Remington Steele S04E13
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TVTranscript
00:00It was his most exciting honor to visit the office of Remington Steve.
00:06He's got the airplane, the terminal servant.
00:09Crash!
00:10I'm sure the kids are all right.
00:11They couldn't be in better hands.
00:13Pizza!
00:14Holy Pete.
00:16And these must be the Hibachi brothers.
00:18Yes, indeed.
00:19Yah!
00:24American car chase!
00:26Stop!
00:28Bless you.
00:30We are not P.I.s for nothing.
00:55We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:25We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:26We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:27We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:28We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:29We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:30We are not P.I.s for nothing.
01:31We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:32We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:33We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:34We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:35We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:36We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:37We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:38We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:39We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:40We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:41We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:42We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:43We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:44We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:45We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:46We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:47We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:48We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:49We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:50We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:51We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:52We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:53We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:54We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:55We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:56We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:57We are not P.I.S for nothing.
01:58We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:00We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:01We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:02We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:03We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:04We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:05We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:06We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:07We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:08We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:09We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:10We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:11We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:12We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:13We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:14We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:15We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:16We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:17We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:18We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:19We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:20We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:21We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:22We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:23We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:24We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:25We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:26We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:27We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:28We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:29We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:30We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:31We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:32We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:33We are not P.I.S for nothing.
02:35We're leaving for carpool.
02:36All right, sweetheart.
02:37Now, you take it easy today, okay?
02:39I'm fine.
02:40Everything is just fine.
02:41That's my girl.
02:42Oh, honey, don't forget to dump the garbage.
02:44Have I ever let you down, Fancy?
02:45No.
02:46Bye-bye.
02:47Bye-bye.
03:05Okay.
03:07Bye-bye, honey.
03:08I love you.
03:09Bye, Mom.
03:10Bye.
03:11Holy Pete.
03:12What is it, Daniel?
03:13I forgot my lunch.
03:14I handed it to you in the kitchen.
03:15What happened to it?
03:16I don't know.
03:17All right, all right.
03:18Go on to class, and I'll just drop it by later.
03:19Thanks, Mom.
03:20Okay.
03:21Okay, keep that tooth up, honey.
03:22Bye-bye.
03:23Bye-bye.
03:24Bye-bye.
03:25Bye-bye.
03:26Bye-bye.
03:27Bye-bye.
03:28Bye-bye.
03:29Bye-bye.
03:30Bye-bye.
03:31Bye-bye.
03:32Bye-bye.
03:33Bye-bye.
03:36Bye-bye.
03:39Bye-bye.
03:49Yes?
03:56Oh, my God!
04:04We're off, Norman.
04:05Afraid not, hon.
04:06Your sister again.
04:10I just left.
04:11Now, Laura, I...
04:12I know she's my sister,
04:14but she has called every hour on the hour
04:16since she came to California.
04:18It's only been three weeks.
04:20The longest three weeks of my life.
04:22The woman can't go to the grocery store
04:24without creating a crisis.
04:26Laura, I really think you've been a bit unfair about all of this.
04:28Really?
04:29Does your sister see UFOs at midnight?
04:32Does your sister mistake sparrows for vampire bats?
04:36To the best of my knowledge, I don't have a sister.
04:38That isn't the point.
04:40Well, I gotta go with this.
04:41Hold on this, Chief.
04:42Honest, Frances is a kook.
04:44Look, there are 500 criminologists
04:47waiting to hear you deliver the keynote address
04:49at the East-West Convention,
04:51and I will not have my sister's neuroses get in the way.
04:54Look, she's merely having trouble
04:55adjusting to Southern California.
04:57Uh-huh.
04:58You want to fine-tune Frances.
05:00Terrific.
05:01I'm out of patience.
05:02The limo is leaving in two minutes,
05:04with or without you.
05:06Hey.
05:08Laura.
05:09Hey, look.
05:11Oh.
05:13Uh, hi.
05:15Uh, Frances?
05:16Yeah, it's me.
05:17Uh, Mr. Steele.
05:18Um...
05:20She's... She's, uh...
05:22She's detained at the moment.
05:23Uh, can I be of any assistance?
05:25There's a dead man in my kitchen.
05:27Oh, really?
05:30Anyone you know?
05:33Um, look, look, uh, where are you now?
05:37Okay, well, uh, we'll be right over.
05:39Okay, sit tight.
05:40Don't worry, yes.
05:41Ahem.
05:43She's just a little bit upset, that's all.
05:46What about the convention?
05:47Uh, yeah, good thought.
05:49Uh, the convention.
05:50Uh, Mildred, uh, I'm afraid you'll have to, uh,
05:53stall them, okay?
