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00:45Pa! Be opening this can for my soap making.
00:59Pa! If you'd taken your rifle gun, Dad, you'd have got into that army.
01:13Here comes the river, Norris!
01:29Are you getting lost again, Reverend Norris?
01:31Never mind, Dad. We're snuffy.
01:33I wouldn't be, Norris.
01:35Take a look under the bed.
01:36Ah, my house is a bit upset. It'd be a boy's day.
01:51Hey, you're gonna shoot me, Mr. Army Man.
01:54Of course, I've got my burying place all picked out.
01:58I've got orders to return you to the commanding general of the 10th Army Corps.
02:07Oh, Louie, quit cuddling up and making yourself a weakling.
02:18Hello, Mr. Carson.
02:20Wait a minute. You're not taking that dog with you.
02:22Well, any place I go, that dog goes.
02:24If there's one place you're going, that dog's not going.
02:27I'll be putting him in the house.
02:29Come on, Mr. Carson.
02:30And leave the door open.
02:32Fetch me a jug of drinking liquor.
02:35Goodbye, Louie.
02:43Be remembering me as I am.
02:52So, you found him, eh? Good. Leave him with me.
02:56That's all, Sergeant.
02:57That's all, Sergeant!
02:59That's all, Sergeant!
03:03Now, look here, General.
03:05If we don't find him, we can't get out of this house alive.
03:08I'm sure of it.
03:10And if I don't find him, we'll have to grab him.
03:13I'm sure of it.
03:15You think I'm a fool?
03:17I'm not a fool.
03:19Now look here, General, if you're going to bounce a rifle ball off my head, do it quick.
03:26Rifle ball? I want to talk to you. You're a hero. Sit down.
03:32A hero?
03:35For risking your life to save me from that runaway motorcycle.
03:38Then you're going to be letting me live?
03:40Certainly. And I want to reward you for it. Is there something I can do to make you happy?
03:45Well, General, I like khaki breeches, a place to bed, gold buttons, good vittles, and $30 a month for my smokings.
04:00You still want to get into the Army, huh?
04:02You sure I understand it.
04:05General, would you be having a gurgle of corn drippings?
04:10Corn drippings?
04:11Yeah. We're coming from old steel.
04:14Liquor? Never touched it in my life. It's not allowed around here.
04:18Well, would you be having a chore eating tobacco?
04:21No, thank you.
04:23Mr. Smith, would you mind taking your feet off my desk?
04:27I'll be a-doing it. But I think it's better with them over my head.
04:32Now, how about them khaki breeches?
04:35You're a little short for the Army. Now, if there's something else that...
04:39Well, General, while I be coming from, folks be a-keeping their promises.
04:58I've got it!
04:59General! You're so sudden, you done scared me.
05:03Somewhere in regulations of the classification would permit you to wear a uniform.
05:07But the pay is only $21 a month.
05:09Do I still be getting my khaki breeches?
05:12$21 a month and khaki breeches.
05:15General, you got yourself a soldier.
05:20Yes, sir.
05:21I'm sending over Stubby Smith. List him under special classification Z.
05:26Z as in barracks?
05:27No, Z as in Zanuck.
05:30All right, Smith. Report to the quartermaster for your khaki breeches.
05:35General, with me helping you, things are going to be a-changing.
05:39Two heads, all in small, better than one.
05:48Would you be a-reading where I to go?
05:51Hey, you thief!
05:54A corn squeezer.
05:57How'd you get in the Army?
05:59I be a friend of the General.
06:00Give me that corn.
06:01Be hurryin'. The General might be needin' me.
06:03A yard bird, huh? You're not workin' for the General. You're workin' for me.
06:06But the General...
06:07Never mind about the General. I'm givin' orders around here. I'm running this place.
06:11Nobody can tell me anything.
06:12Attention!
06:14Suck in your stomach. Throw out your chest. Put your heels together. Salute!
06:18That's the way to be a soldier.
06:20Just a minute.
06:23You better sign to my company.
06:25From now on, you take orders from Sergeant Cooper. Do you understand?
06:29Oh, Zafar. Takin' orders from a revenuer.
06:33Now go find yourself a cot and report to the company kitchen.
06:35Why me?
06:37Just follow your nose across the street.
