Remington Steele S01E10
Remington Steele S01E10
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TVTranscript
00:00I'm Miss May.
00:02Oh, of course.
00:04And I'm Dr. Bellows.
00:06Want to do it, Doctor?
00:08Perhaps later.
00:10Well, maybe this will get the old crank turning.
00:12Ooh.
00:14Aah!
00:16Laura, we're trapped on this island with a crazed killer.
00:20Did I hear a shot?
00:22I hope so, because there's a bullet hole in my pillow the size of Detroit.
00:26Let a professional attend to this.
00:29Laura is dead.
00:34Try this for a deep, dark secret.
00:37The great detective Remington Steele?
00:40He doesn't exist.
00:42I invented him. Follow.
00:44I always loved excitement.
00:46So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
00:50But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
00:53A female private investigator seemed so... feminine.
00:57So I invented a superior.
00:59A decidedly masculine superior.
01:02Suddenly there were cases around the block.
01:04It was working like a charm.
01:07Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
01:12And before I knew it, he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
01:16Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
01:20It's a dangerous way to live.
01:22But as long as people buy it, I can get the job done.
01:26We never mix business with pleasure.
01:29Well, almost never.
01:32I don't even know his real name.
01:51Yes, may I help you?
01:53We have an appointment to see Dr. Bellows.
01:56Will you fill out this financial statement?
01:59I'm Remington Steele from...
02:01And also these waivers of liability.
02:03Waiver of liability.
02:05In the standard form it simply states
02:07that if you should come out of the operating room disfigured or deceased,
02:11the doctor assumes no responsibility
02:13and cannot be sued by your heirs or assigned.
02:16It is customary to pay for medical services in advance.
02:19The fee for consultation is $75.
02:22We do accept cash, money orders, or all major credit cards.
02:26Sorry, we don't accept personal checks.
02:29Nurse Ratched.
02:31We are private investigators summoned by Dr. Bellows.
02:35Why didn't you say so?
02:38Doctor?
02:46Call the police.
03:08Hi.
03:10I've got a preliminary background check on our almost-client.
03:14Arthur Bellows was a cosmetic surgeon.
03:17You know, lift this, tuck that.
03:19Heavy financial problems.
03:21He recently lost three malpractice suits.
03:24And he's known throughout the medical community for his drunkenness,
03:27sometimes in the operating room.
03:29Any idea what the Devil's Playground is?
03:31Some kind of resort. It's under construction.
03:34Any idea what the Devil's Playground is?
03:36Some kind of resort. It's on an island off of Baja, California.
03:40Resort? On an island?
03:42How intriguing.
03:44Forget it, Laura. The guy killed himself. The reasons aren't important.
03:47How cold, Murphy. How callous.
03:49Perhaps you've been at this too long.
03:51You're asking yourself, could that invitation have triggered his death?
03:54And you know, the only place to find the answer is in the Devil's Playground.
03:57Uh, Miss Wolfe?
03:59Miss Wolfe, run out and get me one of those little black bags
04:02Robert Young used to carry around.
04:04Oh, and an assortment of medical paraphernalia.
04:08Give me a clue.
04:10Appropriate props are the key to a convincing characterization.
04:13You're going to impersonate Dr. Barras?
04:15What better way to get to the bottom of this tragedy?
04:18Laura, it's getting away from us again.
04:20Laura, you're as curious about this as I am.
04:23He has us there, Murph. Give me an hour to pack.
04:26Laura!
04:28If I allow him to go out there on his own,
04:30using Remington Steel, impersonating Arthur Bellows,
04:33can you imagine the outcome?
04:35Give me 20 minutes.
04:39I know why you're so hot to pursue this nonexistent mystery.
04:43You want to get Laura alone on that island, don't you?
04:46You know what I most admire about you, Murphy?
04:49What?
04:51Your perception.
05:30See you on Monday.
06:01The first thing we do is introduce you as Dr. Bellows.
06:05What if someone knows the real Bellows?
06:08We'll hit him with a suicide and gauge the reaction.
06:11I'll be your nurse. Tracy.
06:14Tracy, Lord.
06:16I've always loved that name, Tracy.
06:18It's so shimmery, Tracy.
06:20Ha, ha, ha.
06:23Oh, are we expecting you?
06:26We have an invitation.
06:29Well, in that case, entrez vous.
06:32Ha, ha, ha.
06:34Ha, ha, ha.
06:39I'm Miss May.
06:41I'm Mrs. Bellows.
06:43I'm Mrs. Bellows.
06:45I'm Mrs. Bellows.