05:55You got it, Chief.
05:59This is a strange route.
06:01Just a brief detour.
06:02Fred, turn left up here, mate.
06:09That station wagon is awfully familiar.
06:12Uh-huh.
06:16Benedict Arnold.
06:21I don't know if I can take this.
06:23It's all right, Frances.
06:25He's... He's right over here.
06:29Oh, my God.
06:33Now, stay calm, Frances.
06:36It was here.
06:37There was a body on my kitchen floor.
06:39And there was fluff... flour everywhere.
06:43Was that before or after the UFO landed?
06:47Well, you believe me, don't you, Mr. Steele?
06:49Well, absolutely.
06:50Laura?
06:53Laura?
06:56Frances, we are talking about a real, live, dead person
07:02who was in my kitchen half an hour ago.
07:04I saw him.
07:05He was here.
07:07The move to California has been very difficult for you, Frances.
07:10The move to California has nothing to do with it.
07:15I'm over that.
07:18I know how important the teaching position at USC is to Donald.
07:24Even though it meant giving up my beautiful home in Connecticut
07:29and all my friends at the Junior League
07:32and scarring the children emotionally.
07:36Sacrifice.
07:38That's what being a wife is all about.
07:42And I am completely well-adjusted to it.
07:47Now, get me out of this house!
07:50No.
07:51No.
07:52Frances.
07:57It was his most exciting honor to visit the office of Remington Steele.
08:01Oh, don't mention it, fellas.
08:03Right this way.
08:04Here we go.
08:05Come on, boss, it's coming on.
08:07He's got the airplane, the big boy, 707.
08:10Crash!
08:11Oh, my God.
08:13Boy!
08:16Oh, ho.
08:18Yes, Melvin.
08:20What is it?
08:21Just doing a little developmental psychology work.
08:24There you go.
08:25Boss, I would like you to meet Mr. Harimoto,
08:28Mr. Itasuro, and Mr. Takahama,
08:31three leading criminologists of Japan.
08:33Great.
08:35Ah, yes, the convention.
08:37Melvin Greb delivered a most exciting speech.
08:40Uh-huh.
08:41I thought I told you to stall.
08:43How long can you stall, chief?
08:45I was not aware.
08:46She solved Habsburg dagger case.
08:49Most impressive.
08:52Something must have gotten lost in translation.
08:54However, not as impressive as the case of the Maltese cross.
08:59Melvin Krebs, you are one good of a P.I.
09:03Seems a great deal got lost in the translation, eh?
09:07Oh, boys, would you like to see Mr. Steele's office?
09:10Come on, follow me.
09:11Okay, nice to meet you.
09:13Okay.
09:14Here we go.
09:15What's the educational talk?
09:17Distraught client.
09:18Follow me, fellas.
09:20Oh, Shima, get off your bed.
09:22Frances, you will hit the car.
09:25Melvin, what are you doing?
09:27Here we go.
09:28Here's the water cooler and the copy machine.
09:30Shima.
09:31Oh, Shima.
09:32Melvin.
09:33Oh, please.
09:34They're big fans of yours,
09:36and they were dying to see your office.
09:38I couldn't say no.
09:39After all the wonderful things I said about you and Miss Hall.
09:41It's very gracious of you, Melvin.
09:43Ladies and gentlemen, operative Krebs here
09:45has graciously offered to personally host
09:48your grand tour of the City of Angels.
09:50What about that, eh?
09:52Yeah.
09:53Mildred.
09:54Mildred.
09:55Oh, it's me.
09:56Yeah.
09:57Oh, my God.
09:58They're almost arrived.
09:59Oh, no.
10:00What am I going to do with them?
10:02You're the clever P.I.
10:03You'll save your son.
10:04Good day, guys.
10:05Noddy, noddy, noddy, noddy, noddy.
10:08Come along, children.
10:09We are going home.
10:11Oh, splendid.
10:12You got her to calm down.
10:13She means Connecticut.
10:14Oh.
10:15Danny, grab your tooth.
10:16Let's go.
10:17Frances, honey, be reasonable, please.
10:19I am reasonable.
10:20It is California that is unreasonable.
10:24Frances, you're tired.
10:26You're upset.
10:27Don't patronize me, Laura.
10:28I am your older sister.
10:30I'm sorry.
10:31I'm really sorry.
10:32Listen, don't apologize.
10:33No need.
10:34I'm sure it's just temporary.
10:37You know, we need time together, alone,
10:39away from the kids.
10:40And I just, I don't know how we can swing it right now.
10:45Ladies, ladies, listen.
10:47Hold up a second here.
