Minsan kailangan maging delulu?! Mga healthy diskarte sa pagtupad ng delulu dreams

2 months ago

Delulu is the solulu!

"Being delusional is not a big leap of faith all the time. It starts with the smallest of steps."

Nakatanggap noon ng non-admission letter sa Masters program ang content creator at psychometrician na si Justine Danielle Reyes — mula mismo sa ating host na si Doc Anna.

Pero imbes na mawalan ng loob, ginamit niya raw itong sign para maging delulu at mas mapalapit sa kanyang mga pangarap!

Sa pinakabagong episode ng Share Ko Lang, panoorin kung paano nga ba naging solusyon sa kanyang challenges ang pagiging delulu ni Justine!

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Transcript

00:00Hello mga kapuso, ako si Dr. Anna Tuazon, ang inyong kakwentuhan na psychologist sa share ko lang.

00:14May mga pangarap ba kayong iniisip na malabong matupad?

00:19Nasabihan na ba kayong delulu dahil imposibleng mangyari ang mga gusto mo?

00:25Para sa mga Gen Z, reaching for their delulu dreams na raw ang kanilang goals.

00:31Yan ang pag-uusapan natin today kasama ang content creator na si Justine Daniel Reyes or si Dani.

00:39Hello Dani, welcome to Share Ko Lang!

00:42Hi Dr. Anna, thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited.

00:47So, yung delulu, kasi ako, dalawang konteksto ko dyan. And admittedly, hindi Gen Z ang konteksto ko.

00:54So I'll need your help so we can understand.

00:58Syempre yung konteksto ko, one is from a psychiatric standpoint.

01:02So meron tayong parang psychiatric definition.

01:05Not so much delulu, the term, but where it comes from, which is a delusion.

01:10Yung isang kong konteksto, Dani, actually, is from K-pop.

01:13So as a fan and as a stan, meron tayong mga tinatawag na, yun na nga, parang medyo delulu in the sense of

01:20nagpa-fantasize, parang nangangarap na parang, uy, baka may chance ako ganyan sa aking mga idols.

01:29So tell us what you mean by delulu.

01:34So tama nga po, Dok, na originally, delulu was a term coined in the K-pop fandom.

01:41I think this was in the early 2010s, sometime around 2013 to 2014.

01:47Yung mga napapansin nilang mga fans na very enthusiastic about their idols,

01:52natatawag silang delulu in a derogatory sense.

01:56Na parang unrealistic mo naman masyado when it comes to admiring your idols.

02:02Iniisip mo na, ina-assume mo na na, oh, you're gonna get married, you're gonna end up with your idol.

02:07But as we've seen over time, lalo na po sa TikTok, on short-form platforms,

02:14a lot of people have now changed the meaning of the word delulu.

02:19Na parang kino-opt na nila yung term na delusional.

02:22And we're seeing it now in the self-development side of social media.

02:28Na kung saan may mga young content creators around my age who say that delulu is the selulu ikanga.

02:37Na when it comes to aspiring for more, when it comes to trying to dream of a better life for oneself,

02:44yun na yung nagiging mantra ng karamihan ng Gen Z.

02:47And I think napapansin ko lang to sa mga madalas na online,

02:51yun yung understanding nila of what it means to be delulu.

02:56And like you, I have a background in psychology.

02:59So yun din yung una kong understanding of delusional.

03:04Like in a clinical sense, it's not something to be proud of.

03:07Now in your TED Talk, if it's okay, I'm curious about something you shared personally.

03:12Parang you showed na actually, according to your friends,

03:15isa kasap, di ba? Parang ikaw yung pinaka, I guess you didn't use the word delulu na,

03:20but ikaw yung pinaka delusional sa kanila.

03:24So I'm curious, in what way are you delulu, Dani?

03:29I just think I've always been the most optimistic friend.

03:33Na ako yung go-to kapag kailangan nila ng pep talk, if they need words of encouragement,

03:38and if they're trying to aim for something that they feel is beyond their comfort zone.

03:44Ako talaga yung pinaka nag-cheer sa kanila.

03:47And syempre, when people don't really believe in themselves,

03:51I feel that yung chine-cheer ko sa kanila, parang ang layo sa reality,

03:56parang ang impossible na magkatotoo.

