Lez Bomb

  • 2 days ago
A still closeted young woman brings her girlfriend home for Thanksgiving, only to have her coming out efforts thwarted by the unexpected arrival of her male roommate.
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Transcript
00:00:00I've not been myself through this jazz spell, no, no
00:00:10Then it happened, I reckon you recall
00:00:15I caught you laughing in the face of a wrecking ball
00:00:19You gave an OK sign, blew my mind forever
00:00:26So I just had to let you know
00:00:30That even if you need to go
00:00:35We'll always have the Union Hall
00:00:40I'll always love you most of all
00:01:10Does your mom have a favorite flower?
00:01:12Uh, she loves those red gerber flowers.
00:01:15Do you have a favorite flower?
00:01:21I don't know.
00:01:24Well, when you dated people in the past, what kind of flower, um,
00:01:28what kind of flower did they give you?
00:01:31I think I've given more flowers than I've received.
00:01:35What?
00:01:36Really?
00:01:37Yes.
00:01:38No.
00:01:39Yes.
00:01:40Well, you'll have to let me be the one to give you flowers.
00:01:51I don't understand people.
00:01:53Who steals a doormat?
00:01:55How you doing?
00:01:56Um, I'm missing doormats and losing my mind.
00:02:00You know what I'm saying.
00:02:01This is your first Thanksgiving, not today.
00:02:04Hey.
00:02:05Hey.
00:02:07Why are you huddled outside my door?
00:02:09You come into the office to pay, sweetie.
00:02:12I'm waiting for my daughter to come and bring me the cash.
00:02:15I'll bring it tomorrow.
00:02:16Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.
00:02:19Excuse me.
00:02:20Can I help you?
00:02:22I don't know.
00:02:23Who are you?
00:02:24Rose.
00:02:25This is my motel.
00:02:27Oh.
00:02:29Yeah.
00:02:30I'm just lost.
00:02:31Okay.
00:02:32Thought it was a diner, but no.
00:02:35All good.
00:02:36Thanks.
00:02:37Bye.
00:02:38Bye.
00:02:44What the hell was that?
00:02:46I've seen that van before.
00:02:48You gotta tell me this stuff.
00:02:50What stuff?
00:02:51Suspicious stuff.
00:02:52Your brother is the most suspicious thing around here.
00:02:56That's true.
00:02:58All right.
00:03:05I like you in an apron.
00:03:07Don't get used to it.
00:03:09So, I've been thinking about something.
00:03:11Oh, yeah? What?
00:03:12I think maybe you and I should go on a trip.
00:03:17Oh, yeah? Where do you want to go?
00:03:19I don't know.
00:03:20Maybe somewhere for me.
00:03:22Ladies, are we interrupting something?
00:03:24This is Mimi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Mimi, this is my roommate Lauren and Haley.
00:03:30I have to pee.
00:03:32I'm sorry.
00:03:33The bathroom is down the hall.
00:03:41Some smells good.
00:03:42What are we cooking?
00:03:43Berry crumble for tomorrow.
00:03:44What are your Thanksgiving plans?
00:03:45What are you doing?
00:03:46Mimi invited me to a potluck in Brooklyn with some friends,
00:03:49so I don't know.
00:03:50I'm weighing my options.
00:03:51Oh.
00:03:52Yeah.
00:03:55No, no, no, no.
00:03:56Oh, hey, Mrs. Anderson.
00:03:57No, no.
00:03:58Yeah.
00:03:59Austin, seriously, give me the phone.
00:04:01Oh, why, thank you.
00:04:02Give me the phone.
00:04:04Hi, Mom.
00:04:05Yeah.
00:04:07I'll call you back.
00:04:08Bye, Mrs. Anderson.
00:04:10Austin.
00:04:11Watch out.
00:04:14Hey, it's nice to see you too, Haley.
00:04:17Always a pleasure, Austin.
00:04:21I'm going to check the crumble.
00:04:27What the hell?
00:04:30Oh.
00:04:34Looking for a diner, my ass.
00:04:36What's wrong?
00:04:41My brother.
00:04:43He's up to something.
00:04:45Well, you got to fire him.
00:04:46I can't fire my brother.
00:04:47We're supposed to keep him out of trouble.
00:04:49Are you eating blueberry pie?
00:04:51First of all, it's only 147 calories per slice.
00:04:53Yeah.
00:04:54Second of all, it's a superfood.
00:04:57And you're a superman, but it's for tomorrow.
00:05:00Not this slice.
00:05:02Okay, did you watch the turkey carving video?
00:05:05Well, I did and I didn't.
00:05:08Dad always carved the turkey.
00:05:10Oh, come here.
00:05:12I know.
00:05:13I'll watch the video, I promise.
00:05:14And I miss him too.
00:05:16He's the only one that would fight me for the dark meat.
00:05:19Please watch the video.
00:05:20I will, I swear.
00:05:21I mean, how else am I going to know how to carve a dumb turkey?
00:05:24I still love you, though.
00:05:26Yeah, I love you too.
00:05:27Ah.
00:05:31What are we supposed to do with that?
00:05:41No.
00:05:42Hey, Mom.
00:05:43You didn't call me back.
00:05:45Sorry.
00:05:46Austin sent a smoked turkey again.
00:05:49I'm making my turkey too.
00:05:50How much turkey does he think we eat?
00:05:52I have no idea.
00:05:53I mean, he's not even coming this year.
00:05:54What's with the Wi-Fi?
00:05:56I mean, technologically, that doesn't do anything.
00:05:58So, did you have a nice night?
00:06:00Yeah, just hanging out with Haley.
00:06:02When are we meeting the boyfriend?
00:06:04Soon.
00:06:05When soon?
00:06:06Mom.
00:06:07When are you and your friend coming tomorrow?
00:06:08I need a game plan.
00:06:09I don't like surprises.
00:06:11I'm coming at like 10.
00:06:12She's coming a little later.
00:06:14Okay, okay.
00:06:15I love you.
00:06:16Bye.
00:06:17I love you too.
00:06:18Bye.
00:06:22She doesn't like surprises.
00:06:24Surprise.
00:06:25I'm not a boyfriend.
00:06:26Right.
00:06:27What should I wear tomorrow?
00:06:28Um, I don't know.
00:06:29Just casual, comfortable.
00:06:31My family's super comfortable.
00:06:33Pajamas?
00:06:34Funny.
00:06:35What are you going to say to them?
00:06:37Mom, Dad, I have a girlfriend.
00:06:39She'll be here like real soon.
00:06:41Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?
00:06:43Yeah.
00:06:44I don't want to bombard them.
00:07:26Whoa, whoa.
00:07:28God bless our soul.
00:07:31Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:07:36Did you watch the video yet?
00:07:38I'm on it.
00:07:40I want grandchildren.
00:07:42Okay.
00:07:43I don't want to be 80 chasing around a five-year-old.
00:07:45No.
00:07:46I'm still vivacious.
00:07:47Yes, you are.
00:07:49How do we get old?
00:07:50Nobody's old.
00:07:51Who's old?
00:07:53Yesterday I was getting high and listening to the Beatles.
00:07:55Well, yeah, that's what you do.
00:07:57Lauren's walking?
00:07:58Why would she walk?
00:08:00I have no idea.
00:08:01Who walks?
00:08:11What are you doing?
00:08:12Why didn't you call for a ride?
00:08:14Sorry, I just wanted to walk, clear my head.
00:08:16I was doing a round of beads chanting.
00:08:18All right, well, let me help my favorite daughter.
00:08:20Only daughter.
00:08:21A little heads up.
00:08:22Your mama's just talking about grandchildren.
00:08:24What grandchildren?
00:08:25Exactly.
00:08:26What are you chanting?
00:08:27Hare Krishna.
00:08:28If I see you with a tambourine begging for money, I swear to God.
00:08:32Mom.
00:08:33Oh, God.
00:08:34Do you think we can hide this today?
00:08:36Lauren, why?
00:08:37Um, Mom, I'm in a relationship.
00:08:40Right, that mystery, man.
00:08:42You're embarrassed to bring home.
00:08:44Help me with the carrots.
00:08:45Before we get going with the carrots, I want to talk to you about...
00:08:47Yes.
00:08:48Tell me, tell me, tell me.
00:08:49I keep asking.
00:08:50Well, I wanted to make sure if it was serious.
00:08:52And?
00:08:53It's, you know, what are you doing?
00:08:55Just checking.
00:08:56You see what he's doing?
00:08:57He's checking his stash.
00:08:59Stash?
00:09:00Of cookies.
00:09:01He wants to see how many I've eaten.
00:09:03I found the most amazing almond cookie.
00:09:05Unfortunately, she also loves them.
00:09:07The woman can whack a box in a day.
00:09:09Oh, excuse you, I do not.
00:09:11Peel.
00:09:12Talk and peel.
00:09:13You know, it's important for you guys to know that, like,
00:09:15having feelings for someone, it can take you by surprise.
00:09:18I mean, that you might not expect.
00:09:20I mean, it took me by surprise.
00:09:22Right.
00:09:23And so, I was thinking that...
00:09:25What the...
00:09:26Who the hell could that be?
00:09:27If your parents are four hours early, I will literally scream.
00:09:31Can you get that?
00:09:32I...
00:09:33Can you...
00:09:36They did this before.
00:09:37When?
00:09:39365 days ago.
00:09:44What are you doing?
00:09:45Just stretching it out.
00:09:46Last night was a feat of physical dexterity with Mimi.
00:09:49No.
00:09:50What are you doing here?
00:09:51You can't be here.
00:09:52Yeah, your mom invited me.
00:09:53When?
00:09:54Last night, on the phone.
00:09:55She said if my plans fell through, I was more than welcome to come and join you guys.
00:09:57You're not.
00:09:58What happened to the vomit?
00:09:59I don't want Mimi thinking I want anything serious.
00:10:01Besides, Thanksgiving alone would be so depressing.
00:10:03And your family loves me.
00:10:04Austin, I'm trying to come out.
00:10:06On Thanksgiving?
00:10:07Yo, that's pretty crazy.
00:10:09Austin!
00:10:10Hey!
00:10:11I didn't know you were coming.
00:10:12Surprise!
00:10:13Oh, this is great.
00:10:14Did you get the turkey?
00:10:16No wonder you sent the turkey.
00:10:17Okay, I understand.
00:10:20Oh, no.
00:10:21Austin!
00:10:22Come on in.
00:10:23Make yourself at home.
00:10:24That turkey was very thoughtful.
00:10:26See, I'm thoughtful.
00:10:29This is so great.
00:10:30No, he's not the boyfriend.
00:10:31How did this happen?
00:10:32No, no.
00:10:33What?
00:10:34This is great.
00:10:35I love him.
00:10:36Mom, no, no.
00:10:37Isn't there a song like,
00:10:38Are you my best friend?
00:10:39Are you my lover?
00:10:40I don't know that song.
00:10:41Isn't there a song like that?
00:10:42No.
00:10:43Come on.
00:10:44Oh, my God.
00:10:46Come on.
00:10:50Morning, Mr. Anderson.
00:10:54Okay.
00:10:55Lauren, I need your focus.
00:10:57Mom, I need your focus.
00:10:58Peel.
00:10:59Oh, what are you doing?
00:11:00Having breakfast.
00:11:01Pie is not breakfast.
00:11:03Blueberries.
00:11:04With sugar.
00:11:05And butter.
00:11:06Talk sentient to your father.
00:11:08Dad, pie is not breakfast.
00:11:09So good.
00:11:10I can't serve that now.
00:11:12Are you eating meat these days?
00:11:13No, Mom.
00:11:14I was really hoping that was a phase.
00:11:16What are you doing?
00:11:18Guys, I really need to talk to the two of you alone.
00:11:21Whatever you have to say,
00:11:22you can say it in front of Austin.
00:11:23He's family.
00:11:24I mean, is he?
00:11:25That's a legitimate question.
00:11:26Oh, sweetie, you can't just dump.
00:11:29You need to measure.
00:11:30Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:11:31Okay.
00:11:32What's on your mind?
00:11:33Talk, talk, talk.
00:11:34Last night, Hayley and I went to this alpaca festival.
00:11:37Yeah, I saw a picture on Instagram.
00:11:38I liked it.
00:11:39Yeah, you are all over my social media.
00:11:40What is that?
00:11:41What is that supposed to mean?