10:48Hold up.
10:50I have a proposition to make.
10:52Here we are, just you and me.
11:02It's kind of nice having an evening alone for a change,
11:05don't you think?
11:06No kids, no worries.
11:08I never should have agreed to this.
11:09Frances, the kids are fine.
11:11They're fine.
11:12That house is not safe, Donald.
11:14Remember?
11:15Remember what happened the last time we stayed here?
11:17Don't touch me, Donald.
11:19Now, now, Frances.
11:23You don't believe me, do you?
11:25Of course I believe you, Lambchops.
11:27If you say a man died in our kitchen,
11:29a man died in our kitchen.
11:30You're just saying that to make me feel better.
11:33No, there are much better ways of making you feel better.
11:36Like what?
11:37Like, uh...
11:39Ow!
11:40Donald, you are an animal!
11:42No, and you love every minute of it, you little vixen.
11:45Come here.
11:46Are you sure the kids are all right?
11:48They couldn't be in better hands.
11:56Ouch.
12:01Danny, put your sister down.
12:02Danny, put your sister down, will you?
12:04Put it down, thank you.
12:11Here.
12:17Would you kindly remind me what we are doing here?
12:21Well, to put it simply, Miss Holt,
12:23unless we can convince Frances beyond a shadow of a doubt
12:26that nothing's amiss in Tarzana,
12:29we might have to start a daycare center here on a permanent basis.
12:33Why this sudden concern about my family?
12:36I just want to help, that's all.
12:38Here you go.
12:39Dinner's ready!
12:41Do you have to shriek like that the whole time?
12:43Here you go, chefs.
12:44All right, sit down.
12:45Look what Auntie Laura has made for us.
12:47Doesn't this look scrumptious, eh?
12:49Eh?
12:50Holy Pete.
12:52Danny, don't play with your food.
12:55Mommy's spaghetti doesn't look like this.
12:57Ah, that's because this is special spaghetti.
13:00Here you go.
13:01I'm going to have a mouthful of this.
13:03Mmm!
13:05Oh, yummy, yummy.
13:07I think I'm allergic to special spaghetti.
13:10Me too.
13:11Me too.
13:13What's for dessert?
13:15What about, um, pizza?
13:18Yeah!
13:20Pizza, here we go.
13:21What kind of pizza?
13:22Pepperoni!
13:23Sausage!
13:24Pineapple!
13:26Pineapple.
13:28Okay.
13:29Pepperoni, sausage, and pineapple.
13:31Yeah!
13:33Anything for you, Miss Holt?
13:35I think I'll have my spaghetti, thank you.
14:00I think I'm allergic to toast.
14:04Oh.
14:06All right.
14:08Then you can have some cereal.
14:10Yay!
14:12I hate cereal.
14:14It's good for you.
14:15It has fiber.
14:17Can I have the excuse?
14:19Me too.
14:21All right, but we leave in five minutes.
14:23Morning, morning, morning, morning.
14:26So good of you to join us, Mr. Steele.
14:28Oh, thank you.
14:29I slept like the proverbial baby.
14:31Ah, the charred remains of breakfast, I see.
14:34You're the gourmet cook.
14:36Why didn't you get up at the crack of dawn and fix breakfast?
14:39Ah, it's all spelled out in the master plan.
14:42Morning chores.
14:43Mommy cooks breakfast.
14:45Mommy drives carpool.
14:46Daddy dumps the garbage.
14:48Mustn't confuse the role models, Miss Holt.
14:50Children at that tender age.
14:53All right.
14:55I'll take the children to school.
14:57You dump the garbage.
15:00Then we're getting out of this zoo.
15:06Daddy!
15:08Come on.
15:19Bye, children.
15:21Bye-bye.
15:22Bye-bye.
15:28Holy Pete.
15:34Oh, I knew all we needed was a little time alone,
15:38a little time to talk things over,
15:40a little time to...
15:45Ah, Freddy, Freddy.
15:53Oh, my God!
15:57Oh, my God!
16:15I leave you alone for five minutes and look what happens.
16:18Mm-hmm.
16:20Francis, it appears that someone,
16:24most likely the killer,
16:26trailed the victim and dumped him in your trash.
16:30Killer?
16:31You're saying that there was a killer in my kitchen?
16:34Only long enough to clean up, Francis.
16:36If we're right, it would be mere coincidence
16:39that the dead body ended up in your house.
16:41Precisely.
16:42The man was shot nearby
16:43and merely chose your linoleum to expire on.
16:46You probably have nothing to worry about.
16:49Oh, that's easy for you to say, Laura.
16:52How can Donald teach at a time like this?
16:55You insisted he go.
