Season 2 Ep 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I didn't think you were coming.
00:01Down.
00:02Why not?
00:03I ain't leaving.
00:04Come on.
00:05Get down.
00:06Get off the couch.
00:07Oh, my God.
00:08What's that?
00:09Is that a big piece of bloody beef on the floor?
00:10I think it is.
00:11Get down.
00:12Sweetie.
00:13Let me see it.
00:14Down.
00:15Get down.
00:16Down.
00:17He's not warmed up.
00:18Sit.
00:19OK.
00:20Lay there.
00:21OK.
00:22Now, come on, Mark.
00:24That's it.
00:25Reason with him.
00:26He can do this.
00:27It's not that hard.
00:28He really can do this.
00:29Go on.
00:30Just get off the couch.
00:31Get off the couch.
00:32Seriously.
00:33No kidding around.
00:34Get off the couch.
00:35Want to go to a movie instead?
00:36Yeah.
00:37Yeah.
00:38Yeah.
00:39Yeah.
00:40Yeah.
00:41Yeah.
00:42Yeah.
00:43Yeah.
00:44Yeah.
00:45Yeah.
00:46Yeah.
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00:59Yeah.
01:00Yeah.
01:01Yeah.
01:02Yeah.
01:03Yeah.
01:04Yeah.
01:05Yeah.
01:06Yeah.
01:07Yeah.
01:08Yeah.
01:09Yeah.
01:10Yeah.
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01:18Yeah.
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01:20Yeah.
01:21Yeah.
01:22Yeah.
01:23Yeah.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Yeah.
01:26Yeah.
01:27Yeah.
01:39How's it going?
01:40Tasty.
01:43Mm, this is great.
01:45Really?
01:47Wow, that's big.
01:48I didn't want to say.
01:49This is a lot less of something.
01:51Did you get dessert?
01:52Yes, I did, right there.
01:55Mmm.
01:56Please don't eat it now.
01:58I don't care.
01:59Because I know that means you're gonna eat mine later.
02:02Where's yours anyway?
02:05Hiding your brownie from me?
02:08No.
02:09I'm the executor of your will.
02:11Yeah, but I ain't leaving you my brownies.
02:16Did you talk to your sister about this?
02:18She says the buzzer sticks.
02:19Yeah, well, it doesn't stick for normal people.
02:23You're so easy.
02:28I'm coming.
02:35Boy, we got a lot of peas.
02:39At least it sticks.
02:41I'm in.
02:42Hey, is Murray home?
02:43Again?
02:44I was taking him for a walk.
02:46Let me tell you something.
02:46Murray is quite aware that you're only taking him out
02:48to meet guys.
02:51It's not a secret.
02:52Yeah, but why don't you get him
02:53like a big hat and an El Dorado?
02:57Oh, come on, Paul.
02:57It's a half hour out of his life.
03:00Yeah, but in dog minutes.
03:01Let her take him.
03:02It's not, it's his decision.
03:03I just work here.
03:04Out, huh?
03:06Wanna go out?
03:07Yeah, who's a good boy?
03:08Who's a good...
03:09Can I get a little help?
03:11My client feels this is non-negotiable.
03:14And I must say, frankly, I agree.
03:16I can't take this.
03:18I'm out of here.
03:20Okay, I'll see you later.
03:21See you later.
03:22You're welcome.
03:23Bye.
03:24Bye.
03:25Bye, Paul.
03:26Bye, Murray.
03:27Bye.
03:28You're welcome.
03:28Bye.
03:29Bye.
03:30Oh, my God.
03:31Bye.
03:32Bye.
03:33Bye.
03:33Bye.
03:34Bye.
03:35Bye.
03:36Bye.
03:37Bye.
03:38Bye.
03:38Bye.
03:39Bye.
03:40Bye.
03:41Bye.
03:42Bye.
03:43Bye.
03:43Bye.
03:44Bye.
03:45Bye.
03:46I was looking for peace.
03:48Oh, like your family is just so perfect.
