Have I Got News for You S68 E02

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Have I Got News for You S68 E02

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00:00This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38Good evening.
00:40Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:42I'm Amol Raj and in the news this week,
00:44Keir Starmer tries to explain to anyone who will listen,
00:47although it technically is Lord Ali's car,
00:49he is allowed exclusive use of it on weekdays.
00:52LAUGHTER
01:00In Weybridge, Eamon Holmes's new girlfriend regrets
01:03trying to use his custom-made bidet.
01:06LAUGHTER
01:12And in Kingston-upon-Thames,
01:14Ed Davey arrives at the funeral of a much-loved constituent.
01:19LAUGHTER
01:26He's wearing black, it's respectful.
01:29On Ian's team tonight, a former Conservative MP and Brexiteer
01:32who is a member of the organisation Leave Means Leave,
01:36which is exactly what her constituents told her
01:38at the last election.
01:40Please welcome Dame Andrea Jenkins.
01:42APPLAUSE
01:47And on Paul's team tonight is an actor and comedian
01:50whose latest show was called On I Bang,
01:53which was, coincidentally, the working title
01:55for Boris Johnson's memoir.
01:57Please welcome Miles Jupp.
01:59APPLAUSE
02:04We begin with the bigger news stories of the week.
02:07Ian and Andrea, take a look at this.
02:10Right, that's Keir Starmer, isn't it?
02:12That's Sue Gray, she's gone.
02:14Ah, this is it, 100 days Keir Starmer's been Prime Minister,
02:18which is two and a half Liz trusses.
02:20LAUGHTER
02:22How would you rate Starmer's first 100 days, Ian? A success?
02:25Well, he's still Prime Minister.
02:27And in recent terms, that's pretty good going.
02:31What might have hastened Sue Gray's departure?
02:34Three passes at number ten?
02:36Was she caught snorting coke off a lilo?
02:39No.
02:41I don't think she was, just for the benefit of the lawyer that's listening.
02:44I don't think that's true at all.
02:46According to The Times, Gray showed inexperience
02:49dealing with the press and shocked colleagues
02:51by referring to scumbag journalists.
02:53Good to see Private Eye still being read in number ten.
02:56LAUGHTER
02:58Another accusation from Sue Gray's allies
03:00was that number ten was too much like a boys' club.
03:03Were the Tories ever a boys' club?
03:05No, I don't think so. No, Boris and Co, no.
03:08LAUGHTER
03:10Some of them really loved women, didn't they?
03:12LAUGHTER
03:15Andrea, were you surprised by how many of your colleagues
03:18jumped before they were pushed at the last election?
03:21No, no, I wasn't really.
03:23At least you stuck around to face the music and you lost your seat.
03:26No, I mean, I believe in going down with the sinking ship, so...
03:29Really? Absolutely. And you know you took your seat off Ed Balls?
03:32That means you're responsible for this.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:41If that had happened in a public park, he would have been arrested.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:46APPLAUSE
03:49Maybe he's rehearsing for a Taylor Swift concert
03:51because his wife got some tickets, didn't she?
03:53Oh, she did indeed. Yeah. That is exactly right.
03:56According to The Sun, Sadiq Khan and Yvette Cooper
03:58put pressure on the Met Police to boost security for Taylor Swift
04:01at her London concert, which was attended by Sadiq Khan and Yvette Cooper.
04:05Yeah.
04:06Both have denied there is any link between the two things,
04:09which means that there was.
04:10LAUGHTER
04:12What else has the government washed its hands of this week?
04:15The Chagos Islands? Yes. Why do they do that, Ian?
04:18Because over the last 30 years, the Chagos Islanders
04:21have been campaigning to be returned to their country,
04:24which Britain threw them off in terms of making a military base.
04:27But it's a final deal that's been done between us and Mauritius
04:31and it's finally happened.
04:33I mean, I was there, actually, at the protest this morning.
04:36Were you? Yes, with the Chagossians.
04:38And what was your view?
04:40It was a previous Labour government which worked with the US,
04:43wasn't it, to remove them from the islands?
04:46And they said, Stammer, you're a human rights lawyer
04:49and you've done it again.
04:50You know, you've... We just won again.
04:52What, you've done the right thing? No.
04:54Because the Tories tried to blame this on Stammer
04:57and then he pointed out that the person who'd set the process going
05:01this time was James Cleverley.
05:03But it's out of the contest, maybe, that's why.