16:57Well, he didn't have to listen to me.
17:00No word yet on the dead man's I.D.
17:03I...
17:04Mildred, what are they doing here?
17:06Oh, I thought I'd take them to the puddle lounge for lunch
17:09before they catch their plane.
17:11Admirable sentiment, Mildred,
17:12you know, hands across the sea and all that,
17:14but we're gonna need you to find out who this dead man is.
17:16Try Felix Melcher.
17:17Bombers?
17:18Crabs.
17:20What are you doing here?
17:22I'm at headquarters now on a special assignment.
17:24Mildred, who is this man?
17:26Harrison Bumpers.
17:27I.R.S. Fraud Squad.
17:29Crabby and I go way back.
17:31Well, we're very delighted for both of you,
17:33but what about this dead man?
17:35His name was Felix Melcher.
17:36He was on a deep-cover assignment
17:38trying to nail a snake by the name of Ted Warner.
17:40The same Ted Warner that used to operate on the East Coast?
17:42Good memory, Crabby.
17:44Why, you hadn't lost a step.
17:46Who is this Ted Warner?
17:48King of the Pyramid Schemes.
17:50Always folds his tent before the government moves in.
17:52What is he doing out here?
17:54He surfaced about a year ago
17:55with an outfit called Bright Age Cosmetics,
17:57and this time he got greedy.
17:59He didn't fold when he should have.
18:01We slipped Melcher in as an accountant,
18:03hoping to find evidence for tax evasion at the very least.
18:05Well, obviously he found something.
18:07Yeah.
18:08Melcher called me a couple of days ago.
18:10We were supposed to meet.
18:12He didn't make it.
18:14How did he end up on my sister's floor?
18:16Your guess is as good as mine.
18:18The sales force for Bright Age
18:20is composed entirely of housewives.
18:22You don't happen to work for Bright Age, do you, Mel?
18:25Housewives in Connecticut do not sell cosmetics.
18:28We give bridge parties.
18:30Uh-huh.
18:32We believe that Warner's keeping 2 sets of books.
18:34Maybe that's what Melcher was on to.
18:36Well, you can certainly count the Remington Steel Agency
18:38on this one, Mr. Bumpers.
18:40We can?
18:42Absolutely.
18:47Gentlemen, come in, come in.
18:49Mr. Warner, Watney Chambers, investment counselor.
18:53Well, pleased to have received your call, Mr. Chambers.
18:55Uh-huh.
18:57And these must be the Hibachi brothers.
18:59Yes, indeed.
19:01These gentlemen jetted in this morning
19:03to discuss the possibility of launching
19:05Bright Age in the Orient.
19:07And how many zeros does this possibility have?
19:09Well, half a dozen, but these chaps are rather finicky.
19:12They like to examine an investment from the bottom up.
19:15Gentlemen, what do you say we take a tour of the facilities
19:18to set the ball rolling?
19:20A most welcome invitation.
19:22Coming, Mr. Chambers?
19:25No, I don't want to horn in.
19:27These gentlemen are used to only dealing with the head honcho.
19:29Understood and appreciated.
19:31This way, gentlemen.
19:44♪
20:14♪
20:44♪
20:54♪
20:59Oh, my God.
21:01Slipping, slipping.
21:03♪
21:11Well, these books are clean, and I remember them.
21:14It's a dead end, boss.
21:16From these figures, there's nothing wrong
21:18with Bright Age cosmetics.
21:20You mean we went through all that for nothing?
21:22Oh, no problem, Mr. Steele.
21:24It was a fascinating tour in a thoroughly modern facility.
21:27Everything tip-top.
21:29Yeah, thank you.
21:31Look, we all know Felix Melcher wasn't murdered
21:33for having clean books.
21:35I mean, there has to be something wrong with Bright Age.
21:37But what?
21:39Wait a minute.
21:41This is a government matter.
21:43The government could use a little help now, Miss Holt.
21:45Oh, come on, hon.
21:47You can't let Uncle Sam down.
21:49Well, since I've been called to colors...
21:52Laura, you can't leave me alone.
21:56All right.
21:58Francis and I will try the front door.
22:00Hmm.
22:02Kirby and I will recheck these numbers.
22:04Oh, could you be an angel
22:06and pick up Donald at the university?
22:08My heart broke down this morning.
22:10Hmm.
22:12Be an angel.
22:17Hi!
22:21Hello.
22:23How do you know all these people?
22:25Oh, carpool, PTA, Little League.
22:27It's a full plate, Laura.
22:31Excuse me a second.
22:34Francis Piper!
22:36We didn't see you in aerobics yesterday.