03:50Fine. Take the door.
03:52Great.
03:53And I want it back in 30 minutes.
03:55Whatever.
03:56Not whatever. Just come back.
03:57Have fun, you two.
03:58I will.
03:59Behind the piece.
04:00Oh, yeah, you would have found it.
04:05Tell me again. This is whites or colors?
04:07It's striped.
04:09I know, but in laundry terms?
04:11Stop badgering me.
04:14Oop, there's Lisa.
04:15Gee, no kidding.
04:17And only two hours late.
04:20You have got the most irresponsible dog.
04:22You wouldn't believe what he just put me through.
04:24You okay?
04:26We were worried about you.
04:28Boy, he's peppy. What'd you do to him?
04:30I let him off the leash for two seconds.
04:32I turned my back to talk to this really cute Filipino guy.
04:34You let him off the leash?
04:36All the other dogs were.
04:38Didn't I mention the leash?
04:39You never mentioned the leash.
04:40I did. There was a huge leash discussion.
04:42What was?
04:43I looked all over the park. I thought I lost him.
04:45Well, you did lose him.
04:47Then I found him.
04:49Yes, but first you lost him.
04:51See, you can't find something if you didn't lose it.
04:53You see how that works?
04:54It's okay now.
04:56The whole purpose...
04:57Okey-dokey.
05:01Did you take quarters?
05:02Yes, I have quarters.
05:06He hates me.
05:07He's okay. Sit.
05:10You know, if he doesn't want to like me, fine,
05:12but I'm not gonna beg.
05:17Did you see this?
05:18I mean, you should have seen this guy.
05:19He was so cute, I could barely speak.
05:21Bark, bark.
05:25Say that again.
05:26Bark, bark.
05:28I believe she was talking to me.
05:31Listen.
05:33This is not Marie.
05:35What do you mean?
05:38No, I mean, it looks like Marie,
05:40but this isn't Marie.
05:42Are you sure?
05:43Yes.
05:44Marie has a white spot and vacant eyes.
05:49This dog knows things.
05:52I can't believe you got the wrong dog.
05:54I think it's a pretty good match.
05:57Get out of here.
05:59Okay.
06:00Take the dog.
06:01And do what?
06:02You trade him in for Marie.
06:04I don't know where Marie is.
06:05Well, find him.
06:06Are you gonna tell Paul?
06:07Yeah, right, just get going.
06:10Hi.
06:11I forgot quarters.
06:13I thought you two already went out.
06:15Bark, bark, bark.
06:16That's funny.
06:17That's what regular dogs do.
06:19They bark when you say out.
06:21Bark, bark, bark.
06:23Where did that come from?
06:24I taught him.
06:26Good for you.
06:27Try teaching him how to sit.
06:33Done.
06:34Wow.
06:35So where are you going?
06:36Oh, uh, we're working on this balancing ball thing.
06:39They just need another 20 minutes.
06:40You know what?
06:41Two tricks in one day.
06:42I don't want his head to explode.
06:44Okay, well, thanks for coming over.
06:47Hey, Marie, that was very impressive.
06:49Give me a little hug.
06:50Paul.
06:51What?
06:52Come here.
06:58What?
06:59What?
07:01Was there a reason for this trip?
07:05Yeah, I just want to say I...
07:07I really, really...
07:10I just love you.
07:15I love you, too, honey.
07:17What's the bad news?
07:18What?
07:20What's the bad news?
07:21What? I just said I love you.
07:22No, no, no, you didn't.
07:23You said, I really, really...
07:25And then you took a little pause,
07:26and you said, I just love you.
07:28So I know that can't be good.
07:30Baby, I'm the one who can't be good.
07:35Excuse me?
07:36What is this?
07:37Marie, what is this?
07:38Let's dance.
07:39Uh, this is...
07:40This is really bad news, isn't it?
07:42No, I'm just...
07:43I'm just feeling kind of dance-y.
07:45Oh.
07:54Isn't that nice?