05:05Yeah, but Cleverley then said, no, it wasn't me, it was Liz Truss.
05:09Cos she was Foreign Secretary, you can't believe any of this, can you?
05:12And Liz Truss's supporters said, it wasn't Liz, it was Boris,
05:16cos, God, he was Foreign Secretary!
05:21I mean, you wonder why this country gets in a bit of a mess.
05:26What would you have done with the islands, then?
05:28Me? I'd have given them back to them early on.
05:30If you read early Private Eyes, we did take up this cause.
05:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:36Yes.
05:38Did you release a charity single?
05:44We did. It was called Chagos and Dave. It was sort of...
05:51Yes.
05:53You're quite right to say someone else is not happy
05:55about the decision this week. That was James Cleverley.
05:58Not been a great week for James Cleverley. What has he lost?
06:02He came third in a two-horse race.
06:09That's exactly right.
06:10Pip Acrera in The Guardian reports that Cleverley was so confident
06:13about getting into the final, he tried to give some of his votes
06:16to Robert Genry to help knock out Kemi Bainock,
06:18but it backfired when his team got the maths wrong.
06:21So, in the end, some MPs who should have voted cleverly
06:23voted stupidly.
06:26But it comes after this quite extraordinary rallying cry.
06:29Do you remember this from last week?
06:31Let's be more normal.
06:35To which the Tory party said, no, thanks.
06:39So, we are down now to Robert Genry and Kemi Bainock.
06:42Let's ask someone who really, really understands the Tory party.
06:46Paul, who's your money on?
06:50Do you know what I imagined you just said to me?
06:53Is the answer Newport Pagnol?
06:56Newport Pagnol?
07:01What was the point of asking me that?
07:03Have you not seen this show over the last 35 years?
07:06I'm waiting for the story that comes up with the monkey
07:08playing the harmonium.
07:10That's when I come alive.
07:13All this stuff, you're wasting your time with this.
07:15I mean, what's the first ten minutes of this show?
07:18I'll turn the sound down and play Boney M.
07:23Which one? Is it Rah-Rah Rasputin?
07:26Bit too political for me, that one.
07:35What do you think happened?
07:37I mean, I think, seriously, he got lent votes
07:42and they wanted Bobby J, Kemi B in the final anyway.
07:45Would you have voted for either of them
07:47had you still been able to have a vote, which you can't?
07:49I'm not backing it. I'm actually not backing any of them.
07:52Really? I mean, you're on the right of the party.
07:55You must be thrilled, mustn't you?
07:57Yeah, but... Good, that's all I need.
08:01No, if you look at the voting record,
08:03they're more one-nation-y to me anyway.
08:05What, those two? God, you are right-wing, aren't you?
08:09One Tory MP told The Times...
08:17..adding that...
08:20..he was most likely trying to be a clever dick.
08:23He was actually at Boris' book launch the night before as well.
08:26Who was, Grant Shapps? No, Cleverley, yeah.
08:28He was at Boris' book launch rather than being on the phone to MPs.
08:31Is that where it all went wrong for him, do you think?
08:33Because he was seeking Boris' permission.
08:35Well, loads of MPs was there at the book launch, you see, so...
08:38Ah, they just miscalculated. Yeah.
08:40Did it go well, the book launch? Oh, it was amazing.
08:42It was on fire, Boris, yeah. Were you there?
08:44Blimey, and you admitted that publicly?
08:46I was getting my book signed, yeah.
08:49No, I'm just testing.
08:53Ian, you're in there, you should be getting royalties.
08:56Yeah, if I'm in the book, he accuses me of being a liar,
08:59which is pretty funny.
09:01I have to disagree with that.
09:03So, you think I am a liar? Go on.
09:05No, I think you're lovely. Do you know, behind...
09:07A lovely liar? No.
09:09Do you know, backstage, he's a different person. Yeah.
09:12Yeah, he was very supportive.
09:14No, that is libelous.
09:17He did say the only thing he regretted was apologising
09:21over his behaviour in Covid.
09:23So, when he said, I'm sorry, according to him, he was lying.
09:28That's it, that's the top headline in the book.
09:30I lied when I apologised for my behaviour during Covid.
09:34I shouldn't have apologised.
09:36No matter how many committees, no matter how much evidence,
09:39I should have just lied again.
09:41Have you read the book?
09:43Don't worry, he hasn't either.
09:45I've read one chapter, actually.