22:38I had, uh, unexpected company.
22:42I'm Laura Holt, Francis' sister.
22:44I'm Judy Bartlett, Francis' next-door neighbor.
22:47So glad you could join our little family.
22:50I-I don't suppose you could make any money doing this.
22:55Let me tell you,
22:57we are putting my son through college
22:59on my commissions alone.
23:01Really?
23:02And the best part of it is
23:04you don't have to invest a dime of your own money.
23:07Really?
23:17Good afternoon, ladies of Tarzana.
23:20I'm Ted Warner.
23:27And this is Bright Age!
23:32Whoo!
23:37Do you know why Bright Age
23:39is one of the fastest-growing companies in the world today?
23:43Why, Ted?
23:45Because we have the best sales force in the country!
23:56And you know why?
23:58Why, Ted?
24:00Because nobody knows the American housewife
24:04better than the American housewife!
24:07Give yourself a hand!
24:13Now I'd like to introduce Terry Goldbloom,
24:16your leading lavender lady.
24:18So let's give Terry a big Bright Age welcome!
24:21Come on, everybody!
24:24She's my other next-door neighbor.
24:27Now I know what you're thinking.
24:30How did Terry do it?
24:32How did she wind up with that brand-new car?
24:36Well, ladies, I'm here to tell you
24:39that I am just like you.
24:42I'm a housewife.
24:44I drive carpool.
24:46I clean the oven.
24:48Do you hear what I'm saying?
24:51I hear you!
24:59Of course it didn't hurt that she was
25:02playing around with the head accountant.
25:05The one who died?
25:07If I can do it, you can do it too!
25:10Let's hear it for Ted Warner!
25:13Let's hear it for Bright Age!
25:22We're all in this together
25:24There's no way we could share
25:26There's no mercy in Bright Age
25:29We're all in this together
25:31There's no way we could share
25:33There's no mercy in Bright Age
25:36We're all in this together
25:38There's no way we could share
25:40There's no mercy in Bright Age
25:43We're all in this together
25:45There's no mercy in Bright Age
25:52We need to talk, Doc.
25:54Why don't you? I'm running a little late.
25:57Come back during office hours tomorrow.
26:00I'm afraid this can't keep.
26:02Just a brief stop to pick up Miss Holt's brother-in-law.
26:06Then we'll be on our way to the airport, okay?
26:10Get in the car.
26:14Slight detour, gentlemen.
26:18Slight detour, gentlemen.
26:21Follow that car, mate.
26:23All right! American car chase!
26:42You're looking at one hell of a lawsuit, fella.
26:45In addition to criminal charges,
26:47you're looking at civil damages.
26:49Gonna make your head swim.
26:51Dr. Piper, relax.
26:53We don't care why you took out Melcher.
26:56We just want what he was carrying.
26:58How many times have I gotta tell you?
27:00I'm a dentist. I'm not a hitman.
27:02Yeah, and I'm Little Bo Peep.
27:04Let me loosen him up just a little bit.
27:07The Doc's a professional man.
27:09I'm sure he'll listen to reason.
27:11The man just happened to end up in my trash.
27:15Actually, earlier he was on the kitchen floor.
27:18Then my wife went to make a phone call to his sister.
27:21I don't care.
27:30I didn't kill him. I don't even know him.
27:33Maybe you confused me with another dentist.
27:35Gentlemen, please. In you come.
27:37What the hell is this?
27:39Routine inspection.
27:45Come on.
27:49It's not an hour, gentlemen.
28:00He had a gun. I noticed. Come on.
28:08Come on, Donald! Come on! Jump!
28:10I should have stuck with the jogging!
28:12Come on, Donald! Come on! Jump!
28:25Beverly Hills Cop.
28:27Eddie Murphy.
28:29Judge Reinhold, Paramount, 1984.
28:31A wealthy industrialist smuggles bearer bonds
28:33concealed in shipping crates.
28:35What are you talking about?
28:37Come on.
28:41Start ripping.
28:46Welcome to the wonderful world of bright-age cosmetics.
28:51This is Francis' very first house party,
28:56so let's give her a big bright-age hand.
29:03Thank you all for coming on such short notice.
29:06I'm sorry. The place is such a mess.
29:09Oh, we need more cookies.
29:11I'll get them. You go right ahead.
29:13You're gonna do just fine.
29:17Girls, I want to talk to you woman to woman
29:22about looking good for your man.
29:25It all starts with lavender luster cream.
29:37Is this company really as good as they say?
29:41Oh, you better believe it, honey.
29:44You married?
29:46I, uh...
29:48You're divorced, aren't you?
29:50Well, I...