07:55Well...
07:56Kind of nice, yeah?
07:58Hmm.
07:59Look at that.
08:00Marie's dancing, too.
08:04Marie's dan...
08:05Hello!
08:16Thank you very much.
08:17Okay, so he's not at any of the shelters.
08:19Maybe the police can help.
08:21The police?
08:22No, they don't care.
08:23They're all busy with snipers.
08:26Not all of them.
08:27What about the good ones?
08:29It's worth a try.
08:30Let's get a picture.
08:31Let's face it.
08:32Murray probably hasn't even figured out that he's lost.
08:34I'm sure he just thinks the apartment got bigger.
08:37You know, Ira, it's very easy to make fun,
08:39but just picture, if Lisa walked you...
08:41Why would she walk me?
08:42I'm making a comparison.
08:43Pauly, I promise you,
08:44Murray's gonna come out of this thing okay.
08:46That dog is blessed.
08:47Blessed?
08:48Yes.
08:49Did he ever tell you about the night that we found Murray?
08:51Excuse me, I found Murray.
08:52Who gave him his turkey sandwich?
08:53Who gave you my turkey sandwich?
08:54Who paid for your turkey sandwich?
08:55Whose idea was it to eat poultry?
08:57Guys, there's an entire heading
09:00under location services dog.
09:02I need something to write on.
09:04Oh, thank you.
09:07He is so smart.
09:09So what?
09:10Murray's no genius, but he has a vibe, I'm telling you.
09:12I met more chicks walking that dog.
09:14Really?
09:15Oh, yeah.
09:16Not as many as him.
09:17Really?
09:18Just find a picture.
09:20Hey, I met my wife walking Murray.
09:22So?
09:23So what, are you gonna make it sound dirty?
09:24I didn't make it sound dirty.
09:25Yes, you did.
09:27Hi, Warren.
09:28Here's the film call, Warren.
09:31That's not Murray.
09:34Murray's lost.
09:35Try to cheer him up.
09:39No, no, no, no.
09:42Not him.
09:43Him.
09:49Smile.
09:55I'm tapped.
09:59I got one.
10:00I got it right here.
10:01Oh, he looks so lost.
10:03Look how lost.
10:04And that's when you had him.
10:07Oh, gee, I wonder who that could be.
10:09Maybe she found him.
10:12I wanted to replace the brownie I ate.
10:16Well, isn't that nice?
10:17You lose a dog and you come back with cake.
10:20Excuse me.
10:21I guess I got hungry.
10:23So you brought me a bag?
10:26Whatever happened to it's the thought?
10:28Here's a thought.
10:29Honey, we will find him.
10:32Now, come on.
10:33Let's go to the police station.
10:34Ira, you take the cart.
10:36I'll go with him.
10:37No, not at night.
10:38You could get killed.
10:39Yeah, but if she really wants to.
10:41I'll cruise the neighborhood.
10:42I've got my car.
10:43Take the car.
10:44And Warren, you know what?
10:45You ride, uh...
10:46What's the word for that?
10:47With her.
10:48Uh, yes, with her.
10:49But there's a special word.
10:50Passenger?
10:51No, it's more official.
10:52Honey, come on.
10:53In tandem.
10:54No.
10:55Shotgun?
10:56No.
10:57Yes, shotgun.
10:58You ride shotgun.
10:59I was really excited about in tandem.
11:08Move it.
11:09Will you come down and be walked out?
11:13Look at this.
11:14This is the city your sister decides to lose my dog in.
11:16Do you want to find Murray
11:17or do you want to beat up my sister?
11:18Frankly, I'd like to do both.
11:20We have a 10-30 in progress at 9th and Bleecker.
11:23Request backup.
11:2510-4 here.
11:26All available units, please respond.
11:28Excuse me?
11:29Yeah.
11:30Uh, we would like to report...
11:31How long has it been gone?
11:32Since late this afternoon.
11:33Well, I can't do anything for 48 hours.