00:11:42Nothing, nothing.
00:11:43I gotta get a broom.
00:11:44You went to an alpaca meeting?
00:11:46Uh, LPAC.
00:11:47It's a super PAC for lesbians, for women in power.
00:11:50It's a political power thing.
00:11:51What are you into politics?
00:11:53And lesbians.
00:11:54Can we please stay focused?
00:11:56Um, we went to this LPAC thing,
00:11:58and then we came home,
00:11:59and we made this berry crumble together.
00:12:01You have got to take one of these brooms.
00:12:03We just got them at the motel.
00:12:05So you're a feminist now.
00:12:06They are freaking great.
00:12:07I'm just trying to stay informed.
00:12:08Oh, Hayley's not informing you?
00:12:09That's a bummer.
00:12:10Feel it, sweetie.
00:12:11Yeah, go on.
00:12:12Feel the broom.
00:12:14Feel it.
00:12:15They gotta feel good.
00:12:16When they feel good,
00:12:17they pick up all the stuff on the floor.
00:12:19You're taking one back.
00:12:20Women have to gather to rally.
00:12:22Because you're not a woman.
00:12:23Uh-huh.
00:12:24Yeah, she can ignore me.
00:12:25You can't.
00:12:26Yeah, I'll take one.
00:12:27Got a broom.
00:12:28It's important to keep the home clean.
00:12:30Mom, me and Austin, we don't have a home.
00:12:32We don't have a home.
00:12:33I am not against women.
00:12:35Oh, my God!
00:12:36Why are you yelling?
00:12:37Whatever you have to say, we support you.
00:12:39George, we love Austin, right?
00:12:41Do we?
00:12:42Austin, come with me now.
00:12:43We're going upstairs.
00:12:48No wonder you sent the turkey.
00:12:49This is very exciting.
00:12:50I just wish you would have had the decency to ask
00:12:53before moving in together.
00:12:55They were already living together, so...
00:12:58As roommates.
00:12:59But this...
00:13:00They're in love.
00:13:01Living in sin?
00:13:02Sweetie, this is the 21st century.
00:13:04These things just happen.
00:13:06These things don't just happen to my daughter.
00:13:08Fix this.
00:13:09Fix this.
00:13:10And tell them you're a scissor sister?
00:13:11No way.
00:13:12No, tell them we're not dating, Austin.
00:13:14Tell them you're a lesbian.
00:13:15Two birds, one stone.
00:13:16This is not funny.
00:13:17Okay, come on.
00:13:22Take a deep breath.
00:13:25Relax.
00:13:27You're like a balloon.
00:13:30Let me be your string.
00:13:31Baby girl, I'm having a crisis.
00:13:33Does this make me look fat?
00:13:35This says fat, right?
00:13:36Don't answer that.
00:13:37We're not dating.
00:13:38Oh, your father's gonna come around.
00:13:40No, no, seriously, we're not dating Miss Anderson.
00:13:43I promise you, he's not the boyfriend.
00:13:45Okay.
00:13:46Hey, I'm gonna go to the store.
00:13:47Oh, good, wait.
00:13:48I need walnuts, Sunnybrook yogurt,
00:13:50pistachios for your father,
00:13:51and Jarlsberg cheese.
00:13:52That's your favorite, right?
00:13:53Yeah, text it to me.
00:13:54Okay.
00:13:55Penzone.
00:13:56You wanna come with?
00:14:09Mm-mm.
00:14:10I have nothing to wear.
00:14:11Nothing fits.
00:14:12Your father keeps bringing home cookies.
00:14:14The shirt looks nice.
00:14:15Yeah.
00:14:18I'm sad today.
00:14:19What?
00:14:20Without my dad.
00:14:21I know, Mom.
00:14:22I'm sorry.
00:14:23I miss him, too.
00:14:24Mm.
00:14:25I love you, Mom.
00:14:26I love you, too.
00:14:29Okay.
00:14:31Text the list.
00:14:32Text the list.
00:14:34Hey, Mom, I really gotta talk to you about Haley.
00:14:38About Haley?
00:14:40Yeah.
00:14:41Okay.
00:14:42I understand, though.
00:14:43What do you understand?
00:14:44I'm excited to meet your friend,
00:14:46but I get it's hard maintaining friendships
00:14:49when you're in a relationship.
00:14:50What are you talking about?
00:14:51I mean, it's hard to be a best friend
00:14:52when someone else takes that place.
00:14:54You've had a lot of best friends.
00:14:56What?
00:14:57I thought we were best friends.
00:14:59But you don't tell me anything anymore.
00:15:01I tell you things, Mom.
00:15:03Tell me how to spell Jarlsberg.
00:15:05How do I spell Jarlsberg?
00:15:07It's a J.
00:15:08J-A-R-L-S-B-U-R-G-B-E-R-G.
00:15:13Okay, well, Haley's at the station now.
00:15:16Okay.
00:15:17So I guess I'll just go.
00:15:19You want me to come?
00:15:20No, how do I look?
00:15:21Do I look okay?
00:15:22Good, you look good.
00:15:23What does that mean?
00:15:24For someone who's doing all this meditating,
00:15:26you're awfully stressed, sweetie.
00:15:27Maybe you're not doing it right.
00:15:29Maybe it's reversing your brain waves
00:15:31in some kind of way.
00:15:32You're making it worse, Mom.
00:15:33Do you want anything while I'm texting your father?
00:15:35No.
00:15:37Okay.
00:15:55Where's this store?
00:15:58Well, you know, I just thought I'd get you away
00:16:00from the hubbub of the house.
00:16:02Have a little chat, man-to-man.
00:16:04Okay.
00:16:05Just had a couple questions.
00:16:09How long have you been dating my daughter?
00:16:11Oh, no.
00:16:13No, sir, we're not dating.
00:16:15Don't lie to me.
00:16:16Oh, no, I'm not lying.
00:16:18Okay.
00:16:20Let me rephrase.
00:16:21How long have you been sleeping with my daughter?
00:16:23Oh.
00:16:25Uh, what do you mean?
00:16:28What do I mean?
00:16:30Okay, what was Lauren told you?
00:16:34Nothing gets past me.
00:16:38We're not dating.
00:16:43You're saying you've never slept with my daughter?
00:16:48Is that what you're saying?
00:16:52Okay, okay, yeah.
00:16:54Um, yeah, so we slept together once,
00:16:57and, um, never happened again.
00:16:59It was just one time, and it didn't mean anything.
00:17:01It didn't mean anything?
00:17:03Well, I didn't mean like that.
00:17:04You know, it's just that we...
00:17:05You slept with my daughter,
00:17:07and it didn't mean anything!
00:17:08No, it didn't.
00:17:09It meant something.
00:17:10It's just we're not dating.
00:17:11You better be dating if you're sleeping with my daughter!
00:17:14But I, um...
00:17:15Take a look around.
00:17:21You see anybody?
00:17:23No.
00:17:24No?
00:17:26You think you'll be missed?
00:17:28What?
00:17:31Ten.
00:17:34Nine.
00:17:35Oh, God, are you counting down to kill me?
00:17:36Eight.
00:17:37Okay, okay, yep.
00:17:39Seven.
00:17:40Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're dating.
00:17:42Six.
00:17:43We're dating, we're dating, we're dating.
00:17:44I am, um...
00:17:45Five.
00:17:46I am obsessed with her, I love her.
00:17:47She is...
00:17:48Four.
00:17:49A great human being.
00:17:50I think you birthed an amazing little girl.
00:17:51Three.
00:17:52I'm dating your daughter!
00:17:53Okay.
00:17:54Man, that's a simple question.
00:17:57Just give a straight answer.
00:18:07Hey!
00:18:08Hi.
00:18:09I made it.
00:18:12Oh, I got this for your mom.
00:18:14Oh, that was really nice.
00:18:16And these.
00:18:18So thoughtful.
00:18:20Everything okay?
00:18:22Mm-hmm, yeah.
00:18:24So how far is it from here?
00:18:26It's, uh, it's really close.
00:18:30So close.
00:18:36So, how did it go?
00:18:39You look really nice.
00:18:42So, Austin, um...
00:18:43I thought you were going to talk about Austin.
00:18:45No, I know, it's just that, Lauren, today is about you and me.
00:18:48And today is totally still about you and me, but I should tell you that Austin is...
00:18:52Right, so no Austin.
00:18:54Okay, but the thing is...
00:18:55If you say Austin one more time, I'm going to get out of this car.
00:19:09Welcome to my home.
00:19:10So cute.
00:19:11Yeah.
00:19:12Um, don't look at that.
00:19:14Okay, now I have to.
00:19:16Come on.
00:19:17Come on.
00:19:19Oh, God.
00:19:20Oh, wow.
00:19:22Yeah.
00:19:23This is amazing.
00:19:24A whole lot of me.
00:19:26You must be Haley.
00:19:27Hi, um, these are for you.
00:19:29Oh, these are my favorite.
00:19:31That is so nice of you.
00:19:32It is such a pleasure to finally meet you.
00:19:34We've heard so much about you.
00:19:35Thank you so much for having me.
00:19:37Oh, you're so welcome.
00:19:38I was just looking at this amazing collage.
00:19:40It's pretty great, right?
00:19:41Yes, it is so embarrassing.
00:19:42No, it's beautiful.
00:19:43She's always beautiful to me.
00:19:44Okay.
00:19:48Hey, Haley.
00:19:49Austin?
00:19:50I need to talk to you.
00:19:51Where did he go?
00:19:52Hey.
00:19:53Oh, yeah, you went lumberjack chic, too.
00:19:54Come on.
00:19:55That's what I was trying to tell you in the car.
00:19:56Oh, no, wait.
00:19:57Over here.
00:19:58I'm really sorry.
00:19:59What the hell, Austin?
00:20:03Hello.
00:20:04I'm George.
00:20:05Hi, I'm Haley.
00:20:06Pleasure.
00:20:07What's Austin doing here?
00:20:08Oh, he just surprised us.
00:20:09I might kill him.
00:20:10The feeling's mutual.
00:20:11Why did you tell your father that we slept together and everything?
00:20:14Yes, he was all like, no, you slept with my daughter.
00:20:17Did you sleep with my father?
00:20:18No.
00:20:19He's with our daughter in her bedroom.
00:20:20I know.
00:20:21This is for the two of you.
00:20:22Thank you both so much for having me and welcoming me into your home on Thanksgiving.
00:20:26Your daughter is amazing.
00:20:28I can't tell you how much this means.
00:20:30Lauren told me how important you are.
00:20:32Aw.
00:20:33So tell us about Austin.
00:20:34Yeah, what's his deal?
00:20:35He's fine.
00:20:37He wants to kill me.
00:20:38I'm legitimate.
00:20:39Kill me.
00:20:40I might kill you.
00:20:41I might actually kill you.
00:20:42This must be tough.
00:20:43You get jealous.
00:20:45Austin.
00:20:46It's okay.
00:20:47You can tell me.
00:20:48I guess.
00:20:49They're just so close.
00:20:50Of course.
00:20:51They have a special connection.
00:20:52Special my ass.
00:20:53And I understand.
00:20:54It's totally natural.
00:20:55Well, I don't think I've admitted that before.
00:20:58Even to Lauren?
00:20:59Don't worry.
00:21:00It'll all work out.
00:21:01When they get married, you'll still be close friends.
00:21:04What?
00:21:05Me and Austin are not dating.
00:21:07Austin and I.
00:21:08You were an English major.
00:21:09Let's, why don't we go outside, get some fresh air.
00:21:12Come on.
00:21:15Where the hell is he going?
00:21:16Stop.
00:21:20What's he doing here?
00:21:21Uh, yeah.
00:21:22I was planning on telling them,
00:21:23and then the doorbell rang,
00:21:24and my parents just kind of assumed
00:21:25you were getting married.
00:21:26He sent a turkey?
00:21:28He sent a turkey?
00:21:29I know, I know.
00:21:30Listen, I will make this better.
00:21:32I'm okay.
00:21:39Ew.
00:21:41Okay.
00:21:45Mm.
00:21:56That is just horrifying.
00:21:58What?
00:21:59The neighbors do not need to see this kid's pelvis.
00:22:01What are you talking about?
00:22:03I never liked the idea of her moving in
00:22:05with some guy out for craigslist.
00:22:06Oh, I remember vividly you saying,
00:22:08that kid's got a good head on his shoulders.