29:52It's nothing to be ashamed of.
29:54Who isn't these days?
29:56My husband? Gone with the wind.
29:59No alimony, no child support.
30:02It is really tough trying to put food on the table and raise 2 kids.
30:06I don't know how we do it.
30:08Bright-age has turned my life around, Laura.
30:11And you'll see, it'll do the same for you.
30:14Ted Warner is a savior for women like us.
30:18I heard what happened to your boyfriend.
30:22It must have been a terrible shock.
30:25Well, I guess I'm just meant to be on my own a little while longer.
30:29At least, uh, I have my work.
30:45What do you got?
30:47Mud packs.
30:49How about you?
30:51Skin cleanser.
30:53No microchips, no barobons.
30:55Just cosmetics.
30:58So much for the smuggling theory.
31:00It was a good idea anyway.
31:03What's so funny?
31:05Besides being scared to death, almost being shot,
31:08and having no idea what's going on,
31:11this is the most excitement I've had since college.
31:14Except this is probably really routine stuff for you, right?
31:18One never gets used to the idea of imminent death, Donald.
31:22I see your point.
31:24But still, it must be something, being Remington Steele.
31:28A man of action, always in the thick of danger.
31:31You think so?
31:33Are you kidding?
31:35Come on, what a life!
31:37The greatest risk I run is being bitten by a patient.
31:41I admire you, Steele.
31:43I really, really do.
31:45You know, the funny thing is...
31:48I admire you.
31:52I admire you.
31:54Me?
31:56Uh-huh, because you made a commitment to one person.
31:59To four people, in fact.
32:01I don't know.
32:03Sometimes, days when I reach that freeway off-ramp,
32:06I want to just keep right on driving.
32:08But you don't.
32:10That makes you more of a hero in my way of thinking.
32:14I think we've reached the end of the line here.
32:22Just act natural.
32:32Quality, control, everything appears to be in order.
32:35Carry on, gentlemen.
32:37Don't look back, Donald.
32:39Never look back.
32:41They're following us.
32:43In that case, run!
32:52That's it.
32:54We've been over this thing a million times.
32:57Let's go get some dinner.
32:59Not until we find something.
33:01We were quite a team, weren't we, Cribby?
33:04That was a long time ago.
33:06Well, maybe you better get your books audited again.
33:09Anything, Mildred?
33:11Zilch, what about you?
33:13Just a room full of satisfied customers.
33:16I may not be ADD,
33:18but I don't think there's anything wrong with Bright Age.
33:21It seems like a perfectly wonderful company to me.
33:24Tell that to Felix Melcher.
33:26Don't be alarmed. I'm fine.
33:28Donald, what's wrong?
33:30Where's Mr. Steele?
33:32He popped home to change.
33:34We took an unexpected tour of West Covina.
33:37Why?
33:38The man had a gun.
33:40My Donald at gunpoint?
33:42Simple kidnapping.
33:44Nothing to be excited about.
33:46I thought you were going to the airport.
33:48This case is most engrossing.
33:50We can always catch another plane.
33:52We must be overlooking something.
33:54A man has been killed, Donald has been kidnapped,
33:57and there's apparently nothing wrong with Bright Age Cosmetics.
34:00It's not a pyramid scheme.
34:02It's not a smuggling operation either.
34:04The men who abducted me
34:06insisted Melcher was carrying something.
34:08Evidence, most likely.
34:10It would help if we could identify the kidnappers.
34:13Excuse me, but we took pictures.
34:15At the warehouse?
34:17Your one-hour photo is very fast.
34:19Oh!
34:20Bless you, Mr. Harimoto.
34:23Harimoto.
34:25We are not P.I.s for nothing.
34:29Johnny Carson.
34:31Home. Very impressive.
34:36Could you, uh...
34:37Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's him! That's him right there!
34:39Let me see that.
34:41Vince Delgado. Hired gun.
34:43What about that other man?
34:45Alan Haxton.
34:46Top-money man for the mob.
34:48Out here.
34:49You're kidding!
34:50The mob?
34:51In Tarzana?
34:59Frances, there's something I want to say.
35:03I want you to know...
35:05You don't have to say anything, Laura.
35:07Yes, I do.
35:08No, you don't.
35:10Frances, will you please let your little sister apologize?
35:13I'm sorry that I didn't believe you earlier.
35:16I suppose it wasn't very fair of me.
35:19No, it wasn't.
35:21I'm not used to being wrong.
35:23Especially when I'm right.
35:27Why is it we tend to bring out the worst in each other?
35:30We were always competitive, Laura.
35:32I know we were, Frances.
35:34But what are we competing about today?
35:36Who's right, maybe?