11:35You come in tomorrow, you fill out a missing persons report.
11:37Okay, well, see, there's a little snag.
11:39It's not a person.
11:40It's my dog.
11:41Oh, a dog.
11:43Well, that we can take care of now.
11:49That poor dog.
11:50All alone out there,
11:51and this is such a tough town to meet people.
11:54Don't worry.
11:55I have an amazing gift.
11:57What kind of gift?
11:58I'm a peripheral visionary.
12:01Which would be?
12:03I can see into the future,
12:04but just way off to the side.
12:07How often are you right?
12:09Occasionally.
12:10Any other times?
12:11I'm not right.
12:15How is that different from guessing?
12:17Look, don't mock me.
12:24This is so nice of you.
12:26Yeah, I had a dog, too.
12:28So you know.
12:29I know.
12:30All units, respond.
12:33Sorry for the interruption.
12:36You know, actually, it was my partner, Pete.
12:39So Pete had the dog.
12:40No, Pete was the dog.
12:42He met at the academy.
12:44Let me show you a picture.
12:45This is us at the graduation.
12:47Oh, look at this little tassel.
12:50The last time anybody saw our dog,
12:51it was in the park.
12:53Pete, he loved the park.
12:54This is us at the precinct barbecue.
12:56What's the ribbon for?
12:58We won the five-legged race.
13:00He's a collie.
13:01He's like a mixed breed,
13:02a little bit of collie kind of thing.
13:03You must be very close.
13:04Yeah, really.
13:05He took a bullet for me, you know.
13:08Yeah, ours was misplaced by my sister-in-law.
13:11I had a sister-in-law, too.
13:12So you know.
13:13I know.
13:17Murray!
13:19Murray!
13:22Murray, the dog!
13:25Murray, the dog!
13:28If you were a lost dog,
13:30what would you be doing?
13:32Probably sniffing your leg.
13:35Okay, let's try something else.
13:36Okay, name it.
13:38Ira, give me a break.
13:39What? You don't like me anymore?
13:41It was a year and a half ago.
13:42I was drunk, I was at my sister's wedding,
13:44and frankly, I needed to punish myself.
13:46Oh, nice, nice.
13:47So you used me just like you used Murray.
13:50I'm gonna go find Murray.
13:52Yeah, but I used you first.
13:58You see, that's what made Petey such a good cop.
14:02He's a family man.
14:04You know, maybe like an APB or something, or...
14:07You know that his youngest daughter was an Annie?
14:10On Broadway?
14:11No, at dinner theater.
14:12But still.
14:13Sweetie.
14:14It's impressive.
14:15Got some great reviews.
14:16Look.
14:17You know, maybe we should see an officer
14:20who doesn't have as much personal experience.
14:22I'm sorry.
14:23Very sorry.
14:24It's just...
14:25I guess I still got some issues.
14:26Of course you do.
14:29You know what?
14:30We brought a picture, if that helps.
14:35Yeah.
14:40I, uh...
14:42I think I found your dog.
14:48It's just amazing.
14:49One day I'm happily married, and then the next, poof!
14:52I saw it coming.
14:55Why didn't you say anything?
14:57Because I wasn't sure.
14:59I thought either Mark would leave you
15:01or Irving Berlin would die.
15:05Irving Berlin did die.
15:07Really?
15:09Keep driving. I'm hot.
15:13Ira!
15:17Ira!
15:20Ira!
15:28I'm sure he's fine.
15:30You don't know that.
15:31He could be out there.
15:32He could be eating out of garbage cans.
15:33He does that here.
15:36At least it's our garbage, not some stranger's garbage.
15:39That's the lowest thing there is, stranger garbage.
15:42Don't use Murray's bowl.
15:43Can't you use a different bowl?
15:45Fine.
15:46This guy gets his own bowl.
15:49Great. We're keeping him now?
15:51Now we got two dogs?
15:53No, I don't want two dogs.
15:55Let's just get rid of Murray altogether.
15:57Who's Murray?