00:22:10And I knocked that head off.
00:22:11Oh, you don't like any of Lauren's boyfriends.
00:22:13Remember that nice kid, Johnny?
00:22:14You gave him PTSD.
00:22:16Johnny was a bum.
00:22:18Meanwhile, we invited Austin into our home for Thanksgiving,
00:22:20and he clearly deceived us with his intentions.
00:22:23How could you not fall in love with our daughter?
00:22:25He's got her lying to us.
00:22:27She never lied to us.
00:22:29Sweetie.
00:22:32Do you think she's pregnant?
00:22:40Where's your sharpener?
00:22:41I don't know.
00:22:53What?
00:22:55It's my grandparents.
00:22:58So we're playing straight today.
00:23:00They're not listening to me.
00:23:04Maybe they'll listen to you.
00:23:05Why don't you give it a try?
00:23:06Go tell them.
00:23:08What?
00:23:09You go tell my parents.
00:23:10No.
00:23:11Okay.
00:23:12I just met them.
00:23:13I'm not coming out for you.
00:23:16Austin.
00:23:17What a surprise.
00:23:19Hello, Anderson grandparents.
00:23:21Call me Josephine.
00:23:23Grandpa gets it done.
00:23:25And don't you worry.
00:23:26I got your smoked turkey.
00:23:29He's arm and arm with your grandma.
00:23:31I am not with Austin.
00:23:32I am with you.
00:23:34Okay, they're going to love you.
00:23:36Come on, walk along like you know how to walk.
00:23:38I'm waiting for you, bitch.
00:23:40I can walk.
00:23:41Look at this.
00:23:42Oh, good.
00:23:43Okay.
00:23:44Well, keep up.
00:23:45You're going to be the death of me.
00:23:47Well, the death of you will be your cholesterol.
00:23:49Oh, really?
00:23:50Did you ever hear of Lipitor?
00:23:52Wait a second.
00:23:53Lipitor?
00:23:54Lipitor, Lipitor.
00:23:55Ask your doctor.
00:23:56Should I get some?
00:23:57Christ.
00:23:58What are the side effects?
00:24:00Death.
00:24:05Keep walking.
00:24:06You don't have to wait for me.
00:24:07I don't need a helper.
00:24:08Well, you need something.
00:24:12Come on.
00:24:13Let's go in there so that they can see you by my side.
00:24:17And they can process it.
00:24:19And I'll clear this all up, all right?
00:24:22Fine.
00:24:29Happy Thanksgiving.
00:24:31Happy Thanksgiving.
00:24:34I'm so happy everyone's early.
00:24:35You wore those pants again?
00:24:37Look at them.
00:24:38Yeah.
00:24:39Yes, I did.
00:24:40Well, thank heaven I didn't dress up.
00:24:42Well, they're very comfortable here.
00:24:44Yeah, they're very heinous.
00:24:45They may be heinous, but something smells awfully good.
00:24:50Well, this is so great because, you know,
00:24:53your son ate the entire pie.
00:24:55I was wanting to serve for breakfast.
00:24:57Oh, pie is okay for breakfast.
00:24:59Maybe everyone can congregate in the living room.
00:25:02Austin, I'm so happy.
00:25:03Congregate in the living room.
00:25:05Austin sent me one of those smoked turkeys.
00:25:07Now I'm excited about Thanksgiving.
00:25:09Mm-hmm.
00:25:10This man ate a whole pie?
00:25:12Part of a pie.
00:25:13She's exaggerating, Fig.
00:25:15Everyone, can I have your attention?
00:25:17We're dating.
00:25:18Yes, Austin and Lauren are dating.
00:25:21You're misunderstanding.
00:25:23That's wonderful.
00:25:24No, Grandma, stop it.
00:25:25No, Grandma, stop it.
00:25:26No, no, no.
00:25:27It's not what you think.
00:25:28But it's very meaningful.
00:25:30There's just a bit of confusion here.
00:25:31Yeah, listen.
00:25:32Do you work with Lauren?
00:25:33Yeah, a little.
00:25:35Haley is a lawyer.
00:25:37She actually makes money.
00:25:38So do you.
00:25:39How's the writing coming?
00:25:40Bet you got a whole lot of new material now.
00:25:43Her writing's going really well.
00:25:45Tell them.
00:25:46What kind of law?
00:25:47Environmental law.
00:25:48All about shrubbery and bushes.
00:25:49I love shrubbery.
00:25:51I don't know anything about environmental law.
00:25:53I learn something new every day.
00:25:55As did I, Madam, the day I married you till today.
00:25:59What's the newest thing you learned?
00:26:00You, ma'am, have major games.
00:26:02All right, you two, get a room.
00:26:04Haley and I met in yoga.
00:26:06I thought you weren't supposed to talk in yoga.
00:26:08Well, she hates rules.
00:26:10Haley is not my friend.
00:26:11She's your best friend.
00:26:13I liked that picture of you two on Instagram last night.
00:26:16That was really cute.
00:26:17Talking about the yellow pack event.
00:26:18Yeah.
00:26:19Lesbians for women in power.
00:26:21Yeah, we got a bunch of feminists in the house.
00:26:23Are you two wearing the same shirt?
00:26:25Okay, come with me.
00:26:27Okay.
00:26:29Excuse me.
00:26:30He goes, too.
00:26:36They're not listening.
00:26:37I told you.
00:26:39No, like, they're really not listening.
00:26:41I mean, okay, they're still my family.
00:26:47What?
00:26:49Jesus Christ!
00:26:50How many times do I have to knock
00:26:51before somebody answers the door?
00:26:52What's with the girl in the van?
00:26:54Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:26:55Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.
00:26:56Mike! Mike! Mike!
00:26:58You heard me.
00:26:59I don't even know what you're talking about!
00:27:01Oh, I don't believe you.
00:27:02Where's the cranberry sauce?
00:27:04What?
00:27:05I asked you to bring wine.
00:27:06I don't want...
00:27:07Oh, wait, hold on.
00:27:08I brought wine.
00:27:09Oh, great.
00:27:10I brought wine.
00:27:11So we're drinking again.
00:27:12That makes me happy.
00:27:13So this is your bedroom.
00:27:15And this is it.
00:27:18I'm so glad we're sharing this moment with Austin.
00:27:20No one wants to out you guys more than me right now.
00:27:22Why exactly are you here?
00:27:24How was I supposed to know
00:27:25you were going to drop the lesbomb today?
00:27:27Why did you send a turkey?
00:27:29Because her grandmother liked it last year.
00:27:31You're deliberately trying to sabotage me.
00:27:34Shut up.
00:27:35Both of you.
00:27:37Go with the flow,
00:27:38and when the right moment presents itself,
00:27:41I will tell them we are in a relationship.
00:27:43Okay.
00:27:45But listen, you just have to rip off that band-aid.
00:27:48I didn't want there to be any ripping.
00:27:50I know.
00:27:51That's not how it was supposed to happen.
00:27:53Oh, I know.
00:27:55I'm sorry.
00:27:56Hey, it's going to be okay.
00:28:04So this is your bedroom?
00:28:06This is my bedroom.
00:28:08All of this was made here.
00:28:11How did you even fit on the bed
00:28:13with all these stuffed animals?
00:28:15I don't know.
00:28:16I'm actually not sure.
00:28:18Who's this guy?
00:28:20This is Teddy.
00:28:21I lacked imagination.
00:28:23This is like quite the introduction
00:28:24to six-year-old Lauren.
00:28:26Oh, I'm sorry.
00:28:28It's okay.
00:28:30Hey, mom.
00:28:32Happy Thanksgiving.
00:28:34Oh, it smells so good in here.
00:28:36You look so handsome.
00:28:38Really?
00:28:39Yes, I really do.
00:28:40Why don't I have a girlfriend then?
00:28:42This deserves a girlfriend.
00:28:43You're so touchable.
00:28:44What's up?
00:28:46I did bring a little bit of laundry
00:28:48for us to do,
00:28:49but I don't know how to do it,
00:28:51so I thought, you know, you could do it.
00:28:52Yes, you may.
00:28:53It's all good.
00:28:57Dashing through the snow.
00:29:01Honey, one holiday at a time, please.
00:29:04Can I have my phone back now?
00:29:05Jess.
00:29:07Why don't you give her the phone back?
00:29:08Don't make me the bad cop.
00:29:10You are the bad cop.
00:29:11Hey, don't push her.
00:29:17Okay, here we go.
00:29:19Let's have a good time.
00:29:23Can I please have my phone now?
00:29:25No.
00:29:27And don't slam the door.
00:29:29Can we just eat some food
00:29:30and give thanks?
00:29:31How?
00:29:32I'm not thankful.
00:29:33How about giving thanks
00:29:34for me birthing you?
00:29:36Push your child out of your vagina
00:29:37for 32 hours,
00:29:38you won't be crying about that phone.
00:29:39Mom, don't say vagina.
00:29:40And don't mention the spinach dip.
00:29:44Hey, the good guys are here.
00:29:47Oh, my goodness.
00:29:49How are you?
00:29:50I'm very, very good.
00:29:52Look at that.
00:29:54Oh, there, beautiful lady.
00:29:56Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.
00:29:58I love you.
00:29:59Hey, tough guy.
00:30:00How are you doing?
00:30:01I'm doing great.
00:30:02Yeah?
00:30:03I feel great.
00:30:04I got the appetite back.
00:30:05How do I look?
00:30:06Like a hundred damn dollars.
00:30:07You actually asked him
00:30:08if he felt good.
00:30:09Look at the woman's face
00:30:10that he brought with him.
00:30:11I mean, how could you not feel good?
00:30:13Pop, come on.
00:30:14Jessica.
00:30:15Hi, Mike.
00:30:16Maggie.
00:30:17Hi.
00:30:18Cool gang is here.
00:30:19Great.
00:30:20This is Ali.
00:30:21Hi.
00:30:22Don't you eat meat?
00:30:23No, thanks.
00:30:24I actually don't eat meat.
00:30:25Are you a vegetarian?
00:30:26Yeah.
00:30:27Wait, you're the one
00:30:28that turned my daughter vegetarian?
00:30:30No, actually, she turned me vegetarian.
00:30:32She doesn't eat meat,
00:30:33but she eats pie.
00:30:35So do you.
00:30:36Mom, can I have my phone?
00:30:37Not until you learn
00:30:38that my privacy is my privacy.
00:30:40She has taken to filming me
00:30:41in the bathroom.
00:30:42Enough.
00:30:43Mm-hmm.
00:30:44On the toilet, in the shower,
00:30:45waxing, sweating.
00:30:46Oh, my God.
00:30:47Well, that's flattery.
00:30:48Oh, flattery, right?
00:30:49Yes.
00:30:50Come on.
00:30:51Real flattery.
00:30:52Somebody said
00:30:53there was gonna be turkey.
00:30:54Oh, yeah, it's hilarious.
00:30:55You really are.
00:30:56You should have some wine.
00:30:57I don't want wine.
00:30:58It's a bottle
00:30:59that Haley brought.
00:31:00You shut up.
00:31:01Great.
00:31:02Is there a reason
00:31:03you don't want wine?
00:31:04I don't feel
00:31:05like drinking.
00:31:06That's it?
00:31:07Dad, I don't want wine.
00:31:08Uncle George,
00:31:09I'll help you.
00:31:10Do you want the wine?
00:31:11No.
00:31:12I was thinking
00:31:13you might want some.
00:31:14Lauren, can you grab me
00:31:15some extra oven mitts
00:31:16from downstairs?
00:31:17Oh, I'll go get them.
00:31:18Lauren, can you show Haley
00:31:19where the extra
00:31:20oven mitts are?
00:31:21Mom, can you ask Dad
00:31:22why he's being crazy?
00:31:23He doesn't want any wine.
00:31:24Where the hell
00:31:25is the turkey?
00:31:26Hey, men, I'm with Pop.
00:31:27Let's eat.
00:31:28It's roast meat.
00:31:29Haley sucks, you know.
00:31:31Okay.
00:31:32You need to drink that wine.
00:31:33I'm getting drunk.
00:31:34It's not gonna fix anything.
00:31:35They think you're pregnant.
00:31:36No.
00:31:37Oh, yeah, they think.
00:31:38You came home to tell them
00:31:39you're in a relationship
00:31:40with Austin,
00:31:41and you're pregnant.
