Dana B | Francis Tutors Dana Beers
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00:00Look at you.
00:01You want the surprise now or in the middle of the episode?
00:03Give me the surprise.
00:04It's exciting.
00:05I'm invited to your wedding?
00:06How'd you know?
00:09Are you for real?
00:10How'd you know?
00:11Oh my god.
00:12I'm actually so thrilled.
00:14Really?
00:15I'm so excited about this.
00:17How'd you know?
00:18I didn't know.
00:19That was a joke?
00:20It was a total guess.
00:21Yeah, you're invited.
00:22Oh my god.
00:23Yep.
00:24What an honor.
00:25I spent a lot of time with Francis.
00:26I enjoy him very much.
00:28This is such a lovely thing.
00:30There you go.
00:31I really appreciate it.
00:32I can't tell you how pleased I am.
00:34It's okay if you can't come.
00:36I'm worried I might be mowing the lawn that day.
00:40That's gonna be tough.
00:42Have I ever told you my mowing the lawn story?
00:44No.
00:45First time I ever came.
00:46This is a lovely...
00:47I'm sorry?
00:48First time I ever came.
00:49Ejaculated.
00:50Yes, from the vibrations of the thing.
00:53Were you mowing it with your...
00:54No.
00:55Were you pushing it with your penis?
00:56No, I was pushing it and it was...
00:58And that caught?
00:59Really?
01:00Yeah, first time.
01:01This is really lovely.
01:02Yeah.
01:03You had to wait for a lot of cancellations.
01:04No!
01:05We've had zero cancellations.
01:06I might be your first.
01:07Or in there.
01:08I would never.
01:09I would never.
01:10I've chosen a topic today that I think will actually be a very good...
01:14It's very apropos.
01:15Segway?
01:16Because weddings are a big drinking affair.
01:19Yeah.
01:20And you like to drink.
01:21Yeah.
01:23I, today, want to work with you on converting from cups, quarts, gallons...
01:31Oh, fuck, dude.
01:33And explaining our systems of measurement.
01:35Liters.
01:36We're going to worry about liquid right now, because you're a liquid guy.
01:38I'm such a liquid guy.
01:39You put a lot of liquid in your body.
01:41I'm not a money liquid guy, but I'm a liquid liquid guy.
01:44Yeah, you like liquids.
01:45I love liquids, dude.
01:46I do this thing in my stomach when I have too many liquids.
01:50Can you hear that?
01:51Yeah, well, I can see it.
01:53It's off-putting.
01:54Do you hear that?
01:55Yeah.
01:56It's like you're milking somebody.
01:58I think we took our system and developed it from the British,
02:02and their system is called the...
02:04Metric.
02:05Imperial system.
02:06Our base unit of liquid is the ounce.
02:13O-Z.
02:15Now we go from ounces to cups, and then you go from cups to what?
02:20What's next?
02:21I'll give you a hint.
02:22Milk.
02:23Gallon.
02:24No.
02:25Liter.
02:26Nope.
02:27You're going back.
02:28That's European.
02:29Half gallon.
02:30No.
02:31It is a half gallon, technically.
02:32It's a pretty common...
02:33Quart.
02:34There you go.
02:35Yeah, which is essentially a half gallon.
02:36No, it's not.
02:37Quarter gallon.
02:38Yeah, that's pretty obvious.
02:39For the record, though, what is a half gallon?
02:41Half a gallon.
02:42I mean...
02:43It's called a halfie.
02:44Halfie.
02:45If you want to go up even smaller, you can get into, like, tablespoon, teaspoon.
02:50You ever play the game where you and your boys take Viagra, and whoever gets a boner
02:55first loses?
02:56I haven't played that game.
02:58Well, I was in, like, seventh grade, so...
03:00How did you get your hands on Viagra in seventh grade?
03:02We were a little nutjobs back then.
03:04Okay.
03:05We just figured it out.
03:07I lost, by the way.
03:08I got a boner fast.