06:47I'm Mrs. Bellows.
06:50I'm Miss May.
06:52Ah, a pleasure, Miss May.
06:54No, not Miss May. Miss May.
06:57Oh.
06:59Cindy Sykes, the devil's disciple for May.
07:01Oh, of course.
07:03And I'm Dr. Bellows.
07:05Dr. Arthur Bellows.
07:08Oh, I'm so glad you're here, Doctor.
07:11You are?
07:13Yes, I was just wondering if you had...
07:15I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
07:17Oh.
07:21What was that all about?
07:23She forgot her birth control pills.
07:25Thought I might have an extra supply.
07:36Delightful touch.
07:38I'm Dr. Bellows.
07:40Dr. Arthur Bellows.
07:43Madeline Vickers.
07:46And I don't do requests.
07:52Let's try him.
07:56Hi.
07:58I'm Randy.
08:00Oh, that's comforting to know,
08:02especially on these long weekends.
08:04Um, I'm Dr. Bellows.
08:06Dr. Arthur Bellows.
08:09Dr. Bellows. It's been so long.
08:12It has?
08:14I thought you were a doctor.
08:16Yes, Dr. Bellows.
08:18Dr. Arthur Bellows.
08:20My brother's in the medical profession.
08:22Really?
08:24Yes, he's a proctologist.
08:26Interesting area.
08:28Permit me to present my current enamorata,
08:30Myrtle Groggins.
08:32Miss Groggins, I'm Ashley Feldman.
08:34Myrtle. Call her Myrtle.
08:36Want to do it, Doctor?
08:38I beg your pardon?
08:40Dance.
08:42I'm ready any time you are.
08:48Impressive edifice.
08:50Yes. It was the former retreat
08:52of a chewing-gum magnate
08:54before Ambrose turned it into a devil's playground club.
08:56Ah, Ambrose Blinn.
08:58Publisher of Devil magazine.
09:00Quite an interesting logo.
09:02For satyrs of all ages.
09:04I didn't know you read Devil magazine, Doctor.
09:07Only for the occasional medical article.
09:10Would you care for a cocktail before dinner, Doctor?
09:13Man in my profession must be exceedingly careful
09:15where alcoholic spirits are concerned, young lady.
09:18However, the judicious use of alcoholic spirits
09:21is actually a tonic for the body.
09:23I'll have a cocktail or two now,
09:25perhaps a flag and a wine with the meal,
09:27then an after-dinner drink,
09:29followed by some Irish coffee.
09:33After all, I might have to operate in the morning.
09:40Poured it on a little thick, don't you think?
09:42The man is supposed to be a hopeless alcoholic.
09:45You're hopeless, all right.
09:49Funny, Ambrose never mentioned you, Doctor.
09:52Yes, well, I hardly ever mention Ambrose.
09:57He's not sick, is he?
09:59No, he isn't that kind of a doctor.
10:02I specialize in, uh, remodeling.
10:11LAUGHTER
10:18Well?
10:23Myrtle. Myrtle Groggins.
10:26Laura, we're on the thin edge with this masquerade, you know.
10:29I'm simply trying to inject a little reality into the proceedings.
10:35I mean, Tracy would have sounded just as manufactured as Cindy and Randy,
10:39but Myrtle has such a dull, plodding...
10:43honest ring to it.
10:46Hmm?
10:52Isn't this romantic?
10:54It's disgusting, like some cheap, gaudy adult motel.
10:59I take it you're not comfortable with the ambience.
11:02It's a total turn-off.
11:04Oh, I was so hoping... What?
11:07Best not to discuss these matters on an empty stomach.
11:10It'll wait till after dinner.
11:14Ahem.
11:17Huh.
11:22Ooh.
11:24You don't remember me, do you?
11:26Randy Russell?
11:28Um, the face is somewhat familiar.
11:31It's not the face you were familiar with.
11:33Ah, then I'm afraid I'm at a loss.
11:36Well, maybe this will get the old crank turning.
11:41Ahem, Miss Russell.
11:43They're yours. Mine?
11:45I tell everyone they're a work of art.
11:47Ooh, clever.
11:49Um, uh, could you, uh, put them away now?
11:53Oh, Myrtle, uh, so glad you could join us.
11:56Um, uh, that is, we were just going over her, uh...
11:59Isn't it great having a body by Bellows?
12:03I wouldn't know.
12:07You ought to try it.
12:09Really gives you a lift.
12:11We'll be seeing more of each other over dinner.
12:14Mm.
12:17How much more can there be?
12:19It's all right. I'm a doctor.