00:31:42Congratulations.
00:31:43Oh, my God.
00:31:44Um, I just need
00:31:45to get home
00:31:46Oh, my God.
00:31:47Um, I just need
00:31:48to get my mom alone
00:31:49for, like, a minute.
00:31:51Is someone smoking pot?
00:31:53I don't think so.
00:31:54I mean, nobody smokes.
00:31:58What?
00:32:04My uncle is smoking weed
00:32:05in Pop-Pop's bathroom.
00:32:06My uncle, this,
00:32:07my Pop-Pop used to live
00:32:08down here with my uncles,
00:32:09and they're smoking
00:32:10and shaving.
00:32:11My mom's gonna kill him.
00:32:12Why is he shaving?
00:32:13Why is he smoking?
00:32:14Ask if he wants to share.
00:32:15That's not funny.
00:32:16I'm not joking.
00:32:17I'll be right back.
00:32:18No, just give me,
00:32:19just give me five minutes.
00:32:20No.
00:32:21Just give me five.
00:32:22Please.
00:32:23Please just give me five minutes
00:32:24to talk to my mom.
00:32:25You get one minute.
00:32:26Only because you look
00:32:27so cute in that dress.
00:32:28I like you.
00:32:29Relax.
00:32:30I'll be right back.
00:32:39Oh, quick.
00:32:40Lauren.
00:32:41No, not right now.
00:32:42You're a friend.
00:32:43No.
00:32:44We had a connection.
00:32:45There was no connection.
00:32:46Tell me one thing.
00:32:47What kind of guys
00:32:48do she date?
00:32:49She is unavailable.
00:32:50Hey, listen.
00:32:51What?
00:32:52Mike's smoking weed
00:32:53in Pop-Pop's bathroom.
00:32:54Is he gonna share?
00:32:55John!
00:32:56What?
00:32:57What do you want me
00:32:58to do about it?
00:32:59I just need everyone
00:33:00to put their shit together
00:33:01for five seconds.
00:33:02Okay, yeah.
00:33:03When I talk to mom,
00:33:04can you just help me do that?
00:33:05That's fair.
00:33:06She's in the kitchen,
00:33:07you know, basting away.
00:33:08Okay.
00:33:09No, where are you going?
00:33:10Stay.
00:33:11I just want to have
00:33:12a stimulating conversation
00:33:14Here.
00:33:15What the hell?
00:33:16This cannot be right.
00:33:17According to this,
00:33:18the turkey's done.
00:33:19According to this,
00:33:20we ate it already.
00:33:22Vegetarian or not,
00:33:23you need to try
00:33:24the smoked turkey, Lauren.
00:33:26It was a gift
00:33:27from your boyfriend.
00:33:28It wasn't.
00:33:29No, she's gonna try meat.
00:33:30It's gonna be my meat.
00:33:32Can you at least
00:33:33try my gravy?
00:33:34I'm not trying meat today.
00:33:35Oh, yes, you are.
00:33:36You're trying this gravy.
00:33:37You really want to.
00:33:38How about if I try it
00:33:39and then we go talk?
00:33:40We're talking right now.
00:33:41Try the gravy.
00:33:42It's really good.
00:33:43Why?
00:33:44Mmm.
00:33:45This is the best one
00:33:46I have ever made.
00:33:48Mmm.
00:33:49That is good.
00:33:51Rose.
00:33:52Yeah?
00:33:53I hate to tell you.
00:33:54You don't fry with olive oil.
00:33:56No, I learned that,
00:33:58well, they told us about it
00:34:00in Greece.
00:34:01Never.
00:34:02Okay.
00:34:03We're in New Jersey.
00:34:04You use canola oil
00:34:05or coconut oil.
00:34:06Really?
00:34:08Huh.
00:34:09You know, when I was
00:34:10a young girl
00:34:11I had an itchy lady garden.
00:34:12Excuse me?
00:34:13I put just a drop of olive oil
00:34:14on a cotton swab
00:34:16and pat it down there.
00:34:18Oh, my God.
00:34:20That's so great.
00:34:22How often would you do that?
00:34:23Every single time.
00:34:25Oh.
00:34:26Have you ever had an itch
00:34:27down there?
00:34:28Never, never.
00:34:29That's never happened.
00:34:30Mom, I need my phone.
00:34:31I need to film this.
00:34:32Oh, yeah,
00:34:33but that's not happening
00:34:34because you and your friends
00:34:35do too much of that
00:34:36snatching of drugs
00:34:37and naked pictures.
00:34:38I'm not doing any of that.
00:34:39Okay, whatever.
00:34:40The thing is,
00:34:41your generation
00:34:42is over-sexualized.
00:34:43No, that was never Lauren.
00:34:44What?
00:34:45You were an angel.
00:34:46Do you remember
00:34:47when you asked me
00:34:48what this meant?
00:34:49I literally want to die.
00:34:50Wait, what?
00:34:51Some brat at school
00:34:52did that
00:34:53and she wanted to know
00:34:54what he was talking about.
00:34:55Right?
00:34:56Can we stop making
00:34:57that motion forever?
00:34:58This?
00:34:59You?
00:35:00No.
00:35:01Mom, let me live my life, okay?
00:35:02Tell them about this
00:35:03in the bottle.
00:35:04Mom, this is not a roast.
00:35:05Okay, Lauren,
00:35:06Lauren called me
00:35:07in seventh grade.
00:35:08It was sixth grade.
00:35:09It was seventh grade
00:35:10and everybody was playing
00:35:11spin the bottle, right?
00:35:12I didn't want my first kiss
00:35:13to be with some random guy.
00:35:14Right?
00:35:15And you called me,
00:35:16your mom.
00:35:17Yes.
00:35:18I snuck off
00:35:19and called my mom
00:35:20and asked her
00:35:21if I should play.
00:35:22What'd she say?
00:35:23What'd you say?
00:35:24I said,
00:35:25you should do
00:35:26whatever you feel
00:35:27comfortable doing
00:35:28but you hang up the phone
00:35:29and don't tell anyone
00:35:30you called.
00:35:31Aw.
00:35:32Loser.
00:35:33Yes, I was not cool.
00:35:34I miss those days.
00:35:35You told me everything.
00:35:36I just have
00:35:37some clarification.
00:35:38You and Austin
00:35:39are not together.
00:35:40Why are you
00:35:41keeping it a secret?
00:35:42I'm not keeping it
00:35:43a secret.
00:35:44I've been trying
00:35:45to tell everyone.
00:35:46We're not together.
00:35:47I got an idea.
00:35:48Put it in your hand
00:35:49and pray.
00:35:50And pray to God
00:35:51that someday
00:35:52you figure out
00:35:53that you can get
00:35:54your shit together.
00:35:55Put that rosary away.
00:35:56Put it away.
00:35:57Why?
00:35:58We only use it
00:35:59when we need it.
00:36:00We don't use it
00:36:01when we need it.
00:36:02We don't use it
00:36:03when we need it.
00:36:04We don't use it
00:36:05when we need it.
00:36:06Why?
00:36:07We only use it
00:36:08for important things.
00:36:09God belongs
00:36:10in your house
00:36:11every day of your life,
00:36:12lady.
00:36:13We're not talking
00:36:14about God right now.
00:36:15We're talking
00:36:16about your rosary.
00:36:17Jessica,
00:36:18do you have a boyfriend?
00:36:19Change of subject.
00:36:20I'm so into lacrosse players.
00:36:21Is Austin
00:36:22a lacrosse player?
00:36:23Lacrosse?
00:36:24Where do you see
00:36:25lacrosse players?
00:36:26You don't know
00:36:27what I do.
00:36:28Rose, I need more...
00:36:29Where are you going?
00:36:30I need more chairs.
00:36:31They're in the basement.
00:36:32Mike's, uh,
00:36:33smoking weed down there.
00:36:34What are you doing?
00:36:35Look at that.
00:36:36One of my cookies.
00:36:39Mike!
00:36:41What?
00:36:42What the hell
00:36:43are you doing?
00:36:44I'm shaving!
00:36:45I smell weed.
00:36:46I'm shaving!
00:36:47You're smoking
00:36:48in our deceased
00:36:49father's bathroom.
00:36:50It's all in your head.
00:36:51I'm telling you, Rose,
00:36:52stop this.
00:36:53Where is it?
00:36:54Where is it?
00:36:55What is wrong with you?
00:36:56What are you laughing at?
00:36:57What is your goddamn funny...
00:36:58Rose, I'm kind of worried
00:36:59about you.
00:37:00You don't look normal
00:37:01right now.
00:37:02You don't look normal
00:37:03at all.
00:37:04What?
00:37:05Yeah, that's called
00:37:06being an adult.
00:37:07You look like Grandma.
00:37:08You look just like Grandma.
00:37:09It's funny.
00:37:10I am still gonna kill you.
00:37:11Goddamn it.
00:37:12I have had it.
00:37:13I am not
00:37:14your goddamn mother.
00:37:15I didn't do anything.
00:37:16Right over there,
00:37:17I saw Lauren kiss Haley.
00:37:18Lauren's dating Austin.
00:37:19What?
00:37:20Kids these days
00:37:21think they can have
00:37:22their gluten-free cake
00:37:23and eat it, too.
00:37:24Oh, what should we do
00:37:25about it?
00:37:26I don't know.
00:37:27I don't know.
00:37:28I don't know.
00:37:29I don't know.
00:37:30I don't know.
00:37:31I don't know.
00:37:32I don't know what
00:37:33you would do about it.
00:37:34You do nothing.
00:37:35I'll handle this.
00:37:36You put those hands on me,
00:37:37you get bossy,
00:37:38and it turns me on.
00:37:39Still.
00:37:40So, no meat at all?
00:37:41Nope.
00:37:42Where do you get your protein?
00:37:43Oh, Haley eats fish.
00:37:44Oh, right.
00:37:45Yeah, yeah,
00:37:46so there's a name for that.
00:37:47It's a pescatarian.
00:37:48You're a pescatarian.
00:37:49No, I'm not.
00:37:50Semantics.
00:37:51Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:52Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:53Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:54Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:55Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:56Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:57Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:58Maybe I'm a pescatarian.
00:37:59You're a pescatarian.
00:38:00No, I'm not.
00:38:01Semantics.
00:38:02Maybe I should be a pescatarian.
00:38:03Hey!
00:38:04We're just talking about
00:38:05Haley's meat-eating habits.
00:38:06Austin's telling your brother
00:38:07he ate fish.
00:38:08What do you think about that,
00:38:09Lauren?
00:38:10Gosh, it starts with a P.
00:38:11No, pescatarian.
00:38:12No, that's not it.
00:38:13Am I wrong?
00:38:14That's not it.
00:38:15Lauren?
00:38:16Lauren?
00:38:17I'm sorry.
00:38:18I'm sorry.
00:38:19Oh, pescatarian.
00:38:20I'll tell you later.
00:38:21I wanted to make sure
00:38:22you're comfortable, you know?
00:38:23Mi casa is your house.
00:38:24Thanks.
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:26You play lacrosse?
00:38:27Yeah, in high school.
00:38:28Nice.
00:38:29Lauren!
00:38:30What's going on, Grandma?
00:38:31You never bring the side dish
00:38:32with the main dish.
00:38:33Huh?
00:38:34You don't think I know
00:38:35what's going on?
00:38:36You and Haley?
00:38:37Yes.
00:38:38Me and Haley.
00:38:39Yeah.
00:38:40Wow.
00:38:41I didn't think that you
00:38:42would be the first person
00:38:43to figure that out.
00:38:44You guys just share
00:38:45your vegetarian plates
00:38:46and throw meat in
00:38:47when you feel like it.
00:38:48Wait, what?
00:38:49You, Haley, Austin.
00:38:50I don't care what you do
00:38:51in your own personal life.
00:38:52I don't care what you do
00:38:53in your own personal life.
00:38:54I don't care what you do
00:38:55in your own personal life.
00:38:56I don't care what you do
00:38:57in your own personal time.
00:38:58But you don't bring
00:38:59the side dish
00:39:00with the main course
00:39:01home for the holidays.
00:39:02No, no, no.
00:39:03I'm with Haley.
00:39:04I'm not Austin.
00:39:05There's no side dish.
00:39:06Don't bullshit me.
00:39:07He sent a turkey.
00:39:08I'm not bullshitting you.