03:58Kaya na ako natawag ang delusional.

04:01Because they kind of don't believe in themselves,

04:03and I do the job of pushing them to believe in themselves.

04:07So yun naman. Grounded pa naman po sa reality ko.

04:11Sabi ko nga, parang I think para maintindihan, ano yung meaning ng delulu ngayon,

04:17mas better na lang isa-tabi, huwag na nating ihambing dun sa clinical,

04:22kasi ibang-iba talaga yun.

04:24Pag sa clinical kasi, ang delusional, we're talking about physical reality,

04:29meaning nakakalipad ako, nakakabasa ako ng minds ng ibang tao.

04:35And from what I understand in how you're trying to explain,

04:38parang you're just talking about it's very socially improbable yung mga gusto ng mga tao.

04:44Kung sa generation ko, Dani, ang tawag namin diyan, mga suntok sa buwan.

04:48Di ba? Mga pangarap mo, suntok sa buwan, medyo mahirap marating, very unlikely.

04:55So yung meaning ng delulu, para for you, very optimistic, di ba?

05:00Parang may aspirations, may mga gustong marating.

05:04Ano yung mga common delulu dreams, so to speak, ng mga Gen Z ngayon?

05:11Feeling ko talaga bare minimum yung mga delulu dreams ng mga tao.

05:14So hindi siya actually that ambitious?

05:17Not that ambitious. Sometimes they just want to get their bills paid.

05:21They want to live a comfortable life.

05:23They want to move out of their parents' households.

05:26But all these things require socioeconomic resources

05:30that a lot of emerging adults may have very little of or nothing at all.

05:36I think at the end of the day, we really have to consider what barriers exist for young adults

05:42na nag-result sa kanila sa pag-isip na this doesn't feel realistic,

05:48na parang it feels delusional to even want a better life for myself.

05:53Yung socioeconomic reality, like for you, Dani, I guess, parang in what ways naka-realize mo,

06:02teka, parang hindi na, parang yung reality, the economic reality is so unreal.

06:08Parang ano yung mga barriers?

06:13For you, in terms of you're having a career now, you're doing all of these things,

06:19meron ka bang na-experience ikaw mismo na parang hindi pa rin?

06:25I'm curious, do you feel you can move out? Have your house?

06:30Actually po, I moved out of my childhood home a couple of years ago.

06:37Pero bumalik din po ko, like recently.

06:40Because apart from my lease ending, I realized that I had to save again

06:45because moving out is really expensive.

06:48And I work in QC, so magastos ko talagi yung cost of living in a very big city.

06:56Tapos ano pa, panganay din po ko, so as the eldest daughter,

07:02I had to be a breadwinner for the first three years of me working.

07:06Before I got into testing and research po, kasi naging high school teacher po ko

07:12at a private school, but I was very underpaid. Tapos pandemic pa po noon.

07:17And I realized that I wasn't getting paid enough kasi covered ko yung gastusin sa bahay.

07:24Tapos halos wala akong nasisave at all.

07:27It was only after I started looking for a new job and found a career na nga in testing and research

07:34na dun medyo slowly ako nakapaghanap ng extra resources so that I could save, I could earn.

07:43And eventually that led me to doing content, to educating others online

07:48and taking on different side hustles para lang din masustain ko not just my own lifestyle

07:54but to also support my family.

07:56And ayun nga po, dahil nga sa social media, mas nagiging open din yung mga taong kaedad ko

08:03about their realities, about what they're going through.

08:07I'm part of different Facebook groups of young adults who share about their experiences

08:14from eldest daughters wanting to figure out a life for themselves

08:19to young adults trying to understand what kinds of careers could I possibly pursue

08:27given the current state of the world.

08:29But I understand that I'm not that unique enough to have a very original experience.

08:34At the end of the day, as a Filipino who's part of a collective culture,

08:40naintindihan ko yung kung anong pinagdadaanan ko, kung anong struggles na meron ako socio-economically,

08:46alam kong may makakaintindi din sakin.

08:49And I'm so happy to know, through the internet, through the reactions sa talk ko,

08:54nag-resonate din sa mga tao.