06:45When Uncle Sam sent out the call for soldier boys
06:49Especially to defend our country with a ridge to tee
06:52Seems there's a chance to be in the hills of Tennessee
06:55A loyal lad whose caller name was Smith
06:58Since Snuffy Smith joined up, he's now a yard bird
07:02A little guy, but my, he's such a hard bird
07:05Don't ever get yourself mixed up with Snuffy in a tiff
07:09Or you may find you're bein' flung bodaciously off on the cliff
07:12If you should see a pretty face with naught behind it
07:15She's wastin' time with Snuffy, so I heard
07:18Now thuddy bucks is riches when you're wearin' khaki breeches
07:22Hooray, hooray for Snuffy Smith, the yard bird
07:25Since Snuffy Smith joined up, he's now a yard bird
07:28And Bull's a fire cousin, he's a card bird
07:32The general and the sergeant and the other guys with braids
07:35Are apt to have a rifle ball bounce off on their pumpkin heads
07:38Even a varmint-sized bug out like Trump done tugged frogs
07:42The shiftless gonks emotion Snuffy stirred
07:46He ain't one of our flunkies, he's the captain of our donkeys
07:49Hooray, hooray for Snuffy Smith, the yard bird
07:52Since Snuffy Smith joined up, he's now a yard bird
07:56When evening rolls around, he's sure a tard bird
07:59You'd think he'd hit the hay and rest, but he's in town because
08:03He's seen a gal with pretty eyeballs and such rosy jaws
08:06Was he a hank the door when brains was passed out? No, sir
08:09He signs the finest X, but mums the word
08:12I swow, he will be faded, don't be discombobulated
08:16Hooray, hooray for Snuffy Smith, the yard bird
08:24Hey, Snuffy, I thought you were still on kitchen police
08:27I do be, but I'm betting up for a spell or four I'll be mess-making
08:31Still manicuring those potatoes?
08:33I've been doing that for a flock of days
08:35But I ain't doing a woman's work no more
08:37You better not let Cooper catch you here
08:40Hey, what are you doing here?
08:42I'll be arrest-taken
08:44Now, rookyard bird Smith, I've tried to be nice to you
08:47I've tried to cooperate with you
08:49But if I catch you arrest-taken again, I'm going to throw you in the guardhouse
08:53My mother told me there'd be days like this
08:58Looks like a range-finder
09:00Yeah, it's an improved range-finder, one I perfected in college
09:03What's different about it?
09:05Well, it's automatic
09:06You focus the two prisms on a given point
09:08And by turning the adjusting screws until the images are superimposed
09:11You get an automatic reading in yards on the scale
09:14Without any mathematical figuring
09:16That makes sense. You done anything with it?
09:19Can't even get anyone to look at it
09:23Well, if it's as good as you say it is, I'll take it to the general for you
09:27Do you think he'll be interested?
09:29He's interested in anything that'll help him win those maneuvers from General Hopkins
09:32Who's General Hopkins?
09:34Well, General Hopkins is the commander of the Blue Army
09:37He's an old campaigner
09:39A hard general who's fought all these battles from a swivel chair
09:42With blue prisms
09:44Well, if accurate artillery fire will help him win, this range-finder will do it
09:48You know, this is his first chance to prove his theories with real soldiers and actual maneuvers
09:52Say, if it does work, do you think he'll submit it to Washington?
09:55Submit it? Well, he'd take it there himself
09:58Say, if the White Army wins, and the general can submit a proven range-finder
10:03Boy, he'll retire happy
10:05Here she is, Sarge. Focused it on an objective
10:17Did you pick out a target?
10:23I certainly did
10:27Why don't we see the general?
10:32Look, soldier. These hammocks are reserved for officers
10:35I ain't being an officer. I'm a yard bird
10:38Get going
10:40Oh, swallow
10:50Why, now that'll teach him a lesson
10:53Oh, I'm sorry, sir
10:55What's the meaning of this, Sergeant Cooper?
10:57Oh, I didn't mean it, sir. I'm sorry
10:58That's no excuse
11:00Hello, sir
11:01Report to my quarters at three o'clock
11:03Yes, sir
11:14Can I be of help in your revenue?
11:30Can I be of help in your revenue?
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