35:38Right about what?
35:40To get married or to pursue a career?
35:43Why does either one of us have to be right?
35:46Don't you think I'd like to have a family of my own someday?
35:50I'm just like any other woman out there,
35:52trying to make the pieces fit.
35:54I thought you had all the answers, Laura.
35:57You always act that way.
35:59Come on, Frances. That's not true.
36:02You're just so afraid I'll look down on your lifestyle.
36:05You spend all your time with me
36:07either complaining how hard it is to be a good mother
36:10or trying to convince me I'm missing something.
36:13Well?
36:15The fact is, neither one of us has got it all together.
36:18I don't know anyone who does.
36:20Really?
36:24Really.
36:26What a relief.
36:29Oh, Terri, come in.
36:31I was in the neighborhood,
36:33so I thought I would drop your check off.
36:35Oh, how thoughtful of you.
36:37Well, we like to keep our sales force smiling.
36:39Oh, I didn't know your sister was here.
36:41I have one for you too, Frances.
36:44Oh, I've never gotten a paycheck before.
36:47There's lots more where that came from.
36:49Just keep up the good work.
36:51I'll see you at the awards ceremony.
36:53I'll see you there.
36:55Thanks so much, Terri.
36:59This is terrific!
37:01Laura, I made $200!
37:04That isn't right.
37:06Oh, now, don't be a spoiled sport, Laura.
37:08But you didn't sell that much more in cosmetics.
37:12That's right.
37:14It's almost too good to be true!
37:17I'm so happy for you, Terri.
37:19I'm so happy for you.
37:21I'm so happy for you.
37:23It's true!
37:27That's it.
37:29Congratulations, Frances.
37:31You've just solved the case!
37:33I did?
37:35Does this mean I have to give the money back?
37:37Mama bear to mama bear.
37:39Report.
37:41Mama's ready.
37:43Uncle bear.
37:45Set.
37:47Baby bears.
37:50Ready to roll, big guy.
37:57Are you sure this is really necessary?
37:59Unless you want to look over your shoulder,
38:01every time you leave the front door,
38:03we're gonna have to get these chaps right now.
38:05So just...
38:07Bandit at 4 o'clock.
38:10Flower truck. Looks like we bagged them.
38:19False alarm.
38:21The magnum's over there next door.
38:23Well...
38:25It's up to you, old man.
38:27Now, remember, they can't shoot you
38:29unless they've got the evidence.
38:31And if they don't,
38:33they can't shoot you either,
38:35unless they've got the evidence.
38:37They can't shoot you unless they've got the evidence, okay?
38:39I don't have the evidence!
38:41You see? You've got absolutely nothing to worry about.
38:43Go get the morning paper.
38:45Go fetch.
38:47Breathe.
39:08What's the thing?
39:10I risked my life for this rack.
39:12Huh?
39:14Oh.
39:32Mama bear to papa bear, I think we got a live one.
39:34All right.
39:37Here you go.
39:39Oh, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
39:41That's not our mailman. Are you sure?
39:43Right. Our guy doesn't come until 3 o'clock.
39:45Okay, in the kitchen. Come on. Here, take the paper. Read the funnies.
39:47Uh, Mildred, Mildred, pull out, okay?
39:49Pull out now.
39:51Harimoto?
39:53We got him.
39:56Closing at seal.
40:04Got him!
40:06Aah!
40:08Nice try, but we saw you coming a mile away.
40:10Postage due?
40:12Very likely story. Where's the real postman?
40:14He retired yesterday. I'm the new guy.
40:16Call in if you don't believe me.
40:18I don't believe you.
40:20I don't believe you.
40:22I don't believe you.
40:25Call in if you don't believe me.
40:31Well, uh, welcome to the neighborhood.
40:34We're very possessive about our postal employees, that's all.
40:37Okay? Here you go.
40:39Have a nice day, now. Take care of yourself.
40:41Okay, bye-bye.
40:43Bye-bye.
40:45Don Hoge, you can come out now.
40:54Let's go.
41:00What's going on?
41:02Run!
41:04He got away!
41:25Get out of here!
41:27Get out!
41:29Get out of here!
41:31Stop it!
41:43Back off. Just a second.
41:45There you go. Now listen.
41:47What's going on here, ma'am?
41:49Bright Age Cosmetics launders money for the mob.
41:52Felix Melcher found out, so you killed him.
41:54Baloney. I'll admit I was supposed to kill him,
41:57but Piper beat me to it.
41:59I keep telling you, I'm a dentist.
42:01Go on.
42:03I waited all night for Melcher to show up at his girlfriend's house,
42:05but he never did.