00:39:09Haley, Lauren.
00:39:10You're brothers.
00:39:11Yeah.
00:39:12John, come on.
00:39:13Stop waving at my friend.
00:39:14Wake up.
00:39:15I'm watching you.
00:39:16Shut the door.
00:39:17It's cold outside.
00:39:18nice seeing you both.
00:39:19What?
00:39:20What do you want?
00:39:21John, stop hitting on Haley.
00:39:22Okay, I think she might be
00:39:23into it, so I really
00:39:24don't want to stop.
00:39:25She's not into it,
00:39:26she's not into it.
00:39:27Okay, she might be but...
00:39:28She's not into it at all.
00:39:29I just really don't know
00:39:30how to...
00:39:31I know you, perhaps,
00:39:32you're down for a cup of coffee
00:39:33and that takes a toll on your brain
00:39:34and you'll need to get
00:39:35some rest.
00:39:36Do you think Haley will
00:39:37let you talk to her?
00:39:38Well, who doesn't want
00:39:39to talk to her?
00:39:40She doesn't care
00:39:41that John's handling it.
00:39:42John, I don't think
00:39:43that she's into it.
00:39:44I'm into it, so I really don't want to stop.
00:39:45She's not into it. She's not into it.
00:39:46Okay, she might be.
00:39:47She's not into it at all.
00:39:48You know what? I'm picking up some things,
00:39:49and if you think I don't know when I'm getting the eyes,
00:39:52then you're wrong.
00:39:53There's no eyes. You're not her type.
00:39:54This is one of those amazing, beautiful romances
00:39:56that's just starting to boss me.
00:39:57What are you talking about?
00:39:58She just showed up.
00:39:59Yeah.
00:40:00John, listen to me.
00:40:01You have to relax.
00:40:02Listen to me.
00:40:03I can see and sense that you're worked up.
00:40:04Listen to me.
00:40:05Okay.
00:40:06Haley is my girlfriend.
00:40:07Oh. Oh.
00:40:09Okay.
00:40:10Yeah.
00:40:11But, I mean, you made out with tons of my friends,
00:40:14and it wasn't Thanksgiving.
00:40:15Let it go. Let it go.
00:40:16I owe you one.
00:40:17Don't point your finger away.
00:40:18I owe you one.
00:40:19Put the finger away.
00:40:20Okay, you know what?
00:40:21If you don't think I can make out with her,
00:40:22then I will take that as a challenge.
00:40:24Don't. Don't.
00:40:26Your room smells like farts.
00:40:28Get out.
00:40:29So maybe you want to do something about that.
00:40:30Yeah.
00:40:44Why don't you get over there so I can keep an eye on you?
00:40:56You all right?
00:40:57Oh, yeah.
00:40:58Yeah, they just, uh,
00:40:59they did a lot of cutting around the muscle.
00:41:01So you going to blame cancer for your shitty golf game?
00:41:05You look all right, buddy.
00:41:08Don't lie to me. I look like shit.
00:41:09No, there's that.
00:41:14Hey, what's the deal with Dad and the rosary?
00:41:17Well, he, uh,
00:41:21he promised he'd do the rosary every day if he beat cancer.
00:41:25So, he's screwed.
00:41:29You look good, though.
00:41:31You eating healthy?
00:41:33From the guy who eats pie for breakfast.
00:41:35And lunch.
00:41:36You know, Georgie, I feel good.
00:41:38Good.
00:41:39I feel like a teenager.
00:41:40Like a really old, out-of-shape teenager.
00:41:46Four!
00:41:48On your house.
00:41:55Okay.
00:41:57Okay.
00:41:58I need a new thermometer.
00:42:01Lauren, get me a new thermometer for Christmas.
00:42:03That's all I want.
00:42:04Great.
00:42:05I'm hungry.
00:42:06Hey, sweetie.
00:42:07I have your baby clothes up in the attic.
00:42:09Mom, there's no reason for baby clothes.
00:42:11Oh, okay.
00:42:12Something burning in here?
00:42:14No, it's the smoked turkey.
00:42:16I mean, my turkey's fine.
00:42:18It smells.
00:42:19That's not a turkey.
00:42:20Yeah, what's with the smoked turkey?
00:42:21It's a family tradition.
00:42:22Hey, Lisa.
00:42:23I am going to be an awesome grandma.
00:42:25Yo!
00:42:26Would a rational, pregnant person do this?
00:42:29Oh, boy.
00:42:30Oh, boy.
00:42:31Oh, wow.
00:42:33No.
00:42:34Nobody would do that.
00:42:35Oh.
00:42:36Oh, my God.
00:42:37No.
00:42:38So awesome.
00:42:39There's no baby.
00:42:40You just killed it.
00:42:41There's never a baby, Mom.
00:42:42There's never a baby.
00:42:44Get the turkey!
00:42:45Wait, wait, wait.
00:42:46Everybody out.
00:42:47Everybody out of the house.
00:42:48Everybody.
00:42:49Everybody.
00:42:50Everybody.
00:42:51Everybody.
00:42:52Everybody.
00:42:53Everybody.
00:42:54Come on.
00:42:55Kelly and I have been dating for six months.
00:42:57No one seems to give a shit about anything.
00:43:00Move, move, move.
00:43:01Get out.
00:43:04George, where are Mom and Dad?
00:43:06Has anybody seen my mother?
00:43:08Okay, we gotta go now.
00:43:10We gotta go.
00:43:12The house is okay.
00:43:13But the basement's got a lot of smoke damage.
00:43:16What caused the fire?
00:43:17The joint sheet.
00:43:21Does he want to share?
00:43:24It's gonna be okay, Mom.
00:43:25Why don't we go to the motel and have Thanksgiving dinner?
00:43:28Yeah, okay.
00:43:30Okay.
00:43:32Oh, my God.
00:43:33It's all Dad's stuff.
00:43:35I know.
00:43:36His...
00:43:38His baseball bats.
00:43:39I know.
00:43:42It's gonna be okay.
00:43:43His bird box.
00:43:44I mean, it's gonna be okay.
00:43:45It's gonna be okay.
00:43:46It's gonna be okay.
00:43:51I'll be right back.
00:43:52Are you gonna be okay?
00:43:53Yep.
00:43:59Oh.
00:44:00Happy Thanksgiving, Rose.
00:44:01Oh, happy Thanksgiving to you, too.
00:44:02And that is one hell of a way to smoke a turkey.
00:44:07Dick.
00:44:09Hey, where are you going?
00:44:10Brother's gonna give me a ride to the station.
00:44:13I tried to tell him you heard me.
00:44:15No, I know. I'm sorry.
00:44:16Look, I'm just really uncomfortable.
00:44:18This is crazy, right?
00:44:19John, Hailey's staying. You're staying.
00:44:21She said she wanted a ride. I'll give her a ride.
00:44:23What's your deal, anyway?
00:44:24You seem really, like, depressed or something.
00:44:26Give me Hailey's bag.
00:44:27I can hold on to a bag, okay?
00:44:28You have to stay, Travis.
00:44:31I need my friend's support.
00:44:33Look, I get it that your family doesn't want to hear about your friends today,
00:44:36but I think they need to know...
00:44:38I need to know that my friend has my back.
00:44:41And I need my friend to be open and honest about her feelings.
00:44:44Friends are there even when it's inconvenient.
00:44:46They're there when you need them the most.
00:44:48She sounds like she's pretty hard to be friends with, right?
00:44:50Probably not even bother.
00:44:52Give me Hailey's bag.
00:44:53Hey, hey, hey.
00:44:54Give me your medicated medicine.
00:44:55Sibling rivalry.
00:44:56Hey, guys, who am I riding with?
00:44:57Guys, we can, um, we can fit three in our back seat.
00:45:01You're gonna get sick.
00:45:02Hey, we got the food in the driveway.
00:45:04We could have, like, a picnic.
00:45:06It's a beautiful day, you know.
00:45:08Make him shut up. Make him shut up before I will die.
00:45:11There's no reason that we all gotta climb in the car and go to the motel.
00:45:15Seriously.
00:45:16Hey, Austin, my parents said you'd come with us.
00:45:19Cool.
00:45:20I know.
00:45:23We're just gonna, we're gonna go to the motel,
00:45:25and we're gonna have a perfect Thanksgiving dinner.
00:45:27You look, you are a saint for putting up with all this.
00:45:32Oh, Mrs. Anderson.
00:45:34Oh, it's gonna be okay.
00:45:36These are Ken's keys, and this is Ken's car,
00:45:38but it's just that they're not working.
00:45:40Sweetie, find the keys that work for that car,
00:45:43or find a car that goes with those keys, okay?
00:45:45Johnny, put on your big boy pants.
00:45:47Don't let the panic win.
00:45:48So you're coming back to the motel with us, right?
00:45:51Oh, yes, you are.
00:45:53Yeah.
00:45:54Yes, you are.
00:45:55Thank you so much for having me.
00:45:57So we're just all gonna go to the motel?
00:45:58Yep.
00:45:59All right, roommates.
00:46:00John.
00:46:01What?
00:46:02Leave Haley alone.
00:46:03I'm not, not leaving her alone.
00:46:04You're, you're talking to everybody, guys.
00:46:06I've been talking to everybody.
00:46:07Guys, guys, guys.
00:46:08Go away.
00:46:09Where else would I go?
00:46:10I can't go in the house.
00:46:11Okay.
00:46:12He's a moron.
00:46:13Here we go.
00:46:14He's a moron.
00:46:15I'm sorry.
00:46:17I'm sorry he's harassing you.
00:46:18Work on your attitude.
00:46:19We're good?
00:46:20Shut up.
00:46:21We're all good.
00:46:35What's with the smoked turkey?
00:46:37How many times are we gonna go through this today?
00:46:39Austin sent it.
00:46:41What?
00:46:42He doesn't like your turkey?
00:46:43Does Austin not like my turkey?
00:46:45No, Mom.
00:46:46It was just a gesture.
00:46:47It was a peace offering.
00:46:48He knew I wanted to kill him.
00:46:50If you're gonna eat turkey today, it's gonna be my turkey.
00:46:53See, Lauren?
00:46:54Your mom doesn't want you eating Austin's meat.
00:46:56I thought you don't eat meat.
00:46:57I don't.
00:46:58Do you have any, uh, allergies I should know about, Haley?
00:47:01Just bees.
00:47:02Okay, I'm not gonna cook bees, so that's fine.
00:47:04Just gonna make us dinner.
00:47:06Oh, man.
00:47:16Mmm.
00:47:21So, now, how long have you and Lauren been officially together?
00:47:24Uh, yeah, no, it's not official.
00:47:26Oh.
00:47:27What the hell would you call it?
00:47:28Keeping your options open?
00:47:29Yep.
00:47:30Nope, that's not, not keeping our options open.
00:47:32We're just, uh, we're just roommates.
00:47:34Mm-hmm.
00:47:36Roommates.
00:47:37No phone, disgusting casserole.
00:47:41Hey, it is not a casserole.
00:47:43It is a spinach dip.
00:47:44And it's the best goddamn spinach dip in this part of the country.
00:47:49Salty, it's buttery.
00:47:51The edges get a little bit textury.
00:47:53It's fantastic.
00:47:54That, to me, I mean, I don't know, it just seems perfect.
00:47:58Well, and also, I steam this.
00:48:00If you pull it out a little early, sometimes we get a situation.
00:48:14Are you kidding me?
00:48:45Hey, Mama.
00:48:46Yeah, sweetie.
00:48:47Let's try to enjoy what's left of the day.
00:48:49Papa would have wanted us to have a lovely Thanksgiving.
00:48:52It's very well for us.
00:48:54Okay, all right.
00:48:56Wait a second.
00:48:57What?
00:48:58Probably I'll stay over there.
00:49:00Hey, John, maybe you make yourself useful.
00:49:02Yeah, no problem.
00:49:03I was just saying we could figure out sleeping arrangements whenever.
00:49:05We're obviously sharing.
00:49:06It's not an option.
00:49:07Hey, listen, my mom is at a boiling point.
00:49:10Let me just bring her back to zero, okay?
00:49:13I get it, I get it.
00:49:14It's all about preserving your mom's emotions.
00:49:17You know, maybe I should just get together with John.
00:49:20That'll make her happy.
00:49:22You're being ridiculous.
00:49:23Your cousin is sexually harassing me.