15:58I don't even remember Murray.
16:01I know somebody who needs a nap.
16:05I'm just, you know...
16:06I'm just saying, if I vanish one day
16:08and then suddenly some guy showed up
16:10who was exactly like me but better,
16:12I mean, would you keep him?
16:14How is he better?
16:16I'm talking hypothetically.
16:17Does he like to go shopping with me?
16:19I don't know.
16:20I just want to understand.
16:21Okay, he's exactly like me,
16:24but he doesn't leave wet towels on the bed.
16:26What about socks?
16:27Socks, I'm not so sure.
16:30What about his mother?
16:31Pleasant, no phone.
16:32I'll take him.
16:35Look at it, you know,
16:36let's take it from your point of view.
16:37How would you like it if I met a woman,
16:39you know, I found some woman
16:40who was exactly like you but better?
16:43How is she better?
16:45What?
16:48How's who better?
16:50No, I'm interested.
16:52She's not better.
16:55She's not, no.
16:56I said she's better.
16:57She's not better, she's different.
16:58You know, she's whatever.
16:59She's like, you know, like you,
17:00but she's, I don't know, whatever, taller.
17:02Can I take that nap now?
17:05So what does this Amazon do?
17:08You're so cruel.
17:09She's not an Amazon.
17:10She's a little tall, that's all.
17:11She's, you know, she's, she's,
17:13it doesn't matter what she does anyway.
17:15She's, you know, it doesn't matter
17:16what I do or what you do.
17:17There's a, there's a quality.
17:19You have, there's a certain you-ness, you know?
17:21And that's, that's what I'm in love with.
17:23No matter what I do?
17:24Yes.
17:25Listen, if love depended on what you do,
17:26then I would love this guy,
17:27but I don't.
17:28I love this guy.
17:29Because?
17:30Because he has a basic murriness.
17:34So that's why I love him.
17:35And that's, you know, and that's why I love you.
17:37I have a murriness?
17:40You do.
17:41You really do.
17:42You were very close to the edge there.
17:44But I pulled it off.
17:45You did.
17:46You really did.
17:50Let me, let me talk to them.
17:51The police, they love me.
17:52Hello?
17:53Look, give me, let me talk.
17:54You're kidding.
17:55No, put them on.
17:56It says another couple came in with a dog
17:57who looks just like him, but dumber.
17:59Ow!
18:01Hello?
18:02Yes.
18:03He's right here, I'll try.
18:04Simon?
18:07It's Simon.
18:08Okay, ours is Murray.
18:10No response at all.
18:11That's him.
18:12Great.
18:13Great.
18:16They're on their way over.
18:17Oh.
18:22You know, that, that girl is...
18:23She's my sister.
18:24I know.
18:26You know, Lisa has a murriness, too.
18:28Oh, please.
18:29Well, she does for me.
18:30What?
18:31And you don't understand murriness.
18:33I do, too.
18:34Well, I thought you did,
18:35but I can see you don't.
18:37Stop that.
18:38We found Murray.
18:39You did?
18:40Yes.
18:41Oh, my God.
18:42Where, where, where is Ira?
18:43I don't know.
18:44Oh, so now you lost my cousin.
18:45But we found Murray.
18:47Oh.
18:49Thank God that's over with.
18:50Do you have anything to eat?
18:51That, excuse me,
18:52that, that's all you have to say?
18:53That, that's it?
18:55You're so funny.
18:59How, how am I funny?
19:00You put this whole thing on me.
19:03Yes, well, what,
19:04and I should put it on whom?
19:05Your dog.
19:06Be trained or don't be trained.
19:07Make up your mind.
19:08Oh, you see,
19:10Lisa, okay,
19:11see, you don't,
19:12the whole, the whole,
19:13I don't, I could,
19:14I lost my whole train of thought now.
19:16I was...
19:17You were about to forgive me.
19:18No, I wasn't gonna forgive you,
19:19because every time I forgive you,
19:20you, you do something stupid.