09:49Finally, for a Boris bonus point,
09:51I'm going to show you him responding to a question,
09:54and what I want you to do is to guess the question that he was asked
09:57that elicited this answer.
09:59OK.
10:01I...
10:05Can you remember the occasion when your third child was conceived?
10:10Is, in fact, the correct answer.
10:12No.
10:14Let's have a look at the question.
10:16This is from ITV's Tom Bradby.
10:18Who would you like to see as leader of the Tory party?
10:21I...
10:23Which name is he trying to say there?
10:25He'll come back, won't he?
10:27I don't think it's over for him.
10:29No.
10:31I think it's over for him.
10:33I think it's over for him.
10:35I think it's over for him.
10:37I don't think it's over for him, no.
10:39You don't think it's over?
10:41I still think Boris was one of our better Prime Ministers.
10:45I see you've selected the audience, you know.
10:48The people who don't like Boris are all conservatives, yeah.
10:51You can't just say you've selected the audience.
10:54You've got no evidence for that, no proof.
10:56It's just bollocks. This isn't GB News.
10:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:04Hang on, isn't this GB News? I thought I was on GB News.
11:10Went to the wrong place altogether.
11:12Anyway, right, it has been another week...
11:14No, don't go!
11:16Sorry, that was a bit late, wasn't it?
11:19Yes, this is Labour's first 100 days in power.
11:23For all the upheaval, a Downing Street insider insisted
11:26that when it comes to delivery, the Prime Minister is laser-focused.
11:30That's pretty good, because he can give back all those glasses
11:33that he got for free.
11:35Paul and Miles have a look at this.
11:38There he is. The Great Puppet.
11:40Yes, there's the Great Puppet. Donald T Rump.
11:42There is Kamala Harris.
11:44Oh. Elon Musk.
11:46Why is it the richest people in the world are also the weirdest?
11:49There's the Puppet Master. Yes.
11:51Bob Woodward's got a new book out,
11:53one of the original Watergate journalists,
11:55and it says that, apparently, Donald Trump sent Putin
12:00something called a Covid machine.
12:02I'm not sure what a Covid machine is.
12:04Oh, it's that great machine they had in the lab that made that virus.
12:07Do you remember? Oh, yes.
12:09People were a bit iffy about it.
12:11Scientifically, a real breakthrough.
12:13Yeah, it did what it was designed to do.
12:15Do you remember those Covid tests?
12:17The lateral flow ones? Yeah.
12:19Why do you think they're Covid test machines?
12:21Perhaps they loved them.
12:24I'd stop using cotton buds altogether.
12:29How many times have they spoken since, Trump and Putin?
12:32I'd say seven times. That's exactly right.
12:34Yeah, that's why I said it.
12:36I wouldn't waste your time with hypothetical guesses.
12:39He has.
12:41And this is all ahead of the American election,
12:43which is less than a month away,
12:45and Kamala Harris, the Democrat candidate,
12:47has been accused by critics of not doing interviews in her campaign.
12:51What's she actually been doing?
12:53Interviews. A lot of interviews, yes.
12:55You might recall that she boasted to Oprah
12:57about shooting a home intruder.
12:59Yes. What sort of gun has Kamala Harris got?
13:02A Glock.
13:04An Uzi.
13:06She strikes me as an Uzi.
13:08Smith & Wesson. It is a Glock.
13:10How do you know so much about guns?
13:12Listen, I can't talk about my days at five.
13:16So let's keep this side of the river.
13:18Yeah.
13:20It is, indeed.
13:27Yeah, and what special power do the Democrats have,
13:31according to Marjorie, Jewish space lasers, Taylor Greene?
13:35Oh, yeah, they can create hurricanes.
13:37They can manipulate the weather.
13:39Taylor Greene said of the Democrats,
13:41yes, they can control the weather.
13:43It's ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can't be done.
13:47Now I see it written down.
13:50Legend of authority, isn't it?
13:52Donald Trump must be getting pretty tired
13:54of saying pretty outrageous things himself.
13:56What has he done to lighten the burden on himself?
13:58Oh, he's brought on Elon Musk.
14:00Donald Trump had another rally at the place
14:02where the guy shot his ear, and Elon Musk came on as a special guest
14:05and jumped up in the air and behaved very oddly.
14:07He did. Melania Trump recalled her experience
14:10of the first assassination attempt on her husband.
14:12Do we know what she did?
14:14Reloaded.
14:20So, we're quite familiar with Trump's very unique style of dancing.