00:49:25You need to deal with that?
00:49:26I can't deal with anything else today.
00:49:28Can you take this?
00:49:30Yeah.
00:49:31Okay, okay, I got it, I got it.
00:49:33What is going on here?
00:49:35This parking lot is for guests only.
00:49:37Hey, is everything okay here?
00:49:38Is everything okay here?
00:49:39Everything is great.
00:49:40Guests only, please.
00:49:42I'm with Mike.
00:49:43Yeah, she's, uh, well, Emma, this is my guest.
00:49:48Yes.
00:49:49Hello, family.
00:49:50That was not supposed to be here with me today.
00:49:52We had a little accident at the house.
00:49:54Is everything okay here?
00:49:55Yeah.
00:49:56Is everything okay?
00:49:57Yes.
00:49:58Is everything okay here, Mom?
00:49:59Everything is fine.
00:50:01Come on, we're going to go have some dinner and our bellies will be full.
00:50:05A surprise will be on our way.
00:50:07Let's, you know, let's make the most of it, the best of it.
00:50:10Right?
00:50:11The best of it.
00:50:12Hey, Mom, can I grab a key for me and Haley to grab a room?
00:50:15Yes, go ahead.
00:50:16Okay.
00:50:17You good here?
00:50:18Yeah, I'm great here.
00:50:23I'm looking at you.
00:50:24I'm looking at you.
00:50:29You know, um, today was supposed to be a really important day.
00:50:34Yeah, how was I supposed to know that?
00:50:36Why exactly are you here?
00:50:38Because I like Lauren's family.
00:50:40What?
00:50:41You like Lauren.
00:50:42Okay.
00:50:43All right.
00:50:44All right.
00:50:45Look, you're frustrated because her family welcomed me with open arms.
00:50:49No, no.
00:50:50I'm frustrated because you've managed to hijack the entire day.
00:50:55They think you guys are a couple.
00:50:57That's not my fault.
00:50:58You and Lauren are never going to be a couple, okay?
00:51:02I hope you realize that.
00:51:06Okay.
00:51:09You guys have been dating for six months, right?
00:51:14We've been living together for three years.
00:51:18Guess who knows Lauren better?
00:51:23How the hell did Mike start that fire?
00:51:25Smoking pot.
00:51:26Where'd he get the weed?
00:51:27Probably dealing again.
00:51:29I didn't realize he was selling ever.
00:51:31Hell yeah.
00:51:32Interesting.
00:51:33Interesting.
00:51:34Failed at it, of course.
00:51:36Probably failed at it again.
00:51:38Yeah.
00:51:39They're ripping off the flowers again.
00:51:41Holy fuck!
00:51:44Johnny, stop pretending to help.
00:51:46You can actually help.
00:51:47Well, it's heavier than it looks, Mom.
00:51:48Okay, I'm putting the spinach dip right here.
00:51:50Okay, that's been a great day.
00:51:52Thank you, John.
00:52:01Here, let me help you with this.
00:52:03I'm happy to help.
00:52:04I can just...
00:52:05I use organic spinach.
00:52:07Actually, you know what?
00:52:09Maybe it's easier without it.
00:52:11Relax if you want, or...
00:52:12Oh!
00:52:21George?
00:52:22Hey!
00:52:23Watch the damn turkey video.
00:52:24Okay, I will watch the video.
00:52:26Now.
00:52:27Absolutely.
00:52:28Why wouldn't I?
00:52:29Close!
00:52:30Somebody's calling.
00:52:32Do you mind closing the door, honey?
00:52:42Yeah.
00:52:45Your brother.
00:52:47And his friend.
00:52:48I know, I know.
00:52:49What the hell is going on here?
00:52:50Let me call the police.
00:52:51I got this.
00:52:52I can't call the cops on Mikey.
00:52:54That's why you're gonna let me call the cops on him.
00:52:58Okay?
00:52:59I can't.
00:53:00I can't do it!
00:53:03Just come inside and just act normal.
00:53:05I'm not going inside.
00:53:06Are you out of your mind?
00:53:07Please come inside.
00:53:08Please come inside.
00:53:10Do you want to get this done?
00:53:11Oh, my...
00:53:12You want to get this done?
00:53:13You want to be a professional?
00:53:14Let's go inside.
00:53:15Do you want to be a professional?
00:53:16I am a professional.
00:53:17You're the absolute worst.
00:53:19I've been a professional for a while.
00:53:20Oh, yeah, yeah, you're so professional.
00:53:22We can stay in here tonight.
00:53:24Shouldn't we be sleeping in separate beds?
00:53:27Hi.
00:53:28Lauren, okay, I think Uncle Mike's dating a gay lady.
00:53:32Yeah, I know a lesbian when I see one.
00:53:35Hi, Hayley.
00:53:36Hey.
00:53:37What are you doing?
00:53:38What are you guys doing?
00:53:39Okay, bye.
00:53:40Bye.
00:53:41Impeccable gaydar, that one.
00:53:43Spot on.
00:53:44I'm glad there's so many love connections happening.
00:53:46I know, and my whole family will know about this one.
00:53:49He's asking about this someday.
00:53:52I'm sure.
00:53:54I'm sure.
00:53:57It's nice to have a moment away from my family.
00:54:02I was really excited to meet them today.
00:54:05I know.
00:54:08They're going to love you.
00:54:10I'm sorry I didn't go as planned.
00:54:16It just doesn't feel good enough to be worth talking about.
00:54:22Of course you're worth talking about.
00:54:28I adore you.
00:54:41Hey, Dad.
00:54:42Hey.
00:54:43I really need to talk to you.
00:54:45Yeah, you and Austin are not sharing a room.
00:54:47That's not happening.
00:54:48I don't want to share a room with Austin.
00:54:51It's the first Thanksgiving without Papa.
00:54:53Uh-huh.
00:54:54It's really important that we make this a nice dinner for Mom.
00:54:57There's something I have to talk to you both about.
00:55:00Oh, yeah? What's up?
00:55:02Haley and I...
00:55:03I mean, you're right about your mom.
00:55:05She's not having an easy go of it.
00:55:08And Papa passing, and this place.
00:55:13Mike.
00:55:15She's sad.
00:55:18She misses you.
00:55:20You guys were so close, you know?
00:55:22We're still close, Dad.
00:55:24You wanted to tell me something?
00:55:28Let's just have a really nice Thanksgiving dinner.
00:55:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:32Starts with carving, apparently.
00:55:34I mean, just watch the video.
00:55:36Is it just YouTube carving? YouTube comma carving?
00:55:39Turkey video carving in the Internet will lead you right there.
00:55:44Right there.
00:55:46This was supposed to be an easy merchandise move.
00:55:49And now you're asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend?
00:55:51Just relax, Emma.
00:55:53Everybody's going to be eating. You can do your business.
00:55:55Yeah, I hope I can do my business, okay?
00:55:57You weren't even supposed to be here, okay?
00:55:59You don't mess with the cartel.
00:56:01Okay, and that's another thing about the cartel.
00:56:04I should be part of this cartel.
00:56:06Hey, guys.
00:56:07What are you guys doing out here?
00:56:09Not much.
00:56:10Nature.
00:56:11Question.
00:56:13You carrying?
00:56:14What?
00:56:15You know.
00:56:16Hey.
00:56:18Oh, man, I don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:20Come on, Mike.
00:56:22Yes.
00:56:23Hi.
00:56:24He is selling.
00:56:25Dude, this is my sister's husband's brother.
00:56:29I don't care who it is.
00:56:31We have merchandise to move.
00:56:33How much are you looking for?
00:56:36Joint.
00:56:38Now you're just wasting our time.
00:56:40Oh, mom's stuffing is so good.
00:56:43Thank you, sweetie.
00:56:44So, Haley, how strict a vegetarian would you say that you are?
00:56:48Hey, John, we're exclusively vegetarian.
00:56:50I mean, can she handle, like, a little sausage?
00:56:53Come on.
00:56:54What the hell's the matter with you?
00:56:56I just wanted her to taste mom's stuffing.
00:56:58So she put the little sausages in it.
00:57:00I don't even know whether to accept that is what that is,
00:57:03but it's the grimmest shirt I ever saw in my life that you're wearing.
00:57:06Grandpa, I couldn't agree more.
00:57:07That's the ugliest sweater I've ever seen.
00:57:09Well, truthfully, I don't love it either, but mom picked it out,
00:57:12and she is great.
00:57:15So, Haley, I'm a good man with a good soul.
00:57:19There's a good chance I'm going to murder you this Thanksgiving, John.
00:57:22Yeah, well, I took out a hell of a life insurance policy on myself
00:57:26so you could make me a very rich man.
00:57:34What are you doing?
00:57:36Nothing.
00:57:38Mike sold me some weed.
00:57:40We have a teenage daughter in there, and you're out here doing drugs?
00:57:43Barely. Come on.
00:57:45That's a shit ton of weed.
00:57:47Honey, they don't sell it like they used to.
00:57:49And you plan on smoking all of that?
00:57:51I don't know.
00:57:53My girlfriend scared the shit out of me.
00:57:57How are you feeling?
00:57:59Better.
00:58:01Well, get back inside
00:58:04before you get us all arrested.
00:58:07What the hell?
00:58:23John, stop.
00:58:25Hey, what you got there, Josephine?
00:58:27Digestive enzymes.
00:58:29Oh, nice.
00:58:31A lot of food to digest today.
00:58:33As well as new information.
00:58:36What kind of information?
00:58:38Uh-oh, look what I found.
00:58:40What?
00:58:41Look what I found.
00:58:42Oh!
00:58:43The spinach dip.
00:58:44Somebody's dug into it.
00:58:45There is a guy who'll help me.
00:58:47Oh, hi.
00:58:49It's perfect.
00:58:51Happy Thanksgiving.
00:58:53Can you move?
00:58:55Don't worry about dropping it. It's dip.
00:58:57There we go.
00:58:59What we need to do is...
00:59:01What we need to do is...
00:59:03Curve it. It just needs to be curved.
00:59:05And then we're good. We're all good.
00:59:07Rose, that turkey looks like ass.
00:59:09Old ass.
00:59:10You look like old ass.
00:59:12Mikey, would you please come into the kitchen with me?
00:59:14I'm not staying here.
00:59:20Ow!
00:59:21You tell me what's going on.
00:59:22Wait, Eureka, my good shirt!
00:59:23You tell me what's going on,
00:59:24or I am calling the cops on your friend.
00:59:26She's my girlfriend, and I love her.
00:59:28You love her?
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:30What's going on?
00:59:32Nothing's going on.
00:59:34Ow!
00:59:36I broke my rib or my ass or something.
00:59:39Anyway, Haley, I thought I could make you a plate.
00:59:42I know you don't normally eat a lot of meat.
00:59:44What? I'm an immovable wall.
00:59:46I'm not going to eat the turkey.
00:59:48Okay, you're making this very awkward.
00:59:50Oh, my God.
00:59:51Today might be the day I try something new.
00:59:53See?
00:59:54She might want, you know, a breast or a thigh.
00:59:57She does not want any turkey.
00:59:59She's right, Lauren.
01:00:00I'd usually go for a big hunk of breast,
01:00:02but maybe today I'd like a juicy drumstick.
01:00:05It sucks.
01:00:06Okay, so you're going to have to move
01:00:07while I make her a plate
01:00:08because it's feeling very sexual.
01:00:10And you need to do this for me
01:00:11because you're the best finger-dip maker in the world.
01:00:14Button push.
01:00:15Jesus Christ.
01:00:16What are we doing here?
01:00:17I'm going to go cool off.
01:00:18I'm going to do my tents
01:00:19where I count to ten in the other room.
01:00:20Yes.
01:00:21And you need to grow up while I'm gone, okay?
01:00:23Because I can't deal with your childish behavior.
01:00:25I'm sorry about her.
01:00:26It's okay, John.
01:00:27Thank you for being so understanding.
01:00:29I like it.
01:00:30I know, but...
01:00:31I love you, and I love this baby.
01:00:33Don't worry.
01:00:34Which do you love more?
01:00:35Happy Thanksgiving.
01:00:36No!
01:00:37Do you like these chips?
01:00:39I don't know if they're hot.
01:00:40What?
01:00:42Are you drinking?
01:00:44Mom, it's a holiday.
01:00:46No!
01:00:50Dad, seriously?
01:00:52I'm not happening.