12:21No, you're not!
12:23Well, as a matter of fact, she thinks I, uh, renovated her.
12:27She was a patient of Arthur Bellows,
12:29and she doesn't know you're a fraud?
12:31They must have thrown in a lobotomy at no extra charge.
12:36Thanks.
12:44Franks and beans on Wedgwood.
12:47Shades of Citizen Hurst.
12:49That's all poor Cindy could handle.
12:51Just getting the can open was a major culinary triumph.
12:55Isn't our host joining us?
12:57No, no. Ambrose is giving us sufficient time
12:59to be properly awed by the house that Smut built.
13:02Thank you, Doctor.
13:04You don't approve of Devil magazine?
13:06I don't have to approve.
13:08All I have to do is defend it against charges of pornography.
13:11I'm a very busy boy.
13:16Quite a pair, huh?
13:19That's what I've heard.
13:21Randy was Ambrose's steady companion
13:23until Cindy assumed that position two years ago.
13:26He likes them young and dumb.
13:34She doesn't seem to be holding a grudge.
13:36Randy? She can't hold a thought in her head for three seconds,
13:39much less a grudge.
13:43Michael Dominick.
13:45Mr. Ambrose's business partner.
13:47Ultra-silent variety.
13:49Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
13:51and welcome to the Devil's Playground.
14:00I'm delighted you could all accept my invitation,
14:03and I promise each and every one of you
14:07a memorable weekend.
14:11But for now, enjoy your meal,
14:14pass a pleasant evening,
14:16and when you least expect it,
14:19I will make my presence felt.
14:24What the hell did he mean by that?
14:26Make his presence felt?
14:28Well, you know Ambrose, he loves the dramatic,
14:30so let's just sit back and enjoy the suspense.
14:42Rather cryptic greeting from our host, wouldn't you say?
14:45Rife with all sorts of dark meaning.
14:47You're right.
14:49No sense brooding over it tonight, eh?
14:55One pillow or two, Myrtle, my pet.
14:57Don't!
14:58Call me Myrtle.
15:00Miss Groggins hardly sounds appropriate
15:02given the circumstances.
15:04You're terribly delighted with yourself, aren't you?
15:07Manipulating me to this island
15:09under the guise of investigating Arthur Bellows' death.
15:12Laura, you're far too bright for me
15:14to manipulate you into anything that you didn't really want to do.
15:17You wanted to spend this weekend with me
15:19as much as I wanted to spend it with you.
15:21That's right. I did.
15:23Did? Did.
15:25That's what changed your mind?
15:27You.
15:28And the same person you left Los Angeles with this afternoon.
15:31That's the problem.
15:33I was hoping the two of us alone,
15:35without Murphy or Bernice or a real case,
15:38would bring out another side of you.
15:40I was under the impression
15:42that we were inching our way in that direction.
15:44You had to introduce me as your current innamorata
15:47just to make sure we'd wind up in the same room.
15:50If you were so certain that I wanted to be here with you,
15:53why did you feel the need to maneuver me into this room?
15:56Because you're always looking for an angle here, an edge there.
15:59You couldn't play it straight, could you?
16:01Just this once.
16:05Do you know how romantic, how exciting,
16:08how much fun it would have been
16:10sneaking into one another's room?
16:14Perhaps I was hedging my bet,
16:16but I never know where I stand with you.
16:18All this never-mixing-business-with-pleasure business.
16:21I'll admit, my desire got the better of my innate honesty.
16:24But if a bit of chicanery forced us to explore
16:26other facets of our relationship,
16:28I felt it was worth it.
16:30For both of us.
16:36You seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time
16:39locked in this bathroom.
16:41Laura?
16:45This is beginning to resemble a honeymoon.
16:51I can't see anything.
17:22Oh!
17:40Ambrose?
17:42Ambrose, can you hear me?
17:44Ambrose, what's going on in there?
17:46Cindy?
17:48Ambrose?
17:51Perhaps they overslept.
17:53They were up rather late last night.
17:55Come on, what's going on in there?
17:57Open up!
18:09She's dead.
18:13How did she die, Doctor?
18:16Uh, how?
18:18That's probably impossible to tell without an autopsy.
18:21Am I right, Doctor?
18:23Well, take an educated guess.
18:25After all, you're the medical expert.
18:27Here's your cause of death.
18:29A feather?
18:31It's my sad duty to inform you
18:34that Cindy Sykes was literally tickled to death.
18:40How can anyone be tickled to death?
18:42Hmm?
18:44How?
18:47I'm afraid the explanation is far too technical for you, layman.