14:24You've seen this? Yes. Yeah, yeah.
14:26But why might he be in big trouble for doing this
14:29on January 6th, 2021?
14:40Well, it's just they're not the moves, are they?
14:42You do the left...
14:44Well, this is the attack on the Senate, isn't it?
14:47Yeah, well, according to the Washington Post,
14:49files issued recently by Special Counsel Jack Smith
14:52contend that because Trump entered to the Village People's YMCA,
14:56it proves that it was a campaign rally
14:58and Trump was not acting in his official capacity as President,
15:01otherwise he'd have come in on hail to the Chief.
15:03And therefore, under the terms of the Supreme Court ruling,
15:06he has no immunity from prosecution.
15:08Oh, that's clever.
15:10That's very good.
15:11Yeah.
15:12And was he doing the letters R-I-O-T?
15:18It's fun to stay in a maximum security jail.
15:24Meanwhile, Argentina's President Millet...
15:27Oh, yeah, that's him doing the YMCA.
15:29At least he knows what he's doing.
15:31He's got his arms up.
15:32For heaven's sake.
15:33What's he been up to in America, do you know?
15:35You've been following the polls?
15:37No, I haven't, no.
15:38He's actually been delivering a speech to the UN General Assembly
15:41for which he plagiarised huge chunks of dialogue from the West Wing.
15:49That's brilliant.
15:50And he then went off to the Wall Street Stock Exchange
15:53where this is he.
15:55It is just amazing, isn't it,
15:57how one moment can capture a political career.
16:01What's going on in that photo, Adrienne?
16:03For those who haven't seen it, that's you.
16:05What's going on there?
16:06Well, you know Steve Bray, the big Remainer guy?
16:08Well, Boris was making his resignation speech,
16:10he was bellowing out there, and I just thought, you know,
16:13you've got what you want now, and so do you, really.
16:16Did it feel good?
16:17Well, the funny thing is, I don't even really swear,
16:20I don't even use my fingers, so...
16:22I don't know.
16:23I don't know.
16:24I don't know.
16:25I don't know.
16:26I don't know.
16:27I don't know.
16:28I don't know.
16:29I don't use my fingers, so...
16:30I don't know.
16:31You don't use your fingers?!
16:33How do you play the piano?
16:34I use my thumbs, yeah.
16:35Oh.
16:36It's a northern thing, yeah.
16:37It's a northern thing?!
16:39He couldn't have four fingers when I was growing up.
16:44Two thumbs were good enough for my daddy, good enough for me.
16:48Didn't have a car, you had to hitchhike everywhere you went.
16:51That was all right.
16:52Didn't mind that.
16:53APPLAUSE
16:59And so, to round two.
17:00This is the Globe of News.
17:02Globe of News.
17:03Yeah, fingers on buzzers.
17:04Yeah, OK.
17:05Spin, spin, spin.
17:07Oh, it's turned into a magic effect.
17:11Well, there's a knot hole in that tree, for certain.
17:17I've just found out where the screw lies, he's nuts.
17:19This is...
17:21Unbelievably, I know this is about a tree-hugging competition
17:24in Glasgow.
17:25That's exactly right.
17:26Who was crowned the champion tree-hugger?
17:29Roger Oak.
17:31No, you're in the works of...
17:33Peter Willow.
17:34Keep going.
17:35George Willow.
17:36No, keep going.
17:37Sally Willow.
17:38Roger Willow.
17:39It's female, an English name beginning with H.
17:41Harriet.
17:42Holly Willow.
17:43Holly Willow Bee.
17:44She jumped the queue and won.
17:47No, you'd better tell us.
17:48It was Hannah Willow.
17:49Hannah Willow.
17:50Let's have a look at Hannah Willow hugging this tree.
17:53And that is as much as we can show at this time of night.
17:57What did Hannah win?
17:59Er...
18:00Day release.
18:11Is that right?
18:12No.
18:13No?
18:14No.
18:15As a result of her win,
18:16Hannah has now qualified to enter the international competition
18:19next year held in the Halipu Forest,
18:22just over 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle.
18:25What a treat for her.
18:27Well done, Hannah.
18:29And in other news to do with names,
18:31who's Steve and what's he been up to in Scotland this week?
18:35A bit general, isn't it?
18:36Yeah.
18:37The clues so far are someone called Peter and Scotland.
18:40No, Steve.
18:41Steve.
18:42Oh, Christ.