19:23That's really nice.
19:24I've spent the whole day
19:25looking for your dumb dog,
19:26and this is what I get?
19:27You lost my dumb dog.
19:28Honey, give her a break.
19:29I'm giving her a break.
19:30I'm not mentioning the VCR she broke,
19:31I'm not mentioning the $600 you owe us,
19:33or the, or the scratched-up Danny Kaye album.
19:35And I appreciate it.
19:37You're not allowed to appreciate it.
19:39Paul.
19:40Sweetie, would you stop protecting her?
19:41She's my family, too,
19:42and if I want to yell at her,
19:43I can yell at her.
19:44Really?
19:45Yes, if you would just use your brain
19:46once in a while,
19:47you know, you might as well
19:48use your brain once in a while.
19:49You know, you might as well
19:50use your brain once in a while.
19:51Once in a while.
19:52You know, you might like it.
19:53Do you think of me as family?
19:55What?
19:56Yes.
19:57Of course I think of you as family.
19:58That's so sweet.
19:59What?
20:00Don't, I'm yelling at you here.
20:01If you get all mushy,
20:02then it defeats the whole purpose of the...
20:03No.
20:04No, don't, don't, don't, don't, no.
20:05No, no, don't.
20:06Oh!
20:08She doesn't even know
20:09how to get yelled at.
20:12Oh, fine.
20:13All right, good.
20:14Okay.
20:15That's how you ring a doorbell.
20:17Hi.
20:18Hi.
20:19Oh, Murray.
20:20Oh, we miss you, buddy boy.
20:22We're the Beckmans.
20:23We're the Beckners.
20:24I'm Paul.
20:25Saul.
20:26Janie.
20:27Jamie.
20:30Murray, sit.
20:31Murray, sit.
20:34It's all in the tone.
20:35Yeah, well, I'll have to remember that.
20:37Yeah.
20:38Come in, please.
20:39All right.
20:40So, uh, where's Simon?
20:41Oh, I'll get him.
20:42You know, sweetie,
20:43maybe you should put Murray in the bedroom.
20:44I'm meeting Simon tonight.
20:45You know, sweetie,
20:46maybe you should put Murray in the bedroom.
20:47I'm meeting Simon face-to-face.
20:48He doesn't need that.
20:49Murray, boudoir.
20:52He's got quite an ear for languages.
20:54Yeah, yeah.
20:57Except English, he's not so good.
20:58Yeah, English is not so good.
21:01So, so, what do you guys do?
21:03Well, I teach physics at Columbia.
21:05Mm-hmm.
21:06Neurosurgeon.
21:09See, you both have little jobs.
21:10That's good.
21:11Yeah.
21:12That's good.
21:13That's a beautiful jacket.
21:14Thanks.
21:15Saul picked it out for me.
21:16He loves to shop.
21:17I do.
21:18Really.
21:19Hey, here's our Simon.
21:20Hey, Simon.
21:21Now, if you were anything like us,
21:22you guys must have been jumping out of your skin, huh?
21:24Well, I have to admit,
21:25at first we were a bit dysphoric,
21:27but, uh, you know who really held us together
21:29was Janie's sister.
21:31The woman is a rock.
21:33Yeah.
21:34Yeah.
21:35The sister's a rock.
21:36Did you hear that?
21:37Well, honey, we're gonna be late.
21:38Yeah.
21:39Simon, go get the elevator.
21:41All right.
21:42Well, thank you very much.
21:43Thank you so much.
21:44Oh, yes.
21:45Bye-bye.
21:46Nice to meet you.
21:47Bye now.
21:48Bye-bye.
21:49Get out of my house.
21:50Ooh.
21:51Ooh.
21:52Honey, dysphoric?
21:53I'm gonna look it up right now.
21:59Honey, I'm glad he's home, too, but...
22:01Come on, just this once.
22:04Murray, get off the bed.
22:07Good boy.
22:13Good boy.
22:24Good boy.
22:43Good boy.