08:56So personally, what did you have to be dilulo about to achieve the things that you want?

09:03And of course, I'm sure there are still dreams you want to go for.

09:08What did you have to be dilulo about to get to where you are now?

09:11Actually, a lot. I had to be dilulo about so many things.

09:16I've always, ever since I started doing speaking engagements,

09:21I knew that I wanted to teach kahit na psych na yung background ko.

09:26And so, when I started looking for a job, kasi kakakuha ko lang ng psychometrician license ko noong 2018,

09:35I had to be dilusional about getting a job in teaching.

09:39Kasi all these job offerings were like, oh, you need to have a teaching license.

09:46And I was like, okay, I'll still try.

09:49And then eventually, I landed the job three months in,

09:53which may gling oras na pala yun for someone my age,

09:57because I thought that was a long time na.

09:59And I think that was the first sa career ko.

10:04I've also had to be delusional during the pandemic,

10:07especially 2020 na parang, oh, matatapos din to.

10:11May kita ko din yung mga friends ko.

10:14At that time, we didn't see the end in sight.

10:16Kasi wala pang vaccine noon.

10:18Maraming ECQ, MCQ, GCQ terms.

10:24And it was so easy to just spiral and accept na,

10:27wala, baka hanggang dito na lang talaga yung 20s ko.

10:30Nasa bahay lang ako.

10:32And then eventually, that happened.

10:34And when I started looking for a new job,

10:36I really wanted na sa school setting na ako going to college.

10:42Like, from high school to college.

10:44So talagang inisip ko siya, dapat college na ako mag-a-apply for work.

10:49And luckily, I got it, because I was being delusional about it.

10:52Kahit na a lot of job postings said na I needed 2-3 years of experience in education.

11:00Pati po yung pag-apply ko sa MA, sa UP.

11:05I got a non-admission first, in my first application,

11:10because I applied for the clinical program.

11:12Is this me?

11:14Yes, yes.

11:15Oh no!

11:16Yes.

11:18But actually, Doc, your non-admission letter to me,

11:22it really changed things for me.

11:26Because I really expected last year na magsistart na po ako mag-MA sa clinical psych.

11:32But then, the non-admission letter was a sign for me na,

11:35okay, I have to be delusional about this.

11:38Kasi alam kong meant ako sa MA psych.

11:41Hindi ko siya tanggap.

11:44It's more of like, this is not the end.

11:47So, I took those pieces of advice that you wrote to heart,

11:51na I have to test my commitment to psychology.

11:54I have to explore other fields to look at kung san ba talaga ako meant.

11:59So, as a result po nun, yung non-admission letter po na yun,

12:04dun po ako nag-start mag-TikTok.

12:06Dun po ako nag-start gumawa ng content on mental health.

12:09Kasi kating-kating na po ako magturo ulit.

12:12And then, that led to so many opportunities in the last year.

12:15And that even led to getting invited for the TEDx talk.

12:20And eventually, natanggap na rin po ako sa UP psych.

12:24So, things have worked out because I was being delusional or optimistic enough na

12:32things would pan out the way I wanted to.

12:35And so, in a way, wow, kasama pala ako sa story na yan, Dani.

12:41I'm glad. I'm glad. Personally, I'm glad.

12:45You realize the alternate of that. The detour, so to speak.

12:50Parang opened up so much more.

12:52So, I'm personally glad na hindi ako yung nangharang sa dreams mo.

12:57At the same time, I think parang yung story na yan may distinction.

13:01Kasi hindi naman yung pagka-delulu.

13:03Meaning, parang hindi. Basa akin to.

13:05Parang yung sinabi mo nga sa TED talk mo,

13:08is this entitlement? Hindi naman.

13:10More of, go for it.

13:12Go for it. Parang the worst kasi is if you never tried.

13:16Or the worst is if you never explored. Ano yung limits?

13:20Can I push the boundaries of this so-called reality?

13:24Di ba?

13:25And kung hindi nag-work, and then yun nga, hanap ka ng ibang way.

13:30Hanap ka ng other ways.

13:31What are the things, now that you know, okay, it works out.

13:35Di ba? Parang as long as I am delulu about this.

13:38And when we say delulu, hindi irresponsible eh about it, right?

13:41Like, okay. In other words, paninindigan ko, gusto ko, I'm gonna go for it.

13:46Di ba? I'm not gonna let any opportunity pass by.

13:48Yun ang naririnig ko.

13:50So, what is the next delulu for you?

13:53I think, like, when it comes to being delulu talaga,

13:57parang you have to exercise a good amount of flexibility.

14:02Like what you said kanina, Dok,

14:04na parang a lot of people assume na it's entitlement.

14:07Na, di, gusto ko to eh, kaya pipilitin natin.

14:10I've been that hard-headed in the past,

14:13and it hurt me in more ways than one.

14:16So, syempre, naging learning experience na yun sa akin na,

14:19if ipipilit ko na this one specific way is the only way,

14:23talagang yung pag-indelulu na yun, it would be harmful.

14:27But, as I've learned over the years,

14:29na, when I open myself up to different opportunities,

14:33like, given the various experiences that I shared,

14:36na, if I start to see na, okay, plan A didn't work,

14:40there's plan B.

14:42At, if alam mo naman yung gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo,

14:45if may North Star ka naman, if may pangarap ka na,

14:48this is how you want your life to turn out,

14:50you're going to try as many options as possible.

14:53And, I think, another remarkable thing that you said, Dok,

14:57is how you really have to try, talaga,

15:00like, really exercise all options.

15:02They feel like things are out of their reach kasi nakakalimutan nalang,

15:07may choice pala sila.

15:09And so, parang, yun na nga, parang, in other words,

15:11hindi ko ililimit ang sarili ko.

15:14Kung babanggain ko yung reality, so be it.

15:17Di ba? If reality slows me down, di ba, or tells me,

15:20okay, hindi ka pwede dyan, you have to try another way.

15:23So that's, in a way, I know, even in your TED Talk,

15:27parang, don't try to find other words to delulu.

15:29It's just delulu.

15:31At the same time, maybe as a non-Gen Z, as a millennial,

15:34parang, yun na nga, parang, don't constrain yourself.

15:38Di ba? Reality is hard enough, actually.

15:40Di ba? Reality is going to have many roadblocks and challenges for us.

15:44Merong mga paths that require so much patience,

15:49and sometimes just a lot of waiting for the opportunity to come.

15:53So it's already so limited.

15:55Dadagdagan mo pa, ililimit mo yung sarili mo.

15:58So, kanyari, ay, hindi na lang ako mag-a-apply sa UP.

16:01Ang hirap niyan eh. Di ba? Parang ganun.

16:03Or, hindi na lang ako mag-a-apply sa job na yun

16:05kasi gusto nalang maraming experience.

16:08When actually, the mere fact of applying,

16:11I hope in your case, like in our program,

16:14was the experience that you need.

16:16Di ba? Because it gave you a sense,

16:17ah, ito pala yung kailangan kong i-build up pa, etc.

16:22Now, Delulu in a relationship, that's at least two people, if not more.

16:27Could you tell me a little bit,

16:29ikaw ba have you ever had to be Delulu in a relationship?

16:33Oy! Of course! Of course, Doc!

16:36Like, may times talaga, in relationships where it took me longer to leave,

16:44I tried to fool myself.

16:46I had to be delusional na,

16:48hindi, magbabago pa ito.

16:49Like, things would look up.

16:51But then eventually, I'd realize na,

16:53oh, things aren't going to work out

16:56no matter how much you believe in it

16:58because a relationship will always take two people, if not more.

17:03And we're also seeing this in how people pursue romantic prospects,

17:09na parang something kailangan nila maging Delulu

17:12para mapansin sila ng crush nila,

17:14or para this stopping stage,

17:17ika nga, leads to an actual full-blown relationship.

17:21And I think common din siya among women.

17:24I think more common among women to be delusional about their partners,

17:30lalo na sa mga heteronormative relationships,

17:32that they have to be delusional about their partners changing,

17:35their male partners stepping up and being better for them.

17:41And so, we've seen this time and time again in previous generations.

17:47I don't think Gen Z is the only one experiencing this.

17:50Parang unique lang yung term na ginagamit namin.

17:53But these are sentiments that have been echoed in the past na,

17:57and it's just Gen Z is finding this to be a term na all-encompassing siya.

18:03And, ayun, I think when it comes to thinking of what kind of relationship

18:09people want to be,

18:11dun pumapasok yung pagiging delusional na,

18:14oh, I want a partner that's like this,

18:16I want my partner specifically to behave like this.

18:20And sometimes, yung delusions na yun, they come to life

18:24because maybe you communicate,

18:26maybe you let them know that this is how you want your relationship to look like.

18:30But also, there are people who, they stay stuck in their heads,

18:34na parang, ito kasing pinapangarap ko,

18:36tapos magtataka sila bakit hindi nagbabagay yung partner nila.

18:40Kasi walang effort or walang communication ang nagaganap.

18:43Walang conflict resolution skills dun sa relationship.

18:46Kaya hanggang pangarap na lang, hanggang delusion na lang

18:49yung ideal relationship nila para sa sarili nila.

18:53I think I'm starting to understand na, at least the way,

18:58kasi siyempre ako, I have to admit, hindi ko maalis talaga yung psychologist hat, no, Danny.

19:03Kasi in the sense of, I want to make sure, how do we set people up for success?

19:08And na-achieve nila yung mga pangarap nila by being delulu.

19:12And how do we avoid any pitfalls and risks associated with this sort of,

19:17parang strategy siya eh, parang mantra nga.

19:20It's a mantra, it's a way of affirmation, a way of visioning what you want.

19:25Okay ang delulu when yung pagiging delulu mo emboldens you to be more active.

19:33You try to actively solve, overcome the barriers, try to figure out.

19:40So in a relationship, kasi ito yung gusto ko, iko-communicate ko na ito yung gusto ko.

19:45Hindi ako tatanggap ng lower than those standards that I want.

19:50Pero, kasi yun nga, parang on the other side of that, especially delulu in a relationship,

19:56it can lead people na, ang worry ko Dan is, can they get stuck in bad or toxic or abusive relationships?

20:05Kasi hindi nila na-realize, okay, kailangan ko na tanggapin yung katotohanan.

20:09May limits itong relationship na to.

20:11Parang my partner cannot do what I need them to do in this relationship.

20:17So I think the difference, tama ba Danny?

20:19I just thought about that.

20:22If the delulu keeps them passive because they're clinging on to the delulu

20:27rather than actively working this reality towards their dreams.

20:34I think yung medyo nag-reduct yung difference ng pathological na delusion.

20:40It keeps you stubborn, it keeps you fixated on a particular dream that you have.

20:47Yung delusion na healthy would actually encourage you to exercise your decision-making,

20:53to allow you to take more initiatives.

20:56I think, based on personal experience, parang mas nag-improve yung quality of life ko

21:02when I started to remind myself constantly through small actions na I can make choices,

21:08I can make decisions for myself that are inspired by my delusions.

21:15Sige, I want to start making content or I want to get more side hustles.

21:20So I'll start behaving in a way na I already have it.

21:25So I guess, ayun, parang you really have to let these beliefs that you have,

21:31no matter how unrealistic you feel, they have to push you to do something.

21:36Hindi yung mag-daydream ka lang all day na,

21:39oh ito yung life na gusto kong ma-achieve tapos wala kang ginagawa.

21:43Then I think, dun na papasok yung clinical na perspective of being delusional.

21:52So delulu alone is not enough to achieve your dreams.

21:56Di ba? Parang it's delulu plus active action, plus discarte, plus di ba parang,

22:04sabi mo nga, have a plan B, have a plan C.

22:07Persistence is not doing plan A over and over again.

22:10Parang hindi, this is what I have.

22:13So you just keep doing the same thing over and over again.

22:16It's to say, I want this enough and I know I deserve this enough.

22:21Dahahanap ako ng iba't-ibang paths towards what I want.

22:26So in a way, discarte is identifying that there's something that you want,

22:32that even if mukhang maraming balakid, maraming barriers,

22:37you know what, it's worth pursuing.

22:40Even if reality says, hoy, masyado naman yatang mataas or masyado namang improbable.

22:49Parang I hope that people would find what we have in common,

22:54and it's that we all know that life is hard.

22:56And instead of discouraging an entire generation from using the term delulu,

23:02sana mas intindihan natin yung perspective na yun.

23:05And give them tips or give them encouragement that life,

23:11it may not get better, but it can be different.

23:14It's not always going to be like this, but things can change,

23:19and you can exercise your autonomy.

23:22Para hopefully, that would lead you to the kind of life that you want.

23:26I think yung disservice sa ganitong topic na to is if we get stuck in semantics,

23:34if we get stuck at the word itself.

23:37And in fact, what's more important, yung natutunan ko sa'yo ngayon, Danice,

23:42it's giving me and hopefully a lot of people a glimpse into

23:47paano ba nagkocope ang mga tao.

23:50Not just Gen Z, but especially for Gen Z.

23:54Paano, parang delulu as a way of coping.

23:57And it means, parang yun na nga, parang if reality says you can't,

24:02di ba, parang okay, okay.

24:04And hindi natin, di ba, parang hindi tayo magpapatigil dahil don.

24:10Hahanap tayo ng hahanap ng paraan.

24:13Kasi posible naman, di ba, there's a wider reality than we actually know.

24:19Especially kung sa social media.

24:21Social media shows a very specific slice of reality.

24:27And so there's so much more to that.

24:29So, parang sa mga taong medyo yun na nga,

24:32parang masyado namang defeating ang reality ko ngayon.

24:36Di ba, parang masyadong maraming hindi pwedeng gawin,

24:40hindi pwedeng makamit.

24:42It's so hard.

24:43Sabi mo nga, ang simple na mga gusto ng mga tao.

24:45Ang pangarap nila is they just want to live their lives,

24:48so the next step, di ba,

24:50design the life they want to have.

24:53So what can you say to people na parang masyado na akong nababaon ng realidad?

25:00I think you can set reality aside for a while.

25:03Lalo na if yun lang yung pinaka-inisip mo parate.

25:06Three years ago was my last depressive spiral na talagang hindi ako umaalis ng kama.

25:12Like I was really in bed all day.

25:14And it was like the height of my depression.

25:17And what really got me out of it was that little sliver of hope that I had

25:22na things would get better.

25:24And slowly, in-acknowledge ko yung hope na yun na parang

25:28maybe things can get better.

25:30Na parang hindi ako destined na dito lang ako sa kama ko all day.

25:33And being delusional is not a big leap of faith all the time.

25:38I think it starts with the smallest of steps.

25:41It's learning to remember that you can make choices

25:44that can drastically change your life in the next year.

25:47In the next six months, even.

25:49This year po, share ko lang na nag-start na ako maging consistent sa gym.

25:54I've been lifting weights very consistently na.

25:57And I'm starting to see progress.

25:59Right now, I'm kind of thanking myself back then.

26:02Earlier this year na buti na lang talaga I showed up.

26:05Buti na lang I started.

26:06Kahit nung time na yun, hindi ko nakikita yung posibling mangyari.

26:12And so, when it comes to being delusional,

26:15I think it's really reminding myself na kahit nakaka-depressed din isipin yung reality minsan.

26:21I have to set that aside.

26:23I have to acknowledge it. Sige.

26:25Ganiting circumstances ko right now.

26:27But I won't let myself get defeated by it.

26:30Na sana magamit ko pa siyang motivation to do better.

26:35To find what kind of life I'd like to live.

26:40And if you're not satisfied with your current reality,

26:43at least you know what you don't want.

26:45And that's one step closer to knowing what it is that you want.

26:49And to figuring out how you can get there.

26:52So, thank you so much, Dani.

26:54Thank you for sharing with us today.

26:57I had so much fun.

26:59It was a pleasure chatting with you about this.

27:01Kung may gusto kayong pag-usapan, mag-iwan lang ng comment below.

27:06Or email us at syerkolang at gmanews.tv.

27:11We're also streaming on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.

27:17Thanks for tuning in!

28:06Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Minsan kailangan maging delulu?! Mga healthy diskarte sa pagtupad ng delulu dreams | Share Ko Lang

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