18:43That's much easier.
18:44Steve is, in fact, a rare purple ribbon-like glow
18:47within the Northern Lights, which was visible in the sky...
18:50Look at that, it's gorgeous.
18:51Which was visible in the skies above Scotland
18:53and northern England this week.
18:55But the question is, why is it called Steve?
18:57Named after the first person that identified it.
19:00Peter.
19:04Steve actually stands for
19:06Strong Thermal Emission Velocity Enhancement.
19:09According to the BBC, Steve is unpredictable
19:11and only lasts for a short time.
19:15As every wife of a Steve will tell you.
19:19What other weather phenomenon did the BBC warn us about this week?
19:22Oh, hurricanes up to 14,000 miles per hour in Great Britain.
19:27There was a glitch on their weather thing,
19:29and so at one point it was London, Salford was another place,
19:3214,000 miles per hour wind.
19:34Before that, there was a warning about temperature,
19:36so a glitch on the BBC weather website...
19:38Yeah.
19:39..saw temperatures of 404 degrees centigrade in Nottingham.
19:43That's quite warm, isn't it? You need to take your coat off for that.
19:47And then, as you say, Paul,
19:49winds of 14,827 miles per hour in Windsor.
19:54He's got Grant Shapps on the numbers.
19:56Yeah.
20:02The way you said that, you made it sound like a medical complaint
20:04going to the doctors.
20:05I've got a touch of Grant Shapps.
20:07I've not been able to sit down straight for a fortnight.
20:11Oh.
20:13LAUGHTER
20:16This is the first Glasgow tree-hugging tournament,
20:19or, as it will be known by historians,
20:21the only Glasgow tree-hugging tournament.
20:23Meanwhile, the north of England has been treated
20:26to a rare aurora called Steve.
20:28According to one scientist, you need to seek out a rural setting
20:31or park away from city lights, bring a reclining chair or blanket,
20:35then relax and wait for Steve.
20:39Which is also the instructions if you wish to go dogging.
20:47I thought I recognised your voice!
20:52I feel like I'm thinking it.
20:56Here we go, here we go, here we go.
20:58Spinning the wheel, there we go, spinning the globe, yep.
21:04Oh, you're confident. Brackley in England.
21:06Yeah, it's been a hi-vis hugging competition.
21:10He's called Roger Hi-Vis.
21:13That looks like the word pothole written on his jacket.
21:16Is it the man who just got so fed up he just started
21:19mending potholes himself?
21:21Exactly right, well done.
21:22His name is Mark Morrill.
21:24He's a former town mayor. What's his nickname?
21:26Mark the Pothole. Mr Pothole. Mr Pothole.
21:29He claims he's responsible for getting 10,000 potholes filled in.
21:34Oh, good. Good on him. He pesters the council, basically.
21:36He's not going around with tarmac and stuff.
21:38This is a letter-writing campaign.
21:40It's a sort of more Amnesty International approach.
21:43In other road news, which motorway has been voted Britain's worst?
21:47Oh, that was something like the M8, was it?
21:49No. I thought it was the M40.
21:51No.
21:5332. No, no.
21:55The M56. M1 with all the cameras? No.
21:57No, it's the M42.
21:59So, a survey of road users...
22:01If we like that game, can we do another one?
22:05So, that was your starter for ten.
22:07I'm now going to give you three bonus questions on Britain's roads,
22:10and you may confirm, OK?
22:12Right, yeah, we're ready.
22:13His lot, Magdalen.
22:17Merton, slightly more cheerful.
22:26That's not how it works on University Challenge,
22:28because you can't actually buzz in on the bonuses, but sod it.
22:30No.
22:32Well, I am involved, so... Are you?
22:34Yeah, he was a mystery optic one week.
22:41Things are buzzing. Here's your first bonus.
22:43Britain's worst motorway, the M42,
22:45connects Bromsgrove in Worcestershire
22:47with which Leicestershire town, 40 bars away?
22:51Melton Mowbray. No.
22:53Is it Shakespeare?
22:57It's Ashby-de-la-Zouche. Oh, good.
22:59Question number two.
23:01The A12 was voted Britain's worst A road.
23:03It connects London with which...
23:07It's Lowestoft.
23:09This is bloody hard. This is quite hard.
23:11It's good.
23:13Finally, Britain's best A road received an 85% satisfaction rating.
23:16It connects Doncaster with Setonburn, near Newcastle.
23:19What is it?