18:51I remember my brother telling me
18:53that laughter temporarily cuts off the air supply to the lungs.
18:56Therefore, prolonged laughter
18:58could conceivably induce a form of asphyxiation.
19:01Am I substantially correct, Doctor?
19:04I sometimes wish that we gentlemen in the medical profession
19:07were half as concise as you gentlemen at the bar.
19:10Tickled to death, and I always thought
19:12that was just something you said when you were happy.
19:15I heard Mr. Blinn and Miss Sykes around 3 this morning.
19:18Found myself in the throes of some back problems.
19:21Tempted to walk off the excruciating pain.
19:23Miss Sykes was giggling her way to ecstasy.
19:26Are you saying it was an accident, Doctor?
19:28In the heat of passion, the grip of heavenly transport.
19:31Perhaps Mr. Blinn simply got carried away
19:33and didn't know what he was doing or when to stop.
19:36Ambrose Blinn is a sadistic freak.
19:39Well, he likes to inflict pain under the guise of pleasure, but...
19:42This is just the sort of thing he'd come up with.
19:44Then I think we should find our host.
19:47Put the question of what happened to him.
19:49Good. Let's split up.
19:51It'll be more efficient that way.
19:53Some of us search the grounds and others take the house.
19:56I want Dr. Billows for a partner.
19:58Randy, this is not an Easter egg hunt.
20:12Ambrose!
20:14It's just like Blind Man's book.
20:16Come out, come out, wherever you are!
20:18Ambrose!
20:20Mr. Blinn!
20:22Ambrose!
20:24Uh, Miss Russell, uh...
20:26Refresh my memory.
20:28When exactly did I, um...
20:30Uh...
20:32Two years ago. I'm really very naughty.
20:34Personal life is your own.
20:36No, no, no, no.
20:38I mean, Dr. Harvey Birnbaum was supposed to do the operation.
20:40Only he got an offender-bender on the way to the hospital.
20:42And since I was all prepped and everything,
20:44he asked if you would take over for him.
20:46So you probably never even knew my name.
20:48So we never actually met before,
20:50except in the operating room.
20:52And me behind a surgical mask.
20:54And when I came to, there was Dr. Birnbaum.
20:56And as soon as I got out of the hospital,
20:58I went straight to Switzerland,
21:00and I never got a chance to thank you properly.
21:02Miss Russell, please!
21:04Mmm! Mmm!
21:06This is fun!
21:08Mmm! Miss Russell, please!
21:10I'm a man of medicine.
21:12Mmm! Mmm!
21:14Mmm!
21:16Uh, Miss Russell?
21:18Miss Russell!
21:20Mmm!
21:22Aah!
21:34Ambrose.
21:36Dead.
21:40And then there were none.
21:42That's what I'm afraid of.
21:44No, the movie!
21:46What movie?
21:48Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Houston,
21:50Louis Hayward, June Dupree, for God's sake.
21:52Get a grip on yourself.
21:54You're coming unhinged.
21:56A group of people are lured to a remote island
21:58and systematically murdered.
22:00Laura, we're trapped on this island
22:02with a crazed killer.
22:07Ambrose Blinn...
22:09was choked to death.
22:11How? Rope? Wire? Strangled? Garbage?
22:13Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I thought it was a pertinent question.
22:15Garbage? Okay, okay, doctor. You've made your point.
22:17Ambrose Blinn was literally choked to death with garbage.
22:20You know, pork rinds, lettuce stems, potato peels.
22:23Are you sure?
22:25I saw with my own eyes.
22:27The man's mouth was a veritable salad of death.
22:29Believe me, it wasn't a very appetizing sight.
22:32From the appearance of the body,
22:34he'd been dead for several days.
22:36Then he couldn't have greeted us last night from his bedroom.
22:39Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
22:41and welcome to the Devil's Playground.
22:44I'm delighted you could all accept my invitation.
22:47It was on tape.
22:49All anyone had to do was press the play button,
22:52and Ambrose magically appeared on the screen,
22:55allowing everyone to think he was upstairs.
22:57But we were all in the dining room when he started talking.
23:00All except...
23:02I was playing the piano.
23:04And I was just as surprised as any of you
23:06when Ambrose appeared on that television.
23:08It's obvious you turned the tape on.
23:10There's a timer on this machine.
23:12Any one of us could have set it
23:14and been safely in the dining room, surrounded by witnesses.
23:17Which means...
23:19Which means one of us is the murderer.
23:21I think it's time we called the authorities.
23:24No phones.
23:26They won't be hooked up until the official opening next week.
