, Mildred, with our heartfelt thanks.
18:58Yeah.
19:14Hello?
19:16After lunch?
19:18Anyone?
19:20Take that!
19:22And that,
19:24you degenerate hooligan!
19:26Unfeeling fop!
19:30Intellectual mendicant!
19:32Deranged dilettante!
19:34Take that!
19:36And that,
19:38you fascist swine!
19:40How does it feel
19:42to be on the receiving end,
19:44you illiterate thug?
19:48Oh, Steele.
19:50You ever see
19:52such viciousness?
19:54A few darts, Mr. Laidlaw.
19:56Oh, not me.
19:58That alleged
20:00critic syndicated
20:02in 200 papers.
20:04Every other critic in the country
20:06loved my new book.
20:08He gave it four yawns.
20:10Four yawns!
20:12Mr. Laidlaw, why didn't you tell me
20:14that there's another detective on this case?
20:16Another detective?
20:18Melvin Gamble.
20:20Oh! Well, we were afraid
20:22your ego might be bruised.
20:24Second choice and all that.
20:26Did Gamble quit?
20:28After a fashion.
20:30Perhaps he and I should compare notes.
20:32That might be difficult.
20:34Temperamental.
20:36Not exactly.
20:38Hard to get hold of.
20:40He's dead.
20:42Dead? How?
20:44Poisoned.
20:46Well, why didn't you tell me?
20:48And alarm you unnecessarily.
20:58You know, for private tin,
21:00you got lousy hardware on the door.
21:02Finding everything you need?
21:04Well, it's not my brand,
21:06but it'll do.
21:08So will you if you get my drift.
21:12Don't you ever think
21:14of anything but sex?
21:16Not if I can help it.
21:18Give me one good reason
21:20why I shouldn't throw you out of here.
21:22You're arrogant, crude, retrogressive.
21:24You're everything I hold
21:26in contempt about men.
21:28I'd never let my sister marry you.
21:32Oh!
21:38I'll get it.
21:48Mr. Bemis.
21:50Call me Butz.
21:52Do I have to?
21:56Ah!
21:58Freshened up, I see.
22:00Waste one? A beer?
22:02No, thanks.
22:04Mind if I speak with my associate?
22:06Hey, be my guest.
22:08Apparently I am.
22:12No explanation required, Miss Holt.
22:14None offered, Mr. Steele.
22:16Yes, well, I hate to tear you away from Jaws 4,
22:18but I think we should take a look
22:20at the late Melvin Gamble's office.
22:22The late Melvin Gamble?
22:24Mm, murdered.
22:26Was he on to something?
22:28Well, if he was, he kept it to himself.
22:30Laidlaw said he hadn't filed a single report.
22:32Gamble wasn't smart enough
22:34to get a hold of us.
22:36Air between the ears?
22:38Yes, well, I'm sure we can stumble along
22:40in our own instincts, you know.
22:42I know. Be your guest.
22:44Sorry, Butch.
22:46Work calls, you know.
22:48Hmm.
22:52You're awfully silent, Mr. Steele.
22:54Mm.
22:56Well, we're bound to run out of conversation
22:58from time to time when we work together so much.
23:00I've never thought of myself as work, Laura.
23:04You? This?
23:06Going to Gamble's office
23:08when the day is almost over?
23:10Yes, but no need to put it so bluntly.
23:12Plain speaking.
23:14I've learned that.
23:16From Butch?
23:18Quick study. Really, Laura.
23:20I mean, if anybody ever told me
23:22that you were going to be attracted
23:24to a man like Butch Bemis...
23:26Oh, I'm rather surprised myself.
23:28Yes, but you're so cultivated, so refined,
23:30so... so rational.
23:32And he's so crude,
23:34so demanding,
23:38so visceral.
23:40Is that the attraction?
23:42I don't know.
23:46I really don't know.
24:02Has it occurred to you that Butch's interest in you
24:04may have to do with his possible complicity in this case?
24:06Has it occurred to you
24:08that he just might be interested in me?
24:12Mm-hmm.