01:00:53Get an edge off.
01:00:54No.
01:00:55The edge off of what?
01:00:57Between the breast and the drumstick.
01:00:59Cut through the skin.
01:01:01Gently but firmly pull the drumstick and thigh
01:01:04away from the breast.
01:01:06Uh...
01:01:07Okay.
01:01:08Why is she carving my turkey?
01:01:11Put the skin down.
01:01:13Put the skin back.
01:01:15I'll put the skin down.
01:01:16I got it.
01:01:17Why does a turkey need a blanket?
01:01:18It's dead.
01:01:19It's more than a blanket.
01:01:20It's tasty, tasty skin.
01:01:21Terrible for cholesterol.
01:01:22The skin is the best part, Joe.
01:01:24Turkey also, if we need it.
01:01:25Are you kidding me?
01:01:26No, Dad.
01:01:27What's happening?
01:01:28Are you kidding me?
01:01:29All right.
01:01:30Is everybody happy?
01:01:31I carved that turkey.
01:01:32Okay.
01:01:33The turkey that I have been cooking all day.
01:01:35Okay.
01:01:36There we go.
01:01:37No offense, Austin.
01:01:39No, none taken.
01:01:40Turkey looks perfect.
01:01:42Sit down.
01:01:43I'm gonna cut the turkey now.
01:01:44Wait a second.
01:01:45We forgot Grace.
01:01:46Oh, boy.
01:01:47Okay.
01:01:48Ow.
01:01:49Oh, yeah, Grace.
01:01:50You want to do it?
01:01:51Oh, um...
01:01:52I can get this.
01:01:53I can get this.
01:01:54Austin should lead Grace.
01:01:55Yeah.
01:01:56No.
01:01:57I got it.
01:01:58I got it.
01:01:59Somebody say Grace.
01:02:00That's more fighting over Grace than any Grace I ever knew.
01:02:03Okay.
01:02:04Uh, well, first of all, thank you for cooking this beautiful dinner.
01:02:08You're welcome.
01:02:10Thanksgiving's all about thanks and truth.
01:02:14Amen.
01:02:15And forgiveness.
01:02:16And giving.
01:02:17And not groping your sister's friend, John.
01:02:19But mostly, it's about coming home and coming out about things.
01:02:25Oh, holy shit.
01:02:27What?
01:02:28Mm.
01:02:29You all right?
01:02:30Are you okay?
01:02:31Come on, Lauren.
01:02:32You can do it.
01:02:34Okay.
01:02:36Um...
01:02:38Uh, Mom?
01:02:40Is there something you want to say, sweetie?
01:02:44Lauren.
01:02:47Uh, we need wine.
01:02:49Do you want wine?
01:02:50Do you want more wine?
01:02:51I, uh...
01:02:52We're out of wine.
01:02:53This table needs more wine.
01:02:54Who wants wine?
01:02:55I need some wine.
01:02:56Yeah, sure.
01:02:57More wine.
01:02:58I'm just gonna get a bottle.
01:02:59I'm just gonna get some wine.
01:03:00And I'll be right back.
01:03:01Grandma wants red.
01:03:04Okay.
01:03:05What a lunatic.
01:03:07We keep holding hands?
01:03:08Nah, eat up.
01:03:09There's no reason to wait now.
01:03:11The worst.
01:03:12Grace.
01:03:13I mean, that was the worst.
01:03:15The worst.
01:03:16Is that not terrible?
01:03:17Yeah.
01:03:18I mean, you guys might...
01:03:19Well, I'm covering the turkey now.
01:03:20I'm gonna have more in a second.
01:03:23Lauren!
01:03:25Okay, so...
01:03:30You and Haley, you're dating, aren't you?
01:03:34Oh, my God.
01:03:35Thank God.
01:03:36Yes, yes.
01:03:37Please go tell everyone.
01:03:38Uh, yeah, no.
01:03:39Your mother would freak out if she wasn't the first person to know.
01:03:42Yeah, yeah.
01:03:43Oh, my God.
01:03:44Thank you so much for being cool enough to put two and two together.
01:03:47Okay, um, stay here.
01:03:48I'm gonna go get Jessica so you can tell her.
01:03:50Oh, wait, wait, wait.
01:03:51I have to tell my mom before I start telling everyone else.
01:03:53Oh, yeah, no.
01:03:54I mean about the part about me being cool.
01:03:56Oh.
01:03:57I promise I will tell her how cool you are after.
01:03:59Okay, good.
01:04:00And, um, what exactly is scissoring?
01:04:04Because I can touch my toes, but I can't do the splits.
01:04:07Oh, um, maybe we revisit this after dessert?
01:04:12I gotta do the splits, don't I?
01:04:14Oh, God damn it.
01:04:22Oh, hey, sorry.
01:04:24I was just washing my hands.
01:04:26You should really lock the door.
01:04:28Unless you're looking for some company.
01:04:32Yeah, no, not looking for any company.
01:04:34No company needed.
01:04:35I was just using the bathroom.
01:04:38What are you doing?
01:04:39Uh, looking for wine.
01:04:40You're hiding.
01:04:41No, I'm not.
01:04:43Oh, you don't want to have sex right now.
01:04:46What?
01:04:47It's what you like, right?
01:04:48It makes you hot keeping it a secret.
01:04:50I don't like this version of you.
01:04:51I don't like this version of you.
01:04:54You are just so concerned about everyone else's feelings.
01:04:57What about mine?
01:04:59Hmm?
01:05:00What about my feelings?
01:05:05Oh, fine.
01:05:07Come on.
01:05:09You're really young, okay?
01:05:11And these are your formative years,
01:05:12and you're gonna be a crazy heartbreaker,
01:05:14but I am way too old for you.
01:05:16Can you put your shirt back on?
01:05:17This turkey tastes so good.
01:05:20Uh, Mom?
01:05:22Whoa, what took so long?
01:05:23Dipping into the side dish
01:05:25while we're all sitting here waiting for the main course.
01:05:28No, Mom, I wanted to tell you, uh...
01:05:30Lauren, you didn't even remember the wine.
01:05:32That was the whole point.
01:05:33Haley, you can have mine, I guess.
01:05:35John, let me talk to you for two seconds.
01:05:36Okay, sure.
01:05:37Thank you so much for putting all this food together, um...
01:05:40I could not be more grateful.
01:05:42I could not be more grateful
01:05:44to be able to spend Thanksgiving with all of you
01:05:47and be able to talk to you all so openly
01:05:51about, like, life and gather and just...
01:05:54And I have an announcement to make, everyone.
01:05:57Don't, don't do this like this.
01:05:59This is not what...
01:06:02Whoa.
01:06:03I'm going to...
01:06:05What is this?
01:06:06It's just French lemon.
01:06:07Let's see what happens.
01:06:08What?
01:06:09Mm-mm.
01:06:10No, it's not what it...
01:06:11It's not what it looks like!
01:06:12No, no, I...
01:06:13She kissed me!
01:06:16She kissed me!
01:06:17She kissed me!
01:06:18I kissed him, Uncle George.
01:06:19Who are you, son of a bitch?
01:06:21Oh, my baby!
01:06:23Grounded.
01:06:24Kiss me!
01:06:26I thought it wasn't enough!
01:06:27Don't leave now!
01:06:29I did it for you, too!
01:06:31Never!
01:06:32It's enough!
01:06:33It's enough!
01:06:34You'll never know!
01:06:35Stop!
01:06:36No!
01:06:37Not mashed potatoes!
01:06:38I hate mashed potatoes.
01:06:40Mashed potatoes are the best!
01:06:42Got it, got it, got it, got it!
01:06:46That was my spinach dip.
01:06:48Yeah.
01:06:51What are you doing?
01:06:52Hayley and I are in a relationship.
01:06:54Wait, what?
01:06:56Oh.
01:07:02Knew it.
01:07:03She's pretty, the little girl.
01:07:06You're a lesbian.
01:07:10A lesbian Hare Krishna.
01:07:13What about Austin?
01:07:14There is no me and Austin.
01:07:16Austin said you guys had sex.
01:07:21You slept with Austin?
01:07:23Sorry to interrupt,
01:07:25but there are two men unloading what seems to be a whole lot of weed from their van.
01:07:36I'm sorry.
01:07:40Hey!
01:07:41Hey, you guys!
01:07:42What are you doing with my brother's girlfriend's truck?
01:07:46Girlfriend?
01:07:47Emma, I'm so happy for you!
01:07:49Hell no!
01:07:50We're not dating.
01:07:51Who the hell are you?
01:07:52We're the cartel.
01:07:53Wait, this is the cartel?
01:07:54I'm Bubba.
01:07:55Cartel.
01:07:56Chino.
01:07:57Okay, I'm calling the cops.
01:07:58No, no, no.
01:07:59We can't call the cops because we're accomplices.
01:08:00Oh, yeah.
01:08:01Hey, this is your weed.
01:08:02My parents do drugs.
01:08:03You do drugs?
01:08:04Wait, wait, wait.
01:08:05All right, all right.
01:08:06You're going to put a sword on me.
01:08:07Your brother owes us money.
01:08:08Take my brother.
01:08:09You can't let him take you.
01:08:10No, you are not joining our cartel.
01:08:12You are fired.
01:08:13You are fired.
01:08:14You can't fire me.
01:08:15Okay, you are cut off.
01:08:16Oh, come on!
01:08:17All right, I'll kill him.
01:08:18Seriously?
01:08:19Absolutely.
01:08:20You've got to make this go away.
01:08:21You've got to make it go away, my guy!
01:08:22You don't need to come out of the goddamn closet here, people!
01:08:26Jesus!
01:08:27What is happening?
01:08:28Haley!
01:08:29Get out of here!
01:08:30Get out of here!
01:08:31Get out of here!
01:08:32That was my turkey.
01:08:33It wasn't him.
01:08:34All right.
01:08:35All right.
01:08:36What, does this mean there's no dessert?
01:08:37Haley?
01:08:38Haley?
01:08:39Haley, open the door, please!
01:08:40I'm leaving.
01:08:41I don't want to be here.
01:08:42I don't want to be here.
01:08:43Haley!
01:08:44Haley!
01:08:45Haley!
01:08:46Haley!
01:08:47Haley!
01:08:48Haley!
01:08:49Haley!
01:08:50Haley!
01:08:51I'm leaving.
01:08:52I don't want to talk to you.
01:08:53Haley, please open the door.
01:08:54Haley, come on.
01:08:55Open the door.
01:08:56Go away, Lauren!
01:08:57Why would you tell my dad we slept together?
01:08:58I know.
01:08:59You know, this is the worst day of my life.
01:09:00Why didn't you tell your family about Haley?
01:09:01I did.
01:09:02I've been trying to tell them.
01:09:03Before today.
01:09:04Before she came.
01:09:05Before I came.
01:09:06I didn't know you were coming.
01:09:07You know what I'm talking about.
01:09:08I wanted to make sure it was serious.
01:09:09You wanted to make sure it was serious?
01:09:20I have watched you dive headfirst into over a hundred different phases over the last three
01:09:23years.
01:09:24You remember when you were into aerobic pole dancing?
01:09:27It's kind of in that same vein.
01:09:28You know what I mean?
01:09:29Don't compare Haley to a fitness class, Austin.
01:09:31That is not fair.
01:09:32I'm sorry.
01:09:33I'm sorry.
01:09:34It's not fair.
01:09:35I'm sorry.
01:09:36I'm sorry.
01:09:37I don't know what to do.
01:09:38I don't know what to do here.
01:09:39I mean, it wasn't so bad being in a relationship for a day, right?
01:09:42I just need to clear my head.
01:09:44You're avoiding my question.
01:09:45What question?
01:09:46That it wasn't so bad being in a relationship for a day.
01:09:49I mean, we lived together for three years.
01:09:50I always felt like we were in a relationship.
01:09:53Austin, what are you doing?
01:09:54It always feels like we're in one.
01:09:55What are you doing?
01:09:57You know me better than anyone.
01:09:59And I know you better than anyone.
01:10:02No.
01:10:07Stop.
01:10:08No.
01:10:09Haley.
01:10:10Haley, please stop.
01:10:12Haley.
01:10:13Haley.
01:10:14Haley.
01:10:15Haley.
01:10:16Haley.
01:10:17You had sex with Austin.
01:10:18It was way before you and me.