23:28No phones?
23:30Nothing. No radio, no TV, no shortwave.
23:33Even the electricity's running on the emergency generator.
23:36How do you know this, Mr. Dominick?
23:38I checked. Why?
23:40I like to know them things.
23:42It seems our first priority is to stay alive
23:44until the helicopter returns next Monday.
23:47Toward that end, I suggest never being alone with one other person.
23:51Always make sure there's a third party present.
23:54That way, the killer won't be able to strike again.
23:57And then there were none?
23:59You must admit, the knowledge of cinema occasionally comes in handy.
24:03Well, that's sound advice, Doctor.
24:06Except for one thing.
24:08What if there's more than one killer?
24:19More than one killer?
24:21Think that's possible?
24:23Whoever it is has a certain poetic bent.
24:26Oh, how so?
24:28Well, Ambrose Blinn was accused of publishing garbage,
24:32and he was choked to death with it.
24:34And Cindy Sykes, who had an irritating propensity for giggling...
24:37Giggled herself to death.
24:39Any candidates?
24:41None of the guests seem overly fond of their host.
24:44That might account for Blinn's death, but what about Cindy?
24:47I hate to speak ill of the dead, but she seemed far too vacuous
24:50to do anything that might drive someone to murder.
24:53She did replace Randy in Blinn's affections.
24:55Yes, but you should have heard the two of them over dinner,
24:58exchanging anecdotes on Blinn's sexual preferences like so many recipes.
25:03Are you familiar with the honey thing?
25:07Well, apparently, you heat a bowl of honey,
25:11take half a pound of shredded walnuts...
25:13Ah!
25:19Help me! He's trying to kill me!
25:22Come on! Try it! Try it!
25:24Try it! Try it!
25:26He's mad at me when I pulled you!
25:28She's crazy! I turn around, she's standing on me with that poker!
25:31Liar! Slut!
25:33You should know you were my biggest star.
25:36It's a little warm for a fire, Miss Russell.
25:39Ask him what he was doing in here going through Ambrose's desk.
25:42I wanted to look at the books. Why?
25:44I put up the green to back these clubs.
25:46We're supposed to be partners 50-50.
25:48Only Ambrose forgot how to add when it came to my share,
25:51so I wanted to see just how much he snookered me out of.
25:53How's that for a motive?
25:55It's fine for Ambrose, but it still leaves Cindy.
25:57Last night, he was coming on to her,
25:59trying to get her to go upstairs with him.
26:01She just looked in his ugly face and said
26:03if she wanted an animal, she'd go to the zoo.
26:05Hey! What about you?
26:07Ambrose kicked you out on your kazoo?
26:09Don't be too sure, toad-face.
26:11I got invited here, didn't I?
26:13Maybe Ambrose missed a real woman.
26:16There ain't more than 10% of you that's real.
26:18Paper, please!
26:20Let's confine ourselves to name-calling.
26:22It's far more civilized.
26:27Well, it's obvious we can't keep an eye on everyone.
26:31Maybe our killer has bagged his limit.
26:34There won't be any more victims.
26:36There should be at least one more.
26:38What makes you so certain?
26:40Because I know who it should be.
26:42All right. I'll bite.
26:44Who?
26:47And then there were none.
26:49Barry Fitzgerald and Walter Houston
26:51faked Fitzgerald's death.
26:53With everyone believing that he was just another victim,
26:56he was free to search for the killer.
26:58Believe me, Laura, it'll work.
27:00When Dr. Arthur Bellows pronounces you dead,
27:02who'll question it?
27:04With everyone downstairs, you'll be free
27:06to go through their rooms and search for evidence.
27:09You'll be able to watch their every move
27:12without them knowing it.
27:15Uh, lose something?
27:17Uh, nothing. Oh, here it is.
27:20Your plan is brilliant.
27:22Of course it is. It's from a movie.
27:24Except for one flaw.
27:26Flaw?
27:28The killer will know he or she didn't kill me.
27:31Hmm. That's why it worked in the movie.
27:34Barry Fitzgerald was the killer.
27:36Unless...
27:38Yes?
27:40My death is an accident.
27:42You've done it again.
27:44Saved the day with your analytical approach,
27:46your inspired inventiveness.
27:48Let's take a little rest
27:50before launching into this strenuous plan of action.
27:52I'm not tired.
27:54Perfect. Neither am I.
27:56We'll need some kind of diversion.
27:58Are you wearing pantyhose by any chance?
28:01Yes.
28:03Why?
28:05Strip.
28:13Generator's running low.
28:15If we don't conserve energy, we won't last the night.