23:21God, you lot are shit, man.
23:23Did you say that on University Challenge?
23:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:27It's the A19.
23:29And now they're gone.
23:31I'm afraid to say that's the end of the round,
23:33the end of the show, the end of the series.
23:35Good night. Not really.
23:39Fingers on buzzers, teams.
23:47Something big happened. In China?
23:49Yeah.
23:51In China.
23:53In China.
23:55Something big happened. In China?
23:57Yeah.
23:59What, with the planned economy? I don't think so.
24:01Release the virus or something?
24:03No.
24:05No, they've not done that.
24:07Not this week.
24:09Clover, this is the news that a sewage pipe in China
24:13has violently exploded,
24:15and I think we need to see the event in question.
24:17Oh!
24:19Oh!
24:23Oh!
24:25Oh, my God.
24:27Oh!
24:35Oh, my God.
24:37That would be my vote for the worst motorway.
24:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
24:47This is the news that a Chinese sewage pipe exploded
24:51next to a busy road, covering passers-by with human waste,
24:54an incident described by Thames Water as pretty amateur.
24:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
25:03Time now for the Missing Words round,
25:05and we'll start with...
25:10Is it Dick Curdles?
25:12Sorry? I beg your pardon?
25:16Oh, I see, I thought you were talking about a bloke called Dick Curdles.
25:19No!
25:21Surprise after Gibbons spotted doing the robot dance.
25:25Oh, wow.
25:27Would you like to see said dancing Gibbon?
25:29Yes, please. Here it is.
25:31Sorry, sorry, sorry, wrong clip.
25:33This is what we're looking for, this one here.
25:45Do you think maybe that's just an electric fence?
25:50Next, make working from home more pleasurable by what?
25:54Repeatedly telling people.
25:56Oh, hello, I'm not in the office today, I'm working from home.
26:00No, we make working from home more pleasurable
26:03by using a lying-down desk.
26:05Oh.
26:07Here is inventor Alex May under his desk.
26:13It would be a good advert for a futon, wouldn't it?
26:16Yeah. What happened to futons?
26:19God, the past was great.
26:22No, you'd still get a futon.
26:24Oh, can I? Yeah. Have you got one with you?
26:28This one was provided by Lord Ali.
26:36Finally, merchandise for upcoming Oasis tour to include what?
26:40Matching oven gloves. Is that what you do this with?
26:43A whip. Is it disciplining interns?
26:49Is that an oven truck of theirs?
26:52This is merchandise for upcoming Oasis tour to include...
26:55Yeah? Flyswatter.
26:57That wasn't a flyswatter, what you were doing there.
27:00Yes, it was. Have I got this wrong?
27:02A flyswatter is a kind of vigorous...
27:04You've not got it wrong, you're just too angry.
27:08You've got to try and seduce them into a relaxed mood.
27:11Have you tried low lighting?
27:15So, the final scores are Ian and Andrea have three points,
27:19Paul and Miles have five points.
27:21Well done.
27:23Congratulations.
27:25I wonder what that's for.
27:28That is beyond the losing team.
27:31Can't think why. I'm always on it, so...
27:34I've rubbed off on you, haven't I?
27:36Well, not yet.
27:39Before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
27:42Geoffrey, I don't want to embarrass you,
27:44but you've forgotten to put your socks on again.
27:48APPLAUSE
27:50I'm impressed that you've managed to get your helmet
27:52over the handlebars.
27:57On which lovely note, we say thank you to our panellists,
28:00Ian Hislop and Dame Andrea Jenkins, Paul Merton and Miles Jupp.
28:03And I leave you with news that Angela Rayner says there are no issues
28:07juggling her party lifestyle with the demands of government
28:10as she flies straight from a weekend in Ibiza
28:13to a military veterans event.
28:18At the City Hall in Pennsylvania,
28:20it's nearly time for a hot milky drink.
28:25And on a visit to a coffee shop,
28:27one man starts to understand how unpopular he's become
28:30as he notices the barista has spelt out
28:32NOBODY LIKES YOU on the top of his cappuccino.
28:39Goodnight!
28:41APPLAUSE
28:45Dissecting the week's news,
28:47stateside press read now for Have I Got News For You US on iPlayer.
28:50Here on BBC One, another crime scene clean-up for Wiki
28:53with honk and flop at a shepherd's hut.
28:55Comedy with Greg Davies in the cleaner next.
28:58APPLAUSE
29:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE