Remington Steele S04E09
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TVTranscript
00:00It's Christmas Eve.
00:02Ho, ho, ho.
00:03Be charming to our guests.
00:05Where's Miss Ho?
00:06She had some errands to run.
00:07Has she forgotten that this is an office in which we conduct business?
00:10Ho, ho, ho.
00:12He's getting paid 25 bucks an hour?
00:14What's the going rate, Chief?
00:15Christmas doesn't hold any special memories for you, does it?
00:18What the hell is going on here?
00:22Ho, ho!
00:24This is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.
00:26Get in here!
00:27Ho, ho!
00:29This is the most bizarre Christmas Eve I've ever spent.
00:57Ho, ho, ho.
00:59Ho, ho, ho.
01:01Ho, ho, ho.
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02:21Ho, ho, ho.
02:22Ho, ho, ho.
02:23Ho, ho, ho.
02:24Ho, ho, ho.
02:25He's back home.
02:26What do they say?
02:29Come here.
02:30They're having kokbands with the Marks and Spencer,
02:32that's my husband, John.
02:34Yeah?
02:35Our son Anthony wanted that.
02:37Really, Charlie?
02:38Tonight?
02:39Let's play tonight?
02:41Come on, we're all going+.
02:47Well, I'll just finish this up and be on my horse.
02:51Judith and the young ones await.
02:53Thanks for stopping by, Jack.
02:55Merry Christmas.
02:57Merry, merry.
02:59Posse.
03:01Come on out and join the fun.
03:04It's obscene, Mildred.
03:06What is?
03:08I tried to play tennis this morning.
03:11It was too hot.
03:13Why, yeah.
03:15It is a little warm for December.
03:17Ninety-seven degrees is more than a little warm.
03:20Ninety-seven degrees on Christmas Eve is obscene.
03:23There should be big, fat snowflakes falling.
03:26Jack Frost nipping at your heels.
03:28Hmm.
03:30Speaking of things nipping at your heels, where's Miss Holt?
03:33She had some errands to run.
03:35What? It's quarter past four.
03:37Has she forgotten that this is an office in which we conduct business?
03:40We don't have any business to conduct.
03:43This is goodwill towards men time.
03:45Crime's on a holiday.
03:47Well, even if a client did wander in here,
03:50she would probably be trampled to death with all those freeloaders out there.
03:53Oh, I know what's the matter with you.
03:56You're grumpy because you haven't done your Christmas shopping.
03:59I am not grumpy. As for not doing my Christmas shopping...
04:01You haven't done it.
04:03Men always wait till the last minute.
04:05Well, Miss Holt did hers in August.
04:08Hmm. Probably bought us all mufflers.
04:10PHONE RINGS
04:13Remington Steel Investigations. Happy holiday.
04:16Merry Christmas, Mildred.
04:18How's the open house going?
04:20Oh, we're a smash.
04:22For the most part.
04:24Is Mr. Steel in?
04:26Oh, with bells on.
04:28It's Miss Holt.
04:30Oh, the lost patrol.
04:32I'm on my way in.
04:34Be charming to our guests.
04:36It's the season to be jolly, you know.
04:38Ho, ho, ho.
04:40I'll get you some eggnog.
04:42Whoopee.
04:44Here.
04:46I can't stay long.
04:50Oh, I'd like you to meet Eva Wilson, Chief.
04:52She's our plant lady.
04:54I can't stay long.
04:56Ah, yes. I know the feeling.
04:58Here's your eggnog, Chief.
05:00Thank you, Mildred. I have to go out for a few minutes, okay?
05:02Okay. Bye-bye. Nice to meet you.
05:04Hey, Steel. Yes?
05:06You wouldn't have anything to give this a little more Christmas spirit,
05:08if you know what I mean, would you?
05:10Miss Krebs is in charge of the spirit, okay?
05:12Oh, oh.
05:14Excuse me, will you?
05:16I can't stay long. Okay.
05:18Mr. Steel. Yes?
05:20Allison Green. Oh, hello.
05:22Coen Campbell and Carstairs on 22.
05:24Oh, yes, of course.
05:26Excellent attorneys.
05:28We're an advertising agency.
05:30I'm sorry. I got my Coens confused.
05:32Well, it's always delightful
05:34to meet one's neighbors.
05:36I suggest you talk with the plant lady.
05:38She can't stay long.
05:40Psst. How are your feet?
05:42Hmm? My feet?
05:44Dr. Scabbard.
05:46S. Wilson Scabbard on 8.
05:48A pleasure to meet you, Dr. Scabbard.
05:50I am a podiatrist,
05:52and I couldn't help noticing,
05:54but you seem to be favoring your left foot.
05:56What is it? Corn? Bunion?
05:58Ingrown toenail?
06:00There's language in her eye,
06:02her cheek, her lip.
06:04Nay, her foot speaks.
06:06Do you know who said that?
06:08No,
06:10but I'm sure I'm gonna find out.
06:12Shakespeare, Troilus, and Cressida,
06:14Act IV, Scene V.
06:16Feets don't fail me now.
06:18You know who said that?
06:20I can't say that I do.
06:22Charlie Chan's chauffeur.
06:24Shanghai Cobra, monogram, 1945.
06:26I've always felt those words to live by.
06:28Good day, sir.
06:32Ho, ho, ho.
06:34Couldn't have said it better myself.
06:36Pardon my French,
06:38but where the hell have you been?
06:40You were supposed to be here at 2.
06:42It's after 4.
06:44Shut up.
06:46Hey, mind your mouth, buster.
06:48I'm not paying 25 bucks an hour for a surly Santa.
06:50He's getting paid 25 bucks an hour?
06:52That's the going rate, chief.
06:54You steal?
06:56Thanks, Santa. I'm sure it'll show you up.
06:58What's your hurry, pal? Business appointment.
07:00Stick around, pal. The party's just getting started.
07:02Not with you, it isn't.
07:04Go back to your reindeer and sit on an antler.
07:06Sit on this?
07:08Milk, milk.
07:10You want the next dance, pal?
07:16Hey, which way's the Remington Steel office?
07:18You're a little late, aren't you?
07:20Weren't you supposed to be here at 2?
07:22Come on.
07:26Merry Christmas, everybody.
07:28How's the party...
07:30going?
07:34Donner?
07:36Dancer.
07:38Prancer?
07:40Bright.
07:42Everything taken care of?
07:44Just like you told me.
07:46What's going on?
07:48Why is Santa holding a gun?
07:50Haven't found out yet.
07:52I told him I can't stay long.
07:54I haven't finished my rounds.
07:56Oh, yes.
07:58My, my. Look at the time.
08:00Kitties are waiting for me.
08:02I, uh...
08:04I have to decorate the tree and all that.
08:06Christmas Eve, you know.
08:08They'll be wondering what happened to Daddy.
08:10One more step, and they'll be reading
08:12about what happened to Daddy.
08:14Is this a robbery?
08:16Because if it is, I have nothing.
08:18I have absolutely nothing of value.
08:20Oh, uh, this isn't a real Cartier watch.
08:22No, no, it's a knockoff.
08:24Like they make in Hong Kong?
08:32Donner? Prancer?
08:34No, no, I'm Prancer.
08:36He's Dancer.
08:38Oh.
08:40Make your deliveries right on schedule.
08:44Ah!
08:46Oh!
08:48Ah!
08:52Damn silencer.
08:54It throws off your aim, you know.
08:56You're lucky, Pop.
08:58I was trying to hit you in the gut.
09:00Lock it.
09:04Let me get this straight.
09:06We're being held prisoner
09:08by a bunch of Santas?
09:10You got it, pretty face.
09:12What now?
09:14We wait.
09:16What exactly
09:18are we waiting for, gentlemen?
09:22Blitzen.
09:26You better watch out
09:28Better not cry
09:30Better not pout
09:32I'm telling you why
09:34Santa Claus is coming
09:36to town
09:42You know what to look for.
09:44Okay.
09:46Sit yourself down.
09:48Okay.
09:50Okay.
09:54Ah!
09:56Easy, easy.
09:58It's all right.
10:00Ah!
10:02Okay.
10:04It doesn't look too serious.
10:06Better than he glazed the front.
10:08All right.
10:10It is kind of ironic, though.
10:12What's ironic?
10:14A podiatrist being shot in the foot.
10:16I don't find it to be ironic.
10:18I find it to be very painful.
10:20Oh.
10:22You really put your foot in it that time.
10:24What kind of confidence
10:26are my patients going to have in me
10:28if they see me walking around with a limp?
10:34Without appearing to pry, Prancer.
10:36Darn him.
10:38Sorry.
10:40What do I look like under those beards?
10:42That's the general idea.
10:44Christmas Eve, the city's lousy with Santas.
10:46Nobody looks twice.
10:48I should have gone straight home.
10:50I don't even celebrate Christmas.
10:52It's not fair.
10:54It's not fair getting shot on a holiday
10:56that you don't even celebrate.
10:58I got a good mind to sue you.
11:00After all,
11:02this happened on your premises.
11:04It's your legal responsibility.
11:06What makes you think
11:08you're going to be alive to sue anybody?
11:10What? What do you mean?
11:12Look, I can't afford to die.
11:14Not now.
11:16I just opened up a branch office in Encino.
11:20I'm very highly regarded in my field.
11:22I have been called
11:24the podiatrist of the stars.
11:26Now, where is it?
11:28What?
11:30Your hardware.
11:34This may sound lame,
11:36but we have trouble locating it ourselves sometimes.
11:38You can't kill me.
11:40Who would take over my practice?
11:42I'm a one-man office.
11:44Find any?
11:46Uh-uh.
11:48Well, Dancer says to keep looking.
11:50Listen.
11:52Let me tell you for your own good.
11:54Come up with the hardware.
11:56Now, Dancer likes to use that gun.
11:58You saw what he did to the doc.
12:00Give him an excuse,
12:02and he'll do worse to all of you.
12:04You go.
12:08Dancer likes to look at pretty girls.
12:10This is the most bizarre
12:12Christmas Eve I've ever spent.
12:14Hmm?
12:16Wait.
12:18Yeah.
12:20Well, uh, perhaps I can assist you in here, eh?
12:24Where are you going?
12:26You want the agency gun?
12:28It might be out here.
12:30Now, why don't you sit down?
12:32Get some weight off those, uh,
12:34lovely ankles of yours.
12:40You look, Brunhilde.
12:54Excuse me.
12:56Do you mind if I get some more eggnog?
12:59My throat's parched.
13:10You're gonna drown it.
13:12It's dying.
13:14Don't you understand?
13:16It needs food and water.
13:18Sunshine.
13:20It shouldn't be locked away here in this fluorescent dungeon.
13:22Who are you?
13:24One of those hippies?
13:26A hippie sign tattooed on your butt?
13:28A plant.
13:30It's a living, breathing thing.
13:32It's all right, Eva.
13:34It's all right.
13:36Everything's going to be fine.
13:38Come on.
13:42Hey, eggnog.
13:46Are you one of them peaceniks, too?
13:48No.
13:50I'm just a stockbroker.
13:52Was you in the army?
13:54Actually?
13:56No.
13:58I was 4F.
14:00I had rheumatic fever as a child.
14:02I bet you had a note from your doctor.
14:04Were you in the service?
14:06Yeah.
14:10See any action?
14:12Enough. Enough to get a silver star.
14:14They don't just hand them around, you know.
14:16You gotta waste a lot of slugs
14:18to get a silver star.
14:20I have had just about enough of this.
14:22Now, my secretary knows I'm down here,
14:24and if I don't return,
14:26he's going to get very suspicious.
14:28You got a guy for a secretary?
14:30Oh, sure.
14:32We're an equal-opportunity employer.
14:34You see? The world is upside down.
14:36A broad who's a dick,
14:38a guy who's a secretary.
14:40Somebody ought to drop the bomb
14:42so we can start all over again!
14:44Clean as a whistle.
14:46Okay, Dancer, drop your gun,
14:48or I swear I'll let Prancer have it.
14:50You drop him, I drop you.
14:52Well, I might just blast right through him.
14:54And then when he goes down...
14:56Hey, come on, Dancer.
14:58Shut up!
15:00Now, either way,
15:02I'm gonna use you
15:04for target practice, Brunhilde.
15:10Aah!
15:12Get up. Get up. Move, move.
15:16Go ahead, pretty boy.
15:18Take your best shot.
15:20You get me before I get you.
15:22All these nice people can go home.
15:26Do it, Steel!
15:28Pull the trigger.
15:30What's the matter, pretty boy?
15:32Ain't any of these slugs worth dying for?
15:44Nah.
15:46Thanks.
15:52Kick it over here.
16:04Deck the halls
16:06With boughs of holly
16:08Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
16:10Tis the season
16:12To be jolly
16:14Fa-la-la-la-la
16:16Don we now our gay apparel
16:18Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
16:24Oh, don't blame yourself, Chief.
16:26I don't know what anyone
16:28would have done in that situation.
16:32Perhaps it was more of a risk
16:34than you think, Mildred.
16:36Ahem.
16:42I found them in my office.
16:44You mean the gun wasn't loaded?
16:50You knew that all the time?
16:54I could have gotten my head
16:56blown off for nothing.
16:58Well, maybe I can
17:00find a use for these later.
17:02What do you think they want?
17:04One thing's for certain.
17:08They chose this building for a reason.
17:12And they want me.
17:14Where is Blitzen, huh?
17:18What are we getting on
17:20with this thing?
17:22Relax. Everything's moving right on schedule.
17:24What schedule?
17:26You're the only one who knows the schedule.
17:28You know, if you look hard enough,
17:30there's a silver lining
17:32in every cloud.
17:34Oh, yeah? What's yours?
17:38Well, I'm here.
17:40And Judas
17:42in Sherman Oaks.
17:46Do you know that for the past
17:4813 years, that harpy's
17:50told me how to decorate the tree?
17:52The star is crooked, Jack.
17:54Watch the lights, Jack.
17:56Don't let them touch the carpet, Jack.
17:58Do you want to start a fire, Jack?
18:00You're damn right
18:02I want to start a fire
18:04under her.
18:06Here's to captivity.
18:08Long may it last.
18:14I like you, eggnog.
18:16Even if you are
18:18one of those dirty draft dodgers.
18:20Oh, I wanted to go.
18:22Desperately.
18:24But the old ticker, what could I do?
18:26What every other smart guy did.
18:28Go home and rake in the bread
18:30while I was up to my elbows in slime.
18:32Answer it.
18:42Remington Steel Investigations.
18:46Happy holidays.
18:52It's the shrew of Sherman Oaks.
18:54He left.
18:56I'm sorry.
18:58Mrs. Denver, Jack left hours ago.
19:00Sir?
19:02May I please be excused?
19:04I have to go to the bathroom.
19:06Please? I'm going to
19:08embarrass myself if I don't get
19:10to the bathroom.
19:12I thought you flower children let it all hang out.
19:14Why don't you go behind a plant
19:16like we had to do in the jungle?
19:18There's a bathroom in my office.
19:20No windows.
19:22No way out.
19:24Okay.
19:32She's relentless.
19:34She'll call back every 15 seconds.
19:36She's probably terrified I'm having a good time.
19:38I told you, Mrs. Denver,
19:40there's no one here...
19:46It's for him.
19:48Take it.
19:54Still here.
20:00Albert Hastings?
20:02He owns the building.
20:04Uh, yes, Mr. Hastings.
20:06Uh-huh.
20:08Uh...
20:16Um, by any chance,
20:18did you deliver a Christmas present
20:20to Mr. Hastings in my name?
20:22Tell him to shut up and look out his window.
20:24Um, nothing personal,
20:26Mr. Hastings, but could you shut up
20:28and look out the window?
20:30Yes, sir, that's what I said.
20:32Shut up and look out the window.
20:38Said he's going to break our lease.
20:40Never wanted a private investigator
20:42in here in the first place.
20:44They attract the wrong sort of people
20:46to his building.
20:48They attract the wrong sort of people
20:50to his building.
20:52Hmm?
20:54He's out the window.
20:56What does he see?
20:58What do you see?
21:02He sees this building.
21:06Tell him to keep watching.
21:08The advice I get
21:10is to keep watching.
21:19Shh.
21:29Here.
21:31Read that to him.
21:33I've just been handed a note to read to you.
21:36Unless I receive $2 million
21:38with non-consecutive serial numbers
21:40by 7 o'clock tomorrow morning,
21:44your building will be blown up.
21:46One floor at a time.
21:50Merry Christmas, everybody.
21:52May we all live to see the new year.
21:56Ha-ha-ha!
21:58Ha-ha!
22:16Oh, my God.
22:34It doesn't make sense.
22:36Ain't nothing stirring out there.
22:38Not a car or a person.
22:40Nothing.
22:42And I wasn't exactly a firecracker that went off.
22:45Doesn't anybody know what's going on around here?
22:48The taking of Pelham.
22:50One, two, three.
22:52What?
22:54Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw.
22:56United Artists, 1974.
22:58We were all gonna die like dogs,
23:00and he's talking about a movie.
23:02Movies often help Mr. Steele clarify a situation.
23:05That is what you're doing, isn't it?
23:07Four men take a subway train hostage.
23:09They demand ransom, or they'll kill all the passengers.
23:12Only problem is, once they get the money, how do they get away?
23:16They're in a subway.
23:18The train's movement is electronically charted from up above.
23:22What are you guys talking about?
23:24Subway trains?
23:28It seems our captors are in much the same predicament.
23:32An explosion draws the police.
23:35The police seal off the building.
23:38How do the Santas get out?
23:40Perhaps Blitzen holds the key to that.
23:44Well, I'm in no mood to sit around and wait for him to make fools of us.
23:49Dancer has a gun.
23:54Two, actually.
23:56Might be helpful to learn if the other Santas are armed.
23:59One way to find out.
24:03Um...
24:05That, uh, little escapade with the gun...
24:10didn't lower your estimation of me, did it?
24:18In my opinion...
24:21both you and Mildred were far too reckless.
24:25Hmm.
24:28Heh-heh.
24:38This is crazy.
24:40This is cruel and inhuman and crazy.
24:44Why are you doing this to us?
24:46Why are you keeping us here? What do you want?
24:48Sit down.
24:49I can't sit down. I can't stand it anymore.
24:52The hate, the fear. Oh, please!
24:55The fear! Oh, please! Please!
24:58Please let us go. Please!
25:00We won't tell anyone. We promise. We swear. Please!
25:03Lady, lady, I'm not too happy about things myself.
25:06Don't make it any worse.
25:11He's clean.
25:13Oh.
25:14Well, it worked once.
25:16I don't think Prance is gonna go for an encore.
25:19Perhaps I can enlist Mildred.
25:26Listen.
25:28I need a drink.
25:30Can I get something to drink?
25:33Yeah, and bring me one, too.
25:50Judy.
25:53Judy.
25:57Judy!
26:04She's not a bad woman, really.
26:07She's not mean intentionally.
26:10She doesn't even know that she's nagging me to death.
26:14She just wants the best for me...
26:17and the kids.
26:19She stays at home...
26:22cooks...
26:24and cleans.
26:26There's always a fresh pie in the oven.
26:30Does the kids' homework for them.
26:33Oh, God.
26:35I miss her.
26:39I liked you better when you didn't.
26:42Oh, please.
26:45Let me go.
26:48Let me call her.
26:50Let me tell her how much I love her.
26:54She deserves to hear that.
26:57I haven't said that to her in...
27:00five years.
27:02No, I'm sorry, Egna.
27:04I gotta keep the lines open.
27:06Oh, Judith.
27:08How can I make this up to you?
27:11Hey, you really wanna do something for your old lady?
27:15Oh, yeah. Yeah.
27:17Yeah, I can...
27:19How much insurance you got?
27:22Why?
27:24One pill.
27:26Back of the head.
27:28Quick. Painless.
27:30A great Christmas present.
27:32Every time she spends a dime...
27:34she thinks of you.
27:36I don't love her that much.
27:40Put a little lid on that, will you?
27:43You! Girlie, shut up!
27:46I'm not here.
27:48I'm in a green space.
27:50The sun is warm on my face.
27:53A cold breeze rippling my hair.
27:57Peace and contentment.
28:00Far away from this foul, vicious place.
28:04Leave her alone.
28:06She's a flower child...
28:08filled with peace and love for all mankind.
28:11Ain't that right, Dipsy?
28:13I bet you used to run around...
28:17sticking flowers in guns, huh?
28:20If I had a gun now, I'd know where I'd stick it.
28:23You see, it don't take much...
28:25to push even the most peaceful soul over the edge.
28:28I'll bet you enjoy that, don't you?
28:31Pushing people over the edge.
28:33Everybody's got to have a hobby.
28:35Yeah, well, mine ain't dying!
28:39Look, we're trapped in here.
28:41Any minute, they'll come blasting through the doors.
28:44This isn't what I signed on for!
28:46And what did you sign on for, Donner?
28:48Prancer! I'm prancer for God's sakes!
28:51Sorry.
28:53You see, he said all I had to do...
28:55was sit on some people for a few hours.
28:58I walk away with five grand.
29:00Five grand on Christmas ain't nothing to sneeze at.
29:03I've been out of work for eight months.
29:05They cut off my employment.
29:07My kids, they walk around with newspapers in their shoes...
29:10like it's a damn depression or something.
29:13I don't care about the dough now.
29:15I just want to walk away with my skin.
29:18You know, I had a lieutenant like you in my outfit once.
29:23Fragged him.
29:25The joint is probably cracked.
29:28The joint is probably crawling with cops.
29:31At least give me a piece.
29:33You got two. I ain't even got a penknife.
29:40Careful you don't shoot off a vital organ.
29:43Great.
29:45Now they're both armed.
29:48Not really.
29:50The agent's second doesn't have any bullets in it.
29:54The boss has them.
29:58Did he know that when he had the gun?
30:01Mm-hmm.
30:03He saved my life.
30:08Quite an actor, our Mr. Steele.
30:11Tell him you have to go to the bathroom.
30:14But I don't have to go to the bathroom.
30:25Ha-ha! Ooh!
30:27Sorry.
30:29I'm sorry.
30:31I'm sorry.
30:33I'm sorry.
30:35I'm sorry.
30:37I'm sorry.
30:39Ha-ha! Ooh!
30:41What's the matter with you?
30:43I have to go to the bathroom.
30:45I'll help him.
30:47Ha! Ooh!
30:49Ha-ha!
30:51Ooh! Ooh!
30:53You know, now that we're here, I think I do have to go.
30:57Later. I'm gonna try and maneuver Prancer out of the room.
31:00Donna. That one is Donna.
31:02Whoever it is, once I get him out, build a fire in the wastebasket.
31:06If you can possibly find, then throw these in.
31:09What for?
31:11If we're living right, they should explode,
31:13hopefully diverting Dancer long enough for me to get his gun.
31:16I don't think I could do that.
31:20Ordinary men in extraordinary situations
31:23often find courage they never knew they had.
31:27I think you're that kind of man, Doctor.
31:30And if that appeal doesn't sway you,
31:32then think of your branch office in Encino.
31:35Give me the bullets.
31:39He's all right?
31:41Yeah, sure. It's just nerves like the rest of us.
31:43Shall we see what's keeping Miss Holt with those drinks?
31:45Yeah. I don't know how I got roped into this.
31:48But that's not true. I wanted the money.
31:50Think you lived to spend it?
31:52I wanted it to hire a lawyer.
31:54I got a trial next week, you know, a little job that went sour.
31:57Three years in a slammer don't look so bad right now.
32:00Mm-hmm. Could help us.
32:02Go against Dancer?
32:06I'll take my chances with the cops.
32:13PHONE RINGS
32:18Yeah.
32:20Well, it took you guys long enough to get here.
32:23Hey, hold on to your pants. I'll be out in a minute.
32:27You go talk to the guys in blue.
32:29Let them know how serious we are.
32:32And tell them to make way for Blitzen.
32:36DOOR OPENS
32:50Steele?
32:52What are you doing to my building?
32:54You march right around back in there and you tell those hoodlums
32:57that the authorities take a very dim view of the destruction of private property.
33:00What about the people in there?
33:02Oh, well, them too, of course.
33:04How many hostages?
33:06Seven, including me. Then there's Dancer, Dunner and Prancer.
33:09Reindeer?
33:11Codenames. They're all dressed up as Santas.
33:13How apropos?
33:15Only one's armed. He's the most dangerous.
33:17The bomb squad's going through the building now. So far, nothing.
33:20You want to have them check anything wrapped as Christmas presents.
33:23A Santa delivering Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve wouldn't arouse any suspicions.
33:26How the hell do they expect to get out of here?
33:28They're waiting for another Santa. Blitzen.
33:30He's the one with the escape plan, so you better send him on through.
33:34All right. We'll come up with something.
33:36Come up with $2 million.
33:38I'll make a few phone calls first to see if my insurance covers this sort of thing.
33:41I don't care about your insurance company, Mr. Hastings!
33:44The one in there that they call Dancer is a road company rambo.
33:47If he doesn't get the money, everyone's going to be a casualty.
33:50If I have the ticket to the Supreme Court, I am going to break your lease!
33:56Oh, damn it, Doc.
33:58Aah!
34:04It's not loaded.
34:06I have to get out of here. I don't know...
34:13I'd love to splatter that pretty face all over this room.
34:16Hey, Steele, how did I do?
34:21One blink, one twitch, one sneeze that I don't know about,
34:25and none of you people are going to be around to read what a terrifying time you had.
34:34Blitzen! Thank God!
34:37I'm sorry I'm late.
34:39But what the hell?
34:41The party's still going on.
34:43Blitzen?
34:45Felix Cradle.
34:47I want to ask you a question.
34:49What's going on here?
34:52I know I'm a little bit late,
34:55but is there any reason to hire three Santa Clauses?
34:59Besides, I have been entertaining kids all afternoon,
35:04and I needed a little something to steady my nerves.
35:08Hey!
35:10Lighten up!
35:12Didn't anybody tell you it's Christmas Eve?
35:15Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
35:17Boy, this is one tough room.
35:48Any word from Hastings?
35:55Christmas was always one of my favorite holidays.
35:59It was the one day in the year where...
36:02everyone seemed to get along with everyone else.
36:08Even my mother.
36:11And my father.
36:14He'd always give me a box of parlays.
36:18What's that?
36:21Candy.
36:23It's my favorite candy in the whole world.
36:27Christmas doesn't hold any special memories for you, does it?
36:31I remember one.
36:35I saw this father and his son.
36:38They were walking in the snow, hand in hand.
36:43The boy was about my age, 10 or 11.
36:46He had a sled and...
36:51I don't know why...
36:54I followed him.
36:56I told myself it was for the sled.
36:59I was gonna snatch it from the boy, sell it for a couple of quid.
37:03So he got by myself a place to kip that night.
37:07But that wasn't it at all.
37:12I just wanted to see.
37:14What?
37:18They went up the steps.
37:20Small house, nothing fancy.
37:27If I hung over the railings, I could look into the front room.
37:31There was a Christmas tree.
37:34Presents.
37:36Not a lot.
37:39People.
37:42Smiling.
37:46All warm and...
37:50Loving.
37:52What did you do?
37:54Threw a rock through the window and ran like hell.
37:57Oh, dear.
38:11One flexible flyer.
38:14Coming up.
38:27Good night.
38:49I made some fresh coffee.
38:51Hey, Eggnog, what time you got?
38:53Twenty to seven.
38:55One way or another, it won't be long now.
38:58I want a baby!
39:01Just one more, Jake.
39:03I gotta entertain some idiots in Century City.
39:09I know what you're thinking.
39:11Alison Green's got it made.
39:13She's the perfect woman of the 80s.
39:16And why shouldn't you?
39:18I do all the correct 80s things.
39:20Shop Bloomingdale's, drive a Beemer.
39:22So you tell me, can any of you tell me...
39:24Why am I so...
39:26Unfulfilled?
39:29Why do I feel so empty?
39:32So meaningless?
39:35I was going to work at home today, Christmas Day.
39:38I was going to eat my 300-calorie frozen noodles Romanoff...
39:42And try to come up with a new way to sell...
39:44Feminine hygiene products to people who don't want them...
39:48And don't need them!
39:51I'm warm.
39:54Loving.
39:56I want to give.
39:59Nurture something that has some meaning in life.
40:04Something worthwhile.
40:08And now I'm going to die before I even have the chance!
40:12I want a baby.
40:15Come over here, sweetie. I think I can help you out.
40:20Yuck!
40:25All right, men, saddle up!
40:30Well, children, looks like we all get a free trip to the promised land.
40:38Yeah?
40:41Well, you got in just under the wire, pal.
40:46The money's here.
40:50You! You go get it!
40:53Me? Why me?
40:55I don't want to go out there.
40:57I'll go. I was the one who established contact with them.
41:01No!
41:03She goes.
41:07My purse! Everything I own is in it!
41:10Don't! No!
41:13Don't shoot! Please, don't shoot!
41:16Okay, we got the dough. Now how do we get out of here with it, huh?
41:20That was Blitzen's end, wasn't it? How was he gonna do it?
41:24Plastic explosives. Timeless slugs.
41:27Pressure-point detonators, you know, like hand grenades without a pin.
41:30The cops drop us, they blow sky-high.
41:33Change of plan seems to be in order here, doesn't it?
41:36Hey, come on, Dancer, you're running this operation. Give us our marching orders.
41:39Wait a minute. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
41:42Oh, come on. Give it up, mate. The string's run out.
41:48You know, I hope you like Santa.
41:51Yeah, pretty boy.
41:53Because it's the last thing you're ever gonna see.
42:00Answer it.
42:03Lore Holt.
42:06What?
42:08What is it?
42:10Eva said she was instructed to take the money down to the lobby.
42:13What?
42:15I didn't tell her to do that!
42:18She was supposed to bring the money back here.
42:21What the hell is going on here?
42:36Oh.
42:42Remote-controlled detonator.
42:44She set off the explosion...
42:47when she went into the bathroom.
42:52When the money arrives, select the plant lady,
42:55no matter how much she's worth.
42:58I don't know what you're talking about.
43:01When the money arrives, select the plant lady,
43:04no matter how much she protests.
43:07Is that Blitzen?
43:10Why record something you're going to say on the telephone?
43:13Unless...
43:22When the money arrives, select the plant lady,
43:25no matter how much she protests.
43:28You'd record it so you can change the speed of the tape
43:31to sound like something you're not.
43:34A man.
43:37She is Blitzen.
43:41Phil here.
43:43Hmm?
43:45She never reached the lobby.
43:47For your information, Captain, the little lady with the $2 million
43:50is also the author of this Kafkaesque drama.
43:52Yeah, keep in touch.
43:54Okay, fine.
43:56They're starting a floor-by-floor search.
43:59You've been had, pal.
44:01She never intended for any of you to escape.
44:05But how is she gonna do it?
44:07I mean, there is a sea of blue down there.
44:12That's it.
44:27Put it down.
44:29She'll get away.
44:31I want her to.
44:33It's the last thing I do.
44:35I am going to hunt her down,
44:38and then I'm going to squeeze that $2 million out of her,
44:41penny by penny.
44:49Hello, sweetie.
44:51I'll let you and me see
44:53if those 300-calorie dinners can stop a bullet.
44:56No!
45:06Okay, one blink, one twitch, one sneeze, I don't know about,
45:10and you'll be home for Christmas in a box.
45:12Nicely put, Mildred.
45:16Mildred, call the lobby.
45:18Tell them what to look for.
45:24A remnant of steel!
45:26I'm with him.
45:35How are your instincts?
45:37Same as yours.
45:39Let's go.
45:53Let's go.
46:24Ooh!
46:38Have yourself
46:41A merry little Christmas
46:45Let your heart be light
46:53You know, all things considered,
46:55it wasn't such a bad Christmas party.
46:57I wouldn't mind making it an annual event.
47:00But next year, I'm going to bring Judith.
47:03Good, good. Take care, John. Bye-bye.
47:06Bye.
47:12What's this?
47:14That's my bill.
47:16But don't worry, since I was late,
47:18I only charged you for the time I actually spent here.
47:21Well, I have some things to clean up in my office.
47:24Still going to work today?
47:26Not on your life.
47:27I'm going upstairs to type my resignation.
47:29Hey, there's a whole world out there
47:30that has nothing to do with deodorants,
47:32thank the good Lord.
47:33Merry Christmas.
47:34Take care, Eisen. Bye-bye.
47:36Bye-bye. Bye.
47:40Joyeux Noël.
47:42Feliz Navidad.
47:43Merry Christmas, everyone.
47:51bass & trombone play softly
48:21bass & trombone play softly