42:07I don't believe you.
42:09Hey, we're professionals, huh?
42:11We take a certain pride in our work.
42:13Nothing sloppy, no loose ends.
42:15If we made the hit, you think you'd ever find the body?
42:18Laura, the man does have a point.
42:20If you didn't kill Felix Melcher, then who did?
42:30Thank you. Thank you all.
42:38And now it gives me great pleasure
42:41to present our Lavender Lady of the Year
42:44to our very own Terry Goldbloom.
42:51Whoo!
42:58I hate to break up the parties, ladies,
43:01but this man here is a fraud!
43:04Bright Age Cosmetics is nothing more
43:07than a front for organized crime!
43:09I don't know what he's talking about, ladies.
43:12You have been used to launder millions of dollars
43:15worth of illegal activities.
43:17How do you think Ted could afford to keep you so happy?
43:21Where do you think those hefty bonus checks come from?
43:25You didn't earn them. You didn't sell enough to earn them.
43:29Warner has been inflating your receipts to account for cash
43:32filtered through his books by the mob!
43:35Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
43:37Now, wait a minute.
43:39Is there anything wrong with our cosmetics?
43:42Uh, uh, no.
43:45Actually, the cosmetics are, uh, first-rate.
43:48Have we done anything wrong?
43:51Well, technically, no, but...
43:54Well, then what's the problem? Get off the stage!
43:57Get off the stage!
44:01Why, these ladies are rabid!
44:03They're going to tear us limb from limb for it!
44:06All right, so it makes no difference
44:09where the money comes from.
44:11Do you care that a man has been murdered?
44:14Felix Melcher was murdered in cold blood
44:17by none other than your beloved Ted Warner!
44:23That's ridiculous. I didn't kill Melcher! That's crazy!
44:26Then where were you two days ago when he was killed?
44:30He was with me at 9 o'clock.
44:33He was with me at 11.
44:35But he was with me at 12 o'clock.
44:37You'd better come with me. You're not going to be safe.
44:40Wait a minute! Felix Melcher wasn't on his way
44:43to see you the morning he was killed.
44:45He was already there!
44:50Which would account for why he wound up on Francis' floor.
44:54Your next-door neighbors, if I remember correctly.
44:57He confided in you, told you what he'd found out,
45:00but you didn't react the way he expected.
45:02You react like everyone here tonight!
45:04You didn't want your golden bubble to burst,
45:07so you killed him!
45:09And then destroy the evidence
45:11because he was going to turn it over to the IRS!
45:14Can't you people make up your minds?
45:16First you're accusing Ted, and now you're accusing me.
45:19Do you own a gun, Mrs. Goldbloom, for protection?
45:22Can it stand a ballistics test?
45:34Next time, keep the body in your own kitchen!
45:38Oh!
45:42Say, sushi!
45:44Sushi!
45:46Thank you very much indeed.
45:48You've been an invaluable aid to this investigation.
45:51Next year, you must come to Tokyo.
45:53Yes.
45:57Absolutely.
45:59Sayonara.
46:01Oh, yes, sayonara.
46:04They're wonderful chops, aren't they?
46:06Yeah.
46:10How about it, Cribby?
46:12What say we become a team again?
46:15But you're in D.C. now.
46:17So?
46:19Oh, it's a tempting offer, but I've got to pass.
46:23See, I've started again, Harrison.
46:26I've got new work and new friends.
46:29This is where I belong.
46:32This is where I belong now.
46:34Well, I'll just take that as a postponement, and a definite no.
46:38You consider it anything you like.
46:47I'll see you, Cribby.
46:49You bet.
46:51Well, you've done it again, Steel.
46:53And lucky for us that Laura works for such an understanding employer.
46:57Glad to be of service.
46:59This whole experience has made me realize...
47:02that it's time for me to go out and do something on my own.
47:06So I'm going back to school.
47:09Hey.
47:11That's wonderful.
47:13I'm gonna be a dental hygienist.
47:16That way, we can work together, Donald, just like Laura and Mr. Steel.
47:20It's a terrific idea, honey.
47:22We'll talk about it in the car.
47:24Bye, Laura.
47:27Bye-bye. Take care.
47:29Bye-bye. Take care.
47:31Don't you think it's a wonderful idea?
47:33We'll talk.
47:35I don't get it.
47:37I thought we wrapped that one up rather nicely.
47:40I mean you.
47:42The Remington Steel that walked into my life three years ago...
47:45wouldn't care a fig what happened to my family.
47:48Well, that Remington Steel's gone.
47:51Past.
47:53And who's replaced him?
47:56Miss Holt, what's life without a little mystery, eh?
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