24:14Mm-hmm.
24:32New hardware in a building that's up for sale?
24:34Good thinking, Laura.
24:36I must have been preoccupied.
24:38I can't imagine with what.
24:44No.
24:58Laura, do you get the feeling
25:00someone's one chapter ahead of us?
25:02Have you thoroughly lost your objectivity?
25:04Who else but Butch knew we were coming here anyway?
25:06He found out a fast 20 minutes ago.
25:08Any one of the writers could have anticipated
25:10we'd end up here.
25:12You want to toss the joint? Let's toss it.
25:16What has that man done to your vocabulary?
25:20You know,
25:22that particular booby trap's familiar.
25:24I'm sure I've read it somewhere.
25:26Yes, I'd feel a lot more comfortable
25:28working on this case if our suspects
25:30wrote children's books.
25:32You and Mildred and I have our fair share
25:34of a crash course of reading tonight.
25:36Oh, can you find the time?
25:38I'll do my best.
25:43Mr. Steele,
25:45you think you might forego Fantasyland
25:47long enough to pursue our case?
25:49I am pursuing it, Laura.
25:51These are the only orderly things in the room.
25:53Ergo, our killer didn't go through them.
25:57Oh.
25:59And look what he missed.
26:01I'm sure he's seen it all before.
26:03Not that.
26:05This.
26:07It's a letter from, uh,
26:09Gil Fox to his agent
26:11describing his next novel.
26:13A veteran writer
26:15teaches a newcomer how to write.
26:17Once the job is done,
26:19the protégé kills the mentor.
26:21You think Fox may have been writing
26:23about his own future?
26:25When somebody stole his plot?
26:27Well, possibly.
26:29Melvin Gamble was hired
26:31by the Board of Mystery Writers
26:33to investigate the embezzlement
26:35of Gil Fox's bequest.
26:37He finds this letter,
26:39and he dies.
26:41Perhaps Gamble discovered who killed Fox.
26:43And instead of reporting it,
26:45he tries to blackmail
26:47the embezzler-slash-murderer.
26:49Gamble definitely wasn't a credit to his profession.
26:51He paid for it with his life.
26:55Good night, Oil.
26:57Stayed up reading the collected works
26:59of Alf Nussman.
27:01What prison does to the human mind.
27:03Oh, but I did find a wheelchair attack.
27:05You did?
27:07In the very last one.
27:09Hell on a two-wheeler.
27:11What's wrong?
27:13I found the idea of the booby-trapped office
27:15in one of Jackson Grimm's books,
27:17Save the World Bureau.
27:19What about Melvin Gamble?
27:21How did he go?
27:23Poison.
27:25Pamela Johns voted a whole book on the subject.
27:27The case of the poisonous parson.
27:29It doesn't exactly narrow down the suspects.
27:31Oh, you too, boss?
27:33I spent a long, steamy night
27:35reading the complete oeuvre of Butch Bemis.
27:37Find anything?
27:39I certainly did.
27:41The man makes the marquee decide
27:43look like Captain Kangaroo.
27:45Really?
27:49Remington Steel Investigations.
27:51Find anything to confirm your suspicions of Butch?
27:53Well, actually, Lola,
27:55if you read between the lines,
27:57look at the work analytically
27:59and contemplate the nuances,
28:01no.
28:03I'll try to find out who Gil Fox's protégé was.
28:05Ah, yes, his protégé.
28:07Okay, thank you. I'll take care of it.
28:09That was Gourmet Galley, boss.
28:11They weren't able to deliver that basket of goodies
28:13to Maxine Delano yesterday.
28:15Why not?
28:17They tried three times. No one answered the door.
28:19Call the paramedics and tell them to get over there right away, Mildred.
28:33What happened?
28:35She passed out.
28:37She's not in the best of health to begin with,
28:39and she's undernourished.
28:41What's all the fuss, Steel?
28:43I didn't feel like answering the door.
28:45I know the feeling.
28:47You'll be fine, Maxie.
28:49You'll be just fine.