03:10Doesn't surprise me.
03:11We were just sitting in my buddy's living room.
03:13We just put on porn.
03:15Four of us were just sitting there waiting to get hard.
03:18You've never done that?
03:19No, man.
03:20It's a fun game.
03:21We played basketball.
03:23I mean, we also played basketball, but...
03:25With boners?
03:26We had hard dicks in our pants.
03:28That's weird.
03:29How many ounces in a cup?
03:30I don't know.
03:31It's eight.
03:32How many cups in a quart?
03:33Four.
03:36Correct.
03:37Yeah?
03:38Yeah, that's right.
03:39How many quarts in a gallon?
03:40Four.
03:41How many cups in a gallon?
03:42Sixteen.
03:43That is not that hard.
03:46No.
03:47Right?
03:49Right.
03:51Going from American system to metric system is hard.
03:57Those numbers are fucking weird.
03:59Centimeter, one one-hundredth of a meter.
04:03You ever seen a centipede?
04:04Yep.
04:05Fucking scary.
04:06Why do they call it a centipede?
04:07Because they're a centimeter long.
04:11I think it's because they have a hundred legs.
04:13Really?
04:14I think so.
04:15Jesus, fuck.
04:16I think it's because they're a centimeter long.
04:17No, right.
04:18That's a centipede, bro.
04:19That's way bigger than a centimeter.
04:22That really?
04:23A hundred percent.
04:24That's an inch.
04:25This is like my dick right now.
04:27I'm not even kidding.
04:28I had a feeling we were going there.
04:29My dick is inside of me.
04:31The pint.
04:32Pints of Guinness, mate.
04:33The pint is a uniquely Imperial and American measurement of liquid.
04:41Yes.
04:42A pint of beer in America is 16 ounces.
04:46The Imperial pint, it is bigger than the American pint.
04:5019.215 ounces is the Imperial pint.
04:53So it's 3.215 ounces bigger than the American pint.
04:56Okay.
05:00Okay.
05:01So all of this is just to say that if you order a pint in England, it's going to come
05:05out bigger than your pint here in America.
05:08If you were to order a beer in France, how are you specifying the type of size of beer
05:15that you want?
05:16I'm fucking pretty drunk right now.
05:18If you were to order a beer not in Germany, most bars in France, Belgium, whatever, you're
05:26going to probably either specify that you want a big beer, a regular sized beer, which
05:31is going to be half a liter.
05:34And that's close to our pint.
05:36It is.
05:37Wow.
05:38And then you can also do, I think they'll usually have the option to do a smaller beer,
05:42which is usually about a third of a liter.
05:46I would just like it on record.
05:48I don't want to hang out with anyone at a bar that orders a small beer.
05:52Hit the road, Jack.
05:53Hit the road, Jack.
05:54Don't come back.
05:56No mo, no mo, no mo, no mo.
05:58That's right.
05:59I'm teaching you this so that you can keep a little bit of a track of how much alcohol
06:04you've consumed in places that are foreign to you.
06:07I've never done that in my life.
06:08I had a feeling.
06:09You just go strictly off feel?
06:11Yeah, 100%.
06:12If I'm too drunk, I'll leave.
06:15Oh, I can't stand up, I'm going home.
06:18I like our American pint better.
06:20I think 16 ounces of beer to me is a nice amount.
06:24Have you ever seen those little twist-offs?
06:28Yeah.
06:29Those are 16, and I fuck heavy with those.
06:31You have those at sports games.
06:33They'll sell those a lot.
06:34Yeah, oh yeah.
06:35Yeah.
06:36Like, I would bury my casket in those.
06:38Okay.
06:40Bury you in a casket filled with Coors Light.
06:44And then pour it.
06:46Sure.
06:47That's our system of measurements for liquid with a little gentle conversion into the metric
06:53system in case you find yourself in Europe.
06:58Appreciate it, Frank.
06:59Happy drinking, brother.
07:00I'll see you at my wedding.
07:01Happy wedding!