28:17Go on. Help me get some candles.
28:19I'm not going anywhere along with you.
28:21Myrtle, would you please join us?
28:26Before we go anywhere,
28:28I-I have a confession to make.
28:30No, no, no, no.
28:32It's not that. I-I just meant...
28:34I hate the name Myrtle.
28:37My-my middle name is Laura.
28:40Please, please call me Laura.
28:49You really know how to disappoint a crowd.
28:52Just get the ball rolling, will you?
28:58Ready to do it, Miss Russell?
29:00What? Dance.
29:02I'm ready to do a lot more than that.
29:04But if it gets the ball rolling...
29:06That's the idea.
29:08The doc and I want to dance.
29:10Play something we can grope to.
29:12I told you, I don't do requests.
29:14Not even for old times' sake?
29:16Especially for old times' sake.
29:18Hey, don't take it out on me.
29:20I'm not the one who shafted you.
29:22You want to get even with someone,
29:24go shove some more garbage down Ambrose's throat.
29:26That is, if you didn't do it the first time.
29:29Look who's talking.
29:31Take it you and Mr. Blinn weren't on the best of terms.
29:34He was a lowlife.
29:36A sick growth.
29:38Then why accept his invitation?
29:40He owed me.
29:42Artie doesn't want to hear your sad story, Madeline.
29:44On the contrary. Artie's fascinated.
29:46Two years ago, Ambrose formed a record company.
29:49Just for me.
29:53Six months later, he folded it.
29:55He said he couldn't give my albums away.
29:58I was reduced to playing sleazy little clubs in the valley.
30:01You had your shot, Madeline, more than most.
30:04I wanted another.
30:06Besides, he owed me after all I did for him.
30:09What did you do for him, Madeline?
30:15How's this?
30:27What did Madeline do for Ambrose?
30:29It's the wrong time
30:33and the wrong place.
30:42I'm gonna turn off the generator.
30:44Would you like us to go with you?
30:47I brought a friend.
30:52Why don't we continue our gyrations up in my room?
30:56You slip away now, and I join you at the propitious moment.
31:00You didn't happen to notice
31:02if there was any honey in the kitchen, did you?
31:05I'll check.
31:19Care to finish this dance, Myrtle?
31:21Excuse me. Laura.
31:25Is the ketchup still on the dining room table?
31:28I wish we could find something a little less funny.
31:31No one will be able to tell. Relax.
31:34Aah!
31:42Are you all right, Randy?
31:47I walked in, and something clammy grabbed me.
31:54Oh, they're wet.
31:56A lace from Miss Groggins to hang her laundry?
31:58Yeah, so she's the one who put them there.
32:00Why don't we ask her?
32:02Where is she?
32:04I thought she was behind us.
32:16Stand back.
32:18Let a professional attend to this.
32:21She must have fallen in the commotion.
32:23Or was pushed.
32:25I'm afraid we shall never know.
32:30Myrtle Laura Groggins is dead.
32:36Mm.
32:52We're putting on even weight, aren't we?
32:58I certainly hope you're the last victim.
33:01I'm beginning to run out of rooms.
33:05Oh.
33:08Shh.
33:34Somebody else saw the movie.
33:36Did I hear a shot?
33:38I hope so, because there's a bullet hole in my pillow the size of Detroit.
33:41Miss Groggins! You're not dead!
33:43No, Miss Groggins is not dead.
33:46In fact, Miss Groggins is not Miss Groggins.
33:49She's Laura Holt, my most able assistant...
33:52from the detective agency which bears my name, Remington Steel.
33:56Perhaps you've heard of me.
33:58No.
34:00Oh.
34:02Well, it is a bit far south for us.
34:05I heard a shot.
34:07What the hell's going on here?
34:09We're private detectives, Mr. Feldman,
34:11investigating the death of our client, Dr. Arthur Bellows.
34:14But...
34:16You mean I buried my soul to a paper?
34:19And a delightful soul it was, Miss Russell, surgically speaking.
34:22Pervert!
34:24Just a moment, Miss Russell.
34:26Someone attempted to kill Miss Holt just now.
34:29I think it's time we searched everyone's room for the weapon.
34:32Unless Mr. Dominick cares to show us his friend.
34:35I don't know what you're talking about.
34:37The one you carry in your inside coat pocket.
34:40I'm not showing you anything, lady.
34:42Ah!
34:44Hold it!
34:47Where is it?
34:49Where you'll never find it. I'll find it.
34:51Wait a minute. We're not all here.
34:54Where's Madeline? She was downstairs playing.