28:51Is this why Gil Fox put your money in trust with the writers?
28:53Because he thought you, uh,
28:55might not feel like answering the door?
28:57No.
28:59I don't think so.
29:01You, uh, might not feel like answering the door?
29:05My daughter and her husband
29:07want to put me in an old folks' home.
29:11You see me in one of those places?
29:13No, not really.
29:15Gil didn't want the little darlings
29:17to get their hands on the money.
29:19Maxie, I need your help with something.
29:21As long as it don't require a heavy lifting.
29:25Did Gil Fox have a protégé?
29:27I mean, someone he helped get started?
29:29Yeah, that he did.
29:31Fraud never let go.
29:33Who was he?
29:35Some English dame.
29:37After Gil made that big movie sale,
29:39some day she's back,
29:41I heard him every day
29:43across the courtyard
29:45hollering about money.
29:47She did most of the hollering.
29:49Fortunately, Gil was deaf in one ear.
29:51Hmm.
29:59Hmm.
30:23PHONE BUZZES
30:25Miss Hull,
30:27what a nice surprise.
30:29Come in.
30:39I, uh,
30:41love what you've
30:43done with the place.
30:49Probably seems a little weird, doesn't it?
30:51No.
30:53No.
30:55You see, I learned to write in a slammer.
30:57When I got out, I bought this place
30:59with the tape from my novels.
31:01Big mistake.
31:03Couldn't write word one.
31:05Almost had to knock off a bank
31:07just to, uh, get back into the right atmosphere.
31:09So instead,
31:11you brought prison here.
31:13It cost me a bundle,
31:15but it was worth it.
31:17Look at those bars.
31:19I do almost 5,000 words a day.
31:21Who taught you how to write?
31:23Gladys A. Shutkey.
31:25Gladys A. Shutkey?
31:27Creative writing teacher up at the Joint.
31:29Wonderful woman, Gladys.
31:31Big talent.
31:33She'd be publishing today if she had more
31:35raunch in her work.
31:37Now, my work,
31:39lots of raunch.
31:41So I hear.
31:43Mr. Nussman, while I was
31:45investigating the death of Gil Fox yesterday,
31:47I was almost killed
31:49by a flying wheelchair.
31:51Ring any bells?
31:53Can't say that it does.
31:55The same thing happened
31:57in one of your books.
31:59Lots of things happen in my books.
32:01Apparently not enough.
32:03You've had four different publishers
32:05since you were paroled.
32:07That's either a sign that a writer is on his way up
32:09or on his way down.
32:13Visiting hours are over,
32:15Miss Holt.
32:17I've got another 2,000 words to do.
32:21If there are any more attempts on my life,
32:23Mr. Nussman,
32:25I hope for your sake they're completely original.
32:47This area is filled
32:49with poisonous plants.
32:51The physignut, the castor plant,
32:53the common tree nettle.
32:55You're quite an expert with poisons,
32:57Miss Johns.
32:59I base my novels on research,
33:01my murders,
33:03and my love scenes.
33:05Gil Fox's neighbor
33:07tells me that you visited him
33:09frequently prior to his death.
33:11Still at it still.
33:13Why did you deny
33:15that you'd been lovers, eh?
33:17You know the English.
33:19If one can talk publicly about what one does,
33:21why bother doing it at all?
33:23I'm told you and Fox
33:25argued about money.
33:27Were you angry
33:29that he willed his fortunes to the writers?
33:31That came as a complete shock
33:33to the entire board.
33:35Then why the bone of contention
33:37between you and Fox?
33:39Look, I may be going about this
33:41all the wrong way,
33:43but I'm going to get to it in the end, okay?
33:45I was trying to collect a debt.
33:47I supported Gil Fox
33:49through his long, lean years.
33:51I paid his rent.
33:53I paid for his car.
33:55I paid for his whiskey.
33:57He'd made a movie sale.
33:59I wanted the money back.
34:01If you're trying to find
34:03the woman in the case, Mr. Steele,
34:05I suggest you look under
34:07a big romantic picture hat.