01:10:20You should have told me.
01:10:22What good would that have done?
01:10:24You know, I always said your friendship was...
01:10:28You just made me feel like I was crazy.
01:10:30I didn't want you to worry about anything happening.
01:10:32You just kissed him.
01:10:33He kissed me.
01:10:34You let it happen.
01:10:37You know, I feel like such an asshole.
01:10:40Here I am to meet your parents and you two are just parading around like a couple with a secret.
01:10:47It's not like that.
01:10:48I love you.
01:10:49I love you.
01:10:52It's a really shitty time to say it for the first time.
01:10:57I can't trust you.
01:11:00But I do love...
01:11:01I love you.
01:11:02You're the one I love.
01:11:03It's not him.
01:11:04Come on.
01:11:06This entire day, my family wouldn't listen to me.
01:11:11They are not the problem.
01:11:14You are the problem.
01:11:15I...
01:11:16You...
01:11:17Just stop.
01:11:18Just stop.
01:11:20You have no idea what you want.
01:11:22I don't want to be gay, Hayley.
01:11:27Nobody wants this.
01:11:29Nobody wants.
01:11:30I'm sorry.
01:11:34I'm sorry.
01:11:39Finally, I have some honesty.
01:11:46I just...
01:11:47I can't do this anymore.
01:11:59Where's Hayley going?
01:12:01She's leaving because of you.
01:12:02I hope you're happy.
01:12:03Of course I'm not happy.
01:12:06Why didn't you just tell us?
01:12:08Mom, you don't listen to me.
01:12:10You need to be more clear.
01:12:12I had no idea.
01:12:13I had no idea.
01:12:14I knew you were not going to accept this.
01:12:17I didn't know I had to.
01:12:18Just leave me alone.
01:12:19I didn't know.
01:12:20Leave me alone.
01:12:21Just leave me alone.
01:12:22No, no.
01:12:23Leave her alone.
01:12:27She's so angry with us.
01:12:29She's like completely...
01:12:30No, not at us.
01:12:31Not at us.
01:12:32Oh, my God.
01:12:33She's angry.
01:12:34Yes.
01:12:35She's hurt.
01:12:36Is she going to be okay?
01:12:37She is going to be okay.
01:12:38It's just going to take a little while.
01:12:40Women are nicer than men.
01:12:44Women...
01:12:45That's all you got from me.
01:12:47Women are nicer than men.
01:12:49She follows her heart.
01:12:50She's always followed her heart.
01:12:52That's all she's doing now.
01:12:54Oh, boy.
01:12:56Oh, boy.
01:12:57Are we bad parents?
01:13:00We're...
01:13:04not terrible.
01:13:05We're not great.
01:13:06We're well fair.
01:13:13Trust me.
01:13:14Everything's going to be okay.
01:13:16I know.
01:13:17I promise.
01:13:44I love you.
01:13:45I love you.
01:13:46I love you.
01:13:47I love you.
01:13:48I love you.
01:13:49I love you.
01:13:50I love you.
01:13:51I love you.
01:13:52I love you.
01:13:53I love you.
01:13:54I love you.
01:13:55I love you.
01:13:56I love you.
01:13:57I love you.
01:13:58I love you.
01:13:59I love you.
01:14:00I love you.
01:14:01I love you.
01:14:02I love you.
01:14:03I love you.
01:14:04I love you.
01:14:05I love you.
01:14:06I love you.
01:14:07I love you.
01:14:08I love you.
01:14:09I love you.
01:14:10I love you.
01:14:11I love you.
01:14:12I love you.
01:14:13I love you.
01:14:14I love you.
01:14:15I love you.
01:14:16I love you.
01:14:17I love you.
01:14:18I love you.
01:14:19I love you.
01:14:20I love you.
01:14:21I love you.
01:14:22I love you.
01:14:23I love you.
01:14:24I love you.
01:14:25I love you.
01:14:26I love you.
01:14:27I love you.
01:14:28I love you.
01:14:29I love you.
01:14:30I love you.
01:14:31I love you.
01:14:32I love you.
01:14:33I love you.
01:14:34I love you.
01:14:35I love you.
01:14:36I love you.
01:14:37I love you.
01:14:38I love you.
01:14:39I love you.
01:14:40I love you.
01:14:41I love you.
01:14:42I love you.
01:14:43I love you.
01:14:44I love you.
01:14:45I love you.
01:14:46I love you.
01:14:47I love you.
01:14:48I love you.
01:14:49I love you.
01:14:50I love you.
01:14:51I love you.
01:14:52I love you.
01:14:53I love you.
01:14:54I love you.
01:14:55I love you.
01:14:56I love you.
01:14:57I love you.
01:14:58I love you.
01:14:59I love you.
01:15:00I love you.
01:15:01I love you.
01:15:02I love you.
01:15:03I love you.
01:15:04I love you.
01:15:05I love you.
01:15:06I love you.
01:15:07I love you.
01:15:08I love you.
01:15:09I love you.
01:15:10I love you.
01:15:11I love you.
01:15:12I love you.
01:15:13I love you.
01:15:14I love you.
01:15:15This is the life you imagined for yourself.
01:15:16I'm sorry that I didn't know.
01:15:17I'm sorry.
01:15:21It's okay.
01:15:22Come here.
01:15:26I just thought Mike was the only one dating a lesbian.
01:15:35Mom, I knew you were funny.
01:15:37I know.
01:15:38Very funny.
01:15:42You're okay with it?
01:15:43Oh my God, yes, yes, of course I'm okay with it.
01:15:46I mean, I need to sort of adjust my idea.
01:15:54Life never goes the way you expect it, that's all.
01:15:59But you're, yeah, you're good.
01:16:11Is it okay if I ask you a question?
01:16:14What's the question?
01:16:15Is this your first time with a girl?
01:16:24I slept with Elizabeth.
01:16:28Which Elizabeth?
01:16:29A bunch more.
01:16:30Which Elizabeth?
01:16:31The college roommate, college roommate, oh my God.
01:16:33She's a little mouse.
01:16:35Yes!
01:16:38Wow, she had hidden depths.
01:16:42Can I ask you one more question?
01:16:43Oh God, what?
01:16:44Did you always know that you were gay?
01:16:50I just thought I was really open.
01:16:53Oh good, someone's at the door.
01:16:58Hey.
01:16:59Hey, Rose.
01:16:59How are you, honey?
01:17:00Hi, Ronnie said you were here.
01:17:02Yes.
01:17:03Here, my daughter brought me the money.
01:17:07Well, I'm very happy to hear that.
01:17:09Okay, you have a good morning.
01:17:14Thank you for that.
01:17:16Do you wanna get some fresh air?
01:17:18I would love to.
01:17:23You know, my roommate in college was a lesbian,
01:17:26did I ever tell you that?
01:17:27No.
01:17:28Well, she told me I wasn't her type.
01:17:34I was so insulted.
01:17:37I don't even know what to do with that information.
01:17:41So, do you like having sex with men?
01:17:48I'm just trying to understand.
01:17:50Don't get mad.
01:17:50No, I'm not mad.
01:17:52No, I just prefer women.
01:17:56It just clicks with women.
01:17:59It never clicked that way with men.
01:18:02Why didn't you tell me?
01:18:06I think it was easier thinking.
01:18:10I think I was so worried that you guys
01:18:17wouldn't be okay with it,
01:18:19that I never stopped to think who I was.
01:18:22I'm so nervous.
01:18:29It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
01:18:31No, it's okay.
01:18:32A parent is always happy, is there not a happiest child?
01:18:35I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I am.
01:18:39I'm happy.
01:18:40I'm just figuring stuff out.
01:18:42I know, I know.
01:18:46Thank you, Mom.
01:18:47You're so welcome.
01:18:50Kaylee doesn't hate you.
01:18:52Kaylee hates me.
01:18:53She does not hate you.
01:18:54She hates me.
01:18:54She does not hate you, she's hurt.
01:18:55She does.
01:18:56I like her, just so you know,
01:18:59but you're the one that has to be okay with it, not us.
01:19:03Thank you, Mom.
01:19:08I would do anything in the whole world for you.
01:19:10You know that, right?
01:19:13Good.
01:19:17This coffee is disgusting.
01:19:18I know, so gross.
01:19:20It's Ronnie's special food.
01:19:22It's not special.
01:19:23It's so bad.
01:19:27Hey.
01:19:28Hey.
01:19:35You didn't say goodbye this morning.
01:19:37Yeah, I thought I'd give you some more time
01:19:39with your parents.
01:19:40Grandma took all of your smoke turkey leftovers.
01:19:43I'm glad she liked it.
01:19:44I, uh, I'm gonna go get some coffee.
01:19:47Okay.
01:19:48Bye.
01:19:49Bye.
01:19:50Bye.
01:19:50Bye.
01:19:51Bye.
01:19:52Bye.
01:19:53Bye.
01:19:54Bye.
01:19:55Bye.
01:19:56I promised her that I was gonna send her
01:19:58another one next year.
01:20:00I'm gonna move out.
01:20:09I'm sorry about yesterday.
01:20:12Austin, the entire day was my fault.
01:20:14I'm talking about the kiss.
01:20:16I know, it's okay.
01:20:17I mean, I guess,
01:20:20I didn't realize how serious you and Haley were.
01:20:26Yeah.
01:20:29I love her, I don't.
01:20:34I should've told her sooner.
01:20:35Yeah, well, you should've told everyone.
01:20:39I should've told everyone.
01:20:41I should've told everyone so much sooner.
01:20:45You're my best friend, Austin.
01:20:49If it was gonna be a guy,
01:20:52it'd have been you.
01:20:56♪ I was clean in your patchwork ♪
01:21:01♪ I was young and an actress ♪
01:21:04♪ When you knelt by my mattress and asked for my hand ♪
01:21:10♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
01:21:17♪ And I let the footprints, they must stain all costume ♪
01:21:22I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life, and when I die alone,
01:21:42when I die alone, die I'll be on time.
01:21:51And while the church discouraged any lust that burned within me,
01:21:58yes, my flesh, it was my currency, but I held true.
01:22:05I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life, and when I die alone,
01:22:14when I die alone, die I'll be on time.
01:22:20I was clean in Petra, I was taller than the raptor,
01:22:26but I saw in the past love gone with the wind.
01:22:32And now I'm dead in white shoes, please make me better.
01:22:37So often in this culture, what we come up against is fear.
01:22:40And in love, too, it's fear that often gets in the way of its magic.
01:22:44I'm sorry!
01:22:45Class started an hour ago.
01:22:47I'm sorry to you, too.
01:22:50I need to talk to you.
01:22:51What are you doing here?
01:22:53You deserve flowers.
01:22:57I want to be the one that gives you flowers.
01:23:02I was wrong. I'm sorry.
01:23:04You know, this is all new and scary and it's wonderful and exciting, but it's scary.
01:23:10And that thing with Austin, I'm so sorry.
01:23:12I should have told you.
01:23:14But I love you. I'm in love with you.
01:23:17This is not how I saw my life.
01:23:20But it's so much better than anything I could have imagined.
01:23:25And I want to be with you.
01:23:27If you'll take me back.
01:23:29You're wrong.
01:23:33Is that a yes?
01:23:34Yes.
01:23:36I have something I want to ask you.
01:23:39Oh, no. I just feel really bad on the spot.
01:23:44Will you move in with me?
01:23:47Yes.
01:23:48Yes?
01:23:49Of course.
01:23:59I love you.
01:24:01I love you, too.
01:24:03Hey.
01:24:05I'm the best version of myself with you.
01:24:11When are you planning to tell your parents we're moving in?
01:24:14Oh, uh, I was thinking Christmas.
01:24:29I love you.
01:24:30I love you.
01:24:31I love you.
01:24:32I love you.
01:24:33I love you.
01:24:34I love you.
01:24:35I love you.
01:24:36I love you.
01:24:37I love you.
01:24:38I love you.
01:24:39I love you.
01:24:40I love you.
01:24:41I love you.
01:24:42I love you.
01:24:43I love you.
01:24:44I love you.
01:24:45I love you.
01:24:46I love you.
01:24:47I love you.
01:24:48I love you.
01:24:49I love you.
01:24:50I love you.
01:24:51I love you.
01:24:52I love you.
01:24:53I love you.
01:24:54I love you.
01:24:55I love you.
01:24:56I love you.
01:24:57I love you.