34:56But she stopped right before the shot.
34:58It's her.
35:00That broad always hated Ambrose.
35:02She's probably downstairs waiting to pop us off one by one.
35:12Madeline.
35:19Ivory.
35:21For someone who tickled the ivories.
35:23Another grim piece of poetry.
35:25Well...
35:27We're down to four possible victims.
35:30And one definite murderer.
35:46Laura?
35:48Hmm?
35:50I've been thinking of what you said.
35:53About honesty in our relationship.
35:56And in the interest of a new forthrightness...
35:59I feel there are certain things you should know about me.
36:03Pleasant things?
36:05Well...
36:09Sometimes not knowing is better.
36:12For instance...
36:14I wouldn't want to know you had a wife...
36:17And kiddies tucked away somewhere.
36:19Or that you killed someone.
36:21Or swindled little old ladies out of their life savings.
36:26When I invented Remington Steel...
36:30I gave him all the qualities I admire in a man.
36:35Honesty.
36:37Integrity.
36:39Compassion.
36:41Desire to help others.
36:43Sounds as if you're destined to be endlessly disappointed in me.
36:47Maybe I created an impossible role for anyone to play.
36:56We...
36:58Have a very tenuous relationship, you and I.
37:04And...
37:06If we ever...
37:08Cross that line...
37:10Take that step...
37:12Turn that corner...
37:15All those awful euphemisms for...
37:18Going to bed with someone.
37:21Then maybe I'll want to know.
37:24Everything.
37:27Then again, maybe I won't.
37:31But I would want to know what it would mean more than the moment.
37:36That it would last longer than a weekend in the devil's playground.
37:40A commitment of sorts.
37:47I've spent the better part of my life avoiding those things like the proverbial plague.
37:52I figured as much.
37:55But the fact that you wanted to be honest with me is a hell of a start.
38:23Laura?
38:25Hmm?
38:27Sleep well.
38:29You, too.
38:41Yeah?
38:43Rise and shine, Dominic.
38:46Mr. Feldman?
38:48Yes?
38:51Miss Russell?
38:54Miss Russell?
38:59Miss Russell?
39:16Can't smell anything.
39:18Could have been an air bubble.
39:20Poor Randy.
39:22She slept her way right to the bottom.
39:25You want to tell us about it, Mr. Feldman?
39:28It was Randy who came up with the initial financing for Devil Magazine.
39:32Ambrose promised they'd split everything down the middle.
39:35But when the magazine took off, which was almost after the first issue...
39:38He realized what a goldmine he was sitting on, and he didn't want to split up anything with anybody.
39:42So she hired me to take him to court.
39:45She had him, too.
39:47I even know there was nothing in writing.
39:49They had a verbal contract, an oral agreement, witnessed by one other person.
39:52Madeline Vickers.
39:55Lawyers, Miss Holder, are glut on the market.
39:58When you're merely adequate as I am, there aren't a lot of firms clamoring for your services.
40:02So it wasn't a difficult decision for me to make...
40:04when Ambrose offered to let me represent the magazine in exchange for sabotaging her case.
40:09No, it was depressingly easy.
40:12Everybody has a price, I guess.
40:14And Madeline's was a recording contract.
40:16Ambrose set up the label. She had a convenient lapse of memory.
40:19The case didn't even come to trial.
40:21Why don't you ask him who gets control of the magazine now that Ambrose is dead?
40:25Are congratulations in order, Mr. Feldman?
40:28Only as long as those two broads were alive, there was always a chance Madeline would tell the truth...
40:32and he'd wind up with Randy as a partner.
40:34What about you, huh?
40:36With Ambrose out of the way, he'd have full ownership of the Devil's Playground Clubs.
40:39Great reason to ice Ambrose.
40:42But I had no beef with the others. You are it, Feldman.
40:47I've had enough of this kangaroo court!
40:52Well, aren't you gonna stop him?
40:54We're on an island, Mr. Dominick. He can't get very far.
40:56You think he was planning to be found there with all these sniffs when the helicopter showed up?
41:00He's got a way off this island. We gotta find it!
41:03He does make a certain amount of sense.
41:12Oh!
41:31Not very poetic, but certainly got the job done.
41:35We'd better get back to the house before he does.
41:38You lock the doors and windows down here. I'll take the second floor.
42:09I found it hidden in Dominick's room.
42:12That seems to nail it.
42:14He killed Madeline, put that tape on, and was back in his room...
42:17in time to react to the attempt on your life.
42:20He won't leave this island until he's positive we're not around to testify against him.