34:13♪♪
34:23♪♪
34:33♪♪
34:43♪♪
34:51Glagarus!
34:53Felon!
34:55No talent!
34:57Undesirable!
34:59You've always stolen my best ideas
35:01for your books.
35:03Now you're trying to steal them from the whole thing!
35:05If I wanted to kill somebody,
35:07I wouldn't have to stoop to borrowing from you.
35:09I have ideas of my own!
35:11Like booby-trapping an office, Mr. Grimm!
35:15Mr. Steele and I were almost
35:17blown to kingdom come yesterday,
35:19like the detectives
35:21in your Save the World Bureau.
35:23She's got you, Grimm.
35:25You're gonna like the slammer.
35:27I may even give you lettuce
35:29for the right people.
35:31I want my lawyer. I want my lawyer.
35:33Somebody's plagiarizing me!
35:35If you're so successful, Mr. Grimm,
35:37why are you writing
35:39in a bookstore window?
35:41You must know it inspires me.
35:43Or is it a desperate attempt
35:45to drum up interest
35:47in a flagging career?
35:53Now is the time
35:55for all good men to come
35:57to the aid of their country.
35:59Writers' block?
36:09Mr. Steele!
36:11Had I but known!
36:13Do you have a moment,
36:15uh, Miss Cooper?
36:17Oh, I hope my, um, working clothes
36:19don't offend you.
36:21Ah, gets you in the proper mood, does it?
36:23Atmosphere is everything.
36:25If I wrote war novels,
36:27I'd wear a uniform.
36:29This is the uniform of love.
36:31Yes,
36:33and this is the uniform
36:35of a private investigator.
36:37Oh, a business call.
36:39How disappointing.
36:43Um,
36:45tell me, Miss Cooper,
36:47who taught you to ride?
36:49I taught myself.
36:51Your first book
36:53was a worldwide bestseller, wasn't it?
36:55I amassed myself in the greats.
36:57Barbara Cartland,
36:59Rosemary Rogers, Helen Gurley Brown.
37:01I learned the potent
37:03power of printed passion,
37:05and then I pounced.
37:07I understand the late Gil Fox
37:09had more than a casual interest in you.
37:11Why not?
37:13I am but a blossom
37:15only now coming to full flower.
37:17Yes, I know.
37:19Well, what about Gil Fox?
37:21Disgusting old man.
37:23Always watching me
37:25with those roomy eyes,
37:27stalking me with those spindly legs.
37:29Heaven knows what he imagined
37:31in that gin-soaked mind.
37:33Well, that's quite good.
37:35Let me write that down.
37:37I, uh, I trust you and, uh,
37:39Gil Fox weren't
37:41ensnared
37:43in rapturous tentacles
37:45of molten desire?
37:47Mr. Steele,
37:49what do you think I am?
37:53Easy.
37:59They all needed money.
38:01Nussman's had four publishers.
38:03Pamperjohn's badged Fox to repay her.
38:05Jackson has writer's block.
38:07Laidlaw's books on the critical list.
38:09Miss Cooper has tax problems, among other problems.
38:11And books?
38:13Well, you tell him yourself, Laura.
38:15He lost a whole bundle on that television series
38:17called The Novels.
38:23Oh, Mr. Laidlaw,
38:25we were just narrowing down the suspects.
38:27I think we can say that we're a mere tad away
38:29from closing this case.
38:31Oh, it is closed, Mr. Steele.
38:33The money's been returned.
38:47It doesn't make any sense.
38:49The embezzler tries to kill us,
38:51then he returns the money?
38:53Well, perhaps it's simply, um,
38:55our charisma.
38:57The Steele agency enters a case
38:59and the cunning felon
39:01quakes in terror.
39:03Oh, please.
39:07Remington Steele Investigations.
39:09Just a minute. It's for you, Miss Holt.
39:11Thanks.
39:13Hello?
39:15Yes, Doctor.
39:17I appreciate
39:19your follow-through.
39:21Well, if we ever had any doubts,
39:23they've been removed.
39:25Gil Fox's heart attack was induced.
39:27Why?
39:29There must be something about Fox we've been overlooking.
39:31Fox willed his personal papers
39:33to the mystery writers.
39:35Care to do a little midnight reading?
39:45Fox's will specifies
39:47that this building be torn down,
39:49that the new headquarters be built
39:51on this lot and the one next door
39:53in memory of my dear
39:55departed friend,
39:57B. Craven.
39:59Miss Holt, come here.
40:03The option on that lot next door
40:05expired at noon today.
40:07And the money was returned
40:09a few hours later.
40:11Maybe somebody doesn't want the new building built.
40:13Or the old building torn down.
40:15Why not?
40:17Arsenic and old lace.
40:19Cary Grant, Raymond Massey,
40:21Warner Brothers, 1944.
40:23A couple of lovable old biddies
40:25poison homeless gentlemen and then bury them in the basement.
40:27Are you suggesting
40:29there's a dead body somewhere in this building?
40:31Well, it appears the only reason the money was embezzled
40:33was to stop this building from being torn down.
40:35But we don't have any unaccounted corpses.
40:37Whose body?
40:39Laura, I can only lead you so far.
40:43I'm going to have to get a new set of locks.
40:45Forced entry is my specialty.
40:47Mm-hmm.
40:49Well, now that you're here,
40:51what do you know about someone named B. Craven?
40:53What's to know?
40:55He was nobody, he disappeared,
40:57then he was somebody.
40:59Disappeared?
41:01Not dead?
41:03Listen, why don't you slip into something
41:05a little more comfortable,
41:07like your skin?
41:09I don't know.
41:11Well, what do you mean, nobody?
41:13Somebody?
41:15Craven was an old-time pulp writer.
41:17He sold a few thousand copies a year.
41:19One day he disappeared without a trace.
41:21Suddenly he was a cult figure.
41:23Best career move he ever made.
41:25Disappeared?
41:27Mm-hmm.
41:29Without a trace?
41:31Mm-hmm.
41:33Hmm.
41:35What are you doing?
41:38What are you doing?
41:42Mr. Steele, I have a funny feeling
41:44we've been looking for the protege of the wrong writer.
41:47I may hate myself for days,
41:49but arsenic and old lace
41:51is beginning to look better and better.
41:55What are you doing?
41:57I didn't come over here
41:59to watch you make phone calls.
42:01I'm working.
42:03My broads don't work on anything but me.
42:05Really?
42:07You don't understand. I'm Butch.
42:09You don't understand.
42:11I'm Laura.
42:19Come on, Steele.
42:21You can't be serious.
42:23Gathering the suspects?
42:25Trite, frightfully old hat.
42:27It does lack a certain...
42:29Je ne sais quoi.
42:31I've written this scene.
42:35Bear with us.
42:37At first, Mr. Steele suspected
42:39that Gil Fox was murdered by his protege.
42:42But after painstaking detective work on his part,
42:45he realized that Fox was killed
42:47because he was about to write a book
42:49exposing the murder of his friend B. Craven,
42:52the murderer being Craven's protege.
42:55Little did the killer know
42:57that by committing this second crime,
42:59Fox's murder,
43:01he or she was triggering
43:03his or her own undoing.
43:05By activating Fox's will,
43:07which mandated the tearing down
43:09of this building.
43:11And the inevitable discovery
43:13of Craven's buried remains.
43:15Bodies buried in buildings?
43:17That went out with secret passages
43:19and baying hounds.
43:23So where's the body?
43:27Perhaps the attic?
43:34Ahem.
43:38No one's cracking.
43:40Forge ahead.
43:42At the time of Craven's disappearance
43:44seven years ago,
43:46any one of you could have been Craven's protege.
43:49I was in maximum security at Leavenworth.
43:52Put a pin in Newsman.
43:54I was with the Bureau.
43:56We never killed people.
43:58You had nights off, didn't you?
44:00I was in the Marines.
44:02I was scant 50 miles from here.