42:24Oh, what a wonderful romantic weekend this has turned out to be.
42:28Trapped in a house, piled with corpses, while a determined killer lurks outside.
42:33Hmm.
42:43Laura...
42:45on the remote chance that, uh, we don't survive this till tomorrow...
42:50I'd feel better if you knew a few things about me.
42:54Perhaps not very pleasant things, but...
42:58It was Dublin.
43:01The city was rife with unrest.
43:04Trouble to the north, trouble to the south.
43:07Is that where you were born, Dublin?
43:09Laura, please. These confessionals are tried enough without interruptions.
43:12Sorry.
43:14Oh, where was I? Uh...
43:16Ah, Dublin.
43:21What was that?
43:23Oh, nothing.
43:26What was that?
43:29It sounded like a shutter banging.
43:33Does that mean we have to go back upstairs with all this?
43:36Well, I don't think we'd want Dominic to find a way in...
43:40especially with him having the only gun in the house.
43:43Okay?
43:46If we're fortunate to leave this island alive,
43:49I'm going to insist that we carry weapons.
43:54Especially when we're not working on a case.
44:16I, uh...
44:18suppose this is one instance where ladies don't go first.
44:22Think of me as your back-up.
44:24Yes.
44:31I'm sorry.
44:33I'm sorry.
44:35I'm sorry.
44:37I'm sorry.
44:39I'm sorry.
44:41I'm sorry.
44:43I'm sorry.
44:50Dominic?
44:52Laura?
44:54If he's...
44:56then who's...?
44:58Of course.
45:00Of course what? This would seem to suggest that, uh...
45:03one of us is the murderer.
45:05Oh, what a weekend.
45:07Something I said? Something you said?
45:09About somebody else having seen the movie.
45:11Pretending to be a victim?
45:13Let's start checking rooms.
45:15I'm afraid that won't be necessary.
45:33No!
45:42Oh!
45:44Oh!
45:46Oh!
45:52Come out, come out, wherever you are.
45:55Miss Russell, I must admit, this is quite a surprise.
46:00Why? Because you thought I was too dumb to plan this weekend?
46:05No offense, but you do give the impression
46:08that I'm someone more comfortable with cartoons than Kafka.
46:12Shame on you, Mr. Steele.
46:14You're just like everybody else.
46:16When you have a face and a body, that's all people figure you have.
46:20Devil Magazine was going to be my chance
46:22to prove I was good at something besides showing myself.
46:25Only Ambrose didn't give me what was coming to me.
46:28So he got what was coming to him, hmm?
46:31How did you get him to tape that greeting?
46:34He loved to prove how clever he was.
46:36When everyone was in watching him on television,
46:38he was going to sneak through the kitchen
46:40and be waiting at the dinner table when you came back.
46:43I didn't fool you for a moment
46:45with my impersonation of Dr. Bellows, did I?
46:47No, Mr. Steele.
46:48Not when it took 2 years in Switzerland
46:50to put me back together after that drunken butcher cut me up.
46:53How did Dominic get in the house?
46:55I hope you don't mind us asking all these questions,
46:57but we're really quite taken with your creativeness.
46:59I unlocked the rear door.
47:01Didn't want the poor man to catch his death outside.
47:05Obviously you intend to leave this island
47:07before tomorrow morning.
47:09There's a boat moored on the next island,
47:11just 2.6 miles with the current.
47:14I swim every day to keep in shape.
47:17Well, I for one salute you, Miss Russell.
47:21Ah!
47:23No!
47:27You know,
47:29I liked you a hell of a lot better
47:31when you were Dr. Bellows.
47:35Nothing like a weekend away from the pressures of work
47:38to rest the body and renew the spirit.
47:41Just one thing before we leave
47:43the devil's playground behind us for good.
47:45What exactly was in that hypodermic needle?
47:48Something called digitalis leaf.
47:50The right dose and it slows down the pulse and heart rate
47:54to the point where only a doctor,
47:56a real doctor, can tell you're not dead.
47:59I never finished telling you about the walnuts and honey, did I?
48:02No, no, no.
48:04I know.
48:06Well, well, how was it?
48:08Incredible. Fantastic.
48:10Couldn't have been a more rewarding experience.
48:12We started to get to know one another quite well.
48:15You did?
48:16Our leader was getting very heavy into the truth game.
48:19Really? Absolutely.
48:20Honesty is the new watchword around here now.
48:23Good.
48:24Then we'll start with your name, your real name.
48:29My name.
48:31As William Shakespeare so aptly put it,
48:34a rose by any other name still has thorns.