44:04And you, Miss Cooper,
44:06you were Craven's typist.
44:08I cannot but admit it.
44:10I typed my fingers to the bone for him.
44:13That's why I use a pen.
44:16And you, Mr. Laidlaw,
44:18collaborated on a book with Craven.
44:20A book to which your favorite critic
44:22gave six yawns.
44:24He'd give this one a 12.
44:26And you, Miss Johns,
44:28you were the star pupil
44:30of Craven's writing class at U.C.L.A.
44:33So where's the body?
44:36Somewhere in the walls.
44:40Oh, really.
44:44Maybe we should forget about the body
44:46and try something else.
44:48Yes, well, too late to change course now, isn't it?
44:51What we have here is a killer.
44:54A killer who will stop at nothing
44:56to conceal his or her original crime.
44:59A killer who has already snuffed out
45:01two additional lives,
45:03Gil Fox and Melvin Gamble,
45:06in order to keep buried
45:08the secret of B. Craven's disappearance.
45:11So where's the body?
45:16The cellar?
45:18Ha-ha. Hack city.
45:20Really, Steele, you are going about it all wrong.
45:25Nervous, Miss Cooper?
45:27Aye.
45:29Tell me again, Miss Cooper,
45:31why Gil Fox was so obsessed with you.
45:34Why did he watch you,
45:36stalk you so relentlessly?
45:38Was it because he discovered
45:40that you were the late B. Craven,
45:42his friend's protégé?
45:44Heavens, no! I told, Mr. Steele.
45:47Fox coveted my person.
45:50Does that powerful jackhammer
45:52bother you, Miss Cooper?
45:54Shall we tell the husky man
45:56with the powerful jackhammer
45:58to stop digging?
46:00Have you no shame?
46:02Have you no scruples?
46:04Deep, dark secrets are meant to be deep and dark!
46:08Good Lord, there is a body.
46:10When will you learn to trust me, Laura?
46:14Where are you?
46:16Where the hell are you?
46:18I think we can call that a confession.
46:20Yes, a little over the top, but never mind.
46:23Ah!
46:25Thank goodness. It's stifling in here.
46:28And the tape's running out.
46:30I'll get it.
46:32I'll get it.
46:34I'll get it.
46:36I'll get it.
46:38I'll get it.
46:40I'll get it.
46:43Ha!
46:45Had I but known!
46:51Dig in, Maxie. Dig in.
46:53Please be my guest.
46:55Craven was giving Miss Cooper writing lessons
46:58in exchange for her typing.
47:00But she liked what she was typing so much
47:02that she decided to steal it
47:04and publish it as her first novel.
47:06The only way she could have managed that
47:08was to kill him.
47:10Kill him.
47:12Riders.
47:15Are you expecting anyone?
47:17Maybe it's the paramedics again.
47:19Maybe. Let me get it.
47:25Laura.
47:27Room for one more?
47:28How are you feeling?
47:30Oh, 100 G's is terrific medicine.
47:33Oh, excuse me just a moment, Maxie, please.
47:36Come here.
47:37Ma'am, I thought you were out with our butcher.
47:41That's over.
47:42Over? Just like that?
47:44Just like that. Momentary aberration.
47:47Oh, I see. Well, I'm glad to see you've returned to the world of the sane.
47:50Not a moment too soon, I can say.
47:52Is this going to be a lecture?
47:53No.
47:54Hey, you guys, stop sparring.
47:57Go into a clinch.
47:59Wow. You don't understand, Maxie.
48:01I'm like a moving target.
48:03Come here.
48:05See?
48:07I told you, Maxie.
48:09I told you, Maxie.
48:11I told you, Maxie.
48:13I told you, Maxie.
48:15I told you, Maxie.
48:17I told you, Maxie.
48:19I told you, Maxie.
48:21I told you, Maxie.
48:23I told you, Maxie.
48:25I told you, Maxie.
48:27I told you, Maxie.
48:29I told you, Maxie.
48:31I told you, Maxie.
48:33I told you, Maxie.
48:35© BF-WATCH TV 2021